I recently found out why i was addicted to food. When I was a child I was very lonely and kept trying to get attention by excelling in all subjects but no one cared. I tried to make friends but found out no one wanted to be my friend. My father was an addict. Everything and everyone disappointed me. Food was the only thing that made me happy. Now I realize i need a distraction from food. I'm sick of hurting myself. And yes it's hurting me. I deserve better. I have great friends now. I have talents. I'm luckier than i know.
This comment is really old and I don’t know you but I’m going through a mental health journey myself learning and educating myself and based on this comment you’re totally on the right track. Reflecting on childhood and finding connections in your behavior then and now. Again I don’t know you but I’m really proud of you stranger! I hope you’re getting better now
I would like to add two more for anybody who wants them: Memorize all the words to a song, poem, or significant number that is long enough to actually distract you and then recite it to yourself. Try to pick something that you can keep adding to like your favorite Shakespeare monologue or something you can brag about when you get a little bit carried away and want to show off. I don’t know how you like to live. Lol. Also, I found this one by accident but it’s effective nonetheless, try to learn a song in a different language. Not a song that you like that’s translated to a different language but a genuine song that is actually from the cultural of people that commonly speak that language. It’s a great journey to find the song as long as you have headphones, lol
This diagnosis has explained a lot but reading comments like this makes a lot of sense. Before I even knew what bpd was, I wrote all the lyrics of "the man who sold the world" in my notebook and didn't quite know why. I think I was finding my own coping mechanism without realizing it.
I have a few different techniques to help me but I do find that doing chores help a lot. Just look around the house and find something that needs to be done. If you need to clean your room or your bathroom or go through storage. Something. I just turn on some music and start cleaning. It really helps me distract myself.
I’D LOVE A RESPONSE TO MY CONCERNS ABOUT THESE TECHNIQUES: When we are suffering to where it becomes unbearable (to the point of self harm), do people have the motivation to go get ice cream? Would having sex while symptomatic be healthy for our partners (especially severe depression or severe agitation)? A distraction is usually something STRONGER than what we are feeling, or it wouldn’t distract us from symptoms for long. “People watching” or ice cream might not help those with symptoms strong enough to engage in self harm. I love the ice cube one though! Wouldn’t using a red marker keep someone fixated on the unhealthy subconscious pattern of resorting to self harm considering how similar the act is? I’d love your feedback here Katie and thanks for your dedication to helping others. Mindfulness is a great tool for any human being. The present moment is everything 😊👍
another one good for me is to eat a little of some super spicy stuff (you can even have w you all times a little bottle of tabasco), also drinking as fast as i can a big glass of super cold seltzer w lots of ice cubes. in my experience having sex on rough times is NOT a healthy choice at all. it worked in not harming "physically" but left me w a strong dissociation. is now super hard for me to relate sensitive or caring w/sex. I just use to not feel sad afterwards, but totally numb.
I think the marker one is for someone who is having the compulsion to do that so that they can hopefully get the sensation without actually causing injury. The long term hope is that you will learn different coping skills to deal with it instead.
Me eating ice cream is self harm. I have lots of food intolerances and if I eat them then I can have symptoms ranging from the food going right through me to having bad stomach aches and head aches or feeling like I have the flu.
This is a great video. I did DBT a few years ago, and it really helped to shift my life to be somewhat functioning and I was able to do stuff I never thought possible. Now, after 3 years I find myself struggling again. Binge eating is becoming normal and I have spent a few months feeling very adrift, but not knowing how to fix it. Watching this video has helped me to make a plan, I am getting back on the DBT train, and am excited to be in a place where I can support myself and make alternatives to the destructive shit.
Running or working out I find is a good distraction. It burns up that pent up negativity / anger ect . I was boiling with rage and I went for a hard run .. it seemed to calm me .
This is literally the best most useful video I've seen on self-help for borderline. The way you describe each category and the emotion you put into your voice mean that I know I'll remember these techniques and think of your lovely caring face when shit gets tough. Thank you Kati! ❤
I always find that when I try to distract the negative thoughts are just building up in the background until it becomes too much and the distraction no longer works And I feel worse than before
I think calling these strategies distraction is a mistake because the purpose is to ground and reconnect with the safety of your present. Eventually the person needs to transition to being more mindful and be able to observe the thoughts and memories for what they are: an experience in the past that keeps hunting us and so we need to let go to live and develop your potential. Also, we need to try what it’s meaningful to each person and not like a cut and paste exercise
I am not being pessimistic here, but in regard to your techniques and suggestions, majority (I haven’t tried all of them) wouldn’t be effective enough for me. When I get an “insecurity flare-up”, I literally cannot concentrate what I’m doing; I can’t even concentrate on the conversations I’m having with people. The profound adrenaline rush throughout my body and in my gut accompanied with a rapid heart rate. The only thing that helps is “witnessing” in a non-judgmental way. That only lasts periodically, but I am grateful to have them moments. Meditation has been an awakening experience for me.
you are awesome and a pleasant distraction. The positive vibes you infuse through your charm, sincerity, attitude and your innocence touched me a lot. God bless you girl. You truly inspires. I can write a full page about you dear.
I've never really understood how snapping elastic bamds, digging nails into skin or holding ice cubes are alternatives to self harm. Yes, they distract you. But they still hurt so it's essentially self harm to me :/ I already self harm in ways that don't leave any marks but they do hurt so they're still an unhealthy way of coping
This is so true. Many who self harm disagree strongly with mental health providers suggesting rubber bands or ice... it is not teaching self care or self regulation, it is simply continuing the harming behavior in a less dangerous way. But it offers no healing or recovery. I used to use the red marker or paint idea too, but it is still triggering that mental/emotional/chemical response from seeing blood and feeling a sensation on tour skin. So I've stopped using that technique.
for me I can say the same thing about eating ice cream as a pleasurable distraction, due to having binge eating disorder. I guess finding something that counteracts the issue your struggling with makes the most sense?
nah it’s so much better to snap your arm with a rubberband than to take a razor blade and go to far by accident. she also said these are in extreme circumstances, when you’re trying to choose a better alternative than, say cutting. i’d rather snap then accidentally cut a vein because i was too into it. obviously use the best available distraction at the time.
It helps you for a short period till you find a better coping mechanism. It’s way better to use an ice cube, candles or elastic bands than cut or hit yourself until you start to bleed.
this was helpful. i'd judged distractions as bandaids, and that the (bad, intollerable) feelings I'm feeling need to be felt or i am deserving of or serve some purpose... but that's not necessarily true! I'm going to try some healthy distractions
The raised points are valid. People who inflict harm on themselves need to be treated with care. Some are undergoing a lot of pain and some just want an escape. Thank you for this video, Kati.
This came at a great time seeing as I was diagnosed with BPD today (along with PTSD) and told I will wait over a year for any therapy for it as NHS in UK is useless. So I guess I have to get help myself online? Thanks for all u do you are a real help to ppl like myself xx
I will be getting diagnosed for my mental health on the 16th of october 2019 and its strange cos I only waited 2 years to get onto the DBT course I mean I know its a long time to wait but I start my first very session on the 22nd of October 2019 and im really scared to go.
Hi stranger, I have BPD and I too have to help myself online because therapy isn't accessible and I found the "Dr. Daniel Fox" youtube channel helped me the most understand myself and what's going on in my head and how to regulate myself. BPD is no joke so I'm sharing this info just in case it might help someone else too.
This video is great. Your videos are great. Your teaching style is great, taking complicated subjects and making them understandable without compromising or oversimplifying the essential truth(s) of the subject(s). Thanks, Kati!
I really like the 3rd technique! I love going to the park that’s down the street from me but most of the time when I get there I become so overwhelmed I have a hard time relaxing and being in the moment.. So this is the perfect tool, I can’t wait to try it out! Thank you Katie 🫶🏻
I love your DBT videos, I have the workbook. Me & my husband are both working it, using separate journals. It's not easy, like the very first three questions. Thank you for being out there, I need guidance. No luck with a therapist in my po-dunk town, but maybe it isn't them. I should try again, it's been about 10 years.
Please do more DBT videos. Im doing DBT and on a waiting list for the DBT group skills. In my country the age limit for DBT was just dropped so Im able to get into a group now and Im really nervous and would like to know a bit about it before I start.
As i got better, destructive behavior stopped and my new way to, 'release pressure' is self body piercing. Discussed it with my therapist and, she agrees that it is a good replacement. And the final result is a shiny new body jewelry instead of nasty scar.
My therapist made a 'relax' tape for me.. I use to put on when I was feeling the urge to 'cut' or self harm... I couldn't do the rubber band or ice cube. Also I had a few people who knew what signs to look for and they would call me out and that always made me feel guilty so that helped me cut less. Also getting rid of all my needles, razors, cutting tools... Your list was amazing and helpful too!
I have a really difficult time with DBT. I feel I can only distract myself for so long as I am extremely prone to boredom. I have BPD and always feel emptiness and boredom. I can’t complete any tasks because I find everything boring and pointless and jump from one task to another without finishing anything. I’ve tried to use DBT for years now unsuccessfully because of this and am starting to feel that I can never be helped
Your video offers useful examples of distraction and needs to clarify the difference between distracting as a skill and avoidance as a problem behavior. Furthermore, it is important to reiterate to those new to DBT that the goal is not to eliminate suffering, which is an unavoidable fact of life, but to learn how to live in spite of suffering. Would you agree?
+DBT Peer Connections Your video offers useful examples of distraction and needs to clarify the difference between distracting as a skill and avoidance as a problem behavior. Furthermore, it is important to reiterate to those new to DBT that the goal is not to eliminate suffering, which is an unavoidable fact of life, but to learn how to live in spite of suffering. Would you agree? I'm not Kati obviously, nonetheless your question reverberates with this former DBT patient of over 2 and a half years who still uses many of the tricks taught therein, yet has walked away(eventually ejected for becoming an emotionally hostile, non compliant client, more precisely)with a fair amount of skepticism. Distraction provides a perfect illustration: most reasonably intelligent folks recognize the benefit of this very tactic already, however unconscious their recognition and inconsistent their practice(very few are likely to have a written list of alternatives to SH on hand, prior to a DBT providing such a thing, for example) might be. Recall the instances in which you found yourself, even before DBT, experiencing discomfort and deliberately choosing to engage in a separate activity so as not to stew in your own misery. While I can't speak for every DBT group on the planet, it's been my observation that distraction, along with much of everything else that masquerades as "treatment" in this particular modality, is adequate for short term management of symptoms and not remotely useful, effective, or relevant for rectifying those more insidious ailments that underlie most compulsions. Flip through Lance Dodes's The Heart of Addiction and, to a lesser extent, Trimpsey's Rational Recovery for further elaboration.
+DBT Peer Connections In fairness, it's come to my attention that Lineman and the high priesthood of DBT in their own practice divide treatment into 2-4 stages,(there seems to be some dissent within the ranks on this topic) the second of which begins after the first six months and incorporates the rest of the CBT family (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Processing Therapy, etc.)into the framework. Not sure how your outfit operates, Peer(presume you're a professional practitioner, based upon your screen name), nonetheless it's been my observation, based on not only on personal experience but also accounts from fellow travelers who've been through this particular treatment elsewhere and literature from self-professed adherents, that more often than not, the therapy is being provided in a piecemeal fashion that never really moves past stage 1(DBT alone)yet drags on past the recommended two years.
On the having sex part, are there any rules for that? You should only do it when you are married and to have children ? Does sexual life affects in any way emotions ?
With two BPDers I am involved with I found soothing stuff helps..electric blankets to comfort and super large teddy bears. BPDers love inanimate objects of confort.. a "safe" form of comfort...
I find myself only being able to Exist by Distraction or vacation but it feels like I'm moving to the vacation handling the problem or recognizing it even is detrimental to me my BPD diagnosis I was grateful for as I had an answer to my feelings is a very difficult thing and I hope you all are doing well
Thank you Kati for let me know all about DBT throw all of your videos. I was badly needed it . Thank you so............ much ! One more thing , I like your gesture too .
I teach DBT skills for a large agency which we call els since we don't have the resources for full model where I am at. We have had full model off and on, but as soon as one option like phone coaching is no longer feasible because we lose too many team members and they are hard to replce.
This was incredibly helpful. I need to find out more about DBT. Like everyone, I have my challenges, but overall I have a beautiful life. My husband is loving and caring, and the relationship with our children, their husbands and our grandson is close. Even my in-laws rock! lol The problem is with my family. They are always at war. And my being very sensitive, gets me hurt easily and often. Avoiding them isn't always possible, so maybe DBT will teach me ways of coping.
Kati, you are a life saver. Thank you for these videos. I just put on this video a few mins ago after a tough argument with someone who was being insensitive to my emotional reactions (Autonomic Dysfunction, BPD-like symptoms, ESFP personality type, hx of undiagnosed family illness). I work constantly on improving my emotional regulation skills and of course I’m going to be sensitive to any sort of snarky, dismissive micro emotions I believe I’m seeing. So.. It’s tough, and your DBT videos have honestly helped me grow so much over the past couple of weeks. “Sometimes pain can’t be avoided... but many times suffering can”. That quote alone... there are just no words to appropriately describe the empowerment and hope I experienced when I took in its true meaning. Thank you! (PS I totally just used expressing my gratitude to you in this comment as a distraction technique from my spiral of self-harm in the form of self-sabotage. Dope. )
Thank your for your suggestions. I use my happy planner to put my reminders about technics I have learned from DBT. Wish I could send you a picture of it.
it was suggested I have BPD over 25 years ago. understatement...tons more trauma bc of mis-medication and bad hospitals suicide attempts blah blah blah. I'm 50. my whole life has been a pile of disappointment and trauma with a few moments of positive breakthrus but still nothing feels different inside. I'm lonelier than ever and so socially maladapted...idk if I can ever be fixed to the point where I'm not disabled and waiting to die. There are no therapists doing DBT in my area and I cannot afford what I've found online. So I have a therapist that's got amazing potential and skills but does not have a ton of experience and seems to know less about CBT than I do. Does not know DBT. So I got a workbook and here I am. it will guide both of us thru me.
then consider all the strengths and resiliency you have developed and that you have conquered a lot despite having challenges. "I have a good heart. I'm loving. I'm caring. I'm a survivor. i can do this."...
Interesting. I have that book. It was recommended to read because it is a easy book to understand about DBT. I spend the whole weekend reading the book. Well Alexia read it to me. I followed along. And hearing it from you made it clear. Thank you.
I don't self harm but recently I started my first job as a cashier at a grocery store and my anxiety can get really bad, especially on days where I work 6-8 hours. Distracting myself seems to help a bit when I notice that "I can't do this" voice. I told my managers about my anxiety but they can't really do much. Do you have any tips?
Hi, I'm not Kati but maybe you can try to focus completely on your work and not care about the people and what they think and the surrounding. They are just people and when they get angry most of the time it has more to do with them than with you. Even if you make a mistake a normal person would think: "Okay, this happens, she is just doing her job." Especially when they see that you're sorry. Don't worry what they think about you and whats wrong with them and their lifes, it's not your problem. They are not superior and they are not the ones to judge you. And remember that you can always leave. You're not in the middle of a heart surgery where a person dies. They won't like it but you CAN. Maybe use a mantra or some sentence that helps and repeat it over and over, breathe slowly, write a short letter to yourself and read it before work. The "I can't do this" voice is not your yoice. Someone put it in your head. Imagine a nice caring parent or a friend telling you that you can do it and try to replace it or let them discuss. Sorry for my bad English.
Try to do some grounding exercises, variations of deep breathing and relaxation techniques like progressive muscle relaxation. Also, find a CBT therapist who can help you with your anxiety.
I like to organize too, Kati..... it's a constant battle though with my kids who like to create havoc in their wake. I swear, not ten minutes they are home from school and it looks like a tornado hit my house! Eh, such is life!
So dbt sounds very manic and i have naturally been doing these things u suggest as distraction for years.....i thought dbt was observing stress non judgementally. That is what i need to learn HOW to do!!
One of the distraction techniques mention was to go to a public place...! Pepole with BPD could also be assimilated with other disorders such as social anxiety disorder so that technique could not be a very good idea as it could be a trigger for elevated emotional outbursts due to low self-esteem. Fortunately there are other options of the DBD distraction techniques listing ! I just want to make comment..!
It has happened to me that when I'm in a bad situation at home is in the moment I have to leave with my children, in the moment I'm in my pijama or cooking dinner, then I can't leave because I feel embarrased of going out in those conditions.
Really great and helpful video! I have one question though, where do you draw the line between self-harm behaviours and safe alternatives? As I have understood it from earlier videos, anything you do to yourself deliberately that causes pain in order to release anxiety etc counts as self harm, even things that might not leave many marks. Wouldn't digging your nails into your skin and things like that then also count as self-harm, or why is it not seen as such? Just a bit confused about this! Thank you, as always
Hello Kati Morton. Imho, #3 is probably the most potent. A new/different individual to focus on distracts way more than 'x' activity. Once again in my opinion. And of course the chores option LOL.
What if we (as mentally/personality illness diagnosed) try to get a therapist and cant get sufficient treatment because we're too "difficult". I am a girl, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, PTSD with substance abuse issues-stemming back from the age of 13, now 37. What if we've seeked treatment for 9 years now, and we keep getting pushed aside for "easier" diagnosed people?
I recently found out why i was addicted to food. When I was a child I was very lonely and kept trying to get attention by excelling in all subjects but no one cared. I tried to make friends but found out no one wanted to be my friend. My father was an addict. Everything and everyone disappointed me. Food was the only thing that made me happy. Now I realize i need a distraction from food. I'm sick of hurting myself. And yes it's hurting me. I deserve better. I have great friends now. I have talents. I'm luckier than i know.
This comment is really old and I don’t know you but I’m going through a mental health journey myself learning and educating myself and based on this comment you’re totally on the right track. Reflecting on childhood and finding connections in your behavior then and now. Again I don’t know you but I’m really proud of you stranger! I hope you’re getting better now
im so sorry im giving ur inner child a huge hug 🫂💖💖💖
I would like to add two more for anybody who wants them:
Memorize all the words to a song, poem, or significant number that is long enough to actually distract you and then recite it to yourself. Try to pick something that you can keep adding to like your favorite Shakespeare monologue or something you can brag about when you get a little bit carried away and want to show off. I don’t know how you like to live. Lol.
Also, I found this one by accident but it’s effective nonetheless, try to learn a song in a different language. Not a song that you like that’s translated to a different language but a genuine song that is actually from the cultural of people that commonly speak that language. It’s a great journey to find the song as long as you have headphones, lol
This diagnosis has explained a lot but reading comments like this makes a lot of sense.
Before I even knew what bpd was, I wrote all the lyrics of "the man who sold the world" in my notebook and didn't quite know why. I think I was finding my own coping mechanism without realizing it.
I have a few different techniques to help me but I do find that doing chores help a lot. Just look around the house and find something that needs to be done. If you need to clean your room or your bathroom or go through storage. Something. I just turn on some music and start cleaning. It really helps me distract myself.
Im binge listening katie morton while doing chores.. I hate chores, but it really helps you distracted and make yourself feel better about yourself.
I’D LOVE A RESPONSE TO MY CONCERNS ABOUT THESE TECHNIQUES:
When we are suffering to where it becomes unbearable (to the point of self harm), do people have the motivation to go get ice cream?
Would having sex while symptomatic be healthy for our partners (especially severe depression or severe agitation)?
A distraction is usually something STRONGER than what we are feeling, or it wouldn’t distract us from symptoms for long. “People watching” or ice cream might not help those with symptoms strong enough to engage in self harm. I love the ice cube one though!
Wouldn’t using a red marker keep someone fixated on the unhealthy subconscious pattern of resorting to self harm considering how similar the act is? I’d love your feedback here Katie and thanks for your dedication to helping others. Mindfulness is a great tool for any human being. The present moment is everything 😊👍
another one good for me is to eat a little of some super spicy stuff (you can even have w you all times a little bottle of tabasco), also drinking as fast as i can a big glass of super cold seltzer w lots of ice cubes.
in my experience having sex on rough times is NOT a healthy choice at all. it worked in not harming "physically" but left me w a strong dissociation. is now super hard for me to relate sensitive or caring w/sex. I just use to not feel sad afterwards, but totally numb.
I think the marker one is for someone who is having the compulsion to do that so that they can hopefully get the sensation without actually causing injury. The long term hope is that you will learn different coping skills to deal with it instead.
Sometimes eating ice cream is self harm. See My 600 Pound Life.
Me eating ice cream is self harm. I have lots of food intolerances and if I eat them then I can have symptoms ranging from the food going right through me to having bad stomach aches and head aches or feeling like I have the flu.
@@amandamandamands then use common sense and don't eat ice cream
This is a great video. I did DBT a few years ago, and it really helped to shift my life to be somewhat functioning and I was able to do stuff I never thought possible. Now, after 3 years I find myself struggling again. Binge eating is becoming normal and I have spent a few months feeling very adrift, but not knowing how to fix it. Watching this video has helped me to make a plan, I am getting back on the DBT train, and am excited to be in a place where I can support myself and make alternatives to the destructive shit.
I went through that same workbook on my own and found it extremely helpful! Probably the best therapy workbook I have personally used.
Running or working out I find is a good distraction. It burns up that pent up negativity / anger ect . I was boiling with rage and I went for a hard run .. it seemed to calm me .
Anne Appleby I’m a very physical person and if I could physically work out I think I might explode.
@Joey Barszcz do you have any tips on how to exercise inside your house with no equipments? because that's me right now lol
This is literally the best most useful video I've seen on self-help for borderline. The way you describe each category and the emotion you put into your voice mean that I know I'll remember these techniques and think of your lovely caring face when shit gets tough. Thank you Kati! ❤
I always find that when I try to distract the negative thoughts are just building up in the background until it becomes too much and the distraction no longer works
And I feel worse than before
So true for me too
Yes, I use EFT tapping to face, feel, and move forward beyond the trauma into healthy behavior.
Same.
I cant get engaged with anything I’m trying to distract myself with.
Me too!!! How do we stop this??
I think calling these strategies distraction is a mistake because the purpose is to ground and reconnect with the safety of your present. Eventually the person needs to transition to being more mindful and be able to observe the thoughts and memories for what they are: an experience in the past that keeps hunting us and so we need to let go to live and develop your potential.
Also, we need to try what it’s meaningful to each person and not like a cut and paste exercise
I never considered self harm as more than physical, total revelation. Thanks for putting yourself out there
i think i do emotional self-harm
I am not being pessimistic here, but in regard to your techniques and suggestions, majority (I haven’t tried all of them) wouldn’t be effective enough for me. When I get an “insecurity flare-up”, I literally cannot concentrate what I’m doing; I can’t even concentrate on the conversations I’m having with people. The profound adrenaline rush throughout my body and in my gut accompanied with a rapid heart rate. The only thing that helps is “witnessing” in a non-judgmental way. That only lasts periodically, but I am grateful to have them moments. Meditation has been an awakening experience for me.
Thank you Katie I have bpd and you’re the only one who helps and doesn’t annoy me😂
Dr fox is awesome
Thank you. More mini DBT Techniques videos please - maybe on the Interpersonal Relationships topic. :)
you are awesome and a pleasant distraction. The positive vibes you infuse through your charm, sincerity, attitude and your innocence touched me a lot. God bless you girl. You truly inspires. I can write a full page about you dear.
Journal topic:
Give people High fives just for getting out of bed! Being a person is hard sometimes
Cathrine
I've never really understood how snapping elastic bamds, digging nails into skin or holding ice cubes are alternatives to self harm. Yes, they distract you. But they still hurt so it's essentially self harm to me :/ I already self harm in ways that don't leave any marks but they do hurt so they're still an unhealthy way of coping
This is so true. Many who self harm disagree strongly with mental health providers suggesting rubber bands or ice... it is not teaching self care or self regulation, it is simply continuing the harming behavior in a less dangerous way. But it offers no healing or recovery.
I used to use the red marker or paint idea too, but it is still triggering that mental/emotional/chemical response from seeing blood and feeling a sensation on tour skin. So I've stopped using that technique.
for me I can say the same thing about eating ice cream as a pleasurable distraction, due to having binge eating disorder. I guess finding something that counteracts the issue your struggling with makes the most sense?
nah it’s so much better to snap your arm with a rubberband than to take a razor blade and go to far by accident. she also said these are in extreme circumstances, when you’re trying to choose a better alternative than, say cutting.
i’d rather snap then accidentally cut a vein because i was too into it. obviously use the best available distraction at the time.
It helps you for a short period till you find a better coping mechanism. It’s way better to use an ice cube, candles or elastic bands than cut or hit yourself until you start to bleed.
This ^
this was helpful. i'd judged distractions as bandaids, and that the (bad, intollerable) feelings I'm feeling need to be felt or i am deserving of or serve some purpose... but that's not necessarily true! I'm going to try some healthy distractions
Thank you for always being so positive and enthusiastic. It helps to motivate me to help myself.
The raised points are valid. People who inflict harm on themselves need to be treated with care. Some are undergoing a lot of pain and some just want an escape. Thank you for this video, Kati.
This came at a great time seeing as I was diagnosed with BPD today (along with PTSD) and told I will wait over a year for any therapy for it as NHS in UK is useless. So I guess I have to get help myself online? Thanks for all u do you are a real help to ppl like myself xx
I know how you feel, I've been waiting nearly 3 years for psychotherapy and DBT
NHS mental health support is a joke
I will be getting diagnosed for my mental health on the 16th of october 2019 and its strange cos I only waited 2 years to get onto the DBT course I mean I know its a long time to wait but I start my first very session on the 22nd of October 2019 and im really scared to go.
Hi stranger, I have BPD and I too have to help myself online because therapy isn't accessible and I found
the "Dr. Daniel Fox" youtube channel helped me the most understand myself and what's going on in my head and how to regulate myself. BPD is no joke so I'm sharing this info just in case it might help someone else too.
I LOVE DBT!! Kati, you've saved my life multiple times, thank you!
i think your cool sweater was a good distraction. where did it come from?
This video is great. Your videos are great. Your teaching style is great, taking complicated subjects and making them understandable without compromising or oversimplifying the essential truth(s) of the subject(s). Thanks, Kati!
I really like the 3rd technique! I love going to the park that’s down the street from me but most of the time when I get there I become so overwhelmed I have a hard time relaxing and being in the moment.. So this is the perfect tool, I can’t wait to try it out! Thank you Katie 🫶🏻
This is soo helpful Kati! Need to remember this when SH urges strike. Thank you
I love your DBT videos, I have the workbook. Me & my husband are both working it, using separate journals. It's not easy, like the very first three questions. Thank you for being out there, I need guidance. No luck with a therapist in my po-dunk town, but maybe it isn't them. I should try again, it's been about 10 years.
I DO love your videos! I´m a brazilian phychologist and learn a lot with you! Examples and easy way to put the theory into practice! Congratulations!
I find it almost impossible to hurt someone's feelings even if they've hurt me,its extremely frustrating
Please do more DBT videos. Im doing DBT and on a waiting list for the DBT group skills. In my country the age limit for DBT was just dropped so Im able to get into a group now and Im really nervous and would like to know a bit about it before I start.
As i got better, destructive behavior stopped and my new way to, 'release pressure' is self body piercing. Discussed it with my therapist and, she agrees that it is a good replacement. And the final result is a shiny new body jewelry instead of nasty scar.
My therapist made a 'relax' tape for me.. I use to put on when I was feeling the urge to 'cut' or self harm... I couldn't do the rubber band or ice cube.
Also I had a few people who knew what signs to look for and they would call me out and that always made me feel guilty so that helped me cut less.
Also getting rid of all my needles, razors, cutting tools...
Your list was amazing and helpful too!
I have a really difficult time with DBT. I feel I can only distract myself for so long as I am extremely prone to boredom. I have BPD and always feel emptiness and boredom. I can’t complete any tasks because I find everything boring and pointless and jump from one task to another without finishing anything. I’ve tried to use DBT for years now unsuccessfully because of this and am starting to feel that I can never be helped
I hope you're feeling better ❤
I really like the way you present the topic. I would like to actually see a real DBT session.
Your video offers useful examples of distraction and needs to clarify the difference between distracting as a skill and avoidance as a problem behavior. Furthermore, it is important to reiterate to those new to DBT that the goal is not to eliminate suffering, which is an unavoidable fact of life, but to learn how to live in spite of suffering. Would you agree?
+DBT Peer Connections Your video offers useful examples of distraction and needs to clarify the difference between distracting as a skill and avoidance as a problem behavior. Furthermore, it is important to reiterate to those new to DBT that the goal is not to eliminate suffering, which is an unavoidable fact of life, but to learn how to live in spite of suffering. Would you agree?
I'm not Kati obviously, nonetheless your question reverberates with this former DBT patient of over 2 and a half years who still uses many of the tricks taught therein, yet has walked away(eventually ejected for becoming an emotionally hostile, non compliant client, more precisely)with a fair amount of skepticism. Distraction provides a perfect illustration: most reasonably intelligent folks recognize the benefit of this very tactic already, however unconscious their recognition and inconsistent their practice(very few are likely to have a written list of alternatives to SH on hand, prior to a DBT providing such a thing, for example) might be. Recall the instances in which you found yourself, even before DBT, experiencing discomfort and deliberately choosing to engage in a separate activity so as not to stew in your own misery. While I can't speak for every DBT group on the planet, it's been my observation that distraction, along with much of everything else that masquerades as "treatment" in this particular modality, is adequate for short term management of symptoms and not remotely useful, effective, or relevant for rectifying those more insidious ailments that underlie most compulsions. Flip through Lance Dodes's The Heart of Addiction and, to a lesser extent, Trimpsey's Rational Recovery for further elaboration.
+DBT Peer Connections In fairness, it's come to my attention that Lineman and the high priesthood of DBT in their own practice divide treatment into 2-4 stages,(there seems to be some dissent within the ranks on this topic) the second of which begins after the first six months and incorporates the rest of the CBT family (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Processing Therapy, etc.)into the framework. Not sure how your outfit operates, Peer(presume you're a professional practitioner, based upon your screen name), nonetheless it's been my observation, based on not only on personal experience but also accounts from fellow travelers who've been through this particular treatment elsewhere and literature from self-professed adherents, that more often than not, the therapy is being provided in a piecemeal fashion that never really moves past stage 1(DBT alone)yet drags on past the recommended two years.
You are wonderful !
On the having sex part, are there any rules for that? You should only do it when you are married and to have children ? Does sexual life affects in any way emotions ?
With two BPDers I am involved with I found soothing stuff helps..electric blankets to comfort and super large teddy bears. BPDers love inanimate objects of confort.. a "safe" form of comfort...
"I forgot to feed my cat" 😂😂 that made me laugh
Don't Feed the monster. Cuddle it.
That's a funny looking frog-monster behind Kati!
Love this comment
I find myself only being able to Exist by Distraction or vacation but it feels like I'm moving to the vacation handling the problem or recognizing it even is detrimental to me my BPD diagnosis I was grateful for as I had an answer to my feelings is a very difficult thing and I hope you all are doing well
"Weeelcome!" Oh my God that is my favorite thing
Thank you Kati for let me know all about DBT throw all of your videos. I was badly needed it . Thank you so............ much ! One more thing , I like your gesture too .
"I have to wash my hair again" haha I love it! You're so funny! Xx
❤❤❤ Thank you so much, Kati!! Aaand you're sooo beautiful! 🧋♥️
I teach DBT skills for a large agency which we call els since we don't have the resources for full model where I am at. We have had full model off and on, but as soon as one option like phone coaching is no longer feasible because we lose too many team members and they are hard to replce.
Thank you, Kati
You are so welcome!
Thanks so much for doing another DBT video!
Hey Kati I found a super distraction that works a lot; watching TH-cam
Thanxs very much Katie, I hope u can keep on doing more videos on dbt.
Yes!!! One of my favorite things to do is people watching story time.
Thank you very helpful.
thank you
Thank you for your work!
This was incredibly helpful. I need to find out more about DBT. Like everyone, I have my challenges, but overall I have a beautiful life. My husband is loving and caring, and the relationship with our children, their husbands and our grandson is close. Even my in-laws rock! lol The problem is with my family. They are always at war. And my being very sensitive, gets me hurt easily and often. Avoiding them isn't always possible, so maybe DBT will teach me ways of coping.
I just wanna say that you're a really delightful person, and watching your video has distracted me by itself.
kati you're fabulous -- great advice. hugs from london
Thanks for all you do!
Kati, you are a life saver. Thank you for these videos. I just put on this video a few mins ago after a tough argument with someone who was being insensitive to my emotional reactions (Autonomic Dysfunction, BPD-like symptoms, ESFP personality type, hx of undiagnosed family illness). I work constantly on improving my emotional regulation skills and of course I’m going to be sensitive to any sort of snarky, dismissive micro emotions I believe I’m seeing.
So.. It’s tough, and your DBT videos have honestly helped me grow so much over the past couple of weeks.
“Sometimes pain can’t be avoided... but many times suffering can”. That quote alone... there are just no words to appropriately describe the empowerment and hope I experienced when I took in its true meaning. Thank you!
(PS I totally just used expressing my gratitude to you in this comment as a distraction technique from my spiral of self-harm in the form of self-sabotage. Dope. )
I love you, life saver, thank u, i love ur energy
very helpful, things I hadn't even thought of. Thanks!
Great value in a concise bite. Great job.
Distractions are avoidance and they create a very dangerous cycle that is difficult to stop. It's like an addiction of escapism
I was wondering about that. I don’t know about DBT but I’ve learned about ACT and so the avoidance jumps out at me.
You keep showing up in every search I do over the last year. I think I will just Subscribe takes less work I can just search your videos now. :)
Thank your for your suggestions. I use my happy planner to put my reminders about technics I have learned from DBT. Wish I could send you a picture of it.
You are fantastic! Very helpful.
Holy hell, this was super helpful. Thank you so much!
it was suggested I have BPD over 25 years ago. understatement...tons more trauma bc of mis-medication and bad hospitals suicide attempts blah blah blah. I'm 50. my whole life has been a pile of disappointment and trauma with a few moments of positive breakthrus but still nothing feels different inside. I'm lonelier than ever and so socially maladapted...idk if I can ever be fixed to the point where I'm not disabled and waiting to die. There are no therapists doing DBT in my area and I cannot afford what I've found online. So I have a therapist that's got amazing potential and skills but does not have a ton of experience and seems to know less about CBT than I do. Does not know DBT. So I got a workbook and here I am. it will guide both of us thru me.
Hey there, how are you doing? I hope you feel better and DBT has helped you. Have a nice day, you're worth it 😘
lovely. so cheerful. thank you.
What do you think about if you never had any good things happen or friends or family ????
then consider all the strengths and resiliency you have developed and that you have conquered a lot despite having challenges. "I have a good heart. I'm loving. I'm caring. I'm a survivor. i can do this."...
Saw you in Caleb's video and just now found out you deal with DBT! i don't have any friends or a boyfriend. This just makes my loneliness go crazy.
Great video! More DBT please
omg, this never occurred to me. thanks.
Interesting. I have that book. It was recommended to read because it is a easy book to understand about DBT. I spend the whole weekend reading the book. Well Alexia read it to me. I followed along. And hearing it from you made it clear. Thank you.
I thought a big part of DBT was was engaging your senses as a form of distraction? Or is that a form of presence? Or is there a difference?
Please make more DBT videos!!! There aren't many videos/ like this
loved the video! it's very helpful and educational. thank you for everything, kati
I don't self harm but recently I started my first job as a cashier at a grocery store and my anxiety can get really bad, especially on days where I work 6-8 hours. Distracting myself seems to help a bit when I notice that "I can't do this" voice. I told my managers about my anxiety but they can't really do much. Do you have any tips?
Hi, I'm not Kati but maybe you can try to focus completely on your work and not care about the people and what they think and the surrounding. They are just people and when they get angry most of the time it has more to do with them than with you. Even if you make a mistake a normal person would think: "Okay, this happens, she is just doing her job." Especially when they see that you're sorry. Don't worry what they think about you and whats wrong with them and their lifes, it's not your problem. They are not superior and they are not the ones to judge you. And remember that you can always leave. You're not in the middle of a heart surgery where a person dies. They won't like it but you CAN. Maybe use a mantra or some sentence that helps and repeat it over and over, breathe slowly, write a short letter to yourself and read it before work. The "I can't do this" voice is not your yoice. Someone put it in your head. Imagine a nice caring parent or a friend telling you that you can do it and try to replace it or let them discuss. Sorry for my bad English.
Try to do some grounding exercises, variations of deep breathing and relaxation techniques like progressive muscle relaxation. Also, find a CBT therapist who can help you with your anxiety.
Noelle H. I find a grounding technique that looks simple. th-cam.com/video/jHV2J8Gp5c4/w-d-xo.html
Thank you!! I really liked these tip videos!!
It was helpful keep uploading ❤
Thank you, I will
I have found DBT to be very useful for life skills in general
I would like to know more about DBT and get more insight
All my distractions are in my phone. Damn it! Battery is at 5% ...
You swore
I really liked these suggestions. Thank you! 😊
I like to organize too, Kati..... it's a constant battle though with my kids who like to create havoc in their wake. I swear, not ten minutes they are home from school and it looks like a tornado hit my house! Eh, such is life!
This is what I need
Glad I found this. Dbt where I’m from is $150 a week and I can’t afford that😩
can you do a video abt recognizing self harm that doesn’t look like cutting
Hi Everyone!
The Dialectal Therapy Workbook has helped me make tremdeousy improvents,
So dbt sounds very manic and i have naturally been doing these things u suggest as distraction for years.....i thought dbt was observing stress non judgementally. That is what i need to learn HOW to do!!
Susan Dove That is the next part of DBT called Radical Acceptance and Mindfulness :-)
Hi Katoe
I can not find the workbook for Dbt?
Thanks heaps
About to buy this book.
Happy new year ***** !! Are you starting FAQ again ?
Xoxox
One of the distraction techniques mention was to go to a public place...!
Pepole with BPD could also be assimilated with other disorders such as social anxiety disorder so that technique could not be a very good idea as it could be a trigger for elevated emotional outbursts due to low self-esteem. Fortunately there are other options of the DBD distraction techniques listing !
I just want to make comment..!
thank u
Cleaning does work! Scrubbing the bath walls included boy does that work.
I’m not seeing a amazon widget(but I’m also on my phone)
Can anyone else find the link to the workbook mentioned?
what if you are addicted to distraction and its keeping you from confronting your issues or dealing with responsibilities?
It has happened to me that when I'm in a bad situation at home is in the moment I have to leave with my children, in the moment I'm in my pijama or cooking dinner, then I can't leave because I feel embarrased of going out in those conditions.
Really great and helpful video! I have one question though, where do you draw the line between self-harm behaviours and safe alternatives? As I have understood it from earlier videos, anything you do to yourself deliberately that causes pain in order to release anxiety etc counts as self harm, even things that might not leave many marks. Wouldn't digging your nails into your skin and things like that then also count as self-harm, or why is it not seen as such? Just a bit confused about this! Thank you, as always
Hello Kati Morton.
Imho, #3 is probably the most potent. A new/different individual to focus on distracts way more than 'x' activity. Once again in my opinion. And of course the chores option LOL.
consider the other person
I love this video I love you you are great I love the passion you have I'm like you 😘❤️
What if we (as mentally/personality illness diagnosed) try to get a therapist and cant get sufficient treatment because we're too "difficult". I am a girl, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, PTSD with substance abuse issues-stemming back from the age of 13, now 37. What if we've seeked treatment for 9 years now, and we keep getting pushed aside for "easier" diagnosed people?