CORE WORK to help you HEAL from narcissistic relationships
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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Write a letter to the narcissist. Write down everything you want to say to them. Put your feelings on paper. This will help you to heal. But don’t send it to them, just throw it in the trash. They’re not going to care. This is just to help you.
Wow! I'll try this... I know they don't care or listen... but I see this working! thank you!
I sent mine. Printed his response. And burned it. I needed that symbolism of realizing his words didn't carry weight as they couldn't be trusted. I didn't read it. Just burned it.
Helped me move on
They care, they love knowing they have power over you. Don't feed them. Grey rock to the end. Just don't grey rock your own emotional self..
@@LOVEtoPLAYdrums I did it a few years ago. It took two different letters that were 30 pages each, but it worked. However, that was just to an old friend, not to the main abuser in my family of origin.. A and maybe that is who I need to address. I'm almost 65.
I can't believe we're getting this content for free. Thank you, Dr.
She is Heaven sent💖💖💖
Dr Ramani has saved my life, honestly probably literally.
She’s amazing.
Yes she is a godsend 🙏🏻✨️
I always wonder if Ramani knows the amount of lives she likely saves ❤
“Travel and tell no one, live a true love story and tell no one, live happily and tell no one, people ruin beautiful things.”-
*Khalil Gibran* †
Yes...
Wow! Thank you so much for bringing this back to me.
beautiful 🖤
Especially x wives🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I loved his books.
"A narcissist is like a psychological riptide." Totally! It feels like you're being drowned then rescued, over and over again, wash, rinse, repeat. They steal your oxygen, your joy, your peace, your needs. It's time to sink or swim once you see it.
100% this
@@Madisont808 🙏❤️💋
It BLOWS my mind how they can make you question your own reality. Projecting their flaws onto you. My abuser accused me of cheating, stealing money, abusing.. all the things he did to me. It was the reactive abuse that made him abandon our family without communication. Narcissist HAVE to have the final say, the upper hand, the need to "win". He had a new supply within WEEKS after walking out on us, after years invested. It was confusing at first but thanks to your message and all the informative videos, I have been able to identify exactly what happened to me and the abuse I endured. I've been in therapy for YEARS because he made me believe something was wrong with me. I started taking "am I a narcissist" tests! they really have a way of twisting reality to fit their twisted and sick narrative.
It’s so hard to have to deal with the healing when the narcissist literally doesn’t care and even plays victim. It’s annoying that they are surrounded by people who can’t see and enable it. I cannot WAIT to heal and be truly happy!
How are u now ?
Once I stopped trying to prove how he isn’t the victim anymore and turned my focus somewhere else it started to help and that also means cutting off contact, removing anything that makes me think of him etc. it’s rough sometimes but you get though it. Hope you’re doing better with this being a year ago 🙏🙏
Man, i'd really like to give Dr. Ramani a hug. I found her on med circle, and she's helped me a lot with understanding different psychological issues. I wish there was someone like her who would talk about psychopaths the way she talks about narcissists, because i have a psychopath in my family, not a narcissist. But i'll still watch these videos, they're very interesting and informative. Greetings from germany 🇩🇪
She does have videos about psychopaths
Warmest hugs!
My thoughts too 💕
@Mama Bush love Little Shaman
Type in Dr. Ramani psychopath or sociopath or antisocial personality and about 5 or 6 videos should pop up. She has a podcast too where she interviews woman who got away from psychopaths, such as Dirty John survivor
Thank you for this video Dr. Ramani. After gray rocking with my narcissistic immediate family system for the past four years I’m finally at the point where I’m accepting that NO CONTACT is really the only way for me to continue healing because even interacting with them at the gray rock level is opening myself up to all that insidious abuse. The amount of grief is major. Having to accept it.
Also, after being a grey rock for too often it becomes your default
Good work. I’m in a similar situation. It’s tough.
Same here. Sending virtual hugs your way & hopes for healing for both of us ❤️🩹
I was about to pay my groceeies at the supermarket cash register the other day, when a young mother next to me lovingly told her child something like, "Don't put it there yet; wait for your turn." I was amazed and pleased to know that some people out there still care to teach their children good manners and right conduct. There's hope. 😊💐🇵🇭
Right, the children have to learn manners some where. Thanks1
IF YOU FEEL TOTALLY SCREWED, START WITH THIS VIDEO! This is in my opinion, after review hours of Dr. Ramani´s professional advice, the one to start with, and keep watching until you understand YOUR CORE VALUES, HOPES, FEARS, BELIEFS, AND WOUNDS. Only when you face them, is when you have the chance to heal. Download and print the worksheets in the description of the video, and work with it. Make an inventory of all of you with this. You can not improve what you do not measure. Keep the hope.
Thanks for this!
Right on. Your last sentence really struck me: you can’t change what you can’t measure. So wise.
Very good, thank you for all the good advice! DR ramani is awesome
6 years ago I learned about Narcissism, and learned how I was conditioned to be what the Multiple Narcissists in my childhood made me to be for them. I was the dumped on, treated dehumanizing, devalued, the doormat, the slave etc. My basic needs were never met. As a child growing up in my family, “I had wished I was never borned”!
the more i learn the more i heal, I’m learning who I Really Am, and learning to love and accept myself for who I am.
I’m a kind compassionate empathetic person. I don’t contact anyone from my family and ex.
My past also. Only, I only woke up January 4th this year. But learning super quickly. I remember asking my uncle and auntie once, if they wanted to adopt me.
Cheers Dr Ramani. I've been listening to you for over 2 years, finally partingI from a narsasistic partner only 3 months ago. Healing feels almost euphoric initially, building a new life after the initial feeling of freedom is a whole new long term project of learning how to grow.
Thanks for ALL your work, you've really helped me, and I can see, many others. 🙏☀️
Glad for you Stu and wishing you a happy, healthy and bright future.
Wow congratulations on your freedom and your new life !! I did that almost 2 years ago!! I don't regret leaving at all
@@amac2573 Cheers A Mac. And the same to you. Grow and glow! 🙏☀️
@@JJ-mh4xd Cheers JJ. Took me a few years. I ignored so many red flags, but learning here and on other YT channels finally switched the light on. I hope you are peaceful and free too. All the best 🙏☀️
Congratulations & best wishes for your healing and new beginnings
The world is such a better place for me because of you Dr Ramani ❤
I felt abandoned as a child. Nowadays I believe that is one of the reasons (if not the greatest one) that drives me to rescue dogs every time the opportunity rises. It is also safe to say that is the reason why I insist on maintaining contact with people who may be toxic to me. I don’t ever want to make anyone feel the pain of being abandoned 💔
Same goes for me although I grew up in a loving and supporting family. That didn't protect me from marrying a narcissist abuser.
I hope you give yourself permission to rescue yourself and nurture your self as well. I hope you give yourself permission to walk away when staying only creates more suffering for all.
@@HanaRoad2 thank you, since I have never thought that I should rescue myself rather than rescuing animals. It was the reflected desire to rescue myself or the unconscious helplessness that I believed that I could never do for myself. I did not realise that I believed that I was never able to rescue myself.
"You want too much out of life." I always wonder why my ex said this to me or if it was fair. Now I can file it in the "attacking my core beliefs" file. Thanks, Dr. Ramani!
"Art is nice but you can't eat it." So said my narcissist mother who grew up in the 1930's, who thwarted my career in the Arts, drove me to an eating disorder and emotionally abandoned me to leave me to figure it out. Then she got half of the family to shun me when I got therapy. It's been a long road to stability but worth every step away from my family of origin.
I hope you achieve enough healing to feel free to be creative and make some art! You and the world deserve your art. ❤
Oops
You are into victim and blame.
That gets you a pity party but not much else.
I recommend that you realize that you are in charge of your life. You are responsible for your life and your choices. They were predators that targeted you. You were too young and naive and you allowed it. Everyone has their cross to bear.
Art has been hard for me to do because of my family. I keep fighting to do it though. The book “The Artist’s Way,” can help. I am about to read it again. Keep on.
I came across your channel two days ago and it speaks to exactly what I am struggling with right now, thank you so much for this, it feels like I was meant to find your channel right now.
Keep on listening to Dr Ramani and others like Lisa A Romano and Dr Les Carter. There is so much to learn about dealing with narcissism, and learning about yourself.
All the best for your journey🙏👍☀️
@@sturobertson6791 I follow Dr Les Carter too! Both Dr Ramani and Dr Les carter has learned and helped me so much.
Same. This is really hard
I see a great need to introduce this topic to High Schoolers, maybe even earlier.
Part of the Personal l Development or Social Studies curriculum !
You are absolutely correct.
Yes!!!! It should be a core class!!
This would all go over a child's head. They are not mature enough to understand this yet. There's no place for this in schools it'd just be used against other students.
I agree that kids would really benefit. This is a great idea. I was very emotionally aware as a child and read psychology at the ages of 9 on trying to understand. I would have been helped immensely.
@@lauragrolla5916
I had wanted to save my parents and family. Narcissists do have core values, I know my Dad’s and knew my Mom’s. They were all superficial. I got more praise for lying to get out of trouble than for telling the truth.
If they are superficial then they aren't core wounds. Core is deep inside. Superficial is not.
@@rainncorbin8291 I think they are saying that the parents and family were all superficial.
There value is to harm other's.
it’s embarrassing to admit that it took me almost 10 years to address and realize that I was in a sadistic narcissist abusive relationship from the age of 19-24 (my first serious relationship out of high school) and that I haven’t forgiven myself or even allowed myself to realize this really did happen to me and I wasn’t the toxic one in the relationship and that my inner monologue is the voice of my ex and I haven’t been able to really trust anyone not to hurt me and i’ve isolated myself from building deep one on one friendships and that i was falling into learned survival behaviors when i was triggered by trauma I couldn’t even remember until like… this week and I feel like I just woke up in my own brain as myself and I can’t believe i’ve lived this long in a fog without realizing it and i’m just so grateful to have found this channel it has been so incredibly valuable and validating and so so helpful in my ability to let myself work through all of these memories and realizations. thank you so much
I can so relate to the fog and to not trusting. I am having to be very gentle to me about trusting again. Just be patient like you are a traumatized animal. That has helped me to picture me as a scared little kitten under a chair. Coaxing me out with lots of kind words.
Same! I don't think mine was as bad as yours, but has a relationship from that exact same time frame. The brain fog, rumination, and finding it challenging to trust others or even myself is so real. Doing as much inner work as I can so that I can hopefully break out of the cycle/not fall into it again. I wish you best of luck on your healing journey!
I’m with you girl .. 4 months out after a sadistic 5 year abusive relationship from 16-21 . I have my BAD days but there is also shimmers of gold on some days :’) .i feel like I was robbed so much of my developmental years , but I also know he won’t be there to see me truly thrive … a life without him
Another great video. Yes your core values will be tested in a toxic narcissistic relationship. It's so important to set boundaries and maintain your integrity ♥️
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I shifted my core values and I didn't know that it was a thing that was a result of my abusive ex boyfriend was a malignant narcissist and a MONSTER
Make sure he stays "ex".
Hope all is better for you now
Thank you for all you do for us, Dr. Ramani ❤️
Thank you for such an extensive presentation and the supporting worksheet that go along. I am going to use them on my healing journey. I have been raised in a narcisistic family and have been struggling with CPTSD people pleasing and codependent. I am so grateful for everything you do to help victims of narcisistic and childhood abuse and that we all have free access to your expert advice and support. God bless you dr Ramani.
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Healing takes time. Meditation is proven to help people with PTSD. I find help in prayer as well.
Its nice to read your comment because I come from a narcissistic family system and the farther I go in healing, the more I seem to find to heal. In the last year I realized all the anxiety was CPTSD and I am glad I am not alone.
Great content as usual! No healing is possible without understanding all these core issues. Sometimes we need to change some of the core beliefs and and fears and be careful who we share our core hopes with. Thank you so much for everything you do!❤️❤️❤️
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TY for the worksheets. I have multiple disabilities and diagnoses that each alone would be more of an annoyance than major barrier, but all together make for a mess. Add in the CPTSD of psychiatrically challenged father, vulnerable narcissist mother, covert narcissist omnipresent maternal grandmother, and then a textbook over NPD now-exboyfriend, plus some screwed up core beliefs that conflict with what I KNOW is healthier intellectually. I've been stuck in this SSDI poverty limbo for over a decade now and I'm so sick of not knowing how to even start wading through the morass, the principle fears revolving around medication needs and losing Medicare/Medi-CAL. I KNOW there must be ways for me to work for a decent income and not risk my physical and psychological health, to employ my assets for a better, happier, less leechish life. Just living in another country with fuller healthcare access and quality would change EVERYthing. So again, thank you as always. Barriers become excuses for inaction, and I want to hurdle and circumvent them.
Another excellent series by Dr Ramani. This type of work is incredibly important but also very hard. Good luck to everyone that is on this long, arduous healing journey. The hard work is worth it in the end, because you're worth it.
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I have recently taken a significant step in setting healthy boundaries with my parents. Thank you, for your lessons. It has helped me not only heal but to communicate effectively.
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I finally was able to stop telling off in my mind the religious Narcissist I once had in my life, after I watched one video titled "Why You Should Never Confront a Narcissist." This video addressed the fact that Narcissists love to GOAD you. That's when the light went on that this evil woman who repeatedly took the time to call me and say wicked things to me, hurl false accusations at me, doesn't even believe them herself, but she loved to get a rise out of me. And I was finally free-I had told her off so many times in my mind, and even tried writing her a letter detailing all of her sins against me-but when I practice printed it, it was 30 pages long! 😆 🤣
I also had a Narcissistic “Religious Spouse:” In the end, I refused to Go the Depth, as he expected me to Steal My Son’s Home out from under him! Nope! So, he assaulted me just hours after I shared that I thought I had Cancer, fracturing my Sacrum, discovering in the ER, that yes, my suspicion was true. In studying the Gospel of Jesus Christ in the Bible, I am learning to NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING that is “NOT of GOD!” … I can see now that these are what Dr. Ramini expresses, as “CORE VALUES:” Truth, Joy, Light, Health, & all that is Positive, uplifting & part of the DIVINE NATURE 2 Peter, Ch. 1: Faith, Virtue, Knowledge, Temperance, Brotherly Kindness, Godliness, Charity, & add Kindness, Diligence, & Humility. Side note: Rebuking the Stg4 Cancer, combined w/ a Miracle Supplement that My Holy Father Dropped in my Lap, has Healed that Untruth! And all in the midst of my EX getting into my home for 2+ yrs., & having me Stalked every time I left my home. After being thrown in Hell, I will never Go Back! God, & His Holy Spirit is now my Best Friend… I have found the one that my Soul Loveth! I now Strive to Stay Positive & Only Accept God’s Blessings as My TRUTH! Blessings to ALL! 🙏🏻
I wrote two unsent 30 page letters to the same person. It worked though
How do I find the video notes?
Core fears of abandonment is me. I’m doing a deep dive into that. The narc had me, he knew me, for his own manipulation.
I’m fearless in knowing though and will work on these issues to stay free of the narcs demon. There that’s to be a light
and these videos are such a mantra. Thank you Dr. R,your the best.😊❤
1 second ago
Dear Dr. Ramani, your work and your engagement in this subject is beyond words. Thank you thank you thank you! It’s first after reading your material and watching your videos that I could identify narcissism as not only a relational pathology but undoubtedly as a societal anomaly. We are all suffering from it! As if the whole patriarchal colonial legacy is built on this psychological core.
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I am really seeing a huge societal factor as well. I am thinking Dr Ramani is teaching a societal shift as well as personal healing work
Thank you doctor!! Yes very common reaction is Breathlessness / short breaths ! We lose our sense of both self awareness and environmental/situational awareness, as a result of toxic exposure. Mindfully observing our physical response and impulses is the first baby step. Remember to be compassionate to your self. Sending positive vibes to all the empaths and warriors out there !
I'm not sure I could ever have developed my own core values being raised by narcissistic parents. Good food for thought. I'm going to dig deep and figure mine out. Thanks for the help!
Core wounds, values, fears and hopes
1:13 Understanding Core Wounds
1- Identify them
2- Recognise they are not weakness + Learn to co-exist with them
11:48 Understanding Core Values
Guide how work, relate and more
Core values will be tested or skewed in narc relationships
It can be reorienting to do this work. It can also bring grief.
Being pulled away from your core values is about the biggest red flag there is.
22:29 Understanding Core Beliefs
Beliefs about yourself, people, the world etc
34:05 Understanding Core Fears
Part of Core believes
43:17 Understanding Core Hopes
Can facilitie healing.
Mwah
I'm having trouble with a few people whom are seeking out my core wounds to use
Being relatively new in this work place there are primarily 2 people who I really don't care to interact with anymore than neccessary for my job ( lots of red flags thrown immediately)
Over the last months it seems there are a few "everyone has to be friends " types who are trying to interfere with my ability to keep boundaries
I feel I'm too old for this shit...
I'm trying to rebuild from previous situations...
But as this continues I just want to quit.
Not in a suicidal way, but go live in the woods all by myself kinda way.
I miss having people in my life that I enjoyed and I felt enjoyed me.
Every time you are at work and those people bring up any topic not related to work you immediately change the subject to a work topic, if they don’t get the message and keep talking just don’t talk at all. Act like you don’t hear them, leave the area, go to the restroom, say you have to go get something else you need for your work, any excuse to leave them. Keep doing this, they will get the idea. This strategy is a form of “job grey rock”
Thank you Dr Ramani..I’ve realized how these negative core beliefs were cemented by that relationship..I too view myself as not good enough, and the world and people are dangerous..I’m trying to reshape them..
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@@TravisBryantNYC. is that a phone number?
IF DR.RAMANI HAD A CLASS!! I WOULDN'T MISS NOT ONE DAY!! AND BE ON TIME... I THINK I'VE WATCH ALL HER VIDEOS..ABSOLUTELY LOVE ❤️ HER.. THANK YOU SO MUCH❤😊
These videos are so helpful. This is a time I give to me to understand me. Very refreshing ,letting the narcissist go !
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Appreciate your time,
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@@TravisBryantNYC. Rumi : Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I’m wise, so I’m changing myself.
I felt a very strong drive to express my feelings for what had happened to me. When I started therapy I found myself writing haikus, 3 line poems of 5, 7 and 5 syllables per line. They don't need to rhyme and can be very powerful. On New year's eve, I wrote them on small cards, read them out loud and then burned them. It felt wonderful, I felt as light as the ashes that rose up and floated away.
That is beautiful. Thank you. I might try it.
More than one spiral into narcissistic marriages after being the scapegoat in a narcissistic family has pretty much dashed any hopes of a truly loving reciprocal relationship. At 62 I’ve had to give up on the hope. Still in therapy though. Will be for awhile.
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I'm right there with you, sister. But this is the best place to be, to rediscover the original you, like I am. The real you, before all the maladaptive coping mechanisms kicked in. Before all the rebellious acting out. Dr. Ramani and Dr. Les Carter are incredible free resources, binge watch and soak up the validation and learning. Good luck to you.
I choose the freeze response. I will actually fall down if someone lies to me or is cruel. I’m working on my vegus nerve.
wow that 4 letter word H-O-P-E. i hung on for 2 decades before finally realizing and radically accepting she was never going to change and the relationship was toxic.
thanks, Dr. Ramani.
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Doctor Ramani I wish I knew these things you speak of back when I was just a child. I'm almost seventy now, I don't know that I could ever find the kind of relationship that is genuine. I don't believe I've ever known true kindness, care and safety. I believe I have jumped from one narcissistic abuse to another not understanding why I felt like I was a magnet to certain kinds of people oh, that is until I started listening to your TH-cam channel. I still long for a safe relationship and perhaps God willing I'll have it. For now I'm just grateful for your kind and considerate, care for others. I wish there was a way I could tell you personally how much your own pain and suffering has taught you how to teach others what to look for and what to stay away from. Thank you thank you so very much as tears running down my face I'm grateful to know that it's okay to care about other people and that there is a Safeway to do so. I pray you find peace and tranquility, in your life.
I am 64 and it has been a long hard life from my narcissist father to all the narcissistic people I, too, attracted. I kind of gave up on romantic love but i am learning to pick kind people. One thing I can say: its so much more peaceful without the narcissism everywhere even if I am alone a lot. Hang in there.
Reading text messages to stranger about me for 3 months. I was setting the stage to kick him out. I had to ingest things like,
she’s overweight, doesn’t work out, is older than me, don’t know why I’m with her. I kept all this info to myself, these were people
I did not know. He is a narc/addict, I know what they have to do,however, these things hurt me to my core.
I stayed with him through rehab 3 times. Worked the program,therapy for years. This is the evil that lives within them.
Everyday I know I have survived this person. My healthy mind is returning,I’m so much more that this and proud.
Trauma based therapy before I gave him the boot, ( in secret). I will always be who and what I am and live with pride at 72
for what I have learned. The narc/addict will live his pitiful life always..
No Dr Ramani- cowards do not tell the world their core beliefs! Sounded pretty brave to me! ❤️
Gosh, I wish I’d known this 30 years ago. Glad to be learning all about narcissism now and your informative videos are really helping me to move forward in a more positive direction. Thank you!
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You are not a coward! You are helping me so much. I am not what my sis, mom, dad and friends told me I am. Not sure where to go from here. But I know I’ll never be involved with a narcissist again! I’m not stupid. I’m not weak. I’ll never hear “ you’re too sensitive “. I hate them all.
Modesty and shame of body were core beliefs handed to me. Don't be proud yourself - keep that down. I remember when at 13, I had a new hairdo, a new homemade blouse and brand new shoes I had worked for. I pranced into the living room hoping to be showered with praise. Instead my father said, "Look at her, she thinks she's cute. And he smirked while my mother said nothing.
Ugh. Your father obviously hated himself to speak to his own child that way. Disgusting. I hope you got away from them.
@@EMVelez No I did not. I was 13 then. And I didn't discover how wrong and dysfunctional my folks were until almost 55 yrs later. That's when I discovered these channels. The folks were both dead. That's when I discovered I had some self esteem building to do. I'm on my way and building my self esteem every day. Thank you for being disgusted.
I'm sorry 😢
A lot of people have deeply misogynistic feelings and, at 13, many parents are uncomfortable to see their daughter becoming a young woman. I am sure you deserved praise for your hard work and your loveliness!
@@EMVelez Nope. I stayed until they both died. And took care of them. I had surpassed everything they did to me. Forty years later I realized I needed therapy. That has been a blessing.
I think a lot of negative and even useless traits that develop in children of N's are about lack of knowledge of societal norms and healthy competition. When what is right, wrong, punished or praised has no day to day continuity, the child may act in ways that other people find offensive. Society becomes one more place that the child is seen as "wrong" and it learns to back away from people and challenges. There is always push back in competitive situations, but we should learn how far to take our assertiveness and the art of compromise from parents. This can be completely missing in N homes.
So true. My parents were fundamentalist Christians as well who were basically cult like in their rejection of anything "of the world". They told me that the world was a terrible place and then gave me no real skills to navigate it, so the world was a terrible place because I was years behind my peers.
@@amberinthemist7912 Looking back on 7 decades of life, I think there are some good things about growing up essentially feral. As painful as it is through early adulthood, we have to decide on things that many people take for granted. The world is not a terrible place, but many terrible things are accepted by good people. Because we had to learn through adult observation, we are better equipped to avoid mindlessly following the crowd when they are wrong. We can be the little boy in the story who says, "the emperor has no clothes." We have endured the pain of being different and we don't live in fear of it anymore.
Another day of thanking you for saving me from insanity 🙏🙏🙏, you are a great Doctor and an amazing hunan being. May God bless you
I was discarded by my wife last weekend. Swift, unlawful eviction, being left with my wedding set to sell. This HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD FOR ME! Of course, I want to send this to her but... GRAY ROCK! This is about me, not her. I got some work to do on myself. and FINALLY, I get that :)
Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable, sharing your unhelpful core beliefs. I keep staying in relationships for way too long because of my positive beliefs. I feel like anyone who is willing to try can learn and do better. But I am often told what I want to hear. I had to learn the hard way to never ever fill in the blanks for someone else. Others need to represent themselves, an unwillingness to offer up the information is a giant red flag for me now. My ex-husband let me believe what I wanted to, and thought that not correcting me was not lying. 🙄 His manipulation of the concept of "truth" really threw me for a loop.
This video is brilliant and profound…you’ve touched my soul and I am so grateful for you. Thank you, Dr Ramani.
On my healing journey of realizing I AM ENOUGH.
Letting go of someone who was so opposed to my values and goals, makes me feel like Im running at the speed of light VS the prior, sinking in quicksand feeling I had when he was around.
I am only 10mins into the video but you already explained why I broke off all contact with my own family and why I never want to go back to my hometown because I feel like I am suffocating every time I am there. Like... I was not aware of core wounds and what they can do. I came here to learn about narcissism because I am in the process of divorcing one. I am learning so much more about myself too though, thank you!
My Core Beliefs are i have the right to be treat kindly and compassionately, with fairness. I have the right to feel worthy and valued. I have the right to walk away from things or people that impact my life negatively. My Core Value is to treat people how i wish to be treated myself. 🍒
I was triggered recently by various events and dreams, and have been feeling the sense of impending doom and anxiety that I had when I was still with my ex narc....I ended it nearly two years ago. I thought I was doing well, enjoying being free and reconnecting with old friends....I realise things bubble up to the surface when you're ready to deal with them. I spent a long time pushing my feelings down, because I wasn't allowed to have any feelings, I was shouted at, invalidated and gaslit every time I voiced my feelings. I'm going to let each one bubble up when it's ready and allow myself to feel it and see it.
Your clarity and generous spirit just knock my socks off, Dr, Ramani! I can use this "core" framework to help me work out why, even knowing what all you have taught me about narcissism, I can still be reduced to a quivering mass - or get so freaking mad - when someone else acts like a dingbat. Also, why I can be so mean to myself when I suspect I have been the dingbat. Gosh, what a gift you have, and many thanks for sharing your knowledge. It feels like a great toolbox for the DIY of being whole again. Namaste 🙏
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Sunday clothes , school clothes, play clothes. The first two categories were do not mess up these clothes. The last category was a ok to get downright dirty and have fun.
My take as a second grader was to stay inside during recess. Teacher sent a note home asking why I wouldn't go outside for recess. Simple answer-wearing school clothes. Can't mess them up.
Was given the ok to go to recess and play hard. Came home with a half ripped sash on my pink dress, a line of dirt beads under my neck, and a sweaty hairdo.
The core stuff is so deeply embedded. At this point giving permission to self to unpack it.Thank you Dr Ramani
If my eyes fill with tears at the beginning of an episode I know it's going to be a really good one.... that being said they are all really good.
💔Dr. "Ř" once again you've given me the knowledge and strength to face this day and start healing🖤🤘💯🕉
The pattern I observe is something like “the world is unfair and treated me unfairly, I am entitled to sabotage other people, use whatever means to get my way. If other people let me, they are too stupid and they actually want to be used. They get what they agree to".
This compilation was EXCELLENT! It's like a free mini-lesson from the healing program, which has been transformative for me. The healing program is gold.
We love you Dr. Ramani 💖 Thank you so much for everything you do for us. Sending you a big hug from Spain! :)
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Felt invisible as a child. Used to say "I exist" when my husband did something like accidentally turn off a light when I was still in a room. I used to feel kind of a panic in those situations, but now that I realized what was going on, things like this no longer bother me, in fact they seem kind of funny now.
Hello, You have been seen and your not invisible! Sorry I can't send you a cup of tea and piece of cake.
@@amac2573 Thank you
Hahaha! My spouse does the same thing with the lights!! I imagine he heard a small voice in the dark saying “still here…”. As he walked away. But I m pretty sure he never heard me. Haha. Does he also take away the stream of water while you are standing at the sink using the water because he needs it and doesn’t even see you there?
@@Calibri57 If it is at the kitchen sink and you are about to start washing the dishes may be try this 'Oh, your going to wash the dishes...thanks for stepping in!' Just a suggestion.
Oh, My word… I had forgotten about… The Lights & Calibr57… The WATER thing! How about the double-slap combo, “I’d be talking & having what I thought was a conversation (DOING the DISHES fm. a Martha Stewart Meal), & he’d Turn out the Lights as he LEFT the ROOM… Me, still talking! His biggest insult (I guess), was when he retired fm. traveling job, went out to eat w/ All of his multiple family members in a State where I have None… And left me home! And actually refused to ALLOW me to cook for him. The sad TRUTH… That wasn’t all… He had a Regular Rage Tantrum, because I refused to help him Steal my Son’s Home out fm. Under him! Nope! AND - Then tried to steal it in the Divorce… With a signed & notarized Pre-Nuptial Agreement! Dumb-A_ _! I guess: Demons all use the same Devaluing Protocol. What’s REALLY FUNNY (now that I think about it) … Because he signed a “Pre-Nup & then Raged for me to sell the House (our pmt. 1/3 market value), I THOUGHT he had Alzheimer’s & I just got Nicer & more patient, being a Faithful Christian Woman, preparing myself for the “Changing of Diapers Phase!” So, my Sweetness Drove HIM NUTS… I finally “Got-It,” when he Assaulted me & Fractured my Sacrum, after telling him I thought I had Cancer only mere hrs. before! (Cancer - Stuffing Negative Feelings & Pain, Denying my Pain!)🙏🏻💛🕊🍃Gotta add the happy ending… GOD is REAL, & being a Faithful Christian Woman… My “Holy Father has given me Miracle, after Boba-Fide Miracle, to include in the recent yrs.: Healing my Lil Dog’s broken neck, Saving me fm. a Fwy. Head-on Line-up, moments after I was impressed to “Pray for Angels,” & Healing Stage4 Cancer! Whooo-Hoo! Demon-Possessed People… Have given their best shot throughout my Life… (My favorite Hymn, “I Believe In CHRIST,” the last verse states, “I believe in CHRIST, SO COME WHAT MAY…”
🙏🏻💛🕊🍃
Extremely insightful. Thank you again Dr. Ramani
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You are solid ground in a billion storms, a safe landing place and the voice keeping people sane. Thank you!
I learned my core values from school, from my teachers. Using them at home was a joke. I have held on to my core values my lifetime now at 51. I was legally emancipated 3 weeks before my 18th Birthday, my life began.
Liz
Taking a year off serious dating and these worksheets are a major part of the work I'm doing in the meantime! I've already watched this series like 5 times. No more narcissists allowed!!
I stood up to my abuser for the first time today. I've been backing off since the end of last year and I was trying to go gray rock. Then she accused me of being short with her. She is a coworker, a self-righteous narcissist. She has been periodically triggered into rages for the last 2 years and taking it all out on me. 12-30-22 was the last straw. I was upset about it and told her since she pressed me. Her first reaction wasn't to own up to the abuse. She said, "You're not taking me down. I know where I stand. I'm going to put in for a transfer." She dis a complete DARVO. I learned so much from these videos and I see it in action. I just wish I would've done th DEEP method instead. I'm looking into going into counseling because of the abuse.
My healing has been a lot easier since I found you!! Thank you!! I was losing my battle FAST!!
So, I've been following you almost 6 months now, and this is the most complex and difficult to understand in your series for me so far. Several times in certain explainations I wasn't sure if you were describing me or the narcissist behavior. This is because we both have these core behavior difficulties in our case, from childhood. We were both abused children and have known each other since we were 12 years old in a world where this treatment and also racism and segregation were tolerated. I'm sure i will have to watch this a few more times before completely understanding. Too bad the narcissist I left won't see this. He could benefit from it....If he didn't think he knew EVERYTHING!
I think the confusion of whether we or they are the N is because they work on confusing us. I have been told that I was wrong so many times that I thought I was. ( I had a severe concussion w/ memory damage for years). I was easily put into the mindset that it was all my problem. lol I know better now. Thanks to this site.
this is exactly what i needed to here today - i was trying to rush through this recovery - and would stumble or freeze when my childhood arose or current interactions with my siblings - Wow! what life saving insight thank you so very much you are amazing - keep up the incredible work you do!
I have not been watching your videos like i used to everyday when I was with him (the ….you know). I finally decided that I was gonna take control and pull myself out of the destruction of the freight train that kept rolling me over. Very difficult to do it. It took me a year and a half to fall out of love with somebody who was….. I have no idea what I was thinking. And today I found myself fearing that the person I’m around is going to do the same thing and all of a sudden I had a meltdown. I reacted and responded like all of a sudden trust in the fear was something that was a reality because I really decided I think I care about this person, and honestly, he’s the exact opposite of what I used to be around. But the fear of what if he’s a monster and I don’t know it. Heart I know he’s not a monster and all of a sudden I reacted and I flipped out and here I am recovering. I know it’s like having PTSD just fear that. Now I have to find a place where I don’t think that everybody is bad. healing being able to trust is very difficult. I recently was saying something to somebody when you get hurt by a person and they break your trust. It doesn’t matter what it is if you love them and they break your trust there’s nothing that you could ever do to get trust fully back 100% you might love them. You have a great healthy relationship for your life, but in the back you’ll never get that trust back. And I say this because I think it’s individual people it’s not the circumstance it’s the person. I need to be able to let my guard down. I think I’m in phase 2. Thank you so much for your videos. You have saved me from feeling despair. Be well.
I went to the police about my narc grooming my children. It has blown up in my face. I remember you saying back away slowly… I didn’t listen. I went head on, and omg wow. Upon reflection she had burrowed so far in my life it was like a tick. My whole family dismissed me. I can’t get a job. Everyone believes this soft sweet women. She told me while I was sleeping my 7 yr old was in fact my fathers. I am afraid to get a dna test. I went to every child service, law enforcement, and court that would listen but i am alone. My family dismisses me. They side with her. I am alone. I cry in the shower. I started to go to church where she went and told the church I’m a narcissist. I feel so defeated and alone.
Dear Dr. Ramani,
Your work is so crucial, life changing and life sustaining! I cannot thank you enough! Truly. And now… this Core Work lecture series!!! OMG. It is ‘core’ essential and I’ve already shared it with several people who need this source of healing and learning too! Thank you.
🙏❤
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I wanna be as brave as you in some ways Doc.
Thank you so much, I watch your videos and make notes in my journal. The favorite thing that comes to mind regarding core values is that my narcissistic husband used to say people see your kindness as weakness. Filed divorce paperwork last Friday and been separated over 2 years. Stayed with him for 25 years. Now trying to find myself. You are helping tremendously. Thank you again
Impactful video showing the comprehensive nature of the pervasiveness and necessary inner foundational core work. Connecting the dots and clarifying the developmental healing picture. Thank you for this!
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I feel as if this talk adressed me personally. Thank you
I cannot tell you how on the mark you are!! All of this but the core hopes.....sheeesh. abandoning the core hopes. How dare I hope to be nurtured and loved and emotionally supported.
Dr Ramani can I just tell you Thank You. ❤ I can finally turn my tasil because i put in the work from watching your videos.And now i am sending videos to ppl who need your teaching. Thank you ,thank you❤
Unwinding from narcissistic abuse is so multi-layered. I get angry at how much damage was done by my narcissistic stepmother. She is still alive and practicing narcissism. So many people are fooled by her.
I have watched many of your videos after my daughter pointed out to me that I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist. You have helped me understand and deal with my situation. The breakup was still brutal and very unexpected but the videos are also helping me heal. Thank you.
What a cool daughter!
I'm glad to see that you offer a program for coaches and therapists someday in the future. This is great news, I signed up for more Info. Thank you, I've really waited for this.
@@TravisBryantNYC. nice try. you're a scammer. I'll report you.
Just how dumb do you think people are?
When a roommate says “therapy didn’t work for me.” I am thinking to myself like wow ok and I can’t argue with that because she is clearly not going to change. Then I was thinking later on therapy is not something that works for you it is something that you work for.
@@EMVelez I never said that therapists are all helpful and kind. I have had some that are bad and it is usually because of a lack of knowledge. It is complex and situation specific. My roommate said it because she has the tendency to be irresponsible and think her parents owe her stuff as her form of fixing things. she has had car issues but basically refuses to pay for it instead goes out shopping kind of behavior.
You also have to do the work to find a good therapist which can take years or decades not just one session, and then just completely quit, because it didn’t work. Therapy is not always something that simply works out. It can take life style changes. It can be a combo of things.
Dr. Ramani, I am so grateful to God for you. Thank you for the light you give to this insidious and devious maelstrom we find ourselves in. Way too many people have to deal with the foolishness of narcissism.
Dr. Ramani, At around 30:07, you say, that one of your core beliefs is that you were groomed to believe that you are not good enough or brave enough to do what you are capable of doing in your work. I'm still alive to tell you that you probably have saved my life. God bless you! You mean a lot to me.
Thank you for all your videos! 76 now but love to learn and especially what I have lived for so long! I love waking up to your videos on my phone! Hugs ❤
Dr. Ramani is literally a life saver. Or soul saver. I missed out on getting her new book for free because my head is still spinning but I’m buying it on Audible.
I love these videos as they essentially tell empaths it ain't you. One thing I feel also helps is any zen activity... cook, walk, dance, sing, etc. to get ourselves out of our cycling thoughts.
Honor. Loyalty. Courage. Dignity. Respect. Charity. Kindness. Friendship. Autonomy. Rigor. Intelligence. Wisdom. Felicity.
This is one if not the best I have seen of Dr Ramani's videos. Excellennt concepts and delivery. Appreciated your candour.
I like how you describe core belief or schemata as clay, that’s how I feel about my childhood imprinting, it’s hardened clay I can’t remove, I will always reflexively feel “not smart” because my narc mom taught me that, thank god for the ability to add new clay, I’m now a successful experienced healthcare professional and emotionally healing human. I’m a scientist, narc mom couldn’t have been more wrong.
Thank you Dr. Ramani❤
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My core hope is vision of a safe healing family that is close knit attuned to each others needs , that is authentic and working towards their own growth healing , that has consistency affection and no name calling labelling.
It's funny (not really, more devastating) that my abusive narcissistic ex would say, "Be honest with yourself" after accusing me of things I wasn't doing. It's still hard to wrap around my head that EVERYTHING they are doing they project onto you!! It's a complete mindf!ck for sure!! 😢
This has been so helpful! Thank you so much. ⭐️
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A couple of weeks ago I drew a line in the sand with my mother. I told her to stop negatively criticizing ideas I share with her. I said, "Ma, you gotta stop!!!", as gently as I could. I'm listening to this multi-series video with a very, very heavy heart. I realize she must have done this to me all of my life- force feed what she fears upon me. I love my mom, just bought her a new dishwasher. I fight these negative inner voices daily. I just realized I grew up with chronic fear of my dad. He yelled at and beat us all up when I was a child thru early teens. They divorced and my life fell apart even more. I'm sitting here at 2:53 am, unable to sleep, and feeling those same emotions of dread. I'd lock myself in my room. I'm going to get an E.K.G. today to make sure it's my emotions and not my heart that I feel.
Same here. Me, my sister and brother had a turbulent childhood. My mother rejected me, leaving me to my father. I am the eldest. She doted on my younger sister and brother. My Dad had a volatile temperament and to get back at him she used to goad him and tell him how bad I had been during the day when he came home of an evening from work to stop him starting on her or to wound him as she used to tell me I was my Dad's favourite "go with your father!" rejecting me. But I was only 6-7 years old when it started. As I got older she would regularly torment me with "wait till your father gets home!" which would fill me with terror as he would lecture me hours, thrash me with a belt or beat with a very long handled brush on my hand my arms. He used to demand I held out my hand and use his full force to bring it down hard on my hands. If I moved my hand away he would hold my hand for me. My mother always busied herself somewhere else eg the kitchen she never ever came out to stop the beatings. I had many many over the years until I was about 14 years old. Then there was one occasion my Dad had kept me up all night lecturing me about all sorts challenging me as I had no fight, that I went to school. The the religious education lesson which I hated I fell asleep at my desk. The next thing I knew I was being poked by the horrible RE teacher who wore a dog collar using a 1m long rule and the class were all laughing at me. I was put on detention for a week for that. But a couple of years later I must have been 15-16 years old I decided enough was enough. I had been working out as I was being bullied at school as well and I had few friends as they all said I was weird. My parents sent me to a day school far away which was awful. Anyway I was about 15-16 becoming a young man and I just decided this had to stop as I had been severely depressed I had become anorexic as I thought if I didn't eat and died I wouldn't be a problem to any one any more. With my puny frame and working out I was quite lean and but defined muscles so when one day my Dad started on me brought upon by my Mum telling him how bad I had been as it was her way to get back at him as she knew he would beat me, I fought back. He too was a lean strong man in his early forties by then and in good health, but I managed to get him in a head lock and told him if EVER did that to me again I would knock his head off. He never touched me again after this incident and my mother never falsely told him that I had been bed when I hadn't and my younger brother was the source of it all as he used to whinge and cry to my mother about me and she doted in my younger brother. I also found out last year my younger bother and I do not share the same Dad. My younger brother is from a fling my mother had with my Dad's best friend when our family moved from our first house to a larger family home. My mother didn't drive at the time nor did she own a car. My Dad did but he was at work. So few days a week his best mate used to nip around to give us lifts everywhere. One day I went upstairs and by chance caught him coming out of my parents bedroom to the bathroom with his short undone. He was annoyed and grabbed my arm. I must have only been 5 years old. Behind him through a gap in the door I saw my mother in a state of undress on her and my dad's bed only my Dad wasn't there, he was at work. This image has haunted me for 50 years. Then much later about mid 1990s my mothers mother organised a meal with us three kids her daughter and this slime ball who I never trusted. My mother and father had divorced about 6 years prior. I have a picture I took of us all and my younger brother looks a spitting image of this slime ball, nothing like my Dad or me or my sister. It is striking.
Last year when I was having a huge row with my Mum I brought this up as I thought it was now or never to get the truth as I was so mad with her as she ad been so horrible to me that day telling me she would get me arrested and put in prison! I had been caring for her for about 2.5 years at this point as she has dementia. She said to me clear as a bell totally lucidly and coherently, "What was I supposed to do? We had no car because of your Dad and we had to get around. We were in the middle of nowhere!" Yes, but sleep with my Dad's best friend???? That's low. She didn't deny that my younger brother was the result of their affair. He doesn't know. And yet she has become even more horrid to me as her dementia progresses and yet it is me who has to care for her. Both my sister and younger brother emigrated over 30 years ago and over 20 years ago respectively. She dotes on them their chidden and treats me as the devil. I have no family no long term partner. Because of this my mother goads me like she used to do my Dad to make something of himself! She is horrid. If I hadn't cared for her the last 3 years she would be in social care. If I knew then, which I more or less did, what I know now then I would have said "No way, she goes into care. End of" to my sister who begged me to look after her because she told me. "She is our mother!" Yeah, but she hasn't had to care for her!
My life is well over half way and I feel I have achieved nothing. I look at my sister and brother with their successful careers, family and envious lives and I feel such a failure. I get so depressed as I have run out of time. My Dad told me years ago when I was about 11-12 that my younger brother would do better than me that I wouldn't do as well as him. Just before my Dad died in 2017 he told me I was running out of time. He told me "You are not going to do it son". These words haunt me. I had to care for him as well, During this time he hardly spoke to me accept when I asked if he wanted me to help him and he said "Yes, of course." So I did.
Families suck.
EMDR therapy gets to core wounds fast. You can heal from things like phobias in couple of sessions. Overcome pain of loosing somone, heal from abuse. NARP by Melanie worked for me as well and fast.
Bless you Dr. Ramani 🙌 🙏 💖 ✨️
Thank-you for your generosity 🎉
Deep gratitude for incredible professionals like yourself. Without you, I'd still be under the blanket of "the others" 😅