Are you a People Pleaser? | Ms. Rinku Sawhney | TEDxIITIndore
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ม.ค. 2019
- Ms. Rinku is a Social Impact Entrepreneur, a Personal Excellence & Mind-shift Coach. She has co-founded Elevated Minds, which is a start-up committed to helping people rise above mediocrity and become the masters of their own lives. Her work has enabled people to get clarity and identify roadblocks, that have held them back from achieving success.
In this talk, she delivers an eye-opening speech and touches the fine line between being kind and a people pleaser by sharing examples from her own life. Rinku is a Social Impact Entrepreneur, a Personal Excellence & Mind-shift Coach. She has co-founded Elevated Minds, which is a start-up committed to help people rise above mediocrity and become the masters of their own lives.
Over 5000 people have experienced Rinku’s signature live events. Her work has enabled people to get clarity and identify roadblocks, that have held them back from achieving success. Rinku firmly believes that each and every human is unique and special and that we are all born to be successful. She is also the author of an upcoming book, “My Life; I Decide”. In her own small way, Rinku believes in impacting the world and leaving it a slightly better place. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
"Don't be afraid of losing people, be afraid of losing yourself."
Thank you
This talk is a life changing for me Ma'am 🙏
Being the eldest daughter brought up in the same environment as you, I can relate to why I have been people-pleasing for so long that I'm drained, I always wondered why people do this to me despite being nice and kind. I learned it's me not them. Just recognised my flaws to fix my life. I hope I get there one day.
yes bro im people please must problem
“By saying yes to the world, i was saying no to myself.”
Today I realized , I'm not being kind to people ...I'm a people pleaser.. thanks mam ..for the happy realization😃
Same experience
People kept telling me I was SO nice... One even said "Your too nice"... This video resonates with me. I will no longer say no to myself and yes to others at my expense.
Start treating yourself with love and respect ... Don't be afraid of loosing people be afraid of loosing yourself ..... Thank you mam
The moral is be good , be loyal , kind , loving , caring but start doing all these with yourself first .
YES, YES.
💯💯
Yes💯💯
This is one of the best speech on people pleasing one can find
Thank you
what solution mam people plesing behavior im must problem
Your “yes” will have lot more value if you learn the art of saying “no” ❤️
I feel happy that people speak about these issues openly ...but at the same time Im sad that this 'message ' conveyed by her only reaches a small % of population. .....this should reach the majority!
thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.
Really she is right. wen U extra nice to people, then they started ignoring you
I too have faced similar challenges. When I realised that people pleasing doesn't really make me happy, I stopped doing it. My mother was a people pleaser and expected me to be the same. I suffered and learned from my mistake. I like your honest revelation. I can relate to you.
Thank you. Do look for more videos on my youtube channel.
thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.
One of the best Ted talks I've come across so far, This is definitely going to help so many including me to get out of this people pleasing syndrome.
thank you
rinkuji this is so true for many of us women
@@SawRinku thanks a lot for this session bcoz i faced exactly same issues it was like u R talking about my life.. Thanks a lot.. Now i know whats wrong with me. I got answers.
@@realandrare1338 Same here
Congratulations on overcoming all the issues and getting to be comfortable with who you are, and not what people want you to be!
It seems that someone is narrating my emotions. This video has changed my life. Thank you Mam.
People Pleasing Syndrome - Finally I got a good name to address my nature. Thank you Rinku. I am amazed by both your language and the core subject of the speech. I wouldn't say from today onward I am gonna change this habit. Because its not a habit. This nature is the most deep rooted one which we cant easily have a good control on unless we are aware of it throughout the time we deal with people. Actually, the first challenge is to hear what really our heart says. The truth our heart wants is so subtle that we have to be in peace to hear the true demand of our heart. Its an Art to say NO when it is required because first of all knowing what we want itself is a challenge as we are implanted with this nature for decades since our birth. However, towards excellence is the mission of life and let us learn the art asap without losing hope. Cheers my dear guys over there with PPS.
Javith...Nice and ur english is very good.
Very nicely put 👏
Javith and others, thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.
Me also 🤗
I never comment on any video.. This is the first time because mam your story has really compelled me to do so.. Don't be afraid of loosing people be afraid of loosing yourself ☺aapne aankhein khol di aaj .. Thank you so much mam
I'm having the habbit of people pleaser, it's a syndrome,it's a disease which I carried on throughout my life,thank you mam for your valuable speach now I feel I was born and take my life in to a new way,
I have been a people pleaser since my teenage days .I have lack of confidence and social anxiety. I was bullied in school too. I remember I was not like this until the age of 10-12. My father is a people pleaser too and has ADHD. Is genetics a cause ? Or bullying?
Watching this changed my whole outlook!!! Because I have people pleased for so long I lost myself
Thank you Rinku, imagine it had taken me 3 decades to find you, i have always had a feeling that one day someone would come along and give me the answers to the problems i have been facing in my life. Now i feel liberated and happy. Kindly visit more and more people and give them this messenger. It is liberating. Thank you.
Thank you
right
what sloution bro
your "yes" will have a lot more value when you learn the art of saying "no".. nicely said
Thank you. Do look for more videos on my youtube channel.
@@SawRinku Mam, I have found myself in your talks.Thank you for such a wonderful speech.
When we change the inside, the mind, everything around us change as well. She's amazing!
One thing I realised through her is that it's so important to acknowledge our flaws and work on them. Letting go of the idea that we're perfect and the issue lies with the world. But the truth is we attract what we are !
This is so me.. it reminds me of all the things i did to please people and in return i got nothing except for loosing my self respect..Thankyou so much Rinku for this beautiful speech
First time TH-cam recommendation has recommended correctly. Thanks a lot TH-cam. Thanks a lot Rinku for the root cause and the solution.
Teja, thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.
9:49 Amazingly explained mam - when heart is saying no but we keep saying yes from outside..this is completely people pleasing..Great
This is all about me
Is there any one like me tooo kind to other but( rejected)hurts yourself. I have realized that is all me
Thank sis for your shared your story.
Order people. Dont please anyone in life except our parents. Not even our partner or kids. No one is forever everyone flys at one stage. Just please your parents who love you infinitely.
I suggest you should watch the TedTalk by Salma Hindy
@@Sunshine-yk2eg I love Salma Hindy's TedX on people pleasing! Hear Hear! She said it right about parents too.
Wonderful.
You reflect me.
Now I dont bother about others.
I am at peace.
But still dont open up to anyone.
Best thing is looking inside n be a witness as Lord Krishna said.
Tq
I'm here in 2024 and so glad I listened to this TED talk! Such an eye opener and enlightening too, for me the people pleaser and enabler. Rinku is such a blessing.
World would treat you the way you treat yourself wow wonderful line .
Ma'am, this is my story too. I faced the same challenges at work. Its really painful when people take us for granted. I have been wired in such a way that if my yes can make others happy then it is fine. I thought having an innocent kind image gives love in return. I was wrong
I believe this pleasing syndrome is a hrash outcome of present society and its structure. But, since it is a problem we got to have a solution and come out of it as quickly as possible.
World is in huge scarcity of intellectual diversity, so we need to stop this mimicking behaviour which is very much prevalent in India. If it is not possible or difficult, try to learn from nature like; its diversity, wellbeing of all flora and fauna, rejuvenating capicity.
Good luck, i hope they will discover themselves very soon.
In the present civilisation there are numerous ways by which any body can achieve whatever he/she desires.😎..
There's no room for naive people dear. Forget the past..request God for wisdom for your day to day life and long term plans.
Sruthi_Happy soul
me too
It is a hard fact to digest that most humans around us are ungreatful pricks who deserve zero respect n kindness.
Sruthi_Happy soul just follow your work path.
Totally totally totally could relate to this! It seemed like my inner self is telling me what i am, throughout the talk.And yes, I am trying to move away the "people pleasing syndrome" from my life. A truly motivational talk!!!
A very powerful talk.... Must watch for everyone.... Teaches us about the power to say NO and not be a people pleasure when your heart is saying a big no ...
I have been on this journey for 2.5 years now....and its been life changing...listening to your words reminded me once again of my life changing journey
Say no wen u want to.. with no excuse rather. I would have really loved to..
Practice self love. accept and approve of yourself
Be authentic about your feelings. Share your opinions and be true to your feelings speak up on what hurts u in a respectful way.
Don't be afraid to loose people be afraid to loose yourself.
When u accept you're self the world will follow suit. Be willing to leave on your own terms and improve your self esteem.
Whenever u r saying yes to others make sure you are not saying no to you're self.
An eye-opener indeed!
Ms. Rinku thank you so much for eye opening speech I have been doing this people pleasing since so many years and your thoughts gaves me right direction to overcome success barriers.
Nitin, thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.
You were able to express each and every thing with a lot of clarity. Nice.
It’s like I’ve finally understood myself !! Till this day I didn’t know what was making me so unhappy . When u r a people pleaser you are so vulnerable and fragile . Because u expect people to treat you like u treat them . I wish I can be as strong as u Ms.Rinku . I hope I can free myself from this chronic “illness”. Thank u very much .
One of the best speeches I I have ever had !! And absolutely my story too !! Thanks
Thank you for helping me realise what has been happening in my life too. I could never understand why everyone close to me would take me for granted and disrespect me. "its the barrier to sabotage my happiness" liberation. x
Excellent talk!
God bless you my Divine Sister!
It's mine story too.. Today I awoke with depressed mood but your thoughts became like tonic for me... thanks a lot ...
In my case, this thing is at peak, due to which I am suffering from clinical depression.
Arpita tambe hii miss wrong
Friends, thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.
I can truly relate to this one. I also want to learn to say NO to others.
Your a big inspiration for me .I completely related to you COMPLETELY..
Powerful talk and beautifully explained…..A must watch for everyone…..!!!
Wow, Ms.Rinku..!! Perfect solution... A BIG thank you to you..!!
ma'am when I was listening you the last 20 minutes I was thinking, that someone else is telling my history to me
thank you
Precise, concise and very clearly expressed as an engineer. Thanks you have helped me. May God bless you! I have tears in my eyes, but of happiness, I get it.
Awesome.
Thank you so much madam. You have helped me to realize that me too is a People Pleasing Person. Started changing myself.
One of the best Ted talks, thank you 🙏
Thank you for your life learning story. I am a people pleaser and I have realized that I am loving others more than myself which is not right at all. I promise to start loving and respect and myself enough.
I know the feeling what you told. Thank you for sharing everything. Now I am going to take action .
It's true mam we are the one who teaches the world how to treat us... MUST WATCH FOR EVERYONE
I am trapped in this kind of situation for my whole life, and I feel lucky that I can hear your talk. I think that I am ready for change. Thank you!
One of best and truly profound talk on TEDx, thanks a lot Madam
Bravo!!! I accept myself the way I am..
What an Authentic way to express the basic root cause of people who can be great in every aspect of their lives.
Simply Hats Off!!
Keep Shinning Always!
Very true...people pleasing can cost our life..
finally I got the answer .the best solution of my story....thank you maam...
Point by point....such a relatable story
I could completely relate to each and every word. Thank you for spreading awareness about this.
Exactly the same what I suffer.... Thanks a lot
Great talk, keep up the good work and best wishes! Love from Canada!
I could totally relate to your story. Even I have been consciously taking steps not be a people pleaser. At times even when you help someone for long period of time, people tend to take you for granted. I need to work on this. And yes saying 'No' is big part of this. The first time I did it, it took lot of courage to say No.
Rinku - your talk came on my youTube page just at the right time. I am going through exactly the same thing at this very moment in my workplace. Everything you said resonates with my current situation but I dont implement what all you said. After hearing this I am going to ensure I not only implement but also not get perturbed by it. The key is not to feel guilty after what we say or do. The opposite person will never let go of an opportunity to put you down, make you feel guilty and unwanted, it is how we want us to feel, is more important. Thank you Thank you Thank you. I can see my path more clearly now and after this my journey will be about myself and not others.
Very eloquently put. This is such a revelation. You represent the feelings of many suppressed individuals trying to find acceptance. Kudos to you and more power to you! Great job Mam!
You go girl👍👍what a talk! almost every woman's story..
I think it is a issue of mine.
Amazing.... just awesome....I would love to watch this daily before going to my office....
Accept and approve yourself ........nice message
Thank you so much for sharing the solution of this.. You Are really kind because you have and You are still encouraging so many people.... 🙏
Clap clap. Now at this age I realized how I should behave. Thank you dear, for your guidance. God bless you.
She is such an awesome lady, her revelation about her people pleasing syndrome recovery journey is loveable & it really opened my eyes and my heart.
In my opinion whats most important in ones decision in life is, always, what your Dharm or inner-conscience says. Acts must not be influenced by what other would think or what would please them but sometimes it's correcting the wrong.
Keep inspiring.
this is exactly me. Thanks a lot, Rinku Ji.
Amazing...the experience literally touched me!
Love yourself, treat yourself with love and respect and the world will follow suit
Be bold enough to live your life on your own terms
Thank you so much for sharing
Brilliant talk with such apt examples explaining the point being made. Do watch the complete talk with a powerful closing.
You are truely an inspirational..
Lot of respect..
Heartaching words
Wow, amazing! I can identify so much with what you have been through because of this awful syndrome, I need this out of my life!
Very inspiring and packed with takeaways. It takes courage to share such a personal story with everyone. I'm glad you shared.
rinkuji you have opened my eyes
Thank you Rinku!!!! You are a so wise and intelligent. The takers place a heavy burden on the givers if we let them!
very true
Very true I have had this issue and realized this much later in life. 200% true and amazing talk. Only in movies we see the good wins over the bad and is handed over the trophy for all the goodness embodied and wins the heart of the prince charming. But not at all true. We women are brought up teaching us to be good always and be down to earth kind and agreeable etc etc etc
Same here Nisha.. I realised this much much later in life......
There is no love greater than self love ,no respect greater than self esteem . Following our own mind & soul is greatest acheivement of life i.e true
Absolutely blissful!!
Oh god.. this is exactly the way i feel.. i am so so similar to this lady.. thank you so much for delivering your experience maam.. i hope for the original version of myself to thrive😊
You are great and what a wonderful speech ... found very helpful
Marvelous ....I'm exactly in this situation
Thank you very much !!
Madam, your talk helped me to introspect myself. Myself being a people pleaser has led to many problems for my self. I have started to realign myself !!!!!
Beautifully expressed .Thank you
Thanks for sharing your story..
Really great point that if you aren't honest with people your relationships will be superficial.
stories tell us help everybody , be nice , love everybody etc etc but in real life people take advantage & we end up unhappy . good talk
Your past story is my present story I want to over come this .
I feel your speech .
Thank you So much Ma'am, for sharing your story , as it really motivated me a lot, as I was also going through the same situation. And now I find courage to face the world by knowing who I'm and where I have to be with no more syndromes of people pleasing.
Thanks for sharing. I can relate completely.
Great speech, thanks
Rinku, Nicely told most Imp msg
बहुत जरूरी होता है खुद से प्यार करके जीना और उसके साथ खुद का Learning भी होना जरूरी होता है।