💯 Until you have endured a relationship with someone with NPD, you cannot fathom it. It’s not a person who is ‘narcissistic’. I mean full narcissistic personality disorder. Suddenly you realize it was all a con, an act, someone pretending to be someone they weren’t deliberately to lure you in and trap you, then start abusing you in ways you never could have foreseen. It’s mourning someone who never existed. It is really crazy.
@@moody_mochi_cat I’m really struggling right now also! We got this! I really recommend meditation as it resets the brain and overthinking! And remember your a good, loving empathetic person that’s the most common victims of narcissistic abuse! Don’t let it control the rest of your life girl!
"What just happened?" I said that to myself EVERYDAY when I was in this toxic relationship. If I'm honest, the red flags were there from the first minute and my instincts were spot on. I just ignored them. Mourning this fake person is THE hardest part. It was all a lie from minute one. It's almost impossible to wrap my mind around.
It's devastin but for me I always knew she was a little off. My disbelief comes from acknowledging that a person like this really exists. Eight years of abuse: physical, emotional, and financial.
I am at the point where I don’t know anything about anything anymore. I literally question EVERYTHING in life. It’s so hard for me to trust anyone’s emotions, let alone my OWN. Horrible feeling questioning what is even real and finding everything confusing.
I listened to the book of Proverbs from the Bible for 6 months at work (I clean homes) after leaving my narrsistic husband. I got healing through that. Proverbs is a great tool to discern healthy horizontal relationships.
Bible is my world , and o think God is guiding me to this videos to be able to understand more and even that I'm hurting now , I will be ok. God is my light, my hope ,my strength.
You do a hard job. My mother cleans homes too and I respect her so much. She's had the same clients for over 23 years now and they're sad knowing that she's soon retiring. You're an important person ❤
I think there is another component. I believe that we natively believe that every soul is redeemable. When we are faced with leaving a Narc, we have to allow the possibility that this isn't true into our psyche. Also, if we felt deeply connected to someone who didn't feel the same way, then it opens up the question to the nature of this "connection". When we leave a narc, we have to face the abyss and realize the world is a much darker place than we ever imagined. It's not really about this one individual. It's kind of about the very nature of reality.
This is why it's so hard to move forward. You have nailed it. It's not just about the specific person, it's about what it means for your perception of reality. You really are forced to accept a new world if you ever want to heal. You'll never be the same but hopefully you'll have a pulse and and can take a step towards healing every day.
Yes i knew a narcissistic person and she would make me do her chores and always got me in trouble and she always asked for help but I didn't ask her anything in return and she would ruin my friendships too and finally I avoided her and she made an emotional episode and i didn't give into her then she came begging to me I didn't even look at her then years after she had messaged me asking for help and i knew she wanted to put me in trouble so I just said I'll help her and straight up blocked her that's the first time I realised she can't ever be changed . They always puts on an act but i don't think they can feel emotions .
I think this is a personality disorder that should be looked into especially in child custody cases because being a victim of narcissist abuse is very damaging to a child's overall health because how toxic narcissist's behavior can be
I'm not a overly public emotional guy...I'm tearing up just watching this because she is spot on and just I'm starting to get out of an narcissistic abusive relationship I can relate to her words with every ounce of my being. Sad, but enlightened
You are definitely not alone. I just got discarded in a way that left me feeling worst than I ever did. My reactive abuse, when I just couldn’t take it anymore was turned around on me. It sucks when you know what you put up with and endured and they’ve gaslighted even their damn dog to make you seem like you were the problem.
You have really hit the nail on the head in this video. I remember the moment, after nearly 20 years of marriage, that I understood that there was never love there. That we were never building a life together. And that he really hated me for trying to make it work, mostly for our three children. I felt the emptiness and his hatred. I truly believe this is spiritual in nature, demonic, as nothing else explains how millions around the world do all these specific things.
Same here 3 kids later and not to mention 43 years later!! I commend you for cutting in half by 50% of your life! Yes YOUR life. All best, good for you move on! Tgarcia
24 years for me and she didn't care always competition. And she teased me for not hooking up like her. Just sick and lost souls to the enemy. I hope you don't blame urself. Keep healing get therapy and love nature urself.
I totally agree with you. I remember when we first started dating, I was so insecure, unsure about where I was going in life, clueless. He swept me off my feet, I thought, “this is it”. With time I got sheltered from my family and friends, I didn’t have any energy because he drained everything from me. I was working almost every day for his business (which I built from the ground up) for $100 a month, and I was still not enough to him. I got drained financially, emotionally, and mentally. I left 6 months ago and have been picking up the pieces of myself ever since. It takes time but it’s truly the best decision I ever made.
He would tell me, “thanks for helping me with my business, I wouldn’t be here without you”, “we’re a team”, then the next day would say about MY business “your business doesn’t pay the bills” or “I put the roof over our heads”.
Omg I helped him with this business from the ground up. I never asked for a dime. I have a full time job and still helped him with his business during the day, evening, and weekends. He still was super hypercritical of me. I couldn’t take it. There was always something I needed to fix for him… 😢 I miss him dearly…
@@narcawareness_coach thanks for assuming I haven’t after going through three counselors, tons and tons of research, and now about to have my bachelors in march. I have no family I can trust, and three daughters so dating is peculiar right now. I’m building myself, my confidence, and my foundation right now. But thanks for the assumptions that I’m not doin the work to heal to understand not everyone’s bad. That’s not ny issue. My issue is the only people that were supposed to care for me and my kids like their dad, and my mom and dad, don’t. That’s my issue. I’m trying to move on from the acceptance that I was born into a bunch of dysfunction and me and my three children suffer because of it. Not for too much longer!
@@tierax8992 my comment was to support you not to upset you because of an assumption. You mentioned dating in your first comment hence my comment. Love and light ❤️
Once you realize a lot of interactions were just projections of that person’s insecurities, it hurts alittle bit less. To realize that they attack themselves when it seems like they are attacking you, that’s a powerful protector of your own self esteem.
Being in a relationship with this type of person is almost self invalidating. It’s like we were in love with a “character” as you say and they weren’t capable of reciprocating mature adult love. We fell in love with an imposter so to speak and to realize they didn’t/ couldn’t really love us for who we are/were feels so invalidating. Like I want to invalidate my own love for who they were, yet I know I truly loved this person esp in the beginning of the relationship. I feel like I want to mourn the loss…but then I question myself..what “loss”? As there really wasn’t anything there to begin with. Enlightening yet very sad and difficult to process.
Your words ring so damn true! I'm going through this exact scenario at the moment. Getting a divorce after 11 years. Looking forward to moving on and finding myself again while simultaneously mourning the loss of a person who never existed. It's like the ultimate mind fuck as they exit your life. Unreal.
Can anyone speak on this: I've recently been discarded (after 28 years of marriage) and while still loving him (in spite of everything) I am trying to figure out if I love the person I [briefly] saw underneath all of the controlling, narcissistic personality, abuse, etc., or if I have always loved the "mask"? It's frightening to think of this. Am I trauma bonded or just addicted to him? I feel I can never love again and no one can fill his shoes. The thought of being with another man is repulsive to me at this point. I don't know what to think. This video has really helped me though.
@@cynthiaihej9913 you weren't discarded, you were set free. This man never valued you, and therefore you never saw your own value. You're in love with a person who never existed. And you're grieving the loss of a relationship that was based on falsehood. But really, you lost nothing so love yourself, take care of yourself. Relish your freedom and everything else will fall into place. I'm going through the same as you. You've got this. You can fly now. You're a caged bird free to fly away.
@@cynthiaihej9913 psychological and emotional abuse is very real. Giving yourself credit for being a good person has helped me. Also allowing myself to grieve has helped.
40 years Stephanie. You can't make this stuff up. Discarded like a piece of garbage. Being unemotional during a divorce from someone who Discarded you is very tough. especially when you find out the person wasn't real. Thank you Stephanie for all that you do to get us through ❤
I have been grieving so many fake narcisistic relationships I have had until recently in my life and the whole process is extremely painful. I have been left with no family, no friends, no business relationships, just all alone. Thank God I have online support from fellow survivers and God above otherwise I do not know how I would have survived on my healing journey. Thank you so much for your help and support I get from your own experience and willingness to help other victims of narcisistic abuse. God bless you.
Hold on. The Trauma is Horrific. The Abuses imposed upon us is chronic. Harmful to our Minds, Body and Spirit. They don't just steal our Minds and Air, They tournament our Souls in this Living Body we have to maintain in order to Survive, Love and Work. All Abuses, regardless of relationship need to be Documented! Pray. Spiritual Prayer. For Protection. PS IT HAS ALOT TO DO WITH YOU! Because YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING IN CIRCLES WITHOUT LEGAL PROVISIONS. DON'T LISTEN TO THIS WOMAN BECAUSE IT WILL MAKES YOU ACCEPT THE ABUSES BY THOSE SATANIC "NARCISSIST/SATANISTS" THOSE Abused Will BE COMPENSATED AND THE PURPETRATORS WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES. SHE KEEPS BLAMING YOU AND ME FOR CONFUSION 👑
Going through thesame thing after 4 years of giving to narcissist that totally gutted me and ghosted me for new guys online when I said I had enough of the mindgames and playing me around for years thought it would make her realise things but intstead broke my heart with new guys in thesame week. 😔💔. One week in and struggling know how you feal so if you need someone to talk to feal free to, hope you are doing allright. Also follow Andrew on narc's he's a lifesaver, highly revommend his channel.
I’m crying as I listen to this. I’ve been binging these videos for a while now and they’ve helped me SO much. More than I could ever explain. I’m at the beginning of rebuilding myself and will most likely be going through a divorce shortly. I don’t know where I’d be without these videos. Thank you ♥️
Don't cry darling rejoice because the Lord is behind you and it's not about religion this is a a big change happening right now. Empower yourself darling remember this was about you this attack was directed toward you and yes you will be the same and even better trust me don't listen to these satanic lackeys that put out these videos I know a lot more than you know
Hello I’m reading the comments and seeing you wrote this 4 months ago, I’m wondering how you are feeling now on your life… I was with my soon to be ex 23 plus years, he discarded me in May of this year it has been really hard to deal with, I went no contact for over a month with intentions to stay that way but got hoovered and started having conversations with him here and there and I would regret it cause how could I be so kind to someone who caused me and my family so much harm in the discard… I’m ready for this to be over and to really move on, I’ve gone back no contact and want it to stay that way
I’ve been healing for the last 5-6 months now and I couldn’t understand why I was stuck in this rut of ruminating on what happened and on this person who is so clearly unhealthy. What I realized the other day is that I had shame for what happened. I felt that there was more I could have done to prevent the end of our relationship and that it was somehow my fault for the relationship going from fantastic to slowly going downhill. Now that I realized that’s what’s going on, I’ve been able to challenge it. I still have work to do but I’m feeling better. Self-awareness is key in recovering from these types of relationships
I feel the same way. It's been the same amount of time for me too. Ruminating has been the most difficult. Thanks for sharing your realizations. It's hard to accept that I allowed this behavior and person to continue to stay in my life. So many mood swings, fits of rage, control, manipulation, disappearing acts that turns out his kids were right, just episodes of cheating. All denied by him. Not to mention the abusing of my kindness, my money, my time. I always felt sorry for him and he played the victim card very well. On top of all that he is an addict: sex, drugs, alcohol, Marijuana, cocaine, power, money, etc. I eventually got sick physically and felt like I was losing my sanity. That was the end for me. I couldn't put my health in danger anymore. I pray we all can overcome this and that no one ever experience this abuse. We are such a broken society.
Glad that you guys resonated with this. Since I came to this realization I’ve been doing a lot better. Honestly, I feel much more detached from the relationship that used to be. I’m still thinking about it every day, but it’s more from an understanding of how dysfunctional it was, and just accepting that it was always going to be this way. It takes time, but we’ll get there.
I've worked a long time on getting past the why, and ruminating, at least for now I'm in the resentment and anger stage. And as Stephanie says if you react they feed off that. So true so just trying to put my heart elsewhere.
At the end of the day you must realize it was all a lie and illusion, this is why we all deserve better then some toxic predator, the sooner you throw in the towel the faster you'll heal up, it's a learning experience, but next time you will spot all the red flags and listen to your intuition and not ignore it👍 Stephanie and survivors and thrivers 🙏🦋
You know the problem is that now we're all standing here giving ourselves reasons to be happy with ourselves after we've been abused and attacked it's the other way around, we are happiness back they got to back off and they got to pay the price. And don't listen to this oh it's not really about you they did it you know no it is about you when you get hurt it's you God bless you all I'm on your side and we're fighting
Yes so true @Gary Cordle. I’m going through pain and withdrawal from my ex narc boyfriend- who happens to live right next door to me. When we were officially together- and the place behind him became available to rent- we were so excited at that time bc it was so convenient. We broke up last year but we have been acting like we’re still together for 8 mos. 9 days ago I said I can not do this anymore. And it hurts so bad. Grieving the man he portrayed to be. He said I was his dream come true. He would never ever give up on us.
Well said. It's amazing how clear the red flags are in others once you've been through the spin cycle of narc deception, and have come out the other side; it's one of the silver linings to all of the pain and confusion.
I love the part around 4.20 - 4.30. it's so life changing to live a lie and love someone who isn't there. You really don't know until you've been there 💜
You LOVE THAT PART? SICK. WHO WOULD SAY THAT? NOT MY CREATOR. NO. THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR AND COLLUSION IS IN THE DISCOVERY. YOU LOVE THAT PART?❤️👍
My mother has said this about her spouse that’s she’s been with for 40+ years. She said she feels like she’s living a lie. He has abused her so much throughout the years that she just cannot bring herself to leave. She has allowed him to make her believe that she needs him and he’s also told her he would make it hell for her if she leaves and that she would get none of his money. So sad.
@@TheJoshGalt our "couples counselor" refused to believe me when I revealed 3 years of my research and route cause analysis in a one on one session I asked her to follow my lead and observe the narcs behavior during the next couples session, which went exactly as I had predicted. the next session after that, she canceled the rest of our program and referred me privately to a narcissistic abuse counselor. Some of them do get it not many though
I’ve been there too. It is very frustrating for the marriage counselor to also be duped by the “Covert Narcissist,” and them thinking it was only about learning “communication skills.”
Yes! I can relate. My pastor thought counseling at church would be the answer. However he would just go back to being him at home and someone else at church .
A good relationship with a narcissist is one where you're not yelling and fighting with one another. And the best part of the relationship is when you're just getting ignored, neglected and accused of insane negative things, disrespected and generally treated like you're the lowest thing on their priority list in the world.
I left and lost so much of my things. My children's toys and everything. I'm renting a room. I Feel emotionally and financially devastated. But I'm here embracing my healing and recovering slowly from the abuse. He became incredibly abusive including physical. Everytime my phone rings I jump and think of him. It's like a jump scare. Sometimes I want to call and cry and tell him how much he hurt me but that was exactly the point. I feel like he won and I lost. But I have my life and my children and I'm surrounded by their love and that's all that counts.
After growing up with narcissists in my close family circle as well as in past relationships, I've been working on healing and have come leaps and bounds on my lifestyle changes as a codependent in recovery over the last 5 plus years. Stephanie is an important reminder and always gives quality advice. This work is something that never ends and I just love her videos. Great work 💗
Over the past four years, I started watching Stephanie's Video's and this one is just another examples bod her fine and "genuine and sincere approach to help US". As a male victim of Narcissistic abuse after 43 years marriage, I'm healing. Thank you Stephanie 💗 make God continue to Bless you 🙏
@@tonygarcia1497 omg 43 years of that I thought my 22 years with an adult child showing the same. I’m ha I guess a real hard time letting go it hurts like hell making me question so much. I been thinking of no contact but my therapist says that’s not a good idea with my child. This situation honestly makes me want to end it all. God bless you
"until you go through a relationship with a narcissist, you have no idea what you are dealing with". This is so true! I think even therapists, social workers, family courts.., they don't fully get it. This is such a serious personality disorder! And it's hard to understand you are dealing with pure evil, and have been tricked by it for such or such a period of time".
i am a social worker and are currently on my way to become a therapist. Out of experience I can tell you that a lot of people become therapists because they grew up in a toxic household or had a toxic relationship. Definitely make sure you are looking for a therapist with knowledge in this area, it makes such a huge difference.
@@liamariavoelker4162 Yes it seems very important that the social worker/ therapist has personal experience with this. It is also important to educate this group more on narcissism etc.
I finally understand that he took complete advantage of my vulnerability a that time and he made me dependent on him. And when we needed it he acted like a victim. Meanwhile he was cheating and lying the entire time. It messed with my head so much. I’m planning on signing up for therapy to gain back the person I was
@@electricred91 I understand completely. It takes time and work but you will be that person again but even more so, better, stronger, wiser, a great lover of yourself.
Sounds like me. I actually got to the point where I started questioning my own sanity. Did I say that? Did I do that? And the whole time ur struggling and suffering,trying to figure out what you did wrong and how u can fix it, it's a game to them. A damn distraction so they can keep deceiving you. Even at the expense of your mental health and they know it and really don't give a shit
I was the same, he even convinced me I should be on antidepressants and that I needed councelling, yes I did but it was because of him and not because I was crazy 😢
“A part of you wants them to come back even tho you know there a not good for you” I’ve always said Trauma bond is the most difficult part of the narcissistic relationship
@@JenniferAlmaguer it’s been a year since then. I’ve grown a lot. She contacted me a couple times after it ended. Pretending to be other people. I let it all go. The rage the pain the anger the hate. Let it all go. I’m in a happy relationship now. Godbless
@@Flips44 hallelujah. Praise the lord! Please pray for me. I just started my journey. It’s been one month and I feel like I’m dying inside. I hope to find a healthy person one day too like you! You give me hope!
@@JenniferAlmaguer These videos will definitely help. They helped me a lot. But a couple things I’ll add. It takes time, healing those wounds takes months and months at least for me it did. It took me a whole year. God will bring someone in your life. When it’s the right time. If you are heartbroken currently it isn’t the right time YET so trust Gods timing & that this is a blessing in disguise. God has something better for you. I recommend to stay away from any dating sites or dating or sex period. Take some time to be alone and detox your brain. Even drinking smoking partying. Stay away. Heal, work on your boundaries. Learn from this. Really reflect. And most important let it go. Since it’s pretty fresh wound it’s probably on your mind constantly. And that’s normal. But that cut or wound will heal and turn into a scar. And you will become stronger and wiser 💯💯
Here's the part I can't identify with. I never, ever felt less than. I was extremely secure with myself, by myself. I feel like that's victim blaming. Definitely not the first time I've heard this. I feel he came after me to destroy the wholeness and confidence he saw in me. It's my fault I tried to share this with him not knowing he was incapable of being whole. Now I'm depleted having given so much energy trying to help. That is my fault
They want to absorb our positive qualities without having to do the work. They put us down cuz they falsely believe it builds themselves up and to not face their issues ,fears,insecurities. It's a false reality and ego controls them.
@@sheberry8597they definitely mirror all your good qualities and knowledge to other people very well. Mine kept saying throughout our relationship and after I broke it off, that he has learned so much from me.. I bet he has.. I upped his narcistic relationship games probably, just by showing him how it should be done.. He is now hoovering me, reverse hoovering me, devaluing me even we are not together and trying to convince me basically it was my fault it didn't work and he now has fear of commitment, but only towards me, offered his friendship, so if ever, I hope not, he meets someone willing to engage with him in a relationship, he could than very hardly rub it in my face and show me everything he learned from me being given to the new supply.. I won't let it come to that. Went for the 2nd time for a final discard and no contact, just being friends, 1,5 months ago and was healing again and sure enough a hoover came after 3 weeks to destroy my peace. I gave him a very short, Grey rock answer and from then on he started ghosting me.. It's just so typical. He doesn't know it yet, but I'm very ready to leave him for good and go a 100% no contact regime. He won't be able to reach me or find me.. Have a "nice life" narcy narc!
Regaining your power after a toxic relationship is the biggest part of healing, especially since we’ve gotten so used to being controlled. Be kind to yourself and take it day by day, so you can begin to feel more powerful and confident in yourself again. 💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Narcs play the perfect gentleman until you are emotionally involved or married or have kids or are dependent on them, then their true self comes out 💖 they aren't to love you, but they are just using you
oh my god. you nailed it. the first person i’ve heard verbalize how someone just wasn’t there nor even capable of love/deep connection. that feeling of having been in a relationship with a shell, a caricature
I’m sitting here after 32 years of marriage to a narc, and you’re absolutely right Stephanie, at 21 years old I never knew. The love bombing, gaslighting, psychological abuse, emotional abuse,abandonment, manipulation, public humiliation…YOU NAME IT, I GOT IT…including his “happy news” that he met a 36 year old gold digger and has been in transactionship for 2 years!!!! Well, as soon as their secret got out, of course their affair crumbled, his cancer spread and he came back for me to take care of him until the end. I spent those 5 months, in between him “coming clean” with the whore of Havasu miss Amanda, and coming back in shock, pain, agony. Not sleeping, not eating, panic attacks,broken teeth from clenching really being sick to my stomach realizing the one person I trusted could do this. Well, I did what I had to do, showed him compassion and let him make amends for the sake of my grown children (also sick about his good news…). Let me say after all this, I AM HERE!!!!! I HELPED MYSELF!!!!! IM MAKING A NEW LIFE!!!! It’s all possible when you free yourself and heal yourself. Thanks for letting me vent here 🙏
You have an admirable perspective on what would have devastated and destroyed many people. I am happy to hear that after all that trauma you've been able to make a new life, and you sound excited about it. My therapist subtly told me to leave, I had almost no money, but as a 45 year old woman I was willing to live with my mother if that was my only option.
“How do you rebuild and have something 10x better than you even thought you could have?” I’m in tears! I just went no contact with my parents this week, and it’s been SO hard accepting these realities. Thank you for giving me HOPE and for giving me food for thought.
I instantly wept listening to this. The heartbreak feels unbearable. To realize that it was never real after all that I’ve endured. I’m not a perfect person but I never deserved this. 😢
Another powerful video. The part that totally broke me "All those years, those happy moments, and holidays where you were so happy and content, they weren't feeling the same way."
Everything she explains about how you feel in the aftermath is spot on. ‘Having to accept that everything you did together, alllll the happy memories u created together.. were in reality, just fake and literally meant NOTHING to the other person’.. 👍👌
When you are finally ready to leave someone with NPD, it feels like you’re waking up. It’s crazy and once you are fully awake it’s almost impossible to go back.
Thank you so much for this. My ex husband was my first real love, we have a child together, and he is narcissistic and the biggest bully I’ve ever encountered. It has been an absolute nightmare trying to coparent with him. He will do things that seem “nice” or make it seem like he’s coming around or changing and there’s always some kind of manipulation behind it that comes out later. Recognizing that he won’t change and it’s all about how I respond to him has been terrifying but also empowering. I no longer call myself a victim and instead I can feel sorry for him. He’s missing out on a great person (me), but also a beautiful life with healthy relationships. I can only hope he gets help someday.
I left when my youngest went off to school. By this time I knew exactly what I was dealing with so it made it easier. When I initially left, I didn’t know how to deal with the craziness that ensued so I went back. 😐. I’ve been gone going on three years and now I am rebuilding my life. I feel so much lighter.
To rebuild your self-esteem that was totally taken away from you surround yourself with positive people, people that bring you up in time you will get it back you just need to stay positive and focus on the good that’s going on in your life.
I am in the second year of my court battle with my narc ex-husband (who is also an alcoholic and drug addict). I am going into a very deep hole of debt, but I will fight until my very last breath to keep my daughter's safe. Your videos constantly encourage me and give me hope. Thank you, Stephanie.
This is spot on, This is literally how I felt. His energy felt dark, it felt something that was scary. He didn’t even look the same to me anymore. He became aggressive one night and that was the day I put him out. Our home together became a cemetery to me. I couldn’t even live in my home anymore, so much so I ended up having a nervous breakdown. I Stopped taking care of myself and almost my little one. His familial life before me was already toxic, I only know that because Ive experienced the darkness in that home myself, that almost ruined me when I stayed there. Thank God for family, friends, and my 4 year old because I don’t think I’d be here. He discarded me like nothing. Blocked me to pursue his friend. I tried to fix our situation. With therapy and family, nothing worked. I’m only now being able to sleep on my own again, while picking up the pieces. He blocked me and told me when our child wants to see him I have to figure it out 🤦🏽♀️ I never thought he had NPD until I learned in school, when people around me noticed , after I had our daughter, and now in this situation. Scary.
The crap that killed me is that i was blamed for everything. The gaslighting was so intense…. I know, deep down, my soul intent was to love her. Yet, somehow i was the “bad one”. God, it destroyed me. To be called bad for just wanting to love someone. It killed me
👆👆👆👆 The user pointed above she’s a life saver. I’ve been married to a narcissist for more than 16 years anytime I want to live he acts like he has changed but every time things get worst until 24 years of marriage I couldn’t live because I do much loved him 😢. I started looking for a solution then I met GODDESS SEELAH which told me to not give up on him with her help now my narcissistic husband is like a baby 😊 . Are you suffering from it?? Are you dating a narcissist?? Check out the user above she will help you. ✅..It can be cured💯
Thank you for this video! You've stated everything so perfectly. I never wanted to admit that my relationship wasn't real (even though I've known it deep down for years). My abuser was just a character playing a part. The hardest part for me now is that I still want to let them off the hook - I'm in denial about the severity. I feel so brainwashed, but so grateful to be out. I wish I wasn't so co-dependent.
Stated "PERFECTLY" YOU FIND THAT MAKING STATEMENTS THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTIVE TOWARD PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN ABUSED HARSHLY AS STATED PERFECTLY HER STATEMENTS ARE PERFECT ...REALLY? I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE A REAL ONE OR NOT BUT IF YOU'RE REAL AND YOU'RE FROM THE SAME CREATOR I HAVE, REMEMBER THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR AND WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING INCLUDING NAMES BECAUSE THE TIME IS COMING FOR THE GREAT ACCOUNTABILITY
It is a personal disorder - and works the same world wide! I am from Sweden and some of your stories sounds like mine. It's hard sometimes when you are talking about what you've been through..and you realise that the listener does'nt understand. Because the have not experienced the same thing. That is why these channels are sooo important. You/we understand and that is a blessing and gives me comfort and strengh. Thank you. 🙏💕
I am also from Sweden. What makes it so hard is that most people here have no idea of what we survivors go through. It's a very lonely road Thanks a million for your videos Michelle Don't know where I would be without them.
It's taking me way too long to heal. It is really hard to share what you've gone through. If I try to explain it to somebody that's never been through it I sound like the crazy one. Thank God for these channels. It's the only thing that keeps me from feeling completely isolated from the world.
@@brianreed8271 I found it a bit hard to explain to people because for a very long time I didn't understand what kind of a person I had dealed with. With No experience of this disorder and behavior.. My mind could not process my experiences. I simply didn't get it! Now, I understand. Don't forget you are not alone feeling crazy! You are not crazy. Hugs from Sweden 🙏
@@brianreed8271 Two people who really helped me understand this disorder - Lee Hammock in Mentalhealness and Ben in Raw motivations. Two self aware narcissists who gives you a very good insight in a narcissistic brain. Very interesting and helpful! Even if it still is hard to understand.. They explain in a good way and brings peace to my mind. Check them out on TH-cam!
In a divorce after 4 yrs. Long story. However, I had no clue he was a porn addicted narcissistic. So yeah....I sit and think:. What just happened? He told me I was his reason to live, can't live without me, my kids give him purpose. We marry and buy a home together, start a life, and it all changed. Very hard to deal with. I go to God and what the Bible says about me. And I know that my ex may not have my back, but the Lord does. I love your content. You are so helpful. You are a life line.
She is spot on. It is the same! I went through all off this. Cognitive dissonance is no joke. Figuring out why I was in that helped me get out of it. It’s a horrible thing to go through but I’m thankful for people like Stephanie who validates our experience and teaches us to grow out of this.
Stephanie validates all she does is reconstruct your pain and then tells you it's not about you, but it was about you because the attack was aimed at you, and now you're you're praising her you don't even know who she is how do you know she's not one of their lackeys I know a lot more than most people know and it's coming out
You just perfectly described what I have just gone through. Even using exact words I have used to describe how I felt. I thought I'd lost my mind at first, having to ask my daughter if she saw what I saw, and if things really happened. As you said, I moved in, and that person who I'd been with for 2 years was just gone. Devastating does not describe it. He still has others fooled in my life which doesn't make it any easier. At 64, I was staying aware, or so I thought, being upfront and honest the whole way. I gave him every opportunity to tell me the truth, and still he lied. I did get him to admit it was all the attention I gave him, he really liked. The person he really is, is dead inside. Emotionless, but a very, very good actor. It's a grief process, grieving the fictitious person that died, yet were never really alive. It really messes with your head. Thank you for this video. Reading the comments I don't feel so alone.
This is a stunning account of my experience of narcissism. I have listened to hundreds of hours of excellent NPD videos and the accuracy of this exceeds any of them. This moved me. Thank you for being able to put into words so articulately what many of us are experiencing. I have been on the receiving end of friends who I can tell think that I am using the word narcissism simply as a character assassination of the 'narcissist' and think I am trying to explain away what they perceive as a normal breakup, as they simply cannot understand what it means. Your account of having to experience narcissism to understand it is very validating. I am a well educated person who has never encountered this in 40 years until now. No other failed relationship, break up or rejection that I have been through do I consider to be due to narcissism. This break up is a different category altogether. Thank you
It's has been almost year and half and I still go through everything you mentioned. I was the one who decided to end it and I ended up being the "bad one". He completely ignored what he did over 11 years and focused on how I left him. I feel I have so many things left unsaid and he barely recognized how much he hurt me and mistreated me. He recognized liking to hurt me as punishment and I don't understand why I still love him in the bottom of my heart. I believed everything he said and my self esteem hit rock bottom. I feel guilt for projecting this onto his family because I couldn't defend myself from him and didn't understand. It's soo confusing and heartbreaking. I'm pretty happy and accomplished being alone but I have this feeling of never been able to love again like I loved him as he's always on my mind. Oh and he opened dating profiles as soon as our breakup started and he already moved on with a woman that resembles me...making it even more confusing!
My story is very similar in many ways. Mine also harassed me with "youre still my wife" "why dont you give us a chance" "how can you just throw this away " "you abandoned me" WHILE he made dating profiles and made new "friends" right after I finally left. *one of his new "friends" is now his girlfriend which he tries to hide from his kids🙄🤯
The cognitive dissonance is hard. I made a few steps back in my healing once I realized how his new girlfriend resembles me, which he hated and criticized...it makes me feel dumb for believing all the put downs and insults and wanting to change because I wasn't good enough...I expected him to date a woman that looked like the comparisons he used to make...not another me.
I suffered for years wondering why I felt so connected and unable to see why. I better at separating what I like and recognizing the bad. For me I had to go back to my childhood and see the unresolved issues with my dad and the lack of expression I was raised in that I wanted to fix in my love life. This girl I thought would be that. She saw my weaknesses and exploited them to fill her needs. She used my need and love for her to control me. It's very powerful for someone you love to hurt you and see if they can get away with it. They get a trip. Seeing why you love them is the start then you can look elsewhere for it instead of them. They will always use it against you. Best wishes.
Remember Don't listen to this woman. It is about us. We have been the victims of sustained and ongoing and clannish network abuse. Yes this is about you. Yes this is about me. This is a cover-up double speak they mastered, confusing you and me about what's really going on upstairs...ie. in this video. Demand to See & Make sure these satanic lackeys don't continue to suck us dry, we must have her credentials.
Girl I'm 2mths out of a narcissistic abusive and physically abusive relationship. It's been horrendous. Thank you so much for this. In my fuxked up head, I'm in the wrong knowing he ruined me for 11 years. You make me feel less guilty for something I didn't even do, love you x
I’m so happy for you Stephanie. That you were able to rebuild your life after suffering from be abused by a narcissist. And I thank God for you and your TH-cam Channel. Your TH-cam Videos have been so encouraging to me. And I have learned a lot about narcissists and the crazy making manipulative mind games and guilt trips that they use to hurt the people who they claim to love. You are an inspiration to me. And to us all. And you have helped me more than you will ever know with your TH-cam Videos. You have given me clarity and insight. And you have given me understanding. Helping me to break free from the mental fog that she had me under. They are crazy makers. And they are emotional manipulators. And they are manipulative and deceitful. This is who they are. And it all boils down to them being selfish and self centered and self absorbed. Thinking only of themselves. And that’s not love. And this is what else I have learned about these narcissists… They love to argue. And they love to fight. And they love picking fights. This is what they love. And they love themselves. So how can they love anyone? When they have no love to give. Self love can be taken to an extreme. And the narcissist is a master manipulator who loves to dominate and manipulate and control another human being. And that’s not love either. I felt trapped. That’s how I felt being trapped in a toxic relationship with a female narcissist. And she trapped me in a loveless marriage for seven years. Ten years of pure hell. It was her constant and never ending bitching and complaining that drove me away from her. And it was her constant and never ending blaming and accusing that destroyed our marriage. She enjoyed antagonizing me and provoking me over and over and over again with her hateful, spiteful, hurtful words. And she enjoyed breaking my heart with her vicious name calling and insults and threats. Until after ten years of her abusing me mentally and emotionally and physically and financially. That I finally reached my breaking point and had no other choice but to walk out on her and divorce her and shut her out of my life forever. In order to keep my sanity. And now after 38 years of being divorced from this woman. I am finally getting to understand that she was the one who destroyed our marriage. And with all of her blaming and accusing… It wasn’t me who destroyed our marriage. She did it deliberately. And she did it intentionally. And that’s because she wanted to play the victim. While making me out to be the abuser. And they have a name for that. It’s called blame shifting. And that’s crazy making. Blaming me for cheating on her. When she was the one who was cheating on me. Accusing me of saying things that I never said to her. And accusing me of doing things that I never did. The very things that she was doing to me. And again that’s not love. That’s blame shifting. And that’s crazy making. And one thing that I have learned is this… That narcissist are CRAZY MAKERS. And if you stay with them long enough they will drive you crazy. This woman drove me to have a nervous breakdown after I walked out on her and divorced her. I now know that what I was suffering from was PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Caused by her and by the horrible way that she used me and verbally abused me and mistreated me. Mind Games and Guilt Trips is all I ever got from her. And that’s not love. And that’s not love to me. So thank you Stephanie for sharing your story. And my story was so horrific that it’s only by the Grace of GOD that I’m still alive today. And all of my strength comes from the Lord. Thank You FATHER GOD. For Saving me. And Thank You Jesus for Healing me from this woman. And I Love You LORD, with all my heart. GOD IS GOOD! And Jesus Is Lord! Peace be with you always Stephanie. And God Bless you for all of the people that you have helped and who you’re helping to heal from narcissistic abuse. Be blessed. And have a great life. You deserve it after what you’ve been through. And Thank You Lord for keeping me from committing suicide. I am truly grateful that You Love me LORD. And that you Loved me enough to Heal me for what this woman did to me to break my heart. 🙏✝️❤️➡️➡️➡️🚫👎💔
Wow,,,,, I am a woman and went thru so much similarity and now I’m also thankful that I saved myself for years from any diseases. I had to be humble as always and yet deeply crushed and let Almighty God take care of divine justice and console me and yes I was rock bottom and yet with A Gods help I put Wenceslao in making correct choice to this horrific ordeal ! I am worth am beautiful inside out and there was never nothing wrong with me in the first place !
Thank you so much for this. This is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. I cried for literally everyday for the last few months. I felt so used, gullible and so betrayed. I kept blaming myself for letting them gaslight me, and just use me. I was really stuck in replaying every "loving" memory and just breaking down because all those moments in my mind were just never real. But when you said those moments were real to me, has made my thought process about those moments' completely change. I was being genuine, I was truly happy and in love in the moment, so now instead of falling apart and thinking about those moments negativiy, I am thinking about them positively. I know I am a genually loving, caring. I know I can love someone unconditionally. So thank you so so much for that. Yes, i am still greaving and cry from time to time but you have helped heal one of the many pieces that were shattered by that person.♥ ♥
This was me for a while.... despite the fact that such a person doesn't exist it doesn't mean what you felt wasn't real. It may be a blessing in disguise knowing that you are more than likely to find peace without them and within yourself
I know it's not an easy task not to over go the whys and what if, how come. Please count yourself luck to have survived and gaining your freedom. I know it's not easy, but try to look forward to your newfound freedom without the abuser. Mine was a wolf in sheep's clothing. The love bombing, little by little, destroying myself confidence with their cheating (they would purposely cheat on me with people of different ethnicity), disrespectful behavior, humiliation, dishonesty. They would tell me their friends call me names to their face (and of course, they put up zero defense), allowing their ex to bully me, and they would take their ex's side. They were just toxic but would act like an innocent person. I know the hurt you're speaking of. Count yourself worthy of love and look forward to all the good that the future holds for you.
OMG yes someone who understands, I though I was crazy for wanting my Narc back after all the crap he’s done to hurt me. Thank God I pushed through those feelings and remained in no-contact
Thank you for validating what leaving a narc is truly like . It’s baby steps especially when you have a child with the person. I’m going to share this with my family as they just don’t get it .
I flee and clam up when a guy wants to date me. I'm still healing and know that I'm just not ready. I was in a toxic relationship for 25 years, started when I was just 17 years old so there's a lot of scars that are healing therefore just not ready and I'm okay being single at this time in my life. I lost who I was to become from a teenager into adulthood, so I'm working on myself and discovering who I am and what I like to do.
Exactly what I needed today, thank you for all you do. I’m in the middle of divorce from narcissist alcoholic, I’ve learned so much about life and myself, priceless, I know I’ll get through this. So crazy and challenging at times. Recognizing the dysfunction and knowing was true and real. You’ve helped me understand the insanity. I’m so grateful 🙏🏼🌟
I’m so thankful we have no children involved. I sure can imagine though how hard it is knowing how a narcissist manipulates etc. All of you moms and/or dad are in my prayers
I truly believe that at this moment in time I was meant to see your video! I am recovering from being in a narcissist abusive relationship of 17 years and I left him 2 years ago. So yes it has been a tuff road but I’m getting better and I think I met the love of my life so I think I’m on the right path in my life so far. I can’t thank you enough Stephanie for your videos and you just being the person you are ❤️
I listened to you again and was able to hear so much more. Yes I thought "I" was the only one who has been through this mess. And no one would ever understand the way she is. OMG Thank you so much for these videos.
Alot of what you said is right. This narcissistic person was about seeing what he can get and didn't care how he treated ppl. I could never tolerate this behavior for as long as I did. A few months was enough. See the signs and know when to get out! Your emotional well being is far more important then trying to help someone.
Wow.. I just realised I can be so proud of myself. I have survived against a massive beast. And I fought it and got out of it. That’s huge. I have not seen it like that.. Thank you.
The thing that hurts so bad, is we(we’ll probably just me) were so happy and lovey dovey one day, literally set my first boundary because I felt disrespected, and then I got blocked everywhere. Completely discarded. It rattled me to the core because it was so fast and unexpected and I’ve never experienced this before. No closure. I managed to use my work phone to text, and he left that line open. Didn’t block it. Why? Sometimes I message him through it. Usually once every couple weeks. No response. Just want a hey, we didn’t work out. I’m starting to realize I won’t get that. You’re videos are helping. The pain is teaching about inner work, and self parenting. I’m starting to be thankful, but I still miss him. The initial love was so intense, felt so good. I was head over heels completely invested. I’m sooo glad I felt that though. That’s how I want to feel with a healthy person 😊
Same here! The PTSD took me down a bad road. Took me 11 years to find my way through the mental and emotional abuse. Now I'm dealing with a son that's not speaking to me because of the crap and lies his father has told him. I never thought I wasntdoing rt by my for not telling him nasty things about his father. Now I feel like ishoukd have defended myself. But then I would have been acting like his hateful father.
Yes of course he does. He made sure my life would be difficult in every way...including hiding money. I walked away with 50k and he's was worth millions at that time. I just ended out. So I'm the no fun Mom. No trips, no expensive gifts etc.
I should say we were worth millions but nothing was ever really mine. He made sure of that. He even threatened me with making it so I never get to see my son. Threatened me into giving him primary. Such a bad situation!
15:47 - 16:38 💯 this part is so true! Being forced to interact and socialize with your abuser because you have children with them is torturous/traumatic. People who haven’t gone through it just don’t understand that.
Like you say after ending my relationship for 3 years and seeing him Hoover back his previous GF … made me see that there’s where and is she who he wants to be with and everything was just a faking future, lies, now I see him as a monster because everything I went through with both of them they are made for each other … I told him so many times that was not normal… I know I will never have closure because like you say this is another level because they aren’t capable to love, to feel can’t have a connection. Like I told him so many times I defended him from so many people … I gave him the power but I did realized I lost my self now I am rebuilding me !! My self confidence, trying to have my peace back 🙌🏻 listing to you is like my story Thank you 🙏🏼
Great, great stuff, Stephanie. I especially like the part where you said, you were in a relationship with a character, NOT a normal person. That is So true. As I detached from the Narcissists in my life, I actually found it a little awkward when dealing with normal people because I was so used to the bizarre behavior from Narcs that I actually had to learn how to deal with actual normal people again. Which as you know, is a whole other topic. It really is a journey back to normal once you move on from the narcs in our lives. Keep up the AMAZING work you do. I and others really need you. God bless.
The level of detail you go into on this is so appreciated. It's helping me process some of the really deep shock of coming to an understanding of what actually happened between us for 10 years
My narc got bored after 6 months of domestic life and secretly sought novelty or “fresh love” during our 5 years. He left me once he found someone to replace me. It was brutal to accept that his affection was an act, as well he couldn’t feel love for me or my replacement. Loosing my two stepsons was the worst heartache ever.
👆👆👆👆 The user pointed above she’s a life saver. I’ve been married to a narcissist for more than 16 years anytime I want to live he acts like he has changed but every time things get worst until 24 years of marriage I couldn’t live because I do much loved him 😢. I started looking for a solution then I met GODDESS SEELAH which told me to not give up on him with her help now my narcissistic husband is like a baby 😊 . Are you suffering from it?? Are you dating a narcissist?? Check out the user above she will help you. ✅..It can be cured💯
A big issue I had is that once I left is that my family turned on me. I grew up with very unsupportive parents, so maybe I should have expected it. They were quick to blame her alcoholism and emotional/psychological abuse of us (we have children) on my inability to make her happy. It went so far as my parents were secretly meeting with her. I wonder if anyone else experienced this after leaving their toxic/abusive spouse? I think the reason we are co-dependent in the first place is because we come from volatile households and sometimes a breakup with your toxic family has to happen too.
I’m so sorry you have a family like that. You’ve got a good life coming to you once you get past this huge blow. Hang in there and remember there are amazing people on the other side of this - good luck 🙏🏼
Yeah that makes it all ten times worse is you are already going through the trauma of divorce and realizing as a man you were abused (although until they ratcheted it up ten fold in the 6 months or so leading up to separation and learning what a narcissist is, you go to your family or friends and they don’t believe you or half believe you and won’t take the time to learn about it so you get no support unlike other people going through hard times and abuse you get victim shamed and people think you’re weak when. They don’t know how much strength it took to hang in so long and trying so hard to make it work and taking all the responsibility on yourself bc the narc had you convinced it was you. All that and then family and friends just drop you and so you go from being a family man and having what you thought was a good social network to only maybe a few close friends and maybe one or so family members if you’re lucky. You go from being confident and happy and driven and creative to like a confused insecure mess. It’s rough and I can see how people kill themselves dealing w this bc nobody teaches you about these people nor teaches you how to be a lone wolf and lick your gaping mortal wounds by yourself in silence and when you’re like that other wolves begin circling. For the ones that make w comeback people don’t know how truly bad ass and indestructible you are. These people need to be stopped with the full force we have to bear and shown mercy at all bc they are the real life villains and are actively undermining all that is good with the world. Those who’ve been through this know I am not exaggerating
Wow. This felt extremely personal to me. You put a flame in my heart right now. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. The ones who have dealt with narcissistic abuse thank you from the bottom of our hearts
It’s been 2 years this month since I got out of a physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive relationship with a narcissist. The craziest part is I never loved him. I felt trapped. He manipulated me into staying through guilt since he knew how empathetic I am. He had a hold on me and I was afraid of his reactions. We would scream and fight for hours on end until I just caved to end the fighting. He used things I confided to him as weapons against me. I lost 30lbs (I’m already fairly small) because of the stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. I would sit in the shower everyday and pray that the relationship would end, or that I’d just fall in love and be happy. Now it’s been 2 years and I have extreme trust issues, I still feel lonely and empty, and I have started reliving some of the worst moments (I think my mind pushed them far away to protect me). I have come so far and have worked on myself so much, and I am in a much better place, but I am still so upset that I still carry this burden. I still have to deal with the trauma that this relationship inflicted on me. Falling in love and trusting someone is one of my biggest dreams, yet one of the hardest things to do because of this. I’m just so tired. I want to be happy and I want to feel whole and complete on my own. I am still so insecure and am working so hard to improve myself. He would put his hands on me when he was drunk and mad. He removed me from the people who loved me the most and got mad at me for doing anything without him. I was an object. He would throw fits when I didn’t want to have sex. For the longest time I didn’t think this relationship warranted the label of “trauma” or “PTSD”. But I’m starting to realize that it was awful and still continues to hurt me. I’m so tired.
Same story but I had a kid w/ him and movies away after the 2 years of abuse ! He hasn’t seen me or my son since but I’m dealing w/ mental issues from the pain he caused me so I cry everyday just wishing I never met him but I love my baby so much that I’m thankful I got him out of it
Hope everything gets better for you cause I know I will never be ok again! I used to be so beautiful now he took everything from me including my confidence & I’m not social anymore I hide in the house all day even tho I moved out of state it’s just crazy how someone can take your identity along w/ yo yo heart
thank you for your video. i'm in a divorce after 25 years of marriage with a narcissistic person you can imagine what i'm going through. I have to rebuild myself there is no other choice, it's either to live or die !! and definetly i choose to live and live happily this time !
I'm so shocked at how so spot on you are with the feelings after the abuse. Especially feeling like these 5+ years were never real. That hit close to home!
💯agree… I am narc free and recovering from the years of suffering from the narcissistic abuse and from the flying monkeys who made it even worse with their words and actions. I was alienated and mentally abused for the last year but now I’m back in control of my life again and raising awareness thanks to the people like you who are raising awareness for the masses 🙏🏽 Thank you for being another voice to raise awareness for this epidemic that is going on for many years unnoticed unfortunately.
She's correct. When I'm out of here, I'm gonna have to go to more counseling. "Thank you very much, I appreciate it." But their EVIL WILL BE FULLY EXPOSED and that will be worth it.
Stephanie, thank you very much! 🙏🏻When you talked about the memories of all the beautiful moments of life together, photos from those times when you thought you were happy ... Then everything crumbles to dust. A huge pain, I didn't know what to do with... It's so relieving when you said to accept what WE felt, that was real. It was true when I felt happy. As well, when I didn’t have the emotional support, the compassion, that he didn’t care how I felt. That he wanted me to feel the same way he did! That I was right when I saw somehow empty eyes. Without ... without ... yes. Without love.
I am so sooo grateful that I found this video! The hurt can feel so beyond me. I am rebuilding myself and I want so much for myself. I keep having moments where I am in a funk and it almost feels like I will never be out. I am so happy that I saw this. I can’t thank you enough! ❤ I will subscribe and donate once i am back to work. I have a new job now that will get me out of this toxic neighborhood where I met Mr. Narcissist. 🥂to a new beginning!
It's psychological warfare . It's the worst feeling I ever have had. Now I live in fear / flight mode most days. Everything you spoke of here, so on point what happened to me. The hardest part , I can't get help. Being a man going through this ? Is even harder to get help because of society now and there's really no groups/ agencies to the equivalent to the woman's . It's hard to believe I'm in this spot. I feel so used , broken. Now I'm blamed for her actions ? Nope I'm not doing that. I took Accountability for her actions before and never realized it. The abuse that I got? The doctors treating my CPTSD from my job , a spinal disease that's killing me slowly now for 12 yrs. Now I have Cancer . All from the abuse . My docs all said she was bi polar , manic ...which I found out runs in the family that was kept secret due to the embarrassment of being treated for it. Accountability that's all I wanted in this . Nope. Now I been sitting here , in my home , 2 years now, abandoned by all... I just wanted a family , now? I just want to die in peace.
Sending you love my brother, you are not alone in this feeling, myself and many others are going through very similar situations with very similar women. Stay strong. Sending you love my brother.
You are absolutely correct saying that if you have never been in a relationship with a narcissist, you WILL NOT EVER understand no matter how good you can explain it to someone.
Hello Stephanie, I just tripped across this and you have hit the nail on the head. I am a husband from a narcissist wife of 17 years.. we have now been separated for four months as she just walked out the door when I started recognizing what was happening and ran away. No mention of nothing just left. I am watching your video and everything you're saying fits me to the point that yes I want her back even though I shouldn't want her back. I am at a tough stage at this point and it was also mention that as the narcissist gets older the worse it gets and yes I totally agree I am 60 she is 57 and it is bad The abuse that I have been through I'm expecting a long drawn out battle for separation, and for divorce Thanks again I'll keep watching your videos
I was devalued really quickly several weeks in the dating days, but there were lots of up and downs. The moment I started standing up for myself, my narc-ex had alot of narcissistic rage and would start fights, I ended up being an emotional punching bag. I agree to your point about replaying things but I reply all the negative things that I have happened to me. My separation is still only recent.
I understand exactly where you're coming from. My ex is in jail for physical assault he have a hearing coming up determine his guilt or not. It's been almost 2 months since he was arrested. He is a combination of a sociopath and narcissist combination of a sociopathic narcissist. Almost every day with him was a lie. I was just speaking with my sister last night planning I don't know what hurts the most knowing everything was a lie or having everything as close as it was to my Field of Dreams. What college did he go to jail when I began planning out for myself and he became physically violent. I wish you much luck in your healing and Recovery
@k9fouroneone I'm glad you are at least safe from him now that he's been put in jail. I wish you all the very best with your healing. It's now been exactly a year since I walked away and i find being no contact, where they're not allowed in your home and you control the level of communication you have with them if you share kids much better. I agree with you, though what hurts the most is that everything was a lie because they are master manupilators.
you have helped me so much for over the last year! you made me realized I was in a narcissist marriage! well I found out almost 2 months ago he is a cheater also! that was my bottom line. filed for divorce! in process. it's hard he manipulates me everytime he talks to me! he always hurts our children already! iv bin teaching them all year that his behavior is not right!
Awesome overview of the after affecr of a Narcissistic relationship. Best so far. Very good job. 😁 Just experienced my first Covert Narcissist at age 46. Thankfully, caught on 15 months into marriage and filed. Ill never look back. A crazy and mind bending experience I ever had. Almost broke me. Almost...
This helped me so much!!! Thanks for your words of wisdom and new perspective on what this narcissistic relationship really was. You're right, it is sad, he is so broken. Time to rebuild!
17 years ago my NPD and I finished with one another leaving me suffering PTSD. Thankfully, I had a great doctor and a great counsellor. But it took a long time to come to terms with what happened and a long time to get over the physical ill-health. I still suffer physically to this day. Prior to meeting her I was super fit, very assertive and had a fantastic career. My NPD married a man within 6 months of us finishing - she found a guy with a small farm who was building his own luxury home on it and boasted to me how she managed to steal him away from his then, younger than her, girlfriend. She took enormous pride in doing that. She also told me that he had been previously married but had come home from work one day to find his then wife in bed with another man. I assumed he was a naive sap and tried to warn him. He, of course, ignored me. I would have once done the same thing. It was my counsellor who told me that my ex was probably an NPD. In fact, she had told me - she had been a nurse and told me that she had to quit one hospital after colleagues accused her of having munchausen's traits and how she was banned from administering medication by herself. Of course, at the time she told me this I believed her story - she told me that the "fat nurses were jealous of her" - and I dutifully played the white knight in shining armour. I offered to pay for a lawyer to sue the hospital but she declined that. She had a fantastic figure and, for the NPD record, was incredible in bed. In the years after she found someone else I discovered that she, as someone described it to me, "had left a trail of ill and dead men behind her". Complete strangers would approach me and tell me shocking stories about what she had done to the men in their families or to male friends. When I look back on those times it is as if I am looking through a fog and cannot believe all the things that happened actually took place. It is like a dream. I think this is the mind protecting itself. But 17 years later she is still with the man she married 6 months after we finished. I must admit that this makes me question whether she was truly NPD. She married well - the money and the lifestyle will have been hugely attractive to her. Numerous people told me that her new marrage would never last. 17 years and counting. I read and watch videos where people say that NPD women cannot stay in longterm marriages. It seems some do.
Just take into account there are people that have been married to narcissists for 25+ years and finally they divorce at some point. Something I heard this week is THE AMOUNT OF TIME IS NOT PROOF IN ANY WAY, OF THE AMOUNT OF LOVE. Most likely the other person, your exes current partner, is hanging on to the illusion and the fake person she was in the beginning. Maybe he’s so codependent he can’t let her go despite all of the terrible behavior and problematic personality she has, and she’s very comfortable with his money so doesn’t feel the need to leave. Just a thought.
The covert malignant narcissist I was involved in a business (not personal in any way) relationship with was married for almost 40 years, when his wife died. I strongly suspect he had been slowly poisoning her both mentally and physically over a very long period of time as she was diagnosed with suspected (some anomalies in the diagnosis) early onset Alzheimer’s in her 50’s. I very strongly suspect based on all of his “business travel” he was having continuous affairs and prostitution encounters as well. Not sure the poor wife ever caught on. He moved her to a nursing home and she died in her early 60’s. Never underestimate how diabolical these people are.
Stayed with my NPD for over 40 years, you stay because you haven't resolved your own issues, you stay because you don't understand what's wrong, you try to fix it, blaming yourself, you stay for the family then the kids then you think there's no way out or nothing's Better and your just too old.
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
💯 Until you have endured a relationship with someone with NPD, you cannot fathom it. It’s not a person who is ‘narcissistic’. I mean full narcissistic personality disorder. Suddenly you realize it was all a con, an act, someone pretending to be someone they weren’t deliberately to lure you in and trap you, then start abusing you in ways you never could have foreseen. It’s mourning someone who never existed. It is really crazy.
Yeah it's hard to describe to people unless you have experienced it. Shocking to say the least .
Absolutely bang on!
5 years after the narcissist and I'm still trying to heal. I crave peace so much right now. 😭
@@moody_mochi_cat I’m really struggling right now also! We got this! I really recommend meditation as it resets the brain and overthinking! And remember your a good, loving empathetic person that’s the most common victims of narcissistic abuse! Don’t let it control the rest of your life girl!
Exactly what I am going through right now! Thanks for your comments.
"What just happened?" I said that to myself EVERYDAY when I was in this toxic relationship. If I'm honest, the red flags were there from the first minute and my instincts were spot on. I just ignored them. Mourning this fake person is THE hardest part. It was all a lie from minute one. It's almost impossible to wrap my mind around.
What kind of red flags did you realize in hind sight?
"Realizing that you were in love with a character not a real person." That statement just devastated me...
The same back.... They are expecting an illusion from you... If not, I don't know
It's devastin but for me I always knew she was a little off. My disbelief comes from acknowledging that a person like this really exists. Eight years of abuse: physical, emotional, and financial.
I am at the point where I don’t know anything about anything anymore. I literally question EVERYTHING in life. It’s so hard for me to trust anyone’s emotions, let alone my OWN. Horrible feeling questioning what is even real and finding everything confusing.
Thank you for sharing, I feel the same way. I wish you healing and peace.
Offer your suffering to Our Lord Jesus, and let Him comfort and soothe you!
I know exactly what you mean.
I feel the same way can I trust anyone else. It's a hard path to go through
Same heye
I listened to the book of Proverbs from the Bible for 6 months at work (I clean homes) after leaving my narrsistic husband. I got healing through that. Proverbs is a great tool to discern healthy horizontal relationships.
Psalms is healing mee
🙏🏼
Bible is my world , and o think God is guiding me to this videos to be able to understand more and even that I'm hurting now , I will be ok. God is my light, my hope ,my strength.
Thank you
You do a hard job. My mother cleans homes too and I respect her so much. She's had the same clients for over 23 years now and they're sad knowing that she's soon retiring. You're an important person ❤
I think there is another component. I believe that we natively believe that every soul is redeemable. When we are faced with leaving a Narc, we have to allow the possibility that this isn't true into our psyche. Also, if we felt deeply connected to someone who didn't feel the same way, then it opens up the question to the nature of this "connection". When we leave a narc, we have to face the abyss and realize the world is a much darker place than we ever imagined. It's not really about this one individual. It's kind of about the very nature of reality.
Yes. Jordan peterson talks about this beautifully. How your world and reality shatter when you're faced with malice for the first time
This is why it's so hard to move forward. You have nailed it. It's not just about the specific person, it's about what it means for your perception of reality. You really are forced to accept a new world if you ever want to heal. You'll never be the same but hopefully you'll have a pulse and and can take a step towards healing every day.
Yes very well said
Yes i knew a narcissistic person and she would make me do her chores and always got me in trouble and she always asked for help but I didn't ask her anything in return and she would ruin my friendships too and finally I avoided her and she made an emotional episode and i didn't give into her then she came begging to me I didn't even look at her then years after she had messaged me asking for help and i knew she wanted to put me in trouble so I just said I'll help her and straight up blocked her that's the first time I realised she can't ever be changed . They always puts on an act but i don't think they can feel emotions .
Agree💯
This should be something that children learn in school. Not only what narcism is, but also where codependency comes from and what red flags means ❤
Agreed
I agree. I teach my children this myself.
A class in psychology in 3rd grade and through high school, just to help understand life
I think this is a personality disorder that should be looked into especially in child custody cases because being a victim of narcissist abuse is very damaging to a child's overall health because how toxic narcissist's behavior can be
Something that would actually be beneficial unlike trig or geometry
I'm not a overly public emotional guy...I'm tearing up just watching this because she is spot on and just I'm starting to get out of an narcissistic abusive relationship I can relate to her words with every ounce of my being. Sad, but enlightened
Educate yourself on cluster b
I hope you are healing.
You’re not alone brother, we got this.
You are definitely not alone. I just got discarded in a way that left me feeling worst than I ever did. My reactive abuse, when I just couldn’t take it anymore was turned around on me. It sucks when you know what you put up with and endured and they’ve gaslighted even their damn dog to make you seem like you were the problem.
Same Here ! Move forward . Seeing others with our struggles is helpful . You are not alone !
You have really hit the nail on the head in this video. I remember the moment, after nearly 20 years of marriage, that I understood that there was never love there. That we were never building a life together. And that he really hated me for trying to make it work, mostly for our three children. I felt the emptiness and his hatred. I truly believe this is spiritual in nature, demonic, as nothing else explains how millions around the world do all these specific things.
Same here 3 kids later and not to mention 43 years later!! I commend you for cutting in half by 50% of your life! Yes YOUR life.
All best, good for you move on!
Tgarcia
4 boys 20 years later...she ice cold let me go
4 kids, 19 years. He kept saying he wanted to change and I kept believing him and now my children are collateral damage.
24 years for me and she didn't care always competition. And she teased me for not hooking up like her. Just sick and lost souls to the enemy. I hope you don't blame urself. Keep healing get therapy and love nature urself.
I agree! When I finally realized what was going on, I felt the sheer evil...
I totally agree with you. I remember when we first started dating, I was so insecure, unsure about where I was going in life, clueless. He swept me off my feet, I thought, “this is it”. With time I got sheltered from my family and friends, I didn’t have any energy because he drained everything from me. I was working almost every day for his business (which I built from the ground up) for $100 a month, and I was still not enough to him. I got drained financially, emotionally, and mentally. I left 6 months ago and have been picking up the pieces of myself ever since. It takes time but it’s truly the best decision I ever made.
He would tell me, “thanks for helping me with my business, I wouldn’t be here without you”, “we’re a team”, then the next day would say about MY business “your business doesn’t pay the bills” or “I put the roof over our heads”.
Wow
Omg I helped him with this business from the ground up. I never asked for a dime. I have a full time job and still helped him with his business during the day, evening, and weekends. He still was super hypercritical of me. I couldn’t take it. There was always something I needed to fix for him… 😢 I miss him dearly…
@@juliethlazo5207 ...thats normal to miss him, if u were with hom for even just one year! 😢
@@juliethlazo5207 why do you think you miss him so much even though he treated you poorly?
I suffered narcissistic abuse for 5 years and having a hard time forgiving myself for being in it for that long!
I’ve been married for 27 years to a spouse on the autism spectrum with narcissistic behavior
Girl I was to😢 it’s been 6 years since, and I’m still having a difficult time letting people get close to me let alone dating.
@@tierax8992 You need to find healing within yourself and do the inner work so you know and trust their are good people out there ❤
@@narcawareness_coach thanks for assuming I haven’t after going through three counselors, tons and tons of research, and now about to have my bachelors in march. I have no family I can trust, and three daughters so dating is peculiar right now. I’m building myself, my confidence, and my foundation right now. But thanks for the assumptions that I’m not doin the work to heal to understand not everyone’s bad. That’s not ny issue. My issue is the only people that were supposed to care for me and my kids like their dad, and my mom and dad, don’t. That’s my issue. I’m trying to move on from the acceptance that I was born into a bunch of dysfunction and me and my three children suffer because of it. Not for too much longer!
@@tierax8992 my comment was to support you not to upset you because of an assumption. You mentioned dating in your first comment hence my comment. Love and light ❤️
Once you realize a lot of interactions were just projections of that person’s insecurities, it hurts alittle bit less. To realize that they attack themselves when it seems like they are attacking you, that’s a powerful protector of your own self esteem.
Agree 100%
Being in a relationship with this type of person is almost self invalidating. It’s like we were in love with a “character” as you say and they weren’t capable of reciprocating mature adult love. We fell in love with an imposter so to speak and to realize they didn’t/ couldn’t really love us for who we are/were feels so invalidating. Like I want to invalidate my own love for who they were, yet I know I truly loved this person esp in the beginning of the relationship. I feel like I want to mourn the loss…but then I question myself..what “loss”? As there really wasn’t anything there to begin with.
Enlightening yet very sad and difficult to process.
Exactly!
Your words ring so damn true! I'm going through this exact scenario at the moment. Getting a divorce after 11 years. Looking forward to moving on and finding myself again while simultaneously mourning the loss of a person who never existed. It's like the ultimate mind fuck as they exit your life. Unreal.
Can anyone speak on this: I've recently been discarded (after 28 years of marriage) and while still loving him (in spite of everything) I am trying to figure out if I love the person I [briefly] saw underneath all of the controlling, narcissistic personality, abuse, etc., or if I have always loved the "mask"? It's frightening to think of this. Am I trauma bonded or just addicted to him? I feel I can never love again and no one can fill his shoes. The thought of being with another man is repulsive to me at this point. I don't know what to think. This video has really helped me though.
@@cynthiaihej9913 you weren't discarded, you were set free. This man never valued you, and therefore you never saw your own value. You're in love with a person who never existed. And you're grieving the loss of a relationship that was based on falsehood. But really, you lost nothing so love yourself, take care of yourself. Relish your freedom and everything else will fall into place. I'm going through the same as you. You've got this. You can fly now. You're a caged bird free to fly away.
@@cynthiaihej9913 psychological and emotional abuse is very real. Giving yourself credit for being a good person has helped me. Also allowing myself to grieve has helped.
40 years Stephanie. You can't make this stuff up. Discarded like a piece of garbage. Being unemotional during a divorce from someone who Discarded you is very tough. especially when you find out the person wasn't real. Thank you Stephanie for all that you do to get us through ❤
That was my life 30 years
@@roslynadams1906 so sad
I'm so sorry, I hope you are in a better place now.
@@user-ce6dp4mi7v getting better every day. Ty
I had almost 7 years.
Man, 40 years, she completely destroyed your life, living an illusion is worst.
I wish you happiness, good luck
I have been grieving so many fake narcisistic relationships I have had until recently in my life and the whole process is extremely painful. I have been left with no family, no friends, no business relationships, just all alone. Thank God I have online support from fellow survivers and God above otherwise I do not know how I would have survived on my healing journey. Thank you so much for your help and support I get from your own experience and willingness to help other victims of narcisistic abuse. God bless you.
Yes and God will never leave you! I'm thankful for this online survivor community as well
Hold on. The Trauma is Horrific.
The Abuses imposed upon us is chronic. Harmful to our Minds, Body and Spirit. They don't just steal our Minds and Air, They tournament our Souls in this Living Body we have to maintain in order to Survive, Love and Work.
All Abuses, regardless of relationship need to be Documented!
Pray.
Spiritual Prayer.
For Protection.
PS
IT HAS ALOT TO DO WITH YOU! Because YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING IN CIRCLES WITHOUT LEGAL PROVISIONS.
DON'T LISTEN TO THIS WOMAN BECAUSE IT WILL MAKES YOU ACCEPT THE ABUSES BY THOSE SATANIC "NARCISSIST/SATANISTS"
THOSE Abused Will BE COMPENSATED AND THE PURPETRATORS WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES.
SHE KEEPS BLAMING YOU AND ME FOR CONFUSION
👑
Going through thesame thing after 4 years of giving to narcissist that totally gutted me and ghosted me for new guys online when I said I had enough of the mindgames and playing me around for years thought it would make her realise things but intstead broke my heart with new guys in thesame week. 😔💔. One week in and struggling know how you feal so if you need someone to talk to feal free to, hope you are doing allright. Also follow Andrew on narc's he's a lifesaver, highly revommend his channel.
There’s so much loss especially when you lose who you thought were friends there’s no emotional support yes, you are all alone it’s mind boggling.
Learn to set boundaries and respect yourself, that will repel NPD.
I’m crying as I listen to this. I’ve been binging these videos for a while now and they’ve helped me SO much. More than I could ever explain. I’m at the beginning of rebuilding myself and will most likely be going through a divorce shortly. I don’t know where I’d be without these videos. Thank you ♥️
Don't cry darling rejoice because the Lord is behind you and it's not about religion this is a a big change happening right now. Empower yourself darling remember this was about you this attack was directed toward you and yes you will be the same and even better trust me don't listen to these satanic lackeys that put out these videos I know a lot more than you know
Hello I’m reading the comments and seeing you wrote this 4 months ago, I’m wondering how you are feeling now on your life… I was with my soon to be ex 23 plus years, he discarded me in May of this year it has been really hard to deal with, I went no contact for over a month with intentions to stay that way but got hoovered and started having conversations with him here and there and I would regret it cause how could I be so kind to someone who caused me and my family so much harm in the discard… I’m ready for this to be over and to really move on, I’ve gone back no contact and want it to stay that way
Stay strong!! You’re not alone!
I’ve been healing for the last 5-6 months now and I couldn’t understand why I was stuck in this rut of ruminating on what happened and on this person who is so clearly unhealthy. What I realized the other day is that I had shame for what happened. I felt that there was more I could have done to prevent the end of our relationship and that it was somehow my fault for the relationship going from fantastic to slowly going downhill. Now that I realized that’s what’s going on, I’ve been able to challenge it. I still have work to do but I’m feeling better. Self-awareness is key in recovering from these types of relationships
Yes I understand completely
I feel the same way. It's been the same amount of time for me too. Ruminating has been the most difficult. Thanks for sharing your realizations. It's hard to accept that I allowed this behavior and person to continue to stay in my life. So many mood swings, fits of rage, control, manipulation, disappearing acts that turns out his kids were right, just episodes of cheating. All denied by him. Not to mention the abusing of my kindness, my money, my time. I always felt sorry for him and he played the victim card very well. On top of all that he is an addict: sex, drugs, alcohol, Marijuana, cocaine, power, money, etc. I eventually got sick physically and felt like I was losing my sanity. That was the end for me. I couldn't put my health in danger anymore. I pray we all can overcome this and that no one ever experience this abuse. We are such a broken society.
Duuuude, thank you 💜💜 lightbulb moment, I needed to hear that.
Glad that you guys resonated with this. Since I came to this realization I’ve been doing a lot better. Honestly, I feel much more detached from the relationship that used to be. I’m still thinking about it every day, but it’s more from an understanding of how dysfunctional it was, and just accepting that it was always going to be this way. It takes time, but we’ll get there.
I've worked a long time on getting past the why, and ruminating, at least for now I'm in the resentment and anger stage. And as Stephanie says if you react they feed off that. So true so just trying to put my heart elsewhere.
At the end of the day you must realize it was all a lie and illusion, this is why we all deserve better then some toxic predator, the sooner you throw in the towel the faster you'll heal up, it's a learning experience, but next time you will spot all the red flags and listen to your intuition and not ignore it👍 Stephanie and survivors and thrivers 🙏🦋
🙌
You know the problem is that now we're all standing here giving ourselves reasons to be happy with ourselves after we've been abused and attacked it's the other way around, we are happiness back they got to back off and they got to pay the price. And don't listen to this oh it's not really about you they did it you know no it is about you when you get hurt it's you God bless you all I'm on your side and we're fighting
Yes so true @Gary Cordle. I’m going through pain and withdrawal from my ex narc boyfriend- who happens to live right next door to me. When we were officially together- and the place behind him became available to rent- we were so excited at that time bc it was so convenient. We broke up last year but we have been acting like we’re still together for 8 mos. 9 days ago I said I can not do this anymore. And it hurts so bad. Grieving the man he portrayed to be. He said I was his dream come true. He would never ever give up on us.
Well said. It's amazing how clear the red flags are in others once you've been through the spin cycle of narc deception, and have come out the other side; it's one of the silver linings to all of the pain and confusion.
I love the part around 4.20 - 4.30. it's so life changing to live a lie and love someone who isn't there. You really don't know until you've been there 💜
You LOVE THAT PART? SICK.
WHO WOULD SAY THAT?
NOT MY CREATOR.
NO.
THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR AND COLLUSION IS IN THE DISCOVERY.
YOU LOVE THAT PART?❤️👍
My mother has said this about her spouse that’s she’s been with for 40+ years. She said she feels like she’s living a lie. He has abused her so much throughout the years that she just cannot bring herself to leave. She has allowed him to make her believe that she needs him and he’s also told her he would make it hell for her if she leaves and that she would get none of his money. So sad.
@whistleof therespectfully2023
Nothing was more frustrating than dealing with a marriage counselor who thought "we just need to learn some communication skills".
"A narcissist can lie better than you can tell the truth"
@@TheJoshGalt our "couples counselor" refused to believe me when I revealed 3 years of my research and route cause analysis in a one on one session I asked her to follow my lead and observe the narcs behavior during the next couples session, which went exactly as I had predicted. the next session after that, she canceled the rest of our program and referred me privately to a narcissistic abuse counselor. Some of them do get it not many though
I’ve been there too. It is very frustrating for the marriage counselor to also be duped by the “Covert Narcissist,” and them thinking it was only about learning “communication skills.”
Yes! I can relate. My pastor thought counseling at church would be the answer. However he would just go back to being him at home and someone else at church .
@@TheJoshGalt Damn!!!👏
A good relationship with a narcissist is one where you're not yelling and fighting with one another. And the best part of the relationship is when you're just getting ignored, neglected and accused of insane negative things, disrespected and generally treated like you're the lowest thing on their priority list in the world.
I left and lost so much of my things. My children's toys and everything. I'm renting a room. I Feel emotionally and financially devastated. But I'm here embracing my healing and recovering slowly from the abuse. He became incredibly abusive including physical. Everytime my phone rings I jump and think of him. It's like a jump scare. Sometimes I want to call and cry and tell him how much he hurt me but that was exactly the point. I feel like he won and I lost. But I have my life and my children and I'm surrounded by their love and that's all that counts.
After growing up with narcissists in my close family circle as well as in past relationships, I've been working on healing and have come leaps and bounds on my lifestyle changes as a codependent in recovery over the last 5 plus years. Stephanie is an important reminder and always gives quality advice. This work is something that never ends and I just love her videos. Great work 💗
Over the past four years, I started watching Stephanie's Video's and this one is just another examples bod her fine and "genuine and sincere approach to help US". As a male victim of Narcissistic abuse after 43 years marriage, I'm healing.
Thank you Stephanie 💗 make God continue to Bless you 🙏
@@tonygarcia1497 God bless you! 43 years of abuse says how strong you were in hanging with commitment!
@@tonygarcia1497 omg 43 years of that I thought my 22 years with an adult child showing the same. I’m ha I guess a real hard time letting go it hurts like hell making me question so much. I been thinking of no contact but my therapist says that’s not a good idea with my child. This situation honestly makes me want to end it all. God bless you
"until you go through a relationship with a narcissist, you have no idea what you are dealing with". This is so true! I think even therapists, social workers, family courts.., they don't fully get it. This is such a serious personality disorder! And it's hard to understand you are dealing with pure evil, and have been tricked by it for such or such a period of time".
i am a social worker and are currently on my way to become a therapist. Out of experience I can tell you that a lot of people become therapists because they grew up in a toxic household or had a toxic relationship. Definitely make sure you are looking for a therapist with knowledge in this area, it makes such a huge difference.
@@liamariavoelker4162 Yes it seems very important that the social worker/ therapist has personal experience with this. It is also important to educate this group more on narcissism etc.
I finally understand that he took complete advantage of my vulnerability a that time and he made me dependent on him. And when we needed it he acted like a victim. Meanwhile he was cheating and lying the entire time. It messed with my head so much. I’m planning on signing up for therapy to gain back the person I was
It hurt so much .I want to be the person I was before
@@electricred91 I understand completely. It takes time and work but you will be that person again but even more so, better, stronger, wiser, a great lover of yourself.
Sounds like me. I actually got to the point where I started questioning my own sanity. Did I say that? Did I do that? And the whole time ur struggling and suffering,trying to figure out what you did wrong and how u can fix it, it's a game to them. A damn distraction so they can keep deceiving you. Even at the expense of your mental health and they know it and really don't give a shit
I was the same, he even convinced me I should be on antidepressants and that I needed councelling, yes I did but it was because of him and not because I was crazy 😢
I have been in therapy for 10 months . It has helped me ALOT!! Good luck
“A part of you wants them to come back even tho you know there a not good for you” I’ve always said Trauma bond is the most difficult part of the narcissistic relationship
I pray for you to cut the soul tie! Prayer and repentance helped me!
@@JenniferAlmaguer Glory be to God 🙏
@@JenniferAlmaguer it’s been a year since then. I’ve grown a lot. She contacted me a couple times after it ended. Pretending to be other people. I let it all go. The rage the pain the anger the hate. Let it all go. I’m in a happy relationship now. Godbless
@@Flips44 hallelujah. Praise the lord! Please pray for me. I just started my journey. It’s been one month and I feel like I’m dying inside. I hope to find a healthy person one day too like you! You give me hope!
@@JenniferAlmaguer These videos will definitely help. They helped me a lot. But a couple things I’ll add. It takes time, healing those wounds takes months and months at least for me it did. It took me a whole year.
God will bring someone in your life. When it’s the right time. If you are heartbroken currently it isn’t the right time YET so trust Gods timing & that this is a blessing in disguise. God has something better for you. I recommend to stay away from any dating sites or dating or sex period. Take some time to be alone and detox your brain. Even drinking smoking partying. Stay away. Heal, work on your boundaries. Learn from this. Really reflect. And most important let it go. Since it’s pretty fresh wound it’s probably on your mind constantly. And that’s normal. But that cut or wound will heal and turn into a scar. And you will become stronger and wiser 💯💯
Here's the part I can't identify with. I never, ever felt less than. I was extremely secure with myself, by myself. I feel like that's victim blaming. Definitely not the first time I've heard this. I feel he came after me to destroy the wholeness and confidence he saw in me. It's my fault I tried to share this with him not knowing he was incapable of being whole. Now I'm depleted having given so much energy trying to help. That is my fault
Same!
They want to absorb our positive qualities without having to do the work. They put us down cuz they falsely believe it builds themselves up and to not face their issues ,fears,insecurities. It's a false reality and ego controls them.
He wanted to learn more what it looked like to actually be confident so that he could imitate it after his chapter with you.
@@sheberry8597they definitely mirror all your good qualities and knowledge to other people very well. Mine kept saying throughout our relationship and after I broke it off, that he has learned so much from me.. I bet he has.. I upped his narcistic relationship games probably, just by showing him how it should be done.. He is now hoovering me, reverse hoovering me, devaluing me even we are not together and trying to convince me basically it was my fault it didn't work and he now has fear of commitment, but only towards me, offered his friendship, so if ever, I hope not, he meets someone willing to engage with him in a relationship, he could than very hardly rub it in my face and show me everything he learned from me being given to the new supply.. I won't let it come to that. Went for the 2nd time for a final discard and no contact, just being friends, 1,5 months ago and was healing again and sure enough a hoover came after 3 weeks to destroy my peace. I gave him a very short, Grey rock answer and from then on he started ghosting me.. It's just so typical. He doesn't know it yet, but I'm very ready to leave him for good and go a 100% no contact regime. He won't be able to reach me or find me.. Have a "nice life" narcy narc!
Same
Regaining your power after a toxic relationship is the biggest part of healing, especially since we’ve gotten so used to being controlled. Be kind to yourself and take it day by day, so you can begin to feel more powerful and confident in yourself again.
💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Narcs play the perfect gentleman until you are emotionally involved or married or have kids or are dependent on them, then their true self comes out 💖 they aren't to love you, but they are just using you
oh my god. you nailed it. the first person i’ve heard verbalize how someone just wasn’t there nor even capable of love/deep connection. that feeling of having been in a relationship with a shell, a caricature
I’m sitting here after 32 years of marriage to a narc, and you’re absolutely right Stephanie, at 21 years old I never knew. The love bombing, gaslighting, psychological abuse, emotional abuse,abandonment, manipulation, public humiliation…YOU NAME IT, I GOT IT…including his “happy news” that he met a 36 year old gold digger and has been in transactionship for 2 years!!!! Well, as soon as their secret got out, of course their affair crumbled, his cancer spread and he came back for me to take care of him until the end. I spent those 5 months, in between him “coming clean” with the whore of Havasu miss Amanda, and coming back in shock, pain, agony. Not sleeping, not eating, panic attacks,broken teeth from clenching really being sick to my stomach realizing the one person I trusted could do this. Well, I did what I had to do, showed him compassion and let him make amends for the sake of my grown children (also sick about his good news…). Let me say after all this, I AM HERE!!!!! I HELPED MYSELF!!!!! IM MAKING A NEW LIFE!!!! It’s all possible when you free yourself and heal yourself. Thanks for letting me vent here 🙏
You have an admirable perspective on what would have devastated and destroyed many people. I am happy to hear that after all that trauma you've been able to make a new life, and you sound excited about it. My therapist subtly told me to leave, I had almost no money, but as a 45 year old woman I was willing to live with my mother if that was my only option.
God bless you for showing true Christian love by nursing your husband till his death. you wear a crown, girl.
“How do you rebuild and have something 10x better than you even thought you could have?”
I’m in tears! I just went no contact with my parents this week, and it’s been SO hard accepting these realities. Thank you for giving me HOPE and for giving me food for thought.
I instantly wept listening to this. The heartbreak feels unbearable. To realize that it was never real after all that I’ve endured. I’m not a perfect person but I never deserved this. 😢
I hope you are doing better since this. You are not alone, many of us out here are feeling the same. Take care
Another powerful video. The part that totally broke me "All those years, those happy moments, and holidays where you were so happy and content, they weren't feeling the same way."
Everything she explains about how you feel in the aftermath is spot on. ‘Having to accept that everything you did together, alllll the happy memories u created together.. were in reality, just fake and literally meant NOTHING to the other person’.. 👍👌
When you are finally ready to leave someone with NPD, it feels like you’re waking up. It’s crazy and once you are fully awake it’s almost impossible to go back.
Every morning I THANK GOD for rescuing from that relationship!!! And I 🙏 pray today is NOT the day they return.
Thank you so much for this. My ex husband was my first real love, we have a child together, and he is narcissistic and the biggest bully I’ve ever encountered. It has been an absolute nightmare trying to coparent with him. He will do things that seem “nice” or make it seem like he’s coming around or changing and there’s always some kind of manipulation behind it that comes out later. Recognizing that he won’t change and it’s all about how I respond to him has been terrifying but also empowering. I no longer call myself a victim and instead I can feel sorry for him. He’s missing out on a great person (me), but also a beautiful life with healthy relationships. I can only hope he gets help someday.
I left when my youngest went off to school. By this time I knew exactly what I was dealing with so it made it easier. When I initially left, I didn’t know how to deal with the craziness that ensued so I went back. 😐. I’ve been gone going on three years and now I am rebuilding my life. I feel so much lighter.
To rebuild your self-esteem that was totally taken away from you surround yourself with positive people, people that bring you up in time you will get it back you just need to stay positive and focus on the good that’s going on in your life.
this is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. wow
I am in the second year of my court battle with my narc ex-husband (who is also an alcoholic and drug addict). I am going into a very deep hole of debt, but I will fight until my very last breath to keep my daughter's safe. Your videos constantly encourage me and give me hope. Thank you, Stephanie.
Was he an alcoholic addict before you met him?
That sounds awful. May God bless you. Don’t worry, the money will come back double in the least expected way. I promise 🌸!
This is spot on, This is literally how I felt. His energy felt dark, it felt something that was scary. He didn’t even look the same to me anymore. He became aggressive one night and that was the day I put him out.
Our home together became a cemetery to me. I couldn’t even live in my home anymore, so much so I ended up having a nervous breakdown.
I Stopped taking care of myself and almost my little one. His familial life before me was already toxic, I only know that because Ive experienced the darkness in that home myself, that almost ruined me when I stayed there. Thank God for family, friends, and my 4 year old because I don’t think I’d be here. He discarded me like nothing. Blocked me to pursue his friend. I tried to fix our situation. With therapy and family, nothing worked. I’m only now being able to sleep on my own again, while picking up the pieces.
He blocked me and told me when our child wants to see him I have to figure it out 🤦🏽♀️
I never thought he had NPD until I learned in school, when people around me noticed , after I had our daughter, and now in this situation. Scary.
The crap that killed me is that i was blamed for everything.
The gaslighting was so intense….
I know, deep down, my soul intent was to love her.
Yet, somehow i was the “bad one”.
God, it destroyed me.
To be called bad for just wanting to love someone.
It killed me
👆👆👆👆
The user pointed above she’s a life saver. I’ve been married to a narcissist for more than 16 years anytime I want to live he acts like he has changed but every time things get worst until 24 years of marriage I couldn’t live because I do much loved him 😢. I started looking for a solution then I met GODDESS SEELAH which told me to not give up on him with her help now my narcissistic husband is like a baby 😊 . Are you suffering from it?? Are you dating a narcissist?? Check out the user above she will help you. ✅..It can be cured💯
Been there bro
Thank you for this video! You've stated everything so perfectly. I never wanted to admit that my relationship wasn't real (even though I've known it deep down for years). My abuser was just a character playing a part. The hardest part for me now is that I still want to let them off the hook - I'm in denial about the severity. I feel so brainwashed, but so grateful to be out. I wish I wasn't so co-dependent.
We are codependent and I don't think it's a bad thing but finding the healthy people to be dependent with is work.
Agree so much especially last sentence.
I'd almost forgive her for all the abuse.
What am I reading?
Stated "PERFECTLY"
YOU FIND THAT MAKING STATEMENTS THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTIVE TOWARD PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN ABUSED HARSHLY AS STATED PERFECTLY HER STATEMENTS ARE PERFECT ...REALLY?
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE A REAL ONE OR NOT BUT IF YOU'RE REAL AND YOU'RE FROM THE SAME CREATOR I HAVE, REMEMBER THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR AND WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING INCLUDING NAMES BECAUSE THE TIME IS COMING FOR
THE GREAT ACCOUNTABILITY
@@raymondhayden-jamesiii6772 its called TH-cam. Its on the Internet.
It is a personal disorder - and works the same world wide! I am from Sweden and some of your stories sounds like mine.
It's hard sometimes when you are talking about what you've been through..and you realise that the listener does'nt understand. Because the have not experienced the same thing. That is why these channels are sooo important. You/we understand and that is a blessing and gives me comfort and strengh. Thank you. 🙏💕
I am also from Sweden.
What makes it so hard is that most people here have no idea of what we survivors go through.
It's a very lonely road
Thanks a million for your videos Michelle
Don't know where I would be without them.
It's taking me way too long to heal. It is really hard to share what you've gone through. If I try to explain it to somebody that's never been through it I sound like the crazy one. Thank God for these channels. It's the only thing that keeps me from feeling completely isolated from the world.
@@brianreed8271 I found it a bit hard to explain to people because for a very long time I didn't understand what kind of a person I had dealed with. With No experience of this disorder and behavior.. My mind could not process my experiences. I simply didn't get it! Now, I understand. Don't forget you are not alone feeling crazy! You are not crazy. Hugs from Sweden 🙏
@@annelieekdahl3880 thank you, I had a setback in my recovery today. I really needed to hear that. I hope you're healing journey is going well.
@@brianreed8271 Two people who really helped me understand this disorder - Lee Hammock in Mentalhealness and Ben in Raw motivations. Two self aware narcissists who gives you a very good insight in a narcissistic brain. Very interesting and helpful! Even if it still is hard to understand.. They explain in a good way and brings peace to my mind. Check them out on TH-cam!
In a divorce after 4 yrs. Long story. However, I had no clue he was a porn addicted narcissistic. So yeah....I sit and think:. What just happened? He told me I was his reason to live, can't live without me, my kids give him purpose. We marry and buy a home together, start a life, and it all changed. Very hard to deal with. I go to God and what the Bible says about me. And I know that my ex may not have my back, but the Lord does.
I love your content. You are so helpful. You are a life line.
She is spot on. It is the same! I went through all off this. Cognitive dissonance is no joke. Figuring out why I was in that helped me get out of it. It’s a horrible thing to go through but I’m thankful for people like Stephanie who validates our experience and teaches us to grow out of this.
Stephanie validates all she does is reconstruct your pain and then tells you it's not about you, but it was about you because the attack was aimed at you, and now you're you're praising her you don't even know who she is how do you know she's not one of their lackeys I know a lot more than most people know and it's coming out
You just perfectly described what I have just gone through. Even using exact words I have used to describe how I felt. I thought I'd lost my mind at first, having to ask my daughter if she saw what I saw, and if things really happened. As you said, I moved in, and that person who I'd been with for 2 years was just gone. Devastating does not describe it. He still has others fooled in my life which doesn't make it any easier. At 64, I was staying aware, or so I thought, being upfront and honest the whole way. I gave him every opportunity to tell me the truth, and still he lied. I did get him to admit it was all the attention I gave him, he really liked. The person he really is, is dead inside. Emotionless, but a very, very good actor. It's a grief process, grieving the fictitious person that died, yet were never really alive. It really messes with your head. Thank you for this video. Reading the comments I don't feel so alone.
I could have written this
100% SO TRUE!!! Thank you SO MUCH for validating our feelings about this and explaining the real truth about these people.
This is a stunning account of my experience of narcissism. I have listened to hundreds of hours of excellent NPD videos and the accuracy of this exceeds any of them. This moved me. Thank you for being able to put into words so articulately what many of us are experiencing. I have been on the receiving end of friends who I can tell think that I am using the word narcissism simply as a character assassination of the 'narcissist' and think I am trying to explain away what they perceive as a normal breakup, as they simply cannot understand what it means. Your account of having to experience narcissism to understand it is very validating. I am a well educated person who has never encountered this in 40 years until now. No other failed relationship, break up or rejection that I have been through do I consider to be due to narcissism. This break up is a different category altogether. Thank you
It's hard when the abuse started in childhood because it completely alters what a healthy relationship and relationships in general are all about.
It's has been almost year and half and I still go through everything you mentioned. I was the one who decided to end it and I ended up being the "bad one". He completely ignored what he did over 11 years and focused on how I left him. I feel I have so many things left unsaid and he barely recognized how much he hurt me and mistreated me. He recognized liking to hurt me as punishment and I don't understand why I still love him in the bottom of my heart. I believed everything he said and my self esteem hit rock bottom. I feel guilt for projecting this onto his family because I couldn't defend myself from him and didn't understand. It's soo confusing and heartbreaking. I'm pretty happy and accomplished being alone but I have this feeling of never been able to love again like I loved him as he's always on my mind. Oh and he opened dating profiles as soon as our breakup started and he already moved on with a woman that resembles me...making it even more confusing!
My story is very similar in many ways. Mine also harassed me with "youre still my wife" "why dont you give us a chance" "how can you just throw this away " "you abandoned me" WHILE he made dating profiles and made new "friends" right after I finally left. *one of his new "friends" is now his girlfriend which he tries to hide from his kids🙄🤯
The cognitive dissonance is hard. I made a few steps back in my healing once I realized how his new girlfriend resembles me, which he hated and criticized...it makes me feel dumb for believing all the put downs and insults and wanting to change because I wasn't good enough...I expected him to date a woman that looked like the comparisons he used to make...not another me.
I suffered for years wondering why I felt so connected and unable to see why. I better at separating what I like and recognizing the bad. For me I had to go back to my childhood and see the unresolved issues with my dad and the lack of expression I was raised in that I wanted to fix in my love life. This girl I thought would be that. She saw my weaknesses and exploited them to fill her needs. She used my need and love for her to control me. It's very powerful for someone you love to hurt you and see if they can get away with it. They get a trip. Seeing why you love them is the start then you can look elsewhere for it instead of them. They will always use it against you. Best wishes.
Remember
Don't listen to this woman. It is about us. We have been the victims of sustained and ongoing and clannish network abuse. Yes this is about you. Yes this is about me. This is a cover-up double speak they mastered, confusing you and me about what's really going on upstairs...ie. in this video.
Demand to See & Make sure these satanic lackeys don't continue to suck us dry, we must have her credentials.
Girl I'm 2mths out of a narcissistic abusive and physically abusive relationship. It's been horrendous. Thank you so much for this. In my fuxked up head, I'm in the wrong knowing he ruined me for 11 years. You make me feel less guilty for something I didn't even do, love you x
I’m so happy for you Stephanie. That you were able to rebuild your life after suffering from be abused by a narcissist. And I thank God for you and your TH-cam Channel. Your TH-cam Videos have been so encouraging to me. And I have learned a lot about narcissists and the crazy making manipulative mind games and guilt trips that they use to hurt the people who they claim to love. You are an inspiration to me. And to us all. And you have helped me more than you will ever know with your TH-cam Videos. You have given me clarity and insight. And you have given me understanding. Helping me to break free from the mental fog that she had me under. They are crazy makers. And they are emotional manipulators. And they are manipulative and deceitful. This is who they are. And it all boils down to them being selfish and self centered and self absorbed. Thinking only of themselves. And that’s not love. And this is what else I have learned about these narcissists… They love to argue. And they love to fight. And they love picking fights. This is what they love. And they love themselves. So how can they love anyone? When they have no love to give. Self love can be taken to an extreme. And the narcissist is a master manipulator who loves to dominate and manipulate and control another human being. And that’s not love either. I felt trapped. That’s how I felt being trapped in a toxic relationship with a female narcissist. And she trapped me in a loveless marriage for seven years. Ten years of pure hell. It was her constant and never ending bitching and complaining that drove me away from her. And it was her constant and never ending blaming and accusing that destroyed our marriage. She enjoyed antagonizing me and provoking me over and over and over again with her hateful, spiteful, hurtful words. And she enjoyed breaking my heart with her vicious name calling and insults and threats. Until after ten years of her abusing me mentally and emotionally and physically and financially. That I finally reached my breaking point and had no other choice but to walk out on her and divorce her and shut her out of my life forever. In order to keep my sanity. And now after 38 years of being divorced from this woman. I am finally getting to understand that she was the one who destroyed our marriage. And with all of her blaming and accusing… It wasn’t me who destroyed our marriage. She did it deliberately. And she did it intentionally. And that’s because she wanted to play the victim. While making me out to be the abuser. And they have a name for that. It’s called blame shifting. And that’s crazy making. Blaming me for cheating on her. When she was the one who was cheating on me. Accusing me of saying things that I never said to her. And accusing me of doing things that I never did. The very things that she was doing to me. And again that’s not love. That’s blame shifting. And that’s crazy making. And one thing that I have learned is this… That narcissist are CRAZY MAKERS. And if you stay with them long enough they will drive you crazy. This woman drove me to have a nervous breakdown after I walked out on her and divorced her. I now know that what I was suffering from was PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Caused by her and by the horrible way that she used me and verbally abused me and mistreated me. Mind Games and Guilt Trips is all I ever got from her. And that’s not love. And that’s not love to me. So thank you Stephanie for sharing your story. And my story was so horrific that it’s only by the Grace of GOD that I’m still alive today. And all of my strength comes from the Lord. Thank You FATHER GOD. For Saving me. And Thank You Jesus for Healing me from this woman. And I Love You LORD, with all my heart. GOD IS GOOD! And Jesus Is Lord! Peace be with you always Stephanie. And God Bless you for all of the people that you have helped and who you’re helping to heal from narcissistic abuse. Be blessed. And have a great life. You deserve it after what you’ve been through. And Thank You Lord for keeping me from committing suicide. I am truly grateful that You Love me LORD. And that you Loved me enough to Heal me for what this woman did to me to break my heart. 🙏✝️❤️➡️➡️➡️🚫👎💔
Wow,,,,, I am a woman and went thru so much similarity and now I’m also thankful that I saved myself for years from any diseases. I had to be humble as always and yet deeply crushed and let Almighty God take care of divine justice and console me and yes I was rock bottom and yet with A
Gods help I put Wenceslao in making correct choice to this horrific ordeal ! I am worth am beautiful inside out and there was never nothing wrong with me in the first place !
My encouragement to anyone still in the process of breaking free. It is incredibly difficult.
Thank you so much for this. This is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. I cried for literally everyday for the last few months. I felt so used, gullible and so betrayed. I kept blaming myself for letting them gaslight me, and just use me. I was really stuck in replaying every "loving" memory and just breaking down because all those moments in my mind were just never real. But when you said those moments were real to me, has made my thought process about those moments' completely change. I was being genuine, I was
truly happy and in love in the moment, so now instead of falling apart and thinking about those moments negativiy, I am thinking about them positively. I know I am a genually loving, caring. I know I can love someone unconditionally. So thank you so so much for that. Yes, i am still greaving and cry from time to time but you have helped heal one of the many pieces that were shattered by that person.♥ ♥
This was me for a while.... despite the fact that such a person doesn't exist it doesn't mean what you felt wasn't real. It may be a blessing in disguise knowing that you are more than likely to find peace without them and within yourself
I know it's not an easy task not to over go the whys and what if, how come. Please count yourself luck to have survived and gaining your freedom. I know it's not easy, but try to look forward to your newfound freedom without the abuser. Mine was a wolf in sheep's clothing. The love bombing, little by little, destroying myself confidence with their cheating (they would purposely cheat on me with people of different ethnicity), disrespectful behavior, humiliation, dishonesty. They would tell me their friends call me names to their face (and of course, they put up zero defense), allowing their ex to bully me, and they would take their ex's side. They were just toxic but would act like an innocent person.
I know the hurt you're speaking of. Count yourself worthy of love and look forward to all the good that the future holds for you.
OMG yes someone who understands, I though I was crazy for wanting my Narc back after all the crap he’s done to hurt me. Thank God I pushed through those feelings and remained in no-contact
Hi how are you recovering?
I'm going thru this now.
Thank you for validating what leaving a narc is truly like . It’s baby steps especially when you have a child with the person. I’m going to share this with my family as they just don’t get it .
I flee and clam up when a guy wants to date me. I'm still healing and know that I'm just not ready. I was in a toxic relationship for 25 years, started when I was just 17 years old so there's a lot of scars that are healing therefore just not ready and I'm okay being single at this time in my life. I lost who I was to become from a teenager into adulthood, so I'm working on myself and discovering who I am and what I like to do.
Exactly what I needed today, thank you for all you do. I’m in the middle of divorce from narcissist alcoholic, I’ve learned so much about life and myself, priceless, I know I’ll get through this. So crazy and challenging at times. Recognizing the dysfunction and knowing was true and real. You’ve helped me understand the insanity. I’m so grateful 🙏🏼🌟
I’m so thankful we have no children involved. I sure can imagine though how hard it is knowing how a narcissist manipulates etc. All of you moms and/or dad are in my prayers
I truly believe that at this moment in time I was meant to see your video! I am recovering from being in a narcissist abusive relationship of 17 years and I left him 2 years ago. So yes it has been a tuff road but I’m getting better and I think I met the love of my life so I think I’m on the right path in my life so far. I can’t thank you enough Stephanie for your videos and you just being the person you are ❤️
I listened to you again and was able to hear so much more. Yes I thought "I" was the only one who has been through this mess. And no one would ever understand the way she is. OMG Thank you so much for these videos.
Plenty of us out there Barry. 35 years in. Just learning that I’m not the only one also. Be strong.
You articulated all of my feelings over the past few months after leaving an abusive relationship. This video gave me so much hope. Thank you!
Alot of what you said is right. This narcissistic person was about seeing what he can get and didn't care how he treated ppl. I could never tolerate this behavior for as long as I did. A few months was enough. See the signs and know when to get out! Your emotional well being is far more important then trying to help someone.
Wow.. I just realised I can be so proud of myself. I have survived against a massive beast. And I fought it and got out of it. That’s huge. I have not seen it like that.. Thank you.
The thing that hurts so bad, is we(we’ll probably just me) were so happy and lovey dovey one day, literally set my first boundary because I felt disrespected, and then I got blocked everywhere. Completely discarded. It rattled me to the core because it was so fast and unexpected and I’ve never experienced this before. No closure. I managed to use my work phone to text, and he left that line open. Didn’t block it. Why?
Sometimes I message him through it. Usually once every couple weeks. No response. Just want a hey, we didn’t work out.
I’m starting to realize I won’t get that.
You’re videos are helping. The pain is teaching about inner work, and self parenting. I’m starting to be thankful, but I still miss him.
The initial love was so intense, felt so good. I was head over heels completely invested. I’m sooo glad I felt that though. That’s how I want to feel with a healthy person 😊
That was just the honeymoon phase. Please don’t compare that to future extended relationships
20 yesrs divorced from a NPD .I'm living thru the aftermath still because of how my children were programmed by the ex.
Same here! The PTSD took me down a bad road. Took me 11 years to find my way through the mental and emotional abuse. Now I'm dealing with a son that's not speaking to me because of the crap and lies his father has told him. I never thought I wasntdoing rt by my for not telling him nasty things about his father. Now I feel like ishoukd have defended myself. But then I would have been acting like his hateful father.
@@staceyboreta875 it's Hell on Earth. And does his father spoil your son to no end ? Trips, new cars, money, etc.
Yes of course he does. He made sure my life would be difficult in every way...including hiding money. I walked away with 50k and he's was worth millions at that time. I just ended out. So I'm the no fun Mom. No trips, no expensive gifts etc.
I should say we were worth millions but nothing was ever really mine. He made sure of that. He even threatened me with making it so I never get to see my son. Threatened me into giving him primary. Such a bad situation!
same
You explained this very well…better than anyone else I’ve heard. Realizing that the lovebombing person you once knew was not real. It’s mind blowing.
15:47 - 16:38 💯 this part is so true! Being forced to interact and socialize with your abuser because you have children with them is torturous/traumatic. People who haven’t gone through it just don’t understand that.
Like you say after ending my relationship for 3 years and seeing him Hoover back his previous GF … made me see that there’s where and is she who he wants to be with and everything was just a faking future, lies, now I see him as a monster because everything I went through with both of them they are made for each other … I told him so many times that was not normal… I know I will never have closure because like you say this is another level because they aren’t capable to love, to feel can’t have a connection. Like I told him so many times I defended him from so many people … I gave him the power but I did realized I lost my self now I am rebuilding me !! My self confidence, trying to have my peace back 🙌🏻 listing to you is like my story Thank you 🙏🏼
Great, great stuff, Stephanie. I especially like the part where you said, you were in a relationship with a character, NOT a normal person. That is So true. As I detached from the Narcissists in my life, I actually found it a little awkward when dealing with normal people because I was so used to the bizarre behavior from Narcs that I actually had to learn how to deal with actual normal people again. Which as you know, is a whole other topic. It really is a journey back to normal once you move on from the narcs in our lives. Keep up the AMAZING work you do. I and others really need you. God bless.
The level of detail you go into on this is so appreciated. It's helping me process some of the really deep shock of coming to an understanding of what actually happened between us for 10 years
My narc got bored after 6 months of domestic life and secretly sought novelty or “fresh love” during our 5 years. He left me once he found someone to replace me. It was brutal to accept that his affection was an act, as well he couldn’t feel love for me or my replacement. Loosing my two stepsons was the worst heartache ever.
👆👆👆👆
The user pointed above she’s a life saver. I’ve been married to a narcissist for more than 16 years anytime I want to live he acts like he has changed but every time things get worst until 24 years of marriage I couldn’t live because I do much loved him 😢. I started looking for a solution then I met GODDESS SEELAH which told me to not give up on him with her help now my narcissistic husband is like a baby 😊 . Are you suffering from it?? Are you dating a narcissist?? Check out the user above she will help you. ✅..It can be cured💯
A big issue I had is that once I left is that my family turned on me. I grew up with very unsupportive parents, so maybe I should have expected it. They were quick to blame her alcoholism and emotional/psychological abuse of us (we have children) on my inability to make her happy. It went so far as my parents were secretly meeting with her. I wonder if anyone else experienced this after leaving their toxic/abusive spouse? I think the reason we are co-dependent in the first place is because we come from volatile households and sometimes a breakup with your toxic family has to happen too.
Yes Josh, I went through something similar and have gone no contact with those family members as well
I’m so sorry you have a family like that. You’ve got a good life coming to you once you get past this huge blow. Hang in there and remember there are amazing people on the other side of this - good luck 🙏🏼
You are better off away from your toxic family all the best to you ♡
Yeah that makes it all ten times worse is you are already going through the trauma of divorce and realizing as a man you were abused (although until they ratcheted it up ten fold in the 6 months or so leading up to separation and learning what a narcissist is, you go to your family or friends and they don’t believe you or half believe you and won’t take the time to learn about it so you get no support unlike other people going through hard times and abuse you get victim shamed and people think you’re weak when. They don’t know how much strength it took to hang in so long and trying so hard to make it work and taking all the responsibility on yourself bc the narc had you convinced it was you. All that and then family and friends just drop you and so you go from being a family man and having what you thought was a good social network to only maybe a few close friends and maybe one or so family members if you’re lucky. You go from being confident and happy and driven and creative to like a confused insecure mess. It’s rough and I can see how people kill themselves dealing w this bc nobody teaches you about these people nor teaches you how to be a lone wolf and lick your gaping mortal wounds by yourself in silence and when you’re like that other wolves begin circling. For the ones that make w comeback people don’t know how truly bad ass and indestructible you are. These people need to be stopped with the full force we have to bear and shown mercy at all bc they are the real life villains and are actively undermining all that is good with the world. Those who’ve been through this know I am not exaggerating
Wow. This felt extremely personal to me. You put a flame in my heart right now. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. The ones who have dealt with narcissistic abuse thank you from the bottom of our hearts
It’s been 2 years this month since I got out of a physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive relationship with a narcissist. The craziest part is I never loved him. I felt trapped. He manipulated me into staying through guilt since he knew how empathetic I am. He had a hold on me and I was afraid of his reactions. We would scream and fight for hours on end until I just caved to end the fighting. He used things I confided to him as weapons against me. I lost 30lbs (I’m already fairly small) because of the stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. I would sit in the shower everyday and pray that the relationship would end, or that I’d just fall in love and be happy. Now it’s been 2 years and I have extreme trust issues, I still feel lonely and empty, and I have started reliving some of the worst moments (I think my mind pushed them far away to protect me). I have come so far and have worked on myself so much, and I am in a much better place, but I am still so upset that I still carry this burden. I still have to deal with the trauma that this relationship inflicted on me. Falling in love and trusting someone is one of my biggest dreams, yet one of the hardest things to do because of this. I’m just so tired. I want to be happy and I want to feel whole and complete on my own. I am still so insecure and am working so hard to improve myself. He would put his hands on me when he was drunk and mad. He removed me from the people who loved me the most and got mad at me for doing anything without him. I was an object. He would throw fits when I didn’t want to have sex. For the longest time I didn’t think this relationship warranted the label of “trauma” or “PTSD”. But I’m starting to realize that it was awful and still continues to hurt me. I’m so tired.
Same story but I had a kid w/ him and movies away after the 2 years of abuse ! He hasn’t seen me or my son since but I’m dealing w/ mental issues from the pain he caused me so I cry everyday just wishing I never met him but I love my baby so much that I’m thankful I got him out of it
Hope everything gets better for you cause I know I will never be ok again! I used to be so beautiful now he took everything from me including my confidence & I’m not social anymore I hide in the house all day even tho I moved out of state it’s just crazy how someone can take your identity along w/ yo yo heart
God is not finished with us🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
thank you for your video. i'm in a divorce after 25 years of marriage with a narcissistic person you can imagine what i'm going through. I have to rebuild myself there is no other choice, it's either to live or die !! and definetly i choose to live and live happily this time !
I'm so shocked at how so spot on you are with the feelings after the abuse. Especially feeling like these 5+ years were never real. That hit close to home!
💯agree… I am narc free and recovering from the years of suffering from the narcissistic abuse and from the flying monkeys who made it even worse with their words and actions. I was alienated and mentally abused for the last year but now I’m back in control of my life again and raising awareness thanks to the people like you who are raising awareness for the masses 🙏🏽 Thank you for being another voice to raise awareness for this epidemic that is going on for many years unnoticed unfortunately.
She's correct. When I'm out of here, I'm gonna have to go to more counseling. "Thank you very much, I appreciate it." But their EVIL WILL BE FULLY EXPOSED and that will be worth it.
Stephanie, thank you very much! 🙏🏻When you talked about the memories of all the beautiful moments of life together, photos from those times when you thought you were happy ... Then everything crumbles to dust. A huge pain, I didn't know what to do with... It's so relieving when you said to accept what WE felt, that was real. It was true when I felt happy. As well, when I didn’t have the emotional support, the compassion, that he didn’t care how I felt. That he wanted me to feel the same way he did! That I was right when I saw somehow empty eyes. Without ... without ... yes. Without love.
Delete all the photos of your time together......it's cleansing all the toxicity
I am so sooo grateful that I found this video! The hurt can feel so beyond me. I am rebuilding myself and I want so much for myself. I keep having moments where I am in a funk and it almost feels like I will never be out. I am so happy that I saw this. I can’t thank you enough! ❤ I will subscribe and donate once i am back to work. I have a new job now that will get me out of this toxic neighborhood where I met Mr. Narcissist. 🥂to a new beginning!
It's psychological warfare .
It's the worst feeling I ever have had.
Now I live in fear / flight mode most days.
Everything you spoke of here, so on point what happened to me.
The hardest part , I can't get help.
Being a man going through this ?
Is even harder to get help because of society now and there's really no groups/ agencies to the equivalent to the woman's .
It's hard to believe I'm in this spot.
I feel so used , broken.
Now I'm blamed for her actions ?
Nope I'm not doing that.
I took Accountability for her actions before and never realized it.
The abuse that I got? The doctors treating my CPTSD from my job , a spinal disease that's killing me slowly now for 12 yrs.
Now I have Cancer .
All from the abuse .
My docs all said she was bi polar , manic ...which I found out runs in the family that was kept secret due to the embarrassment of being treated for it.
Accountability that's all I wanted in this .
Nope.
Now I been sitting here , in my home , 2 years now, abandoned by all...
I just wanted a family , now?
I just want to die in peace.
Sending you love my brother, you are not alone in this feeling, myself and many others are going through very similar situations with very similar women. Stay strong. Sending you love my brother.
You are absolutely correct saying that if you have never been in a relationship with a narcissist, you WILL NOT EVER understand no matter how good you can explain it to someone.
This is the sage advice I needed. Thank you for getting what I'm going through & helping me stand on my own two feet.
Hello Stephanie, I just tripped across this and you have hit the nail on the head. I am a husband from a narcissist wife of 17 years.. we have now been separated for four months as she just walked out the door when I started recognizing what was happening and ran away. No mention of nothing just left. I am watching your video and everything you're saying fits me to the point that yes I want her back even though I shouldn't want her back.
I am at a tough stage at this point and it was also mention that as the narcissist gets older the worse it gets and yes I totally agree I am 60 she is 57 and it is bad
The abuse that I have been through I'm expecting a long drawn out battle for separation, and for divorce
Thanks again I'll keep watching your videos
I was devalued really quickly several weeks in the dating days, but there were lots of up and downs. The moment I started standing up for myself, my narc-ex had alot of narcissistic rage and would start fights, I ended up being an emotional punching bag.
I agree to your point about replaying things but I reply all the negative things that I have happened to me. My separation is still only recent.
My condolences for the suffering you have been through.
I understand exactly where you're coming from. My ex is in jail for physical assault he have a hearing coming up determine his guilt or not. It's been almost 2 months since he was arrested. He is a combination of a sociopath and narcissist combination of a sociopathic narcissist. Almost every day with him was a lie. I was just speaking with my sister last night planning I don't know what hurts the most knowing everything was a lie or having everything as close as it was to my Field of Dreams. What college did he go to jail when I began planning out for myself and he became physically violent. I wish you much luck in your healing and Recovery
@k9fouroneone I'm glad you are at least safe from him now that he's been put in jail. I wish you all the very best with your healing. It's now been exactly a year since I walked away and i find being no contact, where they're not allowed in your home and you control the level of communication you have with them if you share kids much better.
I agree with you, though what hurts the most is that everything was a lie because they are master manupilators.
He was the greatest teacher in life! he taught me never to trust anyone again 😕
I legit cried watching this , thank you❤️
You just explained perfectly how I feel! Thank you! I wasn’t sure if he was a narcissist but this made me realise he is - what a reality check!
you have helped me so much for over the last year! you made me realized I was in a narcissist marriage! well I found out almost 2 months ago he is a cheater also! that was my bottom line. filed for divorce! in process. it's hard he manipulates me everytime he talks to me! he always hurts our children already!
iv bin teaching them all year that his behavior is not right!
I was victim of narcissistic woman and bipolar. Ty Steph! You are truly and angel without wings! You bring hope and awareness to ppl like myself, Ty❤
I went thru the same thing a long distance relationship with a lady who had bpd bipolar 1 and covert npd,i had to walk away from her...
Wow. So spot on. This helped me so much. That’s exactly what I’ve been going through.
Thank you so much for talking not just about abusive relationship, but about how to live afterwards. Much appreciated.
Awesome overview of the after affecr of a Narcissistic relationship. Best so far. Very good job. 😁
Just experienced my first Covert Narcissist at age 46. Thankfully, caught on 15 months into marriage and filed. Ill never look back. A crazy and mind bending experience I ever had. Almost broke me. Almost...
This helped me so much!!! Thanks for your words of wisdom and new perspective on what this narcissistic relationship really was. You're right, it is sad, he is so broken. Time to rebuild!
17 years ago my NPD and I finished with one another leaving me suffering PTSD. Thankfully, I had a great doctor and a great counsellor. But it took a long time to come to terms with what happened and a long time to get over the physical ill-health. I still suffer physically to this day. Prior to meeting her I was super fit, very assertive and had a fantastic career.
My NPD married a man within 6 months of us finishing - she found a guy with a small farm who was building his own luxury home on it and boasted to me how she managed to steal him away from his then, younger than her, girlfriend. She took enormous pride in doing that. She also told me that he had been previously married but had come home from work one day to find his then wife in bed with another man. I assumed he was a naive sap and tried to warn him. He, of course, ignored me. I would have once done the same thing.
It was my counsellor who told me that my ex was probably an NPD. In fact, she had told me - she had been a nurse and told me that she had to quit one hospital after colleagues accused her of having munchausen's traits and how she was banned from administering medication by herself. Of course, at the time she told me this I believed her story - she told me that the "fat nurses were jealous of her" - and I dutifully played the white knight in shining armour. I offered to pay for a lawyer to sue the hospital but she declined that. She had a fantastic figure and, for the NPD record, was incredible in bed.
In the years after she found someone else I discovered that she, as someone described it to me, "had left a trail of ill and dead men behind her". Complete strangers would approach me and tell me shocking stories about what she had done to the men in their families or to male friends. When I look back on those times it is as if I am looking through a fog and cannot believe all the things that happened actually took place. It is like a dream. I think this is the mind protecting itself.
But 17 years later she is still with the man she married 6 months after we finished. I must admit that this makes me question whether she was truly NPD. She married well - the money and the lifestyle will have been hugely attractive to her. Numerous people told me that her new marrage would never last. 17 years and counting. I read and watch videos where people say that NPD women cannot stay in longterm marriages. It seems some do.
Just take into account there are people that have been married to narcissists for 25+ years and finally they divorce at some point. Something I heard this week is THE AMOUNT OF TIME IS NOT PROOF IN ANY WAY, OF THE AMOUNT OF LOVE. Most likely the other person, your exes current partner, is hanging on to the illusion and the fake person she was in the beginning. Maybe he’s so codependent he can’t let her go despite all of the terrible behavior and problematic personality she has, and she’s very comfortable with his money so doesn’t feel the need to leave. Just a thought.
The covert malignant narcissist I was involved in a business (not personal in any way) relationship with was married for almost 40 years, when his wife died. I strongly suspect he had been slowly poisoning her both mentally and physically over a very long period of time as she was diagnosed with suspected (some anomalies in the diagnosis) early onset Alzheimer’s in her 50’s. I very strongly suspect based on all of his “business travel” he was having continuous affairs and prostitution encounters as well. Not sure the poor wife ever caught on. He moved her to a nursing home and she died in her early 60’s. Never underestimate how diabolical these people are.
Stayed with my NPD for over 40 years, you stay because you haven't resolved your own issues, you stay because you don't understand what's wrong, you try to fix it, blaming yourself, you stay for the family then the kids then you think there's no way out or nothing's Better and your just too old.