No contact worked!! Not only once but twice ! Weve broken up twice and ive used the no contact rule twice. She contacted me on day 46 ! Listen to this man everyone appreciate you so much coach lee
Too quick. Such reunion is barely long lasting…anyway good luck. My guess would be too soon, too quick. Two break ups, to repair if at all there should be months long nc.
@@RealCoachLee why and what is the psychology behind even WANTING them back? Why try to fix someone who is that callous? Who cares THEY'VE got the problem.
I found Coach Lee soon after he ended it with me and followed Coach Lee's advice. I saved my own dignity! I did *not* engage in all the typical expected behaviors (no calling, no crying, no angry texts, no pleading, no guilt tripping, no trying to be flirty, no drunk dials, no fake "oops that text wasn't meant for you", no circling back in 2-3 weeks as if we're friends, no checking in, no needing to talk.) No contact was exactly that, and in the 7 months of silence, I got my own emotions my issues, my life together and became happy again. Guess what--- We've been together and steady for over a year now.
It took 7 months? How to deal with them messaging you saying they're with someone else, fxxxxing them, and then sending me messages , and love songs at nights . Broken 11 weeks now please help me
@@janef4701 We saw each other at a social event at the 3 month mark, and after that would touch base maybe once a month until we finally arranged a date. He started a business venture with a woman that promptly collapsed, and I dated someone briefly but quickly realized I wasn't into it.
He's right, no matter how sudden the breakup is, how much you trusted them or thought they were different (they're never different), LEAVE immediately. Don't try to talk or reason with them, don't agree to stay in touch while they "figure things out", none of that. Because he's right, if you do that, not only do you make yourself look less attractive and more needy, but then when they think about you later, they'll feel pain, discomfort etc. Whereas if you take off right away, not only do you look stronger and more attractive, but there's no emotional nonsense that pops up when they think about you. This applies even if you did nothing wrong and they betrayed you. Just because they know the breakup is their fault and they hurt you and screwed up, that doesn't mean you have any more leverage getting them back. You don't. Always walk away, no matter how much it hurts.
@@Wizard-Girl9 Lol, glad you liked it. It's a lesson I've learned over and over again because the hopeless romantic in me insists on believing that THIS girl is different, but she never is.
@@fuzzypanda1684 🌲🚨the dragon we must slay in relationships is Ego/pride… if both parties aim for humility, harmony is almost guaranteed. Unless you chose a narcissist! Lost cause
I wanted to do this but I thought I owed them an apology for fighting with her and arguing during the break up. I sent them an apology few days later and they replied with closure about moving on ☹️
i feel like ive watched every video you have about how no contact works. you have the same message in all of them and others may say it’s redundant BUT PLEASE KEEP IT COMING. it’s how i keep myself from contacting them. your videos are what make me strong rn. been in no contact for 3 weeks now. thank you so much coach!!!
You do realize you're praising someone who's making money repeating the same things over and over right? Although to be fair, there are far worse grifters out there.
@ like i said im aware he’s saying the same things. but if it’s helping me IT’S HELPING ME. and if he’s making money out of me watching for free then keep it coming 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Every situation is different and unique . The only reason to follow coach lees advise is not to get your ex back but to reverse the power balance and flip the script . No contact is about your dignity .
Love all these reasons Coach Lee! I really needed this video on a day where I'm really missing him. I gave him the space he wanted and didn't chase him or seek closure even though he completely blindsided me with the breakup after he said he loved me that same day. After watching this video, I remembered why would I want someone back who can discard me and treat me so coldly as though I don't exist. I deserve better and if you're going through a similar situtation, so do you. You are worthy of someone who behaves like an adult and who will be open and honest with you no matter how difficult it is to talk about. Thank you Coach Lee for reinforcing these points and giving me and others the strength to get through these hard life moments 🙏
It’s true I left and told her I was done with her hot and cold behavior less than 2 weeks she was texting I miss you and she even flew to Florida from Nevada to surprise me for my bday and ended up moving in with me , she said she made up her mind and did not want to lose me I was moving on trust this man he knows what he is talking about “they will figure it out but you have to be willing to walk away”
Yes! Having worked with individuals who’ve been dumped by their partners for over two decades, I can confidently say that the single most important strategy is complete silence. It’s the only approach that holds the potential to reignite a spark of attraction and open the door to the possibility of reconciliation. Excellent insight!
The video is so spot on. Unfortunately, 6 weeks into the breakup and a ton of begging and emotionally charged texts, i finally see this video. I feel horrible after viewing this video because i know it is hopeless now. She ended up ghosting me.
@RebeccaMiller-ep3ug i appreciate that. I started today. But the fact that she stopped opening my messages makes me feel that there is no hope. It will take a few weeks for her to even start to realize I finally gave up.
She would’ve blocked you if she didn’t like the attention, even though she didn’t want to be with you. You were just feeding her ego. You have to burn down the bridge and move on.
Sometimes a person doesn’t want to come back. After 8 years my ex left me back in May. While neither one of us was without blame, I take responsibility for a lot. But it’s really sad to be in love with someone who doesn’t care enough about you to try. But I’ve accepted he’s happier without me and sometimes people don’t come back.
Yes, of course sometimes a person doesn’t want to come back. As I have said many times, sometimes no contact does not work and sometimes it does not work out. That doesn’t change the fact that it can work out and sometimes people do want to come back.
Is it not wise to let go such a callous ex? See it as a blessing in disguise. I can conclude he or she doesn't live you at all. So, why worry about such an ex?
@@marguskiis7711 hah I read your comment and was like?! . I realized I made a typo and put “he”. My ex is a she. But I agree 💯 , seeing posts here and Reddit overwhelmingly it’s men who come back. It makes me wonder if there’s male v female psychology that impacts NC.
@@DannyMartin3z NC does not work on women, usually. Women almost never regret dumping and never take accountability. They have tons of options to explore, hundreds men to abuse.
Ι don't get why someone would want to get back with their ex. I mean whatever she/he had to offer, you've seen it, smelled it,taste it and for reasons varying, it didn't work out.Learning how to deal with loss is one of life's most important skills/lessons. One day your parents or someone you are very close with, will die and eventually you will have at some point to deal with your own loss too, learn to accept these small losses, so you can deal with the big ones later.
I used to think 3 months was a long time and in the past I reached out at the 3 month mark with success but it didn’t last bc it didn’t come from him. I watched every single Coach Lee video and he suggests that odds go down after 3 months but it’s still best to not reach out in order to preserve your power unless you want to move on. When or if they’re ready to, they’ll find you. Depending on the situation it could be that they stayed in the relief period longer/had a rebound that delayed relief and curiosity. I wish the best for you just remember that when one door closes, others can open ❤
I use to think 2months should be enough for NC but I was wrong , now it's been 1 year NC , nothing from her, you will feel better , just stop counting the days and live your life again like u used to and have this mindset " I was fine before I met you , I will be fine again once you're gone "
Be patient mine was total NC for 6 months then I got a text saying she couldn't get me out of her head. But you need to get it in to your head that text isn't coming
I was begging and pleading my ex for 2 weeks before i was doing no contact,I can’t believe it after Day 7 of no contact!!!,my ex reached out to me!!!, it can work!thanks a lot coach lee !
I tried no contact and even paid for courses back when my ex left me 2 years ago. I never heard from him again. He didn’t hear from me either. We just never spoke again. I guess it doesn’t work on everyone. Now I miss someone I blocked but my reason was he was stringing me along and not being clear, trying to friendzone me after taking me on a trip and introducing me as a girlfriend, then saying he wanted to meet only to then ghost me. So I blocked him and I’m not going to look for him.
I broke no contact again after only 3 days… i couldn’t help that she was the first person i wanted to notify and i told her my dad was in the hospital and needed immediate surgery and that I needed prayer. She did reply with “I’m sorry. I hope surgery goes well.” But i still just feel like i went backwards by still texting her because I was emotional about my dad. Edit: she actually reached back out later today asking about my dad and then to my surprise asked how i had been doing with the break up. We’ve been chatting throughout today.
I practiced no contact..... He failed to replace me 😢 in 2019 he ghosted me and I decided to move on & I believe I thought he could sign in to my life whenever he likes 😅 it's 2024 almost 6 years ago .. He know comes pleading and ask for my hand in marriage 😂😂😂😂 it's so funny how people joke with other people's feelings. I'm very proud I worked on myself and moved on fully. I don't want him back and I'll never want... GOD will bless me with an intentional man and matured one, who will never play silly games (ghosting)
About the non closure… I don’t understand how I could be at dinner with my ex and shes telling me how much she loved me, kissing me and being playfully intimate and then walk out on me when my card declined due to a fraud alert. To make it worse, she never replied to any of my texts over the course of two weeks yet she didn’t block me either. Never heard from her again. wtf? For the record as I always paid for things in our relationship, that was the first time she ever did.
I feel you and I always kept repeating the same mistake and reaching out first. Which always resulted in very bad situations. She/he will reach out one day, if they really loved you, just be patient. Its so hard yes, because especially after weeks and maybe months without a response, feels like they will never come back. But actually they will, whenever they finished their "relief state" and start missing you again. Keep going with your normal life, if you use social media, share pics of you beeing together with friends, doing activities, smiling etc.. Most of the times you dont even expect it when they reach out. Its so sudden and you are in the middle of work, activities etc, when they text you. Mostly you also started forgetting about it, because you thought they would never reach out. And then Boom, they reach out. Time is the key. If they never reach out, after half a year or even longer, forget about it, and start having doubts if they really loved you in the first place. Prolly you found someone better by that time and dont even think about it anymore :)
My ex broke no contact on day 30 (I feel like he was advised to wait that much time)? He said it was difficult not talking but he recognized we both needed space. And told me, “just know, when we both feel it’s the right time, I would like to talk.” I replied 2 days later, and regret that. I told him that I would likely be willing to talk. Then, two days later I told him no closure conversation was needed, and I had found peace on my own. His reply was “let me know if you change your mind at some point.” After our second period of no contact, he breadcrumbed me on day 19. I did not respond until day 31. At this time, I told him I had changed my mind, and wanted the conversation (for various reasons). Understandably, he asked what made me change my mind. I didn’t want to text about it, so we talked on phone that night. It ended up being 1.5 hour peaceful conversation. I know I should just leave it there. My therapist and BFF do not advise the conversation. But the conversation with him inside my head, is literally driving me crazy. Even if the conversation is a healing setback, at least I will be able to silence the conversation in my head. Because it will have been done. Due to meet this week. Goal is to be neutral, no anger or shaming, and exchanging of perspectives as so much was left unsaid. It’s scary since it’s so ill advised, but if I go in and stick to my plan, I control the outcome. I need to take my power back.
@@Laurinwookie What if I’ve been begging & pleading my case for a few months? I think it’s too late to just go no contact bc my manic panicky breakup behavior, I feel like he doesn’t wanna go thru it ever again so he may not ever come back. I’m so damn sad.
@@msstaciamc There is no level of maximum begging and pleading.. Of course maybe you made it worse and now he wants more time of a "relief" from you. but its never too late to go silent. and especially not only pretend to be happy, try start be happy again. if he can see that, he will come back one day if he ever loved you..
I've been in no contact for a couple of months. My ex (He broke up with me) has reached out only once, and that was on my birthday. I am keeping It going because I know my worth, and he knows what he has been losing since. Thanks for the advices, Coach Lee.
I had a 2-month relationship with a woman with an avoidant attachment style. It started intensely, but she pulled away suddenly and brutally. I made every mistake: long messages, flowers, and attempts to make her reconsider, but all I got was rejection and coldness. Thanks to your videos, I’ve regained control and have been in no contact for a month, even though I fear I may have ruined my chances with my anxious behavior. Her birthday is coming up, and it will be hard not to reach out, but I’ll follow your advice. Thank you for your invaluable help!
Im in 24 days of no contact, I think most of the comments are frustrated people whos ex never came back, when there is success they never come back to the videos to update. I promise I will, stay strong
Cope. Tough love here man, but just move on and let her go. She doesn’t want you and she left you, probably for another man if we are being honest. This is the cold hard truth not discussed in these videos. Heal and find a new woman.
4 months out of over 5 year relationship. She reached out at month one with the I miss you stuff and we should get together in a couple months when we’ve both healed more . Well it’s been 3 months now no contact and I haven’t heard a word from her so sometimes it doesn’t work out even in good relationships that end on good terms
Same here. But I have decided to let go. No contact has really helped me. Most times the attention we give to these people makes them feel valuable than they really are. I have disappeared 😂😂😂
No contact worked on our first break up. They think I’ll never change and we’re broke up again 3 months later. I apologize and now we’re back into no contact. Absolutely depressed not being able to talk to them
Coach I implore you PLEASE tell us why we should respond to insignificant messages like "hello" or "thought of you" - messages that don't show any humility or regret over the break-up and don't seek to connect with you to talk about your relationship (AKA Breadcrumbs). I feel that not responding to insignificant messages closely aligns with your teachings by keeping the pressure on your Ex until they break and realize they want you back...
Don’t ignore. Respond after a few hours. Be reserved and playful as if it doesn’t phase you. This creates the pathway back to you and shows that they can communicate with you. Ignoring rejects them.
@ Only they decide they want you back. There are many reasons they may be contacting you that have nothing to do with being in a relationship with you. Best option is to keep the pressure of silence on them until they break. No one is going to walk out of your life forever without letting you know they want you back. They know what to say and what to do. Responding to insignificant messages just puts you in a position to be hurt more severely than the first break up - too risky to many ways it can go wrong.
@@JoseChung21Agree. I don’t respond to weird phone calls with international fake (leased) numbers. She put her photo in a diving suit, when you cannot see her face 100%, but it is her. It was done for sure to provoke me to break my long no contact.
It all depends on how much you wanna risk. You can ignore those simple texts and wait for the big one. If you have 100 NC people and they use that strategy, you’re gonna lose a number of them but those who do return will have a stronger conviction. It’s a gamble.
@@salvomig2368 Thanks for your comment. Of course it's a gamble but I would argue that those who do not return likely were not serious about getting you back. Think about yourself in this situation - would someone's nonresponse not motivate you to send a more significant message before giving up forever? A significant message is a low bar. And moreover, having been hurt once before by this person, taking a risk a second time should only be done when the probabilities are in your favor. This Ex back phenomenon only has a 30% success rate - the second heart break will be much worse than the first. Are you prepared to risk that level of pain and loss of time?
I did a coaching with coach Ken, and pretty sure my ex is undiagnosed with BPD, so I’m pretty sure she’s not going back, I have already triggered the abandonment. And she’s been silent
I've told my ex not to look for me after she cheated and dumped me after trying to work things out, I understand she fucked up I truly upset, I blocked her from all Social media at the beginning of the break up, On a deeper level I would like to talk to her, She was my best friend, I am aware she didn't appreciate it me then
Today is 70 days, she stated looking at my ig stories again the past few weeks, but still hasnt contacted me for anything. She left me because she said she was fustrared with me for my lack of direction, and claimed to still love me. Ive turned eveything around, but it doesn’t seem to have peaked her interest at all.
Sir, how to contact you through email support.. i dated a girl online.. but i told One lie about my identity and face, i revealed truth in First meet.. but i lied about identity to world .. i didn’t do that intentionally with her.. but reality I’m better than lied identity..1 and half year we are close friends .. and 6+ months we are in love and we had intense feelings and intimacy..and last week we met first time.. when she met me we both are felt shy after that meet she saying you betrayed me.. otherwise we would have doing great… i won’t block you but i can’t talk to you either.. even in lied identity my feelings , and emotions for her true, and she said if i failed to become normal move on.. will she forgive me? I realised my mistake and asked apologies too.. now in no contact.. no contact hurting like hell ..
Sir, how to contact you through email support.. i dated a girl online.. but i told One lie about my identity and face, i revealed truth in First meet.. but i lied about identity to world .. i didn’t do that intentionally with her.. but reality I’m better than lied identity..1 and half year we are close friends .. and 6+ months we are in love and we had intense feelings and intimacy..and last week we met first time.. when she met me we both are felt shy after that meet she saying you betrayed me.. otherwise we would have doing great… i won’t block you but i can’t talk to you either.. even in lied identity my feelings , and emotions for her true, and she said if i failed to become normal move on.. will she forgive me? I realised my mistake and asked apologies too.. now in no contact.. no contact hurting like hell
My ex broke up with me out of the blue on October 5th after over a year and a half. He said he lost feelings. I begged ONCE a week later after no contact during the week. He ended up blocking me on everything. It’s now been over 6 weeks since we broke up and 5 weeks n/c (since i was blocked lol). I was doing good for a while and felt I could move on but now I want him back more than ever. We both live in the same town so I know i’ll see him over Christmas. I really hope space is all he needed.
I wish alot of these get my ex back presentations were a bit more honest. I think this guy has great insights but the reality is most of the time when an person wants to leave and doesn't want to discuss it or give you any common ground to meet on , they usually have already got someone else that they are trading you for. Harsh but usually true. Do you want that person back? Do you want to be they're second runner up? I say no.
@rovingenglishman exactly right. Its the self serving bullshit story they tell themselves to justify the bad behavior and the wreckage they leave behind. It's also why a lot of them come back later when they find out the grass is not greener but when they do come back, why would you want to take them...
Here's the deal I'm married and I did no contact for almost 4 months now it's time to finesse... if you are confident and now how to fly then make your moves ... no contact in a marriage is dangerous if it goes to far ... just being teal
My ex dumped me out of the blue after the good relationship. I stayed calm and did not beg and ask her back. After that NC with very brief text messages from me about practical reasons. And the result? She went into rebound soon and now sometimes is sending me the angry, sarcastic messages with unfair accusations how "unsuitable" person I am. She tries to annoy and hurt me. It seems my calmness really makes her hate me.
Can an ex dumper come back after divorce? Especially for an unreasonable reason of leaving in the first place. The ex dumper just want to have total control of the rmarriage. The ex was shocked when the dumped said he is not contesting the divorce in court
I dont think he'll ever come back. Yes i begged him, but i said mean things when he broke up to me and it was mean. I did go and apologize in person, but i think the damage is done. Im so sick over it.
I didn’t say anything degrading to my ex during the breakup, but I was pretty upset (not crying or begging) ,I was very insensitive to their feelings because they were hurting me by breaking it off- the reasons given were pure nonsense. Even after dismissing their feelings during their rejection, I still got a text after about a week, asking me for friendship because “people like me are hard to find”. I kindly declined the offer of friendship. It’s been about 2 weeks since that happened, idk if they will ever reach out again… but this was their decision… I’m glad they recognize that I’m not going to be easy to replace.
A friend of her who has also became my friend said to me out of the blue after dancing with her "You can't get me, because your are Mary's (my ex). I reply "no, I am not hers). I don't know why she said that. This wasn't the first time I danced with her and didn't do anything different than what I used to. Then, she asked "Have you been in bed with Mary"? Why don't you ask yourself, said I. She does not tell those kind of things to me, she replied.
If you’re dealing with a depressed avoidant who has childhood emotional neglect they feel they aren’t “good enough.” They want to beat you to the break up so they at least feel some control because they believe you are going to eventually leave when you see through the fake/false person they pretend to be. They also start resenting you for the fraudulent person they felt they had to create to keep you.
Talking about closure coach lee, in a situation where there is a divorce proceeding already filed by a dumper and the dumped did consented to the divorce in court just not to beg a dumper but the dumped noticed the dumper doesn't seem to want the divorce but was just waiting for the dumped to beg and plead or not to consent to the divorce. Could that be tantamount to closure from the dumped? The dumper seems to be cool, calm and trying to have a rethink though not said in words but trying to send emissaries to the dumped just to create an avenue for reconciliation which wasnt the usual way the dumper relate when the dumper did the break up and filed the divorce. An angry and sturbborn dumper suddenly turned to be cool and calm when the dumped seems unconcern.It's noticeable from the dumper cool and calm nature of chatting or talking to the dumped in relation to the kids in the marriage. Infact, the dumper is using the kids also to persuade the dumped
I made mistake, I agreed to hanging around her although she did though we won't work, I quite not understand the situation, she want no romantic relationship but still want to hangout, only us, like a date. She brought out tons of reason why she feel we are not "fit" and she's not ready and as you said, it is most of the time "bla bla bla". So, after a week, I decided to undo my mistake, I tell her I want relationship, we can slowly rebuild but no I don't want to be friend. And here we are, slowly re-building. I actually prepared myself for rejection and go straight to no contact but turn out she open for a re-build. Well there is no promise in that but let's see how it go, but next time, I will definitely go to no contact, logically hanging around "as friend" will have very painful ending
He broke up with me on a fight then he blocked me on ig then he unblocked and blocked me again! It's been 6 weeks since then and I'm still doing the nc thing... i really want him back!
If they accuse you of pestering them , understand that these types are foul. ! If you hinder them that’s a different thing. That’s you trying to stop them. Pestering them is on their arrogant head space. They tell themselves that they wish you would go away as if you are an annoyance. Like a Miskito around them. ! This is disrespect for you mixed with self grandiosity. ( narcissism) when you recognise this as a pattern in them, as painful as it feels, then you really have no choice other than to save yourself. So why not try that instead !? 😘
It’s been 10 months. Full NC. Have focussed on myself and my career, done everything right and in a healthy way. Nothing from her yet. Not a single message. And I don’t think there will be one either. Even a small sorry would have been better than hearing nothing at all. It still hurts, and now I have feelings of hate. Wish it could all be over.
I’m at two months. I cried again last night and it’s dumb. I don’t want to keep feeling this way so I’m taking a vacation from this breakup. One hour at a time.
4 months rl, 4 months after bu and 2 months NC... Broke it once after bu just for casual talk for 3-4 hrs after we were bumping at each other constantly for 2 months straight. Shit was exausting. Haven't begged nor been needy during texting, ended it first. After that not a peek from her. I haven't congratulated her bday. I think it's just over for me 😂 she's on my mind constantly, but got used to that. 😅
Coach, my gf left me 21 days ago, but I kept reaching for her once or twice a week, until 10 days ago (thats when the no contact started). I live on a different country than her, but I will be going back home in 5 days to stay there for good. Should I break the no contact barrier at all? (Don't plan on doing it on the first week), or should I wait until she says something... She hasn't reached me since she broke up with me.
Mine is 6 months since she hasn’t contacted me and replied to my msgs… last night I messaged her but still she didn’t bother to reply me then I texted her last ending note and then I told her that I am blocking her but still she didn’t react or reply…
Hi there my name is mark and I’m currently going through a divorce and separation with my ex. We have decided to take time and space away from each other so that we can heal. There is no time scale on this process. I’ve got myself a place to live so that I can heal in time. Upon watching some of your videos I’ve taken your advice and will be doing them. in time there will be a day were we will need to have the chat about how we feel after the time away from each other and what we both want moving forward. During my time away I don’t want to think about this as I will just be wondering what will happen. I don’t want to be thinking she will want me back nor do I want to be thinking she doesn’t. Regards to this possibility of the chat arising and the outcome I don’t want to go round to her house and she decides it’s a no because I don’t want to fall back to the place I’m in right now, a broken man. Would it wise to protect myself when she asks me to talk to her? Due to not knowing how it will play out do I ask her what the outcome will be so that if it’s not good news then at least I’m alone and not with her in the same room? I understand this is an outcome I cannot predict at this moment in time and I understand from your videos it’s a long process with lots of possible outcomes and scenarios. I can’t help but think what will be will be, but right now after some time of healing and getting to a better place for me I dread the txt message or phone call asking for the chat as I just feel it won’t go well.
@markpaulsedon, Prepare yourself for the worst. Work on yourself doing gymnastics or some new hobby, a new language, to keep busy. If after no contact she says no, you’d be ahead of the game. If she say yes then it will be a double win. Get close to your original family and friends to fill the void. Go places, meet new people, engage in conversations, go to church , get involved in the community, etc. Doing these activities will allow you to remove her from your thoughts and worries. If you get back to her you then can keep doing these things together. You should come out stronger and less dependent on others for validation. You’ll be fine, either way. Best wishes. God bless.
@carmenkamberos1156 hi thank you for the reply. Me and my wife spoke the other day and I told her that I'm ready to show her I've changed. And that I understand how she feels and that she's not ready yet. She said that she doesn't see any changes in me. She currently has a mask over this and for whatever she refuses to see I've changed. She also said that she doesn't trust me. She doesn't anyone because of me. That every time she sees me thinks of me speaks to me I make her feel anxious and angry and upset. I told her I could fix all her feelings for me and change them to good one's. But she said she doesn't want my help to fix her. That I can't. So I don't see us getting back together again. Please tell me what you think and if you have any ideas on what to do to get her back.
What’s the best move forward if you gave into them too quickly I literally told them that her and I will never find the love we had again in our lives and showed her how miserable I was in our first meeting after the breakup
Coach Lee, Why does my husband who we are about to divorce still try to start arguments w me? He likes to say trigger words and I’m trying to keep a professional distance and stop the banter.
But what if she sees my comment on your video? Lol! I'm practicing "no contact"and will continue. Thank you for reinforcing and pointing out the advantages. But I think the biggest advantage is if she doesn't call, at least I'll be ready to move on at some point.
What if I did these things? I tried to force the closure talk. And even though he never wanted to meet me in person, and ignored me for 3 months now he has sent a polite closure message after I tried to reach out after a month of NC. What if I also acknowledge that I contributed to why he wanted to break up though I don’t think I was all to blame. I wanted to have a deeper connection and he saw my efforts as trying to have arguments and spending too much time and energy to work on problems. I know I was not my best and could have been better communicating my needs and boundaries. I’m now 48 days in NC.
My ex is autistic. I cannot rely on normal mechanisms and presumptions. I'm holding steady, but I'm still figuring out how to play this. We have no mutual friends (started long distance), and she doesn't have fb to check up on me. No ruses available.
I wish I had come across your video last weekend. My ex broke up with me and then texted me two days later asking if he was wrong to walk out. In my response, I blamed myself for being too invested in the relationship. Now, I regret replying and wish I had ignored him. I strongly believe he will text me for Thanksgiving, but I don’t plan on replying. When you talk about being silent, does that mean not responding to any calls or text messages at all? I still love him and want him back, but I want to handle this the right way.
Hide her to not watch her stories , mute her . But let her watch your feed . She has to see ur improvement . And at the same time you protect yourself . And she can feel that u’re detaching your self step by step . That’s what I am doing , and he stoped sharing stories , no he shared sexy picture on his feed , he got a lot of likes . Didn’t react , I waited two days after and I shared a new receipe that I cooked because I love cooking , and I shared today a climbing video stz’arted one week ago . He watched my stories . And I feel that he’s checking my WhatsApp ( not sure ) . Even not using dating apps anymore ( weird) . ‘ 42 days no contact
I think is depends? My situation also end in good terms. Saying good luck to each other's in life. I still want him back. But I unfollowed all my ex social medias because it makes me too anxious and not helping me heal from the break up. I unfollowed and unfriend but not block. I still have his number tho. I believe he know where to find me. And I'm actually feeling okay & better knowing my ex not on my instagram lol
Ive done everything wrong . During 22 days of break up with her. She even cried by saying that she wants to live without me. Will no contact still works ??
Wooow hammer video 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👌🏾👌🏾❤️ please coach lee help me ..mine is on the loose ..he decided to cut it off n frenzoned me since May late..i emberked on my things and me .. exercise which is my life thing Carrier and holiday..i do post my half Marathon pics Every week he is them maan n i went for Holiday currently he not in peace..now he is asking where am i n with who? I wonder what to answer .he places a Qn ..i place my own .so he is frastrated..😅 please help he is on my case ..someone heeelp ba i want him back tho.. 🤣🤣
You always seem to make videos that paint the person who leaves in a negative way. However sometime people leave because they've been hurt or for other reasons that are completely rationale.
@RealCoachLee Thanks for the reply. Much appreciated. I Walked out of my girlfriends house on Saturday as she was shouting at me about something relatively minor. However, I felt I had to leave as it was disrespectful to verbally abuse me like that. She has beeen snapping at me several times recently and I never shout at her.I'm not sure what to do now but dont feel I should be the one apologising. What would you recommend? Bye the way I feel your channel is really good. Best wishes from England!
I pushed her away by not giving her attention and being distant in the end. She brought it up but I had a gut feeling she was cheating on me because she made up things, or was trying to find reasons to argue. Which is why I even became distant. She ghosted me and not even a month later she found somebody new, posting him and everything. She blocked me on everything except Facebook so I can see her move on. I feel dumb waiting for her especially after I chased her trying to get her back. But I can't let her go. Do I wait for her to come back or do I just block her?
Coach just need your opinion really but, my ex claimed to not feel any loss around a week after the break up but a friend told me that she still slanders me even after getting a new bf (its been 11ish months) Personally I found it funny
Amazing. My FA monkey branched to another after four good years with me. He wanted to be friends. Nope. I let him go without tears or drama. NC forever for me. I am now shifting to radio silence. ‘Bye boy. I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me!
Coach, how do i maintain no contact when my ex is within my circle of friends and i obviously dont want to lose my friends? I can't really avoid her. We broke up on good terms, but it was her choice. I didn't beg or do any of the simp stuff.
Break up was in late June. I’ve broken no contact 4 5 or times. Shes responded pretty short and cold but would always say I can’t talk to you right now. Or I have a lot going on and I can’t take anymore at the moment. Did a 43 day no contact stint and a 35 day one that I broke this past weekend. Is all hope lost? Or am I cooked. Mind you the relationship was great. We were trying for a kid in may. Loved eachother more than we loved anyone else. We were it for eachother. But I’m scared it’s never coming back
We ended on kinda good terms but there’s a lot of pain and trauma behind us. The last time we saw each other we had lunch and after I went to his place to get my things, as we said goodbye he kissed my forehead, thanked me to have been in his life😢 and I drove off. A week later I accidentally called him on the night of the election and I apologized for the call through text and it led to very small talk with a few jokes. he never responded back to me and it’s been almost a week. My birthday is also next week so I’m not sure if he’s even going to reach out :( we broke up about a month ago now.
Please help ! Its already been 2 and half month past since we broke up. During this time I always broke no contact rule. Also during this time, i am putting food inside her locker once a week and shes not complaining about it, shes not texting or messaging me to stop doing it. Yes we are workmates and I can still open her locker since it was my padlock. I am confuse because I hanged my rosary and necklace that has my mothers ashes inside, in her locker.. She still keeping it and not hiding it somewhere... also shes still using my towel that i didnt give to her She also keeping my letters.. I am confused... started november with no contact rule again... I dont know why wont she just give my items back , why shes keeping it
No contact worked!! Not only once but twice ! Weve broken up twice and ive used the no contact rule twice. She contacted me on day 46 ! Listen to this man everyone appreciate you so much coach lee
And then? She contacted and why? To tell you something pointless.
@marguskiis7711 she contacted and weve been on multiple dates and have been working on things brotha
@@marguskiis7711 we been on multiple dates and have been working things out were both vary happy rn brotha
Too quick. Such reunion is barely long lasting…anyway good luck. My guess would be too soon, too quick. Two break ups, to repair if at all there should be months long nc.
Total peesapis then ? 2 years this side .
Your ex is not that special as you may think
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
@@RealCoachLee why and what is the psychology behind even WANTING them back? Why try to fix someone who is that callous? Who cares THEY'VE got the problem.
@@michellelippincott6097It is Our attachment
We are who make them special. I came to realize that.
Great line… especially if they left you! What’s worthy of them?
Don't let someone tell you twice they don't want you
I found Coach Lee soon after he ended it with me and followed Coach Lee's advice. I saved my own dignity! I did *not* engage in all the typical expected behaviors (no calling, no crying, no angry texts, no pleading, no guilt tripping, no trying to be flirty, no drunk dials, no fake "oops that text wasn't meant for you", no circling back in 2-3 weeks as if we're friends, no checking in, no needing to talk.) No contact was exactly that, and in the 7 months of silence, I got my own emotions my issues, my life together and became happy again.
Guess what---
We've been together and steady for over a year now.
@MIMIDSH happy for you! how did you two end up reconnecting? I imagine one or both of you entered in new relationships in that time apart…?
I swear it's right when you sincerely do not need them, they return. And lucky him, you took him back. Neat plot twist there!
It took 7 months? How to deal with them messaging you saying they're with someone else, fxxxxing them, and then sending me messages , and love songs at nights . Broken 11 weeks now please help me
@@janef4701 We saw each other at a social event at the 3 month mark, and after that would touch base maybe once a month until we finally arranged a date. He started a business venture with a woman that promptly collapsed, and I dated someone briefly but quickly realized I wasn't into it.
@@videowilliams I agree lol I think we took each other back. We both needed to do some growing.
He's right, no matter how sudden the breakup is, how much you trusted them or thought they were different (they're never different), LEAVE immediately. Don't try to talk or reason with them, don't agree to stay in touch while they "figure things out", none of that. Because he's right, if you do that, not only do you make yourself look less attractive and more needy, but then when they think about you later, they'll feel pain, discomfort etc. Whereas if you take off right away, not only do you look stronger and more attractive, but there's no emotional nonsense that pops up when they think about you.
This applies even if you did nothing wrong and they betrayed you. Just because they know the breakup is their fault and they hurt you and screwed up, that doesn't mean you have any more leverage getting them back. You don't. Always walk away, no matter how much it hurts.
Right on!!
And I like the part you said:
“They’re Not different”.
Preach!
@@Wizard-Girl9 Lol, glad you liked it. It's a lesson I've learned over and over again because the hopeless romantic in me insists on believing that THIS girl is different, but she never is.
@@fuzzypanda1684 🌲🚨the dragon we must slay in relationships is Ego/pride… if both parties aim for humility, harmony is almost guaranteed.
Unless you chose a narcissist! Lost cause
I wanted to do this but I thought I owed them an apology for fighting with her and arguing during the break up. I sent them an apology few days later and they replied with closure about moving on ☹️
To quote the stoic philosopher, Epectidus, "Why do you complain about someone/something that was never intended to be yours?"
i feel like ive watched every video you have about how no contact works. you have the same message in all of them and others may say it’s redundant BUT PLEASE KEEP IT COMING. it’s how i keep myself from contacting them. your videos are what make me strong rn. been in no contact for 3 weeks now. thank you so much coach!!!
You do realize you're praising someone who's making money repeating the same things over and over right? Although to be fair, there are far worse grifters out there.
@ like i said im aware he’s saying the same things. but if it’s helping me IT’S HELPING ME. and if he’s making money out of me watching for free then keep it coming 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
@@whenindoubtlogout 🌲🔔🎅Funny, it’s never redundant - in fact it’s the repetition that’s essential! Keep em coming Coach Lee. Each video is singular
Every situation is different and unique . The only reason to follow coach lees advise is not to get your ex back but to reverse the power balance and flip the script .
No contact is about your dignity .
Love all these reasons Coach Lee! I really needed this video on a day where I'm really missing him. I gave him the space he wanted and didn't chase him or seek closure even though he completely blindsided me with the breakup after he said he loved me that same day. After watching this video, I remembered why would I want someone back who can discard me and treat me so coldly as though I don't exist. I deserve better and if you're going through a similar situtation, so do you. You are worthy of someone who behaves like an adult and who will be open and honest with you no matter how difficult it is to talk about. Thank you Coach Lee for reinforcing these points and giving me and others the strength to get through these hard life moments 🙏
How nasty of him to tell you he loved you & then abandons you?!
Yuck - he’s no adult.
Probably a liberal lefty who’s jealous of Trump
It’s true I left and told her I was done with her hot and cold behavior less than 2 weeks she was texting I miss you and she even flew to Florida from Nevada to surprise me for my bday and ended up moving in with me , she said she made up her mind and did not want to lose me I was moving on trust this man he knows what he is talking about “they will figure it out but you have to be willing to walk away”
Great post! 🌲🍊
You are amazing. My ex finnaly came back and we are married now for nearly 2 years.
Congratulations bro! What astrology sign are you & her?
Yes! Having worked with individuals who’ve been dumped by their partners for over two decades, I can confidently say that the single most important strategy is complete silence. It’s the only approach that holds the potential to reignite a spark of attraction and open the door to the possibility of reconciliation. Excellent insight!
Lee is on target,100% right. Great video.
The video is so spot on. Unfortunately, 6 weeks into the breakup and a ton of begging and emotionally charged texts, i finally see this video. I feel horrible after viewing this video because i know it is hopeless now. She ended up ghosting me.
It's never too late to go no contact
@RebeccaMiller-ep3ug i appreciate that. I started today. But the fact that she stopped opening my messages makes me feel that there is no hope. It will take a few weeks for her to even start to realize I finally gave up.
She would’ve blocked you if she didn’t like the attention, even though she didn’t want to be with you. You were just feeding her ego. You have to burn down the bridge and move on.
Ooof these points hit home Coach Lee! If we follow these, it'll show that we're actually the ones with the power and not them!! 💪
Walk away and count your blessings.
"As the dog returns to his vomit" IS 100% TRUTH.
Sometimes a person doesn’t want to come back. After 8 years my ex left me back in May. While neither one of us was without blame, I take responsibility for a lot. But it’s really sad to be in love with someone who doesn’t care enough about you to try. But I’ve accepted he’s happier without me and sometimes people don’t come back.
Yes, of course sometimes a person doesn’t want to come back. As I have said many times, sometimes no contact does not work and sometimes it does not work out. That doesn’t change the fact that it can work out and sometimes people do want to come back.
Is it not wise to let go such a callous ex? See it as a blessing in disguise. I can conclude he or she doesn't live you at all. So, why worry about such an ex?
Men will come back sooner or later.
@@marguskiis7711 hah I read your comment and was like?! . I realized I made a typo and put “he”. My ex is a she. But I agree 💯 , seeing posts here and Reddit overwhelmingly it’s men who come back.
It makes me wonder if there’s male v female psychology that impacts NC.
@@DannyMartin3z NC does not work on women, usually. Women almost never regret dumping and never take accountability. They have tons of options to explore, hundreds men to abuse.
Ι don't get why someone would want to get back with their ex. I mean whatever she/he had to offer, you've seen it, smelled it,taste it and for reasons varying, it didn't work out.Learning how to deal with loss is one of life's most important skills/lessons. One day your parents or someone you are very close with, will die and eventually you will have at some point to deal with your own loss too, learn to accept these small losses, so you can deal with the big ones later.
I don't think he is ever coming back, it's been over 3 months now. I keep thinking soon the pain will go away but it doesn't....
I used to think 3 months was a long time and in the past I reached out at the 3 month mark with success but it didn’t last bc it didn’t come from him. I watched every single Coach Lee video and he suggests that odds go down after 3 months but it’s still best to not reach out in order to preserve your power unless you want to move on. When or if they’re ready to, they’ll find you. Depending on the situation it could be that they stayed in the relief period longer/had a rebound that delayed relief and curiosity. I wish the best for you just remember that when one door closes, others can open ❤
I use to think 2months should be enough for NC but I was wrong , now it's been 1 year NC , nothing from her, you will feel better , just stop counting the days and live your life again like u used to and have this mindset " I was fine before I met you , I will be fine again once you're gone "
Update??
@@ankitathakar7998 He's in a serious relationship now with someone he met before Thanksgiving 😞
Be patient mine was total NC for 6 months then I got a text saying she couldn't get me out of her head. But you need to get it in to your head that text isn't coming
Coach’s new side-parted bang and full beard combo is looking fresh!!
I watch this man to learn , not to get someone who dumped me why would I want someone who told me no
I was begging and pleading my ex for 2 weeks before i was doing no contact,I can’t believe it after Day 7 of no contact!!!,my ex reached out to me!!!, it can work!thanks a lot coach lee !
Thanks coach Lee
I have been following you for a long time . I have survived my difficult time gracefully with your guidance
I tried no contact and even paid for courses back when my ex left me 2 years ago. I never heard from him again. He didn’t hear from me either. We just never spoke again. I guess it doesn’t work on everyone. Now I miss someone I blocked but my reason was he was stringing me along and not being clear, trying to friendzone me after taking me on a trip and introducing me as a girlfriend, then saying he wanted to meet only to then ghost me. So I blocked him and I’m not going to look for him.
I broke no contact again after only 3 days… i couldn’t help that she was the first person i wanted to notify and i told her my dad was in the hospital and needed immediate surgery and that I needed prayer. She did reply with “I’m sorry. I hope surgery goes well.” But i still just feel like i went backwards by still texting her because I was emotional about my dad.
Edit: she actually reached back out later today asking about my dad and then to my surprise asked how i had been doing with the break up. We’ve been chatting throughout today.
I practiced no contact..... He failed to replace me 😢 in 2019 he ghosted me and I decided to move on & I believe I thought he could sign in to my life whenever he likes 😅 it's 2024 almost 6 years ago
.. He know comes pleading and ask for my hand in marriage 😂😂😂😂 it's so funny how people joke with other people's feelings.
I'm very proud I worked on myself and moved on fully. I don't want him back and I'll never want... GOD will bless me with an intentional man and matured one, who will never play silly games (ghosting)
About the non closure… I don’t understand how I could be at dinner with my ex and shes telling me how much she loved me, kissing me and being playfully intimate and then walk out on me when my card declined due to a fraud alert. To make it worse, she never replied to any of my texts over the course of two weeks yet she didn’t block me either. Never heard from her again. wtf? For the record as I always paid for things in our relationship, that was the first time she ever did.
No contact is so brutally difficult for me, constant worry...
I feel you and I always kept repeating the same mistake and reaching out first. Which always resulted in very bad situations.
She/he will reach out one day, if they really loved you, just be patient. Its so hard yes, because especially after weeks and maybe months without a response, feels like they will never come back. But actually they will, whenever they finished their "relief state" and start missing you again.
Keep going with your normal life, if you use social media, share pics of you beeing together with friends, doing activities, smiling etc..
Most of the times you dont even expect it when they reach out. Its so sudden and you are in the middle of work, activities etc, when they text you.
Mostly you also started forgetting about it, because you thought they would never reach out. And then Boom, they reach out.
Time is the key.
If they never reach out, after half a year or even longer, forget about it, and start having doubts if they really loved you in the first place. Prolly you found someone better by that time and dont even think about it anymore :)
My ex broke no contact on day 30 (I feel like he was advised to wait that much time)? He said it was difficult not talking but he recognized we both needed space. And told me, “just know, when we both feel it’s the right time, I would like to talk.” I replied 2 days later, and regret that. I told him that I would likely be willing to talk. Then, two days later I told him no closure conversation was needed, and I had found peace on my own. His reply was “let me know if you change your mind at some point.” After our second period of no contact, he breadcrumbed me on day 19. I did not respond until day 31. At this time, I told him I had changed my mind, and wanted the conversation (for various reasons). Understandably, he asked what made me change my mind. I didn’t want to text about it, so we talked on phone that night. It ended up being 1.5 hour peaceful conversation. I know I should just leave it there. My therapist and BFF do not advise the conversation. But the conversation with him inside my head, is literally driving me crazy. Even if the conversation is a healing setback, at least I will be able to silence the conversation in my head. Because it will have been done.
Due to meet this week. Goal is to be neutral, no anger or shaming, and exchanging of perspectives as so much was left unsaid. It’s scary since it’s so ill advised, but if I go in and stick to my plan, I control the outcome. I need to take my power back.
@@Laurinwookie What if I’ve been begging & pleading my case for a few months? I think it’s too late to just go no contact bc my manic panicky breakup behavior, I feel like he doesn’t wanna go thru it ever again so he may not ever come back. I’m so damn sad.
@@msstaciamc There is no level of maximum begging and pleading..
Of course maybe you made it worse and now he wants more time of a "relief" from you.
but its never too late to go silent.
and especially not only pretend to be happy, try start be happy again.
if he can see that, he will come back one day if he ever loved you..
I've been in no contact for a couple of months. My ex (He broke up with me) has reached out only once, and that was on my birthday. I am keeping It going because I know my worth, and he knows what he has been losing since. Thanks for the advices, Coach Lee.
I had a 2-month relationship with a woman with an avoidant attachment style. It started intensely, but she pulled away suddenly and brutally. I made every mistake: long messages, flowers, and attempts to make her reconsider, but all I got was rejection and coldness. Thanks to your videos, I’ve regained control and have been in no contact for a month, even though I fear I may have ruined my chances with my anxious behavior. Her birthday is coming up, and it will be hard not to reach out, but I’ll follow your advice. Thank you for your invaluable help!
Do not reach out for her birthday!!
Avoidants are never mature …
Coach Lee please don’t forget to add your videos to Spotify
Im in 24 days of no contact, I think most of the comments are frustrated people whos ex never came back, when there is success they never come back to the videos to update. I promise I will, stay strong
Cope. Tough love here man, but just move on and let her go. She doesn’t want you and she left you, probably for another man if we are being honest. This is the cold hard truth not discussed in these videos. Heal and find a new woman.
4 months out of over 5 year relationship. She reached out at month one with the I miss you stuff and we should get together in a couple months when we’ve both healed more . Well it’s been 3 months now no contact and I haven’t heard a word from her so sometimes it doesn’t work out even in good relationships that end on good terms
That’s still very early. Give it time.
We broke up 10 weeks ago.
I didn’t find this channel until 4 weeks ago.
I’ve made so many mistakes.
I’ve made this breakup so easy for her.
Me too. I do it every time
It's fucking painful 😅
Same here. But I have decided to let go. No contact has really helped me.
Most times the attention we give to these people makes them feel valuable than they really are.
I have disappeared 😂😂😂
Awesome professionalism ❤
She had me on block for 60 days. She hit me up telling me she misssed me and realized I moved out the complex. 😂 time to makeup xxx
No contact worked on our first break up. They think I’ll never change and we’re broke up again 3 months later. I apologize and now we’re back into no contact. Absolutely depressed not being able to talk to them
Sometimes it can take 7 years to get back together you can't make these things happen they either do or they don't
Coach I implore you PLEASE tell us why we should respond to insignificant messages like "hello" or "thought of you" - messages that don't show any humility or regret over the break-up and don't seek to connect with you to talk about your relationship (AKA Breadcrumbs). I feel that not responding to insignificant messages closely aligns with your teachings by keeping the pressure on your Ex until they break and realize they want you back...
Don’t ignore. Respond after a few hours. Be reserved and playful as if it doesn’t phase you. This creates the pathway back to you and shows that they can communicate with you. Ignoring rejects them.
@ Only they decide they want you back. There are many reasons they may be contacting you that have nothing to do with being in a relationship with you. Best option is to keep the pressure of silence on them until they break. No one is going to walk out of your life forever without letting you know they want you back. They know what to say and what to do. Responding to insignificant messages just puts you in a position to be hurt more severely than the first break up - too risky to many ways it can go wrong.
@@JoseChung21Agree. I don’t respond to weird phone calls with international fake (leased) numbers. She put her photo in a diving suit, when you cannot see her face 100%, but it is her. It was done for sure to provoke me to break my long no contact.
It all depends on how much you wanna risk. You can ignore those simple texts and wait for the big one. If you have 100 NC people and they use that strategy, you’re gonna lose a number of them but those who do return will have a stronger conviction. It’s a gamble.
@@salvomig2368 Thanks for your comment. Of course it's a gamble but I would argue that those who do not return likely were not serious about getting you back. Think about yourself in this situation - would someone's nonresponse not motivate you to send a more significant message before giving up forever? A significant message is a low bar. And moreover, having been hurt once before by this person, taking a risk a second time should only be done when the probabilities are in your favor. This Ex back phenomenon only has a 30% success rate - the second heart break will be much worse than the first. Are you prepared to risk that level of pain and loss of time?
I did a coaching with coach Ken, and pretty sure my ex is undiagnosed with BPD, so I’m pretty sure she’s not going back, I have already triggered the abandonment. And she’s been silent
Good advice, as usual.
I've told my ex not to look for me after she cheated and dumped me after trying to work things out, I understand she fucked up I truly upset, I blocked her from all Social media at the beginning of the break up, On a deeper level I would like to talk to her, She was my best friend, I am aware she didn't appreciate it me then
Nah man she's dead to you
Please move on never ever go back to someone after they cheat don't be stupid
I know it's hard, but never go back to a cheater. Please, respect yourself.
Celebrations are good to share the feelings if both love to each other sincerely . Now I will not send him any message he can send ,no matter.
Today is 70 days, she stated looking at my ig stories again the past few weeks, but still hasnt contacted me for anything. She left me because she said she was fustrared with me for my lack of direction, and claimed to still love me. Ive turned eveything around, but it doesn’t seem to have peaked her interest at all.
I’m at 60 and it’s just having to realise they don’t want you. Harsh truth.
1,6 years of nc with avoidant ex.))
Sir, how to contact you through email support.. i dated a girl online.. but i told One lie about my identity and face, i revealed truth in First meet.. but i lied about identity to world .. i didn’t do that intentionally with her.. but reality I’m better than lied identity..1 and half year we are close friends .. and 6+ months we are in love and we had intense feelings and intimacy..and last week we met first time.. when she met me we both are felt shy after that meet she saying you betrayed me.. otherwise we would have doing great… i won’t block you but i can’t talk to you either.. even in lied identity my feelings , and emotions for her true, and she said if i failed to become normal move on.. will she forgive me? I realised my mistake and asked apologies too.. now in no contact.. no contact hurting like hell ..
Help me 1 week No contact going on .. my case is very different than others 🤦🏻♂️ will she forgive me and accept me?
Sir, how to contact you through email support.. i dated a girl online.. but i told One lie about my identity and face, i revealed truth in First meet.. but i lied about identity to world .. i didn’t do that intentionally with her.. but reality I’m better than lied identity..1 and half year we are close friends .. and 6+ months we are in love and we had intense feelings and intimacy..and last week we met first time.. when she met me we both are felt shy after that meet she saying you betrayed me.. otherwise we would have doing great… i won’t block you but i can’t talk to you either.. even in lied identity my feelings , and emotions for her true, and she said if i failed to become normal move on.. will she forgive me? I realised my mistake and asked apologies too.. now in no contact.. no contact hurting like hell
My ex broke up with me out of the blue on October 5th after over a year and a half. He said he lost feelings. I begged ONCE a week later after no contact during the week. He ended up blocking me on everything. It’s now been over 6 weeks since we broke up and 5 weeks n/c (since i was blocked lol). I was doing good for a while and felt I could move on but now I want him back more than ever. We both live in the same town so I know i’ll see him over Christmas. I really hope space is all he needed.
I wish alot of these get my ex back presentations were a bit more honest. I think this guy has great insights but the reality is most of the time when an person wants to leave and doesn't want to discuss it or give you any common ground to meet on , they usually have already got someone else that they are trading you for. Harsh but usually true. Do you want that person back? Do you want to be they're second runner up? I say no.
Yep. Very sneaky and deceptive running around and building connection with new person while you are none the wiser. Then they drop you.
Yeah this wasn’t mentioned. Once she’s monkeybranched she’s gone and has filled her head with all sorts of negative ideas about you to ease the guilt.
@rovingenglishman exactly right. Its the self serving bullshit story they tell themselves to justify the bad behavior and the wreckage they leave behind. It's also why a lot of them come back later when they find out the grass is not greener but when they do come back, why would you want to take them...
Here's the deal I'm married and I did no contact for almost 4 months now it's time to finesse... if you are confident and now how to fly then make your moves ... no contact in a marriage is dangerous if it goes to far ... just being teal
Im just suffering from breakup i can’t stop crying and stop thinking.. please help me .. i wanna do NC but im scared.. it’s hard 💔💔💔
Me too 🖤
My ex dumped me out of the blue after the good relationship. I stayed calm and did not beg and ask her back. After that NC with very brief text messages from me about practical reasons.
And the result? She went into rebound soon and now sometimes is sending me the angry, sarcastic messages with unfair accusations how "unsuitable" person I am. She tries to annoy and hurt me. It seems my calmness really makes her hate me.
Im staying out of relationships. If i were to date again, he would have to be mature and have no emotional baggage.
Can an ex dumper come back after divorce? Especially for an unreasonable reason of leaving in the first place. The ex dumper just want to have total control of the rmarriage. The ex was shocked when the dumped said he is not contesting the divorce in court
Ex is ex forever
I dont think he'll ever come back. Yes i begged him, but i said mean things when he broke up to me and it was mean. I did go and apologize in person, but i think the damage is done. Im so sick over it.
I didn’t say anything degrading to my ex during the breakup, but I was pretty upset (not crying or begging) ,I was very insensitive to their feelings because they were hurting me by breaking it off- the reasons given were pure nonsense. Even after dismissing their feelings during their rejection, I still got a text after about a week, asking me for friendship because “people like me are hard to find”. I kindly declined the offer of friendship. It’s been about 2 weeks since that happened, idk if they will ever reach out again… but this was their decision… I’m glad they recognize that I’m not going to be easy to replace.
Coach Lee, can you please make a video about someone always wants to break up or give days of silence every after argument? Thank you!
A friend of her who has also became my friend said to me out of the blue after dancing with her "You can't get me, because your are Mary's (my ex). I reply "no, I am not hers). I don't know why she said that. This wasn't the first time I danced with her and didn't do anything different than what I used to. Then, she asked "Have you been in bed with Mary"? Why don't you ask yourself, said I. She does not tell those kind of things to me, she replied.
If you’re dealing with a depressed avoidant who has childhood emotional neglect they feel they aren’t “good enough.” They want to beat you to the break up so they at least feel some control because they believe you are going to eventually leave when you see through the fake/false person they pretend to be. They also start resenting you for the fraudulent person they felt they had to create to keep you.
Wow!
Did you actually know my ex-girlfriend??😂
🌲Yes succinctly stated… my ex did that. Worst type of all. No amount of NC will heal them
@tsan1010, wow, this is so true. Exactly what I thought!!!
@@Tsan1010 So well said!! I went thru that exactly… so tragic bc he does have some great qualities but his lack of self love sabatouged it all
Talking about closure coach lee, in a situation where there is a divorce proceeding already filed by a dumper and the dumped did consented to the divorce in court just not to beg a dumper but the dumped noticed the dumper doesn't seem to want the divorce but was just waiting for the dumped to beg and plead or not to consent to the divorce. Could that be tantamount to closure from the dumped?
The dumper seems to be cool, calm and trying to have a rethink though not said in words but trying to send emissaries to the dumped just to create an avenue for reconciliation which wasnt the usual way the dumper relate when the dumper did the break up and filed the divorce. An angry and sturbborn dumper suddenly turned to be cool and calm when the dumped seems unconcern.It's noticeable from the dumper cool and calm nature of chatting or talking to the dumped in relation to the kids in the marriage. Infact, the dumper is using the kids also to persuade the dumped
I made mistake, I agreed to hanging around her although she did though we won't work, I quite not understand the situation, she want no romantic relationship but still want to hangout, only us, like a date. She brought out tons of reason why she feel we are not "fit" and she's not ready and as you said, it is most of the time "bla bla bla".
So, after a week, I decided to undo my mistake, I tell her I want relationship, we can slowly rebuild but no I don't want to be friend. And here we are, slowly re-building.
I actually prepared myself for rejection and go straight to no contact but turn out she open for a re-build.
Well there is no promise in that but let's see how it go, but next time, I will definitely go to no contact, logically hanging around "as friend" will have very painful ending
He broke up with me on a fight then he blocked me on ig then he unblocked and blocked me again! It's been 6 weeks since then and I'm still doing the nc thing... i really want him back!
What if you are married, and stay together?
If they accuse you of pestering them , understand that these types are foul. ! If you hinder them that’s a different thing. That’s you trying to stop them. Pestering them is on their arrogant head space. They tell themselves that they wish you would go away as if you are an annoyance. Like a Miskito around them. ! This is disrespect for you mixed with self grandiosity. ( narcissism) when you recognise this as a pattern in them, as painful as it feels, then you really have no choice other than to save yourself. So why not try that instead !? 😘
It’s been 10 months. Full NC. Have focussed on myself and my career, done everything right and in a healthy way.
Nothing from her yet. Not a single message. And I don’t think there will be one either.
Even a small sorry would have been better than hearing nothing at all.
It still hurts, and now I have feelings of hate. Wish it could all be over.
How about going friends only on Facebook now that she blocked me?
Similar with reading a printed book. And yes, a cop ask me what I am reading once.
50 days no contact , wish the lord would take me now 😂 seems like it gets worse not better.
I’m at two months. I cried again last night and it’s dumb. I don’t want to keep feeling this way so I’m taking a vacation from this breakup. One hour at a time.
Hang in there. We're all hurting. Let's trust time as a healer. Abs work on ourselves.
4 months rl, 4 months after bu and 2 months NC... Broke it once after bu just for casual talk for 3-4 hrs after we were bumping at each other constantly for 2 months straight. Shit was exausting. Haven't begged nor been needy during texting, ended it first. After that not a peek from her. I haven't congratulated her bday. I think it's just over for me 😂 she's on my mind constantly, but got used to that. 😅
NC is the most painful method to get over.
@@Mate_Mateo NC does not work on women.
Coach, my gf left me 21 days ago, but I kept reaching for her once or twice a week, until 10 days ago (thats when the no contact started).
I live on a different country than her, but I will be going back home in 5 days to stay there for good.
Should I break the no contact barrier at all? (Don't plan on doing it on the first week), or should I wait until she says something... She hasn't reached me since she broke up with me.
Mine is 6 months since she hasn’t contacted me and replied to my msgs… last night I messaged her but still she didn’t bother to reply me then I texted her last ending note and then I told her that I am blocking her but still she didn’t react or reply…
Hi there my name is mark and I’m currently going through a divorce and separation with my ex. We have decided to take time and space away from each other so that we can heal. There is no time scale on this process. I’ve got myself a place to live so that I can heal in time. Upon watching some of your videos I’ve taken your advice and will be doing them. in time there will be a day were we will need to have the chat about how we feel after the time away from each other and what we both want moving forward. During my time away I don’t want to think about this as I will just be wondering what will happen. I don’t want to be thinking she will want me back nor do I want to be thinking she doesn’t. Regards to this possibility of the chat arising and the outcome I don’t want to go round to her house and she decides it’s a no because I don’t want to fall back to the place I’m in right now, a broken man. Would it wise to protect myself when she asks me to talk to her? Due to not knowing how it will play out do I ask her what the outcome will be so that if it’s not good news then at least I’m alone and not with her in the same room? I understand this is an outcome I cannot predict at this moment in time and I understand from your videos it’s a long process with lots of possible outcomes and scenarios. I can’t help but think what will be will be, but right now after some time of healing and getting to a better place for me I dread the txt message or phone call asking for the chat as I just feel it won’t go well.
@markpaulsedon, Prepare yourself for the worst. Work on yourself doing gymnastics or some new hobby, a new language, to keep busy. If after no contact she says no, you’d be ahead of the game. If she say yes then it will be a double win. Get close to your original family and friends to fill the void. Go places, meet new people, engage in conversations, go to church , get involved in the community, etc. Doing these activities will allow you to remove her from your thoughts and worries. If you get back to her you then can keep doing these things together. You should come out stronger and less dependent on others for validation. You’ll be fine, either way. Best wishes. God bless.
@carmenkamberos1156 hi thank you for the reply. Me and my wife spoke the other day and I told her that I'm ready to show her I've changed. And that I understand how she feels and that she's not ready yet. She said that she doesn't see any changes in me. She currently has a mask over this and for whatever she refuses to see I've changed. She also said that she doesn't trust me. She doesn't anyone because of me. That every time she sees me thinks of me speaks to me I make her feel anxious and angry and upset. I told her I could fix all her feelings for me and change them to good one's. But she said she doesn't want my help to fix her. That I can't. So I don't see us getting back together again. Please tell me what you think and if you have any ideas on what to do to get her back.
always the best videos
Can you do more videos on how to build momentum after the ex breaks no contact?
What’s the best move forward if you gave into them too quickly I literally told them that her and I will never find the love we had again in our lives and showed her how miserable I was in our first meeting after the breakup
One of your Best vidoes❤❤❤
Coach Lee,
Why does my husband who we are about to divorce still try to start arguments w me?
He likes to say trigger words and I’m trying to keep a professional distance and stop the banter.
But what if she sees my comment on your video? Lol! I'm practicing "no contact"and will continue. Thank you for reinforcing and pointing out the advantages. But I think the biggest advantage is if she doesn't call, at least I'll be ready to move on at some point.
Thank you, Coach Lee!
What if I did these things? I tried to force the closure talk. And even though he never wanted to meet me in person, and ignored me for 3 months now he has sent a polite closure message after I tried to reach out after a month of NC. What if I also acknowledge that I contributed to why he wanted to break up though I don’t think I was all to blame. I wanted to have a deeper connection and he saw my efforts as trying to have arguments and spending too much time and energy to work on problems. I know I was not my best and could have been better communicating my needs and boundaries. I’m now 48 days in NC.
My ex is autistic. I cannot rely on normal mechanisms and presumptions. I'm holding steady, but I'm still figuring out how to play this.
We have no mutual friends (started long distance), and she doesn't have fb to check up on me. No ruses available.
I wish I had come across your video last weekend. My ex broke up with me and then texted me two days later asking if he was wrong to walk out. In my response, I blamed myself for being too invested in the relationship. Now, I regret replying and wish I had ignored him.
I strongly believe he will text me for Thanksgiving, but I don’t plan on replying. When you talk about being silent, does that mean not responding to any calls or text messages at all? I still love him and want him back, but I want to handle this the right way.
Should I block/remove her from my social media too if I want her back? Been about a week post-breakup; broke up with me on good terms.
Hide her to not watch her stories , mute her . But let her watch your feed . She has to see ur improvement . And at the same time you protect yourself . And she can feel that u’re detaching your self step by step .
That’s what I am doing , and he stoped sharing stories , no he shared sexy picture on his feed , he got a lot of likes . Didn’t react , I waited two days after and I shared a new receipe that I cooked because I love cooking , and I shared today a climbing video stz’arted one week ago . He watched my stories . And I feel that he’s checking my WhatsApp ( not sure ) . Even not using dating apps anymore ( weird) . ‘
42 days no contact
I think is depends? My situation also end in good terms. Saying good luck to each other's in life. I still want him back.
But I unfollowed all my ex social medias because it makes me too anxious and not helping me heal from the break up. I unfollowed and unfriend but not block. I still have his number tho. I believe he know where to find me. And I'm actually feeling okay & better knowing my ex not on my instagram lol
Ive done everything wrong . During 22 days of break up with her. She even cried by saying that she wants to live without me. Will no contact still works ??
Wooow hammer video 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👌🏾👌🏾❤️ please coach lee help me ..mine is on the loose ..he decided to cut it off n frenzoned me since May late..i emberked on my things and me .. exercise which is my life thing Carrier and holiday..i do post my half Marathon pics Every week he is them maan n i went for Holiday currently he not in peace..now he is asking where am i n with who? I wonder what to answer .he places a Qn ..i place my own .so he is frastrated..😅 please help he is on my case ..someone heeelp ba i want him back tho.. 🤣🤣
You always seem to make videos that paint the person who leaves in a negative way. However sometime people leave because they've been hurt or for other reasons that are completely rationale.
Yes that’s true. But I focus more on the nonsense, immature, and shallow reasons that people leave, breakup, and divorce.
@RealCoachLee Thanks for the reply. Much appreciated. I Walked out of my girlfriends house on Saturday as she was shouting at me about something relatively minor. However, I felt I had to leave as it was disrespectful to verbally abuse me like that. She has beeen snapping at me several times recently and I never shout at her.I'm not sure what to do now but dont feel I should be the one apologising. What would you recommend? Bye the way I feel your channel is really good. Best wishes from England!
I pushed her away by not giving her attention and being distant in the end. She brought it up but I had a gut feeling she was cheating on me because she made up things, or was trying to find reasons to argue. Which is why I even became distant. She ghosted me and not even a month later she found somebody new, posting him and everything. She blocked me on everything except Facebook so I can see her move on. I feel dumb waiting for her especially after I chased her trying to get her back. But I can't let her go. Do I wait for her to come back or do I just block her?
Coach just need your opinion really but, my ex claimed to not feel any loss around a week after the break up but a friend told me that she still slanders me even after getting a new bf (its been 11ish months)
Personally I found it funny
Lol, your magic is still on her. You won anyway 😂
@Mate_Mateo fr😹
What if there was infidelity ? How do you handle that
What if the person has BPD? And they split on you aka black and white thinking
You are better off if they don’t want to be in your life.
What if I said a bunch of hateful stuff I didn't mean the last time we interacted..?
How do you deal with the pain during no contact? 😢😢😢
th-cam.com/video/DmgLYwTiO2c/w-d-xo.html&pp=ygUeY29hY2ggbGVlIG5vIGNvbnRhY3QgZW5jb3VyYWdl
He has lost me, and I don’t want him back.
Amazing. My FA monkey branched to another after four good years with me. He wanted to be friends. Nope. I let him go without tears or drama. NC forever for me. I am now shifting to radio silence. ‘Bye boy. I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me!
Coach, how do i maintain no contact when my ex is within my circle of friends and i obviously dont want to lose my friends? I can't really avoid her. We broke up on good terms, but it was her choice. I didn't beg or do any of the simp stuff.
Break up was in late June. I’ve broken no contact 4 5 or times. Shes responded pretty short and cold but would always say I can’t talk to you right now. Or I have a lot going on and I can’t take anymore at the moment. Did a 43 day no contact stint and a 35 day one that I broke this past weekend. Is all hope lost? Or am I cooked. Mind you the relationship was great. We were trying for a kid in may. Loved eachother more than we loved anyone else. We were it for eachother. But I’m scared it’s never coming back
Can you make a video about parent disagreement please.
Thank you. God bless you
I need your help how do I reach out to
What about if he get married 😢
We ended on kinda good terms but there’s a lot of pain and trauma behind us. The last time we saw each other we had lunch and after I went to his place to get my things, as we said goodbye he kissed my forehead, thanked me to have been in his life😢 and I drove off. A week later I accidentally called him on the night of the election and I apologized for the call through text and it led to very small talk with a few jokes. he never responded back to me and it’s been almost a week. My birthday is also next week so I’m not sure if he’s even going to reach out :( we broke up about a month ago now.
What to do when you don't want your ex back?
Start dating other people?
Thank you!!!!
Please help !
Its already been 2 and half month past since we broke up.
During this time I always broke no contact rule. Also during this time, i am putting food inside her locker once a week and shes not complaining about it, shes not texting or messaging me to stop doing it.
Yes we are workmates and I can still open her locker since it was my padlock.
I am confuse because I hanged my rosary and necklace that has my mothers ashes inside, in her locker..
She still keeping it and not hiding it somewhere... also shes still using my towel that i didnt give to her
She also keeping my letters..
I am confused... started november with no contact rule again...
I dont know why wont she just give my items back , why shes keeping it
Birthday video! 😃
The old one here: th-cam.com/video/gLUJbncTN1k/w-d-xo.htmlsi=s5K64eKS9P35K0yO