Mark is incredibly wise, open and honest and the insights from this conversation are invaluable 🤯… hit like and subscribe for a new episode every Monday
Hey Steven. Thank you for what you have created, thank you so much. Alot of love from Kenya 🇰🇪. Your podcast is a big influence on mine. Quick question, I hope you see this...Do your guests come on at a fee or are they all at no cost? @The Diary Of A CEO
Top Moments- Released 20th August 2021- Watched Saturday 14th May 2022 [ ] = own thoughts 1. MM: Dad’s business really took off 8:40 We were middle class. When I am 9, everything gets upgraded. We have BMW’s we are flying 1st class. That is the time when my family’s marriage unravelled. I learned from such a young age that money does not solve your problems. I was blessed at such a young age to learn this lesson. SB: Wow.
2. We tend to mistake highs for happiness 34:55 making a lot of money, getting an award. But highs are not happiness/fulfilment.
3. MM 39:12 Go live your values and have them fail you. In the case of money [a value] 40:05, you have to buy that Lamborghini and realise it does not fix anything [SB and MM both laugh] SB: I remember buying a 7-bedroom house with a tennis court, out in the countryside, at 21. But I was 1.5 hours from my friends, they cannot see me anyways. I was there for 9 months. Then moved to a 1-bedroom flat in the middle of the city. 41:05 I had to do it and let my value fail me.
4. MM 41:10 Will Smith story: shows his dad all the cars and bikes he owns. Will asks Dad: ‘What do you think?’ Dad: ‘Why do you have so many cars? You only have 1 ass.’ What do you need 4 cars for?
5. MM: why am I doing this 49:50 MM: it is a question u have to earn. To remove a desire from your equation, u have to get some of it first 50:30 and see that it does not work! [Recall SB’s point above: he bought a car, a house, to realise he does not need it] 6. SB: What did u come to learn having got all this success, money? What did u come to learn that u value? 50:42 MM: I was 25. But doing this at 35 would be really weird. I became a therapist for these lads at bars. I should be writing about emotional health. Hence, I pivoted from dating to being an emotional coach. I can be a 50-year-old still talking about this, and hang my hat on this and feel proud. But I never would have got there if I was not a dating coach.
7. SB: What are the values of Mark that allows you to be fulfilled, sustainable? 54:15 Honesty, Generosity- spend money on others- it feels much better and means a lot more, which creates powerful moments that u cherish for the rest of your life.
8. MM: When u start out, u say yes to everything 1:00:00 Then learning to say no gracefully is a skill. Being able to let people down. 1 way I do this is I tell people I have a rule: ‘I only do 4 events a year. Sorry I cannot do your event.’ They really respect your rule. SB: It is your principle that let you down. He wants to do it but the principle!! [funny] 9. SB: Why do people hate personal responsibility? 1:03:30 We tend to mistake responsibility and fault 1:04:35 There is responsibility in every moment because we are always choosing what to focus on. MM says it again here 1:08:08 in every moment u choose what to focus on. 10. MM: In every moment u are choosing how to see things 1:08:45 In this sense u can choose to see things in a way that makes u feel better [very well said] It is not easy [ simple but not easy] In this sense, happiness [fulfilment] is a choice. Will you access fulfilment, will u choose to? [ big question] 11. SB: As life has got more comfortable, we have gotten into trouble 1:14:50 [Recall this is what Anna Lembke also said: we are suffering from all this access] [The more we have, the more miserable we are. Why? Pleasure-pain balance explains this. Our brains are not wired for a hyper-convenient world, we are suffering from all this access. So, Anne is saying: we are suffering because life can be too easy. Wow.]
12. SB: When we are comfortable, we give people an existential crisis! [both MM and SB laugh] 1:18:00
13. MM: You are experiencing the most success of your life, and now u feel aimless [ gold medal syndrome- Olympians also experience this after winning gold, they ask; now what?] 1:21:00 I mentioned this to a unicorn founder, to comedians who get TV specials. They all experience this too. 14. 1:23:00 I have always written books I needed to read.
my trauma therapist says Anxiety is the overestimation of threat and the under estimation of the ability to cope! - hope this helps someone! it saved me! ❤
“You’ll stop worrying about what people think of you when you realise how seldom they do” that’s such a powerful quote. Steve your podcasts are changing the lives of many men and woman out there, keep them coming 💙
See I don’t believe this cause I think about other people way more than myself. Not judging them but definitely thinking about their behavior, words, how they make me feel etc.
@@baeconater8I see what you're saying but I'd imagine you're thinking of multiple people rather than one individual. I think the quote is relevant especially in this social media world of the insistence to impress.
In a freshman business communication class, the professor did the thing where you go around and introduce yourself. It was your name and one interesting fact about you. He then offered an A for the class to anyone who could repeat the name and fact for five people (there were maybe 30 people). No takers. Nobody even tried. He then made the point that everyone was thinking about their “interesting fact” too much to take in anyone else’s. In other words, nobody cares what you’re saying so stop panicking. Then, he outlined the presentation we had to do; the major project for the class. Good technique.
Especially liked the section about the importance of treating others well. From a brain perspective, we can lie and manipulate others, but our own brain will ALWAYS know the truth of who we are. The reason we should treat others well is not just a selfless act, but because it’s good for our OWN mental health!
As a mid thirties female, I didn’t think this would be the podcast for me. He is interesting, wise, has a good awareness of his life, fun in a non-forced way, likeable. Also he doesn’t fit into any particular stereotype - he seems like his own person. Loved this one!
@Gemma Grant I am a 52 y/o female & feel the same ✨ I listen to podcasts on my TH-cam to help me concentrate while charting at work & I had to pause to listen after I got home. Surprisingly liked this guest & their interactions. I actually learned from this one. Hope you did as well.😌
Please keep in mind everyone that these men are talking about normal people in normal relationships,. What this means is not with narcissists or sociopaths. It is normal to be wounded and insecure, but entering into relationships with people who lack empathy, don't care about anyone's needs but their own and have no ability to love and be loved. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or a sociopath things work differently, and this advice will backfire in the worst possible ways. The prompted me to write this comment was when he started talking about honesty, and while it is always critical to be honest with ourselves in a relationship with a disordered person your honesty will be one sided and as well as used against you. The best advice I can offer is to work on loving yourself and healing your trauma and when you pull people into your orbit and into your heart make sure that they are empathic and they care about your needs, and that your life is better with them in it, and let them go if your life becomes more difficult, confusing, exhausting , and painful.
This is the 111 episode this comment has 111 likes I'm seeing synchronicities like crazy And the fact that I'm reading his book for the second time right now ! 😂💜✨
Tom Magilozzi said, "Happiness equals reality minus expectations." Another amazing guest, Mark is very insightful. Some very good advice here. I especially liked the part about mental health.
"So if I remove expectations, I can expect to be happy?" I'm not actually arguing, because Magliozzi's not wrong. It's just that telling yourself, "Ok, no more expectations then. Now we'll finally be happy," is itself an expectation. The Buddha said, "If you want to stop suffering, cut out desire." To which the disciples went away, tried, and came back, saying, "Yes, but now we're desiring not to desire." We're in a trap in which the desire to get out is the thing that keeps us in. It's weird. People have been toying with this for millennia.
@Cecil Charles Official It's essentially laymen's Stoicism. Anyone interested in a more philosophical approach to managing expectations in pursuit of happiness should look in to the ancient Stoics. Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" is probably the best place to start, and it's VERY accessible in a way that a lot of philosophy is not (i.e. it's not overly convoluted or academic).
I read Subtle Art between hikes as I was trying to reach the top of Kilimanjaro. The book helped to make sense of what I was escaping and what I was hoping to achieve. Without the book I'd have returned home simply feeling good, but with the help of the book I returned home feeling positive. To me, there's a huge difference.
@@VirgilTStone how very proud you must be. Everyone else has to stop to acclimatise when scaling those peaks, which can take days of sitting around doing nothing (ideal time to read a book or two?). Clearly you just went up there like a true hero. Interesting how you can find time now though to put down my own humble experience. Maybe you can plan another made up trip that never happened?
I haven't read all the comments, but immediately I want to point out that what you two are talking about is known as Childhood Emotional Neglect. It's been said that to harm a child you don't have to do a thing. Do nothing, ignore your kids, teach them nothing about emotional regulation, and the child will always wonder if they are ok. Marc, we were raised with Benevolent Neglect as the dominant tone of parenting in the 80's.
When I got through Burnout and depression three years ago, Mark's book, which I found on TH-cam, was the first step to change my thinking and priorities. The process is still going on....
Aww how wonderful to hear 2 guys chatting so openly about everything. Much needed. This was actually my favourite chat so far. Mark is great. Well done Steven, great project xxx
Wow never clicked so fast. Everything about this podcast is perfect, the guests, the diverse questions and insightful theories! There is also an incredible amount of depth in Steven's communication with guests!
*”I really hope in 2022 you become THE best version of yourself. I hope it will be your beat year ever"* If you are reading this, take it easy and have an amazing day!!
"You’ll stop worrying about what people think of you when you realize how seldom they do” that's some way to end such insightful and brilliant interview... Steve your podcasts have become our life mentor and has enhanced our knowledge and above all widens our perception of life. I thank you!
I love the segment about the difference between highs and happiness. It really paints the highs as in an accurately addictive light, where as happiness is the product of work and the contentment thereafter, which really resonated with me. Such a fantastic conversation to hear!
This guy is amazing, his essay The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck helped me out of a such a mental dumpsterfire in life.. Was glad to learn he had written whole books!
This is one of the realest, most down to earth, and wisest conversations I've listened to on here. The time just sped by for me. I can't begin to describe how beautiful this was. Thank you Steven and Marc. I can't believe I'm just stumbling into this podcast. If these are the kind of conversations that happen here, I'm subscribed!
One of my favourite aspects of your podcast is the relatable nature of your guests. We all come from different backgrounds, but we are all human and have similar issues in our minds👊
I love this chat. One of the best so far in my book. I’ve been away for two weeks in the US and I have read his book throughout my trip. I read a chapter a day to let it sink in and my word, some of the lessons he teaches have resonated so much with what I want to do - the fear of failure and rejection is so huge that we just don’t do what we should do. I’ve now taken the decision to just do. If people don’t like it then that’s fine, I can deal with that now. This book and approach combined with The Chimp Paradox has really changed my mindset beyond what I ever thought was possible. Thanks for the interview Steven - this one is gold!
I absolutely loved this episode!! "You see the code", so true! "Louise Hay"!! She was the one who taught me how to forgive my father for sexually abusing me! Now I help others but never breathe religion or forgiveness down their throats the way my Nigerian family did to me! Thanks Steve! You bring on the best!! ❤
This is my first time watching this channel, and man you're an awesome interviewer. You make your guest feel comfortable, you guide the conversation with your personal tales and you make this all interesting and entertaining. Congrats, I'm definitely subscribing.
That's why I follow him. I think he is awesome and one of the best, if not the best interviewer on TH-cam. There is also this aura of compassion and kindness that he possesses.
What he describes on the corporate world is so true. Nothing has changed and no one gives a s. about your ideas of improvement, you are paid to perform the same task over and over.
I've found that the solution for that is to work at a smaller company where you are encouraged to where several hats while the company grows! So exciting building a solid company with a team of people all looking in the same upward direction!
Loved Mark Manson since the blog days before the books. He had such great writing and his topics were spot on. I’m not surprised he blew up the way he did. It’s definitely well deserved. Great guest!
If I had a teenage son, I would watch this interview with him. Hopefully parents use this as a great tool to have important conversations with their sons.
I am so glad that my twin sister introduced me to your podcast, and thank you for sharing such raw, real and authentic conversations you have with people. I have literally been binge watching these for a few days now, and like Steven you genuinely inspire me. Plus you’re genuine and real. Seeing your example, not just as as such a successful person which I find truly inspiring, but as a person of colour has inspired me. And as I sit here, literally now waiting for my surgical operation at the hospital, these podcasts are the things that have helped me to remain relaxed during this anxious period in my life and have helped me to really look at my life from different aspects and the type of life I want to live cause literally my life could be taken any minute, the question is will I feel fulfilled?? This was another good episode, and am looking forward to listening to more! Thanks for sharing this with us.
I resonated with the point you made about one of your friends going from one relationship to another to seek validation and fill a void. But that leading to further destruction in self worth and being further ready to be in a relationship. I've been going through this in the past year and I didn't understand why I keep getting in these 2-3 month relationships I think they're going great but they keep ending. I realized I needed to give myself the proper time to heal and process my emotions after my 3 year relationship ended instead of jumping into new relationships in a couple months. I realized that sometimes, stepping back and taking time for yourself can help break the cycle and allow you to find deeper fulfillment outside of relationships. Remember, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness above all else. So now time to heal. This will be a quiet but peaceful period.
Accepting responsibility for the event itself when something was out of your control is very different from accepting responsibility for the circumstances and stepping up to do something about it are two very different things, it's an interesting perspective. I quite like that.
I walked past the book so many times buy for some reason I never bought it. But the minute this podcast came up, I had to dive in. Either cause I am completely biased with how amazing @stevebarlett brings out these conversations. I find it hard to listen to other podcasts because Steve does not interrupt the guest at all. You don't complete their sentences. Really wholesome learning. I get out of bed, pick up my phone and my 1hr of "NO phone" is a podcast. Love it
I had similar situation in my childhood when I quickly learnd that money doesnt buy you happines. Know im learning that im open to learn untill my last breath.
As always, Mark Mansion has come with an amazing interview, In which you can see that he leaves by the belief of his book by the way he speaks, his body language, the calmness of his voice. This guy is just inbelievable.
I watch a lot of podcasts and I would say you are my favourite interviewer, best for really getting to know your guests, ask great questions and let them talk
Listening to this on a Sunday morning felt like Sunday church. Loved when he said you need to get it wrong before getting it right. A Lamborghini is a tool to trigger deeper introspection, the empty success is a stepping stone to self-actualisation. On that note, I don't believe self-actualisation is linear. Reaching a higher version of ourselves doesn't need to happen in order. Some people might never be in a space where they don't need to worry about food, house, success. But that shouldn't stop us from self-actualising ourselves. Maslow hierarchy suffers from excludability... self actualisations isn't only for a few. Also, glad you have outgrown the pickup artistry. Hopefully, it made you better partner material... hopefully. 😆 Great chat. Thank you. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Quotes and notes of the podcast: "To improve anything, you need to have power and influence over it" ("What is not measured, can't be managed") "Making a rule for yourself will allow you to make decision making easier" - Example: If it is not a "F**k Yes", I say "No" "Outsized expectations cause anxiety, so managing expectations the correct way would make a huge difference" "My words would never overcome your insecurities!" "A community is something that will keep you sane and help you grow" "Every healthy relationship with someone else starts with a healthy relationship with yourself" Honesty should be a standard that you keep yourself to. It will pay off in the long term (can't agree more) "It feels and means a lot more when you spend money on other people. As it creates memories for the rest of your life." "Solving a problem with the brain that got you into it, is never a good idea" PS: I love that you asked him about "Happiness is a choice" and his response to it!
Quote..."You can't just sit on the couch and think your way out of your values... you need to go live them and let them fail you." As a clinician, I have made it a habit of asking my clients to identify their core values for two decades. The vast majority cannot do that and most often ask, "what do you mean?" In other words, they want context for the question, "what do you believe", or "name some of your core values." We never need context to be provided for our thoughts, decisions, feelings or actions. Unfortunately, what a lot of people do is "go live them", they do fail them, and they keep trying. A question we should all ask ourselves is this... "rather than think ourselves into, through or out of our values, or haphazardly going out and living them to test them, maybe we should ask if there are VALUES that are true, everytime and for everyone, which are wise and time tested, which do not originate with us, that we can find, adopt and learn to live by."
I read this book and it allows you to put things in perspective, What's important who's important and when not to allow things that are not important cause stress in your life.
Read this book a few times when it first came out. I now have it on audible and must have listened to it over 50 plus times. It's a great book not only in terms of self help; it's entertaining too.
When Manson started to talk about his experience at the only job he ever worked, I related to him big time. My second job was more or less like that. They just want to "see you busy," one monotonous task and a boss who is completely disconnected from the world of technology that the job itself could be done by a software instead of bunch of employees. I am glad I am not the only who found theirself in this situation! I thought I was crazy for not being docile about it, whereas other colleagues just nod and do.I feel validated. Manson you´re a great author.
I read the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F* over a year ago and it totally change my perspective on so many things, it was such an eye opener. I love this guy. People definitely need to ditch “The Secret” and read his book instead if they want to make a some changes in their life!
I’m a flight attendant and always go around in the cabin checking what are people ready. At some flight, there were 4 people ready that book at the same time, in both business and economy cabin’s!
Stephen, Jay Shetty would be an incredible guest and feel like you both have very similar personalities and ways of thinking. His book “how to think like a monk” is one of the most practical, beneficial books I have come across in the last 2/3 years 🤝
The one thing my mom got right was education and reading. She read to me until I was able to take over for myself. Her mantra was, "It's the dummy that won't pick up a dictionary". The one thing my dad got right some days was his sense of humor and playfulness.
By far the most useful self help book I’ve ever read! Thank you so much for inspiring me to take a deep dive into what should really matter in my daily life.
I love how Steven is so relaxed here, it feels as if it’s just a conversation between friends, I love it. Can’t wait to read Mark’s new book ❤ thanks so much for this interview, I very much needed to hear everything in this video, resonated so much with my current situation. ☺️
Currently hooked to this podcast, man. Beautifully hosted, very well filmed and incredible guests, questions and conversations. You’re made for doing this, keep it up and thanks so much for the quality content 💪🏼
Agreed. His podcast is personal and impactful in a way that most podcasts are not. Each of his podcasts leave me with something to really think about and consider on a deeper level. This podcast, more than any other that I've come across, is a sort of "school of life" that has the potential to hone my schema or provide much needed perspective that can make my life better.
I’ve been working on myself for the past couple years,if you have a therapist make sure you have a good one,rejection is a powerful emotion and it’s painful it goes deep
Such a great interview. I've been contemplating about whether or not I should read the Subtle Art for some time and I've got my answer now. You can tell Mark is so emotionally wise and in general a kind person. Really enjoyed this.
I'm not easily impressed, but I'm so very impressed with this guest. While while in a bookstore years ago, I picked up his book, "Everything is F*****..". Just on a whim, and I couldn't put it down. It wasn't about suspense. It was about excellent writing and insights. I would read it again. We need more of him and people like him.🙏
Uhhh for those of us who have had something truly terrible happen to us aren't afraid of taking responsibility, we are well aware of our responsibility in this life. We are just fully aware that it doesn't matter what we do or don't do. We are fully aware that we can do everything right and still end up being destroyed. We learn early in life that nothing is fair, nothing is just, and the only thing you can do is see the evil in everyone, including ourselves and do our best to avoid it. The most important thing in my experience is to accept that most people do not care about you and that most will use you if given the opportunity. Basically do not ever trust anyone, especially the people you love, because if you love someone you will not see the evil in them. Love makes you vulnerable so you must temper that love or you will be hurt.
This was an incredible conversation to listen to. A lot of this resonated, and gave me a sense of validation for methods of living that others have scoffed at at various times in my life. “If it’s not fuck yes, it’s no” and generally saying no when needed is a big part of my life and my job. It turns a lot of heads when I say it, because customer service is so much about saying yes. Honesty, personal accountability, living with a bit of humility. Happiness is about having purpose, community and physical needs met. Letting go of the consumerist central mindset, and digging into what feeds our purpose has changed my life. My mother gave me two pieces of advice. Adages I suppose to help me make choices: 1. you always have a choice, all the choices might be different levels of suck, but you have choices. And within those choices are love or fear. How we make those choices are driven deeply by love or fear. So always choose love. 2. Before speaking, (or pressing send, or publish) ask yourself: is it honest? is it necessary? is it kind? Rather than just arguing to be right, is there a way to convey what’s in my head through those lenses. This changed my life. Learning to be honest with myself let’s me be honest about myself to others. What I am working on now is speaking up when I’m unhappy with things, like things within relationships or at work.
You can’t think your way into new action you act your way into new thinking… a wise person told me this once and it’s been so valuable to my self development
This has to be one of my favourite interview's you've done! I love the section about your values and your why, and how you almost have to earn it. I've never heard it being explained like that before. Thank you so much for sharing! It brought so much clarity to me :)
I forgot that Mark said that the people in the American south don’t like it when one does what they don’t do. It’s true. I haven’t heard anyone else point that out. The northeast is more pushy so that the atmosphere requires doing something.
As someone who gave too many fucks about too many undeserving assholes, I have found much consolation in the philosophy of Mark Manson. Good to see y'all getting together 👍
I really dig Marks perspective on things and he has a great sense of humor. Taking personal responsibility for our life and everything we involve ourselves in from our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors empower us to create our dreams. I am starting from scratch and I appreciate this type of direction. I hope to dig from my own experiences and begin sharing these gains in a way that can assist those who struggle with mental health and depression. 😊
This made me plow through both of his books «The subtle art of not giving a f*ck», and «Everything is f*cked» in a 3 days!🤗🌷 What a brilliant mind. His take on Kant was an eyeopener🫶 I hope he will write more on this topic as he has a wealth of knowledge about philosophers. Also; such a great reader!🤗🌷👏👏 Anne, Norway🇳🇴🇳🇴🇳🇴
L O V E. I also grew up in the most traditional of households and am a black sheep most definitely. So happy to hear Mark on your podcast! Keep on keeping on Steven.
Steven: you should interview Louis Tomlinson! He's faced a lot of challenges and come out stronger than ever. He is the CEO of his own media company, his 2nd album was a #1 hit in the UK, and songs from it have over 20 million downloads on Spotify. Louis is extremely honest, forthright, and isn't afraid to speak his mind. He'd be a great guest!
I find that when I took my physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing seriously, it really put my family off. It actually caused daily arguments, gaslighting, guilt tripping, etc. to revert back to the person I was trying so hard not to be. It all started when I realized, "How can I expect anyone to like me when I don't even like myself?"
@@yupindeed5422 Hit the gym bro. It helped me out a lot. One good piece of advice my dad gave me when I was younger was, "Take some time and work on yourself. It may take months, it may take years. Try and shape yourself into the parter women would want to date. Be a gentleman, well spoken, fit, etc." Basically, put in some effort young buck, was his advice. I always thought of it as, "How can anyone like me if I don't even like myself?"
Wow. I am a 52 year old, single female. I lost my long term partner (and fiancé) in 2019. I have only just begun dating again ...and am finding it somewhat unfamiliar in this new age dating era. I found myself easily 'groomed' into a 'fling' situation (friends with benefits) that I did not intend to be in, meaning I thought I was entering a potentially long term, loving relationship. By the time I realized he was non committal, I was beginning to feel totally unfulfilled and rather lonely 'in' a so called 'relationship'. I was rather fearful of saying, "No more", largely because of my age and inexperience in 'the new ways of dating', compared to the era I am familiar with. Thanks to listening to this episode, I took the advice on 'how to say "No" respectfully'. Whilst listening to your guest, I began drafting a 'Dear John' (breakup) message (yes message because that seems to be the way people do things nowadays), and I wrote it with honesty, sensitivity and respect. Then sent the message to 'him'. He admirably replied, "I'm sorry xo." I now feel empowered with self respect, still have a good 'friend' and am free to be open to true love, if it should come my way. I cannot express enough how grateful I am to have heard your discussion because I was absolutely miserable ...until now. Thank you for helping me become happy again through your wisdoms. Tons of love, Western Australia
brilliant work sista! in the same age - my husband took his life a year ago ... its completely derailed my 3 daughters one of whom is now sectioned on a mental health ward in London ... this guy (mark Manson) has somehow managed to reach deep inside me and enable me to find strength I didn't know I had xx
@@parisiteparis I feel the same, sis ...and I too lost my fiancé to suicide. The content of this conversation is empowering and healing, to say the least. Sorry to hear about the impact of your husband's death (RIP), on your daughters. It appears that we are both strong women indeed. Thank you and best wishes. xx
I have come to find out the way to gage how wealthy you are, is to count all the things you own that money can't buy. ( kindness, loving, compassion, empathy, and so on...)
I had a similar household where we weren't encouraged to express ourselves. Didn't have the wealth but were suburban middle class. We sort of raised ourselves with regards to figuring out adult life such as relationships, money, education and careers.
Hey Steven, thank you for your incredible conversations. I really appreciate the way you ask questions and surprise your guests as well as your listeners. Love your style of interview a lot and looking forward to have more female guests on your podcasts.
What Mark is talking about regarding the American South at arouind 4:20 is what we call "tall poppy syndrome in Australia" - very similar cultural thing
I've obviously been missing out not knowing about this guy. I'm looking forward to reading his book. He's so thoughtful and has a lot to say that's of interest.
Haha imagine saying to your boss: "You know, thanks for giving me this assignment, but I have a rule: if it isn't a fuck yes, it's a no... And frankly, I just couldn't give this project my all, so I'm going to have a pass on that." hahah
Mark is incredibly wise, open and honest and the insights from this conversation are invaluable 🤯… hit like and subscribe for a new episode every Monday
Hey Steven. Thank you for what you have created, thank you so much. Alot of love from Kenya 🇰🇪. Your podcast is a big influence on mine. Quick question, I hope you see this...Do your guests come on at a fee or are they all at no cost?
@The Diary Of A CEO
Top Moments- Released 20th August 2021- Watched Saturday 14th May 2022
[ ] = own thoughts
1. MM: Dad’s business really took off 8:40 We were middle class.
When I am 9, everything gets upgraded. We have BMW’s we are flying 1st class.
That is the time when my family’s marriage unravelled.
I learned from such a young age that money does not solve your problems.
I was blessed at such a young age to learn this lesson. SB: Wow.
2. We tend to mistake highs for happiness 34:55 making a lot of money, getting an award. But highs are not happiness/fulfilment.
3. MM 39:12 Go live your values and have them fail you.
In the case of money [a value] 40:05, you have to buy that Lamborghini and realise it does not fix anything
[SB and MM both laugh]
SB: I remember buying a 7-bedroom house with a tennis court, out in the countryside, at 21.
But I was 1.5 hours from my friends, they cannot see me anyways. I was there for 9 months.
Then moved to a 1-bedroom flat in the middle of the city.
41:05 I had to do it and let my value fail me.
4. MM 41:10 Will Smith story: shows his dad all the cars and bikes he owns.
Will asks Dad: ‘What do you think?’
Dad: ‘Why do you have so many cars? You only have 1 ass.’
What do you need 4 cars for?
5. MM: why am I doing this 49:50
MM: it is a question u have to earn.
To remove a desire from your equation, u have to get some of it first 50:30 and see that it does not work!
[Recall SB’s point above: he bought a car, a house, to realise he does not need it]
6. SB: What did u come to learn having got all this success, money?
What did u come to learn that u value? 50:42
MM: I was 25. But doing this at 35 would be really weird.
I became a therapist for these lads at bars.
I should be writing about emotional health.
Hence, I pivoted from dating to being an emotional coach.
I can be a 50-year-old still talking about this, and hang my hat on this and feel proud.
But I never would have got there if I was not a dating coach.
7. SB: What are the values of Mark that allows you to be fulfilled, sustainable?
54:15 Honesty, Generosity- spend money on others- it feels much better and means a lot more,
which creates powerful moments that u cherish for the rest of your life.
8. MM: When u start out, u say yes to everything 1:00:00
Then learning to say no gracefully is a skill. Being able to let people down.
1 way I do this is I tell people I have a rule: ‘I only do 4 events a year. Sorry I cannot do your event.’
They really respect your rule.
SB: It is your principle that let you down. He wants to do it but the principle!! [funny]
9. SB: Why do people hate personal responsibility?
1:03:30 We tend to mistake responsibility and fault
1:04:35 There is responsibility in every moment because we are always choosing what to focus on.
MM says it again here 1:08:08 in every moment u choose what to focus on.
10. MM: In every moment u are choosing how to see things 1:08:45
In this sense u can choose to see things in a way that makes u feel better [very well said]
It is not easy [ simple but not easy] In this sense, happiness [fulfilment] is a choice.
Will you access fulfilment, will u choose to? [ big question]
11. SB: As life has got more comfortable, we have gotten into trouble 1:14:50
[Recall this is what Anna Lembke also said: we are suffering from all this access]
[The more we have, the more miserable we are. Why?
Pleasure-pain balance explains this.
Our brains are not wired for a hyper-convenient world, we are suffering from all this access.
So, Anne is saying: we are suffering because life can be too easy. Wow.]
12. SB: When we are comfortable, we give people an existential crisis! [both MM and SB laugh] 1:18:00
13. MM: You are experiencing the most success of your life, and now u feel aimless
[ gold medal syndrome- Olympians also experience this after winning gold, they ask; now what?]
1:21:00 I mentioned this to a unicorn founder, to comedians who get TV specials. They all experience this too.
14. 1:23:00 I have always written books I needed to read.
Thank you Steven!!
I found him rather immature and unlightened
@@Young_Techiez a
my trauma therapist says Anxiety is the overestimation of threat and the under estimation of the ability to cope! - hope this helps someone! it saved me! ❤
That’s a very succinct way to put it. 🎉 Love it!
Very thought provoking. ❤
Thanks for sharing.
I’m saving that.
Screenshot worthy. Thanks! Godspeed on your journey.
Nice
Yes. That makes sense. The illusion of it is all too real though. That’s a good thing to write out and leave where it can be seen as a reminder. 😊
Very good, it helped me, I screen shot it
This was sooooo good. “You can’t just sit on your couch and think ur way out of ur values. U have to go live them and have them fail you”🤯
Right in the point :)
Sadly 😥
You just can't sit on your couch period
@@pvsk10 Hahaha Hahaha 😆
😂 context buddy , when you have strong values that align with you and not toxic ones… this quote should never be read by anyone suffering jeez
“You’ll stop worrying about what people think of you when you realise how seldom they do” that’s such a powerful quote. Steve your podcasts are changing the lives of many men and woman out there, keep them coming 💙
See I don’t believe this cause I think about other people way more than myself. Not judging them but definitely thinking about their behavior, words, how they make me feel etc.
Yeah but people sure will gossip about others. Lol!
And if they mind they don't matter 😊 vice versa
@@baeconater8I see what you're saying but I'd imagine you're thinking of multiple people rather than one individual. I think the quote is relevant especially in this social media world of the insistence to impress.
In a freshman business communication class, the professor did the thing where you go around and introduce yourself. It was your name and one interesting fact about you.
He then offered an A for the class to anyone who could repeat the name and fact for five people (there were maybe 30 people). No takers. Nobody even tried. He then made the point that everyone was thinking about their “interesting fact” too much to take in anyone else’s.
In other words, nobody cares what you’re saying so stop panicking. Then, he outlined the presentation we had to do; the major project for the class. Good technique.
Especially liked the section about the importance of treating others well.
From a brain perspective, we can lie and manipulate others, but our own brain will ALWAYS know the truth of who we are.
The reason we should treat others well is not just a selfless act, but because it’s good for our OWN mental health!
Glad you enjoyed it vince 🙌🏽
Well pointed out about manipulation and deciet causing mental illness. (Hamlet)
AHA moment. That was great.
Wow that's so well said thank you
Integrity is key for self worth
"Unless your problem is you're hungry, money is not going to solve it." Excellent!
Dam I'm about to be hungry
Or…if you need a home, want to buy a house, want to go back to school, need medical care, need a car to get a better job…
@@livthedream5885You're being far to micro when he is talking about macro things.
@@ReaveIdono happiness is an individualistic, micro focus. I don’t know what you think he’s talking about.
@@ReaveIdono At a macro level, societies function best with less social and economic inequality, and a more even distribution of resources.
As a mid thirties female, I didn’t think this would be the podcast for me. He is interesting, wise, has a good awareness of his life, fun in a non-forced way, likeable. Also he doesn’t fit into any particular stereotype - he seems like his own person. Loved this one!
As a mid 30's female, no one but you cares what you think.
@@VirgilTStone troll
@Gemma Grant I am a 52 y/o female & feel the same ✨ I listen to podcasts on my TH-cam to help me concentrate while charting at work & I had to pause to listen after I got home. Surprisingly liked this guest & their interactions. I actually learned from this one. Hope you did as well.😌
I feel the same - especially the fact that these guys are talking in a way which is normally reserved for women... it's quite refreshing.
And alllll that makes him so hot...😍
Please keep in mind everyone that these men are talking about normal people in normal relationships,. What this means is not with narcissists or sociopaths. It is normal to be wounded and insecure, but entering into relationships with people who lack empathy, don't care about anyone's needs but their own and have no ability to love and be loved. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or a sociopath things work differently, and this advice will backfire in the worst possible ways. The prompted me to write this comment was when he started talking about honesty, and while it is always critical to be honest with ourselves in a relationship with a disordered person your honesty will be one sided and as well as used against you. The best advice I can offer is to work on loving yourself and healing your trauma and when you pull people into your orbit and into your heart make sure that they are empathic and they care about your needs, and that your life is better with them in it, and let them go if your life becomes more difficult, confusing, exhausting , and painful.
Yes! Wonderful insight. There is a balance. Glad I clicked on this!
Well said!!😊
I needed this...Thank you for commenting ❤
Thank you! And pickup "artistry" is often just the act of lying and scamming women for sexual gratification instead of stealing money.
Well said thank you
Lewis Hamilton would be an incredible guest on this podcast! I can't even imagine the things Lewis and Steve would talk about 💡🚀
Yessssssss
This would be amazing
Oh yes 🙌🏾
Great shout!!
This is the 111 episode this comment has 111 likes
I'm seeing synchronicities like crazy
And the fact that I'm reading his book for the second time right now ! 😂💜✨
Tom Magilozzi said, "Happiness equals reality minus expectations." Another amazing guest, Mark is very insightful. Some very good advice here. I especially liked the part about mental health.
🙌🏽 Glad you liked it
@@TheDiaryOfACEO Thank you, Steven. It was most enjoyable.
What if u have high expectations to protect urself?
"So if I remove expectations, I can expect to be happy?" I'm not actually arguing, because Magliozzi's not wrong. It's just that telling yourself, "Ok, no more expectations then. Now we'll finally be happy," is itself an expectation. The Buddha said, "If you want to stop suffering, cut out desire." To which the disciples went away, tried, and came back, saying, "Yes, but now we're desiring not to desire." We're in a trap in which the desire to get out is the thing that keeps us in. It's weird. People have been toying with this for millennia.
@Cecil Charles Official It's essentially laymen's Stoicism. Anyone interested in a more philosophical approach to managing expectations in pursuit of happiness should look in to the ancient Stoics. Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" is probably the best place to start, and it's VERY accessible in a way that a lot of philosophy is not (i.e. it's not overly convoluted or academic).
I read Subtle Art between hikes as I was trying to reach the top of Kilimanjaro. The book helped to make sense of what I was escaping and what I was hoping to achieve. Without the book I'd have returned home simply feeling good, but with the help of the book I returned home feeling positive. To me, there's a huge difference.
Stop
When I climbed K2, Denali, and Everest, I didn't have time to stop and read books.
@@VirgilTStone how very proud you must be. Everyone else has to stop to acclimatise when scaling those peaks, which can take days of sitting around doing nothing (ideal time to read a book or two?). Clearly you just went up there like a true hero. Interesting how you can find time now though to put down my own humble experience. Maybe you can plan another made up trip that never happened?
@Virgil T. Stone Reading? Lol I WROTE a book while climbing Mount Doom deep in the heart of Mordor. Git gud, nerd
Oh wow
“Stubbornly and unnegotiably protecting my right to be my true self in life” that was so well articulated. I want it printed on a T-shirt.
R u acoustic
I haven't read all the comments, but immediately I want to point out that what you two are talking about is known as Childhood Emotional Neglect. It's been said that to harm a child you don't have to do a thing. Do nothing, ignore your kids, teach them nothing about emotional regulation, and the child will always wonder if they are ok.
Marc, we were raised with Benevolent Neglect as the dominant tone of parenting in the 80's.
"There is nothing more painful to the human mind than a great and sudden change."
-Mary Shelley
Agreed (from personal experience)!
Also there is nothing more educational than having this experience happen to you
When I got through Burnout and depression three years ago, Mark's book, which I found on TH-cam, was the first step to change my thinking and priorities. The process is still going on....
He's just the realest person on the internet. His book has changed my life.
Aww how wonderful to hear 2 guys chatting so openly about everything. Much needed. This was actually my favourite chat so far. Mark is great. Well done Steven, great project xxx
Wow never clicked so fast. Everything about this podcast is perfect, the guests, the diverse questions and insightful theories! There is also an incredible amount of depth in Steven's communication with guests!
Glad you’re enjoying them Laura
*”I really hope in 2022 you become THE best version of yourself. I hope it will be your beat year ever"* If you are reading this, take it easy and have an amazing day!!
"You’ll stop worrying about what people think of you when you realize how seldom they do” that's some way to end such insightful and brilliant interview... Steve your podcasts have become our life mentor and has enhanced our knowledge and above all widens our perception of life. I thank you!
The secret of happiness is knowing how to enjoy what you have.
I love your interview skills. Thanks for letting people talk.
OMG yes! 😂❤
Yes 🙌🏿 the best!
I love the segment about the difference between highs and happiness. It really paints the highs as in an accurately addictive light, where as happiness is the product of work and the contentment thereafter, which really resonated with me. Such a fantastic conversation to hear!
This guy is amazing, his essay The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck helped me out of a such a mental dumpsterfire in life.. Was glad to learn he had written whole books!
This is one of the realest, most down to earth, and wisest conversations I've listened to on here. The time just sped by for me. I can't begin to describe how beautiful this was. Thank you Steven and Marc. I can't believe I'm just stumbling into this podcast. If these are the kind of conversations that happen here, I'm subscribed!
Agreed, I've listened to about 20 of these now and he's the best guest, real values, true and honest. Also so wise. I have to read his books
One of my favourite aspects of your podcast is the relatable nature of your guests. We all come from different backgrounds, but we are all human and have similar issues in our minds👊
🙌🏽
I love this chat. One of the best so far in my book. I’ve been away for two weeks in the US and I have read his book throughout my trip. I read a chapter a day to let it sink in and my word, some of the lessons he teaches have resonated so much with what I want to do - the fear of failure and rejection is so huge that we just don’t do what we should do.
I’ve now taken the decision to just do. If people don’t like it then that’s fine, I can deal with that now. This book and approach combined with The Chimp Paradox has really changed my mindset beyond what I ever thought was possible.
Thanks for the interview Steven - this one is gold!
I absolutely loved this episode!! "You see the code", so true! "Louise Hay"!! She was the one who taught me how to forgive my father for sexually abusing me! Now I help others but never breathe religion or forgiveness down their throats the way my Nigerian family did to me! Thanks Steve! You bring on the best!! ❤
This is my first time watching this channel, and man you're an awesome interviewer. You make your guest feel comfortable, you guide the conversation with your personal tales and you make this all interesting and entertaining. Congrats, I'm definitely subscribing.
That's why I follow him. I think he is awesome and one of the best, if not the best interviewer on TH-cam. There is also this aura of compassion and kindness that he possesses.
What he describes on the corporate world is so true. Nothing has changed and no one gives a s. about your ideas of improvement, you are paid to perform the same task over and over.
I've found that the solution for that is to work at a smaller company where you are encouraged to where several hats while the company grows! So exciting building a solid company with a team of people all looking in the same upward direction!
Basically a farm animal
Having read two of his books, I was hoping I wasn't going to be disapointed with hearing him in-person. I wasn't. Great interview.
👊🏽 thanks grant
Mark Manson is my favourite author and his second book is my favourite book of all-time. The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck changed my entire life!
Loved Mark Manson since the blog days before the books. He had such great writing and his topics were spot on. I’m not surprised he blew up the way he did. It’s definitely well deserved. Great guest!
If I had a teenage son, I would watch this interview with him. Hopefully parents use this as a great tool to have important conversations with their sons.
I am so glad that my twin sister introduced me to your podcast, and thank you for sharing such raw, real and authentic conversations you have with people. I have literally been binge watching these for a few days now, and like Steven you genuinely inspire me. Plus you’re genuine and real. Seeing your example, not just as as such a successful person which I find truly inspiring, but as a person of colour has inspired me. And as I sit here, literally now waiting for my surgical operation at the hospital, these podcasts are the things that have helped me to remain relaxed during this anxious period in my life and have helped me to really look at my life from different aspects and the type of life I want to live cause literally my life could be taken any minute, the question is will I feel fulfilled?? This was another good episode, and am looking forward to listening to more! Thanks for sharing this with us.
Dopamine Nation...explains what Mark Manson is saying perfectly. You have to give things up...to feel the highs.
I resonated with the point you made about one of your friends going from one relationship to another to seek validation and fill a void. But that leading to further destruction in self worth and being further ready to be in a relationship. I've been going through this in the past year and I didn't understand why I keep getting in these 2-3 month relationships I think they're going great but they keep ending. I realized I needed to give myself the proper time to heal and process my emotions after my 3 year relationship ended instead of jumping into new relationships in a couple months. I realized that sometimes, stepping back and taking time for yourself can help break the cycle and allow you to find deeper fulfillment outside of relationships. Remember, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness above all else. So now time to heal. This will be a quiet but peaceful period.
Accepting responsibility for the event itself when something was out of your control is very different from accepting responsibility for the circumstances and stepping up to do something about it are two very different things, it's an interesting perspective. I quite like that.
There's a responsibility in every moment. That spoke directly to me. Powerful content
Love the guests you bring on every single time! Also read the book and it's an absolute eye opener, highly recommend!
I walked past the book so many times buy for some reason I never bought it. But the minute this podcast came up, I had to dive in. Either cause I am completely biased with how amazing @stevebarlett brings out these conversations. I find it hard to listen to other podcasts because Steve does not interrupt the guest at all. You don't complete their sentences. Really wholesome learning. I get out of bed, pick up my phone and my 1hr of "NO phone" is a podcast. Love it
I had similar situation in my childhood when I quickly learnd that money doesnt buy you happines. Know im learning that im open to learn untill my last breath.
As always, Mark Mansion has come with an amazing interview, In which you can see that he leaves by the belief of his book by the way he speaks, his body language, the calmness of his voice. This guy is just inbelievable.
I watch a lot of podcasts and I would say you are my favourite interviewer, best for really getting to know your guests, ask great questions and let them talk
"Unless your problem is you're hungry, money's not gonna fix it."
Listening to this on a Sunday morning felt like Sunday church. Loved when he said you need to get it wrong before getting it right.
A Lamborghini is a tool to trigger deeper introspection, the empty success is a stepping stone to self-actualisation. On that note, I don't believe self-actualisation is linear. Reaching a higher version of ourselves doesn't need to happen in order. Some people might never be in a space where they don't need to worry about food, house, success. But that shouldn't stop us from self-actualising ourselves. Maslow hierarchy suffers from excludability... self actualisations isn't only for a few.
Also, glad you have outgrown the pickup artistry. Hopefully, it made you better partner material... hopefully. 😆
Great chat. Thank you. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Quotes and notes of the podcast:
"To improve anything, you need to have power and influence over it" ("What is not measured, can't be managed")
"Making a rule for yourself will allow you to make decision making easier" - Example: If it is not a "F**k Yes", I say "No"
"Outsized expectations cause anxiety, so managing expectations the correct way would make a huge difference"
"My words would never overcome your insecurities!"
"A community is something that will keep you sane and help you grow"
"Every healthy relationship with someone else starts with a healthy relationship with yourself"
Honesty should be a standard that you keep yourself to. It will pay off in the long term (can't agree more)
"It feels and means a lot more when you spend money on other people. As it creates memories for the rest of your life." "Solving a problem with the brain that got you into it, is never a good idea"
PS: I love that you asked him about "Happiness is a choice" and his response to it!
❤❤
Quote..."You can't just sit on the couch and think your way out of your values... you need to go live them and let them fail you." As a clinician, I have made it a habit of asking my clients to identify their core values for two decades. The vast majority cannot do that and most often ask, "what do you mean?" In other words, they want context for the question, "what do you believe", or "name some of your core values." We never need context to be provided for our thoughts, decisions, feelings or actions. Unfortunately, what a lot of people do is "go live them", they do fail them, and they keep trying. A question we should all ask ourselves is this... "rather than think ourselves into, through or out of our values, or haphazardly going out and living them to test them, maybe we should ask if there are VALUES that are true, everytime and for everyone, which are wise and time tested, which do not originate with us, that we can find, adopt and learn to live by."
I was cringing at first, but now I see this man as making so much sense and inspiring. Thank you.
I read this book and it allows you to put things in perspective, What's important who's important and when not to allow things that are not important cause stress in your life.
Read this book a few times when it first came out. I now have it on audible and must have listened to it over 50 plus times. It's a great book not only in terms of self help; it's entertaining too.
Which book? Giving a f**k??
@@alexmassey4708 yup. That one 🙂
When Manson started to talk about his experience at the only job he ever worked, I related to him big time. My second job was more or less like that. They just want to "see you busy," one monotonous task and a boss who is completely disconnected from the world of technology that the job itself could be done by a software instead of bunch of employees. I am glad I am not the only who found theirself in this situation! I thought I was crazy for not being docile about it, whereas other colleagues just nod and do.I feel validated. Manson you´re a great author.
The happiness vs highs makes so much sense. 🙌
This was for sure and eyeopener today!
I found Mark very honest in his words than any friends I've heard.
I read the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F* over a year ago and it totally change my perspective on so many things, it was such an eye opener. I love this guy.
People definitely need to ditch “The Secret” and read his book instead if they want to make a some changes in their life!
I’m a flight attendant and always go around in the cabin checking what are people ready. At some flight, there were 4 people ready that book at the same time, in both business and economy cabin’s!
Stephen, Jay Shetty would be an incredible guest and feel like you both have very similar personalities and ways of thinking. His book “how to think like a monk” is one of the most practical, beneficial books I have come across in the last 2/3 years 🤝
Great interview. I like the way you let the guest speak at the same time that you encourage him to open up and chime in on your own perspective.
The one thing my mom got right was education and reading. She read to me until I was able to take over for myself. Her mantra was, "It's the dummy that won't pick up a dictionary". The one thing my dad got right some days was his sense of humor and playfulness.
So much value in every single minute of this episode. Thank you.
I listened to this cause I was bored at work; a few moments in I found myself taking notes. Great interview!
One of my favourite authors. His insights go against what is the norm. It’s what you need to hear not what you want.
Dude, you have got to interview Dr. Ramani. It's gonna be an amazing episode for sure! Can't wait.
By far the most useful self help book I’ve ever read! Thank you so much for inspiring me to take a deep dive into what should really matter in my daily life.
I love how Steven is so relaxed here, it feels as if it’s just a conversation between friends, I love it. Can’t wait to read Mark’s new book ❤ thanks so much for this interview, I very much needed to hear everything in this video, resonated so much with my current situation. ☺️
Currently hooked to this podcast, man. Beautifully hosted, very well filmed and incredible guests, questions and conversations. You’re made for doing this, keep it up and thanks so much for the quality content 💪🏼
Agreed. His podcast is personal and impactful in a way that most podcasts are not. Each of his podcasts leave me with something to really think about and consider on a deeper level. This podcast, more than any other that I've come across, is a sort of "school of life" that has the potential to hone my schema or provide much needed perspective that can make my life better.
Two i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-e men. Amazing interview. Thank you, to both of you, for leaving the world better than you found it 🙏🏼🙏🏼.
I’ve been working on myself for the past couple years,if you have a therapist make sure you have a good one,rejection is a powerful emotion and it’s painful it goes deep
Somehow, most therapists seem less than adequate, maybe disinterested?
Love TH-cam for growth coaching 😉
Such a great interview. I've been contemplating about whether or not I should read the Subtle Art for some time and I've got my answer now. You can tell Mark is so emotionally wise and in general a kind person. Really enjoyed this.
I'm not easily impressed, but I'm so very impressed with this guest. While while in a bookstore years ago, I picked up his book, "Everything is F*****..". Just on a whim, and I couldn't put it down. It wasn't about suspense. It was about excellent writing and insights. I would read it again. We need more of him and people like him.🙏
Mark is seriously super smart…Wall Street, coding AND an EQ that’s through the roof! What a man! Been reading his awesome articles since 2012.
Absolute legend. His two books - Models and How Not to GIVE a Fuck - have changed my life.
You are both great role models for young men. I would be really proud to have you two as sons- your parents are really lucky.
Parents? Sure, but these two discovered themselves.
Give credit to them; self discovery takes courage, curiosity and smarts!
Uhhh for those of us who have had something truly terrible happen to us aren't afraid of taking responsibility, we are well aware of our responsibility in this life. We are just fully aware that it doesn't matter what we do or don't do. We are fully aware that we can do everything right and still end up being destroyed. We learn early in life that nothing is fair, nothing is just, and the only thing you can do is see the evil in everyone, including ourselves and do our best to avoid it. The most important thing in my experience is to accept that most people do not care about you and that most will use you if given the opportunity. Basically do not ever trust anyone, especially the people you love, because if you love someone you will not see the evil in them. Love makes you vulnerable so you must temper that love or you will be hurt.
This was an incredible conversation to listen to.
A lot of this resonated, and gave me a sense of validation for methods of living that others have scoffed at at various times in my life.
“If it’s not fuck yes, it’s no” and generally saying no when needed is a big part of my life and my job. It turns a lot of heads when I say it, because customer service is so much about saying yes.
Honesty, personal accountability, living with a bit of humility.
Happiness is about having purpose, community and physical needs met. Letting go of the consumerist central mindset, and digging into what feeds our purpose has changed my life.
My mother gave me two pieces of advice. Adages I suppose to help me make choices:
1. you always have a choice, all the choices might be different levels of suck, but you have choices. And within those choices are love or fear. How we make those choices are driven deeply by love or fear.
So always choose love.
2. Before speaking, (or pressing send, or publish) ask yourself: is it honest? is it necessary? is it kind?
Rather than just arguing to be right, is there a way to convey what’s in my head through those lenses.
This changed my life.
Learning to be honest with myself let’s me be honest about myself to others.
What I am working on now is speaking up when I’m unhappy with things, like things within relationships or at work.
Good stuff
You can’t think your way into new action you act your way into new thinking… a wise person told me this once and it’s been so valuable to my self development
since I found your channel It's all I've been listening to. Thanks so much for the inspirational content
Thank you George 🙏🏽
One of the most authentic interviews I’ve watched on this podcast … there was a feeling of just being and not striving to become anything really …
This has to be one of my favourite interview's you've done! I love the section about your values and your why, and how you almost have to earn it. I've never heard it being explained like that before. Thank you so much for sharing! It brought so much clarity to me :)
I read subtle art a few years ago, and it was totally insightful. Especially the part about the responsibilty. It's empowering.
I forgot that Mark said that the people in the American south don’t like it when one does what they don’t do. It’s true. I haven’t heard anyone else point that out. The northeast is more pushy so that the atmosphere requires doing something.
As someone who gave too many fucks about too many undeserving assholes, I have found much consolation in the philosophy of Mark Manson. Good to see y'all getting together 👍
🤣 Love your book report!
You guaranteed that I will read the book!
I hope all the good in your life has grown by geometric progression!
I’ve watched this channel so many times that I now do the whole “I hope nobody’s watching” intro bit with you 😂😂
I really dig Marks perspective on things and he has a great sense of humor. Taking personal responsibility for our life and everything we involve ourselves in from our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors empower us to create our dreams. I am starting from scratch and I appreciate this type of direction. I hope to dig from my own experiences and begin sharing these gains in a way that can assist those who struggle with mental health and depression. 😊
This made me plow through both of his books «The subtle art of not giving a f*ck», and «Everything is f*cked» in a 3 days!🤗🌷 What a brilliant mind. His take on Kant was an eyeopener🫶 I hope he will write more on this topic as he has a wealth of knowledge about philosophers. Also; such a great reader!🤗🌷👏👏
Anne, Norway🇳🇴🇳🇴🇳🇴
Such great discussion. People who retire, can you talk about the crisis that they go through, with no purpose, anti climax, etc.
L O V E. I also grew up in the most traditional of households and am a black sheep most definitely. So happy to hear Mark on your podcast! Keep on keeping on Steven.
Steven: you should interview Louis Tomlinson! He's faced a lot of challenges and come out stronger than ever. He is the CEO of his own media company, his 2nd album was a #1 hit in the UK, and songs from it have over 20 million downloads on Spotify. Louis is extremely honest, forthright, and isn't afraid to speak his mind. He'd be a great guest!
Happiness is definitely the steady state ❤️ love the thoughts that have come up x
Steve, this is one of the best interviews you had!!!!
I find that when I took my physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing seriously, it really put my family off. It actually caused daily arguments, gaslighting, guilt tripping, etc. to revert back to the person I was trying so hard not to be. It all started when I realized, "How can I expect anyone to like me when I don't even like myself?"
@@yupindeed5422 Hit the gym bro. It helped me out a lot. One good piece of advice my dad gave me when I was younger was, "Take some time and work on yourself. It may take months, it may take years. Try and shape yourself into the parter women would want to date. Be a gentleman, well spoken, fit, etc." Basically, put in some effort young buck, was his advice. I always thought of it as, "How can anyone like me if I don't even like myself?"
Wow.
I am a 52 year old, single female. I lost my long term partner (and fiancé) in 2019. I have only just begun dating again ...and am finding it somewhat unfamiliar in this new age dating era. I found myself easily 'groomed' into a 'fling' situation (friends with benefits) that I did not intend to be in, meaning I thought I was entering a potentially long term, loving relationship. By the time I realized he was non committal, I was beginning to feel totally unfulfilled and rather lonely 'in' a so called 'relationship'.
I was rather fearful of saying, "No more", largely because of my age and inexperience in 'the new ways of dating', compared to the era I am familiar with. Thanks to listening to this episode, I took the advice on 'how to say "No" respectfully'. Whilst listening to your guest, I began drafting a 'Dear John' (breakup) message (yes message because that seems to be the way people do things nowadays), and I wrote it with honesty, sensitivity and respect. Then sent the message to 'him'.
He admirably replied, "I'm sorry xo." I now feel empowered with self respect, still have a good 'friend' and am free to be open to true love, if it should come my way. I cannot express enough how grateful I am to have heard your discussion because I was absolutely miserable ...until now.
Thank you for helping me become happy again through your wisdoms.
Tons of love,
Western Australia
❤
brilliant work sista! in the same age - my husband took his life a year ago ... its completely derailed my 3 daughters one of whom is now sectioned on a mental health ward in London ... this guy (mark Manson) has somehow managed to reach deep inside me and enable me to find strength I didn't know I had xx
@@parisiteparis
I feel the same, sis ...and I too lost my fiancé to suicide. The content of this conversation is empowering and healing, to say the least. Sorry to hear about the impact of your husband's death (RIP), on your daughters. It appears that we are both strong women indeed.
Thank you and best wishes. xx
@@Dizma_Music
Thank you. ❤
@@sweetheart131255 WE GOT THIS GIRLS!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I like when he talks about the confusion between highs and happiness.
I have come to find out the way to gage how wealthy you are, is to count all the things you own that money can't buy. ( kindness, loving, compassion, empathy, and so on...)
I had a similar household where we weren't encouraged to express ourselves. Didn't have the wealth but were suburban middle class. We sort of raised ourselves with regards to figuring out adult life such as relationships, money, education and careers.
Same
Hey Steven, thank you for your incredible conversations. I really appreciate the way you ask questions and surprise your guests as well as your listeners. Love your style of interview a lot and looking forward to have more female guests on your podcasts.
Bro you're so so good!
That was 1h34mn of pure experienceable truth and mature and healthy thinking !
The world has to hear that kind of advices ✨
What Mark is talking about regarding the American South at arouind 4:20 is what we call "tall poppy syndrome in Australia" - very similar cultural thing
I've obviously been missing out not knowing about this guy. I'm looking forward to reading his book. He's so thoughtful and has a lot to say that's of interest.
Haha imagine saying to your boss: "You know, thanks for giving me this assignment, but I have a rule: if it isn't a fuck yes, it's a no... And frankly, I just couldn't give this project my all, so I'm going to have a pass on that." hahah