How can narcissists have INSIGHT about OTHERS but not THEMSELVES?
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - บันเทิง
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They are shame-based people doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. Everything is outward-focused. They never look within.
If they EVER DO look inwardly and contemplate their past behaviors, they will see nothing worthwhile except trash, 💩, and 👺👹🤡.. Can anyone be able to see these in the mirror 🪞 as your real face?🤔?..Your skin must have been thicker than the rubber tires of 18-wheeler trucks 🚚.. Period..
THIS👌🏽🔥✔️
True they always project on other people
They have no shame!
I was about to say this. The pain of their own existence is to be papered over and never seen (and woe to the person who points out the pain, even by accident)
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
They notice everything and feel nothing.
Perfect succinct post !
Hypocrite is their first, middle and last name. ALL of them!
Wolves in sheep's clothes. Sometimes hard to recognize because of charming nature and ability to hide their meanness.
Spot on.
Honestly trying hard to not get triggered again like the last time the “wolf” came around.
At the cost of good people
That sounds like my ex-friend. It took me decades to see through him because of his charm. He failed in marriage twice and his first spouse ran away from home.
🏃♀💨💨
@@user-fe1pg5cf5uIt helps me to “observe” and not “obsorb”. Kinda like “oh, there it is…that thing they do, and there it is again. I make it into a game silently…and see how many points I can add up 🧘🤓
Narcissists truly live in an alternate reality😬
They're insightful in the way predators are perceptive.
Because of dealing with this I have had to be way less honest... after over a decade I realised they are playing such a tit for tat game that you can not be completely honest, because they deny everything while you will say the moments when you lost your cool, which then just go into the list of things against you while they stay squeaky clean
Yes, if someone is playing a win/lose game with you, you can’t play a cooperative have with them.
YES.. part of working on my recovery from childhood trauma is about being vulnerable, feeling and trusting my feelings and sharing them, none of which I could safely do as a child.. another part of my healing is taking responsibility for my actions as an adult, and I am realizing more and more it's not safe to do any of this with my partner, as he only eventually uses it all against me.. it's time to finally come out of denial.. ❤️
You nailed it! The narcissist needs to know that you’re the one eating out of their hand.
💯 truth. I can relate to being way less honest, or just keeping my info to myself, and knowing when it’s pointless to engage. They never take responsibility and turn everything on you despite plain evidence to the contrary. I see it pretty quickly now and cut my losses to move on as best I can.
⚠️❤️Children are going to disappear around the world, then His adult TRUE believers. It is Jesus coming back to pick up His people! Make Him your Saviour! Do not stay for apocalypse!❤️🥹
⚠️❤️👉We are about to see Russia attacking Germany, Alaska experiencing two devastating earthquakes (magnitude 7.6 and 7.3) and the fall of Freemason Temple in Philadelphia.🙌 👉Only God knows the future. Jesus has now revealed all those details to his prophets right now! 👉CHILDREN will disappear around the world, then His true believers! Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death) for all sins. He will literally pull us out of this world so that we don't have to stay for the Judgment ( the Apocalypse). You can still call out to Him to save you after kids are gone, He will rescue you too❤️ Make sure to make Jesus your Lord and Saviour🙌❤️He loves you like crazy! He sees you❤️🥹 What saves us is trust in what He did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it! 🙌❤️
All predators study their prey inside out.
This describes my narc sister (who lives out of state, and I only see several times a year) perfectly. She has a background in psychology and counseling, and is highly intelligent and analytical about others. She likes to analyze other people on a regular basis, and believes her counseling background makes her an expert on others. She has often acted empathetic and insightful about me/with me, pretending to care, but then other times, has appeared to have forgotten everything I’ve shared with her in confidence, and has been incredibly condescending and disrespectful toward me. I was confused by it all for years, until a counselor read some emails from my sister to me, and told me that my sister was a “professional gaslighter.”
So sorry, you deserve good things and I am praying for the best for you ❤🙏
How heartbreaking
I'm so sorry you went through this! I had a counselor like your sister....
@@SherryWilson-dk7bo Thank you so much
@@danika9411 Thanks - I'm sorry you had a counselor like this to deal with.
It’s crazy. He said I lack self awareness, when in reality I’m extremely self aware and constantly criticizing myself and seeing what I could do better. He was the one lacking any sort of self awareness. He constantly projected onto me
Same! Mind blowing.
Mine will complain about a type of action or behavior, and then literally 2min later be doing the exact thing. I can only shake my head at the guy like dude do you not see yourself right now?
⚠️❤️Children are going to disappear around the world, then His adult TRUE believers. It is Jesus coming back to pick up His people! Make Him your Saviour! Do not stay for apocalypse!❤️🥹
⚠️❤️👉We are about to see Russia attacking Germany, Alaska experiencing two devastating earthquakes (magnitude 7.6 and 7.3) and the fall of Freemason Temple in Philadelphia.🙌 👉Only God knows the future. Jesus has now revealed all those details to his prophets right now! 👉CHILDREN will disappear around the world, then His true believers! Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death) for all sins. He will literally pull us out of this world so that we don't have to stay for the Judgment ( the Apocalypse). You can still call out to Him to save you after kids are gone, He will rescue you too❤️ Make sure to make Jesus your Lord and Saviour🙌❤️He loves you like crazy! He sees you❤️🥹 What saves us is trust in what He did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it! 🙌❤️
This is what I see in politics. They pretend to care but underneath it’s a completely different agenda. Their selfish and lack of empathy is what shows up at the forefront every time.
It is that of Mimicry .
DITTO, from Bakersfield CA where Republicans of this land praise $ worship POS, LIAR KING 👑 Kevin McCarthy!
Narcissists show the most empathy when they see themselves in the other person or situation
Unless what they’re seeing makes them ashamed. My parents, whom I no longer see or speak with, pretended to be so insightful about my childhood autism diagnosis, for example - and anyone who’s ever seen the way they behave at home would know they are both likely some form of undiagnosed neurodivergent as well. Autism, ADHD, OCD, borderline, something. The obsession with never turning on “the big light,” the perfectionism about cooking and cleaning, the flat affect, the “no no, don’t move that - I have a system!” and the repetitive, often ritualistic conversations.
If they were empathetic people, they would’ve noticed many of my same struggles matching theirs. This is often the impetus for parents to get assessed and diagnosed themselves, especially if money is not an obstacle.
Yet they continue to insist that they are “normal” and I am the failure who will never amount to anything.
They also completely ignored any of the research about “masking” behaviors being really bad for autism in the long term, and just pushed me harder and harder to seem “normal” until I had a catatonic burnout episode.
Even in 2004, there was plenty of research about this. It was known that pressuring an autistic person to mask harder would only lead to anger, resentment, helplessness, and in extreme cases, skill regression and burnout with catatonic features. This was WELL DOCUMENTED. They still refused to stop pushing and let me live in a way that I am comfortable.
Today I am living quite happily without them, and nurturing the friendships that have arisen from meeting the world as my authentic self. But I will never forget that they only saw what they wanted to see.
They use their insight against you.
They watch everything. They watch, and they find your motivations.
And that's where they hit you.
You're 💯 right. They study people to learn about their weaknesses. All twisted.
Constantly judging everyone but not themselves. Knowing everything about everyone, but not themselves.
That is the opposite of emotional intelligence. You must feel the empathy, not just understanding the principle behind it.
They point out in others what they're doing themselves.
Narcs have a “behavioristic” lens onto people, while empathic folks are more “psychoanalytic”. Effective, but not deep.
Behaviorism = If I push this button, he/she does X…
Psychoanalysis = being able to understand s/o elses pain and soul
It's not difficult to become good at lying, manipulating, seeing people's weaknesses, and stealing valor esp. when you do it for so long. Really, it isn't. It's just so foreign to people who spend time learning virtues, which allow - require - self-reflection; it's not complicate to think that someone can just study you and learn ways to subvert you greater good. That doesn't mean they've spent time with honest self-reflection and introspection.
This is basically why YOU have to walk on eggshells, while THEY are throwing raging temper tantrums.
They are able to see your emotional and disrespectful behavior, even the smallest gestures.
Then they will punish you for it by raging and abusing you... And in my experience... Doing so while CLAIMING that they're currently being rational and objective.
They will scream in anger, "Listen to my explanation, I'm the rational one!!!"
They observe your emotional anomalies like a damn data analyst, just nitpicking imperfections.
But then they cannot look inside because of the wall of shame, and end up completely unhinged themselves.
They are false judges full of contempt partaking of the wrong tree.
👍👍
5:09 “...the longer you know them, and the more interdependent your relationship with them, the more you become a potential threat, a potential source of shame, an extension of them.” Yet another reason to get out asap!
And never you dare to point out their flaws cuz they'll denied it or either project it on you😢
I have learnt that Narcissists way of completely turning something around and blaming their inactions as the victims responsibility flabbergasting and exhausting. 🍒
They will twist what you say while you're saying it. Watching their face and carefully realizing that their supposed questions to help clarify what you're saying are actually baiting type comments.
I will never be the same after this relationship. Evil as fuck
Dr. Ramani, I wish I could thank you in person, but this is the best I can do. I left a narcissist 2 years ago. It was super traumatic, and I was unable to get an appointment with a psychologist. They had no openings, even though I found that hard to believe. Anyway, your videos got me through the first year, and by the time a got in with a therapist a year later, I already knew everything!!! Well, not everything, but alot. And I just keep watching and learning when I need a refresher! From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU !!!!!!!! You are an angel to us all!
Dr. Ramani's teaching saved me from numerous toxic ppl. Some relationships I was able to halt. Other relationships I was able to go NC, guilt free.
Thank you. So, that explains why low contact reduces their bad behaviour. If you are too close, they see you as an extension of themselves, and give you their shame. Distance is the key. 😉
It is my experience that they "notice" things about people, including me, hence the mirroring they sometimes do, but I wouldn't personally call it insight. Because I feel insight should involve some empathy.
This is absolutely true😢 my husband tells a friend who went through a divorce how he just felt the urge to pray for her although he didn't know her circumstances yet. I thought huh ! You felt need to pray for her and never felt the urge to pray about wife that's hurting sleeping next to you.😮
This was such a jarring characteristic in some of the narcissists I've encountered!
They could be incredibly insightful (even about themselves!), but that insightfulness did not stop them from behaving badly, nor did it mean they got better over time.
If anything, the more insightful they became, the more entitled they became.
This describes a golden child narc friend I know, she can quickly analyze any situation or person I experience and give her judgemental opinion but never sees her own prideful & selfish behavior.
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for this.. I've experienced so much hurt from watching my partner readily extend his "empathy" and "insight" to others yet with me it's only when it serves him or is convenient.. (and much of the time he's just projecting all over me) I've never heard this behavior explained so clearly!! I've wasted way too much life energy trying to figure this out, and now that burden can be lifted.. I am so grateful for you Dr. Ramani.. 🙏❤️
I have thought this about my husband for decades and it added to my crazy making by him. Every time I hear explanations about NP style, the pieces all fit together. How can we all be wrong about our experiences when none of us know each other. There’s hopefully no more hiding for the narcissistic people in the world. You have been sussed and need to be held accountable. (Just saw a pig fly by)
I don’t think narc are remotely insightful about other people. They see everything through the lens of their own judgements, patronizing attitudes, attitude of lack, doom and gloom, self entitlement, a need to be superior. I’ve never had a narc correctly read a situation. In fact they’ll actively harm your life in every way then sit there and blame you for the results and accept no responsibility for anything. I have a relative who is constantly crying about money and lord know what else. She lives in a world of doom and gloom, glass half empty. I on the other hand don’t see the world like that and tend to be good at most things I do despite her telling me I’m good at nothing and don’t spend my days have the same worries as her and her she constantly projects her narrow minded world views onto everyone else. (I’m not trying to be remotely arrogant but this person constantly tells me I am horrible and bad at everything on the face of planet earth and despite her relentless desire to tear me down I do have confidence in myself that when I set my mind to do something, I do it well) Other narc will claim in jealous of them when I simply don’t get jealous of other and dont have a mentality of competing with anyone especially a family member. They imo often spew their own deranged under developed world view at others.
Yay for you💯💥
This reminds me of certain people who may go to a certain church and hear a sermon and think to themselves “I hope so and so was listening to this!” They never take self inventory about where they can work better on themselves. It’s always projection!
Dr. Ramani , thank you so much for the information. I had this question for longtime that the narcissistic people seemed very insightful about others but oblivious about themselves. They almost seemed like a very empathic person. But it's cognitive empathy, not emotional empathy. After all, they just don't care.
Loved this, "After all, they just don't care." How true, how true.
I honestly think that at the end of my relationship with a narcissist, she was so blinded by her image of she and I (thinking I was going to love her no matter what she did) that she was genuinely shocked when I ran like hell and cut contact.
As a target of narcissistic abuse, coming from a narcissistic family, I’ve worried about this subconsciously. Because, yes, I see the lack of introspection in narcissists, can pickup patterns and red flags. But, then I ask myself the often asked question of, “But am I a narcissist? Am I lacking introspection? Do I manipulate? Do I lie, maybe not compulsively, but can I see myself, if I’m lying at all?” While I don’t believe I am or do these things, how good is my introspection? When you come from a sick family, you worry that you’ve come from such a house of smoke and mirrors, you don’t even trust yourself. And I may be good at gathering and maintaining evidence, from other narcissists. But, is there no evidence of me, simply because they aren’t maintaining any evidence? For me, having evidence isn’t simply because I am involved in court and may need it for law enforcement. It establishes an historical pattern, for myself, a reality of just how bad things are. Oddly enough, it is also because, even though I supply evidence to the court, I know this is just another case, involving 2 litigants, they don’t know and don’t really care about.
the fact that you are worried about yourself in this regard, shows me that you are insightful, not narcissistic..after all, personality disordered people never think it is their "fault."
@@jgarfield9 I guess there’s worry that worry does not equal insightfulness. Maybe I’m just a cat on a hot tin roof, in not wanting to be like the narcissistic, walking disasters I see. And that is with knowing I am not at the lowest end of the narcissistic spectrum.
I could have wrote this. I have the exact same worries.
Wow, so Brilliant. Insight does NOT equal Empathy. It's easy to see that if so many survivors had understood this difference in the beginning, they might not have fallen for the Narcissist so easily. I especially appreciate the analogy that they can help others with their homework, but not pass the test themselves. I also appreciate the insight that they have less and less insight with increased familiarity. That explains so much!
yes!
It does help most definitely, but I would love some further context to fully grasp this. I need examples on how Both an empathetic person and a narcisst would respond in the same situations. Otherwise, how do you know for sure? It’s harder to tell the difference
@@jessiiica07 Just like so many of these concepts, this is very subtle and complex. Especially because both an empathetic person and a narcissist can respond the same way. Dr. Ramani always talks about the context of behavior and whether there's a pattern there. A Narc can say something that sounds insightful, but then doesn't follow it up with behaviors that support that insight, whereas am empathic person would follow it up with caring, supportive behaviors.
Thank you. Yes, I have experienced a Narcissistic Therapist. Six months of his arrogance nearly turned me off to therapy forever. More than just an “empty experience”. It was traumatizing.
You said it Dr. Ramani, "It is so damb confusing". That is THE signal to ones life work of having empathy for self. When it's confusing "listen" to the "inner voice", leave confusing behind to peace, quiet, and wisdom.
Insight about others but not themselves is another example of a double standard which is a hallmark of a narcissist's viewpoint. The narcissist salesperson can judge or read someone else's weaknesses or bad behaviour. They look at this as determining the customer's needs, which is a legitimate part of doing their job. This doesn't mean the same standard or skill can apply to himself or herself or to you.
My mother said I’ve lost all my empathy since I decided to stop emotionally imploding every time her and my sister tried to tear me down.
So they only feel that you “care enough” about them if you cave to their bullying. Sadly a common pattern with narcissism.
Great!! So it's even harder now to identify a covert narcissist. Grandiose narcissists are easy but covert are tricky to identify and now they can have insight too!!! Albeit not genuine empathically founded insight, just another thing that probably means I'll end up being single until I die because I will NEVER be with a narcissist again!! Good video and explanation thank you.
I don't think narcissists have insight into anyone, not in my experience 🤷♀️
Narc moto; fake it till you make it
Some psychologists and therapists tell narcs to "fake it till you make it" and "only care about today, don't worry how today's actions will effect tomorrow". Then they tell them they have a right to be offended at everything and have the "right" to get revenge. Then these same doctors and therapists wonder why the situation is getting worse. It must be that people aren't complying with the petulant little toddlers in adult's bodies. It must be...🤔
In the words of Ms. Conners "Facts don't matter. The only thing that matters is you can't be offending people now!"
Me: "What if they offend me?"
Ms. Conners: "Well nobody cares about you."
Ms. Conners 30 minutes before: "We're here because we care!"
@@dakoderii4221 I'm not one hundred percent sure that the conversation you relay is about a narc to be honest.. and I say this because if we are honest with ourselves.. one of the reasons we become vulnerable is because we do care about others.. but when push comes to shove I think the only person that will throw themselves on the sword or die on teh cross for others would be Jesus. I'm pretty sure that part of emotional maturity is working through the business of being offended and owning our emotional responses. Its a bit of a complex subject.. I recall a book or speeches 'find my tribe' and "emotional maturity'.. which is learning to manage our emotional reactions (including being offended about things - because that's a choice).
I agree with you on this one. They understand the superficial aspects of social interaction.
But how could they have insight into others if they lack the capacity for intimacy?🤷
Narcissists have too much insight into themselves... They just care only about how they feel and what they want... that's the essence of narcissism. 🤷
It is that of Mimicry ' that has eluded many .
I don't think it's insight, either. It's more that they just notice it if you're being anything but a pushover, if you're being impolite to them, etc. They notice it because it activates their shame and blame and all that. You're not being a perfect supply, or you're being emotional/annoying to the narc, so now they have to punish you for it. Other people would look past these imperfections, they would accept a little bit of annoyance from anyone, they won't even notice perhaps, but the narc, oh no how dare you show your humanity in front of me.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. This was rich as usual.
I witnessed ex malignant narcissist behave with what appeared to empathy and compassion towards other people and yet behave the exact opposite towards myself and the the children....its shrewd, cold & calculating and carried out with precision
Its rather scary to witness especially when you know the measure of them
Brilliant & insightful video DrRamini
Thank you.
They feel they have to fake it.They must be the first,the only,the golden child.Thatswhy they cannot handle if someone is better especially from a scapegoat role as it's not "their role".
I am doing my masters in counselling psychology, and I swear this is the professor for my first course. She is awful to deal with, being super harsh insensitive and mean. She’s very good at her ‘insight’ into my problems, blaming me for everything, but won’t take responsibility for the mistakes she made. I have filed a complaint but they just defend her because she’s the professor. I am disengaging from it now because I see the truth. Trying to get through the course but not sure I want to continue. Will see how it goes. Hopefully she doesn’t teach any of the other classes. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Perhaps ultimately, on a spiritual level, the reason you're in the course is for you to fine tune your own skills in dealing with narcissists. Maybe those skills will serve you in your future career?
I'm definitely not an expert. Just thought I'd share a thought I had while reading your message.
Regardless of what you choose to do, (and I'm sure it will be the best decision) I wish you all the best in your endeavors. Hugs!
@@lisalacroix7906reminds me of the people who come along to show us how we don't want to be in the world.
@@lisalacroix7906 I think I understand your caring attempt to contribute to the solution by adding up a new point of view; but as somebody I once had been in similar situation in a more complex way; this approach might end up acting like everybody ever harming on the way was just a “thing” happened only to teach you something with no accountability… I’d recommend to cautiously protect self and see things as they are. Surely there are lessons to learn; however, seeking hidden lessons against obvious wrong-doings that would require immediate decisions might distract the person from what has been actually happening. I wish you all the best.
U look well rested and that is a beautiful blouse! Thanks so much Dr Ramani!
One of my roommates is a hateful but pretends to be a good guy. I've known both of my roommates for years, but his behavior has gotten so much worse as he's gotten older that I can barely stand to deal with him. Fortunately it's not his house.
WOW!! My ex, she is VERY insightful about people; she used it to keep me away from friendships I was trying to cultivate; she would find the tiniest charter flaw in anyone, now I realize, she was Always trying to sew a seed of doubt to keep me in her web of control, she also read my character with artful precision; she knew EXACTLY what buttons to push to keep me trapped in her web of deceit and predation
*I love the grounded reality of this channel!!!*
Retirement took a toll on my finances, but with my involvement in the digital market, $27,000 weekly returns has been life changing. AWESOME GOD❤️🎉❤
I'm in a similar situation where should I look to increase income? Do you have any advice? What did you do ? Thank you
Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested Ms Maria Luisa Abrams.
She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸
Wow...I know her too she is a licensed broker and a FINRA agent she is popular in
US and Canada she is really amazing woman with good skills and experience.
After I raised up to £228k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧🇬🇧 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
Mind was blown ! Another ah ha moment.
My father in law was a school psychologist and could see others but not himself. I had not been able to articulate this to myself before. I would love it if you could expound upon this more fully. Narcissistic folks are such a unique animal. I cannot un-see them ever again. Have taken a bite from the tree of good and evil. Wish I didn’t have to know but thank God and Dr Ramani that I now do!!!
His true self, or core self is not there anyway, so that is there to see? He is too preoccupied constantly making a false self and maintaining facades have any insight to himself. It's a distraction to keep him from doing so. He's probably not going to like it if he does.
Ooooo, me too. "Wish I didn't....."
Thank you for this video. As someone traumatized from a failed marriage with a narcissist…who was also a therapist…I can attest to this being true.
I Love You! Thank you for taking the time and trouble to explain to us Innocent Ones what is Really happening and how we can defend ourselves from further emotional pain. I am so very grateful for You! 🌼
They are the gross-est, most despicable kind of people. I was stuck with one for 20 years and it still haunts me after 13 years of his being deceased.
They cherry pick what is wrong with you to avoid looking at their behavior as a distraction. Deflection. When they listen. They are only listening to key things to use against you.
Excellent people to have as a 1+ in public as a recovering social anxiety person. You can throw them in a mix of strangers, grab some
popcorn and watch them snatch up all the attention.
I realized how oblivious my nex was to himself when I asked him how he rated 1-10 how much he rated himself as a narc. He had to look up the meaning. He came back with a 4. He is a 10+. After 50 yrs I am free finally...mentally especially!
It really struck home how he had no idea how disturbing and destructive his behavior was. What an eye-opener! Thank you Dr Ramani for sharing your wisdom!
And all those years you kept trying to fix yourself - so happy you are finding peace!
If you are speaking. I am listening.
the more I learn about narcs, the more I'm convinced that they know exactly what they are doing. and in addition, plan out how they will gaslight and manipulate their target on a daily basis.
I thought my ex narcissistic bf was empathic due to what you’re saying. I have no idea how I left him. I kept watching him. Observing his inconsistency. I finally broke him off when I finally knew I was unhealthy!
OMG this happened to me recently with my dad calling out my ex for something that he himself is guilty of doing on the regular. I was flabbergasted and then realized it was his lack of self awareness.
My ex partner is a vulnerable narcissist. She was in therapy with different psychologists for the three years we were together. She gained insight from the psychologists about herself. She was happy to talk to me after her sessions. Some of the things her psychologists told her include; she was lacking in empathy, her emotional development was around three years of age, her principles were questionable, she enmeshes herself with her partners. She has poor boundaries, she lacks self esteem, she is needy. Insight oriented therapies don't initiate change in people with pathological personalities. My ex partner wasn't motivated to change any of these things in herself. Instead, it caused a narcissistic injury and pushed her to find someone who could give her narcissistic supply.
Absolutely right! 💯
Thanks Dr.R...
You'll even hear the projection leaching through if the wind is right....☮️✨
"Insight" is a powerful tool during love bombing
Thank you, Thank you!
Is it insight? I find most of the things they accuse you of you're not even doing. Or they will blow something really small way out of proportion.
It's like insight into what inconveniences them, and then they blow it up.
Loved "Something you're not even doing".
I think they just have "insight" into what inconveniences them. Everything aside from perfection is an inconvenience, so now they look like top tier shrinks because they can hear eggshells crack from miles away.
That's why people often believe them...
Few people can see it (and the hardest thing is to "see their inner uncertainty", because they are actors; but you can feel it through the energy, and the best by touch - they are internally restless and you can feel it. But Sigma Empath he sees/ hears it in the voice).
Good people have inner peace and their touch is calming...
This is solid gold info!
Great content Dr R!
Loving the beautiful pink on you Doctor 😍
Thank you for your videos Dr.! You explain it all bang on 🎯
Thank you for explaining this information clearly. Hard to understand this concept at first but your explanations clarified things.
That's really not fair to sales people--there is no inherent moral failure in sales. There absolutely is a demonstrable, inherent moral failure in narcissists. Sales can just as easily be--and just as often is--about closing deals with people who actually want and need and can afford the product or service being sold. Harming your customer isn't just immoral, it's bad business. Repeat business is the ideal and that's only possible by being a fair tradesman with something useful on offer. Narcissists sell a counterfeit product from the start and don't care who gets hurt by the transaction--and it is a transaction when a narcissist is involved, whatever the relationship. And that transaction is always asymmetrical in favor of the narcissist. Repeat business with a narcissist only occurs with further manipulation, not because what was sold offered value, and this is the only mode known to a narcissist. Absolutely, sales people can go this route and sometimes do--but a narcissist only goes this route and no other. Sales people are usually only looking to make a living. Narcissists are only ever looking to supply themselves at the expense of others. Big difference.
Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani For This Insightful and Informative Video!❣️
Omg. The narcissist in my life will literally describe the toxic nature of someone we know, and they literally are describing themselves. Word for word. I'm trying to learn radical acceptance so I'm no longer surprised.
Narcissism is a self-preservation strategy... In a nut shell 😂😂😂 people that would do whatever it takes to survive no matter the cost for others. 🤷
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I have to admit I was wrong.
It's not even about self-preservation... It's about comfort, they would do whatever it takes for their own comfort, regardless of the consequences on others/environment.🤷🤣
my totally toxic sister told me about narcissism. its hard to believe she doesn't see herself
I can’t believe you posted this yesterday when I myself was questioning the exact same thing! Thank you for the explanation.
Goes back to black and white thinking. Self-reflection may lead them to understand they were not in the right on something.
Incorrect -> I'm not perfect -> (B&W thinking) I must be terrible.
Thank you! AGAIN!
Thank you dr Ramani, I personally like this slower delivery style, slower speech, I find it easier to process all the contents 🙌🏻
Thank you for geting straight into it. Sorry I was a little rude yesterday...
Good lesson thanks
Thank you!
The sales analogy extends into the realm of "experts" IMO. Lately I have struggled to get through very informative talks and books by "experts" on some topics I usually enjoy. The narcissism of these people combined with personal attacks on the holders of rival theories can be insufferable while the logic and conclusions are very sound. The ability to ignore the opinions and input of others while advancing (and protecting) a theory can produce some deep insights. At the same time it can become a false self that is blindly defended. I think this explains vicious gaslighting and personal attacks on people like Graham Hancock who advance alternate theories of our ancient history.. Is it any wonder that the best gatekeepers of science and history would be narcissists?
They are far more than narcs. Dark, dark evil that you would never even imagine someone would do is common for them. They love for people to have the atheist viewpoint of nothing is connected and nothing really matters. Easy to control people like that. That's why they tell the children the other children are out to get them and the Earth is going to be destroyed soon.
Fear, fear, fear. And of course, they have the only "solution", for they are the eXpErTs. Any expert that does not toe the line is instantly deemed "crazy". It's a cult of scientism. It's science so you must comply. The Bible warned us of "science, falsely so called" will be in the last days along with selfish, envious people who cannot be placated.
Still watching, but thank you for this! I mean, that's a huge thing that just completely boggles my mind. I get it, we all have blind spots. All of us do. But this one's just... I mean, they can't hear their own words? They can't see their own actions? What the H?!
Ok, finished watching this. I dunno. There's having an emotional wall and there's just being plain ol' BS-crazy. I think at some point in time we have to expect people who are communicative, who clearly have some level of intelligence, and who have at least some understanding of the social/emotional world around them to understand enough about all of that to not get let themselves be this way. If they wouldn't accept an excuse for a certain behavior from someone else, they have no business making that excuse for themselves for the same behavior. Anything less than that is hypocrisy.
Anyway, I'm more convinced than ever that we need shelters for victims of narcissistic abuse, where you don't have to fit special criteria, beyond being that victim of narcissistic abuse, to get in. Soemone out there gives me a $Million or more? That's what I'm doing with it, and the homeless are at the top of the list for getting in first. I've really had it with this whole thing, and I wish I had the money to do what's needed to be done about it.
Me wishing Dr Ramani lived in South Africa so that she can be my mentor going into my journey as a counseling Psychologist😢. I admire your insight Ma'am.
I wish that people could understand what it is a narcicist without the experience of being devaluated and hurt by one of them.
I just learned to defend myself from him but It is frustrating that he lives without consequences and continue to enchante people with his lies. While you are crazy if you talk about it.
Just watched the last American virgin it really struck a cord.
Narcissism has very intricate psycodynamics.I would incourage you all to read the clinical literature and works of prof.Sam Vaknin and others.understanding and knowledge liberates. Narcissism is a very complex phenomenon.
Thank you dr Ramani for the change you have brought in my life.🙏
I second that great advice.
Thank you ❤
My nex was oblivious to anything anybody was going through... He couldn't ever see anything from anyone else's perspective, and everything was always everyone else's fault 😒
How would narcissists react and answer you if you ask them about their weakest points or the biggest faults they want to fix?
As most people say here, narcissists don't have insight into other people. They judge everyone negatively and recognize traits they don't like about themselves in others to elevate themselves.
They understand other people's emotions and feelings. They invalidate what they cannot relate or agree with your experiences and therefore don't consider them. Everything they do is only for their benefit and for no one else.
Yes! Possibly this is why narc are often drawn to careers in therapy/counselling... they can see the negative/vulnerability and so a) validates their career choice, keeps steady stream of business; and b) has some kind of twisted licence to manipulate....
My experience is, that if you ask a narcissist if "they can admit they're wrong/ mistaken" or "what they would be better at", they usually get pretty offended - depending on the situation/ what mood they are in when you ask, be prepared ❤️
What shortcomings?
⚠️❤️Children are going to disappear around the world, then His adult TRUE believers. It is Jesus coming back to pick up His people! Make Him your Saviour! Do not stay for apocalypse!❤️🥹
⚠️❤️👉We are about to see Russia attacking Germany, Alaska experiencing two devastating earthquakes (magnitude 7.6 and 7.3) and the fall of Freemason Temple in Philadelphia.🙌 👉Only God knows the future. Jesus has now revealed all those details to his prophets right now! 👉CHILDREN will disappear around the world, then His true believers! Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death) for all sins. He will literally pull us out of this world so that we don't have to stay for the Judgment ( the Apocalypse). You can still call out to Him to save you after kids are gone, He will rescue you too❤️ Make sure to make Jesus your Lord and Saviour🙌❤️He loves you like crazy! He sees you❤️🥹 What saves us is trust in what He did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it! 🙌❤️
Can you say more about what happens when you get close to a narcissist? I’m thinking especially of my parents. I’m getting some new insights on why they behaved as they did. They split me into two people. One was east to deal with and did t need much. So they were fun to be around and hard to criticize. The other part of me became a cauldron of hidden pain. They didn’t recognize my needs and that’s where they were. My mom especially used me as an extension of herself. When I rode the bus to preschool she hitched a ride to go shopping. As her caregiver I did everything she wanted because resistance was futile. She was the happiest I’d seen her then even though I thought I might die. Seriously her needs got so great something was going to give. Ultimately she had a medical crisis and had to go into a care facility.
An insightful person agnolages, understands and respects diversity.
A narcissists considers him/her self the standard for how everybody should be. They lack the capacity to understand and accept that there are others that might think, feel and act differently. Whatever is outside their idealized image they try to frame to fit in their own internal word, via ilusions or by trying to reshape it/he/she.
That if know and can spot is a fail prove method to spot one... Sooner or later they deconspire themselves😂😂😂
Predators know their prey.
Empaths especially.
My narcissistic soon to be ex-husband is a licensed social worker and therapist. Yup