I have spent the last 9 years recovering from PTSD. YEARS of medication and therapy. YEARS of doing the necessary inner work to overcome YEARS of covert narcissistic abuse from my ex husband. The main symptom of depression was extreme outbursts of adrenaline and anger. Let me say, it almost killed me too. I have finally come to a place of self acceptance and forgiveness. It was NOT an easy journey and I am still on that journey. My adult daughter also manifested anger issues from her stepfather and directed it me. It also took a lot of inner work on her part to see through it all. When we had some honest conversations about that abuse we both suffered, it brought healing again. The anger is a result of suppressed inner pain and emotional scars and memories.
Michelle, this makes so much sense. I always thought that I was an angry person. That is what I was told as a child, and in my 18 year marriage, I was angry all the time. When I got divorced in 2018 and stopped seeing my family at the same time, I realized I am not an angry, depressed person. It took about 3 years for me to realize this. That was a shock because what I always believed about myself wasn't true.
i’ve never been an “angry” person. before it took so much for me to get angry, after my relationship i’ve been nothing but angry and have such a low tolerance for things, even things that aren’t a big deal, im trying to manage my emotions and take a step back. it’s just difficult when the anger is so powerful it raises my blood pressure on a day to day basis
Michelle...you have to understand that we do not receive neither from people around us the feedback that us absolutely normal to be angry cause we have been abused and manipulated. You receive only a "get over it as they already ruined your life enough!", no one has the patience to understand that is not by rationalising the situation that we can get over it. So even those who should support us, say exactly what they should not,which frustrates even more
That's because you're not going deep enough. You'd rather stay stuck in victimhood than investigate why you're angry. When you do that, youll slowly work out how to let it go. There are multiple parts to being abused. Firstly the frustration of not being heard, not getting to have a voice. Secondly we allow it in a way by being weak on boundaries and not having enough self respect to choose our own good over trying to get external validation from them. And thirdly, the world isn't fair. Some people are sh!t. The lesson is to learn how to recognise them and not enable or indulge them. Its about internal strength. Life is a sh!t sandwich. Some people get it easier than others... that's your biggest thing to come to terms with.
Hi Michelle, It took me 3 years to recover from my exposure to my covert Vulnerable narcissistic wife of 32 years (& her mother). She left me abruptly in August 2018; brutally by weaponizing her cancer scare and a well orchestrated campaign of lies. Left me dealing with anger and grief for a while. It was unreal, and unexpected. I was not prepared for the trauma-bond withdrawal experience that lasted from 2018 to 2022 along with the multilayered grief cycle. I was angry because of the injustice and indignation of what she did and how she triangulated everyone I knew for years; in the end they helped her to do me some serious harm and damage. She Financially practically ruined me and took my entire family (by marriage and my origin family) out of my life; sucked! I came across your channel back in August 2018 just when my ex left. Thanks for sharing your experience. You helped change my life and to truly get on the road of recovery. There are no shortcuts or ways to get over the experience of dealing with a narcissist. You helped me to understand the madness and to learn how to move forward towards indifference. I succeeded. So thanks again for being there. 😀 I did not fully realize what I had gotten into relational-wise back in 1987. I struggled for years and dealt with many illnesses & migraines through the years trying to find a way to making things work with Jekyll-Hyde; nothing worked. The trauma-bond was not what I planned for at all. It caught me off-guard. I survived. When I started doing the research. I felt I was stuck in Alice In Wonderland World in a maze in the Grand Canyon. Found my mind and emotions had checked out; COVID hit, I lost my Job and I had no one around for support. Your TH-cam videos along with a few others helped me to recover. I also ended up in therapy at a Women’s crisis center for about 2 years (they helped me to recover as well; I was surprised that there are not many places for men to get psychological emotional support). Afterwards I spent another year and half in regular therapy. Its difficult to find people experienced with dealing with narcissist. I now find myself to be an expert on the subject and more. I have grown tremendously in many ways as a result, and have plenty of wisdom to share. The unexpected grief, anger and constant rumination was debilitating. I thought I was going to be simply relieved that she was gone. I ended up missing her and had all the CPTSD symptoms described. I did not know that the exhaustion from my marriage would linger for months and months. To get through the anger and all the psychological damage, one has to do the internal work and desire to heal. Ignoring one’s experience is definitely not the answer. Letting the anger guide you towards understanding as driver helps; then one day one finds his or herself no longer angry, and at “indifference”. Its like climbing Mount Everest and going through the Grand Canyon with out tools and trying to go from the North Rim to the South Rim alone. What a journey. 😅 Thanks!!!! Its worth it. (Patience is essential. 🤔)
I am in the same exact situation right now my friend. I set my boundaries and she fled when I stated I would not tolerate the abuse anymore. The divorce and mess is oncoming. I hope you are doing well and recovering. Mine uses her issues to gain more sympathy and flying monkeys. No biggie. My therapist and self work is doing wonders for me. I will be my old self again someday.
@@ripley7t429 its been over four years since the divorce and almost 5 since I've been away from it. Married a truly loving wife and with her help and therapy, I'm getting better. I still carry anger and I still have trust issues. My wife and I are both healing and helping each other. Thanks for sharing, it helps other people know they're not alone.
Thank you @Rising Eagle for Sharing your Story. It really gave me hope when reading it. I got out of a 3 year relationship with a covert narcissist and thought that I would be fine after grieving like after a normal breakup. 8 Months in, I am starting to see the whole damage done by the abuse.. currently struggling with a lot of anger, feelings of deep regret and deception, self-consciousness, PTSD symptoms and physical & emotional exhaustion to a level that I am scared to google my the symptoms of burn out. It makes me cry every time when I uncover an other layer of “wounds” that I need to heal and sometimes makes me completely hopeless about if I am able to integrate and live with these things before I give up on life. I don’t recognise, nor even like myself anymore and often am desperate if I will be able to recover. Being so unstable I hurt people around me am not able to be the caring loving person that I once was. I am grieving about the person that I once was due to the abuse. Stories like yours keep me going and give me hope to keep going, nor giving up on myself and do one more step towards healing and a (hopefully better) future. Thank you and God bless you
@@soulwalker7501 God bless you on this the most difficult path of soul recovery. It's not the average heartbreak, narcissistic abuse is an insidious type of soul wound... this malignant mental illness seeks to offload itself onto its victims, so that it becomes a type of "soul-swap"... they are literally trying to become you and confuse and manipulate you into becoming them. The good news is, you got out before that happened, now you can recognoze which aspects are yours and which are theirs. It really is the deepest type of healing when you get to the other side, when you can recognize, I am human, I make mistakes, but I am not malicious, I do not seek to become another person when I meet someone I like...that is them, this is me. It brings a deep sense of love and acceptance.for yourself and great discernment to ward off malignant people in the future. Keep going, you are doing everything right.... the questions you are asking show your deeply sensitive and beautiful soul.. that is me mirroring your true self back to you... the "other" was a false mirror"... an insidious trick they all play, like a hive mind disease... you are free!!
Jordan Peterson talks a lot about that. The fear that because we’ve been fooled by the narcissist that all our past judgements about ourself, others, and past relationships are completely wrong, therefore we know nothing.
My anger had nothing to do with fear. I was just super ticked off when I discovered all of the lies and how my ex-narc manipulated, invalidated, and wasted my precious time for so long. (sigh)
@@Wishpool people fear what they don't understand: immigrants, women, love, genuine happiness and react with rage to deal with their uncomfortable emotions they experience
That cycle of anger, blame, anger, blame, is so true! I didn't expect to be taken out by narcissism at 65, but I've never known such anger, didn't know where to fit it all. I do think there is a natural cycle to recovery, though, and I'm not sure I'd wish to short circuit it, as I've gained some profound insights and cemented my ability to navigate the world alone. It's been 7 years but at last I see the light again.
When you finally realize that, it wasn't real on their part. That there never really was a Relationship from their perspective. That's a tremendous amount of Loss to have to work thru. Its the sadness that can ba real drag-down. Thank you again, Michele for saying, what needs to be said, affirming it. You are a master.
Another wonderfully helpful video. Rather than the concentration camp comparison, I think it can be compared to a bad boss that everyone hates, but you can't quit because you need the job. Having been the physically abused scapegoat as a kid, I'm still ruminating as an adult and watching the delayed destruction in my life reduce a lot of what I manage to achieve to wreckage, but I would never choose to be in a concentration camp over this. Their stories are far more chilling and heartbreaking. I'm NC/VLC, so I'm living the high life by comparison, even if each day I get stuck in flashbacks while doing dishes or whatever, the flashbacks end after a while and I can go back to living my life.
Yup... Narcissistic mother.... And 4 months removed from a covert narcissist... Wondering if that anger loop will end... I think (hope) I'm finally put of the spin cycle though... I had some radical acceptances these last few days
It will gradually quieten down. I was so angry every day for at least 6 months and I made sure he knew it... likely to be so much a biarch that he would dare do it again. Unfortunately... he did find a way to stick the knife in again. I'm 18 months down now and I can still trigger the anger if I get thinking about it...hardest part is choosing better thoughts. Hugs x
I can't expres my anger towards him, because I've left him 6 months ago and have gone no contact. I wrote him emails to express my anger, but never send them to him, i send them to myself as a reminder of what once was. I dont understand why he did what he did. The gaslighting, the devaluation,the silence treatments, the triangulation and blameshifting, the fysical abuse. I am so proud that I got awsy and I am not blaming myself. He was always telling me i was having mental issues . Now I know he is the one having issues. I am in therapy now to get rit of the anger. Be strong, stay strong ❤
I went no contact with my narc mother in December. I noticed immediately my depressive episodes lessened. But the last month I’ve started to ruminate where I find myself spaced out of the present, screaming back all the responses I wish I would’ve had the courage or knowledge to say during my lifetime and now I have night terrors that are getting worse. I’m waking up my whole house screaming. Anyways, I’m trying to make an appointment with someone who specializes in cPTSD so I’m on my way. I thought the therapy was done, as I was in for 2 years already processing and realizing what happened to me. So I’m discouraged I have to find someone new and go back (my old therapist was not especially trauma informed, though she was immeasurably helpful). I wanted to say thank you for your videos because they really, really help in so many ways. Thank you. ❤
Wishing you the best, sounds like you have a very clear understanding of what you went through and what you need. My experiences are very similar. I have yet to try EFT tapping but I"m glad that's another option that's backed for those of us on this journey.
@@drebugsita You’re a doll. And yes girl, I’ve read books and full podcasts, videos like these, support group and even a narc-parent book club with a handful of ladies 😂 It’s such a confusing thing, right? I mean the whole design behind it is to keep you confused so you don’t know what’s happening to you and believe whole heartedly that it’s all your fault all the time. so the more un-confused I can get, the better. I haven’t had nightmares in 2 nights 🤞🏼🤞🏼good luck to you, angel! Thanks for the tip.
Thank you so much for this video. This is an eye opening. We feel stuck because of all the lies and betrayal. Discarding our feelings and stone walling.
Yes. Also, my mother told me I do not want to hear your anger as an adult. Wow ! That statement alone was like a cold glass of water thrown in my face. It told me what she thinks of herself as a woman and human being as well as her character.
Thank you Michelle. Watching your videos three years ago gave me solid truth to stand on and share with my adopted family going through up to, during, and after the smear campain. 53 years old. Thank you.
I have to deal with bullies until middle school and narcistics parents on top of that at home, after parents divorce it only get worse ... So i am empty inside and feel nothing anymore.
Please please stay strong, try to stay focus on your studies and your future. Try your best to build a happy and positive future for yourself. I pray that you have someone in your life that you can trust and is a great support to you. May God heal you and protect you.
So enlightening! I've often felt plagued by the lingering anger from trying to reason with them, or just their projections. More boundaried now but this is key to moving forward
This has been so helpful ! Afte 25 years of marriage to a narcissist and her toxic family circle I used to make excuses for my behaviour like when I thought it was the caffein or work or etc etc., Also explains why I still feel uncomfortable with trying to bottle up emotions when in situations where I am just being misunderstood rather than being intentionally triggered like I was by her... It feels like such an effort sometimes to stay calm. You never know what people you interact with day by day are going through.
They literally try to murder you physically by attacking you emotionally, it is a psychological attack on your core well being. It is very effective and a slow death to make you ill, this is why you have to separate from them, then work on self love...positive affirmation work helps on creating confidence and better self love, self care and self protection.
I grew up in a violent home where my parents physically fought and expressed anger. I was never allowed to express anger. I ended up marrying a man who physically abused me and shamed me for expressing anger. Both experiences were living hell. I am SO HAPPY to be divorcing that covert, abusive narc of a husband. I wish I had never met him.
Wow so little reason in evidence, how we do family and relationships. Used as mere coping mechanisms? It's like the human mind is so weak and irrational. You on the other side of the world describing my personal experience. When other people are angry at me it's my fault, and I respond accordingly, fight or flight mostly flight in my case, but when I express anger there is something wrong with me, gtting myself typecast with someone else's anger issues, not that I don't have my own issues I mean how wouldn't you in this unfair system? I think we need to get more gritty (Deny less, Face more) with our own issue's so our Wonderful innate intelligence can shine through.
I’m going through this we’ve been together for a year it’s been good and bad and recently it’s been so bad like she just woke up and flipped a switch emotionally dead not wanting to talk to me hot then cold I don’t know what to do it’s destroying me but I can’t leave 😞
I don't know your situation or why you think you can't leave, but if you're being abused, you can't stay. It will destroy you mentally. The fact that you think you can't leave may be evidence that it is already destroying you mentally.
Thanks, Michele! Excellent points that I found myself nodding to in affirmation. It's taken me 3 yrs to get over the *deep* anger I felt (and still feel sometimes) towards my ex-narc of 2 yrs, plus 5+ yrs of friendship before we dated. I'm also mad at myself for not seeing the red flags and walking away sooner. Live & learn!
What about when experiencing ongoing narcissist abuse currently as an adult from family? I’m disabled and have had to live w my npd scapegoating family until I can move out so I have to deal with their abuse daily. 💜🙏
What about children that were raised by a victim of narcisistic abuse? They often turn out as narcisists as well. How do we deal with them in the long run.. they can be horrendous and keep making you angry.
Do you allow paying monthly for the 9 week healing program? $1k out of pocket is not doable, but paying a set fee over the 9 weeks is definitely doable.
Hi - I know it's harder to pay for them up front - to be honest the reason I have a 9 session package is because through the years I've learned that it's so easy to pick at the recovery journey and stop before really getting to experience lasting change. The amount of damage that is inflicted because of narcissistic abuse takes time to work through - sadly many people get stuck in symptom management which only prolongs things. But if you would like to break the payments up into 3 payments to make it easier (since the package is 3 sessions for 3 months) feel free to email me - I'd be happy to provide you with a coupon you can use =D nar.coaching@gmail.com.
How can I help my granddaughter? I raised her because her mom wasn’t able to but my husband was a narcissist, which at 21 years ago I had never heard of but she’s angry all the time now. I’m not sure if she’s angry about the way he treated me or because I didn’t seem to be able to get away from him. 😢
So true it takes up so much time. I'm angry and I didn't even have a relationship with her. she was just my friend and I discovered she was a covert narcissist after I told her I had feelings for her and she got passive-aggressive which is a very strange reaction when you tell somebody you love them😪 she is in a relationship but still that's not normal. I had signs that something was off with her but I didn't know what it was cuz of all the variables, then I discovered the narcissist videos by accident and she has all the traits from what I know of her. I still want her to want me and want to spend time with me even though she's probably not a good match for me. I haven't texted her and she seemed to have nothing to say to me for 3 weeks. Never harsh words between us and I was very nice to her. I guess the whole thing reminded me of how my mom was. still not sure if it was just traumatic bonding and familiarity or if there is something there.I still feel like I haven't unfinished business with her and I'm not sure why🏞
John Bradshaw helped me a lot too I like how he explains things but he never talked about narcissists and the distinction between co-dependents and narcissists. if only I had known all of this 40 years ago. People waste 20-30 years trying to fix someone that can't be helped😪 narcissists are leeches on the earth bringing misery to so many people🪦 I actually believe that most of the people in large corporations, pharmaceutical companies and government positions of Power are narcissists👹 they don't actually care about people at all and that's how they can keep controlling and harming people and stealing from them year after year🪦
My therapist told me the gift of anger is boundaries
How ironic! The abuse comes from close ones/family and the healing comes from a video of a total stranger on TH-cam! Thank you Michele :)
I have spent the last 9 years recovering from PTSD. YEARS of medication and therapy. YEARS of doing the necessary inner work to overcome YEARS of covert narcissistic abuse from my ex husband. The main symptom of depression was extreme outbursts of adrenaline and anger. Let me say, it almost killed me too.
I have finally come to a place of self acceptance and forgiveness. It was NOT an easy journey and I am still on that journey.
My adult daughter also manifested anger issues from her stepfather and directed it me. It also took a lot of inner work on her part to see through it all. When we had some honest conversations about that abuse we both suffered, it brought healing again.
The anger is a result of suppressed inner pain and emotional scars and memories.
But what kind of excercises you did? Journaling, or emdr, etc?🤔
Michelle, this makes so much sense. I always thought that I was an angry person. That is what I was told as a child, and in my 18 year marriage, I was angry all the time. When I got divorced in 2018 and stopped seeing my family at the same time, I realized I am not an angry, depressed person. It took about 3 years for me to realize this. That was a shock because what I always believed about myself wasn't true.
i’ve never been an “angry” person. before it took so much for me to get angry, after my relationship i’ve been nothing but angry and have such a low tolerance for things, even things that aren’t a big deal, im trying to manage my emotions and take a step back. it’s just difficult when the anger is so powerful it raises my blood pressure on a day to day basis
Michelle...you have to understand that we do not receive neither from people around us the feedback that us absolutely normal to be angry cause we have been abused and manipulated. You receive only a "get over it as they already ruined your life enough!", no one has the patience to understand that is not by rationalising the situation that we can get over it.
So even those who should support us, say exactly what they should not,which frustrates even more
That's because you're not going deep enough. You'd rather stay stuck in victimhood than investigate why you're angry. When you do that, youll slowly work out how to let it go.
There are multiple parts to being abused. Firstly the frustration of not being heard, not getting to have a voice. Secondly we allow it in a way by being weak on boundaries and not having enough self respect to choose our own good over trying to get external validation from them. And thirdly, the world isn't fair. Some people are sh!t. The lesson is to learn how to recognise them and not enable or indulge them. Its about internal strength. Life is a sh!t sandwich. Some people get it easier than others... that's your biggest thing to come to terms with.
Sounds like you need better friends. My friends are who got me out of my abusive family system.
Hi Michelle, It took me 3 years to recover from my exposure to my covert Vulnerable narcissistic wife of 32 years (& her mother). She left me abruptly in August 2018; brutally by weaponizing her cancer scare and a well orchestrated campaign of lies.
Left me dealing with anger and grief for a while. It was unreal, and unexpected. I was not prepared for the trauma-bond withdrawal experience that lasted from 2018 to 2022 along with the multilayered grief cycle.
I was angry because of the injustice and indignation of what she did and how she triangulated everyone I knew for years; in the end they helped her to do me some serious harm and damage. She Financially practically ruined me and took my entire family (by marriage and my origin family) out of my life; sucked!
I came across your channel back in August 2018 just when my ex left. Thanks for sharing your experience. You helped change my life and to truly get on the road of recovery. There are no shortcuts or ways to get over the experience of dealing with a narcissist.
You helped me to understand the madness and to learn how to move forward towards indifference. I succeeded. So thanks again for being there. 😀
I did not fully realize what I had gotten into relational-wise back in 1987. I struggled for years and dealt with many illnesses & migraines through the years trying to find a way to making things work with Jekyll-Hyde; nothing worked. The trauma-bond was not what I planned for at all. It caught me off-guard. I survived.
When I started doing the research. I felt I was stuck in Alice In Wonderland World in a maze in the Grand Canyon.
Found my mind and emotions had checked out; COVID hit, I lost my Job and I had no one around for support.
Your TH-cam videos along with a few others helped me to recover.
I also ended up in therapy at a Women’s crisis center for about 2 years (they helped me to recover as well; I was surprised that there are not many places for men to get psychological emotional support). Afterwards I spent another year and half in regular therapy. Its difficult to find people experienced with dealing with narcissist.
I now find myself to be an expert on the subject and more. I have grown tremendously in many ways as a result, and have plenty of wisdom to share.
The unexpected grief, anger and constant rumination was debilitating. I thought I was going to be simply relieved that she was gone. I ended up missing her and had all the CPTSD symptoms described.
I did not know that the exhaustion from my marriage would linger for months and months.
To get through the anger and all the psychological damage, one has to do the internal work and desire to heal.
Ignoring one’s experience is definitely not the answer. Letting the anger guide you towards understanding as driver helps; then one day one finds his or herself no longer angry, and at “indifference”.
Its like climbing Mount Everest and going through the Grand Canyon with out tools and trying to go from the North Rim to the South Rim alone.
What a journey. 😅
Thanks!!!!
Its worth it. (Patience is essential. 🤔)
You are amazing, thank you so much for sharing your experience. It was healing to hear it.
I am in the same exact situation right now my friend. I set my boundaries and she fled when I stated I would not tolerate the abuse anymore. The divorce and mess is oncoming. I hope you are doing well and recovering. Mine uses her issues to gain more sympathy and flying monkeys. No biggie. My therapist and self work is doing wonders for me. I will be my old self again someday.
@@ripley7t429 its been over four years since the divorce and almost 5 since I've been away from it. Married a truly loving wife and with her help and therapy, I'm getting better. I still carry anger and I still have trust issues. My wife and I are both healing and helping each other. Thanks for sharing, it helps other people know they're not alone.
Thank you @Rising Eagle for Sharing your Story. It really gave me hope when reading it. I got out of a 3 year relationship with a covert narcissist and thought that I would be fine after grieving like after a normal breakup. 8 Months in, I am starting to see the whole damage done by the abuse.. currently struggling with a lot of anger, feelings of deep regret and deception, self-consciousness, PTSD symptoms and physical & emotional exhaustion to a level that I am scared to google my the symptoms of burn out. It makes me cry every time when I uncover an other layer of “wounds” that I need to heal and sometimes makes me completely hopeless about if I am able to integrate and live with these things before I give up on life. I don’t recognise, nor even like myself anymore and often am desperate if I will be able to recover. Being so unstable I hurt people around me am not able to be the caring loving person that I once was. I am grieving about the person that I once was due to the abuse. Stories like yours keep me going and give me hope to keep going, nor giving up on myself and do one more step towards healing and a (hopefully better) future. Thank you and God bless you
@@soulwalker7501 God bless you on this the most difficult path of soul recovery. It's not the average heartbreak, narcissistic abuse is an insidious type of soul wound... this malignant mental illness seeks to offload itself onto its victims, so that it becomes a type of "soul-swap"... they are literally trying to become you and confuse and manipulate you into becoming them. The good news is, you got out before that happened, now you can recognoze which aspects are yours and which are theirs. It really is the deepest type of healing when you get to the other side, when you can recognize, I am human, I make mistakes, but I am not malicious, I do not seek to become another person when I meet someone I like...that is them, this is me. It brings a deep sense of love and acceptance.for yourself and great discernment to ward off malignant people in the future. Keep going, you are doing everything right.... the questions you are asking show your deeply sensitive and beautiful soul.. that is me mirroring your true self back to you... the "other" was a false mirror"... an insidious trick they all play, like a hive mind disease... you are free!!
The deep root of anger is fear
Jordan Peterson talks a lot about that. The fear that because we’ve been fooled by the narcissist that all our past judgements about ourself, others, and past relationships are completely wrong, therefore we know nothing.
Pain..
ok,corey wayne
My anger had nothing to do with fear. I was just super ticked off when I discovered all of the lies and how my ex-narc manipulated, invalidated, and wasted my precious time for so long. (sigh)
@@Wishpool people fear what they don't understand: immigrants, women, love, genuine happiness and react with rage to deal with their uncomfortable emotions they experience
That cycle of anger, blame, anger, blame, is so true! I didn't expect to be taken out by narcissism at 65, but I've never known such anger, didn't know where to fit it all. I do think there is a natural cycle to recovery, though, and I'm not sure I'd wish to short circuit it, as I've gained some profound insights and cemented my ability to navigate the world alone. It's been 7 years but at last I see the light again.
When you finally realize that, it wasn't real on their part. That there never really was a Relationship from their perspective.
That's a tremendous amount of Loss to have to work thru.
Its the sadness that can ba real drag-down.
Thank you again, Michele for saying, what needs to be said, affirming it.
You are a master.
Another wonderfully helpful video. Rather than the concentration camp comparison, I think it can be compared to a bad boss that everyone hates, but you can't quit because you need the job.
Having been the physically abused scapegoat as a kid, I'm still ruminating as an adult and watching the delayed destruction in my life reduce a lot of what I manage to achieve to wreckage, but I would never choose to be in a concentration camp over this. Their stories are far more chilling and heartbreaking. I'm NC/VLC, so I'm living the high life by comparison, even if each day I get stuck in flashbacks while doing dishes or whatever, the flashbacks end after a while and I can go back to living my life.
Yup... Narcissistic mother.... And 4 months removed from a covert narcissist... Wondering if that anger loop will end... I think (hope) I'm finally put of the spin cycle though... I had some radical acceptances these last few days
It will gradually quieten down. I was so angry every day for at least 6 months and I made sure he knew it... likely to be so much a biarch that he would dare do it again. Unfortunately... he did find a way to stick the knife in again. I'm 18 months down now and I can still trigger the anger if I get thinking about it...hardest part is choosing better thoughts. Hugs x
I can't expres my anger towards him, because I've left him 6 months ago and have gone no contact. I wrote him emails to express my anger, but never send them to him, i send them to myself as a reminder of what once was. I dont understand why he did what he did. The gaslighting, the devaluation,the silence treatments, the triangulation and blameshifting, the fysical abuse. I am so proud that I got awsy and I am not blaming myself. He was always telling me i was having mental issues . Now I know he is the one having issues. I am in therapy now to get rit of the anger. Be strong, stay strong ❤
I went no contact with my narc mother in December. I noticed immediately my depressive episodes lessened. But the last month I’ve started to ruminate where I find myself spaced out of the present, screaming back all the responses I wish I would’ve had the courage or knowledge to say during my lifetime and now I have night terrors that are getting worse. I’m waking up my whole house screaming. Anyways, I’m trying to make an appointment with someone who specializes in cPTSD so I’m on my way. I thought the therapy was done, as I was in for 2 years already processing and realizing what happened to me. So I’m discouraged I have to find someone new and go back (my old therapist was not especially trauma informed, though she was immeasurably helpful). I wanted to say thank you for your videos because they really, really help in so many ways. Thank you. ❤
Wishing you the best, sounds like you have a very clear understanding of what you went through and what you need. My experiences are very similar. I have yet to try EFT tapping but I"m glad that's another option that's backed for those of us on this journey.
@@drebugsita You’re a doll. And yes girl, I’ve read books and full podcasts, videos like these, support group and even a narc-parent book club with a handful of ladies 😂 It’s such a confusing thing, right? I mean the whole design behind it is to keep you confused so you don’t know what’s happening to you and believe whole heartedly that it’s all your fault all the time. so the more un-confused I can get, the better. I haven’t had nightmares in 2 nights 🤞🏼🤞🏼good luck to you, angel! Thanks for the tip.
Thank you so much for this video. This is an eye opening. We feel stuck because of all the lies and betrayal. Discarding our feelings and stone walling.
Hello how are you doing today hows everything going?
Yes. Also, my mother told me I do not want to hear your anger as an adult. Wow ! That statement alone was like a cold glass of water thrown in my face. It told me what she thinks of herself as a woman and human being as well as her character.
Buddha once said: Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to perish
This was a good word and a great reminder. Thanks for the strong presentation!
Thank you Michelle. Watching your videos three years ago gave me solid truth to stand on and share with my adopted family going through up to, during, and after the smear campain. 53 years old.
Thank you.
Now, I hate hear things like “We love you.” “I am doing what is best for you!”
Hello how are you doing today?
Plenty of it during too... Some people just should not interact with one another. 🤷🏻♂️
so exact on point when u say u was trited horribly when u expect love from them .. 😢
I have to deal with bullies until middle school and narcistics parents on top of that at home, after parents divorce it only get worse ... So i am empty inside and feel nothing anymore.
Please please stay strong, try to stay focus on your studies and your future. Try your best to build a happy and positive future for yourself. I pray that you have someone in your life that you can trust and is a great support to you. May God heal you and protect you.
@@Rosesandpearls_ You know what was weird? When my grandmother died from old age last year i felt nothing even if we were close.
So enlightening! I've often felt plagued by the lingering anger from trying to reason with them, or just their projections. More boundaried now but this is key to moving forward
Good morning from England, 6am 🇬🇧
Thank you 💜
This has been so helpful ! Afte 25 years of marriage to a narcissist and her toxic family circle I used to make excuses for my behaviour like when I thought it was the caffein or work or etc etc., Also explains why I still feel uncomfortable with trying to bottle up emotions when in situations where I am just being misunderstood rather than being intentionally triggered like I was by her... It feels like such an effort sometimes to stay calm. You never know what people you interact with day by day are going through.
They literally try to murder you physically by attacking you emotionally, it is a psychological attack on your core well being. It is very effective and a slow death to make you ill, this is why you have to separate from them, then work on self love...positive affirmation work helps on creating confidence and better self love, self care and self protection.
Thank you for your guidance. I've learned a lot from you
Thank you
Hello my Angel Friend! This video came at the perfect time. Challenge accepted!!
Reparenting and validating
Thanks ❤🎉
Yup. 1,000% accurate. Stuck and confused. Love you Sis.
Call me please!!!!!
I grew up in a violent home where my parents physically fought and expressed anger. I was never allowed to express anger. I ended up marrying a man who physically abused me and shamed me for expressing anger. Both experiences were living hell. I am SO HAPPY to be divorcing that covert, abusive narc of a husband. I wish I had never met him.
This is true
Hello Suzette 👋👋 how are you doing today?
I am
Angry and I can’t really shake it because I am
Still with my narcissist husband after 17 years.
But it is real, I’m punished daily for my existence, hated at eyesight by majority.
It’s hard.
So eye opening
I'm not angry, not at all. BUT...I doubt I'll ever engage in a romantic relationship ever again. I have trust issues now.
Wow so little reason in evidence, how we do family and relationships. Used as mere coping mechanisms? It's like the human mind is so weak and irrational. You on the other side of the world describing my personal experience. When other people are angry at me it's my fault, and I respond accordingly, fight or flight mostly flight in my case, but when I express anger there is something wrong with me, gtting myself typecast with someone else's anger issues, not that I don't have my own issues I mean how wouldn't you in this unfair system? I think we need to get more gritty (Deny less, Face more) with our own issue's so our Wonderful innate intelligence can shine through.
Thank god she Gone.🙏
I’m going through this we’ve been together for a year it’s been good and bad and recently it’s been so bad like she just woke up and flipped a switch emotionally dead not wanting to talk to me hot then cold I don’t know what to do it’s destroying me but I can’t leave 😞
I don't know your situation or why you think you can't leave, but if you're being abused, you can't stay. It will destroy you mentally. The fact that you think you can't leave may be evidence that it is already destroying you mentally.
Raised to be silent.
Don’t act that way. I heard that a lot.
Thanks, Michele! Excellent points that I found myself nodding to in affirmation. It's taken me 3 yrs to get over the *deep* anger I felt (and still feel sometimes) towards my ex-narc of 2 yrs, plus 5+ yrs of friendship before we dated. I'm also mad at myself for not seeing the red flags and walking away sooner. Live & learn!
How could a narcissist step on a flower like you ?
Because she’s everything they wish they where
YEAH...IMAGINE IF IT WAS FOR 43 YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND YOUR CHILDHOOD!!!! SO ALL BUT 3% OF MY 64 YEARS!!!! THANKS!
🔥😍🔥😍🔥
What about when experiencing ongoing narcissist abuse currently as an adult from family? I’m disabled and have had to live w my npd scapegoating family until I can move out so I have to deal with their abuse daily. 💜🙏
What about children that were raised by a victim of narcisistic abuse? They often turn out as narcisists as well. How do we deal with them in the long run.. they can be horrendous and keep making you angry.
Abandoning self.
Do you allow paying monthly for the 9 week healing program? $1k out of pocket is not doable, but paying a set fee over the 9 weeks is definitely doable.
Hi - I know it's harder to pay for them up front - to be honest the reason I have a 9 session package is because through the years I've learned that it's so easy to pick at the recovery journey and stop before really getting to experience lasting change. The amount of damage that is inflicted because of narcissistic abuse takes time to work through - sadly many people get stuck in symptom management which only prolongs things. But if you would like to break the payments up into 3 payments to make it easier (since the package is 3 sessions for 3 months) feel free to email me - I'd be happy to provide you with a coupon you can use =D nar.coaching@gmail.com.
👍🏼
I need this class so badly and I don’t see any links where do I go?
Hello Kelly how are you doing today?
😢😢😢😢
How can I help my granddaughter? I raised her because her mom wasn’t able to but my husband was a narcissist, which at 21 years ago I had never heard of but she’s angry all the time now. I’m not sure if she’s angry about the way he treated me or because I didn’t seem to be able to get away from him. 😢
Hello how are you doing today hows everything going?
@@DavidThomas-dg8hk I’m well and the weather is beautiful today and how about yourself?
@@bjblakeney4637 I'm having a beautiful day thanks for asking and the weather over here's fine
@@bjblakeney4637 how's everything going over there and where are you chatting from?
@@DavidThomas-dg8hk it’s a quiet sunny day so far out here in Alabama. Where are you?
What if one was raised by Covert narcissists?
How do you process that?
It is like learning to walk again.
👍 ⭐ 🌟 ⭐ 🌟 ⭐ 💌
Just hope if your a male with a covert you didn't marry buy house have kid in the first year. . End of story..
I ve lost 9 Min to find you r selling a course already have being done ...look like narcisist abuse haha
So true it takes up so much time. I'm angry and I didn't even have a relationship with her. she was just my friend and I discovered she was a covert narcissist after I told her I had feelings for her and she got passive-aggressive which is a very strange reaction when you tell somebody you love them😪 she is in a relationship but still that's not normal. I had signs that something was off with her but I didn't know what it was cuz of all the variables, then I discovered the narcissist videos by accident and she has all the traits from what I know of her. I still want her to want me and want to spend time with me even though she's probably not a good match for me. I haven't texted her and she seemed to have nothing to say to me for 3 weeks. Never harsh words between us and I was very nice to her. I guess the whole thing reminded me of how my mom was. still not sure if it was just traumatic bonding and familiarity or if there is something there.I still feel like I haven't unfinished business with her and I'm not sure why🏞
John Bradshaw helped me a lot too I like how he explains things but he never talked about narcissists and the distinction between co-dependents and narcissists. if only I had known all of this 40 years ago. People waste 20-30 years trying to fix someone that can't be helped😪 narcissists are leeches on the earth bringing misery to so many people🪦 I actually believe that most of the people in large corporations, pharmaceutical companies and government positions of Power are narcissists👹 they don't actually care about people at all and that's how they can keep controlling and harming people and stealing from them year after year🪦