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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 มิ.ย. 2024
- BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. A borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that affects someone's ability to manage their emotions. If you notice that your partner might be showing signs of emotional instability or suicidal tendencies, we hope this video can help you develop awareness and knowledge on BPD.
Dating someone with BPD can be both rewarding and challenging, and understanding the signs is crucial for fostering a healthy and supportive relationship.
Writer: Sidney Thompson
Editor: Michal Mitchell
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Thumbnail Designer: Zuzia
Project Managed By: Geo Gao
TH-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
Disclaimer: this video is not intended to diagnose anyone with a condition and is for informative purposes only. Only a qualified professional can properly assess someone for a personality disorder.
Can you guys help do us a favour? If this video is helpful, can you share it? We feel a topic like this needs more awareness than our other vids. Yep ironically these topics don’t get as much interest on TH-cam.
I would like to say that there's a term value boarder polar and its a overlap and mix of bdp n bipolar idk if that's something u guys would like to look into
Could you make a video for adult parents who are trying to navigate a relationship with children with BPD?
of course, it’s unfortunate these topics dont get the attention they should. would you also maybe consider covering another topic similar to this, expect how to deal and not tick off a (mild) BPD parent, more specifically mother? thank you again for this video!
@@amethyst5538 oh wow, i’m im a similar boat but with switched roles! if you’re a parent, i’m very, very confident you’re doing incredible with your children.
I will definitely share and save this video for reference. I have someone in my life who has BPD so I have educated myself as much as I can in the last few months (literature, working with a psychologist, etc.) and I can say that this video is very well put together and absolutely agree that this topic needs more awareness.
My boyfriend has BPD. We're high school sweethearts. We dated in high school and early college and that's where i experienced his BPD. We broke up after 5 1/2 years. We were apart for several years after that. We tried a couple more times between 2012 and 2016 but nothing ever stuck. We started really talking again in 2019. Found out he got diagnosed with BPD while we were apart. He went to lots of therapy and took meds. Well now i can say we've been dating for over 2 years now and he is better than ever! He has learned to manage it with just what he learned through therapy and no meds. I'm very proud of him and with how far he's come in 10 years. We really do love each other and I'm very supportive of him and his mental health and he is the same on to me. We are each other's support system and the best cheerleader to each other. ❤
Edit: Just wanted to let everyone know that we're engaged now and we couldn't be more confident in each other and happy! I truly hope that other people who have BPD can have the same story as us. There is hope! 🥰
Aww well done guys 🥰 good job, happy to hear it
does he still have mood swings, and the worst parts of bpd? or it stills, but not so much intense?
(as someone diagnosed with bpd i really suffer a lot with that things, and i would like to know how the simptoms got better!!)
if u dont feel confortable to share it, i respect its totally fine :D
hope the best for both of u 🥰
@@t5uu_ So he also has depression and anxiety but I guess that all goes hand in hand. If work is really stressing him out then he'll noticed himself slipping a bit but fortunately he doesn't take it out on me anymore like years ago. Mood swings are very mild in these cases and he notices when he needs to take a step back and evaluate the situation and recognize how he's feeling. I didn't go through therapy and all the meds with him so I don't exactly know all that he learned. I do still worry when he does feel like this but I know that as long as I'm patient, understanding, and continue to educate myself on BPD that he'll be okay at the end of the day. He takes a lot of steps to protect his mental health. I wish I could be more help to you though. 🥺
thank you for sharing your story, it gives me hope! my boyfriend of two years was diagnosed with BPD before i met him but received therapy. he does still fear abandonment but it just manifests as seeming a little clingy. otherwise i don't notice any other symptoms in him, and he says he has his emotions under control from the techniques he learned in therapy
I'm glad he's off the neuro-toxin psychotropics
If you have bpd, stay strong! Remember you are not alone and there’s resources out there to help. You matter, and you are loved!❤️❤️
That are some nice words…
But nothing more…
Still… I’m thankful for them… 🥲
@@chronistderkonigin1116 of course they’re more than just words, they’re truthful. It’s a long journey to being better, but one that’s worth it. Stay strong and positive my friend
Thank you 😊
@@stars_for_night_lights you’re very welcome ☺️
@@anthonywhite3507
Thx. 😉
I‘ll try…
seeing these negative comments about dating people with bpd makes me sad and i cant imagine how people with bpd feel when they see them. i am dating someone with bpd and yes, some days are hard, but they are so loving and thoughtful and their sensitivity means they understand me like no one else. the hard days do not outweigh the love i have for my boyfriend. his bpd does not define him and it doesn’t define you either
Everyone has the right to choose what kind of people they want or do not want in their life. I find it childish to force people into accepting bad behavior and attitudes.
We all go through that stage, and in my case, allowing bad attitudes gave me lots of headaches, which is why I keep such people at arm’s length.
No amount of shaming or criticism will make me change my mind. Stop pushing personal preferences on others.
Look up videos on narcissism. It's nothing but people absolutely hating on people with NPD. Understandably so for those who don't care and don't want to change, but there's. So. Much. Hate. There's 20 videos on healing as a victim and the signs for every 1 that looks into how to deal with NPD.
Bpds are literally just another form of psychopathy
Thb, i feel kind of bad reading them.
I'm a male with BPD and in a very loving relationship with my wife.
I hold myself accountable when I have episodes and keep tabs on my splitting and correct myself internally when I find my behavior incongruous with my typical baseline.
I get quite upset about a good few things, mostly my experience as a homeless teen or my struggles as a recovered drug user (12 years clean) and recovered alcoholic (5 years clean).
I get mad about society and its treatment of people, i get irate about pay disparages and inflation gouging everything. And i mean really upset, but I always tell her it isn't her, I'm just chaffed. I get emotional tempests that brew on and off for days, and I keep her informed of my state when I'm oscillating through emotional states.
I hate myself somedays and accept myself others, but she loves me to death every day. She has seen me at my worst, but she knows me at my best frequently. The face that she sees who I am at all is a blessing.
These comments just make me feel like others with this condition and myself are irredeemable creatures of misfortune and are to be avoided at all costs.
It's bleak.
@@ChrisPTY507 i think you may have misunderstood my comment. i completely understand needing to keep people at an arms length if they make your life miserable and i agree. i was just saying that the amount of negativity directed towards people with bpd is upsetting to see. sharing your bad experiences with someone vs saying something like “never date someone with bpd” are very different things. i don’t like seeing things that could make someone i love feel unlovable. i was just pointing out that people could be a little more compassionate that’s all.
As someone who dated someone who told me they have BPD, this is all true, and something that I personally had dealt with in regards to our break up.
Yep
Yeah now imagine what they have to go through everyday
@@feensekte I don't have to imagine because I have heard it from those who I know that are still around her.
She's got a lot of people she's cut off, but it's habitually seasonal and something that breaks everyone she does it to.
And I didn't want to break up at the time, but now I see it would never have been a long lasting or beneficial relationship
I was married to a person, whom, I think, matches the description. It was hell. I was walking on eggshells for years. I was never at ease at home. When she'd get mad, it seemed she wouldn't stop until she had stomped me out of existence. On top of that, her therapist blamed me for making it worse.
If I wasn't at my best and couldn't take and swallow the onslaught, it would lead to a bad fight. She used to threaten me with divorce, but wouldn't go through with it. Finally I decided it wasn't healthy for either of us and applied for divorce.
Being lonely is so much better than living in hell.
@@tietosanakirja I understand the fights, it was either that or a cold shoulder. I have Bipolar myself, but I was doing everything to keep it going when it was already a losing battle.
Sometimes I just think that in the end help can only happens when someone wants to get the help, and if anything that's something that led me to my new relationship. Something that helped us flourish is the mutuality that we both craved from our previous ones.
I have bpd and at the beginning of my relationship I had to make a promise to myself that I wouldn't end my relationship because of my insecurities.
It's been hard and I've had so many painful ups and downs but I have an amazing partner who's always stuck it out with me and we've been in this relationship for a little over a year. But that promise to myself definitely helped me when I didn't feel good enough or thought she'd be better with some one else and when she ghosted me (in my head) I had to hold on and I'm just so lucky that she never took advantage of that and is genuinely just a nice good person ☺️🥰❤
What is bpd
Thank you for sharing your personal journey. Wishing you ongoing strength and many positive experiences in your relationship.🥰❤
@@anderstermansen130watch the video
@@anderstermansen130I would advise u to check healthygamergg he's a pych and explains but more in depth but the pych2go vidoe was good to
@@anderstermansen130ts like a person being distorted cus of the experiment they had I think some bdp think they r fine or it can be confused with bipolar but ik that bdp and bipolar u can have both I think
Timestamps
1). What is BPD 0:28
2). Let's talk about abandonment 1:24
3). They seem hot and cold 2:19
4). Their moods shift quickly 3:48
5). They have a history of rocky relationships 4:52
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
You too dude. 💜💗💛💙
@@foxfellsansthetrashydork611 hope you have a nice day too
What is bpd
How does someone develop BPD is it common in children that grew up in an abusive home?
💙
I'm really glad that quiet BPD symptoms were addressed in the video. It's often overlooked. I personally internalize everything and either blame myself or hold resentment for another person, but i wouldn't lash out like others with the same diagnosis. I've been taking meds and have been in therapy for 10 years and I can honestly say it helps. I used to be very toxic and now can better manage my symptoms and take accountability for my actions, regardless of why. Thank you for such an informative video!
We’re so, so proud of you💖 Good job! ^^
I whom is diagnosed with BPD can just agree with everything in this video! Thank you for this, BPD needs to be talked about more.
Yes so people are aware of how dangeeous people with BPD are.
What is BPD?
@@BlackJim Dangerous? Mh, not really. More so can be toxic if left untreated.
@@anderstermansen130 Boderline Personality Disorder
‘I whom’.... your grammar is fn atrocious, a very fitting screen name 🙄
I think the biggest issue in dating someone with BPD is when they don't accept that they have it in order to accept professional help. They just get angrier and accuse those closest to them of being judgemental.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1 & 2 in 2008. Then, in 2016, I was diagnosed with BPD, Social and General anxiety. I have taken treatment such Dialectical Behaviour Therapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with great success. However, I have found a repeat trigger that causes my BPD to rear its head is my mother. I've discovered that if I don't include her, my BPD is not triggered, and I don't have to ride that Ferris wheel roller coaster through the dark maze of emotions. ❤
I resonate so much with your words, I was diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar Disorder and the truth is whenever my mother comes into play I go through a roller coaster of emotions, I’ve gone through two therapists and still not found a solution. I believe the best option is to stay far away from her
My psychiatrist once said about splitting that the devaluation and idealization seems to come from a perspective that we as people with bpd have on ourselves, projected on who's around. Basically meaning that as my self image shifts constantly and with that my self esteem, going from good, to very high, to very low, to acceptable, to the worst etc I then see the people around me through these lens, always, ending up treating them as I feel about myself. I found it really interesting but I would love to hear other perspectives too!
knew someone with bpd and this is dead on how she was. I wasn't perfect and tried my best but.... the splits, the sudden changes.... I really tried but nothing was ever enough for her and in the end she's gone. Just hope that she is well and getting the help needed for herself even though things ended badly between us
It's okay she will understand that you tried your best to help her❤ and as a person someone who has bpd and had a simmilar situation.. I wish u good luck on your future. With or without your friend❤
I had a friend like this who I cut contact with this year due to her constant changing toward me. It made me feel bad about myself and gave me a lot of worry and anxiety, so I knew it was best to just end the friendship.
I dated someone with BPD and it was the sweetest but hardest relationship i ever had, seriously mess me up for years, had to go to therapy for quite sometime
It’s wild how this video popped up in the notifications just now, just when I needed this exact type of video.
Timing is everything.🥰
thanks for putting this video together; it's a bit of a relief knowing that other people have gone through some of the same phases themselves, or experienced similar things with their partners as well. before I get to my story, I know there's a lot of stigma and misinformation surrounding people who suffer from BPD, and I wanna make it clear that not everyone with the diagnosis is like the person I'm about to bring up.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with somebody who had BPD a few years ago. the first month or so felt like a dream I didn't wanna wake up from; I mean, it wasn't perfect, but it was the first time I'd ever felt like I was truly being loved romantically, and she assured me that the feeling was mutual. the next 2 months were complete and utter HELL. I dunno if I got "split" but she'd disappear and wouldn't say a word to me for days about 2 weeks after I brought up something she did around Christmas that made me uncomfortable. then, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and I was just hoping, praying that things would go back to the way they were and that she was gonna be alright. turned out the 2 months she left me high and dry, she was busy sleeping with other people 🙃
where is ur story? i'd really like to read it.
So sorry to hear this, you deserve better than someone who treats you this way.
I am someone with BPD.
It was hard reading this story and I’m sorry that you experienced it :(
I am in a long term relationship with someone who is incredibly patient, loving and understanding. Now, I admit to engaging in self-destructive behaviours which have impacted on our relationship.
I cannot speak for the person you were in a relationship with of course.
I frequently split against my partner. Now deep down, I know that I love them through these intense feelings of anger and resentment and that it’s not true hatred of them.
What I personally experience that constitutes as splitting (I think anyway) is something (for example, an event) which triggers an emotional response based on my thoughts or feelings based on that event, combined with my associations with it if it has happened before. When I’m splitting, it feels like white hot rage or very bitter resentment, if not a combination of both.
When I’m feeling it, it feels almost like it’s having a physical impact on my body via adrenaline and such. It feels so vivid, intense and incredibly raw and real - sometimes to the point where I’m struggling to breathe despite no strenuous exercise being done or without valid reason for it.
Afterwards, I feel exhausted. Like the wind has almost been knocked out of me. After I recover, that’s when I start to return to my Wise Mind (a DBT concept I learned this year while in therapy) and that’s when I’m capable of listening, genuinely empathising, feeling guilty and remorseful.
Something I’ve been getting a lot better at is owning up to my own mistakes and apologising to that person or persons that I have negatively impacted as a result of my own feelings and responses. It is not easy at all but it something I work on.
@@Music_mental_healthI have bpd too but when I apologized for my past actions, they kept digging deeper and wanting more than an apology so I started to feel like a monster. It led to two bpd episodes back to back. Crying and hitting myself. What to do then? I worked so hard for so long. As the video said here, I feel like I didn’t have any symptoms of bpd for years (2-4) then it all came back when my partner brought up my actions and after I apologized, it wasn’t enough.
Wow, your experience sounds very similar to mine. That’s spooky. I’m very sorry you went through that. I put up with my ex’s abuse on and off for the good part of 3/5 years of knowing her and I developed PTSD. She has bipolar and BPD. It was a nightmare. I hope you’re feeling a bit better now. ❤️
Finally a great video on BPD and explaining how we truly feel. I see things that make me cry because it's so hurtful and mean to a disorder I have no control over. This video made me cry because I finally found a video I feel truly heard. I love your videos you're truly amazing.
I have BPD too and I feel that :( there's a lot of disparaging comments that can go around like those with BPD make it seem that BPD is about as bad as narcissism, it's a genuinely awful feeling when you feel so much pain and yet the wider internet treats you like a monster at times. They don't know about the rotating friend groups, the various partners that never stayed very long, the loneliness, the isolation, the fear of interacting with new people because they'll probably just up and leave because i'm too much which as literally been said before, or they just don't want to deal with me anymore. So many people have said they'll stay around forever, where are most of them? Gone, the impermanence is hard to deal with. There is hope though, and you deserve a fulfilling life, despite what the world says at times. I do hope you find happiness, it's going to be difficult, but I hope things get better.
I'm really touched to hear that the video resonated with you and made you feel heard. Your kind words mean a lot, and I'm glad the videos can provide support.❤
What do you mean 'no control over'? Maybe it's the self-victimization that puts people off. Cuz when you're on the other side and have to deal with you people, all of a sudden your actions are completely disconnected from you and responsibility is off the table.
My mom was a bpd maniac but refuses to this day to accept and deal with this. That's not my fault but scarred me for life. So no, no one gets to say they have no control over anything. Because then others pay for it
@@IvanDaGrVIII
They may have no control over it, but that's different from having accountability for said issue they have. It's like narcissists saying they arent narcissists or stupid people saying they are smart. Not everybody is able to see within themselves and be truthful for who they are, especially when it comes to their issues.
@@IvanDaGrVIIII think they talking about the emotions bdp ppl have more intense feelings then the average
My ex had untreated BPD, it got really bad in our relationship and i cpuldn't help him. I struggled a lot about idealization and devaluation, until both of us couldn't deal with it anymore.
feel u
One of my friends is precisely like Psych2Go describes in the video. Has all the symptoms and her background also checks. Struggling with the whole idealization - devaluation rollercoaster is something that, unfortunately, I understand perfectly as well. And also being the one on whom she vomits all her frustrations during the mood swings (that's a little better since I decided to set up more boundaries but only to a certain point). It's not like she has fun doing this, I know, but it's just... It's just.
And she doesn't trust mental health professionals either, she's convinced that they just want people's money, so this disorders+ the eating disorders are all untreated.
@@samhain2463 With the not trusting mental health professionals, I have had many friends like that over my lifetime, and was also there myself early in my life (refusing to get help).
From my own personal experience I have found all you can really do is suggest things in a casual manner, without putting pressure on them, and be supportive if they mention they are thinking about getting help.
Mental health professionals can't really do much unless the person in need of help decides that they want help (at least from my experience anyway).
@@samhain2463 Sounds a little bit like me, I think one difference is that I hate myself a lot
My ex has BPD. It’s been almost four years since we broke up. Still haven’t fully recovered from that relationship. Haven’t dated anyone since
I can imagine how challenging it must have been for you to go through such an experience. I'm genuinely sorry that it has left lasting effects, and I sincerely wish you a speedy recovery. Sending you hope, love, and strength on your path to healing. Take care!
Watching this video, im starting to think that my fresh ex bf has it too
Was the best relationship i ever had xD i really love him and i felt so understanding and loved but there was days where i could feel he really likes me and only me, and days where he wasn't even sure to ever loved me. Days where i was the perfect girl to start a new life with and days where our relationship for sure will not work...was starting to become a limbo.
We have been in a relationship for almost one year and he decided to broke up with me almost 3 months ago...and, also if his dubts were starting to create problems, i was suffering so much, i went through depression... after a couple of months w.o any type of contact he texted me saying he was missing me etc etc and he still dont know if he wants me or not xD
Atm he is in therapy and we text eachother everyday and we r trying to keep in contact as something like friends
But after watching this video and read some comments...i think would be better for myself if i just run away xD cuz is still like a limbo...he doesnt want to lose me (he also cried hard around 2 weeks ago when i said to stop talking and meet eachother), but he still isnt sure about his feelings for me
Watch AJ mahari. She is a god send.
How is everyone doing this fine night?
Not bad, how are you?
@@Psych2goI’m doing ok. Thanks for asking! Have a goodnight!
I'm doing ok. Honesty I wish better than right now.
How are you?
Pretty good thanks for asking.
@@lakersrdbestI’m doing alright. Just feeling a bit of every emotion.
0:00 - Intro
0:28 - What is BPD?
0:58 - Overview
No. 1: 1:28 - Fear of Abandonment
No. 2: 2:20 - They seem Hot ‘n Cold
No. 3: 3:48 - Their Moods Shift Quickly
No. 4: 4:43 - They Have a History of Rocky Relationships
My ex gf was EXACTLY like this. I left her 6 months ago and still trying to learn, grow and understand about these things. I would say the only thing that stopped her from fully exercising her nature towards me, was my confidence and security in myself. Her tricks never worked and creepy enough, it made her lose interest. If you're with someone like this, encourage them to get help and honestly...leave them be. You're not an expert nor should you be their therapist. It'll exhaust you beyond belief. Best of luck!
As a person with BPD, this was very helpful. Thanks!
I was diagnosed with BPD at 14. I'm 25 now, and things have gotten a lot better over the years. I've stabilized a lot, although I still have my moments. I can still be explosive when something bad happens to me, but I've learned to control myself when it's someone else that caused me to be upset. The fear of abandonment is still the biggest issue, although it's gotten so much better. Acceptance became one of my favorite words. I think a lack of control is what brings out a more manic side in people with BPD, at least it did for me. But learning to be okay with the things I can't control really helped me the most. Learning it's okay not to be in control of everyone and everything around me. I think it's just harder for a lot of us to stay grounded when we get overwhelmed with a feeling or bad thought. Be it a state of anger or sadness, or paranoia thinking this or that or my SO is ignoring me maybe I'm boring, etc. I can get over anger in seconds or a minute now, but sadness can still beat me up for a day. But I think the older you get and learn how to deal with your emotions, the easier it gets. It's a little harder than it is for people without it, but you'll get there eventually :)
I have noticed some things that are similar to BDP or as undetached in my ex boyfriend. I once told him after we started an argument: something that bugs me is that your feelings towards me don't seem constant. One day you say you love me and the next day you act as if you met me yesterday. He also has a tendency of putting someone else's efforts and work as less than what he does. We ended breaking up but still talk to each other. Not sure if both of us going to therapy could have saved the relationship but is something that I now noticed while watching this video.
Many videos about personality disorders treat those afflicted as "toxic people you should avoid". I love that you can see them as just flawed human beings, like all of us, deserving of love too.
Keep on being this awesome.
Nice words, people should not be described as toxic people. An incorrect and immoral term if the thing is out of the person's control, certainly it is not a joke or something that should be described like this
Thank you for your kind words! People with personality disorders, like everyone else, are individuals with their own struggles and strengths. Keep on being awesome too!😊
But people with BPD are toxic
They cause CPTSD and sometimes suicide
You Never Know How Strong You Are . until Being Strong is the only choice you have !
Wow that's a great video! I shared it in my favorite community server. I seriously believe my ex has BPD... which makes a lot more sense now that the relationship didn't work out. I don't blame her. I'm sorry for her. I'm glad treatment can be so effective.
My first relationship was with a girl with Bpd.
I had no idea what was happening to me and I thought this was normal because I never had a relationship before.
It took me about a decade to overcome the trauma inflicted by this relationship.
I’ve been there. Ended up with PTSD. I never wanna go back. It’s hard but I hope things get easier for you in due time. Sending you my deepest sympathies. ❤️
Yeah and what repercussions for them?
wamp wamp poor tRaUmAtIzEd cry or something idk lol
@@vsnshwhat makes u feel the need to comment something like that
hopefully nobody breaks up with people who may have it from this but in the end people with BPD are people as well. They just "feel" more than the average person...
Yep! This video is aim to bring more awareness and education so both could navigate the relationship more effectively.
And are extremly abusive and manipulative and selfish. A danger to everyone
It is not true! Not at all
@@BlackJimthis is such a harmful and ignorant way to think about us. We aren't all like that. Not even close.
@@BlackJim Actually, we get manipulated pretty easily once you understand how we work. I was in a toxic relationship for 8 years, where he convinced me that my reactions were always unreasonable and that it was okay for him to flirt with other women or to persue them cause it "helped with his self-esteem". He also tried to kiss my little sister twice and then told everyone I was a liar. Ab*s3d me while I was asleep, manipulated me into thinking it was okay because it was "his kink". But of course I'm the one with the bpd, always seen as a monster, not this excuse for a human being that was my ex. Now It has been 3 years in therapy, but still when I read stupid comments like yours, makes me wonder if it isn't the whole human race to be evil, but a few caring people that make up for the rest. I'll try to be in the latest and that you'll come with me when you stop being such a hater.
I was married for 23 years. After 19 years, my ex was diagnosed as having BPD. The only problem, was that she refused treatment or to even believe that she had BPD. In her eyes, she was fine and the doctors didn’t know anything. She tried the medication at first and within a couple of weeks, refused to take them or anything. She refused therapy or any other treatment. This all lead to our good marriage ending badly. It’s sad how everything happened. We were happily married, had 2 beautiful children and things just fell apart after year 19. She was definitely scared to death of abandonment, however her fears actually made things bizarrely worse. I miss what we had together. It’s been 11 years since our divorce, but she hasn’t changed whatsoever. And refuses to do so. Sad!
damn
Gosh I'm so sorry! Well done for choosing you.
I love you for loving her with everything you had 💜🥺🫂
Sorry, I'd like to understad: Your ex, during the first 19 years had no simptoms of BPD? Things got badly since some date? I was 6 years with a BPD woman and she had the simptoms, but unfortunately I wasn't informed about this disorder.
Few months ago I got diagnosed with BPD, honestly I haven’t watched a video about this disorder that I could relate to so much. Thank you for your work. Its so hard for people like me not only to uderstand ourself but also to be understood by people.
Thank you for your work ❤
This is a really good video! Very informative, clear and digestible!
I suspect I have bpd and seeing alot of comments talking about people who had dealt with it in the relationship and ending it because of it, made me sad. I get why but I realize it might be impossible for me to keep a relationship with bpd... If anyone knows any way to help tone it down enough to be tolerable in a relationship, please lmmk!
Probably a relationship therapist? But hey the video didn't say abusing drugs to the point seeking out a therapist is inconceivable couldn't work. So maybe stick with what you're doing? Meaning stick with researching why you lack what you desire improvement on then pursue no action outside of asking for others to complete your mild efforts.
Therapy and being open to introspective work is a lovely start! Try to find a therapist for yourself that helps you feel safe, and don’t be afraid to ask them questions, too.
You deserve goodness and patience, and you don’t need to be toned down to make yourself palatable for others. You need self-compassion and tools that can help you on your life’s journey.
Tools that can help you navigate and be healthier for you and for those you care about.
Medication is a possibility, which can be intimidating, but when you find one that helps along with therapy, it can really help to change your current struggle and baseline.
Also a romantic relationship isn’t always the answer if you need to focus on yourself. That doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but it is important to remember a relationship won’t magically fix things, even if it feels good for a while. If we don’t deal with our mental health, it won’t deal right on back.
Take care, and keep trying :)
Learn to handle your emotions and not let them control you
@@abcefg4504 Agree. You always have a choice.
As someone with BPD and a successful long-lasting relationship.. It's definitely possible to maintain relationships, and even if it takes time, don't resign yourself. A few things are necessary in order for it to work.
- Honesty, understanding, and communication on both sides; explaining to partner/friends why certain things happen and hearing out their sides.
- Establishing and respecting boundaries for everyone involved.
- Introspective work on yourself, therapy, and whatever other treatments you choose.
You don't need to make yourself more palatable to other people either. The right people will love you for who you are. And sometimes it's okay to focus on yourself if you aren't ready for a romantic relationship.
It's a lot of ups and downs, but it can work. I wish you the best.
Wow great timing!
Fellow BPD People:
👇
unfortunately i dont have the resources right now to start therapy but in the future its one of my top priorities, ive already started working on myself in the forms of self regulation and boosting my self-esteem and over all taking care of myself, its quite hard but im proud that im making this progress even without a therapist (i was diagnosed but cannot find a suitable therapist since they all just kind of always paint me in a bad light simply for having the disorder)
This video is incredibly enjoyable! Probs to the speaker and the animators on this one🔥
Great video, I'm linking it on a video I'm about to post for my channel helping people go no contact with toxic people and my first 30 day no contact journey. I will continue to link your videos. Thank you for all you do for the mental health community 🙏
I don't really devalue my partner, usually with my quiet/discouraged BPD it's all 'i'm somehow not good enough, what did i do? how can i fix this?' it's a self-devaluation, a coping mechanism, I devalue myself first so i have more control over the situation, it's 100% not a good thing to do, but growing up with a narcissistic parent, actually, multiple of them, and one that also most likely has BPD too, you learn to take the blame, the scapegoat mindset is real, but there's a difference between selflessness and self-sacrifice, being horrible to yourself for even a percieved slight and feeling worthless and completely unlovable and that you'll die alone because you upset a loved one or they just don't love you back like they used to? that's how bad it can get inside my head. I've had enough therapy to curb a lot of it, but not all of it. Got diagnosed with BPD a few weeks ago, and even though mine isn't as angry and impulsive, it's still a horrible experience at times and it feels like the world is caving in around you, the helplessness is so awful, I KNOW it's self-sabotage, that's why I want to get help and manage my condition better, not just for me, but for those I love who don't like seeing me like this.
this video is incredibly validating, thank you for making it. i’m healing from a breakup with someone with bpd and it’s taken a long time to really cement it into my head that their devaluing me and “splitting” on me wasn’t indicative that i deserved it, but rather that they didn’t get help earlier in life for their illness and that’s not on me. i truly believe that they will eventually heal and be able to have healthier relationships than they did with me, just as i have become healthier and learned more about protecting my boundaries since then.
i’m curious if someone with bpd who knows they have the disorder is always aware of what’s going on? i asked them once after the constant shift between loving me and saying i’m a great partner so suddenly shunning me, criticizing me and saying i don’t do enough, i asked them if i was becoming their fp and they said no. i don’t have the disorder and i can’t read their mind but the idolization, the splitting, the refusal to let me go after i said i couldn’t take it anymore and needed to end things for my safety. i have a hard time believing as someone who doesn’t have bpd that what was happening wasn’t an fp
I'm sorry you went through that, and good job on learning that you weren't at fault for the disorder they have to burden. I was wondering, what does "fp" stand for? Favorite Person?
@@mokie7421ya
@@mokie7421 ya, i don’t have bpd but from what i understand it’s a term for when someone with the disorder gets attached to a person to the point that they get kind of emotionally enmeshed with them. so their mood becomes indicative on the fp (someone who actually experiences this correct me if i’m wrong)
@@kazeperiwinkleyou are correct I have bpd and that's what an fp is. Basically if the fp isn't happy the person with bpd isn't either. Our whole world revolves around them If their fp ghosted them they would get extremely depressed and depending on the person might even commit suicide just from the pain of it.
@@jeremyyates1026 thank you so much for responding. are you always aware that you’re developing an fp/splitting on someone or does it sometimes take a while to realize why you feel the way you do in a given moment?
Dated someone with BPD, 1 person was like completely 2 different people, she was so nice and warm to me and honestly I kinda fell in love, a couple months later she changed and got super cold and said she doesn't know me, doesn't know me?? Really rough, a year later im still not over it, she clearly is though
Hey!! Amanda is back!!!!
I thought she was a covert narcissist with abandonment issues, but she can be good and genuine without having to imitate me so maybe it's BDP or a medley of problems. Hope shes gets better.
I was not expecting this on my recommendations today! My mom was diagnosed with BPD so that's why I'm surprised if you're wondering.
not me realizing Im the one with bpd...
Hey me too! DBT therapy and medication was a life saver. It takes time and it SUCKS to have but its not impossible to have happy relationships, it just takes a little more effort and communication :)
Same ❤
Can you please make a video explaining the difference between someone having BPD and someone just being toxic? I feel like there's some overlap here
Plus: Quiet bpd. Not showing any emotions towards People, but just botteling up and than exploding breaking down anywhere Else. The heavy emotions no prob, as long as they had been put at table. The freeze and deatdh Mode, no clue. Its like with Introverts, not communicating oder months. Imagine u would be with a loved one introvert, and suddenly no meeting, text, call nothing, but u found that she him had been party vacation fun all time While u asked for being together. Minds and Fear can do cruel stuff with the self and others. I Know how it feels ghosting and being ghosted. Acting as if I never knew that person, never loved them, being with others, blocking, not answering or Calling. It can cause traumata. I got my karma back. Infj door skam both sides us ugly af. Not compassionate, not peaceful, for no one. The ego mind can be such a trickster. I tried to ignore every feeling, but botteling and masking made stuff just worse. Honesty made me feel more lighthearted. Greets
Unfortunately, it'll 90% overlap. Sometimes, there will even be dangerous situations.
The truth is hard to hear, but that doesn't mean we can't provide more studies down the line and provide better professional help.
@@TheIGITnBLUE Lots of hard Work insidd the self and within Relationships. Do MG nothing will result in nothing.
@@SeelenTaucher I’ve been dealing with a quiet pwBPD who has recently devalued me and let me know it too in a passive aggressive manner and I also did a INFJ “door slam” the person and now he keeps hoovering to see when I’ll come back and start begging for his attention which I don’t want anymore
@@thecommenter3560 I feel you. I remember that Person and time WE once Had in good ways, but I Not Like to BE a single giver in my Relationships anymore. Most people I know sayed "Uh I enjoy the time with U so much, I appreciate U much" but in the end they Not invested much in Meeting me, IT was me WHO asked for Others over Past years and really Not many did ASK for me and went for "together time" They invested their time Into Family, Collegues, Strangers, Others, so now I am done, coz I also enjoy my time and self Being really valued. WE all can think "thanks for the great time WE shared" and "No to such devaluing my existence and time Behaviors" so WE can BE gentle and still communicate "your Behaviors are Not Feeling good. I told U Guys that I Need real Meetings, Not phoning only, Not texting only. U know I Go and went to great lenghth, driving in Rain, taking train and stuff, to See you. But If you lived 5 Minutes away and told me "I have No time" you better say "I Not wanna Invest in the Connection between you and me, the WE I spend elsewhere" . Taking Labels, such AS "introvert" "bpd" "ptsd" as an excuse Not treating Others Feelings and Relationships with Kindness, Not working in theself and Relationships in General, to me US a No Go. The blind Ego mind finds excuses, the honest Heart goes for Courage and Connection and Love. Blessings dear. Take Care. ☺️🫂
This Is Very Helpful I Had To Catch Up On The Videos.😊😊😊😊
Happy catching up! 😊i'm glad you found the video helpful.
Not dated them but I have a few friends with it. They usually tell Me that "it's fun, before it isn't" and that's with regards to any relationship with them. It seems all fun and games until you finally understand the gravity of what a relationship built on unhealthy attachments entail. But it's not all doom and gloom, this with BPD are great people from my own experience and they have lead lives that are great for them and their partners. Love to all my friends with BPD in the comments too!! ❤
I feel like im that friend, personality wise.
Choked up crying to how much I relate to every bpd experience depicted 😭 its so much to deal with on a daily basis its hard to imagine what any future will look like for me that isnt just a reflection of the mess I am
I love these videos I always learn a lot
💚💚
I hope someone willing to work with me some day and not against me.
hope you come across that awesome teammate soon!
My ex has bad BPD.. i tried with her for so long and it was absolutely traumatic for me. I eventually had no choice but to let go :(
I have all of the signs of BPD and some of PTSD. I can't be diagnosed yet since I am 18 and my brain hasn't fully developed yet. I have been in treatment for about a year now. Its not easy. I have a loving boyfriend and these are some very real things that can happen in a relationship. They have happened to us, and we are still going strong. Thank you for this video, I will send it to him. ♥
I'm seeing all of these comments with stories ending badly. I'm no different -- had a BPD friend who was really abusive with her boyfriend and I, and then later lost control of her emotions and tried attempted murder.
As much as I feel bad for people struggling with BPD, I cannot afford to go through stressful situations like that. I believe despite these things, we always have a choice as adults. Please see professional help when you can though if it's that bad; don't throw your life away.
Feel free to believe what you will but there was a long study recently finished at Stanford University where free will was determined infeasible in the highly interconnected universe we live in. A random person across the world can sneeze and cause a tornado in your neighborhood. When you realize how small and powerless we really are the world changes.
Untreated BPDs shouldn't be dating.. for god sakes they shouldn't even think about it until they've had years of therapy or start doing serious spiritual practice or preferably both. Had traits of this nonsense from my mother after alot of abuse.. it takes years of serious effort to dissolve the mental tendencies of a personality disorder.. because its rooted in the deep unconscious and subconsciously controls the fragile ego of these personalities. I've been abused by multiple girls of this personality disorder and even after years of growth it doesn't matter how patient kind or empathetic you are.. they just gaslight lie and manipulate until they bring you down to there level of dysfunction.. drag you into the deep unconscious.. its crazy making at its finest. Smh.
I used to be in a talking stage with this girl who has a bpd, and I’m telling y’all it is not for the weak. I was fighting for my life (figurative speech) and for our relationship but it was really hard, but I did tried my best and I did love her..
Not worth it , it'll drain you psychology.
I can relate.
Very true.
her voice makes everything better 🙂
WOW really called me out there near the end (people pleasing & idealization leading to taking in and clinging onto people with SERIOUS red flags)
Thankyou for sharing this video 😊❤️
this helped me understand my previous partner a little more, hope she’s doing better
Thank you for this educational video, Psych2Go. I'm married to someone with a clinically-diagnosed BPD and this video accurately explains the behavior patterns she displays.
The toughest part for me is when she begins with her "splitting" behavior, usually after we get into a fight. She will then paint me as a "bad person". She would invalidate anything I said to explain myself and would constantly bring up past behaviors of mine to justify her arguments. It hurt, of course, but only later on I began to understand that was just a way for her to build a wall around herself, to protect herself from being hurt. Her therapist told her that her BPD stems from a past trauma; that's something new that I've learned as well. I suppose that's just how it is when you decide to marry someone with BPD: every day you learn something new about it and how to deal with it.
Aside from that, however, she is an incredible person. She's very personable, funny, caring, and loving. She has many friends and maintains her social circles actively. It's just that when her BPD self surfaces, it gets very tough for both of us.
Dude your story is heavily related with me, my wife probably has a bpd with almost identical symptoms that you mentioned but sadly she's denial with it and refusing professional help
And just a wild guess, are you also indonesian?
@@ramadhanisme7 I'm sorry that you have to go through that... Unfortunately, there's no way you can make someone go to therapy unless they go of their own volition. The best thing you can do is to validate their feelings and learn the ways to deal with them. It's a neverending process; it's long and sometimes tiring, but I keep reminding myself that I do this out of love and that it will always be sunny after the storm passes.
Also, yes, I am Indonesian!
@@ohaiadit wah bener tebakan gw 🤣🤣
Boleh tukeran email ga? Gw mau nanya2 experience lo dong soal nya kondisi kita mirip2
The best way to deal with this is to switch off any arguments/insults you receive internally and staying calm.
The responses are heavy because the responses are pure emotions of the person you interact with, they will be twisted to fill the narrative.
What helps us the best is to hug it out. We have established this beforehand and whenever someone is close to a mental collapse, we stop any discussion and just hug.
It gives confidence in each other, it removes a lot of the paranoia and fills up the room with love and care.
Do not argue through a breakdown, only argue before or after, when everything is back to normal.
The breakdown itself is nothing more than a vent. Just keep everyone save within those moments and things WILL turn to normal.
If you need more advice's, feel free to respond on this one.
I am married as a bpd to a bpd person for 5 years now. We have gone through probably 50 of those collapse's already, each time better handling it.
It is very duable and works when both parties work together on it.
I relate to these statements a lot, a frightening lot. (Though not in dating, I haven't dated anyone yet, but these apply to closer friendships)
I've always understood it as being sensitive for myself, but I fit the descriptions shown a lot.
What should I do? Like, realistically. I've been in therapy for a year and a half due to trauma and still go because of low self esteem and dealings with people I can't manage.
I'm afraid to ask my therapist about it. She'll think I'm ridiculous if I mention I got the info from the internet and there's not another way of telling her that could substitute and hold the same weight in reason as just telling the truth 😔
(I know it isn’t easy as it sounds lol but if you can go and ask your therapist this) “also is there any chance I might have borderline personality disorder? I saw a few symptoms I relate to but I want to get properly diagnosed.”
@@-emmathetotaldramafan Alright, thanks! I'll try it out! :D
The only thing I learned here is that I might have BPD
Diagnosed for almost 20 years not being treated currently but years ago this landed me in a mental hospital. Its so hard living with this ...reading these comments make me realize I'm not alone because feeling alone is something I feel often even living with my son and fiance.
😢when u realise u r the one with BPD
Same
Acknowledgement is a first step toward understanding yourself better and working toward positive growth.❤
I got 11 years with my ex-wife, it took 10 of these years to finally get a proper evaluation which showed that she has BPD because of childhood trauma.
Her BPD clashed a lot with my ASD & ADD and in the end she couldn't take care of herself and me at the same time, so now we're just friends. I hope she'll find some kind of happiness.
"some kind of"💀💀 poor girl
How is that friendship going?
@@joshy2joshy It's going good so far 😊 We're playing Warzone together from time to time, had dinner once in a while and she comes over and says hey to my/our cats (she can't take care of them but they're still her babies).
She's managed to get a better routine for her workout and she's met a new partner that makes her happy, her life is for the moment moving along really good 😄 Mine too but in other ways, I've been doing more social things and made some new friends at the local Fountain House.
Thank you for checking in on us 🖤
Hi early! I love your channel
Thanks for the support!
@@Psych2go No problem
Being able to date someone with BPD would be better than not being able to date anyone at all
As a male with borderline personality disorder. I appreciate this and I want to state it’s not a condition that only effects women. As a bisexual man I’m finally enter information, and I can think my therapist.
Was just about to comment this... Can definitely happen to men, I'm a walking example...
Interesting... This explains a lot. Like why I withdrew from my crush back in school.
Thank you to those in the comment section who have shared their stories of dating individuals with BPD and those with BPD for sharing their experiences. It feels nice to know I’m not the only person who has been in similar circumstances. My ex has it (and bipolar) and I ended up a shell of my former self after dating her. Knowing that other people have had similar experiences makes me realize I was not going out of my mind and that she gaslit me a lot. Stay safe out there friends and look after yourselves. 🙏🏻
you guys should do more videos on neurodivergence
Yep! Share all the suggestions :)
You have really help. I now found out what is going on. You are the best. This really help. I will let my partner know so we aren't confused. Thank you!❤
❤❤
I broke up with them because most who have BPD tend have anger issues and cheated on me. On top of that I have depression,so I ended up ghosting and left them thinking I broke up with them.
Dating someone with BPD was so draining, I tried, he and I had issues but it was just so bad, I had to break up with him. This was earlier this year
I’m never t in a relationship now because I believe I have bpd. I feel like no one cares about me, but I know it’s not true. Thank you for posting this video, this helped me.
thank you for sharing this about bpd
Man, this is crazy bro, so im not sure if my doctor has like officially diagnosed me with bpd, but he did kind of hint at it tbh, but he also said he gonna give me meds to help with my emotions that are not healthy and out of wack, legit i legit rant to my gf all the time about her and my mom leaving me, my mom dying, when i get angry its not like normal anger it can be something simple like idk but then i yell like someone would if they where very mad at someone, and also i talk alot about my ptsd too alot about that my old bestfriend that i was with in the hospital said he wanted to kill me, and i talk alot about kms and self harm too cuz it wont leave my head bro. Yea i hope this new med or meds will help and ima talk to my mom more.
It’s a hard thing to deal with. It’s like your brain is like “oh I love them so much and they love me too” then it switches to “they hate me, I hate me too, I should leave”. Glad to know that with treatment it can be in remission. I’ve been in therapy for 7 years now I’ve dealt with many different things in between that time.
This sounds way too relatable
I’ve though about having bpd for a while. I’m very self aware and emotionally mature (which comes from my mom btw and the fact that I have a narcissistic father.) I’m not in a relationship and never have been but the possible bpd shows in my friendships. I have an extreme fear of abandonment to the point where I waste all my money on gifts towards my loved ones to avoid the possibility of them leaving me, along with being unable to say no to them. My mood and opinions also change rapidly depending on the environment and the minds and opinions of other people and their actions towards me. I also engage in self destructive behaviour caused by the feelings of emptiness and feeling like everything’s my fault.
Edit: Forgot to mention that I also get really anxious to the point of a panic attack when I’m left alone anywhere other than my home
I have a female friend with BPD and I actually like her personality (of course psychology awareness helps in our group)
Thank you, I wish everyone who got to know me saw this video. I have togo back to therapy after 15 years. Indeed, it is chronic and long-term. I thought I was ok but as new triggers arise, I just realized I was beating myself up inside and suppressing the emotions of the thinks that I can’t seem to accept. I have become the queen of splitting and yes people do stay away from me b/c once I feel disrespected i over react in a way that could’ve been less aggressive if I thought about it.
This video has literally hit every point that my ex girlfriend and now still close friend has. It was literally like you were discribing her. I don't think this information will change anything about how I approach her as over the 8 years I've known her I've gotten good at living with it being who she is but it's interesting to see what she most likely has and hopefully she can get the treatment she needs. (of course I know this isn't a diagnosis but I'll talk to her about it)
Yep, might just be.
I think I may know someone like this. I felt like I was dealing with two different people and just couldn't get a read on them. I'm also a very impulsive person and that's how we met, but I've never had a fear of abandonment, so when they would have those moments of sudden vulnerability in the middle of acting aloof and angry, it really stood out to me.
I feel so pathetic.
I feel such a complete mess.
Same
Your voice cured my bpd!
Yeah I was dating someone with it and I was struggling with her having it too lol. She was diagnosed and refused to get treatment because "it doesnt work," in her words. I will be honest manipulation, abuse, cheating and also theft at the end. I loved her very much and I tried so hard to keep the family together but it wasnt going to happen.
We have a kid together so we have to stay in touch and I do care about her as a person on some level and as the mother of my son but holy shit Im glad im not with her anymore. For us it was horrible. I havent dated in the years since and im still struggling with self worth and depression. I feel like I missed my chance at a family.
One thing is it feels like she was *constantly* testing my boundaries and keeping me on edge. Its one thing to have to deal difficult situations but it never ends and I never had peace. Even now it can be a struggle.
Love your videos. Will you consider making a video on how to be a good listener?
just listen bro what 💀💀💀
it's me. i'm the bpd boyfriend. i'm lucky that what we have is so amazing and pure through and through. our relationship is iron clad, though personally i'm going off the rails a lot. it's not fair to me or to him but i'm actively getting better because he was never the one who hurt me
I keep those with BPD at arm's length. They’re annoying to deal with, and the way they operate in extremes is maddening to handle.
Never been diagnosed with bpd, but it certainly sounded like a lot of stuff that went on in my life. It used to be bad when I was a child and early adolescence, now it’s way better.
But it certainly is something to keep an eye on.
Is this basically Catra from She-Ra?
Also, could you do a video on SA inflicted upon by family members and maybe put Astarion from Baldur’s Gate as an example?
I am BPD lol I am diagnosed
Nice Vids
Love this voice... So soothing and calming!😊
Thank you!
Run run run
I really appreciate these videos. I wish I had these before spending years with someone who had BPD.
Request: Can you please leave the closed captioning to TH-cam or else display whole lines instead of the word-by-word animation? The word-by-word is very, very distracting.