Here are some facts about me/choices I make, that have or still make me feel different sometimes: being highly sensitive, being tall, when living abroad: coming from a different country, not having kids, prioritizating health, prioritizing sleep, being outspoken, preferring psychology books over novels, longing for connection on a deep level, (sometimes: being a woman)… I’ve learned none of these exclude me from belonging, even though I may not always fit in by being the same or making the same choices as others. What are your differences?
Thanks, this vid is so great. I don’t remember exactly why I felt lonely as a kid, but I definitely did. Maybe because I was too emotional and had lots of imaginations, but there was also other stuff. Now I feel lonely because I am allways tired as I have health issues….and because I need to be live for an idea, a mission, and to be surrounded by people who share this mission, and it includes growth, change and talking openly about it. But my colleagues were not really happy with my change and getting unmasked. Maybe also, because I don’t like hiding behind a social role. Well, some people cannot stand when you are too authentic. I also feel lonely beause I tried to find the right therapist for me, not knowing I am terribly neurodivergent, and the majority of therapists cannot work with this stuff, so they caused me pain or confusion instead of help. I felt that I need to overexplain myself all the time! Whew. Well, maybe it is a bit vice versa, because thinking that I was more similar to other people that I actually was encreased my loneliness also, as it made great confusions. So really there is no need to be the same way others are to connect I think, but to know who really I am and who they are, I suppose. But yep, I am allready addicted to loneliness, because there was huge series of misunderstanings in my life, bc I didn’t know I was so much neurodivergent, so I got resentful and it is quite hard to heal. At least I have found a therapist that gets me 🥳
Thanks for sharing your connection/loneliness journey! That's a very interesting thought you added about loneliness that comes from not understanding our differences. I'm glad you found a therapist that understands you well. All the best for your further journey 🌷
Thank you, this was so impactful. I experienced this addiction without knowing it. When I moved to a different city and left my friends and family. However after opening up (almost 1 year later) I was able to make new friendship and connection ❤❤
I‘m glad this was helpful ☺️! Thanks for sharing your experience of going through and overcoming emotional addiction to loneliness. It‘s wonderful you made new friends 💕.
My loneliness as I see it is based on the thought that people can hurt and reject and if it happens it is hard for me to process these intense feelings. I don't know why but I probably have a belief that the world isn't safe. By the way my mom is a narcissist and I still live with her. Can you recommend some tips on how to work with this wounded traumatized part of me. So far my only way of coping is avoidance which led me to severe depression. Thanks for the video ❤
Thanks for sharing 🫶🏻. That makes sense to me. Hurt and rejection are painful and avoiding them is often what’s behind avoidance and loneliness… it may be connected to the experiences you made with your mom… Concerning your question- how exactly it‘s best to work on your wounded inner part depends on the specific wound(s). With wounds created by narcissists it‘s often about not feeling good enough (since they need others to feel inferior and create that feeling in them), and healing that means developing a new core belief of “I’m enough.” I’ve got a self-worth playlist you can browse to work on this - hope it helps th-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c-6G8eP-v62qq009e1SGnve.html&si=fKlrvqgJYo5XOi00 Also, of course, therapy helps work on these wounds. ❤️🩹 ➡️❤️ All the best to you 🌷
My perceived differences definitely originated in childhood as communicated to me by my immediate family. And also eventually, friends and future partners. So, it’s easy to continue to be addicted to feeling like an outsider, when anytime you are vulnerable with someone they label you as these terms. Creating a never ending cycle of isolation, and thus loneliness. My differences include being hypersensitive, dramatic/overemotional, judgmental, always have to be right, cynical, selfish, depressive, and mean. Also being a woman, having no children I can relate to as stated in your original comment. Society puts a lot of pressure on women to look, behave a certain way, and have a family.
I really dont get how ive got to this point but from school age up until the last few years, i was very popular and outgoing and social and always dating and in relationships. I have gradually over time become an isolated hermit thats cut off all friends, activities, romance, hobbies, everything and am fully addicted to my developed lonliness, I am now 32
5:52 ADHD disconnects. The affected child learns early to live in disconnection. A state, that allows to dream as „Hans guck in die Luft“ or as „Peer Gynt“. Autism as hearing impairment as close blindness experienced since early childhood cause disconnection and isolation from the world. The child adapts to its restricting neuro-sensoric deficiencies and appears as loving this retrived condition.
What happens when person actively seeks social situation… and is not wearing mask ( as much as aware) … but the authentic self to vastly underdeveloped/undefined … there is basically only silence to give… I am so cross with myself, I simply chase people away by being myself … what to do ( my kids are learning the same trades 🙈)
It sounds like subconsciously something in you migh still want to hide in social situations, so it's blocking authentic spontaneity and only allowing for silence...
Hello, Professor. You know, I really needed that. I am currently about getting into a middle-class university, CSUN, and UCLA, while I'm from a very isolated and conservative culture (Plautdietsch and Westphalia in Germany), which in addition also are Ghettos. So, I experienced the Ghetto, even here in the US, and these very isolated culture, and I'm afraid that the Los Angelenos may are not willing to work with me. My goal with my current therapist is actually to compare the cultural psychology of both of these cultures, and tell me what I lean to. But I have to mention that I was never respected in my home culture, neither I can get along with them, so isolated German cultures and Ghetto-culture. It might then possible and likely that I'll fit in here, because I do have a strong knowledge about myself and what I want, and choose LA because I was always interested anf closest to this culture and mentality, and see my biggest opportunities here. Still, I do not have any practical experience with Middle-class students from LA. But you're saying that the people would be more so interested into my strong sense of what I want in life rather that my culture, right? I thank you so much! I noticed your channel, and I absolutely endorse your videos. Just a quick note still: in my opinion, you speak with a facial expression that looks "sneaky". But that's all. You're a great and helpful, friendly person. God bless
Hi! Welcome to the channel, I'm glad you found it and are liking it. And thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds like your therapist is on point in helping you discover yourself, and understand how the culture / emotional atmosphere you grew up in left its marks on you. And to your question: yes, 💯, in general people are more interested in who you are now, and what you want now, rather than in your past cultural surrounding. Of course, many will be curious, but most people won't hold that against you. On the contrary, many people really appreciate someone having the courage to continue their path in a different culture. There are always some predjudiced people (everywhere), or people that haven't processed their own difficult past, so they only know how to relate defensively. The trick is to find the genuine people and befriend them, and not allow the noise of the predjudiced people to cloud your inner world. It makes sense to me that it feels daunting to switch into a different culture and societal class than the ones you grew up in. I think you're very courageous for taking this step, and I'm sure your courage will pay off longterm. You'll learn so much, you'll make great new friends, you'll learn more about yourself and life... You'll emerge stronger, wiser, and feeling more connected, as you practice leaving behind your old emotional pattern (or the traces that are left) of feeling too different and excluded from the get go. Having a different cultural & societal background is not a problem at all, nothing that excludes someone from belonging and connection. It really all rests in our inner mental and emotional patterns and developing ones that allow us to think, act and feel in ways that allow and further connection. I wish you all the best on your journey! 💖 Oh, and thanks for your feedback 🙏 about the facial expression that looks sneaky, I've never heard that before, that's interesting, I think in order for me to better understand which facial expression you mean, I would need a screen shot 🙂
Hello, Doctor. I Thank-you so much for your reply. As you said, I found envious people here as well, because there were also from the Ghetto. I.thank.you for your acknowledgements, and I really going to try to use it for how you described it. No screenshot needed, because in my opinion, it's always how you look into the camera and hold your expression right before every cut in the video 😮😅 hope, that was okay to mention it. You thanked me for the feedback. And thank you as well. Namaste
I'm glad my thoughts were helpful. And yes, thank you for the feedback, 100% ok to mention your perception - next time I edit a video, I will look out for what you mean. All the best!
Someone who can relate. I love nature, it’s the only place I care to be, because it’s away from people. But I also don’t like the rest. I don’t have one friend, and just got out of a long term relationship.. I’m lonely but don’t like nor connect without most people. I’d love to make at least 3 friends. My introverted personality, dash of social anxiety and depression make it that much more difficult.
this is a really thoughtful take on loneliness and really opened up my eyes :) i have one question though...is it harmful to imagine/fantasize about a happy place where we aren't lonely? or is it a good coping tool to deal with the emptiness in reality? this is something i've naturally done before bed and in the morning ever since i was a kid, im now in my 20s. please let me know!
I'm glad this was substantial to you! Having mental happy places is a great coping mechanism that's actually encouraged by therapists. There's an exercise called "the safe place" which teaches people to do what it sounds like you're doing. At the same time, it's good to also find ways to get your need for connection fulfilled by real-life interactions with other people.
Here are some facts about me/choices I make, that have or still make me feel different sometimes: being highly sensitive, being tall, when living abroad: coming from a different country, not having kids, prioritizating health, prioritizing sleep, being outspoken, preferring psychology books over novels, longing for connection on a deep level, (sometimes: being a woman)… I’ve learned none of these exclude me from belonging, even though I may not always fit in by being the same or making the same choices as others. What are your differences?
I needed it. God bless you
This is fun, I can relate to many of them, especially preffering psychology books over novels! I was allways weird because that 😅
I love that you shared these, both cause it gives a good example but also cause it makes your video and teachings a lot more relatable.
Differences are not an obstacle to connection. ❤
Never occurred to me I was addicted to loneliness. I can see it for sure. TY
Excellent! Insightful, encouraging, hopeful. Thank you and blessings to you!
Aw, thank you!
Thanks, this vid is so great.
I don’t remember exactly why I felt lonely as a kid, but I definitely did. Maybe because I was too emotional and had lots of imaginations, but there was also other stuff.
Now I feel lonely because I am allways tired as I have health issues….and because I need to be live for an idea, a mission, and to be surrounded by people who share this mission, and it includes growth, change and talking openly about it.
But my colleagues were not really happy with my change and getting unmasked.
Maybe also, because I don’t like hiding behind a social role.
Well, some people cannot stand when you are too authentic.
I also feel lonely beause I tried to find the right therapist for me, not knowing I am terribly neurodivergent, and the majority of therapists cannot work with this stuff, so they caused me pain or confusion instead of help. I felt that I need to overexplain myself all the time! Whew.
Well, maybe it is a bit vice versa, because thinking that I was more similar to other people that I actually was encreased my loneliness also, as it made great confusions.
So really there is no need to be the same way others are to connect I think, but to know who really I am and who they are, I suppose.
But yep, I am allready addicted to loneliness, because there was huge series of misunderstanings in my life, bc I didn’t know I was so much neurodivergent, so I got resentful and it is quite hard to heal. At least I have found a therapist that gets me 🥳
Thanks for sharing your connection/loneliness journey! That's a very interesting thought you added about loneliness that comes from not understanding our differences. I'm glad you found a therapist that understands you well. All the best for your further journey 🌷
thank you :) @@DrMaikaSteinborn
Thank you, this was so impactful. I experienced this addiction without knowing it. When I moved to a different city and left my friends and family. However after opening up (almost 1 year later) I was able to make new friendship and connection ❤❤
I‘m glad this was helpful ☺️! Thanks for sharing your experience of going through and overcoming emotional addiction to loneliness. It‘s wonderful you made new friends 💕.
My loneliness as I see it is based on the thought that people can hurt and reject and if it happens it is hard for me to process these intense feelings. I don't know why but I probably have a belief that the world isn't safe. By the way my mom is a narcissist and I still live with her. Can you recommend some tips on how to work with this wounded traumatized part of me. So far my only way of coping is avoidance which led me to severe depression. Thanks for the video ❤
Thanks for sharing 🫶🏻. That makes sense to me. Hurt and rejection are painful and avoiding them is often what’s behind avoidance and loneliness… it may be connected to the experiences you made with your mom… Concerning your question- how exactly it‘s best to work on your wounded inner part depends on the specific wound(s). With wounds created by narcissists it‘s often about not feeling good enough (since they need others to feel inferior and create that feeling in them), and healing that means developing a new core belief of “I’m enough.” I’ve got a self-worth playlist you can browse to work on this - hope it helps th-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c-6G8eP-v62qq009e1SGnve.html&si=fKlrvqgJYo5XOi00 Also, of course, therapy helps work on these wounds. ❤️🩹 ➡️❤️ All the best to you 🌷
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thank you so much! 🙏😘
You are so amazing. I hope to learn how to challenge these beliefs and feel like less of an outsider. Thank you very much
Loneliness is my struggle .Thank you for your video
My perceived differences definitely originated in childhood as communicated to me by my immediate family. And also eventually, friends and future partners. So, it’s easy to continue to be addicted to feeling like an outsider, when anytime you are vulnerable with someone they label you as these terms. Creating a never ending cycle of isolation, and thus loneliness.
My differences include being hypersensitive, dramatic/overemotional, judgmental, always have to be right, cynical, selfish, depressive, and mean. Also being a woman, having no children I can relate to as stated in your original comment. Society puts a lot of pressure on women to look, behave a certain way, and have a family.
Thanks for sharing! 🌻
I really dont get how ive got to this point but from school age up until the last few years, i was very popular and outgoing and social and always dating and in relationships. I have gradually over time become an isolated hermit thats cut off all friends, activities, romance, hobbies, everything and am fully addicted to my developed lonliness, I am now 32
5:52 ADHD disconnects. The affected child learns early to live in disconnection. A state, that allows to dream as „Hans guck in die Luft“ or as „Peer Gynt“. Autism as hearing impairment as close blindness experienced since early childhood cause disconnection and isolation from the world. The child adapts to its restricting neuro-sensoric deficiencies and appears as loving this retrived condition.
Thank you for sharing your helpful messages. Thank you so much.
Great videos and insights - thanks!
What happens when person actively seeks social situation… and is not wearing mask ( as much as aware) … but the authentic self to vastly underdeveloped/undefined … there is basically only silence to give… I am so cross with myself, I simply chase people away by being myself … what to do ( my kids are learning the same trades 🙈)
It sounds like subconsciously something in you migh still want to hide in social situations, so it's blocking authentic spontaneity and only allowing for silence...
Hello, Professor. You know, I really needed that. I am currently about getting into a middle-class university, CSUN, and UCLA, while I'm from a very isolated and conservative culture (Plautdietsch and Westphalia in Germany), which in addition also are Ghettos. So, I experienced the Ghetto, even here in the US, and these very isolated culture, and I'm afraid that the Los Angelenos may are not willing to work with me. My goal with my current therapist is actually to compare the cultural psychology of both of these cultures, and tell me what I lean to. But I have to mention that I was never respected in my home culture, neither I can get along with them, so isolated German cultures and Ghetto-culture. It might then possible and likely that I'll fit in here, because I do have a strong knowledge about myself and what I want, and choose LA because I was always interested anf closest to this culture and mentality, and see my biggest opportunities here. Still, I do not have any practical experience with Middle-class students from LA. But you're saying that the people would be more so interested into my strong sense of what I want in life rather that my culture, right? I thank you so much! I noticed your channel, and I absolutely endorse your videos. Just a quick note still: in my opinion, you speak with a facial expression that looks "sneaky". But that's all. You're a great and helpful, friendly person. God bless
Hi! Welcome to the channel, I'm glad you found it and are liking it. And thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds like your therapist is on point in helping you discover yourself, and understand how the culture / emotional atmosphere you grew up in left its marks on you. And to your question: yes, 💯, in general people are more interested in who you are now, and what you want now, rather than in your past cultural surrounding. Of course, many will be curious, but most people won't hold that against you. On the contrary, many people really appreciate someone having the courage to continue their path in a different culture. There are always some predjudiced people (everywhere), or people that haven't processed their own difficult past, so they only know how to relate defensively. The trick is to find the genuine people and befriend them, and not allow the noise of the predjudiced people to cloud your inner world. It makes sense to me that it feels daunting to switch into a different culture and societal class than the ones you grew up in. I think you're very courageous for taking this step, and I'm sure your courage will pay off longterm. You'll learn so much, you'll make great new friends, you'll learn more about yourself and life... You'll emerge stronger, wiser, and feeling more connected, as you practice leaving behind your old emotional pattern (or the traces that are left) of feeling too different and excluded from the get go. Having a different cultural & societal background is not a problem at all, nothing that excludes someone from belonging and connection. It really all rests in our inner mental and emotional patterns and developing ones that allow us to think, act and feel in ways that allow and further connection. I wish you all the best on your journey! 💖 Oh, and thanks for your feedback 🙏 about the facial expression that looks sneaky, I've never heard that before, that's interesting, I think in order for me to better understand which facial expression you mean, I would need a screen shot 🙂
Hello, Doctor. I Thank-you so much for your reply. As you said, I found envious people here as well, because there were also from the Ghetto. I.thank.you for your acknowledgements, and I really going to try to use it for how you described it.
No screenshot needed, because in my opinion, it's always how you look into the camera and hold your expression right before every cut in the video 😮😅 hope, that was okay to mention it. You thanked me for the feedback. And thank you as well. Namaste
I'm glad my thoughts were helpful. And yes, thank you for the feedback, 100% ok to mention your perception - next time I edit a video, I will look out for what you mean. All the best!
I don’t like parties, concerts, sports, or nature. Dating and making new friends is not easy
Someone who can relate. I love nature, it’s the only place I care to be, because it’s away from people. But I also don’t like the rest. I don’t have one friend, and just got out of a long term relationship.. I’m lonely but don’t like nor connect without most people. I’d love to make at least 3 friends. My introverted personality, dash of social anxiety and depression make it that much more difficult.
Great video, thank you
I‘m glad you liked it 🌷
Exceptional vid. ❤
this is a really thoughtful take on loneliness and really opened up my eyes :) i have one question though...is it harmful to imagine/fantasize about a happy place where we aren't lonely? or is it a good coping tool to deal with the emptiness in reality? this is something i've naturally done before bed and in the morning ever since i was a kid, im now in my 20s. please let me know!
I'm glad this was substantial to you! Having mental happy places is a great coping mechanism that's actually encouraged by therapists. There's an exercise called "the safe place" which teaches people to do what it sounds like you're doing. At the same time, it's good to also find ways to get your need for connection fulfilled by real-life interactions with other people.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thank you :)