Relationship RED FLAGS You Should NEVER Ignore! (Dr. John Gray)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ค. 2024
- RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS YOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE WITH DR. JOHN GRAY 💗 Discover A Powerful Psychological Trigger To Make Any Man Beg And Plead To Be With YOU Here: TriggerHisDesire.com
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• Relationship RED FLAGS... - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
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This is the best video as my father wasn't available and abusive. I currently have casual sex with a guy who turns me on but is unavailable. You're spot on 👏
Overweight is a red flag? Well….The dating pool in America just shrank to the size of a Dixie cup if that’s the case.
Funny 😂
Kevin Samuels was telling the truth lol.
Maybe looking at it in that someone who doesn’t look after themselves on a large scale. A Little overweight is ok. A lot is maybe significant of a lot more.
😂
LOL!
A man raising his voice, specially if he is tall, is simply frightening, because a big strong person out of control may become dangerous.
My first husband is someone I settled for to escape home. I was unhappy for years before our divorce. I was so physically attracted to my second husband, we had sex on 2nd date. He is now deceased, but I was never happier and he was the love of my life. Never settle for boring!
I agree.
I agree, also, and had the same situation. I don’t get the recommendation to go with
“Mr. Boring” … it’s not worth it. I never got turned on to that man and I don’t want a man I can manipulate to that extent.
I think the point is that to some women, particularly those who have childhood trauma,a man who was safe would feel 'boring'. He isn't really boring or unattractive, objectively, it just feels boring, if you're wired to be attracted to men and situations that replay our childhood traumas. You may not have this issue, which is why the man you were attracted to ended up being alright. I don't know what sort of guy he was, but if he didn't beat you, cheat on you, emotionally abuse or neglect you, wasn't married or otherwise emotionally unavailable or dangerous, if he treated you kindly, it is likely this sort of man would feel 'boring' to someone with childhood trauma. Does that make sense? P.s I am sorry for your loss
The first part is my life so far the guy I like who is the “love of my life” that’s not boring happens to be long distance and it’s shit and I’m unable to get that going since all the issues with obstacles.
Agree. Married my ex thinking he was a “safe choice” - didn’t have a temper like my father growing up and my mom had always told me not to marry on chemistry but for intellect and common interest and ability to converse and friendship etc I was never “in love” with him but I loved him. I was never wildly attracted to him though he was to me. Well… I did all that and he turned out to radically unsafe!!! He was smart enough to hide a serious addiction for a long time until we had children and he “had me”. It all started coming out then - and got worse and more dangerous - though he still never had a temper. It was all covert. Endangered my life and well being in numerous ways! I will not settle again!!! Physical chemistry is a must. It’s what separates a romantic partner from a friend. You can choose “safe” and still be betrayed, so mays well go for someone you are really in love with
I am that woman you referred to that falls for the chemistry. I’ve always known that it would not serve me in a long term but this is the first time I have really understood what the alternative is which is me being open and expecting him to be interested in the real knee not the shell. Of all of the TH-cam videos I’ve watched this is the one that hits home the most for me. Just maybe I’ll be able to put it into practice:)
Real knee. Lol. Just kidding I hear you
I’m sorry, I’m not attracted to a “boring” man, however I will not try to please a man just because I’m attracted to him. Be sure to uphold your standards no matter what
So true. Is there any happy, middle ground? Someone who’s not boring, but is also safe? Ugh 😑.
What do you consider boring. Im asking honest question i dont like boring either
I think what John is saying that when we are turned or excited by a guy it means it's our body saying it is hyper aroused and that means the guy is not yet for you. Boring guys may want to please you more than an exciting guy and give you the space to be you first. In my family women are men pleasers and they get walked on. Having a steady. kind and relational man will be there in the long run and to me that feels sexy
Arousal wakes up all your wounds and the relationship is a disaster. While boring dude keeps you Un triggered and it's smooth sailing.
@@Ana-rb7ws yes but it involves healing your traumas & triggers so you don’t find safe boring and red flags exciting. Red flags are a huge turnoff for me but they used to excite me.
What happens next when the man you find to be unappealing/ unattractive/ you are not attracted to falls in love with you & wants to commit, but you can't even imagine kissing the guy much less building a life/ long-term relationship with him?
I need to know the missteps when I availed myself to men who I found to be unattractive or just "ok" but who grew on me, then things didn't seem to work out.
Hi
After 2 failed marriages, I want to stay alone.
I’m in my 60’s
Happy and content, don’t have the desire to put myself out there to get hurt again…
Best quote ever!! I agree 💯 "These are new skills your mother couldn't teach you and your father certainly didn't know" 10:08
7:00 you should never feel you have to earn a man's love 6:35 safe responsible boring 9:30 relateness
For the deaf and mute, we request that what the expert is saying should also be read
I totally understand now that I am the red flag. How I feel is what I need to pay attention to! Wow! 🤯
This will help women who come from trauma to have a standard to measure relationships by.
I love Dr John Gray so much. I can’t even describe how much he has helped me with his books and lectures when I was in and abusive relationship and afterwards as well. Big thanks for the lady for allowing him to speak and explain, without interruption. Great interview.💕 Thank you.💕
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
👍💯 agree love to him lecture without silly interruptions.
Sorry. Tried the no sexual attraction a few times and it doesn't work.
I don’t understand that either.
There must be attraction just not super sexual to the point of distraction, must take time on sex with partner.
We all must look at ourselves first when we have a bad breakup. We only really have control over ourselves. What is it that can we do differently in order to have a better relationship. Who r we attracted to. This is a must b4 entering another relationship. In my 60’s I just don’t want someone that needs rescuing nor do I need to b rescued.
I agree decisions must be filtered and come from a place of peace and joy😇
I am (on of) the woman he is describing! This is golden advice, I'm 24 and I'm really glad I found his content!
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
This was outstanding.
Would absolutely love to hear him discuss healing the wounds that lead to attraction or addiction to unavailable men, vs just dating men that love you more and not really attracted to.
Don't believe your negative thoughts 😲😳 wow thank you
John made such an interesting comment about doubting his doubts in relationships, unless his heart is fully open.
This is an especially difficult concept for those of us who are accustomed to or inclined towards ppl pleasing or self abandonment behaviours. We already feel disconnected from ourselves, so the idea that we need to distrust or doubt ourselves further adds another layer of complexity!
I wish I could have heard this 65 years ago,before I married my kids dad!
I think there has to be some physical attraction there, its natural, but you have to set boundaries. Do put your self in a position of getting tempted. Sometimes it's the man's body language, personality, similar background, that draws us to certain men, but give it time and the attraction will get stronger or dissappear fast. Dating "boring men" makes me regret being with them even when they are really good guys. They want affection at some point and what can you say to them if the desire isn't there.
Check Out John's Books & Programs Here! ▶ MarsVenus.com
Very helpful - is also about self confidence. I see his point, is a re-set of your behavior to be the one chased, not be the chaser. Is hard to date men you've no interest though, wouldn't want to use or hurt them either. It gets their hopes up, they will want affection and I won't be able to deliver.
1:28 allure and attraction for red flag men plus strategies to switch off the attraction.
2:13 drawn to familiarity/red flags, understand yourself.
7:05 earning love - felt this way growing up, vital link to the past.
No thanks I won’t go for boring -- 😂
I disagree, you being very turned on by a guy does not have any correlation to how he would treat you
What if you've been single so long you don't wanna lose yourself? I date a few weeks then withdraw because I feel like I'm giving up myself. I'm not desperately looking for a man and I like taking off with friends whenever I want. I'm wondering if I really want a bf or if I'll just end up resenting him. Which I kinda already am. Maybe some of us aren't cut out to have another half. And I don't understand why you say date men your not attracted too. How's that fair to them? Date someone your not attracted too then break their heart a few months down the road? That sucks for them.
Boring! I don’t want boring.
Q: I dated a guy, who only spoke about himself, I barely had a chance to add something. He didn't ask many questions and mostly bragging about himself.
I want your opinion on that:
Should I think he has no interest in knowing me?
Or it's his way to impress a woman?
(we had three dates)
Thank you for all your wonderful work John Gray. You are amazing. So articulate, so knowledgeable, so REAL! 👏👏👏👏😁🙏
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
I can't lead a man on.i'm not attracted to . I can't pretend I like someone when they don't have a chance
I don’t know that this is good advice. I’ve tried the date the guy you’re not that into thing until he grows on you thing and it didn’t end well for me. That guy left me for another woman. The better partners I have had have been men I’ve been interested in. Quality men want to be with a woman who wants them. Trust and believe.
Yeah but what you’re doing is incorrect. The idea isn’t to date people you’re not into, it’s to not let the attraction to the wrong person give their wrong behaviors a pass.
@@RetzyWilliams exactly! Obviously you have to date someone you're into, but attraction isn't everything, or even the most important, you have to make sure you also have an emotional and intellectual connection with this person
he’s saying to date people you’re interested in but not immediately ready to have sex with. to form bonds with people you need time and communication. so if your initial response is to sleep with people quickly, you miss out on forming bonds and the man will lose interest quickly.
@@melliegotsoul I agree with you about that way of dating but with all due respect that's not at all what he's saying in the video. He's saying to date people you're not interested in initially and give them a "chance" for a bond to develop over time.
Agree with you and Dr. JG does say that in another lecture/ interview. Make sure it's someone you admire, respect, interest you vs. arouses over sexually attracted to. I've done the lack of chemistry we got along like friends. John say be attracted just not to distraction or irrational.
I dated a man I was not sexual interested in and he became my partner. We have a very deep connection, sex is amazing. Although still to today I'm not sexual attracted to him...
Wow Really?!?!?
@@ladyofspa Yes!
How can you have a great sex and not be sexually attracted 🤔
@@Mooncat222yes strange
I don’t think I could do this. I need chemistry.
Excellent information
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Now that Im close to fifty and with a lot more introspection and observing human behavior. The more you know what is right for you the easier it is to let go of what isnt. You can be a with a boring person and then find our their character isnt acceptable to you.
You have an amazing smile
My bf gets bored listening to me and tones me out. But if I try put emotion in it he then says why are you being drama 🤔🙄
woah, made me understand my two last relationships!
I think toying with a man sexually attracted to me and I not to him is very my dangerous for me. I know that!
I miss these talks John used to give last year...
This is 💯 true! I 💜
Thank you.
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Reveal emotions
Do you do virtual counselling John?
This is the best!
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
@@MagnetizeYourMan thanks for your work. Would be great to see what a john session healing daddy issues would look like in addition to his suggestion.......
Thanks🤔🖤
I have strange answers from guys:
one answered on my question that in case of danger he'll run away;
another one on my question that if "there is no sunshine" (allegory) he'll cuddle under blanket.
That childish or girlish behaviors for me.
That guys are not protectors.
What do you think?
I get the point, but I would not at all say that all quick and intense attraction is a red flag. It could even be a sign of a very well working intuition. Just that men are far slower than women often, so the point for women is: Even if you're head over heels, slow down... Especially if he's not at the same emotional level yet, end especially slow down with getting physical.
Regarding the yelling: Once a colleague bullied me (later on he openly confessed to a befriended colleague of mine that he had done this, because he had felt turned down by me-I had no clue he even fancied me, but ***hole anyway). No sensible talks in weeks could move this stupidhead to stop the bullying. Only when I spontaneously yelled at him after weeks of that bs, he re-started to be very respectful. So somtimes yelling DOES help a lot.
7:10 worthiness of love
You should never feel worthy of a man's love wow
No sexual attraction
I called that my rat detector! Mine finally started working!
I agree😊
They should listen to you if you raise your voice. We are not robots.
How do u do that....Doubt your doubt?
I agree with ur vlog, its gives a lesson our surrounding and specially a self i watch this morning
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
@@MagnetizeYourMan thank you too.
Isn’t that a bit mean towards the guy if I’m not interested?
No he gets you I guess
Pay the price
What if he acts guilty but denies any wrong doing
Yes that can be tough. To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you with that if you haven't already taken that here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
2:27 hit home
Addicted to danger
I will appreciate If you can answer yo my question sir. I recently met a guy who is interested to be in relationships with me, all what he always said is he wants to be with me and make me feel happy but since I allowed him to meet me at the park one day his messages reduce and he started calling me and saying same thing as he always said.... I told him I can only be his friend but he doesn't want friends he wants relationship with me. I met him 5 days ago and after we separated he text me that his obsessed but he only called me one time after that and I already developed feelings for him please
Yes that can be tough. To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you with that if you haven't already taken that here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
Yam when anyone raises their forces intimidating and its aggressive and antagonizing
He is awesome.
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
You have an amazing smile
Sorry my comment not very well to speak engliah i salute this vlog
Blocks
Sexual attraction is basis of compatibility through!
1:50 absent father's make women pick needy men
Revenge
Not every woman who is attracted to a guy will go to bed with him right away! Although there are many who will, but then they themselves aren’t serious. For the most part legs don’t spread automatically due to attraction. I find it offensive.
Many women do especially today. The point of the lecture was for women that are over stimulated by men right away to use that arousal as a clue red flag that it's old wounds he will trigger and won't meet your needs. Excellent information.
Does he have a TH-cam channel ?
He has an official website.
How on EARTH did a question about red flags in men turn into “well, do you have daddy issues?” This is why I do not recommend male relationship coaches. They are far too susceptible to feeling second-hand blame for other imaginary men and it skews the advice they give women.
Dr. Gray’s books are brilliant, and the sexism is at a minimum, but these live talks 😓 Some of them are really rough. Red flags? How a hard is that? “He doesn’t pay in the first few dates. He has no direction for his life. He asks for pics early.” It’s not hard to isn’t them out. FAR too much coaching focuses on giving men every excuse in the book, and while there’s no need to be harsh, it’s ok to call a thing a thing.
Some men have red flags. Some men don’t deserve a woman. Some men need to do some work and grow a bit before they inflict their issues onto a woman. I say the same about us.
Goodness, it may seem small, but the woman-blaming for EVERY thing is subtle and harmful.
Completely agree. It’s right there with the rhetoric that women have to marry an ugly man that she doesn’t physically desire in order to be treated well.
I disagree on few things he said! First of all, not all women who fail in relationships or emotionally attach quickly is because they have daddy issues, this is very wrong and people say it like a trend nowadays! all people I know who failed in their relationships grew up in loving affection parents! And I also know women who grew up with an addict father who was absent but the women had successful marriages. I also seen women who grew up in orphanages and got married to successful men! I wish John gray read this comment lol I really hate when people generalise! also, overweight man is NOT a red flag😏 yes he may look unattractive but there could be many reasons for the weight gain maybe he has thyroid, maybe genetic etc but most important is if he’s doing something about it, then you’re fine!
Yelling scares women
Yup
Hi, thought overall the video V.good, also agree, you are talking about ideals, no one I know has it all together, You mentioned Dr Grey, when you were a young man you ended up sleeping on a bench, then you contacted your family, your mother.....the people who never got off the bench, did not have back up. 😱
He didn't know you
Did he really say being overweight is a red flag?! 😳
I know
well overweight/obesity is a medical condition. it's up to you if you want to deal with the consequences...
Can someone breakdown the attraction thing? If you are sexual attracted is that definitely the wrong guy?
Yes that can be tough. To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you with that if you haven't already taken that here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
It's more like if you have a pattern of being sexually attracted right off the bat to men who end up being the wrong guy, then you know the sexual attraction is a red flag for you.
Listen multiple times. Check out more John on unavailable men and being attracted
Better to say you're making me angry for throwing around they all these false accusations and blame
The co dependent. Must please the narcissist. The narcissist. Total heart breakers.
I'm turn on to my boyfriend VERY much and he on me, same level, we love each other💍 , we are together two years, it's that red flag?
To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our new FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you if you haven't already here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
He was a sociopath, so i was wrong ..we broke up, you have right, start date someone you are not attracted to
@@lolabola3599 wait so you mean to tell me that after 2 years, he’s a sociopath? Why do human beings do this all or nothing approach? You liked each other for those two years. Sociopathy doesn’t normally appear after years of knowing someone. Just takes 3 dates. Sounds like not a good breakup and I’m sorry. There’s always another 🌸
@@cleopatrajones7096 at the beginning you can't see, you believe in good things and brain pull away bad things. But after some time your body will tell and than you can see more clearly how person treats you.
Do you over give, people please, are your needs met?
Overweight is a red flag? I don't care about that
Just like substance abuse. Food is a drug for some. At least alcohol is fun
Yes, it is.
Absent fathers daddy's issues
🚩 insecure attachment styles.
John, I have followed you for several decades. Have really appreciated your insights. One thing you said here about red flags- being overweight is a red flag. I strongly disagree with you on this. People can be overweight for numerous reasons. It seems that you might have been equating being overweight as having a character flaw. I hope I’m wrong. Could you expound upon this? I think this is a more complex issue than just “avoid” overweight men or women. Thank you!
Also interested in this commented and how this is a red flag.
I’m overweight. How is that a red flag?
Overweight people are delusional. Unless you’re severely incapacitated in some way, there is no reason you should be massively overweight. Count calories and stay in a deficit, you will lose weight. If you stay overweight it means you don’t care for yourself or your body.
@@ashlee7831 that is a very cruel comment. Unless you have struggled personally with being overweight for any reason, you have no idea what it is like. Some of the best people I have ever known on this earth are not thin. They are certainly not delusional! Geez! I would encourage you to look at your bias and the extreme comment you made. That shows me that you might have a warped view of humanity on some level.
@@jaymac1672 actually I did struggle with being overweight! I was near 200 pounds (I’m also a short woman). I do know what it’s like, and I suffered much weight loss delusion over the years, only to find out how wrong I was about my preconceived notions of what weight loss actually entails. If anyone is serious about losing weight, they need to get very real with/educate themselves on the actual science of weight loss. There is an over abundance of ridiculous weight loss myths that keep people feeling like victims, and from reaching their true health potential. I know it sounds harsh but I’m sick to death of people giving so many excuses. Unless you’re a person with no arms or legs, you can absolutely lose weight. Eat less calories than you burn; you will lose. Anything else is an excuse.
I don't agree with this. I believe dangerous men can hide behind a boring and sensible persona easily enough. No point in being with a guy if you are not attracted to him. Marriage is a sexual partnership among other things. Also the guy will feel totally used when it goes nowhere. Others have stated some common red flags below.
Lots of strange and contradictory ideas in this ramble.
So the red flags are?
The red flags are you...your patterns, etc.
@@sscott504
Thank you.
Seems like nice guys don’t approach me. Sad.
Safe and “boring” yet outgoing is fine by me but I haven’t met any that are interested in me 🤷♀️
The problem that has always plagued John Gray is that he, as a married man has been providing shortsighted information about relationships TO SINGLE PEOPLE WITH SINGLE PROBLEMS!!
It's ridiculous to believe a single man's perspective in 2022 is comparable with a man who was last single in the 1980's! 😤
We have unique situations that affect single living these days stemming from:
- the pill
- abortion
- women in the workplace
- civil rights
- gay rights
- social media
There are plenty of places to resolve your relationship issues as a single; fix your single issues first; once you reach that validated relationship stage, THEN TUNE INTO JOHN!! 👍🏾
Boring 😂😆