How a Man Becomes Cold Hearted
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 พ.ค. 2023
- #sigmamale #masculinity #selfimprovement
Referred to as anxious-avoidant in childhood, the avoidant-dismissive attachment style is one of the three insecure adult attachment styles identified in psychological literature. Parents who are strict and emotionally distant, do not tolerate the expression of feelings, and expect their child to be independent and tough might raise children with an avoidant attachment style. As adults, these children appear confident and self-sufficient. They do not tolerate emotional or physical intimacy and might not be able to build healthy relationships. What’s more, in the workplace, they are often seen as the independent, ‘lone wolf’.
Have you ever wondered why some people do not want to depend on or truly connect with anyone, even when in a relationship? Most of us aim to build strong relationships throughout our lives. We are ‘hungry’ for love and affection. Why? Because emotional intimacy with people that we can trust has many advantages. Namely, we are able to share our thoughts and feelings openly, we receive support and reassurance, we feel heard, appreciated, valued, and consequently, we feel calm and safe.
Emotional closeness can provide us with a feeling of stability - we are not going through life alone; we have someone to rely on. If we feel safe and valued by others, we are also able to maintain a higher self-esteem and a positive outlook on life. If you are someone that needs to have close relationships and wants to rely on others (and have others rely on you), you have probably wondered why some people lack these basic human desires. How do they even make it work? The truth is, this is most often not a conscious choice. The way we form relationships as adults has a lot to do with the way we formed our first social bonds as children with our caregivers.
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It’s not that you don’t care, it’s that you care too much. Having a lack of emotions is a defensive mechanism gained from living in such a uncaring society.
Perfectly stated.
@@transcendentsacredcourage 🙏
kinda... this can be the case, but so can indifference.
For real. I used to be so expressive with my emotions whether it be happy, mad or sad when I was younger. As I got older they got used against me, and now it's not that I don't have the emotions anymore, but I'm very bad at expressing them.
Nah 90% of the time it’s cause people grow up with parents who tell them being emotional is weak. Completely ignoring the emotions that statement is based on that contradict it. Male culture moment really.
When you've been burned, abused, betrayed, fired, silenced, and pushed aside, you understand a fellow cold hearted man
Yup, iv seen nothing but the worst from humanity. Why would I care about it after it repeatedly beats me down it’s not logical
I just left my girl, while she was at work, she had no idea until She got home, she was cheating on me, the voice mail I got from her was priceless to hear her weep and cry
@@useyourbrain6937 man you jumped at the right time! I waited until she wanted designer. got her a place and a job.
Earn your own 2k sweatpants 😅 at YSL now
I've been through all that and more yet I don't believe I'm cold hearted. Being cold hearted is a choice you make no matter your experience. People treated me like complete garbage so why would I wanna be cold like that to the next person? Why would I repeat that mistake they made to me? It's all a lesson.
@@maahes7139 Guys lyk u r fuckin annoying 💢 uve been through nothing bro NOTHING!!! hv u been rejected betrayed silenced ND pushed aside by ur own biological family ND FRIENDS well I was. My own siblings didn't play with me whn I was a kid neither did my parents. All prob or troubles that happens r all put on me despite the fact dat I was a kid even when it was not my fault 😢 I was treated lyk trash ND made fun of by frnds who I stood up to ND was now feared by others rejected cheated ND made fun of by the grl u lyk. Having a sense of bad luck everywhere u go with people hating u. I was even beaten by my parents sometimes 4 things dat ain't ma fault ND forced to make my siblings happy ignoring my own feelings ND u STAND THERE ND SAY UVE BEEN THROUGH ALL DAT SO Y SHLD U DO IT TO SOMEONE ELSE!!!! HERE'S A FACT PPL WHO R COLD R SO JUX TO PROTECT THEMSELVES ND ONLY TREAT OTHERS BAD IF THEY HAVE TO DEY ALSO FEEL PAIN WHEN OTHERS R TREATED BAD DEEP DOWN cos I HV a sister who resembles me ND is also being treated lyk I was buh I PROTECT HER FROM ALL DAT SO SHE WON'T BECOME LYK ME ND THROUGH DAT SHE ADMIRES ME ND wants to b lyk me ND that's my biggest fear 😢 those who hv been through all that ND ain't cold r true Christians look at Job
So tell me what choice did I HV except to become cold to protect myself 😢
When your kindness is criticized and your failures are over reacted.. it's a canon event
Damn💀
😂
couldnt put it better
Wait is this an actual wellwritten tought written in a TH-cam commentsection?!
could not have said it better myself
_"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."_
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
this hits hard AF bro
For real!
Hits hard AF
I don't actually agree with this. His sorrow is private, but it's not secret.
Life is entirely too close to home.
When I found out that all my private worries and concerns are literally the private worries and concerns that everyone else has - it really fucked me up.
Love it
If you ever been snaked by someone you trusted. You stop trusting everyone.
Truth
Facts. I got backstabbed by about 6 guys I thought were cool with me, now fast forward a few years, I ended an intimate relationship due to my inability to give mutual trust.
Not only that it’s also unrequited love for me including family it turned me into despising every human being in the world tbh
Imagine them being your very parents..
No, it's a choice. A conscious choice every time. If you haven't accepted this fact you are not trying to heal.
My uncle told my dad once “ A man doesn’t become a true man until he’s had his heart broken.” I feel like this is true after having it happen to me.
There's no right definition of a true man
Understood. I'd say that depends on how one defines "a man" and what he does with the effect of having his heart broken. He could actually become more of a child and less of a mature male. If it means that he becomes more knowledgeable about himself and humanity in a way that equips him to be a better and more constructively effective human being, then yes, he's becoming a "true man". Having your heart broken is one of many steps in that direction.
Sounds about right.
@@SamuelBlack84 some definitions are more plausible than others, i.e. a guy who has experienced heartbreak is more of a man than one who hasn't
@nax1807 Well, I've suffered my own share of heartbreak, among other things
“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
- George Carlin
You start out as a carefree happy child, but when you experience bad people, bullies, horrible tragedies, and corruption it changes you for the worse.
So true...
Yea when you let it. You have control over your reactions
What makes a man broken hearted?
Having every dream stolen
...and villianized for trying to save them.
I have never felt so related before reading this. Truly what I'm facing now from 4 years
@@merajsupercluster9015exact same situation
@EducatedUnemployedIndian Rage...the whole world is lucky to still be in position. I'd knocked it clear out past pluto.
Not a single way found towards your and you question is it you or the world, as everybody around you ignores and undermine your existence to a limit from where you have rage against every breath you hear around you
@@Mr.EeToMyself You and other men who would stand with you.
Our empathy is used against us. It makes you weak and codependent. Use compassion and sympathy with wisdom. Call it sympathetic compassion. And there is a time and a place for it. Empathy without boundaries is self destruction. There are 4 attachment styles. I have the avoidant style. Because of my experiences I choose to be avoidant of love. Its a threat to my sanity and sobriety. Still alot of unresolved conflict or trauma.
Wise compassion and sympaty is Sympathetic, is that from a book or is your original phylosophy.
@The Ulfhednar it's from another channel. "Big Think"
Need a lot of self awarness to admit that. Taking notes 👍🏻
Try making it secure. You can still do all those things but have it be secure, mine is like that
th-cam.com/video/5VUpo28aAks/w-d-xo.html
There is so much truth in this. Especially when the whole of society tells us to just "man up" and bottle up these feelings...
Stay strong kings, and take time to heal.
To man up is to drug someone with Novichok in revenge, according to Vladimir Putin.
Society can go to hell
@@SamuelBlack84 Amen to that brother
fuck society, I'm a fucking man, we revolted a fucking shit ton throughout history, why not again?
@@SamuelBlack84 and fuck itself from there.
I remember sitting beside my three year old little girl after my wife had passed watching the movie Bambi. i was a little drunk and suddenly knew that I had to make a choice. I looked down at my little girl cradled in my arm and chose love over fear. It was a turning point in my life. I thank my wife every day for opening my eyes and heart to true unconditional love.
Gay
Maybe one day you will experience loss and have to step up and take care of business on your own... Be careful about judging. Karma is a bitch.@@themidnightlycan8116
Sorry about your wife, but that's not unconditional love, she's your daughter, your flesh your blood...so many conditions for your love!
Bless you
Children need a steady caring parent. Especially with such an important loss, for both of you.
My kids are in their twenties, and are the most important people in my life.
Despite the marriage, not lasting.
I had always wondered how other guys became so heartless and uncaring for others, to their partners. Then it happened to me and it all makes sense now.
Same here.
Same
That's horrible. I'm so sorry about that. There's a quote that I see all the time on social media: "Stop caring for those who don't give a damn about you" sounds selfish, I live by "Not everyone is mean, they're just wounded". Unless they're narcissists..don't know if that can ever be taken away.
See Matthew lillard "how a player is born"
exactly, now people call me psychopath and narcissist. But I would say it has become my natural response to anything now
Yeah it's true, the worse the pain, the colder the heart.
Then why am I so kind and generous?
@@Malumbrus cuz people on youtube like to talk out of their ass, you should take everything with a grain of salt
@@Malumbrus coz you don't know pain...
@@ferrarilaferrari2131 The preface of my comment was that I've been through tremendous pain all through my life and yet I am still kind and generous.
@@Malumbrus then you're one of the rare people incapable of changing from experiences, which can be positive in this situations
Becoming ruthless and lacking empathy has really helped me to focus on reaching my goals and not fkin caring about anyone that gets in my way. Best thing to happen to me for years.
One look at my man-bulge will stop you dead in your tracks!
Maybe he isn't into that.@@frankhassle9366
@@frankhassle9366LMAO
@@frankhassle9366😂
Gigachad. Really who the fuck care about others feelings when they don't care about yours.
I remember at one point during year eight as a homicide detective, a friend said/asked me "why are you so cold? You don't seem to care about anyone or anything anymore?" I told her that my heart had been broken so many times that it didn't exist anymore. Emotions are a luxury that keep me from doing what you and society need me to do.
“Ernest Hemingway once wrote: The world is a wonderful place and worth fighting for.
I agree with the second part.”-Detective William Somerset
I can relate to you so deeply.
I ve had the exact same thoughts.
I feel the same exact way. I’ve literally lost the ability to love another human being.
I always say that God gave me pain and struggles. Because he knew I could deal with it and that others could not
Ignorance is truly a bliss, and people should be grateful they're shieldied from experiencing the reality of this f*cked up world.
It’s not that we don’t have emotions, it’s just that we don’t show them to undeserving people
Exactly. 👍
Not to everyone not anymore.
I wouldn’t even show them to someone i would deem worthy either. Im not being an edgy simp lord by saying this
@@Ihavehadmanynames7779 You’re not even being edgy. You’re just being smart and realistic because I’ve showed my emotions to people who I’ve deemed worthy, and they just simply betrayed me.
yeah sorry thats not an excuse to shut off your emotions. go to therapy and do better.
That's why I loved the Joker movie with Joaquin Phoenix. You understood why he lost it at the end. You get tired of being damaged everywhere you turn. The pain of your childhood, betrayal, and abandonment by lovers all plays a role in giving a man a cold heart. That's the best way to live, completely detached, because the world is inevitably a cold place, and just being a man in general is a thankless role.
Physically detached, but spiritually attached, brother
Facts
Thank you for writing how I feel all the time.
I feel I am all alone and the last line of defence.
I hate depending on anyone for any f thing maybe because I think they'll finally disappoint me.
Don't know what's wrong with me.
Garry Glitter's Rock & Roll fits that feeling perfectly, the descent into no longer caring.
@@rishi2791
Im exactly like you are. It feels horrible, but i can only trust my mother and myself. I even feel like if i get a wife to form a family i could not love her, because i dont want to get emotionally involved with her or anyone. It sucks but its better that way. I only can count on me.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porass. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is dr.porass.
All good men learn to be cold, merciless, and bloodthirsty by the way society treats them.
All evil were once good men...
- Elmo
Elmo😂😂
I was the nice guy and got exploited, lied to, betrayed, hurt and disrespected.
As a consequence, I consciously worked and work on not being that guy anymore. My life is much better now. At least for me. Don't care about what anybody else thinks of that anymore but I quite enjoy how much more careful and respectful people have started to become towards me.
The best is to balance between being nice guy and though guy. I met a though looking guy and while we all respected him nobody liked him.
@@tongobong1 I see your point, but personally I have come to the conclusion that if I have to choose between being liked and being respected I better choose respected
@@alpinewolf7751 I think the first priority should be to get the respect and once you have it you can show some love to those that highly respect you. This is the optimal strategy to get both.
Once you've been alone for a few years you don't want anyone coming along and ruining it for you. Friends? Not anymore.
Thankfully I have been blessed with a major lack of abilaty to care what others think. I don't even feel regular loneliness.
The worst experiences in my life happened because I wasn't detached and cold enough. I tried to go above and beyond to do the right thing, but my good will was only ever taken advantage of. Stoicism can be helpful in many situations.
Correct on this. Stoicism literally protects the Stoic. It becomes a natural response to a dangerous environment where outward displays of emotion will put you at a disadvantage or vulnerable to be taken advantage. As such you don't do it.
same 😢
you are litteraly me
Yep. Didn't realize I was the fool they all looked down on because I was overly optimistic and eager to help. Of course, now people get upset when I'm not nice for free, but they can f*ck right off and get over it
I feel it
I was betrayed by my best friend, and I can honestly attest to this. I try to be kindhearted and open, but it’s very hard to trust people nowadays.
Having a healthy amount of skepticism is often wise. People who have no fear of danger often die in incidents related to Risk.
Your heart is what counts. Stay strong king. Also know that true kindness doesn't have to be all social. It can mean caring for the lonely when no one else is watching. 🤍
So was I. My best friend of 20 years ghosted me without reason or warning. When I called him on it he didn’t bother to explain or apologize and I still haven’t heard one word from him. It’s been almost 3 years now. I know he is alive due to mutual people seeing his social media posts. We didn’t have any kind of fight or altercation that would justify him deciding to not be my friend anymore. 😢
@@hawk66100 That really sucks, hope you’re doing well✌️and ❤️
@@bravo6310 Thank you. I’m doing ok but honestly still think about it often and rack my brain on why he did it. I try to remind myself that this is his doing not MINE. I hope you are doing good as well my friend.
How thousands of random dudes from all over the world can resonate with every detail in a video like this one is kinda scary
The male psyche doesn't differ that much
Unloving parents, betrayal and disappointment from those you thought were friends, your kindness taken advantage of, being kicked by everyone and no help while you were down, always falling short of expectations no matter how good, being marginalized, unresolved trauma, not being loved as you are and not what you can provide.
You just described me perfectly
Thats literally it. Well explained
I love you brother ❤
Pretty good summary.
Me IRL
I always cared too much for my friends. Many times I've been betrayed. This video helped me understand why I don't get close to people now.
I’ve experience that two times in a big way. First was my best friend from high school who I continuously loaned money (eventually thousands) and he’d throw interest in just to show he’s good for it. Made some initial payments at first then stopped because he got fired from his job. He’d always dog me out in front of his family because he’s such a funny guy. His mother, awesome lady, passed. He reached out to me wanting to talk to someone about it but I blew up on him as his actions just made me stew. I let him know that I had told his mom he was a deadbeat that owed me money. He was a total user, not really a good friend despite his claims.
The second was my best friend of 20 years from the military who had been talking to my girl behind my back and caused major dissension (yes a girl). Ended that friendship.
Don’t be like me and take such a harsh approach in shutting yourself out from others. Respect the hell out of yourself and set your boundaries. No one will care more about you than you.
@@powerofme7144 Damn. Yea I've learned to set boundaries now but I've also learned that the right friends won't need boundaries set because they will respect them naturally
You get tired of being used, i know the feeling.
Same, I've been backstabbed a lot, learn not to trust anyone...
Dont put your trust in anyone EASILY, stay away. Help people a bit, but ALWAYS be aware to not get too close. What you see infront, isnt the same inside. Some even put their trust on you, just so that they can use you.
But no need to bring harm their way without any reason, just be neutral
Lack of Pleasure. That's what creates people like this.
I learned when you give your all in terms of emotions. You end up being disrespected and unvalued. It does not matter if it's family members, friends or just random individuals. Society has taught me to not fall into the emotional trap.
Yeah they see it as weaknesses to be used and utilize! I have sister who always belittle me for my own incompetent while she never let does anything myself and then complain why are you so incompetent! Slowly I become more cold and aloof to not influences by her narcissistic attitude anymore! Right now, she has the same altitudes while never have a place to live at 32 years old! She don’t even have her own apartment and always borrow my mother money! She uses all her money for beauty and show off to her friends! Ironically, her friend find her personalities so pathetic they talk to me in private of my perceptiveness and considerate although I am kinda cold on appearances, but warm inside! She is hot, but with a cold heart inside! Furthermore, she always bullied her boyfriends so much that after their breakup, he marries another woman a month later and she pissed because she being played like a fiddle!
@@paulminh3525 did you just call your own sister hot?
Poor choice of words there!
I get the impression the comment was written by someone whose primary language isn’t English though, and may have used it somewhat out of context to what he was trying to communicate.
Well I hope so anyway!
@@Altozgvi think by "hot" he meant atravtive according to other guys
As an example of the cold stoic robot of a human, I agree entirely. We don't magically become hard and cold. It is a consequence of actually caring. We became misanthropes.
I found its better to just kind of pretend to be a nice good person without being a good person, it's weird.
I learnt this by breaking my back bending over backwards for people I thought were long term friends only to get ghosted by them. Now all you'll get is empty sympathetic words and no action.
@@concentratedregret6394 amen brother
@@concentratedregret6394 exactly I dont need a witch hunt looking for the bad man, or some dumb person trying to convince me I'll be happy/feel better one day. I dont need that. I saw what was in the valley and I took a different path. I walk this road my way, my own way.
Same.
It's Easy To Throw A Rock In The Ocean But No One Knows How Deep It Will Go.
@@concentratedregret6394 good 👍🏼💔
You are right brother 💔❤️
bad experiences combined with learning how evil humans are made me cold.
It’s the same with me as well.
Same here
@@ANTINATALIST_lewis yeah.
i used to think the world was all sunshine and rainbows and that there are good people in this world... but boy was i wrong.
once, you realize how evil people are, you'll never look at them the same again.
i've also learned that true friendships and true love doesn't even exist, so i've decided to remain detached from everyone, keep a wall up with everyone, and just work to become the best version of myself, become successful in a career of interest, and just live life on my own terms.
@@daryusi9347 yap people are horrible
@@daryusi9347You literally said THE SAME words i said some time ago. And we think exactly the same. So im not the only one after all. I have finally met my kind..
I feel world is easier to comprehend when youre cold hearted
This video and the comments I have read through helped me understand a lot about myself. I was a person who cared too much. Only to find they people I cared for didn't feel the same way. I watched people who BARELY put forth any effort COSTANTLY get love and support from everyone. I was always treated like I didn't matter. I watched everyone MINIMIZE or TRIVIALIZE my efforts. Sold a brand new gaming console I bought so a family member could pay a bill. I was there 99% but everyone only remembers the 1% where you failed. I thought something was wrong with me. How I can't feel empathy anymore. How I seen family members pass away and felt nothing. I have NEVER experienced the level of LOVE I once gave out....
I feel the same way.
I could have written that word for word. I lived the same life.
And now you only have 23 likes. It just doesn't stop 😂
I Regret Crying Infront Of Family But Then I Proved Them Who Really I'm 🥱
I Just Don't Care🥱🖤
I Don't Know What Happened To Me For 2 Months!!??
Then I Realised What The F*ck I Did
I Was So Confused It Seems I Was On Autopilot.
THIS WAS MY ONLY REGRET BUT FROM PAST 2 MONTHS IT'S NOT EVEN A REGRET ANYMORE.
I'M FREE FROM EVERYTHING.
NOW NOT A REGRET ANYMORE 🥱🖤
The good part is you are not alone. We are not togheter in the same room right now but we are scatered around the world, many of us. You are not alone.
Feel pain, accept pain, know pain... Those who do not know pain will never understand true peace ~Pain😶🌫️
Very wise
This guy, this guy knows.
psychology has proven this statement to be false. unfortunately those who feel pain only feel pain for themselves. they becomes self pitying fools who lament on their misery and take no steps to change. they are failures and people who have given up. you don't want to be that guy.
@@sin5130 Psychology only says, this statement depends on the individual since no two brains perceive pain the same. One person may accept and learn from it and use it as motivational fuel. Others may fall into the depths of despair especially if they have a history of trauma
@@nomad8690 still, it's a pretty shaky ideal. gambling with the lives of millions of people...for something that doesn't work?
the people inflicted by pain will become hateful and vengeful. only a select few good people would actually understand why wars, fighting and other things related are bad...
Literally me, just turned 30 a few weeks back and now I can't see myself suddenly ever being open to others again. not after all the bs I've dealt with in the past 30 years. It is what it is.
Our brains naturally develop strategies to deal with trauma. The sad reality of this is, while successful at reducing further immediate trauma with toxic people, being cold hearted, insecure and untrustworthy is a sure fire way to stay lonely forever which is another form of trauma which is long term problem.
And so the traumatized stay that way forever blocked off from the cure as a necessary evil to prevent further destruction to our selves. In my particular case, one issue I have is with trusting people and thinking well meaning people are trying to manipulate me such as when they give me compliments or say nice things to me. In 99% of my life experience, compliments would be used to butter me up or love bomb me or perhaps someone encouraging me to run full speed into failure for their own entertainment (and then laugh and say i told you so when you fail).
It's very difficult to unlearn this behavior as it has been integral to my survival in the past (or rather it seems rational relating to the majority of my life experience). I think some people are worthy of opening up to and some aren't, we just have to figure out how to tell the difference since we weren't taught how to do this properly in our youth.
same here, few weeks in the 30 and feel exactly the same. 30s i think is the last chance to save your life from disaster and there is almost no time anymore for making new mistakes and being soft and following heart. we have to die or be cold and stop giving a F about others that want to take advantage of our past kindness. goodLuck✌🏻
It's normal. You'll never have friends like you do when you're a child / teenager.
Happy belated, my societal expiration date/Another Trip Around The Sun ‘Celebration’ is barreling down the pipeline and this video hits a bit too hard when I’m about to type this non-suicide not manifesto out
i feel this way at just 21 currently, but became this way some time before 21.
I’ve had no idea how to describe it until this video. After my ex who I genuinely loved wholeheartedly cheated on me and after a girl I had been interested in after put me through so much emotional turmoil…I’ve found it hard to form a genuine connection with people or even love interests. I want to love them and care but I just detach and seclude myself emotionally. It hurts because I’m afraid that I will never love again.
Go to the gym, get 20 inch arms, thick legs and a strong body over all, fuck bitches and make that bank account full
she cheated on you with ?someone richer?
Those same people also have attachment issues like you and have problems. When we all learn we have attachment issues and become more mature of our emotions.people will value and love and time rather then detach and feel unwanted.
@@javierlandaverde4108 Oh.. that's diplomatic. Once you experience the pain in hand, intensity of the pain would determine the time period of suffering based on your understanding of impermanence. Knowing, and accepting are two very different things. No grown one, and I mean literally no grown one can be naturally kind to another until unless may be that's one's child.
I wasn't cheated on but I feel this. Had a similar situation happen to me and I fear the same thing.
It's so hard to want to love someone in a world where such emotion is routinely unappreciated, stomped on, or worse, used against you. Most of the time the risk doesn't seem worth it.
People often ask, "where have all the good people gone"? The answer? The world kills them for what they are.
I grew up in a loving household that I thankful and appreciative to this day. But when I entered the world and got constantly made fun of, shat on by people that you don’t even know, plus a bunch of heartbreak and back stabbing. I became a cold hearted individual and it made infinitely more harder to open up and love someone. There is light at the end but first you need to go through dark and cold to get to it. Keep fighting my brothers
I guess that's why they say ; "nobody loves or will be there for you like your own family". It's a reality check to be raised by a loving family who showed you love and taught you respect and other values, only to become an adult and realize that people in this world (some, not all) will not bat an eye before taking advantage of your kindness/good qualities, use you, backstab you, talk down about you when you are around, be rude for no reason, etc.
- 🐶👺
The light in the end will only be for a moment. After that, there will be only darkness with no hope of any light. This is what life is. A constant struggle to survive.
Lovee
The light at the end almost kills me. After it failed, it turned off and disappeared forever. I see no new light, and I haven't for years.
I don't think it'll ever get any better.
I go cold when my boundaries are violated. I walked away from the only woman that I've been in love with. The most attractive woman I've ever laid my eyes on, but she played games. My energy is valuable, peace is priceless and I don't waste either on anything or anyone.
All women plays games, so you may as well avoid all women in general.
@anderstermansen130 Not true actually. I've got three amazing lady friends that are grounded and very mature. They have no patience for that, play with them and they're gone! I love them but not "in love
"
@@anderstermansen130 Spoken like someone who doesn't actually know many or any women at all. Grow up, known plenty of dudes who have been absolute pieces of shit and treated good women equally shit.
@@anderstermansen130 All you're doing is generalizing and being a misogynist so you're not really doing anything good by doing that. Some women are good hearted and other women are evil like any human can be.
Women need the man they want to love them. It only makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. The reason why its like this is because of reproduction. A man is more likely to stay and raise his offspring if he loves his woman.
I was a good loving empathetic person. I had it beaten out of me. Now the only thing that makes me feel better is seeing others go through worse.
Same here.
Don't let them win, be yourself again and then, you will win
Boo hoo boo hoo need a hanky. Excuse excuses don't do to another this crap turn the other cheek no. If u can't be decent don't expect it in return.
Ah yes, I will be an enabler and make people more miserable rather than helping people who no doubt can also have gone through the same trauma as I did and pull them out of the pit of despair to make them feel better
@@PumpyGT ya thats not how the world works. People use you and throw you away. Why should I help when no one would help me?
My best friend in high school committed suicide, I witnessed a suicide, and saved someone trying to commit suicide all within a 2 year period. Have also been told I’m always wrong from my family. This has given me a f-you attitude and strong work ethic.
Good🥱🖤
@@SimplyAnUnknown If my comment bores you and means nothing to you, then why comment? If you’ve been in some extremely harsh environments, please tell me your story.
@@Wolf-rc1tf That Is The Thing...Oops
I Don't Have Story🥱🖤
@@SimplyAnUnknown and crickets… Your just a trolling hater with nothing better to do in life. Good luck.
I'm sorry something like that happened to you, it's really nice of you prevent another case of the same thing happening though
Stoic guys like myself, are not "patching wounds" or becoming the embodiment of the "victim mentality". Not even close.
The generic, plain, and seemingly uncaring attitude is nothing more than a reflection of how people treat us.
I have been accused of being "mean", simply because I refused to solve the problem of someone who willingly, consciously and deliberately created their own bad situation just by being wreckless and carelss. It all boils down to this, "If you don't care, don't expect me to care." Or, "It's not my problem, and it's not going to become my problem."
If each day, someone doesn't offer me a smile , they will not get one from me. Plain and simple...a reflection.
Right on the money.
Essentially being a living mirror. Treat people how they treat you, that sort of thing
@@danishghostrider ....Isn't that what I just said?
@@theSword- Yes, my bad. My brain was kinda fried, so apparently I just re-phrased your comment. IDK why. My bad
@@danishghostrider ...no problem. Hang in there bro.
I used to believe my life was a tragedy, now I've realized it's a comedy.
I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee...
You would enjoy reading Camus
We live in a society.
I used to think my life was a cringe compilation, but now I've realised it's a Try Not To Laugh challenge....
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise?
Caring about the wrong people and then them stabbing you in the back really is the pain I still live with even after 7 years…
Relatable man. People say “just get over it” but when someone betrays you to your core that shit stays with you even when you stop caring about the person
They don’t appreciate when you have a warm heart, but they’ll notice when you’re cold hearted.
When you learn as a man that you are disposable to society, that people in general are entitled and selfish it can harden ones hard. Even worse if you finally show vulnerability to someone you let get close and they use that against you. That's some hard neural wiring towards emotionlessness.
Honestly I’d just accept having things go back to where that male disposability is a universally accepted truth if it meant also going back to men being genuinely appreciated and rewarded for the sacrifices made in the service of providing for and protecting our loved ones and our communities.
People need to stop pretending to care and either make genuine progress towards true equality as far as an individual’s value to society based on gender or just accept that rigid gender roles and gender based division of labor is a necessity for a functioning and healthy human society for everyone.
@@omarnsimpson908 male disposability was always a thing. The difference is that back in ye olden times men had patriarchal authority to go with their patriarchal responsibilities. That patriarchal authority is what made it worth it.
I went through narcissistic abuse by my ex for several years. You can't see what's happening while you're in it but it constantly feels weird. Now I've left her for good but holy shit this person tried to destroy me...and others
Long story short, dysfunctional family, all types of abuse entire child hood, moved a lot, horrible friends, body shamed, asked n watched worst nightmare
I totally surrendered myself to universe. Trust me once you do that universe give you success many times more than you even anticipated.
I can walk over a dead body and not care or call police. Once apon a time. I actually cared. Hard life, death of family members has made me as emotional cold as a robot
More like an asshole. Even if you don’t care, you should call the police.
Watch Curious George or one of your beloved old childhood shows and come back to tell us about your input again
Ayo not calling a police is a bad move
@@frog6054 do we care? No.
I actually care more for poor innocent animals than humans.
Humans can go and screw themselves.
Who did you lose in your family? Most people have lost family members, it's not a reason to turn cold for the rest of your life...
Being coldhearted as a defense and backing off when you become too attached with someone, you nailed it man you nailed it
After I experienced my biggest trauma yet, and I nearly unalived myself, all I can say is, that no matter what happens to you, never be afraid to seek help. Therapy and studying stoic philosophy and buddhism is what led me out of my darkest hour. Never ever give up on yourself. The key is to start somewhere. We all have the power and bravery to make a positive change, don't let anyone say otherwise, they are not you. I believe in you. You are enough
I was bullied and suffered with rejection most of my life, until after I served in the army (i was about 18yrs old) when i started working out and became a "Chad" due do becoming more manly and actually "handsome". But the thing is, since i was reject by girls and bullied (+ my last and only relationship i had being with my gf being a narcicist that ended up badly) i missed out on a LOT of basic social experiences that most people had through my younger years, so today I actually am very cynical, awkward socially and stoic around people in general. I present myself as very confident and cold, but I'm insecure about so many things. I'm 24 yrs old now and although I have rebounded greatly in the last years, but I'm still recovering from the scars of my past and scared of bounding with someone on a deeper level.
If you kill your ego 100% (ego death), you will see how flaw you are deeply are, if you forgive yourself on the things you did so terribly to other people that you feel disgusted and very ashamed of it, then you are halfway of becoming a happy person. Once you conquered that, try to forgive on the people who have hurt you the most in your life and you will have your freedom and earned happiness that you really deserve. Try to find reasons and more reasons and more deeper reasons on why you haven't forgiven them. You may not like it at first but just try to dig deeper and deeper layers until you are very satisfied on why you should forgive them as well as forgive yourself on the terrible things you did to other people that still haunts you by digging layers after layers of reasons on why you did it in the first place. The deeper you dig the better for you. Just remember we are all humans and you as an individual deserve to be happy and enjoying life because life is short and there are better things for us instead of being bitter till our last breath of life. Break the cycle and you can do it because you can. Being arrogant is the stupidest thing you can do to yourself and I see cocky guys trust me and when I see it, I see a lot of negativity from childhood trauma who try to hide it. PS- If you forgive them, it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with them.
Try to remember people are acting out of fear and insecurity just like you are. Don't allow abuse. But realize it's not even really about you. There are decent people out there. Look up what you can about narcissism and sociopathy and avoid that when you see the flags.
@@Trancymind "try to forgive yourself on the people who have hurt you the most in your life and you will have your freedom and earned happiness that you really deserve. "
How do I forgive Bill Gates?
@@apreviousseagle836 I will until I have proven myself and everyone that knows me that I became a good father, a good husband and a good man as a role model.
@@Trancymind ???
What kind of world do we actually live in, where you have to be emotionally crippled as a man? What is wrong here?
This is the question that should be asked more. Why is the world simply like this in the first place ?
@@WaveLord14 Becouse humans in general are hard programmed to only care about themeselvs, its has always been this way an always will
Sin.
That is not emotional handicap. That is experience.
NPD.
Excellent analysis. One just get to a certain point where you realize you are on your own, thrown to the wolves. It is right there that you stop caring, you stop feeling, you just observe and move on. I have no happiness, no sadness, no anger, no remorse. Seeing someone die or being born is the same, it boils down to "whatever" and moving on.
Yeah 🥱🖤
I'm a man who has been described as cold hearted by people who know me well and question why I feel that way (or lack thereof). My first answer is IDK, as I've been emotionally atypical from a young age for reasons I don't fully understand. Upon introspection as a depressive African-American man who grew up in poverty, I was taught by society from an early age that my feelings don't matter. So I have no hope of expressing them in a way that can improve my community or society in general. And all I really want from it is the ability to make a decent honest living while, otherwise, being free to live in my own world that I find much more enjoyable.
You hit the nail on the head.
I am no stranger to grief and betrayal. These past few years have taught me a lot.
That last one, though...it still haunts me at times. It was almost a year ago, so I guess the grief isn't done with me yet.
It keeps me from moving on. It makes me afraid that I will find what I want again just for it to abruptly disappear.
In my case, I have met a lot of women who are interested in me, and I find interest in them. Some of them are hotter than my ex, and yet, I can't even flirt with them. The memory of how my last good relationship ended is still too fresh, and I can't shake it. I'm afraid of getting used and discarded again, so I don't even bother.
It kills me because it was a childhood dream of mine to have a family. Now? It feels just like that. A dream.
I’ve been listening to Kevin Samuels (RIP) and he tells them to go get therapy to discuss these things. He likened them to broken cars that they themselves still try to sell. Leaving the new owner (partner) walking into something needing to be fixed.
@@powerofme7144 nah go gym to fix it no therapy you know why because those greedy scumbags will give medicine making you addicted to it and therefore making you more miserable than ever and poorer. and I have my own quote "they help you just enough but not too much to be truly free and happy just miserable enough so they can keep taking stealing money from you".
Reading this I felt that all to well that was one of my biggest dreams when I was younger to have a family of my own but now I’m afraid of even looking at a women out of fear they might ruin my life before it begins.
@@lelandholmquist2467 true
Same here. Be strong.
It is truly sad that in our society such beautiful and important things as empathy and compassion are often turned against us and become weaknesses.
The world is nothing wrong and beautiful,BUT THE PEOPLE IS THE ONE DISGUSTING 🙈
All that talk about empathy & compassion, and yet you still rip people off! Shame on you, Sidorovich!
@@kokolakGaming no more 2% discount on bread for you
@@SidorovichGaming Even with your supposed "discount" of 2 percent, It is still too expensive to buy! I thought that you could change your greedy ways, but I thought wrong.
The most dangerous thing in the Zone is not Monolith, the Mutants or Emissions; It's your exorbitant prices!
@@kokolakGaming you talk & know too much stalker, I am afraid your free trial of life has expired, I am gonna send the Marked One after you.
This is me now, alone, no friends, family, loved ones, nothing. It is how I want it too. I grew tired of being used and abused by everyone. Now no one can hurt me because I don't allow anyone to get close enough to hurt me.
I find it interesting how he uses almost drowning and being burned as examples. When I look back at my life, the closest I've come to death was my divorce. The rage I felt at that time was scarier than any fire or flood. It's been 7 years, and it still haunts me, everyday.
Finally an appropriate use for hashtag metoo. Maybe we should add a bro to it to make it our own. My divorce after 18 years with the same woman is still making me not treat myself very well. I drink daily, have no friends and never go out anymore apart from to get groceries and my daily trip out to buy beer. I've gained 45lbs and don't get any enjoyment from anything anymore.
I don't think our split even lost her a wink of sleep. #metoobro
@@disaffectedmale seems women are build differently, she left me when i got sick, we just wanted to get babys...but aalready why i lay dieing in hospital she got another guy.
@@disaffectedmale maybe try only going out for beer every 3 days or sthg
@@disaffectedmale If she doesn't care then why should you care?
cold hearted just means that you see the truth
nope, seeing the truth doesn't automatically make you cold hearted.
It's a cold world.
It’s called being a coward. We can encounter the shadow and know how cruel the human condition can be but then is on us taking that knowledge and keep fighting for humanity by being ourselves kind and warm to each other’s and at the same time being fully aware when to be cruel with the ones who truly deserve it. It is just about balance. We are here to make the world a better place
@@porte-majestuoso coward
@@Telescope1994 You are repeating thoes cliche words that have been said a thousand times already and everybody else know its not true, humans only care about themsevs and are naturally evil in the core and thats how we survived for millenias.
My heart went cold and hard like a stone from so many ups and downs, so many people taking advantage of me being nice, this includes women, family, friends, or anyone who came across me.
I was bully and I overcame bullying by fighting back, I was humiliated by women just for having acne, I found my ex in a four leg position with my friend, I still get chills and nausea remembering that episode,
I was betrayed by friends, mr nice guy died long ago, mr courteous guy died long ago, I have no empathy for anyone, including my siblings, women, or so call friends.
I socialize just to keep my sanity, but deep inside me I dislike and don't trust anyone. I went to a usless therapist to pretend I was getting better but I'm not. I don't hate people, I just go around without bothering anyone, keep it low key, but I avoid relationships with modern women, deep friendships, and getting along with family. My only friends is a German shepherd that has my back anytime and anywhere.
U were just born smart and fair, a real human. U cant mix with mouthbreathers and breeders
Jesus christ man i feel You after being Bullied i became Cold and now i'm the Bad guy
I been through all of it. Finally one day after my friends gang up together against me and file a fake case against me to extort money from me and later a narc women come into my life the way she abuse me and twisted everything as if she is the victim, successfully convince people to be in her side against me that's that's the moment I realised life is hell for good men. I am not gonna let this happen again. So I become cold and distance.
Basically a psychopath lol
Why would you willingly pay to go see a therapist to "pretend I was getting better"? Who were you trying to convince? The therapist? If you don't care about anyone, then why bother going at all?
Jeez that last minute hit the nail on the head to describe my pathology. Wanting nothing else more in the world than love and having no intention of seeking it, because of remembering everything that follows in its wake.
This video is completely true. I’m a 18 year old guy, autistic, never had a girlfriend, I have no friends. Sometimes I feel I should be the way the world is to me. But I feel something stop me. I have a feeling then that I should never be like those people and I would regret it forever. So I don’t. A never-ending cycle.
19 year old guy here; my longest standing close friend out of everyone I know has autism, and he’s outlined similar struggles to me as you’ve said. You might never feel that there will come a time where “Something” is not trying to stop you, but right now the most important thing you can do at this age is focus on yourself. Just remember that there’s a whole world of people out there, and if you don’t feel loved right now it is only a matter of time. Keep on keeping on soldier 👊
@@bodaciousfallacious275 thanks bro, I appreciate it
Im 16 and also have autisim, i can relate to what you say. My best advice from personal experience in our situation, instead of letting people take advantage of your kindness and heart, only give it to the people that deserve it.
@@gort3111 yeah I definitely need to work on that, thanks dude
Turned 22 a couple of days ago. I don't know if I have autism or not, but definitely struggled with the same thing. If I do the right thing I feel good but I also find myself alone. But I can't force myself to be like others, because that lifestyle makes no sense to me. So I do it my way, but have this fear of missing out and doubt.
Everyone I'd get close to in life I had a tendency to push them away. I never understood why. I didn't think to consider the trauma from my childhood could be the reason I built up this defense mechanism in my mind. I know this isn't much but this video helped me understand myself more than any therapist did in 15 years. Thank you
Okay? I could have told you that too lol Our psyche is a mathematical calculation. Trauma + soul = defense mechanism. Humans adapt, that's why we survived.
Hope you find good people that will help you open up, God bless you m8
For me I'm just tired of being treated like crap, especially by my family and friends. I just don't have the energy anymore. Showing no emotions is a great mindset to have in this world.
I believe it’s a product of being a middle age man. When you’re young, you’re optimistic and maybe haven’t had terrible experiences. As you age, you see the way you are treated and maybe see a lot of the bad things about life, start to ask, “what’s the point?” If you make it passed not offing yourself, or dying too early, you age. Like many things, you improve. Your perception/outlook improves. You become less ADHD with interests and learn to work towards things. You learn to not waste time on bad people as they take time from you. You learn to appreciate what little you have. You may even have family, or a cause. One man’s opinion
Oh yes. But wasted opportunities and times, would still kill you inside through thoughts. Who do you talk to when you have no one to talk to emotionally? Even better, why do you think there are so many people typing comments... They want to be heard. They weren't heard. They have no one to even talk to, just a true hearted normal conversation.
@@z.C.008 It's Better To Have No One
I am nearly 40 and have struggled with this since i was a kid.
I still try to be nice to people, but I keep everyone at an arm's length. I treat everyone like the 'single-serve friend' from Fight Club.
In my experience, if I let people into my life at all, the first thing they want to do is obligate me to them. A list of things I can do for them comes out, with the unspoken expectation that, if I really cared for this person, I should be happy to perform all these chores for them.
And what about reciprocity? Oh no, no. Too busy; sorry bud.
So, to simplify my life, I've had to embrace a colder approach to dealing with people. Like i said, I'm friendly..... until the moment I'm asked to do something for them. Then I shut down and look for my exit.
Well said. I was raised by my family to "Always do the right thing" and "Be the bigger person" Following these sayings can be so fuckin exhausting because you would expect your family and maybe even SOME strangers to do the same thing, but for the most part it rarely seems to happen as you get older...
@@soultyger it's a scam a a delusional answer given to you just to make the person that's saying it to feel better on there egos but in reality no one's nice there selfish that's what it is its a dark evil cold world out there good luck mate👍.
Man do I relate to this, it all can feel like a burden of obligations that are imposed on me. After my last relationship I felt so done with doing this again and it makes being lonely less of a thing, as it feels like it beats the alternative for me
@@coolgamer2135False. It's not about being good to others as much as it is about being the best person for yourself and your personal growth. Being an asshole doesn't make life easier, it just ruins your soul.
If there was ever a way to explain how I think bout people, this would be pretty spot on… it’s always been bout what I can do for people, and never what anyone does for me, and I’ve always been fine with that, but you don’t wanna be too nice to everyone, learned that the hard way
I am this way but am empathetic and do care deeply for the people I care about, which admittedly is a few. I just don’t allow myself to access emotions that could cause me to be vulnerable, in any situations or relationships. I’ve always seen love and trust as weaknesses that have destroyed the strongest of men. I’d never admit this, luckily I have this anonymous account. It’s not something to be proud of, it makes me extremely cold and somewhat intimidating to even the people I actually care about. I think my self awareness and goal to be better is a good thing though.
I think being emotionally detached is a much better response than being filled with rage. My emotional detachment comes from a deep sense of understanding humanities dark nature but it’s an analytical, calm understanding, not a violent possibly dangerous rage. I don’t ever wish to hurt anyone but I’ll do what I must to make sure no one hurts me.
The most positive and soul soothing comment so far to me. I got to admit that your comment gives me a better understanding of the current state I'm in. And it gives me a new perspective on these things now. I can't really find words to express how sincerely feel about this comment you've made, which is making a big impact on me. We don't know each other but we can relate and I'm wishing you all the best there is wholeheartedly.
Unlike you OP, I try to be detached because I will rage. ANd when I rage (literal murderous rage, I have an actual psychological diagnoses called explosive disorder) people will die - its the story of my life really. Since I am understanding of people as whole, and realize regrets come later in life. I do all I can to keep the rage at bay - being detached is one of those ways.
@libertybelllocks7476 so you actually have emotions you just don't show them wish i new what rage felt like
@@ijustwanttocomment4389 No you dont, while it is a super power (think anime) during a fight or flight scenario (no flight, only fight really) it does more harm than good in everyday life.
Plus, you dont know if youd be able to control it or not. After im done getting mad sometimes I wonder if another random person could control the rage I have or let loose. Its very hard not to give in in those intense moments. If you let loose with this, you lose, because you will end up in prison.
Underneath it all, I am a very sensitive person, I take getting hurt really hard, so I keep my circle small and cast out anyone who I think have betrayed me - with some type of evidence of course.
You would never know during the moments Im raging though and no one really knows that side of me in my life - maybe chicks I bang, but not even they know fully.
I've always considered myself selfish and cold-hearted. Feels like generosity and kindness and consideration feels more like a facade to me more than anything. Regardless I think this is something we should all keep in mind. We can't trust a person that easily. Seems like it's actually difficult to find someone we can put our 100% trust in.
Thank you! I think I need a little push too by watching these sometimes, bcz sometimes it can become so painful just to deal on our own. This week seemed unbearable.
Thank you, needed some good clear voice 🧡
I literally cried watching this. i had a recent breakup that made me feel like never bounding again, I also grew up in Syria which meant that I had to witness warcrimes and bombings.
all of this made me feel like I have an empty hole emotionally instead of a Heart.
In time you will recover. As someone who has experienced a few heartbreaks. Take this time to rebuild your wings and fly once again brother.
I had a pretty bad feeling for weeks before Russia invaded my country. I was ready to flee with my girlfriend of 7 years, but she was against it. I thought to myself - "Ok, fuck it. If you die, at least you die for your family". And she was the only family I had here. All my closest relatives had been living abroad for a long time. Guess what happened next? Two months into the war and she leaves me because she "doesn't love me anymore". While I am unable to escape the country due to the closed borders for men. So I basically was left to die, while she could travel around the world and find her new love. I put to a risk the most valuable thing I had - my life, while she couldn't decide a couple of months earlier if she loved me or not. I say to myself - NEVER AGAIN. NEVER. Until I see the same amount of sacrifices from another person - fuck it. I don't give a fuck. Stay strong, brother.
@@countdooku681 And I thought I had it bad, your story was hard to read. I am sorry that this has happened to you. To the best of your efforts stay safe
@@countdooku681damn bro always take what you want from now on
@@countdooku681 shit bro, you have my sympathy. Stay strong, king
Worth noting is that you're never just ONE of the attachment styles, you're most likely a complicated mixture of all. It's hard to break down yourself into one category and say "That's me!", because you're not that simple. And being taught one way does not, obviously, mean that you're meant to keep practicing that way. You can change your attachment style through practice, if not for your own, but perhaps for your future childrens sake. Learn to trust people who are positive, who don't steal your energy.
Could you elaborate on what exactly to change the attachment style to? Like from what I looked up there are 4 of them, growing up I had Secured Attachment, then during late childhood it became Anxious attachment, then during early teenage it became disorganized attachment and finally I'm 23, now I don't need friends people in my life or intimacy ( I do but the an aray of adult content helps take my mind away from there. ) and my competetive drive doesn't leave much room to want relations now. I'm not happy but I'm not sad either. I am alone but not lonely, mostly. So am I in a positive attachment style?
When you've been burned hurt and betrayed enough times, you stop caring. Stay strong kings. I love you 🖤
Speaking for myself, it was something that I learned based off the world. As a kid, you’re so kind and caring because you’re innocent. As you grow up and realize that some people can’t be helped or don’t deserve being helped… it really changes you. For example:the “poor “single woman morphs into the stupid and foolish woman who wasted her youth and beauty. It’s hard to turn off that vision of others, mainly because it’s a protective tool used to protect yourself. The people who were most caring and loving (as kids) get hurt and realize that perhaps their world view was wrong.. and I think that causes a big shift in the brain/personality.
The feeling of powerlessness turns good men cruel
That is an indication that that good man has also become a weak one. Resorting to rage and anger is poor management
@@Radioactivepaladin0703 tell me i am weak after you lose your children to a woman who cheated on you. then well talk. you sound like you've never been betrayed deeply
Yes actually @@Radioactivepaladin0703
I can relate to the third example that you sited. When a relationship goes from intimate and healthy to almost nothing with no reason and continues to stay like that way even after discussions and lack of answers. Eventually, I just became numb to the situation. Unfortunately, now she wants intimacy and it has been so long that I am desensitized to her. Like they say “from every action(or lack of) comes a reaction. This is my reaction.
i know what you are saying. Ive been there. Its like going back at forth again and again, and after it reaches the threshold, you go numb and cold. Hope you do great in the future, Trust me. It wont get easier, you'll learn to carry the pain better and better as you progress. trust me, I'm 20 years old and I have been through all the three examples that was sited. You will rise, Your time will come.
@@vischit4495 appreciate it my man. I take ownership of it. We can always find some way to own up to it thus enabling us to feel in control of the situation. My fault was staying around to long. I own it. Now, it’s time to go and I can do it with my head up because i know I gave it my 💯 and nobody could ask for more.
Make sure you are not dealing with a narcissistic woman, they love to play games and destroy you
@@cv6176 thank you brother. Yes, she’s definitely a narcissist and completely lacks self awareness. It’s ok though. As a sigma male i read through her insecure, gas lighting ways. She’s half way out the door.
I'm going through that now.
My grandma from my dad’s side died on my 7th birthday, and my dad got rid of my first two childhood dogs for no good reason, and I was always told to “get over it there’s no point in getting upset”. Earlier in adulthood I had trouble forming bonds and felt it was weird for people to be outwardly affectionate and dependent on other people for validation/security. I also rarely expressed any emotion, good or bad. I’ve gotten over it with effort and people specifically telling me they like it when I’m not so distant because at my core I still am a caring and empathetic individual.
Omg stop complaining and do something with your life
Over some dogs bro? Ppl deal w real shi n ur cold over sumn dogs??? Charmin
@@boulmalpeople like you are why emotions are shared less.
@@boulmalyoure gonna deal with real shit in your life if thats your mindset.
@@heartpaid6767 I’ve dealt with real shi my whole life you couldn’t imagine
Actually this fits me pretty well. I've never really had a father figure in my entire life. I have been abused and mistreated by other children, bullies, and even teachers who thought I was less than adequate. I can be cold, and calculating when I need to be. I found a way to turn off my ability to feel. And it's not easy how to learn to do it.
Normally I'm a a nice and good person. But once someone pisses me off or gets me angry, my behavior and attitude towards them changes drastically. At that point, you don't want to be around me.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SPEAKING THE MIND OF "GOOD MEN,CARING GENTLEMEN WHO HAVE BEEN BETRAYED BY THE VERY PEOPLE THEY USED TO CARE FOR"
Those who can regulate their cold and warmth selves are a beast 🐺
Only way to stay social while avoiding getting played like a fiddle
I am cold hearted and distant and I have zero issues with it. My wife calls me blackheart but I was not always like that. My experiences are what turned my heart contemptuous of humanity and people in general. Past negative experiences, such as betrayal, trauma, or rejection, have lead me to become guarded and distant as a self-protective mechanism. it's not that I fear getting hurt again and choose to keep their distance from others. I just don't like people very much.
Trust forms the foundation of meaningful connections but it seems that some point, a friendship made in easy times will often try and burn you but a friendship made from shared trauma gained from soldiering can make a friendship as strong as steel.
If someone has been let down or betrayed in the past, they will probably struggle to trust others easily. This can result in them maintaining emotional distance and appearing cold but really it is often a mechanism to keep people at a distance because I for one will not waste time on them. I have one friend, a veteran like me and we are like brothers from another mother... He will never betray me and I will never beytray him.
Well, for me, a girl I was in love with, and lived with, spent 9 months (of our 9 months living together) trying to make me depressed and suicidal so I would take my own life over her. This isn’t something I came up with, *she confessed to doing that to me.* Afterwards, nothing happened to her and here I am 12 years later, totally unable to trust a woman since then. When I told our mutual friends about it, they stayed friends with her and told me to “just move on.” / “just get over it.”
THAT’S why *I’m* emotionally cold and closed off.
This answers a lot for me. I have noticed that I have been avoiding trying for a new relationship with anyone after my last had hurt me the worst. Before I would be willing to speak with a woman that I was attracted to but now I am avoiding speaking with anyone. Distancing myself from wanting to engage in a new relationship, even when I would like to.
Matches with my thoughts word by word.
For the longest I thought I was just born that way. Lately looking back on everything, I really wasn’t this fucked up in the head as a kid. It was the constant betrayal and traumas that completely killed me to the point even the idea of self deletion is just “whatever” to me.
Emotional Compromise Destroys Men.
Show No Mercy, Consider No Compromise, Give No Quarter.
Your Kindness Will Not Be Reciprocated In A Culture Of Hedonists.
Damn 🥶
Sadly it's true
Great recipe for loneliness and a shit ton of regrets down the road. If you forcefully deflect all suffering along with most pleasures, what are u living for? An empty shell of a person. Theres more good people than bad people out there, you just need to choose appropriate times to be emotional/soft.
@@kklap3219 More important is _who_ to be 'emotional/soft' with, and how that emotionality gets expressed.
Pouring your heart out about your problems, fears, insecurities, and pent-up traumas to your wife/GF for example, can be a good way to speedrun a breakup or divorce.
For better or for worse.
Said information may also be weaponized against you at any point in the future.
This applies even if they use _you_ as their emotional support tampon, that was always there for them when they complained about anything & everything.
It only goes one way.
It also still applies if they say they want you to 'open up emotionally' (translation: “Show me whether you're really a beta deep down, so I can move on to better options.”).
That's hardly the worst thing that can happen to you.
I'd say 'nothing of value was lost' and not even call it 'trauma' in a strict sense,
but some dudes never get over the resentment from something like that, from the looks of it.
90% of the time with dudes that seem dead inside, there's usually a woman involved for some reason.
Either a GF from hell or serious mommy issues.
@@DefinitelyNotAMachineCultist my point still stands. Trusting nobody and keeping to yourself isnt as wise as you think it is, its being a turtle, and being a turtle isnt even close to being stoic. Ur not just enduring hardships, ur avoiding them entirely. Its like not going to the exams because you could fail. Theres failure included in almost everything, you cant just run away forever.
This hit me hard and I'm glad I came across this video so thank you.
When you’ve been lied to by the people you trusted the most in life, there’s really no going back. At least that’s how it feels.
“i say never be complete;
i say stop being perfect;
i say let’s evolve, let the chips fall where they may„ - Tyler Durden
When you go through bullying, racism, abuse, betrayal from friends, parents and people you considered family, you end up losing empathy and become a bit more individualistic. When you don’t have a safety net from the family or the government and have to force to fiend for yourself, that’s when you become a bit cold. Sad reality but it gets better eventually. You will find people, your tribe. You just have to be a a bit Machiavellian at first to heal from whatever trauma you went through or are currently going through.
I Cried Infront Of My Family Unconsciously.
And Now They Think I Feel Regret Or Cried For Them 🥱🖤
BUT NO!!
I DON'T CARE 🥱🖤
F*CK OFF TO THAT CRYING REGRET 🥱🖤
“Getting screwed over by someone you fell deeply in love with will turn you cold AF”…
When I was in my early 20s, I went through a series of events that damaged me and my ability to connect and empathise with people. I was lucky enough to have a friend who gave me what amounted to an intervention. She didn’t know what was going on, she just knew I was shutting everyone out. She confronted me with it, didn’t run away when I pushed back… and she ultimately helped me find my way out of my own darkness.
There is still that dark part to me, and some wounds that have never healed properly, but it didn’t consume me.
I have a tattoo on my arm to remind me to value the strength it takes to allow yourself to be vulnerable with the people you care about… because otherwise all you will do is hurt them and hurt yourself, until you cut off that contact completely - killing off the things that make life worth living. You end up dead inside, but still moving - a twisted mockery of the person you used to be.
Being an Empath who's life started with trauma and feeling not wanted comes with extensive risks. I'm here, on the one side I show the characteristics of a decent, loving and caring human being who wants the best for the world. On the other side i'm cold hearted, anti social and sometimes can be quite evil and hostile towards another person with my words and thoughts of society if they bother me. I am semi anti social but have the people I like. Ever since I lost my children just over ten years ago I have changed and negative experiences since then have just added onto this and caused me to straight up hate another person on the spot. First came the the confusion, the not knowing why, the unresolved. Then came the grief, isolation, self blame the anger, the emptyness. Now comes the jealousy of seeing others with their children, the bitterness, the hate, the blood thirsty lust for revenge and sophisticated well prepped and calculated justice bringing to those who ever crossed me or rubbed me up the wrong way. I feel betrayed by my own country, I feel betrayed by the care system, the people I put my faith into from birth. My foster mother- basically my mother) who sadly passed away in 2016 only adding to my hatred was right in trying to protect me from the truth when I was growing up and how it will damage me beyond repair if I saw it for what it was. See I feel trapped in a limbo, on one hand I want a successful life and I know what I want and it's all positive, but on the other it is unresolved and I cannot move forward until I have gotten even and there's some resolution to what is haunting me- I had the power to be a father stolen from me, the one thing in my life that would have saved me and brought out the light- punishment without crime is how one is slowly pushed to darkness. A friend of mine said that hate and that anger is going to lead you to do unthinkable things in the future and even though they may deserve it does it mean you have to lower yourself to anothers level to be their karma?. I said they betrayed me in the worst possible way so yes it does. He told me then you've already made your decision you either just don't know it yet or are unwilling to accept that fact, but once you do you're going to be the opposite to an Empath. That's the thing maybe I don't want to be an Empath anymore, maybe I want these people to suffer, to feel the pain I felt when they betrayed me!- The Joker once quoted a fact- “What Do You Get When You Cross a Mentally Ill Loner with a Society Who Abandons Him ..?. I don't believe in injustice, and I don't believe in hurting innocent people who had no part to play in anothers pain, but I do believe in what goes around comes around. That's the truth as to why someone can snap at 12 years old or go their entire life to finally break at the age of 30 something over the last straw. Not because they're evil or have bad current friends around them, but that they are unresolved, it's all bottled up, there's never been a genuine solution they have just dismissed the fact inside they are beyond a broken person wearing a fake smile to fit in to an abysmal society with an even more abysmal people in power. The worlds a beautiful place, it's occupants not so much.
Not for long even the world is starting to go to hell
Not for long even the world is starting to go to hell
I feel ya
I understand all those feelings and points of view and I've felt the same, but I do not believe in revenge and making people suffer. That's the Lord's job. He can do a better job of it anyway. I have been betrayed and hurt by many people. I forgive them, but I don't forget and once I remove myself, that's it I'm gone. Seems to me, no one would care if I died, but I won't give up. I hope you don't either.
I swear on my fingers that up until I was about 23 I was the most warm hearted person you would meet in your life. After finishing the military which was hard but full of brotherhood- work life and University has made me a completely different person.
Bro somebody gave you the blueprint to my entire life. You just legitimately just categorically stated event after event that I've personally encountered throughout the personal development of my conceivable existence. From water taking my brothers away from me at age 5 to losing dad/bestfriend at 16. & lastly, the Avoidant Detachment Syndrome that's plagued me since age 19 after she left me a traumatic wreck, broke my heart, & ripped me all apart. U can either sit around forever untill there's 10 Years Gone or even 20 or 30 and feel sorry for yourself; or use that pain as fuel to leave as great of a positive impact that you can possibly make in this life. If you have the key you can literally escape right out of Hell. I've chosen poetry as my key. That & suicide were hypothetically the only two options... My grandpa told me this was a cold world and I understand why he said that now.
I think there's a time and place for the stoic attitude, especially when encountering conflict or other inconveniences and then there's a time for a "human" reactions. However don't let your kindness be used against you especially from women. Cheers!
Callouses are protective. Scars are under a lot of them. Abuse, injustice, hurt, pain. Life.
I overcome all of this through stoicism and learned to put control, attention and love where it matters. Protect your resources and rest when you need to.
it's better to feel nothing than everything
No, it's not.
@@abyssreborn4213 why?
All truly strong people a kind. Never let fear of the unknown control you by assuming that being kind is not worth it. You may not be able to affect everyone with it but think about those you did affect and that you have tried. Never give up on being kind. Nurture the flame of kindness within you so that it does not extinguish nor grow wild and cause pain to you or others.
Beware however of being too kind as being compliant, prioritizing everyone but you and enabling dependency can and most likely will cause harm to yourself. Thus, remember to be balanced and adaptive.
I think life experiences like betrayal by someone you loved play a role in wanting to emotionally distance yourself from others. You just don't want to feel that pain again. I lost a beloved pet that I had 1 year and a half ago. Only recently can I remember that animal without tearing up. I had her almost 17 years and she became family to me. No matter how bad my day at work, she was always happy to see me and often greeted me when I returned home from work in her heathier years. She trusted me and felt safe around me. Sitting there in the vets office with her when they pushed the drug that would end her life I will never forget. I was stroking her head to give her some comfort, and when the full weight of her head dropped in my hand I wept. I won't ever have another pet again because I don't want to feel those emotions of loss ever again.
I was betrayed and abandoned by family and friends when I needed them most. Now some wonder why I’m so distant and such an asshole. I’ve told them but they still don’t get it. Just refuse to take any responsibility for their actions.
Trust no one. Ever.
Another thing to take into account is how as a child we prevcied a situation.
When I was a child I had my parents around me when they weren't at work, we had holidays etc. When I injured myself, got into a fight, ended up crying they were there. I don't believe they were fully there for me in an emotional sense or perhaps they could only be as emotional towards me as they were towards themselves.
It goes back to how we interpret the situation that stays with us.
Thanks man, I now identified the cause of my frustrations so now I can take necessary steps to take action. Thanks once again 🙏