Mark Manson - 11 Uncomfortable Truths About Life | Modern Wisdom Podcast 340
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ค. 2024
- Mark Manson is an author and blogger.
Mark is the king of telling people things they don't want to hear, but need to hear. I couldn't bring him on without using this as an opportunity to dig out some of his most insightful and painful lessons about life, so here we go - hold on tight. Also find out what it’s like to work with Will Smith.
Expect to learn why almost nothing is ever about you, why there's a fundamental selfishness attached to anxiety, how Mark transitioned from partyboy to fatherhood, why you're probably the problem in all your relationships, why contrarians aren't as smart as they think and much more...
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Extra Stuff:
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Follow Mark on TH-cam - / @iammarkmanson
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To support me on Patreon (thank you): / modernwisdom
#markmanson #lifeadvice #relationships
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00:00 Intro
00:42 Upcoming Book with Will Smith
09:38 Imposter Syndrome
12:43 Setting Boundaries
16:18 Stop Taking It Personally
18:48 Build Relationships
26:54 Stop Overthinking
31:50 Don’t Pursue Novelty
33:34 Acknowledge Negative Emotions
35:53 Why Contrarians Aren’t Smart
42:29 Success is Pain Tolerance
43:44 Be Comfortable with your Flaws
46:37 Mark’s Relationship Advice
1:09:00 Where to Find Mark
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Get in touch in the comments below or head to...
Instagram: / chriswillx
Twitter: / chriswillx
Email: chriswillx.com/contact/
Press Subscribe for more tough love.
Love the people you are curious about. It helps me enjoy life for sure
Just love you both, and of course our SAGE Mr. Jordan Peterson. Love from Brazil 💚💛💚💛💚💛
Hey Chris, can we get a podcast with will Smith?
"You call it pedophilia, I call it tough love."
- Jeffrey Epstein
Best litmus test I’ve ever found for friends, tell them something positive that has positively impacted your life, and watch how they react…
Hey there fellow watcher. Have some timestamps :)
0:00 Cold open: Clips from 57:24, 12:44 and 36:08 respectively
0:26 Mark talks about writing a book with Will Smith
4:08 What Mark learned about and from Will
6:58 Noone's got a clue: Disillusion about high-level people and businesses
9:40 Chitchat about Imposter Syndrome
12:42 Uncomfortable Truths. #1: "You don't attract shit into your world", "you probably just suck at boundaries"
16:19 #2: "Stop taking things personally: It's rarely about you"
(David Foster Wallace's speech "This Is Water": th-cam.com/video/8CrOL-ydFMI/w-d-xo.html)
18:45 #3: "If you think it's you against the world, chances are it's just you against yourself"
20:30 #4: "You can't get far alone" - the solitude of productivity disciples
26:55 #5: "You're overthinking it because you assume you're more special than others" - the selfishness of anxiety
31:50 #6: "The more we seek change, the more meaningless that change becomes"
33:35 #7: "To deny negative emotions is to ignore useful feedback from the world"
35:53 #8: "Just because you're contrarian doesn't mean you're smart" - loud crackpots on social media
42:30 #9: "The secret to success is pain tolerance"
43:43 #10: "The only way to become truly confident in yourself is to be comfortable with what you lack"
46:33 #11: "If all of your relationships have the same problem, you are the problem"
49:24 #12: "Lots of people who are still single but want a relationship simply have absurd expectations."
52:39 From Fuckboy to Fatherhood: Find your three non-negotiables
55:44 Compromise and prioritize: Unhealthy relationship myths
57:33 The toxicity of treating your relationship as a power game
1:02:39 "Models": Mark's book on male attractiveness, and Chris' appreciation for it
1:09:01 Closing words
Looking for this, thank you!
Hey there fellow watcher/timestamper. Thank you and have good one.
You sir, are doing God's work. Thank you.
Thank you! 🔥
thanks body
22:14 For a long time I had a view that 'I dont need people, I can make it on my own'. After this past year growing my business I have realised that could not be further from the truth. We all need people, maybe you dont right now but there will be a time where you feel lonely and maybe it might be too late to rekindle those lost connections so nurture your connections like you nurture your meaning :)
"Freedom is better than Need'em." - The Optimized Man
This Will Smith stuff didn't really age well... 😄. It was a great convo by the way. Thanks!
Not making excuses for Will Smith, what he did was horrible, but it's hardly unforgivable or completely descriptive of who he is.
Will made the mistake of defending his lady when her reaction to Rock wasn't like his own (Will started by laughing). Males have such moments and women love them (I'd bet he got laid that night). They are hardly reason to banish Will into obscurity.
@@rainmanjr2007 what about chris rock?
@@thinkingagain5966 What about him? Lots of publicity and he seems to be doing great.
@@rainmanjr2007 oh Idk maybe he would have preferred not to get botch slapped by will Smith for the world ro see 🤔
"Its morons all the way down". I love that bit.
I love Mark, thanks for exposing more people to him, because his wisdom changed my own thinking.
Not heard of Mark or his book before, will check it out seems like a nice, genuine h=guy. Thanks again Chris
Chris you and Mark have such a fantastic dynamic, I hope to see more of this content. I've learned a lot from Mark and I'm excited to watch more of your content too.
This was very fun to watch
Thank you both!❤️🙏
I’ve never heard of you before Mr Williamson, but you’re a totally awesome dude, a really brilliant interview, with great contributions by both of you
Refreshing perspectives here and went deep on many topics, when other podcasts are just surface level on this type of thing. Great stuff
The recent events has shown us a Will Smith who is given new opportunities to be Resilient! A public carreer has it's advantages and... disadvantages but we are ALL very much put to the test in life. No matter who we are or the carreer we choose, accepting being uncomfortable and finding ways to deal with it seems to be what will define the quality of our life at the end. Love your content!
Thank you for this fun conversation, Chris! And congrats on finishing the reading list 😏
Imposter syndrome stalks us all, no matter where you are.
Super underrated episode. This needs way more views
Thoroughly enjoyed. A lot of good info and a lot of good humor. Models is an excellant read.
So true at 21:00, accomplishments in isolation or alone, after awhile they aren't that important. This happens with aging. There are some hard truths about relations once someone is seen as "old".
"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" is one of my favorite non-fiction books! Highly recommended.
Right! I can't stop reading it over and over. And the audiobook narrator is great. Roger Wayne
I love your curiosity about interpersonal relationships and it has enriched my quality of life in some ways. Thank you
Will keep this for tomorrow, so I can listen to it during my walk. But just the first few minutes are sooooo good.
Love how you're diving into it straight away
"You can't handle the truth!" ~ almost everyone
Mark Manson n Chris Williamson are the men!
says law of attraction is bs *then describes law of attraction perfectly* i love it.
great conversation! - the ending😅 - I needed that.
Such an amazing conversation. 💕
9:42 - The worlds greatest question
Good conversation, finally subbed
I love your podcasts.
An interesting discussion, and some great points to ponder. Marks's advice is uncomfortable, so I expect many people will ignore it.
Great videos. Watching from Philippines!
I love the Philippines 🇵🇭 The Philippines has the most friendly and positive people I’ve every encountered on my travels! ❤️ Greetings back to you!
Crazy how you interviewed both Mark Manson and Daniel Sloss. These two guys changed my life in terms of dating and relationships.
What are some things they said that changed you?
@@thinkingagain5966 mainly that the focus shouldn’t be necessarily on getting girls or being in a relationship but on personal growth and fulfillment. While girls and relationships may be a part of that, unlike what society and the media often preaches, it’s not the be-all end-all.
After all the dust has settled regarding the slap..got to be honest..Respect to the man..How he coped with what his woman put him through,the slap was to the wrong person.
Yeah she is a malignant narcissist who doesn't respect him at all.
Just because you chose to not be around dishonest people does NOT mean you won't be lied to or taken advantage of. Also thinking you wont be taken advantage of also doesn't mean it wont happen.
If it happened to you, i think it is important to look at the warning signs and the actions instead of words. Anyone, no matter how close you were or are, can become dishonest (or has deceived one until a certain point).No guarantee it won't happen again, but it lessens the risk. I think the biggest risk of all is to make to many excuses for people because you like them so much and think they couldn't do such a thing to you, while they make excuses all the time (been there).
@@fliegendewolke5791 happens all the time by people I don't even know (which is my main point). Thinking it wont happen doesn't make you less susceptible.
@@AberrantArt Absolutely. I would even say never rule it out. And, if you are lucky, you start to sense when something feels off. It will happen again, of course, but hopefully by people who you weren't close with because the warning signs stopped you from getting too close to these people to begin with. (Or, at least, because of the signs you can accept it and you are the one who decided it is not worth it). People will absolutely try to do whats best for them, even if it means being mean, rude or unfair. Not all of them, but many. The real task is to find those who don't. I would also say it is worth it to risk being vulnerable, but not right away and not with an attitude of trusting someone completely, even when behavior changes.
Mark is amazing!!
Lots of wisdom here 👏
wow, what a podcast mate. I am very shocked and hopeful as a 15 year old wanna be winner. Wow, I needed this, and I am sure we all did.
Great interview! Just subscribed!
Another Awesome one. 👍👌
Krystal and Saagar, Breaking Points is their show/podcast, did the Rogan interview
Very good podcast 👍
In the game of gain you are always an imposter. Accept the necessary tension of existence and you'll be ok. X
In 2018 I went to China for around two weeks with my parents. We also stopped by Hong Kong for a few days and my dad hired a tour guide. Well, the tour guide was a young man, maybe around 30 and he started to tell me how humble he is so I smiled and sort of giggled. So he asked me why are you giggling so I said, usually humble people don’t say that they are humble 😂!!! I tried to be as gentle as could because I remember being that young but anyway, he smiled at me and shook his head yes. Haha! I totally thought of that when he said that confidence basically doesn’t need to say it’s confident or rich people don’t need to say that they are rich. Lol
Oh dang, just before the Chinese communists took over the rest of its autonomy and the pandemic began in Wuhan...
The passage mentioned at 16:46.
"Here is just one example of the total wrongness of something I tend to be
automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience
supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe; the
realist, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think
about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it's so socially
repulsive. But it's pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default
setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: there is no
experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of. The
world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to
the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on.
Other people's thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you
somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real.
Please don't worry that I'm getting ready to lecture you about compassion
or other-directedness or all the so-called virtues. This is not a matter of
virtue. It's a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering
or getting free of my natural, hard-wired default setting which is to be
deeply and literally self-centered and to see and interpret everything
through this lens of self. People who can adjust their natural default
setting this way are often described as being "well-adjusted", which I
suggest to you is not an accidental term."
th-cam.com/video/8CrOL-ydFMI/w-d-xo.html
Wow, I was expecting stiff-upper-lip, lone-wolf macho bragging (don't know why) but this was a very thoughtful and genuine conversation! Only one part bothered me a bit - the one about acknowledging negative emotions.
I think that simply "acknowledging & letting go of" negative emotions is a too passive stance, albeit a lot better than 1) avoiding them (= avoidance); 2) becoming totally identified with and listening to them (= surrender/indulge); or 3) going the toxic positivity route (= denial/overcompensate/fight). Mark & Chris mentioned the "learning" part but didn't really go deeper into that. Simply "acknowledging & letting go" can lead to people sitting in detached meditation for years with their anger, resentment, shame etc. while continuing to get triggered by same situations or people. This is quite frustrating and you don't really learn from that, except perhaps that feelings are safe to feel and you won't die from acknowledging them.
Many of our negative emotions are related to our assumptions, beliefs and judgments (shortly: thoughts) of ourselves, others or life/world. Mark actually brought up this point in the "stop overthinking/anxiety" part of the conversation. In some way, you have a limited or incomplete view of yourself, other people or the world ==> you are at odds with reality => you suffer. This is also reflected in our critical judgments of others (spoiler alert: it's most likely about what you deny seeing in yourself). This is especially the case when it comes to most cases of anger, anxiety, stress, fear, shame and bitterness. In other words, feeling these emotions is a learning opportunity for you to get curious, grow & become more free. To question these assumptions, I've really found help in Byron Katie's approach "The Work". Here's a short video where she briefly introduces it: th-cam.com/video/HIuCvUJWMfM/w-d-xo.html .
Chris, it would be amazing if you could invite her for a conversation. I believe this is a very useful and accessible way of doing the "inner work" that Mark also mentioned in this conversation, and thus to accelerate psychological growth.
Thank you for your work and what you do in this channel.
this is a good podcast.
Love this 😅
The NEWS is a funhouse mirror of reality.
8:19 just bookmarking for myself as it makes me laugh every time watching them both laugh
Well, I rather see and go through the world before I’m out of this earth. Than going to only one country and being couped up/limited. And I rather live life as/like a artist.
Re: the 1:9:90 rule...how close is that to the distribution of input and yield within all systems, i.e. socioeconomic? And what would that mean?
An hour of radical, down to earth, sanity. #rare #fun
Great episode man. Conversations that need to be had by plenty young guys. Myself included.
52:41 a personal question from Chris ;)
So why do we look up to the people who are more insecure, louder, brag more, for leadership and direction?!? Follow the quiet, humble people, not the loudmouths... how can we learn to do that as a society?
Good luck with that..
I'm a Taoist and expectations are something I work very hard to banish. This is part of detachment.
Lol about the car.....But have to admit.. seen a hell of a lot more teslas since we got one. Used to keep an eye out for them before getting one. Now we see about 4 on the way to my kid's school. (just think they got more popular with the model 3)
There's like 8 of them in my street alone. I'm the contrarian asshole they spoke about around 36:00 so now I'm not gonna get one.
Nice Mark Manson! Excellent books!!!!
@32:17 The song stinkfist is about this.
Why am I happy?
This was amazing!
Parts of this didn’t age well. Still loved the clip
How is it going with the Will Smith book now?
Why do I sense some condescension towards people who are alone and people who have anxiety?
Because Mark's general thesis is that everything in your life is your fault. So if you are alone, nervous and miserable, you've only got yourself to blame because you are such an unpleasant, negative person.
Mark is wrong of course.
He claims this because that means that all you need to do to fix yourself is to follow his advice, then all your problems will be solved. He's a self-help snake oil salesman. He just wants you to buy his books.
@@RichWilco I don't think any of this is true you clearly don't follow much of his work at all and have some dislike towards him for whatever reason. However i will give you one thing. He seems to believe we all have the capacity to solve most of our own problems and this is more often than not (particularly in the western world) true
@@ShahabAhmad1398 I've read his two most famous books. They could both easily be cut down to a tenth of their overall length. He takes a few half decent and vague ideas and dresses them up with pretentious and flowery language to justify making the book longer. He's not that profound.
The dislike I have is towards his tone, specifically in his writing. He comes across as if he thinks he has all the answers (and he deserves your money for giving them to you).
And despite what Mark says here, Models absolutely is a PUA book. It's just written in less abrasive language, but the advice is exactly the same.
@@RichWilco Mark says that all things in life aren't your fault, but they are your responsibility to deal with on an emotional and logical level. If you were hurt in the past by someone, that's not your fault, but it's your responsibility to make the most of it, learn from the experience and stop being hurt it. For example, if you're alone and miserable, before thinking that society needs to somehow change to make you happy, maybe it's better to look at yourself and what you can do to improve the situation.
It sucks that society isn't made to make us all happy. Mark's idea is that nothing really makes human beings happy in the long run, other than accepting everything is f*cked and moving on. I don't agree completely, but I think you're over-emotional and dismissive of his views without understanding them.
3 unnegotiatables 🔥
Timestamps please
20% of people in the UK are on Twitter??? Wow, that blows me away. There's no way 20% of Americans are on Twitter. I personally know no one "on" Twitter. I have never once used it. It's worse than a waste of time.
America is a lot more woke though
Don't forget you need to select "Sort by newest" to see the most relevant comments, those are always hidden by Big Brother otherwise.
1:05 Hitting it off Will Smith…damn
gd!just look at that fro!
When it comes to the 90/9/1 rule on social media, it's very reminiscent of Nassim Taleb's Minority Rule: all it takes is a small number of intolerant virtuous people with skin in the game for society to function.
If you want to stop an intolerant minority, you have to be more intolerant than them.
Can we take a moment to appreciate how handsome Chris looks in this episode!
Destroying the fed is not at all disproportionate reaction to the sole institution responsible for funding war lmao. Otherwise good podcast
Thats not the Fed’s only function..wtf lol there are literally departments, rules, laws, and protocols.
@@WordsofHarmony did I say it was their only function?
they inflate the currency to extract resources from the world population to fund war. There’s no other way anyone would have the appetite to go to war. they don’t follow “rules” or “regulations”, and even if they did, those rules and regulations are set up to allow them to do what is expedient for politicians.
Fuck yessssss!
8:18 💯
Mark is sooo handsome when he laughs 😀
I have a bad back from getting hit by a car and hospitalized at age 14. That makes it hard to sleep soundly. I'm kind of creaky and cranky all the time. I don't like cars or TV. That makes American life tough. That's why I'm unhappy. How about you?
6:58 The reverse interview with Joe Rogan can be found here (I presume Chris meant this one): th-cam.com/video/ZTJSUR1lbiI/w-d-xo.html
When he said Will Smith told him he has "been hiding himself," I thought for sure he was about to out him.
I did learn to not marry a narcissistic harpy of a woman from Will Smith...
Mike: yeah, she was intellectual, ambitious, and was an amazing redhead, but she cheated on me constantly. I forgot to make that a non-negotiable.
I succeeded but "why me" is just like the back door to my ego house, and maybe "why NOT me" is the front door? It's all preoccupation with me vs. the potentially incalculable positive impact of my work compounded through tech to produce notoriety. You Mark M, are constituted in just such a fashion across sundry aspects of your being to produce popular resonation among those exposed to you and your work. It's about you MAX 50%, right?
“The institutions are great and work fine” - man that also said “I don’t know why I get 50 X more success that other people.” Privilege at its finest 😭. This dude is under wealming. But we’ll constructed interview, you were the star in this one. 🙏
*underwhelming
*well constructed
I almost could not stop shaking my head in disagreement.
Cope.
10:56
I think you are conflating extraordinary and success.
Success is relative to your own circumstances.
Extraordinary is about being different to everyone else.
Will Smith is an extraordinary person who's created success in the eyes of others.
A parent who struggles through 20 years of raising their kid and their kid goes on to have a fulfilling and reasonable happy life has reached success although they are not totally uncommon.
How did this guy convince millions that he has a clue? 🤔🤣
If SM is not an accurate reflection of reality then it is exactly like porn. Porn is popular, partly, because we like to engage fantasy over reality. (shrug). I love Mark and enjoyed his first book. This convo is an excellent update about it. I think this Manson has his shit together (though looks less like Jesus).
In my 20s I realized I was too immature, in my 30s I've developed myself but finding other people that are "stuck" in bad habits. My last relationship nearly had me drink myself to death trying to "love them they way they are"... This sucks. Most of my friends have been married for a couple years and are now popping out kids... It's just not gonna happen for me.
Women develop insane dating checklists. Men are pure and simple. Most men's checklists have probably 1-3 requirements, tops.
9:32 i find this terrifying
"The people you care about and you think have got it all sorted out. They're just fucking about as well."
The truest words ever.
That's what makes all the shit going on at the moment so worrying. Rich people that some people think have got it all sorted out and are manipulating everything around them... they are just like everyone else...but they happen to have a lot of money.
That's why it's BS to bow down to people that others think have it all sorted.
The fact that such common sense "wisdom" is considered so life changing says a lot about how empty our culture is today.
Yeah Smith has gotta be the best example of a repressed person on the planet
Mark Manson kept skyrocketing...... Will Smith unfortunately did not. Lmao.
😊👍
this is obviously Pre Chris Rock slap
I’ve seen his books as best sellers, but I wasn’t very interested. Truth is this was a super interesting conversation on the most random topic and he’s such a cool dude! Great great content Chris!
Will Smith certainly had an impact on Chris Rock.