Yeah. It's the end of the world as we know it. And I feel surprisingly fine. Before the election I was nervous, because it was the last chance to not be fucked. The stress of not knowing was unbearable. Now I know civilization is fucked, and it's much easier to deal with. Depressing, sure, but not stressful.
You know you're fucked when an expert puts their glasses on before explaining just how fucked you are. They have the data, and they'll read it to you on the spot.
@@Vanished_Mostly if you ever see an expert walking determinedly, you probably don't want to go where they're going. If you see an expert running, try to keep up.
@@RoboCop4000 This is waaaaaaay funnier than it has any right to be. I read it in the voice of the owner of City Wok in South Park. I genuinely laughed out loud. Not hating on wargamingrefugee.
I really wish they had a "funded by Exxon Mobil" or "the republican party" or something at the end there, because that would make it a good parody with a point beyond doomerism. Human brains really hate uncertainty, so we have a habit of jumping from "we're fine" to "we're fucked", because in both situations, you are 1) certain of the outcome and 2) don't have to do anything. "I can do something, but I don't know if it will work" is an uncomfortable idea, so most people reject it unless they feel like they have nothing else to lose. The wealthy and powerful have been using this quirk of psychology to prevent us from overthrowing corrupt systems for a really, really, long time. Most recently, the oil industry. They literally hired the same marketing firms that kept people from acting on the harms of smoking, to pull the same tricks for climate change. So, one little addition would have made it a great parody.
Didn’t fully understand how fucked I am until seeing that pie chart so eloquently describe it with its satisfying visual. So grateful to the onion for doing this research!
I almost believed that I wasn't fucked, then I saw the pie chart. Good to know that any hope I had of not being fucked is ill-placed. Wouldn't want to try to unfuck things, that would just make it more fucked.
@@hskdian Indeed, she used the phrase "statistically insignificant" to describe your chance of not being fkkd. +/-3% is the standard deviation for all statistical models of how fkkd we are at any given time. Therefore, we are definitely getting shafted right now.
@@somerandompersonintheinternet *billionaire Millionaires will at least have the money needed to move to another country that is, for the moment, merely Marginally Fucked.
Ah, yes, it’s indeed the factors-a highly robust variable cluster, correlated with our likelihood of being categorically, statistically, and irrevocably doomed. Clearly, if we account for the compounding variables-systemic negligence, inverse motivation coefficients, and the trend line of collective poor decision-making-it’s no surprise that our probability of navigating this successfully approaches zero within a 95% confidence interval. A truly remarkable study in outcome inevitability.
Making touch with financial advisors like Elizabeth Regina Nelsen who can assist you restructure your portfolio, would be a very creative option. Personal financial management will be crucial to navigating the next difficult times.
Unfortunately, not all of us were financially literate early. I was 35 when I finally educated myself and started taking steps. I went from $176,000 in debt with zero savings or retirement to now, 2 years later, fully debt-free and over $1000,000 net worth. I know that doesn't SOUND like a lot, but I'm incredibly proud of it. Now I'm fast-tracking my wealth building (investing $400,000 annually) and don't owe a dime to anyone. It's a good feeling!
The primary goal of the news is to get you addicted to the news. If you get hooked on doom and gloom stories that doesn't mean they are real, it means the people serving you the news are good at their job
LOL!! Now that is bleeping straight up honesty that you can't and won't get from the any politician, the news media, or anywhere else (except for me). We need more people like this who are just going to tell it to us like it is, un-sugarcoated, and completely honest. Totally AWESOME!! Thank you.
@@benoithudson7235"ancient news site predicted our alien invasion fears!" - Atalantean Observer article, circa 3056, beginning of the Gorgoth planetary invasion
@@Krosis_: The factors of FK'ed: When the Excuses end, Once the disasters of Moral, Legal, Financial, Economic, Political and Military affairs are exhausted, Religion shall be invoked, extrapolating the catastrophe shall be applicable to Biblical results....!!
I just got back from the Math department, and the supercomputer just finalized the calculations. The pie chart is, in fact, not over 100%. It is, by all possible metrics, exactly 100%. Which proves beyond all doubts the data and methodology of this research are correct and valid. Which means we're boned. Peer-review complete lol
I'd be interested to know what percentage of us see a pie chart and always feel the need to add the numbers, just to be sure. (Perhaps this number itself could be expressed visually?)
The fact that Trump wants RFK Jr to head HHS shows us how shockingly detached he and literally everyone in his orbit are untethered from reality. This is literally my fucking nightmare, someone please wake me.
Hahaha I love it did u not see the last HHS u ppl are so stupid ... half of America is unhealthy and sick and RFK wonts to come in and help and this is ur worse nightmare ??? Get a fuckin life .. if u thought that was bad get ready cuz he is just getting started and I can't wait hahaha 😂
Right now there's probably some weird parallel universe where the hard-hitting investigative journalism outlet, The Onion, is just a satirical show, and President Trump is just some minor TV celebrity.
Hey over in NZ you have a National coalition, yeap rooted beyond redemption, we're about to join you next year when the ill informed vote in Peter Dutton, or Trump lite if you prefer. Socially, economically, environmentally reamed beyond comprehension, and the bogans will do their seal act of barking and clapping their web fingers as Dutton further erodes their situation.
I wonder what will get us first: nuclear war, environmental collapse, climate catastrophe, societal collapse, epidemic, gamma burst, asteroid impact, the singularity, old age or a combination of the former.
In terms of geopolitics, environmental conditions, economic pursuits and women this is absolutely correct. This is the most accurate detailed explanation of the situation.
@@OfficialAbjeerYou won't be saying that when all of our crops are dying and we don't have any clean drinking water. Enjoy it, people like you are the reason we're headed there
I'm going to sue The Onion for physical injury...I laughed so hard I just know I broke something inside. This is brilliant; the content, the delivery and the subject matter...all brilliant. I'll update after I get out of surgery.
"Oh, shut up! Silly woman," said the reptile with a grin. "You KNEW damn well I was a Snake, before you took me in. I'm gonna grab you by your prophets." Matthew 24: 24. 2 Peter 3: 8 John 16: 7-15. Daniel 7: 9-14. 10/10/26. Believe me or not.
@@humboldthammer Wow, absolutely amazing...the nurse who prepped me for my surgery was named Matthew (I called him Matt) and the Anesthesiologist was named John. The Recovery Room nurse was named Dannie. You are prophetic.
@@brianfoley4328 Hint: The Serpent in the Garden wasn't really a snake, and "naked" always refers to sexual sin. I am not a prophet, but I am encouraged to report what is right before my eyes.
This isn't even a joke. When they published "Travis Kelce Suffers Film Career-Beginning Injury", I actually had to look it up to make sure he wasn't injured IRL.
The factors of FK'ed: When the Excuses end, Once the disasters of Moral, Legal, Financial, Economic, Political and Military affairs are exhausted, Religion shall be invoked, extrapolating the catastrophe shall be applicable to Biblical results....!!
if the world's entire population moved over to the right hand side for a bit, then with 8.2 billion of us, weighing approximately 700million tonnes - or maybe more, given the lard-arsed MerryCains - then we could tip the world off its current axis by about 1.0 degree - but that's enough to initiate a mini global winter by facing away from the sun a little on our axis and positively reversing climate change. If you think I'm talking bollocks, well, no more than this silly bitch. QED.
The piece is ‘As They Make Circles’ by The Seventh Movement & Ardie Son. It does indeed resemble the "Naqoyqatsi" soundtrack, which I hadn’t heard before.😊
“More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.” ― Woody Allen
Society 5.0 - Super Smart Society What is Society 5.0? One definition: "A human-centered society that balances economic advancement with the resolution of social problems by a system that highly integrates cyberspace and physical space." Japan aims to become the first country in the world to achieve a human-centered society (Society 5.0) in which anyone can enjoy a high quality of life full of vigor. It intends to accomplish this by incorporating advanced technologies in diverse industries and social activities and fostering innovation to create new value.
Less than two, me thinks... The factors of FK'ed: When the Excuses end, Once the disasters of Moral, Legal, Financial, Economic, Political and Military affairs are exhausted, Religion shall be invoked, extrapolating the catastrophe shall be applicable to Biblical results....!!
I came to the same conclusion awhile ago but I very much appreciate the glimmer of hope at the end. This was strangely comforting. When life itself becomes a satire is satire possible anymore?
I think lowering the taxes on the wealthy might help quite a bit. This change could increase the chances of being totally fucked from 77% to at least 92%, which would at least provide us some solace in the certainty of just how fucked we are.
Still waiting on the satire, Onion. You guys are slippin, ya keep dropping truth. Seriously, thanks. Who knew the Onion would be one of the last bastions of good journalism? I mean, some people maybe, but I didn't. We're so boned.
The factors of FK'ed: When the Excuses end, Once the disasters of Moral, Legal, Financial, Economic, Political and Military affairs are exhausted, Religion shall be invoked, extrapolating the catastrophe shall be applicable to Biblical results....!!
You are totally right! That is why I am no longer an atheist. When I tried to say to myself that there is no creator of nature and nature is all there is, my whole being screamed "COWARD!!!" and "Wishfull thinking! You just wish your suffering to end; all sins and misuses of your will fall into oblivion along with little happines you onece expirienced, and then just non-eistence, like eternal sleep without dreams?! Could you really live beliving in most convinient scenario [apart from muslim heaven]?". I realised that humman can get use to every kind of pain, by getting acustomed or by falling into madnees, but pain is only body-level deep. True terror that goes to the deepest part of soul lies within responsibility. Hell would be bearable if there was no Heaven, but if there is indeed a way to happines, and man can either succed or fail the test, that is true terror.
@@mariuszgaaj2814 I know you think you're being kind by spreading the things that give you hope but we just lost the future of our country to Christian fascism so uh... Read the room. Also you should believe things because there is proof not because they make you feel good. It would be great if all the random suffering in this world was a means to an end but it's simply not. The world is an apathetic place and humans inflict needless cruelty on each other every day; we should fight these systems of violence, not just smile along and consider the cruelty "God's plan to make us really enjoy heaven" or whatever garbage lets you shrug it off.
@@mariuszgaaj2814 "but if there is indeed a way to happines, and man can either succed or fail the test, that is true terror." Well good news! There isnt. its a long road to nowhere.
@@mariuszgaaj2814Do you really think anyone living has an answer? Who knows? That's the madness of it all. Let's not get too abstract, living and getting old and or sick, are painful inherently, there's no escape from pain, but on the other hand, why is pain bad and why is bad painful? Maybe it's not so simple as heaven and hell, case closed. Or maybe it is. No one knows for certain, unless you think you do.
Please don’t leave us. I have been in similar mental situations many times in the past, but not right now. Fuck them, we need all Onion Folk to take care of themselves and seek humor, calm environments, and perhaps some loud music to mask the screams 😱
I already guessed that i was fucked, but im happy that it's finally confirmed
Yeah. It's the end of the world as we know it. And I feel surprisingly fine. Before the election I was nervous, because it was the last chance to not be fucked. The stress of not knowing was unbearable. Now I know civilization is fucked, and it's much easier to deal with. Depressing, sure, but not stressful.
@@RegebroRepairsI feel kind of liberated. The anticipation is over
I've known for a while
It's like getting a diagnosis for what's wrong with you and then finding out it's incurable and fatal.
@@RegebroRepairs Lol you're such a drama queen. Cry harder libderp.
The b-roll of her looking serious and putting her glasses on really sold how fucked we are.
You know you're fucked when an expert puts their glasses on before explaining just how fucked you are. They have the data, and they'll read it to you on the spot.
It's very poetic, because it means that even her eyes are fucked.
Definitely we are fucked when the light open front cardigan is being worn by the expert.
I prefer when the experts are walking determinedly... somewhere important, I'm sure.
@@Vanished_Mostly if you ever see an expert walking determinedly, you probably don't want to go where they're going. If you see an expert running, try to keep up.
It's pretty refreshing to see the word "fucked" in a TH-cam video title.
It's been a ling time, too long.
I didn't realize it until I read your comment but your right, the title contains an F-bomb, I swear those stopped being a thing after 2016
@wargamingrefugee9065 LING TIME LING TIME LING TIME
@RoboCop4000 YO FONE LINGING‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
@@RoboCop4000 This is waaaaaaay funnier than it has any right to be. I read it in the voice of the owner of City Wok in South Park. I genuinely laughed out loud. Not hating on wargamingrefugee.
In the last 4 years, This is the first Honest reporting I've heard. ❤
Jonathan Pie does quite well
😂💯👌🏻
Maybe you should look at New Zealand and Australian reporting. Especially in New Zealand, we don't tell lies.
Oh, wait until the next four years if you think you’re fucked.
If you preferred Trump over biden, do you have something seriously wrong with your brain.
I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Never was
@@AlysZara hold onto your knickers, everything is now upside down! Up down, down is up, left is right, right is left, in is out, out is really out…
Very original comment
Pointing out the obvious in a world of 2-ply soft snowflakes is the satire.
The research is astounding. There definitely needs to be more discourse on this topic.
I really wish they had a "funded by Exxon Mobil" or "the republican party" or something at the end there, because that would make it a good parody with a point beyond doomerism.
Human brains really hate uncertainty, so we have a habit of jumping from "we're fine" to "we're fucked", because in both situations, you are 1) certain of the outcome and 2) don't have to do anything. "I can do something, but I don't know if it will work" is an uncomfortable idea, so most people reject it unless they feel like they have nothing else to lose.
The wealthy and powerful have been using this quirk of psychology to prevent us from overthrowing corrupt systems for a really, really, long time. Most recently, the oil industry. They literally hired the same marketing firms that kept people from acting on the harms of smoking, to pull the same tricks for climate change.
So, one little addition would have made it a great parody.
I do hear the term bandied about frequently
What is astounding, is the thorough ass pounding landlords give to tenants
You just know she's right. She's using Pie Charts.
Collapse Chronicles interview with William Rees ✅
Thank you Onion, I don’t feel any less relieved
On the bright side - everyone getting screwed will provide plenty of material for The Onion
If the onion is right, then in 9 months...
No. But I do feel a little humor. So thanks to the onion for that, at least. I'll take all the humor I can get right now
Good, being overly optimistic just might make the fisting worse.
@@sketchyskies8531 I feel a strange clarity engulfing myself.
The onion is the only channel that tells the actual truth! God bless you!
Didn’t fully understand how fucked I am until seeing that pie chart so eloquently describe it with its satisfying visual. So grateful to the onion for doing this research!
They didn't even bother spending a lot of money the chart😂
I almost believed that I wasn't fucked, then I saw the pie chart. Good to know that any hope I had of not being fucked is ill-placed. Wouldn't want to try to unfuck things, that would just make it more fucked.
@kidd7359
Wooooooosh
You knew it all along
@ maybe, but I denied it to feel safe. The Pie Gods showed me the light, the terrible truth, that I and everyone around me is pretty fucking cooked 🥹
Finally, unbiased reporting.
We need to fund more research like this.
I thought all sociology research is like this.
People will just ignore it anyway
Regrettably, any attempts to secure more funding for this research are heinously fucked
Agreed. I want to know more about how specifically fucked I am
@@murmurghle About seven. Close enough?
Delivered so deadpan. Absolutely brilliant !
They forgot to mention there is a 0.5% margin of error
Phew! Maybe we'll only be 99.5% fucked, then.
Those represent the super wealthy
It's also statistically insiginficant.
@@hskdian Indeed, she used the phrase "statistically insignificant" to describe your chance of not being fkkd. +/-3% is the standard deviation for all statistical models of how fkkd we are at any given time. Therefore, we are definitely getting shafted right now.
True. Some people are 100.5% fucked.
I'm really banking on that 0.5% of "not fucked at all"
This is how Kamala still wins the election
So you're telling me there's a chance
That's the "You're a milionnaire" .5%
careful, that little bit is precious and valuable so don't f*** it up. 🚽
@@somerandompersonintheinternet *billionaire
Millionaires will at least have the money needed to move to another country that is, for the moment, merely Marginally Fucked.
I think the main reason why we're absolutely fucked, is because of the factors involved
Especially that one factor that was extrinsic but is now deeply intrinsic.
Old onion video reference!!(the one about the nigerian civil war)
yes, by the transitive property absolutely times fucked equals absolutely fucked
Yes, factors we may overlook if we aren’t careful in our deliberation.
Ah, yes, it’s indeed the factors-a highly robust variable cluster, correlated with our likelihood of being categorically, statistically, and irrevocably doomed. Clearly, if we account for the compounding variables-systemic negligence, inverse motivation coefficients, and the trend line of collective poor decision-making-it’s no surprise that our probability of navigating this successfully approaches zero within a 95% confidence interval. A truly remarkable study in outcome inevitability.
Her comedic acting couldn't be better!! Oddly, I feel a touch better. We're all in the same boat for the next 4 years.
Even the lubricant has sand in it.
@robertblackburn752 ouch! That's rough😢
Did you confuse it for the WD-40 again?
@@PhoenixClank Swarfega actually, a real man’s lube!
Contracted out to the lowest bidder, someone is chasing a slobbering bulldog with a dirty mayonnaise jar.
Lubricant becomes irrelevant when they are using a pineapple.
I knew I was fucked, but didn't know I was absolutely rammed. This was riveting insightful stuff.
And fisted! Don't forget fisted.
Right? I thought it was just a sensual one off thing…..not this, I wasn’t prepped for this lol
@@sullychow4123 🤣🤣🤣
Probed, then Plugged. No shit!
I haven't tried the fisting yet!
Absolutely the most honest and direct evaluaution of the current human condition I have ever seen.
I just bought shares in Vaseline and KY Jelly
Bullshit
- surprising that it is still on YT.
Adam Curtis made a (serious!) many hour long documentary a few years ago that came to this exact conclusion. All satire has a base in truth I guess.
@@loqutisborg5416How? I thought Diddy had them all 😂😂😂
I'm glad you made this video it reminds me of my transformation from a nobody to good home, $34k monthly and a good daughter full of love
wow this awesome I'm 47 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Making touch with financial advisors like Elizabeth Regina Nelsen who can assist you restructure your portfolio, would be a very creative option. Personal financial management will be crucial to navigating the next difficult times.
Thanks to Mrs. Elizabeth Regina Nelsen's time in my life, which had a profound impact on me.
Unfortunately, not all of us were financially literate early. I was 35 when I finally educated myself and started taking steps. I went from $176,000 in debt with zero savings or retirement to now, 2 years later, fully debt-free and over $1000,000 net worth. I know that doesn't SOUND like a lot, but I'm incredibly proud of it. Now I'm fast-tracking my wealth building (investing $400,000 annually) and don't owe a dime to anyone. It's a good feeling!
Waking up every 14th of each month to 210,000 dollars it's a blessing to I and my family... Big gratitude to Elizabeth Regina Nelsen
When fake news is news.
News should be new. I think we've been boned for quite a while now
This is not fake news. This is satire. Fake news are lies disguised as news.
@@neelsg Science takes time to conduct. Sometimes you know something anecdotally long before its confirmed through rigorous testing and data.
The primary goal of the news is to get you addicted to the news. If you get hooked on doom and gloom stories that doesn't mean they are real, it means the people serving you the news are good at their job
we all thought we never had to hear that term again from tfg
Good to hear things aren't quite as bad as I had thought.
😂
goddamnit lol
🤣🤣🤣 Thank you. I needed that.
and getting better onion now owns infowars. lol
Give it time.
This is weirdly comforting
There's a reason why some places say "abandon all hope, all who enter here"
they aren't trying to bum you out, they're giving you advice
@@theterminaldavelike the sign at the entrance door of the UFO that says "please remove pants now"
To some, I guess, but to me it's more like a "All resistance is futile." kind of comforting.
We’re all fucked together 😂
@@JZsBFF I guess not having a choice has its perks
LOL!!
Now that is bleeping straight up honesty that you can't and won't get from the any politician, the news media, or anywhere else (except for me).
We need more people like this who are just going to tell it to us like it is, un-sugarcoated, and completely honest.
Totally AWESOME!! Thank you.
Have we tried turning America on and off?
They that Jan 6, now Trump is president.
That's the solution our prime minister had for the yanks
Too late.
What did you think the 2020 lockdowns were?
Yeah, nah. Gave it a go. Didn't make a difference.
I take solace in the fact that although I and everyone I love are fucked, so too is everyone I hate
Yes, it's an Equal Opportunistic Fucking World we live in and all of Congress invested in AstroGlide!
UNLESS they just happen to be that 0.5%...
@@firstnamelastname9918 Man I HATE those mfkng 0.5% 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😤
I hate those guys
billionaires sadly might not be fully fucked.
This one is gonna be one people come back to basically every week in the next 4 years and beyond
This piece is basically timeless. It’ll still be popping up when I’m pushing up daisies.
@@benoithudson7235"ancient news site predicted our alien invasion fears!" - Atalantean Observer article, circa 3056, beginning of the Gorgoth planetary invasion
@@benoithudson7235 So will the daisies! Boom!
...We're all boned.
Four years? Onion videos from over a decade ago are STILL getting traffic.
@@XGD5layerAnd many of them are horrifyingly still relevant today
I'm saving this video to watch later lest I forget. Thanks for sharing.
A worthy companion video to "Here's Why You're Wrong".
old school
I fear that being wrong that time was just the starting point to now being fucked
@@Krosis_:
The factors of FK'ed:
When the Excuses end,
Once the disasters of Moral, Legal, Financial, Economic, Political and Military affairs are exhausted, Religion shall be invoked, extrapolating the catastrophe shall be applicable to Biblical results....!!
I wasn't expecting so many synonyms of "fucked" to appear in less than 2 minutes of video
They were... Thorough
Clearly not Australian then.
I actually expected more.
You never seen the classic cartoon "The Word FUCK"?
Only been a minute since upload and it's already a classic in my eyes.
Thank you for brightening my day by reaffirming what I already know. So grateful.
Kudos for your Pie Chart actually adding up to 100%. Wish everyone else could attain that level of basic math.
I just got back from the Math department, and the supercomputer just finalized the calculations. The pie chart is, in fact, not over 100%. It is, by all possible metrics, exactly 100%.
Which proves beyond all doubts the data and methodology of this research are correct and valid. Which means we're boned.
Peer-review complete lol
I'd be interested to know what percentage of us see a pie chart and always feel the need to add the numbers, just to be sure. (Perhaps this number itself could be expressed visually?)
@@william-uknot me until I read this comment lol
Give her an Emmy - shit give her all the awards; being able to read that script with no fucks given is nothing short of legendary.
The Onion videos have always found really good actors.
Like all of us, she's already been bent over the log
Like Robert Stack in Baseketball.
That deadpan delivery! 😂
Give her Vaseline with novacaine
She's wrong. I redid her calculations and found that no-- oh wait, I forgot to carry the two... yep, we're boned.
... I was gonna say it's peer reviewed but you already checked the math!
🤣😆
That's what you get for "doing your own research" 🙂
😂
Too friggin' funny! 😂
This confirms my fears. Thank you. I feel a lot better about the upcoming train wreck.
Less free stuff, dude. It's gonna hurt so bad.
Sadly the death of expertise means that a lot of people are going to refuse to believe how fucked we all are. 😞
The fact that Trump wants RFK Jr to head HHS shows us how shockingly detached he and literally everyone in his orbit are untethered from reality. This is literally my fucking nightmare, someone please wake me.
@@michaeltaylor5451 Come on, RFK still has half a brain to manage it. No need to panic...
Some people won't recognize they're fucked because they didn't learn the signs and symptoms.
Oh they'll feel it soon. The trick is 1. redirect blame to the opposition 2. Steal the potential sales from and possessions of minorities
Hahaha I love it did u not see the last HHS u ppl are so stupid ... half of America is unhealthy and sick and RFK wonts to come in and help and this is ur worse nightmare ??? Get a fuckin life .. if u thought that was bad get ready cuz he is just getting started and I can't wait hahaha 😂
Right now there's probably some weird parallel universe where the hard-hitting investigative journalism outlet, The Onion, is just a satirical show, and President Trump is just some minor TV celebrity.
You're insane, that sounds utterly ridiculous.
In another parallel universe, I'm getting so much sex that I have to take days off from it.
The point of satire has always been to speak truth to real world power.
No way, just couldn’t be… Too, too weird to be…
How do I get there?
This woman is absolutely amazing that she can say all this and keep such a straight face! Full marks here, from New Zealand. Wonderful! Thank you.
Hey over in NZ you have a National coalition, yeap rooted beyond redemption, we're about to join you next year when the ill informed vote in Peter Dutton, or Trump lite if you prefer. Socially, economically, environmentally reamed beyond comprehension, and the bogans will do their seal act of barking and clapping their web fingers as Dutton further erodes their situation.
not so quick. They probably went through many re-takes, what you're seeing is the final product..
@@alexanderordinary2110 Well, it's a bl**dy good final product and I like it a lot!
She means it.
@@OldPapaBear Oh, I never doubted that!
Never a truer word spoken! And with such grace & serenity 🙏❤️🇬🇧
Ew go colonize another channel Brit. Obama will blow the horn
Not a glimmer of hope, just truth. Thank you
I wonder what will get us first: nuclear war, environmental collapse, climate catastrophe, societal collapse, epidemic, gamma burst, asteroid impact, the singularity, old age or a combination of the former.
@@JZsBFFDon’t forget superbugs, drinkable water scarcity and resource shortages!
@@oberonpanopticon Noted! Thanks for making the shortlist more complete. lol.
@JZsBFF it's funny how almost all of these extinctions are the fault of billionaires
Okay I lied maybe like half
In terms of geopolitics, environmental conditions, economic pursuits and women this is absolutely correct. This is the most accurate detailed explanation of the situation.
So wrong
@@OfficialAbjeerYou won't be saying that when all of our crops are dying and we don't have any clean drinking water. Enjoy it, people like you are the reason we're headed there
He means you're so right that it feels wrong
@@OfficialAbjeerdid you even read the pie chart?
Lol, lmao even. Keep up the fearmongering, drama queen.
The most encouraging words in the last week! Thanks TheOnion!
Thank you Dr. worth for providing the data to confirm what we already knew.
Finally. News that listens to the people 🔥
And watches them, too!
Finally, some honest journalism.
WE'RE DOOMED
Hermes: DOOMED!
No u R🎉🎉🎉
Thank you for confirming, doom wizard
no, sir. We're fucked.
Indeed
Thank you for your thought-provoking analysis.
"The good news, is that it'll all be over soon."
Because things will get better, right?
...Because things will get better, right!?
"Soon" being in a hundred to a hundred and fifty years
@@davidwuhrer6704four more years
@@davidwuhrer6704 I took it to mean we'll all be dead soon.
Nope, 90% of the human race are totally screwed.
Oh, Laozi, Laozi! Poor baby, it's like this....
I'm going to sue The Onion for physical injury...I laughed so hard I just know I broke something inside. This is brilliant; the content, the delivery and the subject matter...all brilliant. I'll update after I get out of surgery.
The pain of trying not laugh while my partner is sleeping nearby: intense
We're all so thoroughly fucked that all we can do is send thoughts and prayers.
"Oh, shut up! Silly woman," said the reptile with a grin. "You KNEW damn well I was a Snake, before you took me in. I'm gonna grab you by your prophets." Matthew 24: 24.
2 Peter 3: 8 John 16: 7-15. Daniel 7: 9-14. 10/10/26. Believe me or not.
@@humboldthammer Wow, absolutely amazing...the nurse who prepped me for my surgery was named Matthew (I called him Matt) and the Anesthesiologist was named John. The Recovery Room nurse was named Dannie. You are prophetic.
@@brianfoley4328 Hint: The Serpent in the Garden wasn't really a snake, and "naked" always refers to sexual sin. I am not a prophet, but I am encouraged to report what is right before my eyes.
The Dunning Kruger Effect shows that we are too royally screwed to realize how royally screwed we actually are
Fuck royalty.
"New research shows that we're even more fucked than the previous models suggested"
That's fucked.
Bravo
The system is up and running, and it's going and going... impossible to stop.
I knew this. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, it has always been there. Thank you for the confirmation.
"Just absolutely rammed." Thanks for the clarification. 😂
So many different ways to express that!!
The onion is the most reliable news source there is, ironically enough
This isn't even a joke. When they published "Travis Kelce Suffers Film Career-Beginning Injury", I actually had to look it up to make sure he wasn't injured IRL.
It's the only truthful message you'll get on the internet any more. You can shut it off now. This is the grand mic drop of the internet.
The factors of FK'ed:
When the Excuses end,
Once the disasters of Moral, Legal, Financial, Economic, Political and Military affairs are exhausted, Religion shall be invoked, extrapolating the catastrophe shall be applicable to Biblical results....!!
Wow. This kind of forthright honesty and candor is rare. We need more of it. But solutions to the problem would be just as nice.
Thank you for the update. I had a feeling this was the case.
This is exactly the correct "can't do" attitude that our society needs right now 🎉
if the world's entire population moved over to the right hand side for a bit, then with 8.2 billion of us, weighing approximately 700million tonnes - or maybe more, given the lard-arsed MerryCains - then we could tip the world off its current axis by about 1.0 degree - but that's enough to initiate a mini global winter by facing away from the sun a little on our axis and positively reversing climate change. If you think I'm talking bollocks, well, no more than this silly bitch. QED.
"Our" society?
@@criztuIKR? I’ve been on the outside looking in for so long, I may as well do the about-face and start walking…
The music in the background makes this so much better.
The music is inspired by Philip Glass, from a 2002 movie called "Naqoyqatsi". Written by Philip Glass, cello played by Yo-Yo Ma.
The piece is ‘As They Make Circles’ by The Seventh Movement & Ardie Son. It does indeed resemble the "Naqoyqatsi" soundtrack, which I hadn’t heard before.😊
I'm 77 living on Social Security and doing fine, of course we don't live in the USA any longer.
The most honest and inspiring video I've seen lately
Hopeful for the future to be just as bad or worse than the present day!
This message of hope is what we all needed ❤
I always thought there was something wrong with me now science has confirmed it .Thanks science research.
Thanks for running the numbers. I had a feeling.
the amount of positivity in this message is immeasurable. i expect nothing less from the remaining bastion of truth.
"Save in motivational video list".
this is the way
I've been telling everyone this for a few years now. WE ARE SCREWED.
Astoundedly Asspounded
And fisted to boot.
So true bestie
:3
Didnt know that the vrchat man was fucked too😔
:3
:3
:3
The data is convincing. Thank you for your research.
Belief is accompanied by a pie chart definitely fucked
@ epic!
“More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”
― Woody Allen
We didn’t
Both paths converged on Nov. 5th, 2024.
@@sandras7029 silence Politard
Society 5.0 - Super Smart Society
What is Society 5.0?
One definition: "A human-centered society that balances economic advancement with the resolution of social problems by a system that highly integrates cyberspace and physical space."
Japan aims to become the first country in the world to achieve a human-centered society (Society 5.0) in which anyone can enjoy a high quality of life full of vigor. It intends to accomplish this by incorporating advanced technologies in diverse industries and social activities and fostering innovation to create new value.
“Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.”
― Mark Twain
Over soon?
It's for four goddamn years. You've any idea the absolute madness that could ensue in the next four years?
Less than two, me thinks...
The factors of FK'ed:
When the Excuses end,
Once the disasters of Moral, Legal, Financial, Economic, Political and Military affairs are exhausted, Religion shall be invoked, extrapolating the catastrophe shall be applicable to Biblical results....!!
Just mad-happy that the last four years are behind us....
@@rschier1stupid nsme too
@@rschier1dumbaz. YOU are the reason we are screwe!
Honestly, i've been worrying about this but guess i really just needed it to be said out loud. Thanks Onion.
This is awesome! Thank you, The Onion, for brightening my day.
The Onion being right on the money as always. I has some doubts but that pie chart blew them all away
Even your doubts are fkkd
omg, the direction, the actress, the script. Gorgeous *chef kiss*
When the onion logo appeared on screen at the end I fully expected a hand to follow and draw a base flange on it, sad they missed that.
Her delivery of "...just absolutely rammed." 😂
well, she really hammered in the point!
Millions of men suddenly found themselves contemplating being rammed, regardless of sexual orientation.
@@mho... More like she nailed the point.
I came to the same conclusion awhile ago but I very much appreciate the glimmer of hope at the end. This was strangely comforting. When life itself becomes a satire is satire possible anymore?
Ah, I was wondering when that study I participated in was finally going to be concluded...
It’s just nice to have confirmation. Thanks!
I suspect I am going to be coming back to this video a lot in the coming years.
Or months.
No you won't. You are fucked, remember?
Days for me 😭😭
I had my suspicions. Thought I was imagining it at first but turns out I was right.
I knew we were fucked, but didn't know we were absolutely rammed. Good to have this clarified.
In science it is important to use the correct and accurate terminology. People often mix these up.
😆😆😆
I like how the Onion shifted away from satire and straight into facts. It’s refreshing
Only part I disagree with is it all being over soon.
Just when you think it's over, it's not.
Agreed. Took Rome centuries to collapse. Just imagine it being a world wide occurrence. Could take millenia.
@shawnk2410 Indeed. That conclusion was far too optimistic.
It's over when I say it's over.
@@pyrolee17 THEN SAY IT'S OVER NOW!
Your arguments are very convincing! And the proof is staggering. No one could possibly argue against your theories. 🙂
I laughed afterward, but this brings just exactly how I feel. Really sad part is about half the country does not believe it.
You got that right brother!
Yes it is very unnerving to think that maybe half the country are optimists. Bummer! It just gets worse......
Im so goddamn excited that you guys bought info wars! A charitable power move!
I think it's important that we look at the bright spots in this report! Things aren't getting any worse!
yet
Yep, wait a couple months
@@Svid1701D Well she said we are totally fucked, so not sure where to go from there lol
@@glenchapman3899Don't worry, life always finds a way to break through the bedrock.
Well, being fucked means we’re on the downward slope, with no way off. So it will get worse. A lot worse.
I think lowering the taxes on the wealthy might help quite a bit. This change could increase the chances of being totally fucked from 77% to at least 92%, which would at least provide us some solace in the certainty of just how fucked we are.
Still waiting on the satire, Onion. You guys are slippin, ya keep dropping truth. Seriously, thanks. Who knew the Onion would be one of the last bastions of good journalism? I mean, some people maybe, but I didn't. We're so boned.
I love the honesty of the Onion. The only news source we can trust.
Thank you, a bit of welcome relief to hear from another woman who has same thoughts and fears. God bless us all as we take up the fight again.
This ought to be the front page headline in the New York Times.
Anecdotally, we knew we were totally fucked, but it's good to see the statistical summary of data.
The factors of FK'ed:
When the Excuses end,
Once the disasters of Moral, Legal, Financial, Economic, Political and Military affairs are exhausted, Religion shall be invoked, extrapolating the catastrophe shall be applicable to Biblical results....!!
Insignificance is our only hope.
You are totally right!
That is why I am no longer an atheist. When I tried to say to myself that there is no creator of nature and nature is all there is, my whole being screamed "COWARD!!!" and "Wishfull thinking! You just wish your suffering to end; all sins and misuses of your will fall into oblivion along with little happines you onece expirienced, and then just non-eistence, like eternal sleep without dreams?! Could you really live beliving in most convinient scenario [apart from muslim heaven]?".
I realised that humman can get use to every kind of pain, by getting acustomed or by falling into madnees, but pain is only body-level deep. True terror that goes to the deepest part of soul lies within responsibility. Hell would be bearable if there was no Heaven, but if there is indeed a way to happines, and man can either succed or fail the test, that is true terror.
Finally, someone really gets it!
@@mariuszgaaj2814 I know you think you're being kind by spreading the things that give you hope but we just lost the future of our country to Christian fascism so uh... Read the room.
Also you should believe things because there is proof not because they make you feel good. It would be great if all the random suffering in this world was a means to an end but it's simply not. The world is an apathetic place and humans inflict needless cruelty on each other every day; we should fight these systems of violence, not just smile along and consider the cruelty "God's plan to make us really enjoy heaven" or whatever garbage lets you shrug it off.
@@mariuszgaaj2814 "but if there is indeed a way to happines, and man can either succed or fail the test, that is true terror." Well good news! There isnt. its a long road to nowhere.
@@mariuszgaaj2814Do you really think anyone living has an answer? Who knows? That's the madness of it all. Let's not get too abstract, living and getting old and or sick, are painful inherently, there's no escape from pain, but on the other hand, why is pain bad and why is bad painful? Maybe it's not so simple as heaven and hell, case closed. Or maybe it is. No one knows for certain, unless you think you do.
As not a citizen or resident of the USA, observing from across the largest ocean, I can only agree with her analysis.
Glad we’ve got an expert on the topic, very comforting to hear the science
Really needed this now, I was already starting to doubt if I will ever leave this suicidal state but you helped me come to my senses onion, thank you.
Best bitter laugh since last Tuesday. The Onion is a vital part of my survival strategy for now.
Blessings to all non republicans 😮
Please don’t leave us.
I have been in similar mental situations many times in the past, but not right now.
Fuck them, we need all Onion Folk to take care of themselves and seek humor, calm environments, and perhaps some loud music to mask the screams 😱
don't off yourself, it wouldn't be fair to your family, when things get particularly fucked give that prevention hotline a call 💛
True, such wonderful reporting always makes me want to cling to the cold embrace of this accursed world, great stuff from The Last Media. 👍