Thank you all for stopping by, leaving your lovely comments and reactions to this video, as well as subscribing to my channel. I'm so happy to be able to share my experience and help you in some way. I promise I will go through the comments and reply to each of you, in time. I hope you continue with me on this journey of ours. Much love to you all ❤
May I make a gentle suggestion? You rejected yourself first and now others come to you reflecting that because you value their approval over your own, it's a self betrayal. You subconsciously assume everyone knows better than you, is smarter than you, or has a missing manual for life. Crappy Childhood Fairy talks about this stuff and it leaves us with emotional dysregulation including feelings of isolation. Psychology has a concept called external locus of control you likely have too.
I have done the same thing to myself. I did not tell my mother what pain, anxiety and depression I was going through because I did not want to add to her burden. My brothers would threaten me, if you tell mom were going to kill you. Put myself into uncomfortable positions because I wanted to be the better unselfish person. On and on and on. Every word you say resonates with me. Be loved and unselfish, or be hated and being me. I can boil it down to 7 words. To be seen is to be criticized.
There’s another aspect of this I’ve realized. People who have tough childhoods tend to think about things much more than people who have had it easy. As a result, we don’t really fit with the people coasting through life on autopilot because we don’t value all that surface level popularity/ego stuff. We value honesty, integrity, depth, empathy and so on As a result, our tribe is often other misfits. Find the quiet ones. The weirdos. The odd people. The ones unreservedly themselves. Your tribe will grow exponentially once you do.
i think in private its easy but at work we have to face people who dont accept us sometimes. So I never worked in a classic way and started my own thing. Now I am my own boss but feel lonely.
@@AlysaAlysaBolissaBananaFannaFe I will say that I have always been a strong person even as a child and I am thankful for that because I don't know that I could have survived without becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol or whatever. And it is very true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I do not think we should have to live in a world where you have to be strong, but we are changing that by speaking out and knowing that we are OK and that we deserve , the best. And so I am not a victim, even though sometimes I feel like one. Every one of us has something to offer offer and because of what we go through, it gives us the wisdom and the compassion that someone else needs.
I realized the people who rejected me first, and the most consistently, were family members. I fought their negative version of me for so many years, trying to prove them wrong. I stopped, and I’m okay with their judgement and slander because I finally admitted to myself I didn’t like them either, and for good reason 😂
Family; exactly-I had to NEXT my father. I’ve learned that you must unfriend people quietly and immediately once they disrespect you or attempt to shame you or put you down. Don’t. E afraid to be alone-flush the trash out of your life.
That's one of the hardest things, to admit you don't really like your own, closest, family. For me, I don't hate them or anything. But I've never felt particularly close to my parents or brother either.
Yes, I had to walk away from my own parents, sister. They are toxic and constantly belittled me. Touph childhood-Cinderella story. I felt free-er without them. I've been the lone wolf. .
At the age of 56 I took my dogs and packed my stuff and left my ex husband, mother, community and a whole lot of crap behind. Best thing I did. I am 64 now and feeling much better; and except for the occasional blue moments, I am a lot less loneley than when I was with them. Thank you for making me feel like I belong. Gracias
Thank you for sharing. I wish I could leave this behind. Sadly, having to start again means I'm stuck here for a little while. Welcome to this journey of ours and I'm glad that you feel you belong. Wishing you well 🧡
@SoulCareOver50 Having to start again does NOT mean being stuck. Au contraire. Remember that. It takes strength; benevolent srenth; to do what you did. Give yourself the due credit because you have claimed what God inheritantly gave you; self love.
I was a people pleaser until the last several years. People are absolutely exhausting and I’ve refocused my efforts to doing things I enjoy rather than trying to make friends. It’s fruitless honestly. Time is much better spent getting to know/heal yourself and finding your interests. People may come and go, but you’ll always have yourself. I felt like I haven’t belonged my whole life, and judging by the looks of the state the world is in, maybe that’s actually a good thing.
"People may come and go, but you’ll always have yourself." I never conciously articulated it to myself but I belief I must have decided that I'm stuck with myself forever and that it is better to get along with that guy. A less enthusiastic stance than yours but I think that's how it was. My path lead to calmness. Not zenlike. But moreso than the nervousness in all the people you encounter.
@@MeganVincent-tl4tg i’m 72. I never had any money until I received an inheritance 10 years ago…. if you can imagine for younger people cannot imagine things were so much different when I went to high school 55 years ago…… as a teenager I would read (16 magazine and tiger beat)… were they listed three great careers for young women+=== airline stewardess,,, but you had to weigh under 120…… nursing……. I couldn’t imagine helping somebody go to the bathroom when I was that young.,,,,, And teacher or secretary,,,,,,never. I hated school….,,,, And I was very left-handed, and I couldn’t pass the typing test 40 words a minute when I was 18.
Yes, I agree with you. Being a fellow Generation X person, I have struggled with "pleasing people", and apologizing for most of my life. Now, I am living for me. Thank you for bringing up this important and relatable topic.
Also: children who were traumatized at an early age and then raised by either absent or abusive parents often do not have an "authentic self" because they've not been allowed to ever be authentic, or have lived in a sort of survival mode which doesn't allow the authentic self to exist. Later in life they may be able to discover and establish an authentic self if the trauma is healed. I am actually in this process right now, at 62 years of age. It's quite exciting in some ways, as I learn who I am and the things I like.
Same, except I rationalize it as being a chameleon that's forgotten or never knew it's original authentic color. And has never had a true home in that the chameleon is still expending energy to blend in and is never truly comfortable. And I prefer the chameleon analogy instead of imposter syndrome because to me there is a sense of personal investment and a kind of authenticity to being the chameleon whereas imposter syndrome is masking.
So is that why at our age, well I'm 45, but why I've always felt like I don't know who I am? It's like I think I do, but then I feel like I'm always searching to belong. My style changes, tastes in things. It's like I can never decide what exactly I am.
I'm 52 and you are speaking my language! This used to be me until I finally come to realize that I'm totally OK with not being everyone's "cup of tea" so to speak. Sister, if people don't like you, they aren't your people! The enemy uses these negative thoughts and feelings to keep us feeling worthless but when we embrace our unique traits - such as being the odd one out - we find so much freedom!
I'm definitely realising that I've been pleasing the wrong people all these years and have realised why I feel odd and don't belong. It's time for change and be myself! ♥
@@SoulCareOver50 I’ve always felt like I never belonged. My parents moved us a lot so I was always the new girl at school and just never fit it. It took me years to learn to that I am unique as I am and to stop trying to fit in and start embracing my unique qualities. My people will eventually find me.
That must have been tough always being uprooted so often, specially if you began to feel more settled somewhere. I have to admit, starting over again has made me realise that I'm happy being me and no longer care about fitting in! I'm most happy that it's here on YT I'm finally finding others like yourself, who vibe with me ♥
Totally agree, it took me 45 years to be happy in my own skin & to enjoy my own company a little more. Saying No to people & situations & taking better care of myself with non negotiables & boundaries gave me back my confidence😁
Wow! Thanks, brother. First time I learned about Bro Rumi. All of a sudden I have a whole new take on RUMINATING, which I do a lot of. Maybe not all bad after all..
I'm a man who is almost 50, and I don't know who I am or what I want. I feel lost, alone, and insecure. I guess this is what a mid-life crisis is. I feel like I'm crazy... like I'm floating all alone on an island. I recently lost my job, am single and childless, take care of my elderly family members, and realize that there are some goals in life I'll never achieve at this point. I'm worried about my finances now with no income. I'm trying not to be depressed and find myself mad at myself for my past mistakes. I'm not in a good place. I don't feel like I'm enough. And sometimes i don't want to look in the mirror. I suffer silently in my own head. Does it ever get better? Sorry for the negativity today. I hope everyone is doing well.
You are enough! You're here. Do you realize what a miracle it is that you were conceived? I heard that stat once, I can't quote it off the top of my head, ... but just know, it's an incredible miracle. Embrace that fact. My heart goes out to you.
Sane but only ADHD. But rejection based on "you're just like X" (and it is never explained why it is OK to reject X (in this case my mother)) It's been heartbreaking over decades with corrosive rejection for so called personality flaws
Thank you for visiting. I'm so surprised and moved by all the response and lovely comments I've received on this video. How are you coping with your situation?
I came to realize that the people I thought cared about me over the years were never in my life because they loved me, but in reality they stayed just for “benefits” I offered. Today I’m lonelier than ever and feeling incredibly free, trying to know who I truly am.
be it friends or family, you are on a tier list, perhaps even making the top 10 but it can take a long time before the 10th on that list gets the call.
People who reject us are not worth our time. I'm rejected because I can't be controlled and I won't comply. When I am rejected I realize I don't like the people who reject me. I gave up people-pleasing years ago but before that, I can't lie, it was hurtful. Now I just laugh about it and think of more time for me to do the things I want to do, to be selfish in their eyes. Remember when someone calls you selfish or any derogatory description, it's projection. They are talking about themselves.
Life is too short and at 50 you realise if you haven't fit in by now, you're not supposed to. You are meant to be exactly who you are. Standing out, so your light shines for others.
When we look at the stars, they shine for beauty. I have had to rethink how to shine my light; it's never to make someone else's light darker, but to bring light to all. We need the uniqueness of all of us to make this short life easier.
You're not shining for others - you just shine - Its like the Sun - Foolish humans believe that the Sun shines for us - but the Sun just shines and doesn't care whether we like it or not - Same for my/your light.
Yes. When your family member doesn’t care for you, just be civil when you have to see them. Don’t jump when they snap their fingers. It’s hard, and it hurts me so much to feel unwelcome in my own family. I have to figure out how to not care. It’s hard. “Don’t do that; don’t say that; don’t do it like that.” Yes, that was hard to hear, but also good to know it’s not just me.
I'm right there with you. I'm over 60 and it's taken me many years to understand the dynamics of my childhood and the levels of dysfunction with my parents. When love and acceptance are *conditional*, it's a setup for a life of frustration, rejection, criticism, along with never feeling accepted or part of something real.
I founded a self-group and conducted it for 10 years. Most people who were there were over 40. There is still a large taboo on accepting that you were a victim of childhood abuse if said abuse was "only" psychological.
@@Pomoscorzo Denial runs deep on definitions of "abuse." It took me a long time to figure things out and understand the source of my issues. Now it's so clear & obvious.
Hi Crimsom. I can relate to all of what you are saying. I am 70 and only started fully understanding how all the conditioning I carried around.. It has ruiend many things in my life. It ruins us if we allow it. I have been doing personal development for 4 years, it has been really challenging... I have been living alone after ending my relationship. I am finding myself for the first time. Its never to late I guess. Kind regards Shey... I am new to the chanel.
Hi Crimson👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
Hi Allison👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I’m 49 going on 50 in February and for the past 10 years or so I’ve grown to understand how my body and mind reacts to being around certain people. Your body will tell you who’s right or wrong for you. I had to really tune in to self to fully understand.
I don't feel like I belong either, but I do have a purpose, and I'm living out that purpose which gives me a reason to get up in the morning. If you want God's best in your life, you have to ask.
I feel the same. I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life helping others, family, friends and yet I’m not loved or regarded any better for it. In my early 70s, no children of my own, very, very few “friends” around, no-one stays in touch much, some family members are living a bit further away and to whom I’m not close anyway, and the only people who stay in touch are one or two friends, and my nephew and his family, all of whom call occasionally. I spend my time looking after a very elderly parent (deaf, with dementia, wheelchair bound in long term care) looking after the medical issues and finances and also just looking after my own life and home. Not a great existence but I just carry on as best I can. 🫤
I’m 69 years old and have never felt that I’ve fit in anywhere. Not with family, not with friends, not with coworkers. I have recently been diagnosed with autism and realized I have been masking all my life. At first I was depressed that I feel like I’ve wasted most of my life trying to be someone I’m not. Now Ive realized that I can live the rest of my life being ME and glad that that I didn’t go to my grave still masking for others. I’m finally happy with Me.
Wow that is good news for you. I have an autistic friend and he is very different and very kind friend. Bless you…..you guys are unique and gifted in many ways
@@magiegainey5036 I totally relate to what you describe. Seems to me that there must be a key , a code, or maybe a “ strong “ password that everyone but me was given . I have always known I was not like most people and couldn’t figure out what gene I was missing. Oh well, too late now. Even my parents thought I was odd. I am odd! I have Autistic traits that I never knew about until I was 70 ! I’m still on the Spectrum at 82. Born that way and will die that way. It’s okay.
Hi Margie👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I am 55. Relate to SO much.. After I lost my dog. After having Covid and long term issues. My childhood trauma surfacing. I lost fear of death. And.. Started learning self care. I love painting. Now I paint only for myself. Not to impress. I ask myself several times a day. How are you feeling? I feel younger, safer and lighter.. Because I am taking care of me! And this is why I am also able to spread my joy only when I have enough of it within. When I am depleted, i retreat and recharge
@@earthrooster1969 hello Earth rooster instead of painting, I do ballroom dancing. It will change your whole entire entire ,,, Everything life. I’m no good at the things that make money but someone pushed me into ballroom dancing and OMG I can remember all the moves all the steps and I know all the music and it’s just wonderful if you don’t have the money just do group lessons and write down every place to go to And just find out about it. They have to offer Group Lessons….. and we always need more men to join…! Blessings for you.
I barely made it a minute in before waterworks. I don’t think I have ever felt more seen and heard in my life, nor has anyone ever put my thoughts into form.
Awww, what a great compliment to the creator! And yes… feeling seen and heard is so important in a world where many times we don’t! I realized at the age of 55 that I had spent my whole life not feeling seen. I went on a journey to discover why and how I could heal and start showing up in the world so I felt accepted. As she said in the video, it starts with ourselves! 🥰
Hi Stacy👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
Just turned 51 last August - and feel FANTASTIC, due to self-resilience and positive self-belief. I've learned to simply accept myself, no matter what. Although criticism from my parents & close relatives can still hurt quite a bit, I always find a way to bounce back stronger, because for just over 2 decades, I've had a very strong network of lifelong friends who've ALWAYS believed in me, in spite of my flaws. Life is just too damn short to keep worrying & fretting about what others think of you! Be yourself & live your life to be FREE!🤗💖😻😘
Keep shining your beautiful light! I am on the same journey and am 61. I finally decided that I will keep shining my light and being myself. I figured out - I’m not here to fit in - I’m here to shine. Too many years of conditioning to not be myself, to be of service to others, to “earn” love. Not anymore, I wish love, peace and joy to all! Do good things for yourself, enjoy your own company and shine your light! You are BEAUTIFUL and COURAGEOUS, so keep being the wonderful you that you were born to be! Much love and happiness to you! 😊
To anyone who reads this who feels they don't fit in. May you find your inner happiness and light. You are an individual. You were meant to change minds in this world not flow with them. You are cherished and loved. Thank you for sharing your experience Soul Care Over 50.
Thank you for your comment! Let me restate your thoughts: May we be happy and joyful with ourselves. There is no one else exactly like us. The world needs the qualities and ambitions of each of us to create a more joyful living space. We are unique treasures worthy of love. Thanks Soul Care Over 50 and each of the lovely people in this group!
You are probably an empath. I am an empath who takes on the emotions of others. Honestly, it's exhausting. It also makes me feel alienated from myself.
I'm 48 and made peace with this truth. I would have to turn off my observations at how shallow and transactional most relationships and friendships are and how poorly most people treat each other. It's too common and accepted to talk about people behind their backs in the UK, I have always hated this and have no issues with confrontation and actually talking about things that upset or bother me so I have been labelled difficult, I'd rather be labelled difficult than be passive aggressive! Yet there's a lonliness epidemic in this country. Its all linked. I love my authentic self, she is awesome.
I'm in UK and I agree. Relationships do feel transactional , I've got one friendship that's more authentic and I have my partner son and dogs, everything else feels pointless / inauthentic, it's like people dont know how to be a genuine friend anymore.
Amen! ❤I'm 70 and have always felt this way. But one day I decided to just go my own way and do my own thing. No longer looking for outside validation, I am now genuinely happy.
I just realized - I actually DO NOT like alot of people who have been in my life but would not admit this to myself.. I need to go and be with this insight. I feel both awkward and unburdened. Like I just set down a heavy backpack.
Love this quote: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Authenticity COMBINED WITH accepting people as they are, not trying to get them to affirm us, is a superpower. Blessings and thank you for your wise words!
warning to all young people - wanting to be accepted by other people, that's something you need to nip in the bud asap - self-acceptance is the only acceptance that matters
I realised i had to remove quite a few people from my life a few years ago and it was the best thing i ever did. No more criticising everything i do, say, feel no more put downs, sabotage, gaslighting no more putting up with people who dont value me. Once i did that, my life was SO peaceful that i committed to never letting people treat me that way again. I was providing a much healthier environment for myself to grow and blossom 🌺🌻🌷🌼🌹your vibe attracts your tribe, they will come, and they will be interested in you, and care how you feel and grow to love you ❤ i am so much happier and my life is uncomplicated
It's when I observe others indulge in life with the goal to fulfill themselves that I realize that I've been a spectator most of my life. Life has been happening to others and for some reason I haven't felt like I have a right to my share of it. I only wish I had realized this in my 20's and not on the brink of 40.
That’s because you’re a chosen one. You are chosen by God, you must go to him for him to open your eyes and give you downloads to help you understand. It’s like the movie “get out”.
I am also in my 50s now. Grew up in Florida with parents who did not like me. My mother especially hated me for whatever reason. I was good in school and was helpful around the house, but she told me every day that I was evil and everything was my fault. I was made to work like a dog. Maybe that is why I have tried so hard to show people that I care and always try to help everyone. But I have never felt that I belonged and felt totally outcast around my children and even grandchildren because it seems like no matter how much I do to show I care, they treat me like I am invisible and it makes me want to just be by myself since I don't feel important.
I feel the same at 32. I've given a lot of money for the needy and donated a lot for charities. But no matter how much I spend on others I couldn't love myself. To make matters worse, the self hating exacerbates, if I don't have anything to give, if I received help from someone, or if I bought something for myself. Can't wait long enough for my last day on earth.
My heart ❤️ goes out to you!! You didn't deserve a single toxic damn thing, you deserve love and acceptance ❤ By the way, you ARE a VIP.....a very important person!! 🎉😊
40s to 50s - This is when you start to search your authentic self and shed the old self (false beliefs or anything that is not really serving you). This is when you recognize childhood traumas and recalibrate your narrative so that you can no longer be burdened by this trauma. This will allow you to fly to the beautiful butterfly that you are. To fully embrace who you are even if it means not being liked by others.
I don't mind not belonging. I get very tired around other people even though I like a lot of them. I belong to myself and I feel more and more at one with my higher self, my inner being. So far, I haven't met anyone who thinks as high as I do but I hope I will. It's fun to think higher thoughts instead of worrying and trying to fit in with others. I'm nearly 68 years old and I really broke with society's way of thinking in my early thirties - it simply was not working for me and I was severely depressed. I like myself WAAAAY better now and I only associate with any regularity with people who are consistently good to me and that's the way I like it. I think you are on a good path.
Hi Cindy👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I’m only 30 but I’ve always felt like a misfit since I was a kid. I’m no stranger to criticism and being expected to be the savior of the family. These expectations bleed into my adult life. I manage to be myself, to do what I feel is right for myself, but it’s still paired with a deep guilt, or a deep realization that I am rejected for it. It hurts. For the past three months, these feelings have come up so intensely that they’re making me sick. Sick to my stomach, sick with headaches, mood swings. I just want to feel at ease in my own skin. This came up at the right time. Thank you.
Your body is asking you to make changes in your life. Start with small changes. Do something good just for you and/or give up something that isn’t good for you. ❤
My goodness, within the first minute this already resonated. The impact of a strict, controlling upbringing has remained with me. I too am 56 and also recognised I am shrinking my energy so not to be noticed, annoy or be criticised by others when actually what I want to do more than anything else is radiate my loving kindness energy. Thank you for this video.
Thank you for being here and sharing your experiences. I know how you feel about the lasting impact of strict upbringing. I hope that you too can now release these feelings and begin to be your loving and caring self ♥ We just need to find our like-minded self, don't we? 😉
I fully agree. At 56 years old I have come to the same realisation. People are only interested in themselves at the end of the day. I have worked so hard all my life to be accepted and to fit in with little success. I have only one true friend in my life who knew the real me in junior school. Everyone else are mere acquaintances. All I got for my efforts was disappointment and exhaustion. I'm done with all of that now, and I'm being true to myself. People can like it or not, I no longer care.
I’m 50, and I’ve often felt the same way. I’ve also realized that I’m deeply neurodivergent. I think differently, I see the world differently, the things I like are never popular or cool. I could go on. We have been masking for years to fit in, but I have embraced who I am, and being my authentic self has helped me to attract the right people for me.
I think spiritually people like this are sent to the planet from others to experience and learn. Our spiritual homes are where we belong but we are here to advance our souls more than the average person.
I’m now 54 and had an epiphany whilst in the shower, “I’ve now got gray hair, and don’t really care what people think and can say what’s on my mind.” Wisdom, self-acceptance, and self-love
@@31minutesago Kind sir or madam, you definitely do not know me nor, will you ever and making an assumption like that is by no means showing any type of thoughtfulness within this forum. I hope you have a more positive experience with your next comment.
Hi Hoody momma👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
@@Eric-ot7enit’s spiritual. You are chosen by God and it’s us vs satan’s minions. He uses family, friends, strangers, anyone that opens themselves up to him to traumatize us. Go to God!
I am exploring who I am - alone. I’ve been bitching about dealing with my family and their authenticity crushing interactions but now I realize I have opportunities to stand up for myself, including walking away. Advice to parents of adults, your grown children - shut up! It’s their lives, their money, their mistakes!
Hi Christy👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
My mother let me know she hated me. She told me I was nothing and she said it with conviction. Then she turned others against me. So she is the original source of my feelings that I don't belong anywhere.
You know the truth.. You are special .... It hurts like nothing els.... I send heartfelt love and kindness to the person you are...Try and release and let go of her negativity. I go in the shower have the thouught and visualy wash it awy down the plughole. ☺
Hi Kelly👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I was the youngest of three. Alcoholic dad, religious extremist for a mom. Career bachelor, no kids. A physical disability, medical traumas, a learning disability, and depression have plagued me my whole life. These issues, coupled with verbal and physical abuse made me hate myself at a very early age. I spent my youth and young adulthood trying to "fit in". But since my parents have died, I don't give a damn about fitting in. It is a liberating feeling, knowing that those who damaged and directed your life, will never be able to scorn you again. I turn 50 in January. Here I am. If you can't accept me for who I am, shove it! I saw my former classmates on social media with their " normal lives". I quit fb two years ago. But I learned something from it. I was never cut out for the mainstream. So have your controlling mean spouse, spoiled kids, and bullshit white collar job. I will keep flying solo, and live out the remaining years of my life how I damn well please.
So that's why I feel accepted. Because I'm almost always myself. I accept you ladies, and I love you. Be you. It's cool. Even if you're not cool, it's cool to be yourself. ♡♡♡ I'm extremely uncool, frankly, and i love it. I'm a mess. 😆
Nice comment. Yes, the more you accept and love yourself, I find you start loving and accepting others in a big way. But it's not necessarily so easy to love and accept ourselves. Glad you have done it.
Ive never felt accepted as myself anywhere. I’m 70 and still feel this way at times. I used to describe myself as a chameleon. I could fit in anywhere. And I said it with pride! I thought it was a good thing. It’s only in the past four years that I realized that changing myself was a waste of my time. My life. And I’m so sorry I did this to myself for people I never cared about. And people who didn’t care about me. Now I’m on my way to being me. I was one sad human being. Listening to you is like listening to the voice in my head. We share the same struggles. Thank you for helping me. God bless us all.
I literally had to go back up to the name who wrote this comment (your comment) because it sounded just like me! 😆 I was a chameleon for most of my life and wore it as a badge of honor. I thought it was great I had all these groups of people that I got along famously with! I didn’t realize it’s because I morphed myself to fit in to each group just so I would feel accepted!! 🤗
Hi Joanne 👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
You can't belong until there is a defined identity that is "you" to belong. If you focus on figuring out who you are, you will attract the people who are like you, and the others will simply drift away. What helped me was remembering who I was as a child, what interested me, what I liked, what I hoped to be when I grew up. That was the kernel of my identity that I then needed to develop into the adult I was meant to be. In focusing on myself, the belonging issue resolved itself.
Hi Padi👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
OMG. I am in my sixties, and I left my family, friends, home and country to find who I am. I have been away for almost two years. Now I know. Your words have made sense of my 65 years on this earth. Now I know why I am a nobody. Now I can start to heal. Thank you so much. ❤
I am encouraged by how you went about this.... I thought am too old to make any significant changes and so have to just keep going . But after reading this, I too will take time to understand why " am a nobody, but just a disrespected piece of furniture for everyone's convenient use". I will allow myself to start over and not feel that age at 50 is not on my side. I particularly note the word "heal", from your message. I will begin my journey of healing . Thank you so much! ❤
I recently realised that i was afraid of other people disliking me or rejecting me bcos my self-worth was pegged to their opinions! This insight has really helped me.
Hi Anne👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
Authenticity is a gift of growing older. I promise you are not alone in feeling this and it will get better. Awareness is a huge first step, isn't it? Wishing you all the best as you grow into your revelation x
Many people once they reach 50, they find liberation and happiness with acceptance of oneself. With that comes confidence, self assurance and strength. A permission to self. Amazing stuff!
Hello! Thank you for sharing. I'm 75 and it's taken me until now to learn to stop people pleasing, to say no to well meaning invitations I don't want to accept, and find a more authentic self. I'm also very introverted. My first husband was very extraverted and wanted to drag me into his social life which didn't work out at all. We ended our marriage and I married again to a man who understands my dislike of social meet ups apart from family. You are fortunate you've discovered this in your fifties! Have fun being you! X
I wanted to belong, but people always rejected me. I’m 52 now and it’s been going on for over 40 years. From my 30s onwards I’ve been self-employed, I lived in solitude. Largely, my depression lifted. Solitude is a solution hiding in plain sight. Before living in solitude, I thought I had to “set the record straight”. I thought I had to have people accept me - as some kind of balance to all those years of bullying. I never could, so I gave up. And in giving up, I found the answer.
I'm 41, coming from a very liberal background zero religious endoctrination, but a very abusive narcissistic mother and sister, I 'm very aware that what they did to me was extremely wrong but still can't shift this feeling of guilt when I try just to be myself. But now I have chosen myself , my physical and mental health are much better now. but it's true that I keep being very critical over myself, like repeating the abuse once inflicted onto me. We're all gonna get there one day, keep faith and love for yourself. 💖💫🕊🕊🕊
Always be true to thine ownself and you will never truly be alone. Find your genuine connection in Nature and with creative pursuits. Most people are themselves lost and afraid to face their true Selves. More often than not - Hell is other people.
Hi Jeff, I enjoyed the video and looking at some of the comments. TY for your comment. I relate to the first two lines. And the third line was kind of an aha moment. There is a woman I've known for a few years now. We began to do a bit more together, and I really thought she is someone I'd like to be friends with. I really like her quite a lot. But not so sure now. (Staying open though). Not all the time, but many times now, she's made little jabs at me. And the things she is making jabs at are not bad ways to be at all. With reading your comment, it became clear to me that she is most likely afraid to face her true self, and this is leading to having problems. And since I HAVE faced my trueself in those particular areas (I still have areas to examine! lol), I think that's what makes her slight me every so often. Like I said she is someone that I did think highly of and wanted to have a friendship with. I'm staying open to it, and giving her a chance, but really realize now, that I don't really enjoy her company so much anymore. I've looked passed her barbed comments, but it's been going on now too long. I'm a WONDERFUL person! lol. And I don't need to be barbed anymore.
@@wendym2544 You sound like someone who is authentic and kind, two things really lacking in a soulless and selfish culture. The trick is to not take other people's insecurities and lack of Self consciousness too personally, they have been conditioned by a toxic narcissistic culture and your authenticity will make your life more meaningful, purposeful and joyfull in ways that depend on being validated or even acknowledged by others. Don't ask yourself what others think, feel or say about you - instead ask yourself what makes you free and what enables you to come alive - and BE that. Your authentic will draw other authentic people into your life but we all need to spend some time on our own in solitude and truthfully in soem dark places which will eventually reveal your true Nature and potential to You, which is your gift to the world. And never forget there is a whole other world hidden to most people who are caught up in surface level societal drama - that world is Nature and it speaks to those who will listen.
In our families of origin we had to adapt to our parents needs instead of our parents fulfilling our needs as a child. We MALADAPTED bc that’s what we learned. We were not allowed to be our authentic selves. I’m discovering my authenticity throughout my lifelong recovery process.
Hi Lycia👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I'm in my '50s and I have realized that I was masking or pretending to be okay with stuff my whole life. Work, school, everything, I felt like what I wanted was wrong and I tried to go along with what I was told to do. Now, late in life, I realized that because I was being fake, people never actually met me. They met a fake me.
I m 52 and I’ve never felt I belong any where … but … finally it’s ok. I came from similar culture as you. The last years … I started to please my self ! At this stage I can afford to explore me financially and emotionally. I feel like we are soul mates! Everything you say … I felt and sometimes still feeling ! Thank goodness I found some one who wants and encourages me to explore and discover me and who I am. It’s an everyday journey.
I feel always on the outside of things, unmemorable, overlooked, I like people but I find them tiring, I cant be bothered with small talk, I feel best and motivated when I am alone. I am definitely very critical of myself and dislike myself, but that goes away when no one else is around then I'm ok with me, I feel free.
I feel 100% myself when I'm alone which is why I spend a lot of my time alone. I don't wanna leave the house unless I absolutely have to. It takes effort and energy being around people. I autonomously tune my energy individually to match to a single person (1 on 1) which could be seen as a form of people pleasing, I get on well with people in this way. Being around 2 people or more, I'm pretty quiet and don't talk much unless asked. I've looked into Ho'oponopono before but that was about 10 years ago. Now that I'm older I'll look into it again from an older perspective. Thanks for showing up on my feed today 🙏
Absolutely resonated with me. It’s only now I’m 54 I’m finally free to be myself. I never even realised I was constantly playing a part in life. It was exhausting. I’m finally comfortable being authentic. I’m finally comfortable with who I am. I’ve changed everything. I too, also feel the guilt. I’m working on it. Thank you for this message.❤
Omg this resonates with me, to some alleyways are dingy and dismal but not to me. As a little girl my alleyway was my sanctuary and the little squirrels were my safe haven, I would pour my little heart to them. Later on in years I revisited my alleyway and my heart still swells at the sight of it. You are not alone and please say high to ‘chip’ for me, he’s a good listener.
I grew up being constantly criticized, but instead of becoming a people pleaser I did the opposite and withdrew from society as much as possible to just do my own thing.
is your impulse to take people on ie are you a good hearted combatant, or are you simply repellled and dont want to be near them to avoid them tainting your soul?
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4 year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration , unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
I'm so sorry to hear of your relationship. As I say in the video I'm editing at the moment, be kind to yourself. Healing takes time and it's best to go through the process and not supress the feelings. I wish you healing and peace ♥
Good for you. I know how you've felt. I too was the same until I fully realized that no one actually cares about me so much, and of course most people are completely self absorbed. I stopped giving a damn about others and dont let myself be bothered by others' bullshit. If someone is talking at me and I have no interest, I'll look at them with bored eyes and yawn. If people are dumping their problems and unhappiness on me, I wont feed them the attention they want. I'll not react and watch them become uncomfortable. It's a wonderful feeling to know I dont owe anyone anything. Be strong dear friend.
I'm so happy you're having this awakening. Age 50 is truly a magical age. You're a marvelous, authentic, intelligent woman. It's all about the energy! I'm 49 years old and have like 4 real friends in the world, because I simply don't maintain relationships w/ people who don't like me for me true self.
I have been dreadfully hurt by people in my life. I have loved people who just despised me. I am about your age and I still struggle with the trauma and the loneliness of it. It has taken this many years to even be able to speak about it and healing is an ongoing process. By the time I regain my true self I will be in a fucking care home.
Wow Latricia. I understand where you’re coming from. I studied for three years in the 90s and am still unpicking the experience even now. I wish you well in your quest.🤗
Free-thinkers are very often treated as if they're broken, wrong or malfunctioning in some way. It leads to them masking their true selves, crippling that very free-thought that makes them able to even do that. Great video, thank you for sharing this!
I felt the resentful, ashamed, guilty and fearful for most of my life. At the age of 55 I ended of taking on a new hobby that put me with a lot of new people who were supportive and encouraging to everyone there. Slowly, I felt free there to be my full self because each step of the way I was accepted. That gave me the courage to be myself everywhere else in my life. It was sometimes hard for my family but they could see how much happier I was in myself and came around to understanding.
recovering doormat here! Your video is spot on!! all the things. I learned how to set boundaries a few years ago, just tired of being used and treated so badly. I did not expect to lose almost everyone in my life. Those that truly loved me came back around but only a few. The rest are gone abd I mourn them but realize I mourn what I thought the relationship was. They were just predatory friends/family. Its been slow going learning to love myself and im still alone but slowly building again. I would not change a thing in this new world I can actually live in.
I totally relate to this. It’s nearly impossible to find YOUR people. But the search must continue. As I’ve aged, now in my 70’s, I accept and enjoy spending more time alone and also, thanks to social media including online classes, with strangers that share my interests.
Hi Liz👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
Im 40. Since i was a kid always felt that very deep emotion of not belonging. Like a side character in others peoples shows. Until now ive realizad that i need to be the maim character of my own show. Thanks for putting into words all those very deep thoughts.
i'm 50 and you are speaking on my behalf😭 i always tried to fit in during my younger years but now i love being alone and only with my husband and kids.
Self-centeredness is only caring for yourself. Self-lessness is caring for others but at your own expense. Selfishness is the balance of caring for yourself first and others second.
im unique authentic compassionate, hate evil, protective against bullies, can see through things psychologically from decades of abuse and study and see through ppl and they know that i know. i prefer to b alone because too much bs and games mal intent
Hi there. 46 here, 47 in two months. We have similar stories. I've been doing a lot of shedding the last couple years. I've shed, and am still shedding the people whose enrgies don't align with mine. It's a very liberating journey. The more the shed those with whom you do not align, the more discover your authentic self. It's one of the best gifts you can give yourself in this journey of life.
Thank you all for stopping by, leaving your lovely comments and reactions to this video, as well as subscribing to my channel. I'm so happy to be able to share my experience and help you in some way. I promise I will go through the comments and reply to each of you, in time. I hope you continue with me on this journey of ours. Much love to you all ❤
May I make a gentle suggestion? You rejected yourself first and now others come to you reflecting that because you value their approval over your own, it's a self betrayal. You subconsciously assume everyone knows better than you, is smarter than you, or has a missing manual for life. Crappy Childhood Fairy talks about this stuff and it leaves us with emotional dysregulation including feelings of isolation. Psychology has a concept called external locus of control you likely have too.
Nice to meet you!
Thank you for including the Ho'oponopono practice. Hope you share it in detail elsewhere, it's transformative. 1st time visitor & subscriber now. 👍🙏🕊️
I have done the same thing to myself. I did not tell my mother what pain, anxiety and depression I was going through because I did not want to add to her burden. My brothers would threaten me, if you tell mom were going to kill you. Put myself into uncomfortable positions because I wanted to be the better unselfish person. On and on and on. Every word you say resonates with me. Be loved and unselfish, or be hated and being me. I can boil it down to 7 words. To be seen is to be criticized.
Soooo BEAUTIFUL and INSPIRING SOUL YOU ARE!!! I CAN RELATE to ALL (that so COURAGEOUSLY) you have shared in this video!!! THANK YOU MORE PLEASE.
There’s another aspect of this I’ve realized. People who have tough childhoods tend to think about things much more than people who have had it easy. As a result, we don’t really fit with the people coasting through life on autopilot because we don’t value all that surface level popularity/ego stuff. We value honesty, integrity, depth, empathy and so on
As a result, our tribe is often other misfits.
Find the quiet ones. The weirdos. The odd people. The ones unreservedly themselves. Your tribe will grow exponentially once you do.
I like your views. Id be happy to join you😊
Thank you I need this perspective
that is an incredible realization. i never thought of it this way. thank you for putting this in words. it is exactly how i feel!
fellow misfit here 🙋♀️
Exactly true. I have no common ground with my own Family.
Stay away from those who won't let you be who you are.
Thank you 🧡
this is most people
That's the problem. They're my parents.
i think in private its easy but at work we have to face people who dont accept us sometimes. So I never worked in a classic way and started my own thing. Now I am my own boss but feel lonely.
@@figgettitsadly true
You belong with us non-belongers. It just means you're truly an individual. ❤
Thank you. I'm finally learning individuality is what makes us all great 😊
this comment made me cry. I was not expecting that!
@@AlysaAlysaBolissaBananaFannaFe
I will say that I have always been a strong person even as a child and I am thankful for that because I don't know that I could have survived without becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol or whatever. And it is very true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I do not think we should have to live in a world where you have to be strong, but we are changing that by speaking out and knowing that we are OK and that we deserve , the best. And so I am not a victim, even though sometimes I feel like one. Every one of us has something to offer offer and because of what we go through, it gives us the wisdom and the compassion that someone else needs.
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I realized the people who rejected me first, and the most consistently, were family members. I fought their negative version of me for so many years, trying to prove them wrong. I stopped, and I’m okay with their judgement and slander because I finally admitted to myself I didn’t like them either, and for good reason 😂
Lol. I can relate. 😂
Family; exactly-I had to NEXT my father. I’ve learned that you must unfriend people quietly and immediately once they disrespect you or attempt to shame you or put you down. Don’t. E afraid to be alone-flush the trash out of your life.
I can relate. ❤
That's one of the hardest things, to admit you don't really like your own, closest, family. For me, I don't hate them or anything. But I've never felt particularly close to my parents or brother either.
Yes, I had to walk away from my own parents, sister. They are toxic and constantly belittled me. Touph childhood-Cinderella story. I felt free-er without them. I've been the lone wolf. .
NOTHING WORSE THAN FEELING LONELY WITH ANOTHER PERSON OR A GROUP OF PEOPLE!
It’s true!! That’s why I prefer my personal space. I don’t want to be around people who make me feel terrible.
Apart from writing in all Caps
Like today another reminder to change my life coming up
Especially when it's your own family.
@@rexnemo YOUR SMALL MIND NEED ENTERTAINMENT I SEE! ENJOY!
At the age of 56 I took my dogs and packed my stuff and left my ex husband, mother, community and a whole lot of crap behind. Best thing I did. I am 64 now and feeling much better; and except for the occasional blue moments, I am a lot less loneley than when I was with them.
Thank you for making me feel like I belong. Gracias
Thank you for sharing. I wish I could leave this behind. Sadly, having to start again means I'm stuck here for a little while. Welcome to this journey of ours and I'm glad that you feel you belong. Wishing you well 🧡
@SoulCareOver50 Having to start again does NOT mean being stuck. Au contraire. Remember that. It takes strength; benevolent srenth; to do what you did. Give yourself the due credit because you have claimed what God inheritantly gave you; self love.
Brave move glad for you so I am wishing you long life and joy
Thank goodness you found yourself. Peace accomplished.
❤❤❤❤❤
I dont belong anywhere either. Hello fellows.
That's your choice.
I hear you and feel that too ❤️
@@oldnatty61 judge much? Maybe that is your experience but doesn’t mean it is for others.
@@julieking5151 Have you seen M. Night Shyamalan's The Village?
You belong to us! We who shared the same feelings exist.
I was a people pleaser until the last several years. People are absolutely exhausting and I’ve refocused my efforts to doing things I enjoy rather than trying to make friends. It’s fruitless honestly. Time is much better spent getting to know/heal yourself and finding your interests. People may come and go, but you’ll always have yourself. I felt like I haven’t belonged my whole life, and judging by the looks of the state the world is in, maybe that’s actually a good thing.
Love your comment and 100% agree 👍
"People may come and go, but you’ll always have yourself." I never conciously articulated it to myself but I belief I must have decided that I'm stuck with myself forever and that it is better to get along with that guy. A less enthusiastic stance than yours but I think that's how it was. My path lead to calmness. Not zenlike. But moreso than the nervousness in all the people you encounter.
@@MeganVincent-tl4tg i’m 72. I never had any money until I received an inheritance 10 years ago…. if you can imagine for younger people cannot imagine things were so much different when I went to high school 55 years ago…… as a teenager I would read (16 magazine and tiger beat)… were they listed three great careers for young women+=== airline stewardess,,, but you had to weigh under 120…… nursing……. I couldn’t imagine helping somebody go to the bathroom when I was that young.,,,,,
And teacher or secretary,,,,,,never. I hated school….,,,, And I was very left-handed, and I couldn’t pass the typing test 40 words a minute when I was 18.
It's our time to shine!
Thank you. Yes.
Yes, I agree with you. Being a fellow Generation X person, I have struggled with "pleasing people", and apologizing for most of my life. Now, I am living for me. Thank you for bringing up this important and relatable topic.
Also: children who were traumatized at an early age and then raised by either absent or abusive parents often do not have an "authentic self" because they've not been allowed to ever be authentic, or have lived in a sort of survival mode which doesn't allow the authentic self to exist. Later in life they may be able to discover and establish an authentic self if the trauma is healed. I am actually in this process right now, at 62 years of age. It's quite exciting in some ways, as I learn who I am and the things I like.
Beautiful
Same, except I rationalize it as being a chameleon that's forgotten or never knew it's original authentic color. And has never had a true home in that the chameleon is still expending energy to blend in and is never truly comfortable.
And I prefer the chameleon analogy instead of imposter syndrome because to me there is a sense of personal investment and a kind of authenticity to being the chameleon whereas imposter syndrome is masking.
@@lastvestiges I like that. Being a lost chameleon feels kinder than thinking of myself as some kind of unwitting imposter.
So true - thank you for sharing this.
So is that why at our age, well I'm 45, but why I've always felt like I don't know who I am? It's like I think I do, but then I feel like I'm always searching to belong. My style changes, tastes in things. It's like I can never decide what exactly I am.
I'm 52 and you are speaking my language! This used to be me until I finally come to realize that I'm totally OK with not being everyone's "cup of tea" so to speak. Sister, if people don't like you, they aren't your people! The enemy uses these negative thoughts and feelings to keep us feeling worthless but when we embrace our unique traits - such as being the odd one out - we find so much freedom!
I'm definitely realising that I've been pleasing the wrong people all these years and have realised why I feel odd and don't belong. It's time for change and be myself! ♥
@@midlifewithleeann just subscribed you your channel! Excited to connect!🤍
@@SoulCareOver50 I’ve always felt like I never belonged. My parents moved us a lot so I was always the new girl at school and just never fit it. It took me years to learn to that I am unique as I am and to stop trying to fit in and start embracing my unique qualities. My people will eventually find me.
That must have been tough always being uprooted so often, specially if you began to feel more settled somewhere. I have to admit, starting over again has made me realise that I'm happy being me and no longer care about fitting in! I'm most happy that it's here on YT I'm finally finding others like yourself, who vibe with me ♥
Totally agree, it took me 45 years to be happy in my own skin & to enjoy my own company a little more. Saying No to people & situations & taking better care of myself with non negotiables & boundaries gave me back my confidence😁
“My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that, and I intend to end up there.” - Rumi
He was talking about Paradise. Next to God.
@ yes, he was
Exactly 😊
"Wherever you stand. Be the soul of that place". - Rumi
Wow! Thanks, brother. First time I learned about Bro Rumi. All of a sudden I have a whole new take on RUMINATING, which I do a lot of. Maybe not all bad after all..
I’m spending my 70’s releasing all those voices in my head still left over. It’s very calming.
I'm a man who is almost 50, and I don't know who I am or what I want. I feel lost, alone, and insecure. I guess this is what a mid-life crisis is. I feel like I'm crazy... like I'm floating all alone on an island. I recently lost my job, am single and childless, take care of my elderly family members, and realize that there are some goals in life I'll never achieve at this point. I'm worried about my finances now with no income. I'm trying not to be depressed and find myself mad at myself for my past mistakes. I'm not in a good place. I don't feel like I'm enough. And sometimes i don't want to look in the mirror. I suffer silently in my own head. Does it ever get better?
Sorry for the negativity today. I hope everyone is doing well.
❤
Do you pray? I will pray for you. ❤
@rivkajazz thank you. That means a lot to me. And yes, I do pray.
You are enough! You're here. Do you realize what a miracle it is that you were conceived? I heard that stat once, I can't quote it off the top of my head, ... but just know, it's an incredible miracle. Embrace that fact. My heart goes out to you.
@Freedom-dq8rn thank you for your kind words. They make me feel a little bit better.
I'm a 50 year old woman just diagnosed with autism and adhd. That diagnosis has explained my entire life.
Yes I immediately thought of neurodiversity. These feelings are very indicative.
Same, except I’m 36. This video explains my thoughts and experiences.
Sane but only ADHD. But rejection based on "you're just like X" (and it is never explained why it is OK to reject X (in this case my mother))
It's been heartbreaking over decades with corrosive rejection for so called personality flaws
@@giatasha2181can you explain this further?
My ex-husband was diagnosed with Autism at 50 years old. It all makes sense.
It's comforting to me discovering that there's others that are going through similar feelings
Thank you for visiting. I'm so surprised and moved by all the response and lovely comments I've received on this video. How are you coping with your situation?
I came to realize that the people I thought cared about me over the years were never in my life because they loved me, but in reality they stayed just for “benefits” I offered. Today I’m lonelier than ever and feeling incredibly free, trying to know who I truly am.
Better to be alone in peace and freedom then with someone who only wants you around to use you
you will never be alone here. it is a room filled will non-belongers. LOL HUGS from Canada!
@@chelseagirl278 thank you!
Totally relate. Am in the same space.
be it friends or family, you are on a tier list, perhaps even making the top 10 but it can take a long time before the 10th on that list gets the call.
People who reject us are not worth our time. I'm rejected because I can't be controlled and I won't comply. When I am rejected I realize I don't like the people who reject me. I gave up people-pleasing years ago but before that, I can't lie, it was hurtful. Now I just laugh about it and think of more time for me to do the things I want to do, to be selfish in their eyes. Remember when someone calls you selfish or any derogatory description, it's projection. They are talking about themselves.
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❤🙏💜
I decided long ago that if someone doesn’t want me, I want them even less. #ByeFelicia 👋
100% right.
reject them out from your life
Life is too short and at 50 you realise if you haven't fit in by now, you're not supposed to. You are meant to be exactly who you are. Standing out, so your light shines for others.
When we look at the stars, they shine for beauty. I have had to rethink how to shine my light; it's never to make someone else's light darker, but to bring light to all. We need the uniqueness of all of us to make this short life easier.
I don’t wanna shine for others though 🤷♂️💯
Shining light to others while nothing mostly cames back?!
@@didiervandijk9713 Yeah, that's what they expect you to do.
You're not shining for others - you just shine - Its like the Sun - Foolish humans believe that the Sun shines for us - but the Sun just shines and doesn't care whether we like it or not - Same for my/your light.
Not everyone is going to like you, and they don't have to. Just continue to be you.
Yes. When your family member doesn’t care for you, just be civil when you have to see them. Don’t jump when they snap their fingers. It’s hard, and it hurts me so much to feel unwelcome in my own family. I have to figure out how to not care. It’s hard. “Don’t do that; don’t say that; don’t do it like that.” Yes, that was hard to hear, but also good to know it’s not just me.
I'm right there with you. I'm over 60 and it's taken me many years to understand the dynamics of my childhood and the levels of dysfunction with my parents. When love and acceptance are *conditional*, it's a setup for a life of frustration, rejection, criticism, along with never feeling accepted or part of something real.
I founded a self-group and conducted it for 10 years. Most people who were there were over 40. There is still a large taboo on accepting that you were a victim of childhood abuse if said abuse was "only" psychological.
@@Pomoscorzo Denial runs deep on definitions of "abuse." It took me a long time to figure things out and understand the source of my issues. Now it's so clear & obvious.
Hi Crimsom. I can relate to all of what you are saying. I am 70 and only started fully understanding how all the conditioning I carried around.. It has ruiend many things in my life. It ruins us if we allow it. I have been doing personal development for 4 years, it has been really challenging... I have been living alone after ending my relationship. I am finding myself for the first time. Its never to late I guess. Kind regards Shey...
I am new to the chanel.
Hi Crimson👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I just turned 60 and needed to hear this right now, thank you.
Hi Allison👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I’m 49 going on 50 in February and for the past 10 years or so I’ve grown to understand how my body and mind reacts to being around certain people. Your body will tell you who’s right or wrong for you. I had to really tune in to self to fully understand.
Yes thats why I stopped hanging around Commies
This is so true
I feel very tense around bad people. Feel it in my whole body. Especially gut area.
I feel the same way. I don't belong anywhere. I don't feel wanted. I am just existing.
Just existing....same.
I don't feel like I belong either, but I do have a purpose, and I'm living out that purpose which gives me a reason to get up in the morning. If you want God's best in your life, you have to ask.
@@lewisvogel466What's the reason?
@@noracola5285 To encourage others
I feel the same. I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life helping others, family, friends and yet I’m not loved or regarded any better for it. In my early 70s, no children of my own, very, very few “friends” around, no-one stays in touch much, some family members are living a bit further away and to whom I’m not close anyway, and the only people who stay in touch are one or two friends, and my nephew and his family, all of whom call occasionally. I spend my time looking after a very elderly parent (deaf, with dementia, wheelchair bound in long term care) looking after the medical issues and finances and also just looking after my own life and home. Not a great existence but I just carry on as best I can. 🫤
I’m 69 years old and have never felt that I’ve fit in anywhere. Not with family, not with friends, not with coworkers. I have recently been diagnosed with autism and realized I have been masking all my life. At first I was depressed that I feel like I’ve wasted most of my life trying to be someone I’m not. Now Ive realized that I can live the rest of my life being ME and glad that that I didn’t go to my grave still masking for others. I’m finally happy with Me.
Wow that is good news for you. I have an autistic friend and he is very different and very kind friend. Bless you…..you guys are unique and gifted in many ways
@@magiegainey5036 I totally relate to what you describe. Seems to me that there must be a key , a code, or maybe a “ strong “ password that everyone but me was given . I have always known I was not like most people and couldn’t figure out what gene I was missing. Oh well, too late now. Even my parents thought I was odd. I am odd! I have Autistic traits that I never knew about until I was 70 ! I’m still on the Spectrum at 82. Born that way and will die that way. It’s okay.
Hi Margie👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I am 55.
Relate to SO much..
After I lost my dog.
After having Covid and long term issues.
My childhood trauma surfacing.
I lost fear of death.
And..
Started learning self care.
I love painting.
Now I paint only for myself.
Not to impress.
I ask myself several times a day.
How are you feeling?
I feel younger, safer and lighter..
Because I am taking care of me!
And this is why I am also able to spread my joy only when I have enough of it within.
When I am depleted, i retreat and recharge
I'm happy u found the response to this problem that is benefitting u 😊
So beautiful. 🙏💖💖💖☮️
❤
❤
@@earthrooster1969 hello Earth rooster instead of painting, I do ballroom dancing. It will change your whole entire entire ,,, Everything life.
I’m no good at the things that make money but someone pushed me into ballroom dancing and OMG I can remember all the moves all the steps and I know all the music and it’s just wonderful if you don’t have the money just do group lessons and write down every place to go to And just find out about it. They have to offer Group Lessons….. and we always need more men to join…! Blessings for you.
I barely made it a minute in before waterworks. I don’t think I have ever felt more seen and heard in my life, nor has anyone ever put my thoughts into form.
Awww, what a great compliment to the creator! And yes… feeling seen and heard is so important in a world where many times we don’t! I realized at the age of 55 that I had spent my whole life not feeling seen. I went on a journey to discover why and how I could heal and start showing up in the world so I felt accepted. As she said in the video, it starts with ourselves! 🥰
I agree❤
Hi Stacy👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
i'm 51...the first half of my life was trash. This half is so much better. Hugs to all.
Just turned 51 last August - and feel FANTASTIC, due to self-resilience and positive self-belief. I've learned to simply accept myself, no matter what. Although criticism from my parents & close relatives can still hurt quite a bit, I always find a way to bounce back stronger, because for just over 2 decades, I've had a very strong network of lifelong friends who've ALWAYS believed in me, in spite of my flaws. Life is just too damn short to keep worrying & fretting about what others think of you! Be yourself & live your life to be FREE!🤗💖😻😘
Keep shining your beautiful light! I am on the same journey and am 61. I finally decided that I will keep shining my light and being myself. I figured out - I’m not here to fit in - I’m here to shine. Too many years of conditioning to not be myself, to be of service to others, to “earn” love. Not anymore, I wish love, peace and joy to all! Do good things for yourself, enjoy your own company and shine your light! You are BEAUTIFUL and COURAGEOUS, so keep being the wonderful you that you were born to be! Much love and happiness to you! 😊
You are not alone.... Believe me. I wish I could go back to tell my younger self to stop trying.
Meeeee too.
Im 50 and I'm still struggling with finding who i really am. Ive been a people pleaser all my life.
I am there with you. I am 55 and a Housewife and have lost myself. I am trying to get a job so I can Pay for things that interest me.
I feel you! I'm still learning about me too. I hope you begin to really find and like yourself 😍
To anyone who reads this who feels they don't fit in. May you find your inner happiness and light. You are an individual. You were meant to change minds in this world not flow with them. You are cherished and loved. Thank you for sharing your experience Soul Care Over 50.
Thank you for your comment! Let me restate your thoughts: May we be happy and joyful with ourselves. There is no one else exactly like us. The world needs the qualities and ambitions of each of us to create a more joyful living space. We are unique treasures worthy of love. Thanks Soul Care Over 50 and each of the lovely people in this group!
I really like what you said here.
@@pianoplants7884 I like yours, too!
You are probably an empath. I am an empath who takes on the emotions of others. Honestly, it's exhausting. It also makes me feel alienated from myself.
If you are an empath others will feel triggered by you. You can see and feel them as they truly are and it terrifies them.
@@Violet-qf8drInteresting....explains behaviour of people that I know and have known......
@@Violet-qf8drwell this explains a lot smh thank you
@@Violet-qf8drYes especially when they are raging narcissists.
I was thinking that too. That she's an empath.
I'm 48 and made peace with this truth. I would have to turn off my observations at how shallow and transactional most relationships and friendships are and how poorly most people treat each other. It's too common and accepted to talk about people behind their backs in the UK, I have always hated this and have no issues with confrontation and actually talking about things that upset or bother me so I have been labelled difficult, I'd rather be labelled difficult than be passive aggressive! Yet there's a lonliness epidemic in this country. Its all linked. I love my authentic self, she is awesome.
You sound far from difficult, you sound emotionally safe
Right!
I’m 49 and feel the same way. I’m often told that I’m too sensitive, even my husband says that I wear my emotions on my sleeve….
I'm in UK and I agree. Relationships do feel transactional , I've got one friendship that's more authentic and I have my partner son and dogs, everything else feels pointless / inauthentic, it's like people dont know how to be a genuine friend anymore.
Amen! ❤I'm 70 and have always felt this way. But one day I decided to just go my own way and do my own thing. No longer looking for outside validation, I am now genuinely happy.
fantastic
❤
Are you lonely also though?
Im 70 also and really standing up for what I want for me... I still struggle somewhat, but on the journey....
I just realized - I actually DO NOT like alot of people who have been in my life but would not admit this to myself.. I need to go and be with this insight. I feel both awkward and unburdened. Like I just set down a heavy backpack.
Very well worded
Now your hands are free to give yourself a big, love-filled hug! 🤗
@@annelbeab8124 Thank you!
@@katrinakelly5908 Thanks!
@@katrinakelly5908 love this for all of us! 💖
Love this quote: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Authenticity COMBINED WITH accepting people as they are, not trying to get them to affirm us, is a superpower. Blessings and thank you for your wise words!
warning to all young people - wanting to be accepted by other people, that's something you need to nip in the bud asap - self-acceptance is the only acceptance that matters
Agree, and you'd be surprised how little people care about you ; in the end people are just out for themselves.
I realised that it was like a spiritual awakening absolutely soul crushing depressing but yet freeing.
Bittersweet.
I realised i had to remove quite a few people from my life a few years ago and it was the best thing i ever did. No more criticising everything i do, say, feel no more put downs, sabotage, gaslighting no more putting up with people who dont value me. Once i did that, my life was SO peaceful that i committed to never letting people treat me that way again. I was providing a much healthier environment for myself to grow and blossom 🌺🌻🌷🌼🌹your vibe attracts your tribe, they will come, and they will be interested in you, and care how you feel and grow to love you ❤ i am so much happier and my life is uncomplicated
🌞💪❤
It's when I observe others indulge in life with the goal to fulfill themselves that I realize that I've been a spectator most of my life. Life has been happening to others and for some reason I haven't felt like I have a right to my share of it. I only wish I had realized this in my 20's and not on the brink of 40.
At least you’re realizing this at a young age.
That’s because you’re a chosen one. You are chosen by God, you must go to him for him to open your eyes and give you downloads to help you understand. It’s like the movie “get out”.
I am also in my 50s now. Grew up in Florida with parents who did not like me. My mother especially hated me for whatever reason. I was good in school and was helpful around the house, but she told me every day that I was evil and everything was my fault. I was made to work like a dog. Maybe that is why I have tried so hard to show people that I care and always try to help everyone. But I have never felt that I belonged and felt totally outcast around my children and even grandchildren because it seems like no matter how much I do to show I care, they treat me like I am invisible and it makes me want to just be by myself since I don't feel important.
❤
I feel the same at 32. I've given a lot of money for the needy and donated a lot for charities. But no matter how much I spend on others I couldn't love myself. To make matters worse, the self hating exacerbates, if I don't have anything to give, if I received help from someone, or if I bought something for myself.
Can't wait long enough for my last day on earth.
My heart ❤️ goes out to you!! You didn't deserve a single toxic damn thing, you deserve love and acceptance ❤ By the way, you ARE a VIP.....a very important person!! 🎉😊
Sending love
That's what happens when you live with narcissists.
40s to 50s - This is when you start to search your authentic self and shed the old self (false beliefs or anything that is not really serving you). This is when you recognize childhood traumas and recalibrate your narrative so that you can no longer be burdened by this trauma. This will allow you to fly to the beautiful butterfly that you are. To fully embrace who you are even if it means not being liked by others.
It’s different ages for different people. We are All … Individuals!❤
The Chiron return takes place in your 50s for those of you into astrology
"recalibrate your narrative". Perfectly stated.
I’m right on track then ✨
Thank you. I need to see this.
The fact that you have the courage to do this video proves your dignity and honesty. I couldn’t have done that.
Nor could I. BRAVO for your courage!
Thank you so much for being brave and doing video.
I don't mind not belonging. I get very tired around other people even though I like a lot of them. I belong to myself and I feel more and more at one with my higher self, my inner being. So far, I haven't met anyone who thinks as high as I do but I hope I will. It's fun to think higher thoughts instead of worrying and trying to fit in with others. I'm nearly 68 years old and I really broke with society's way of thinking in my early thirties - it simply was not working for me and I was severely depressed. I like myself WAAAAY better now and I only associate with any regularity with people who are consistently good to me and that's the way I like it. I think you are on a good path.
Hi Cindy👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I’m only 30 but I’ve always felt like a misfit since I was a kid. I’m no stranger to criticism and being expected to be the savior of the family. These expectations bleed into my adult life. I manage to be myself, to do what I feel is right for myself, but it’s still paired with a deep guilt, or a deep realization that I am rejected for it. It hurts. For the past three months, these feelings have come up so intensely that they’re making me sick. Sick to my stomach, sick with headaches, mood swings. I just want to feel at ease in my own skin. This came up at the right time. Thank you.
Your body is asking you to make changes in your life. Start with small changes. Do something good just for you and/or give up something that isn’t good for you. ❤
My goodness, within the first minute this already resonated. The impact of a strict, controlling upbringing has remained with me. I too am 56 and also recognised I am shrinking my energy so not to be noticed, annoy or be criticised by others when actually what I want to do more than anything else is radiate my loving kindness energy. Thank you for this video.
Thank you for being here and sharing your experiences. I know how you feel about the lasting impact of strict upbringing. I hope that you too can now release these feelings and begin to be your loving and caring self ♥ We just need to find our like-minded self, don't we? 😉
Planted wrongly but we're growing upright🕊
I fully agree. At 56 years old I have come to the same realisation. People are only interested in themselves at the end of the day. I have worked so hard all my life to be accepted and to fit in with little success. I have only one true friend in my life who knew the real me in junior school. Everyone else are mere acquaintances. All I got for my efforts was disappointment and exhaustion. I'm done with all of that now, and I'm being true to myself. People can like it or not, I no longer care.
I am a 54-year-old man. I understand exactly where you’re coming from. Anyway I think you are a very intelligent woman.
I’m 50, and I’ve often felt the same way. I’ve also realized that I’m deeply neurodivergent. I think differently, I see the world differently, the things I like are never popular or cool. I could go on. We have been masking for years to fit in, but I have embraced who I am, and being my authentic self has helped me to attract the right people for me.
I think spiritually people like this are sent to the planet from others to experience and learn. Our spiritual homes are where we belong but we are here to advance our souls more than the average person.
I’m now 54 and had an epiphany whilst in the shower, “I’ve now got gray hair, and don’t really care what people think and can say what’s on my mind.” Wisdom, self-acceptance, and self-love
So, you are going Karen?
@@31minutesago Kind sir or madam, you definitely do not know me nor, will you ever and making an assumption like that is by no means showing any type of thoughtfulness within this forum. I hope you have a more positive experience with your next comment.
Hi Hoody momma👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
@ Thank you kind sir! I appreciate the comment. I will take a look at your channel. Have a great evening, night or day where you reside!
Having a husband & kids really made this resonate for me. I don’t feel like I am even wanted in my family.
That's so sad. I think a lot of us walk alone, even if we have others around us. I hope you find love.
Me too
Not wanted in the family or even the society. Its an odd feeling.
@@Eric-ot7enit’s spiritual. You are chosen by God and it’s us vs satan’s minions. He uses family, friends, strangers, anyone that opens themselves up to him to traumatize us. Go to God!
I am exploring who I am - alone. I’ve been bitching about dealing with my family and their authenticity crushing interactions but now I realize I have opportunities to stand up for myself, including walking away. Advice to parents of adults, your grown children - shut up! It’s their lives, their money, their mistakes!
Hi Christy👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
My mother let me know she hated me. She told me I was nothing and she said it with conviction. Then she turned others against me. So she is the original source of my feelings that I don't belong anywhere.
You know the truth.. You are special .... It hurts like nothing els.... I send heartfelt love and kindness to the person you are...Try and release and let go of her negativity. I go in the shower have the thouught and visualy wash it awy down the plughole. ☺
You are here. Honestly I think your badass.
My mother made sure I knew she hated me. And yes, she made sure my siblings thought I was bad as well.
😢
@@cindygunn4418that means you are a chosen one, look into it
Hi Kelly👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I was the youngest of three. Alcoholic dad, religious extremist for a mom. Career bachelor, no kids. A physical disability, medical traumas, a learning disability, and depression have plagued me my whole life. These issues, coupled with verbal and physical abuse made me hate myself at a very early age.
I spent my youth and young adulthood trying to "fit in". But since my parents have died, I don't give a damn about fitting in. It is a liberating feeling, knowing that those who damaged and directed your life, will never be able to scorn you again. I turn 50 in January. Here I am. If you can't accept me for who I am, shove it!
I saw my former classmates on social media with their " normal lives". I quit fb two years ago. But I learned something from it. I was never cut out for the mainstream. So have your controlling mean spouse, spoiled kids, and bullshit white collar job. I will keep flying solo, and live out the remaining years of my life how I damn well please.
So that's why I feel accepted. Because I'm almost always myself. I accept you ladies, and I love you. Be you. It's cool. Even if you're not cool, it's cool to be yourself. ♡♡♡ I'm extremely uncool, frankly, and i love it. I'm a mess. 😆
Nice comment. Yes, the more you accept and love yourself, I find you start loving and accepting others in a big way. But it's not necessarily so easy to love and accept ourselves. Glad you have done it.
I love you too :-)
@denkenhilft1607 I love you too. You just made me smile so big in the morning. 🥰
You get to be almost 25 and you realize most "cool" people are pathetic :)
Misfit here ! Thank you for sharing I am learning a lot and share your feelings so I hope you don’t mind if I hang out for a while. 🤗😘
Ive never felt accepted as myself anywhere. I’m 70 and still feel this way at times. I used to describe myself as a chameleon. I could fit in anywhere. And I said it with pride! I thought it was a good thing. It’s only in the past four years that I realized that changing myself was a waste of my time. My life. And I’m so sorry I did this to myself for people I never cared about. And people who didn’t care about me. Now I’m on my way to being me. I was one sad human being. Listening to you is like listening to the voice in my head. We share the same struggles. Thank you for helping me. God bless us all.
I literally had to go back up to the name who wrote this comment (your comment) because it sounded just like me! 😆 I was a chameleon for most of my life and wore it as a badge of honor. I thought it was great I had all these groups of people that I got along famously with! I didn’t realize it’s because I morphed myself to fit in to each group just so I would feel accepted!! 🤗
Hi Joanne 👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I'm here with you, Sister. You are not alone.
None of us is alone. We just believe we are.
Until we don't 😊.
You can't belong until there is a defined identity that is "you" to belong. If you focus on figuring out who you are, you will attract the people who are like you, and the others will simply drift away. What helped me was remembering who I was as a child, what interested me, what I liked, what I hoped to be when I grew up. That was the kernel of my identity that I then needed to develop into the adult I was meant to be. In focusing on myself, the belonging issue resolved itself.
Hi Padi👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
OMG. I am in my sixties, and I left my family, friends, home and country to find who I am. I have been away for almost two years. Now I know. Your words have made sense of my 65 years on this earth. Now I know why I am a nobody. Now I can start to heal. Thank you so much. ❤
I am encouraged by how you went about this.... I thought am too old to make any significant changes and so have to just keep going . But after reading this, I too will take time to understand why " am a nobody, but just a disrespected piece of furniture for everyone's convenient use". I will allow myself to start over and not feel that age at 50 is not on my side. I particularly note the word "heal", from your message. I will begin my journey of healing .
Thank you so much! ❤
Which continent did you go to? I too feel alone in a crowd , turning 50 next year.
I recently realised that i was afraid of other people disliking me or rejecting me bcos my self-worth was pegged to their opinions!
This insight has really helped me.
❤
Hi Anne👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
we are all non-belongers. people walk around with a facade and they are hurting also.They just hide it better
Authenticity is a gift of growing older. I promise you are not alone in feeling this and it will get better. Awareness is a huge first step, isn't it? Wishing you all the best as you grow into your revelation x
Many people once they reach 50, they find liberation and happiness with acceptance of oneself. With that comes confidence, self assurance and strength. A permission to self. Amazing stuff!
People pleasing comes from being controlled in formative years. It's taken me a lifetime to wean myself away from this toxic behaviour ❤
Yep I feel you! I've only been more aware and brave enough to be myself at this age. Better late than never 😉
Hello! Thank you for sharing. I'm 75 and it's taken me until now to learn to stop people pleasing, to say no to well meaning invitations I don't want to accept, and find a more authentic self. I'm also very introverted. My first husband was very extraverted and wanted to drag me into his social life which didn't work out at all. We ended our marriage and I married again to a man who understands my dislike of social meet ups apart from family. You are fortunate you've discovered this in your fifties! Have fun being you! X
I wanted to belong, but people always rejected me. I’m 52 now and it’s been going on for over 40 years.
From my 30s onwards I’ve been self-employed, I lived in solitude. Largely, my depression lifted. Solitude is a solution hiding in plain sight.
Before living in solitude, I thought I had to “set the record straight”. I thought I had to have people accept me - as some kind of balance to all those years of bullying. I never could, so I gave up. And in giving up, I found the answer.
Thank you. Needed to hear that one today.
I'm 41, coming from a very liberal background zero religious endoctrination, but a very abusive narcissistic mother and sister, I 'm very aware that what they did to me was extremely wrong but still can't shift this feeling of guilt when I try just to be myself.
But now I have chosen myself , my physical and mental health are much better now. but it's true that I keep being very critical over myself, like repeating the abuse once inflicted onto me.
We're all gonna get there one day, keep faith and love for yourself. 💖💫🕊🕊🕊
Always be true to thine ownself and you will never truly be alone. Find your genuine connection in Nature and with creative pursuits. Most people are themselves lost and afraid to face their true Selves. More often than not - Hell is other people.
Bravo ❤ Well said
Hi Jeff, I enjoyed the video and looking at some of the comments. TY for your comment. I relate to the first two lines. And the third line was kind of an aha moment. There is a woman I've known for a few years now. We began to do a bit more together, and I really thought she is someone I'd like to be friends with. I really like her quite a lot. But not so sure now. (Staying open though). Not all the time, but many times now, she's made little jabs at me. And the things she is making jabs at are not bad ways to be at all. With reading your comment, it became clear to me that she is most likely afraid to face her true self, and this is leading to having problems. And since I HAVE faced my trueself in those particular areas (I still have areas to examine! lol), I think that's what makes her slight me every so often. Like I said she is someone that I did think highly of and wanted to have a friendship with. I'm staying open to it, and giving her a chance, but really realize now, that I don't really enjoy her company so much anymore. I've looked passed her barbed comments, but it's been going on now too long. I'm a WONDERFUL person! lol. And I don't need to be barbed anymore.
@@wendym2544 You sound like someone who is authentic and kind, two things really lacking in a soulless and selfish culture. The trick is to not take other people's insecurities and lack of Self consciousness too personally, they have been conditioned by a toxic narcissistic culture and your authenticity will make your life more meaningful, purposeful and joyfull in ways that depend on being validated or even acknowledged by others. Don't ask yourself what others think, feel or say about you - instead ask yourself what makes you free and what enables you to come alive - and BE that. Your authentic will draw other authentic people into your life but we all need to spend some time on our own in solitude and truthfully in soem dark places which will eventually reveal your true Nature and potential to You, which is your gift to the world. And never forget there is a whole other world hidden to most people who are caught up in surface level societal drama - that world is Nature and it speaks to those who will listen.
oops - that should say ''in ways that do NOT depend on being validated or even acknowldeged by others"
In our families of origin we had to adapt to our parents needs instead of our parents fulfilling our needs as a child. We MALADAPTED bc that’s what we learned. We were not allowed to be our authentic selves. I’m discovering my authenticity throughout my lifelong recovery process.
I had a spiritual awakening on this very topic 2 decades ago. I'm glad, thankful, for the awareness.
Hi Lycia👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
I'm in my '50s and I have realized that I was masking or pretending to be okay with stuff my whole life. Work, school, everything, I felt like what I wanted was wrong and I tried to go along with what I was told to do. Now, late in life, I realized that because I was being fake, people never actually met me. They met a fake me.
Hello fellow journeyer, so happy to find another woman of my age on the same path of discovery and growth💟💟💟
I m 52 and I’ve never felt I belong any where … but … finally it’s ok. I came from similar culture as you. The last years … I started to please my self ! At this stage I can afford to explore me financially and emotionally. I feel like we are soul mates! Everything you say … I felt and sometimes still feeling ! Thank goodness I found some one who wants and encourages me to explore and discover me and who I am. It’s an everyday journey.
I feel always on the outside of things, unmemorable, overlooked, I like people but I find them tiring, I cant be bothered with small talk, I feel best and motivated when I am alone. I am definitely very critical of myself and dislike myself, but that goes away when no one else is around then I'm ok with me, I feel free.
Ditto.
Me too but i still feel like a failure
I feel 100% myself when I'm alone which is why I spend a lot of my time alone. I don't wanna leave the house unless I absolutely have to. It takes effort and energy being around people. I autonomously tune my energy individually to match to a single person (1 on 1) which could be seen as a form of people pleasing, I get on well with people in this way. Being around 2 people or more, I'm pretty quiet and don't talk much unless asked.
I've looked into Ho'oponopono before but that was about 10 years ago. Now that I'm older I'll look into it again from an older perspective. Thanks for showing up on my feed today 🙏
Absolutely resonated with me. It’s only now I’m 54 I’m finally free to be myself. I never even realised I was constantly playing a part in life. It was exhausting. I’m finally comfortable being authentic. I’m finally comfortable with who I am. I’ve changed everything. I too, also feel the guilt. I’m working on it. Thank you for this message.❤
i went and cried alone in an alleyway tonight because my family don't want to see or hear about any of my pain
Take care of your❤self.
May I send you love and a hug? ❤
Omg this resonates with me, to some alleyways are dingy and dismal but not to me. As a little girl my alleyway was my sanctuary and the little squirrels were my safe haven, I would pour my little heart to them. Later on in years I revisited my alleyway and my heart still swells at the sight of it. You are not alone and please say high to ‘chip’ for me, he’s a good listener.
😢 virtual hugs, darling!! relatable
I’m sorry. That sounds painful.
I grew up being constantly criticized, but instead of becoming a people pleaser I did the opposite and withdrew from society as much as possible to just do my own thing.
is your impulse to take people on ie are you a good hearted combatant, or are you simply repellled and dont want to be near them to avoid them tainting your soul?
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4 year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration , unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
Remarkable! How did you discover a spiritual counselor, and what's the procedure for me to get in contact with her?
Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for her talent in bringing back ex-partners
Many thanks for providing this valuable information; I've just conducted an online search for her.
I'm so sorry to hear of your relationship. As I say in the video I'm editing at the moment, be kind to yourself. Healing takes time and it's best to go through the process and not supress the feelings. I wish you healing and peace ♥
Good for you. I know how you've felt. I too was the same until I fully realized that no one actually cares about me so much, and of course most people are completely self absorbed. I stopped giving a damn about others and dont let myself be bothered by others' bullshit. If someone is talking at me and I have no interest, I'll look at them with bored eyes and yawn. If people are dumping their problems and unhappiness on me, I wont feed them the attention they want. I'll not react and watch them become uncomfortable. It's a wonderful feeling to know I dont owe anyone anything. Be strong dear friend.
I'm so happy you're having this awakening. Age 50 is truly a magical age. You're a marvelous, authentic, intelligent woman. It's all about the energy! I'm 49 years old and have like 4 real friends in the world, because I simply don't maintain relationships w/ people who don't like me for me true self.
You belong, you are enough just as you are....and so am i 😢❤
Thank you for your support. You are enough too! ♥
I have been dreadfully hurt by people in my life. I have loved people who just despised me. I am about your age and I still struggle with the trauma and the loneliness of it. It has taken this many years to even be able to speak about it and healing is an ongoing process. By the time I regain my true self I will be in a fucking care home.
Oh I love your comment, especially the last sentence! 😂 but oh fuck, the idea of being trapped in a care home with people is a nightmare!
💔
Wow! Such wisdom. I was a JW. People pleasing was a way of life. I'm still unlearning 7 years after leaving.
Wow Latricia. I understand where you’re coming from. I studied for three years in the 90s and am still unpicking the experience even now. I wish you well in your quest.🤗
Free-thinkers are very often treated as if they're broken, wrong or malfunctioning in some way. It leads to them masking their true selves, crippling that very free-thought that makes them able to even do that. Great video, thank you for sharing this!
I felt the resentful, ashamed, guilty and fearful for most of my life. At the age of 55 I ended of taking on a new hobby that put me with a lot of new people who were supportive and encouraging to everyone there. Slowly, I felt free there to be my full self because each step of the way I was accepted. That gave me the courage to be myself everywhere else in my life. It was sometimes hard for my family but they could see how much happier I was in myself and came around to understanding.
recovering doormat here! Your video is spot on!! all the things. I learned how to set boundaries a few years ago, just tired of being used and treated so badly. I did not expect to lose almost everyone in my life. Those that truly loved me came back around but only a few. The rest are gone abd I mourn them but realize I mourn what I thought the relationship was. They were just predatory friends/family. Its been slow going learning to love myself and im still alone but slowly building again. I would not change a thing in this new world I can actually live in.
You're describing me. Spiritual sister❤
Recovering doormat, brilliant 😂
I totally relate to this. It’s nearly impossible to find YOUR people. But the search must continue. As I’ve aged, now in my 70’s, I accept and enjoy spending more time alone and also, thanks to social media including online classes, with strangers that share my interests.
“This is why I don’t belong. I’ve had to change myself. I don’t know my authentic self”. I felt this in my soul.
Hi Liz👋 Good afternoon.🌹🌹🌹I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌺🌺🌺
This is exactly how I feel. It’s difficult but we have to be our authentic selves whether people like us or not.
I'm definitely growing a thick skin and learning not to care about what people think of me ☺
@ I’m learning too.
Im 40. Since i was a kid always felt that very deep emotion of not belonging. Like a side character in others peoples shows. Until now ive realizad that i need to be the maim character of my own show. Thanks for putting into words all those very deep thoughts.
Everything you’ve said is exactly how I’ve lived too. I’m 53 now and I feel like I’ve lost my entire life.
i'm 50 and you are speaking on my behalf😭 i always tried to fit in during my younger years but now i love being alone and only with my husband and kids.
Self-centeredness is only caring for yourself. Self-lessness is caring for others but at your own expense. Selfishness is the balance of caring for yourself first and others second.
im unique authentic compassionate, hate evil, protective against bullies, can see through things psychologically from decades of abuse and study and see through ppl and they know that i know. i prefer to b alone because too much bs and games mal intent
Hi there. 46 here, 47 in two months. We have similar stories. I've been doing a lot of shedding the last couple years. I've shed, and am still shedding the people whose enrgies don't align with mine. It's a very liberating journey. The more the shed those with whom you do not align, the more discover your authentic self. It's one of the best gifts you can give yourself in this journey of life.