I gave up on social media, because I noticed how much easier my life got when I didn't compare my activities with someone else. I didn't have to feel like a useless human being on a day when I just wanted to play video games while someone on Facebook was on a trip around Europe posting pictures every day. It gave me room to listen my thoughts and develop them towards more healthy way of thinking about myself.
I feel like it's more of the opposite in the post-lockdown world. It went from being sad that everyone else is doing so well to this internet crab mentality that always has to make you feel like shit about the world you are living in. You could be having a good time but then you go on youtube and it seems like the world is going to end in five minutes.
It becomes increasingly hard to do this because technology has become such a integral part of much of the developed world. So detaching yourself from this feeling of constant shit is rather difficult.
Same! I always remind myself that 50 years ago, no one knew what everyone else was up to. So even though it may feel weird not having SM, it’s actually the way humans have lived for millennia. Still wild to me considering I’m a Gen Z and SM is so ingrained in our society now.
@@AAnomolyThats a limiting belief from your end i feel. Deleting social media and spending less time on internet / screens is really simple like getting a six pack, just needs some daily work to stack the habit
I lost my job a little over a month ago. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. I feel like I'm finally learning to break free of this cycle. Everything is up in the air financially but I feel more in control of my life than ever. It makes no sense but my anxiety/depression have actually decreased in this past month. Wishing for anyone reading this who has or is struggling that you can find the peace and freedom you deserve.
They've decreased because you've lived through the 'worst-case scenario' and now you no longer have to worry about it happening . It's happened. It's over. You're still going strong. Congrats!"
Personally, I feel that one of the major reasons it just seems evil people seemingly keep getting away with everything. With no consequences at all. Just seems good people just can’t get any type of victory anymore in any aspect of,our,lives.
Maybe it kind of seems that way because our minds like to focus on the negative; hence all the news outlets report negative things for clicks. Some good guys still win. The man who made Craigslist never sold out (Ebay bought a stake but he eventually bought it back after they got angry that he didn't compromise the site to increase profits for shareholders) but is still successful to this day :)
Mean world syndrome on steroids. Before it was just mostly just the news causing it. Now it's worked into social media, memes, video games, etc. It's amped up a lot in TV shows, movies, documentaries, etc. It stirs up some people to become activists and advocates for improvement, which is great. However, the more egotistical ones will only see their cause amongst the thousands, and insist that others not taking part makes them either ignorant or heartless. So you have these people with different causes (not all activists, just these people) fighting for cause-dominance and usually using compulsion. So that sneaks into human interactions. The result is depression, anxiety, and empathy burnout. The solution is physically setting up a more balanced environment that affirms the good in the world at least as much as the bad. That will put the distorted thinking into check and give you breathing room to recharge. Then, you're in a better place, and ironically, you're better suited to do good in the world.
The BEST argument I've ever heard against social media (and just media in general): we evolved for hundreds of thousands of years in small tribes. You knew or met maybe 200 people in your entire life. So if you knew only 100 people that were better than you, you were average. If you knew 199 people that were better than you? You were literally the worst person you knew Fast forward to today and thanks to social media you can be exposed to 199 people better than you ever week. No wonder so many people are depressed and anxious
Well then maybe we should focus on improving our life using our frustration as energy boost ? Instead of avoiding the reality and the full picture. I dont get why it is better to ignore simple facts that some people are more successful than others. we have got competitive nature. We want to be successful and win and it is okay and sometimes painful.
It feels good to realize I'm actually better than alot more people than I thought thanks to social media. Nevermind everyone that is better than me, I choose to focus on what makes me feel good and proud of myself. I'm sure those people I'm better than are actually better than me at other things. 😅 the best thing you can do is take it easy on yourself and try to live and let live and enjoy it.
I find it depressing how people become closed off as the world gets depressing for others. It's difficult to communicate with others, and I hope things get better.
A lot of the world has become more and more isolated as we keep getting individualism pushed on us. Our current economic structure demands that you have no free time because "number must always go up". Money is currently the only thing that guarantees freedom and in the US everything is designed to take money from you. I'm not saying "live simply" or "shop at cheaper grocery stores" because those are just platitudes at best. We need to recognized that we live in a rigged system that this is a feature not a bug, and figure out some way to change it.
@cristianaraujo9293 it’s not actually human nature. It’s the system demands only that, and punishes anything else. Sure there will always be opportunistic ass holes but it’s the system the currently elevates and lionizes them and makes them the ideal rather than a pariah.
It's great you hope for that, but also be the one who takes initiative. Personally, I just started talking to people more, making small talk and what not. Yeah it might be a bit hard at first but then you start to see the benefits from all the people that at least recognise you.
Great video. However, i would like to say that socioeconomic position plays a huge role with your happiness. I remember being very depressed throughout undergrad. Coming from a poor to low socioeconomic household. I remember my friend offering me poptarts when i couldnt have lunch. I couldnt hang out with friends because i never really had much money. Lets just say that financial stability plays a huge role to your mental well being. I selected an awful STEM major and couldnt even find a job after graduation. I earn alot now and I do not have to worry as much as i did back then. Finances will play a huge role in your mental well being. I worked out, did my cardio/strength training, played the keyboard, read sheet music, went to church, etc played roblox etc etc. Did my hobbies...things that i can control are great coping skills. If youre constantly worried about finances, you gotta figure out a way to have stable employment. Itll definitely help your mental well being. At least in my situation.
very true, but I think you can still be happy. I feel like happiness is an ever-present state of mind, waiting to be found in hard circumstances. It’s a different kind of happiness than having no money troubles, but still happiness
maybe it’s not ever-present, but inevitable. Like as long as you keep working your way through the hard times and stay resilient, you’ll look back with tremendous pride on what you accomplished. So maybe you can’t always be happy, but you can always be hopeful that you’ll be happy eventually
You are right. Yes. You are correct. I don't wanna diminish the effect that socio economic status has on health and happiness. However, it would be regular practice for Buddhist monks to practice extreme asceticism to practice the art of mindfulness and bring the practice of mindfulness to the very poorest people in their communities. It's still quite useful, even for people on the brink of starvation.
Good take. Perhaps a good caveat to Dr K’s point would be: strengthening this tool for improving your life may not be sufficient for your life to improve much in the short term. That still leaves open potential opportunities in the future to get out of whatever you may be stuck in. I’ve found in my life that sometimes I do all the right things and nothing changes, but I’m still preparing my mind to take advantage of any change in my circumstances, and applying pressure where I can to find those lucky breaks. You have to find a balance between surviving and progressing, even if that means just mastering your mind internally.
There was a point in my life where I actually COULD afford a house, but the job I had made me feel exhausted and depressed so then I thought well what the hell is the point of this money or even a house if I’m just gonna feel terrible all the time? Then it hit me, there is no point. It’s not survival, it’s not the Maslows laws that I was struggling with, it was the fact that I valued what society told me to value. I should have been valuing what I truly care for and Not what I’m told to care for.
That's exactly my philosophy about life! It's not worth it to be miserable and depressed just for the sake of having "things"! I thought about the fact that I should waste my youth work the job im unhappy at and be miserable just to have a good life retirement when im old just like what everyone else is doing but is that the right thing to do or is it even worth it?! Anyway the question is r u doing what u truly care for now?!
I’m exactly in the same boat with you on that one. I’ve pulled out from buying a flat twice in last year when I remembered that I don’t even have children to leave it behind nor that I want to have children. Instead I rather work, buy motorcycles and travel around as much as I can. Buying a motorcycle 4 years ago is the most happiest I ever been with my life, its my therapist and best friend
I know this will get lost in the comments but this channel and channels like it are genuinely out here saving peoples lives. Not only saving, but giving people lives back that they thought were lost forever. If you are one of these channels, or have the same mind as one, please don't stop. Please keep doing what you do. We all need you, whether we know it or not
I think one of the main problems is, while it's very important to do one's best regardless of one's situation, the political and economic systems in place right now are neglecting or actively harming our happiness. Especially while the rich keep.getting way richer and more and more people move into the poverty zone. One can only avoid this much stress while living paycheck to paycheck, forced to work a job with no purpose to them, while barely getting any free time and being promised fake happiness via consumerism.
There’s still absolutely ways to feel happier on a day-to-day basis. Making meaningful use of your free time, finding purpose in the things you engage with and introspection on why you feel particular emotions and spending time with yourself can help, in my experience.
We should absolutely be vigilant for this stuff too. But I feel like Dr. K's advice can apply here too. Cause change will never happen if we all are going to sit and wallow in our own sorrow with a racing mind. You need to have some level of happiness and gusto to make a change
While it is true that the rich is getting richer and the gap is getting bigger, the standards of living for the poverty zone has been improving and is still continuously doing so. Everyone's standards are getting high, it's just that the rich is getting higher faster.
Yup, exactly. I was gonna add on to that. With what is going on right now, realistically speaking with the economy, a lot of people are going to be depressed. It's gonna be difficult to find happiness when shelter and food become an issue. Imagine going paycheck to paycheck just for rent...like what about saving money for future generations or a stable home. It's easier said than done when others are not in a bad financial position. College w/ a bachelors degree does not equal stable employment
I'm nearing my 30's and for the past 5 years I've been paying my parents mortage. Everybody is struggling out here. It sucks but it also is kind of comforting to know I'm not alone. If I didn't need to worry about our financial stability I think I would feel a lot less stress. One thing too though is recently I found something I'm pationate about and it's improved my mood considerably. My focus has shifted from sitting and ruminating and just feeling crappy, to something that I feel like I can work towards that could potentially open up opportunities maybe one day. I hope that one day I can get out of my own crappy situation, and help others too.
Sending support, positive vibes and love to everyone watching. This video is a great reminder that looking after yourself isn't selfish, and happiness isn't found, it's built from within, "There is ALWAYS something that we can do, to alter the way we feel despite our circumstances." I know this is easier said than done, and it's very unfortunate that we have to siphon happiness for ourselves in the place. That's why practices like self-care, offering kindness to ones-self and gratitude are imperative because they give you the energy to not only survive but thrive in this harsh world. To put simply, in the words of Aristotle; “Happiness depends upon ourselves.”
i have anhedonia and dpdr 24/7 i can't physically be happy even when i drink alcohol i dont become drunk no matter how much i drink also i have tried therapy, meds and neuromodulation treatments and none of those worked so stop talking about bs
5 HTP helped me with better mood and Mucuna Pruriens helps me with energy and the reward system. You should also try exploring your emotions more and keeping an emotions journal, you might have strong hidden emotions that clog your system so to speak. I used to think I'll never recover from my depression for a loong time but things can get better even if it seems impossible now. I hope you can heal.
Can confirm, this works I still get discouraged when I enter a depressive state, but instead of lasting for 3 months it will take 3 days to dissipate. Sure my life hasn't changed very much to an outside observer, but the personal experience absolutely improves over time if you're able to start implementing positive habits like regular exercise and meditation.
it will take you some time but there's a moment in which your negative feeling just last for a few hours, it's great! I still have issues but they come up as i get better at mindfulness. Btw something that helped me a lot: if there's a particular emotion that lasts for days is probably an irrational feeling that comes from a cognitive distortion, and maybe an irrational belief. idk if you've heard that but it helps me a lot when i feel lost and confused with my feelings.
One indicator that I'm not thinking too much (which also results in less bodily tension and stress, and better breathing) is that I'm naturally just paying attention to minute details and texture of things. Like I'd just stare at a wall and notice the little textures and colors of things, or I'll actually watch the ceiling fan twirl and twirl. I used to do that a lot as a kid, but as an adult I'm always thinking about things in my head about imagined situations in the past or future that the "real" world just isn't perceived through the senses anymore. I realize that when I'm anxious, stressed, and tense, have dry eyes, etc, that my eyes can look at things but they also sort of "glaze" over them; this is because even though my eyes are looking at something physically, my brain is taking up most of the attention because I'm thinking too much, rather than paying attention to what's actually right in front of me. I'm continuing to practice letting go of bodily tension, which has helped me a lot.
It will be two years in April and I can't get enough of this guy. He is literally like a link to enlightenment. Or he is enlightened. Taking Dr K advice and just listening to him almost everyday on repeat made me improve my life greatly. I did a lot more in those two years. Not everything was success, but I can't say I wasn't living a live or haven't learn anything. Listen to him, folks, and you will be fine.
That is amazing to hear, just for people impressionable let's not compare him te a Buddha that knows all. Much of what you did came from yourself, simply with someone giving guidance. You can be more proud of your own achievements rather than praising dr K, you did those things
Same. I have been on a journey of self-improvement for 2 years now inspired by Dr. K, and it's fair to say my life is drastically better now in no small part thanks to his content
I am regularly dealing with very intense emotions of sadness and shame. My thoughts go fast when I feel like that and I have trouble stopping it. By coincidence I recently found out that doing some Duolingo works wonders. It's distracting enough since I need to concentrate and therefore I can't ruminate anymore. The questions are grouped in short 2 minute bursts. It truly helps stopping the train of thoughts and I learn some Spanish as a bonus :')
Could be the indirect “pressures” from social media/family/friends and what people think they should be doing compared to others. Comparison is a thief of joy.
Socially prescribed perfectionism , dosent lead to success, you need your own standard you want o meet and keep track off that’s predictive of things you want to work towards.
He talks about socially prescribed perfection as a brain adaptation that makes you turn away when you can’t meet it , like isolate, hide(ployvagal shutdown, even) or ruminating failure fixing mindset researching, but the way to train out of this brain adaptation is to create a vision of habits behaviors and standards and aims that you want to work toward and you need to know why you want to and to accumulate evidence for why you do it. And you need to be reminded of this why and evidence regularly. And keep track of progress and milestones.
Yeah my parents and grandparents did not need to have holiday in Carribean every year or live in a mansion and in the meantime have master deegree from one of best universities in the world. Goals of most people in the past were much simpler like raise family now most of people wants perfection and if you feel like you are behind by your peers in some aspects you can feel bad especially if they are morons who like to show up
I got to admit you know your $hit forward/back. I have BS of psychology and have struggled a lot since exiting the military coupled with school/family pressure. I think the phrase slow is smooth, smooth is fast. It is nice to hear my thoughts and my interest in positive psychology and mindfulness be spoken by someone who has also struggled. I know it doesn't mean much but thank you.
I just got dumped and I am glad I stumbled upon your channel. I know I am just binge watching your videos just to make my mind stop my thoughts. The great thing about this is I learned a lot from your videos. Hopefully I can get back on track again.
So basically: - Accept boredom. - Learn the Stoicism approach to life ("If I can't change it, I shouldn't preoccupy myself with it") - Find happiness from within instead of outside - Reduce the outside stimulation to one thing at a time - Slow down the racing mind by thinking less If I missed something, do correct me below
I'm Autistic, in my case this thinking less and meditation aren't actually the same thing at all, nor does slowing down my mind ever actually help me to function better. This has been quite eye opening as to why medications don't help all that much in most cases either. I've been in theropy my whole life, learned plenty of management techniques and come to the conclusion that most of what is being taught simply doesn't work for me. If there is anyone rlse out there going through this, you're not alone. Apparently based off what I'm hearing and the contrast with what I experience in my own life, some of us experience situations outside of the general realm of knowlege. Now I want to be treated properly. I want to experience the same resilience others do. Does anyone have any ideas about how this would affect somebody who simply isn't seeing the same reported results?
Thanks for this comment. A significant percentage of my students are autistic and I have noticed that typical coping strategies don’t work for everyone when individuals are stressed. I really would like a few more effective tools and strategies that would be helpful for them, even with simple everyday stresses like academic stress and social stress. If anyone has some good research based resources to look at that would be very appreciated. Everyone is an individual but the more effective tools I have, the more people I can support effectively if I understand them.
@@Kleinage good! I've been looking for better tools all my life and am actually at a loss myself. The best advise I can give is to remember that autism and it's related sensory issues are considered a disability for a reason even if many on the spectrum aren't fully affected by or lead back by the disorder. I'd advise against pushing one's self too hard to act like a nut typical and rather for each individual on the spectrum to be allowed and feel allowed to explore their own individual limits with wellbeing. IE, without shame or emotional pain over the blockages one cannot overcome. I say this because autistic burnout is so much more dangerous than neurotypical burnout to some. Sometimes attempting to overcome obstacles trivial in the long run can be highly damaging and result in months or even years of burnout and mental injury. Some of us really can't just tune out what we feel whether it be emotional or sensorial. In those cases, it may be just better to limit exposure to offending stimulus until a better way can be found. It's far easier said sometimes than done but from the lasting damage I've experienced in my own life due to attempting to overcome sensory issues, I'd say it's a necessary endeavor. I deeply wish I could tell you good coping strategies I've learned for life stressors but in my case, I don't deal well with stress and trauma in my own life to the point where working is inhumane to impossible, all because our system where I live offers nothing to accommodate my issues. I'm personally stuck in a loop where I am told to get professional guidance and therapy only to find that professional guidance knows little to do besides the same things that aren't working for me. My best advise though... If an autistic child is having issues where they cannot feel safe or comfortable in any environment whether school home or whatever, and accommodations for their disability cannot be made (normally out of neurotypical in reasonability which I've seen plenty of) they need to get out of that situation and get calm before any real progress can even be made. We're often not good at living with or managing pain... Much more suseptable to trauma, and may find various normal parts of life excruciating... All accumulating in a terrible outcome if people don't wake up to what is going on.
@@ivanmarquez2218 you are welcome! I only wish for better methods to be found for us! We are struggling, breaking, and falling down in a world that has no answers and is all too willing to give up on us when we fail.
I am on the spectrum, currently alcoholic been on illicit benzos opiates and stimulants. For social situations like work or social interactions downers just make life liveable , in private Stimulants are the only way I can sit down for hours doing a task and not getting miserable. I used to smoke meth and watch movies for days
Dude where di begin I’m so glad I found you your the best your helping so many with generations of not healing ourselves but numbing ourselves with the ways we think we need I understand ,I have been addicted to drugs trying to enhance my mind your helping me understand why I do this so I can be happy with myself then I’ll be happy with our world imagine one day when this world is happy again soon
What about Maladaptive Daydreamers and people who dissociate? This might be an exception because it's something that makes you feel joy in the moment AND has high thinking activity but in the long run makes our lives worse/more miserable.
I don't think there is high thinking activity. There is not thinking about the uncomfortable thing, by thinking about/being in an easier state. Which means it can be compared to substance use.
I feel like day dreaming Is Like experiencing a parallel life in an Ideal world , which makes us euphoric . But Just like any addiction It makes us miserable when we return to this reality . I wonder if daydreaming was not a thing if accepting this reality would be easy
One of the few things that brings me joy is being truly intellectually stimulated. Not overly challenged, but a new thought, concept, being able to marvel at the engineering of road angles on a hard corner... A little seed sprouts in my mind and it re ignites the joy and wonder and curiosity I have about the world. My dream is to do all the undergraduate degrees available (and being able to bow out respectively if they are beyond my natural inclinations .... screw you organic chemistry!).
Very timely video for me, thank you Dr. K. I think a big part of the challenge is that people (understandably) want to feel that life is really under their control as a way to counteract the instability and unpredictability of life, but in reality so many things in life, good and bad, are going to occur regardless of our efforts to manage them. This can feel disheartening, especially when going through the ups and downs life poses. But it also awakens you to a crucial opportunity in life, that even within challenging circumstances we still have agency and freedom to try to live as best we can within those parameters.
This is such a good topic to touch on especially from a psychiatrist. I've suspected stuff like this a lot, especially when people talk about 'ohhh everything in the past was miserable everything sucked everyone was sick and poor and did manual labor and everything was boring and society and religion was terrible and they couldn't go anywhere and they didn't know anything' because they don't think about the fact people in the past were just as intelligent as us, and found solutions to their problems in different ways, allowing them to live happy lives even though it was difficult in some ways, we need to learn from their ability to hold onto joy in the darkest circumstances
The clue there is that almost everyone lived like that. So it was normal. People didn't know better. People didn't feel as if they had failed, since they couldn't do/ have more. Nowadays, we 'all' have opportunities and chances to do well, so when we don't "it's our fault". (It's more often not, however it feels like it is and people often think this about others. That they don't make more of their life, even though there might be good reasons as to why someone didn't get 'further'.) Studies show that it's worse to be on the poor side in 'richer' areas than being poor when everyone is poor around you. The comparison aspect is quite big a factor.
Came back to watch this again a couple weeks later. This video hits so hard for me. I was raised by very economically practical parents who drilled into me from a young age that you have to *earn* contentment. I often was made to feel immature for being content or happy with my life when I hadn’t built a life for myself yet.
Omg When I went to the bathroom today I purposely didn’t take my phone w me. A few reasons I wanted to get out of my comfort zone, I wanted to think about my day, just see what I would do. Keeping things simple, and my mind. Even grab a magazine like old times. There was a purpose for my actions. It was great! Try it people just be in the moment.
" normal people have no say in what happens in the world" Thing is, we never did... besides perhaps in a pre-civilization stage of development, but even if you think you yearn for that, I promise you you don't.
To me, mental gymnastics like slowing down the mind and cognitive reframing are secondary fixes: repairs that you do when you can't fix the actual problems. Think zip-tying something because you don't have the tools to properly bolt it together. The fact that we have to rely on secondary fixes this often means the world is filled to the brim with problems that just cannot be fixed period, which just seems bs to me and is what's making me sad.
Unfortunately there is no solution. If you take therapy, they won't fix your problems, but rather give you the tools to fix them. Politicians promise to change the world but don't do anything. People have New Year's resolutions but many of them fail. In this world you can't have your brain be a perfect machine, you have to humbly find materials and build something that makes you happy.
I feel this. I feel like if I were actually in a concentration camp or a slave, I'd have horrible experiences all the time. I'd be worked to the bone, be whipped, eat gruel day after day, and see people dying. I'd lie in bed and hear others sob themselves to sleep. I'd have nightmares. To be able to feel any kind of peace in this situation, I'd have to be mentally comatose. A literal dunce.
I'll first say, current world economic system is fucked and creeping more and more into exploitative neoliberalism. Let's go serious socialist bring this shit down That said, life is always gonna be hard in its own way. Before, forest hunter gatherer have to be scared of starvation and tigers, cavemen scared of bears and wolves and fucking freezing to death. Now, exploitative shareholders and employers. Later, coping with degrowth. Whatever we do, there's a cost and exploitation. I would argue world circumstances are the background noise that'll always be there, "mental gymnastics" are not a secondary fix they are a foundation.
He addresses this directly in the video. If you're being objective and detached about it, consider this: We all live in the exact same world. Everyone with the Internet has access to the same information, and there's free translation software so the language barrier isn't a barrier. There are people with this information who are happy, and people with this information who are unhappy. Therefore, whether or not a problem exists or is solved does not determine whether you're happy. There were happy people before there was running water and reliable food and easy access to music. Not just the nobles, there were happy tribal villages. I know more about climate change than most people, and it doesn't depress me. So if you want to be happy, mental reframing isn't BS, it's the technique to achieve the goal. If your goal is to solve a problem, then pick one problem and do something about it (besides talking about it on the Internet. That doesn't help) Google "how can I help" if you genuinely don't know how. You won't single handedly solve the issue, but no big society-wide issue in history was ever solved by one person. Not a single one. But several issues got solved. Polio and smallpox are never mentioned in common conversation anymore. Acid rain, same thing. The Y2K bug. The dust bowl. The great depression. No single person fixed that. A whole lot of people decided to do what they could, and it worked. So, what's your goal? Be happy, or fix a problem? (And there's a secret: mental reframing unlocks your ability to notice what you CAN do to help with problems. And helping with a problem goes a very long way in helping with depression)
notes for myself eating a burger - happiness not coming from the burger - if you're feeling guilty about eating it; less happy even though it tastes good 8:00 - 9:10 the more you think the more you're unhappy (e.g. comparison with others) all meds are meant to slow down the mind thus, slowing down mind leads to better mental health how: think abt when ur happy vs unhappy; are u thinking alot? or just focuing on one? ask 16:27 what lvl of ctrl do you have around when the world enters you? practice thinking less (meditate...) conclusion:- think less (i dont fkin know how hahaha)
Well, what people value is changing pretty dramatically. I got hired into my job ten years ago by very technical contributors that prioritized the quality of the work we were doing over the speed. As time went on, more and more of those people left and everything slowly but surely became about corporate politics; especially after annual riffing started. Personally people are getting progressively more narcissistic as the years go on. Dating culture has steadily nosedived since the advent of online dating. The point is that environments are constantly in flux. So all you can really do is intentionally search out people and environments that value the same things you do.
Look at you speaking life into me. Thank you for this video. Life has been hard... really hard. My prayer to God has been helping fortify my mental fortitude so that I might overcome these trials WITHOUT an addiction (it's a slippery slope) or just imploding. Then I find your video today. Life will life but it will always give you a way out to survive.
For me it all comes down to basic needs. Are your basic needs like food and shelter covered? Than it´s probably easier to be content with life. If the answer is no, because you go to bed hungry every day and your bed is inside a leaking tent, well chances are no matter how good you are at "mindfulness" it will be pretty hard to be happy. Now when we look at society and how the majority of people live paycheck to paycheck and maxed out credit cards, I can see why depression spreads like a wildfire.
Yeah no amount of self soothing or switching of narratives changes how fucked so many of us are. And how the gap between those who earn a liveable wage vs the majority who do not is only getting wider.
Well, that's I think a symptom of the fact that if you do not have your physical health needs met then you are not going to be in a good state of mind. This is becuase your brain is linked to your body, and if you have an unhealthy body, you are going to have an unhealthy mind.
My therapist started me down the mindfulness and meditation journey. It's been the most helpful therapy for me. And I've been learning what makes me happy over time and it's so simple...I just want calm. I've been learning to reflect on stressful situations and try to find the calm wherever I can. Even if it means I stop what I'm doing to do a quick journal session, that's what I do. Of course, I can't always journal, but that does help.
Its always a good idea to focus on the things that make you happy, for me its dancing, singing, cooking for myself and others, eating, creating, dogs, nature and exercise.
I can honestly say I am so happy I ran across this video! It really makes sense! I, for instance, love my commute to work. I only have to focus on bus stops, and it's too bumpy to use my phone. I also work in a very specialized store with only a few types of items, so the repetition is almost meditative.
This revelation and separation of mind and self is what helped me realize that I was fundamentally not broken helped me overcome almost all of my major struggles
I thought about when I’m happier in my day, It might be when I’m doing an activity that requires focus, like drawing, reading or watching a series or cooking (I put a lot of attention to those two for some reason). Since I’m only thinking about what I’m currently doing, I reduce my thoughts and feel more content.
my whole life people were telling me that I think too much and i was like "this is stupid, how thinking can be a bad thing, it literaly means that your brain does what it suppose to do, and does it very well", but now i know it is not normal to analize everthing, you do that when you are stressed and in danger.
Now this is what I also realized not too long ago. Every time I drank my coffee, it feels like my mind is getting lighter. I find that weird because I thought caffeine is suppose to increase my brain activity in some degree but nope, coffee slows down my mind so I'm able to think more clearly. Every time I go cold turkey on coffee (not drinking it for days/weeks) I will start to overthink about my failure in the future and my guilt in the past. Thanks to this video now I know that the root for most of my problem (lack of happiness/peacefulness) is my mind that's full of thought, and the "cure" for this problem is to empty/slow down the mind. Thank you Dr. K!
I find this to be correct. I have ALWAYS worked on being avle to slow down my mind - not wirh alcohol, but with processing things and getting them out of my mind. I also learned how to meditate when I got annoyed or stressed. Bonus is: you also reason better in that state. To enjoy where you are, focus on the now and find the good things in the present.
This is such an amazing video, thank you very much. If you really pay attention to what he is saying, youll find he is basically giving everyone a way out of most of the unhappiness they experience.(Maybe other then survival and deeper emotional/memory based issues)
A busy mind is a consequence of not believing things will work out. Slowing the mind down with substances and meditation is an artificial and temporary way to experience the taste of what it would be like if you actually believed everything is taken care of. What you have described is an argument for faith
Wow, I finally found what happiness is, it's enjoying a burger that's better than other people's burgers! And in the second half of the video, I understood how to become happy - I just need to stop thinking about my problems and the world's problems, i.e. to escape them and slow down my thinking, which enlightened me why there are so many people in the world who enjoy stupid things that make the world bad. In short - be dumb, be happy, because as it is written in the bible - "For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increases knowledge increases sorrow". Well, I thought people were made to want more than burgers... and the rulers only care about their own burgers being the best, and how other people don't take them, not how others to have the best burgers too. So guys, enjoy your "burgers" and be happy! But don't overeat, otherwise you will shorten the duration and quality of your happiness.
I discovered this guys channel a year ago and since and he just opened my eyes suddenly all the pieces have started to conect.This man is giving the best life advices and ways to fix your life for FREE.Since i started watching him my life has changed, i see the world and my self different i also have learnt so much about myself and how i function. Before i was just lost in chaos of the world but now huge improvement. despite how many thank you i say they will never be enough ❤
your videos always come to me when I'm experiencing exactly what you're talking about and i am so grateful for it. thank you so much. it's a life-changing knowlegde.
Dr. K, one thing to remark. Allowing happiness to be solely subjective also gives up our feelers to actual power, equality imbalance, etc. We don't have to be miserable because who wants to live a miserable life, but living a life of happiness can be said both by the rich and poor but clearly the acknowledgement of why one gets such treatment over the other can only be pushed forward by conflict.
after trying several types of anti-depression, anxiety and ADHD meds I almost gave up on life. never in my life would I think that the gamechanger would be meditation and yoga. and it was. made solid 60% improvement and since then even my therapy is 2x more effective. i'd say i was only able to accept non-medication solution after trying all pills out and realising that no pill will ever save me. it left me with no choice but to try what seemed to be impossible, to meditate, concentrate, breathe, stop, to do yoga. it felt quite a bit pseudo but I had nothing left but that. and it worked
Ahhhh! I get you! ADHD meds made things way worse… I was so numb and I hated it. Meditation works great and has helped me so much. I like all of my thoughts lol as long as meditate regularly, life is good! Cheers to you☺️
Also it reminded me of one thing that I used to do during my uni years. Whenever I got a big assignment, let's say a big graphical work (I got an electrical engineering degree, so there were a lot of graphs and schemes), I would prepare all of my stuff like pencils and rulers and paper and everything, and I would sit down and just work, hour after hour. And what would happen in my mind during that? Pretty much nothing. I would be thinking about the problem in front of me - what I need to draw, what numbers to pick, solving equations, and every other thought would be cut off. And by the end of it, I was always very happy and content. Now I understand that it wasn't just because I just did something useful, but also because my mind was slowed down a lot
Interested in hearing other people perspective on this. Comparing yourself to others can be used as a means of motivation to get to where you want to be. Instead of letting it “steal your joy”, analyze what others have and if you want it, then formulate and begin executing a plan to get there. I think it’s natural to compare yourself with others but when you learn to use it as fuel, it can become a powerful tool.
People have been chasing fame, fortune, love, sex, wealth, success, etc. for thousands of years but no amount of “success” is guaranteed to make you happy.
"When we go to the bathroom, what is the one thing that we fear more than anything else?" Me: Getting sucked into the toilet. "The inability to take our phone with us." Me: Oh.
You know just going off on what you said in the beginning of the video, I want to strtetch how true this is. We have at least half of the keys to life in our hand. I used to be suicidal and I really started getting out of it when I realised this bit, even if it's just a detail, it's so important and I hope people can reflect on this. You have 50% of the keys of fate. So I started getting out the door more, doing stuff I liked. And everything just turned an upward spiral: had a bit of a success experience, started feeling a little more confident about myself, got out the door the next time with a bit more confidence, had some more good experiences. You know. Everything downward started turning everything upward. I hope this helps people if they read it.
Yes, we're ultimately able to find more happiness for ourselves, and be driven less by outside actions. But should we elect to be happy and positive regardless of what people are doing to us? I thought that running away from bad emotions was the problem. Maybe to be able to sit with unhappiness, we first need to be able to believe those states are temporary?
Man your videos are helping me so much! I've struggled alot with anxiety and I've came across alot of videos that never felt right but your videos are extremely helpful especially that you don't focus on medication like the whole American society does.. I left the states and came back broke and have the hardest time adjusting but your videos are helping me work through my anxiety. Thank you for doing what you do!!!
I feel as though the reality that many seem not to grasp is that the world is an experience you have to grow with and along in real time, and the human aspect of our world we see around us is constantly projecting not only identity and a need for purpose, but a sense that you are obligated to rise to some sort of occassion for the general benefit of people you dont even know. "Be this, do that, learn this, say that, believe this, follow that." And even though in a way we ask for it because we ourselves spend a portion of life trying to oriente and understand what is happening and has happened while thus vehicle of life is still in perpetyal motion around us, we honestly live in a world that foists alot of clutter and junk in our direction. We get fed other's baggage and trash alot against our own will and we are just now beginning to develop the kind of world connection cappable of addressing this. The world is in reality just a merry go round of different events happening. Different circumstances, different modalities of life and living. There comes a point where we kind of just realize its not our goal or obligatiin to cauddle the world with our entire life by serving the wants and demands of people. We have a perception that life sucks because we are searching for truth in the trash compactor of human thought. Our minds are like a bubbling cauldren that mixes and recycles ideas, knowledge, information and memory. Throw human ego on top of that and the minds of people are little more than displays of roiling, boiling bubles of troubled notions on how time ought to be spent. No concern how, usually just commands, demands. Its far too much peering the the wrong direction to see whats going on out here and try to weeve a tapestry of thoughts on who to be and what to do from that. At some point you finally just yield and begin focussing, working on what you can w yourself. Thats all you can control really. And even then people might try to confine or assign a role for you to you. Gotta be able to just walk the other directiin from that hobestly. Your example will be seen by otgers and they can take from it what they will and live their lives. Its not all of our collective jobs to need to correct one another all the time or impulsively drive each other to ideals. We have to trust ourselves to the flow of things sometimes and be willing to go w it and learn to dodge rocks along the way down that stream. Either that or break them with your face\/(°~°)\/
@@whatdoesthisthingdo been through A decent handful of adversity in my young life, what is a have not for a long time, just learned to make the most out of things, do right, appreciate the little bits and pieces here and there it's all one really can do with life, it's just when you really realize that and it becomes apparent that's all life's about, you realize how much of this you really got under control and how much of Life stress is really just thought processes making mountains out of molehills 90% of the time. We are all just mostly afraid of our shadow more than the reality of what we got to live through.
Thank you so much, Doctor k. I am in your debt. You've helped me to understand myself so much better and heal through some of my past trauma. I was even able to help some people I care about using your knowledge that You give so freely. The universe is such a better place with you in it. You are truly one of the great men of our time, Keep up the amazing work you've been doing. I know you have helped so many people to learn how to save themselves. Much love from Texas.
I mean this with as much respect on the subject as i possibly can. While i understand that happiness starts internally, how is someone supposed to focus on being positive if their immediate surroundings cannot allow for them to do so? Doesn't particularly pertain to my own situation but i am curious on how it could be possible to overcome seemingly impossible situations to thrive or survive in.
That is a tough question, but out of experience I've noticed quite a lot of happy people in tough situations and miserable people in secure situations. I'm not sure how they do it, but I've seen it.
I love Dr. K's content...I've been watching the videos for almost a year now. It changed me. I wonder if there are other Egyptians interested in this material...I would love to discuss these ideas with people who share my social & cultural background
im not depressed because the world is going to shit, im depressed because people's lives around me keep getting better and better and my social anxiety stops me from going anywhere. i dont admit this in real life but bad news actually make me happy because it reminds me im not alone in having a shit life.
Excuse me but unless you live in Los Angeles or the richest part of London I doubt anyone around you is doing any better. Sociability is a myth and once you achieve a minimum amount of money everything is sort of the same for everyone
@@aeonsbeyond a “minimum amount of money” doesn’t solve social anxiety… and other people’s lives can be better than one’s own in many ways, not just financially.
But sometimes thinking can make you happy. For example, If I go into a flow state thinking about a problem and how to solve it I am happy as a clam. Maybe, it is less about "too much thinking" but more about who is in control of the thinking? In mental illness thought patterns, maybe the brain gets overloaded with thoughts that are out of the person's control so they are being tossed about in the storm of their mind. It's like when a computer tries to do too many tasks at once (many of which contradict and override each other) and then you get the eternal spinning loading circle. Whereas when a person IS in control of their thoughts they can guide and direct the thoughts to a common purpose and their brain does not get overloaded nor do they fall into harmful thought patterns (which would cause errors), thus they can be happy when thinking.
Vídeo extremamente necessário, no ano passado eu fiz 18 anos e estou passando por umas crises de ansiedade e tristeza, na faculdade e na vida parece que tudo tá piorando com o passar do tempo, mas acredito que é só uma fase e que vai passar. Abraços do Brazil 🇧🇷❤
Achei que não tinha outros brasileiros aqui 😅. Não que seja no nível de faculdade, mas terminar o 9º ano foi desgastante ao extremo pra mim. Passei a me proibir de me bombardear com conteúdo novo do TH-cam ou do noticiário, e fiquei cada vez mais tempo do lado de fora de casa, sentindo a brisa, observando a paisagem (duas árvores, mas que são muito bonitas!) Isso me deu tempo pra pensar sobre a vida, tirou meu cansaço, e depois da virada, adotei uma visão de vida (dica dele de um vídeo sobre carisma). Espero que tenha bons anos pela frente, e que passe a se entender cada vez mais.
Essa idade é difícil mesmo. Busca ajuda profissional, foca em melhorar a saúde mental que o resto vem. Buscar aceitação dos outros constantemente é uma fase.
Well I have constantly something running in the background. In the past years I was even some kind of proud, that watching a movie or a series is not possible because my mind needs input. I stand up and start TH-cam. Then I work in IT and after that I put on a podcast while I walk with the dog... Maybe I should really stop this constant background input. At least I should try... I told my partner once, that "I need the input because I do not want to be alone with my thoughts." Maybe that was a lie to myself. Thank you.
I feel like life has always been crappy for every generation but previous generations knew things were crappy and made the most of it. The problem started when TV was invented and entire generations of kids were sat in front of it and being shown epic adventures and happily ever afters pumping their minds into the clouds only to be brutally dragged back down to reality once they grow up and enter the mundane world of adults. It's a psychological pump and dump leaving hordes of stranded young adults holding bags of never to be realised dreams.
I choose to be happy because it is good for my health. I learned this after a motorcycle crash. I broke 6 vertebrae had to brain bleeds lost my shorr term memory and the ability to read or do math properly on tip of short tern memkry problems. Still getting better at meditation. Mediation for me is much like getting into a flow state when surfing or riding.
We don’t even have to look far. Palestine, Sudan, the Congo, and not to mention being unable to escape the crushing pressure of capitalism. It seems as if everyone I know is truly, deeply struggling. Gratitude and being present to our blessings can only carry us so far.
In some ways, yes. Income inequality, war, global temperatures, and nationalism are on the rise, and we have a lot of new, destabilizing technologies we don't know how to use yet. But some things have gotten better in the last few decades: Life expectancy, crime, legal equality, democracy, and science are all improved since the 60s. Let's not assume the world is going to Hell just because we mostly see the bad side.
Hedonic Adaptation translates to Mo Money Mo Problems.... Euphoria and synthetic rush always returns to a baseline or problematic below, so it's always transitionary. Evaluation, reflection, gratitude and meditation helps for a healthy baseline and balance.
I almost never comment, but this is one of the most helpful videos I have seen by capturing both the current state of the world and concrete steps what to do about it. Thank you!
This is so motivating. It's so encouraging to think that I can find peacefulness just by quietly washing the dishes. I'm going to be thinking about that.
Dear Dr. K. You are one human who could sleep well at night. Your intellect ,knowledge and most enormous generous giving loving heart are an enormous gift .🙏
How fucked up is this actually? So basically we are all born with a happy mind, but then literally life starts to consume us and we chase happiness by doing all this nonsens, cause we think this leads us to a happier version of ourselves. But what happens that we actually get worse and worse and our biggest enemy is our mind full of garbage that we decided to fill with, and now we need to get rid of it to feel happy again. :D this is insane
Happiness has not much to do with comparisons, circumstances and events... it is appreciation and gratitude and own truth that opens the way to satisfaction and bliss.
My unhappiness came when the illusion i had of the world and the people in it was riped from under me. Expectations are a big contributor to disappointment. Had to be more contwnt with being alone to myself and be my own best friend.
This makes so much sense and I will pass the knowledge further. I thank you deeply for organizing my mind into enjoying the wonders of the world more truthfully.
I try to have this approach, even though I’m a senior citizen who is unable to retire, who has no safety net or family/friends to lean on. This is a very hard country for people who don’t have the resources to take care of themselves, where those who find themselves in this position are shamed and outcast. It’s the lack of social/community support that also causes suffering.
Being unhappy in a situation that is shit, is a valid feeling. In fact, I would argue we are not unhappy enough. If we were as a whole unhappy enough. Folks would take collective action and things could change.
Nope, when majority of people in the society are miserable, the society atomises. Atomised society wouldn't take any collective actions. You know stages of grief? Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, acceptance. When acceptance happens people aren't unhappy anymore (despite circumstances hadn't changed for the better yet), and that's when changes happen.
I wish there was someone who was on a normal persons level and not rich people telling poor people they should just be more resilient. It’s hard to listen to rich people.
I totally agree! From my own experience, when you are tired and/or unhappy, it is really hard to do anything, meanwhile when you feel good, you are ready to study or do any other activity! Thanks for the video!
Wow, I really needed to hear this. NYE was a doozy. For context, I'm usually the fun, bubbly, and calm/mature one of my friends, but that wasn't the case a few days ago. Due to some financial hardships, family deaths/fallout, and, most importantly, lack of sleep, I exploded on a couple of friends. Didn't say anything bad or insulting, but my attitude needed to be checked. This was due to a brown out. I'm using alcohol to cope. Pair that with friends that I never really see that often and ADHD, I didn't realize how much I drank. I'm more depressed now than I've ever been, but I've been depressed for a few months in general. I do deep breathing before bed, but the issue is I only sleep 4-6 hours in my 30s, except weekends. Great info, Doc. I will attempt to slow down and enjoy or meditate when feeling those negative mental ailments.
The video oversimplifyied the causes of unhappiness. Attributing all unhappiness to "surrendering to circumstances" ignores factors like systemic issues, mental health conditions, trauma, and economic struggles. These deeply impact well-being and require more than just mindfulness to overcome. The video emphasizes individual responsibility for happiness, neglecting the role of social structures and institutions. Addressing systemic inequalities like discrimination and limited access to resources might be crucial for collective well-being.
I just want to say thank you Dr. K for your work, your videos helped me so much, that I can't even express it. I was at my lowest and thanks to you, I finally seem to have found the way out. Thank you!
Understanding the Impact of the Modern World on Happiness and the Role of Mindfulness in Cultivating Contentment and Resilience 🌍 Impact of Modern World on Happiness 00:00 The world's deteriorating conditions 00:00 The speaker's background as a monk and psychiatrist 00:24 The misconception of surrendering happiness to external circumstances 01:56 The example of Victor Frankle in concentration camps 03:42 The variability of happiness in shared circumstances 03:42 🌍 Impact of Modern World on Happiness 03:48 Discovering happiness in difficult circumstances 03:48 Ability to alter feelings despite circumstances 04:15 Need for adapting to current environment for happiness 04:44 Comparison as a factor in stealing joy 05:03 Understanding the nature of joy and its sources 06:16 🧠 The impact of excessive thoughts on happiness and the role of mindfulness in reducing them. 07:05 Excessive thoughts lead to reduced enjoyment and unhappiness. 07:05 Boredom is the result of unregulated abundance of thoughts. 08:06 Reducing thoughts through substances or mindfulness practices can lead to happiness. 09:21 Mindfulness aims to empty the mind rather than fill it. 10:05 🧠 The impact of mindfulness and medication on mental health, and the relationship between mental activity and happiness. 10:18 Mindfulness and medication aim to reduce mental activity 10:18 Psychiatric medications slow down the mind to treat various mental illnesses 10:34 Slowing down the mind improves depression, anxiety, ADHD, and psychosis 13:04 Meditation and mindfulness are evidence-based treatments for mental illnesses 13:26 Increasing mental activity leads to unhappiness 13:59 🤔 Understanding the causes of unhappiness in today's world and how to find joy through mental activity and control. 14:12 Antidotes for unhappiness: getting drunk, getting high, binge-watching, etc. 14:12 Engaging in activities to stop thinking and focus on one thing for joy 14:22 The mechanism of psychiatric medications and mindfulness to slow down thinking 14:50 Importance of understanding moments of joy and unhappiness and the level of mental activity 15:23 Realization of happiness independent of external circumstances 16:34 Understanding how external circumstances enter the mind and affect happiness 17:18 🧠 Understanding the impact of mindset on happiness and how to cultivate contentment despite external circumstances. 17:27 Mindset plays a significant role in happiness 17:27 Ability to control mindset and happiness 17:34 Reducing mind activity correlates with happiness 18:11 Fluctuations in happiness throughout the day 19:07 Practicing meditation to train mindset 19:44 Contentment leads to stronger ability to improve circumstances 20:17 🌍 The impact of modern society on mental well-being and the path to finding happiness and resilience. 20:47 Self-medication with binge activities to cope with consuming thoughts 20:47 Acceptance of self leading to progress and improved mental health 20:54 Finding joy in basic activities to calm the mind and improve resilience 21:47 Adapting to the changing world to reclaim happiness and resilience 22:36
This makes a lot of sense and can save lives. Take the body transitivity movement for example, where people who are working through a tough spot in life drink the gender identity koolade. They neuter themselves like dogs with drugs and scalpels, chasing after happiness, but that often leads to a billion complications, regret, and -- far too often -- suicide. If such people learned to be happy in their own bodies, meditate, pray, find peace within (instead of without), then lives can be mended and even saved. Gal 5:22 -- "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace..."
I get what you're saying, and there's definitely truth to what you say. You have to choose happiness and look for the wins. But describing moments of resilient happiness in a concentration camp was depressing AF. Like falling in love with your captor. I don't think that kind of happiness was genuine or rooted in health and wellness. Altering the way we feel in spite of our circumstances is why loads of women stay with abusive men. I think this kind of resilient happiness is one reason people in the U.S. are so messed up.
During my younger days I used to be a huge video gamer nut and social media! But, currently in middle 30’s I realize getting back outside to nature and talk to other people really helps against depression than staring at a computer screen all day!
I gave up on social media, because I noticed how much easier my life got when I didn't compare my activities with someone else. I didn't have to feel like a useless human being on a day when I just wanted to play video games while someone on Facebook was on a trip around Europe posting pictures every day. It gave me room to listen my thoughts and develop them towards more healthy way of thinking about myself.
I feel like it's more of the opposite in the post-lockdown world. It went from being sad that everyone else is doing so well to this internet crab mentality that always has to make you feel like shit about the world you are living in. You could be having a good time but then you go on youtube and it seems like the world is going to end in five minutes.
It becomes increasingly hard to do this because technology has become such a integral part of much of the developed world. So detaching yourself from this feeling of constant shit is rather difficult.
Same! I always remind myself that 50 years ago, no one knew what everyone else was up to. So even though it may feel weird not having SM, it’s actually the way humans have lived for millennia.
Still wild to me considering I’m a Gen Z and SM is so ingrained in our society now.
Ive never been much for social media myself but life has always been hard af
@@AAnomolyThats a limiting belief from your end i feel. Deleting social media and spending less time on internet / screens is really simple like getting a six pack, just needs some daily work to stack the habit
We say “peace of mind” but really what we want is peace from mind. - Naval Ravikant
Mindfulness or filled with mind
Not really. The mind is wonderful if it doesn't work against yourself.
Those literally match the same thing lol
@@abcdefzhijNot really no
@@Stephanthecuteblondie2567 yeah really
I lost my job a little over a month ago. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. I feel like I'm finally learning to break free of this cycle. Everything is up in the air financially but I feel more in control of my life than ever. It makes no sense but my anxiety/depression have actually decreased in this past month.
Wishing for anyone reading this who has or is struggling that you can find the peace and freedom you deserve.
That threatening other shoe dropped and you're still alive.
They've decreased because you've lived through the 'worst-case scenario' and now you no longer have to worry about it happening . It's happened. It's over. You're still going strong. Congrats!"
All the best ❤
Glad to hear this buddy keep it up.
Personally, I feel that one of the major reasons it just seems evil people seemingly keep getting away with everything. With no consequences at all. Just seems good people just can’t get any type of victory anymore in any aspect of,our,lives.
Maybe it kind of seems that way because our minds like to focus on the negative; hence all the news outlets report negative things for clicks. Some good guys still win. The man who made Craigslist never sold out (Ebay bought a stake but he eventually bought it back after they got angry that he didn't compromise the site to increase profits for shareholders) but is still successful to this day :)
@@NiSE_Rafter You think the guy who founded crookslist didn't sell out?
I wish I could go in a career with grow with an AS
@@FreedomJane-bx4umPlease explain
Mean world syndrome on steroids. Before it was just mostly just the news causing it. Now it's worked into social media, memes, video games, etc. It's amped up a lot in TV shows, movies, documentaries, etc. It stirs up some people to become activists and advocates for improvement, which is great. However, the more egotistical ones will only see their cause amongst the thousands, and insist that others not taking part makes them either ignorant or heartless. So you have these people with different causes (not all activists, just these people) fighting for cause-dominance and usually using compulsion. So that sneaks into human interactions.
The result is depression, anxiety, and empathy burnout. The solution is physically setting up a more balanced environment that affirms the good in the world at least as much as the bad. That will put the distorted thinking into check and give you breathing room to recharge. Then, you're in a better place, and ironically, you're better suited to do good in the world.
The BEST argument I've ever heard against social media (and just media in general): we evolved for hundreds of thousands of years in small tribes. You knew or met maybe 200 people in your entire life. So if you knew only 100 people that were better than you, you were average. If you knew 199 people that were better than you? You were literally the worst person you knew
Fast forward to today and thanks to social media you can be exposed to 199 people better than you ever week. No wonder so many people are depressed and anxious
Good ole Dunbar's Number.
Well then maybe we should focus on improving our life using our frustration as energy boost ? Instead of avoiding the reality and the full picture. I dont get why it is better to ignore simple facts that some people are more successful than others. we have got competitive nature. We want to be successful and win and it is okay and sometimes painful.
@@alenakrasova7547 “Successful “ is a relative term.
It feels good to realize I'm actually better than alot more people than I thought thanks to social media. Nevermind everyone that is better than me, I choose to focus on what makes me feel good and proud of myself. I'm sure those people I'm better than are actually better than me at other things. 😅 the best thing you can do is take it easy on yourself and try to live and let live and enjoy it.
What makes people “better” than you though, that’s the question 🤔
I find it depressing how people become closed off as the world gets depressing for others.
It's difficult to communicate with others, and I hope things get better.
A lot of the world has become more and more isolated as we keep getting individualism pushed on us. Our current economic structure demands that you have no free time because "number must always go up". Money is currently the only thing that guarantees freedom and in the US everything is designed to take money from you.
I'm not saying "live simply" or "shop at cheaper grocery stores" because those are just platitudes at best.
We need to recognized that we live in a rigged system that this is a feature not a bug, and figure out some way to change it.
@cristianaraujo9293 it’s not actually human nature. It’s the system demands only that, and punishes anything else. Sure there will always be opportunistic ass holes but it’s the system the currently elevates and lionizes them and makes them the ideal rather than a pariah.
Kinda hard to communicate with phone zombies though.
It's great you hope for that, but also be the one who takes initiative. Personally, I just started talking to people more, making small talk and what not. Yeah it might be a bit hard at first but then you start to see the benefits from all the people that at least recognise you.
Things can and will change, it just took a while for people to ban together as a collective, realizing we hold the most power.
Great video. However, i would like to say that socioeconomic position plays a huge role with your happiness. I remember being very depressed throughout undergrad. Coming from a poor to low socioeconomic household. I remember my friend offering me poptarts when i couldnt have lunch. I couldnt hang out with friends because i never really had much money. Lets just say that financial stability plays a huge role to your mental well being. I selected an awful STEM major and couldnt even find a job after graduation. I earn alot now and I do not have to worry as much as i did back then. Finances will play a huge role in your mental well being. I worked out, did my cardio/strength training, played the keyboard, read sheet music, went to church, etc played roblox etc etc. Did my hobbies...things that i can control are great coping skills. If youre constantly worried about finances, you gotta figure out a way to have stable employment. Itll definitely help your mental well being. At least in my situation.
Welcome to capitalism; Profits over People!
very true, but I think you can still be happy. I feel like happiness is an ever-present state of mind, waiting to be found in hard circumstances. It’s a different kind of happiness than having no money troubles, but still happiness
maybe it’s not ever-present, but inevitable. Like as long as you keep working your way through the hard times and stay resilient, you’ll look back with tremendous pride on what you accomplished. So maybe you can’t always be happy, but you can always be hopeful that you’ll be happy eventually
You are right. Yes. You are correct. I don't wanna diminish the effect that socio economic status has on health and happiness.
However, it would be regular practice for Buddhist monks to practice extreme asceticism to practice the art of mindfulness and bring the practice of mindfulness to the very poorest people in their communities.
It's still quite useful, even for people on the brink of starvation.
Good take. Perhaps a good caveat to Dr K’s point would be: strengthening this tool for improving your life may not be sufficient for your life to improve much in the short term. That still leaves open potential opportunities in the future to get out of whatever you may be stuck in. I’ve found in my life that sometimes I do all the right things and nothing changes, but I’m still preparing my mind to take advantage of any change in my circumstances, and applying pressure where I can to find those lucky breaks. You have to find a balance between surviving and progressing, even if that means just mastering your mind internally.
There was a point in my life where I actually COULD afford a house, but the job I had made me feel exhausted and depressed so then I thought well what the hell is the point of this money or even a house if I’m just gonna feel terrible all the time? Then it hit me, there is no point. It’s not survival, it’s not the Maslows laws that I was struggling with, it was the fact that I valued what society told me to value. I should have been valuing what I truly care for and Not what I’m told to care for.
and how's that worked out for you? Where you at in life right now?
Thank you for sharing!
I’m also curious about that @KnotApps
That's exactly my philosophy about life! It's not worth it to be miserable and depressed just for the sake of having "things"! I thought about the fact that I should waste my youth work the job im unhappy at and be miserable just to have a good life retirement when im old just like what everyone else is doing but is that the right thing to do or is it even worth it?!
Anyway the question is r u doing what u truly care for now?!
I’m exactly in the same boat with you on that one. I’ve pulled out from buying a flat twice in last year when I remembered that I don’t even have children to leave it behind nor that I want to have children. Instead I rather work, buy motorcycles and travel around as much as I can. Buying a motorcycle 4 years ago is the most happiest I ever been with my life, its my therapist and best friend
I know this will get lost in the comments but this channel and channels like it are genuinely out here saving peoples lives. Not only saving, but giving people lives back that they thought were lost forever. If you are one of these channels, or have the same mind as one, please don't stop. Please keep doing what you do. We all need you, whether we know it or not
🤍🕊️
I think one of the main problems is, while it's very important to do one's best regardless of one's situation, the political and economic systems in place right now are neglecting or actively harming our happiness. Especially while the rich keep.getting way richer and more and more people move into the poverty zone. One can only avoid this much stress while living paycheck to paycheck, forced to work a job with no purpose to them, while barely getting any free time and being promised fake happiness via consumerism.
There’s still absolutely ways to feel happier on a day-to-day basis. Making meaningful use of your free time, finding purpose in the things you engage with and introspection on why you feel particular emotions and spending time with yourself can help, in my experience.
We should absolutely be vigilant for this stuff too. But I feel like Dr. K's advice can apply here too. Cause change will never happen if we all are going to sit and wallow in our own sorrow with a racing mind. You need to have some level of happiness and gusto to make a change
While it is true that the rich is getting richer and the gap is getting bigger, the standards of living for the poverty zone has been improving and is still continuously doing so. Everyone's standards are getting high, it's just that the rich is getting higher faster.
Yup, exactly. I was gonna add on to that. With what is going on right now, realistically speaking with the economy, a lot of people are going to be depressed. It's gonna be difficult to find happiness when shelter and food become an issue. Imagine going paycheck to paycheck just for rent...like what about saving money for future generations or a stable home. It's easier said than done when others are not in a bad financial position. College w/ a bachelors degree does not equal stable employment
I'm nearing my 30's and for the past 5 years I've been paying my parents mortage. Everybody is struggling out here. It sucks but it also is kind of comforting to know I'm not alone. If I didn't need to worry about our financial stability I think I would feel a lot less stress.
One thing too though is recently I found something I'm pationate about and it's improved my mood considerably. My focus has shifted from sitting and ruminating and just feeling crappy, to something that I feel like I can work towards that could potentially open up opportunities maybe one day. I hope that one day I can get out of my own crappy situation, and help others too.
Sending support, positive vibes and love to everyone watching. This video is a great reminder that looking after yourself isn't selfish, and happiness isn't found, it's built from within,
"There is ALWAYS something that we can do, to alter the way we feel despite our circumstances."
I know this is easier said than done, and it's very unfortunate that we have to siphon happiness for ourselves in the place. That's why practices like self-care, offering kindness to ones-self and gratitude are imperative because they give you the energy to not only survive but thrive in this harsh world.
To put simply, in the words of Aristotle; “Happiness depends upon ourselves.”
i have anhedonia and dpdr 24/7 i can't physically be happy even when i drink alcohol i dont become drunk no matter how much i drink also i have tried therapy, meds and neuromodulation treatments and none of those worked so stop talking about bs
@@anonymous16472 You just gotta drink harder, man.
@@feelsdankman211 yeah i feel like my brain reward system is so inactive i probably have to drown it with alcohol before i see any effects
@@anonymous16472 Jokes aside, you should do the opposite.
5 HTP helped me with better mood and Mucuna Pruriens helps me with energy and the reward system. You should also try exploring your emotions more and keeping an emotions journal, you might have strong hidden emotions that clog your system so to speak. I used to think I'll never recover from my depression for a loong time but things can get better even if it seems impossible now. I hope you can heal.
Can confirm, this works
I still get discouraged when I enter a depressive state, but instead of lasting for 3 months it will take 3 days to dissipate. Sure my life hasn't changed very much to an outside observer, but the personal experience absolutely improves over time if you're able to start implementing positive habits like regular exercise and meditation.
Same brother❤
it will take you some time but there's a moment in which your negative feeling just last for a few hours, it's great! I still have issues but they come up as i get better at mindfulness. Btw something that helped me a lot: if there's a particular emotion that lasts for days is probably an irrational feeling that comes from a cognitive distortion, and maybe an irrational belief. idk if you've heard that but it helps me a lot when i feel lost and confused with my feelings.
@@TheMagicOwL127 I've been continually working on looking at and dissolving beliefs, quite a powerful practice
One indicator that I'm not thinking too much (which also results in less bodily tension and stress, and better breathing) is that I'm naturally just paying attention to minute details and texture of things. Like I'd just stare at a wall and notice the little textures and colors of things, or I'll actually watch the ceiling fan twirl and twirl. I used to do that a lot as a kid, but as an adult I'm always thinking about things in my head about imagined situations in the past or future that the "real" world just isn't perceived through the senses anymore.
I realize that when I'm anxious, stressed, and tense, have dry eyes, etc, that my eyes can look at things but they also sort of "glaze" over them; this is because even though my eyes are looking at something physically, my brain is taking up most of the attention because I'm thinking too much, rather than paying attention to what's actually right in front of me. I'm continuing to practice letting go of bodily tension, which has helped me a lot.
It will be two years in April and I can't get enough of this guy. He is literally like a link to enlightenment. Or he is enlightened. Taking Dr K advice and just listening to him almost everyday on repeat made me improve my life greatly. I did a lot more in those two years. Not everything was success, but I can't say I wasn't living a live or haven't learn anything. Listen to him, folks, and you will be fine.
That is amazing to hear, just for people impressionable let's not compare him te a Buddha that knows all. Much of what you did came from yourself, simply with someone giving guidance. You can be more proud of your own achievements rather than praising dr K, you did those things
Same. I have been on a journey of self-improvement for 2 years now inspired by Dr. K, and it's fair to say my life is drastically better now in no small part thanks to his content
I am regularly dealing with very intense emotions of sadness and shame. My thoughts go fast when I feel like that and I have trouble stopping it.
By coincidence I recently found out that doing some Duolingo works wonders. It's distracting enough since I need to concentrate and therefore I can't ruminate anymore. The questions are grouped in short 2 minute bursts. It truly helps stopping the train of thoughts and I learn some Spanish as a bonus :')
Could be the indirect “pressures” from social media/family/friends and what people think they should be doing compared to others. Comparison is a thief of joy.
It's very true. Even when they don't directly say anything, I feel the eyes of others, probably incorrectly, on me like a vulture.
Socially prescribed perfectionism , dosent lead to success, you need your own standard you want o meet and keep track off that’s predictive of things you want to work towards.
He talks about socially prescribed perfection as a brain adaptation that makes you turn away when you can’t meet it , like isolate, hide(ployvagal shutdown, even) or ruminating failure fixing mindset researching, but the way to train out of this brain adaptation is to create a vision of habits behaviors and standards and aims that you want to work toward and you need to know why you want to and to accumulate evidence for why you do it. And you need to be reminded of this why and evidence regularly. And keep track of progress and milestones.
Yeah my parents and grandparents did not need to have holiday in Carribean every year or live in a mansion and in the meantime have master deegree from one of best universities in the world. Goals of most people in the past were much simpler like raise family now most of people wants perfection and if you feel like you are behind by your peers in some aspects you can feel bad especially if they are morons who like to show up
Lack of joy is a thief of joy.
It's not just a comparison at blame here.
I got to admit you know your $hit forward/back. I have BS of psychology and have struggled a lot since exiting the military coupled with school/family pressure. I think the phrase slow is smooth, smooth is fast. It is nice to hear my thoughts and my interest in positive psychology and mindfulness be spoken by someone who has also struggled. I know it doesn't mean much but thank you.
I just got dumped and I am glad I stumbled upon your channel. I know I am just binge watching your videos just to make my mind stop my thoughts. The great thing about this is I learned a lot from your videos. Hopefully I can get back on track again.
It makes me unhappy because employers suck, pay is horrific, and I am homeless due to not being able to afford a place.
I saw your post 9 months ago about not being able to find employment after 9 months. I’m guessing you found work but it’s not what you expected?
@@pokeman316 yeah it wasn’t unfortunately far from it.
@@_nimrod92 I’m sorry bro. Am a civil engineering graduate looking for work. I’m praying you eventually find your way in this tough world.
Everyone wants pay and a fair exchange what ever it is
So basically:
- Accept boredom.
- Learn the Stoicism approach to life ("If I can't change it, I shouldn't preoccupy myself with it")
- Find happiness from within instead of outside
- Reduce the outside stimulation to one thing at a time
- Slow down the racing mind by thinking less
If I missed something, do correct me below
@dzemorek8457 that was not what your mom said last night...
Easier said than done
@@agentemiojo4796 those jokes about "your mom", hopefully you don't come across someone like me IRL, because it would not end well
@@filipefigueiredo9847 it’s just a joke on the internet lol.. lighten up kid
@@filipefigueiredo9847 it was a joke btw because he also used :/
I'm Autistic, in my case this thinking less and meditation aren't actually the same thing at all, nor does slowing down my mind ever actually help me to function better. This has been quite eye opening as to why medications don't help all that much in most cases either.
I've been in theropy my whole life, learned plenty of management techniques and come to the conclusion that most of what is being taught simply doesn't work for me.
If there is anyone rlse out there going through this, you're not alone. Apparently based off what I'm hearing and the contrast with what I experience in my own life, some of us experience situations outside of the general realm of knowlege.
Now I want to be treated properly. I want to experience the same resilience others do. Does anyone have any ideas about how this would affect somebody who simply isn't seeing the same reported results?
Thanks for this comment. A significant percentage of my students are autistic and I have noticed that typical coping strategies don’t work for everyone when individuals are stressed. I really would like a few more effective tools and strategies that would be helpful for them, even with simple everyday stresses like academic stress and social stress. If anyone has some good research based resources to look at that would be very appreciated. Everyone is an individual but the more effective tools I have, the more people I can support effectively if I understand them.
@@Kleinage good! I've been looking for better tools all my life and am actually at a loss myself. The best advise I can give is to remember that autism and it's related sensory issues are considered a disability for a reason even if many on the spectrum aren't fully affected by or lead back by the disorder.
I'd advise against pushing one's self too hard to act like a nut typical and rather for each individual on the spectrum to be allowed and feel allowed to explore their own individual limits with wellbeing. IE, without shame or emotional pain over the blockages one cannot overcome. I say this because autistic burnout is so much more dangerous than neurotypical burnout to some. Sometimes attempting to overcome obstacles trivial in the long run can be highly damaging and result in months or even years of burnout and mental injury.
Some of us really can't just tune out what we feel whether it be emotional or sensorial. In those cases, it may be just better to limit exposure to offending stimulus until a better way can be found. It's far easier said sometimes than done but from the lasting damage I've experienced in my own life due to attempting to overcome sensory issues, I'd say it's a necessary endeavor.
I deeply wish I could tell you good coping strategies I've learned for life stressors but in my case, I don't deal well with stress and trauma in my own life to the point where working is inhumane to impossible, all because our system where I live offers nothing to accommodate my issues.
I'm personally stuck in a loop where I am told to get professional guidance and therapy only to find that professional guidance knows little to do besides the same things that aren't working for me.
My best advise though... If an autistic child is having issues where they cannot feel safe or comfortable in any environment whether school home or whatever, and accommodations for their disability cannot be made (normally out of neurotypical in reasonability which I've seen plenty of) they need to get out of that situation and get calm before any real progress can even be made.
We're often not good at living with or managing pain... Much more suseptable to trauma, and may find various normal parts of life excruciating... All accumulating in a terrible outcome if people don't wake up to what is going on.
@@bh24x reading this felt somehow therapeutic. Thanks, bh. You've solidified my experiences and gave value to them. I feel validated.
Thanks, truly.
@@ivanmarquez2218 you are welcome! I only wish for better methods to be found for us! We are struggling, breaking, and falling down in a world that has no answers and is all too willing to give up on us when we fail.
I am on the spectrum, currently alcoholic been on illicit benzos opiates and stimulants.
For social situations like work or social interactions downers just make life liveable , in private Stimulants are the only way I can sit down for hours doing a task and not getting miserable. I used to smoke meth and watch movies for days
Dude where di begin I’m so glad I found you your the best your helping so many with generations of not healing ourselves but numbing ourselves with the ways we think we need I understand ,I have been addicted to drugs trying to enhance my mind your helping me understand why I do this so I can be happy with myself then I’ll be happy with our world imagine one day when this world is happy again soon
What about Maladaptive Daydreamers and people who dissociate? This might be an exception because it's something that makes you feel joy in the moment AND has high thinking activity but in the long run makes our lives worse/more miserable.
I don't think there is high thinking activity. There is not thinking about the uncomfortable thing, by thinking about/being in an easier state. Which means it can be compared to substance use.
I feel like day dreaming Is Like experiencing a parallel life in an Ideal world , which makes us euphoric . But Just like any addiction It makes us miserable when we return to this reality . I wonder if daydreaming was not a thing if accepting this reality would be easy
One of the few things that brings me joy is being truly intellectually stimulated.
Not overly challenged, but a new thought, concept, being able to marvel at the engineering of road angles on a hard corner...
A little seed sprouts in my mind and it re ignites the joy and wonder and curiosity I have about the world.
My dream is to do all the undergraduate degrees available (and being able to bow out respectively if they are beyond my natural inclinations .... screw you organic chemistry!).
It seems like part of the problem is a perceived loss of control.
That's why its good to practice what we can control
Seems like it we really like to have things under control for some reason.
that's why love of fate is so important. amor fati.
How do you get in control? Stop blaming others and concentrate on yourself?
Very timely video for me, thank you Dr. K. I think a big part of the challenge is that people (understandably) want to feel that life is really under their control as a way to counteract the instability and unpredictability of life, but in reality so many things in life, good and bad, are going to occur regardless of our efforts to manage them. This can feel disheartening, especially when going through the ups and downs life poses. But it also awakens you to a crucial opportunity in life, that even within challenging circumstances we still have agency and freedom to try to live as best we can within those parameters.
This is such a good topic to touch on especially from a psychiatrist. I've suspected stuff like this a lot, especially when people talk about 'ohhh everything in the past was miserable everything sucked everyone was sick and poor and did manual labor and everything was boring and society and religion was terrible and they couldn't go anywhere and they didn't know anything' because they don't think about the fact people in the past were just as intelligent as us, and found solutions to their problems in different ways, allowing them to live happy lives even though it was difficult in some ways, we need to learn from their ability to hold onto joy in the darkest circumstances
The clue there is that almost everyone lived like that. So it was normal. People didn't know better. People didn't feel as if they had failed, since they couldn't do/ have more. Nowadays, we 'all' have opportunities and chances to do well, so when we don't "it's our fault". (It's more often not, however it feels like it is and people often think this about others. That they don't make more of their life, even though there might be good reasons as to why someone didn't get 'further'.)
Studies show that it's worse to be on the poor side in 'richer' areas than being poor when everyone is poor around you. The comparison aspect is quite big a factor.
Came back to watch this again a couple weeks later. This video hits so hard for me. I was raised by very economically practical parents who drilled into me from a young age that you have to *earn* contentment. I often was made to feel immature for being content or happy with my life when I hadn’t built a life for myself yet.
Omg
When I went to the bathroom today
I purposely didn’t take my phone w me.
A few reasons
I wanted to get out of my comfort zone, I wanted to think about my day, just see what I would do.
Keeping things simple, and my mind.
Even grab a magazine like old times.
There was a purpose for my actions.
It was great!
Try it people just be in the moment.
It's because we can't afford to live anymore and normal people have no say in what happens in the world.
" normal people have no say in what happens in the world"
Thing is, we never did... besides perhaps in a pre-civilization stage of development, but even if you think you yearn for that, I promise you you don't.
"what a world we livin in, your feelings are irrelevant if you don't have your social status high"
Chin up brother
Statistically speaking, there are more peasants than tyrants.
You can have everything in life and still feel sad
@@RGE_Music you are of no worth, if you can't produce in the matrix.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick world.
Banger video Dr K. I'm happy that this video is available for everyone and hope it won't be disappear for whatever reason.
First time I came across the concept of correlation between happiness and thinking. Interesting video. Thanks
To me, mental gymnastics like slowing down the mind and cognitive reframing are secondary fixes: repairs that you do when you can't fix the actual problems. Think zip-tying something because you don't have the tools to properly bolt it together. The fact that we have to rely on secondary fixes this often means the world is filled to the brim with problems that just cannot be fixed period, which just seems bs to me and is what's making me sad.
Finally, someone who gets it!
Unfortunately there is no solution. If you take therapy, they won't fix your problems, but rather give you the tools to fix them. Politicians promise to change the world but don't do anything. People have New Year's resolutions but many of them fail. In this world you can't have your brain be a perfect machine, you have to humbly find materials and build something that makes you happy.
I feel this. I feel like if I were actually in a concentration camp or a slave, I'd have horrible experiences all the time. I'd be worked to the bone, be whipped, eat gruel day after day, and see people dying. I'd lie in bed and hear others sob themselves to sleep. I'd have nightmares. To be able to feel any kind of peace in this situation, I'd have to be mentally comatose. A literal dunce.
I'll first say, current world economic system is fucked and creeping more and more into exploitative neoliberalism. Let's go serious socialist bring this shit down
That said, life is always gonna be hard in its own way. Before, forest hunter gatherer have to be scared of starvation and tigers, cavemen scared of bears and wolves and fucking freezing to death. Now, exploitative shareholders and employers. Later, coping with degrowth. Whatever we do, there's a cost and exploitation.
I would argue world circumstances are the background noise that'll always be there, "mental gymnastics" are not a secondary fix they are a foundation.
He addresses this directly in the video.
If you're being objective and detached about it, consider this:
We all live in the exact same world. Everyone with the Internet has access to the same information, and there's free translation software so the language barrier isn't a barrier.
There are people with this information who are happy, and people with this information who are unhappy.
Therefore, whether or not a problem exists or is solved does not determine whether you're happy.
There were happy people before there was running water and reliable food and easy access to music. Not just the nobles, there were happy tribal villages. I know more about climate change than most people, and it doesn't depress me.
So if you want to be happy, mental reframing isn't BS, it's the technique to achieve the goal.
If your goal is to solve a problem, then pick one problem and do something about it (besides talking about it on the Internet. That doesn't help) Google "how can I help" if you genuinely don't know how. You won't single handedly solve the issue, but no big society-wide issue in history was ever solved by one person. Not a single one. But several issues got solved. Polio and smallpox are never mentioned in common conversation anymore. Acid rain, same thing. The Y2K bug. The dust bowl. The great depression. No single person fixed that. A whole lot of people decided to do what they could, and it worked.
So, what's your goal? Be happy, or fix a problem?
(And there's a secret: mental reframing unlocks your ability to notice what you CAN do to help with problems. And helping with a problem goes a very long way in helping with depression)
notes for myself
eating a burger
- happiness not coming from the burger
- if you're feeling guilty about eating it; less happy even though it tastes good
8:00 - 9:10
the more you think the more you're unhappy (e.g. comparison with others)
all meds are meant to slow down the mind
thus, slowing down mind leads to better mental health
how:
think abt when ur happy vs unhappy; are u thinking alot? or just focuing on one?
ask 16:27
what lvl of ctrl do you have around when the world enters you?
practice thinking less (meditate...)
conclusion:-
think less (i dont fkin know how hahaha)
Well, what people value is changing pretty dramatically. I got hired into my job ten years ago by very technical contributors that prioritized the quality of the work we were doing over the speed. As time went on, more and more of those people left and everything slowly but surely became about corporate politics; especially after annual riffing started. Personally people are getting progressively more narcissistic as the years go on. Dating culture has steadily nosedived since the advent of online dating.
The point is that environments are constantly in flux. So all you can really do is intentionally search out people and environments that value the same things you do.
Look at you speaking life into me. Thank you for this video. Life has been hard... really hard. My prayer to God has been helping fortify my mental fortitude so that I might overcome these trials WITHOUT an addiction (it's a slippery slope) or just imploding. Then I find your video today. Life will life but it will always give you a way out to survive.
For me it all comes down to basic needs. Are your basic needs like food and shelter covered? Than it´s probably easier to be content with life. If the answer is no, because you go to bed hungry every day and your bed is inside a leaking tent, well chances are no matter how good you are at "mindfulness" it will be pretty hard to be happy.
Now when we look at society and how the majority of people live paycheck to paycheck and maxed out credit cards, I can see why depression spreads like a wildfire.
YES THIS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT
Facts you sleep like sh!t with debt.
Yeah no amount of self soothing or switching of narratives changes how fucked so many of us are. And how the gap between those who earn a liveable wage vs the majority who do not is only getting wider.
Well, that's I think a symptom of the fact that if you do not have your physical health needs met then you are not going to be in a good state of mind. This is becuase your brain is linked to your body, and if you have an unhealthy body, you are going to have an unhealthy mind.
@@idab6864 cus ppl keep getting stupider and stupider lol😂
My therapist started me down the mindfulness and meditation journey. It's been the most helpful therapy for me. And I've been learning what makes me happy over time and it's so simple...I just want calm. I've been learning to reflect on stressful situations and try to find the calm wherever I can. Even if it means I stop what I'm doing to do a quick journal session, that's what I do. Of course, I can't always journal, but that does help.
Its always a good idea to focus on the things that make you happy, for me its dancing, singing, cooking for myself and others, eating, creating, dogs, nature and exercise.
nah you should enjoy working 12 hours a day 6 days a week for a corporation and if you don't your mind has too many thoughts and you're weak
@@rasmusturkka480 😆
I can honestly say I am so happy I ran across this video! It really makes sense! I, for instance, love my commute to work. I only have to focus on bus stops, and it's too bumpy to use my phone. I also work in a very specialized store with only a few types of items, so the repetition is almost meditative.
This revelation and separation of mind and self is what helped me realize that I was fundamentally not broken helped me overcome almost all of my major struggles
I thought about when I’m happier in my day, It might be when I’m doing an activity that requires focus, like drawing, reading or watching a series or cooking (I put a lot of attention to those two for some reason). Since I’m only thinking about what I’m currently doing, I reduce my thoughts and feel more content.
my whole life people were telling me that I think too much and i was like "this is stupid, how thinking can be a bad thing, it literaly means that your brain does what it suppose to do, and does it very well", but now i know it is not normal to analize everthing, you do that when you are stressed and in danger.
Now this is what I also realized not too long ago. Every time I drank my coffee, it feels like my mind is getting lighter. I find that weird because I thought caffeine is suppose to increase my brain activity in some degree but nope, coffee slows down my mind so I'm able to think more clearly. Every time I go cold turkey on coffee (not drinking it for days/weeks) I will start to overthink about my failure in the future and my guilt in the past. Thanks to this video now I know that the root for most of my problem (lack of happiness/peacefulness) is my mind that's full of thought, and the "cure" for this problem is to empty/slow down the mind. Thank you Dr. K!
Also, you're probably just dependent on coffee.
you might have adhd. coffee can work the opposite in ppl with adhd
@@thejerichonot true adhd people can still get geeked off of coffee
"Mindfulness isn't about mindfullness, it's actually about mindemptiness." That would make a quality shirt.
Mindfulness is useless. It is only 'evidence based' as a way to scam people. It holds no purpose.
I find this to be correct. I have ALWAYS worked on being avle to slow down my mind - not wirh alcohol, but with processing things and getting them out of my mind. I also learned how to meditate when I got annoyed or stressed. Bonus is: you also reason better in that state. To enjoy where you are, focus on the now and find the good things in the present.
This is such an amazing video, thank you very much. If you really pay attention to what he is saying, youll find he is basically giving everyone a way out of most of the unhappiness they experience.(Maybe other then survival and deeper emotional/memory based issues)
A busy mind is a consequence of not believing things will work out. Slowing the mind down with substances and meditation is an artificial and temporary way to experience the taste of what it would be like if you actually believed everything is taken care of.
What you have described is an argument for faith
Wow, I finally found what happiness is, it's enjoying a burger that's better than other people's burgers! And in the second half of the video, I understood how to become happy - I just need to stop thinking about my problems and the world's problems, i.e. to escape them and slow down my thinking, which enlightened me why there are so many people in the world who enjoy stupid things that make the world bad. In short - be dumb, be happy, because as it is written in the bible - "For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increases knowledge increases sorrow". Well, I thought people were made to want more than burgers... and the rulers only care about their own burgers being the best, and how other people don't take them, not how others to have the best burgers too. So guys, enjoy your "burgers" and be happy! But don't overeat, otherwise you will shorten the duration and quality of your happiness.
I discovered this guys channel a year ago and since and he just opened my eyes suddenly all the pieces have started to conect.This man is giving the best life advices and ways to fix your life for FREE.Since i started watching him my life has changed, i see the world and my self different i also have learnt so much about myself and how i function. Before i was just lost in chaos of the world but now huge improvement. despite how many thank you i say they will never be enough ❤
your videos always come to me when I'm experiencing exactly what you're talking about and i am so grateful for it. thank you so much. it's a life-changing knowlegde.
Dr. K, one thing to remark. Allowing happiness to be solely subjective also gives up our feelers to actual power, equality imbalance, etc. We don't have to be miserable because who wants to live a miserable life, but living a life of happiness can be said both by the rich and poor but clearly the acknowledgement of why one gets such treatment over the other can only be pushed forward by conflict.
after trying several types of anti-depression, anxiety and ADHD meds I almost gave up on life. never in my life would I think that the gamechanger would be meditation and yoga. and it was. made solid 60% improvement and since then even my therapy is 2x more effective. i'd say i was only able to accept non-medication solution after trying all pills out and realising that no pill will ever save me. it left me with no choice but to try what seemed to be impossible, to meditate, concentrate, breathe, stop, to do yoga. it felt quite a bit pseudo but I had nothing left but that. and it worked
Ahhhh! I get you! ADHD meds made things way worse… I was so numb and I hated it. Meditation works great and has helped me so much. I like all of my thoughts lol as long as meditate regularly, life is good! Cheers to you☺️
Also it reminded me of one thing that I used to do during my uni years. Whenever I got a big assignment, let's say a big graphical work (I got an electrical engineering degree, so there were a lot of graphs and schemes), I would prepare all of my stuff like pencils and rulers and paper and everything, and I would sit down and just work, hour after hour. And what would happen in my mind during that? Pretty much nothing. I would be thinking about the problem in front of me - what I need to draw, what numbers to pick, solving equations, and every other thought would be cut off. And by the end of it, I was always very happy and content. Now I understand that it wasn't just because I just did something useful, but also because my mind was slowed down a lot
Interested in hearing other people perspective on this. Comparing yourself to others can be used as a means of motivation to get to where you want to be. Instead of letting it “steal your joy”, analyze what others have and if you want it, then formulate and begin executing a plan to get there. I think it’s natural to compare yourself with others but when you learn to use it as fuel, it can become a powerful tool.
People have been chasing fame, fortune, love, sex, wealth, success, etc. for thousands of years but no amount of “success” is guaranteed to make you happy.
i am so grateful for this channel. Social media is flooded with self help but Dr. K's videos always have the most impact for me
"When we go to the bathroom, what is the one thing that we fear more than anything else?"
Me: Getting sucked into the toilet.
"The inability to take our phone with us."
Me: Oh.
I was terrified of toilets as a child. Still not a fan.
Droping my phone in the toilet.
Nothing about going to the toilet terrifies me... am I weird?😅
Yeah ... immediately all I could think of was no TP. Or a shit not flushing. Maybe I'm showing my age here? (40)
You know just going off on what you said in the beginning of the video, I want to strtetch how true this is. We have at least half of the keys to life in our hand. I used to be suicidal and I really started getting out of it when I realised this bit, even if it's just a detail, it's so important and I hope people can reflect on this. You have 50% of the keys of fate. So I started getting out the door more, doing stuff I liked. And everything just turned an upward spiral: had a bit of a success experience, started feeling a little more confident about myself, got out the door the next time with a bit more confidence, had some more good experiences. You know. Everything downward started turning everything upward. I hope this helps people if they read it.
Yes, we're ultimately able to find more happiness for ourselves, and be driven less by outside actions. But should we elect to be happy and positive regardless of what people are doing to us?
I thought that running away from bad emotions was the problem.
Maybe to be able to sit with unhappiness, we first need to be able to believe those states are temporary?
Man your videos are helping me so much! I've struggled alot with anxiety and I've came across alot of videos that never felt right but your videos are extremely helpful especially that you don't focus on medication like the whole American society does.. I left the states and came back broke and have the hardest time adjusting but your videos are helping me work through my anxiety. Thank you for doing what you do!!!
I feel as though the reality that many seem not to grasp is that the world is an experience you have to grow with and along in real time, and the human aspect of our world we see around us is constantly projecting not only identity and a need for purpose, but a sense that you are obligated to rise to some sort of occassion for the general benefit of people you dont even know. "Be this, do that, learn this, say that, believe this, follow that." And even though in a way we ask for it because we ourselves spend a portion of life trying to oriente and understand what is happening and has happened while thus vehicle of life is still in perpetyal motion around us, we honestly live in a world that foists alot of clutter and junk in our direction. We get fed other's baggage and trash alot against our own will and we are just now beginning to develop the kind of world connection cappable of addressing this. The world is in reality just a merry go round of different events happening. Different circumstances, different modalities of life and living. There comes a point where we kind of just realize its not our goal or obligatiin to cauddle the world with our entire life by serving the wants and demands of people. We have a perception that life sucks because we are searching for truth in the trash compactor of human thought. Our minds are like a bubbling cauldren that mixes and recycles ideas, knowledge, information and memory. Throw human ego on top of that and the minds of people are little more than displays of roiling, boiling bubles of troubled notions on how time ought to be spent. No concern how, usually just commands, demands. Its far too much peering the the wrong direction to see whats going on out here and try to weeve a tapestry of thoughts on who to be and what to do from that. At some point you finally just yield and begin focussing, working on what you can w yourself. Thats all you can control really. And even then people might try to confine or assign a role for you to you. Gotta be able to just walk the other directiin from that hobestly. Your example will be seen by otgers and they can take from it what they will and live their lives. Its not all of our collective jobs to need to correct one another all the time or impulsively drive each other to ideals. We have to trust ourselves to the flow of things sometimes and be willing to go w it and learn to dodge rocks along the way down that stream. Either that or break them with your face\/(°~°)\/
This was so damn well expressed. But in the end things got a lil messy. I guess that was actually perfect in an imperfect way.
This is actually really good. Did you just bang this out off the top of your head? Damn. 👏👍
This should be top comment.
@@yuta2349 lifes perfectly imperfect. Just roll w it👍
@@whatdoesthisthingdo been through A decent handful of adversity in my young life, what is a have not for a long time, just learned to make the most out of things, do right, appreciate the little bits and pieces here and there it's all one really can do with life, it's just when you really realize that and it becomes apparent that's all life's about, you realize how much of this you really got under control and how much of Life stress is really just thought processes making mountains out of molehills 90% of the time. We are all just mostly afraid of our shadow more than the reality of what we got to live through.
Thank you so much, Doctor k. I am in your debt. You've helped me to understand myself so much better and heal through some of my past trauma. I was even able to help some people I care about using your knowledge that You give so freely. The universe is such a better place with you in it. You are truly one of the great men of our time, Keep up the amazing work you've been doing. I know you have helped so many people to learn how to save themselves.
Much love from Texas.
I mean this with as much respect on the subject as i possibly can. While i understand that happiness starts internally, how is someone supposed to focus on being positive if their immediate surroundings cannot allow for them to do so? Doesn't particularly pertain to my own situation but i am curious on how it could be possible to overcome seemingly impossible situations to thrive or survive in.
Well like he said, Viktor Frankl figured it out while in worst situation imaginable...
However you can change your environment for your benefit would be worthwhile. You wanna give your brain new connections
That is a tough question, but out of experience I've noticed quite a lot of happy people in tough situations and miserable people in secure situations.
I'm not sure how they do it, but I've seen it.
Maybe like in the movie The Shawshank Redemption, "they control everything, but they can't control our minds"?
I love Dr. K's content...I've been watching the videos for almost a year now. It changed me. I wonder if there are other Egyptians interested in this material...I would love to discuss these ideas with people who share my social & cultural background
im not depressed because the world is going to shit, im depressed because people's lives around me keep getting better and better and my social anxiety stops me from going anywhere. i dont admit this in real life but bad news actually make me happy because it reminds me im not alone in having a shit life.
Excuse me but unless you live in Los Angeles or the richest part of London I doubt anyone around you is doing any better. Sociability is a myth and once you achieve a minimum amount of money everything is sort of the same for everyone
@@aeonsbeyond Your assumption about average jobs or employment is the issue. Not everyone fits this "minimum" average, obviously.
@@aeonsbeyond a “minimum amount of money” doesn’t solve social anxiety… and other people’s lives can be better than one’s own in many ways, not just financially.
But sometimes thinking can make you happy.
For example, If I go into a flow state thinking about a problem and how to solve it I am happy as a clam.
Maybe, it is less about "too much thinking" but more about who is in control of the thinking?
In mental illness thought patterns, maybe the brain gets overloaded with thoughts that are out of the person's control so they are being tossed about in the storm of their mind.
It's like when a computer tries to do too many tasks at once (many of which contradict and override each other) and then you get the eternal spinning loading circle.
Whereas when a person IS in control of their thoughts they can guide and direct the thoughts to a common purpose and their brain does not get overloaded nor do they fall into harmful thought patterns (which would cause errors), thus they can be happy when thinking.
Vídeo extremamente necessário, no ano passado eu fiz 18 anos e estou passando por umas crises de ansiedade e tristeza, na faculdade e na vida parece que tudo tá piorando com o passar do tempo, mas acredito que é só uma fase e que vai passar. Abraços do Brazil 🇧🇷❤
Achei que não tinha outros brasileiros aqui 😅. Não que seja no nível de faculdade, mas terminar o 9º ano foi desgastante ao extremo pra mim. Passei a me proibir de me bombardear com conteúdo novo do TH-cam ou do noticiário, e fiquei cada vez mais tempo do lado de fora de casa, sentindo a brisa, observando a paisagem (duas árvores, mas que são muito bonitas!) Isso me deu tempo pra pensar sobre a vida, tirou meu cansaço, e depois da virada, adotei uma visão de vida (dica dele de um vídeo sobre carisma). Espero que tenha bons anos pela frente, e que passe a se entender cada vez mais.
Essa idade é difícil mesmo. Busca ajuda profissional, foca em melhorar a saúde mental que o resto vem. Buscar aceitação dos outros constantemente é uma fase.
Fico feliz em saber quem tem outros Brasileiros aqui. Esse conteúdo ajuda muito, principalmente no tempo que a gente tá vivendo e ainda vai viver
Recomendo você ver os vídeos sobre o Estoicismo e o Budismo do Epifinia experiência
É muito bom ver tantos brasileiros vindo aqui 😁
Thank you, Dr. K, for giving out this great knowledge for free. You're helping so many people.
Well I have constantly something running in the background. In the past years I was even some kind of proud, that watching a movie or a series is not possible because my mind needs input.
I stand up and start TH-cam. Then I work in IT and after that I put on a podcast while I walk with the dog...
Maybe I should really stop this constant background input.
At least I should try...
I told my partner once, that "I need the input because I do not want to be alone with my thoughts." Maybe that was a lie to myself.
Thank you.
I feel like life has always been crappy for every generation but previous generations knew things were crappy and made the most of it. The problem started when TV was invented and entire generations of kids were sat in front of it and being shown epic adventures and happily ever afters pumping their minds into the clouds only to be brutally dragged back down to reality once they grow up and enter the mundane world of adults. It's a psychological pump and dump leaving hordes of stranded young adults holding bags of never to be realised dreams.
I choose to be happy because it is good for my health.
I learned this after a motorcycle crash.
I broke 6 vertebrae had to brain bleeds lost my shorr term memory and the ability to read or do math properly on tip of short tern memkry problems.
Still getting better at meditation.
Mediation for me is much like getting into a flow state when surfing or riding.
The world doesn’t just appear to be getting worse, it is getting worse.
We don’t even have to look far. Palestine, Sudan, the Congo, and not to mention being unable to escape the crushing pressure of capitalism. It seems as if everyone I know is truly, deeply struggling. Gratitude and being present to our blessings can only carry us so far.
Can you be more specific.
In some ways, yes. Income inequality, war, global temperatures, and nationalism are on the rise, and we have a lot of new, destabilizing technologies we don't know how to use yet. But some things have gotten better in the last few decades: Life expectancy, crime, legal equality, democracy, and science are all improved since the 60s. Let's not assume the world is going to Hell just because we mostly see the bad side.
How so?
@@jordanrenee9547eh. Sure the world still isn’t perfect but prosperity in a general sense is absolutely rising.
Your timing for video topics is immaculate. I was just thinking about this.
Hedonic Adaptation translates to Mo Money Mo Problems.... Euphoria and synthetic rush always returns to a baseline or problematic below, so it's always transitionary. Evaluation, reflection, gratitude and meditation helps for a healthy baseline and balance.
I almost never comment, but this is one of the most helpful videos I have seen by capturing both the current state of the world and concrete steps what to do about it. Thank you!
We got the whole world in our pocket but it's sometimes so hard to find someone to talk to.
I'll remember all the things you just said, you're amazing doctor K! thanks for the amazing advice
This is so motivating. It's so encouraging to think that I can find peacefulness just by quietly washing the dishes. I'm going to be thinking about that.
This is by far one of your greatest videos Doctor, greetings from Buenos Aires
Wow, I really needed this video.
Dear Dr. K. You are one human who could sleep well at night. Your intellect ,knowledge and most enormous generous giving loving heart are an enormous gift .🙏
How fucked up is this actually? So basically we are all born with a happy mind, but then literally life starts to consume us and we chase happiness by doing all this nonsens, cause we think this leads us to a happier version of ourselves. But what happens that we actually get worse and worse and our biggest enemy is our mind full of garbage that we decided to fill with, and now we need to get rid of it to feel happy again. :D this is insane
Happiness has not much to do with comparisons, circumstances and events... it is appreciation and gratitude and own truth that opens the way to satisfaction and bliss.
My unhappiness came when the illusion i had of the world and the people in it was riped from under me. Expectations are a big contributor to disappointment. Had to be more contwnt with being alone to myself and be my own best friend.
This makes so much sense and I will pass the knowledge further. I thank you deeply for organizing my mind into enjoying the wonders of the world more truthfully.
I think this just convinces me more that human consciousness is a bug, not a feature.
I try to have this approach, even though I’m a senior citizen who is unable to retire, who has no safety net or family/friends to lean on. This is a very hard country for people who don’t have the resources to take care of themselves, where those who find themselves in this position are shamed and outcast. It’s the lack of social/community support that also causes suffering.
Being unhappy in a situation that is shit, is a valid feeling. In fact, I would argue we are not unhappy enough. If we were as a whole unhappy enough. Folks would take collective action and things could change.
Nope, when majority of people in the society are miserable, the society atomises. Atomised society wouldn't take any collective actions. You know stages of grief? Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, acceptance. When acceptance happens people aren't unhappy anymore (despite circumstances hadn't changed for the better yet), and that's when changes happen.
I feel grateful to find access to this channel.
I wish there was someone who was on a normal persons level and not rich people telling poor people they should just be more resilient. It’s hard to listen to rich people.
I totally agree! From my own experience, when you are tired and/or unhappy, it is really hard to do anything, meanwhile when you feel good, you are ready to study or do any other activity!
Thanks for the video!
Thank you Dr Alok, I hope I become successful enough to meet you in person someday and thank you for making myself better and my mind stronger…
Wow, I really needed to hear this. NYE was a doozy. For context, I'm usually the fun, bubbly, and calm/mature one of my friends, but that wasn't the case a few days ago. Due to some financial hardships, family deaths/fallout, and, most importantly, lack of sleep, I exploded on a couple of friends. Didn't say anything bad or insulting, but my attitude needed to be checked. This was due to a brown out. I'm using alcohol to cope. Pair that with friends that I never really see that often and ADHD, I didn't realize how much I drank. I'm more depressed now than I've ever been, but I've been depressed for a few months in general. I do deep breathing before bed, but the issue is I only sleep 4-6 hours in my 30s, except weekends. Great info, Doc. I will attempt to slow down and enjoy or meditate when feeling those negative mental ailments.
The video oversimplifyied the causes of unhappiness. Attributing all unhappiness to "surrendering to circumstances" ignores factors like systemic issues, mental health conditions, trauma, and economic struggles. These deeply impact well-being and require more than just mindfulness to overcome. The video emphasizes individual responsibility for happiness, neglecting the role of social structures and institutions. Addressing systemic inequalities like discrimination and limited access to resources might be crucial for collective well-being.
I just want to say thank you Dr. K for your work, your videos helped me so much, that I can't even express it. I was at my lowest and thanks to you, I finally seem to have found the way out. Thank you!
Understanding the Impact of the Modern World on Happiness and the Role of Mindfulness in Cultivating Contentment and Resilience
🌍 Impact of Modern World on Happiness
00:00
The world's deteriorating conditions
00:00
The speaker's background as a monk and psychiatrist
00:24
The misconception of surrendering happiness to external circumstances
01:56
The example of Victor Frankle in concentration camps
03:42
The variability of happiness in shared circumstances
03:42
🌍 Impact of Modern World on Happiness
03:48
Discovering happiness in difficult circumstances
03:48
Ability to alter feelings despite circumstances
04:15
Need for adapting to current environment for happiness
04:44
Comparison as a factor in stealing joy
05:03
Understanding the nature of joy and its sources
06:16
🧠 The impact of excessive thoughts on happiness and the role of mindfulness in reducing them.
07:05
Excessive thoughts lead to reduced enjoyment and unhappiness.
07:05
Boredom is the result of unregulated abundance of thoughts.
08:06
Reducing thoughts through substances or mindfulness practices can lead to happiness.
09:21
Mindfulness aims to empty the mind rather than fill it.
10:05
🧠 The impact of mindfulness and medication on mental health, and the relationship between mental activity and happiness.
10:18
Mindfulness and medication aim to reduce mental activity
10:18
Psychiatric medications slow down the mind to treat various mental illnesses
10:34
Slowing down the mind improves depression, anxiety, ADHD, and psychosis
13:04
Meditation and mindfulness are evidence-based treatments for mental illnesses
13:26
Increasing mental activity leads to unhappiness
13:59
🤔 Understanding the causes of unhappiness in today's world and how to find joy through mental activity and control.
14:12
Antidotes for unhappiness: getting drunk, getting high, binge-watching, etc.
14:12
Engaging in activities to stop thinking and focus on one thing for joy
14:22
The mechanism of psychiatric medications and mindfulness to slow down thinking
14:50
Importance of understanding moments of joy and unhappiness and the level of mental activity
15:23
Realization of happiness independent of external circumstances
16:34
Understanding how external circumstances enter the mind and affect happiness
17:18
🧠 Understanding the impact of mindset on happiness and how to cultivate contentment despite external circumstances.
17:27
Mindset plays a significant role in happiness
17:27
Ability to control mindset and happiness
17:34
Reducing mind activity correlates with happiness
18:11
Fluctuations in happiness throughout the day
19:07
Practicing meditation to train mindset
19:44
Contentment leads to stronger ability to improve circumstances
20:17
🌍 The impact of modern society on mental well-being and the path to finding happiness and resilience.
20:47
Self-medication with binge activities to cope with consuming thoughts
20:47
Acceptance of self leading to progress and improved mental health
20:54
Finding joy in basic activities to calm the mind and improve resilience
21:47
Adapting to the changing world to reclaim happiness and resilience
22:36
This makes a lot of sense and can save lives. Take the body transitivity movement for example, where people who are working through a tough spot in life drink the gender identity koolade. They neuter themselves like dogs with drugs and scalpels, chasing after happiness, but that often leads to a billion complications, regret, and -- far too often -- suicide. If such people learned to be happy in their own bodies, meditate, pray, find peace within (instead of without), then lives can be mended and even saved.
Gal 5:22 -- "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace..."
I get what you're saying, and there's definitely truth to what you say. You have to choose happiness and look for the wins. But describing moments of resilient happiness in a concentration camp was depressing AF. Like falling in love with your captor. I don't think that kind of happiness was genuine or rooted in health and wellness. Altering the way we feel in spite of our circumstances is why loads of women stay with abusive men. I think this kind of resilient happiness is one reason people in the U.S. are so messed up.
??? i think you should read "man's search for meaning" it's not quite what you are describing about an abusive relationship at all.
During my younger days I used to be a huge video gamer nut and social media! But, currently in middle 30’s I realize getting back outside to nature and talk to other people really helps against depression than staring at a computer screen all day!
Dr. K is an amazing human. I wish I was rich or a streamer so I'd get some time with him.