AITA For Fatshaming Friend's Autistic BF OR Getting High So I Don't Have to Babysit|Comfort Level
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ค. 2024
- 0:00 Sam hates Rocket??
1:45 Sam Transitions Now!
2:31 AITA For Fat-shaming Friends Autistic BF
4:49 Response
8:06 Top Comment
9:01 Madi Transitions Again?
10:13 AITA For Getting High So I Don't Have to Babysit?
11:11 Response
15:05 Top Comment
15:49 Transition Attempt AGAIN By Madi/Just the Two of US
16:53 AITA For Making BIL Pay for HIS Son's Meal When I Said it Was a TREAT
19:02 Response
23:24 Top Comment
23:14 Another Great Transition in the BAG!!!
25:40 AITA For Paying for Myself to Not Babysit
28:18 Response
30:04 MADI HAS A GREEN THUMB
32:01 Edit
34:49: AITA For Banning SIL Over Tomato Sauce
37:03 Response
41:15 AITA For Backing Out On Paying For Sister's Wedding Dress Bc of a Joke
44:27 Response
47:52 Comments
49:24 U Okay Sam?
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my sister is autistic and often tells me that having autism doesn’t give you a free pass to be mean. it’s one thing if you’re not able to read the social cues and say something very blunt, but it’s another to continuously insult someone and try and pass it off as just a part of autism. once he said “this boy is seriously unimpressive”, that’s where the line was crossed. obviously he understands enough about social interaction that he would know what he said was mean, otherwise he wouldn’t have been offended by the fat ass comment.
Yeah, I'm autistic too, although we didn't know it when I was a kid. I can't read nonverbal cues for heck, but you don't get to be mean. We can learn tact, if we're on the same part of the spectrum that I am. If he couldn't tell the kid he did a good job, he should have kept his mouth shut.
I’m a high functioning autist. I’m very direct with everyone I speak to and I put 100% into a conversation. Regardless I still do my best to speak to people with compassion. If he really is autistic then he’s a high functioning one that knows he’s being rude and using his autism as an excuse to do so without repercussions
Thats how I took it too. He was totally out of line and i feel like he knew it
My cousin is high function and he is only 13 so takes him to time to understand but we will pull him up in the correct way when he is rude. He gets more upset knowing he’s upset someone tbh really🥺🥺
Yeah 100%, my partner has a family member who is severely mentally disabled and she would still apologize and stop if she was told directly that something she said was hurtful. The bf is just a jerk
You know about the term autist but not that the term high functioning is not a thing we use anymore?/g, srs.
@@Strawberrypersonoffixialokay but this person is specifically an autistic one. They can call themselves whatever they want.
/sincerely another autistic person.
I believe the guys take the tomatosauce one so easy cause they never cooked 40 pounds of tomatoes into sauce. I remember a story were a SOs sister spilled an entire bach handmade tortelini on the floor and the SO was like oh why are you mad till he agreed to cook the whole handmade meal from scratch. OP told him what to do and in the end, when she told him and now you have to cook the sauce and salad almost cryed and apologized. Just saying it's easy to say it's not that bad someting has been destroyed till you made it yourself.
it wasn't about the sauce or the tomatoes, it was about the consistent pattern of disrespect of her space. she done that several times and told her to stop and it's to the point where she can't be trusted to be in the house without following a very basic boundary. so no, an apology and carrot cake isn't enough for her to just accept that she's changed. she would have to prove to her that she can be trusted to not mess with her food. It's like if someone came to your house and left the front door open cause they think your indoor cat who has never been outside needed to not be caged up inside. like it's not your house so you don't get to come in and do things that you think are better
Put on top of that the amount of work that she probably did to put turn that into a sauce. To have to redo it all over again that’s time she can’t get back. And at the end of the day it’s not your house if she wants to eat unseasoned tomato sauce then she wants to eat 40 pounds unseasoned tomato sauce.
it’s honestly SO much work for like a regular amount of tomato sauce… she ruined 40lbs of lots and lots of labor like it was nothing!! so disrespectful
OP was making canned/ jarred tomatoes to use in different dishes. These are comparable to store canned tomatoes that are unseasoned. You can them unseasoned and then add seasonings based on the recipes they're used in. It's a lot of work to can 40 lbs of tomatoes. SIL would be banned from my house.
Exactly. Like who asked you.
I'm fat AND autistic...that guy had it coming!!😂😂😂
40 lbs of tomatoes without waste can make more than 40 lbs of sauce, you don't just squeeze or crush tomatoes alone to make tomato sauce. You add other ingredients, such as water, to get the right consistency, texture, taste, etc:. Plain tomato sauce can be used as a base or ingredient to make different varieties of sauces, not just tomato sauce. But that isn't possible when a meddler adds spices.
I’m autistic and somehow I manage to not be a raging asshole. It’s really just as easy (if not easier) to be nice as it is to be rude.
What y'all aren't understanding about the tomato sauce is that she was making basic sauce that can be stored and used for many different dishes. Pizza sauce, pasta sauce, marinara etc. She probably adds seasoning when she needs it.
Yeah she said in the original post that this is what OP planned on
You can tell they’ve never batch cooked anything. Also if I’ve told you to not do something in my home and you continue to ignore that rule then you’re choosing to over step my boundaries. That’s what they’re not getting is that a boundary has been crossed multiple times. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I’m autistic and the mean-spirited fedora connoisseur reminds me of this one spoiled rich kid in my elementary school autistics-only class. We would have classes like art and PE with the other kids in our grade and the one kid would constantly throw screaming tantrums when someone said no to him and loudly announce that he’s autistic/on the spectrum/Asperger’s etc. as an excuse for his own bad behavior. Unfortunately a lot of teachers didn’t know how to handle an autistic kid, so they’d instantly forgive him and he’d never get in trouble. We all hated him.
But one day right after throwing a huge fit in music class, we came back to the autism classroom and sat at our group tables. For some reason he started pinching the kid next to him on the arm really hard, and the pinched kid called out for the teacher. Future fedora kid was so used to getting out of trouble by playing the autism card that he forgot where he was and immediately told the teacher, “I don’t know any better Miss Smith, I have autism!” 😭
The room went dead silent, and even the teacher froze in confusion, until one kid towards the back of the room matter of factly shouts back, *“We **_all_** have autism!”*
Easily one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.
Oh ew... people need to stop babying autistic people. Sometimes we need to have our ears chewed out for shitty behaviour, just like everyone else. That dude who called him on his bullshit so flatly is a legend.
Have you ever peeled and prepped 40 lbs of tomatoes?? And now she has to do it twice, because of something they did that they have been repeatedly told NOT TO DO??? NTA.
And I'm sure she was going to use the sauce for a verity if things, so it didn't need to be seasoned the same way. The effort that went into that sauce. I'd kick her out too. Gtfo
This! That was a lot of work and time that person did that basically went to waste. Those are things they'll not get back. Also, that is really rude to be going into someone's kitchen and just start doing whatever to whatever the person is making.
I am SOOO sick and tired of hearing these stories about parents throwing their kids onto or expecting family members to watch their children! As a mother of three, when I go on vacation or to another family member’s house, my children are MY and my husband’s responsibility. We don’t expect anyone to watch our kids so we can drink or have “adult time.” This is absolute BS.
The only time we take off, or leave them with someone to do our own thing is if we’ve asked in advance or if someone we trust has offered to watch them. These parents that do this are inconsiderate and clearly selfish.
If someone was treating me to a meal I would NEVER get something that expensive. I usually order less when someone offers to pay
$7,000 wedding dress! Her wedding will not be “ruined” b/c she doesn’t get that dress. She sounds incredibly spoiled and entitled. The sister is not an a-hole not paying after being insulted.
The sister being mad that she has to wrangle her own children… you’re the one who had them??? It’s your responsibility anyway, girl
Everyone in these stories lack respect for other people or their boundaries. It doesn’t matter if you agree or not no is no.
41:11 Honestly, Italian families are wild. It's not clarified but 40 pounds of homemade sauce tracks as something my family would do, and if you mess with the sauce you are banned forever.
That said, one or two minor holiday ban is totally fair due to the apology cake, especially since it's OP's favorite
I’m autistic and autism isn’t just how far you are on the spectrum. The best way to explain it is as a pie with different slices representing different traits and your place on the pie can be completely different from someone else’s. Also I don’t think the bf was being mean because of his autism. He was just being mean.
40:15 like who would think that she was cooking 40 lb of tomatoes for one dish.. she seasoned it like she thought it was for spaghetti when in reality she was making an unseasoned tomato base for future cooking. Pizza sauce, spaghetti, tomato bisque all take different seasoning and all taste different. like she was cooking 40 lbs on tomatoes obviously she wasn't just going to make one thing.
I use plain tomato in baked goods, soup, sauce, and even ice cream. She’d have ruined everything.
As we say in the autistic community, I am autistic and also a bitch. I think his comments were kind of mean kind of funny, but nah this isn’t about his autism. It’s ableist of his gf and his ppl to not say “that’s kind of rude” and if this was about autism he’d be like “ah word sry.” If someone says “no offense” they know they’re being rude.
Basically, I’m autistic and anti-fat shaming and he had it coming 😂
But srsly if you care about your autistic friends you will tell them if they fuck something up. And if they care about you they will ask questions to make sure they understand how they caused harm.
- Exactly. I can't believe his friends or his girlfriend didn't try to help the guy.
as soon as the words "no offense" left the boyfriends mouth, he couldn't scream autism and lack of awareness with social cues because when someone says no offense, they know they're being offensive, or that what they say could come off offensive.
Random tip for anyone looking for a fancy wedding dress on a budget: Find a local dress shop for proms. They often have dresses just as extravagant for lower prices. Now, I’m not saying they’re going to be $100 cheap, but $700 compared to $7000 makes a huge difference. You can even request a dress you find in another color in white.
Now if you’re looking for an extravagant dress in general without paying too much, renting a wedding dress is truly where it’s at. At some places you can even rent three for different photos and stuff and then you don’t have that big box sitting in your attic for the next three years.
My mom took me and my siblings(triplets) on on many vacations/ road trips a lot as a kid, and had no big issues with us. All they are teaching them is that mom and dad don’t care about spending time with them and stuck us with “boring” uncle (boring from the eyes of children). A better solution than sticking them on a family member, just don’t bring the kids and hire a babysitter! It’s giving malicious incompetence💀
Right? Op is supposedly ruining their vacation by sticking them with the kids. But it's THEIR KIDS 😭 they're ruining his vacation bc they don't know how to use condoms or hire a babysitter
On the vacation story there was an update. Sister got slammed online for always trying to pawn the triplets on him. This made the parents talk to the sister and make better arrangements.
The wedding one, lil sis was out of line... That was totally uncalled for... NTA
And she wasn’t apologizing for upsetting her or bringing up past trauma. She just begged for the wedding dress. Horrible sister and I wouldn’t pay for that dress any more either.
NTA…the second post. The family isn’t there to see the OP, they’re there to see her house and have her babysit. If I didn’t have them, I’m not obligated to watch them. And certainly don’t expect someone to watch them without asking.
If you come into my home and start messing with my food, or anything I've put significant time/money/effort into, you're gone. You might get one more chance if you sincerely apologize and I like you enough, but that's it. People who trample over boundaries are exhausting and the doormat is OUTSIDE my house.
as someone with autism, i constantly say rude things on accident(nothing this rude to kids xD) but i nearly always realize right after by their reactions and immediately apologize. Just cause i didn't mean to hurt their feelings doesn't mean their feelings weren't hurt so it's my responsibility to apologize.
edit: also since i've realized i do this, i do it much less cause i try to be very aware of it and sensitive to others.
Yeah exactly you don't keep going and being nastier when called out like he did, he's just an asshole nothing to do with his autism and ppl that use that as an excuse make all autistic ppl look bad 😣
I’m high functioning autistic and given his reactions he sounds it too. I would literally never spout shit like that. Sure I’m direct but bro naaahhhh that’s messed up. Things like “no offense”, responding to things ONLY rudely when the kid is doing nothing to him… his words seem only on purpose.
28:33 if he's got the money to go on the vacation by himself just not even go to the same place they're going and say you just won't be attending since they want to quiet hire you and throw a fit because they can't watch their kids
i am an autistic person & have a sister who also has autism but with higher support needs than me (will never live independently) and we can both be blunt but its never in a way that can come across as blatantly insulting 😭😭 my sister has less ability to know the time and place for comments sometimes but it’s obvious that she isnt saying things to be mean or anything. so it seems like the boyfriend is just an asshole lol
My uncle had kids late so there’s a huge age gap between the 7 original grandkids and his 2 kids. Most of us were in ours 20s when they were below 10 and he would still expect all of us to play with them and entertain them for the entire trip. I loved hanging out with them but I was also 20-25 years old there’s only so long I want to play entertainer for someone’s kids during a vacation. lol
I feel for them because I’m sure my uncle just wants them to have the same close relationship we older cousins have but it’s hard when most of us will be pushing 25+ by the time they are 18. Hell, I’ll be 30+ by the time they graduate high school and I’m the middle grandchild. Lol
Me and my family of 5 routinely spend $150-$200 at the movie theatre, compared to the $20-$40 I spend when I go with a friend or my boyfriend, I’m telling you families spend a lot at the movie theatre. That father should’ve thought about that before trying to run up his brothers kindness
shes so me for the perfect plant science museum I NEED TO MNOW WHAT MUSEUM THIS IS OMG 😭
Waiting for the comfort level mixtape
1st story - this guy is confusing being an asshole with being blunt or struggling to filter what you say which is a trait of autism. I know plenty of autistic people who would never talk to a child like that. It’s gross to use autism as an excuse for nasty behaviour because some idiots actually believe it’s true. And it fucks with people’s perceptions of autistic people and what they’re capable of
My brother has autism and is low functioning so it’s a tad bit excusable when he says something bc he’s mimicking and we can tell him “hey don’t say that” and that’s it and he won’t say it. But if he was high functioning I’d still tell him hey don’t do that that’s mean. Even my friends that are high functioning would probably still be like oh wait maybe that wasn’t ok to say? And then correct themselves when we point it out. Being on the spectrum isn’t an excuse to be an asshole especially to a child?! I’d be so pissed off like OP
Tumeric in the Marinara... My soul just caught fire
fucking around with what someone is cooking is so wild, extra wild if you yourself aren't going to even be eating it. What if they were put on a low sodium diet? What of you make it too spicy? That's such an odd habit.
oblivious - right in front of you, but still unaware of it.
2 same-day tickets for across the spiderverse in 3D cost $60, and standard cost $50. I believe that $190 is a reasonable budget for a family to see a same-day movie.
not always
😮
Autisic gal checking in! Friendly PSA for those who haven't been aware: Functioning labels can be harmful for autistic people. I'm in the midst of burnout so my functioning is lower than when all my needs are being met (best case scenario)
Like, I graduated college with honors but have trouble feeding and cleaning myself during burnout :(
However, the autistic dude in this story was probably trying to be funny or wanted to feel better about himself
Here’s the thing, they joke about your wedding when you’re not there. You’re fine and not the asshole. Your whole life got upended and they use it as a joke, but still want you to respect them? How is it fair to hurt you, but not expect the same.
40pounds of tomatoes at $3 a pound (and I’m being generous in the midwest) is $120 worth of product. $4-$5 is $160-$200.
If someone in MY kitchen messed with $120 of MY product - you better move, ‘cause I know where the knives are!!!
1st story I don't give a crap what your situation is , if you made fun of my brother I'm taking you down. If an adult was to bully any child I love , I am going to lower their quality of life NTA.
For the tomato story- that is the dream response!! An apology, tomatoes and cake?? Wow. I’d need a little time to cool down.. maybe a dinner without her. Then I’d have a conversation about it and let her back in later in the year.
NTA for the first one just because you have a mental or physical disability does not mean you can use it to excuse your shitty behaviour.
🎶 He had it coming, he had it coming, he only had himself to blame, I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong🎶
^referring to first one
I don't think fatshaming the guy was fair. If you start a sentence with "no offense", autistic or not, you know the next part is going to be offensive. I'm autistic, and i know lots of autistic people in person and online, and its no excuse to be a dick, especially to kids
Edit: if you're unsure if someone is being mean on purpose or not, just say "hey, that was hurtful, please don't say that". If they didn't mean it, they'll express surprise and apologise. If they did, they'll probably double down or get defensive. Or hopefully just shut up
32:01 this is best update on an AITA
It’s not about the sauce. It’s about the disrespect
45:28 here's the thing about having a dark sense of humour.... I started that sentence before Madi said it was fine if the OP had said it but.... Dark humour is great, when it's directed at yourself or if you know they're into dark humour and they've made similar jokes before. Like, my birth mom abandoned me and my twin sister as babies so I often make light of my very real abandonment issues and when my friend's teen daughter said during a board game "I'm done with these babies; I don't want them anymore" or something like that and pushed them away from her I said "my mom when me and my sister were babies". I even make suicide jokes about myself (like my suicide note is just going to be a list of instructions for my job) but the common thread those have, it's laughing at my own trauma as a coping mechanism, not laughing at someone else's trauma, especially fresh. My best friend abandoned our friendship after two years when I trusted her more than anyone else and it's been 6 months. If anyone made a joke about that, dark humour or not, I know I would spiral so I don't blame OP in the least.
The brother in law that’s like nope doesn’t want any of the wife’s drama and he probably said out loud to said wife don’t do that he’s a grown man not a nanny
i’m so glad i stumbled upon this pod. i want to be friends w y’all so bad. lol. binging every ep to feel like a part of the group.
Tomato story: she should write a letter back to her SIL, explaining why this was the final time she would be telling her to stop adding seasonings to things in the kitchen, that she had asked on multiple occasions. Then she should only fully accept the apology after the SIL comes over to peel those tomatoes etc, have her do all the work of creating the tomato sauce while OP instructs her, and then have the SIL can the tomatoes (also under OP instructions) and make her understand all the work she has to put into it so she can a versatile BASE for future recipes. How infuriating. I think OP controlled herself very well.
I used to work at a movie theater and the most mind blowing thing was learning that they did not care at all about people bringing in food. Like you didn't have to hide it, they just didn't give a shit!
I HATE all of these stories about childless people taking care of other's kids. They aren't his kids! Thank God my family never did this to me as the sibling without kids.
Love your guys' podcast! Very easy and funny listening
The sister in law that adds seasoning to the food is very rude. You don’t do that to someone else’s food. I’d be pissed if someone did that to me
That last story I would have watched her like a hawk like keep your ass out my kitchen cause that’s uncalled for and the audacity it needed taste I added it to for that’s his you get punch in the mouth like you needed manners I added them for you
When you can food, recipe cannot be altered from the original from what I’ve heard… also 20 kgs of tomato’s?!!!! I would have been so mad !!!! How long does it take to prep everything ….
Just a reminder! Autism isn’t on a linear spectrum, it’s more like a pie chart
22:15 I hate that my brother and I could’ve definitely eaten that much at 15 and 14 😭😭
why yall kinda ate with the lil song cover in the beginning 😂❤
Yo that plant quiz???!!!! That sounds awesome 👏 what museum????
The facial expression change at 17:38 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 SAME
That intro gained an auto subscribe
Sam: 🥺 she was helping 😂😂😂😂
Autistic person here. I say a lot of things that are unintentionally mean, but I always apologize for it when someone tells me it was. Or I realize how what I said could be taken and apologize myself.
The BF here was just being needlessly mean and dismissive to this kid. I dont think he was trying to he funny either.
Also a big tell to me is that he got offended when OP pointed out that he was in less shape than her brother. That means he know what's rude. He probably is used to people coddling him for his autism and finally someome told him like it is.
I can most definitely tell u same u are one of the very few people that feel that way animals are being experimented on just like those animals in the film.
👁️👄👁️ I’ve gone to that museum before and it’s fun
My in law just follow the recipes and act like seasoning isn’t a thing so I season my own plate my daughter just straight doesn’t eat my mother in law doesn’t understand why but it’s such bad cooking I don’t blame her
Sam is right about Floor. XD The Guardians of the Galaxy movie was so good but so hard to watch.
It’s like on the Big Bang theory where Sheldon has no idea that things he says is hurtful and is just being matter-of-fact. Typically his friends and later his partner/wife help to redirect him to diffuse the situation.
Story 2: she’s literally hosting parties and the family she invited over is dumping their kids on her and leaving to get drunk? That’s so rude!! I’d be pissed and get high as fuck too lmao
I’m the youngest grandchild and I love the babies I’ll watch the babies and 1 toddler because she is my cousins kid and really the only one i like but I won’t watch the kids I can’t deal with all of them cause our family is huge
A little too much Rocket 😆😆😆
The first story: NTA
A person with autism’s feelings isn’t more valid than an 8 year old kid being bullied bu said autist just because the autistic person is autistic. Fatass comment was totally appropriate imo.
BC Resident! I'd put money on the 2nd being in the Okanagan XD i Get It
I’m kicking anyone who is gonna make fun of my siblings, there’s no excuse unless you’re willing to apologize. I make fun of them (since they’re my siblings) but I also love encouraging them way more and I expect friends who aren’t very close to my siblings to be respectful to them and no be aholes
I have to say in the first story as an autistic person- There are definitely lapses in manners that should be excused by autism, like not asking someone how they're doing, or retreating from a social situation without saying goodby. But those were mean spirited comments that he knew were mean spirited. That being said I'm still personally in the camp of you shouldn't comment on people's weight. I would have definitely returned the energy but with a different comment.
sam, are you a gemini ??
Regarding the first story, it can be hard for autistic people to grasp the concept of a "white lie". If he really thought the kid did not have muscles, it would be hard for him to say something the opposite of what he thinks. That is something he's going to probably need explained to him. If he couldn't bring himself to say that the kid did a good job, what he should have done was to be quiet. Unfortunately it can take us forever to learn social skills, but usually when a social faux pas happens, people just assume we're jerks and just avoid us. His girlfriend should have taken him aside and tried to help him rather than just letting him do that because he's autistic.
No, my daughter is autistic and is an verbalized in most instances if he’s high functioning or has Asperger syndrome, sometimes I don’t know I don’t have a filter I don’t know how to filter so it can be hard but that’s no excuse for him saying hateful things to another person because they can’t be taught not to do it and I don’t think she was wrong for saying that to him
I worked with persons with disabilities and it doesn’t give you a right to be a complete asshole and they can be lol.
The fat shamed fellow is just mean I would have done more than fat shame him the knife had and listen here fucker would definitely had been said
I think ESH for the wedding dress, I think the sister should have apologized and not said what she said. But I also think that to cut your sister off completely or pull out is also a bit extreme. Communicate your feelings taking things away immediately seems a bit much if it's not something she does repeatedly
All these stories consequences of your own actions
this made me violently horrificaly bust. 2/10
Regarding the first story, it can be hard for autistic people to grasp the concept of a "white lie". If he really thought the kid did not have muscles, it would be hard for him to say something the opposite of what he thinks. That is something he's going to probably need explained to him. If he couldn't bring himself to say that the kid did a good job, what he should have done was to be quiet. Unfortunately it can take us forever to learn social skills, but usually when a social faux pas happens, people just assume we're jerks and just avoid us. His girlfriend should have taken him aside and tried to help him rather than just letting him do that because he's autistic.