Thank you all for stopping by, leaving your lovely comments and reactions to this video, as well as subscribing to my channel. I'm so happy to be able to share my experience and help you in some way. I promise I will go through the comments and reply to each of you, in time. I hope you continue with me on this journey of ours. Much love to you all ❤
May I make a gentle suggestion? You rejected yourself first and now others come to you reflecting that because you value their approval over your own, it's a self betrayal. You subconsciously assume everyone knows better than you, is smarter than you, or has a missing manual for life. Crappy Childhood Fairy talks about this stuff and it leaves us with emotional dysregulation including feelings of isolation. Psychology has a concept called external locus of control you likely have too.
I have done the same thing to myself. I did not tell my mother what pain, anxiety and depression I was going through because I did not want to add to her burden. My brothers would threaten me, if you tell mom were going to kill you. Put myself into uncomfortable positions because I wanted to be the better unselfish person. On and on and on. Every word you say resonates with me. Be loved and unselfish, or be hated and being me. I can boil it down to 7 words. To be seen is to be criticized.
There’s another aspect of this I’ve realized. People who have tough childhoods tend to think about things much more than people who have had it easy. As a result, we don’t really fit with the people coasting through life on autopilot because we don’t value all that surface level popularity/ego stuff. We value honesty, integrity, depth, empathy and so on As a result, our tribe is often other misfits. Find the quiet ones. The weirdos. The odd people. The ones unreservedly themselves. Your tribe will grow exponentially once you do.
@@AlysaAlysaBolissaBananaFannaFe I will say that I have always been a strong person even as a child and I am thankful for that because I don't know that I could have survived without becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol or whatever. And it is very true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I do not think we should have to live in a world where you have to be strong, but we are changing that by speaking out and knowing that we are OK and that we deserve , the best. And so I am not a victim, even though sometimes I feel like one. Every one of us has something to offer offer and because of what we go through, it gives us the wisdom and the compassion that someone else needs.
I realized the people who rejected me first, and the most consistently, were family members. I fought their negative version of me for so many years, trying to prove them wrong. I stopped, and I’m okay with their judgement and slander because I finally admitted to myself I didn’t like them either, and for good reason 😂
Family; exactly-I had to NEXT my father. I’ve learned that you must unfriend people quietly and immediately once they disrespect you or attempt to shame you or put you down. Don’t. E afraid to be alone-flush the trash out of your life.
At the age of 56 I took my dogs and packed my stuff and left my ex husband, mother, community and a whole lot of crap behind. Best thing I did. I am 64 now and feeling much better; and except for the occasional blue moments, I am a lot less loneley than when I was with them. Thank you for making me feel like I belong. Gracias
Thank you for sharing. I wish I could leave this behind. Sadly, having to start again means I'm stuck here for a little while. Welcome to this journey of ours and I'm glad that you feel you belong. Wishing you well 🧡
@SoulCareOver50 Having to start again does NOT mean being stuck. Au contraire. Remember that. It takes strength; benevolent srenth; to do what you did. Give yourself the due credit because you have claimed what God inheritantly gave you; self love.
I was a people pleaser until the last several years. People are absolutely exhausting and I’ve refocused my efforts to doing things I enjoy rather than trying to make friends. It’s fruitless honestly. Time is much better spent getting to know/heal yourself and finding your interests. People may come and go, but you’ll always have yourself. I felt like I haven’t belonged my whole life, and judging by the looks of the state the world is in, maybe that’s actually a good thing.
"People may come and go, but you’ll always have yourself." I never conciously articulated it to myself but I belief I must have decided that I'm stuck with myself forever and that it is better to get along with that guy. A less enthusiastic stance than yours but I think that's how it was. My path lead to calmness. Not zenlike. But moreso than the nervousness in all the people you encounter.
@@MeganVincent-tl4tg i’m 72. I never had any money until I received an inheritance 10 years ago…. if you can imagine for younger people cannot imagine things were so much different when I went to high school 55 years ago…… as a teenager I would read (16 magazine and tiger beat)… were they listed three great careers for young women+=== airline stewardess,,, but you had to weigh under 120…… nursing……. I couldn’t imagine helping somebody go to the bathroom when I was that young.,,,,, And teacher or secretary,,,,,,never. I hated school….,,,, And I was very left-handed, and I couldn’t pass the typing test 40 words a minute when I was 18.
I'm 52 and you are speaking my language! This used to be me until I finally come to realize that I'm totally OK with not being everyone's "cup of tea" so to speak. Sister, if people don't like you, they aren't your people! The enemy uses these negative thoughts and feelings to keep us feeling worthless but when we embrace our unique traits - such as being the odd one out - we find so much freedom!
I'm definitely realising that I've been pleasing the wrong people all these years and have realised why I feel odd and don't belong. It's time for change and be myself! ♥
@@SoulCareOver50 I’ve always felt like I never belonged. My parents moved us a lot so I was always the new girl at school and just never fit it. It took me years to learn to that I am unique as I am and to stop trying to fit in and start embracing my unique qualities. My people will eventually find me.
That must have been tough always being uprooted so often, specially if you began to feel more settled somewhere. I have to admit, starting over again has made me realise that I'm happy being me and no longer care about fitting in! I'm most happy that it's here on YT I'm finally finding others like yourself, who vibe with me ♥
Totally agree, it took me 45 years to be happy in my own skin & to enjoy my own company a little more. Saying No to people & situations & taking better care of myself with non negotiables & boundaries gave me back my confidence😁
Thank you for visiting. I'm so surprised and moved by all the response and lovely comments I've received on this video. How are you coping with your situation?
I came to realize that the people I thought cared about me over the years were never in my life because they loved me, but in reality they stayed just for “benefits” I offered. Today I’m lonelier than ever and feeling incredibly free, trying to know who I truly am.
be it friends or family, you are on a tier list, perhaps even making the top 10 but it can take a long time before the 10th on that list gets the call.
Yes. When your family member doesn’t care for you, just be civil when you have to see them. Don’t jump when they snap their fingers. It’s hard, and it hurts me so much to feel unwelcome in my own family. I have to figure out how to not care. It’s hard. “Don’t do that; don’t say that; don’t do it like that.” Yes, that was hard to hear, but also good to know it’s not just me.
I'm right there with you. I'm over 60 and it's taken me many years to understand the dynamics of my childhood and the levels of dysfunction with my parents. When love and acceptance are *conditional*, it's a setup for a life of frustration, rejection, criticism, along with never feeling accepted or part of something real.
I founded a self-group and conducted it for 10 years. Most people who were there were over 40. There is still a large taboo on accepting that you were a victim of childhood abuse if said abuse was "only" psychological.
@@Pomoscorzo Denial runs deep on definitions of "abuse." It took me a long time to figure things out and understand the source of my issues. Now it's so clear & obvious.
I'm a man who is almost 50, and I don't know who I am or what I want. I feel lost, alone, and insecure. I guess this is what a mid-life crisis is. I feel like I'm crazy... like I'm floating all alone on an island. I recently lost my job, am single and childless, take care of my elderly family members, and realize that there are some goals in life I'll never achieve at this point. I'm worried about my finances now with no income. I'm trying not to be depressed and find myself mad at myself for my past mistakes. I'm not in a good place. I don't feel like I'm enough. And sometimes i don't want to look in the mirror. I suffer silently in my own head. Does it ever get better? Sorry for the negativity today. I hope everyone is doing well.
You are enough! You're here. Do you realize what a miracle it is that you were conceived? I heard that stat once, I can't quote it off the top of my head, ... but just know, it's an incredible miracle. Embrace that fact. My heart goes out to you.
Life is too short and at 50 you realise if you haven't fit in by now, you're not supposed to. You are meant to be exactly who you are. Standing out, so your light shines for others.
When we look at the stars, they shine for beauty. I have had to rethink how to shine my light; it's never to make someone else's light darker, but to bring light to all. We need the uniqueness of all of us to make this short life easier.
Amen! ❤I'm 70 and have always felt this way. But one day I decided to just go my own way and do my own thing. No longer looking for outside validation, I am now genuinely happy.
I’m 49 going on 50 in February and for the past 10 years or so I’ve grown to understand how my body and mind reacts to being around certain people. Your body will tell you who’s right or wrong for you. I had to really tune in to self to fully understand.
People who reject us are not worth our time. I'm rejected because I can't be controlled and I won't comply. When I am rejected I realize I don't like the people who reject me. I gave up people-pleasing years ago but before that, I can't lie, it was hurtful. Now I just laugh about it and think of more time for me to do the things I want to do, to be selfish in their eyes. Remember when someone calls you selfish or any derogatory description, it's projection. They are talking about themselves.
I'm 48 and made peace with this truth. I would have to turn off my observations at how shallow and transactional most relationships and friendships are and how poorly most people treat each other. It's too common and accepted to talk about people behind their backs in the UK, I have always hated this and have no issues with confrontation and actually talking about things that upset or bother me so I have been labelled difficult, I'd rather be labelled difficult than be passive aggressive! Yet there's a lonliness epidemic in this country. Its all linked. I love my authentic self, she is awesome.
I am 55. Relate to SO much.. After I lost my dog. After having Covid and long term issues. My childhood trauma surfacing. I lost fear of death. And.. Started learning self care. I love painting. Now I paint only for myself. Not to impress. I ask myself several times a day. How are you feeling? I feel younger, safer and lighter.. Because I am taking care of me! And this is why I am also able to spread my joy only when I have enough of it within. When I am depleted, i retreat and recharge
@@earthrooster1969 hello Earth rooster instead of painting, I do ballroom dancing. It will change your whole entire entire ,,, Everything life. I’m no good at the things that make money but someone pushed me into ballroom dancing and OMG I can remember all the moves all the steps and I know all the music and it’s just wonderful if you don’t have the money just do group lessons and write down every place to go to And just find out about it. They have to offer Group Lessons….. and we always need more men to join…! Blessings for you.
To anyone who reads this who feels they don't fit in. May you find your inner happiness and light. You are an individual. You were meant to change minds in this world not flow with them. You are cherished and loved. Thank you for sharing your experience Soul Care Over 50.
Thank you for your comment! Let me restate your thoughts: May we be happy and joyful with ourselves. There is no one else exactly like us. The world needs the qualities and ambitions of each of us to create a more joyful living space. We are unique treasures worthy of love. Thanks Soul Care Over 50 and each of the lovely people in this group!
I realised i had to remove quite a few people from my life a few years ago and it was the best thing i ever did. No more criticising everything i do, say, feel no more put downs, sabotage, gaslighting no more putting up with people who dont value me. Once i did that, my life was SO peaceful that i committed to never letting people treat me that way again. I was providing a much healthier environment for myself to grow and blossom 🌺🌻🌷🌼🌹your vibe attracts your tribe, they will come, and they will be interested in you, and care how you feel and grow to love you ❤ i am so much happier and my life is uncomplicated
Love this quote: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Authenticity COMBINED WITH accepting people as they are, not trying to get them to affirm us, is a superpower. Blessings and thank you for your wise words!
This is a really great video. The comment section shows how many of us have felt the same way. I am awakening as all of you are. At some point I realized that I don't fit in bc I'm not supposed to fit in. Being authenticity me means I am me and only me. And that you have the right to be authenticity you. Let's all free ourselves from the programming that says we must fit in! 😊
I don't mind not belonging. I get very tired around other people even though I like a lot of them. I belong to myself and I feel more and more at one with my higher self, my inner being. So far, I haven't met anyone who thinks as high as I do but I hope I will. It's fun to think higher thoughts instead of worrying and trying to fit in with others. I'm nearly 68 years old and I really broke with society's way of thinking in my early thirties - it simply was not working for me and I was severely depressed. I like myself WAAAAY better now and I only associate with any regularity with people who are consistently good to me and that's the way I like it. I think you are on a good path.
You are probably an empath. I am an empath who takes on the emotions of others. Honestly, it's exhausting. It also makes me feel alienated from myself.
I’m learning being an empath is mostly being hyper attuned to surroundings from trauma. Being an empath is a nice way of saying it. All good, I guess we can be more aware of our surroundings, not a bad thing sometimes:)
I am also in my 50s now. Grew up in Florida with parents who did not like me. My mother especially hated me for whatever reason. I was good in school and was helpful around the house, but she told me every day that I was evil and everything was my fault. I was made to work like a dog. Maybe that is why I have tried so hard to show people that I care and always try to help everyone. But I have never felt that I belonged and felt totally outcast around my children and even grandchildren because it seems like no matter how much I do to show I care, they treat me like I am invisible and it makes me want to just be by myself since I don't feel important.
I could have written this myself (my parents were more neglectful than hostile - but I witnessed much hostility and violence between them). In any case, for me, making other people comfortable feels like safety. But the result is the same. I also feel like an outcast and that my child and grandchildren are not truly in my realm, if that makes sense. I spent years babysitting them when they were young and made quite a bond with those young children, and I only ever lived for my child to begin with. And now -- I'm in my 60's and I just feel so much what you wrote: "....no matter how much I do to show I care, they treat me like I am invisible and it makes me want to just be by myself..." I feel that about everyone in my orbit, not just relatives, but just want you to know the feeling is shared.
I feel the same at 32. I've given a lot of money for the needy and donated a lot for charities. But no matter how much I spend on others I couldn't love myself. To make matters worse, the self hating exacerbates, if I don't have anything to give, if I received help from someone, or if I bought something for myself. Can't wait long enough for my last day on earth.
My heart ❤️ goes out to you!! You didn't deserve a single toxic damn thing, you deserve love and acceptance ❤ By the way, you ARE a VIP.....a very important person!! 🎉😊
40s to 50s - This is when you start to search your authentic self and shed the old self (false beliefs or anything that is not really serving you). This is when you recognize childhood traumas and recalibrate your narrative so that you can no longer be burdened by this trauma. This will allow you to fly to the beautiful butterfly that you are. To fully embrace who you are even if it means not being liked by others.
My goodness, within the first minute this already resonated. The impact of a strict, controlling upbringing has remained with me. I too am 56 and also recognised I am shrinking my energy so not to be noticed, annoy or be criticised by others when actually what I want to do more than anything else is radiate my loving kindness energy. Thank you for this video.
Thank you for being here and sharing your experiences. I know how you feel about the lasting impact of strict upbringing. I hope that you too can now release these feelings and begin to be your loving and caring self ♥ We just need to find our like-minded self, don't we? 😉
I m 52 and I’ve never felt I belong any where … but … finally it’s ok. I came from similar culture as you. The last years … I started to please my self ! At this stage I can afford to explore me financially and emotionally. I feel like we are soul mates! Everything you say … I felt and sometimes still feeling ! Thank goodness I found some one who wants and encourages me to explore and discover me and who I am. It’s an everyday journey.
I just realized - I actually DO NOT like alot of people who have been in my life but would not admit this to myself.. I need to go and be with this insight. I feel both awkward and unburdened. Like I just set down a heavy backpack.
I fully agree. At 56 years old I have come to the same realisation. People are only interested in themselves at the end of the day. I have worked so hard all my life to be accepted and to fit in with little success. I have only one true friend in my life who knew the real me in junior school. Everyone else are mere acquaintances. All I got for my efforts was disappointment and exhaustion. I'm done with all of that now, and I'm being true to myself. People can like it or not, I no longer care.
What a clear, well spoken and positively powerful message your words carry. Thank you for having the courage to come out and speak about such an important, the most important aspect of being on this planet, finding and cherishing our true self. Those with ears to hear, let them hear. Those who truly understand what you are talking about are really your people. You don't have to "belong", you ARE an authentic and actual part of this world. I wish you the best from my the bottom of my heart.
Absolutely resonated with me. It’s only now I’m 54 I’m finally free to be myself. I never even realised I was constantly playing a part in life. It was exhausting. I’m finally comfortable being authentic. I’m finally comfortable with who I am. I’ve changed everything. I too, also feel the guilt. I’m working on it. Thank you for this message.❤
Authenticity is a gift of growing older. I promise you are not alone in feeling this and it will get better. Awareness is a huge first step, isn't it? Wishing you all the best as you grow into your revelation x
I think spiritually people like this are sent to the planet from others to experience and learn. Our spiritual homes are where we belong but we are here to advance our souls more than the average person.
I'm so happy you're having this awakening. Age 50 is truly a magical age. You're a marvelous, authentic, intelligent woman. It's all about the energy! I'm 49 years old and have like 4 real friends in the world, because I simply don't maintain relationships w/ people who don't like me for me true self.
I’m only 30 but I’ve always felt like a misfit since I was a kid. I’m no stranger to criticism and being expected to be the savior of the family. These expectations bleed into my adult life. I manage to be myself, to do what I feel is right for myself, but it’s still paired with a deep guilt, or a deep realization that I am rejected for it. It hurts. For the past three months, these feelings have come up so intensely that they’re making me sick. Sick to my stomach, sick with headaches, mood swings. I just want to feel at ease in my own skin. This came up at the right time. Thank you.
Your body is asking you to make changes in your life. Start with small changes. Do something good just for you and/or give up something that isn’t good for you. ❤
I to am in my mid 50's and have felt I don't belong most of my life. I have always described it as feeling like a stranger in a strange land. It hasn't helped that I grew up in the US which is a deeply unwell society. I just strive to embrace who I am and to learn and grow. So you are not alone, sending lots of love from a kindred spirit.
I'm 41, coming from a very liberal background zero religious endoctrination, but a very abusive narcissistic mother and sister, I 'm very aware that what they did to me was extremely wrong but still can't shift this feeling of guilt when I try just to be myself. But now I have chosen myself , my physical and mental health are much better now. but it's true that I keep being very critical over myself, like repeating the abuse once inflicted onto me. We're all gonna get there one day, keep faith and love for yourself. 💖💫🕊🕊🕊
Many people once they reach 50, they find liberation and happiness with acceptance of oneself. With that comes confidence, self assurance and strength. A permission to self. Amazing stuff!
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4 year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration , unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
I'm so sorry to hear of your relationship. As I say in the video I'm editing at the moment, be kind to yourself. Healing takes time and it's best to go through the process and not supress the feelings. I wish you healing and peace ♥
I recently realised that i was afraid of other people disliking me or rejecting me bcos my self-worth was pegged to their opinions! This insight has really helped me.
warning to all young people - wanting to be accepted by other people, that's something you need to nip in the bud asap - self-acceptance is the only acceptance that matters
You can't belong until there is a defined identity that is "you" to belong. If you focus on figuring out who you are, you will attract the people who are like you, and the others will simply drift away. What helped me was remembering who I was as a child, what interested me, what I liked, what I hoped to be when I grew up. That was the kernel of my identity that I then needed to develop into the adult I was meant to be. In focusing on myself, the belonging issue resolved itself.
Always be true to thine ownself and you will never truly be alone. Find your genuine connection in Nature and with creative pursuits. Most people are themselves lost and afraid to face their true Selves. More often than not - Hell is other people.
Hi Jeff, I enjoyed the video and looking at some of the comments. TY for your comment. I relate to the first two lines. And the third line was kind of an aha moment. There is a woman I've known for a few years now. We began to do a bit more together, and I really thought she is someone I'd like to be friends with. I really like her quite a lot. But not so sure now. (Staying open though). Not all the time, but many times now, she's made little jabs at me. And the things she is making jabs at are not bad ways to be at all. With reading your comment, it became clear to me that she is most likely afraid to face her true self, and this is leading to having problems. And since I HAVE faced my trueself in those particular areas (I still have areas to examine! lol), I think that's what makes her slight me every so often. Like I said she is someone that I did think highly of and wanted to have a friendship with. I'm staying open to it, and giving her a chance, but really realize now, that I don't really enjoy her company so much anymore. I've looked passed her barbed comments, but it's been going on now too long. I'm a WONDERFUL person! lol. And I don't need to be barbed anymore.
@@wendym2544 You sound like someone who is authentic and kind, two things really lacking in a soulless and selfish culture. The trick is to not take other people's insecurities and lack of Self consciousness too personally, they have been conditioned by a toxic narcissistic culture and your authenticity will make your life more meaningful, purposeful and joyfull in ways that depend on being validated or even acknowledged by others. Don't ask yourself what others think, feel or say about you - instead ask yourself what makes you free and what enables you to come alive - and BE that. Your authentic will draw other authentic people into your life but we all need to spend some time on our own in solitude and truthfully in soem dark places which will eventually reveal your true Nature and potential to You, which is your gift to the world. And never forget there is a whole other world hidden to most people who are caught up in surface level societal drama - that world is Nature and it speaks to those who will listen.
OMG. I am in my sixties, and I left my family, friends, home and country to find who I am. I have been away for almost two years. Now I know. Your words have made sense of my 65 years on this earth. Now I know why I am a nobody. Now I can start to heal. Thank you so much. ❤
I am encouraged by how you went about this.... I thought am too old to make any significant changes and so have to just keep going . But after reading this, I too will take time to understand why " am a nobody, but just a disrespected piece of furniture for everyone's convenient use". I will allow myself to start over and not feel that age at 50 is not on my side. I particularly note the word "heal", from your message. I will begin my journey of healing . Thank you so much! ❤
recovering doormat here! Your video is spot on!! all the things. I learned how to set boundaries a few years ago, just tired of being used and treated so badly. I did not expect to lose almost everyone in my life. Those that truly loved me came back around but only a few. The rest are gone abd I mourn them but realize I mourn what I thought the relationship was. They were just predatory friends/family. Its been slow going learning to love myself and im still alone but slowly building again. I would not change a thing in this new world I can actually live in.
So that's why I feel accepted. Because I'm almost always myself. I accept you ladies, and I love you. Be you. It's cool. Even if you're not cool, it's cool to be yourself. ♡♡♡ I'm extremely uncool, frankly, and i love it. I'm a mess. 😆
Nice comment. Yes, the more you accept and love yourself, I find you start loving and accepting others in a big way. But it's not necessarily so easy to love and accept ourselves. Glad you have done it.
Wow Latricia. I understand where you’re coming from. I studied for three years in the 90s and am still unpicking the experience even now. I wish you well in your quest.🤗
i'm 50 and you are speaking on my behalf😭 i always tried to fit in during my younger years but now i love being alone and only with my husband and kids.
Wow this is how I have always felt with my family members and past friends. I've always been the helper, but never respected. I'm 52 and resonate with this video so much. I have lost alot of time in the past being depressed, while trying to be accepted by others.❤I'm happy I found this video.
I completely feel the same way you do that I never really developed who I am as a woman. As a matter of fact when I heard other women say they "found themselves" I was confused at what they meant. I'm 52 and just now started to accept who I am and making my own way in life. It's liberating but extremely difficult because I'm having to undo so much of the past conditioning. It's women like you that keep me inspired. Thank you!
I'm totally with you! It's so hard to undo nearly a lifetime's worth of conditioning! I'm glad I've inspired you and that we are sharing this journey together 😍
We humans are beautiful and complex plants that given care and love can outgrowth almost any state of trauma or neglet. You're brave and beautifull; you're doing a good job loving you back. Trust that it will get relatively better with everyday you put in and keep finding reasons to love yourself.
About 5 years ago I realized I was wasting my time trying to fit in. Since then I've been wasting less time trying to change for others and spending more time growing. I won't say I've found true happiness, but I've definitely experienced more excitement when I meet my own physical and intellectual goals. I study every day to understand this world we live in, and that has been more fulfilling than any affirmation I've received from society.
Thank you for your video. I’m absolutely amazed that there are others out here who are the same. Wow! I’m a 64 widower learning to make a life for myself. Scary but exciting that I’m finally learning who I am and what I like and to be ok with it.
Now in my 40s I am in a process of learning how to stop being a people pleaser. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it!! Saying no, saying I don’t want to do it, being with my cats instead of people I don’t really like is so liberating ❤ I really enjoyed your video and your message ❤ Thank you!
I have been dreadfully hurt by people in my life. I have loved people who just despised me. I am about your age and I still struggle with the trauma and the loneliness of it. It has taken this many years to even be able to speak about it and healing is an ongoing process. By the time I regain my true self I will be in a fucking care home.
I’m now 54 and had an epiphany whilst in the shower, “I’ve now got gray hair, and don’t really care what people think and can say what’s on my mind.” Wisdom, self-acceptance, and self-love
It’s OK to be single. Be open for authentic friendships. Authentic people will accept you, and won’t mind you questioning it. You seem really nice. Hope you find what/who you want.
So many comments that are saying they identify with the feeling of not belonging, and then trying to overcome the "not belonging" by being overly solicitous to people in hopes that they will acknowledge and accept us. Of course, we've learned it often has the opposite effect (we absorb a lack of respect, then try even harder, and the cycle gets more and more painful). But I want to issue a slight warning here (I am older than most who've commented - maybe more experience): I spent a couple of decades in a rebellious stance of "you will accept me, eff you, and the horse you rode in on, I'm powerful, I'm woman hear me roar, I'm ME and if you don't like me I hate you first...." This stance was mainly a way of coping and remaining standing in a male dominated work environment, but I must say now: all that did was give people a true reason to dislike me. I was genuinely disliked by a lot of people. Because the opposite of people pleasing is not "people repelling" That kind of attitude does nothing whatsoever to building self-acceptance, self love, and true feeling of authenticity. So don't make my mistake and let the pendulum swing waste years of your life. I've recovered and the pendulum swung back toward more people pleasing and softer, but that hollow "I DON'T BELONG" remains. This woman in the video is pointing toward the more correct fix -- and I wish I had this sort of counsel earlier in my life.
That’s a very perceptive comment. I am also older than most commenters. I was never able to fit in but, unlike many, didn’t “change myself to please people” because I couldn’t figure out how, or perform it. I was never socially adept enough, and too un-self-disciplined. But I would have if I could. I wanted to fit in, and expended a huge amount of energy just trying to. It exhausted me so much it took five years to decompress, and to realise that being born into a big family in a small house, going to enormous schools, working in busy, crowded places - it was completely unsuited to my temperament. It had a profound effect on me, but not knowing any different, I didn't realise it. The poem “Warning” by Jenny Joseph, I knew in high school, but that was in the 70s when (in my country anyway) everyone didn’t have to belong to some type or “tribe” as now. So it didn’t seem any big thing. It took me till late middle age to really get it. When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter. For example, it wasn’t until recently I looked at my home and realised it’s all furnished and decorated as an attempt to look “normal” just in case people come round. I liked the space when I moved in alone, but got stuff to fill it … mainly because people made casual remarks expecting that I would! Furniture and decor not needed or even wanted, in styles, colors and textures as blandly conventional as possible. No clue what *my* style or preferences might look like. Half the furniture I have, I never touch except to clean. How I let the vague idea of other people’s approval run even my private life - that they neither know nor care about anyway! And which is nobody’s business but mine.
@@eh1702 I can relate so much to what you wrote here. Not knowing a personal preference for "things" - so going bland. I had forgotten about that poem. I love it. I may also wear a purple dress and red hat!
You just described my life. I've been on a journey of self discovery for several years. Just over 4 months ago I had to say goodbye to my sweet dog so for the first time in my life - I'm 60 - I am alone. There are no distractions. It's been very difficult and I'm so grateful for it ❤
Learn to love yourself for everything that you are and everything that you aren’t; be prepared to work to achieve the self. There will always be people condemning your actions or inactions and that is okay, they aren’t living your life, they don’t know your needs; they are only looking for their needs without caring about yours. I am considerably older than you, like you, I was taught humility and servitude (with violence), but I just couldn’t stay meek. Consequently, I paid the price for choosing me, I would pay it all over again, I achieved self fulfillment , whether those around me like it or not.
100% this resonates with me, I’ve adjusted to be accepted & liked & worthy , the only times I have been able to be myself is when I’m with those people who unapologetically are their authentic selves, I’m drawn to them & it makes me feel like I can be me around them
I’m 36 and this exactly has been on my mind all week. I feel the exact same, and it’s time to stop this people pleasing pattern. It’s hurting me and I’m so tired of being tired.
I'm sorry to hear you feel this way too, I know how hard it can be. I know what you mean about hurting and tired of feeling tired. I hope you're finding ways to be yourself and stop people pleasing. How are you finding making change so far?
@@SoulCareOver50 - thanks for your reply. Changes have been slow, and even after saying no, I feel bad and then change my mind out of feeling guilty. It’s been hard for me to not be who others expect. It’s taken over my personal life however, so I’ll keep having to work at it. It’s challenging not to feel taken advantage of at times, but I can see how it’s my own fault. Fawning is my default. We’ll get there!
It's amazing how deep our feelings of guilt goes doesn't it? We're making changes and moving forward, that's all that matters. We're a work in progress and like you say, we'll get there 😃
I’m nowhere near 50, only halfway there, but this really relieves my troubled heart. I always feel like there’s something wrong with me and I always held on to what my mother taught me: that what matters is that I’m my own person and I’m working on myself. I’m glad to hear she was right.
Self-centeredness is only caring for yourself. Self-lessness is caring for others but at your own expense. Selfishness is the balance of caring for yourself first and others second.
Rejection is educational if u let it be itself. If those around u need u to be someone else, it is not a real relationship. I am so happy that u have decided that u r worth being yourself. It is a tough journey to uncover your real self. Balance is the goal. U r worthy of being loved by u. ❤ Thank u for sharing u with me!
I like your message. It’s very clear. it takes a lot of self-awareness. Encourage to realize that how are you thinking how you feel is your responsibility and no one else’s. And that’s you that has to give yourself permission to be you and to speak up for yourself when you don’t do that and you try to please others you’re actually forsaking yourself. All my life that behavior has allowed people with bad intentions to take advantage of me because they will exploit the ones who are trying to be kind and use them for their own good. And while I’m sitting here, trying to be helpful I’m just getting used. Be true to yourself. Be honest with yourself. You are worth it.
I was the youngest of three. Alcoholic dad, religious extremist for a mom. Career bachelor, no kids. A physical disability, medical traumas, a learning disability, and depression have plagued me my whole life. These issues, coupled with verbal and physical abuse made me hate myself at a very early age. I spent my youth and young adulthood trying to "fit in". But since my parents have died, I don't give a damn about fitting in. It is a liberating feeling, knowing that those who damaged and directed your life, will never be able to scorn you again. I turn 50 in January. Here I am. If you can't accept me for who I am, shove it! I saw my former classmates on social media with their " normal lives". I quit fb two years ago. But I learned something from it. I was never cut out for the mainstream. So have your controlling mean spouse, spoiled kids, and bullshit white collar job. I will keep flying solo, and live out the remaining years of my life how I damn well please.
100 percent. completely relate - I have never felt like i belonged anywhere and was also raised in an overly critical and emotionally unsafe homes... I am just now (at 54) getting down to the business of loving and being me. Thank you for posting 💗
I think you look wonderful for your age, but you radiate a lovely energy (which is probably why I found your channel). I too want to have a life where people accept me as I am, but if not, as I am over 50...I no longer care. I can and I will still care for them, but I do not need their acceptance. Energy is so potent around this time of our lives. I hope you continue to flourish. best of luck for your channel x
"learning and growing as I start my journey 2.0 to becoming my authentic self" Thank you for sharing. You have expressed so much that took me years and years to learn. I am glad that now, at 71 years old,. I give myself permission to be me, but I wish I could have learned it much younger.
Thank you all for stopping by, leaving your lovely comments and reactions to this video, as well as subscribing to my channel. I'm so happy to be able to share my experience and help you in some way. I promise I will go through the comments and reply to each of you, in time. I hope you continue with me on this journey of ours. Much love to you all ❤
May I make a gentle suggestion? You rejected yourself first and now others come to you reflecting that because you value their approval over your own, it's a self betrayal. You subconsciously assume everyone knows better than you, is smarter than you, or has a missing manual for life. Crappy Childhood Fairy talks about this stuff and it leaves us with emotional dysregulation including feelings of isolation. Psychology has a concept called external locus of control you likely have too.
Nice to meet you!
Thank you for including the Ho'oponopono practice. Hope you share it in detail elsewhere, it's transformative. 1st time visitor & subscriber now. 👍🙏🕊️
I have done the same thing to myself. I did not tell my mother what pain, anxiety and depression I was going through because I did not want to add to her burden. My brothers would threaten me, if you tell mom were going to kill you. Put myself into uncomfortable positions because I wanted to be the better unselfish person. On and on and on. Every word you say resonates with me. Be loved and unselfish, or be hated and being me. I can boil it down to 7 words. To be seen is to be criticized.
Soooo BEAUTIFUL and INSPIRING SOUL YOU ARE!!! I CAN RELATE to ALL (that so COURAGEOUSLY) you have shared in this video!!! THANK YOU MORE PLEASE.
There’s another aspect of this I’ve realized. People who have tough childhoods tend to think about things much more than people who have had it easy. As a result, we don’t really fit with the people coasting through life on autopilot because we don’t value all that surface level popularity/ego stuff. We value honesty, integrity, depth, empathy and so on
As a result, our tribe is often other misfits.
Find the quiet ones. The weirdos. The odd people. The ones unreservedly themselves. Your tribe will grow exponentially once you do.
I like your views. Id be happy to join you😊
Thank you I need this perspective
that is an incredible realization. i never thought of it this way. thank you for putting this in words. it is exactly how i feel!
fellow misfit here 🙋♀️
Exactly true. I have no common ground with my own Family.
Stay away from those who won't let you be who you are.
Thank you 🧡
this is most people
You belong with us non-belongers. It just means you're truly an individual. ❤
Thank you. I'm finally learning individuality is what makes us all great 😊
this comment made me cry. I was not expecting that!
@@AlysaAlysaBolissaBananaFannaFe
I will say that I have always been a strong person even as a child and I am thankful for that because I don't know that I could have survived without becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol or whatever. And it is very true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I do not think we should have to live in a world where you have to be strong, but we are changing that by speaking out and knowing that we are OK and that we deserve , the best. And so I am not a victim, even though sometimes I feel like one. Every one of us has something to offer offer and because of what we go through, it gives us the wisdom and the compassion that someone else needs.
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I realized the people who rejected me first, and the most consistently, were family members. I fought their negative version of me for so many years, trying to prove them wrong. I stopped, and I’m okay with their judgement and slander because I finally admitted to myself I didn’t like them either, and for good reason 😂
Lol. I can relate. 😂
Family; exactly-I had to NEXT my father. I’ve learned that you must unfriend people quietly and immediately once they disrespect you or attempt to shame you or put you down. Don’t. E afraid to be alone-flush the trash out of your life.
I can relate. ❤
At the age of 56 I took my dogs and packed my stuff and left my ex husband, mother, community and a whole lot of crap behind. Best thing I did. I am 64 now and feeling much better; and except for the occasional blue moments, I am a lot less loneley than when I was with them.
Thank you for making me feel like I belong. Gracias
Thank you for sharing. I wish I could leave this behind. Sadly, having to start again means I'm stuck here for a little while. Welcome to this journey of ours and I'm glad that you feel you belong. Wishing you well 🧡
@SoulCareOver50 Having to start again does NOT mean being stuck. Au contraire. Remember that. It takes strength; benevolent srenth; to do what you did. Give yourself the due credit because you have claimed what God inheritantly gave you; self love.
Brave move glad for you so I am wishing you long life and joy
Thank goodness you found yourself. Peace accomplished.
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NOTHING WORSE THAN FEELING LONELY WITH ANOTHER PERSON OR A GROUP OF PEOPLE!
It’s true!! That’s why I prefer my personal space. I don’t want to be around people who make me feel terrible.
I was a people pleaser until the last several years. People are absolutely exhausting and I’ve refocused my efforts to doing things I enjoy rather than trying to make friends. It’s fruitless honestly. Time is much better spent getting to know/heal yourself and finding your interests. People may come and go, but you’ll always have yourself. I felt like I haven’t belonged my whole life, and judging by the looks of the state the world is in, maybe that’s actually a good thing.
Love your comment and 100% agree 👍
"People may come and go, but you’ll always have yourself." I never conciously articulated it to myself but I belief I must have decided that I'm stuck with myself forever and that it is better to get along with that guy. A less enthusiastic stance than yours but I think that's how it was. My path lead to calmness. Not zenlike. But moreso than the nervousness in all the people you encounter.
@@MeganVincent-tl4tg i’m 72. I never had any money until I received an inheritance 10 years ago…. if you can imagine for younger people cannot imagine things were so much different when I went to high school 55 years ago…… as a teenager I would read (16 magazine and tiger beat)… were they listed three great careers for young women+=== airline stewardess,,, but you had to weigh under 120…… nursing……. I couldn’t imagine helping somebody go to the bathroom when I was that young.,,,,,
And teacher or secretary,,,,,,never. I hated school….,,,, And I was very left-handed, and I couldn’t pass the typing test 40 words a minute when I was 18.
It's our time to shine!
Thank you. Yes.
I'm 52 and you are speaking my language! This used to be me until I finally come to realize that I'm totally OK with not being everyone's "cup of tea" so to speak. Sister, if people don't like you, they aren't your people! The enemy uses these negative thoughts and feelings to keep us feeling worthless but when we embrace our unique traits - such as being the odd one out - we find so much freedom!
I'm definitely realising that I've been pleasing the wrong people all these years and have realised why I feel odd and don't belong. It's time for change and be myself! ♥
@@midlifewithleeann just subscribed you your channel! Excited to connect!🤍
@@SoulCareOver50 I’ve always felt like I never belonged. My parents moved us a lot so I was always the new girl at school and just never fit it. It took me years to learn to that I am unique as I am and to stop trying to fit in and start embracing my unique qualities. My people will eventually find me.
That must have been tough always being uprooted so often, specially if you began to feel more settled somewhere. I have to admit, starting over again has made me realise that I'm happy being me and no longer care about fitting in! I'm most happy that it's here on YT I'm finally finding others like yourself, who vibe with me ♥
Totally agree, it took me 45 years to be happy in my own skin & to enjoy my own company a little more. Saying No to people & situations & taking better care of myself with non negotiables & boundaries gave me back my confidence😁
I feel the same way. I don't belong anywhere. I don't feel wanted. I am just existing.
Just existing....same.
It's comforting to me discovering that there's others that are going through similar feelings
Thank you for visiting. I'm so surprised and moved by all the response and lovely comments I've received on this video. How are you coping with your situation?
I dont belong anywhere either. Hello fellows.
That's your choice.
I hear you and feel that too ❤️
@@oldnatty61 judge much? Maybe that is your experience but doesn’t mean it is for others.
@@julieking5151 Have you seen M. Night Shyamalan's The Village?
You belong to us! We who shared the same feelings exist.
I came to realize that the people I thought cared about me over the years were never in my life because they loved me, but in reality they stayed just for “benefits” I offered. Today I’m lonelier than ever and feeling incredibly free, trying to know who I truly am.
Better to be alone in peace and freedom then with someone who only wants you around to use you
you will never be alone here. it is a room filled will non-belongers. LOL HUGS from Canada!
@@chelseagirl278 thank you!
Totally relate. Am in the same space.
be it friends or family, you are on a tier list, perhaps even making the top 10 but it can take a long time before the 10th on that list gets the call.
Not everyone is going to like you, and they don't have to. Just continue to be you.
Yes. When your family member doesn’t care for you, just be civil when you have to see them. Don’t jump when they snap their fingers. It’s hard, and it hurts me so much to feel unwelcome in my own family. I have to figure out how to not care. It’s hard. “Don’t do that; don’t say that; don’t do it like that.” Yes, that was hard to hear, but also good to know it’s not just me.
I'm right there with you. I'm over 60 and it's taken me many years to understand the dynamics of my childhood and the levels of dysfunction with my parents. When love and acceptance are *conditional*, it's a setup for a life of frustration, rejection, criticism, along with never feeling accepted or part of something real.
I founded a self-group and conducted it for 10 years. Most people who were there were over 40. There is still a large taboo on accepting that you were a victim of childhood abuse if said abuse was "only" psychological.
@@Pomoscorzo Denial runs deep on definitions of "abuse." It took me a long time to figure things out and understand the source of my issues. Now it's so clear & obvious.
I'm a man who is almost 50, and I don't know who I am or what I want. I feel lost, alone, and insecure. I guess this is what a mid-life crisis is. I feel like I'm crazy... like I'm floating all alone on an island. I recently lost my job, am single and childless, take care of my elderly family members, and realize that there are some goals in life I'll never achieve at this point. I'm worried about my finances now with no income. I'm trying not to be depressed and find myself mad at myself for my past mistakes. I'm not in a good place. I don't feel like I'm enough. And sometimes i don't want to look in the mirror. I suffer silently in my own head. Does it ever get better?
Sorry for the negativity today. I hope everyone is doing well.
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Do you pray? I will pray for you. ❤
@rivkajazz thank you. That means a lot to me. And yes, I do pray.
You are enough! You're here. Do you realize what a miracle it is that you were conceived? I heard that stat once, I can't quote it off the top of my head, ... but just know, it's an incredible miracle. Embrace that fact. My heart goes out to you.
Life is too short and at 50 you realise if you haven't fit in by now, you're not supposed to. You are meant to be exactly who you are. Standing out, so your light shines for others.
When we look at the stars, they shine for beauty. I have had to rethink how to shine my light; it's never to make someone else's light darker, but to bring light to all. We need the uniqueness of all of us to make this short life easier.
I don’t wanna shine for others though 🤷♂️💯
Amen! ❤I'm 70 and have always felt this way. But one day I decided to just go my own way and do my own thing. No longer looking for outside validation, I am now genuinely happy.
fantastic
I’m 49 going on 50 in February and for the past 10 years or so I’ve grown to understand how my body and mind reacts to being around certain people. Your body will tell you who’s right or wrong for you. I had to really tune in to self to fully understand.
Yes thats why I stopped hanging around Commies
People who reject us are not worth our time. I'm rejected because I can't be controlled and I won't comply. When I am rejected I realize I don't like the people who reject me. I gave up people-pleasing years ago but before that, I can't lie, it was hurtful. Now I just laugh about it and think of more time for me to do the things I want to do, to be selfish in their eyes. Remember when someone calls you selfish or any derogatory description, it's projection. They are talking about themselves.
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I decided long ago that if someone doesn’t want me, I want them even less. #ByeFelicia 👋
100% right.
reject them out from your life
I'm 48 and made peace with this truth. I would have to turn off my observations at how shallow and transactional most relationships and friendships are and how poorly most people treat each other. It's too common and accepted to talk about people behind their backs in the UK, I have always hated this and have no issues with confrontation and actually talking about things that upset or bother me so I have been labelled difficult, I'd rather be labelled difficult than be passive aggressive! Yet there's a lonliness epidemic in this country. Its all linked. I love my authentic self, she is awesome.
I am 55.
Relate to SO much..
After I lost my dog.
After having Covid and long term issues.
My childhood trauma surfacing.
I lost fear of death.
And..
Started learning self care.
I love painting.
Now I paint only for myself.
Not to impress.
I ask myself several times a day.
How are you feeling?
I feel younger, safer and lighter..
Because I am taking care of me!
And this is why I am also able to spread my joy only when I have enough of it within.
When I am depleted, i retreat and recharge
I'm happy u found the response to this problem that is benefitting u 😊
So beautiful. 🙏💖💖💖☮️
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@@earthrooster1969 hello Earth rooster instead of painting, I do ballroom dancing. It will change your whole entire entire ,,, Everything life.
I’m no good at the things that make money but someone pushed me into ballroom dancing and OMG I can remember all the moves all the steps and I know all the music and it’s just wonderful if you don’t have the money just do group lessons and write down every place to go to And just find out about it. They have to offer Group Lessons….. and we always need more men to join…! Blessings for you.
To anyone who reads this who feels they don't fit in. May you find your inner happiness and light. You are an individual. You were meant to change minds in this world not flow with them. You are cherished and loved. Thank you for sharing your experience Soul Care Over 50.
Thank you for your comment! Let me restate your thoughts: May we be happy and joyful with ourselves. There is no one else exactly like us. The world needs the qualities and ambitions of each of us to create a more joyful living space. We are unique treasures worthy of love. Thanks Soul Care Over 50 and each of the lovely people in this group!
I realised i had to remove quite a few people from my life a few years ago and it was the best thing i ever did. No more criticising everything i do, say, feel no more put downs, sabotage, gaslighting no more putting up with people who dont value me. Once i did that, my life was SO peaceful that i committed to never letting people treat me that way again. I was providing a much healthier environment for myself to grow and blossom 🌺🌻🌷🌼🌹your vibe attracts your tribe, they will come, and they will be interested in you, and care how you feel and grow to love you ❤ i am so much happier and my life is uncomplicated
Love this quote: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Authenticity COMBINED WITH accepting people as they are, not trying to get them to affirm us, is a superpower. Blessings and thank you for your wise words!
This is a really great video. The comment section shows how many of us have felt the same way. I am awakening as all of you are. At some point I realized that I don't fit in bc I'm not supposed to fit in. Being authenticity me means I am me and only me. And that you have the right to be authenticity you. Let's all free ourselves from the programming that says we must fit in! 😊
Im 50 and I'm still struggling with finding who i really am. Ive been a people pleaser all my life.
I am there with you. I am 55 and a Housewife and have lost myself. I am trying to get a job so I can Pay for things that interest me.
I feel you! I'm still learning about me too. I hope you begin to really find and like yourself 😍
I don't mind not belonging. I get very tired around other people even though I like a lot of them. I belong to myself and I feel more and more at one with my higher self, my inner being. So far, I haven't met anyone who thinks as high as I do but I hope I will. It's fun to think higher thoughts instead of worrying and trying to fit in with others. I'm nearly 68 years old and I really broke with society's way of thinking in my early thirties - it simply was not working for me and I was severely depressed. I like myself WAAAAY better now and I only associate with any regularity with people who are consistently good to me and that's the way I like it. I think you are on a good path.
You are probably an empath. I am an empath who takes on the emotions of others. Honestly, it's exhausting. It also makes me feel alienated from myself.
If you are an empath others will feel triggered by you. You can see and feel them as they truly are and it terrifies them.
@@Violet-qf8drInteresting....explains behaviour of people that I know and have known......
@@Violet-qf8drwell this explains a lot smh thank you
I’m learning being an empath is mostly being hyper attuned to surroundings from trauma. Being an empath is a nice way of saying it. All good, I guess we can be more aware of our surroundings, not a bad thing sometimes:)
@@Violet-qf8drYes especially when they are raging narcissists.
I am also in my 50s now. Grew up in Florida with parents who did not like me. My mother especially hated me for whatever reason. I was good in school and was helpful around the house, but she told me every day that I was evil and everything was my fault. I was made to work like a dog. Maybe that is why I have tried so hard to show people that I care and always try to help everyone. But I have never felt that I belonged and felt totally outcast around my children and even grandchildren because it seems like no matter how much I do to show I care, they treat me like I am invisible and it makes me want to just be by myself since I don't feel important.
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I could have written this myself (my parents were more neglectful than hostile - but I witnessed much hostility and violence between them). In any case, for me, making other people comfortable feels like safety. But the result is the same.
I also feel like an outcast and that my child and grandchildren are not truly in my realm, if that makes sense. I spent years babysitting them when they were young and made quite a bond with those young children, and I only ever lived for my child to begin with. And now -- I'm in my 60's and I just feel so much what you wrote: "....no matter how much I do to show I care, they treat me like I am invisible and it makes me want to just be by myself..." I feel that about everyone in my orbit, not just relatives, but just want you to know the feeling is shared.
I feel the same at 32. I've given a lot of money for the needy and donated a lot for charities. But no matter how much I spend on others I couldn't love myself. To make matters worse, the self hating exacerbates, if I don't have anything to give, if I received help from someone, or if I bought something for myself.
Can't wait long enough for my last day on earth.
My heart ❤️ goes out to you!! You didn't deserve a single toxic damn thing, you deserve love and acceptance ❤ By the way, you ARE a VIP.....a very important person!! 🎉😊
Sending love
The fact that you have the courage to do this video proves your dignity and honesty. I couldn’t have done that.
Nor could I. BRAVO for your courage!
Thank you so much for being brave and doing video.
40s to 50s - This is when you start to search your authentic self and shed the old self (false beliefs or anything that is not really serving you). This is when you recognize childhood traumas and recalibrate your narrative so that you can no longer be burdened by this trauma. This will allow you to fly to the beautiful butterfly that you are. To fully embrace who you are even if it means not being liked by others.
It’s different ages for different people. We are All … Individuals!❤
The Chiron return takes place in your 50s for those of you into astrology
"recalibrate your narrative". Perfectly stated.
I’m right on track then ✨
Thank you. I need to see this.
My goodness, within the first minute this already resonated. The impact of a strict, controlling upbringing has remained with me. I too am 56 and also recognised I am shrinking my energy so not to be noticed, annoy or be criticised by others when actually what I want to do more than anything else is radiate my loving kindness energy. Thank you for this video.
Thank you for being here and sharing your experiences. I know how you feel about the lasting impact of strict upbringing. I hope that you too can now release these feelings and begin to be your loving and caring self ♥ We just need to find our like-minded self, don't we? 😉
I am a 54-year-old man. I understand exactly where you’re coming from. Anyway I think you are a very intelligent woman.
I m 52 and I’ve never felt I belong any where … but … finally it’s ok. I came from similar culture as you. The last years … I started to please my self ! At this stage I can afford to explore me financially and emotionally. I feel like we are soul mates! Everything you say … I felt and sometimes still feeling ! Thank goodness I found some one who wants and encourages me to explore and discover me and who I am. It’s an everyday journey.
“My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that, and I intend to end up there.” - Rumi
I just realized - I actually DO NOT like alot of people who have been in my life but would not admit this to myself.. I need to go and be with this insight. I feel both awkward and unburdened. Like I just set down a heavy backpack.
Very well worded
Now your hands are free to give yourself a big, love-filled hug! 🤗
@@annelbeab8124 Thank you!
@@katrinakelly5908 Thanks!
@@katrinakelly5908 love this for all of us! 💖
I fully agree. At 56 years old I have come to the same realisation. People are only interested in themselves at the end of the day. I have worked so hard all my life to be accepted and to fit in with little success. I have only one true friend in my life who knew the real me in junior school. Everyone else are mere acquaintances. All I got for my efforts was disappointment and exhaustion. I'm done with all of that now, and I'm being true to myself. People can like it or not, I no longer care.
Having a husband & kids really made this resonate for me. I don’t feel like I am even wanted in my family.
That's so sad. I think a lot of us walk alone, even if we have others around us. I hope you find love.
Me too
What a clear, well spoken and positively powerful message your words carry. Thank you for having the courage to come out and speak about such an important, the most important aspect of being on this planet, finding and cherishing our true self. Those with ears to hear, let them hear. Those who truly understand what you are talking about are really your people. You don't have to "belong", you ARE an authentic and actual part of this world. I wish you the best from my the bottom of my heart.
Absolutely resonated with me. It’s only now I’m 54 I’m finally free to be myself. I never even realised I was constantly playing a part in life. It was exhausting. I’m finally comfortable being authentic. I’m finally comfortable with who I am. I’ve changed everything. I too, also feel the guilt. I’m working on it. Thank you for this message.❤
In my late 30s, nearly 40 and I can relate, thank you for being so open and honest ❤
Authenticity is a gift of growing older. I promise you are not alone in feeling this and it will get better. Awareness is a huge first step, isn't it? Wishing you all the best as you grow into your revelation x
I think spiritually people like this are sent to the planet from others to experience and learn. Our spiritual homes are where we belong but we are here to advance our souls more than the average person.
I'm so happy you're having this awakening. Age 50 is truly a magical age. You're a marvelous, authentic, intelligent woman. It's all about the energy! I'm 49 years old and have like 4 real friends in the world, because I simply don't maintain relationships w/ people who don't like me for me true self.
I just turned 60 and needed to hear this right now, thank you.
i'm 51...the first half of my life was trash. This half is so much better. Hugs to all.
You are a beautiful person inside and out!
I’m only 30 but I’ve always felt like a misfit since I was a kid. I’m no stranger to criticism and being expected to be the savior of the family. These expectations bleed into my adult life. I manage to be myself, to do what I feel is right for myself, but it’s still paired with a deep guilt, or a deep realization that I am rejected for it. It hurts. For the past three months, these feelings have come up so intensely that they’re making me sick. Sick to my stomach, sick with headaches, mood swings. I just want to feel at ease in my own skin. This came up at the right time. Thank you.
Your body is asking you to make changes in your life. Start with small changes. Do something good just for you and/or give up something that isn’t good for you. ❤
I to am in my mid 50's and have felt I don't belong most of my life. I have always described it as feeling like a stranger in a strange land. It hasn't helped that I grew up in the US which is a deeply unwell society. I just strive to embrace who I am and to learn and grow. So you are not alone, sending lots of love from a kindred spirit.
I'm 41, coming from a very liberal background zero religious endoctrination, but a very abusive narcissistic mother and sister, I 'm very aware that what they did to me was extremely wrong but still can't shift this feeling of guilt when I try just to be myself.
But now I have chosen myself , my physical and mental health are much better now. but it's true that I keep being very critical over myself, like repeating the abuse once inflicted onto me.
We're all gonna get there one day, keep faith and love for yourself. 💖💫🕊🕊🕊
Many people once they reach 50, they find liberation and happiness with acceptance of oneself. With that comes confidence, self assurance and strength. A permission to self. Amazing stuff!
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4 year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration , unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
Remarkable! How did you discover a spiritual counselor, and what's the procedure for me to get in contact with her?
Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for her talent in bringing back ex-partners
Many thanks for providing this valuable information; I've just conducted an online search for her.
I'm so sorry to hear of your relationship. As I say in the video I'm editing at the moment, be kind to yourself. Healing takes time and it's best to go through the process and not supress the feelings. I wish you healing and peace ♥
Planted wrongly but we're growing upright🕊
I recently realised that i was afraid of other people disliking me or rejecting me bcos my self-worth was pegged to their opinions!
This insight has really helped me.
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“This is why I don’t belong. I’ve had to change myself. I don’t know my authentic self”. I felt this in my soul.
warning to all young people - wanting to be accepted by other people, that's something you need to nip in the bud asap - self-acceptance is the only acceptance that matters
People pleasing comes from being controlled in formative years. It's taken me a lifetime to wean myself away from this toxic behaviour ❤
Yep I feel you! I've only been more aware and brave enough to be myself at this age. Better late than never 😉
I had a spiritual awakening on this very topic 2 decades ago. I'm glad, thankful, for the awareness.
You're doing great for yourself. It doesn't mean you can't care about others because you care for yourself.
You can't belong until there is a defined identity that is "you" to belong. If you focus on figuring out who you are, you will attract the people who are like you, and the others will simply drift away. What helped me was remembering who I was as a child, what interested me, what I liked, what I hoped to be when I grew up. That was the kernel of my identity that I then needed to develop into the adult I was meant to be. In focusing on myself, the belonging issue resolved itself.
Always be true to thine ownself and you will never truly be alone. Find your genuine connection in Nature and with creative pursuits. Most people are themselves lost and afraid to face their true Selves. More often than not - Hell is other people.
Bravo ❤ Well said
Hi Jeff, I enjoyed the video and looking at some of the comments. TY for your comment. I relate to the first two lines. And the third line was kind of an aha moment. There is a woman I've known for a few years now. We began to do a bit more together, and I really thought she is someone I'd like to be friends with. I really like her quite a lot. But not so sure now. (Staying open though). Not all the time, but many times now, she's made little jabs at me. And the things she is making jabs at are not bad ways to be at all. With reading your comment, it became clear to me that she is most likely afraid to face her true self, and this is leading to having problems. And since I HAVE faced my trueself in those particular areas (I still have areas to examine! lol), I think that's what makes her slight me every so often. Like I said she is someone that I did think highly of and wanted to have a friendship with. I'm staying open to it, and giving her a chance, but really realize now, that I don't really enjoy her company so much anymore. I've looked passed her barbed comments, but it's been going on now too long. I'm a WONDERFUL person! lol. And I don't need to be barbed anymore.
@@wendym2544 You sound like someone who is authentic and kind, two things really lacking in a soulless and selfish culture. The trick is to not take other people's insecurities and lack of Self consciousness too personally, they have been conditioned by a toxic narcissistic culture and your authenticity will make your life more meaningful, purposeful and joyfull in ways that depend on being validated or even acknowledged by others. Don't ask yourself what others think, feel or say about you - instead ask yourself what makes you free and what enables you to come alive - and BE that. Your authentic will draw other authentic people into your life but we all need to spend some time on our own in solitude and truthfully in soem dark places which will eventually reveal your true Nature and potential to You, which is your gift to the world. And never forget there is a whole other world hidden to most people who are caught up in surface level societal drama - that world is Nature and it speaks to those who will listen.
oops - that should say ''in ways that do NOT depend on being validated or even acknowldeged by others"
OMG. I am in my sixties, and I left my family, friends, home and country to find who I am. I have been away for almost two years. Now I know. Your words have made sense of my 65 years on this earth. Now I know why I am a nobody. Now I can start to heal. Thank you so much. ❤
I am encouraged by how you went about this.... I thought am too old to make any significant changes and so have to just keep going . But after reading this, I too will take time to understand why " am a nobody, but just a disrespected piece of furniture for everyone's convenient use". I will allow myself to start over and not feel that age at 50 is not on my side. I particularly note the word "heal", from your message. I will begin my journey of healing .
Thank you so much! ❤
Which continent did you go to? I too feel alone in a crowd , turning 50 next year.
recovering doormat here! Your video is spot on!! all the things. I learned how to set boundaries a few years ago, just tired of being used and treated so badly. I did not expect to lose almost everyone in my life. Those that truly loved me came back around but only a few. The rest are gone abd I mourn them but realize I mourn what I thought the relationship was. They were just predatory friends/family. Its been slow going learning to love myself and im still alone but slowly building again. I would not change a thing in this new world I can actually live in.
You're describing me. Spiritual sister❤
Recovering doormat, brilliant 😂
You’re beautiful inside and out. You’re perfect exactly as you are, as are we all. ❤
So that's why I feel accepted. Because I'm almost always myself. I accept you ladies, and I love you. Be you. It's cool. Even if you're not cool, it's cool to be yourself. ♡♡♡ I'm extremely uncool, frankly, and i love it. I'm a mess. 😆
Nice comment. Yes, the more you accept and love yourself, I find you start loving and accepting others in a big way. But it's not necessarily so easy to love and accept ourselves. Glad you have done it.
I love you too :-)
@denkenhilft1607 I love you too. You just made me smile so big in the morning. 🥰
Wow! Such wisdom. I was a JW. People pleasing was a way of life. I'm still unlearning 7 years after leaving.
Wow Latricia. I understand where you’re coming from. I studied for three years in the 90s and am still unpicking the experience even now. I wish you well in your quest.🤗
This resonated with me so much. I must stop being a people pleaser and forget those comments from friends that destroyed me when I was younger.
i'm 50 and you are speaking on my behalf😭 i always tried to fit in during my younger years but now i love being alone and only with my husband and kids.
Wow this is how I have always felt with my family members and past friends. I've always been the helper, but never respected. I'm 52 and resonate with this video so much. I have lost alot of time in the past being depressed, while trying to be accepted by others.❤I'm happy I found this video.
I completely feel the same way you do that I never really developed who I am as a woman. As a matter of fact when I heard other women say they "found themselves" I was confused at what they meant. I'm 52 and just now started to accept who I am and making my own way in life. It's liberating but extremely difficult because I'm having to undo so much of the past conditioning.
It's women like you that keep me inspired. Thank you!
I'm totally with you! It's so hard to undo nearly a lifetime's worth of conditioning! I'm glad I've inspired you and that we are sharing this journey together 😍
We humans are beautiful and complex plants that given care and love can outgrowth almost any state of trauma or neglet. You're brave and beautifull; you're doing a good job loving you back. Trust that it will get relatively better with everyday you put in and keep finding reasons to love yourself.
As a 51 year old recovering codependent, your words resonate very much. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼🤍✌🏼
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About 5 years ago I realized I was wasting my time trying to fit in. Since then I've been wasting less time trying to change for others and spending more time growing. I won't say I've found true happiness, but I've definitely experienced more excitement when I meet my own physical and intellectual goals. I study every day to understand this world we live in, and that has been more fulfilling than any affirmation I've received from society.
You belong, you are enough just as you are....and so am i 😢❤
Thank you for your support. You are enough too! ♥
Thank you for this video 😊 love from New Zealand. ❤
I have always felt much the same way. I finally know its because im an introvert. It explains everything.
Thank you for your video. I’m absolutely amazed that there are others out here who are the same. Wow!
I’m a 64 widower learning to make a life for myself.
Scary but exciting that I’m finally learning who I am and what I like and to be ok with it.
You speak for so many people 😊👍
Now in my 40s I am in a process of learning how to stop being a people pleaser. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it!! Saying no, saying I don’t want to do it, being with my cats instead of people I don’t really like is so liberating ❤
I really enjoyed your video and your message ❤ Thank you!
It's such a new experience after a lifetime of people pleasing isn't it? Thank you for stopping by, I'm glad you enjoyed the video 😊
I have been dreadfully hurt by people in my life. I have loved people who just despised me. I am about your age and I still struggle with the trauma and the loneliness of it. It has taken this many years to even be able to speak about it and healing is an ongoing process. By the time I regain my true self I will be in a fucking care home.
Oh I love your comment, especially the last sentence! 😂 but oh fuck, the idea of being trapped in a care home with people is a nightmare!
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loving and accepting yourself is one of the hardest things to do but once you can do that life becomes much easier
I’m now 54 and had an epiphany whilst in the shower, “I’ve now got gray hair, and don’t really care what people think and can say what’s on my mind.” Wisdom, self-acceptance, and self-love
So, you are going Karen?
It’s OK to be single. Be open for authentic friendships. Authentic people will accept you, and won’t mind you questioning it. You seem really nice. Hope you find what/who you want.
So many comments that are saying they identify with the feeling of not belonging, and then trying to overcome the "not belonging" by being overly solicitous to people in hopes that they will acknowledge and accept us.
Of course, we've learned it often has the opposite effect (we absorb a lack of respect, then try even harder, and the cycle gets more and more painful).
But I want to issue a slight warning here (I am older than most who've commented - maybe more experience): I spent a couple of decades in a rebellious stance of "you will accept me, eff you, and the horse you rode in on, I'm powerful, I'm woman hear me roar, I'm ME and if you don't like me I hate you first...." This stance was mainly a way of coping and remaining standing in a male dominated work environment, but I must say now: all that did was give people a true reason to dislike me. I was genuinely disliked by a lot of people.
Because the opposite of people pleasing is not "people repelling" That kind of attitude does nothing whatsoever to building self-acceptance, self love, and true feeling of authenticity.
So don't make my mistake and let the pendulum swing waste years of your life. I've recovered and the pendulum swung back toward more people pleasing and softer, but that hollow "I DON'T BELONG" remains.
This woman in the video is pointing toward the more correct fix -- and I wish I had this sort of counsel earlier in my life.
That’s a very perceptive comment. I am also older than most commenters. I was never able to fit in but, unlike many, didn’t “change myself to please people” because I couldn’t figure out how, or perform it. I was never socially adept enough, and too un-self-disciplined. But I would have if I could.
I wanted to fit in, and expended a huge amount of energy just trying to. It exhausted me so much it took five years to decompress, and to realise that being born into a big family in a small house, going to enormous schools, working in busy, crowded places - it was completely unsuited to my temperament. It had a profound effect on me, but not knowing any different, I didn't realise it.
The poem “Warning” by Jenny Joseph, I knew in high school, but that was in the 70s when (in my country anyway) everyone didn’t have to belong to some type or “tribe” as now. So it didn’t seem any big thing. It took me till late middle age to really get it.
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
For example, it wasn’t until recently I looked at my home and realised it’s all furnished and decorated as an attempt to look “normal” just in case people come round. I liked the space when I moved in alone, but got stuff to fill it … mainly because people made casual remarks expecting that I would! Furniture and decor not needed or even wanted, in styles, colors and textures as blandly conventional as possible. No clue what *my* style or preferences might look like. Half the furniture I have, I never touch except to clean.
How I let the vague idea of other people’s approval run even my private life - that they neither know nor care about anyway! And which is nobody’s business but mine.
@@eh1702 I can relate so much to what you wrote here. Not knowing a personal preference for "things" - so going bland. I had forgotten about that poem. I love it. I may also wear a purple dress and red hat!
What a wise and helpful account, thank you for sharing it. 🙏💖🕊️✌️
I loved this video very much then.
You just described my life. I've been on a journey of self discovery for several years. Just over 4 months ago I had to say goodbye to my sweet dog so for the first time in my life - I'm 60 - I am alone. There are no distractions. It's been very difficult and I'm so grateful for it ❤
Learn to love yourself for everything that you are and everything that you aren’t; be prepared to work to achieve the self. There will always be people condemning your actions or inactions and that is okay, they aren’t living your life, they don’t know your needs; they are only looking for their needs without caring about yours.
I am considerably older than you, like you, I was taught humility and servitude (with violence), but I just couldn’t stay meek. Consequently, I paid the price for choosing me, I would pay it all over again, I achieved self fulfillment , whether those around me like it or not.
100% this resonates with me, I’ve adjusted to be accepted & liked & worthy , the only times I have been able to be myself is when I’m with those people who unapologetically are their authentic selves, I’m drawn to them & it makes me feel like I can be me around them
I’m 36 and this exactly has been on my mind all week. I feel the exact same, and it’s time to stop this people pleasing pattern. It’s hurting me and I’m so tired of being tired.
I'm sorry to hear you feel this way too, I know how hard it can be. I know what you mean about hurting and tired of feeling tired. I hope you're finding ways to be yourself and stop people pleasing. How are you finding making change so far?
@@SoulCareOver50 - thanks for your reply. Changes have been slow, and even after saying no, I feel bad and then change my mind out of feeling guilty. It’s been hard for me to not be who others expect. It’s taken over my personal life however, so I’ll keep having to work at it. It’s challenging not to feel taken advantage of at times, but I can see how it’s my own fault. Fawning is my default. We’ll get there!
It's amazing how deep our feelings of guilt goes doesn't it? We're making changes and moving forward, that's all that matters. We're a work in progress and like you say, we'll get there 😃
I’m nowhere near 50, only halfway there, but this really relieves my troubled heart. I always feel like there’s something wrong with me and I always held on to what my mother taught me: that what matters is that I’m my own person and I’m working on myself. I’m glad to hear she was right.
Self-centeredness is only caring for yourself. Self-lessness is caring for others but at your own expense. Selfishness is the balance of caring for yourself first and others second.
Rejection is educational if u let it be itself. If those around u need u to be someone else, it is not a real relationship. I am so happy that u have decided that u r worth being yourself. It is a tough journey to uncover your real self. Balance is the goal. U r worthy of being loved by u. ❤ Thank u for sharing u with me!
I like your message. It’s very clear. it takes a lot of self-awareness. Encourage to realize that how are you thinking how you feel is your responsibility and no one else’s. And that’s you that has to give yourself permission to be you and to speak up for yourself when you don’t do that and you try to please others you’re actually forsaking yourself. All my life that behavior has allowed people with bad intentions to take advantage of me because they will exploit the ones who are trying to be kind and use them for their own good. And while I’m sitting here, trying to be helpful I’m just getting used. Be true to yourself. Be honest with yourself. You are worth it.
Just turned 40 and this really speaks to me.Thank you!
I was the youngest of three. Alcoholic dad, religious extremist for a mom. Career bachelor, no kids. A physical disability, medical traumas, a learning disability, and depression have plagued me my whole life. These issues, coupled with verbal and physical abuse made me hate myself at a very early age.
I spent my youth and young adulthood trying to "fit in". But since my parents have died, I don't give a damn about fitting in. It is a liberating feeling, knowing that those who damaged and directed your life, will never be able to scorn you again. I turn 50 in January. Here I am. If you can't accept me for who I am, shove it!
I saw my former classmates on social media with their " normal lives". I quit fb two years ago. But I learned something from it. I was never cut out for the mainstream. So have your controlling mean spouse, spoiled kids, and bullshit white collar job. I will keep flying solo, and live out the remaining years of my life how I damn well please.
100 percent. completely relate - I have never felt like i belonged anywhere and was also raised in an overly critical and emotionally unsafe homes... I am just now (at 54) getting down to the business of loving and being me. Thank you for posting 💗
I think you look wonderful for your age, but you radiate a lovely energy (which is probably why I found your channel). I too want to have a life where people accept me as I am, but if not, as I am over 50...I no longer care. I can and I will still care for them, but I do not need their acceptance. Energy is so potent around this time of our lives. I hope you continue to flourish. best of luck for your channel x
Your authentic self is beautiful. Thank you for sharing!
"learning and growing as I start my journey 2.0 to becoming my authentic self" Thank you for sharing. You have expressed so much that took me years and years to learn. I am glad that now, at 71 years old,. I give myself permission to be me, but I wish I could have learned it much younger.
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At 62, I'm not far behind you.
You are a unique child of God. He loves you as do I. There are times when it doesn’t seem that way but those times pass. Just be yourself.