As an emotionally developed INTJ in my 40s I feel this video really only described a younger immature intj and how they deal with emotion. The main thing to know is that INTJ's study you, they look for patterns, they notice what it is you like and don't like, they figure you out. And if they care about you and love you then they will know what you like, know what you want, know what you need, and work to give it to you. And that way INTJ's can be very affectionate very loving and very validating. The way this video is presented as as if INTJ's only showed emotions that they felt compelled to show from themselves only and did not take into account what we learn and know about our partner, and our desire to please them and make them happy. When you factor that into it, the whole dynamic changes. We can actually be the best kind of partner because we can learn and understand your needs and then seek to fill them.
Some people in MBTI community who learn about cognitive function mention this : Maybe, the developing of cognitive function of each types are happen based on the age. The analyst type have feeling as cognitive function at 3rd or 4th stack. So they're wiser and mature about feeling as they get older. So yes, your statement is understandable sir 😊
I'm glad you mentioned how INTJs suggesting future plans is an act of love. Often we'll be thinking extremely deeply about how you can be successful because the long term stability is what we deem will bring about contentment and hopefully happiness. Knowing someone will be smart and capable enough to survive out in the world is top priority.
Great point! This likely causes INTJ to take long to find a suitable partner so that’s why they test a lot? Deep down they seem to want a reliable and dependent person! Tertiary fx Fi often takes away INTJ happiness due to suppressed emotions or unprocessed but razor focused and sort of obsessive to improve. I feel INTJ need to be patient in order to look at different perspectives for life and have time to sit down and pause things so it helps them emotionally matured instead of being stuck into child like emotion status. This is completely my opinion though:)
@@Ella-qg4bq I like how you brought up our need for a reliable and dependent person. Being INTJ has made we realize how much I value loyalty and straightforwardness in relationships. Haha, yep, the need for constant improvement has been forcing me to work on my Tertiary function. I admire patience so much, thats for sure. I agree with your opinion, healthy INTJs NEED to release the pent up emotion. I'm an artistic person so poetry and art works for me, but I also think journaling and literally writing down our issues or wants will help INTJs a lot. Writing and art can communicate emotions sometimes easier than the INTJ can by themselves so I think it a great way to communicate
Yap! My hub also loves music as DJ : his hobby and it seems to take him to his rabbit hole away from the world. I noticed that INTJ depth of emotions buried deep and have golden heart but at the same time very realistic for survival. I really have empathy toward INxx types. Deep inner world like the ocean is easily misunderstood. cheers! I recommend INxx types relationship if deep profound relationship is desired Maturity is a MUST otherwise there is lot lot of crash due to introverted and misunderstanding, but INxx types are very intuitive so they can sort out easily after some relationship has been built up I truly strongly recommend INxx types relationship it's like heaven :) This music is the best reflection of INTJ emotions something is not easy to pin down, but something deep so to figure it out with lots of efforts but sometimes impossible compared with INFP love to fly with emotions from deep to the skye embracing with all kinds of emotions part of them th-cam.com/video/pFS4zYWxzNA/w-d-xo.html
@@Ella-qg4bq Just a small quibble. A dependable partner, not a dependent partner. I want my partner to be independent so that together we can have an interdependent relationship. The whole (the marriage) is greater than the sum of its parts. A nod to Stephen R. Covey.
@@zitgritski8552 th-cam.com/video/pofpV4Vy3X4/w-d-xo.html I believe A right relationship comes when we’re ready I just promote INTJ/ INFP relationship lol 😆 it’s like a union of the brain and the heart at least in the physical world 3 D even though there is much more at spiritual levels ; this part is the universe works for us so we just need to be ready when the universe brings a right relationship. My obsession of this promotion 🙃 I don’t know why 🤷♀️
The funny part is that everytime when I show someone some little affection they just look at me like if I was being dominated by a entity or something. Then I just act cool and all and they are just still in shock lol It happens every time and makes me laugh a little bit when I think about it.
Pls watch this from another INTJ th-cam.com/video/1nsHaSBTau8/w-d-xo.html INTJ love deep even though This is a trait of INxx types compared with other types Another INTJ advice sounds perfect. I hope It help you move forward :)
Or maybe you are failure emotionally and use whatever excuse to justify yourself , luckily you have me 👽(ENTP)👽 , I'm very lazy and I need your services and you will feel good when you do it 🤣
I had lines and lines of words for an explanation, but me, an ENFP, if given the opportunity for too long to think about my thoughts, I choose to not express them. So you are left with this, me letting you know that I thought about your statement.
Other people to INTJ: "I love you." INTJ mentally scrutinizes the words and the relationship to see if they're just trying to manipulate the INTJ or if this person is overly emotional and says I love you to everyone. If yes: "I love cake." If no: "I love you, too."
My husband and I had an INTJ manager (best manager ever) while doing a sales tent. She referred to us as her "good children." The last day, she brought us lunch. We felt loved.
Female INTJ here and I love the idea of my significant other leaving me a gesture like that. I find loud, extravagant declarations of feelings to be overwhelming, whereas a thoughtful little gift is just perfect :).
Married 20+ years. Still not making him a sandwich, unless his arm is broken. 😑 I will, however, happily correct his grammar. Somehow, he doesn’t appreciate that as much as he would a sandwich. 😉😂
I'm an INTJ and my primary love language is Quality Time. If I drop everything to spend time with you then you must mean a lot to me. My time is VALUABLE (we can't get it back). Words can change, most gifts can degrade or die. Time is so precious. This may be odd for an INTJ, but Physical Touch is a close second. I do hug people that I care about a lot. That could be because I come from a big, expressive family (more nurture than nature). Acts of Service is third, but there is a two-point spread between 1st and 3rd - so they are all pretty much my top picks. My (now adult) son told me that I always talked with him about being a productive member of society growing up, but not much about how to find the right partner. In my mind I thought teaching him self sufficiency and security is teaching him about love because you have to be able to provide for a family. Not sure if that was the wisest move because he has had some really bad relationships.
Teaching him those things was absolutely the right move. There's chat gpt/ or therapy and plenty of TH-cam content for relationship stuff. You taught him how to present as the most valuable kind of partner. Thank you for being that kind of dad.
Same, quality time followed by physical touch(depends on mood). Idk about the other languages much but i certainly know "words of affirmation" is the last in my ranking, hate words of affirmation it does nothing to me, better to give those words to someone else
64 year old INTJ lady here. I married an ESTJ guy 30 years ago. Like me, he doesn't need a constant stream of warm fuzzies, but over the years, I learned the habit of saying 'I love you'. Most often I'm not feeling a gush of emotion when I say it. It's more like a favor I'm doing for him. That sounds kinda bad when I see it in writing, but I feel like it helps our relationship.
@Angel Bulldog nailed it. I noticed INxx types are high sensitive and empathetic even though they express in the different ways. My hub INTJ is the most blessing in my life thanks to my angels. I don’t recommend any other types for INxx types. They leave scars on INxx types since they abuse our good beings.
I write letters. I am able to get better access to my emotions when i'm alone, it's easier to think and express my inner self in more depth. Somehow the lack of physical presence allows me to focus more and enables me be vulnerable. Also writing is a very creative form of communication, so i enjoy it allot. Although i do it for practical reasons, other people consider it very romantic, i guess you could say i kill two birds with one stone this way.
1:40 We don't respond with emotion when we are stressed out. That is so true and it confuses emotional people. They think we don't understand when we're not matching their emotional level. So they often crank their emotions into high gear. Like, "you'll realize there's a fire if I yell at you! What's wrong with you? Why aren't you screaming like everyone else?" While we are calmly thinking, okay where is the fire extinguisher?
When INFP brings all kind of emotions to INTJ, INFP doesn’t understand why someone completely shut down or ignore since that’s natural parts of INFP. There is warfare in the beginning but after personal works are done on both sides, there forms a unbroken bond and growth point b/w. Cheers! th-cam.com/video/fmCBcg7GrQw/w-d-xo.html INFP support who she/he is so don’t want to change anything but share in life with love:) This song is so true though 🤗 I promote INFP/INTJ relationship lol 😂 i don’t know why lol 😆
I remember not being able to say "I love you" to anyone for the majority of my life. After my ego fully developed it started coming out as "I luu... I Llluu". I'm grateful nobody saw it as unauthentic. Still surprised me to find such a barrier.
For me, (as INTJ) emotions basically feel like something secret or private. Someone asking me to express it out in the open (especially in public) sounds completely inappropriate. Instead I like to do small things that convey the message with having to say anything, especially in a personalized way that only that person will understand. If someone keeps asking me to express myself publicly, I will just conclude that the person is intentionally trying to degrade / humiliate me and I'll cut them off.
I agree with this. My emotions are private and unknown to everyone but expressed non-verbaly oftentimes to the 4 people who are precious to me. As well as my pupper. I consider her a mini furry person. I guess that makes 5 people. (INFJ)
Female intj here and sadly yes, I too wear black and baggy clothes. No wonder why I don't have a romantic relationships. Looks are probably not giving good first impressions and me trying to show affection by helping is instantly unnoticed. I'd like to get hit by a car now that I think about all this and realize how miserable it sounds.
@@Raven_Black_252 Trust you have a little gaggle of your own kind. I'm feeling the same right now. Times are ten toes down more trying. The more I try the more I just fail it seems. Meh Jesus was alone. Supposadley.
@@Raven_Black_252 Supposedly. See your user name and lol I to deffibetly identify with a raven. Use to be owls. Odd I swear I had this conversation recently
One way I knew my girlfriend was the one for me and that it was worth the risk of asking her to marry me was that she accepted me the way I was and didn't think I needed to change. She seemed to understand me better than anyone I'd ever met. Only took me two years of dating her after we were set up in a blind date to figure this out. Decisions like that are too important to rush into. She's still understanding and patient with me 16 years later. My favorite way to tell her I love her is to figure out what she's going to want or need in the near future, whether that's an item, or somethibg that'll need done, and then quietly take care of it. When she sees what I've done, she's very moved and greatful because she knows why I did it and what I'm saying to her. If I do tryvsonethibg more traditional like get her flowers, I get a living plant in a pot that's about to bloom. That way, the flowers will last the longest. If it's a perennial, she plants it in our garden. She still has a teacup rose growing that I got her for Valentine's Day 10 years ago. She loves it because it says "You are my Valentine" in her mind every time she looks at it. Flowers like that grow and live on just like true love does.
Yes, it is possible. Not easy, but possible. I'm not sure if I'd be married now if my coworkers hadn't set me up on that blind date. I tried dating on my own for six years after I graduated from college, and it was a disaster. I couldn't bring myself to just ask a girl out on a date in person. It was far more difficult than having a job interview and job interviews are brutal for me. I would rather go to the dentist than have an interview. I tried online dating with Chistian Mingle and eHarmony for a while. I enjoyed chatting with people on there as I find it easier to communicate via text than out loud in person anyway. There were a few different girls who seemed to like me at different times and we'd chat for several months at a time. Sooner or later, we'd try talking on the phone or meeting in person and it would all fall apart. The phone wasn't quite as bad as meeting in person, but in both cases, I'd get so nervous and awkward that it felt more like something to endure than to enjoy. None of those relationships survived more than two dates in person. I just hung out with other students who attended the Lutheran Student Center church that I went to in college. We'd do a lot of fun things together like go to movies, football and volleyball games, help the Center to outreach projects, etc. There were some very nice girls in the group and I met a few in my classes as well, but I could never get myself to try asking them out for a date just the two of us. I could talk to them at the Center or in group project meetings, etc. but that was it. I didn't even try to spend time with girls in high school. All but maybe two of them in the tiny high school I went to (our county only had around 500 people in it total when I was a kid) were cruel to me and either ignored me or bullied me just as bad as the boys did. The two who didn't were just as shy, awkward and nerdy as I was. The only 'date' I had in high school was for my senior prom and that was because my mom talked me into asking one of them. We'd know each other most of our lives, having done 4-H clubs and playing together when we were little, so it was slightly less terrifying to ask her to prom than it would have been to ask anyone else. We had a good time, but it was a source of great merriment to the rest of the kids to watch us fumble through attempting to dance and do the things you do at a prom, I'm sure. I found out when I was a senior that a lot of people had always thought that another girl who's family had been our 'next door' neighbors all my life (they lived ten miles away, but in cattle ranch country in Nebraska, that's pretty close) would someday be my girlfriend because we spent so much time playing together as kids. Our families did so much stuff together that when someone asked us at the graduation party and we were taking pictures together about that, we both laughed and said that we felt too much like 1st cousins from spending all that time growing up together. There's no way we could have dated. Would have been weird. We wound up going to the same university, but different colleges at the school. We carpooled back and forth for the eight hour drive from the university to our hometown many times because it made sense to do so. I'm sure that had rumors going around town too, but nothing ever came of it. We're both married to other people now, but we do keep in touch via social media now and then. I just realized that I'm answering your question sort of in reverse. This is just how some INTJs think, I suppose. @@hannashbelledelosreyes6065
Being an INTJ myself I can find the more over the top expressive displays of affection to be insincere. If you want to do something nice for someone you love you just do it you don't look for praise or a reward. Making a big show of it feels performative.
So true, pressuring me into verbally expressing my emotions never works, it makes me anxious, and if someone kept doing that for a long while, they kind of traumatise me into never wanting to express my emotions the way they want me to do it.. Ppl just need to understand that we won't express any kind of affection unless we genuinely wanted to cause we value genuineness a lot
th-cam.com/video/NnMVmVhPzBc/w-d-xo.html I feel INFP and INTJ need to go though until matured lol 😂 Maturity is a MUST otherwise it’s like train wreck But always real and true no drama For promotion INFP/INTJ relationship🤗
''the other person should learn to accept their style of showing love.'ha said like a true INTJ. That goes both ways. Each type needs to learn how their partner receives I love you. Do they need to feel it with affection. do they need to hear it. do they need to be shown it.
56 yr old INTJ here. Thank you for the insightful video. My expression of love is quality time, and by that I mean , time spent in conversation, about something that is deeply meaningful to me. Salient comment in the video regarding being vested in the future of a person we feel strongly about. The pitfall for me is that I tend to fall in love with the 'future' that I want to lay out for my loved ones, and then when I share it, I come across as a know-it-all and get miffed when my ESFJ wife responds with all the reasons why this version of the future that I've worked on in my mind for months won't work. As far as the love between friends, my best friend and I for the last few years have seen each other exactly once per year. We go out to breakfast, meet as early as we can in the morning and sometimes we don't get home to our wives until mid-afternoon. I think that I used to be a better listener, but this friend is so trusted, and I will have saved up so much to share with him, by the time our breakfast comes around, I come away from it feeling like I dominated the conversation. It's cathartic for me though to unload on him, and he's up for it every year. He's good at hearing me out and helping me sort out my feelings. I'm thinking of suggesting that we add a second breakfast, for the expressed purpose of giving him his turn. How very INTJ of me.
Video summary: - Invest their energy in your future - Small actions INTJs do not prefer to express their emotions. Don't expect them to become something they're not. They're not going to fake their emotions for the sake of other people.
My ESTP partner of 16 years recently passed away. He was always asking me why I didn't like him. I would tell him I let you sleep on my side of the bed without getting mad. That should be good enough. Anyway one morning he took all my bags to the car for me before work. He had never done that. On the way to work a sticky note fell out of the visor. All it says is I love you, have a great day with hearts and smileys. It is right where he left it. I never told him I saw it. I assumed he knew, it is my way of saying I love you back. I didn't toss it or take it inside, I left it where he meant it to have the most impact.
You know I wonder how much of this is due to personality type versus having trauma related issues like having a dismissive avoidant attachment style? I think that it's a fine line and many seem to cross it unknowingly.. A healthy relationship involves communicating about one's own needs to the other and then meeting what the other person's needs from you, and finding that balance, no?
This actually helped me understand a little bit more of why it was so hard for me to express my emotions towards my ex. He needed more and clearly communicated it (which I did appreciate) but that just caused me to retreated into my head more. Its why we broke up, he didn't feel emotionally satisfied. I probably was a bit emotionally distant, I am with everybody. I'm like an onion and I only allow people to see so many layers of me. I've spend the summer occasionally contemplating, what I could have done better and this kinda gave me closure. Thank you
@bananas_brain haha me too, we were on friendly but not actively seeking each other out terms for the rest of highschool. Dating someone else now 1 year 3 months going 😁
I say "I love you" a lot to my INTP husband but I learned to express my emotions with a lot of studying and practising. I just accept we are humans and feelings is normal and I should not feel ashamed to show or to talk about it. Furthermore, my problem was not to show my positive emotions but my negative feelings, however, as I said, I learned to share it. But yes I show it more with planning our future helping him everyday to reach his goals (he is an INTP if I dont help he would dont do anything lol) and I also buy gifts and leave it around the house. Hehe
An INTJ here. It's hilarious how you keep on saying "I love you" in the most deadpan way possible. I imagine I do the same thing. Love your content! Do you have a video on how 4th functions affect personalities?
I have an ESFJ tenant who keeps insisting on saying. "Love ya" before she hangs up the phone. It's getting really awkward. I really feel like saying, "You paid the rent. We're good."
The first thing I told my boyfriend is: Please don't waste your money on flowers. I don't want them. They're useless. Instead buy me some snacks. That's what makes me happy ;)
ENFP here. Based on this video and these comments, I feel really fortunate that my INTJ partner actually does give me quite a bit of affection in other ways besides primarily just acts of service (words of affirmation, physical touch, time, etc.) since that one's lower in priority in my love languages. He's actually quite emotionally expressive (still trying to figure out if it's just because he's more open with me or because he's a jumper (sleep first) based on Objective Personality Theory). My understanding of MBTI probably does help a lot in terms of tempering expectations with regards to these things though
This is one of the best explanations I've found about INTJ. A question I get asked ALOT is (not about relationships) : Why don't you show any enthousiam? This for me is the most annoying thing in the world someone can say to me.
I'm an INTJ too and it's so hard to express emotion. So People say I don't have emotion and always on a poker face all time. But after expressing it through words, I found myself being strange. I always prefer action.
I dated someone who didn't understand that doing small things is how I show I care. I would do something and what I did wouldn't be right, or she was going to do it differently, or some other flaw with what I had just did. Eventually I got to a point where I said "fine I just won't do anything if what I'm doing is always wrong". Well, that relationship pretty much ended with that.
As an INTJ, yeah, I agree with you. I am far more likely to give a gift, or just do little things to make the day go by easier. I don't tend to say "I love you" explicitly. If you say it too much, then it sounds fake and suspicious. I am, however, verbally and physically quite playful if I'm in a relationship. I will twist and turn words around in a teasing and flattering way, coming up with unique spins on them if I have a partner who will play with me. This is, perhaps, a legacy of my ESFP father, who would tell awful dad jokes, and we'd toss puns and jokes back and forth. I also enjoy physical contact, and most times, my partner does not count as an additional person when it comes to my alone time, if we can just sit together in the same room reading or something. Sometimes, rarely, I need to be completely alone. But most times I get enough quiet in his company that I don't need to retreat further.
I can only hug my mom and I can only say “I love you” to my mom. I can’t and I don’t even know to hug my friend when she’s crying, I am just beside of her listening to her struggles. I can’t even say the word “I love you” to my crush or to the boy that making a move on me in almost a year but yeah I also have feelings for him.
Scarily accurate. And if I express any emotion in a normal/traditional way once in a blue moon to fit in or show how much I care(since the other subtle but consistent things I do always go unnoticed and people can’t tell if I actually like them or not) and it’s not received well or noticed, I completely end things in my head since even my efforts to work on my weakest area and actually try to show some traditional gestures is not a big deal to them when it’s one of the hardest things for me.
I am a female INTJ and when I love someone romantically, I find it easy to be physically affectionate and say things like, “I love you”. I’ll caveat this by saying this however, is extremely rare for me to actually find someone I feel this strongly about to get to a place where expressing these sentiments is even possible in the first place. And even though saying “I love you” is possible, I still find it extremely taxing to express nuanced feelings of love. Articulating my thoughts, feelings, and processes is something I have found to be of great value, and have been pushing myself to do more of it lately. Recently I endeavoured to express my genuine feelings of love as well as thoughts of the future and extent of my commitment to my loved one and boy, was it was freakin’ hard. I knew exactly what my internal feelings were but getting them out there was another story. I was literally stress sweating, kept on pausing to find my words and also for breathers as to not get overwhelmed by the strength of my own emotions, and boy did it all come out stilted. (Luckily my loved one is a patient listener and I think, understands me better than most.) But in the end, against all odds, I did get those feelings out there, and that itself shows the strength of my love for this person - my little story to prove the point that if an INTJ goes to the trouble to express their love to you, you must truly be special to them❤
If Im into someone i will research them, every aspect. I still study them like i do physics. saying "I love you" isnt an issue after its established as a fact in our relationship. it won't have the same emotion attached to it but it will be a true statement.
I didn't know I was not into physical affection until everyone was surprised that I showed some affection. I didn't understand at first, but I realized I haven't been expressive 🤣
I'm an INTJ who started in childhood to develop a kind of "language" of affection for people through gift-giving. It's generally non-verbal, with the added bonus of being an intellectual challenge. To this day I will research a person to death to create a perfect, fitting gift for them. I think it's confusing or bewildering for people who are just starting to get used to me, but people who come to know me see it as a sign that I like them enough to really learn them, and that I'm thinking of them. I also (unlike much of what I've heard of other INTJs) am very physically affectionate, but only towards the one or two people I'm absolutely closest to at the time. I completely agree with the observations in the video about finding it exhausting to be with or around people in need of constant emotional validation. I'm not good at saying "there, there."
I used to see myself as kind of broken because I am so uncomfortable expressing love for people. I used to say ditto to my best friend because I felt uncomfortable with that word. This makes so much sense though because when I do say something It's very heartfelt and genuine. I don't feel broken now, I realize I just wait until I know I will be ok to express what I feel.
Spot on Chris. . . . .Thank you! I wish more people were aware of this knowledge, it would make INTJ's lives a 'little' easier. Self-awareness. . . . .what an incredible journey, so much peace it brings. People have been right all along, I am weird. . . . .Like it or not, I am an INTJ! :-)
As an INTJ I tend to write long letters (emails) and poems to the man I am in love with. For all other people, when I really love them I have no trouble saying that however I am more on the practical side of things. I will just do something significant for that person. As you said time for us is of the essence and if I am ready to stand in the heat of the hottest day of the year on concrete without SPF and under the sun just talking to you for hours without drinking water, you know that I am interested and I would probably do whatever it takes to be with you.
The most romantic thing my INTJ DID FOR my INTJ self ever in 41 years was use silverware one morning when he left for work before I did he wrote out "I love you" in clean silverware from the dishwasher he had loaded for me the night before so touching and different I took a photo which I still have 41 yrs later!
personally I’m a bit more expressive than you say but even then it has its limit. usually that limit is someone extremely close like a partner or my parents and that’s about it. past that, outward expression feels awkward almost like I shouldn’t be doing it. but im very warm with people very close to me but that’s where it ends.
I'm textbook INTJ and my love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. My partner is a textbook ENFP and her love languages are quality time and acts of service. This video feels more like a 'your personal experience'-kinda thing than a 'generally INTJ' kinda thing. Linking MBTI types to love languages feels wrong.
This is super helpful as an ENFP who is with an INTJ - sometimes I have to remind myself who my partner is and how we show emotions and affection seperately and not allow for it to discourage me or our relationship
we Love ENFPs so much girl! We know everything you need or want deeply and try make it come true. We spend our precious time with you guys and will touch you a lot...
I'm pretty secure, and recognize that actions speak louder then words and you are consistent with your loved ones. We're both communicators. We'll be fine.
I was like all this, but now I am super smiley and ready to show and share emotion at the drop of a hat! But I still find it hard to instinctively hug or say “I love you” or other mushy things.
Little little acts, which people might not even notice or think of as form of care. I usually fix holes in people's plans since 1 - I decided to listen, 2 - I decided what you said has potential or you're serious in your intention so I didn't keep my thoughts inside. There was a meme with "I wish I had 5 more minutes" so the INTJ partner calculated which new road to work would save those minutes. It's exactly the way it happens
@@AsuraPsych Awwww...miss the fro. 😢 Maybe you could try locks next time? Intentional tangles styled into tentacles would be stylish, and if do you like the aesthetic, I know you can pull it off. My mind’s eye tells me so. 😉 ✨👁✨
It is one thing that INTJs do not give hugs. Even a savage attitude can be endearing to some of us. But how are INTJs with receiving affection/hugs from loved ones then? Can't they stand it, do they learn to tolerate it or do they actually like it? As an ENFP I would feel rejected if I were not allowed to show my affection.
I would not say they do not give hugs. They are just a little cold and frosty on the outside. WTF knows what goes on in the inside - they never tell us and many of us grow bored and out of love ourselves, waiting for them to mature.
As an ENFP , I CONSTANTLY have INTJ's buzzing around me but they don't say much or don't let out much and it's a guessing game and it makes me feel frustrated because I like to hear words....words of affirmation, hugs, affection etc and sometimes, I know the acts of service is all part of love and so are the others and I would love love love those others to be explored by INTJ's to make those special partnerships meaningful
Funny thing happened yesterday: My friend X left a snack on the dash of Y’s car & mentioned she hoped they’d find it & not drive off while it was on there. While we were driving away, Y was walking back to her car so I rolled down my window to let her know. Apparently X didn’t want that, it was supposed to be a “surprise”…I took a moment & logically pointed out if we didn’t let her know she might’ve driven over it & pointed out that she herself even mentioned the potential hazard so I was simply preventing that from occurring. Yeah, sometimes I just don’t get it. I don’t even like surprises lmao
I thoroughly disagree about the long-term emotional displays. My wife of 20 years gets to see me in all my regressive selves. She is the person that took the time to study me as I took the time to study her. She understands so much about me and honestly and objectively seeks to understand more. And, it would seem, she is just as loyal to me as I am to her. As a consequence, She gets a massive 70% of me when we are alone. I feel very comfortable being expressive with her, and even regressive. For those of you who don’t know (because INTJ videos don’t often say): privacy is kinda important to us.
🤔 How much does this depend on maturity? (of course that was the next thing you answered after I paused to write the comment... XD) Regarding learning to understand the INTJ's expression of love rather than expecting them to change it, it may be harsh but if someone can't do that then the INTJ is probably not the ideal long term partner for them.
I wish I'd known this many years ago. MBTI types were not well known back then. What type(s) do you think is best suited to being satisfied with the INTJ love style?
Found it thank you this helps explain NTs in general I think and yes why wouldn’t we all present differently in relationships, this makes my heart happy since I think so much of life is really about being able to be understood in all of our intricacies.
This was very helpful for me to understand what I do and why. Yes, investing in the future of someone is a major way we show love. Doing right by you even at my expense is my way of loving.
hi Chris, I am an INTP, and I've had an INTJ friend for a little over a year now. I as the more objective one attempt to open up to create a meaningful 2-way relationship. I've had a real struggle getting to the level where he can be comfortable speaking with me, we intellectualize profusely, but the intuitive battle we fight seems to never end. do you have any advice on how I proceed? obviously, he's unhealthy same goes for me.
As an INTJ, casually saying affectionate words feels strange. So I verbally show I care mostly by asking how they’re doing, or just checking in, or helping them out/listening.
Acts of service and quality time making memories are the only worthy expressions of l "Love" in my opinion. Assisting in planning the future and helping lay a foundation for success I a huge part of my love expression.
You should take the test again or ask your friends for their perception of your personality, potentially as an INTJ your self-awareness is not the best.
Im a female INTJ No one c an tell I like them. I'm like: I'm here and talking to u aren't I? Guys whinee complain even throw me out because they say I don't show any feelings LOL- I just have the energy for all that stuff
You're telling me, people ask me if I hate them a lot... Uh, if I did I wouldn't bother talking to you, I didn't spend 4 hours talking to you a week ago about your thesis because I "hate" you... I just don't make it a point to talk to people I don't see regularly everyday.
@@dietpiediaries6287 No idea, I just don't understand why people project so much on to my actions or words instead of listening to what I actually say.
@@AsuraPsych You're welcome. I really appreciate your work. Seeing insightful young people such as yourself gives me hope for the future of society, in spite of how dismal things appear at the moment.
With all respect to you, i think you are wrong or not all of our fingers are the same in idea of long term, i am intj and not in a relationship because focusing on my career for while that is the reason for know but in idea for long term intj are the most royalty because when choose we study all the sides before any move thanks you
Why? It is not a hard thing to do unless the INTJ has excessive pride and are precious about being hurt. Just get out of your comfort zone, show some brevity and tell that someone you love them.
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 84 วันนี้!! คู่เอก "ก้องศึก vs เมืองไทย"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3kuzsAIDf1c/mqdefault.jpg)
Time is the one thing we can never get back. If an INTJ spends time with you, you should take it as the highest form of compliment.
Well-said.
Damn right. You said a mouthful.
Makes is seem kinda narcissistic
@@dubber1416 that’s because we are psychopaths
No shit , in fact my specialty is to waste INTJ time , maybe they can learn how relax little bit instead of work like robots
ENTP.
As an emotionally developed INTJ in my 40s I feel this video really only described a younger immature intj and how they deal with emotion. The main thing to know is that INTJ's study you, they look for patterns, they notice what it is you like and don't like, they figure you out. And if they care about you and love you then they will know what you like, know what you want, know what you need, and work to give it to you. And that way INTJ's can be very affectionate very loving and very validating. The way this video is presented as as if INTJ's only showed emotions that they felt compelled to show from themselves only and did not take into account what we learn and know about our partner, and our desire to please them and make them happy. When you factor that into it, the whole dynamic changes. We can actually be the best kind of partner because we can learn and understand your needs and then seek to fill them.
I never wanted to say this out loud 'cause of how the humans would respond all sad-angry to it
Agree, you learn to adapt depending on what you partner likes/wants.
Some people in MBTI community who learn about cognitive function mention this :
Maybe, the developing of cognitive function of each types are happen based on the age. The analyst type have feeling as cognitive function at 3rd or 4th stack. So they're wiser and mature about feeling as they get older.
So yes, your statement is understandable sir 😊
I'm glad you mentioned how INTJs suggesting future plans is an act of love. Often we'll be thinking extremely deeply about how you can be successful because the long term stability is what we deem will bring about contentment and hopefully happiness. Knowing someone will be smart and capable enough to survive out in the world is top priority.
Great point!
This likely causes INTJ to take long to find a suitable partner so that’s why they test a lot? Deep down they seem to want a reliable and dependent person! Tertiary fx Fi often takes away INTJ happiness due to suppressed emotions or unprocessed but razor focused and sort of obsessive to improve. I feel INTJ need to be patient in order to look at different perspectives for life and have time to sit down and pause things so it helps them emotionally matured instead of being stuck into child like emotion status. This is completely my opinion though:)
@@Ella-qg4bq I like how you brought up our need for a reliable and dependent person. Being INTJ has made we realize how much I value loyalty and straightforwardness in relationships. Haha, yep, the need for constant improvement has been forcing me to work on my Tertiary function. I admire patience so much, thats for sure. I agree with your opinion, healthy INTJs NEED to release the pent up emotion. I'm an artistic person so poetry and art works for me, but I also think journaling and literally writing down our issues or wants will help INTJs a lot. Writing and art can communicate emotions sometimes easier than the INTJ can by themselves so I think it a great way to communicate
Yap! My hub also loves music as DJ : his hobby and it seems to take him to his rabbit hole away from the world. I noticed that INTJ depth of emotions buried deep and have golden heart but at the same time very realistic for survival. I really have empathy toward INxx types. Deep inner world like the ocean is easily misunderstood.
cheers!
I recommend INxx types relationship if deep profound relationship is desired
Maturity is a MUST otherwise there is lot lot of crash due to introverted and misunderstanding, but INxx types are very intuitive so they can sort out easily after some relationship has been built up
I truly strongly recommend INxx types relationship
it's like heaven :)
This music is the best reflection of INTJ emotions
something is not easy to pin down, but something deep so to figure it out with lots of efforts but sometimes impossible compared with INFP love to fly with emotions from deep to the skye embracing with all kinds of emotions part of them
th-cam.com/video/pFS4zYWxzNA/w-d-xo.html
@@Ella-qg4bq Just a small quibble. A dependable partner, not a dependent partner. I want my partner to be independent so that together we can have an interdependent relationship. The whole (the marriage) is greater than the sum of its parts. A nod to Stephen R. Covey.
@@zitgritski8552 th-cam.com/video/pofpV4Vy3X4/w-d-xo.html
I believe
A right relationship comes when we’re ready
I just promote INTJ/ INFP relationship lol 😆 it’s like a union of the brain and the heart at least in the physical world 3 D even though there is much more at spiritual levels ; this part is the universe works for us so we just need to be ready when the universe brings a right relationship.
My obsession of this promotion 🙃
I don’t know why 🤷♀️
The funny part is that everytime when I show someone some little affection they just look at me like if I was being dominated by a entity or something.
Then I just act cool and all and they are just still in shock lol
It happens every time and makes me laugh a little bit when I think about it.
Lol my intj showing affection to me is so weird that make me laugh so hard lol how sweet 😂
That would explain why I can't get a girlfriend, people don't generally appreciate when you help them achieve things.
from the female INTJ point of view, I can attest to the same thing.
Same, all the more when you don't get to say the things they want to hear from you.
Pls watch this from another INTJ
th-cam.com/video/1nsHaSBTau8/w-d-xo.html
INTJ love deep even though
This is a trait of INxx types compared with other types
Another INTJ advice sounds perfect. I hope It help you move forward :)
Or maybe you are failure emotionally and use whatever excuse to justify yourself , luckily you have me 👽(ENTP)👽 , I'm very lazy and I need your services and you will feel good when you do it 🤣
I had lines and lines of words for an explanation, but me, an ENFP, if given the opportunity for too long to think about my thoughts, I choose to not express them. So you are left with this, me letting you know that I thought about your statement.
Other people to INTJ: “I love you.”
INTJ: “I love...cake.”
well it is harmful and my brain is misleading me
Let them eat cake, then!
Also INTJ: "I've baked a cake. Do you want a piece? It's your favorite flavor acording to that 6 years ago photo in your facebook."
Other people to INTJ: "I love you."
INTJ mentally scrutinizes the words and the relationship to see if they're just trying to manipulate the INTJ or if this person is overly emotional and says I love you to everyone.
If yes: "I love cake."
If no: "I love you, too."
I love lamp.
My husband and I had an INTJ manager (best manager ever) while doing a sales tent. She referred to us as her "good children." The last day, she brought us lunch. We felt loved.
Female INTJ here and I love the idea of my significant other leaving me a gesture like that. I find loud, extravagant declarations of feelings to be overwhelming, whereas a thoughtful little gift is just perfect :).
So true. If I'm making you a sammich, you are the chosen one.
Lol 😂 exactly
“Action is much louder than words”
This seems to be love philosophy for INTJ🙃
As INFP it took me a while to understand INTJ style😊
*sandwich
Married 20+ years. Still not making him a sandwich, unless his arm is broken. 😑
I will, however, happily correct his grammar.
Somehow, he doesn’t appreciate that as much as he would a sandwich. 😉😂
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 you need to learn your internet slang.
I'm an INTJ and my primary love language is Quality Time. If I drop everything to spend time with you then you must mean a lot to me. My time is VALUABLE (we can't get it back). Words can change, most gifts can degrade or die. Time is so precious.
This may be odd for an INTJ, but Physical Touch is a close second. I do hug people that I care about a lot. That could be because I come from a big, expressive family (more nurture than nature). Acts of Service is third, but there is a two-point spread between 1st and 3rd - so they are all pretty much my top picks.
My (now adult) son told me that I always talked with him about being a productive member of society growing up, but not much about how to find the right partner. In my mind I thought teaching him self sufficiency and security is teaching him about love because you have to be able to provide for a family. Not sure if that was the wisest move because he has had some really bad relationships.
It is not just YOUR time that is valuable. Narcissistic much?
@@antoinettenovella1630 Just responding to the video. ONLY wasn't part of that sentence. Learn to read.
Teaching him those things was absolutely the right move. There's chat gpt/ or therapy and plenty of TH-cam content for relationship stuff. You taught him how to present as the most valuable kind of partner. Thank you for being that kind of dad.
Is your wife an INFP? She could cover the parts when it comes to emotional advice.
Same, quality time followed by physical touch(depends on mood). Idk about the other languages much but i certainly know "words of affirmation" is the last in my ranking, hate words of affirmation it does nothing to me, better to give those words to someone else
64 year old INTJ lady here. I married an ESTJ guy 30 years ago. Like me, he doesn't need a constant stream of warm fuzzies, but over the years, I learned the habit of saying 'I love you'. Most often I'm not feeling a gush of emotion when I say it. It's more like a favor I'm doing for him. That sounds kinda bad when I see it in writing, but I feel like it helps our relationship.
Well I think you need it more than him lady🤣
ENTP.
@@MetalGearIV that’s why you’re ENTP lol 😂
@@MetalGearIV No . . . actually, we *don’t* “need it.”
I’m an INTJ woman of similar age, also married to an ESTJ. I can relate to your comment completely! 👍
@Angel Bulldog nailed it. I noticed INxx types are high sensitive and empathetic even though they express in the different ways. My hub INTJ is the most blessing in my life thanks to my angels.
I don’t recommend any other types for INxx types. They leave scars on INxx types since they abuse our good beings.
I write letters. I am able to get better access to my emotions when i'm alone, it's easier to think and express my inner self in more depth. Somehow the lack of physical presence allows me to focus more and enables me be vulnerable. Also writing is a very creative form of communication, so i enjoy it allot. Although i do it for practical reasons, other people consider it very romantic, i guess you could say i kill two birds with one stone this way.
I think I will have to do this.
Agree.
You mean to write? Sorry, I am an INTP who is nitpicky about grammar.
@@malikatamaka6515 you mean spelling? 😛
@@Sharkuterie327 touché
1:40 We don't respond with emotion when we are stressed out. That is so true and it confuses emotional people. They think we don't understand when we're not matching their emotional level. So they often crank their emotions into high gear. Like, "you'll realize there's a fire if I yell at you! What's wrong with you? Why aren't you screaming like everyone else?" While we are calmly thinking, okay where is the fire extinguisher?
How an ENTJ shows affection: ✨helps you solve your long term problems through tough love✨
We are similar you and I- ENTJ to INTJ
same (analyst) bracket after all.
You’re our extroverted brothers.
This explains my mother very well
ENTJ, will do your CV and cover letter, and cook for you or buy food.
Literally my mother
Small acts - yes. The folks that want overt emotional affirmation and reassurance about my feelings really stress me out. 😅
When INFP brings all kind of emotions to INTJ, INFP doesn’t understand why someone completely shut down or ignore since that’s natural parts of INFP. There is warfare in the beginning but after personal works are done on both sides, there forms a unbroken bond and growth point b/w.
Cheers!
th-cam.com/video/fmCBcg7GrQw/w-d-xo.html
INFP support who she/he is so don’t want to change anything but share in life with love:)
This song is so true though 🤗
I promote INFP/INTJ relationship lol 😂 i don’t know why lol 😆
I remember not being able to say "I love you" to anyone for the majority of my life. After my ego fully developed it started coming out as "I luu... I Llluu". I'm grateful nobody saw it as unauthentic. Still surprised me to find such a barrier.
My response was usually I love me too...i just blow kisses these days
For me, (as INTJ) emotions basically feel like something secret or private. Someone asking me to express it out in the open (especially in public) sounds completely inappropriate. Instead I like to do small things that convey the message with having to say anything, especially in a personalized way that only that person will understand. If someone keeps asking me to express myself publicly, I will just conclude that the person is intentionally trying to degrade / humiliate me and I'll cut them off.
I agree with this. My emotions are private and unknown to everyone but expressed non-verbaly oftentimes to the 4 people who are precious to me. As well as my pupper. I consider her a mini furry person. I guess that makes 5 people. (INFJ)
nice bear
They don’t, the end. Jk love u INTJ’s❤️
Hahaha 🤣
😂😂😂
He is most definitely an intj. You should do a video on why all intjs wear black!
We enjoy being feared because then people leave us alone
Female intj here and sadly yes, I too wear black and baggy clothes. No wonder why I don't have a romantic relationships. Looks are probably not giving good first impressions and me trying to show affection by helping is instantly unnoticed. I'd like to get hit by a car now that I think about all this and realize how miserable it sounds.
@@Raven_Black_252 Trust you have a little gaggle of your own kind. I'm feeling the same right now. Times are ten toes down more trying. The more I try the more I just fail it seems. Meh Jesus was alone. Supposadley.
@@Raven_Black_252 Supposedly. See your user name and lol I to deffibetly identify with a raven. Use to be owls. Odd I swear I had this conversation recently
I am an infp, I wear the black, he wears the khaki pants and the once dressy shirt that has worn away over the years but refuses to buy another.
One way I knew my girlfriend was the one for me and that it was worth the risk of asking her to marry me was that she accepted me the way I was and didn't think I needed to change. She seemed to understand me better than anyone I'd ever met. Only took me two years of dating her after we were set up in a blind date to figure this out. Decisions like that are too important to rush into. She's still understanding and patient with me 16 years later.
My favorite way to tell her I love her is to figure out what she's going to want or need in the near future, whether that's an item, or somethibg that'll need done, and then quietly take care of it. When she sees what I've done, she's very moved and greatful because she knows why I did it and what I'm saying to her.
If I do tryvsonethibg more traditional like get her flowers, I get a living plant in a pot that's about to bloom. That way, the flowers will last the longest. If it's a perennial, she plants it in our garden. She still has a teacup rose growing that I got her for Valentine's Day 10 years ago. She loves it because it says "You are my Valentine" in her mind every time she looks at it. Flowers like that grow and live on just like true love does.
Aww so sweet of you and thank you for sharing your experience. Melts my heart. I want an INTJ guy lol #enfp here
So INTJ do find true love.
Yes, it is possible. Not easy, but possible. I'm not sure if I'd be married now if my coworkers hadn't set me up on that blind date. I tried dating on my own for six years after I graduated from college, and it was a disaster. I couldn't bring myself to just ask a girl out on a date in person. It was far more difficult than having a job interview and job interviews are brutal for me. I would rather go to the dentist than have an interview.
I tried online dating with Chistian Mingle and eHarmony for a while. I enjoyed chatting with people on there as I find it easier to communicate via text than out loud in person anyway. There were a few different girls who seemed to like me at different times and we'd chat for several months at a time. Sooner or later, we'd try talking on the phone or meeting in person and it would all fall apart. The phone wasn't quite as bad as meeting in person, but in both cases, I'd get so nervous and awkward that it felt more like something to endure than to enjoy. None of those relationships survived more than two dates in person.
I just hung out with other students who attended the Lutheran Student Center church that I went to in college. We'd do a lot of fun things together like go to movies, football and volleyball games, help the Center to outreach projects, etc. There were some very nice girls in the group and I met a few in my classes as well, but I could never get myself to try asking them out for a date just the two of us. I could talk to them at the Center or in group project meetings, etc. but that was it.
I didn't even try to spend time with girls in high school. All but maybe two of them in the tiny high school I went to (our county only had around 500 people in it total when I was a kid) were cruel to me and either ignored me or bullied me just as bad as the boys did. The two who didn't were just as shy, awkward and nerdy as I was. The only 'date' I had in high school was for my senior prom and that was because my mom talked me into asking one of them. We'd know each other most of our lives, having done 4-H clubs and playing together when we were little, so it was slightly less terrifying to ask her to prom than it would have been to ask anyone else. We had a good time, but it was a source of great merriment to the rest of the kids to watch us fumble through attempting to dance and do the things you do at a prom, I'm sure.
I found out when I was a senior that a lot of people had always thought that another girl who's family had been our 'next door' neighbors all my life (they lived ten miles away, but in cattle ranch country in Nebraska, that's pretty close) would someday be my girlfriend because we spent so much time playing together as kids. Our families did so much stuff together that when someone asked us at the graduation party and we were taking pictures together about that, we both laughed and said that we felt too much like 1st cousins from spending all that time growing up together. There's no way we could have dated. Would have been weird. We wound up going to the same university, but different colleges at the school. We carpooled back and forth for the eight hour drive from the university to our hometown many times because it made sense to do so. I'm sure that had rumors going around town too, but nothing ever came of it. We're both married to other people now, but we do keep in touch via social media now and then.
I just realized that I'm answering your question sort of in reverse. This is just how some INTJs think, I suppose. @@hannashbelledelosreyes6065
Being an INTJ myself I can find the more over the top expressive displays of affection to be insincere. If you want to do something nice for someone you love you just do it you don't look for praise or a reward. Making a big show of it feels performative.
So true, pressuring me into verbally expressing my emotions never works, it makes me anxious, and if someone kept doing that for a long while, they kind of traumatise me into never wanting to express my emotions the way they want me to do it.. Ppl just need to understand that we won't express any kind of affection unless we genuinely wanted to cause we value genuineness a lot
th-cam.com/video/NnMVmVhPzBc/w-d-xo.html
I feel INFP and INTJ need to go though until matured lol 😂
Maturity is a MUST otherwise it’s like train wreck
But always real and true no drama
For promotion INFP/INTJ relationship🤗
''the other person should learn to accept their style of showing love.'ha said like a true INTJ. That goes both ways. Each type needs to learn how their partner receives I love you. Do they need to feel it with affection. do they need to hear it. do they need to be shown it.
56 yr old INTJ here. Thank you for the insightful video. My expression of love is quality time, and by that I mean , time spent in conversation, about something that is deeply meaningful to me. Salient comment in the video regarding being vested in the future of a person we feel strongly about. The pitfall for me is that I tend to fall in love with the 'future' that I want to lay out for my loved ones, and then when I share it, I come across as a know-it-all and get miffed when my ESFJ wife responds with all the reasons why this version of the future that I've worked on in my mind for months won't work. As far as the love between friends, my best friend and I for the last few years have seen each other exactly once per year. We go out to breakfast, meet as early as we can in the morning and sometimes we don't get home to our wives until mid-afternoon. I think that I used to be a better listener, but this friend is so trusted, and I will have saved up so much to share with him, by the time our breakfast comes around, I come away from it feeling like I dominated the conversation. It's cathartic for me though to unload on him, and he's up for it every year. He's good at hearing me out and helping me sort out my feelings. I'm thinking of suggesting that we add a second breakfast, for the expressed purpose of giving him his turn. How very INTJ of me.
Video summary:
- Invest their energy in your future
- Small actions
INTJs do not prefer to express their emotions. Don't expect them to become something they're not. They're not going to fake their emotions for the sake of other people.
My ESTP partner of 16 years recently passed away. He was always asking me why I didn't like him. I would tell him I let you sleep on my side of the bed without getting mad. That should be good enough. Anyway one morning he took all my bags to the car for me before work. He had never done that. On the way to work a sticky note fell out of the visor. All it says is I love you, have a great day with hearts and smileys. It is right where he left it. I never told him I saw it. I assumed he knew, it is my way of saying I love you back. I didn't toss it or take it inside, I left it where he meant it to have the most impact.
You know I wonder how much of this is due to personality type versus having trauma related issues like having a dismissive avoidant attachment style? I think that it's a fine line and many seem to cross it unknowingly.. A healthy relationship involves communicating about one's own needs to the other and then meeting what the other person's needs from you, and finding that balance, no?
This actually helped me understand a little bit more of why it was so hard for me to express my emotions towards my ex. He needed more and clearly communicated it (which I did appreciate) but that just caused me to retreated into my head more. Its why we broke up, he didn't feel emotionally satisfied. I probably was a bit emotionally distant, I am with everybody. I'm like an onion and I only allow people to see so many layers of me. I've spend the summer occasionally contemplating, what I could have done better and this kinda gave me closure. Thank you
ah I love a good Shrek reference
@bananas_brain haha me too, we were on friendly but not actively seeking each other out terms for the rest of highschool.
Dating someone else now 1 year 3 months going 😁
INTJ affection: if you are a priority when planning a timeline; if I try to "solve" or "back up" your weakness without telling you
I say "I love you" a lot to my INTP husband but I learned to express my emotions with a lot of studying and practising. I just accept we are humans and feelings is normal and I should not feel ashamed to show or to talk about it. Furthermore, my problem was not to show my positive emotions but my negative feelings, however, as I said, I learned to share it.
But yes I show it more with planning our future helping him everyday to reach his goals (he is an INTP if I dont help he would dont do anything lol) and I also buy gifts and leave it around the house. Hehe
An INTJ here. It's hilarious how you keep on saying "I love you" in the most deadpan way possible. I imagine I do the same thing. Love your content! Do you have a video on how 4th functions affect personalities?
I have an ESFJ tenant who keeps insisting on saying. "Love ya" before she hangs up the phone. It's getting really awkward. I really feel like saying, "You paid the rent. We're good."
@@LadyIarConnacht oh my 😂
The first thing I told my boyfriend is: Please don't waste your money on flowers. I don't want them. They're useless. Instead buy me some snacks. That's what makes me happy ;)
ENFP here. Based on this video and these comments, I feel really fortunate that my INTJ partner actually does give me quite a bit of affection in other ways besides primarily just acts of service (words of affirmation, physical touch, time, etc.) since that one's lower in priority in my love languages. He's actually quite emotionally expressive (still trying to figure out if it's just because he's more open with me or because he's a jumper (sleep first) based on Objective Personality Theory). My understanding of MBTI probably does help a lot in terms of tempering expectations with regards to these things though
This is one of the best explanations I've found about INTJ. A question I get asked ALOT is (not about relationships) : Why don't you show any enthousiam? This for me is the most annoying thing in the world someone can say to me.
As an Infp wife to an intj husband - my INTJ is hugely critical and appears to be very arrogant on the surface but is actually very humble.
I'm an INTJ too and it's so hard to express emotion. So People say I don't have emotion and always on a poker face all time. But after expressing it through words, I found myself being strange. I always prefer action.
Poetry club may help
@@user-pk5pl7ox1e Said a brother to another.
I dated someone who didn't understand that doing small things is how I show I care. I would do something and what I did wouldn't be right, or she was going to do it differently, or some other flaw with what I had just did. Eventually I got to a point where I said "fine I just won't do anything if what I'm doing is always wrong". Well, that relationship pretty much ended with that.
As an INTJ, yeah, I agree with you. I am far more likely to give a gift, or just do little things to make the day go by easier.
I don't tend to say "I love you" explicitly. If you say it too much, then it sounds fake and suspicious.
I am, however, verbally and physically quite playful if I'm in a relationship. I will twist and turn words around in a teasing and flattering way, coming up with unique spins on them if I have a partner who will play with me. This is, perhaps, a legacy of my ESFP father, who would tell awful dad jokes, and we'd toss puns and jokes back and forth.
I also enjoy physical contact, and most times, my partner does not count as an additional person when it comes to my alone time, if we can just sit together in the same room reading or something. Sometimes, rarely, I need to be completely alone. But most times I get enough quiet in his company that I don't need to retreat further.
I can only hug my mom and I can only say “I love you” to my mom. I can’t and I don’t even know to hug my friend when she’s crying, I am just beside of her listening to her struggles.
I can’t even say the word “I love you” to my crush or to the boy that making a move on me in almost a year but yeah I also have feelings for him.
Scarily accurate. And if I express any emotion in a normal/traditional way once in a blue moon to fit in or show how much I care(since the other subtle but consistent things I do always go unnoticed and people can’t tell if I actually like them or not) and it’s not received well or noticed, I completely end things in my head since even my efforts to work on my weakest area and actually try to show some traditional gestures is not a big deal to them when it’s one of the hardest things for me.
I am a female INTJ and when I love someone romantically, I find it easy to be physically affectionate and say things like, “I love you”.
I’ll caveat this by saying this however, is extremely rare for me to actually find someone I feel this strongly about to get to a place where expressing these sentiments is even possible in the first place. And even though saying “I love you” is possible, I still find it extremely taxing to express nuanced feelings of love.
Articulating my thoughts, feelings, and processes is something I have found to be of great value, and have been pushing myself to do more of it lately.
Recently I endeavoured to express my genuine feelings of love as well as thoughts of the future and extent of my commitment to my loved one and boy, was it was freakin’ hard.
I knew exactly what my internal feelings were but getting them out there was another story. I was literally stress sweating, kept on pausing to find my words and also for breathers as to not get overwhelmed by the strength of my own emotions, and boy did it all come out stilted. (Luckily my loved one is a patient listener and I think, understands me better than most.) But in the end, against all odds, I did get those feelings out there, and that itself shows the strength of my love for this person - my little story to prove the point that if an INTJ goes to the trouble to express their love to you, you must truly be special to them❤
If Im into someone i will research them, every aspect. I still study them like i do physics. saying "I love you" isnt an issue after its established as a fact in our relationship. it won't have the same emotion attached to it but it will be a true statement.
I've found INTJ's may feel emotional expression is vulnerability and weakness, in turn impairing connections, EQ and communication skills.
You really know your shit man. Thanks for this video. Everything you said is so true about us.
I didn't know I was not into physical affection until everyone was surprised that I showed some affection. I didn't understand at first, but I realized I haven't been expressive 🤣
Its easier for me to physically express my affection to my partner than saying a bunch of cheesy overused things.
I'm an INTJ who started in childhood to develop a kind of "language" of affection for people through gift-giving. It's generally non-verbal, with the added bonus of being an intellectual challenge. To this day I will research a person to death to create a perfect, fitting gift for them. I think it's confusing or bewildering for people who are just starting to get used to me, but people who come to know me see it as a sign that I like them enough to really learn them, and that I'm thinking of them. I also (unlike much of what I've heard of other INTJs) am very physically affectionate, but only towards the one or two people I'm absolutely closest to at the time. I completely agree with the observations in the video about finding it exhausting to be with or around people in need of constant emotional validation. I'm not good at saying "there, there."
I used to see myself as kind of broken because I am so uncomfortable expressing love for people. I used to say ditto to my best friend because I felt uncomfortable with that word. This makes so much sense though because when I do say something It's very heartfelt and genuine. I don't feel broken now, I realize I just wait until I know I will be ok to express what I feel.
Spot on Chris. . . . .Thank you! I wish more people were aware of this knowledge, it would make INTJ's lives a 'little' easier. Self-awareness. . . . .what an incredible journey, so much peace it brings. People have been right all along, I am weird. . . . .Like it or not, I am an INTJ! :-)
As an INTJ I tend to write long letters (emails) and poems to the man I am in love with. For all other people, when I really love them I have no trouble saying that however I am more on the practical side of things. I will just do something significant for that person. As you said time for us is of the essence and if I am ready to stand in the heat of the hottest day of the year on concrete without SPF and under the sun just talking to you for hours without drinking water, you know that I am interested and I would probably do whatever it takes to be with you.
Would love a video on INTJ with ISFJ !
The most romantic thing my INTJ DID FOR my INTJ self ever in 41 years was use silverware one morning when he left for work before I did he wrote out "I love you" in clean silverware from the dishwasher he had loaded for me the night before so touching and different I took a photo which I still have 41 yrs later!
Other people: I love you.
Me: I like that you're intelligent 🥰 (means I can learn from you which I'm always seeking for)
So as an INFJ it's hard to say I love you also.WTF.
personally I’m a bit more expressive than you say but even then it has its limit. usually that limit is someone extremely close like a partner or my parents and that’s about it. past that, outward expression feels awkward almost like I shouldn’t be doing it. but im very warm with people very close to me but that’s where it ends.
Saying i love you to someone you truly love is not an overly emotional expression.
I'm textbook INTJ and my love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. My partner is a textbook ENFP and her love languages are quality time and acts of service. This video feels more like a 'your personal experience'-kinda thing than a 'generally INTJ' kinda thing. Linking MBTI types to love languages feels wrong.
This is super helpful as an ENFP who is with an INTJ - sometimes I have to remind myself who my partner is and how we show emotions and affection seperately and not allow for it to discourage me or our relationship
we Love ENFPs so much girl! We know everything you need or want deeply and try make it come true. We spend our precious time with you guys and will touch you a lot...
"I caught you this sweet bass.", Napoleon Dynamite.
I'm pretty secure,
and recognize that actions
speak louder then words
and you are consistent
with your loved ones.
We're both communicators.
We'll be fine.
I was like all this, but now I am super smiley and ready to show and share emotion at the drop of a hat! But I still find it hard to instinctively hug or say “I love you” or other mushy things.
Little little acts, which people might not even notice or think of as form of care. I usually fix holes in people's plans since 1 - I decided to listen, 2 - I decided what you said has potential or you're serious in your intention so I didn't keep my thoughts inside. There was a meme with "I wish I had 5 more minutes" so the INTJ partner calculated which new road to work would save those minutes. It's exactly the way it happens
You cut your gorgeous hair!
The fro had to go sadly. It was getting all sorts of tangled haha. Thanks for watching!
IMHO, he looks better now.
@@CoNSu_11 He was handsome before and still is. 😊
@@AsuraPsych Awwww...miss the fro. 😢
Maybe you could try locks next time? Intentional tangles styled into tentacles would be stylish, and if do you like the aesthetic, I know you can pull it off. My mind’s eye tells me so. 😉 ✨👁✨
That was my first reaction when playing the video. Haha.
INTJ woman here, good points.
It is one thing that INTJs do not give hugs. Even a savage attitude can be endearing to some of us. But how are INTJs with receiving affection/hugs from loved ones then? Can't they stand it, do they learn to tolerate it or do they actually like it? As an ENFP I would feel rejected if I were not allowed to show my affection.
I would not say they do not give hugs. They are just a little cold and frosty on the outside. WTF knows what goes on in the inside - they never tell us and many of us grow bored and out of love ourselves, waiting for them to mature.
I as and INTJ do give and receive hugs, but only with the right person at the right time. Never with my parents; seldom with my child.
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me, humble intj: already suspicious
As an ENFP , I CONSTANTLY have INTJ's buzzing around me but they don't say much or don't let out much and it's a guessing game and it makes me feel frustrated because I like to hear words....words of affirmation, hugs, affection etc and sometimes, I know the acts of service is all part of love and so are the others and I would love love love those others to be explored by INTJ's to make those special partnerships meaningful
Great insights, as always!
Btw, I love/appreciate the graphics that you choose for your videos. They're very dark and artistic. ~ISFP
Funny thing happened yesterday: My friend X left a snack on the dash of Y’s car & mentioned she hoped they’d find it & not drive off while it was on there. While we were driving away, Y was walking back to her car so I rolled down my window to let her know. Apparently X didn’t want that, it was supposed to be a “surprise”…I took a moment & logically pointed out if we didn’t let her know she might’ve driven over it & pointed out that she herself even mentioned the potential hazard so I was simply preventing that from occurring. Yeah, sometimes I just don’t get it. I don’t even like surprises lmao
Mh, I can't relate to this one. Maybe Fi is my actual auxiliary function instead of Te and I'm an INTJ jumper. Sleep first fits, too. 🤔
4:37 i'm intj and i haven't said "i love you" in like 8 year so i can confirm
I thoroughly disagree about the long-term emotional displays. My wife of 20 years gets to see me in all my regressive selves. She is the person that took the time to study me as I took the time to study her. She understands so much about me and honestly and objectively seeks to understand more. And, it would seem, she is just as loyal to me as I am to her.
As a consequence, She gets a massive 70% of me when we are alone. I feel very comfortable being expressive with her, and even regressive.
For those of you who don’t know (because INTJ videos don’t often say): privacy is kinda important to us.
🤔 How much does this depend on maturity? (of course that was the next thing you answered after I paused to write the comment... XD)
Regarding learning to understand the INTJ's expression of love rather than expecting them to change it, it may be harsh but if someone can't do that then the INTJ is probably not the ideal long term partner for them.
Yes
I wish I'd known this many years ago. MBTI types were not well known back then. What type(s) do you think is best suited to being satisfied with the INTJ love style?
@@meagiesmuse2334 Someone who’s not emotionally-needy and understands the INTJ’s love language as being acts of service.
@@MoPoppins good , come and serve me intj's , show me some love
ENTP 👽
Found it thank you this helps explain NTs in general I think and yes why wouldn’t we all present differently in relationships, this makes my heart happy since I think so much of life is really about being able to be understood in all of our intricacies.
This was very helpful for me to understand what I do and why. Yes, investing in the future of someone is a major way we show love. Doing right by you even at my expense is my way of loving.
hi Chris,
I am an INTP, and I've had an INTJ friend for a little over a year now. I as the more objective one attempt to open up to create a meaningful 2-way relationship. I've
had a real struggle getting to the level where he can be comfortable speaking with me, we intellectualize profusely, but the intuitive battle we fight seems to never
end. do you have any advice on how I proceed? obviously, he's unhealthy same goes for me.
As an INTJ, casually saying affectionate words feels strange. So I verbally show I care mostly by asking how they’re doing, or just checking in, or helping them out/listening.
You have nailed it. When I get flowers for my wife I set them where she will find them. I never make a big deal about it.
3:43 Did you pull up the cover art to Future's album called EVOL?
I agree with everything you said.
-INTJ
When we say ""I love you" we mean it.
I came to find out because I never show affection... still learning...
Befriend an ENFJ, they are intelligent, loyal, affectionate and force them to love you - darn it - but so true.
Acts of service and quality time making memories are the only worthy expressions of l "Love" in my opinion.
Assisting in planning the future and helping lay a foundation for success I a huge part of my love expression.
I tested for INTJ but I am also very sensitive, open, and affectionate. Basically opposite for relationships. What does that mean?
You should take the test again or ask your friends for their perception of your personality, potentially as an INTJ your self-awareness is not the best.
@@antoinettenovella1630 that is probably true but I only have 3 friends and I feel they dont know me
I hate any relationship that doesn't allow me to plan the future.
i gave u a like and watched to the end. Thanks for the video.
Lol, I was an INTJ that grew into emotional expression over the course of many years, then I took the test again and it said INFP
I have to be very drunk to spill my feelings.
The irony in the brief length of this vid is not lost on me.
Each day I'm more convinced I'm an INTJ, but I don't know if I like it actually...
Im a female INTJ No one c an tell I like them. I'm like: I'm here and talking to u aren't I? Guys whinee complain even throw me out because they say I don't show any feelings LOL- I just have the energy for all that stuff
You're telling me, people ask me if I hate them a lot... Uh, if I did I wouldn't bother talking to you, I didn't spend 4 hours talking to you a week ago about your thesis because I "hate" you... I just don't make it a point to talk to people I don't see regularly everyday.
@@jhemp I think some people who can tell if we like them, are damn crazy in the brain. 😆
@@dietpiediaries6287 No idea, I just don't understand why people project so much on to my actions or words instead of listening to what I actually say.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thanks for watching!
@@AsuraPsych You're welcome. I really appreciate your work. Seeing insightful young people such as yourself gives me hope for the future of society, in spite of how dismal things appear at the moment.
I like your artwork on your wall
Try being a INTJ Leo. It's horrid
Excited and happy with this face 🙄😒 no one would believe me.
Rip my first relationship Bc of this… Wish I could’ve give her what she wanted
With all respect to you, i think you are wrong or not all of our fingers are the same in idea of long term, i am intj and not in a relationship because focusing on my career for while that is the reason for know but in idea for long term intj are the most royalty because when choose we study all the sides before any move thanks you
Listen I'm just saying, I don't drink monster and talk about life while appreciating the scenery around me with everyone, I'll leave it at that.
Yes it's hard to say I love you 😩
Why? It is not a hard thing to do unless the INTJ has excessive pride and are precious about being hurt. Just get out of your comfort zone, show some brevity and tell that someone you love them.
When I was younger I really thought it was appropriate to say don’t touch me or I don’t like cuddles 😶
We are people of action not people of big mouth.
An INTJ-T female.
Nooo touchy