AITA For Telling My Son I Want No Contact OR Not Allowing Parents to Sleep in Same Bed
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ส.ค. 2024
- 0:00 We're Back (SAMISODE)
3:39 AITA For Leaving In the Middle of a Date
5:47 Response
9:08 Brandon Jumpscare
9:52 Back to Response
11:08 Top Comment
13:21 AITA For Bringing Up Brother's Premature Birth At a Christmas Dinner to Get My Parents to Shut Up
16:18 Response
20:17 Click for SURPRISE
20:39 AITA For Not Allowing Parents to Sleep in Same Bed
24:28 Response
26:35 Edit
28:00 Back To Response
31:00 AITA For Telling My Son I Want No Contact
32:56 Story Starts Here
36:24 Response
41:08 Top Comment
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To anyone listening...it is NOT petty to treat people exactly how they treat you, even if they are your parent. Respect isn't a petty issue.
THIS!
Ehh... I don't quite agree. To be petty is to respond unduly to something of little importance. Id rather walk away then actually give importance to shitty people. Anger is usually a response to petty bs in the first place. It just depends on the kind of person you are I suppose.
Thank you!
towards a child? the kid was 11 years old when he decided to GIVE UP and stop trying. Do you hear yourself bro? A father will ALWAYS be a father so YES it is petty.
@@Cherry-nu3uo clearly not responding to a story or I would've been specific, bro
She isn’t the ahole for upholding rules that her parents established
4th Story. Blood bonds does NOT meen that ppl get a free pass to hurt or gove u trauma. You can 100% walk away and keep ur peace. However in the 4th ops case, I think hes being too calluses. His son was child and intensely regrets his qctions. To hold that over him is unfair and to not even take the chance to reunite with ur son is gonna be a major decision ull come to regret. Like ur daughters at least deserve to know their own brother if they can. Cold hearted.
Yeah, something is emotionally wrong with that guy. He said that he "decided to pull the plug" on the first marriage after they had drifted apart and their bedroom activities were nonexistent. He said that his wife was surprised. That tells me he just threw the towel in on that marriage without even trying to make it work (couples therapy, spice up the bedroom, whatever). The son likely witnessed his dad leave the marriage with no remorse while his mom was utterly devastated. It's totally understandable that the son chose his mom over his dad. Now, years later, the son is more mature and realizes that he does want his dad in his life, and the dad has "moved on?" The new wife SHOULD be concerned because this is proof that the OP is fully capable of turning off his feelings for his family and leaving them all behind with no remorse. He sounds like a sociopath.
Y’all watching Brandon crack up at Sam screaming “MADI WHO IS MY FATHER” is everything. I love the humor on this podcast so much. Sam is ridiculous sometimes and Madi knows just how to ‘yes and’ it right back. And I LOVE Brandon’s laugh. Steph had some awesome points throughout, too. I really love watching the podcast. Been watching a ton and playing relaxing card games on my laptop lately to destress. Y’all been helping to bring peace to my chaotic life. So thank you 💖
To the father who don't want contact to the son.
He said, it did feel like his son died.
If someones kid died, I'm sure they wouldn't be "over" it when it would come back. So it was not like that.
just found this podcast a couple days ago and have been binging every ep ✨ so glad to catch a new one !
samee 😅
The dad one made me so sad. I understand his pain, but his son was a CHILD. He was angry, lashing out, divorce can be very traumatic for kids. The mom definitely didn’t help the matter. For the son to realize he was wrong and wanted him in his life and to write to him 15 times just made me want to cry. I have such a shitty dad, I’m no contact several years now from my dad. I think it effected me to hear that email because not having a dad is a loss, I’ll never know what a healthy normal good father is.
OnlyFans story
I think she asked him how much money he made because she wants to brag about how much money she makes. It’s common for people to ask another person how much money they make so that they can brag about how much money they make.
Story 1: sometimes you know right away that someone’s not for you, but that person is still human. I once had a man show up to our date looking older than the pic I saw, I was like “oh you know I just realized it never came up, but I’m 27, how old are you” he was 49. So I was like “oh man it’s a pity cuz your so cool, but that’s a little above my max” he was like “well I’m here and your here, why waste a perfectly good plan for the night” and honestly we had a blast and then never spoke again.
Yes your situation is significantly different then telling your date on the first date that you just had sex with 2 dudes. I would've left too because shes nothing but a red flag
The 4th story is heart-breaking.
The child was 11 without the maturity, capacity or life experience to deal with this, in his eyes all he saw was his father causing his mother pain and didn't know how to deal with this. The confusion and pain the kid must of been in and then for his father to decide that that response and reactions were so bad he would stop trying is abhorrent. The parents should have had conversations amongst themselves to ensure he stayed in his life, including sitting down with the son as a co-parenting unit to reassure the son he didn't have to protect the mum and that whatever he felt about his father now is irrelevant and they would work to rebuild it.
Instead of 2 parents working together for their son you got a mother lost in her own grief and a father who decides that that is too much work. These parents failed that boy and now years later he is taking ownership of his actions his did as a CHILD showing more growth and maturity than his father.
As a side note the entire comment about 'having a family again' and 'complications' is so fucking cruel. The entire email is cruel. The father put the entire blame for this relationship break down on the son and offers 'forgiveness' with no accountability of how he and his ex wife could have done better. We have many studies that found kids of divorce often blame themselves for said divorce, this father has spent the last decade reinforcing that idea and chose to outright state it in this email.
The Father is a cruel dead beat. He ran away from being his parent.
I just think it’s interesting how op and ex wife started “drifting apart” after the son was born 😒 tale as old as time
@@kellharris2491no babe he was pushed away I don’t fault him at all
@@Rose-hz6uy By a child...dealing with his parents seperating. Imagine being an adult and blaming everything on a child. I do blame him for abandoning his son even after the apology.
It's not like the son did something unforgivable. If the father was a rational person, he'd see it was an understandable mistake.
I absolutely love all the timestamps in the video, it's SO helpful
First story: Flip the genders and say a woman should have to “stay and just chill” if the guy starts off with a dealbreaker. 100% not a comment on OF or sex work. Whatever she said/did was a dealbreaker for the guy and he left. No one is entitled to your time male, female, or anyone in between.
Exactly if a dude came in talking about filming a threesome with two girls no one would shame the girl for leaving they'd say "YES HAVE THAT SELF RESPECT QUEEN" and everyone would hate on the guy
Why is it different when the girl does it?
Isn't that like the first thing Andrew Tate said that made us all hate him????
ALSO THE BITCH ASKED HIS INCOME RIGHT AFTER- idk about y'all but gives gold digger for me
Well yes, a deal breaker is a deal breaker, and you may leave, but notify the rejected that you are exiting.😊
@@rebeccaholcombe9043yeah, this is the whole thing, unless said deal breaker makes you fear for your safety, a "Sorry fam, not for me," is literally the barest of human decency
100% agree & im a woman. If that was the first thing a guy said to me on our FIRST DATE I would just leave. He didn’t even make her pay for his food, she was also super rude asking how much he makes right off the bat.
@@darkshadowrule2952 I’ll admit there’s an argument to be made about it being rude to not send a text after he had left, but I disagree with having to tell them face to face at the table. You have no clue how a person will react and not everyone will give off obvious danger or creep vibes.
Story 1: is late, does OF and describes what content and asks for income. He is NOT the ahole, but he is a liar. This story is RP rage bait 😂😂
Fourth Story :
Once a rebellious child and now a parent myself, I'd like to share that our role as parents doesn't cease when our child causes us pain. It's crucial to remember that a child's reaction often stems from the trauma they've experienced. When you divorced your child's mother, you unintentionally caused pain in him, and that pain didn't vanish just because you freed yourself from the marriage. Your child had to witness and bear not only his own pain but also his mother's suffering. In a way, you transferred the responsibility of filling your role in his mother's life onto him.
Hoping that the pain would vanish and wounds would heal after a few years is unrealistic. Your son's healing process wasn't immediate; it was only when he became a parent himself and had a daughter that the healing began. You didn't actively contribute to this process. Instead, you withdrew communication and support solely because your son reacted to your departure.
Claiming to have achieved personal healing and a perfect family while ignoring your son's pain appears selfish. You may have found closure for yourself, but your son remains unhealed. Essentially, you chose the easiest way out by attempting to escape from the situation.
I too was once a rebellious child who lost my way in life. Dealing with accumulated and misunderstood emotions was tough, and anger often felt like the simplest way to cope with pain. Similar to your son, it wasn't until I became a parent that I understood and forgave my own parents. Unlike you, my parents waited until I was fully healed, and they acknowledged their role in my pain. Now, we live joyfully, evolving as a united family. My intention is to stand by my parents as they age, refusing to leave them alone. My strongest desire is to be their pillar of strength during their vulnerable times.
This experience has taught me the valuable lesson of reaping what you sow.
Urgh, this was such a good comment to read, THANK YOU for validating the son, my "father" did something similar when he turned on my brother and I after driving my mother to divorce through his narcissistic control, and knowing that other people out there would've seen his actions for what they were (not what he painted them as) brings me a little comfort ❤
The stories, commentaries, antics, camera batteries dying in this episode
10/10 would recommend
i’ve literally been watching the podcast every single day while getting ready! it’s amazing and the vibes stay so good y’all have rlly gotten me through the past few weeks!! keep it going!!!
Thank you so much!!
i found you guys in july and literally binged every episode. i love your podcast and the humor of it❤
If you are ok watching OF how can you have a problem with a partner being on there? Thats rather hypocritical.
Because there is a difference between look at the whore and my wife is a whore. No one wants to be with a whore but we do appreciate their sacrifice. And if your not ok with being called a whore then dont be one? Pretty simple. People gotta clean up shit but you won't hear many people being proud of it.
Just because I go to a restaurant doesn’t mean I would let my gf work in one.
My biggest problem with the estranged father and son and actually with the new wife threatening to do the same thing to him and estrange him from his current family.
This man is hurting. Was it his sons fault? No. He was a child and absolutely deserves forgiveness now that time has passed, but once you are hurt it is normal to go on the defensive and want to protect yourself. I don't think this man is in the right for saying I want nothing to do with you, but I don't think he should be fine with just jumping back in as dad like nothing happened. I'd say he has a responsibility to his kid to hear him out and work on rebuilding a relationship. They are both hurt and will have ups and downs with this, but he needs to consider just getting to know his son again. I don't blame him for not wanting to let the son close to his heart again immediately, but I do think he is wrong by saying "No, you will make complications that I don't want to deal with."
That said, though, as a partner you need to encourage and gently help your partner see how unreasonable they are being. A loving response would be laying out why you think he should give it another shot, on his own timeline, but explain it is a big deal that he does let his son and himself heal and know one another again. Being encouraging and patient to someone who is hurting will give them a safe space to lower their guard and think reasonably.
You know what doesn't make someone rethink their decision, and instead makes them dig their heels in more?
THREATENING TO DO THE SAME, HARMFUL THING TO HIM AS AN ULTIMATUM.
I do think she has good intentions, but my goodness if anyone is cruel here it is her. To look someone you love in the eye, knowing all of the hurt they went through and probably caused as well, and knowing how hard it was for them to open up and love this little family you two have made... And tell him eff you either reconnect right now and my way, or you can lose two families.
NO!!!
That sort of manipulation and strong arming is harmful! He won't back down and rethink. He is going to be in panic mode over the trauma of losing more people he loves and dig his heels in harder. You can not force someone to do something they don't want to. Never. Doesn't matter if it is a spouse, child, friend, anyone.
I sincerely hope OP will open up to reconnecting with his son with time. He is allowed to feel hurt, and I hope he is willing to heal. He and his wife need to have a serious conversation about her ultimatum and how incredibly unhelpful and painful it is. Wishing for a good news update soon!!
Don’t understand why you guys dont have 900 K subs
idk. i think the father's within his right to not want any contact with his son. i think he could have worded it better but i just think it's not really fair to expect the father to start the process of mending their relationship just because the son wants to now. the son hasn't allowed the father the time to process or prepare to make space for him in his life cause like he said, he grieved the loss of that relationship and moved on.
i think if the son proposed re-establishing contact again with the understanding that it would be in his father's power to say yes or no and that he's not entitled access to a father he iced out then it would have been a better approach. but no, just because the son has regrets now and is in a place to want to re-establish a connection doesn't mean that the father has to. maybe that'll change in the future but for now, no one is entitled to anyone's presence (unless the son was still underage and the father wasn't paying child support or whatever). and tbh who'd even want a relationship with a father who doesn't want one or becomes resentful of the fact that he was pressured into one by everyone in his life?
The Father is just a deadbeat. He was a terrible Father and he continues to be. Just because he decided divorce didn't mean he suddenly wasn't a father.
You're talking about a teenager. He can keep no contact but that would still make him an asshole and I wouldn't be surprised if he did it again.
@@kellharris2491he was there butbthe kid told him to fuck off
Yaaay for the petty team. She's nit the ass hole...I'm glad she gave them the same treatment, even for one night.
Story 3. She was stewing on that for years😅
Love the podcast so much! I love your guests too, especially samira shes hilarioussssd
Might need to upgrade the cooling systems for the cameras, that's usually the main reason they will drop this often during shoots
Story 1 NTA. It's pretty scummy to come on a date, tell your date you were just being fucked and then right off the gate ask what the dude makes??? Do y'all not have ANY social awareness? That's not a good thing to start a date with.
Exactly why would you give anyone who you met for the first time and the first thing they say is "I'm a whore by the way" any respect. The fact he paid for what he ordered makes him NTA.
From the perspective of a parent and a person who watched their own parent go through a child (siblings) emotionally hurt their parent: AH
yes op was hurt, that's a pain that takes years to heal from. BUT OP's son was a child in pain too. Which also took years to heal from. As a parent, when the child makes the effort to apologize and as they said extend the olive branch, it is your responsibility to take it. You don't have to become a big happy family again but nothing is stopping OP from saying hi.
Y'all are awesome people love the vibe ❤
Probly going to get killed for it but i dont blame the dad for being done. Its sad but you cant force someone to build new feelings. Sometimes life just sucks
Yoooo 😂on story number three y’all was watching her read this story with all approval and happiness
idk the 4th story about the dad. both their feelings are valid. i cant imagine as a parent how it felt to lose a kid. the kid wanted nothing to do with him. I'm sure that broke his heart over and over again for years! until he finally moved on. and on top of that, to have your wife and mom to be against you? that sucks. I can understand not wanting to go back to someone that broke you? also the kid was 11? Not old enough to understand a whole lot just yet.
Nah that son is an adult now and forgiveness is on the person who was hurt to give. Not every chapter needs to be reopened. Responding is a kind middle ground but you dont need to take someone back who slammed a door shut. Its clear the dad was hurt by the son and probs sees that the son /wants something now/. I'd bet money that the son wants either money or free babysitting tbh.
i feel like for the last story, it doesn’t really matter whether trauma or other factors r involved for OP but as a father and a parent, it is ur responsibility to be there when ur kids need you. also the story of just ending things seems fishy he prob cheated but regardless the son was too young to know any different and he should also keep in mind what his mother was portraying him as. kids are very impressionable at a young age especially when going thru their own trauma
Stop talking about a grown hairy adult man as if he's a child. He needs his FATHER for nothing dude.
4th story: YTA. I understand he was hurt terribly when his son cut him off, but his son was barely 11 when he upped and left. Kids that age do not have the ability to understand fully what's going on, they only know you left THEM, broke the family and that their mother is crying all the time. So yeah, going to a couple of games will not be enough and he will resent you. When you decide to unilaterally end your marriage and your kid is that small it's something you should expect and keep into consideration. I'm honestly baffled that only because he was rejected by the son he acted as if he was dead and moved on. My parents split up when I was 7, managed it better than OP, but when me and/or my siblings were angry or didn't want to talk to either my mother or my father the other would keep in touch with the parent we were staying with at the time to know if we were doing well. If one of us got sick they would communicate with each other. I think he should have tried more to be a part of his life whilst going to therapy. At least keep himself updated on what was going on in his son's life. And yeah, of course I understand he went to a really dark place because of how the situation was handled by all parties (him, the ex-wife and the kid) but he should not shut his son off that way. He should take more time to think about it, discuss it with a therapist and realize he's not the same person he was 11 yrs ago. He now has a wife and kids that are there for him. He could take baby steps with the help of his wife and if it hurts too much he can back down.
idk man the dad was there for therapy for his son... at some point the dad cannot be the only one taking the punches... like you said, the boy was left in a pinnacle moment in his childhood, but the dad deserves to be happy too. Mom could've helped the child understand that the divorce was between them not include the son. Dad tried being there for who know how long, but it sounds like the ex-wife painted him as the enemy to their son. How can one parent help/be active when the second parent is vilifying them? You can't expect to co-parent effectively like that..
@cclolwhy I get it and of course he deserves to be happy. But I still think shutting off his son right now is not the way to go. That doesn't mean he should just forgive and forget and move on, but think about it a bit more, talk with his therapist and maybe take baby steps with his wife's help. And if he sees it doesn't work he can still back down. As you said the ex-wife probably depicted him badly and influenced his son's perception of him, maybe growing up he understood what happened and wanted to patch things up.
@@cclolwhy Okay? But why is the son being punisged for that? Now he never gets to see his own father *EVER AGAIN.* His father is gonna die eventually he'll never see, and thrn he'll die always knowing that his father basically blames his 11 year old self for "destroying" their relationship.
Imagine making a mistake from trauma as a child, and then your parent cutting you off *FOREVER.* The son didn't even do anything absolutely unforgivable, i've seen parents stick by their kids who are *CHEATERS* and *MURDERERS!!!!!*
I like watching you guys. It makes me feel like I have friends 😅😊
Sam is literally such a troll 😂🤣
Sam’s hoodie is killing me 😂 “🌸🌈✨🐸 your parents divorced🌸🌈✨🐸”
To the dad who wants no contact. Nta
Lmfaooo he waited to be a full grown adult w a kid 😂😂 ain’t no way people don’t see that
Dang, the dad story had such a terrible take to it. He's definitely NTA, doesn't really even come close
Honestly I agree. I'm feeling so bad for him rn
Nah man, dude divorced his wife with NO prior discussion, warning, attempts at reconciliation or therapy until the kid was already messed up. Kid’s whole life is flipped upside down in the span of two weeks with no warning. Mom crying everyday. That is so much worse than a normal divorce.
To the kid, the dad was basically saying, “I’ll come to your games, but I won’t be part of your family anymore.” Kid has finally gotten to where he has been able to process his trauma from that sudden life changing experience, and dad just doesn’t care about him anymore and isn’t willing to inconvenience himself for the kid.
His hurt is understandable, but he’s not Scot-free.
The OF story has me doing a double take. It’s not inhuman to walk out of a date you’re not interested in. It’s a little rude but not mean or messed up to leave without any words. If we’re doing a “treat me like a human being” argument, a normal person would want to know you had a train ran on you BEFORE your date, or say what you do for work. She also very obviously cares about money aka her asking about it on the first date, which is also kinda rude. She didn’t tell him important information which would dictate wether he even came on the date, so he didn’t say anything about why he no longer is interested in her and left… not the AH in my opinion. I’m also almost 100% sure she would’ve caused a scene if he really told her the truth as to why he’s really leaving
About the son trying to reconnect story: Who the f does his wife think she is ? She gave him an ultimatum. "If you don't accept your son in your life, I will do the same thing your ex did to you." Does everyone will just pretend she is cool saying that ?! And like, he tryed for YEARS to get his son back, of course have happen some parental alienation in that story.
I’m really conflicted on the last story for one the father should we connect this son because he has an opportunity to fix the relationship at the same time
Should we invalidate the father s trauma just because he’s the father and it’s his responsibility doesn’t really sit right with me I think everyone in this situation is TA
His son was 11 when this all started, the son had trauma from the situation *AS A CHILD* and acted as such.
OP is an adult yet is still acting like a child while his son has matured and learned from his mistake.
So yes, I am invalidating the father's trauma because he's cutting off contact completely as an adult while his son only pushed him away as a young child. His son learned, he did not. That says a lot.
It's funny the father wants to give "closure" by basically saying "fuck you child, I never want to see you and will never see you again and won't until I die". That's basically what he's saying. Imagine if his father did that.
First story: I’m in 100% agreement with Sam Original. If you’re gonna leave a date at least have the balls to say so. She’s no threat towards you (not because she’s a woman but because her energy ain’t give date r vibes). Also if you do sw that’s your prerogative and that’s cool, but don’t say the reason why I was late was because I just got finished having a threesome. As a potential partner that would automatically tell me that you’ll prioritize work before considering me or my feelings. If your bag gets in the way of our connection and intimacy then we can’t be together cuz I put my loved ones before my work.
Story 2: NTA
Parents lived and fucked in sin yet they have the gall to question you. Nah bro, don’t dish it if you can’t take it.
Story 3: NTA but petty
If the parents are holding a double standard that hard they themselves should at least be married. It’s essentially the same story as the second. I wouldn’t let any of my kids have significant others over until around 16 or 17 but that rule would be in place regardless of what’s in between their legs.
Story 4: ETA
If you push me out of your life when all I’ve done was try my damnedest to stay in it, it’s really selfish and cruel to expect me to just let you back in because you’re ready now when I’ve moved on. I’m of the philosophy that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb so I’m not gonna bind myself to biological relationships that have proven time and time again that they don’t want me. HOWEVER I do think that since his son is an adult now they can at least have that face to face conversation instead of just sticking to an email or letter. That’s some coward shit. Idk I don’t see OP as a prick, I see him as a coward but I see his son as emotionally abusive. While it’s true that his son ain’t ask to be born, part of growing up is standing by your decisions and understanding that some mistakes are irreparable. If he ain’t want a father while growing up he’s gonna have to live through that decision as an adult.
No one is obligated to revisit their trauma they’ve worked through in order to have a relationship with the person who inflicted it. OPs son made a clear choice teenager or not, that he didn’t want his dad around period. No matter how his dad tried he wanted nothin to do with him. We need to stop infantilizing people
, if our court system allows teenagers to have a say in which household they would like to live in when parent are getting divorced which is big deal then we too have to give that agency merit when they decide they don’t want a parent involved in their life.
He realized he treated his dad like ish great, I,whine how the felt to be on the receiving end of it. So he moved on, just because the son thinks he flip his relationship on and off with his dad like a light switch doesn’t mean his dad has to engage. It’s sucks but it’s true. He can apologize but a he’s not owed a relationship, because if his daughter weren’t born he was perfectly content with having no contact with his dad. That says everything
Okay say that again but switch it around. The trauma inflicted on the son was way worse than He the grown adult received.
The son learned from his mistake, the father did not.
That's very immature of you and the father. No one deserves to lose a parent forever over a mistake they made as a traumatized *CHILD.*
It's not infantilizing to call a child a child. I think also making out children to be adults fully aware of their actions is a problem itself. Aka, parentification. The son is not the parent. Don't treat him as such.
The son was willing to come around, but the father is cutting him out forever over a childhood mistake. The son lost his father over a trauma response that he eventually *GOT OVER.*
The father is far more immature in this situation. The son had an excuse, he does not.
Also that's the thing too. "Whatever he tried" stop. That's another problem. He tried to bribe and force his way into his son's life. Some people, especially those having a trauma response, need *SPACE.*
He clearly didn't have to give up forever, his son clearly just needed space and time...but the *ONE THING* his son clearly needed, he couldn't give and instead replaced it with giving up and never seeing his son again.
How is that mature or okay??? "You didn't give me what I want no matter how crowded I tried to be or how many material items I shower you with, now you lose your parent for the rest of our lives!" Wtf is with you people siding with the father?????
The father is an incredibly selfish man. I suspect there was a reason the bedroom in his first marriage was dead for 4 years before he left.
1st story bullshit! He doesn't owe her an explanation. Now flip the roles in the story amd see if you keep that same energy. Then have to say he's lying🤦🏿♂️
"I wonder does the wife know about the kid" as someone who found out their dad got remaried on FB (when we didn't even know he was dating because he stopped talking to us), It's a possibility lol. That woman does not know about us lol.
O.f story I think she asked about income have you meet some of these girls
It feels wrong to force someone to have a relationship after the fact. He may let his son in his life but he may not be able to ever let him in his heart. To me it seems unfair to the dad.
Nick Cannon and all his concubines.
In the fourth story,
I feel as though it was more of a case that the father didn't see a way to mend their relationship, where they could be "Father and Son" even if the son has apologised it doesn't take away the pain and trauma that he went through to get the life he has. The father tried reconnecting for however long with his child and they went through therapy to try and understand and help the son but nothing he tried got through to his son.
The son, when he was younger was lashing out at the family disbanding and the father was getting all the heat for it. Children aren't blind and can see that there is something bad happening and one parent is generally the victim of their emotional response in this case it was the father.
The ex-wife and the father weren't communicating properly or being sexually active for 4 years in their relationship, yes, one would assume that you'd point this out at some point during your relationship but they were drifting apart and it would seem that after all that, she didn't even try and to resolve the issues until he caused the shock, too little to late.
His now wife can be wary but she also needs to be see where he's coming from, how much does the father have to go through to be understood at what point is it going to be enough.
In my opinion everyone is an A**hole
15:30 I'm confused.... Even if that baby was born 4 months premature (3 months premature baby from the story was 1lb, so I don't even know how is that 4 months premature baby even possible)... How in the hell would that mean they got married, and only AFTER they had a son? 😅😂 Makes no sense. Even if she got pregnant right on the wedding night, it still would've took 5 (?) months for that baby to be born. Unless they were willing to admit to having premarital sex like half a year before tying the knot... People don't just fall pregnant right away, it's super rare.
P.s.- doing the math, unless they married right in the first trimester, it still wouldn't have made sense... If they got married when she was 5 months pregnant (huge belly showing) they would've had a baby 4 months after getting married. NO ONE would've believed them. Lol
4th story: I understand both sides. I don’t believe the dad should dive head first. He still angry about it and somebody needs to pay because he feels he paid. He feels he worked hard to move forward and because you now have had a revelation I’m supposed to revisit this pain parent sibling doesn’t matter (in his mind). I think he needs to address this differently or he will repeat this with his new family
Idk about the last one guys. Why does his pain and suffering not matter? If anything I think the sons mother is the AH. She allowed him to think these things of his father without correction bc of her own feelings toward him. Now that he is past that point of hurt in his life it is not a REQUIREMENT for him to take steps backward. Would it be nice? Yes. But it only benefits the people around him as he's already grieved the relationship with his son. I think he should give him a chance but if he doesn't I don't think that makes him an AH.
Exactly. It was the mother's responsibility to nip those negative feelings in the butt. She was had the right to grieve, of course. She didn't expect the divorce for some reason (although by OP's description of the marriage for the last 4 years, it sounded awful. How was she not aware of that?). She was the adult, she saw what was happening and how much the son hated his dad. At some point she should've sat him down and explained to him how his dad didn't stop loving him just because they didn't love each other like that anymore. She chose to resent and hate him, and encouraged her son to do the same. She even agreed on not making the son spend time with the dad. Awful person. Although the dad could've at least agreed to let some time pass and see how he felt instead of shutting son's attempt at reconnecting right down. He was too young to understand what was happening and had a mom enabling those feelings to fester.
Okay...but why is the son being punished????? If it's the mother's fault, the father is *ALSO* the asshole for punishing his son with the *COMPLETE LOSS OF HIS FATHER.*
And if the son figures it out and leaves his mom...now he has neither of his parents...all because of *THEIR* divorce inflicting trauma on an 11 year old child who clearly couldn't handle it.
@@fredericksaxton9782The father divorced his wife when their son was 11, that's true. However, I noticed that you completely forget about one damn important detail in your comments: the father fought for YEARS to have contact with his son: he visited him, went to his events (matches, etc.), and finally participated in therapy. During home visits, the son shouted that he hated his father and ran away to his room, in which his mother supported him. After one of the matches, his son told him that he didn't want to have anything to do with him. The SON WAS NO LONGER A 11 years old child and it was his mother's damned duty to explain to him that his father still loved him, not to fuel this hatred in him.
I had a similar problem in my family and unless it happens to you and you are in that exact situation, you have no idea what you are talking about. None of us has the right to judge this father and tell him that he has any obligation to his son, unless we are in that exact same situation.
The son story. Just because I pushed him out of my body and he decided He's going to treat me/OP sh#tty for years and ended the relationship and now is like oh my bad I want back in. Nope, over it. Consequences! Nobody asks to be born! I don't have to be the "better person ". I don't Have to be someones whipping post, then," oh changed my mind!" Nope. If you can't tell this happened to me. Years, of him telling me from his 20's to nearly 40 telling me my inadequacy as a single mom. Yes, he has a child himself now. I let him emotionally beat me up for Years. About 8 months ago I got hung up on after a tirade for the last time. I will go to my grave without interacting with him again. I raised him, he's a productive member of society. It's not on me to accept him back because He changes his mind. At this point I would think it would only be to inherit. Harsh but true. I /OP is a person whose feelings are valid and that deserves respect.
About the OF story, he was extreme AH. You don't need to mary everyone that you date, sometimes you can just turn friends, have casual sex or nothing if you prefer. Leaving her in the table like that was an ass move.
Maybe im different, but im kinda on the Dads side on the last one.
We can all talk about what should be etc. But what is, is terrible, and the guy is afraid and is having to relive all the pain he went through
He is a coward that ran away from being a Dad when things got hard.
@@kellharris2491did you even heard the story or you don't have a good attention span?
For the fourth story the dad cannot be the asshole for expressing what he feels.
As he explained, he went through a lot trying to get his son the therapy he needed and being there in his events. The son was hurting and the ex-wife instead took the opportunity to be the victim. Sounds like the son grew angry because the family was broken and the dad started the process, but how can the mom not take some accountability for the last 4 years of not being intimate and having those deep conversations with her partner. If you're spouse is shutting down all communication to even discuss, the only way out is divorce/seperation.
Dad in the story tried staying in their life, both the ex-wife and son's but they made him to be the enemy and shunned him. Now the dad went through therapy and even compares it to a dead son. The ex-wife is the asshole in my opinion. She lived and saw how painful the divorce was for her child, and instead of helping she antogonized the second parent. Now the relationship between both is chopped and it's causing the second parent to feel that pain of loss again but now with their own mother....
The present wife is probably scared that the husband would do the same to their current children. But I don't think she has much to worry about as in the story the dad how much effort he put in to still be in his previous son's life.
Just because they're blood related doesn't mean they have the right to stay in your life... family abuses too.
6:48 I'm glad y'all on the right side. This man clearly does not respect sex workers as human beings. Bold choice by her yes but as someone formerly in the industry, you get used to your community and being pretty open about it and you forget how judgey people outside that community can be. I agree with Sam, he doesn't like sex workers so he's embellishing it to make himself not sound like the asshole. And as I was about to type that he probably asked her how much she made on OF so she responded by throwing the question back at him, Sam said the same thing lol.
Not gonna lie…. Stef look good AF 😏
Why thank you 😁
5:41 she wants him to be there to treat her like a human being after being treated like a meat sock 😂😂
1. YTA
2. NTA
3. NTA
4. YTA, dude ruined a kids childhood, is judging his child who is an adult now, for what he did as a teen.
Great video, also can y'all post the posts in description (ik I can search them up, but it is more of a hassle).
I think a lot of story 1 was a lie, it doesn’t make sense in the flow of things. At bare minimum it’s an exaggeration. Also he is an asshole, leaving without discussing is not right, and then mentions to the waiter she can pay for herself. It’s so off. The way he talked to the waiter made it seem like he definitely started talking about money and he might have knew about the threesome cause he researched after and added that to the story.
For the fourth story about the dad wanting no contact with his son. Is in the right, pain like that hurts. However, the part where he felt like his son was dead, is dramatic on its own. But his feelings are valid. Just because he's a dad doesn't mean that he owes anything to his son after all the pain of being hated and rejected on by his own son. It's ridiculous that everyone is gonna put that card. Would you say, "You respect your elders", even after they hurt and neglected you after all the respect you gave them? Hell no, so blood don't matter in this situation because a stranger can treat you better than your own family. So look at the root of the pain and understand that everyone who has done you wrong deserves forgiveness, but don't deserve a second chance. He a man now, so he has to weep what he sow and can't run to dad now that life is getting hard. I have never been raised by a dad, just two incredible women. So if I had a dad like that also raising me too, I'd be cool with it, never had a problem before without a dad, until he finally want to come back to my life, after I became an adult, getting hurt by the hope of wanting a dad and never getting it. So understand that you say that he doesn't deserve, which tells that you have never experienced a pain like that, ever.
1st story is an no for me. If she wants to get spit roasted that’s fine for her, but no thanks. Y’all are a bunch of simps 😂
4th story: I entirely disagree, the argument that you bringing someone into the world without their permission only holds merit if you as a parent are forcing things on your children. It’s evident from his story that he attempted to be a loving father to his son after leaving a loveless marriage, but respected the boundaries his son and ex-wife put into place. Why should he have to rekindle a connection with someone who is essentially a stranger to him now? His son’s 23, that means he’s been estranged from him for about as long as he knew him. He’s essentially become a villain for having the strength to end a marriage that wasn’t working. His son didn’t have the balls to call him or genuinely try to connect, he hid behind emails. OP’s now wife’s and mother’s reactions blow my mind, he owes his son nothing and after the mental strain his son shutting him out put on him, it’s probably healthier for him to leave it in the past.
Yup!!! I’m so surprised everyone is just straight up saying “no you should be FORCED to relive your trauma”???
I feel like it's very fair that op may not have had his father's phone number. But his son was like 11 when his father left. That's so much for a child to work through. Essentially one of his main caregivers just up and left him, I get the father wanted to stay in contact but that doesn't matter to the kid at that time. So it makes sense that the kid just pushed the father away more. You can't traumatise your own child and then get mad that they need time to work through it.
Also aside from that when you choose to have a child you have to put that child before you. Even if they hurt you. The father admits that he even started to see the child less before the kid asked him to stop coming to events.
Not saying the father should have remained in the marriage but he can't be mad that his kid didn't want to see him when he left him.
You mean the Father didn't have the balls to be a father.
@@mar4707 that's just a twisted sht "when he left him", he didn't left the child, he left the failing marriage. And if the child doesn't want to see him, father should go and stay under his windows to see a kid? For how long to earn the points?
And I hope the OP's mother stayed in her grandson's life otherwise it's just bullsht
@@ekaterinasviridova5437 he did leave the child. Leaving the marriage, in part is leaving the child. He no longer lived in the family home. Like a child doesn't have the capability to understand the parent is leaving the relationship and not them. ✨they should bring their child to therapy✨
Fourth story: I disagree with you. He is not an asshole, he is entitled to his own sanity. OP spent 20+ (i guess) years in therapy to get thru the situation and his sons behaviour. He is fine to state his boundary if he wants no contact (at least "for now"). I believe the ex-wife is an AH because she did not handle the situation at time!
But I do admit I would formulate the OPs reply differently, probably in a way that OP was hurt by his sons behaviour despite his son being "just a child"*, and he needs to process this change of the situation and until he processes it, he would not like any contact. But I do agree more therapy is needed at this moment.
*BTW i despise the excuse "he is just a child he knew nothing better" this is such a BS. Wrong/faulty/toxic behaviour needs to be addressed by one or the other parent being it causing physical pain to animals/humans or emotional pain to human beings or bullying in general. There is simply no excuse.
(edits: typos and formatting)
As a person whose parents divorced when I was exactly 11 years old, I'm sorry, but that's just how children of that age react, especially if you don't prepare them for this type of news (and judging by the kid's mom's reaction it was completely the dad's decision - he didn't even talk to HER about it, just assumed that the situation was obvious or some shit)
From the kid's point of view they were a normal family, then suddenly dad is leaving, ruining everything and his mother is crying non-stop for weeks... When you are barely a teenager it's a very common response to simply pick a side and feel extremely protective of your mother, god knows I still feel this way sometimes...
I also believe the last part to be true, but every response you get from your kids is a reflection of your own actions. An 11 y.o. kid can't just instantly STOP feeling resentment towards his father after a divorce he didn't have a chance to process. It's the kid's trauma too, his whole world was crashed as well and, like it was said in the video, his father in his mind is the one who hurt him the most to be acting like that, so even reaching out to him must've been hard
So, honestly, dad is kinda an asshole for blaming it all on the kid in this situation and focusing all of his negative emotions about this situation on him
@avemilag2657 You are absolutely correct. Parenting is about unconditional love. The father in this story isn't capable of unconditional love. And he doesn't want to do the work to rebuild his relationship with his son. It will definitely his loss, if he doesn't make effort.
Father is a straight up narcissist.
Tbh I don't think the last op is an ass for protecting his peace. The son is an adult, and life isn't fair you have to live with your decisions. You shouldn't force someone into a relationship if it isn't mutual
Last Story: You all are absolutely correct. Parenting is about unconditional love. The father in this story isn't capable of unconditional love. And he doesn't want to do the work to rebuild his relationship with his son. It will definitely be his loss, if he doesn't make the effort. *And if an adult parent is holding a grudge because of the actions of an eleven year old or a teenage child, than that adult should immediately seek therapy. And he should recognize that if his mother (who consoled him throughout his traumatic divorce) calls him an asshole and threatens to cut him off in retaliation, perhaps his anger has clouded his judgment and he is indeed the Asshole 🤷♀️
Maybe the love is unconditional, but the desire to have a relationship is not there
@@mukuzChannel That's not how unconditional love of a *child works for a parent. IF the parent has unconditional love for their child, then the parent will always want a relationship with their child. Not everybody is capable of unconditional love. And that is an unfortunate fact of life. 🤷♀️.
@@taishahw1696 parents can unconditionally love their kids and still keep them at arms length.
The desire for a relationship is not the same as unconditional love.
@@taishahw1696unconditional love doesn't exist. Kids abandoned, beaten etc.
Fourth Story:
I couldn't disagree more. First, He made it clear that his son and wife cut him out of their lives by choice, after he tried to be there for his son. Second, his son contacted only after he had been an adult for several years and had a kid. So your telling me his son didn't think on this until after he was a married man with kids right?! So I.e he had several years of engagement, marriage and just plain being an adult before he even bothered to contact the man he vilified for twelve years. And the dad is the asshole? Yeah that doesn't make since. Trauma is trauma and the fact the dad's trauma is being blatantly ignored by his wife and other family is a massive red flag.
The last story: I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THESE CRAPPY EXCUSE ON WHY MEN SHOULD FORGIVE EVERYBODY this pisses me off to my core the man went through the worse possible kind of hurt the man could have took his own life and yall dgaf because he is a father man F that bs the man has a right to feel ok in his life he finally got over all that pain and suffering moved on let that hurt go and you telling him to bring that hurt back would you feel the same if it was a mother if not YOU ARE THE AHOLE
I would feel the same if it was a mother… I just think he should consider his son’s pain as well as his own. His son was finally getting through his pain and trying to make amends with his father. If my child was angry with me for a long time and then wanted to make amends, I’d at least hear them out and give our relationship on more shot.
@@mikayladanielle if depends on what happened in this situation is a hell naw
no one discredit his pain. however, he was married and he made a choice that he knew will affect everyone. he made a choice and so he need to take the responsibility for the outcome. and now that his son is reaching out, sure, the dad has pain, and its ok for him to express that or talk about it with his son, but what he cant do is turn his back on him because thats his son, thats his responsibility. while youre sick of one thing, many people today are sick of people who cant take responsibility, something that is quite lacking this day. this aint no random person or some old friend, thats his son which he decided to bring to the world , so its his responsibility. and of course his now wife is horrified, they have kids together, a family, of course the woman wont like to find out shes married to a man who would do that to his child, and im happy she said something and didnt keep quiet.
@@rainbows5232 Yes! Major props to his second wife!
U men are not the victim yall try to make y’all selfs. If it was a mother I would have the same opinion.
Last Story: I completely disagree. Yes a parent has a responsibility to their child but when he chose not to see his dad anymore as a teen. The dad’s mental health and happiness is just as important as his grown son’s. Perhaps if the son had turned around at 18 there would have been a chance but after OP having gone through that downward spiral and depression sorry but it’s not worth the risk of his mental health to let this young man in his life again. I do hope he seeks therapy and hope the wife goes with him and supports him in his decision. The email though he may want to make it less biting and just say “I wish you well but for my own mental health I think we should stay no contact” and try to move on. OP is not responsible for a grown adult and as a teen this young man should know actions have consequences and unfortunately for him cutting his dad off was a permanent decision.
An underdeveloped teenager with emotional trauma should know that his dad leaving and him not being able to see him due to the trauma caused by his parent's results in him never seeing his father again? This is what you mean?
Even if you have this take. The father is still an asshole regardless.
Fourth story: The dad is absolutely the AH. It’s still his son, and he was a hurt child witnessing his parents divorce and his mother crumble and beg for his dad to stay : a pre-teen will never understand that like an adult would. Hells even an teen wouldn’t. You’re brain is not even half baked then, add to that hormones and the lack of emotional maturity.
It’s ridiculous to except a child to take well to his family crumbling. And now that the son is an adult and he understand he is being mature by apologizing and wanting him back in his life. Now the dad is acting like a hurt teen like “You hurt me i’ll not let you back in.” ? He is a dad, a fathers role isn’t something that depends on the child’s behavior, you start being a parent by your action and it only ends when you leave this earth.
Now it would’ve been kinda different if the son was 26 acting like that, and even then they did till room to grow.
ah i could go hours on this topic but yeah, define the the ahold.
OF Gal could have asked the dude what he did for work or something and the dude interpreted it as her asking about his pay, I agree with them that just asking straight out would be kinda weird