Hi. I landed on this episode a but late. But, I too was looking for such a phrase that could speak volumes. Being in a social that idolises or relate exercise to weight loss/muscle building/meeting the beauty standards, it's really hard to explain that a physical exercise is required to maintain one's physical or mental well-being.
I don’t know about anybody else but for me the worst thing is I blame myself for being depressed. If I stay in bed all day because I’m depressed, at the end of the day I blame myself.
One thing I do to combat that feeling is to use some of my time in bed to learn something new. Sometimes it may be a book or audiobook, often it’s a quality podcast. Then I push myself to apply or share that information somehow, or at least write down my takeaways. I spend a lot of time in bed, due to a combination of chronic pain and illnesses, including treatment resistant depression.
If you have the privilege to be in bed all day, that's good! Take advantage and enjoy yourself, maybe watch a childhood show to see if you feel anything, if not dont worry. Sometimes, our body likes to sleep a lot to heal and that's why when we're depressed we sleep all day just to skip time, our sleep hormone is imbalanced, though that's not always the case, just know we all struggle and you're not alone, take it easy ❤️🩹
In my experience, meds "open the door" and therapy "helps you walk through it." And long-term persistent depression can be a result of undiagnosed and untreated adhd. Love the videos, Jono! Keep it up!
Yeah I have ADHD and I have depression that comes and goes. But it barely lasts 3 weeks at worst, and I have a history of bad reactions to meds (Xanax made me hallucinate waking up from a surgery). I have found that achieving things, getting sunlight, dancing, novelty, social interaction and hobbies help. Even if doing those things takes a lot of effort.
I have also learned to treat being depressed like having a flu, and how important that is. If I put on guilt, shame and lot of pressure on me to get everything done I'm supposed to do - usually it just makes it worse.
>_< Amanda you have just described my grudge on the NHS - long-term persistent depression can be a result of undiagnosed and untreated ADHD! The issue is that a lot of GP's stop at the "medication solves everything" without the next steps to walk through. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021 privately when I was 28! I have spent all that time before then being put on different antidepressants that did more harm than good. The issue is emotional regulation, rejection dysphoria, trauma related anxiety/triggers, but "We can't diagnose adults"/"girls can't have ADHD" seems to be the mindset of so many GPs. Research shows there is a link between ADHD and estrogen levels in women and eating healthier can help with managing symptoms.
That was such an interesting thing I had learned. ADHD can be the root of some depression and anxiety for, simply put, your brain stays overly active for so long that it creates anxiety and depression.
@@ange76prkrhi there I am about to find a therapist because of similar stuff. Please can you tell me how I can get across how I am feeling.. should I tell my therapist I think I have something or do you just let them control the interaction. I’m very nervous but hopeful I can work out what’s going on with me recently
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by @$$holes.” ― William Gibson
Something that helped was the "Spoon theory" (the idea that you have a limited amount of energy to spend per day, hence taking a shower took already two spoons so i will not have energy to do the dishes for exemple, but at least i'll cook). It forced me to evaluate my capacity for the day, plan the day based on it, and not push myself into exhausting patterns (on the contrary, helping to give myself some slack when i was not feeling okay). It was also wonderful to feel more and more spoons being available as I was getting better.
Yes, in spades. Spoons theory keeps you from comparing yourself to other people-you know, “somebody normal would be able would be able to get through my day no problem” becomes “today I only have 3 spoons. If I’m careful, tomorrow maybe I’ll have more.”
@@tinad8561 That's not necessarily going to stop you from comparing yourself, you might just say "today I only have 3 spoons but other normal people would have 10" or something like that. Whether you're using spoon theory or not, it's important to remember that everybody is a separate individual, and it's okay that we all have our own ways in which we may or may-not differ pretty much regardless of whatever may be the same or similar between us too. 🙂😊🤍
From personal experience, all the points mentioned here, I've heard from a bunch of therapists before too and as appreciative I am of you making this video to try and help, all of these, every single one feels like a chore. And because it seems so difficult to do, I end up not consistently doing and thus feeling even more of a failure
Which is why you start small. Start with a shower, can't feel like a failure if you accomplished something that was already hard. Don't think about the long tiring process just focus on the small steps. It's also not shameful for you to feel like you should be doing more. Depression is tough and advancing even a little you should be proud of. It's okay to feel a failure but you should probably reflect on why that is. Journal your experiences, find a pattern. Good luck!
Some of us have done these things, followed the advice from experts, and this doesn’t help. The problems are still there. I spent a small fortune on therapy, got nothing from it except feeling like I got ripped off. Oh right, eat healthy, get exercise, help others, find a purpose… no f-ing shit! Been there doing that
I know sometimes it feels like you just want the world to stop, like you can keep up, it’s just too much. I have dealt with this for years now.. at the beginning, when I could not even stand up, I counted wake up in the morning or brushing my teeth as something I did that day and as an accomplishment.. with time, these little things added up and got to a point where I was strong enough to take that shower or even cook for myself or go out of my apartment. I know things like this do not solve your problems or magically cure you, but in my specific case it helped to try to live one day at a time. Don’t think of them as chores, they are not. Think of it a little steps to slowly get better. And if one day you don’t do some of this little things, it’s ok. We are living one day at a time and tomorrow there will be a new chance. This things take time. I hope you feel better soon!
So find something else to do, instead of taking a shower, maybe listen to a song or maybe even just sit up in bed for a little bit and/or look out a window for a little while instead of just staying down with your head on your pillow forever. Or, so on. He wasn't making mandatory rules to follow, he was just giving singular examples out of near-infinite possibilities, leaving it fully open for each individual to find their own thing to utilize for each step instead. 🙂 (Also, don't beat yourself up about it if you don't do it consistently, doing something irregularly or every other day or only every two or three days or so is still a step in the right direction. It's still doing something more than never even trying to do it at all. It's okay to fail, sometimes-it's less okay to never even attempt anything at all, unless it wasn't something you ever really wanted to begin with.😊🤍)
I hope this does not come off as harsh or nagative because that is not my intention. I have been there where I found these "chores" to be incredibly overwhelming. I'd get frustrated because I understood that in order to get from point A to B ("B" generally meaning that first step towards happiness, in my case just to not feel like sh** for even a few minutes) I'd have to do these "chores". Like you, I'd try but fail. I'd quickly give up because it was too hard for me then feel worse for failing and giving up. Again, I got frustrated, and the reason (for me) that'd I'd get frustrated or even angry was because I didn't understand the "how": HOW do I bring myself to do these "chores"? HOW do I not feel overwhelmed by this simple task? And, again, from my personal experience but like others as well, I found it really came down to sheer will and want to do the "chores", the will to bring yourself to do it, the want to get better. I got to a point where I was tired of constantly bringing myself down. And suddenly (because depression be like that sometimes, a rollar coaster of negative emotional turns) it got really bad, so much so that it scared me. Then something clicked. Now I really wanted to get better out of fear and also from being emotionally and physically tired. And from really wanting to get better, I felt deeply motivated, I really wanted to do these "chores". I also found it powerful because although time and time again the people who have been constantly telling me, "doing xyz can help" (xyz being the examples he's given, the "chores") I couldn't bring myself to do them because it didnt come from me, it didnt feel like my decision. The moment I said "I WANT to do this" it didnt feel much like a chore anymore, it wasnt so difficult, it made sense, it was just gratifying and powerful the change of mindset. Before it felt like a "chore" to me because in my head it was registering as "THEY are saying do this to get better" not "I am telling ME to do this to get better". What is a chore? Generally yes, its something that needs to be done be it for the betterment of your surroundings, your home, the people around, and sure even you. But in the case of it being for you, it'd typically be for your future self. Yes, you wont imediately feel better when addressing your mental health so argueably youd still be in a way taking care of your future self. But the difference then would be that this decision that you're going to make is to address your mental state now. You're not making it solely with the mentality that its for the benefit of your future mental health. When you're making it, you're focusing on the fact that you are making a decision to do something, the decision is coming from you, that you want to do it, and do it to your present self. (I see that you have posted this comment a year ago, I hope you are doing better and if not, not sure if this reply will help but I hope it makes sense and it might help in a way to you or to anyone. Again, if at some point I sounded rude or harsh in any way, I apologize it was not my intention. Thank you to anyone for taking the time to read. Good luck to you and your mental health journey. I'm sure you've heard this many times before but you are loved, it gets bearable and even better, you are not alone so I hope you are not feeling shameful, a humble reminder that you are human after all, and if you are struggling specifically with self love i hope you come to find that your flaws are just as beautiful as your quirks and your strengths.)
I've been severely depressed off and on since I was young, but I'm in a good place now. You might feel angry when someone suggests a way to get better, so this is just a friend's experience: find a good hobby, go on a walk, be kind to others. And, I didn't realize I had pernicious anemia (inability to process B12), so make sure to get your vitamin levels checked before considering antidepressants. That was actually the biggest part of my recovery.
In my life, I have struggled with depression since early childhood and have been to many therapists and on many different medications. I used to hate when people would say, “You just need to exercise! Eat better! Talk to friends! Spend time outdoors!” It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I realized the reason why people (especially therapists) say these things is because it is true. Yes, I still need medication, BUT my depression is so much more manageable now that I am on a schedule that prioritizes a full night’s sleep, regular exercise, and balanced meals. The most helpful tool was spending time connecting with nature. Whereas my depression was once debilitating, I can now sit with depression comfortably and feel hope for my life ahead.
I can't deal with these feelings these fake "therapist" thinking they know all and come with nonsense to help when you are in this state is no help at all, I need a break from social media and this crap 🙄
CBT was the thing that did it for me, though it’s still an ongoing struggle. Realizing I’d been raised with unrealistic expectations for myself sent me down a spiral of worthlessness when I couldn’t keep up with it anymore. All the advice you listed here just felt like “more stuff to do.” I’d try, couldn’t keep up with it, and feel even more failure and worthlessness. Realizing - and truly understanding - that I was doing enough and being enough, and that I didn’t have to do or be any more, finally brought me the first traces of happiness. I know I’m nearing a point in recovery where I need to start taking better care of my body, but before I could do that, what I really needed to do was just stop trying, and let my soul get some rest.
Thank you so much this message helped loads. I really resonate with the part about learning I am enough already. I feel less weighed down after reading that because I did not used to be so depressed and I put so much pressure on myself to be happy and live a certain life
I'll start CBT on monday. I was also raised on imposible expectations. I hope I can stop demanding that much from myself to feel loved again. Because I feel almost like I've lose all my hope and I'm afraid I won't be able to recover it or change.
the get up and get dressed tip REALLY IS a game changer :) just be gentle on yourself, listen to your body and taking steps towards it. Start tweaking your sleeping schedule little by little until you find something that works. The days I stay on my pj's are usually the worst
I've mentioned my plushie before, & will do so here. For those who live alone & can't afford or keep a pet, a plushie is the next best thing. Something there to snuggle when youve had a bad day, or just feel too overwhelmed by everything. My plushie, for those who know, is a soft toy shark from Ikea, about a metre long, & just the right shape, size, & texture for snuggling xxx
I still have some of my favourite stuffed animals from childhood. And since my kitty died I’ve started sleeping with them again. Because I can’t sleep without the weight on my leg from when my kitty slept at the foot of my bed. So keep on cuddling with your IKEA shark unashamedly. Because a quirky solution is a great answer to the pain of Depression or loneliness.
Dear @Mended Light, please make a video for war survivors. Here in Ukraine we are under bombing and shooting, we hide in the undeground stations and do not sleep. An advice on how to stay strong mentally in such tough situation would be very helpful. Thank you.
Many people and nations are with you! We all just want to live in peace and we will help you wholeheartedly to live in peace in a free country. I don't know what else to say, but I want you to know that you are not alone
As an individual with chronic depression, I can say that this is all very valuable advice. Sometimes I would find it annoying or shaming, but these ideas are truly good and come from a good place. It's hard! People wouldn't have depressive issues if the solution was easy, but it is incredibly enabling and powerful when you accomplish meaningful things through those episodes, even if it is as small as getting out of bed.
What helped me recently was going through the book Feeling Good by Dr David Burns! Identifying some cognitive distortions (all-or-nothing thinking, 'fortune telling'/mind reading, should-ing, negating the positive, etc) was key to understanding why I feel depressed, and keeping track of them in a notebook and being able to 'talk back to myself' with reason and grace helped a lot as well.
Yes, that was one of the best recommondations I ever got! I also love his way of writing, he describes so many relatable thoughts and how to deal with them. It's truly amazing!
Yes! I came to the comments to make the same comment! It takes time, emotional effort, and self recognition but combating my cognitive distortions if the biggest thing I do for my depression. I do this by journaling and my copy of Feeling Good is so marked up with notes!
I love how much you reference Victor Frankels book. I read that with my mom last summer and there were so many sections I had to reread because the depth was just awe inspiring. The level of positive realism in such a dark place. Still hard to put to words.
Did your mother also get a positive experience reading that book? What would you say is your biggest take away from the text? I want to read it because I read what could be considered to be its opposite , Blessed is the Flame, and I don’t know how to process it.
@@DanielHernandez-sg9sg I don't think I've heard of Blessed is the Flame, would you recommend it? I loved it, I think the first half was the more shocking for me when he'd go into the conditions but he had such a logical, removed yet empathetic take on holding onto hope for his fellow man while also being realistic of mankind's evils. Growing up in a toxic household my mom taught us to always 'look on the bright side' which was great but led to blindness to things we should've been more careful of so reading his breakdown of the mind and our outlook was a shell shock in a way. Overall, highly recommend!
Normally I wouldn’t recommend reading Blessed is the Flame but since you already read Victor Frankel’s book I assume that you are ok or at least better equipped than most to read about concentration camps. The topic of the book is to introduce to the reader both concentration camp Insurrection when there was no hope of success and to use that as a means of explains what Anarch Nihilism is. The author claims to be a grandchild of the holocaust, I only say claim because the work is written under a pseudonym so it is not possible to know if they are telling the truth. They said that they are just happy to celebrate the victims of the concentration camps that either didn’t revolt or who did but had no chance of escaping/surviving. You can find a free downloadable copy by searching the book online and clicking on the anarchist library. My opinion on how to treat other people in terms the harm they cause is summarized as “we should treat those around us as salvageable until the point comes when through their actions they prove that they aren’t,” Did reading Frankel’s book cause you and your mother to reevaluate your upbringing ?
@@DanielHernandez-sg9sgI read that book many years ago, and what I got from the book was "Needed people have meaningful lives; if no one needs you, your life has no value"
What helped for me was starting to clean my home. One piece of trash at a time. Motivation follows action not vice versa. The hardest step is that first one.
I like Mr. Roger’s mom’s advice, “look for the helpers.” If you’re feeling hopeless, look for others helping others. It will remind you there is goodness in the world.
“Behaviour precedes emotion” is an incredibly powerful reminder. I’ve wondered why I tend to dread doing so many things and end up avoiding them when they don’t turn out to be so bad when I’m done with them. This simple sentence hit the nail on the head. Thank you.
I have struggled with depression since I was in elementary school. I have always avoided taking anti-depressants and, at least for right now, I will continue to do so. When I am going through a wave of depression, I have found that it is VERY difficult to exercise or eat right. But I will say, when I push myself to eat right and to take a walk outside (I love walks), it really does help. Being in creation and appreciating it, whether rain, snow, or shine, does wonders for me. It doesn't take the depression away, but it makes it more manageable. And yet, for me, the most important piece of advice that you gave, that I can relate to from personal experience, is to feed my mind and to partake of creative endeavors. I am a creative type, and I have found that during my waves of depression I have some of the most explosive and wondrous creativity. Watching stuff can be fun, but it really ends up making things worse for me if I do it too much. My mind HAS to be active, either engaging with intellectual or creative material or making it. I think it's tied, as well, to the finding purpose suggestion. And pursuing those things helps tremendously. The activities don't make the depression go away, but, as I said, it becomes more manageable. It's also very hard for me to participate in social functions during these waves. I absolutely do NOT want to be around people unless it's my immediate family. It's just too exhausting. And you know what--sometimes I think that's okay. I am an Introvert, after all. That's probably the HARDEST thing for me to do when I'm in a depression. Let me take a walk with my wife and eat a nice, healthy meal, and do some serious writing or other creative endeavor. But don't make me go to a party.
I'm a licensed therapist myself and I've only found your channel for a few months now but I must admit, you've helped me to be a better counselor! Thank you so much for sharing.
I am down because my adult kids are estranged from me. I am in therapy and I have meds but I still feel bad. I am getting enough sleep. I don't feel like eating. I don't sacrifice sleep But I wake up still feeling hopeless. I want my kids to just talk to me.
I would add journaling to the list. It helps me so much. Sometimes I get so emotional that I can't even be calm enough to talk about something. Journaling about it first helps lessen the emotional impact so eventually I can talk about without becoming snotty, red, swollen-eyed mess. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Plus, you can always give the journal to your mental health professional, so they can give you suggestions without the trauma of speaking it out loud.
Antidepressants were never about making me happy, but giving me a fair chance to CHOOSE what kind of day I had. Before them I could check off everything on my list and have a perfect day but still cry myself to sleep. It takes trial and error sometimes but without them I wouldn't have been able to feel stable enough to even begin doing inner work.
Yes, but I think Johnathan is talking more about mild depression rather than major depressive disorder, to which meds are going to be the first line of defense.
Jonathan you have been a major help today… I went through a break up of sorts a few months ago and have been struggling with my mental health since then. On top of that I’ve had a lot of changes in my life recently, so getting through stuff by suppressing my feelings has taken its toll…. Today I was feeling really rough and trying to find some relief somewhere, and the things discussed in this video and others of yours were really soothing and helpful. I don’t have access to an in person therapist right now, but that was a pretty good temporary substitute. Thank you for what you do
"You can not wait until you feel better to do things. You have to do things so that you can feel better." I think I finally had my first genuine realization. I've ALWAYS waited to feel somewhat better, but never thought about turning it around. I am definitely going to try that
I’m in great shape, eat clean, exercise regularly drink at least a gallon of water every day, sleep great, no money problems no health issues and I still feel terrible hopeless
I would ask you to reconsider medications as last as your default when treating your clients. I really feel you are talking about two different things. Clinical depression can be such that you can't DO all the steps you recommend. It's the purpose of assessments- some people need the medication to bring them up to a level where they have the choice whether or not to do things. There are times when I can do what you suggest to head off a "deep dive". But, As someone who has chronic depression, I can tell you 1) that walking at times can be punishing, 2) my sleep pattern gets way off and nothing I "urge" myself to do will get me on a regular schedule, 3) Just as the link between body and mind is strong so that poor eating can affect your mood, so can the mind affect our ability to eat healthy. 4) Lack of purpose isn't the same as being depressed- I have plenty of "purpose" that I could do, but to do so it becomes so overwhelming it takes me further down, 5) there are times when depression that needs medication or other sorts of medical treatment has nothing to do with situation you are in. One can be living through the Holocaust or be a World Famous singer who just won 4 Grammys and have depression that may need medication. The ideal situation for me has been when my clinicians work together so that one is not seeing the other as the alternative to the other if things don't work, or as being separate, but rather working together to determine with me what I need at that moment. Think of it as a broken leg. if I crack my tibia but there is no misalignment, odds are that starting some limited walking on it within a week with crutches and other support will help strengthen it and recover. However if I it's my femur, walking on it will break it further, and potentially cause further life changing or life ending injury. Love you Jonathan, but I feel here, you may have a little more knowledge gathering to do. Finding a good Psychiatrist to partner with who can evaluate with you at the beginning whether to try medication now, both of you look for signs that your client needs to be sooner than later by the other one, and work together for what your clients will benefit from that allows them to live life abundantly as intended might be something for you to consider. (Not a psychiatrist you feel comfortable referring to if "all these' don't work")
Listening to music whilst suffering from insomnia helped me a lot. Thanks for making this video... Love all the content that u make. They have helped me a lot in my journey with depression and also in educating my loved ones abt what it is and how even they need to take care of themselves apart from taking care of me.
I’ve been on antidepressants since I was 18.they’re pretty great, they help with my serotonin. I also make myself do things because my depression correlates a lot with me overthinking everything. Therapy helps, too since I have someone to talk to for my extra bad thoughts. My depression will never go away, but I can manage it.
Sometimes a good cry helps, too. If you're resisting the sadness, the blue feelings can just hold their grip on you. Crying always shifts things. I've battled depression for decades (even with medication, diet, exercise, therapy, and so on), and I've gone through long seasons of not even being able to cry. Tears are a gift and a natural means of helping us shift our energy. God bless.
I’ve basically gone through all those steps,but they ended up being VERY detailed. But I have to go to my mirror when I’m depressed,not a real mirror cuz I can’t really look in those yet,but I go to my horse,and she shows me exactly how I’m feeling,and then some how she ether helps me through it or she literally makes me buck up and get over. And yes just in case you’re wondering,I’ve learned to go animals with my problems and not people,cuz I’m sorry but people have done nothing but hurt,so dogs and horses are the answer in book.
I love this! When I started antidepressants, I was in a season of life where it was almost impossible for me to get good sleep, nutrition, and exercise (I was a new mom in my last semester of college). Now that I’m past that season, I’m replacing my antidepressants with everything you mentioned and I feel like it’s working. There are still hard days, but they are more manageable now.
Sometimes, the thing you need to do to feel better is something _else_ first, then come back to the thing you didn't want to do before a little later on. 🙂
Raising my hand as one of the people who gets NO endorphins from exercise. I have a friend like this as well. I am also literally allergic to exercise, and will itch like crazy as my muscles warm up and as they tire. So that advice doesn’t work for everyone!
and make a check for hypothyroidism, because that can also lead to depressive moods, apathy, rapid exhaustion, tiredness and concentration problems - the emotional state can be very fluctuating and, in extreme cases, range from delusions to su*cidal thoughts
I’ve been suffering from depression for several years now, only increased by my parents divorce and the pandemic. While these are all habits I’ve learned growing up, it’s really true what they say about needing good therapy and counseling. I didn’t start going to therapy until 2022 because I didn’t think I needed it when I could’ve just “pulled myself by my bootstraps” or “something was wrong with me” if I had to ask for help. Without cinema therapy unraveling the falsehoods behind mental health issues, allowing me to see that I wasn’t weak or not strong enough to deal with things on my own, I would have never gone and been on the current road to recovery that I am now. You and your team are truly doing the Lord’s work, thank you 😊
Did anti-depressants for almost 30 years - after my life fell to pieces ( 3 years ago - loss of son, loss of family, loss of who I once was - Narcissist ex took everything ) I came off them , because I knew they weren't doing anything any more. Nothing will fix these problems , nothing will ever be the same. When I can't sleep I go out at and look at the stars - I feel even more insignificant and lonely - hard to believe it all went so wrong. Once was told depression is anger turned inward - now my depression coping mechanism is learning stoicism and putting up barriers so i don't feel hurt again. Life has become a game of finding distractions and ignoring triggers.
First you should go to the Doc and check if you miss vitamins or minerals. I was depressed for a long time and I was always tired, my brain didn't seem to work as well as it did in the past and it was like there was an invisible weird wall between me and the rest of the world. Found out I had a massive lack of vitamin d. I started to take high doses of supplements and - I kid you not - I started to feel much better after just three days and now - some weeks later I feel hardly depressed at all, full of energy and can concentrate a lot better. I don't say everybody with depression has just vitamin deficiency - I know that's absolutely not the case. But it can't hurt to check.
I've tried and I'm doing al lot of things, like healty sleep habbits, I've had a few consults with a dietician to see what I could change in my diet, cause I gained a lot of weight from my former antidepressions (now I have Brintellix 15 mg). I also lacked the energy to exercise due to lung problems, after a year of searching I now know that I have asthma and now we are searching for the right medicines, so I can exercise more then I'm able to do now. My purpose in life are my children. I feed my mind by reading books, taking courses and watching TH-cam, like cinema therapy and mended light. I also try to do the things that I enjoyed back in the days, but I still feel more and more depressed as the weeks fly by. I'm in therapy (Schema Therapy).
All of this is wonderful. However, I find personally and with much of my family, that often medication is needed initially for someone to find the will to make some of these changes. Though I do believe and know that once lifestyle changes are in place, medication can be weaned off of in many cases, and many people lean on meds without doing anything else. Unfortunately for those without private insurance and certain means, often your only option is medication with limited other options through government programs.
My Depression has caused my executive dysfunction to spiral out of control. I'm in therapy now an my therapist and me can't work through it. No matter what I do, even if I manage to push through the physical block my brain sets to do certain tasks, it doesn't get any easier And I'm at a point why I'm losing hope because I see my medical professional run out of ideas. She says it's depression, but I've never been this helpless or powerless and it sucks.
I absolutely credit my well being to meds. And I am saying this as I currently taper off them (under the supervision of a PsyD of course). I also agree that meds are a last resort. If you feel resistant to all of the other alternatives, meds are probably for you. See a doctor!
I think it helps to find a balance between throwing everything we have at depression on the one hand, and on the other hand accepting that some suffering is inevitable, and for some of us there will be a lot of it and that's just how it is. Father Jacques Philippe has said that the worst suffering is the suffering you resist; similarly, the Buddhist writer Natalie Goldberg has said that when we resist pain, it's like trying to put a horse on top of another horse and ride both horses instead of just riding the one. My Catholic faith has helped me accept suffering and even find value in it. Peace to all, from a fellow sufferer who has battled the shadow of depression for forty years.
I got stuck in 2020 with my ex in jail, miles from family, living in a town of 200 people, unable to travel very far because of lockdowns and border closures. Anti-depressants helped me kick start my life again so I could start exercising, feel up to cooking proper meals, be in a better mood to learn new things and go out and find things to do. Once I got started I was fine, but Anti-depressants helped give me that kick-start I needed.
Sometimes it's a physical thing. Like, it turned out that (in addition to PTSD) I have POTS and a symptom of flares is depression and anxiety, and also being clumsy and forgetful and in pain is really hard??? And to have that all the time?? And no one believes you? No fucking shit that makes you depressed! Honestly, doctors are super fast to go to "it's just anxiety go to therapy" but from my experience and from the experience of others like me it really should be the other way around. Even just the basic stuff I do to manage my physical symptoms (lying down when I feel dizzy, accommodating my fatigue and pain, and increasing the amount of salt in my diet) has been incredibly helpful with managing my suicidal impulses and depression.
You guys are failing to realize he's talking about mild depression, not MDD. Meds ARE the first line of defense against MDD because it's chemical depression, not circumstantial. If meds are the only thing helping you take the edge off, then that is MDD, not mild depression.
Eating healthy, no junk food, no alcohol, workout, learning golf, therapy, Ayahuasca, and still a completely a slave to my negativity and total lack and regret and isolation and self hatred. I am done trying to fix myself and heal, for years it only reveals how miserable i am. Even worse i have everything going for me but still cant do it.
I've also battled for decades. One thing that helps me is trying to catch myself when I fall into thinking about how long it's been this way. Stay focused on the present moment. Realize that you're fundamentally okay. Don't beat yourself up.
Painting and journaling helps too. It did for me, I was losing it even now that I am in my challenging phase in life. Edit: I know it was mentioned. On my personal opinion it helps. And avoiding self-destructive behaviors. Be accountable of your actions. Self-awareness is key.
I live in East Asia where mental health is a taboo & gosh, finding cinema therapy was really helpful. Oneday, I became okay, but it was a gradual progress & for that, thank you. Sir, i love watching your contents & the sincerity you show when interacting with your friends, wife and even your pupper all contributed to my healing journey! Also, all the movies yall covered were fun to watch 💯
Having a reason to get out of bed is definitely a goal. For me, my reasons are my guinea pigs. Pets are incredibly good at making you feel love when you're struggling to find it. Animals are heroes 🐹
I have questions about some of these recommendations: Won’t perceiving exercise as a way to “punish” yourself instead of self harm develop unhealthy relationship with exercising in general? Won’t food policing worsen the depression of people who struggle with eating disorders? Won’t reading holocaust survivor book make people feel like their feelings are invalidated because someone had the worst, or make them feel worthless because someone went through that and now offers insight and motivation, and the person can’t get over a depression in seemingly safe conditions?
Good points. Well reasoned. I suppose it's up to the individual as to whether those tasks end up being more positive than what they were doing before, since experience is subjective. I personally would agree with you, but then, I don't have a food disorder, etc.
Thanks for this. I'm struggling alot with coping with chronic illness and the tips in the video are really helpful. Sleep is definitely a massive factor as I've noticed when I don't sleep well, I really struggle emotionally the next day. Getting out in the sunshine and nature helps too, breathing in that fresh forest air. I identify with having do to things first before you feel better and I do this with exercise and cold showers. I don't feel like doing them in a sad state but I just visualise the good feeling afterwards. I just say to myself just do it anyway as I'd rather do it and it make me feel better as the worst that can happen is it won't change anything. Thank you again and big love to anyone struggling out there ❤❤
I want to thank you so much for all your videos. I don't actually watch all of them, but they do help me to understand others and myself. They give me perspective on how other people feel. You're so compelling, you say simple things and it amazes me how it never came to my mind before I hear it. Thanks!
This is a really good video. I’ve been begging GP’s for help for 20 years now and mostly they just throw meds at me and send me on my merry way and they never do much for me. Occasionally I will be put on wait lists for mental health services that never get back to me and the whole process is so dehumanizing and discouraging. I do really struggle with healthy eating as I’m autistic and have extreme sensory issues when it comes to food (I survive off carbs and sugar basically which is not great even though I take vitamins) so I will try and work on that a bit. Wish I could afford actual real therapy but your mended and light and cinema therapy have both helped me a lot this last little while so thank you so much ♥️
Hey chase i wanted to reach out and thank you for your work and making this prossess of healing from depression ALMOST bearable lol and really love the splashes of humor to lighten the mood. I just purchased Mans search book and plan on starting it this evening. Keep up the great work bud!
I've been on so many meds and none of them have made any difference at all. All of my suicide attempts have been made while on antidepressants. I know they help lots of people but they really don't help everybody. I said to my therapist the other day that I wish they helped me because I just want to not have to work SO hard every single day just to not fall off the cliff, just a little break.
I would run from my emotions by torture I would look for intense exercises to numb out. Be in pain to avoid pain. However I would like to say overworking and lack of sleep, to keep myself busy and feeling worthy. Still now that I’m aware I’m trying to be healthy by finding balance
To #3: I'd say take it at your own pace, and make the reading (or podcast listening) as complex or as simple as you like. As long as you can treat it like some kind of cute school project roleplay, actually learn new stuff, and make some brief notes or other creative project out of it, however silly the stuff you're learning or crafting might seem. I take simple notes with any book I read, so I can see my brain is still working and creating stuff, besides just absorbing info or being emo. And I always have options ready from hard to easy reading, so I can swap from the big philosophy and science stuff, to pop-sci and investigative journalism, and on down to some pulpy scifi/fantasy as needed.
Thank you ! I recommend cold showers , they helped so much with my mood. Also , watching The Shawshank Redemption is always a good idea, when you need some hope 💜
I have said this multiple times to me therapist. Even on my darkest days, my kids get me going.as my anxiety fuels my minor depressive episodes where I have a day or two where I have no energy. Having to take my kids into school gets me up and going. Then I can come home and may take an hour or two to get going. But I usually end up doing a few things because I started by getting up and taking care of them. They help me see the positives when my brains wants to see negative
What To Do When You Feel Hopeless and Depressed? .. Exactly the question i've been asking myself since last year.... Thanks doc, this helps a lot. I also love your movie reaction videos !
Im on Zoloft. Have been for years. But ive also been a drug addict since my teens due to childhood trauma. Ive had years of sobriety but keep relapsing. Im bi polar and now im 49. I recently relapsed and lost my job. Now im in great turmoil and my suicidal ideations are taking hold. Ive been going to the gym for years but im tok depressed to get out of bed now. God help me. Ive been trying all my life to worthy. Tried to be happy. But now im older, i have no reason to get back up. I do appreciate your videos and advice, but im quite sure im close to my end. Thanks and god bless.
The drugs they put me on just made me go deeper into how much I hate my life. I'm supposed to not care about being in pain all the time so other people can feel good about saving me.
Wow, how fitting for this to show up. I just got fired from my one shot at having a foot in the door to get experience to make getting other jobs easier. Now I'm back to hunting without experience. Honestly, I'm just a few steps away from sitting on nearby railroad tracks. I'm on anti depressants and have a therapist. Though now I have no benefits, so we'll see how long that lasts... I don't know what to do at this point. Sleep is fine. Diet and exercise can't be fixed. Can't have purpose without a job. The rest, I can try
Sometimes it is scary to lose depression and those experiences you want to forget but also feel you shouldn't. I think writing it all down makes that problem go away
A deployment fixed me the first time, 4 months of no alcohol, regular meals, 12-14 hours shifts every day, with sometimes nothing to do but go for a run or workout or both. Electronics were sparse and had to be shared with the 20 other people on shift with you, as well as the close quarters with others, you really get to know people, I think it is therapeutic to simply talk with others regardless of what is being said. That was 4 years ago and after a couple good years I've since gone back down the depression road, I am going to try the shower thing that sounds like a good first step, I know I've already gotten out of this hole once so I can do it again.
I have been struggling with depression for quite sometime now. Also I have been the victim of emotional abuse and gaslighting by my parents. They have given me so much trauma all my life that sometimes I am forced to question my existence. I am a grown up now in my 30s but my life is still controlled by my parents. It feels miserable being stuck with my parents. I wish I could just end it all.
My experience was that I have depression/anxiety & anger issues. So i was put on medications first to a least lessen the emotional heights then constant therapy especially CBT. I started at 2015 to 2018 for medication therapy until i stopped completely. But still continued therapy in 2022. It was long years where i experience up and down. My family and friends sometime have to avoid me whenever experience moods sometime it is unnoticed or built up. Just realized i am human and need lot of works to be better.
What would you suggest when thoughts of everything being pointless because we’re all gonna die/grappling with mortality creep up? Also what about all the horrors in this world? How would you address that? Thank you for your videos
I hope they do address that as I've been struggling with that for as long as I can remember ever since I knew of death. And now that a lot of things in my 'little life' are also going wrong I find it worse than ever and though I'm starting CBT I still think deep down the world is so screwed and I'm gonna die anyway in the end and that's not something I feel CBT will change. So much of what hurts me is stuff l cannot change that's inherent to being alive today. Difficult to reason out of this.
Yeah fr this is like the bane of it all, feels like “why should I” tbh my main reason for staying alive is because I’m scared if you commit suicide youll go to Hell
I find that when I'm feeling depressed the *last* thing I want to do is read or watch something that reminds me of being depressed. (Right now I'm reading a book called "Monty Python and philosophy", which is great for activating the think-muscles but also not at all dire or serious.) As far as antidepressants go, I think ... not always, but a little ... they put me in a better position to be able to take on all that Pollyanna crap that the "self help" culture throws our way. I couldn't lift myself out of a funk when my brain was unable to respond to diets and exercise and so on.
I'm gonna be very negative here, but I always get kind of annoyed at the argument of "of course depression is not your fault and no one chooses this; now here are all the things you need to do if you don't want to feel that way" because what I hear is "well I don't want to make you feel bad by saying it's your fault, but if you're not doing all of these things then what do you expect?". And from that logic it just adds to the "you're only depressed because you're lazy" narrative
I understand how it can feel accusatory to be given advice because of the stigma around mental illness. Something I learned is that there’s a difference between fault and responsibility. Despite whatever causes my depressive symptoms, I accept that I’m responsible for noticing them and finding what works for me. No one else can exercise for me or make sure I take medicine etc. I don’t like the culturally ingrained idea that depression is a moral weakness. I just try things that I think will move me towards happiness and practice self-compassion when things don’t work as I planned.
I'm on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication 3 times a day. And I have been in therapy for over 3 years. My father was extremely abusive. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Depression & Anxiety due to the abuse. According to my Neurologist those conditions trigger my seizures as well. So I have to take seizure meds twice a day to deal with traumatizing effects of my father.
I had depression 2 years ago. My school gave me bad grades because of this and didn't take it into account at all. I graduated and ended up with a terrible crowd due to rent budget. I started working in a pub in London. I stopped having depression but don't have money to move out. However, people I see everyday don't like my energy. They wish I am depressed and hopeless and vulnerable.
Thank you for your videos, sometimes I feel lost and like I'm a problem so this helps me. Your work is so important, thank you for making these videos on this channel and in cinema therapy.
Regarding finding some purpose or knowing people... I highly recommend joining a local theatre! My depression has become manageable after meeting theatre people (who are the most kind and inclusive souls).
Please can you help me find a starting point? I just realized the relationship between me and my mom always has been about emotional neglect and having been compared to my sisters, which has made me an anxious attachment style. I am middle child, late diagnose with a disabling degree of ADD and Atypical Autism and had the umbilical cord around my neck when I was born. Still after the diagnosis, my mom nearly pushed me to the most serious thoughts of suicide I've ever had (by hanging; connected with the birth trauma) about a year ago, when she 'didn't believe me' when I spoke up about suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life. My gut already told me, that she wouldn't take me seriously and her reaction was going to be my reasoning/excuse for letting go. I still hung on because of my sisters, but today I am feeling so angry towards her all the time. She doesn't respect my boundaries, doesn't understand my energy-level is way lower than the average, talks down on my autism, encourages me to give up on uni; my biggest achievement in life. She doesn't do this in front of people whom she knows would not accept this behavior. It's driving me crazy because it's as if she knows it's bad, but lacks the empathy towards me specifically although she wouldn't if it was somebody else. I.E. It feels like she's justifying her behavior and (maybe??) doesn't realize I am aware of all of these things now? But I feel like she knows. I know I need to bring this up with her, I just really don't know how. I immjdeately get anxious and stressed when I see her calling and I become unexplainable annoyed, agitated and sad when I'm around her, making family gatherings extremely tough. Can you make a video about this please? Of how to move on? I need to start working on all of this now. The waiting time for the psychologist is too long.
Hey just wanted to say, this was really helpful.. Not necessarily the list (I'd already known everything on it before hearing it) but because of the person giving the advice. I could literally not look away. He seemed very kind and like someone who cares... and the setting almost felt like the therapist was talking to you in person. So thank you for this video! Have saved this to my "watch later" list for next time I need a reminder
Lovely Mended Light video (again). I struggle with Depression since my early teens now, and started my first therapy 8 years ago. It helped tremendously! And recommended all the things you talked about as well. Additionally my therapist reccomended going out for a walk in nature. Seeing green plants and flowers (and getting that sweet Vitamin D). And doing something with my hands, since my job requires a lot of mental acrobatics and most of my hobbies are more on the thought side of things as well. At the moment I am crocheting to my hearts content. That helps me a lot to do something different than sitting in front of the computer all the time, writing a lot. I listened to a lot of your videos now and I am not entirely sure if you already talked about it. I would love to hear your thoughts about Nature vs. Nurture of Depression when said Depression (or rather mental illness as a whole) runs in the family. Keep up the good work!
hopelessness oh i pray and read verses and words people have given me for my edification, the days i cant get dressed um i watch you and a few channels that make me think, laugh, or feel good about myself
“Exercise for sanity, not for vanity.” Love this!
Hi. I landed on this episode a but late. But, I too was looking for such a phrase that could speak volumes.
Being in a social that idolises or relate exercise to weight loss/muscle building/meeting the beauty standards, it's really hard to explain that a physical exercise is required to maintain one's physical or mental well-being.
This is what I do and it works so well and has the extra added bonus of making you look better. Win win.
I don’t know about anybody else but for me the worst thing is I blame myself for being depressed. If I stay in bed all day because I’m depressed, at the end of the day I blame myself.
Us moment
One thing I do to combat that feeling is to use some of my time in bed to learn something new. Sometimes it may be a book or audiobook, often it’s a quality podcast.
Then I push myself to apply or share that information somehow, or at least write down my takeaways.
I spend a lot of time in bed, due to a combination of chronic pain and illnesses, including treatment resistant depression.
If you have the privilege to be in bed all day, that's good! Take advantage and enjoy yourself, maybe watch a childhood show to see if you feel anything, if not dont worry. Sometimes, our body likes to sleep a lot to heal and that's why when we're depressed we sleep all day just to skip time, our sleep hormone is imbalanced, though that's not always the case, just know we all struggle and you're not alone, take it easy ❤️🩹
In my experience, meds "open the door" and therapy "helps you walk through it." And long-term persistent depression can be a result of undiagnosed and untreated adhd. Love the videos, Jono! Keep it up!
Yeah I have ADHD and I have depression that comes and goes. But it barely lasts 3 weeks at worst, and I have a history of bad reactions to meds (Xanax made me hallucinate waking up from a surgery).
I have found that achieving things, getting sunlight, dancing, novelty, social interaction and hobbies help. Even if doing those things takes a lot of effort.
I have also learned to treat being depressed like having a flu, and how important that is. If I put on guilt, shame and lot of pressure on me to get everything done I'm supposed to do - usually it just makes it worse.
>_< Amanda you have just described my grudge on the NHS - long-term persistent depression can be a result of undiagnosed and untreated ADHD!
The issue is that a lot of GP's stop at the "medication solves everything" without the next steps to walk through.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021 privately when I was 28! I have spent all that time before then being put on different antidepressants that did more harm than good.
The issue is emotional regulation, rejection dysphoria, trauma related anxiety/triggers, but "We can't diagnose adults"/"girls can't have ADHD" seems to be the mindset of so many GPs. Research shows there is a link between ADHD and estrogen levels in women and eating healthier can help with managing symptoms.
That was such an interesting thing I had learned. ADHD can be the root of some depression and anxiety for, simply put, your brain stays overly active for so long that it creates anxiety and depression.
@@ange76prkrhi there I am about to find a therapist because of similar stuff. Please can you tell me how I can get across how I am feeling.. should I tell my therapist I think I have something or do you just let them control the interaction. I’m very nervous but hopeful I can work out what’s going on with me recently
I dont get it when people say "just get good sleep" like its a choice
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by @$$holes.”
― William Gibson
I am surrounded by a A$$*Ole adult child. He is making my life truly miserable.
What if you got both ?
But that's difficult at work. 😢 And I need that work.
Something that helped was the "Spoon theory" (the idea that you have a limited amount of energy to spend per day, hence taking a shower took already two spoons so i will not have energy to do the dishes for exemple, but at least i'll cook).
It forced me to evaluate my capacity for the day, plan the day based on it, and not push myself into exhausting patterns (on the contrary, helping to give myself some slack when i was not feeling okay).
It was also wonderful to feel more and more spoons being available as I was getting better.
Yes, in spades. Spoons theory keeps you from comparing yourself to other people-you know, “somebody normal would be able would be able to get through my day no problem” becomes “today I only have 3 spoons. If I’m careful, tomorrow maybe I’ll have more.”
Yesssss me too
Love the spoon theory!!!
@@tinad8561 That's not necessarily going to stop you from comparing yourself, you might just say "today I only have 3 spoons but other normal people would have 10" or something like that. Whether you're using spoon theory or not, it's important to remember that everybody is a separate individual, and it's okay that we all have our own ways in which we may or may-not differ pretty much regardless of whatever may be the same or similar between us too. 🙂😊🤍
I don't know if you are all female but I think people are a lot more understanding and forgiving of women (rather than men) who are clearly struggling
From personal experience, all the points mentioned here, I've heard from a bunch of therapists before too and as appreciative I am of you making this video to try and help, all of these, every single one feels like a chore. And because it seems so difficult to do, I end up not consistently doing and thus feeling even more of a failure
Which is why you start small. Start with a shower, can't feel like a failure if you accomplished something that was already hard. Don't think about the long tiring process just focus on the small steps. It's also not shameful for you to feel like you should be doing more. Depression is tough and advancing even a little you should be proud of. It's okay to feel a failure but you should probably reflect on why that is. Journal your experiences, find a pattern. Good luck!
Some of us have done these things, followed the advice from experts, and this doesn’t help. The problems are still there. I spent a small fortune on therapy, got nothing from it except feeling like I got ripped off. Oh right, eat healthy, get exercise, help others, find a purpose… no f-ing shit! Been there doing that
I know sometimes it feels like you just want the world to stop, like you can keep up, it’s just too much. I have dealt with this for years now.. at the beginning, when I could not even stand up, I counted wake up in the morning or brushing my teeth as something I did that day and as an accomplishment.. with time, these little things added up and got to a point where I was strong enough to take that shower or even cook for myself or go out of my apartment. I know things like this do not solve your problems or magically cure you, but in my specific case it helped to try to live one day at a time. Don’t think of them as chores, they are not. Think of it a little steps to slowly get better. And if one day you don’t do some of this little things, it’s ok. We are living one day at a time and tomorrow there will be a new chance. This things take time. I hope you feel better soon!
So find something else to do, instead of taking a shower, maybe listen to a song or maybe even just sit up in bed for a little bit and/or look out a window for a little while instead of just staying down with your head on your pillow forever. Or, so on. He wasn't making mandatory rules to follow, he was just giving singular examples out of near-infinite possibilities, leaving it fully open for each individual to find their own thing to utilize for each step instead. 🙂
(Also, don't beat yourself up about it if you don't do it consistently, doing something irregularly or every other day or only every two or three days or so is still a step in the right direction. It's still doing something more than never even trying to do it at all. It's okay to fail, sometimes-it's less okay to never even attempt anything at all, unless it wasn't something you ever really wanted to begin with.😊🤍)
I hope this does not come off as harsh or nagative because that is not my intention.
I have been there where I found these "chores" to be incredibly overwhelming. I'd get frustrated because I understood that in order to get from point A to B ("B" generally meaning that first step towards happiness, in my case just to not feel like sh** for even a few minutes) I'd have to do these "chores". Like you, I'd try but fail. I'd quickly give up because it was too hard for me then feel worse for failing and giving up. Again, I got frustrated, and the reason (for me) that'd I'd get frustrated or even angry was because I didn't understand the "how": HOW do I bring myself to do these "chores"? HOW do I not feel overwhelmed by this simple task? And, again, from my personal experience but like others as well, I found it really came down to sheer will and want to do the "chores", the will to bring yourself to do it, the want to get better. I got to a point where I was tired of constantly bringing myself down. And suddenly (because depression be like that sometimes, a rollar coaster of negative emotional turns) it got really bad, so much so that it scared me. Then something clicked. Now I really wanted to get better out of fear and also from being emotionally and physically tired. And from really wanting to get better, I felt deeply motivated, I really wanted to do these "chores".
I also found it powerful because although time and time again the people who have been constantly telling me, "doing xyz can help" (xyz being the examples he's given, the "chores") I couldn't bring myself to do them because it didnt come from me, it didnt feel like my decision. The moment I said "I WANT to do this" it didnt feel much like a chore anymore, it wasnt so difficult, it made sense, it was just gratifying and powerful the change of mindset. Before it felt like a "chore" to me because in my head it was registering as "THEY are saying do this to get better" not "I am telling ME to do this to get better". What is a chore? Generally yes, its something that needs to be done be it for the betterment of your surroundings, your home, the people around, and sure even you. But in the case of it being for you, it'd typically be for your future self. Yes, you wont imediately feel better when addressing your mental health so argueably youd still be in a way taking care of your future self. But the difference then would be that this decision that you're going to make is to address your mental state now. You're not making it solely with the mentality that its for the benefit of your future mental health. When you're making it, you're focusing on the fact that you are making a decision to do something, the decision is coming from you, that you want to do it, and do it to your present self.
(I see that you have posted this comment a year ago, I hope you are doing better and if not, not sure if this reply will help but I hope it makes sense and it might help in a way to you or to anyone. Again, if at some point I sounded rude or harsh in any way, I apologize it was not my intention. Thank you to anyone for taking the time to read. Good luck to you and your mental health journey. I'm sure you've heard this many times before but you are loved, it gets bearable and even better, you are not alone so I hope you are not feeling shameful, a humble reminder that you are human after all, and if you are struggling specifically with self love i hope you come to find that your flaws are just as beautiful as your quirks and your strengths.)
I've been severely depressed off and on since I was young, but I'm in a good place now. You might feel angry when someone suggests a way to get better, so this is just a friend's experience: find a good hobby, go on a walk, be kind to others. And, I didn't realize I had pernicious anemia (inability to process B12), so make sure to get your vitamin levels checked before considering antidepressants. That was actually the biggest part of my recovery.
Hobbies are a waste of time.
In my life, I have struggled with depression since early childhood and have been to many therapists and on many different medications. I used to hate when people would say, “You just need to exercise! Eat better! Talk to friends! Spend time outdoors!” It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I realized the reason why people (especially therapists) say these things is because it is true. Yes, I still need medication, BUT my depression is so much more manageable now that I am on a schedule that prioritizes a full night’s sleep, regular exercise, and balanced meals. The most helpful tool was spending time connecting with nature. Whereas my depression was once debilitating, I can now sit with depression comfortably and feel hope for my life ahead.
Good keep it
Connecting with Nature is a huge help for me too.
I'm so hopeless and done I truly feel done don't want to be here no more,social anxiety and depression is too much now I'm homeless too.
I can't deal with these feelings these fake "therapist" thinking they know all and come with nonsense to help when you are in this state is no help at all, I need a break from social media and this crap 🙄
CBT was the thing that did it for me, though it’s still an ongoing struggle. Realizing I’d been raised with unrealistic expectations for myself sent me down a spiral of worthlessness when I couldn’t keep up with it anymore. All the advice you listed here just felt like “more stuff to do.” I’d try, couldn’t keep up with it, and feel even more failure and worthlessness. Realizing - and truly understanding - that I was doing enough and being enough, and that I didn’t have to do or be any more, finally brought me the first traces of happiness.
I know I’m nearing a point in recovery where I need to start taking better care of my body, but before I could do that, what I really needed to do was just stop trying, and let my soul get some rest.
I feel this 100%
Thank you for that last line especially, I think I just need to give my soul a bit of rest
This resonates with me so much. Thank you for sharing this, it feels good to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way.
Thank you so much this message helped loads. I really resonate with the part about learning I am enough already. I feel less weighed down after reading that because I did not used to be so depressed and I put so much pressure on myself to be happy and live a certain life
I'll start CBT on monday. I was also raised on imposible expectations. I hope I can stop demanding that much from myself to feel loved again. Because I feel almost like I've lose all my hope and I'm afraid I won't be able to recover it or change.
Seriously tired of my husband telling me to "just snap out of it".
Wow I hope you can help him understand.
If only it was that easy
next time he has a fever tell him to just “get better. i don’t understand what your issue is, just get better”
the get up and get dressed tip REALLY IS a game changer :) just be gentle on yourself, listen to your body and taking steps towards it. Start tweaking your sleeping schedule little by little until you find something that works. The days I stay on my pj's are usually the worst
I've mentioned my plushie before, & will do so here. For those who live alone & can't afford or keep a pet, a plushie is the next best thing. Something there to snuggle when youve had a bad day, or just feel too overwhelmed by everything. My plushie, for those who know, is a soft toy shark from Ikea, about a metre long, & just the right shape, size, & texture for snuggling xxx
I still have some of my favourite stuffed animals from childhood. And since my kitty died I’ve started sleeping with them again. Because I can’t sleep without the weight on my leg from when my kitty slept at the foot of my bed. So keep on cuddling with your IKEA shark unashamedly. Because a quirky solution is a great answer to the pain of Depression or loneliness.
There's real evidence that having a plushie or "lovey", as I believe they're called, really does help. Keep on doing that. :-)
Dear @Mended Light, please make a video for war survivors. Here in Ukraine we are under bombing and shooting, we hide in the undeground stations and do not sleep. An advice on how to stay strong mentally in such tough situation would be very helpful. Thank you.
Many people and nations are with you! We all just want to live in peace and we will help you wholeheartedly to live in peace in a free country. I don't know what else to say, but I want you to know that you are not alone
That is a great idea. We'll get on that :)
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't begin to imagine
I’m so amazed and inspired by your courage and strength as a country. We’re praying for Ukraine.
Big fat sharky snuggles to all of you out there under this horror xxx
As an individual with chronic depression, I can say that this is all very valuable advice. Sometimes I would find it annoying or shaming, but these ideas are truly good and come from a good place. It's hard! People wouldn't have depressive issues if the solution was easy, but it is incredibly enabling and powerful when you accomplish meaningful things through those episodes, even if it is as small as getting out of bed.
What helped me recently was going through the book Feeling Good by Dr David Burns! Identifying some cognitive distortions (all-or-nothing thinking, 'fortune telling'/mind reading, should-ing, negating the positive, etc) was key to understanding why I feel depressed, and keeping track of them in a notebook and being able to 'talk back to myself' with reason and grace helped a lot as well.
Yes, that was one of the best recommondations I ever got! I also love his way of writing, he describes so many relatable thoughts and how to deal with them. It's truly amazing!
Yes! I came to the comments to make the same comment! It takes time, emotional effort, and self recognition but combating my cognitive distortions if the biggest thing I do for my depression. I do this by journaling and my copy of Feeling Good is so marked up with notes!
I love how much you reference Victor Frankels book. I read that with my mom last summer and there were so many sections I had to reread because the depth was just awe inspiring. The level of positive realism in such a dark place. Still hard to put to words.
Did your mother also get a positive experience reading that book?
What would you say is your biggest take away from the text?
I want to read it because I read what could be considered to be its opposite , Blessed is the Flame, and I don’t know how to process it.
@@DanielHernandez-sg9sg I don't think I've heard of Blessed is the Flame, would you recommend it?
I loved it, I think the first half was the more shocking for me when he'd go into the conditions but he had such a logical, removed yet empathetic take on holding onto hope for his fellow man while also being realistic of mankind's evils.
Growing up in a toxic household my mom taught us to always 'look on the bright side' which was great but led to blindness to things we should've been more careful of so reading his breakdown of the mind and our outlook was a shell shock in a way.
Overall, highly recommend!
Normally I wouldn’t recommend reading Blessed is the Flame but since you already read Victor Frankel’s book I assume that you are ok or at least better equipped than most to read about concentration camps. The topic of the book is to introduce to the reader both concentration camp Insurrection when there was no hope of success and to use that as a means of explains what Anarch Nihilism is. The author claims to be a grandchild of the holocaust, I only say claim because the work is written under a pseudonym so it is not possible to know if they are telling the truth. They said that they are just happy to celebrate the victims of the concentration camps that either didn’t revolt or who did but had no chance of escaping/surviving.
You can find a free downloadable copy by searching the book online and clicking on the anarchist library.
My opinion on how to treat other people in terms the harm they cause is summarized as “we should treat those around us as salvageable until the point comes when through their actions they prove that they aren’t,”
Did reading Frankel’s book cause you and your mother to reevaluate your upbringing ?
@@DanielHernandez-sg9sgI read that book many years ago, and what I got from the book was "Needed people have meaningful lives; if no one needs you, your life has no value"
What helped for me was starting to clean my home. One piece of trash at a time. Motivation follows action not vice versa. The hardest step is that first one.
I like Mr. Roger’s mom’s advice, “look for the helpers.” If you’re feeling hopeless, look for others helping others. It will remind you there is goodness in the world.
You're better off helping yourself.
You have value, you have worth, it is limitless. It is eternal. My mantra from now on.
“Behaviour precedes emotion” is an incredibly powerful reminder. I’ve wondered why I tend to dread doing so many things and end up avoiding them when they don’t turn out to be so bad when I’m done with them. This simple sentence hit the nail on the head. Thank you.
I have struggled with depression since I was in elementary school. I have always avoided taking anti-depressants and, at least for right now, I will continue to do so. When I am going through a wave of depression, I have found that it is VERY difficult to exercise or eat right. But I will say, when I push myself to eat right and to take a walk outside (I love walks), it really does help. Being in creation and appreciating it, whether rain, snow, or shine, does wonders for me. It doesn't take the depression away, but it makes it more manageable.
And yet, for me, the most important piece of advice that you gave, that I can relate to from personal experience, is to feed my mind and to partake of creative endeavors. I am a creative type, and I have found that during my waves of depression I have some of the most explosive and wondrous creativity. Watching stuff can be fun, but it really ends up making things worse for me if I do it too much. My mind HAS to be active, either engaging with intellectual or creative material or making it. I think it's tied, as well, to the finding purpose suggestion. And pursuing those things helps tremendously. The activities don't make the depression go away, but, as I said, it becomes more manageable.
It's also very hard for me to participate in social functions during these waves. I absolutely do NOT want to be around people unless it's my immediate family. It's just too exhausting. And you know what--sometimes I think that's okay. I am an Introvert, after all. That's probably the HARDEST thing for me to do when I'm in a depression. Let me take a walk with my wife and eat a nice, healthy meal, and do some serious writing or other creative endeavor. But don't make me go to a party.
I'm a licensed therapist myself and I've only found your channel for a few months now but I must admit, you've helped me to be a better counselor! Thank you so much for sharing.
I am down because my adult kids are estranged from me.
I am in therapy and I have meds but I still feel bad.
I am getting enough sleep.
I don't feel like eating.
I don't sacrifice sleep
But I wake up still feeling hopeless.
I want my kids to just talk to me.
I would add journaling to the list. It helps me so much. Sometimes I get so emotional that I can't even be calm enough to talk about something. Journaling about it first helps lessen the emotional impact so eventually I can talk about without becoming snotty, red, swollen-eyed mess. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Plus, you can always give the journal to your mental health professional, so they can give you suggestions without the trauma of speaking it out loud.
Antidepressants were never about making me happy, but giving me a fair chance to CHOOSE what kind of day I had. Before them I could check off everything on my list and have a perfect day but still cry myself to sleep. It takes trial and error sometimes but without them I wouldn't have been able to feel stable enough to even begin doing inner work.
Yes, but I think Johnathan is talking more about mild depression rather than major depressive disorder, to which meds are going to be the first line of defense.
Jonathan you have been a major help today… I went through a break up of sorts a few months ago and have been struggling with my mental health since then. On top of that I’ve had a lot of changes in my life recently, so getting through stuff by suppressing my feelings has taken its toll…. Today I was feeling really rough and trying to find some relief somewhere, and the things discussed in this video and others of yours were really soothing and helpful. I don’t have access to an in person therapist right now, but that was a pretty good temporary substitute. Thank you for what you do
"You can not wait until you feel better to do things. You have to do things so that you can feel better."
I think I finally had my first genuine realization. I've ALWAYS waited to feel somewhat better, but never thought about turning it around. I am definitely going to try that
No, doing things just to do things wil not feel better. I did that, for years. Did not work.
I’m in great shape, eat clean, exercise regularly drink at least a gallon of water every day, sleep great, no money problems no health issues and I still feel terrible hopeless
I would ask you to reconsider medications as last as your default when treating your clients. I really feel you are talking about two different things. Clinical depression can be such that you can't DO all the steps you recommend. It's the purpose of assessments- some people need the medication to bring them up to a level where they have the choice whether or not to do things. There are times when I can do what you suggest to head off a "deep dive". But, As someone who has chronic depression, I can tell you 1) that walking at times can be punishing, 2) my sleep pattern gets way off and nothing I "urge" myself to do will get me on a regular schedule, 3) Just as the link between body and mind is strong so that poor eating can affect your mood, so can the mind affect our ability to eat healthy. 4) Lack of purpose isn't the same as being depressed- I have plenty of "purpose" that I could do, but to do so it becomes so overwhelming it takes me further down, 5) there are times when depression that needs medication or other sorts of medical treatment has nothing to do with situation you are in. One can be living through the Holocaust or be a World Famous singer who just won 4 Grammys and have depression that may need medication. The ideal situation for me has been when my clinicians work together so that one is not seeing the other as the alternative to the other if things don't work, or as being separate, but rather working together to determine with me what I need at that moment. Think of it as a broken leg. if I crack my tibia but there is no misalignment, odds are that starting some limited walking on it within a week with crutches and other support will help strengthen it and recover. However if I it's my femur, walking on it will break it further, and potentially cause further life changing or life ending injury. Love you Jonathan, but I feel here, you may have a little more knowledge gathering to do. Finding a good Psychiatrist to partner with who can evaluate with you at the beginning whether to try medication now, both of you look for signs that your client needs to be sooner than later by the other one, and work together for what your clients will benefit from that allows them to live life abundantly as intended might be something for you to consider. (Not a psychiatrist you feel comfortable referring to if "all these' don't work")
Listening to music whilst suffering from insomnia helped me a lot. Thanks for making this video... Love all the content that u make. They have helped me a lot in my journey with depression and also in educating my loved ones abt what it is and how even they need to take care of themselves apart from taking care of me.
I’ve been on antidepressants since I was 18.they’re pretty great, they help with my serotonin. I also make myself do things because my depression correlates a lot with me overthinking everything. Therapy helps, too since I have someone to talk to for my extra bad thoughts. My depression will never go away, but I can manage it.
Sometimes a good cry helps, too. If you're resisting the sadness, the blue feelings can just hold their grip on you. Crying always shifts things. I've battled depression for decades (even with medication, diet, exercise, therapy, and so on), and I've gone through long seasons of not even being able to cry. Tears are a gift and a natural means of helping us shift our energy. God bless.
I’ve basically gone through all those steps,but they ended up being VERY detailed. But I have to go to my mirror when I’m depressed,not a real mirror cuz I can’t really look in those yet,but I go to my horse,and she shows me exactly how I’m feeling,and then some how she ether helps me through it or she literally makes me buck up and get over. And yes just in case you’re wondering,I’ve learned to go animals with my problems and not people,cuz I’m sorry but people have done nothing but hurt,so dogs and horses are the answer in book.
I love this! When I started antidepressants, I was in a season of life where it was almost impossible for me to get good sleep, nutrition, and exercise (I was a new mom in my last semester of college). Now that I’m past that season, I’m replacing my antidepressants with everything you mentioned and I feel like it’s working. There are still hard days, but they are more manageable now.
Your voice is calm
I am in physical pain every day. I can't go run three miles. I can't go run a mile. I can't even bring myself to go out of the house most days
Sometimes, the thing you need to do to feel better is something _else_ first, then come back to the thing you didn't want to do before a little later on. 🙂
Raising my hand as one of the people who gets NO endorphins from exercise. I have a friend like this as well. I am also literally allergic to exercise, and will itch like crazy as my muscles warm up and as they tire. So that advice doesn’t work for everyone!
and make a check for hypothyroidism, because that can also lead to depressive moods, apathy, rapid exhaustion, tiredness and concentration problems - the emotional state can be very fluctuating and, in extreme cases, range from delusions to su*cidal thoughts
I’ve been suffering from depression for several years now, only increased by my parents divorce and the pandemic. While these are all habits I’ve learned growing up, it’s really true what they say about needing good therapy and counseling. I didn’t start going to therapy until 2022 because I didn’t think I needed it when I could’ve just “pulled myself by my bootstraps” or “something was wrong with me” if I had to ask for help. Without cinema therapy unraveling the falsehoods behind mental health issues, allowing me to see that I wasn’t weak or not strong enough to deal with things on my own, I would have never gone and been on the current road to recovery that I am now. You and your team are truly doing the Lord’s work, thank you 😊
Jono's point near the end - reminds me of the saying (and truism) "You can't think your way out of a bad mood. You can only act your way out of it."
Hello Jonathan.
I'm here from Cinema Therapy.
Thank you for your informative videos.
Helped me a lot.
Did anti-depressants for almost 30 years - after my life fell to pieces ( 3 years ago - loss of son, loss of family, loss of who I once was - Narcissist ex took everything ) I came off them , because I knew they weren't doing anything any more. Nothing will fix these problems , nothing will ever be the same. When I can't sleep I go out at and look at the stars - I feel even more insignificant and lonely - hard to believe it all went so wrong. Once was told depression is anger turned inward - now my depression coping mechanism is learning stoicism and putting up barriers so i don't feel hurt again. Life has become a game of finding distractions and ignoring triggers.
First you should go to the Doc and check if you miss vitamins or minerals. I was depressed for a long time and I was always tired, my brain didn't seem to work as well as it did in the past and it was like there was an invisible weird wall between me and the rest of the world. Found out I had a massive lack of vitamin d. I started to take high doses of supplements and - I kid you not - I started to feel much better after just three days and now - some weeks later I feel hardly depressed at all, full of energy and can concentrate a lot better. I don't say everybody with depression has just vitamin deficiency - I know that's absolutely not the case. But it can't hurt to check.
I've tried and I'm doing al lot of things, like healty sleep habbits, I've had a few consults with a dietician to see what I could change in my diet, cause I gained a lot of weight from my former antidepressions (now I have Brintellix 15 mg). I also lacked the energy to exercise due to lung problems, after a year of searching I now know that I have asthma and now we are searching for the right medicines, so I can exercise more then I'm able to do now. My purpose in life are my children. I feed my mind by reading books, taking courses and watching TH-cam, like cinema therapy and mended light. I also try to do the things that I enjoyed back in the days, but I still feel more and more depressed as the weeks fly by. I'm in therapy (Schema Therapy).
All of this is wonderful. However, I find personally and with much of my family, that often medication is needed initially for someone to find the will to make some of these changes. Though I do believe and know that once lifestyle changes are in place, medication can be weaned off of in many cases, and many people lean on meds without doing anything else. Unfortunately for those without private insurance and certain means, often your only option is medication with limited other options through government programs.
My Depression has caused my executive dysfunction to spiral out of control. I'm in therapy now an my therapist and me can't work through it. No matter what I do, even if I manage to push through the physical block my brain sets to do certain tasks, it doesn't get any easier And I'm at a point why I'm losing hope because I see my medical professional run out of ideas. She says it's depression, but I've never been this helpless or powerless and it sucks.
I absolutely credit my well being to meds. And I am saying this as I currently taper off them (under the supervision of a PsyD of course).
I also agree that meds are a last resort. If you feel resistant to all of the other alternatives, meds are probably for you. See a doctor!
I think it helps to find a balance between throwing everything we have at depression on the one hand, and on the other hand accepting that some suffering is inevitable, and for some of us there will be a lot of it and that's just how it is. Father Jacques Philippe has said that the worst suffering is the suffering you resist; similarly, the Buddhist writer Natalie Goldberg has said that when we resist pain, it's like trying to put a horse on top of another horse and ride both horses instead of just riding the one. My Catholic faith has helped me accept suffering and even find value in it. Peace to all, from a fellow sufferer who has battled the shadow of depression for forty years.
I got stuck in 2020 with my ex in jail, miles from family, living in a town of 200 people, unable to travel very far because of lockdowns and border closures. Anti-depressants helped me kick start my life again so I could start exercising, feel up to cooking proper meals, be in a better mood to learn new things and go out and find things to do. Once I got started I was fine, but Anti-depressants helped give me that kick-start I needed.
Sometimes it's a physical thing. Like, it turned out that (in addition to PTSD) I have POTS and a symptom of flares is depression and anxiety, and also being clumsy and forgetful and in pain is really hard??? And to have that all the time?? And no one believes you? No fucking shit that makes you depressed!
Honestly, doctors are super fast to go to "it's just anxiety go to therapy" but from my experience and from the experience of others like me it really should be the other way around. Even just the basic stuff I do to manage my physical symptoms (lying down when I feel dizzy, accommodating my fatigue and pain, and increasing the amount of salt in my diet) has been incredibly helpful with managing my suicidal impulses and depression.
Attribute this to ADHD. And currently working thru it. Sending all the strength and courage
I come here in despair. You gave me food for thought. Thank you. 🇦🇺
You guys are failing to realize he's talking about mild depression, not MDD. Meds ARE the first line of defense against MDD because it's chemical depression, not circumstantial. If meds are the only thing helping you take the edge off, then that is MDD, not mild depression.
Eating healthy, no junk food, no alcohol, workout, learning golf, therapy, Ayahuasca, and still a completely a slave to my negativity and total lack and regret and isolation and self hatred. I am done trying to fix myself and heal, for years it only reveals how miserable i am. Even worse i have everything going for me but still cant do it.
I've also battled for decades. One thing that helps me is trying to catch myself when I fall into thinking about how long it's been this way. Stay focused on the present moment. Realize that you're fundamentally okay. Don't beat yourself up.
Just keep on pursuing 🎉🎉
Thank you
Painting and journaling helps too. It did for me, I was losing it even now that I am in my challenging phase in life.
Edit: I know it was mentioned. On my personal opinion it helps. And avoiding self-destructive behaviors. Be accountable of your actions. Self-awareness is key.
I live in East Asia where mental health is a taboo & gosh, finding cinema therapy was really helpful.
Oneday, I became okay, but it was a gradual progress & for that, thank you.
Sir, i love watching your contents & the sincerity you show when interacting with your friends, wife and even your pupper all contributed to my healing journey! Also, all the movies yall covered were fun to watch 💯
Having a reason to get out of bed is definitely a goal. For me, my reasons are my guinea pigs. Pets are incredibly good at making you feel love when you're struggling to find it. Animals are heroes 🐹
Please talk about adults with Aspergers…what can we do since we think differently than 90%+ of the population.
I have questions about some of these recommendations:
Won’t perceiving exercise as a way to “punish” yourself instead of self harm develop unhealthy relationship with exercising in general?
Won’t food policing worsen the depression of people who struggle with eating disorders?
Won’t reading holocaust survivor book make people feel like their feelings are invalidated because someone had the worst, or make them feel worthless because someone went through that and now offers insight and motivation, and the person can’t get over a depression in seemingly safe conditions?
Good points. Well reasoned. I suppose it's up to the individual as to whether those tasks end up being more positive than what they were doing before, since experience is subjective. I personally would agree with you, but then, I don't have a food disorder, etc.
Thanks for this. I'm struggling alot with coping with chronic illness and the tips in the video are really helpful. Sleep is definitely a massive factor as I've noticed when I don't sleep well, I really struggle emotionally the next day. Getting out in the sunshine and nature helps too, breathing in that fresh forest air. I identify with having do to things first before you feel better and I do this with exercise and cold showers. I don't feel like doing them in a sad state but I just visualise the good feeling afterwards. I just say to myself just do it anyway as I'd rather do it and it make me feel better as the worst that can happen is it won't change anything. Thank you again and big love to anyone struggling out there ❤❤
I want to thank you so much for all your videos. I don't actually watch all of them, but they do help me to understand others and myself. They give me perspective on how other people feel. You're so compelling, you say simple things and it amazes me how it never came to my mind before I hear it. Thanks!
I started training taekwondo, because I was depressed. It helps me to cope with daily stress, I digest better, I sleep better and feel much better.
Some invaluable possibly life saving advice here. Thank you brother, we need more people like you in this world.
Thank you for your kind words! 💜 What helps you when you are feeling this way?
This is a really good video. I’ve been begging GP’s for help for 20 years now and mostly they just throw meds at me and send me on my merry way and they never do much for me. Occasionally I will be put on wait lists for mental health services that never get back to me and the whole process is so dehumanizing and discouraging. I do really struggle with healthy eating as I’m autistic and have extreme sensory issues when it comes to food (I survive off carbs and sugar basically which is not great even though I take vitamins) so I will try and work on that a bit. Wish I could afford actual real therapy but your mended and light and cinema therapy have both helped me a lot this last little while so thank you so much ♥️
Hey chase i wanted to reach out and thank you for your work and making this prossess of healing from depression ALMOST bearable lol and really love the splashes of humor to lighten the mood. I just purchased Mans search book and plan on starting it this evening. Keep up the great work bud!
I've been on so many meds and none of them have made any difference at all. All of my suicide attempts have been made while on antidepressants. I know they help lots of people but they really don't help everybody. I said to my therapist the other day that I wish they helped me because I just want to not have to work SO hard every single day just to not fall off the cliff, just a little break.
I would run from my emotions by torture I would look for intense exercises to numb out. Be in pain to avoid pain. However I would like to say overworking and lack of sleep, to keep myself busy and feeling worthy. Still now that I’m aware I’m trying to be healthy by finding balance
To #3: I'd say take it at your own pace, and make the reading (or podcast listening) as complex or as simple as you like. As long as you can treat it like some kind of cute school project roleplay, actually learn new stuff, and make some brief notes or other creative project out of it, however silly the stuff you're learning or crafting might seem. I take simple notes with any book I read, so I can see my brain is still working and creating stuff, besides just absorbing info or being emo. And I always have options ready from hard to easy reading, so I can swap from the big philosophy and science stuff, to pop-sci and investigative journalism, and on down to some pulpy scifi/fantasy as needed.
Thank you ! I recommend cold showers , they helped so much with my mood. Also , watching The Shawshank Redemption is always a good idea, when you need some hope 💜
I have said this multiple times to me therapist. Even on my darkest days, my kids get me going.as my anxiety fuels my minor depressive episodes where I have a day or two where I have no energy. Having to take my kids into school gets me up and going. Then I can come home and may take an hour or two to get going. But I usually end up doing a few things because I started by getting up and taking care of them. They help me see the positives when my brains wants to see negative
What To Do When You Feel Hopeless and Depressed? .. Exactly the question i've been asking myself since last year.... Thanks doc, this helps a lot. I also love your movie reaction videos !
Im on Zoloft. Have been for years. But ive also been a drug addict since my teens due to childhood trauma. Ive had years of sobriety but keep relapsing. Im bi polar and now im 49. I recently relapsed and lost my job.
Now im in great turmoil and my suicidal ideations are taking hold.
Ive been going to the gym for years but im tok depressed to get out of bed now. God help me.
Ive been trying all my life to worthy. Tried to be happy. But now im older, i have no reason to get back up.
I do appreciate your videos and advice, but im quite sure im close to my end. Thanks and god bless.
The drugs they put me on just made me go deeper into how much I hate my life. I'm supposed to not care about being in pain all the time so other people can feel good about saving me.
Wow, how fitting for this to show up. I just got fired from my one shot at having a foot in the door to get experience to make getting other jobs easier. Now I'm back to hunting without experience.
Honestly, I'm just a few steps away from sitting on nearby railroad tracks.
I'm on anti depressants and have a therapist. Though now I have no benefits, so we'll see how long that lasts... I don't know what to do at this point.
Sleep is fine. Diet and exercise can't be fixed. Can't have purpose without a job. The rest, I can try
If exercise fixes your depression, YOU DO NOT HAVE DEPRESSION.
I'm unable to excersize at all. No motivation, no desire, no want, no inspiration!, even if my body had deteriorated.
Nothing has helped me.
Sometimes it is scary to lose depression and those experiences you want to forget but also feel you shouldn't. I think writing it all down makes that problem go away
Ngl is i almost cried when you said I had value and worth
You have value and worth... we all do.
A deployment fixed me the first time, 4 months of no alcohol, regular meals, 12-14 hours shifts every day, with sometimes nothing to do but go for a run or workout or both. Electronics were sparse and had to be shared with the 20 other people on shift with you, as well as the close quarters with others, you really get to know people, I think it is therapeutic to simply talk with others regardless of what is being said. That was 4 years ago and after a couple good years I've since gone back down the depression road, I am going to try the shower thing that sounds like a good first step, I know I've already gotten out of this hole once so I can do it again.
I have been struggling with depression for quite sometime now. Also I have been the victim of emotional abuse and gaslighting by my parents. They have given me so much trauma all my life that sometimes I am forced to question my existence. I am a grown up now in my 30s but my life is still controlled by my parents. It feels miserable being stuck with my parents. I wish I could just end it all.
My experience was that I have depression/anxiety & anger issues. So i was put on medications first to a least lessen the emotional heights then constant therapy especially CBT. I started at 2015 to 2018 for medication therapy until i stopped completely. But still continued therapy in 2022. It was long years where i experience up and down. My family and friends sometime have to avoid me whenever experience moods sometime it is unnoticed or built up. Just realized i am human and need lot of works to be better.
What would you suggest when thoughts of everything being pointless because we’re all gonna die/grappling with mortality creep up? Also what about all the horrors in this world? How would you address that? Thank you for your videos
Spoken from my heart. This should happen.
I hope they do address that as I've been struggling with that for as long as I can remember ever since I knew of death. And now that a lot of things in my 'little life' are also going wrong I find it worse than ever and though I'm starting CBT I still think deep down the world is so screwed and I'm gonna die anyway in the end and that's not something I feel CBT will change. So much of what hurts me is stuff l cannot change that's inherent to being alive today. Difficult to reason out of this.
Dang same questions bro
Living waters TH-cam channel addresses this.
Yeah fr this is like the bane of it all, feels like “why should I” tbh my main reason for staying alive is because I’m scared if you commit suicide youll go to Hell
I find that when I'm feeling depressed the *last* thing I want to do is read or watch something that reminds me of being depressed.
(Right now I'm reading a book called "Monty Python and philosophy", which is great for activating the think-muscles but also not at all dire or serious.)
As far as antidepressants go, I think ... not always, but a little ... they put me in a better position to be able to take on all that Pollyanna crap that the "self help" culture throws our way. I couldn't lift myself out of a funk when my brain was unable to respond to diets and exercise and so on.
I'm gonna be very negative here, but I always get kind of annoyed at the argument of "of course depression is not your fault and no one chooses this; now here are all the things you need to do if you don't want to feel that way" because what I hear is "well I don't want to make you feel bad by saying it's your fault, but if you're not doing all of these things then what do you expect?". And from that logic it just adds to the "you're only depressed because you're lazy" narrative
I understand how it can feel accusatory to be given advice because of the stigma around mental illness. Something I learned is that there’s a difference between fault and responsibility. Despite whatever causes my depressive symptoms, I accept that I’m responsible for noticing them and finding what works for me. No one else can exercise for me or make sure I take medicine etc. I don’t like the culturally ingrained idea that depression is a moral weakness. I just try things that I think will move me towards happiness and practice self-compassion when things don’t work as I planned.
@@mrbig251
I'm on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication 3 times a day. And I have been in therapy for over 3 years. My father was extremely abusive. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Depression & Anxiety due to the abuse. According to my Neurologist those conditions trigger my seizures as well. So I have to take seizure meds twice a day to deal with traumatizing effects of my father.
I had depression 2 years ago. My school gave me bad grades because of this and didn't take it into account at all. I graduated and ended up with a terrible crowd due to rent budget. I started working in a pub in London. I stopped having depression but don't have money to move out. However, people I see everyday don't like my energy. They wish I am depressed and hopeless and vulnerable.
Thank you for your videos, sometimes I feel lost and like I'm a problem so this helps me. Your work is so important, thank you for making these videos on this channel and in cinema therapy.
You're so welcome!
Just answering you made my day ♥
I needed this so much. Specially today. Thank so much. 😞
Regarding finding some purpose or knowing people... I highly recommend joining a local theatre! My depression has become manageable after meeting theatre people (who are the most kind and inclusive souls).
Please can you help me find a starting point? I just realized the relationship between me and my mom always has been about emotional neglect and having been compared to my sisters, which has made me an anxious attachment style. I am middle child, late diagnose with a disabling degree of ADD and Atypical Autism and had the umbilical cord around my neck when I was born. Still after the diagnosis, my mom nearly pushed me to the most serious thoughts of suicide I've ever had (by hanging; connected with the birth trauma) about a year ago, when she 'didn't believe me' when I spoke up about suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life. My gut already told me, that she wouldn't take me seriously and her reaction was going to be my reasoning/excuse for letting go. I still hung on because of my sisters, but today I am feeling so angry towards her all the time. She doesn't respect my boundaries, doesn't understand my energy-level is way lower than the average, talks down on my autism, encourages me to give up on uni; my biggest achievement in life. She doesn't do this in front of people whom she knows would not accept this behavior. It's driving me crazy because it's as if she knows it's bad, but lacks the empathy towards me specifically although she wouldn't if it was somebody else. I.E. It feels like she's justifying her behavior and (maybe??) doesn't realize I am aware of all of these things now? But I feel like she knows. I know I need to bring this up with her, I just really don't know how. I immjdeately get anxious and stressed when I see her calling and I become unexplainable annoyed, agitated and sad when I'm around her, making family gatherings extremely tough. Can you make a video about this please? Of how to move on? I need to start working on all of this now. The waiting time for the psychologist is too long.
Hey just wanted to say, this was really helpful.. Not necessarily the list (I'd already known everything on it before hearing it) but because of the person giving the advice. I could literally not look away. He seemed very kind and like someone who cares... and the setting almost felt like the therapist was talking to you in person. So thank you for this video! Have saved this to my "watch later" list for next time I need a reminder
Thank-you for this Jonathan, you’re still changing lives with this video ❤
Love the "Unbreakable" reference. Made me smile.
Such helpful advice thanks and that holocaust survivor my bloody hell! What he went through must’ve been horrific :( bless him. 😢
Lovely Mended Light video (again).
I struggle with Depression since my early teens now, and started my first therapy 8 years ago. It helped tremendously! And recommended all the things you talked about as well. Additionally my therapist reccomended going out for a walk in nature. Seeing green plants and flowers (and getting that sweet Vitamin D). And doing something with my hands, since my job requires a lot of mental acrobatics and most of my hobbies are more on the thought side of things as well.
At the moment I am crocheting to my hearts content. That helps me a lot to do something different than sitting in front of the computer all the time, writing a lot.
I listened to a lot of your videos now and I am not entirely sure if you already talked about it. I would love to hear your thoughts about Nature vs. Nurture of Depression when said Depression (or rather mental illness as a whole) runs in the family.
Keep up the good work!
I have been feeling empty, feeling lost depressed
hopelessness oh i pray and read verses and words people have given me for my edification, the days i cant get dressed um i watch you and a few channels that make me think, laugh, or feel good about myself
Thank you. I really needed this today 🙏🏼