Which of these misconceptions about trauma surprised you? Discover the best support strategies for trauma, straight from Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/2QkF8Ey
How about autistic abuse? Constantly being denied your truth, never being able to be yourself, systemic bullying by family friends and establishments of all types. Being made to mask always, or be shunned, slapped kicked, rejected. I don't think any autistic person gets to adulthood without trauma.
@Poison Ivy For a therapist to say something like that seems incredibly unprofessional. I can't even begin to imagine how disheartening that must be. I hope you can find another way to find help, perhaps a self-help group - I imagine there would be people who might know a suitable therapist. My heart goes out to you. You don't deserve to suffer.
Years ago I was traumatised. My parents tore apart and my mom burnt my personal dairy. I was 12 then. Till now I can't write a prose poem again. My thoughts get stuck at the event everytime I try. I'm 22 now. I realise my parents are narcissistic. They are so manipulative that they even got my therapist under their control. I've no familu member to support or stand up for me. No such friend as they (parents) have ruined them too. Can you suggest what I can do??
"Just because you're struggling with trauma does not mean you're not resilient. You've been pushed beyond the normal boundaries of human experience." I feel seen.
Yes, f*cking finally. I'll just say that my publicly issued therapist for a whopping 6 sittings/sessions, when I suggested cPTSD might be something to look into, told me "What IS this cPTSD you're talking about? No, I think it has to be pent up rage". I felt like I was in 1875, good lord we're still so behind in some cases. Seen. That's the word.
You put it better than I did. This statement made me burst into tears. I had to pause the video to regain composure. I really need trauma therapy. "Seen" is right!
And taking for granted that we’re all the same. So, even people with the intelligence to imagine what you might be going through still see it through the lens of their own life. If that life was stable, loving, and supportive, it’s WAY too easy to dismiss the hurt a less fortunate soul might be feeling. My reality is that the early trauma opened up a void that allowed what might be considered “normal” trauma like divorce, arrest, abandonment, invalidation, scorn, and shame to completely disable my ability to “rebound.” Because I don’t look like others, react like others, succeed or fail like others, I’m not in trouble. At this point, I feel like the only way to “prove” I wasn’t lying is to die. It’s a tough spot to be in.
My worst experience is when people invalidate your trauma because its not as bad as somebody elses. I don't think people understand how damaging that is :(
There's as much logic to that as if you told someone they shouldn't feel happy about something because someone else has reason to feel happier. Which anyone can see is ridiculous.
My Mom did that, when I confronted her in her old age about why she let my Father abuse us. She then acted like it was okay, because he didn't use a tree limb or twig or switch as she put it. She also pointed out that once her Mom wanted her out of the kitchen so she deliberately burned on on the stove...............That was supposed to make it okay for her to let her husband abuse her children. Now, I've inherited her christmas stuff........................Tis the Season.
I'm 44 and I live at least 2 traumatic events daily and rarely the some one twice a week. Every experience I have today closely matching the past brings thoughts and feelings to the front. My traumas were from all around, mean drunk parent, neglected tortured and bullied relentlessly makes for a pretty messy crowded mind.
2 misconceptions I deal with are A) you come from a middle class "well to do" family, therefore you could not have had a traumatic, abusive childhood. & B) that I "choose to hang on to my trauma". These make me so mad & feel so invalidated.
this is exactly the same for me. it exacerbated everything that at each turn of the road your reality is rejected for what “you should be doing”. taking sociology courses suggested that suburban youth are exponentially more depressed than those in cities. Urban youth is pretty directly linked to socioeconomic status so it’s not like kids with fortunate backgrounds don’t grow up with a. long list of negligent behaviors fucking up their development and conditioning. regardless of enrichment, learning about what’s going on, the conditioning is like long hardened tree sap, and changing my thoughts doesn’t translate to changing my feelings.
This is something I completely agree with, I know I have mental health issues but I feel so extremely guilty for feeling upset or depressed or when I do fantasise suicidal tendencies because I don't have a bad life, my parents are both together, I go to a private school my relationship with my parents isn't that great but I feel like they do care about me deep down, I do have a great relationship with my sister but I have talents and things I can do well. My life isn't anywhere near as hard as someone elsdoesn'twithI'mI
Oh, I love to hear how I am "making a victim out of myself", when actually all I am trying to do is opening up, being heard, being validated and understood. People really tend to bypass trauma survivors emotionally, even doctors do that. Its not helping us heal, rather on the contrary, drives us more into isolation. I feel like the only cure is a lot of love and compassion from your social circle, sadly, we, the survivors, mostly end up filling forms for social support.
100%. You can’t always tell by looking. Some of us just suffer in silence, and some of us get really good at avoiding all our triggers, at least for a while until we get stressed, or tired, or re-experience some “microtrauma” that throws us off, then maybe something might seem a little “off”, or maybe not. If someone is opening up to you about this stuff, just be quiet and listen. Don’t judge. Just hold space.
@@martynacyran2855 I hear you. I hate that as well, the allegation I am acting like a victim. Do not let them get to you. This can take a long time to deal with. Do not beat yourself up for wanting to heal.
as survivor of narcissitic abuse im telling you you dont need other peoples validation only your own learn to self parent your own emotions this will creat more iner blance when you seek validated from outside your self your wanting others to acceptances from others and the reality is your not allways going to get it so learn to accept what is in term of what people bring to the table and create firm boundaries and let others own exactly what your not willing to accept how other people treat you is reflection of them and how you reacted is awareness of you learning to surrender is key other wise your allways be consumed by other people bs i see this all the time people are allways puting up reisistance to one thing or another creating their own suffering the survivors, mostly end up filling forms for social support i agree thats very much the case with the organization mind in the uk they see the client every three month which only result in a ticking off box form
Childhood sexual, physical, and emotional trauma has been minimized by professionals who deal with people who have "real trauma" like surviving the "killing fields. Maybe his/her mother cared about them. Neither of my parents did. Childhood trauma often leads to hurtful adult choices--like being married to a covert narcissist.
Childhood trauma is just as valid as any other trauma. I think the worst thing i ever experienced after i left my abusive childhood home was when i still tried to have a relationship with my family and one of my closest friends turned to me and said they pitty the people who abused me because they just seem like sad lonely people. I always try to keep a level head and i dont think they are evil. I think that people who abuse children are messed up and they do horrible things but we are not defined by our actions. In that moment though i felt so angry and upset i wanted to yell. Sorry i got off topic: but i wanted to let you know at least someone out there understands and gets the feeling a little bit of feeling invalidated like that. And that you are valid in your trauma.
I'm sorry to pry, but I was just wondering what you mean by covert narcissistic? I only ask because I want to see if my fiance might actually be a covert narcissistic! Thank you
My nephew was surrounded by 3 criminals and robbed at gunpoint while standing at a bus stop to go to his night shift job. He is a gentle giant and people make assumptions based on his low facial affect. He refused therapy based on myths. Now two years later he lives with drug addiction. He's like a ghost and hides from his family and I think maybe the perpetrators in a different smaller city. I meditate often wishing him healing and hoping he will accept he suffered trauma and needs mental health support to heal. He went to court to testify. He was so strong. The perpetrators out on probation. He moved far away. Not an accident or a whim or illogical. No one in my family believes his very profound experience of life threatening violence was a trauma. I do. I'm told he's over it. But I don't believe it. It is so heart breaking.
I feel trauma can result from any event that "shakes" a person's sense of safety, be it physical or emotional/or verbal, there are so many things that can result in trauma, especially childhood trauma, it is something that basically shifts a child's (later adult) mindset to fear, they become basically fear-centered, hyper vigilant, easily triggered. A narcissist parent, be it covert or grandiose, is garanteed to cause trauma in a child, which result in a sense of catastrophy, a constant fear that everything is goind to fall apart over their heads, that they will ruin their life, and that everything will end for them if they do this or that. I think this should really be addressed, because I think it is more common than it seems, and the reason why we are experiencing this mental illness pandemic (esp anxiety) is basically childhood trauma.
I agree. Dr. Gabor Mate argues that trauma can be caused simply by not getting your basic needs met when you were a child. We tend to hear that trauma is something horrible such as war, rape, car accident etc. But what about those of us who suffer from trauma symptoms, but haven't experienced something quite so extreme in our past or have endured lots of small traumatic events? According to Gabor just growing up with a parent who is unable meet child's emotional needs (child has an innate need for being held and receiving affection), can be traumatizing. For years I thought everything was fine with my childhood. Sure I had an alcoholic father, but I thought my mother was there to keep me sane. Now I'm beginning to realize that my mom was not there for me either. She was present yes and all our physical needs were met, but the most important job of a parent was missing. She didn't know how to teach me and my sister emotional skills or help us to grow a good self-esteem. Her behavior was unpredictable and self-centered. She often yelled at us for no good reason. I had to always be careful with what I said to her and I couldn't trust her to support me with difficult feelings. She would say awful things to me and never recognize my pain afterwards or say sorry. When I felt lost or in pain for external reasons she couldn't help me or never really taught me emotional skills that are needed when arguing with other people or how to recognize if someone is treating you wrong. Therefore I endured multiple abusive relationships in adulthood until I started to realize the pattern through therapy. I've been unable to work for 4 years and I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting any better. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. But over the years I had more and more somatic symptoms and was still unable to handle any stress despite going to speech therapy every week. Just lately I've started to grasp that the problem was not having a proper diagnosis for the trauma I've endured and thus a proper treatment. With a friend who is a trauma survivor herself, I've started to gain memories back of deep pain and trauma. Her validation and listening has released incredibly amount of emotional blocks inside me that I was not aware of. She introduced me to the idea that I might suffer from Complex PTSD. I'm still in the process of getting diagnosed, but all the symptoms fit me. I read that treatments include for example mind-body therapies and EMDR. Although I've taken major steps in speech therapy, I think the final healing begins when the body gets involved in the process.
Exactly the opposite of what Dr Ramani said. She talks about narcissism and having a narcissistic patent, and no, that is not trauma. Can it cause mental illnesses? Yes. Does it classify as trauma? No
@@astral-evolution-33 I actually agree with Dr Ramani. Some things do not classify as trauma. Yes, trauma results from a life/death situation, and it is different to anything else in terms of impact on the brain, and that is scientifically proven by brain scans, too. Can other situations have an impact on the brain? Of course. Can they cause mental illness? Of course. But not everything classifies clinically as "trauma". That's not minimizing other people's experience, it is about classifying it the right way, and as she often says, the right diagnosis is not to label but to help and cure
Mental troma is the most dangerous one as it makes you feel so helpless and trapped if it is in a family set up where your children are experiencing it on regular basis and ther is no one to support you...
I went through childhood and early adulthood with no one around me realising the trauma I'd been through. Part of that is because of these myths and from people's own opinions on what qualifies 'trauma'. I have multiple mental health issues now, most recently NEAD and C-PTSD. I think these ideas that 'trauma only happens in war time' or 'you never told the police so it couldn't have been that bad' or 'you seem normal' or 'you're just oversensitive' are really damaging. Series like this for just everyday people to see are important
Yeah this video minimized trauma I usually agree with dr Ramani but saying you have to witness someone being shot to be traumatized isn't true even alot of emotional stuff people go through even in adulthood can be traumatizing plus if i didn't even know the person who got shot and they weren't a loved one i would be sad but not traumatized. i never heard someone say they were traumatized from standing in a line
Can understand. Sometimes because we were shy n quiet then, people just took us for granted. These days, a lot of things can happen. When we learnt to fight in some cases still have hope others seem a bit too late. There actually is not much we can do.
So True. Love Dr. R. I suffered trauma (sexual abuse) and my mother was narcissistic so I got her abuse. I ended up with PTSD but received therapy help and now I am a Sociology and Psychology student. Things get better.
Lisa Burmood I’m so happy to hear that. To know you are this young and are able to work identify the guilt being shamed. You can’t change your parents. But it does get better, as you surround yourself with more people and listen to only your voice, you identity will PTSD be a thing of the past and the best part you will be able to deal with not just anyone but everyone. Congrats who knows how your life will become.
"A person experiencing trauma does not mean that they're forever set back and can't go on to a full and extraordinarily successful life....There are people out there who struggle with trauma - that doesn't mean they're not resilient. And I don't want anyone out there who's a trauma survivor saying "I'm folding under this - I must not be resilient" - the heck you're not! You are resilient. You have been pushed beyond the normal bounds of human experience. None of us know how we're going to react to a trauma until we're in it." "How dare you ever make an assumption about someone else's life." Also I didn't realise that sense of a foreshortened future was a symptom and that symptoms were only trends.
I watched my brother John being abused. I remember even as a teenager seeing him crying in shower with a bloody nose. He was being punished for being a hero and calling the police when it was appropriate. Mom neglected to protect him from my Father.
I witnesses my dad committing suicide when I was in my mid 20's and I never realized I was dealing with trauma until I started to realize I was raised by a narc. mother in my late 50's. No one ever ask me how I was doing after it.
It makes people uncomfortable, ooo poor them. I realised something recently If your loved one dies of an illness their praised a saint, a fighter, such a tragedy and you get hundreds of condolences, help etc. If your loved one dies of suicide on the otherhand they are never talked about, few condolences or offerings doesnt matter how good/amazing they were in this life. And you yourself are forgotten about no one asks, no one visits no one sits with you or listens
"You have been pushed beyond the normal bounds of human experience, AND you feel at risk to your own life or to the lives of those you love" (which was added in the MedCircle series). That just makes me cry and cry. Thank you so much. Abuse was just considered normal in my house growing up - a daily occurance. Everybody hung their heads in shame, but nobody ever intervened or acted as if it wasn't ok. Not only that, but I had to watch my most beloved being on the planet be tortured in front of my eyes when I was 8. AND, I was a teller and got held up with a gun pointed in my FACE. Then I got questioned by the FBI as if I were somehow involved. Because of my shock and horror, the FBI guy figured out that I was the victim, then he laughed at me (probably because I was so shaken). I'm still alive at 70, can't figure out why. I don't feel resilient, I just think I had to bury it all in order to keep on going and survive, because I live alone. To look at me, you'd never image what I've been thru' or that I totally isolate. The thought that maybe I was resilient brings tears to my eyes. I have to keep listening to this. Thankyou.
Bless you. This I do know -- being able to appear as if all is well with us is a survival skill children learn to survive an abusive home. The good news is that all of what we learn is able to be un-learned. You can undertake this on your own. Begin with Pete Walker's book C-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, but pace yourself because the book is triggering. Put it down when you feel the need to process something. All the best to you. You deserve peace.
The big one for me was that trauma and flashbacks make you ‘unable to function.’ I have PTSD, but for a long time I didn’t understand it because I was, sort of, functioning. I was up on my feet. I was doing what I had to, which was look after a young child with special needs. I couldn’t afford to spend time on a fainting couch; I had to manage at least well enough to look after him. When people asked me how I was doing, the honest answer was that it was a question I couldn’t afford to ask myself. I had too much else to do. So I was ‘functioning’, by which I mean I was changing nappies and washing clothes and providing meals and singing nursery rhymes and faking smiles even if it made me feel sick to my stomach to force the corners of my mouth all the way up, because my son needed to feel safe, and I was getting diagnoses for him and learning how to support SEN and fighting systemic bigotry. I was just doing it in a kind of nightmare haze where I was so disorientated I couldn’t even judge how far from normal my emotions had been swept. I could fake it well enough that my son wasn’t afraid, and I thought that meant I couldn’t have ‘real’ trauma. I was just weak and self-pitying. Now I look back and think I was being brave. I was just too traumatized to understand that was what I was doing.
I identify with what you said. I had lots of trauma growing up, as well, then married a narcissist. I had three children before divorcing him, which was a trauma in its own category. Throughout all of this, I thought I was fine. Now I'm on the other side, having crumbled recently, I am now in therapy and coming to terms with all of this. You can and will recover, and I send you strength and love xox
Kit Whitfield you feel like you’re just living a moving picture that you are not wanting. I worked 18 hour days. I didn’t eat because there wasn’t money to do so. I worked to make sure my kids had food and the things they needed. No help. If their Dad got involved it was just the physical or narcissistic abuse. I couldn’t trust my family. I had a few people step in and help. I seriously don’t know how we survived but we did. We’re not entirely intact but we’re here and in a somewhat better place. For me looking back is like looking down a really dark cliff.
I finally decided to remove myself from all social media. I was thinking it was giving me anxiety, depression, competition, dealing with angry and narcissistic people, on and on ... After almost 20 yrs being on social media I felt it important to unplug for good and I already feel an uplift in my thinking and mood. I know more and more people are deleting Facebook per CNBC during their earning reports. Have you discussed why so many people have decided to disconnect from this type of lifestyle and return to the slower paced life of yesteryear?
Sometimes the worst trauma is when your family dismisses and invalidates your questions about the original trauma. "That didn't happen!". "You're wrong!". "You can't live in the past". That's where I got hung up for years... I felt alot of anger knowing that I was being manipulated to ignore and dismiss the reality of what happened. It was WAY worse than what actually happened. I don't know if anyone can relate to that.
I can. When trying to bring up my older brother having SA me as a child… note, I brought this up years later after I was an adult… my dad immediately defended my brother by saying, “That was just childhood curiosity!” before I even told him any specifics of what I experienced. Cut him out emotionally immediately from my life.
Trauma can be caused by variety of reasons. While waiting too long in the line is not traumatic. Being bullied and isolated with everyone wishing this person to fail, if it goes on for long enough I would consider it traumatic. This happening as an isolated incident is hurtful but not traumatic. But if it happens again and again for long enough it can cause trauma.
My now 33 year old daughter ‘witnessed’ her grandma - my mother put her grandson/Jonathan (my sister’s son at 3 years old) in the clothes dryer because he wouldn’t stop crying...That’s TRAUMA to Jonathan and to my daughter who was 5 years old at the time this happened!! My sister did not think there was anything ‘wrong’ with it ! My daughter brought it up 2 years ago when Jonathan died from a drug overdose. He was 29 years old. Yes, he became addicted to all sorts of drugs. And yes, Jonathan had suffered with so many mental health issues growing up. Not surprising for the emotional and physical abuse he endured. No emotional connection with his own family - his parents and younger sister. They viewed him as a failure, an outcast, and the younger sister as the ‘golden child’...Today, my mother nor my sister do not even realise how much emotional, and psychological damage they had done to Jonathan, which makes me so angry !!! They’re clueless. Today, my mother would be in trouble with children’s protective services! This happened in 1992 and now my mother is 93 yrs. old... which she’s still the same evil and manipulative unhappy person. It’s incredible how dysfunctional my family is, my 2 sisters and our mother except she doesn’t like my brother and me. (we don’t allow her to manipulate us...therefore we don’t count). She had turned ‘many’ family members against me and brother with her lies...To this day, I still feel bad I could not do more or help Jonathan. He was a caring and a gentle soul. May you rest in peace Jonny ☮️
I know I experienced trauma. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and other mental disorders, yet I have a really hard time calling abuse what it was. I wish I could get over this.
can you please do a vid on how to deal with a narc mother? a lot of vids on narc partner but needed info on narc mother... specifically covert narc mother.. thanks :)
MedCircle did a video a few months ago about this: th-cam.com/video/Rt2n2jE7NvA/w-d-xo.html You can also check out Dr. Ramani's channel, which is equally informative, if not more, particularly for narcissism.
@@carolinelaronda4523 ya i did for over 10 years but it's more complicated than that because I'm a new mom and my beloved grandmother moved into my parents house and I can only see her via them as well as my husband's mom is a narc too and we have to maintain contact so he can see his grandmother UGH I can't ghost anymore... Sucks
All the videos with Dr. Ramani make me feel validated. To the point where I feel like I connect with more people in the comments than I do in my actual life... People just can't seem to make sense of anything I do or understand why I am the way I am. When I was 5, my birth giver started dating a physically and sexually abusive boy friend (from start to finish this lasted about 3 months) I was SA'd and my 3 year old little brother was murdered by the same person. I'm 28 now, so it's easier to talk about. It always will blow my mind how many people hear my story and go "Wow. I would've never thought you went through any of that knowing you" or "you don't look like you've been through that. You carry yourself well". I understand why people who haven't experienced what I went through could get the perception that I should be a total wack job (which I have PTSD & BPD so I'm not saying that to be rude towards anyone), but it always makes me wonder what "normal" people think.. Like is there a way I should look? I think people forget that not all "trauma" or issues are physical/visible. Just like when people have disabilities/handicapped. You don't have to be obviously crippled or unable to live day to day like a normal person to be disabled.
I developed CPTSD from my experiences in college. When I was 18 I was an elite goalkeeper and freshman at Iowa State University. Our head coach was emotionally/mentally abusive, and I unfortunately was the scapegoat of the team. Our other two coaches were very neglectful. ADHD runs on my dads side of the family and anxiety disorders run on my moms side...Ive always had ADHD but was now dealing with the onset of OCD. Which at the time we thought was depression. Cause why else would I sleep all day on 50mg of Vyvanse?When I told my coach his response was “Well Emily, (sighs)...that’s not my problem..and nor do I really care..?” I remember that phone call very vividly. At the end of the year he some how got a hold of my NCAA Psych Evaluation (was taken so I could legally take my vyvanse for my ADHD) he read some of it out to me and said he had an entire team to think of and not just me. Then told me I wasn’t coming back. He even said I was obviously good enough to play at that level but he didn’t want to put in a little extra elbow grease. Emails were sent to the ADs. We never heard a response. My parents then emailed the President of the University at the time. We again got no response. This unfortunately was my experience with 1 University. I have a whole other story about my Sophmore year at Western Michigan University...then the rest of my college career. If you’re reading this then thank you for taking the time to hear a very small portion of my story. I went to the Amen clinics in Chicago and did the whole spect scan work up and genetic enzyme tests for mood stabilizers. Turns out that SSRI’s don’t really metabolize correctly in my body. I’m FINALLY being medically treated correctly and man to I feel so much better. This is WAY too common in the world of athletics. Thank you for this btw. I’m an external processor and am still getting out of my brain fog I was in for a couple years and putting my experiences in words helps. Plus the videos helps cause I can just show whoever I’m trying to communicate with and it’ll just make more sense. Especially till I figure out how to talk about it myself. I’m even working on the emotions wheel!:) I’m just proud of myself, I guess. Im resilient:)
I'm really sorry and also proud of you for getting out of that situation. Coaching seems to attract a personality type that is emotionally abusive. I'm sorry about that.
Sorry to hear about your unfair difficulties from that coach. Some people hold positions that affect others. Sad but true that person was/ is not fit to be a coach.
I just watched this great conversation after going through a diagnosis of PTSD and am just coming to realize how deeply I was affected by continued trauma during childhood and adolescence, and how living with that untreated trauma affected everything else. Trivializing, suppressing and denying the wounds has done me no favors, so thank you for destigmatizing this essential issue: Complex PTSD seems to be the umbrella under which my other disorders (ADD, depression, anxiety) present themselves and even though it seems far too late to seek treatment for things that happened decades ago, It is mandatory that I attempt to address it and find a means to heal.
I would guess your diagnosis of ADD, if received in your teens or later, is actually BPD. The symptoms are very similar, and ADD, or ADHD is so severe that there’s really no way a person can get through childhood without it being pick up on. ADD/ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders that people(usually males) are born with. Some head injuries can lead to a syndrome that has symptoms similar to it, but true ADHD is inborn. And, for people who have ADHD, they cannot function without medication. If you have taken medication for ADHD, and have not responded, or responded poorly, that is a good indicator that you do not have it as well. I completely agree that many trauma based disorders are misdiagnosed as ND disorders, especially if the diagnoses are made in adulthood. But to be clear, ASD and ADHD, and probably OCD, are disorders people are born with. Trauma cannot cause any of these, though sadly, having these disorders, specifically the first two, do put children at much greater risk of being victims of abuse that can lead to a trauma based disorder. OCD is the one ND disorder that is far more common in females than males. ADHD is extremely rare in females. ASD is more common in females than ADHD, but still quite rare. A lot of children with ODD(a disorder that develops in very early childhood as the result of abuse/trauma) is probably responsible for a whole lot of misdiagnoses of ASD and ADHD, though having ASD or ADHD, again, does put them at greater risk of developing ODD. There seems to be a very concerted effort, being made by corrupt psychological organizations, to ignore trauma based disorders, and blame ND disorders for a person’s problems. Just the fact that C-PTSD was left out of the DSM seems sus. There most certainly has not been a gigantic increase in actual ASD or ADHD in children, that happened within a generation. Of course there are people that have them, but not that many more than had them 20-30 years ago.
‘How dare you making an assumption about ... (@ 5.00mins)’ .... thank you Dr Ramani for highlighting this very important point. Not only do we hide or manage silently our childhood negative experiences, but are then dismissed and even disbelieved by others in adulthood when they cannot believe how is it possible that someone calm and collected and put together has ever experienced trauma. This is about the not unimportant matter of stereotyping and assumptionistic attitudes. I saw a young man recently wearing a beautiful meaningful t-shirt with the writing ‘I am not your stereotype’.
My personal favorite: my own psychiatrist belittling my trauma and CPTSD, and only wanting to talk to me for literally (no, not figuratively) 5 MINUTES EVERY 3 MONTHS. Not 5 minutes and 40 seconds. Not 6 minutes. Not 7 minutes. Five. Minutes. Five sets of 60 seconds. Every three months. Thank goodness for adept and mentally healthy PSYCHOLOGISTS and THERAPISTS.
For me it's coming to terms with trauma. For so long I dismissed it, I was hard on myself and didn't think I was worth healing. The more I open up to my trauma to friends the more they open up and it seems we have all been suppressing so much and not given ourselves permission to open up about it. Mine began in childhood and I felt a lot of shame and confusion which has carried on into adulthood unfortunately. Thank you so much for these videos, I'm beginning to heal now.
I understand the suppression of so much too and still always feel shameful and confused about expressing anything about my trauma. I only realised that then by reading your comment.
I think a major thing people get wrong, is the overuse and minimizing of the the term " triggered" Also I believe replacing the word "stress " in PTSD with " injury" would be helpful.
We look like normal people .Getting help as soon as possible. My last trauma was triple bye .2 yrs I just keep moving .death ,rape ,stalked ,seen people shot ,mental physical abuse. I still jump when someone comes up behind me .Having Faith ,prayer ,stay close to God ,keep your body in order has helped me .yoga ,weight lifting .Like you said get help .Most important things you can do .God bless you Doc .I seek to learn .Love you so much .GB
@@myshirtsaretrash8477 He probably meant cigarettes or weed. Crack doesn't help you with ptsd...relaxing drugs like weed,benzos and opioids can numb the symptoms of ptsd. It's still not a permament solution...the brutal truth about ptsd is that you will live the rest of your life miserable and will never find happiness...your brain will push you to achieve all these things like money,power,women hoping to get back to how you were before the event...but the truth is it never gets better
Going with the overuse of the word...I’ve had a few assume that I just had a “bad relationship/breakup,” cause it’s not their business what I went through...but it was far beyond just a messy breakup. 😓 And yes! People say I’m so happy, bubbly, sunshiny, etc... and therefore whatever I’ve dealt with couldn’t have been that bad? Uhm, I mean, I’m not gonna wear that on my sleeve! 😂
Just started counselling, the therapist said to look up trauma and narcissistic abuse. Literally everything in Dr. Ramani’s said in her videos and here is what has happened in my past. Everything stated by her is very helpful. I finally have a word and description on what I went through. Very eye opening, it gives me even more resolve to break the cycle of trauma. I swore to myself since a teen, that my children will not go through the same shit I dealt with. It ends here. So happy to see my children grow and flourish nowadays.
i had a very traumatic childhood & adult. i have MDD,CPTSD,dysthymia, chroinc fatigue. im in my 60s still struggling with trauma.my dad and husband where narrisstics.
We need more Dr. Ramani"s in this world. I found her online last year and having someone who "gets it" means so much to those of us struggling in her areas of expertise.
I have been waiting for this one to come out! Saying you have something when you don’t, like OCD and trauma, is exceptionally offensive. It’s like that person is trying to wear it around like a badge of honor not knowing or caring how debilitating living with something like that actually is. I don’t have a disorder myself, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to have compassion or respect.
I got goosebumps when I started watching this. My life has been so hard because of true trauma. Dr. Ramani-you’re saving people. You’re helping so many of us who have felt so alone and sad for so long. I almost lost hope. I’m glad I never did. I’m going to use all of your resources to share with my son. Both of us have lived through trauma (I’ve had some significant traumas that he may never experience), so all of these videos are beyond helpful. This channel is superb! I am going to applaud you for saying that we all need to stop using terms to describe things that aren’t happening. I will never do that again and I will be vocal about saying that that is not ok! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
What about LONG term gaslighting, mocking, harassment, criticism & assumptions? Narcissism. I can tell you its trauma, depression. I function out but haven't in. Working hard to change that. Not easy. Serious fatigue, from ongoing stress & not taking care of myself. Often minimalized, invalidated. This is not about attention as many invalidate but TRUE struggle. Fighting to live a good life EVERY day. Beyond it all.
100%. You can’t always tell by looking. Some of us just suffer in silence, and some of us get really good at avoiding all our triggers, at least for a while until we get stressed, or tired, or re-experience some microtrauma that throws us off, then maybe something might seem a little “off”, or maybe not. If someone is opening up to you about this stuff, just be quiet and listen. Don’t judge. Just hold space.
Thank you Dr. Ramani and all the health professionals, and to you MedCircle. I am a veteran, a childhood survivor of intergenerational military domestic violence and substance abuse, and yes, MST survivor without service connection validation. I struggle daily, and I fake it being ok. Education is very important. I am unable to hold employment, d/t out of control symptoms that are like approaching in huge waves and traughs, but always started by triggers. It is complex in how it is to me.
I am so happy for finding medcircle. I went through years of physical and verbal abuse from a step dad who hated me, hated life, and did what he could to make my life hell. 11 years old to 16. I'm 25 now and still trying to heal. You guys have really helped with the amount of information and aid.
Thank you, ThankYou, Thank You people who have never experienced Trauma are so loose with the word and they inder estimate what the effects are.Thx. Great vid.
I agree. Dr Ramani is so great at explaining in a caring way. I cried watching this. I experienced trauma in my teens & had my first mental breakdown at 17. I saw a councillor who told me that I was wasting his time & that he had more important clients to deal with. This completely put me off talking & I bottled things up for years. I had another breakdown at 24 then again at 32. I'm sure I have PTSD and anxiety but after my son was diagnosed with autism last year I realised that my father has autism & I also have traits of either autism or ADHD since childhood which I think has added to the anxiety. I recently went to a psychologist who looked at me like I was nuts & didn't bother suggesting a follow up appointment. I've not had much luck. I saw a psychiatrist for 2 years who was only interested in heavily medicating me which didn't make me better, just turned me into a zombie & i developed an obsessive behaviour. 😢.
I wish my mom would have known to start early on making sure I addressed the events that traumatized me. Instead I got plugged with vitamins, told I was hallucinating, and invalidated-only to find out years later that she knew what I was going through the whole time was REAL. I don’t feel bitter, but I hope to acknowledge this. It was wrong to not address it. I didn’t feel safe nor did I trust my mind for YEARS. “I MUST be crazy, because that didn’t really happen!” I realize now that it was a trauma response that I developed several symptoms of depression, suicidal ideation, and obsessive-intrusive thoughts. I replayed the traumas over and over and over. I was constantly retraumatizing myself. It really sucks. I’m only just now able to untangle everything.
Dr. Ramani is so lovely, professional, empathic, knowledgeable, inspiring & soothing. I look up to her and she reminds me of me, not in a cocky way. I just love how Kyle casually mentions that, she’s so down to Earth. Btw it’s true, I do click the "like" button on all of the videos featuring Dr. Ramani. 🙈🤣
The only hope left in my 76 years of life now is to help and support others. Years and years of trauma have caused a lot of damage but have also made me a strong survivor and an understanding of many. Too late for me but that's okay. I'll take this screaming 3 year old inside of me and my own pain to my grave fighting not to give up the fight too early. Loving and helping others is everything.
I just want to add my two cents regarding Dr Ramani's definition of what constitutes trauma, notably the part where she says that ''trauma goes beyond the scope of everyday life events''. I'd like to challenge that thought in that trauma is an embodied nervous-system reaction. Anything that registers as traumatic to the nervous-system is trauma. So any event that takes from our flight/fight state down into freeze and shutdown is trauma. So those events can look different to different people. Also, unfortunately, many messages that are pervasively integrated into our social tissue ARE traumatic. Like rape culture and the legacy from years of colonialism. Many people of color deal with the intergenerational trauma from their ancestors' lived experiences of racism and colonialism. Finally, I'd like to add that many of the prominent ways of ''good parenting'' that parents have adopted are extremely traumatic experiences for children. Research is showing how emotional disconnect, teaching children to ignore, repress, and shut-down their emotions creates extreme stress on the body and mental complications growing up. I know that that is my experience. I thought my parents had raised me ''normally'' when in fact I was carrying a load of developmental attachment trauma that prevented from relating healthily as an adult. But you're right that people like to use the word trauma here and there to qualify anything slightly stressful they may have been through and that is inaccurate and invalidating for trauma survivors. However, we need to be careful in that trauma can look different to many people. The key-point here is that it occurs in the body, at a nervous-system level.
Also I totally agree about how mental health issues are USUALLY the result of complications from trauma. It makes so much sense to me that both my sister and I developed BPD given our histories and the ways we were raised. Healthy relating and emotional connection are things we deeply lacked. And I can see how Narcissists also develop their own twisted personality as a survival adaptation to protect themselves from the deep deep insecurity that may have developed from unstable attachment patterns with their caregivers.
Question have you ever thought it might start out in neurological levels first because the human brain can be changed by trauma and then the physical effects can come from that especially if you experience childhood trauma which I have I don’t exactly know what traumas they were but they were apparently pretty bad or at least many little ones building up into a whole big ball of yarn
Thank you, a terrific interaction & information-giving in easily understood language. I’m a mental health nurse in Australia & currently have definite interest in trauma. I certainly believe trauma has played a significant part in many if not most of my patient’s lives.
"Dr Romney you explained things so clearly so people understand it but it's wrapped in such warmth and so people feel it and that's why people love you so much." Kyle that is so beautiful, and so true! You are so sweet too!
I applaud Dr Ramani for getting her message across to the viewers so effectilvely while negotiating a conversation with a narcissist. She's a true pro.
Sometimes I feel the "survivors guilt" because I went through a situation riddled with misunderstandings and good intentions, but in the process i have been overwhelmed, gaslighted, and i have had people use manipulation tactics to "scare" me out of using drugs, amongst a list of other things. I feel like because nothing ever happened to me physically and the intentions were pure, i shouldnt be traumatized. In reality though despite the fact that very few people understand why my situation affected me the way it did, the reality is that im battling extreme paranoia and shame on top of publically humiliating myself in front of god knows how many people....so yeah it might not have been as bad as other traumatic experiences that many people have gone through, but for me as an individual with my own particular psychological makeup, it was EXTREMELY traumatic. I am proud to say thst with the help of close friends and an amazing support network i am becoming more regulated with my emotional reactions and self image every day. There are still small things thst i feel people do to intentionally trigger me, however, and I feel totally invalidated by a vast majority of people involved. Its all good though because thats just life and i will only utilize these experiences to make me a stronger person
I was never diagnosed, but I have or had PTSD from a snake being in my house. I had a 3 month old baby and I had walked passed the snake 3 times. It never bit me but my two babies were in a different room and I couldn't protect them from the snake which was between us. I felt so pathetic and paralyzed while helpless and the most terrified I've ever felt. That was one of my biggest fears coming true. My child's father had to wake up at night when I would "hear snakes" and he would check under the bed and anything I asked.
Indeed. I suffered from CPTSD after a series of significantly traumatic events (unable to escape) which occurred over a very long 18 months...day in, day out...and was saddened to hear comments like, "you just need to get over it". Terribly diminishing and insensitive...stemming from ignorance.
I struggled with flashbacks from the trauma I experienced with needing to have my 13 yo Pug, Porky, (my youngest son) euthanized. I was allowed to bring Porky home from the hospital to spend some alone time with him before returning for the procedure. I was with him face to face crying my head off as he received the injection which takes mere seconds to take effect. But I swear to you on my life, that he actually *smiled* at the end, so I quickly changed my face to smile back, whether he actually saw it or not. I was so deeply affected by this experience thatI sank into a deep depression and played this scene over and over in my mind. I felt such extreme guilt. Why didn't I hold him while he received the medicine, instead of having him on that steel table? (though I had at least brought his pillow to lie on.) I would have repeated flashbacks an untold number of times throughout my days, it was unbearable. After about a year of this I had to quit my loved job as a Karaoke hostess one night out of the blue because I simply could not go on night after night "pretending" to be happy... not a good ending with the owners of the pub, but there was nothing else I could do. Flash forward to a particular appointment with my Psychiatrist. He asked me, "Have you experienced a trauma?" And when I replied yes, having to have my dog put to sleep. At that, he slammed his hands on his desk, stood up, and shouted at me, "THAT IS NOT A TRAUMA!" But, yes. Yes it was. And still is, even these 10 years later. 😥
It is true. Love you, Dr. Ramani. Your work always makes my pain feel so absolutely normalized. So, based on what you're saying, unaddressed trauma could greatly contribute to NPD. It makes sense.
I'm curious about how the development of mental illness relates to the type of trauma experienced, specifically with regards to how normalized/socially accepted the type of trauma is. Sexual assault seems to be one of those things that is fairly normalized. Other examples might include corporal punishment of children, workplace harassment, or violence against cyclists/pedestrians. It seems like every time a cyclist dies, people just shrug it off or make insensitive jokes about it. Surely this must adversely affect one's ability to process the trauma, right?
Knowledge is power. Understanding is wisdom. This is an educational video for all ages. It teaches you to recognize the red flags bullies present at an early age. One step in the right direction of learning something new and interesting every day. Some of the most exciting days are when you see and understand something in a new and different light (perspective) and experience an epiphany.
I think when people say "oh you but you look so put together" reads "your trauma could not have been so bad/it didn't affect you" but they probably mean "I wouldn't be able to tell, you have done such a great job putting that past you"
The second one is so true. When I was suicidal I had people telling me they wished they were as happy as me. Now I am in a far more mentally healthy place and I am a genuinely happy person, which has caused me to become even more bubbly and enthusiastic, but I have 20 years of trauma under my belt that is so complicated, in some ways subtle and difficult to explain that I don't know if trauma is even the right word to describe it. I haven't met a single person who was able to pick that the first 20 years of my life were fantastically fucked up in multiple ways.
i adore her simplicity .. in a world where we feel obliged to dress up trendy and do our hair properly . she has done none of it and looks so naturally beautiful
Dear Kyle and Dr. Ramani, This video, and another one you did together, made me cry. You seem like the knowledgeable, dedicated, warm, clear intelligent mental health professionals I have been needing my whole life and haven't found yet. I'm turning 50 tomorrow, and have suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life, since i was little. Certain things happened that were not addressed. Since I was 14, I've been hospitalized four times for suicide attempts and/or ideation (not counting a couple of other suicide-attempt-related ER visits). I've been in talk therapy off and on since 14, and have been on medication since the age of 45. I'm also in a 12 step program. I'm struggling to avoid another suicide attempt today, can't stop crying, and for the past two months all my days have been like this. I just started DBT and am trying to get into a TMS clinic this week. What you say in this video, Dr. Ramani, about the potential ramifications of trauma not being dealt with early, was what really brought tears to my eyes. I feel like I've never found peace, love, or happiness. Like all my years have been wasted. The point of my comments here are just to echo what I'm sure others have said to you, which is that I wish all doctors and therapists were like you (sounds a little childish but this is my thought on it). I will continue on my search for better or different kinds of help.
the trouble is that constant childhood trauma (narc parents) leads to very poor life choices (narc husband) which leads to yet more trauma and yet more trauma and in the end, even with appropriate help, you can be traumatised by something that other people perhaps wouldn't be.....or conversely, accept awful things as "not so bad" when in fact they are unacceptable.
An AMAZING book on trauma especially childhood trauma is called The boy who was raised as a dog. It’s even helped me be a better mommy. & it helped me understand some of my childhood trauma. I listened to the audiobook & I just can’t recommend it enough 💕
Homelessness is rarely mentioned as a source of trauma. It also makes people vulnerable to repeated abuse, assaults, etc. I'm going to bet people will acknowledge homelessness as traumatic after how many people were displaced by the pandemic. Even then, mass evictions are a different kind of experience. Like people becoming homeless now might have some stuff in common with pre-pandemic homelessness, but the conditions are not exactly the same.
You really captured me with this video. This is something that I have spoken about while working within the mental health field. Even when discussing with other mental health clinicians, I get a tremendous amount of pushback when I query about the the language people use to describe various behaviours, disorders etc. I am taken back by how often I hear 'well that's just how I feel' or 'well it's all subjective.' Well no, it't not actually all subjective, this is why these terms have been operationalized to the degree they are... because they mean something rather specific, not just what you want them to mean. And that is crucial if we are to be on the same page as other professionals.
Can you please talk about the term "trauma dumping"? How it trivialises trauma, paints trauma survivors as manipulative victims, and discourages seeking help.
Hurrican Maria traumatized all of us here in PR, especially when 5 years later there is a privatized power company that has been way worse than the public entity before (it got privatized). The lights go out all the time, every day. And we are in hurricane season. The earthquakes we had in 2020 also make me feel like the bed of the car parked, I feel like we are having an earthquake.
Tricultural activist here, please share this video around on Instagram and snapchat.. Even in the "clover 🍀". Please, people can change and it's important to realise that help is out here. Live long and prosper. Love you, MedCircle 🖖😎 can't put in words how much Dr.Ramani means to me. Thank you so much
I'm a HSP and when I was a child I was traumatized by witnessing sexual violence and gore in scary movies. I was tormented by dreams and fears and anxieties most of my childhood and even into my teens. I was too young to differentiate fact from fiction so in my mind what i witnessed was real. It took a long time for me before I was to able sleep with the lights off.
I disagree with the first point. There are different degrees of trauma. There are significant events that leave a lasting negative emotional imprint and then there are small accumulative things like severe emotional neglect from a parent/s, having your reality denied as a child, emotional manipulation and gaslighting. Theres also vicarious trauma.
I'm in one now...coming out. It will get better. This one has shone a bright light on my marriage 20+ years ago and the narcissistic abuse I was put through for 15 years...wow. it's cPTSD. Thank you...
It's your sincerity and authenticity that resonates. I've experienced numerous life traumas and am very resilient. That being said there's been little emotional or psychological support. And I won't lie my life has been unimaginably hard. You mention briefly something I've been feeling recently and that is I just don't feel like I'm going to live as long as I used to think I would...and it's been something I haven't been able to understand. I've survived so much as have my kids. Getting mental health help in Hawaii is almost laughable. You Tube and you are my mental health. I'm grateful you are here.
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Which of these misconceptions about trauma surprised you?
Discover the best support strategies for trauma, straight from Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/2QkF8Ey
How about autistic abuse? Constantly being denied your truth, never being able to be yourself, systemic bullying by family friends and establishments of all types. Being made to mask always, or be shunned, slapped kicked, rejected. I don't think any autistic person gets to adulthood without trauma.
@Poison Ivy For a therapist to say something like that seems incredibly unprofessional. I can't even begin to imagine how disheartening that must be. I hope you can find another way to find help, perhaps a self-help group - I imagine there would be people who might know a suitable therapist. My heart goes out to you. You don't deserve to suffer.
@Poison Ivy Hold on, you will find your way! Dont let others determine you or define you, you are much more!!!
IS ERP a good treatment for ptsd ???
Years ago I was traumatised. My parents tore apart and my mom burnt my personal dairy. I was 12 then. Till now I can't write a prose poem again. My thoughts get stuck at the event everytime I try.
I'm 22 now. I realise my parents are narcissistic. They are so manipulative that they even got my therapist under their control. I've no familu member to support or stand up for me. No such friend as they (parents) have ruined them too. Can you suggest what I can do??
"Just because you're struggling with trauma does not mean you're not resilient. You've been pushed beyond the normal boundaries of human experience." I feel seen.
Yes, f*cking finally. I'll just say that my publicly issued therapist for a whopping 6 sittings/sessions, when I suggested cPTSD might be something to look into, told me "What IS this cPTSD you're talking about? No, I think it has to be pent up rage". I felt like I was in 1875, good lord we're still so behind in some cases.
Seen. That's the word.
You put it better than I did. This statement made me burst into tears. I had to pause the video to regain composure. I really need trauma therapy. "Seen" is right!
@@igotbluesdevils😅😊
*"None of us know how how we're going react to a trauma until we're in it."*
This. Right. Here.
This. I learnt this the hard way
Powerful wording. Total agreement
Yup. Def/ agree.
Boom. Comforting taking all this in...
And taking for granted that we’re all the same. So, even people with the intelligence to imagine what you might be going through still see it through the lens of their own life. If that life was stable, loving, and supportive, it’s WAY too easy to dismiss the hurt a less fortunate soul might be feeling.
My reality is that the early trauma opened up a void that allowed what might be considered “normal” trauma like divorce, arrest, abandonment, invalidation, scorn, and shame to completely disable my ability to “rebound.”
Because I don’t look like others, react like others, succeed or fail like others, I’m not in trouble. At this point, I feel like the only way to “prove” I wasn’t lying is to die. It’s a tough spot to be in.
My worst experience is when people invalidate your trauma because its not as bad as somebody elses. I don't think people understand how damaging that is :(
yep. I had someone tell me to just get over it.
There's as much logic to that as if you told someone they shouldn't feel happy about something because someone else has reason to feel happier. Which anyone can see is ridiculous.
Your trauma is valid. And no one should ever compare your trauma to others
Yes and I’ve had therapists do this with me in the past.
My Mom did that, when I confronted her in her old age about why she let my Father abuse us. She then acted like it was okay, because he didn't use a tree limb or twig or switch as she put it. She also pointed out that once her Mom wanted her out of the kitchen so she deliberately burned on on the stove...............That was supposed to make it okay for her to let her husband abuse her children. Now, I've inherited her christmas stuff........................Tis the Season.
One that drives me nuts is the assumption kids can just bounce back or that they are going to leave the experience behind them.
People dismiss it to keep themselves comfortable. It is selective ignorance, which intensifies the trauma for those dealing with it.
One of my families favourite quotes, until I stood my ground in my 40s and said.. no they do not. I didn't, I broke.
I'm 44 and I live at least 2 traumatic events daily and rarely the some one twice a week. Every experience I have today closely matching the past brings thoughts and feelings to the front. My traumas were from all around, mean drunk parent, neglected tortured and bullied relentlessly makes for a pretty messy crowded mind.
@@erenawismer4009 Im sorry xxx
@@simikatra3434 my mothers also, probably why she never bothered to explain anything to me or get me the help/therapist I needed
2 misconceptions I deal with are A) you come from a middle class "well to do" family, therefore you could not have had a traumatic, abusive childhood. & B) that I "choose to hang on to my trauma". These make me so mad & feel so invalidated.
I get that a lot from these Veterans Affairs counselors that do exactly that.
this is exactly the same for me. it exacerbated everything that at each turn of the road your reality is rejected for what “you should be doing”. taking sociology courses suggested that suburban youth are exponentially more depressed than those in cities. Urban youth is pretty directly linked to socioeconomic status so it’s not like kids with fortunate backgrounds don’t grow up with a. long list of negligent behaviors fucking up their development and conditioning. regardless of enrichment, learning about what’s going on, the conditioning is like long hardened tree sap, and changing my thoughts doesn’t translate to changing my feelings.
I really hear this. My life looked so great, but it was so painful. And my family rejects me for talking about it. Tough journey
This is something I completely agree with, I know I have mental health issues but I feel so extremely guilty for feeling upset or depressed or when I do fantasise suicidal tendencies because I don't have a bad life, my parents are both together, I go to a private school my relationship with my parents isn't that great but I feel like they do care about me deep down, I do have a great relationship with my sister but I have talents and things I can do well. My life isn't anywhere near as hard as someone elsdoesn'twithI'mI
That second one is so ignorant it makes me mad
Oh, I love to hear how I am "making a victim out of myself", when actually all I am trying to do is opening up, being heard, being validated and understood. People really tend to bypass trauma survivors emotionally, even doctors do that. Its not helping us heal, rather on the contrary, drives us more into isolation. I feel like the only cure is a lot of love and compassion from your social circle, sadly, we, the survivors, mostly end up filling forms for social support.
100%. You can’t always tell by looking. Some of us just suffer in silence, and some of us get really good at avoiding all our triggers, at least for a while until we get stressed, or tired, or re-experience some “microtrauma” that throws us off, then maybe something might seem a little “off”, or maybe not. If someone is opening up to you about this stuff, just be quiet and listen. Don’t judge. Just hold space.
@@martynacyran2855 I hear you. I hate that as well, the allegation I am acting like a victim. Do not let them get to you. This can take a long time to deal with. Do not beat yourself up for wanting to heal.
I immediately sighed upon hearing that anything that isn’t physically threatening isn’t trauma lmao.
Omg amen exactly. Thank you for sharing you lifted me up
as survivor of narcissitic abuse im telling you you dont need other peoples validation only your own learn to self parent your own emotions this will creat more iner blance when you seek validated from outside your self your wanting others to acceptances from others and the reality is your not allways going to get it so learn to accept what is in term of what people bring to the table and create firm boundaries and let others own exactly what your not willing to accept how other people treat you is reflection of them and how you reacted is awareness of you learning to surrender is key other wise your allways be consumed by other people bs i see this all the time people are allways puting up reisistance to one thing or another creating their own suffering the survivors, mostly end up filling forms for social support i agree thats very much the case with the organization mind in the uk they see the client every three month which only result in a ticking off box form
Childhood sexual, physical, and emotional trauma has been minimized by professionals who deal with people who have "real trauma" like surviving the "killing fields. Maybe his/her mother cared about them. Neither of my parents did. Childhood trauma often leads to hurtful adult choices--like being married to a covert narcissist.
Childhood trauma is just as valid as any other trauma. I think the worst thing i ever experienced after i left my abusive childhood home was when i still tried to have a relationship with my family and one of my closest friends turned to me and said they pitty the people who abused me because they just seem like sad lonely people. I always try to keep a level head and i dont think they are evil. I think that people who abuse children are messed up and they do horrible things but we are not defined by our actions. In that moment though i felt so angry and upset i wanted to yell.
Sorry i got off topic: but i wanted to let you know at least someone out there understands and gets the feeling a little bit of feeling invalidated like that. And that you are valid in your trauma.
I'm sorry to pry, but I was just wondering what you mean by covert narcissistic? I only ask because I want to see if my fiance might actually be a covert narcissistic! Thank you
You watch this show a lot huh?
This!!!!
That's what i did , married one !
My nephew was surrounded by 3 criminals and robbed at gunpoint while standing at a bus stop to go to his night shift job. He is a gentle giant and people make assumptions based on his low facial affect. He refused therapy based on myths. Now two years later he lives with drug addiction. He's like a ghost and hides from his family and I think maybe the perpetrators in a different smaller city. I meditate often wishing him healing and hoping he will accept he suffered trauma and needs mental health support to heal. He went to court to testify. He was so strong. The perpetrators out on probation. He moved far away. Not an accident or a whim or illogical. No one in my family believes his very profound experience of life threatening violence was a trauma. I do. I'm told he's over it. But I don't believe it. It is so heart breaking.
Here is queen of mind again. Love you madam
I feel trauma can result from any event that "shakes" a person's sense of safety, be it physical or emotional/or verbal, there are so many things that can result in trauma, especially childhood trauma, it is something that basically shifts a child's (later adult) mindset to fear, they become basically fear-centered, hyper vigilant, easily triggered. A narcissist parent, be it covert or grandiose, is garanteed to cause trauma in a child, which result in a sense of catastrophy, a constant fear that everything is goind to fall apart over their heads, that they will ruin their life, and that everything will end for them if they do this or that. I think this should really be addressed, because I think it is more common than it seems, and the reason why we are experiencing this mental illness pandemic (esp anxiety) is basically childhood trauma.
I agree. Dr. Gabor Mate argues that trauma can be caused simply by not getting your basic needs met when you were a child. We tend to hear that trauma is something horrible such as war, rape, car accident etc. But what about those of us who suffer from trauma symptoms, but haven't experienced something quite so extreme in our past or have endured lots of small traumatic events? According to Gabor just growing up with a parent who is unable meet child's emotional needs (child has an innate need for being held and receiving affection), can be traumatizing.
For years I thought everything was fine with my childhood. Sure I had an alcoholic father, but I thought my mother was there to keep me sane. Now I'm beginning to realize that my mom was not there for me either. She was present yes and all our physical needs were met, but the most important job of a parent was missing. She didn't know how to teach me and my sister emotional skills or help us to grow a good self-esteem. Her behavior was unpredictable and self-centered. She often yelled at us for no good reason. I had to always be careful with what I said to her and I couldn't trust her to support me with difficult feelings. She would say awful things to me and never recognize my pain afterwards or say sorry. When I felt lost or in pain for external reasons she couldn't help me or never really taught me emotional skills that are needed when arguing with other people or how to recognize if someone is treating you wrong. Therefore I endured multiple abusive relationships in adulthood until I started to realize the pattern through therapy.
I've been unable to work for 4 years and I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting any better. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. But over the years I had more and more somatic symptoms and was still unable to handle any stress despite going to speech therapy every week. Just lately I've started to grasp that the problem was not having a proper diagnosis for the trauma I've endured and thus a proper treatment. With a friend who is a trauma survivor herself, I've started to gain memories back of deep pain and trauma. Her validation and listening has released incredibly amount of emotional blocks inside me that I was not aware of. She introduced me to the idea that I might suffer from Complex PTSD. I'm still in the process of getting diagnosed, but all the symptoms fit me. I read that treatments include for example mind-body therapies and EMDR. Although I've taken major steps in speech therapy, I think the final healing begins when the body gets involved in the process.
Exactly the opposite of what Dr Ramani said. She talks about narcissism and having a narcissistic patent, and no, that is not trauma. Can it cause mental illnesses? Yes. Does it classify as trauma? No
@@WABP860 I agree it was a red flag to me to see her minimizing people's experiences, and saying that it's only trauma if you almost died.
@@astral-evolution-33 I actually agree with Dr Ramani. Some things do not classify as trauma. Yes, trauma results from a life/death situation, and it is different to anything else in terms of impact on the brain, and that is scientifically proven by brain scans, too. Can other situations have an impact on the brain? Of course. Can they cause mental illness? Of course. But not everything classifies clinically as "trauma". That's not minimizing other people's experience, it is about classifying it the right way, and as she often says, the right diagnosis is not to label but to help and cure
Mental troma is the most dangerous one as it makes you feel so helpless and trapped if it is in a family set up where your children are experiencing it on regular basis and ther is no one to support you...
This lady saved my life. Never met her. But when I felt I couldn't talk or find a therapist. I just watched her videos.
Me too she felt like the only one I could trust
I went through childhood and early adulthood with no one around me realising the trauma I'd been through. Part of that is because of these myths and from people's own opinions on what qualifies 'trauma'. I have multiple mental health issues now, most recently NEAD and C-PTSD. I think these ideas that 'trauma only happens in war time' or 'you never told the police so it couldn't have been that bad' or 'you seem normal' or 'you're just oversensitive' are really damaging. Series like this for just everyday people to see are important
YES!!!
"You were never hospitalised so the abuse mustn't have been too bad"
😩😞😔
Yeah this video minimized trauma I usually agree with dr Ramani but saying you have to witness someone being shot to be traumatized isn't true even alot of emotional stuff people go through even in adulthood can be traumatizing plus if i didn't even know the person who got shot and they weren't a loved one i would be sad but not traumatized. i never heard someone say they were traumatized from standing in a line
Cops don’t do anything anyways. Especially if you’re white. America has an accountability problem.
Can understand. Sometimes because we were shy n quiet then, people just took us for granted. These days, a lot of things can happen. When we learnt to fight in some cases still have hope others seem a bit too late. There actually is not much we can do.
"That didn't happen to you, because I wasn't there."
So True. Love Dr. R. I suffered trauma (sexual abuse) and my mother was narcissistic so I got her abuse. I ended up with PTSD but received therapy help and now I am a Sociology and Psychology student. Things get better.
Lisa Burmood I’m so happy to hear that. To know you are this young and are able to work identify the guilt being shamed. You can’t change your parents. But it does get better, as you surround yourself with more people and listen to only your voice, you identity will PTSD be a thing of the past and the best part you will be able to deal with not just anyone but everyone. Congrats who knows how your life will become.
I admire people like you who go through hard times and then use their experience to help others. Good luck with your studies!
I've experienced trauma and I'm majoring Sociology and minoring in Psychology too!
When did things turn around for you I just got into therapy
@@elecrestis153 Aww, thankyou!
"A person experiencing trauma does not mean that they're forever set back and can't go on to a full and extraordinarily successful life....There are people out there who struggle with trauma - that doesn't mean they're not resilient. And I don't want anyone out there who's a trauma survivor saying "I'm folding under this - I must not be resilient" - the heck you're not! You are resilient. You have been pushed beyond the normal bounds of human experience. None of us know how we're going to react to a trauma until we're in it."
"How dare you ever make an assumption about someone else's life."
Also I didn't realise that sense of a foreshortened future was a symptom and that symptoms were only trends.
I watched my brother John being abused. I remember even as a teenager seeing him crying in shower with a bloody nose. He was being punished for being a hero and calling the police when it was appropriate. Mom neglected to protect him from my Father.
Sad! 😭
I witnesses my dad committing suicide when I was in my mid 20's and I never realized I was dealing with trauma until I started to realize I was raised by a narc. mother in my late 50's. No one ever ask me how I was doing after it.
It makes people uncomfortable, ooo poor them. I realised something recently If your loved one dies of an illness their praised a saint, a fighter, such a tragedy and you get hundreds of condolences, help etc. If your loved one dies of suicide on the otherhand they are never talked about, few condolences or offerings doesnt matter how good/amazing they were in this life. And you yourself are forgotten about no one asks, no one visits no one sits with you or listens
I'm so sorry you've witnessed your dad's suicide🙏🏻. So how are you doing now? I hope you're in a better place today...
@@Bojan_V I am in a much better place...thank-you for asking.
Nobody is ever gonna really ask if you’re ok. Learn to deal with it.
I am sorry you seen that
"You have been pushed beyond the normal bounds of human experience, AND you feel at risk to your own life or to the lives of those you love" (which was added in the MedCircle series). That just makes me cry and cry. Thank you so much. Abuse was just considered normal in my house growing up - a daily occurance. Everybody hung their heads in shame, but nobody ever intervened or acted as if it wasn't ok. Not only that, but I had to watch my most beloved being on the planet be tortured in front of my eyes when I was 8. AND, I was a teller and got held up with a gun pointed in my FACE. Then I got questioned by the FBI as if I were somehow involved. Because of my shock and horror, the FBI guy figured out that I was the victim, then he laughed at me (probably because I was so shaken). I'm still alive at 70, can't figure out why. I don't feel resilient, I just think I had to bury it all in order to keep on going and survive, because I live alone. To look at me, you'd never image what I've been thru' or that I totally isolate. The thought that maybe I was resilient brings tears to my eyes. I have to keep listening to this. Thankyou.
Bless you. This I do know -- being able to appear as if all is well with us is a survival skill children learn to survive an abusive home. The good news is that all of what we learn is able to be un-learned. You can undertake this on your own. Begin with Pete Walker's book C-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, but pace yourself because the book is triggering. Put it down when you feel the need to process something.
All the best to you. You deserve peace.
@@rubberbiscuit99 Thank you very much. I don't even know you, yet your help and compassion have touched me deeply. Thank you
@@jfdc8432 Just putting back out there what I have received from countless kind internet strangers. ❤️
Sphynx love to you. Sorry you had these experiences. I've had my own and feel empathetic 🧡
jfdc I’m 60. I understand.
The big one for me was that trauma and flashbacks make you ‘unable to function.’ I have PTSD, but for a long time I didn’t understand it because I was, sort of, functioning. I was up on my feet. I was doing what I had to, which was look after a young child with special needs. I couldn’t afford to spend time on a fainting couch; I had to manage at least well enough to look after him. When people asked me how I was doing, the honest answer was that it was a question I couldn’t afford to ask myself. I had too much else to do.
So I was ‘functioning’, by which I mean I was changing nappies and washing clothes and providing meals and singing nursery rhymes and faking smiles even if it made me feel sick to my stomach to force the corners of my mouth all the way up, because my son needed to feel safe, and I was getting diagnoses for him and learning how to support SEN and fighting systemic bigotry. I was just doing it in a kind of nightmare haze where I was so disorientated I couldn’t even judge how far from normal my emotions had been swept. I could fake it well enough that my son wasn’t afraid, and I thought that meant I couldn’t have ‘real’ trauma. I was just weak and self-pitying.
Now I look back and think I was being brave. I was just too traumatized to understand that was what I was doing.
💜
I identify with what you said. I had lots of trauma growing up, as well, then married a narcissist. I had three children before divorcing him, which was a trauma in its own category. Throughout all of this, I thought I was fine. Now I'm on the other side, having crumbled recently, I am now in therapy and coming to terms with all of this. You can and will recover, and I send you strength and love xox
Kit Whitfield you feel like you’re just living a moving picture that you are not wanting. I worked 18 hour days. I didn’t eat because there wasn’t money to do so. I worked to make sure my kids had food and the things they needed. No help. If their Dad got involved it was just the physical or narcissistic abuse. I couldn’t trust my family. I had a few people step in and help. I seriously don’t know how we survived but we did. We’re not entirely intact but we’re here and in a somewhat better place. For me looking back is like looking down a really dark cliff.
I finally decided to remove myself from all social media. I was thinking it was giving me anxiety, depression, competition, dealing with angry and narcissistic people, on and on ... After almost 20 yrs being on social media I felt it important to unplug for good and I already feel an uplift in my thinking and mood. I know more and more people are deleting Facebook per CNBC during their earning reports. Have you discussed why so many people have decided to disconnect from this type of lifestyle and return to the slower paced life of yesteryear?
I removed myself as well. Social media destroys relationships.
@@calight1111 Agree.
Good move!
Isn't TH-cam social media?
@@gillianjackson9403 It can be, but I was referring to back and forth chatter. I don’t see that much on here.
I have never cried so much on an outro than hearing : “whatever your going through you got this.”
Thanks for doing these videos.
Sometimes the worst trauma is when your family dismisses and invalidates your questions about the original trauma. "That didn't happen!". "You're wrong!". "You can't live in the past". That's where I got hung up for years... I felt alot of anger knowing that I was being manipulated to ignore and dismiss the reality of what happened. It was WAY worse than what actually happened. I don't know if anyone can relate to that.
I am
Then when I talk to them, i will asked myself “am I” again
I do. I understand. you're strong. Be with your self. Trust yourself. Give some love to yourself.
I can. When trying to bring up my older brother having SA me as a child… note, I brought this up years later after I was an adult… my dad immediately defended my brother by saying, “That was just childhood curiosity!” before I even told him any specifics of what I experienced.
Cut him out emotionally immediately from my life.
Trauma can be caused by variety of reasons. While waiting too long in the line is not traumatic. Being bullied and isolated with everyone wishing this person to fail, if it goes on for long enough I would consider it traumatic. This happening as an isolated incident is hurtful but not traumatic. But if it happens again and again for long enough it can cause trauma.
None of us know how we're gonna react to trauma until we're put in it. Well put Dr. Ramini
My now 33 year old daughter ‘witnessed’ her grandma - my mother put her grandson/Jonathan (my sister’s son at 3 years old) in the clothes dryer because he wouldn’t stop crying...That’s TRAUMA to Jonathan and to my daughter who was 5 years old at the time this happened!! My sister did not think there was anything ‘wrong’ with it ! My daughter brought it up 2 years ago when Jonathan died from a drug overdose. He was 29 years old. Yes, he became addicted to all sorts of drugs. And yes, Jonathan had suffered with so many mental health issues growing up. Not surprising for the emotional and physical abuse he endured. No emotional connection with his own family - his parents and younger sister. They viewed him as a failure, an outcast, and the younger sister as the ‘golden child’...Today, my mother nor my sister do not even realise how much emotional, and psychological damage they had done to Jonathan, which makes me so angry !!! They’re clueless. Today, my mother would be in trouble with children’s protective services! This happened in 1992 and now my mother is 93 yrs. old... which she’s still the same evil and manipulative unhappy person. It’s incredible how dysfunctional my family is, my 2 sisters and our mother except she doesn’t like my brother and me. (we don’t allow her to manipulate us...therefore we don’t count). She had turned ‘many’ family members against me and brother with her lies...To this day, I still feel bad I could not do more or help Jonathan. He was a caring and a gentle soul. May you rest in peace Jonny ☮️
I know I experienced trauma. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and other mental disorders, yet I have a really hard time calling abuse what it was. I wish I could get over this.
When my little daughter was diagnosed with JRA I cried. The "DR" said "why are you crying, you don't have it". What an ass.
Wow fuck that guy what the hell that is so messed up.
Was your daughter present? That matters a lot.
can you please do a vid on how to deal with a narc mother? a lot of vids on narc partner but needed info on narc mother... specifically covert narc mother.. thanks :)
MedCircle did a video a few months ago about this: th-cam.com/video/Rt2n2jE7NvA/w-d-xo.html
You can also check out Dr. Ramani's channel, which is equally informative, if not more, particularly for narcissism.
Ghost your narc mom . That’s what I did at 38 and I wish I had done it a lot sooner in my life .
I would so need advice on that.
@@carolinelaronda4523 ya i did for over 10 years but it's more complicated than that because I'm a new mom and my beloved grandmother moved into my parents house and I can only see her via them as well as my husband's mom is a narc too and we have to maintain contact so he can see his grandmother UGH I can't ghost anymore... Sucks
I have a covert narc mother too, so it would be very interesting to hear more in detail.
Trauma can be a build up of consistent hardship. It doesn’t have to be one specific event in time and I think that’s important for people to know.
All the videos with Dr. Ramani make me feel validated. To the point where I feel like I connect with more people in the comments than I do in my actual life... People just can't seem to make sense of anything I do or understand why I am the way I am. When I was 5, my birth giver started dating a physically and sexually abusive boy friend (from start to finish this lasted about 3 months) I was SA'd and my 3 year old little brother was murdered by the same person. I'm 28 now, so it's easier to talk about. It always will blow my mind how many people hear my story and go "Wow. I would've never thought you went through any of that knowing you" or "you don't look like you've been through that. You carry yourself well". I understand why people who haven't experienced what I went through could get the perception that I should be a total wack job (which I have PTSD & BPD so I'm not saying that to be rude towards anyone), but it always makes me wonder what "normal" people think.. Like is there a way I should look? I think people forget that not all "trauma" or issues are physical/visible. Just like when people have disabilities/handicapped. You don't have to be obviously crippled or unable to live day to day like a normal person to be disabled.
I developed CPTSD from my experiences in college. When I was 18 I was an elite goalkeeper and freshman at Iowa State University. Our head coach was emotionally/mentally abusive, and I unfortunately was the scapegoat of the team. Our other two coaches were very neglectful. ADHD runs on my dads side of the family and anxiety disorders run on my moms side...Ive always had ADHD but was now dealing with the onset of OCD. Which at the time we thought was depression. Cause why else would I sleep all day on 50mg of Vyvanse?When I told my coach his response was “Well Emily, (sighs)...that’s not my problem..and nor do I really care..?” I remember that phone call very vividly.
At the end of the year he some how got a hold of my NCAA Psych Evaluation (was taken so I could legally take my vyvanse for my ADHD) he read some of it out to me and said he had an entire team to think of and not just me. Then told me I wasn’t coming back. He even said I was obviously good enough to play at that level but he didn’t want to put in a little extra elbow grease.
Emails were sent to the ADs. We never heard a response. My parents then emailed the President of the University at the time. We again got no response.
This unfortunately was my experience with 1 University. I have a whole other story about my Sophmore year at Western Michigan University...then the rest of my college career.
If you’re reading this then thank you for taking the time to hear a very small portion of my story.
I went to the Amen clinics in Chicago and did the whole spect scan work up and genetic enzyme tests for mood stabilizers. Turns out that SSRI’s don’t really metabolize correctly in my body. I’m FINALLY being medically treated correctly and man to I feel so much better.
This is WAY too common in the world of athletics.
Thank you for this btw. I’m an external processor and am still getting out of my brain fog I was in for a couple years and putting my experiences in words helps. Plus the videos helps cause I can just show whoever I’m trying to communicate with and it’ll just make more sense. Especially till I figure out how to talk about it myself. I’m even working on the emotions wheel!:)
I’m just proud of myself, I guess. Im resilient:)
I'm really sorry and also proud of you for getting out of that situation. Coaching seems to attract a personality type that is emotionally abusive. I'm sorry about that.
Sorry to hear about your unfair difficulties from that coach. Some people hold positions that affect others. Sad but true that person was/ is not fit to be a coach.
I just watched this great conversation after going through a diagnosis of PTSD and am just coming to realize how deeply I was affected by continued trauma during childhood and adolescence, and how living with that untreated trauma affected everything else. Trivializing, suppressing and denying the wounds has done me no favors, so thank you for destigmatizing this essential issue: Complex PTSD seems to be the umbrella under which my other disorders (ADD, depression, anxiety) present themselves and even though it seems far too late to seek treatment for things that happened decades ago, It is mandatory that I attempt to address it and find a means to heal.
I would guess your diagnosis of ADD, if received in your teens or later, is actually BPD. The symptoms are very similar, and ADD, or ADHD is so severe that there’s really no way a person can get through childhood without it being pick up on. ADD/ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders that people(usually males) are born with. Some head injuries can lead to a syndrome that has symptoms similar to it, but true ADHD is inborn. And, for people who have ADHD, they cannot function without medication. If you have taken medication for ADHD, and have not responded, or responded poorly, that is a good indicator that you do not have it as well. I completely agree that many trauma based disorders are misdiagnosed as ND disorders, especially if the diagnoses are made in adulthood. But to be clear, ASD and ADHD, and probably OCD, are disorders people are born with. Trauma cannot cause any of these, though sadly, having these disorders, specifically the first two, do put children at much greater risk of being victims of abuse that can lead to a trauma based disorder. OCD is the one ND disorder that is far more common in females than males. ADHD is extremely rare in females. ASD is more common in females than ADHD, but still quite rare. A lot of children with ODD(a disorder that develops in very early childhood as the result of abuse/trauma) is probably responsible for a whole lot of misdiagnoses of ASD and ADHD, though having ASD or ADHD, again, does put them at greater risk of developing ODD. There seems to be a very concerted effort, being made by corrupt psychological organizations, to ignore trauma based disorders, and blame ND disorders for a person’s problems. Just the fact that C-PTSD was left out of the DSM seems sus. There most certainly has not been a gigantic increase in actual ASD or ADHD in children, that happened within a generation. Of course there are people that have them, but not that many more than had them 20-30 years ago.
‘How dare you making an assumption about ... (@ 5.00mins)’ .... thank you Dr Ramani for highlighting this very important point. Not only do we hide or manage silently our childhood negative experiences, but are then dismissed and even disbelieved by others in adulthood when they cannot believe how is it possible that someone calm and collected and put together has ever experienced trauma. This is about the not unimportant matter of stereotyping and assumptionistic attitudes. I saw a young man recently wearing a beautiful meaningful t-shirt with the writing ‘I am not your stereotype’.
My personal favorite: my own psychiatrist belittling my trauma and CPTSD, and only wanting to talk to me for literally (no, not figuratively) 5 MINUTES EVERY 3 MONTHS. Not 5 minutes and 40 seconds. Not 6 minutes. Not 7 minutes.
Five. Minutes. Five sets of 60 seconds. Every three months.
Thank goodness for adept and mentally healthy PSYCHOLOGISTS and THERAPISTS.
My psychiatrist completely gaslighted me and just wanted to prescribe a antidepressant.
For me it's coming to terms with trauma. For so long I dismissed it, I was hard on myself and didn't think I was worth healing. The more I open up to my trauma to friends the more they open up and it seems we have all been suppressing so much and not given ourselves permission to open up about it. Mine began in childhood and I felt a lot of shame and confusion which has carried on into adulthood unfortunately. Thank you so much for these videos, I'm beginning to heal now.
I understand the suppression of so much too and still always feel shameful and confused about expressing anything about my trauma. I only realised that then by reading your comment.
Her warmth heals me.
I think a major thing people get wrong, is the overuse and minimizing of the the term " triggered" Also I believe replacing the word "stress " in PTSD with " injury" would be helpful.
We look like normal people .Getting help as soon as possible. My last trauma was triple bye .2 yrs I just keep moving .death ,rape ,stalked ,seen people shot ,mental physical abuse. I still jump when someone comes up behind me .Having Faith ,prayer ,stay close to God ,keep your body in order has helped me .yoga ,weight lifting .Like you said get help .Most important things you can do .God bless you Doc .I seek to learn .Love you so much .GB
I used to get the "you dont seem like you would be the type of person who smoked" while im also trying to function with cptsd. Dont assume anything!
Smoked what? Crack? That was entirely on you. I’ve been through hell and the fuck bsck. Wouldn’t fathom picking up a pipe or needle.
Don’t let that other person tell you how you lived your life. It is not your fault. Never.
@@myshirtsaretrash8477 He probably meant cigarettes or weed. Crack doesn't help you with ptsd...relaxing drugs like weed,benzos and opioids can numb the symptoms of ptsd. It's still not a permament solution...the brutal truth about ptsd is that you will live the rest of your life miserable and will never find happiness...your brain will push you to achieve all these things like money,power,women hoping to get back to how you were before the event...but the truth is it never gets better
Going with the overuse of the word...I’ve had a few assume that I just had a “bad relationship/breakup,” cause it’s not their business what I went through...but it was far beyond just a messy breakup. 😓
And yes! People say I’m so happy, bubbly, sunshiny, etc... and therefore whatever I’ve dealt with couldn’t have been that bad? Uhm, I mean, I’m not gonna wear that on my sleeve! 😂
Just started counselling, the therapist said to look up trauma and narcissistic abuse. Literally everything in Dr. Ramani’s said in her videos and here is what has happened in my past. Everything stated by her is very helpful. I finally have a word and description on what I went through. Very eye opening, it gives me even more resolve to break the cycle of trauma. I swore to myself since a teen, that my children will not go through the same shit I dealt with. It ends here. So happy to see my children grow and flourish nowadays.
What Kyle said about Dr. Ramani's warmth is soooo true!!! When she said " HOW DARE YOU..." I felt protected hahaha
i had a very traumatic childhood & adult. i have MDD,CPTSD,dysthymia, chroinc fatigue. im in my 60s still struggling with trauma.my dad and husband where narrisstics.
Breaks my heart, madam. So sorry
We need more Dr. Ramani"s in this world. I found her online last year and having someone who "gets it" means so much to those of us struggling in her areas of expertise.
I have been waiting for this one to come out! Saying you have something when you don’t, like OCD and trauma, is exceptionally offensive. It’s like that person is trying to wear it around like a badge of honor not knowing or caring how debilitating living with something like that actually is. I don’t have a disorder myself, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to have compassion or respect.
Oh there's one I got a while back :
"only veterans get this"
Same here
Same
I deff agree. I hate it when people say that they were so traumatized from waiting in line for 2 hours. It makes me so mad.
I got goosebumps when I started watching this. My life has been so hard because of true trauma.
Dr. Ramani-you’re saving people. You’re helping so many of us who have felt so alone and sad for so long. I almost lost hope. I’m glad I never did. I’m going to use all of your resources to share with my son. Both of us have lived through trauma (I’ve had some significant traumas that he may never experience), so all of these videos are beyond helpful.
This channel is superb! I am going to applaud you for saying that we all need to stop using terms to describe things that aren’t happening. I will never do that again and I will be vocal about saying that that is not ok!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
What about LONG term gaslighting, mocking, harassment, criticism & assumptions? Narcissism. I can tell you its trauma, depression. I function out but haven't in. Working hard to change that. Not easy. Serious fatigue, from ongoing stress & not taking care of myself. Often minimalized, invalidated. This is not about attention as many invalidate but TRUE struggle. Fighting to live a good life EVERY day. Beyond it all.
Crying watching this when you talked about resilience. I am a survivor of childhood trauma and narcissistic abuse. Thank you for telling me that
"We need to be able to talk about this [mental health] without stigma."
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
100%. You can’t always tell by looking. Some of us just suffer in silence, and some of us get really good at avoiding all our triggers, at least for a while until we get stressed, or tired, or re-experience some microtrauma that throws us off, then maybe something might seem a little “off”, or maybe not. If someone is opening up to you about this stuff, just be quiet and listen. Don’t judge. Just hold space.
Thank you Dr. Ramani and all the health professionals, and to you MedCircle.
I am a veteran, a childhood survivor of intergenerational military domestic violence and substance abuse, and yes, MST survivor without service connection validation. I struggle daily, and I fake it being ok. Education is very important. I am unable to hold employment, d/t out of control symptoms that are like approaching in huge waves and traughs, but always started by triggers. It is complex in how it is to me.
I am so happy for finding medcircle. I went through years of physical and verbal abuse from a step dad who hated me, hated life, and did what he could to make my life hell. 11 years old to 16. I'm 25 now and still trying to heal. You guys have really helped with the amount of information and aid.
Thank you, ThankYou, Thank You people who have never experienced Trauma are so loose with the word and they inder estimate what the effects are.Thx. Great vid.
I agree. Dr Ramani is so great at explaining in a caring way. I cried watching this. I experienced trauma in my teens & had my first mental breakdown at 17. I saw a councillor who told me that I was wasting his time & that he had more important clients to deal with. This completely put me off talking & I bottled things up for years. I had another breakdown at 24 then again at 32. I'm sure I have PTSD and anxiety but after my son was diagnosed with autism last year I realised that my father has autism & I also have traits of either autism or ADHD since childhood which I think has added to the anxiety. I recently went to a psychologist who looked at me like I was nuts & didn't bother suggesting a follow up appointment. I've not had much luck. I saw a psychiatrist for 2 years who was only interested in heavily medicating me which didn't make me better, just turned me into a zombie & i developed an obsessive behaviour. 😢.
Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani! That, "How dare you?" hit me so hard. Thank you for speaking for those who need it.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for your work. Love from Portugal! 💞
It is the acknowledgement and vindication she gives to those who have suffered abuse.
I wish my mom would have known to start early on making sure I addressed the events that traumatized me. Instead I got plugged with vitamins, told I was hallucinating, and invalidated-only to find out years later that she knew what I was going through the whole time was REAL.
I don’t feel bitter, but I hope to acknowledge this. It was wrong to not address it. I didn’t feel safe nor did I trust my mind for YEARS. “I MUST be crazy, because that didn’t really happen!” I realize now that it was a trauma response that I developed several symptoms of depression, suicidal ideation, and obsessive-intrusive thoughts. I replayed the traumas over and over and over. I was constantly retraumatizing myself.
It really sucks. I’m only just now able to untangle everything.
Dr. Ramani is so lovely, professional, empathic, knowledgeable, inspiring & soothing. I look up to her and she reminds me of me, not in a cocky way. I just love how Kyle casually mentions that, she’s so down to Earth.
Btw it’s true, I do click the "like" button on all of the videos featuring Dr. Ramani. 🙈🤣
The only hope left in my 76 years of life now is to help and support others. Years and years of trauma have caused a lot of damage but have also made me a strong survivor and an understanding of many. Too late for me but that's okay. I'll take this screaming 3 year old inside of me and my own pain to my grave fighting not to give up the fight too early. Loving and helping others is everything.
I just want to add my two cents regarding Dr Ramani's definition of what constitutes trauma, notably the part where she says that ''trauma goes beyond the scope of everyday life events''. I'd like to challenge that thought in that trauma is an embodied nervous-system reaction. Anything that registers as traumatic to the nervous-system is trauma. So any event that takes from our flight/fight state down into freeze and shutdown is trauma. So those events can look different to different people. Also, unfortunately, many messages that are pervasively integrated into our social tissue ARE traumatic. Like rape culture and the legacy from years of colonialism. Many people of color deal with the intergenerational trauma from their ancestors' lived experiences of racism and colonialism. Finally, I'd like to add that many of the prominent ways of ''good parenting'' that parents have adopted are extremely traumatic experiences for children. Research is showing how emotional disconnect, teaching children to ignore, repress, and shut-down their emotions creates extreme stress on the body and mental complications growing up. I know that that is my experience. I thought my parents had raised me ''normally'' when in fact I was carrying a load of developmental attachment trauma that prevented from relating healthily as an adult. But you're right that people like to use the word trauma here and there to qualify anything slightly stressful they may have been through and that is inaccurate and invalidating for trauma survivors. However, we need to be careful in that trauma can look different to many people. The key-point here is that it occurs in the body, at a nervous-system level.
Also I totally agree about how mental health issues are USUALLY the result of complications from trauma. It makes so much sense to me that both my sister and I developed BPD given our histories and the ways we were raised. Healthy relating and emotional connection are things we deeply lacked. And I can see how Narcissists also develop their own twisted personality as a survival adaptation to protect themselves from the deep deep insecurity that may have developed from unstable attachment patterns with their caregivers.
But yes, Dr. Ramani you are a sweetheart. Your work is so important to me.
I agree ..
I bought her book.
Question have you ever thought it might start out in neurological levels first because the human brain can be changed by trauma and then the physical effects can come from that especially if you experience childhood trauma which I have I don’t exactly know what traumas they were but they were apparently pretty bad or at least many little ones building up into a whole big ball of yarn
Thank you, a terrific interaction & information-giving in easily understood language. I’m a mental health nurse in Australia & currently have definite interest in trauma. I certainly believe trauma has played a significant part in many if not most of my patient’s lives.
She is sooooo warmth full of science ,emotion , she is wonderful♥️♥️
Its so true that people assume because a person is well put together that they've had a great life free of trauma.
"Dr Romney you explained things so clearly so people understand it but it's wrapped in such warmth and so people feel it and that's why people love you so much." Kyle that is so beautiful, and so true! You are so sweet too!
I am studying to be a therapist and this channel is incredibly helpful. Thank you!
I applaud Dr Ramani for getting her message across to the viewers so effectilvely while negotiating a conversation with a narcissist. She's a true pro.
Ha made me laugh, Im not fond of him either, I dont get it but I dont think he's that bad :)
Yes, he comes across as something of a jerk, but he does keep her on track--which she needs at times.
Sometimes I feel the "survivors guilt" because I went through a situation riddled with misunderstandings and good intentions, but in the process i have been overwhelmed, gaslighted, and i have had people use manipulation tactics to "scare" me out of using drugs, amongst a list of other things. I feel like because nothing ever happened to me physically and the intentions were pure, i shouldnt be traumatized. In reality though despite the fact that very few people understand why my situation affected me the way it did, the reality is that im battling extreme paranoia and shame on top of publically humiliating myself in front of god knows how many people....so yeah it might not have been as bad as other traumatic experiences that many people have gone through, but for me as an individual with my own particular psychological makeup, it was EXTREMELY traumatic. I am proud to say thst with the help of close friends and an amazing support network i am becoming more regulated with my emotional reactions and self image every day. There are still small things thst i feel people do to intentionally trigger me, however, and I feel totally invalidated by a vast majority of people involved. Its all good though because thats just life and i will only utilize these experiences to make me a stronger person
Thank you for this..I am someone tht people don't think I've been thur
You give so many people peace, understanding and education. I have cptsd. I always thought i was just broken. Thank you.
I was never diagnosed, but I have or had PTSD from a snake being in my house. I had a 3 month old baby and I had walked passed the snake 3 times. It never bit me but my two babies were in a different room and I couldn't protect them from the snake which was between us. I felt so pathetic and paralyzed while helpless and the most terrified I've ever felt. That was one of my biggest fears coming true. My child's father had to wake up at night when I would "hear snakes" and he would check under the bed and anything I asked.
Indeed. I suffered from CPTSD after a series of significantly traumatic events (unable to escape) which occurred over a very long 18 months...day in, day out...and was saddened to hear comments like, "you just need to get over it". Terribly diminishing and insensitive...stemming from ignorance.
An experience far beyond the normal human experience. Feeling significant risk of bodily threat or death. I love the language she puts to things.
I struggled with flashbacks from the trauma I experienced with needing to have my 13 yo Pug, Porky, (my youngest son) euthanized.
I was allowed to bring Porky home from the hospital to spend some alone time with him before returning for the procedure.
I was with him face to face crying my head off as he received the injection which takes mere seconds to take effect. But I swear to you on my life, that he actually *smiled* at the end, so I quickly changed my face to smile back, whether he actually saw it or not.
I was so deeply affected by this experience thatI sank into a deep depression and played this scene over and over in my mind.
I felt such extreme guilt. Why didn't I hold him while he received the medicine, instead of having him on that steel table? (though I had at least brought his pillow to lie on.)
I would have repeated flashbacks an untold number of times throughout my days, it was unbearable.
After about a year of this I had to quit my loved job as a Karaoke hostess one night out of the blue because I simply could not go on night after night "pretending" to be happy... not a good ending with the owners of the pub, but there was nothing else I could do.
Flash forward to a particular appointment with my Psychiatrist. He asked me, "Have you experienced a trauma?"
And when I replied yes, having to have my dog put to sleep.
At that, he slammed his hands on his desk, stood up, and shouted at me, "THAT IS NOT A TRAUMA!"
But, yes. Yes it was. And still is, even these 10 years later. 😥
+:1:3:4:7:7:6:9:0:0:5:6 whatzzp him for help
It is true. Love you, Dr. Ramani. Your work always makes my pain feel so absolutely normalized.
So, based on what you're saying, unaddressed trauma could greatly contribute to NPD. It makes sense.
I'm curious about how the development of mental illness relates to the type of trauma experienced, specifically with regards to how normalized/socially accepted the type of trauma is. Sexual assault seems to be one of those things that is fairly normalized. Other examples might include corporal punishment of children, workplace harassment, or violence against cyclists/pedestrians. It seems like every time a cyclist dies, people just shrug it off or make insensitive jokes about it. Surely this must adversely affect one's ability to process the trauma, right?
Knowledge is power. Understanding is wisdom. This is an educational video for all ages. It teaches you to recognize the red flags bullies present at an early age. One step in the right direction of learning something new and interesting every day. Some of the most exciting days are when you see and understand something in a new and different light (perspective) and experience an epiphany.
I think when people say "oh you but you look so put together" reads "your trauma could not have been so bad/it didn't affect you" but they probably mean "I wouldn't be able to tell, you have done such a great job putting that past you"
The second one is so true. When I was suicidal I had people telling me they wished they were as happy as me. Now I am in a far more mentally healthy place and I am a genuinely happy person, which has caused me to become even more bubbly and enthusiastic, but I have 20 years of trauma under my belt that is so complicated, in some ways subtle and difficult to explain that I don't know if trauma is even the right word to describe it. I haven't met a single person who was able to pick that the first 20 years of my life were fantastically fucked up in multiple ways.
im new here and already in love with Dr. Ramini
She certainly is gifted, isn't she? It's nice to find people who made an awe inspiring choice of a profession.
i adore her simplicity .. in a world where we feel obliged to dress up trendy and do our hair properly . she has done none of it and looks so naturally beautiful
I wish with all my heart to have Dr. Ramani as my doctor. I could really use her help.
So validating, made me cry
love dr ramani, im now studying to be a therapist because of her.
thanks med circle x
Dear Kyle and Dr. Ramani, This video, and another one you did together, made me cry. You seem like the knowledgeable, dedicated, warm, clear intelligent mental health professionals I have been needing my whole life and haven't found yet. I'm turning 50 tomorrow, and have suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life, since i was little. Certain things happened that were not addressed. Since I was 14, I've been hospitalized four times for suicide attempts and/or ideation (not counting a couple of other suicide-attempt-related ER visits). I've been in talk therapy off and on since 14, and have been on medication since the age of 45. I'm also in a 12 step program. I'm struggling to avoid another suicide attempt today, can't stop crying, and for the past two months all my days have been like this. I just started DBT and am trying to get into a TMS clinic this week. What you say in this video, Dr. Ramani, about the potential ramifications of trauma not being dealt with early, was what really brought tears to my eyes. I feel like I've never found peace, love, or happiness. Like all my years have been wasted. The point of my comments here are just to echo what I'm sure others have said to you, which is that I wish all doctors and therapists were like you (sounds a little childish but this is my thought on it). I will continue on my search for better or different kinds of help.
the trouble is that constant childhood trauma (narc parents) leads to very poor life choices (narc husband) which leads to yet more trauma and yet more trauma and in the end, even with appropriate help, you can be traumatised by something that other people perhaps wouldn't be.....or conversely, accept awful things as "not so bad" when in fact they are unacceptable.
An AMAZING book on trauma especially childhood trauma is called The boy who was raised as a dog. It’s even helped me be a better mommy. & it helped me understand some of my childhood trauma. I listened to the audiobook & I just can’t recommend it enough 💕
Homelessness is rarely mentioned as a source of trauma. It also makes people vulnerable to repeated abuse, assaults, etc.
I'm going to bet people will acknowledge homelessness as traumatic after how many people were displaced by the pandemic. Even then, mass evictions are a different kind of experience. Like people becoming homeless now might have some stuff in common with pre-pandemic homelessness, but the conditions are not exactly the same.
What an awesome therapist. I wish more people in the field could be this passionate.
I'd love to see a talk on vicarious trauma.
You really captured me with this video. This is something that I have spoken about while working within the mental health field. Even when discussing with other mental health clinicians, I get a tremendous amount of pushback when I query about the the language people use to describe various behaviours, disorders etc. I am taken back by how often I hear 'well that's just how I feel' or 'well it's all subjective.' Well no, it't not actually all subjective, this is why these terms have been operationalized to the degree they are... because they mean something rather specific, not just what you want them to mean. And that is crucial if we are to be on the same page as other professionals.
Can you please talk about the term "trauma dumping"? How it trivialises trauma, paints trauma survivors as manipulative victims, and discourages seeking help.
Man, I really needed to hear this years ago to realize how important therapy is right away. 8 years was too long to wait.
Hurrican Maria traumatized all of us here in PR, especially when 5 years later there is a privatized power company that has been way worse than the public entity before (it got privatized). The lights go out all the time, every day. And we are in hurricane season. The earthquakes we had in 2020 also make me feel like the bed of the car parked, I feel like we are having an earthquake.
Tricultural activist here, please share this video around on Instagram and snapchat.. Even in the "clover 🍀". Please, people can change and it's important to realise that help is out here.
Live long and prosper. Love you, MedCircle 🖖😎 can't put in words how much Dr.Ramani means to me. Thank you so much
I'm a HSP and when I was a child I was traumatized by witnessing sexual violence and gore in scary movies. I was tormented by dreams and fears and anxieties most of my childhood and even into my teens. I was too young to differentiate fact from fiction so in my mind what i witnessed was real.
It took a long time for me before I was to able sleep with the lights off.
I disagree with the first point. There are different degrees of trauma. There are significant events that leave a lasting negative emotional imprint and then there are small accumulative things like severe emotional neglect from a parent/s, having your reality denied as a child, emotional manipulation and gaslighting. Theres also vicarious trauma.
What first point?
Whose 1st point?
Because I agree with everything else you said.
I'm in one now...coming out. It will get better. This one has shone a bright light on my marriage 20+ years ago and the narcissistic abuse I was put through for 15 years...wow. it's cPTSD. Thank you...
It's your sincerity and authenticity that resonates. I've experienced numerous life traumas and am very resilient. That being said there's been little emotional or psychological support. And I won't lie my life has been unimaginably hard. You mention briefly something I've been feeling recently and that is I just don't feel like I'm going to live as long as I used to think I would...and it's been something I haven't been able to understand. I've survived so much as have my kids. Getting mental health help in Hawaii is almost laughable. You Tube and you are my mental health. I'm grateful you are here.