As someone who was raised in a very christian family similar to yours, I can feel exactly what you are talking about. It got to a level where I wouldn't dare try ANYTHING, because I feared being the shame and judgement from others. For example I never even dared speak to girls with my family or someone at church present, fearing their judgement. All this lead to me having problems with relationships and commitment in the present. It's the shame that ruins so much mentally, and prevents action. God bless you, I love hearing your thoughts as someone who had a very similar upbringing.
Yup the shaming is everywhere. Ignore it, you don't owe anybody an explanation. Ppl expect an explanation for everything. It's difficult, but teach yourself, practice, not giving people one. You don't have to explain yourself. There are a lot of predatory people who will capitalize on signs of weakness. There's this weird subconscious programming where you feel like if you don't give an explanation people won't like you, but fuck em they probably aren't worth being liked anyway. Imagine when you judge somebody. While your doing it, you likely feel like "Well why would they even care about my opinion of them anyway" that's the attitude to foster against other people's opinions of you. Doesn't have to be a perfect process. You won't go from 0 to 100 overnight. Takes a lot of trial and error. Stay strong, and keep going! 💪 💪
This is one of the key factors why my first relationship didn’t work out. It was a great lesson tho. I learned and adapted and I feel more capable now, knowing I changed for the better.
9:25 "anxiety is your body figuring out how to be competent in situations that are novel" this right here switched something in my brain. Anxiety is when your body releases cortisol that makes you more prepared for action compared to your normal state, so this feeling is just your body saying "bro, we will need to be well prepared for this situation" and generally it might feel unpleasant but that's a good mechanism.
I like this ALOT, we are programed to run away when that cortisol adrenaline spike hits us and if we don't we succumb to a spiral of overanalyzing and overthinking that just make the symptoms worse. Instead use it as a signal to lock tf in and start paying attention kind like telling yourself bro it's time to "Double down" on our focus and effort and usually it passes after getting that little bit of proficiency I've been doing this for years and nobody really put it this way before
I’m not even glazing but I think this is the best Channel on TH-cam, because it helps me directly maybe it’s the type of person I am and not everyone needs your guidance but it’s always relevant to me
I've had this idea lately that when you are taking the wrong path in life, God will jolt you to wake you up to your bullshit, it will manifest like a feeling of anxiety, when you realise that it's God and not really anxiety you then have the clarity to reframe it it can fill your spirit with love because God is with you and wants you to make the right decisions and stay on the right track. Man, God wants us to be happy. Reframe the feeling of anxiety.
I have performance anxiety in my work (those daily meetings where we report what we did). But I think this Creatine+Taurine combo you suggested in your videos is helping. Not taking it too seriously - what’s the worst that can happen? getting fired? + exposing ourselves to those situations might be the solution. Thanks for the great video!
@@csaba8774 I have a full blown panic attacks during meetings where I should present or speak. I nearly passed out in one of them, so I excused myself and left the meeting. What helped - Whats the worst scenario, Breathing, imagine your coworkers naked or at the toilet.
A possible example may be Dave Mustaine getting kicked out of Metallica. But instead of giving up music and becoming a bum working 9-5, he started his own band and arguably did better than his old one
Not exactly the best example. Dave Mustaine was kicked out because he was a raging alcoholic that didn’t share the same discipline the band had about their craft, at that time.
all the things i felt shame for in the moment have taught me a lesson, i like to think, and even if i can remember them, i don't feel the shame associated with the memory, it just comes across as a funny story to tell
I used to blame myself for anxiety and shame like it was a personal choice. Whilst what happened to me couldve happened to everybody in a vulnerable phase. And distancing from that mindset also changed it from. I learned this year to disown my anxiety/shame like responsible yes but disowned it
Of course you cant get it up if youre trying to hookup with someone you dont trust, might catch a disease from, or bring to life an unwanted child you dont want to raise, of course youre stressed out of your mind and your body responds to this stress.
W daily uploads. If you keep this up you should totally lesson over different books(king,warrior,magician,lover. Rich dad poor dad. Thus spoke Zarathustra. ) would all be really impactful to the message your talking about
Good point, but ED is probably more common in younger men these days due to things like sedentary lifestyle and anxiety. Erections do vary among men too, my gf's ex did not have a problem with it at all into his 30s, but his was smaller so he probably didn't need as much blood flow. Also he was just a very different person, it may not have anything to do with that.
@@Alan_the_Red I think you're correct that it's more common these days and for the reasons you've listed. The hub especially can cause issues, but all is reversable. (and I know you're not arguing for this) but treatments like Hims / viagra / broly boost lmao is not the answer.
I didn't get it up the first 2 times girls initiated sex with me. Even though some girls wanted me I ran into some bizarre issues, I kid you not one of them was from having a bigger dick (a friend gave me a condom). Fast forward and I became a NEET on my computer and had issues for years and still had a few issues at first having sex with my gf, but it was way more comfortable overall and then it became truly amazing. Dealing with shame is tough but eventually you'll realize that life is just weird and you have to roll with the punches and figure out what works for you. It's much easier when you have a build up of sexual chemistry, and you've been able to experience it and get comfortable with sex. I think I was way more into romance than sex when I was younger, so jumping into sex didn't really turn me on, it felt strange. Also my gf is more attractive to me and the way things started was perfect.
Bro I hear you. I still haven’t worked through this myself yet and I’m nearing 23. I know it’s an experience thing and shit, but I just did not expect this at all when girls first came in the picture
Bro I hear you. I still haven’t worked through this myself yet and I’m nearing 23. I know it’s an experience thing and shit, but I just did not expect this at all when girls first came in the picture
@@zivamayne It didn't work out until I was 28 bro. We started dating first so it was a lot smoother. Part of the time my back pain was too bad to have sex, I declined a hot chick when I was about 24 due to a bad back lol.
Dating around isn't the answer,bros.You know what you like and don't like.Keep building yourself,keep building your wealth and health and those who understand will come to you.
I'm here to tell you man. If you're remotely musical you should stick to guitar. You'll get mad at it at first. You will curse at it But on the other side of that there is a world of fun.
Focus on everything except getting a gf and the girls will come into your life naturally. The Buddhists are right, when you stop caring about something that's often when you get it.
![fellow fellow - พรุ่งนี้ไม่มีใครรู้ feat. INK WARUNTORN [OFFICIAL MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QP6JyjYx_W0/mqdefault.jpg)
Our Brotherhood
www.patreon.com/elishalong
loving the daily uploads g, very in touch with current moment
Glad you brought that up.. it's more common than you might think..
And when you talk with guys, 10% max admit it. Unbeliviable.
As someone who was raised in a very christian family similar to yours, I can feel exactly what you are talking about. It got to a level where I wouldn't dare try ANYTHING, because I feared being the shame and judgement from others. For example I never even dared speak to girls with my family or someone at church present, fearing their judgement. All this lead to me having problems with relationships and commitment in the present. It's the shame that ruins so much mentally, and prevents action. God bless you, I love hearing your thoughts as someone who had a very similar upbringing.
actually one of my favorite videos youve done
Thank you bro. Do you think I should change the title
@@ElishaLongtitle is exactly why I watched it
@@ElishaLong This video is profoundly good. I think it deserves a better title.
Yup the shaming is everywhere. Ignore it, you don't owe anybody an explanation. Ppl expect an explanation for everything. It's difficult, but teach yourself, practice, not giving people one. You don't have to explain yourself. There are a lot of predatory people who will capitalize on signs of weakness. There's this weird subconscious programming where you feel like if you don't give an explanation people won't like you, but fuck em they probably aren't worth being liked anyway. Imagine when you judge somebody. While your doing it, you likely feel like "Well why would they even care about my opinion of them anyway" that's the attitude to foster against other people's opinions of you. Doesn't have to be a perfect process. You won't go from 0 to 100 overnight. Takes a lot of trial and error. Stay strong, and keep going! 💪 💪
This video came at a good time Elisha. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and shame especially. But I’m ready to get back in the game!
This is one of the key factors why my first relationship didn’t work out. It was a great lesson tho. I learned and adapted and I feel more capable now, knowing I changed for the better.
9:25 "anxiety is your body figuring out how to be competent in situations that are novel" this right here switched something in my brain. Anxiety is when your body releases cortisol that makes you more prepared for action compared to your normal state, so this feeling is just your body saying "bro, we will need to be well prepared for this situation" and generally it might feel unpleasant but that's a good mechanism.
I like this ALOT, we are programed to run away when that cortisol adrenaline spike hits us and if we don't we succumb to a spiral of overanalyzing and overthinking that just make the symptoms worse. Instead use it as a signal to lock tf in and start paying attention kind like telling yourself bro it's time to "Double down" on our focus and effort and usually it passes after getting that little bit of proficiency I've been doing this for years and nobody really put it this way before
@ i feel like andrew huberman talked about this exact thing, but it didn't get engraved in my mind.
Another one of your bangers. Ive also realized how important it is not to take your loses with you. Good stuff
Thank you for the reminder Elisha.
Lowkey this guy becoming the goat of self improvement lol
I agree 100%. Shame is just when your mind is working against you
I remember finding your videos YEARS ago when you were talking about Jordan Peterson, hope you're well bud
For anyone dealing with not being able to get it up, it’s more common than you think and you will be fine. Give it some time and experience.
I’m not even glazing but I think this is the best Channel on TH-cam, because it helps me directly maybe it’s the type of person I am and not everyone needs your guidance but it’s always relevant to me
I appreciate you brother. We're on the path
I've had this idea lately that when you are taking the wrong path in life, God will jolt you to wake you up to your bullshit, it will manifest like a feeling of anxiety, when you realise that it's God and not really anxiety you then have the clarity to reframe it it can fill your spirit with love because God is with you and wants you to make the right decisions and stay on the right track. Man, God wants us to be happy. Reframe the feeling of anxiety.
We are for so short on this earth. No shame in being a human being
I have performance anxiety in my work (those daily meetings where we report what we did). But I think this Creatine+Taurine combo you suggested in your videos is helping. Not taking it too seriously - what’s the worst that can happen? getting fired? + exposing ourselves to those situations might be the solution. Thanks for the great video!
@@csaba8774 I have a full blown panic attacks during meetings where I should present or speak. I nearly passed out in one of them, so I excused myself and left the meeting. What helped - Whats the worst scenario, Breathing, imagine your coworkers naked or at the toilet.
A possible example may be Dave Mustaine getting kicked out of Metallica. But instead of giving up music and becoming a bum working 9-5, he started his own band and arguably did better than his old one
Not exactly the best example. Dave Mustaine was kicked out because he was a raging alcoholic that didn’t share the same discipline the band had about their craft, at that time.
@@rainmana3530 also it doesn’t mean working a 9-5 makes someone a bum either.
all the things i felt shame for in the moment have taught me a lesson, i like to think, and even if i can remember them, i don't feel the shame associated with the memory, it just comes across as a funny story to tell
ty for your dedication, you're really a good man
I used to blame myself for anxiety and shame like it was a personal choice. Whilst what happened to me couldve happened to everybody in a vulnerable phase. And distancing from that mindset also changed it from. I learned this year to disown my anxiety/shame like responsible yes but disowned it
@@strijdwolf1734 Very well said.
For an entire semester I would say I was in class and in school to my parents and girlfriend when I would just get smoke weed and sleep in my car
Preciate the message, shame’s a trap for real
Of course you cant get it up if youre trying to hookup with someone you dont trust, might catch a disease from, or bring to life an unwanted child you dont want to raise, of course youre stressed out of your mind and your body responds to this stress.
Life changes in October, but what happens in November?
More momentum
Malcolm X. No education, locked up, got his college degrees in jail and became the man history knows him as.
W daily uploads. If you keep this up you should totally lesson over different books(king,warrior,magician,lover. Rich dad poor dad. Thus spoke Zarathustra. ) would all be really impactful to the message your talking about
Too many things trying to sell you too many things. You have 20 year olds looking into getting Hims. We have to be above the noise
What are hims?
What are Hims?
It’s treatment for ED
Good point, but ED is probably more common in younger men these days due to things like sedentary lifestyle and anxiety. Erections do vary among men too, my gf's ex did not have a problem with it at all into his 30s, but his was smaller so he probably didn't need as much blood flow. Also he was just a very different person, it may not have anything to do with that.
@@Alan_the_Red I think you're correct that it's more common these days and for the reasons you've listed. The hub especially can cause issues, but all is reversable. (and I know you're not arguing for this) but treatments like Hims / viagra / broly boost lmao is not the answer.
Elisha try to learn any John Mayer song, I learnt how to play guitar by learning Who Says/Gravity
Why are your videos always so perfectly timed like down to the exact hour of what’s happening in my life?
Maybe they’re just broad topics idk m
Law of one.
I didn't get it up the first 2 times girls initiated sex with me. Even though some girls wanted me I ran into some bizarre issues, I kid you not one of them was from having a bigger dick (a friend gave me a condom). Fast forward and I became a NEET on my computer and had issues for years and still had a few issues at first having sex with my gf, but it was way more comfortable overall and then it became truly amazing. Dealing with shame is tough but eventually you'll realize that life is just weird and you have to roll with the punches and figure out what works for you. It's much easier when you have a build up of sexual chemistry, and you've been able to experience it and get comfortable with sex.
I think I was way more into romance than sex when I was younger, so jumping into sex didn't really turn me on, it felt strange. Also my gf is more attractive to me and the way things started was perfect.
Spot on
Bro I hear you. I still haven’t worked through this myself yet and I’m nearing 23. I know it’s an experience thing and shit, but I just did not expect this at all when girls first came in the picture
Bro I hear you. I still haven’t worked through this myself yet and I’m nearing 23. I know it’s an experience thing and shit, but I just did not expect this at all when girls first came in the picture
@@zivamayne It didn't work out until I was 28 bro. We started dating first so it was a lot smoother. Part of the time my back pain was too bad to have sex, I declined a hot chick when I was about 24 due to a bad back lol.
"Life is just weird" hahaha truer words never spoken.
If the bros knew this they wouldn't get so anxious about every dam thing.
Can you speak about fatherless men in your next video???
Always wanted to hear your opinion.
Thanks man.
Take care of yourself.
Bro i love your video titles
Dating around isn't the answer,bros.You know what you like and don't like.Keep building yourself,keep building your wealth and health and those who understand will come to you.
My fav TH-camr
Same
Appreciate you both. Let me know if there are any topics you want to talk about.
@@ElishaLongi want to know what your religious beliefs are
You are too cool. Bless you.
Great insight brotha
Here before the title changes
Thank you brother
This title goes hard
Whats more dangereous from an orthodox christian perspective is not commiting the sin itself bit the sin of falling in despair.
This was a good one, bro
Good title bro
I'm here to tell you man. If you're remotely musical you should stick to guitar. You'll get mad at it at first. You will curse at it
But on the other side of that there is a world of fun.
So no gf dm vids?
damn
Step 0: Get gf
No
Focus on everything except getting a gf and the girls will come into your life naturally.
The Buddhists are right, when you stop caring about something that's often when you get it.