This video helped me so much. I am a pro MMA fighter, and I let myself be abused mentally, emotionally, and physically by a woman with BPD for over 3 years. This video echoed what I went through mentally...my ego had me thinking that I could love her enough to make it better. My morals stopped me from ever hitting back. I told myself at first that she was just sick...but then, the manipulation that I went through had me thinking that I was the cause of her being triggered. MY lack of empathy, MY lack of validation, MY lack of understanding. I was told on a weekly basis that I was gas-lighting and or being abusive emotionally. The worst part was, she was in college to become a therapist...so the more she learned in those classes, the more she would weaponize it and use it against me. She would talk about how her professors bragged on her for having so much insight. She say she was so good at the classes because she understood empathy better than someone without BPD...and that they only saw one side of her. All her friends got the "friend" part of her that I longed for...I never felt like I was good enough, or man enough. Even now, 4 months after our breakup wherein I had to finally file domestic violence charges on her, which resulted in her being kicked out of school...I feel so insane, I feel like I want her back! Like she's "just sick" and that isn't the real her...like I love her more than my next breath. But I know I can't go back...even though the thought of her with someone else is killing me every moment of every day...like they will get all that I begging for for so many years. I fucking punch people for a living, but I'm weak as fuck to a 110lb little blonde woman in this case. Hardest fight of my life right here to the point that Ive been suicidal on 3 occasions since thinking the pain was too much. (Her ex before me DID kill himself due to her emotional abuse). I'm in therapy 4 times a month just to see straight now. Thank you so much for this video.
@ds Thank you for this my friend. There should be a support group for survivors of people with BPD...like, for real. I was shocked, and relieved that I wasn't the only one with the thoughts and feelings after dealing with someone like that. Like, so many of the comments mimicked what I've been thinking, feeling. Thank you...and thank God for this video. It's helped a bit...I have really bad days, sometimes. I got diagnosed with PTSD stemming from the relationship with her. Ridiculous.
Dick, I was also a celebrity who made a bad choice of partner with BPD. After the breakup they will almost always make up stories (like her exes death maybe), usually a rape etc. If she was diagnosed w BPD, there is no way that her professors were impressed. In psychiatry there is a quietly kept saying between therapists "the best way to treat a borderline is to not listen to them (treat them etc)". Dude, i know you are really hurting and confused and romanticizing about the good times but stay away from her no matter what you do. It gets way worse and she will get knocked up or do anything to trap you in this hell cycle. Good luck, focus on your career and training and you will finally get a woman you deserve. Your wonderings if you have a cluster b problem almost certainly mean you don't. They cannot use real and honest introspection, at least for long before they switch again. Just be your best and you'll get what you need (a partner even) when you stop worrying about it. Obviously I'm not saying to be a prick to the next one. But you can't be fragile or you will get another borderline or NPD chick. Fame/status plus insecurity is a beacon to them and they are often very attractive.
All of these details of true trauma.@@joshgeiger8942 and more can keep coming. They never stop. But to you, Dick Gozenya... If they couldn't help it, how is it that they can predictably help it when establishing a relationship? Look, Im not trying to throw this particular type under a bus but a schizophrenic pretty obviously can't help what is going on. Sure, they have good days and bad. But if they reliably acted in such a way as to get deep into your life and present a false face and even then leave a wake of ruined lives behind them while they claim the victim card, I wouldn't have much patience. But, a Type A disorder is very real and so is a Type B. Stop trying to make sense of them. Make sense of going forward. These folks can't or WONT control themselves. So unless you want to be controlling, leave it behind.
Buddy i fight myself;p no matter of pre fight nerves or w.e stress u go thru a fight camp, it cant reach the different sort of hell these 'victims' can bring upon u thru a messy breakup. Take it as a good experience, u will notice damaged girls a mile away after this,but u will need like some time of complete NC.been a while since i started living life fully again but it will come;) kind of a long journey brother, good luck. She was a disfynctional female thats all there is to it, stop trying to make sense of madness. Also figure out ur shit. Heal a but first and then awknoledge them maturely and grow, coz if u take this as ur lucky break, as a fighter that u are u can either slowly come back a way better man or stay crumbled n suicide like her poor ex...and let her move on to the next poor guys n destroy her and their lives even more.. She wasn't good enough man, u will realize in time trust me, ur just still stuck in that trauma bond thats all.
I joined the Marines at 17. Started 2 successful businesses. Got good therapy after my brother died. Practiced Zen for years. Yet I fell for it all: hook, line and sinker. Just out 60 days. Glad she gone but she still rents too much space in my mind. Doing the forensics and what made me fall so hard, and that is very valuable! A tough way to learn, but in the end it really was all about my own unresolved child abuse issues: needing to please, needing to feel like I was helping or giving her things to be lovable. Power through it. Stay strong.
They love an idealized figure of you. When they discover that you're just a normal human being, they hate you...Then love you... Then hate you again. During these up and downs it's possible that they even cheat on you, maybe just because you said something which made them anxious. They are so good at lying... BPD is terrible. Don't try to understand it, because in reality there's nothing logical in it. It's completely irrational. I had never been scared of anything and anyone, before falling in a very toxic relationship with a borderline woman. Now I literally tend to run away from these people. P.S.: Don't you EVER try to think you can help them. The only thing you can do is trying to convince them to follow a therapy, but then you MUST disappear forever and everywhere. If you don't believe me, try to read all the experiences you can find in the internet and/or talk with somebody who lived your experience: you'll find out that there are too many "coincidences" in your stories. P.S. 2: Don't you EVER feel GUILTY for "abandoning" them to their destiny. You don't have to live their lives but YOURS! It's so damn hard to accept it, but you know that it's the right thing to do. As Ashley said: love yourself.
Absolutely nailed it! I felt liberated once I understood that "disease" . Also what was more important I understood what in my childhood experience contributed to me accepting the whole experience to begin with. The love bombing was too intense that someone with childhood issues like me fell for it.
@@wildmanauh Thank you. I had childhood issues too and fell for the love bombing just like you. Thing is: if we accept to fall, the BPD person isn't the only one who has problems. If we actually were able to love ourselves, we would never accept some situations. The first thing to do, even though I can still hardly accept it, is to work on ourselves before doing anything else.
@@Ifritlordofire Absolutely. I am blaming myself for not having any boundaries. I have come to terms with my childhood issues and I finally see what was going on. It is not going to be easy to set the proper boundaries, probably will cause some anxiety issues but it has to be done no other way around it moving forward.
sydmmr1985 same here man. Broken up two or three times, always says she needs to be alone to work on herself, then comes back to me later on and I always let her in. I have to tread on eggshells because I hate bringing up her mental health or thinking anything I said could set her off. She broke up with me last night over text, where last week she said she loved me and couldn’t wait to see me after going to a festival with her friends for a few days. She wanted a few days to herself to ‘chill at home’ and I felt like I was smothering her and doing something wrong by reaching out and asking her if something was wrong or if anything happened to make her feel differently. She said it wasn’t about a breakup or anything I should be worried about, then I give her space for a couple days and then in that time decides she does want to break up. It’s absolutely madness thinking someone can love you and want to spend all their time with you to suddenly switching 180 and being better off alone. All I wanted was us both to be happy together, and the past three months felt like we were heading in the right direction, no significant problems, then suddenly a few days away from me with her friends and she’s confused how she feels and thinks it’s better to be apart. I don’t know what to think anymore. I know the mental suffering isn’t worth it but I know I would take her back in a heartbeat. It’s like I feel like I want to fix her so we can both be happy together, but she doesn’t make any steps to better herself and says she can’t do it whilst she’s with someone. I think leaving her alone is the best thing I can do for both of us but I just want us to work it out and be happy together. I know it won’t work though because I don’t trust her, I can’t after what she’s put me through. She says things are fine but clearly they aren’t, and I have no idea why. I feel I did everything I could to make our relationship work, I just gave and gave all I could, and she took. Even the smallest bit of reciprocated affection felt like the strongest drug hit. She made me feel so good about myself, and now I feel completely rejected and lost because I let her become the only thing I focus on. I have nobody else I want to talk to or do things with. She became my world. I think that says more about me than her, but it doesn’t make me any less upset about it. Moving on feels impossible, like I don’t want to because I have the feeling she will come back again. I need to get in a mindset where I know and believe, sticking to not reuniting is for the best. She needs professional help, and I feel like I do as well now from dealing with all the trauma. Sorry for the rant, hope somebody else can relate to the situation.
Almost a year from breaking up with a BPD comorbid narcissist. Still think about her almost every day. You will learn to move on, but I don’t ever know if you truly ever completely stop yearning for the love bomb days. She was EVERYTHING I ever hoped to find in a woman. It was mostly all BS, but still sooo hard to rectify in your head. BPDs do “love” you for a short time, but it is a fairytale love. Knowing that doesn’t change the fact that it was the most intense, deep love that you ever knew. I feel sorrow for her now, she sees herself as so simple; all she wanted was to be made a priority. She will never find her happiness because she can’t get out of her own way. It sucks that all of us who were victims of cluster B’s had to learn the hard way.
I am a borderline male. Whatever the cause of the ABUSE, the healthy partner needs to have a clean break while having family and friends to support them. Yes, IMO, some people with BPD, who admit they need help, can be in a romantic relationship or a redefined friendship. Mental illness is NO excuse for abuse. Peace. ✌
@@juanvaldez5422 fuck you, you know how fuckin hurtful is to see someone telling you you are demonic because of an illness you did not choose to suffer from and was caused by trauma and abuse you dit not choose to suffer either? It's right, mental illness does not justify abuse, never ever. And everyone has to take responsibility of their acts and go and get therapy and not hurt anyone. Of course. The thing here is: someone's abusive behavior it is not and never will be caused by mental illness but by their own decisions. Abusive behavior and mentall illness are two different events. And thinking otherwise not only fucks up the way we see mental illness and all the stigma attached to it but it fucks up too the victim of abuse chance to get help. That is because when you say someone is abusive they are because of mental illness you imply they have no control over their actions and that they have to be treated like they are not responsible for their acts Anda therefore the victim has no right to ask for punishment for the abuser or help for themselves.
This is so validating because it’s been hard for me to fully understand why the breakup effected me so intensely like nothing else has before. And this makes me feel like my experience is entirely normal given the situation
It will hurt to leave a borderline, because they drain you of everything you have, emotionally, physically, spiritually. You will feel like you don’t even remember who you were before. To anyone reading this, you have nothing to lose if you’re at this point, the ONLY way is to cut all contact. Reach out for help and do not isolate yourself!
Robert Gibson - Very true Robert! But thank God that whatever evil we allowed to drain us, God and ourselves can refill all that we once had that was good and healthy. And most likely, overflowing self confidence, strength, self esteem and self love and maybe some extra added good things as well.
24 years and just now im learning that it was not my fault and there was nothing I could do. She was and is an amazing person. The most kind and caring women in the world, on the outside. Met her when she was sixteen and just ended it after 24 years of hell and 4 suicide attempts. Guys dont ever regret getting out!!!
I'm struggling to get out.. we have been together for 11years now.. I feel like I won't be able to connect with anyone like I did with him.. do you feel better now?
@@urvashijugtawat was with mine for 6 years. It got much better almost immediately after leaving. Don't even worry about connecting with someone else. Connect with yourself first and go from there.
Yep. That's me now. Completely isolated from everyone I knew. And still so drained that I don't even have the energy to speak to anyone. I've never been lonelier in my life.
I was in the same place. 0 friends no support. Meetup.com saved me. I went to a few board gaming meet ups, made friends and now I have REAL friends for the first time in a long time. Maybe it'll work for you too.
These past 3 months after the breakup have been the hardest of my life... I was so confused as to what the hell happened. I blamed myself, started begging for my ex back who wanted nothing to do with me... This week I discovered what BPD is and EVERYTHING makes sense now. I was walked over and made to feel like I was never good enough apart from the times she would love bomb me. I've never had a heartbreak like this, which doesn't make sense because it was so toxic... Something about a BPD ex just makes you hurt like no one else.
@@Taymrob Aww hey Taylor, I just read your comment. I can't imagine the pain. I still love my partner and really struggling with the thought of letting him go. Anyway I hope your doing much better now. Sending *hugs* your way xx
@@petronipov yep everything you wrote sounds like something I could write. Isn't it scary how similar people and our situations can be. I know Im BPD and I think my partner is Narcissistic and possibly a Sociopath. But Im no professional. I just know Im a high functioning Empathetic BPD and I deserve better
Really made me cry with those nice words. My advice: get strong, tell them how they've hurt you, and what you need from them. Then notice how when you behave in a way that should please them, its never enough. And realize you're not dealing with a normal person, and they don't value your suffering - cut the ties, and allow yourself to be relieved and let yourself out from under their control
Thank you so so so so much! My borderline boyfriend broke up with me (again) today, but this time I've really put things in perspective. I know we are reaching the end now, after being on rollercoaster for more than 2 years. I will live the life I deserve. This video was everything I needed. Thank you!
Same. Breaks up with me / off and on for the last 5 months. Have been with him for the last 4.5 years - only the first 6 months were good. Then its been a steady decline since. I'm a strong confident woman - but unfortunately also and empath, hence the reason i stayed. Now i am the one that is suffering as he now has the power. Well, I'm making my way out of this. Unfortunately it is during Coronavirus isolation so no way to distract myself from the lonliness
To quit smoking and never starting again is so much easier than getting completely free of the BPD ex-partner. Once you have swallowed the hook, the BPD partner only has to pull the 🎣 and it starts all over again. Getting the hook out of the system is the difficult part.
I told mine in a heated argument to either hold me tight or set me free. She chose the later. In fact she said that I am the one always trying to reach out so she asked me not to. It sucks
Thank you Ashley, I have just finished a relationship with a borderline and was so toxic but I kept thinking I could help her but she saw that as a weakness, Lies , cheating, Lost a very good friend due to it. At first you think you have met your soul mate and now it as left me feeling empty and having to build my confidence back up. I'm having to find myself again and heal . Thanks for your videos they really help , Thanks again David
David Lloyd best of luck david...i just broke up with my bpd girlfriend too....leaving them is the best thing...especially if you gave good love....it will conflict them..and they need that confliction. We need to heal and move on..because they try to suck the soul out of you. She wasnt getting my soul ;)
Thank you Mr Mcgregor, You are right they do suck your soul out and my ex keeps trying reel me back into her crazy world and will always lie through her face and accuse you of something she is doing herself, I have blocked her from my life for good, Good luck with your future Mr Mcgregor.
"At first you think you have met your soul mate and now it as left me feeling empty and having to build my confidence back up" I relate to this allot, thanks for sharing David. I hope life is better for you now as time moves on.
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges , Hi Ashley thanks for asking how I Am Doing, I'm Really doing well and enjoying my time with My family and really happy with myself, I'm single since my relationship and enjoying my own space, Thanks Ashley you really help people , Thank You David
Breaking up in a time of pandemic has been so much harder, like we were only dating but the intensity and depression were heavy, like so heavy that you would sleep for 15 hours a day and still be tired for the whole week, not only that, screwed up sleep cycles, because nowhere to go, and also less human interaction to feel connected to the tribe.
This is a great video. Every tine I get wrapped up with this chick, she bails on me, or leaves me no choice but to bail on her, but either way I wind up looking like the guy in Saving Private Ryan who’s staggering around the beach looking for his arm. Swear to God The isolation thing is so bang on. This chick was 24/7 needing attention and provoking little fights along the way. Steady. It was a 24 hr job keeping the thing on the rails. Then it’s like poof they’re gone but you still spend much of your day stuck on the whole thing for some reason. I believe it’s as hard to quit as smoking for sure.
Couldnt describe better my situation.. I had the balls to break up with her but rigth now Im such a mess and I dont feel like doing anything . I just want her to send me a message or call me , even if it would mean start all over again.. I feel like a drug addict knowing this shit is doing me harms and might end up killing me but somehow I need it to keep feeling alive.. never got to this point ever in my life. Hope everything would get better with time
Markovnikov90 So I’ve heard it called an “arousal jag” meaning you’ve been conditioned to thrive on the ups and downs. Your brain lights up with dopamine when she contacts you because you don’t know when it’s coming or if it’s coming at all? So it’s Ike the same principal a slot machine works on. The intermittent reward structure is very stimulating to the human brain. This is likely where you’re stuck. This is also why like most healthy people the don’t give you any kind of closure. This trick only works without closure. Keep in mind that if she does contact you it’s not because she’s has an epiphany, and realizes the errors of her ways. The cycle of abuse will just start over again. Idealize, devalue, discard. Only this time quicker and more frequent. You’ve proven you can handle it and will accept it. You have to say no, break the cycle, and let her move on. You’ll be just fine. We’re tougher than we give ourselves credit for. Cheers Bud, you got this
thank you so mutch , this video is great !! breaking with BDP it's like feeling nearly died !! only who felt this experience knows how hard it's to make it !!
The art of letting go: don't let the good memories get spoiled by your breakup. Keep the love, let the hate go and move on with somebody else once you feel ready for it. It's much easier to establish a new relationship with love in your heart. When you're hateful and bitter, you won't attract the right persons. Forgive your ex, but realize that you can't depend on her/him to make you feel better. It's on you to make yourself feel better. Also to forgive somebody, doesn't mean that you have to keep in touch - I wouldn't contact them at all, unless you have moved on for real - really for real though, not after feeling better for a couple of days or weeks. Keep your head up and remember that life is too short and difficult to feel bad because of one person for months or even years.
once it clicks in your head that you can leave and YOU WILL BE OK....its the most freeing experience you'll ever have. it's amazing when your old self comes back . it's like seeing your best friend, you'd never thought you'd see again, return. The real best friend that actually does want to hear about your life. The best friend that no matter how mad at you they were, they'd still let you know they got your back and wouldn't abandon you when the going gets tough. The BPD won't do that. When they are triggered into anger (constantly after the bombing phase) they would watch you die in front of them. for real and we all know it. That's the one thing that makes me realize they're not worth their skin.....THEYD WATCH YOU DIE AND HOLD ON TO A GRUDGE BEFORE THEYD WALK OVER AND HELP. They're the ultimate quest for a codependent. The holy grails of projects for us to "help" Find one person that is truly happier in a relationship with a BDP than alone on an island...and I'll kiss your ass. keep it real guys. we knew they were fucked up from day one. Hell....from the first 30 seconds
@Rizkbill I was obviously carrying a lot of resentment then! I'm at a place now where I no longer feel the hate. Instead I feel sorry for her. The Borderline will never be able to fully experience the joys of life or have the ability to even be content. That's their curse. A curse given to them by a shitty mother that caused trauma to them as an innocent baby. It's not their fault they are the way they are. It IS their fault however, when they traumatize and destroy the children they birth. We were obviously traumatized as well and we have our own major issues built into us! Likely we are ADHD in the very least. We ignored those red flags when a normal, emotionally healthy person would have ran for their lives. I'll carry scars from these people forever but I decided to start caring about myself and Holy crap did my life change for the better. Be strong. Believe you are #1 and you will become that.
You are awesome and an inspiration. I have been cycling the value and devalue for over 3 years. With each fights and frequent ones the pain is endless. I gave her an ultimatum either she hangs on to me and treats me right and give me intimacy or disappear from my life and let me go. She chose the later. It sucks but I am done living a sad life with her and me doing everything to try to please her and her doing the complete opposite. I will try to be strong and hope to have the strength to block her, because I don't want the same ol'shit again. I will never get back that fairytale bombing. Wish I can get the strength to finally get her out of my life completely. It's been a chaotic and painful journey with no self love or respect. @@shitindawoodsbear2798
Exactly. They need you to stay vulnerable. They will continue to manipulate you even by telling you something really simple like:"If you are free I'll call you back tomorrow"... So that you expect a call from her, which won't happen. They invade your head constantly. Better block them everywhere and listen to yourself and your guts.
Its so painful to go through.... especially when you think of all the good things you did together and the beautiful loving conversations..and the dreams of being with each other
Its so annoying how you want to love selflessly and someone is out there ready to pounce upon your vulnerability and abuse you...they ruin the whole scenario of real love...which we know it exists becos if u can love wholeheartedly den its pure fact that there are many like u out there
@@zashalicious8972 The love they had for you was real. People with BPD have a hard time showing their love but your ex was with you because they loved you.
@@michellenorman4440 well he actually told me once that he doesn't want commitment and that he's not ready for a relationship yet we shared this beautiful bond of love miles apart...then he told me he doesn't want to lose me he wants me in his life if not as a wife as a friend...well that simply shows how he never saw me as wife or life companion...I would say he never really loved me just enjoyed my company
For over 20 years I gave all my heart and soul and took on all her fears and insecurities. I gave everything I had and loved her so so much. Now I’m alone raising 3 kids by myself and hurting so much every single day. I would never wish this heartache on anyone. Life is one big lesson and I’ve had to learn the hard way like so many others. 💔
Dr Steve can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me restore back my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
I have BPD. I’ve removed myself from family and friends and vowed to never get into another romantic relationship again. I just don’t want to hurt anyone and I want everybody I know to be happy. This means me staying away.
I'm also bpd and I'm feeling like this is the only solution for me too. Sad that I can't (even after years of therapy and self work) have a romantic relationship without hurting my partner
9 months since the final discard. Words can not describe how painful, confusing and devastating the experience has been. Only recently have I begun to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Exercise & time in nature have been my saving grace. Therapy. CODA meetings. I’m grateful for resources like this channel and others. I am continuing to heal and I wish all those going through this experience great courage and self compassion ❤️🔥
Wonderful to hear from you. I am glad you are feeling better and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It is an extremely challenging place to be and takes much personal work and dedication to move on. Thank you for reaching out!
This video was published around the time I got back with my borderline ex. I wish I’d have known because it would’ve saved me a lot of chaos and stress but I’ve learned my lesson the hard way and I am free of that person. She is absolutely right, take care of yourself, end contact and find support. It sucks, the feelings are so intense but just like with smoking, it’s unhealthy codependent behavior that needs to be cut cold turkey. Sever the heart line and move on for the sake of your health and sanity. I’m finally able to live my life and I hope this video helps others do the same.
@@platzung3629 I posted this 2 years ago. She has been in and out of my life for 3 years. I was doing good when I posted but my addiction to her is so strong. I am being proactive about boosting my self esteem and being in integrity but it’s tough. To answer your question, yes she was emailing me. She’s tried many platforms attempting to contact me.
Ok tnx, was wondering cause my ex left me and had a new dud 3 days later. I know for a fact that he has no where near as much patience as i have and that their "relationship" will fail. And i dont know if she will contact me later
Oh.my.goodness!!! You are so spot on with this! In August, I broke up with her for the second time. Yes...everything you said in all of the videos of yours I've watched are true! This time, I am working on me. THANK YOU!!
I’m so so sorry Michael. Mine was the love of my life. From teens in 1987. Came back after 26 years and took me for a ride and discarded me in 2015. She has been stalking me ever since. Hang in there it gets better! Sending love your way!❤️
CDR MT The last part of your comment really hit it for me. One year separated and we tried to be friends, but she can’t help herself and engages sex with much younger men. The high risk behavior that is acceptable to BPD people. Emotional rollercoaster. She even tells me about her escapades. I can’t play her games anymore and just filed the divorce this week. Waiting for her chaos again when she gets served. My step-Daughters are reeling from her behavior and don’t want to be around her. Of course I’m going insane in my head with this, but do have friends and family who are helping me. She is “textbook” BPD (with diagnoses) for all the 20 years we have been together. This video is absolutely the best I’ve watched on this issue.
Matthew Shea check out TH-cam videos from Red Man Group and 21 Convention. Also check out Paul Elam a voice for men. Paul E has a series on BPD he does with a Dr. Eye opening. The best thing you can do is get away. And be a better you physically, mentally and emotionally. You will thrive again. It will hurt. But you will thrive again. By the way, when she tells you about her sexcapades (that is what my BPD ex LTR called her escapades) do not get mad. Calmly say: “understand that you will never have me again. If you think I will be here for you when your done then think again. Men don’t get on one knee for women who spend too much time on two knees “. You need to be cold and indifferent. If she can’t get off messing with your head she will implode.
I’m 3 months in and her patterns have already drained me of my resilience and the constant ups and downs (more the downs) have left me feeling empty, I had just healed from a long relationship with a narcissist and she seemed understand that I was still in a period of fragility, now I’m reliving all the same feelings, I just want to meet someone who is not going to break me anymore, I gave this BPL lady all the support and kindness I could give and it was never enough for her
Ashley, as always you are bang on Target here. I am just shy of 6 months out from the breakup of a 6 year relationship with a BPD. Hardest thing ever? Damn straight! Getting through the addiction is a “Trainspotting” experience but I did it, and now I’m actively finding out who I am, what I want, what I like and what I will and won’t accept. It’s feels like going out there with no skin on at first, but you get used to it and you just stop giving a shit what people think of you. Best feeling ever. Good luck making me feel this good, BPD ex! Zero chance!
Thank you so much for this empowering video. I’m just overcoming another cluster B personality disorder relationship. At this point I believe I’ll never find someone healthy and that all the “good ones” are taken. But I try to believe that there’s a rainbow in the clouds.
I just want to say thank you. I just finished a therapy session before I went to search for advice on dealing with a breakup with someone with BPD. A consistent theme in my therapy is my lack of self-compassion. I won't bore anyone with the details, but in the past few years I've been dealing with PTSD and survivor's guilt from my work in the Middle East as well as dating a woman with BPD. I broke up with her last year and have been beating myself up for how long it's taken for me to get back to who I was. I never truly appreciated how difficult a process it is to end a relationship with someone who had been emotionally abusive, manipulative, and controlling. I've quit smoking. It was difficult. But when you said this process was more difficult, I gave myself some slack. I've been dealing with a lot. And it only sank in because of your video. I'm going to try to remember try feeling whenever I begin to beat myself up for taking time to heal. Thank you. I can't possibly express to you how grateful I feel that I'd clicked on your video.
So, I've been (mostly) NC for 2 months. He still sends me abusive emails sometimes. Mostly i just delete without reading because he says such psychotically nasty things, makes me feel like someone punched a hole through me. These people are so sick, in many ways they are worse than narcissists. I started working on some codependency issues that i have and that's been helpful. Plus i have a lot of friends and family supporting me. It still hurts some days. I remember all of the emotional abuse and it comes over me like a flood. But most days are really good. I'm grateful for a sense of peace and am happy to be out of the fog that these relationships cause. Time heals. Also an acceptance that it just wasn't real. Not the love bombing, not any of it. You only exist as a fantasy in their minds. They don't see you, they don't know you. My best advice is NC, one day at a time so you can start thinking clearly. Also, reach out and talk to people who you trust. Tell what happened. Don't feel ashamed. BPDs hurt alot of people. You are not alone ❤
Good to hear from you Jennifer. No contact is tough but is a proven way to move forward. I'm sorry that he is sending you painful messages or emails. Circle the wagons with friends and family and you're right, don't be ashamed and you are not alone. Let me know how you are doing.
I recently just just got out of a relationship with a borderline female , it’s extremely painful . Especially if you done everything in your nature to help them .
Very practical advice. I went from a narc of 32 years to short-term BPD. We mutually ended it and was peaceful bc of my presentation style. Prior to the split I was feeling highly anxious, had erratic heart palpitations, was walking on eggshells bc I was often asked “are you ok; what are you thinking?” Was raged at a couple times which felt like emotional abuse. He never owned it or apologized. I was becoming depressed and suppressed. Immediately after the break up, all these symptoms left. I am relieved and feel hopeful and energized. I even went alpine skiing alone today which was a huge step. And I signed up for an 8 week swing dancing class at the local community center. I feel addicted to looking for text messages but am trying to release that feeling. It will be released in time. It’s only been a few days out for me.
Coyote14 . I was in a relationship with one. It was a real rollercoaster ride. I was accused of every possible, from flirting, to cheating, to hiding money. He would tell me his family is evil, everyone is evil etc. he literally said his fine, I’m the one with the problem. we recently broke up and I’m grieving about it, but I know with time, I’ll be fine. I start seeing a therapist next week, started the gym and going for a holiday.. hope you recover and find what you’re looking for
Sugar Babe I understand! I am two weeks out and past the withdrawal stage - which is great! I know it’s the right thing for my life and already new opportunities to fulfill dreams are presenting. I will not date until I am whole and shed any remnants of my co-dependent behavior. I vow to myself if I date months down the road, if the relationship does not feel right, even without evidence, I will disengage. If I do not have the conviction and strength to do this, then I am not ready to date. PS. I am SO happy to 100% emotionally free! I hope you get there quickly too 😗
Yes I will! I start therapy soon. I do have support from family and friends. I’m not interested in dating at the moment, I want to heal and gain back my power. I feel free somehow, but since it was a recent breakup, not even a week, I’m crying and asking myself questions but my family is really helping me, especially my dad. He’s trying to counsel me and protect me! I’m really grateful for that
Suga Babe That’s awesome your dad is there for you. He may be modeling what you deserve. Believe you are a high value women and deserve to be treated like one. Expect no less! Congratulations on getting therapy! I have someone that supports me in a terrific way. I am learning to become self-empowered from her - accelerating my growth process. Know all therapists are not the same (I’ve had some bad ones, and some weak ones). If yours is not helping you to grow quickly, try another one. We cannot waste time. The quicker we blossom then sooner we will live the rich life we deserve!
Suga Babe Also, hang tight and know ‘no contact’ (at least for now) is the right thing to do. See it as a gift, bc it’s giving you the space to heal and grow - vs keeping you in depravation of self. You will recover from the withdrawal! Time is your friend 😗
Thank you, very much Ashley for your thoughts. I have exit a BPD relationship and is is indeed very hard emotional. Is like you are learning to live again, learn how to think, how to manage your emotions. Is the toughest experience of my life. I've stayed 7 years in this "emotional prison". What i want to share to all the men out there is to question every single "compliment" be very atentive to verbal abuse in a confruntation, and find something about her history from other persons. Take care 🙂 and safe.
Thank you so much for this! I shared your message with my son who is in the midst of a break up from his borderline gf who is not in treatment. I’m a recovered borderline who has continued to work hard to stay in remission. I also have PTSD. I struggle with feelings of guilt that my son has been drawn to borderline females, but I have hope for him and her that APART they have room for personal growth. I’ve told her I can’t be there for her and him, but that there is recovery for her too....
Just broke up with her after five years this video is spot on the roller coaster I went through for years I can’t fix her but I’m gonna work on my own codependency
A brilliant summary of what it is like to escape a BPD personality. I lived through 7 years of intensely distressing relationship and I'm still not "fixed," even 16 years later. It certainly builds some character.
Great to hear from you. Seven years is a long time! It takes time to move past the triggers and past pain. It does build character for sure. How are you doing?
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges yeah. It wasn't exactly fun. I came out of it not knowing who I was anymore, and it took quite a while to work put what I liked and who I wanted to be. I still catch myself reacting to some triggers with my BPD ex's instilled opinions, but much less so now. Dealing with BPD was easy in comparison to 4 years of OCD. I seem to like collecting acronyms 🤔
I know this sucks more than anything in the world, because I've been there. But you MUST NOT give in to the dependency of wanting her back. Believe me, it'll only reboot the entire living Hell. Read the other comments here; don't just take my word for it. You have to cut her off and let those emotions die, no matter how hard it sucks. Allow yourself to do it. You'll thank yourself in the end, and you'll find someone much better. Peace
@@shawarmageddonit Hey I know this is old and was meant to the other person above, but thank you. Thats what I needed to hear today. None of my friends or even my parents gave me such words, that I will be fine and can find better relationships. Most of them are grieving the relationship and hoping that we get back, but that's nonsense cause I cant bear any more abuse of this woman.
I am going through this exact situation right now. I have never felt more devastated in my entire life. I didn't even know that it was possible to be this devastated and confused. I was with her for 5 years. Going through 100's of breakups and reconciliations. It was like you were talking directly to me in this video.
They love an idealized figure of you. When they discover that you're just a normal human being, they hate you...Then love you... Then hate you again. During these up and downs it's possible that they even cheat on you, maybe just because you said something which made them anxious. BPD is terrible. Don't try to understand it, because in reality there's nothing logical in it. It's completely irrational. P.S. Don't you EVER try to think you can help them. The only thing you can do is trying to convince them to attend a therapy, but then you MUST disappear forever.
They love like a 3 years old child love his mum. Its not a adult healthy way to love.They can't, they are emotionally arrested. They see partner as object or representation or their parents.Love is about needs.
I have left a 30 yr old marriage with a BPD wife. I cannot describe how much relieved I feel. This video has added to underscore the importance of what is described in this video. very successfulI wished I had the mindset I have today many yrs, but it is never too late. It has been the single most challenging times in my lifetime. It feels like I had been in prison and what held me in were the abuses both physically and emotionally. I have two grown up daughters and son all very successful people who, like me, had to really struggle to get out. BPD is a the most difficult diagnose especially when the BPD person is a master of manipulation! I hope that more psychologists invest time in understanding how to identify BPD earlier in the treatment! Great video!!
I am now in week 3 of no contact. I've gone no contact before many, many times, but was not ready then. I know now because my blinders and earplugs fell off, and began to get sick of her BS, and told myself, I don't deserve this abusive treatment. I don't deserve to be cast aside, ignored like last week's trash. I began to feel stronger as the relationship "drained" out. And then began to feel my self esteem, self confidence and self love come back! I feel free now! I am looking forward to a beautiful Spring in a couple of months! I'm happy now...and I'm excited. What a tremendous weight that has been lifted off of my mind, my heart, spirit and my soul. I'm FREEEEEEEEEEE! LOL :)
Thank you Ash.. this came at the right time.10 months ago my BPD wife left me.. I have been a wreck .. I still miss her and remember the good times. Starting to realize how toxic she was...thank you for all that you do for us...
The hardest part about breaking up with someone suffering with BPD (or even other toxic psychological disorders like PTSD or addictions) is that the BPD sufferers still loves you, treats you well/special, & still try their best to be better for themselves & for the people whom they love & care about. Unfortunately, it's their condition that continues to be toxic for the sufferer, you & the sufferer's surroundings. Very difficult part is to choose between helping them improve themselves versus abandon them for your own safety. A good example of this is in the film Star Wars: Anakin Skywalker is one the known characters who clearly has BPD. It was his BPD symptoms that causes Anakin to fallen to the Dark Side & become Darth Vader. In terms of characteristics, Anakin has a kind, loving & compassionate characteristics which resulted him to have a lot of friends & followers like Obi Wan, his padawan Ahsoka & his lover Padme. But Anakin's BPD symptoms create a huge burden not just for Anakin, but for his friends too. We see in the shows & films that it was difficult for Obi Wan, Ahsoka, or Padme to decide whether they should stay behind to help Anakin recover or abandon him for their own safety. Result: they all abandoned Anakin for their safety. But we saw what happens next: Anakin sunk deep within his BPD symptoms & became Darth Vader & he went on a killing rampage.
My ex girlfriend with bpd who brokeup with me in december 2022 , is apping me calling me to make contact with me . I want to breake free because it's not a healthy relationship. I told her that i don't want to be a normal friend of her anymore . And now she wants to contact me ?! It's a mental disease which is rather difficult to understand. Thank you so much for this video Ashley . You put the finger exactly on the sore spot .
I'm on the upswing from a break up w a Borderline. We had a minor disagreement that lead to her saying some hurtful stuff right b4 ghosting me, no closure. It's been a few months. I miss her a lot and def feel empty. It's hard not to try reaching out. I feel so stuck.
Thank you for reaching out. How are you feeling? No closure is extremely tough, what would you like to happen with the situation? I've found when we realize someone isn't able to love us because they don't love themself we must somehow move on. That move on begins by empowering yourself and creating healthy boundaries. I work with clients everyday with regards to this and help them to honestly see themself.
This video helped me this evening. Feels like tough love (good). I am three months out from such a relationship of 14 years. It ended violently. I have been working on all the things you talked about. My grief is overwhelming frequently. It is a death to me that is not recognized as such, because there is a stigma with domestic violence and abuse. Thank you for your video.
We feel addicted because we are trauma bonded from the toxic relationship pattern. This is not real love, as hard as it is to hear. We're in love with who we thought they were but that was not real. I'm so sorry you're going through this but no contact and self healing will get you through this.
Hey Ashly. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am to have found you on TH-cam! Even though I have done a lot of work with therapy and self help books and so forth, my heart is so heavy. My borderline is my oldest son. I am 56 and he is now 33 years of age. He has not been diagnosed with this but he has a diagnosis of ADHD when he was about 5. From what I understand, BPD is difficult to diagnose. With the research I’ve done personally, I believe he suffers from this personality disorder. We parted when he was 18. I have not seen him since, but I have spoken with him on many occasions. It certainly does not seem like 15 years has gone by. These are some of the factors that drove me to half to separate myself from him. It seemed as if there were angry neighbors, police or the school calling or showing up at my house on a daily basis. Any and all attention had to be on him continuously. A quiet moment was could not be tolerated by my son. If there was not drama he would create it. It was a constant bombardment of turbulence, one incident stacked on top of another. It never ended. There was jail time, and court ordered treatment facilities. He can be set off with one word. His rage is down right scary. He has been high on drugs and spit and yelled in my face. I yelled back into his face because I had just had it at that point. He raised his fists and came at me. He turned toward the hall closet door and smashed it to bits. I called the police. They laughed at me and said to just separate myself from him for a while. He self-mutilated. When we brought him to the emergency room to sow him up, he intentionally ripped the stitches out before the skin healed giving him very ugly scars that he eventually covered with a tattoo. He came with me and my boyfriend of 27 years, to a Halloween party when he was about 16. He snuck alcohol and got drunk. He said “Hey mom”. I looked at him. He proceeded to put up one hand and point his fingers like a gun towards me. He said that he would like to shoot me right between the eyes. He also has told me of a scenario that he wanted to shoot his younger brother, then my boyfriend, me and the dogs and then himself. This kind of behavior went on for so many years. I was diagnosed with PTSD and took Xanax for many years just to cope. It was so overwhelmingly stressful in our house that I was just lost towards the end. We tried everything to help him. I think a big problem was probably the visits he had with his natural father. His father is an awful person. They had physical altercations with each other. Many arguments. When my son would come back after a visit, he would be even harder to get along with, because his dad filled him up with lies about us. Used him to vent his anger. This is so damaging to a young person. My son and I live in different states. He calls. We talk about stuff. There are parts of him that are wonderful. He is a natural at sports. He learned to play the guitar on his own. He is an artist. He is for the most part a pretty interesting person to speak with. But I still walk on egg shells because only a few words could set him off. He is very demanding of others. Has no boundaries and has no problems putting others out for what he wants. He would be gone for a while and then want to come back home. I would say there are going to be rules to follow. He would agree. Everything would go fine for a short time and then blam. The arguments and yelling starts. I’m being told how ridiculous I am for enforcing a rule he did not agree with. I talked and tried to teach until my face was blue. Nothing helped. He decided from a young age that he was not going to cooperate with me, and he followed through with that. I actually had a seizure from one late night phone call that was of course a dire emergency. I was talking on the phone and all of a sudden I was seizing on the bed. That had never happened before, and never since. The last time I actually saw him he was stealing from me. Not the first time. I asked him to leave and then a job took us out of the state. I was beyond depleted. I had no one to talk to, and the therapist I did talk to was a predictor also. My mom was no help. She was such a co-dependent with no boundaries. In fact she blamed me for not bending over backwards far enough. I could right a novel Ashly. But I finally got some good therapy, but it was another tragic incident that drove me to her. My youngest son had committed suicide when he was 20 in 2010. That pretty much broke me into pieces. I carried his ashes for 8 years before I scattered them on a beautiful piece of property in Alaska. I’m not a person who takes victim hood well. I always try and find a solution to problems that come up. I did a lot of self-help and grief therapy until I felt better. I’m getting stronger all the time. But I still beat myself up over not knowing where to draw the line with him. I hear my mom in my head saying that he is my son no matter what. She also blamed me when my younger son died. She said that she saw him sleeping on the bench that outside my front door. He would kick back there when he was trying to find another friend to stay with. He was on heavy drugs and stealing from me also. So I had to put him out for a while. He is another whole story that would take hours to tell. My life has been tumultuous at best. It’s been very difficult getting myself back. I have to work at it every day. I’m glad I wrote this to you Ashly, but I could sincerely take a nap now. So hard to think of how terribly dysfunctional our lives were, and I could not fix it. I tried so hard, and it still fell apart.
Thank you so much, this is so very needed for me right now. I'm only just now making the first efforts to keep them away. Everything you said, I could check of on the list. So glad to have found this. Thank you, I'll watch your other related videos.
This totally speaks to me. I had to go cold turkey, no other choice. Too many lies and manipulations. I kept thinking it could be fixed, and we were a step away from bliss. But doesn't work that way with a BPD, as Ashley explained. Now I know. I want to become the healthiest version of myself before connecting with another:). That's the Mission now....
This woman hits the nail on the head with this video,it took A while but hindsight is 20/20, i was with a borderline for 8 yrs she even told me she had been diagnosed with it. At the time i shrugged ot off and head doctors are cooks and just wannt your money and give you pills,but once blind fold was removed from my mentall eyes it was a holy shit moment.And watching this video still gives me that holy shit feeling like how did i miss it?!
Ive recently moved out an extended family member who was with us for two years. Wish I understood what BPD was a whole lot sooner to see what I was experiencing. I’m going no contact and on the journey to heal myself and never repeat this pattern of codependency again. Thanks for your helpful videos
Breaking up with a BPD is fast, comes out of no where, is extremely difficult to process, and leaves you mentally, emotionally, and physically traumatized.
My last Breakup with my 8year BPD GF was devastating to me, aweful, but wrenching too. We got back together and there was some stability with in a new job she kept for 1 year, after tons of jobs prior. But her job, she was fired from, lied to about her work being so great and I was tired of listening and offer support and solutions if in a general nature. Everything was my fault and I was over with apologizing... she was raging.... packed yet stuff out one day, back the next day, then 4 days later boxes up her shit...I ask if shes got a move out date...raging again... and then today shes pick up shit unnannounced.... and I'm happy. Its devastated happiness I feel.
Thank you for this video. I've just recently broke up with my ex who has BPD and it hurts so so much. I love him dearly, and also I think what gave me hope was that I thought we could overcome all the bad moments doing couple's therapy combined with individual therapy. Maybe we could have, I will never know. I'm still very emotional about the break up.
I am currently seeing patterns / behaviors related to BPD in the person who I was dating for a few months. Videos like these have been helping me to understand what to do to cope with my emotions. Quitting this person cold turkey is most definitely the most difficult thing that I’ve done in a long time & I can only imagine someone dealing with this kind of relationship for years. And I’m over here assuming my ex has BPD. Thank you all for the insight that you have given. I’m trying so hard to not reach out to him but it’s so hard :/
Have no mercy. It's a vicious cycle you will be in, and you will always be wrong and adjusting your true self to be better. They, they will do nothing and in my case my BPG exGF of 5 days, said "your feelings dont matter" twice to me.... and her actions aligned to that statement better than anything else ever. Fucking happily utterly devastated still.
You got lucky. I was with mine for 2 years and I broke up with her several times because of the bad attitude and mood swings, but all was forgiven when she’d act loving, caring, apologize for her wrong doing and that she’d change, only for red flags to pop up again weeks later. It is literally hell on earth and she said the worst things and started getting very physically abusive and I felt like I just had to sit there and take it since I’m a guy. The last breakup I did with her she said to take things slow and see where things go. Her car was broken and I went down to help her fix it and that her parents were going to pay me back for it, only for her to ghost me and use that car to go see and date my friend... now they’re marrying each other and it hasn’t even been a month of dating each other and she’s convinced him that I’m toxic and crazy. He’s got some money and I assume that’s why she hopped on that money train and is marrying him real quick, and it’s going to come back to them. She was never diagnosed, but she literally checks all 9 symptoms, 3 stages of relationships with BPD’s and had a neglectful childhood. I was finally going to meet up with her at a public place last night to give her the rest of her clothes and let her know about this disorder so she can live a happy and prosperous life without ruining other peoples lives, but after repeated attempts to tell her not to bring this new guy and then lied about it upon showing up with him, I just drove off lmao. So not my problem anymore, I don’t care anymore and I’m tired of it.
Subscribed. I am about 6 months in from a breakup with a diagnosed BPD ex gf. I am mostly over her and the "relationship" in the traditional sense of the break up, however now I am trying to build back myself and get myself back to "normal". It's completely different than a normal break up, with this one, it wasn't some overwhelming pit in my stomach that I lost the "love of my life" and a "perfect angel". It was more "holy shit, I just lived with a monster for 6 years and was in love with that. How do I fix MYSELF so that cant happen again?"
Dr Steve can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me restore back my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
I have BPD (recently diagnosed) and CPTSD. I am going to DBT now. As someone with BPD I can say I have done really bad stuff to the ones I was with. I use to ask myself "what the f@ck is wrong with you". It wasn't until my fiance (the only person I ever loved) left me and told me to look into BPD that I finally understood what was wrong with me. I had been through so many counselors and never understood why nothing helped. I treated my ex very very good. But, I have rage issues, things that set me off and also the need to talk to other women. I never cheated on her but that still doesn't make it any better. The thing I would like people to know is, I never understood why I was like this. I was never manipulative or mean to hurt her. I as I said am in DBT and I would literally walk through hell to not be like this. We can love people, we can be amazing people, we just have so much trauma in our childhood that we don't know how to handle stuff like normal people. To us, yelling over dropping the salt shaker IS normal to us. But, we also know it's not normal. We are confused, we hate ourselves, we struggle to try and be normal all while not knowing how to tell the people around what we are going through because we ourselves don't know. I hope one day to get my ex back. I did treat her very well and hopefully once I get through DBT and learn the skills to regulate my emotions and past trauma things will be a lot better. I am going to DBT for MYSELF. I want to be better for me. I want to love ME. I never have and I'm 45. If the person you are with has BPD and is willing THEMSELVES to get help, please... Don't give up on them. If they don't want help, quit during help or don't change then yes... Give up because THEY don't want to change. I do. I will. And I want to. For me and for whoever I am with in the future.
I think we hurt so much because we lay out our entire being for the one effected by BPD. We give them our all! I did for years! Trying to enhance his life and make it so good and he suddenly lowered the boom on me and broke up with me. He sucked out so much from me and just completely devastated me in so many ways! It is the most excruciating painful thing I've ever experienced!! And you are 100% right about every detail. I've learned that I have to give the effort that I put into him into myself and that is so hard!! Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to give myself the care that I gave him? I am normally a mentally strong person but when it came to him I was putty in his hands and he knew it! And I knew it but let it happen. I'm in recovery from it now. Now I know not to help people so much. And understanding his BPD has helped me tons and answered a lot of lingering questions. I love you tube! It's so informative. We'll get thru this survivors! We just have to look forward and not backwards.
I'm going on three years out of an almost six year relationship with a bpd female, and it has only marginally gotten better. She was the love of my life, we were engaged... I wanted a family together but she brought ruin to everything we had built together. She got my oldest friend drunk and slept with him, destroying both our relationship and my relationship with my friend. Now she has a son with some guy she barely knew and everyday it kills me a little more inside. That should be my son, my wife my family... but here I sit alone. Everyone tells me I should be happy to have her out of my life, but all I feel like is a failure.
It’s not on you. Be happy to be out of something unhealthy. Take care of YOU, be kind with yourself, practice self care. Rebuild yourself and the world will fall at your feet. You will have a family someday and it will be a healthy one if you take care of yourself.
You are so right. I still feel devastated after 17 years..married for 9 years. It's Memorial day weekend and we always made plans. She left me 7 months ago and am not getting over it. Miss her terribly.
This holds so true! My ex called me like 2 weeks ago after discarding me 3 years ago! She has been stalking me since Sept 2015. When she called my Cel she blocked the number and then started screaming at me that I’ve been stalking her!!! Meanwhile I’ve never bothered her since she discarded me and she has been calling my Cel my house. Trying to hack my FB page . Sending me fake FB messages for over 3 years. So basically I told her ass off and never to call me again s 3 years ago that would have killed me! Now I’m over her!
I have been watching you as a while and just broke up with my borderline gf a few days ago not for the 1st time but the last .It was only a year but it was a rollercoaster we wer threw some crazy times . I cared so much for her and looked after her.at the start it was amazing but eventually from seeing and dealing physically and mentally with it,the self harming the shouting ,name calling ,aggression,push and pull it took so much out of me I lost weight I lost friends I lost family for a while my own mental health anxiety and depression that iv learned to overcome came back and it felt like I was on walking on eggshells around her. But I blame myself for falling into that trap .I was starting to feel insane.i still have strong feelings for her and always will.hopefully these videos will help. I am alot better than what she called me
This hits it on the head. Dating a borderline that doesn’t understand they have a problem is psychologically destructive. It will like take every sense of the person you are and mangle it.
Well....I ended up being isolated for year as a result of my ex-wife triangulating others and conducting a superb smear campaign. She also had the acute advantage of using her scare with Follicular Lymphoma to her advantage. She told people I cut her off of my Health Insurance medical plan when she abandoned me suddenly. I never did cut her at all. I ended up living in a nightmare with no one to turn to at all and dealing with the mess she left behind alone. It sucked!!!! I did the work within and still have a lot to do; however I am free of her freaking madness. Going “no contact” is going to be my answer. My closing on my occurs on January 9, 2020. I hope to never ever to see her again in my life. She is also a Covert Narcissist. I just need to find a local support group in the St. Louis/St. Charles Missouri area. I’m out of the Red Cage and the Yellow Bird (me) is about to fly away. Yes!!!!! 🥳🤩 Happy New Year 2020!!!! Escaping the C-Narc & Borderline and her madd world.!!!!!👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
Ashley, I love your videos. TO me. You are the smartest woman ever. I like the way you say the things. Strong and direct. God Bless you. I know he put your videos in my way to have a better understand of my current situation.
Hey doc she left left me again about 2 and half months ago, im 1 month without no contact. Idk if this is a final discard, but she seemed serious. But she left me for the same petty reasons that had not happened in months. Mind you she has done far worse. I treated her better than her own father. She blamed me for all the problems, never took responsibility for the damage she did. I took some seirous mental and phsyical abuse. But i thought if i just keep pushing ill be better. It wasnt the case. We were together almost 2 years. She claims that i hurt her too many times. She came back the first time after only a day, the next time she stayed for a month and left me again over the same reason. I havent seen her since march. It hurts really bad, she gave me ptsd i think. I look back, and see that she was in serious control of my life. I gave her everything and showered her in love and how it is supposed to be. She rewarded me with stratches, punches, name calling and temper tantrums. She had some serious problems. But i didnt think of them until now. She was a cutter, she told me she would kill herself if i left, i thought she was joking, she cried when i didnt reply to her in a certain amount of time, etc. The list goes on. I dont feel sorry because she is self aware and told me she has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I told her to get help, because i did. She never did. I feel like a hoover is bound to happen because i dont have social media and she cant see what im doing, i took really good care of her, and she knows i still have some deep feelings for her, even tho she said she didnt want to be with me anymore. Idk what to think. Im so mad i took her back and she did thr same thing. Im still in NC.
I feel like I could have written this. it's not over she will reel you back in like a fish , just to let the line out again once she sees you are still there. It will be the hardest thing you will ever deal with in your life but you've GOT to make a clean break or it will only get worse
SoundOfLegend damn you explained my 10 year marriage wow insane but they seem normal to most people from the outside looking in and would blame me for what see was doing never take responsibility but would say I’m sorry a thousand time in one day, after finally getting divorced being depressed for months and think I have PTSD over it, have an amazing spouse now and me true heart of heart love for the first time ever but I have two boys with the BPD and she is parental alienating me from my children I have nearly went broke getting this divorce lawyers alone costed me 17k total It sucks cause it’s like I didn’t divorce her In a way cause she still trying to control me and fuck with my head use my boys a weapon for her revenge cause I’m the bad guy, she won’t get help if after being told she needs help by a mental Health faculty but she never showed up for treatment
How are you doing 2 months later? I am dealing with the same after I broke up with my bpd girlfriend. It's very hard and I think people need to talk to people that can relate.
My ex split up with me 2 weeks ago yesterday. It really damaged me. She has depression, anxiety and she was certain that she's got ADHD and borderline personality disorder (undiagnosed). 6 days before we split, she told me she loved me and then said she didn't anymore on the day of the break up. I miss her so much but watching this video has helped me a lot to move on. She split up with me because of her mental illness and wants to be on her own.
Same with me this is basically what I went through. She said she needs to be on her own and work on her mental health which I understand but it doesn't make you feel much better.
Ohh this is great. I've been through most of these stetps, and I'm finally in that self empowering step. I feel so much stronger and my confidence is back now as an individual. no more eggshells whatsoever. One thing that helped me put that past me is knowing what I was dealing. Once I knew the signs of BPD, I realized I would be contributing to my downfall if I dont put it past me.
Realised I can't remember the last 20 years of my life, working hard, paying for everything, being a mother and suffering a partner with BPD and AUD ( Alcohol Abuse Disorder ) Got him out and now it's time to find out who I am inside this hollow shell.
First time I’ve been dumped by a BPD and kind of freaking out about the situation. Successful in ending all kinds of contact tho. Ended out of nowhere and I was genuinely the best bf ever without sounding cocky can’t remember doing a thing wrong. He seems like a different person now tho it’s strange feels like he threw away the best thing to ever happen to us.
I have BPD and I’m sorry…. But there is no excuse for treating someone wrong. You cannot use your illness as an excuse. I struggle. I fight every day. But I will never take it out on someone else
Your videos have helped me immensely thank you Ashley! I just ended a year and a half relationship my ex is a vet that was diagnosed with ptsd and depression. Before Thanksgiving he went into a major depressive episode and shut me out for 5 weeks but refused treatment. His behavior was baffling because I was trying to be loving, compassionate and supportive but when he finally reached out he didn't even acknowledge it and said I didn't care what he was going through along with A LOT of self loathing and telling me he didn't feel like himself anymore and that he wasn't well. The day after he reached out I found out he had just cheated on me with his abusive ex. (Which led me to end things) Looking back on other behavior and traits throughout our relationship is spot on with BPD. I think he may have been misdiagnosed. Anyway I'm so upset with myself for falling prey to this co-dependency and now seeking therapy to find and love myself again. This sucks like hell but it is so important to take care of ourselves first. You are right we have one short life here and we need to make the best of it!
It’s been 60 days now for me. My friends say what we had was a love affair for life and are convinced that she will be back. Right now I’m healing and been through the hunger stage which they say is like coming off cocaine; that was awful.
I await the hoovering because as in the past she will come back. She was my first love and I was her FP. I'd known her since we were teenagers and now we're both in our 50's. And yes the sex was deep animalistic and like a drug. We consumed each other. The withdrawal was so bad I'm scared of sleeping with her again! Thank you for your support.
Interestingly I met her in our town last week and she acted like nothing had happened and that we were still friends! She is still in love me it was in her eyes. A really strange encounter! I've continued No Contact and not heard from her.
BPD is associated with beautiful women. The more attractive, the more BPD they are. They lure you in and you in turn try to make their lives wonderful. In the process they take more and more until your life is so unbalanced you are lost. Mine was a parasite and i was lucky to escape. Ashley you are a dose of no-nonsense help. Thank you!
Same with my bpd ex. It was draining spiritually and financially! She wouldn't work, wouldn't go out and improve her life and I was walking on eggshells constantly. I feel so drained and missing her everyday but knew it was wrong and had to leave.
Its been a whole month and its getting worse. I can't do exercise, i cant do anything. I feel that i am getting deepley depressed. Im so confused. My heart hurts so much !
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges I feel lost . We have a child together I was interested in doing coaching with you. Do you accept insurance? If not what does that cost?
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges Hanging in there. Broke up with the ex almost a year ago, but she's on my mind often even though I'm in a new relationship. I realize that this attachment is really unresolved issues within myself, so videos such as yours are great for refocusing my perspective.
I think you can still stay in contact with someone with bpd, so long as they respect your boundaries and you. Moving on is possible if you both agree to disagree and date others...etc. I think if a bpd person is able to get treatment and wants to, it's worth revisiting via couples therapy. They are still people afterall and it's a mental health disorder. It's definitely much more possible compared to someone with NPD. Also, different people have different capacities to cope and things can improve with treatment and if a trained therapist can help them resolve feelings and learn to listen and trust their partner. Taking care of yourself is the number one priority, but if you can compartmentalize your emotions on both sides and agree to not talk about any relationship issues then I think it can be very healthy. There's also nothing wrong with providing emotional support on a friend level so long as there's no physical intimacy involved.
I tried it and it didn't work well. It was a bad idea, actually, because even though I had become stronger without her, she never stopped love bombing me. She desperately wanted me back, crying that she loved me... but in the meantime she was continuing chatting and having sex-calls with the people she cheated on me with during our relationship AND other new people, completely unknown, she found on Facebook. She is terrible, because she could send me a video of her LITTLE nephew saying pretty things to me AND do the same thing with a stranger she'll surely meet in Ireland! She left today because of a "job interview". I always had my doubts and never trusted her, but I admit that there's more than a possibility that I could fall again in her net. It sucks, even though you think you can manage your emotions. Don't try it for your own sake. If you are wondering why I temporarily decided to try to be her friend, it was because we broke up about 2 months ago and I looked quite well, while she acted like she was desperate. She wasn't. Also, when I asked her why she was still in contact with so many people (actually about 9-10, no bs) she accused me for "abandoning" her and started crying her fake tears. Some months ago I would have got angry, but still I would have tried to help her. This time she must disappear. She's a lonely person with empty "friends". She's the reason for her downfall into loneliness and sadness. She knows, but won't stop.
ABSOLUTELY NO WAY would I ever want to befriend my exBPD! lying, monkey branching, silent treatment lasting weeks, triangulation! why on earth could you lower yourself to befriend someone who couldn't treat you with respect. NO WAY in HELL would I be friendly to him ever. Cut all ties for my sanity and that of my children.
This video helped me so much. I am a pro MMA fighter, and I let myself be abused mentally, emotionally, and physically by a woman with BPD for over 3 years. This video echoed what I went through mentally...my ego had me thinking that I could love her enough to make it better. My morals stopped me from ever hitting back. I told myself at first that she was just sick...but then, the manipulation that I went through had me thinking that I was the cause of her being triggered. MY lack of empathy, MY lack of validation, MY lack of understanding. I was told on a weekly basis that I was gas-lighting and or being abusive emotionally. The worst part was, she was in college to become a therapist...so the more she learned in those classes, the more she would weaponize it and use it against me. She would talk about how her professors bragged on her for having so much insight. She say she was so good at the classes because she understood empathy better than someone without BPD...and that they only saw one side of her. All her friends got the "friend" part of her that I longed for...I never felt like I was good enough, or man enough. Even now, 4 months after our breakup wherein I had to finally file domestic violence charges on her, which resulted in her being kicked out of school...I feel so insane, I feel like I want her back! Like she's "just sick" and that isn't the real her...like I love her more than my next breath. But I know I can't go back...even though the thought of her with someone else is killing me every moment of every day...like they will get all that I begging for for so many years. I fucking punch people for a living, but I'm weak as fuck to a 110lb little blonde woman in this case. Hardest fight of my life right here to the point that Ive been suicidal on 3 occasions since thinking the pain was too much. (Her ex before me DID kill himself due to her emotional abuse). I'm in therapy 4 times a month just to see straight now. Thank you so much for this video.
@ds Thank you for this my friend. There should be a support group for survivors of people with BPD...like, for real. I was shocked, and relieved that I wasn't the only one with the thoughts and feelings after dealing with someone like that. Like, so many of the comments mimicked what I've been thinking, feeling. Thank you...and thank God for this video. It's helped a bit...I have really bad days, sometimes. I got diagnosed with PTSD stemming from the relationship with her. Ridiculous.
Dick, I was also a celebrity who made a bad choice of partner with BPD. After the breakup they will almost always make up stories (like her exes death maybe), usually a rape etc. If she was diagnosed w BPD, there is no way that her professors were impressed. In psychiatry there is a quietly kept saying between therapists "the best way to treat a borderline is to not listen to them (treat them etc)". Dude, i know you are really hurting and confused and romanticizing about the good times but stay away from her no matter what you do. It gets way worse and she will get knocked up or do anything to trap you in this hell cycle. Good luck, focus on your career and training and you will finally get a woman you deserve. Your wonderings if you have a cluster b problem almost certainly mean you don't. They cannot use real and honest introspection, at least for long before they switch again. Just be your best and you'll get what you need (a partner even) when you stop worrying about it. Obviously I'm not saying to be a prick to the next one. But you can't be fragile or you will get another borderline or NPD chick. Fame/status plus insecurity is a beacon to them and they are often very attractive.
All of these details of true trauma.@@joshgeiger8942 and more can keep coming. They never stop. But to you, Dick Gozenya... If they couldn't help it, how is it that they can predictably help it when establishing a relationship? Look, Im not trying to throw this particular type under a bus but a schizophrenic pretty obviously can't help what is going on. Sure, they have good days and bad. But if they reliably acted in such a way as to get deep into your life and present a false face and even then leave a wake of ruined lives behind them while they claim the victim card, I wouldn't have much patience. But, a Type A disorder is very real and so is a Type B. Stop trying to make sense of them. Make sense of going forward. These folks can't or WONT control themselves. So unless you want to be controlling, leave it behind.
Buddy i fight myself;p no matter of pre fight nerves or w.e stress u go thru a fight camp, it cant reach the different sort of hell these 'victims' can bring upon u thru a messy breakup. Take it as a good experience, u will notice damaged girls a mile away after this,but u will need like some time of complete NC.been a while since i started living life fully again but it will come;) kind of a long journey brother, good luck. She was a disfynctional female thats all there is to it, stop trying to make sense of madness. Also figure out ur shit. Heal a but first and then awknoledge them maturely and grow, coz if u take this as ur lucky break, as a fighter that u are u can either slowly come back a way better man or stay crumbled n suicide like her poor ex...and let her move on to the next poor guys n destroy her and their lives even more.. She wasn't good enough man, u will realize in time trust me, ur just still stuck in that trauma bond thats all.
I joined the Marines at 17. Started 2 successful businesses. Got good therapy after my brother died. Practiced Zen for years. Yet I fell for it all: hook, line and sinker. Just out 60 days. Glad she gone but she still rents too much space in my mind. Doing the forensics and what made me fall so hard, and that is very valuable! A tough way to learn, but in the end it really was all about my own unresolved child abuse issues: needing to please, needing to feel like I was helping or giving her things to be lovable. Power through it. Stay strong.
They love an idealized figure of you. When they discover that you're just a normal human being, they hate you...Then love you... Then hate you again. During these up and downs it's possible that they even cheat on you, maybe just because you said something which made them anxious. They are so good at lying...
BPD is terrible. Don't try to understand it, because in reality there's nothing logical in it. It's completely irrational.
I had never been scared of anything and anyone, before falling in a very toxic relationship with a borderline woman. Now I literally tend to run away from these people.
P.S.: Don't you EVER try to think you can help them. The only thing you can do is trying to convince them to follow a therapy, but then you MUST disappear forever and everywhere. If you don't believe me, try to read all the experiences you can find in the internet and/or talk with somebody who lived your experience: you'll find out that there are too many "coincidences" in your stories.
P.S. 2: Don't you EVER feel GUILTY for "abandoning" them to their destiny. You don't have to live their lives but YOURS! It's so damn hard to accept it, but you know that it's the right thing to do. As Ashley said: love yourself.
Absolutely nailed it! I felt liberated once I understood that "disease" . Also what was more important I understood what in my childhood experience contributed to me accepting the whole experience to begin with. The love bombing was too intense that someone with childhood issues like me fell for it.
@@wildmanauh Thank you. I had childhood issues too and fell for the love bombing just like you. Thing is: if we accept to fall, the BPD person isn't the only one who has problems. If we actually were able to love ourselves, we would never accept some situations. The first thing to do, even though I can still hardly accept it, is to work on ourselves before doing anything else.
@@Ifritlordofire Absolutely. I am blaming myself for not having any boundaries. I have come to terms with my childhood issues and I finally see what was going on. It is not going to be easy to set the proper boundaries, probably will cause some anxiety issues but it has to be done no other way around it moving forward.
I wish you best of luck!
Ifritlordofire wish u best of luck too.
My relationship with a BPD has left me DEVASTATED. Absolutely devastated.
sydmmr1985 same here man. Broken up two or three times, always says she needs to be alone to work on herself, then comes back to me later on and I always let her in. I have to tread on eggshells because I hate bringing up her mental health or thinking anything I said could set her off. She broke up with me last night over text, where last week she said she loved me and couldn’t wait to see me after going to a festival with her friends for a few days. She wanted a few days to herself to ‘chill at home’ and I felt like I was smothering her and doing something wrong by reaching out and asking her if something was wrong or if anything happened to make her feel differently. She said it wasn’t about a breakup or anything I should be worried about, then I give her space for a couple days and then in that time decides she does want to break up. It’s absolutely madness thinking someone can love you and want to spend all their time with you to suddenly switching 180 and being better off alone. All I wanted was us both to be happy together, and the past three months felt like we were heading in the right direction, no significant problems, then suddenly a few days away from me with her friends and she’s confused how she feels and thinks it’s better to be apart. I don’t know what to think anymore. I know the mental suffering isn’t worth it but I know I would take her back in a heartbeat. It’s like I feel like I want to fix her so we can both be happy together, but she doesn’t make any steps to better herself and says she can’t do it whilst she’s with someone. I think leaving her alone is the best thing I can do for both of us but I just want us to work it out and be happy together. I know it won’t work though because I don’t trust her, I can’t after what she’s put me through. She says things are fine but clearly they aren’t, and I have no idea why. I feel I did everything I could to make our relationship work, I just gave and gave all I could, and she took. Even the smallest bit of reciprocated affection felt like the strongest drug hit. She made me feel so good about myself, and now I feel completely rejected and lost because I let her become the only thing I focus on. I have nobody else I want to talk to or do things with. She became my world. I think that says more about me than her, but it doesn’t make me any less upset about it. Moving on feels impossible, like I don’t want to because I have the feeling she will come back again. I need to get in a mindset where I know and believe, sticking to not reuniting is for the best. She needs professional help, and I feel like I do as well now from dealing with all the trauma. Sorry for the rant, hope somebody else can relate to the situation.
@@HamBoiger U must leave her and detox thats all u can do. Search a healthy woman.
Nathan Fisher Hopefully you're okay now. We all go through the same thing, so we understand.
@@HamBoiger I went through this exact thing
Same 😔
Almost a year from breaking up with a BPD comorbid narcissist. Still think about her almost every day. You will learn to move on, but I don’t ever know if you truly ever completely stop yearning for the love bomb days. She was EVERYTHING I ever hoped to find in a woman. It was mostly all BS, but still sooo hard to rectify in your head. BPDs do “love” you for a short time, but it is a fairytale love. Knowing that doesn’t change the fact that it was the most intense, deep love that you ever knew. I feel sorrow for her now, she sees herself as so simple; all she wanted was to be made a priority. She will never find her happiness because she can’t get out of her own way.
It sucks that all of us who were victims of cluster B’s had to learn the hard way.
💯💯💯
I am a borderline male. Whatever the cause of the ABUSE, the healthy partner needs to have a clean break while having family and friends to support them.
Yes, IMO, some people with BPD, who admit they need help, can be in a romantic relationship or a redefined friendship.
Mental illness is NO excuse for abuse. Peace. ✌
jefflg1967 thank you, thank you for saying that.
Thank you. TH-cam is full of borderlines engaging in self-pity. Yours in the first post from a borderline that I can respect. Good luck.
@@WJValente yes, yes, no, cuz they are fucking demonic.
@@juanvaldez5422 fuck you, you know how fuckin hurtful is to see someone telling you you are demonic because of an illness you did not choose to suffer from and was caused by trauma and abuse you dit not choose to suffer either? It's right, mental illness does not justify abuse, never ever. And everyone has to take responsibility of their acts and go and get therapy and not hurt anyone. Of course. The thing here is: someone's abusive behavior it is not and never will be caused by mental illness but by their own decisions. Abusive behavior and mentall illness are two different events. And thinking otherwise not only fucks up the way we see mental illness and all the stigma attached to it but it fucks up too the victim of abuse chance to get help. That is because when you say someone is abusive they are because of mental illness you imply they have no control over their actions and that they have to be treated like they are not responsible for their acts Anda therefore the victim has no right to ask for punishment for the abuser or help for themselves.
@@ElenaHSin typical borderline piece of shit..
This is so validating because it’s been hard for me to fully understand why the breakup effected me so intensely like nothing else has before. And this makes me feel like my experience is entirely normal given the situation
got damn u fine as hell.
Gosh you're like me my family is telling me it has been two years already why you are not fully moved on and I would cry and say I don't know!!💔😭
I feel you . I was in the five-year relationship with a borderline woman and she discarded me seven months ago for someone else
Yeah, i feel you too. I always wondering why my last breakup was the hardest even though the relationship was quite short.
Good to hear from you Iyanna. How are you doing?
It will hurt to leave a borderline, because they drain you of everything you have, emotionally, physically, spiritually. You will feel like you don’t even remember who you were before. To anyone reading this, you have nothing to lose if you’re at this point, the ONLY way is to cut all contact. Reach out for help and do not isolate yourself!
Robert Gibson - Very true Robert! But thank God that whatever evil we allowed to drain us, God and ourselves can refill all that we once had that was good and healthy. And most likely, overflowing self confidence, strength, self esteem and self love and maybe some extra added good things as well.
so hard bro. Its like we see the fire but still want to walk in.
It’s easier said than done
Darkest chapter of my life. She was the most unstable abusive emotionally female never. Complete delusion as well. Insane.
@@JohnSzwed327 Be kind to yourself, try not to let it become who you are. You’ve survived the worst days.
24 years and just now im learning that it was not my fault and there was nothing I could do.
She was and is an amazing person. The most kind and caring women in the world, on the outside. Met her when she was sixteen and just ended it after 24 years of hell and 4 suicide attempts.
Guys dont ever regret getting out!!!
I'm struggling to get out.. we have been together for 11years now.. I feel like I won't be able to connect with anyone like I did with him.. do you feel better now?
@@urvashijugtawat was with mine for 6 years. It got much better almost immediately after leaving. Don't even worry about connecting with someone else. Connect with yourself first and go from there.
Your suicide attempts?
Mourn it? I went back three times. I am rejoicing this time around, because I realise that it's time to move on.
They seem to be brilliant at dragging people back in, using everything they can to get you back.
@@mrs8792 Yep.
@MegaZazzy No. After she got physical and punched me and threw stuff at me, I said no more.
@@tedstout7439 Yep, smashing a mug on the counter in front of me in front of the kids was the final straw.
I went back once. Foolish me. I'm learning a lot right now.
Yep. That's me now. Completely isolated from everyone I knew. And still so drained that I don't even have the energy to speak to anyone. I've never been lonelier in my life.
broĸen sOUL sorry 😔
I was in the same place. 0 friends no support. Meetup.com saved me. I went to a few board gaming meet ups, made friends and now I have REAL friends for the first time in a long time. Maybe it'll work for you too.
Same shit happening to me. From a social guy loved by almost everyone to a zombie isolated morron left by a fucking BPD
And now, I'm like "well, where's everyone? well I can write to Sabrina...shit she's not around anymore"
This too shall pass. Know I am right here with you!
Thank you for this. I cried watching this because it was so powerful to have my situation validated.
Who is crying their eyes out after hearing all this... Everything we have needed to hear for so many years! 😭
I just broke up today and it's been a hard two days. I loved him even though it was a short period of time.
These past 3 months after the breakup have been the hardest of my life... I was so confused as to what the hell happened. I blamed myself, started begging for my ex back who wanted nothing to do with me... This week I discovered what BPD is and EVERYTHING makes sense now. I was walked over and made to feel like I was never good enough apart from the times she would love bomb me. I've never had a heartbreak like this, which doesn't make sense because it was so toxic... Something about a BPD ex just makes you hurt like no one else.
@@Taymrob Aww hey Taylor, I just read your comment. I can't imagine the pain. I still love my partner and really struggling with the thought of letting him go. Anyway I hope your doing much better now. Sending *hugs* your way xx
@@petronipov yep everything you wrote sounds like something I could write. Isn't it scary how similar people and our situations can be. I know Im BPD and I think my partner is Narcissistic and possibly a Sociopath. But Im no professional. I just know Im a high functioning Empathetic BPD and I deserve better
Really made me cry with those nice words.
My advice: get strong, tell them how they've hurt you, and what you need from them.
Then notice how when you behave in a way that should please them, its never enough.
And realize you're not dealing with a normal person, and they don't value your suffering - cut the ties, and allow yourself to be relieved and let yourself out from under their control
Thank you so so so so much! My borderline boyfriend broke up with me (again) today, but this time I've really put things in perspective. I know we are reaching the end now, after being on rollercoaster for more than 2 years. I will live the life I deserve. This video was everything I needed. Thank you!
Trust me its a such a trap. NEVER GO BACK. NEVER. It will only increase your pain.
Funny how they treat you like shit and break up with us to make the pain even worse. Damn.
Same. Breaks up with me / off and on for the last 5 months. Have been with him for the last 4.5 years - only the first 6 months were good. Then its been a steady decline since. I'm a strong confident woman - but unfortunately also and empath, hence the reason i stayed. Now i am the one that is suffering as he now has the power. Well, I'm making my way out of this. Unfortunately it is during Coronavirus isolation so no way to distract myself from the lonliness
How are you doing now?
To quit smoking and never starting again is so much easier than getting completely free of the BPD ex-partner.
Once you have swallowed the hook, the BPD partner only has to pull the 🎣 and it starts all over again.
Getting the hook out of the system is the difficult part.
:)
Well my bpd ex broke up with and set me free
I told mine in a heated argument to either hold me tight or set me free. She chose the later. In fact she said that I am the one always trying to reach out so she asked me not to. It sucks
Thank you Ashley, I have just finished a relationship with a borderline and was so toxic but I kept thinking I could help her but she saw that as a weakness, Lies , cheating, Lost a very good friend due to it. At first you think you have met your soul mate and now it as left me feeling empty and having to build my confidence back up. I'm having to find myself again and heal . Thanks for your videos they really help , Thanks again David
David Lloyd best of luck david...i just broke up with my bpd girlfriend too....leaving them is the best thing...especially if you gave good love....it will conflict them..and they need that confliction.
We need to heal and move on..because they try to suck the soul out of you.
She wasnt getting my soul ;)
Thank you Mr Mcgregor, You are right they do suck your soul out and my ex keeps trying reel me back into her crazy world and will always lie through her face and accuse you of something she is doing herself, I have blocked her from my life for good, Good luck with your future Mr Mcgregor.
"At first you think you have met your soul mate and now it as left me feeling empty and having to build my confidence back up" I relate to this allot, thanks for sharing David. I hope life is better for you now as time moves on.
Let me know how you are doing David, thank you for reaching out!
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges , Hi Ashley thanks for asking how I Am Doing, I'm Really doing well and enjoying my time with My family and really happy with myself, I'm single since my relationship and enjoying my own space, Thanks Ashley you really help people , Thank You David
This is actually so helpful. I got out of a relationship a couple weeks ago and loved her quite dearly. Honestly hurt so bad.
How are you doing Pandaskevas?
Breaking up in a time of pandemic has been so much harder, like we were only dating but the intensity and depression were heavy, like so heavy that you would sleep for 15 hours a day and still be tired for the whole week, not only that, screwed up sleep cycles, because nowhere to go, and also less human interaction to feel connected to the tribe.
This is a great video. Every tine I get wrapped up with this chick, she bails on me, or leaves me no choice but to bail on her, but either way I wind up looking like the guy in Saving Private Ryan who’s staggering around the beach looking for his arm. Swear to God
The isolation thing is so bang on. This chick was 24/7 needing attention and provoking little fights along the way. Steady. It was a 24 hr job keeping the thing on the rails. Then it’s like poof they’re gone but you still spend much of your day stuck on the whole thing for some reason.
I believe it’s as hard to quit as smoking for sure.
nailed it
Double nailed it--from a girls perspective, too.
Jake Pittman "I wind up looking like the guy in saving private Ryan who's staggering around on the beach looking for his arm". YES YES YES!
Couldnt describe better my situation.. I had the balls to break up with her but rigth now Im such a mess and I dont feel like doing anything . I just want her to send me a message or call me , even if it would mean start all over again.. I feel like a drug addict knowing this shit is doing me harms and might end up killing me but somehow I need it to keep feeling alive.. never got to this point ever in my life.
Hope everything would get better with time
Markovnikov90 So I’ve heard it called an “arousal jag” meaning you’ve been conditioned to thrive on the ups and downs. Your brain lights up with dopamine when she contacts you because you don’t know when it’s coming or if it’s coming at all? So it’s Ike the same principal a slot machine works on. The intermittent reward structure is very stimulating to the human brain. This is likely where you’re stuck. This is also why like most healthy people the don’t give you any kind of closure. This trick only works without closure. Keep in mind that if she does contact you it’s not because she’s has an epiphany, and realizes the errors of her ways. The cycle of abuse will just start over again. Idealize, devalue, discard. Only this time quicker and more frequent. You’ve proven you can handle it and will accept it. You have to say no, break the cycle, and let her move on. You’ll be just fine. We’re tougher than we give ourselves credit for. Cheers Bud, you got this
thank you so mutch , this video is great !! breaking with BDP it's like feeling nearly died !! only who felt this experience knows how hard it's to make it !!
It is so painful ! Toxicity and manipulation at highest !
Yes I’m going through now
A month of no contact so far.
true
The art of letting go: don't let the good memories get spoiled by your breakup. Keep the love, let the hate go and move on with somebody else once you feel ready for it. It's much easier to establish a new relationship with love in your heart. When you're hateful and bitter, you won't attract the right persons. Forgive your ex, but realize that you can't depend on her/him to make you feel better. It's on you to make yourself feel better. Also to forgive somebody, doesn't mean that you have to keep in touch - I wouldn't contact them at all, unless you have moved on for real - really for real though, not after feeling better for a couple of days or weeks. Keep your head up and remember that life is too short and difficult to feel bad because of one person for months or even years.
I don't think you know this is not a normal break up if there is one. This thing isn't about happy endings this is about survival.
once it clicks in your head that you can leave and YOU WILL BE OK....its the most freeing experience you'll ever have. it's amazing when your old self comes back . it's like seeing your best friend, you'd never thought you'd see again, return. The real best friend that actually does want to hear about your life. The best friend that no matter how mad at you they were, they'd still let you know they got your back and wouldn't abandon you when the going gets tough. The BPD won't do that. When they are triggered into anger (constantly after the bombing phase) they would watch you die in front of them. for real and we all know it. That's the one thing that makes me realize they're not worth their skin.....THEYD WATCH YOU DIE AND HOLD ON TO A GRUDGE BEFORE THEYD WALK OVER AND HELP. They're the ultimate quest for a codependent. The holy grails of projects for us to "help"
Find one person that is truly happier in a relationship with a BDP than alone on an island...and I'll kiss your ass. keep it real guys. we knew they were fucked up from day one. Hell....from the first 30 seconds
That is so well said and inspiring. I wish I had the courage to do that. Not easy.
@Rizkbill I was obviously carrying a lot of resentment then! I'm at a place now where I no longer feel the hate. Instead I feel sorry for her. The Borderline will never be able to fully experience the joys of life or have the ability to even be content. That's their curse. A curse given to them by a shitty mother that caused trauma to them as an innocent baby. It's not their fault they are the way they are. It IS their fault however, when they traumatize and destroy the children they birth. We were obviously traumatized as well and we have our own major issues built into us! Likely we are ADHD in the very least. We ignored those red flags when a normal, emotionally healthy person would have ran for their lives. I'll carry scars from these people forever but I decided to start caring about myself and Holy crap did my life change for the better. Be strong. Believe you are #1 and you will become that.
You are awesome and an inspiration. I have been cycling the value and devalue for over 3 years. With each fights and frequent ones the pain is endless. I gave her an ultimatum either she hangs on to me and treats me right and give me intimacy or disappear from my life and let me go. She chose the later. It sucks but I am done living a sad life with her and me doing everything to try to please her and her doing the complete opposite. I will try to be strong and hope to have the strength to block her, because I don't want the same ol'shit again. I will never get back that fairytale bombing. Wish I can get the strength to finally get her out of my life completely. It's been a chaotic and painful journey with no self love or respect. @@shitindawoodsbear2798
it's therapeutic just to hear you nail it so clearly. Thank you so much
You are most welcome MrJeepsterman!
You're so right about once you just started to get better or comfortable after the breakup....they pop back in...like they have a radar
Exactly. They need you to stay vulnerable. They will continue to manipulate you even by telling you something really simple like:"If you are free I'll call you back tomorrow"... So that you expect a call from her, which won't happen. They invade your head constantly.
Better block them everywhere and listen to yourself and your guts.
Its so painful to go through.... especially when you think of all the good things you did together and the beautiful loving conversations..and the dreams of being with each other
Its so annoying how you want to love selflessly and someone is out there ready to pounce upon your vulnerability and abuse you...they ruin the whole scenario of real love...which we know it exists becos if u can love wholeheartedly den its pure fact that there are many like u out there
@@zashalicious8972 The love they had for you was real. People with BPD have a hard time showing their love but your ex was with you because they loved you.
@@michellenorman4440 well he actually told me once that he doesn't want commitment and that he's not ready for a relationship yet we shared this beautiful bond of love miles apart...then he told me he doesn't want to lose me he wants me in his life if not as a wife as a friend...well that simply shows how he never saw me as wife or life companion...I would say he never really loved me just enjoyed my company
For over 20 years I gave all my heart and soul and took on all her fears and insecurities. I gave everything I had and loved her so so much. Now I’m alone raising 3 kids by myself and hurting so much every single day. I would never wish this heartache on anyone. Life is one big lesson and I’ve had to learn the hard way like so many others. 💔
Dr Steve can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me restore back my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
Whatsapp him
+2 3 4 7 0 3 0 8 9 4 8 9 2.
@@leichun8396who's Dr Steve ?
So much information out there to help someone who dates a BPD and almost nothing to help a BPD to understand what’s happening with themselves
I have BPD. I’ve removed myself from family and friends and vowed to never get into another romantic relationship again. I just don’t want to hurt anyone and I want everybody I know to be happy. This means me staying away.
This is powerful! When I x left and said now you can be at peace, I now understand. Thank you for saying this!!
Have you tried DBT?? I see you, girl. You have an awesome sense of responsibility. That’s the hardest part: you can heal and find love. 🙏
I'm also bpd and I'm feeling like this is the only solution for me too. Sad that I can't (even after years of therapy and self work) have a romantic relationship without hurting my partner
Thank you 🙏🏾
Good. Stay away From people and dont destroy their Life
9 months since the final discard. Words can not describe how painful, confusing and devastating the experience has been. Only recently have I begun to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Exercise & time in nature have been my saving grace. Therapy. CODA meetings. I’m grateful for resources like this channel and others. I am continuing to heal and I wish all those going through this experience great courage and self compassion ❤️🔥
Wonderful to hear from you. I am glad you are feeling better and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It is an extremely challenging place to be and takes much personal work and dedication to move on. Thank you for reaching out!
This video was published around the time I got back with my borderline ex. I wish I’d have known because it would’ve saved me a lot of chaos and stress but I’ve learned my lesson the hard way and I am free of that person.
She is absolutely right, take care of yourself, end contact and find support.
It sucks, the feelings are so intense but just like with smoking, it’s unhealthy codependent behavior that needs to be cut cold turkey.
Sever the heart line and move on for the sake of your health and sanity.
I’m finally able to live my life and I hope this video helps others do the same.
How did you get back together? Did she contact you?
@@platzung3629 I posted this 2 years ago. She has been in and out of my life for 3 years. I was doing good when I posted but my addiction to her is so strong. I am being proactive about boosting my self esteem and being in integrity but it’s tough.
To answer your question, yes she was emailing me. She’s tried many platforms attempting to contact me.
Ok tnx, was wondering cause my ex left me and had a new dud 3 days later. I know for a fact that he has no where near as much patience as i have and that their "relationship" will fail. And i dont know if she will contact me later
And she even told me that no one ever has treated her as good as i and had as much patience with her as me so there is that
I don’t need an answer but I’d like to introduce the question- what are you going to do when she pops back up into your life?
Oh.my.goodness!!! You are so spot on with this! In August, I broke up with her for the second time. Yes...everything you said in all of the videos of yours I've watched are true! This time, I am working on me. THANK YOU!!
Lynda L. Hahn you go girl!
Lynda L. Hahn, you look stunning 🌹 🌹🌷 🌷🌺🌹 🌹🥀 🥀
But I loved her... So much... I just blocked her..😔😭😭😭😟 this is so difficult..
Michael Mercedes I feel your pain. I know what’s it like. 😞
Stay strong. ..it does get better.
I’m so so sorry Michael. Mine was the love of my life. From teens in 1987. Came back after 26 years and took me for a ride and discarded me in 2015. She has been stalking me ever since. Hang in there it gets better! Sending love your way!❤️
CDR MT The last part of your comment really hit it for me. One year separated and we tried to be friends, but she can’t help herself and engages sex with much younger men. The high risk behavior that is acceptable to BPD people. Emotional rollercoaster. She even tells me about her escapades. I can’t play her games anymore and just filed the divorce this week. Waiting for her chaos again when she gets served. My step-Daughters are reeling from her behavior and don’t want to be around her. Of course I’m going insane in my head with this, but do have friends and family who are helping me. She is “textbook” BPD (with diagnoses) for all the 20 years we have been together. This video is absolutely the best I’ve watched on this issue.
Matthew Shea check out TH-cam videos from Red Man Group and 21 Convention. Also check out Paul Elam a voice for men. Paul E has a series on BPD he does with a Dr. Eye opening. The best thing you can do is get away. And be a better you physically, mentally and emotionally. You will thrive again. It will hurt. But you will thrive again. By the way, when she tells you about her sexcapades (that is what my BPD ex LTR called her escapades) do not get mad. Calmly say: “understand that you will never have me again. If you think I will be here for you when your done then think again. Men don’t get on one knee for women who spend too much time on two knees “. You need to be cold and indifferent. If she can’t get off messing with your head she will implode.
Practicing self care is huge in recovering. Now that I’m treating myself better, I can recognize when someone else is mistreating me early on.
Your series on BPD have been monumental in my recovery from a lifetime of relating with BPDs. Huge Thx!
I’m 3 months in and her patterns have already drained me of my resilience and the constant ups and downs (more the downs) have left me feeling empty, I had just healed from a long relationship with a narcissist and she seemed understand that I was still in a period of fragility, now I’m reliving all the same feelings, I just want to meet someone who is not going to break me anymore, I gave this BPL lady all the support and kindness I could give and it was never enough for her
Ashley, as always you are bang on Target here.
I am just shy of 6 months out from the breakup of a 6 year relationship with a BPD.
Hardest thing ever? Damn straight! Getting through the addiction is a “Trainspotting” experience but I did it, and now I’m actively finding out who I am, what I want, what I like and what I will and won’t accept.
It’s feels like going out there with no skin on at first, but you get used to it and you just stop giving a shit what people think of you.
Best feeling ever. Good luck making me feel this good, BPD ex! Zero chance!
Seven months out of a five-year relationship.
Thank you so much for this empowering video. I’m just overcoming another cluster B personality disorder relationship. At this point I believe I’ll never find someone healthy and that all the “good ones” are taken. But I try to believe that there’s a rainbow in the clouds.
How is it going buddy?!
I just want to say thank you. I just finished a therapy session before I went to search for advice on dealing with a breakup with someone with BPD. A consistent theme in my therapy is my lack of self-compassion. I won't bore anyone with the details, but in the past few years I've been dealing with PTSD and survivor's guilt from my work in the Middle East as well as dating a woman with BPD. I broke up with her last year and have been beating myself up for how long it's taken for me to get back to who I was.
I never truly appreciated how difficult a process it is to end a relationship with someone who had been emotionally abusive, manipulative, and controlling.
I've quit smoking. It was difficult. But when you said this process was more difficult, I gave myself some slack. I've been dealing with a lot. And it only sank in because of your video. I'm going to try to remember try feeling whenever I begin to beat myself up for taking time to heal.
Thank you. I can't possibly express to you how grateful I feel that I'd clicked on your video.
So, I've been (mostly) NC for 2 months. He still sends me abusive emails sometimes. Mostly i just delete without reading because he says such psychotically nasty things, makes me feel like someone punched a hole through me. These people are so sick, in many ways they are worse than narcissists. I started working on some codependency issues that i have and that's been helpful. Plus i have a lot of friends and family supporting me. It still hurts some days. I remember all of the emotional abuse and it comes over me like a flood. But most days are really good. I'm grateful for a sense of peace and am happy to be out of the fog that these relationships cause. Time heals. Also an acceptance that it just wasn't real. Not the love bombing, not any of it. You only exist as a fantasy in their minds. They don't see you, they don't know you. My best advice is NC, one day at a time so you can start thinking clearly. Also, reach out and talk to people who you trust. Tell what happened. Don't feel ashamed. BPDs hurt alot of people. You are not alone ❤
Good to hear from you Jennifer. No contact is tough but is a proven way to move forward. I'm sorry that he is sending you painful messages or emails. Circle the wagons with friends and family and you're right, don't be ashamed and you are not alone. Let me know how you are doing.
I recently just just got out of a relationship with a borderline female , it’s extremely painful . Especially if you done everything in your nature to help them .
Some come back some don’t
are you a women? wtf lol
Very practical advice. I went from a narc of 32 years to short-term BPD. We mutually ended it and was peaceful bc of my presentation style. Prior to the split I was feeling highly anxious, had erratic heart palpitations, was walking on eggshells bc I was often asked “are you ok; what are you thinking?” Was raged at a couple times which felt like emotional abuse. He never owned it or apologized. I was becoming depressed and suppressed. Immediately after the break up, all these symptoms left. I am relieved and feel hopeful and energized. I even went alpine skiing alone today which was a huge step. And I signed up for an 8 week swing dancing class at the local community center.
I feel addicted to looking for text messages but am trying to release that feeling. It will be released in time. It’s only been a few days out for me.
Coyote14 . I was in a relationship with one. It was a real rollercoaster ride. I was accused of every possible, from flirting, to cheating, to hiding money. He would tell me his family is evil, everyone is evil etc. he literally said his fine, I’m the one with the problem. we recently broke up and I’m grieving about it, but I know with time, I’ll be fine. I start seeing a therapist next week, started the gym and going for a holiday.. hope you recover and find what you’re looking for
Sugar Babe I understand! I am two weeks out and past the withdrawal stage - which is great! I know it’s the right thing for my life and already new opportunities to fulfill dreams are presenting. I will not date until I am whole and shed any remnants of my co-dependent behavior. I vow to myself if I date months down the road, if the relationship does not feel right, even without evidence, I will disengage. If I do not have the conviction and strength to do this, then I am not ready to date.
PS. I am SO happy to 100% emotionally free! I hope you get there quickly too 😗
Yes I will! I start therapy soon. I do have support from family and friends. I’m not interested in dating at the moment, I want to heal and gain back my power. I feel free somehow, but since it was a recent breakup, not even a week, I’m crying and asking myself questions but my family is really helping me, especially my dad. He’s trying to counsel me and protect me! I’m really grateful for that
Suga Babe That’s awesome your dad is there for you. He may be modeling what you deserve. Believe you are a high value women and deserve to be treated like one. Expect no less!
Congratulations on getting therapy! I have someone that supports me in a terrific way. I am learning to become self-empowered from her - accelerating my growth process. Know all therapists are not the same (I’ve had some bad ones, and some weak ones). If yours is not helping you to grow quickly, try another one. We cannot waste time. The quicker we blossom then sooner we will live the rich life we deserve!
Suga Babe Also, hang tight and know ‘no contact’ (at least for now) is the right thing to do. See it as a gift, bc it’s giving you the space to heal and grow - vs keeping you in depravation of self. You will recover from the withdrawal! Time is your friend 😗
I'm so glad to have found a video like that, just when you feel you can't go anywhere for help and advice on something like that.
Thank you
Thank you, very much Ashley for your thoughts. I have exit a BPD relationship and is is indeed very hard emotional. Is like you are learning to live again, learn how to think, how to manage your emotions. Is the toughest experience of my life. I've stayed 7 years in this "emotional prison". What i want to share to all the men out there is to question every single "compliment" be very atentive to verbal abuse in a confruntation, and find something about her history from other persons. Take care 🙂 and safe.
Thank you so much for this! I shared your message with my son who is in the midst of a break up from his borderline gf who is not in treatment. I’m a recovered borderline who has continued to work hard to stay in remission. I also have PTSD. I struggle with feelings of guilt that my son has been drawn to borderline females, but I have hope for him and her that APART they have room for personal growth. I’ve told her I can’t be there for her and him, but that there is recovery for her too....
Just broke up with her after five years this video is spot on the roller coaster I went through for years I can’t fix her but I’m gonna work on my own codependency
A brilliant summary of what it is like to escape a BPD personality. I lived through 7 years of intensely distressing relationship and I'm still not "fixed," even 16 years later. It certainly builds some character.
Great to hear from you. Seven years is a long time! It takes time to move past the triggers and past pain. It does build character for sure. How are you doing?
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges yeah. It wasn't exactly fun.
I came out of it not knowing who I was anymore, and it took quite a while to work put what I liked and who I wanted to be. I still catch myself reacting to some triggers with my BPD ex's instilled opinions, but much less so now.
Dealing with BPD was easy in comparison to 4 years of OCD. I seem to like collecting acronyms 🤔
You've saved my life, Ashley. Literally. I'm so grateful to you. Thank you. (... but I still want her back 😔)
Stay strong, I know how you feel. I hope you are using the advice on this video & it's getting easier for you.
I know this sucks more than anything in the world, because I've been there. But you MUST NOT give in to the dependency of wanting her back. Believe me, it'll only reboot the entire living Hell. Read the other comments here; don't just take my word for it. You have to cut her off and let those emotions die, no matter how hard it sucks. Allow yourself to do it. You'll thank yourself in the end, and you'll find someone much better.
Peace
@@shawarmageddonit Hey I know this is old and was meant to the other person above, but thank you. Thats what I needed to hear today. None of my friends or even my parents gave me such words, that I will be fine and can find better relationships. Most of them are grieving the relationship and hoping that we get back, but that's nonsense cause I cant bear any more abuse of this woman.
I am going through this exact situation right now. I have never felt more devastated in my entire life. I didn't even know that it was possible to be this devastated and confused. I was with her for 5 years. Going through 100's of breakups and reconciliations. It was like you were talking directly to me in this video.
Did he ever loved me ? He lied so naturally ..
He didn't, probably not, but those bastards are lunatic peices of shit.
They love an idealized figure of you. When they discover that you're just a normal human being, they hate you...Then love you... Then hate you again. During these up and downs it's possible that they even cheat on you, maybe just because you said something which made them anxious.
BPD is terrible. Don't try to understand it, because in reality there's nothing logical in it. It's completely irrational.
P.S. Don't you EVER try to think you can help them. The only thing you can do is trying to convince them to attend a therapy, but then you MUST disappear forever.
They love like a 3 years old child love his mum. Its not a adult healthy way to love.They can't, they are emotionally arrested. They see partner as object or representation or their parents.Love is about needs.
As a bpd I tell you we truely love our FP. But bpds are really different with each other and possibility of comorbidity changes everything
I have left a 30 yr old marriage with a BPD wife. I cannot describe how much relieved I feel. This video has added to underscore the importance of what is described in this video. very successfulI wished I had the mindset I have today many yrs, but it is never too late. It has been the single most challenging times in my lifetime. It feels like I had been in prison and what held me in were the abuses both physically and emotionally. I have two grown up daughters and son all very successful people who, like me, had to really struggle to get out. BPD is a the most difficult diagnose especially when the BPD person is a master of manipulation! I hope that more psychologists invest time in understanding how to identify BPD earlier in the treatment! Great video!!
bro 30 years? How df is that even possible with a bpd? seriously ???
I am now in week 3 of no contact. I've gone no contact before many, many times, but was not ready then. I know now because my blinders and earplugs fell off, and began to get sick of her BS, and told myself, I don't deserve this abusive treatment. I don't deserve to be cast aside, ignored like last week's trash. I began to feel stronger as the relationship "drained" out. And then began to feel my self esteem, self confidence and self love come back! I feel free now! I am looking forward to a beautiful Spring in a couple of months! I'm happy now...and I'm excited. What a tremendous weight that has been lifted off of my mind, my heart, spirit and my soul. I'm FREEEEEEEEEEE! LOL :)
Frank Saccomanno you sound like a narc
I didn’t know how much I needed this
Thank you Ashley. I just found you and you've made me feel much better, sound advise.
Glad you found me Mysti!
Mysti J Kissler, you look stunning 🌹 🌹🌺🥀🌷🌹 🌹🌺
Thank you Ash.. this came at the right time.10 months ago my BPD wife left me.. I have been a wreck .. I still miss her and remember the good times. Starting to realize how toxic she was...thank you for all that you do for us...
The hardest part about breaking up with someone suffering with BPD (or even other toxic psychological disorders like PTSD or addictions) is that the BPD sufferers still loves you, treats you well/special, & still try their best to be better for themselves & for the people whom they love & care about. Unfortunately, it's their condition that continues to be toxic for the sufferer, you & the sufferer's surroundings. Very difficult part is to choose between helping them improve themselves versus abandon them for your own safety.
A good example of this is in the film Star Wars: Anakin Skywalker is one the known characters who clearly has BPD. It was his BPD symptoms that causes Anakin to fallen to the Dark Side & become Darth Vader. In terms of characteristics, Anakin has a kind, loving & compassionate characteristics which resulted him to have a lot of friends & followers like Obi Wan, his padawan Ahsoka & his lover Padme. But Anakin's BPD symptoms create a huge burden not just for Anakin, but for his friends too. We see in the shows & films that it was difficult for Obi Wan, Ahsoka, or Padme to decide whether they should stay behind to help Anakin recover or abandon him for their own safety. Result: they all abandoned Anakin for their safety. But we saw what happens next: Anakin sunk deep within his BPD symptoms & became Darth Vader & he went on a killing rampage.
My ex girlfriend with bpd who brokeup with me in december 2022 , is apping me calling me to make contact with me . I want to breake free because it's not a healthy relationship.
I told her that i don't want to be a normal friend of her anymore . And now she wants to contact me ?!
It's a mental disease which is rather difficult to understand.
Thank you so much for this video Ashley . You put the finger exactly on the sore spot .
Do not connect. You will be abused and used all over again. Promise. Don’t
I'm on the upswing from a break up w a Borderline. We had a minor disagreement that lead to her saying some hurtful stuff right b4 ghosting me, no closure.
It's been a few months. I miss her a lot and def feel empty. It's hard not to try reaching out. I feel so stuck.
Thank you for reaching out. How are you feeling? No closure is extremely tough, what would you like to happen with the situation? I've found when we realize someone isn't able to love us because they don't love themself we must somehow move on. That move on begins by empowering yourself and creating healthy boundaries. I work with clients everyday with regards to this and help them to honestly see themself.
@@LifecoachAshleyBergesthank you for the reply! Would it be alright if i emailed you regarding this?
Yes for sure. Go to www.ashleyberges.com/contact-us/
Send me a message and I will respond from my email!
This video helped me this evening. Feels like tough love (good). I am three months out from such a relationship of 14 years. It ended violently. I have been working on all the things you talked about. My grief is overwhelming frequently. It is a death to me that is not recognized as such, because there is a stigma with domestic violence and abuse. Thank you for your video.
This is the most painful breakup of my entire life. I can't even move right now. I love him so much why do I love him so much? 😭😭😭😭
Deb Malkausky love yourself more then only except respectfulness. Don’t be a door mat
We feel addicted because we are trauma bonded from the toxic relationship pattern. This is not real love, as hard as it is to hear. We're in love with who we thought they were but that was not real. I'm so sorry you're going through this but no contact and self healing will get you through this.
Hey Ashly. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am to have found you on TH-cam! Even though I have done a lot of work with therapy and self help books and so forth, my heart is so heavy. My borderline is my oldest son. I am 56 and he is now 33 years of age. He has not been diagnosed with this but he has a diagnosis of ADHD when he was about 5. From what I understand, BPD is difficult to diagnose. With the research I’ve done personally, I believe he suffers from this personality disorder. We parted when he was 18. I have not seen him since, but I have spoken with him on many occasions. It certainly does not seem like 15 years has gone by. These are some of the factors that drove me to half to separate myself from him. It seemed as if there were angry neighbors, police or the school calling or showing up at my house on a daily basis. Any and all attention had to be on him continuously. A quiet moment was could not be tolerated by my son. If there was not drama he would create it. It was a constant bombardment of turbulence, one incident stacked on top of another. It never ended. There was jail time, and court ordered treatment facilities. He can be set off with one word. His rage is down right scary. He has been high on drugs and spit and yelled in my face. I yelled back into his face because I had just had it at that point. He raised his fists and came at me. He turned toward the hall closet door and smashed it to bits. I called the police. They laughed at me and said to just separate myself from him for a while. He self-mutilated. When we brought him to the emergency room to sow him up, he intentionally ripped the stitches out before the skin healed giving him very ugly scars that he eventually covered with a tattoo. He came with me and my boyfriend of 27 years, to a Halloween party when he was about 16. He snuck alcohol and got drunk. He said “Hey mom”. I looked at him. He proceeded to put up one hand and point his fingers like a gun towards me. He said that he would like to shoot me right between the eyes. He also has told me of a scenario that he wanted to shoot his younger brother, then my boyfriend, me and the dogs and then himself. This kind of behavior went on for so many years. I was diagnosed with PTSD and took Xanax for many years just to cope. It was so overwhelmingly stressful in our house that I was just lost towards the end. We tried everything to help him. I think a big problem was probably the visits he had with his natural father. His father is an awful person. They had physical altercations with each other. Many arguments. When my son would come back after a visit, he would be even harder to get along with, because his dad filled him up with lies about us. Used him to vent his anger. This is so damaging to a young person. My son and I live in different states. He calls. We talk about stuff. There are parts of him that are wonderful. He is a natural at sports. He learned to play the guitar on his own. He is an artist. He is for the most part a pretty interesting person to speak with. But I still walk on egg shells because only a few words could set him off. He is very demanding of others. Has no boundaries and has no problems putting others out for what he wants. He would be gone for a while and then want to come back home. I would say there are going to be rules to follow. He would agree. Everything would go fine for a short time and then blam. The arguments and yelling starts. I’m being told how ridiculous I am for enforcing a rule he did not agree with. I talked and tried to teach until my face was blue. Nothing helped. He decided from a young age that he was not going to cooperate with me, and he followed through with that. I actually had a seizure from one late night phone call that was of course a dire emergency. I was talking on the phone and all of a sudden I was seizing on the bed. That had never happened before, and never since. The last time I actually saw him he was stealing from me. Not the first time. I asked him to leave and then a job took us out of the state. I was beyond depleted. I had no one to talk to, and the therapist I did talk to was a predictor also. My mom was no help. She was such a co-dependent with no boundaries. In fact she blamed me for not bending over backwards far enough. I could right a novel Ashly. But I finally got some good therapy, but it was another tragic incident that drove me to her. My youngest son had committed suicide when he was 20 in 2010. That pretty much broke me into pieces. I carried his ashes for 8 years before I scattered them on a beautiful piece of property in Alaska. I’m not a person who takes victim hood well. I always try and find a solution to problems that come up. I did a lot of self-help and grief therapy until I felt better. I’m getting stronger all the time. But I still beat myself up over not knowing where to draw the line with him. I hear my mom in my head saying that he is my son no matter what. She also blamed me when my younger son died. She said that she saw him sleeping on the bench that outside my front door. He would kick back there when he was trying to find another friend to stay with. He was on heavy drugs and stealing from me also. So I had to put him out for a while. He is another whole story that would take hours to tell. My life has been tumultuous at best. It’s been very difficult getting myself back. I have to work at it every day. I’m glad I wrote this to you Ashly, but I could sincerely take a nap now. So hard to think of how terribly dysfunctional our lives were, and I could not fix it. I tried so hard, and it still fell apart.
This video is my life right now. Thanks so much
Thank you so much, this is so very needed for me right now. I'm only just now making the first efforts to keep them away. Everything you said, I could check of on the list. So glad to have found this. Thank you, I'll watch your other related videos.
It's really very hard to get back to normalcy after breaking up with a bpd partner. It's hard to find your piece of land again.
This totally speaks to me. I had to go cold turkey, no other choice. Too many lies and manipulations. I kept thinking it could be fixed, and we were a step away from bliss. But doesn't work that way with a BPD, as Ashley explained. Now I know. I want to become the healthiest version of myself before connecting with another:). That's the Mission now....
_When someone is fucked up, stay the fuck away_ ought to be your mantra.
This woman hits the nail on the head with this video,it took
A while but hindsight is 20/20, i was with a borderline for 8 yrs she even told me she had been diagnosed with it. At the time i shrugged ot off and head doctors are cooks and just wannt your money and give you pills,but once blind fold was removed from my mentall eyes it was a holy shit moment.And watching this video still gives me that holy shit feeling like how did i miss it?!
8 years and so much pain. Finally over.
Ive recently moved out an extended family member who was with us for two years. Wish I understood what BPD was a whole lot sooner to see what I was experiencing. I’m going no contact and on the journey to heal myself and never repeat this pattern of codependency again. Thanks for your helpful videos
Breaking up with a BPD is fast, comes out of no where, is extremely difficult to process, and leaves you mentally, emotionally, and physically traumatized.
My last Breakup with my 8year BPD GF was devastating to me, aweful, but wrenching too. We got back together and there was some stability with in a new job she kept for 1 year, after tons of jobs prior. But her job, she was fired from, lied to about her work being so great and I was tired of listening and offer support and solutions if in a general nature. Everything was my fault and I was over with apologizing... she was raging.... packed yet stuff out one day, back the next day, then 4 days later boxes up her shit...I ask if shes got a move out date...raging again... and then today shes pick up shit unnannounced.... and I'm happy. Its devastated happiness I feel.
Thank you for this video. I've just recently broke up with my ex who has BPD and it hurts so so much. I love him dearly, and also I think what gave me hope was that I thought we could overcome all the bad moments doing couple's therapy combined with individual therapy.
Maybe we could have, I will never know.
I'm still very emotional about the break up.
The tragedy is they never loved us to begin with
I am currently seeing patterns / behaviors related to BPD in the person who I was dating for a few months. Videos like these have been helping me to understand what to do to cope with my emotions. Quitting this person cold turkey is most definitely the most difficult thing that I’ve done in a long time & I can only imagine someone dealing with this kind of relationship for years. And I’m over here assuming my ex has BPD. Thank you all for the insight that you have given. I’m trying so hard to not reach out to him but it’s so hard :/
Have no mercy. It's a vicious cycle you will be in, and you will always be wrong and adjusting your true self to be better. They, they will do nothing and in my case my BPG exGF of 5 days, said "your feelings dont matter" twice to me.... and her actions aligned to that statement better than anything else ever. Fucking happily utterly devastated still.
You got lucky. I was with mine for 2 years and I broke up with her several times because of the bad attitude and mood swings, but all was forgiven when she’d act loving, caring, apologize for her wrong doing and that she’d change, only for red flags to pop up again weeks later. It is literally hell on earth and she said the worst things and started getting very physically abusive and I felt like I just had to sit there and take it since I’m a guy.
The last breakup I did with her she said to take things slow and see where things go. Her car was broken and I went down to help her fix it and that her parents were going to pay me back for it, only for her to ghost me and use that car to go see and date my friend... now they’re marrying each other and it hasn’t even been a month of dating each other and she’s convinced him that I’m toxic and crazy. He’s got some money and I assume that’s why she hopped on that money train and is marrying him real quick, and it’s going to come back to them.
She was never diagnosed, but she literally checks all 9 symptoms, 3 stages of relationships with BPD’s and had a neglectful childhood. I was finally going to meet up with her at a public place last night to give her the rest of her clothes and let her know about this disorder so she can live a happy and prosperous life without ruining other peoples lives, but after repeated attempts to tell her not to bring this new guy and then lied about it upon showing up with him, I just drove off lmao. So not my problem anymore, I don’t care anymore and I’m tired of it.
Subscribed. I am about 6 months in from a breakup with a diagnosed BPD ex gf. I am mostly over her and the "relationship" in the traditional sense of the break up, however now I am trying to build back myself and get myself back to "normal". It's completely different than a normal break up, with this one, it wasn't some overwhelming pit in my stomach that I lost the "love of my life" and a "perfect angel". It was more "holy shit, I just lived with a monster for 6 years and was in love with that. How do I fix MYSELF so that cant happen again?"
This is exactly how i feel
4 months were enough to destroy me! How could u stand this SIX FUCKING YEARS DUDE, how u feel now mane?
Thank you for this!!!!!! You have no idea what it's like having someone that talks about all these things ♥️.
Dr Steve can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me restore back my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
What sApp him
I have BPD (recently diagnosed) and CPTSD. I am going to DBT now. As someone with BPD I can say I have done really bad stuff to the ones I was with. I use to ask myself "what the f@ck is wrong with you". It wasn't until my fiance (the only person I ever loved) left me and told me to look into BPD that I finally understood what was wrong with me. I had been through so many counselors and never understood why nothing helped. I treated my ex very very good. But, I have rage issues, things that set me off and also the need to talk to other women. I never cheated on her but that still doesn't make it any better. The thing I would like people to know is, I never understood why I was like this. I was never manipulative or mean to hurt her. I as I said am in DBT and I would literally walk through hell to not be like this. We can love people, we can be amazing people, we just have so much trauma in our childhood that we don't know how to handle stuff like normal people. To us, yelling over dropping the salt shaker IS normal to us. But, we also know it's not normal. We are confused, we hate ourselves, we struggle to try and be normal all while not knowing how to tell the people around what we are going through because we ourselves don't know. I hope one day to get my ex back. I did treat her very well and hopefully once I get through DBT and learn the skills to regulate my emotions and past trauma things will be a lot better. I am going to DBT for MYSELF. I want to be better for me. I want to love ME. I never have and I'm 45. If the person you are with has BPD and is willing THEMSELVES to get help, please... Don't give up on them. If they don't want help, quit during help or don't change then yes... Give up because THEY don't want to change. I do. I will. And I want to. For me and for whoever I am with in the future.
Did you manage to work on your bpd?
I think we hurt so much because we lay out our entire being for the one effected by BPD. We give them our all! I did for years! Trying to enhance his life and make it so good and he suddenly lowered the boom on me and broke up with me. He sucked out so much from me and just completely devastated me in so many ways! It is the most excruciating painful thing I've ever experienced!! And you are 100% right about every detail. I've learned that I have to give the effort that I put into him into myself and that is so hard!! Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to give myself the care that I gave him? I am normally a mentally strong person but when it came to him I was putty in his hands and he knew it! And I knew it but let it happen. I'm in recovery from it now. Now I know not to help people so much. And understanding his BPD has helped me tons and answered a lot of lingering questions. I love you tube! It's so informative. We'll get thru this survivors! We just have to look forward and not backwards.
I'm going on three years out of an almost six year relationship with a bpd female, and it has only marginally gotten better. She was the love of my life, we were engaged... I wanted a family together but she brought ruin to everything we had built together. She got my oldest friend drunk and slept with him, destroying both our relationship and my relationship with my friend. Now she has a son with some guy she barely knew and everyday it kills me a little more inside. That should be my son, my wife my family... but here I sit alone. Everyone tells me I should be happy to have her out of my life, but all I feel like is a failure.
It’s not on you. Be happy to be out of something unhealthy. Take care of YOU, be kind with yourself, practice self care. Rebuild yourself and the world will fall at your feet. You will have a family someday and it will be a healthy one if you take care of yourself.
Outstanding. Thank you. You helped me to be strong. Yes, I will share it!
What a great video. One of the best I've seen on this topic.
You are so right. I still feel devastated after 17 years..married for 9 years. It's Memorial day weekend and we always made plans. She left me 7 months ago and am not getting over it. Miss her terribly.
Keep breathing buddy. And keep away from her. Fine new friends and work on a project. Fuck em.
This holds so true! My ex called me like 2 weeks ago after discarding me 3 years ago! She has been stalking me since Sept 2015. When she called my Cel she blocked the number and then started screaming at me that I’ve been stalking her!!! Meanwhile I’ve never bothered her since she discarded me and she has been calling my Cel my house. Trying to hack my FB page . Sending me fake FB messages for over 3 years. So basically I told her ass off and never to call me again s 3 years ago that would have killed me! Now I’m over her!
I have been watching you as a while and just broke up with my borderline gf a few days ago not for the 1st time but the last .It was only a year but it was a rollercoaster we wer threw some crazy times . I cared so much for her and looked after her.at the start it was amazing but eventually from seeing and dealing physically and mentally with it,the self harming the shouting ,name calling ,aggression,push and pull it took so much out of me I lost weight I lost friends I lost family for a while my own mental health anxiety and depression that iv learned to overcome came back and it felt like I was on walking on eggshells around her. But I blame myself for falling into that trap .I was starting to feel insane.i still have strong feelings for her and always will.hopefully these videos will help. I am alot better than what she called me
This hits it on the head. Dating a borderline that doesn’t understand they have a problem is psychologically destructive. It will like take every sense of the person you are and mangle it.
Ashley has a good grip of this topic. Thanks Ashley
Well....I ended up being isolated for year as a result of my ex-wife triangulating others and conducting a superb smear campaign.
She also had the acute advantage of using her scare with Follicular Lymphoma to her advantage. She told people I cut her off of my Health Insurance medical plan when she abandoned me suddenly.
I never did cut her at all.
I ended up living in a nightmare with no one to turn to at all and dealing with the mess she left behind alone. It sucked!!!!
I did the work within and still have a lot to do; however I am free of her freaking madness.
Going “no contact” is going to be my answer. My closing on my occurs on January 9, 2020.
I hope to never ever to see her again in my life. She is also a Covert Narcissist.
I just need to find a local support group in the St. Louis/St. Charles Missouri area.
I’m out of the Red Cage and the Yellow Bird (me) is about to fly away. Yes!!!!!
🥳🤩
Happy New Year 2020!!!!
Escaping the C-Narc & Borderline and her madd world.!!!!!👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
Ashley,
I love your videos. TO me. You are the smartest woman ever.
I like the way you say the things. Strong and direct.
God Bless you. I know he put your videos in my way to have a better understand of my current situation.
Hey doc she left left me again about 2 and half months ago, im 1 month without no contact. Idk if this is a final discard, but she seemed serious. But she left me for the same petty reasons that had not happened in months. Mind you she has done far worse. I treated her better than her own father.
She blamed me for all the problems, never took responsibility for the damage she did. I took some seirous mental and phsyical abuse. But i thought if i just keep pushing ill be better. It wasnt the case. We were together almost 2 years. She claims that i hurt her too many times. She came back the first time after only a day, the next time she stayed for a month and left me again over the same reason. I havent seen her since march. It hurts really bad, she gave me ptsd i think. I look back, and see that she was in serious control of my life. I gave her everything and showered her in love and how it is supposed to be. She rewarded me with stratches, punches, name calling and temper tantrums.
She had some serious problems. But i didnt think of them until now. She was a cutter, she told me she would kill herself if i left, i thought she was joking, she cried when i didnt reply to her in a certain amount of time, etc. The list goes on.
I dont feel sorry because she is self aware and told me she has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I told her to get help, because i did. She never did. I feel like a hoover is bound to happen because i dont have social media and she cant see what im doing, i took really good care of her, and she knows i still have some deep feelings for her, even tho she said she didnt want to be with me anymore. Idk what to think. Im so mad i took her back and she did thr same thing. Im still in NC.
I feel like I could have written this. it's not over she will reel you back in like a fish , just to let the line out again once she sees you are still there. It will be the hardest thing you will ever deal with in your life but you've GOT to make a clean break or it will only get worse
SoundOfLegend damn you explained my 10 year marriage wow insane but they seem normal to most people from the outside looking in and would blame me for what see was doing never take responsibility but would say I’m sorry a thousand time in one day, after finally getting divorced being depressed for months and think I have PTSD over it, have an amazing spouse now and me true heart of heart love for the first time ever but I have two boys with the BPD and she is parental alienating me from my children I have nearly went broke getting this divorce lawyers alone costed me 17k total It sucks cause it’s like I didn’t divorce her In a way cause she still trying to control me and fuck with my head use my boys a weapon for her revenge cause I’m the bad guy, she won’t get help if after being told she needs help by a mental Health faculty but she never showed up for treatment
How are you doing 2 months later? I am dealing with the same after I broke up with my bpd girlfriend. It's very hard and I think people need to talk to people that can relate.
Deluged Life hey man actually in therapy as I text this. It still hurts but it’s getting better. Trying to build my self esteem.
Deluged Life join r/bpdlovedones on reddit. It’ll help a lot
My ex split up with me 2 weeks ago yesterday. It really damaged me. She has depression, anxiety and she was certain that she's got ADHD and borderline personality disorder (undiagnosed). 6 days before we split, she told me she loved me and then said she didn't anymore on the day of the break up. I miss her so much but watching this video has helped me a lot to move on. She split up with me because of her mental illness and wants to be on her own.
Same here, 5 month of breakup after 10 years relationship. How are you doing ?
Same with me this is basically what I went through.
She said she needs to be on her own and work on her mental health which I understand but it doesn't make you feel much better.
Ohh this is great. I've been through most of these stetps, and I'm finally in that self empowering step. I feel so much stronger and my confidence is back now as an individual. no more eggshells whatsoever. One thing that helped me put that past me is knowing what I was dealing. Once I knew the signs of BPD, I realized I would be contributing to my downfall if I dont put it past me.
Realised I can't remember the last 20 years of my life, working hard, paying for everything, being a mother and suffering a partner with BPD and AUD ( Alcohol Abuse Disorder ) Got him out and now it's time to find out who I am inside this hollow shell.
I'm glad you're moving on Alice. The new journey you're embarking on is challenging but super rewarding. Let me know if I can help.
First time I’ve been dumped by a BPD and kind of freaking out about the situation. Successful in ending all kinds of contact tho. Ended out of nowhere and I was genuinely the best bf ever without sounding cocky can’t remember doing a thing wrong. He seems like a different person now tho it’s strange feels like he threw away the best thing to ever happen to us.
Thank you. This video outlines all the steps needed to recover and become even better. Truly amazing
I have BPD and I’m sorry…. But there is no excuse for treating someone wrong. You cannot use your illness as an excuse. I struggle. I fight every day. But I will never take it out on someone else
Your videos have helped me immensely thank you Ashley!
I just ended a year and a half relationship my ex is a vet that was diagnosed with ptsd and depression. Before Thanksgiving he went into a major depressive episode and shut me out for 5 weeks but refused treatment. His behavior was baffling because I was trying to be loving, compassionate and supportive but when he finally reached out he didn't even acknowledge it and said I didn't care what he was going through along with A LOT of self loathing and telling me he didn't feel like himself anymore and that he wasn't well. The day after he reached out I found out he had just cheated on me with his abusive ex. (Which led me to end things) Looking back on other behavior and traits throughout our relationship is spot on with BPD. I think he may have been misdiagnosed. Anyway I'm so upset with myself for falling prey to this co-dependency and now seeking therapy to find and love myself again. This sucks like hell but it is so important to take care of ourselves first. You are right we have one short life here and we need to make the best of it!
It’s been 60 days now for me. My friends say what we had was a love affair for life and are convinced that she will be back. Right now I’m healing and been through the hunger stage which they say is like coming off cocaine; that was awful.
Congratulations on getting past that "drug withdrawal" stage. Let me know if I can help in anyway Mr Happy.
I await the hoovering because as in the past she will come back. She was my first love and I was her FP. I'd known her since we were teenagers and now we're both in our 50's. And yes the sex was deep animalistic and like a drug. We consumed each other. The withdrawal was so bad I'm scared of sleeping with her again! Thank you for your support.
Interestingly I met her in our town last week and she acted like nothing had happened and that we were still friends! She is still in love me it was in her eyes. A really strange encounter! I've continued No Contact and not heard from her.
@@Happy-Me.how it ended?
BPD is associated with beautiful women. The more attractive, the more BPD they are. They lure you in and you in turn try to make their lives wonderful. In the process they take more and more until your life is so unbalanced you are lost. Mine was a parasite and i was lucky to escape. Ashley you are a dose of no-nonsense help. Thank you!
Same with my bpd ex.
It was draining spiritually and financially!
She wouldn't work, wouldn't go out and improve her life and I was walking on eggshells constantly.
I feel so drained and missing her everyday but knew it was wrong and had to leave.
Its been a whole month and its getting worse. I can't do exercise, i cant do anything. I feel that i am getting deepley depressed. Im so confused. My heart hurts so much !
thank you so much. I have been with my ex wife for 8 years and we break up and these videos help me and are so right on
Glad you reached out Juston. How are you feeling?
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges I feel lost . We have a child together I was interested in doing coaching with you. Do you accept insurance? If not what does that cost?
@@justoneidenier53 I emailed you back! Let me know if you receive it.
Ma'am. You are doing gods work.
Thank you Adriano!
Thank you for this video. I came across it at the perfect time.
Glad to hear from you Miles. How are you feeling?
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges Hanging in there. Broke up with the ex almost a year ago, but she's on my mind often even though I'm in a new relationship. I realize that this attachment is really unresolved issues within myself, so videos such as yours are great for refocusing my perspective.
I think you can still stay in contact with someone with bpd, so long as they respect your boundaries and you. Moving on is possible if you both agree to disagree and date others...etc. I think if a bpd person is able to get treatment and wants to, it's worth revisiting via couples therapy. They are still people afterall and it's a mental health disorder. It's definitely much more possible compared to someone with NPD. Also, different people have different capacities to cope and things can improve with treatment and if a trained therapist can help them resolve feelings and learn to listen and trust their partner. Taking care of yourself is the number one priority, but if you can compartmentalize your emotions on both sides and agree to not talk about any relationship issues then I think it can be very healthy. There's also nothing wrong with providing emotional support on a friend level so long as there's no physical intimacy involved.
I tried it and it didn't work well. It was a bad idea, actually, because even though I had become stronger without her, she never stopped love bombing me. She desperately wanted me back, crying that she loved me... but in the meantime she was continuing chatting and having sex-calls with the people she cheated on me with during our relationship AND other new people, completely unknown, she found on Facebook. She is terrible, because she could send me a video of her LITTLE nephew saying pretty things to me AND do the same thing with a stranger she'll surely meet in Ireland! She left today because of a "job interview".
I always had my doubts and never trusted her, but I admit that there's more than a possibility that I could fall again in her net. It sucks, even though you think you can manage your emotions. Don't try it for your own sake.
If you are wondering why I temporarily decided to try to be her friend, it was because we broke up about 2 months ago and I looked quite well, while she acted like she was desperate. She wasn't. Also, when I asked her why she was still in contact with so many people (actually about 9-10, no bs) she accused me for "abandoning" her and started crying her fake tears. Some months ago I would have got angry, but still I would have tried to help her. This time she must disappear. She's a lonely person with empty "friends". She's the reason for her downfall into loneliness and sadness. She knows, but won't stop.
ABSOLUTELY NO WAY would I ever want to befriend my exBPD! lying, monkey branching, silent treatment lasting weeks, triangulation! why on earth could you lower yourself to befriend someone who couldn't treat you with respect. NO WAY in HELL would I be friendly to him ever. Cut all ties for my sanity and that of my children.