Communication and Assertiveness: Master Communication and Assertiveness Skills Training (DVD) full
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ต.ค. 2024
- This communication and assertiveness video can teach you the skills that are essential to develop and keep close and intimate relationships, and your business relationships as well, by teaching the elements of effective conflict resolution. Anyone can learn to communicate better. With practice, you can choose the right words for every situation.
Being passive from a young age has made me fall victim to narcissists and manipulators. They took all the control I thought I didn't have. Thank you for this insightful video. I am becoming a new person!
I need you to contact me.
I think that's happened for and to a LOT of really good, decent people! - Me, too.
2 Nazi Narcopath bros!
💔°⚖,😭 An orphan and a widow.
They are your teachers. Poking you until you learn how to muster up the courage to assert yourself, communicate your needs, and set your boundaries.
Hi ness
Having your feelings used to control your behaviour. Person trying to please the other is not love. it's begging for some respite from anger of parent who lets you know you were not wanted.
I really want to be assertive. I'm gonna achieve it.
3 months. have u done it m8?
It's been 6 months, I want to know whether you have achieved it or not.
its been 8 months you did it?
Keep seeking!
It’s a skill to work on along your whole life! Don’t feel bad or rush yourself. Keep trying your best, keep learning and you will notice how you learn step by step
2:18 Percolator effect
6:50 unexpressed emotion turns against the self and becomes depression.
7:00 feelings are neutral - something important happens then a thought and a feeling will also.
7:50 anger example
8:55 primary feelings
10:13 three forms of communication - passive aggressive: dishonest, pouting, you make me feel..., not direct, sarcasm, manipulative assertive: open, honest, direct, equal aggressive: judges whole person, hits person, labels person, calls names, 'you'
15:26 Responsibility 'you're ugly'
20:14 Four parts to assertiveness
21:30 body posture
22:30 eye contact and tone of voice
23:20 getting all four aspects together: detaching
23:45 shame
24:42 how to practice
26:00 active listening
29:00 para-phrasing and validating, defensive
30:37 deepest/central dynamic
32:38 unhealthy relationship role playing
35:15 healthy relationship role play
Thank you!! :)
I feel like you were taking notes.
Thank you for sharing your table of contents.
Thank you so much, really helpful.
some heroes wear capes... others post efficient time stamps on long videos with great content...
"What we are trying to do is to resolve a situation - it's not about who was right or wrong. This is the hallmark of effective communication"
Thanx for writing that down That is a very powerful quote.
This is good.
Yeah one of the main problems is being offended when someone starts a dialogue. You need to be able to listen and speak without taking offence to a contrary opinion.
Depends on the conversation and the objective; in most situations, I would say you are correct, however in other situations I do believe it does matter who’s right. Your approach and patience should change/ increase depending on the importance of the conversation. It’s all about knowing your audience and refining your presentation. Ultimately, its not about “winning” just planting a seed.
@@Apple_Teckthe problem is, most people believe they are "right" based on their own unquestioned cognitive distortions, biases, "filters" that create their version of "reality".
Awareness, and seeking deeper understanding, of self and others, is way more important than being right.
In emergencies, of course, action is needed...and we can only hope the "right" action is taken based on knowledge, experiences and skill, at that time.
This is a highly imperfect world, much uncertainty and unpredictability...and many people need an answer, belief, to cling to. To challenge that, is often a perceived threat to their survival. To be able to support and understand that, and hear them compassionately, is the way to allow space for deeper understanding. That's foundational.
HOLY CRAP, YODA GOT IT RIGHT!!! "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
This is happening now. 2021. Fear of Covid 19. Anger for those making this about shot vs. No shot. Which lead to hate, because they feel like they have to choose a side.
My mom always told me to become more assertive. I realise now, I always was. I always told lovingly, without blaming, how I felt and what I needed. The problem was, she simply did not listen or starting questioning or making me doubt myself. There is only one person who really believed in me for 32 years, my aunt. Without her, and my dear mentor from University who is still my friend on my path, I could not have beenmwhere I stand today. Thank you for your video and peaceful energy and explanation.
This guy is a true expert on these topics unlike some of these TH-cam “gurus”
This video and these concepts should be taught in schools. It is so informative, progressive, and will help people understand the psychology and mental health of themself and others
"If a person gets locked in the idea that they should be able to control the outcome, the emotions will never get out of them and they will be semi-constipated emotionally life-long"
So true. Beautifully said. Eye opening for me. Thank you
I want to leave this comment here to express my gratitude. I feel like being in a classroom again watching your videos. Wish you good health and fortune to continue doing what you do which i'm sure will help more and more people.
This is the only video on being assertive that I can actually say I learned something from and can practice the techniques. Thank you soooooo much. I shared this with family. Such a great and effective video!
Informative videos like these is why I love TH-cam and the Internet! Thanks a lot Jef.
Arun Kothapally I agree! It’s the information I wish was taught in school.
Normally I don't comment, but in this case I must. Jeff, I am 38 years old amd have spent the last 19 years of my life in a mental cage of passivity that I was unable to break free of until I stumbled upon your video while looking for leadership training.
I can't thank you enough. I had completely accepted my life as it was, and accepted that every interaction I had with others would be a burden to carry. There's hope again because of you. Thank you thank you!!
I needed to hear this because I am surrounded by adults who have bashed and criticize me since childhood. Especially my mother. I realize she was doing the best she could but when I need everyone the most no one was there to help me pick up the pieces and a year later they’re all acting so nice
Just listening to this on u tube, hope time has made things easier, happier and better. Cheers Lynda from Australia
This is very true. I have suffered a lot of abuse and I held it in my body. Now, I have fibromyalgia and books I have on it talk a lot about getting touch with anger issues. I also suffer depression, which is anger turned inward. Thanks for the video. I wish this was taught in school or somewhere because this stuff comes up a lot. I have a sister who likes to take out her frustrations out on me because she is not happy with her life, weight, or her marriage. Of course, I cannot do anything about her issues but I need good boundaries around her because I don't need to be her emotional punching bag.
#metoo Fibromyalgia started in my late teens, and I have had to learn to process trauma based repressed emotions. Neutralizing triggers too. No Contact works most effectively with family who don't respect boundaries.
Wow! Thank you very much for sharing. You sound like my wife. You give me much to think about and eventually act on. I hope you get better.
What if I remain alone by being assertive?
@@shine2678 I am not assertive enough I think, but there were situations that I was able to show assertiveness. And surprisingly, I was more respected, more wanted, and even more loved.
Same here.
Im only 15 and im really trying to be assertive. Im very mature and respectful but sometimes the tone of my voice makes it seem like im being rude. This did all begin from family problems and when I figured this out I spent a year trying to control these emotions. I really love listening to Tony Robbins as well and have been since I was 11
Noah Give yourself a break. Non of us is perfect. who ever love will love who ever don't love you, there is nothing that can change how they feel about you. love yourself and know no matter your mistakes you are loveable. God loves you no matter what!
You are in the right path, and you are lucky to be smart. When I was 15 I was utterly "lost" and confused, and I did not know where to look for answers. We didn't have internet back then. Consider yourself lucky.
If people think you are being rude, then you are not quite being respectful.
Part of respect is keeping the other person’s wishes in mind. Think of how they would like to hear what you have to say. This includes facial expression and tone of voice. Being flexible and accommodating in this way will make your communication work.
It’s compromise. Which means you won’t be entirely happy with doing this. But they may not be entirely happy to hear your statement so it is fair.
Good luck btw, I have the same problems!
Congratulations, you really are a very mature young man indeed, recognizing the problem is half of the solution. Learning assertiveness will help you not only to better communicate with your family, but to cope with all kind of challenges in life in the best healthy way.
We are accountable for our own actions.
How others view us is their business even, after we are using effective communication skills.
Being effective, assertive and respectful is sometimes difficult but, through love it is rewarding.
Putting ourselves above others is love regardless of how others see us or view us.
1. You are good #enough
2. Practice being #assertive (posture, language, eye contact ) and share how you feel
3. #Actively #listen to the other person by paraphrasing (yes,no, clarify -> validate -> acknowledge )
Thank you. This video helps a lot in understanding proper English communication. Being an immigrant in Canada, Its often difficult to convey the message the right way without being seen as rude or patronizing. Where I am from, such polished interactions are seen as futile and it is necessary to be a little upfront and pushy. Psychology changes in a crowded society, we are raised to be a little insensitive, or else you would always be the last one on the table with nothing in your share. This video helps in changing to my current geographical psychology.
Fascinating. Cool glad it helped.
I grew up seeing my parents fight a lot. When my mom would get mad, the whole house energy would shift to sadness and tension. My mom had six kids to take care of so I can understand it was hard. My dad also worked a lot to put food on the table. They were both busy. I saw my mom disrespect my dad. She called us names too. I am sure my dad was not so innocent. After 30 years they are together but they still fight trying to score points. I don't want to be like them. Thanks sir for this video.
there's an old expression: if you have to attack someone in an argument you automatically lose it, regardless if you might be right or wrong.
This is such a great video. The presenter is also great at delivering the massage.
Thank you!
Amazing video. I suffer a lot by being too passive and timid. It's just so easy for anyone to manipulate me most of the time.
"Unexpressed emotion turns against the self and becomes depression."
.. bruh.
It continues to lodge itself in your body and reappears down the road as disease and disorder within the body.
Emotion code is a good one on this.
Jake Timm So to avoid this should i just tell someone How i feel? Like someone says ” Hahah you thought i wanted to be your friend” - maybe a bad example anyways... Should i just answer with ” I feel sad when you say that to me”?
I feel like the other person wont respect me If i act like a victim?
that`s why you throw things and hit hard a wall; a floor; or a window
That's what I'm trying to avoid... I agree.
Or colon cancer
There’s so much junk out there in regards to relationships and communication.
This talk sets out what EXACTLY communication looks like,and how to implement it.
Thank you!
My relationships are few lately. No bs tolerance is lonely. So I will improve my communication skills. Thanks. Have a blessed day.
Beautiful Job condensing these powerful messages. 7 years later this is a game changer for me.
This video should be required viewing. It can save lives.
I suppressed my feelings for years and had eating disorders, substance abuse problems, stomach problems, anxiety, shallow breathing, severe anxiety, etc.
The best video I've watched in a while ❤
Intriguing content. Thanks for sharing. Assertiveness seems like a really tough skill to master. 👊🏽
energy is only thirty percent of a feeling
love is a feeling
all feelings are love
feelings felt and received as love are emanated as love and spiritual blessing
authentic feelings manifest spiritual wisdom
i definitely need practice communicating!!!
the interpersonal bridge, tone of voice, eye contact etc.
activation of shame - very true !!!
a dysfunctional family video? Awesome!!!
most people are disassociated !!! True !!!
thank you for this ❤️
Pure nuggets of wisdom. Every word is so informative and enlightening. Everything he says connects to real life situations. I am glad to find this authentic video.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge on TH-cam so it may benefit may benefit those of us trying to improve our lives.
This is so important communication skills because of all the hurt that people go through in daily life, thank you!
It's THE BEST video I have seen about Assertive communication. That was really helpful. Thank you so much!
good job, your helping countless people and doing real good in this world. Thank you.
Hi Jef, thank you for putting out this timeless information! Great presentation!
great video! I'm learning to be more assertive instead of just bottling in emotions and ignoring them, takes time but I'll get better day by day. Its weird bc I love myself but I also kno I'm wayyyy to nice, gotta get comfy stepping out my comfort zone
This is a video I would recommend to help people fully understand anger especially those who do not think that they have issues with this universal emotion. This will enable someone to do something about it.
When I’m in these type of situations, I normally just ignore the individual and consider the source. However, if they continue I then become assertive and try to get the issue resolved. Most of the time this strategy works; It mainly depends on the maturity & intelligence of the individual. Unfortunately, there are times when this approach does not work; their primarily feelings turn into anger and then become passive/ aggressive behavior.
Very helpful video in understanding why we make specific word choices while speaking. True change is much harder than just swapping the words, but I think its a good starting point. Going from out to in, as we try also at the same time the difficult task of inner change.
The eloquence of speech and articulation of concepts has made me a subscriber. I enjoyed this video very much. Thank you.
I love this video. I like the dry-delivery and LOVE the content (explanation and examples). I would considering buying a class from Jef Gazley on Assertiveness (beyond just this DVD). I wish the videos all had a consistent formatting/production quality.
I really like the 'Percolator Effect' explanation.
I'm grateful for this
Kia Ora Jeff, the inner child has to grow up & unlearn misappropriated patterns & old behaviours it z imperative for us to live better lives to create a better world. Ngā mihi kia koe. Big ups to you Jeff. By loving ourselves we lovingly express towards others...not rehash old cycles that don't work. Letting go.
Such a powerful video. Thank you and continue to make videos like this. Love it
This lecture is great in terms of structure, images/slides, example with roles and clear explanation. Thank you, Jef!
I'm so glad I found your video.
Thanks from Kenya. There's lots of calmness in your voice too.
I really loved it... Thank you!!!
What a great lecture! I love the content and how it has been structured. I could give a lot of examples of my own life of the percolator effect...
Dear Jef, I love your video and calm steady voice. Greetings from the Netherlands (an NVC student)
Insightful , I found this very useful in finding a way to manage a problem I have ...thank you very much for sharing . :)
It doesn't always work when one or both parties are mean and want to hurt the other. It works when one or both have good intentions.
What I think does work, even with people who want to control and diminish us, is the feeling of self respect that we can carry forward from having been a mature adult person in the process of asserting oneself. This will release much of the stuffed pain, without attacking.
Wow this helps me understand my anxiety. Especially about the energy and homeostasis. Thank you 😊
This is such a well developed series. Thank you.
Amazing clarity. Thank you.
This video is powerful
Thank you for making this resource, a great and helpful presentation
This video is easy to follow and a very helpful tool. Thank you
I just found this and found it incredibly helpful and insightful 🙏 Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom ❤ listening from Ireland 🇮🇪 ☘
Thanks for this great video. I'm going to save it forever.
What a gem this video is!
The simple life wisdom we mostly miss out on our most of our lives.
Thank you so much for the information and insights!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾Well done!
Bravo on the exceptional content. A like-minded book I read was a milestone in my personal growth. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Great video. Thanks for this concise and comprehensive rundown!
Learning how to separate yourself from these believe through and her child healing, will change all of your relationship and what is available to you❤❤
The video is very effective in bringing out the message. Thanks.
I liked this video. I'll probably watch it a few more times until it sinks in all the way. Also, it's interesting that "I think" is listed in the "adult" communication style, because it seems like I've been reading everywhere that saying the words "I think" are a sign of being unsure of yourself. It seems that the rule shouldn't be so rigid, because plenty of confident and capable people will be honest when they are not sure of something.
Thank you for sharing. So much good info that needs to be heard and practiced. 💕
Jef thank you i hope you don't mind i've downloaded this because i need this in my life i'll be listening to this over and over until i can change.
Very practical, precise and easy to understand. Thanks a lot!
Thanks for posting! This was great.
Thank you very much, I really needed this help.
I wish I’d have found this video a long time ago. Thanks so much
Such a wonderful video which I found so helpful and learn so much
Thanks for this video, very informative! Would love to see a role play reflecting the response of person A operating in child mode confronting person B operating in adult mode to see the contrast between the two.
communicatin like that is part of selfactualization , some good environnement , good childhood and finance , so on , it has to do with gettin up for your self and self love and respect
excellent training resource. well explained
I like the Burber reference towards the end. Thank you Jeff.
Hello professor
Thank you so much for your help and advice.
I really appreciate your job. I wish you peace and happiness under the sky of prosperity.
All the best.
Take care and have a good time.
Your follower from Algeria.
Thank you for sharing this, just what I needed. I hope to work on it from now on!
Great video, very instructive non the less. Some of these example sentences, I feel like some of them sound like robot talk or can also be perceived as an attack. But this just my personal perspective.
This is excellent. One of my challenges was determining which communication the other person was sending me. Now I can identify quickly what approach they’re taking and how to appropriately respond. Managing people has been difficult without this clarity. Thank you for creating and sharing this professional and adult approach. 👍🇨🇦😎
I find it so challenging when the other person is deflecting. Its like there are no solutions possible when someone deflects. How would you deal with that?
@@zion367 One way to approach it is: Hold your standards for conversations, meaning, if you are willing to accept your own responsibility when you’ve been wrong, you have every reason to expect others you consider friends or family, to also accept their mistakes. Stefan Molyneux has some great podcasts on these issues that go beyond what I have written by far. But having standards for the people in your life can help you decide who to allow into it. 👍
Negative paradigms caused by mostly bullying and lack of parental support when a child will cause this......Thats me....
The good news is, we have a chance to make change. I think it really gives perspective on how important these things can be.
me three
Now you're aware of the roots of your problem I feel you should no longer blame them for the way that you are now. You have to make that change because now it's you're fault for lack of confidence. Just expressing my point of view.
me four and the guy i married
+Beng George, your POV was expressed very shamefully...you "should" work on your communicating skills some more. And grammar too.
Thanks Jef, I learned a lot from the primary/secondary feelings point about anger being a thing that follows a different negative emotion. And anger leading to depression is a fascinating claim. “The 3 forms of communication” is my favorite slide I took a screenshot of that one. Lots to be implemented here.
Feelings are more important than Emotions.
Feeling is Intuition! Bay-Bee! Get Into It!!..lol
@@sierrabutler8058 Intuition is great!
So helpful. Thank ygiu gör dharing...
Thank you very much, you've done a great work mr😊
five basic feelings are grief, fear, anger, pain and joy
five elemental feelings are ignorance, desire, hate, arrogance and jealousy
all feelings mix together
the grief of fear, the hate of desire , the pain of jealousy, etc
Really glad someone made a good video about this matter, thank you Jef. Subscribed
Around 15:00 - I think, I want, I need, I feel - the way that "I feel" is represented is interchangeable with "I think". To my understanding, "I feel" is usually followed with an adjective (I feel hurt, I feel abandoned, etc). Men more commonly use "I think" statements and women more commonly use "I feel". They are different in expressing unheard and unfelt needs and important to distinguish between.
Thank you
Assertive -- adult. Yeah, right. If only adults could act like adults...
I think it's supposed to indicate the maturity level rather than the age. There are men who act like children. There are kids who act more mature than adults.
Thank you so much! This has been so helpful for me!
I know for certain I need this class .
Detaching 23:43 I must get this one.
Thank you.
YOU'RE SO THE MAN FOR THIS!!!
I’ve tried all this with my husband !! Hasn’t worked it’s called being taken fur granted after30 yrs.