When you said " don't say you wake up at 6 and go for a run " i looked away n embarrassed cause i do but then you said " if you dont " and i was like phew ... but all your points are true
I made that mistake for 10 years. I learned A LOT (about myself, and to never do that again). I just woke up one day and left. I was a good partner. I thought that was enough to get the recognition and the love back. I learned some people are incapable of truly loving back. I'm in a better place now.
The most important fact about romantic relationships is that you will only find someone you truly love if you are perfectly happy with being single as well. Only then love becomes a choice, not a "must".
@Mike M your dark view of women. "...the relationship is her tying to turn him into a looser..." Sound more like she is insecure and controlling. Unsure of who she is in this insane world. While the man in this story is trying to find himself, but is being suffocated from growing by the woman he is in a relationship with. While she stays in her comfortable zone, the man is resentful that he has to stay behind because she refused to grow with him.
Hello I respect your comment and your emotions but the video is about a having a relationship between a girl and a boy have sister or brother its a great thing but you can't compare a sister , brother , to a girlfriend, boyfriend it's just a unfair conversation a point less way to compare 🤍
So true! And even when we do, we still make mistakes... it’s ok to learn by making mistakes along the way of creating ourselves as the being we want to be✨
"Endings are not failures" is something that is a very difficult yet necessary pill to swallow. It's easy to wallow in self pity/grief after a breakup, but recognizing the experience as an opportunity for growth is so helpful in moving on and learning from that experience.
Very true, and I think the same applies to the endings of friendships, which are sometimes worse as they question a bond that is supposed to be one of the most stable in our lives next to family. But even then, when the necessary grieving part is over, we still carry memories and experiences that contributed in making us who we are. And even if a person is not to you what they used to be, it does not mean that what you lived with them was not real.
I think that its important to remember that life is not a race or competition that you can win or lose. We all see it that way for some reason. It's a learning experience so as long as you're learning, changing and growing then you are crushing this thing called life.
@Paddy so find a way to talk to your partner. Communication, communication, communication. If they understand and are willing to work on things then great. If not then its better for both of you to let go. Good luck
Maybe it’s semantics, but it seems more like it ought to be failures are not endings. Relationships can and do fail, but learning from them and moving forward are why one failure is not the end of your road.
@Paddy I'm sorry. I know that's probably not what you want to hear. I know what you're feeling right know and it just plain sucks. But I can tell you that you're going to be ok. And one day you'll find someone who wants to be more than friends. In the meantime, take advantage of this time that you are single. Get to know yourself, build your self confidence. It's most important that you love yourself first and one day you'll find that special person. Hugs ❤
“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.” ― Emery Allen
With social media, it seems that people don't value relationships as much as they did before. I don't know if it's just me, but I hope we go back to a time when meaningful relationships were more valued in society.
I saw this a lot, where people show how happy they are social media for the sake of followers but behind the close doors, not so good. Went on a hike with my friends last month, saw a girl scolding at her boyfriend to take her picture in certain way for IG. Relationships are hard as it is without the involvement of public! You kind of inviting people’s opinions, like this one. Lol
My relationship of almost a year ended about 4 months ago and it taught me so much. But some of the most important things are that; - When you have a feeling someone isn’t right for you, a “gut” feeling that this person is not helping you grow or supporting you in ways that matter to you then it’s time to let go. Don’t hold of in the hopes that they change or things change because you’re only delaying the inevitable. - You cannot control other people’s actions or decisions or expect anyone to change to fit your expectations. You can only control what you do and what you bring to the table. - Pain and suffering are a part of life. Not all relationships are meant to last forever and the end of one is simply another beginning. The beginning of our journey into self growth, self discovery and the realization that we need to love ourselves enough to demand and accept only what we truly deserve. Nothing less. ❤️Wishing everyone much happiness and love!✨
Waaaay to go!! Wow!! You’re on to something. With that perspective, it’s only a matter of time before you meet your partner. It’s so easy to sulk & feel victimized when you’ve been hurt. However, when you can look back and find 4-5 lessons learned, that’s what it’s allll about!! Congratulations!!!
I(30,M) never had a realationship. All girls rejected me. No woman shows interest in me. I feel so lonely all the time. :( No kiss, no hug, nothing, no women shows interested in me.
I study psychology and we learned about attachment theory and I realised that a rush of feelings for someone very early and this feeling that this is the one and omg I'm so in love is often there because that person reminds us of our parents and the sometimes destructive relationship we had with them and that we relive this now and that's why we have this rush of feelings. This was really a pattern for me where I fell for really beautiful guys who didn't want me over and over again and I became a shadow of myself when I was with them. Now I'm in a wonderful relationship since 1,5 years and it feels totally different, it feels safe and easy and warm, not complicated and hot and rushed like before. I really like that.
@@maryamziyad405 hey, it's best to just watch some TH-cam videos, there is a lot of information, or to just Google things you're interested in 😊 good luck!
Sounds just like my mother except she never learns and can be naive sometimes, she always rush and ends up in bad relationship, it’s almost impossible for her to get in a wonderful relationship
It's so necessary to ask ourselves "What do I bring to the table? Would I want to be in a relationship with myself?" when on the market for a relationship. Self reflection (before entering partnerships) is vital for healthy relationships and inflicting less emotional damage on ourselves and future partners. Thank you for shifting perspectives Lana!
@Nowhere fast I don't think it only applies if a person has a serious problem. For example: You probably wouldn't want a partner who doesn't follow through with their word (like if they say they will meet you at a particular day/time but they always cancel or don't show up). That's a red flag that makes you think twice about continuing a relationship, because eventually it will get annoying. But it goes the same way for you--are you keeping the promises that you tell yourself? Do you follow through with your words? If you are unable to do that with yourself, you could have trouble keeping your word in relationships (this isn't true all the time, but you get the point). It's important to see what you can improve in yourself before starting a relationship so that you can be the best version of yourself, but also so that you're able to bring the healthiest version of you to another person. If you've been on the dating scene, you meet so many people who simply don't have a good relationship with themselves, and it shows. Sometimes, you are that person... Hope this helped. If you're ok with a partner being those things, then it's ok for you to be those things, it's all about our personal preferences.
Damn you are wise. I wish my sisters understood this. They say "I deserve this and that" but never take to think "what do I offer a guy". They don't think "Am I making myself attractive, easy to live with, considerate, etc." Instead of bettering themselves, they blame men for being "superficial" for them being single.
Generation-Y Guy if you’re looking for a healthy, lasting relationship, that is two sided, both people kinda have to put in effort.... relationships don’t just form on their own, (just like you can’t magically get any job you want)🙄
Be a person with HIGH INTEGRITY. Whether it's romantic, casual, or business relationships, that sure is going to leave a mark on their lives. Regulate your expectations to protect yourself from frustrations.
Ever since I made integrity one of my biggest goals in self improvement, I’ve also made it a priority in friendships/relationships. Holding that standard has definitely provided me with a much more fulfilled life as well as being honest with my self about my own intentions ❤️ it’s a trait that is very underrated and it’s refreshing to come across somebody who understands this as well 😄
I've rarely received back the amount of love i have given. Its always half reciprocated or barely reciprocated. and yesterday my boyfriend asked me " why do you love me so much despite everything?"..at that time i didn't think of it much but later.. i asked myself the same thing. why did i love him so much despite everything? despite knowing he'd never do the same things for me that I've done for him? and the answer was ...its because i don't know my worth. its because I don't love myself one bit. I have no love held for myself that's why I always have so much to give to others despite whatever they do. but I've decided to change this. I'm worthy of so much more. I'm worthy of so much love. And specifically I'm so worthy of all the love I am going to give myself. its gonna be hard because I do love him a lot. but he does not . So its time to let go and give myself the love that I've always craved so much from others.
OMG you guys must be FETI (plural of fetus). Lana seems like a BABY to me... not old enough to be an AUNT. No way in HELL am I telling you how old I-I-I am!! :o| If Lana WAS an aunt she'd be an AILF!! :oD AILF = Aunt I'd Like as a Friend :oD
@@nathan2813 I rather think what was meant in the original comment was that Lana has the wisdom of an older, really experienced person even though she's very young. :)
To be honest, I am suspicious that I only click her videos because she's beautiful. I am not saying the videos aren't good, they are. But I would not on click them and watch them. Funny
In the compromise topic, I think what I've learned in relationships is that one, like you said, will always find things that are annoying and frustrating and you might even expect the other person to love you like you do but that's the thing, you will always end up very frustrated or even breaking up if you don't realize one simple rule : they are their own person before they are ours and we either love them for all that they are or we leave. But the act of understanding each of us love how we know to love someone, you might love to write poems and long texts and they might be awful with words but hold your hand, kiss your cheeks and often call you to ask how you are and that be their way of loving. And once we really accept them by who they are, compromising doesn't seem so awful because we're simply loving someone by who they are while being loved by who we are.
The most important thing I've learned about relationships is: IF IT DOESN'T FEEL 100% RECIPROCAL, IT'S NOT THE RIGHT ONE. Because BALANCE is a MUST in life. If you and your partner are not giving the same amount of love, affection and effort in making the relationship evolve, it just won't work. 100% guaranteed.
Nailed it! It might be hard to let go but trust yourself that this is the best you can do. If they realize or not where they made a mistake just move on. The Earth won't stop for a while just we're upset about something
I think the biggest thing ive learned my whole relationship life was always start from within. Learn to organize who you are inside. Love yourself. Understand yourself. Feel yourself. For all we know its ourself that will be with us on the left and right shoulder until the day our souls leaves this shell. Thank you Lana
I met a girl, she said she does not engage in serious relationships, and I thought "Ha, I'm gonna change that". Glad I realized that early and started to accept her for who she is. We only dated 3 times, tho haha.. I'm all for commitment and love, so it just didn't work. But before that happened, for 2 years I've had this potential thing going on with my ex.. I'm non-monogamous and she said she wanted to be too (since day 1), but after 2 years of trying to make it work, she just couldn't do it.. so we had to end it. I've had the most intense relationship I've ever had with her and I'm grateful for that, at the same time I learned my lesson to not begin a relationship with a promise of change, but with acceptance. All of this just to say it has been a very valuable lesson to me recently. Thanks for this video!
Sometimes you need to go through a hard breakup or life event to gain the courage to find your true authentic self in a world that wants you to be someone you're not. To live for yourself and stick to your ideals takes tremendous courage, and if your partner doesn't value that about you then as an infp/infj, it's just not going to work without giving up freedom and peace. Also, over/under compromise is sacrifice, not compromise. If you choose to sacrifice out of your own decision, then own it, but if you're forced to sacrifice by others then I would open your eyes and think again. Good luck and much love.
You are so elegant and sophisticated! And not only that, but you create very helpful content that helps a lot of people. Love the wisdom you share 💕 you’re my newest favorite creator ✨
When me and my boyfriend started dating, he liked me (and accepted some part of me) that weren't my best, he never hoped I would change because that was how he came to love me, and thanks to that attitude, I have grown and gotten better mentally and emotionally and that's on SUPPORT Y'ALL
This appeared in my recommendations at the right time. I’m going through a break up right now and I’m in my listening-to-sad-music-and-crying phase, holding on to the idea that I will heal soon enough. Thank you Lana, you made my day a little better.
I couldn’t agree with you on the honesty part. Lying makes things worse because you always have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and it becomes a cycle that ends up in a disaster.
You're 10 years late, Lana. :( I've learned this the hard-way too, and your first point about honesty is the most basic and important foundation. I wasn't someone proud of myself, and my relationships reflected this. Then I said "okay, I'll be someone that someone else can be proud of." Of course that didn't work either. Then I just started to be proud of myself, to forgive, to make sense out of everything that repeated on my relationships, expectations, fears, lies upon lies. I thought some things were okay, when they were not, and vice-versa. I healed myself not through a fix, but through understanding. This tips are certainly useful, and we all should know them, but being honest isn't beat by anything, cause it's not something set on stone, it's a way of living, to steer us and find ourselves and our needs and wants, and decide if they're going to be honoured or trampled, by ourselves or by other-which is like doing it ourselves, as we accept them. Some may be well deserved, others just fantasies of past trauma, and we should be on guard and open to face their nature. Relationships, not only romantic ones, will not save us from something. They can help when the right person and will to change is involved, but expecting them to be our saviours (or us being their saviours) is going to lead to sure disaster. They're a plus, not something that everyone needs, so don't make your life and overall mood dependant on it. Good luck to everyone.
Just went through a break up today. I initiated it but I still endured heartbreak because 1) I don't think I was honest (with myself) from the beginning which lead me to 2) committing to potential. 3) I ended up overcompromising & losing myself and only finding out too late that our expectations weren't clear nor aligned. I'm not even exaggerating that this spoke to me on a profound level. Thank you Lana, it won't be easy but I'll try my best to work on all of them, but for now: #4 especially.
Thank you Lana for that quote at the end. That really made me smile. You really can meet people for a night and spill your whole life story to them. It's beautiful, deep and uplifting. Then you go your separate ways and you have the memory of that night to last you a lifetime. It moves the soul. As for a relationship, develop unconditional self-worth. Forget having a deep meaningful relationship with anyone or anything (money,possessions) if you don't first have one with your self. Otherwise you will use people and possession to fill the void of lack of self-worth.
I think the most important thing for me is that it isnt all about being in love, it is about the decision of love. A relationship isnt 24/7 Perfect. There will be times where you argue about sth. . But you have to say yes to fix this... a relationship is like a garden, you have to watering your plants so your Garden can grow..
But nobody deserves to be in a toxic relationship where their so called partners are calling them with insulting names and trying to change the person they pretended to accept the way he/she is.
Liz Moon soo this is not the Point that i was saying. I totally agree with u and also the Most important thing is to not want to change your partner. Also just Love yourself first But i just want to say that also a relationship which seems perfect isnt always perfect, so you have to choose everyday to Love your Partner :)
Here are my thoughts about the topic Miss Lana introduced: 1.) Be honest from the beginning. I totally agree with your talk here. Especially the part where you said, "If you feel like you can't be honest abt who you are with someone, you either: a) *need to work on yourself, including learning to simply accept yourself, to actually become someone you're proud to be honest abt being* or b) *you're simply in the wrong company* I've learned to realize this not long ago when it comes with my friendships. I've always known I needed healing. I wasn't proud with the fact that out of the sea of people surrounding me, I am so still and reserved. I always push myself to improve and get out of my said shell, because everyone's different. Until I'm no longer myself. I felt I was a project everybody needed to work on. At one point, I was confused and angry. But I know couldn't stay angry so I gone with the flow, never minding how I am not myself with other people. I was not happy but I am at peace knowing I am meeting their expectations and at the end I'll leave them. Until the day we were all apart from each other's sides. I missed them for the times I wasn't angry and confused. I realized, the battle was within the silent chambers of my soul. So I started to get along with myself first and listen to her when I thought everyone could not. I wasn't entirely in the wrong company. I guess I just needed to be proud of my own company, because at the age of teens being alone makes you look weak but that's just ridiculous. I believe it's a sign of strong mentality and resiliency. And my friends are good people. I was just in a miserable disposition at that time and finger-pointing was wrongfully convenient. Truly, love yourself first and everything else falls into line 💯 2.) Don't commit to potential. "Acknowledge someone's true colors and decide if their color palette matches with yours." - Lana Blakely But I also half differ to your talk in here. If I were to encounter anyone, I would want to acknowledge them for what they could be. Not to expect something from them but in a form of respect and support for their pursuits. Embracing their past and not limiting their today and tomorrow. 3.) Expectations and compromise. Learn to take a stand on your own, at the same time remain teachable. It's like listing what's negotiable and non-negotiable for you to others. Truly, *relationship is a two-way street*. 4.) Endings are not failures. Hands down !! 💗 I've also learned so much on your past video topic about *goodbyes* 🥺 *Perhaps we should ask ourselves that question too. Ego and all other filters aside-at my very core, how do I wish to part from this situation or person?* - Lana Blakely (How to Say Goodbye)
"I just don't know if people enjoy just watching me sitting and talking" - Lana, I think there are at least 400.000 people who love watching you just sitting and talking about topics that really matter. I'm happy to see your channel growing. I wish all the best to You and please keep up doing great work !
Yes honestly. Accept your own flaws before entering into a relationship otherwise you can end up attracting people who will use your flaws against you.
'Committing to potential' is a very huge section that hides too many aspects of stabilizing or destroying the relationship, starting from the myth that this person is OUR, while they aren't, and ending with allegedly controlling the partner which will annihilate the relationship and leave bad traces. Thank you Lana for discussing these issues with us. 🍁🍁
Just like any venture, a healthy, loving relationship has to have these essential ingredients.👍👇👇 Self-love. You are made out of an act of love: when your parents agreed to make you, and right up until today, you are loved. Respect. This is always the name of the game. Trust. Openness. Passion.
@@Sophia-bh1uf My parents didn't plan me and tried to abort me by medication. But once I was born they accepted me. It's Ok. They were poor and needed financial stability.
@@truthmatters2782 you are here today. You were meant to be here and you are loved. I hope your parents decisions they made don’t weigh your worth and your beautiful being.
Not getting into a relationship for the potential is advice that relationship experts have given. Experts say that you should expect that what you see is what you get.
I love how even though every person and every relationship is so elaborate and different, still everyone can relate to and learn from this material, great video
What the hell,I also got rejected by my 3-(was gonna be 4)years-crush on 27oct 2022😂.He has a gf and she was standing next to him as he said "im uh,actually with her" . I thought we'd have a chance too ,i used to watch so many crush videos and according to the videos,he gave me most signs which is strange and it still confuses me to this day,i mean,his friend told me on 11aug 2022 that he liked me too and we(me & my ex crush) hugged that day,and now I'm hearing that you're with someone else ,like??? Confusing right? Or maybe I'm just kinda blind,but anyways ,I moved on within 2 days I guess.I'm that type of person that makes sh-t easy (if i can),so if you don't like me,I accept my rejection and move on, 'cause that's what I have to do¡
so important to realize that endings are not failures. any relationship, whether is lasts or not teaches us a little more about who we are and what we want.
i think that most people lose their time chasing or looking for "the special one' who turns out to be the worst creature and that is because they skip the real one who is most of the time an average person. I think living simply is the key, we all want the best but the best is not external it is simply internal and average. top people are not top, they are most of the time cheaters.
That final quote is exactly what I was thinking lately : pple go , leave other enter into your life but I always like to think they bring you sthg => a lesson learned, a blessing, to know wrong from bad, to love, ....etc.
I was in trouble with my partner. We broke up the relationship. We decided to work in make us feel better for ourselves and for each other. We love each other but we have very different languages of love and that was the main problem. Now we are getting to know each other better, it's like dating again... Don't know if it is correct but I think it's working and then, we hope to be in a relationship again. And what Lana says is soo right. Sometime we see in the other person what we don't see in ourselves. Also the "I can't remember this even do it makes you happy, I am like this so accept me" that's so bad. My partner is very bad at remembering things like important days, but he never told.me that "accept me because I am like this" No. And he is trying to learn about it. So be patience if you love that person but NEVER allow him or her to make you feel like trash. NEVER.
After seing two of my relationships horribly end, I found it really hard to believe there is someone out there who would really "be for me". As you said, we should not hold our stakes too high but at the same time we got to know and remember when dating someone what is important to us. For my part I know that empathy, true listening and respect are the three most important things I'm looking for. I also know that I need someone who's thinking about how to live better, have a fuller life, especially on the mental health side of things. Seing your videos and getting glimpses of who you are through them gives me true hope that there's someone like that out there, somewhere. Thank you for that :)
Yes, there is definitely someone out there for. I think 3 major things it takes is 1- Self-Value (You know you’re special; you know yourself) 2- Action (If you’ve secured an education, have a job, own property-each of those took ACTION!) 3- Belief (that you deserve it & it’s possible)
Giving without necessarily Expecting in return is what allowed me to find fulfillment in past relationships. If it’s right for you and you care than love unconditionally🤍
@magical wanda I think that not expecting doesn't mean settling. It's about giving but not over compromising, not losing yourself in the way, ofc you deserve a reciprocated love, but it's more like sharing all these beautiful things and not so beautiful too. I believe it's more like support and not codependency.
Authenticity in a relationship is key.Authentic attracts authentic.Align with who they are,not who you think they should be.Thanks so ,much Lana that was deep.
was binging your content, and I have to say, I resonated with this so much. "Endings are not failures" something that after me being in a 7 year relationship hurt to embrace, but it is so true. Memories we created that I will forever cherish, but not all things are meant to be forever, thanks for this Lana!
Beautifully said Lana. I think by a certain age, what it takes in a relationship should be common knowledge. Like you said, some people come into your life for different reasons.......not necessarily to be there forever. I think you need to look inward first and love yourself and be a quality person, so you can attract another quality person. Reciprocate and communicate are things you should want to do for a person you are with naturally...... not make it feel like a job.
You learn to live from the people who leave. You learn to love from the people who stay. And everyone comes/goes into/out of our lives for a good reason.
The biggest problem I see these days is that a major part of what some people are looking for is affirmation from others. They seek it so much that they do not even see what is often right in front of them. Here is an example (not saying this is you, but it is prevalent): How often do we hear about young women having a laundry list of “must haves” before they will even consider a suitor? Sure, we get it. We all expect people to be the best that they can be. That isn’t the issue, but check that list for things that are not actual “achievements” (as in things someone has any control over). If you see those, chances are high that person is looking to impress others far over looking for meaningful connection. If a potential suitor is not from a wealthy family, or, he is not this color, or he is not 6 feet tall… well, that is clearly treating your partner like a fashion accessory --- a “brand name” item you can impress the rest of the world with. That is the wrong mindset. A partner is someone who grows with you, faces challenges with you, enjoys the victories with you, and grows old with you. Once you actually get that, you see that it was always around you (unless you live in Antarctica or something, then the advice would be to move). “Loving yourself”? While it can be well-meaning, it is often just a rationalization to justify, the arrogance of “not settling”. If one is truly self-confident, and self-fulfilled, then a partner will NOT be subjected to conditions that he or she cannot fulfill outside of sheer chance. They will be just like you: they were the best person they could be. People always talk about “relationships need work”. NO. Maintaining our own championship level of personal excellence takes work. The relation is no work at all compared to that. Excellence is not skin deep either. It emanates from the core. No amount of superficial layers can compensate or hide a lack of it. Be the ultimate version of you, and the rest will follow. You are far too valuable to be wasted. The universe awaits your decision…
I(30,M) never had a realationship. All girls rejected me. No woman shows interest in me. I feel so lonely all the time. :( No kiss, no hug, nothing, no women shows interested in me.
Just be by yourself. :) Learn who you are. The right person comes along, everything is connected. Love your videos btw. Keep it up, they help a lot of people!
This year I have definitely put a lot of thought into who I am, and what qualities I may need in a potential future partner (even though I have a hard time imagining myself vulnerable in any intimate way because I have gone through heartbreak). I've also put a lot of thought in the person I want to become, and quite frankly i look up to you a lot. Not only because you offer me perspectives that give me clarity and reassurance, but also because you inspire me by your ability to be organic. I relate to how you perceive the world, to how you prefer to explore the world through knowledge and humble yourself through the experiences you've gone through, and so much more. I am also an INFJ-T, and it makes me feel more confident in who I am knowing that there's people like you who think the same way. My 21st birthday is a few days from now, and I have so much more clarity on the kinds of people I want in my life. The way I should perceive my experiences with people and life. I've realized how much there is to learn about the world and how much there is to see. Anyways, I'm going off on a tangent, but I really appreciate how much thought you put into your videos. You inspire me so much, so thank you for all the effort you put into implementing authenticity and your personality in your content. Im always excited to hear what you have to say. Much love -Alyssa
I realized I started to miss someone in YT for the first time when you dint upload videos in the meantime. I feel I actually got a friend who speaks my mind very nicely and whose words Actually work for me. Please don’t let me miss any sunday 😁
Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better or worse for a little while, or to just be. someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they given us 🌹
At first I thought, who the hell is this girl in my recommended, probably just another beauty guru talking about her relationships, why should I care? But for some reason I clicked and I am glad I did. A frank, honest, smart talk about very important things by another introverted person :)
Lately, I have just been focused on myself and my growth. Channeling all my energy into growing my TH-cam channel and realising things on my vision board.
I enjoy these chit chat videos because I just love listening to your voice! It calms my mornings :). I agree so much with the quote by Emery Allen. In the past year after my break up (from a 5 year relationship), I have met a few men that have made me love and learn about life a little bit more, and I’ll forever thank them for that. I love them dearly even until now. it’s not easy to accept the fact that their chapters in my life has (or will) come to an end but I’ll forever have them as friends to talk to. As each season goes by, it gets easier. As I meet more new people, it gets easier. But to be honest, my soul yearns for them now and then, and I still have thoughts like “I wish I could stay by you til the end”. But life moves on, and I am at peace with that.
I was in a 4 year relationship, it ended 3 years ago. Have not dated since or seen anyone. I'm 31 now. Dating seems like a shit show now, ever since I was with my ex that field has changed drastically.
I've def learned the importance of discovering your own identity, and loving yourself before you can love someone else. You may think you love someone else but you can't properly fully give and receive love if you don't have love for yourself. Our relationships with others reflect/mirror the relationship with have with ourselves not too mention we manifest the same relationship repeatedly with different people til we acknowledge and heal the trauma that we're subconsciously needing to resolve. It's vital to know who you are, to have your identity separate from the job titles, roles and relationships you have otherwise we're always identifying with and defining ourselves by external things then if we lose them, we'll lose our sense of self.
oh yeah and def putting the other person on a pedestal, like the quote says, it makes you question your own worth and then later once you’re liberated from it you realize that person was never as holy as you perceived them to be... it was simply the perspective of them that you gave yourself, probably due to past conditioning.
The first point is so true. I remember getting frustrated with my boyfriend becasue he wasn't as romantic as he was at the begining. It is normal to try to please others, but I think that trying too hard doing things you wouldn't do for a good friend is a mistake. I felt very disappointed when I realised that all the happiness and "being special" feeling of the begining was never going to come back. Because he just got used to being with me and stopped trying to impress me with little gifts and romantic actions. I think I would have suffered way less if he hadn't been like that at fisrt.
Over compromise comes under people pleasing behaviour, it's difficult to unlearn bad habits but it's possible. My last crush/friend tore me apart, but I'm still here and I am healing
I had recently realized that I was putting in a TON of more effort into a friendship than they were and as soon as I stopped putting in that effort, I noticed that they had done nothing. Nothing seemed to change for them at all. My energy and my time and my love had been wasted. Although, I know I was counting on the potential instead of just letting the person be what they are, it still stings a lot. I am their roommate. We live together. It's angering and heartbreaking to see them with their actual friends. See them so much happier than I've ever seen them with me. It's a definite blow. Just knowing I won't matter as much as they do in their life is upsetting, but this video kind of calmed my nerves a bit. I was obsessing over the loss of a friend and I can't sleep properly because of it. I can't make them care about me more. So i wanna thank you for helping me learn from this.
1. Find someone who respects you. 2. Someone who will accept and love you the way you are. She/he won't want to change you. 3. Be with someone who finds more in you than you find in yourself. 4. Be with someone who knows your value and makes you feel special.
i agree with you in all the things that you say! the main thing that i learned about relationships is be an authentic person, and dont expect anything for anyone.
I've always wanted happy ending with one person. But, life can't never give you what you want. I personally think relationship doesn't have any formula but with these foundation enumerated and well elaborated yeah. Very helpful. Kudos Lana! I love your personality, you look calm & collected. Muah!
Yes! I love these kinds of videos, please continue to make them, very insightful, I recently went through separation with the person whom I considered to be my soulmate. And it hurts like hell. But the sentence "Endings are NOT failures", helped me a lot. Thank you!
She’s right!! In fact, many times, even though it hurts, endings are HUGE GIFTS wrapped in a bow!! It can set you free to be discovered by the RIGHT ONE. If you haven’t already, treat your pain like physical therapy sessions and push through to look at what lessons you learned. 1- What were the tale tale signs along the way? 2- What information did you ignore? 3- Have you been able to recognize your gifts and what makes you special? If not, there’s some of your work laid out for you. If you have, focus now on self-development. Focus are getting reacquainted with your best self, your potential, your passions. You’ll look up one day, & they’ll be standing right there! For those who’ve done that work but are still single, I say, put the same effort you’ve put in all your other accomplishments into meeting the right someone. Wish you the best!!
Over comprising is what went wrong in my last relationship. I wanted so hard to be with that person that I would accept everything, from days of silence to seeing each other once or twice a week or to always come last in his "priority list of things to be doing". Even when he was the first one bringing up this issue, I found a way to go round the problem. Eventually, the idillic (and yet very sad and unbearable) reality that we created ended. Over compromising lead me to make up and always hoping for a relationship that was only happening in my head and almost a year later, I'm still trying to recover from two years spent settling down for a mediocre relationship. Even if I still love that person (and probably always will) I couldn't accept to be treated like I wasn't a priority or that I always had to fight for attention. One thing I learnt the hard way is that you cannot change someone or the way they act by loving them harder. And no matter how bad they say they love you, sometimes you just need facts, even though saying goodbye to your other half hurts like hell. Thank you for making me think about endings and relationships in a different perspective 💕
I missed you all so much when I didn't upload last week haha. Please share anything that's been going on in your life lately, let's chat! xx
well, i think ily
I just ate shawirma
dealing with overthinking the littlest things
When you said " don't say you wake up at 6 and go for a run " i looked away n embarrassed cause i do but then you said " if you dont " and i was like phew ... but all your points are true
And i always try to let ends be as peaceful and beautiful as possible i dont try to fight it
"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too."
-Ernest Hemingway
Interesting quote, how has this impacted you?
Siel8387 they always ask how did it impact you but never how are you :’(
@@smolpeepee9756 hahahahaha
This is a great reminder
I made that mistake for 10 years. I learned A LOT (about myself, and to never do that again). I just woke up one day and left. I was a good partner. I thought that was enough to get the recognition and the love back. I learned some people are incapable of truly loving back. I'm in a better place now.
What I learned from relationships: *Don't wait for anybody to make your life better or easier*
How u write this bold words plz tell me
Sɪᴍʀᴀɴ Wᴀᴅʜᴡᴀɴɪ you put this sign * at the beginning and at the ending of what you wrote
*o really*
*Oh yeah!!!*
I agree
The most important fact about romantic relationships is that you will only find someone you truly love if you are perfectly happy with being single as well. Only then love becomes a choice, not a "must".
This is so true. True love only comes for those who can live without it!
so true I needed that
factss
@Mike M jesus, I hope you you find love and forgiveness someday. That's a lot of anger your holding on to. I wish you peace and self-love.
@Mike M your dark view of women. "...the relationship is her tying to turn him into a looser..."
Sound more like she is insecure and controlling. Unsure of who she is in this insane world. While the man in this story is trying to find himself, but is being suffocated from growing by the woman he is in a relationship with. While she stays in her comfortable zone, the man is resentful that he has to stay behind because she refused to grow with him.
Imagine having a sister like her, I would talk to her endlessly the whole day about everything! :((
@Urjjo Bandyopadhyay pervert
Cousin sister*** as probably siblings do have talks like this but rarely... Otherwise 90% of time they do is make fun of you...🤡
This woman is gf material. She's calm and quiet. Not common here in the states.
Hello
I respect your comment and your emotions but the video is about a having a relationship between a girl and a boy have sister or brother its a great thing but you can't compare a sister , brother , to a girlfriend, boyfriend it's just a unfair conversation a point less way to compare 🤍
Relatable !!
“Ending is not failure” THIS. So many people stuck in mediocre relationships because they don’t understand this simple concept.
Exactly my rule is never settle for less.
damn girl you talking from expierence or what
TERRI JOHNSON maybe they are the reason it’s mediocre
Oddy no LOL
Chase O it’s quite possible
I've learned that when you don't really know yourself you make a lot of mistakes.
Know/trust same!
Felt this!
So true...
So true! And even when we do, we still make mistakes... it’s ok to learn by making mistakes along the way of creating ourselves as the being we want to be✨
@@intentionalliving7326 this is true! And not only in relationships!!
'We are irresistibly attracted by who will bring us the problems we need for our own evolution."
- Alejandro Jodorowsky
I have not heard that one before, I will look up more of his work thank you for the pointer.
They invented "twin flames" based on this.
Problem is, some if not, most people focuses more on the word "problem".
@@60secondloveadvice yep, this one is very underrated but so powerful! I see love as learning so this made a lot of sense to me
@@theorangekindle4565 what you mean?
"Endings are not failures" is something that is a very difficult yet necessary pill to swallow.
It's easy to wallow in self pity/grief after a breakup, but recognizing the experience as an opportunity for growth is so helpful in moving on and learning from that experience.
Very true, and I think the same applies to the endings of friendships, which are sometimes worse as they question a bond that is supposed to be one of the most stable in our lives next to family. But even then, when the necessary grieving part is over, we still carry memories and experiences that contributed in making us who we are. And even if a person is not to you what they used to be, it does not mean that what you lived with them was not real.
I think that its important to remember that life is not a race or competition that you can win or lose. We all see it that way for some reason. It's a learning experience so as long as you're learning, changing and growing then you are crushing this thing called life.
@Paddy so find a way to talk to your partner. Communication, communication, communication. If they understand and are willing to work on things then great. If not then its better for both of you to let go. Good luck
Maybe it’s semantics, but it seems more like it ought to be failures are not endings. Relationships can and do fail, but learning from them and moving forward are why one failure is not the end of your road.
@Paddy I'm sorry. I know that's probably not what you want to hear. I know what you're feeling right know and it just plain sucks. But I can tell you that you're going to be ok. And one day you'll find someone who wants to be more than friends. In the meantime, take advantage of this time that you are single. Get to know yourself, build your self confidence. It's most important that you love yourself first and one day you'll find that special person. Hugs ❤
“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.”
― Emery Allen
Well said
Underrated
Needed this. Thank you so much!
Lesson learned: Not all ending of relationships needs to be a burned bridge. It's all a learning experience, just make peace with it and move on.
With social media, it seems that people don't value relationships as much as they did before. I don't know if it's just me, but I hope we go back to a time when meaningful relationships were more valued in society.
That's absolutely true!
@cloverjo - that's so true!!
True but I think it's the way everyone is switching from long term to one night stands, everything is changing society is not the way it use to be.
I agree :((
I saw this a lot, where people show how happy they are social media for the sake of followers but behind the close doors, not so good. Went on a hike with my friends last month, saw a girl scolding at her boyfriend to take her picture in certain way for IG. Relationships are hard as it is without the involvement of public! You kind of inviting people’s opinions, like this one. Lol
Humans are quite silly.
Sarah Celine Pope we areee lmaooo
truuuu
Hahaha yeahhh
We are quite the strange creature
Yeah, this is quite an embarrassing situation we are in
Keep it simple.
“Money comes and goes, beauty fades, character stays”~
Wise words !
Personality can change too
@@indimist390 They're speaking in general, of course. Not always will beauty fade, and not always will money go. ITs a saying for goodness sake.
If you don't feel special in a relationship, get out of it. You deserve better 💓
True
do we make our partner feel special enough , to feel special?
Yes I agree with you 😊
@@Mi-yj2pp I think that’s implied. To care for the person inside special way but they don’t do the same. It’s one sided
Agree. We should get the love we deserve
My relationship of almost a year ended about 4 months ago and it taught me so much. But some of the most important things are that;
- When you have a feeling someone isn’t right for you, a “gut” feeling that this person is not helping you grow or supporting you in ways that matter to you then it’s time to let go. Don’t hold of in the hopes that they change or things change because you’re only delaying the inevitable.
- You cannot control other people’s actions or decisions or expect anyone to change to fit your expectations. You can only control what you do and what you bring to the table.
- Pain and suffering are a part of life. Not all relationships are meant to last forever and the end of one is simply another beginning. The beginning of our journey into self growth, self discovery and the realization that we need to love ourselves enough to demand and accept only what we truly deserve. Nothing less.
❤️Wishing everyone much happiness and love!✨
Waaaay to go!! Wow!! You’re on to something. With that perspective, it’s only a matter of time before you meet your partner. It’s so easy to sulk & feel victimized when you’ve been hurt. However, when you can look back and find 4-5 lessons learned, that’s what it’s allll about!! Congratulations!!!
I(30,M) never had a realationship.
All girls rejected me. No woman shows interest in me. I feel so lonely all the time. :( No kiss, no hug, nothing, no women shows interested in me.
Wow! Resonates with me so much! I love this. Thank you for your words 🤍
យតត
I study psychology and we learned about attachment theory and I realised that a rush of feelings for someone very early and this feeling that this is the one and omg I'm so in love is often there because that person reminds us of our parents and the sometimes destructive relationship we had with them and that we relive this now and that's why we have this rush of feelings. This was really a pattern for me where I fell for really beautiful guys who didn't want me over and over again and I became a shadow of myself when I was with them. Now I'm in a wonderful relationship since 1,5 years and it feels totally different, it feels safe and easy and warm, not complicated and hot and rushed like before. I really like that.
Interesting piece of knowledge. I will use it to analyse my past. Thank you for sharing!
Nice comment,
I would love to know more about psychology how may I contact you please to guide me through
@@maryamziyad405 hey, it's best to just watch some TH-cam videos, there is a lot of information, or to just Google things you're interested in 😊 good luck!
How long did you date before you made it official? Xx
Sounds just like my mother except she never learns and can be naive sometimes, she always rush and ends up in bad relationship, it’s almost impossible for her to get in a wonderful relationship
It's so necessary to ask ourselves "What do I bring to the table? Would I want to be in a relationship with myself?" when on the market for a relationship. Self reflection (before entering partnerships) is vital for healthy relationships and inflicting less emotional damage on ourselves and future partners. Thank you for shifting perspectives Lana!
This is so valuable. Thank you for sharing!
@Nowhere fast I don't think it only applies if a person has a serious problem. For example: You probably wouldn't want a partner who doesn't follow through with their word (like if they say they will meet you at a particular day/time but they always cancel or don't show up). That's a red flag that makes you think twice about continuing a relationship, because eventually it will get annoying. But it goes the same way for you--are you keeping the promises that you tell yourself? Do you follow through with your words? If you are unable to do that with yourself, you could have trouble keeping your word in relationships (this isn't true all the time, but you get the point). It's important to see what you can improve in yourself before starting a relationship so that you can be the best version of yourself, but also so that you're able to bring the healthiest version of you to another person. If you've been on the dating scene, you meet so many people who simply don't have a good relationship with themselves, and it shows. Sometimes, you are that person... Hope this helped. If you're ok with a partner being those things, then it's ok for you to be those things, it's all about our personal preferences.
Since when was starting a relationship treated like a job interview?
Damn you are wise. I wish my sisters understood this. They say "I deserve this and that" but never take to think "what do I offer a guy". They don't think "Am I making myself attractive, easy to live with, considerate, etc." Instead of bettering themselves, they blame men for being "superficial" for them being single.
Generation-Y Guy if you’re looking for a healthy, lasting relationship, that is two sided, both people kinda have to put in effort.... relationships don’t just form on their own, (just like you can’t magically get any job you want)🙄
"Don't go looking for love, love will find you, when it has to, till then live your life to the fullest"
Endings are really hard to accept at first and you'll really lose yourself, but over time you'll realize you're getting stronger.
Be a person with HIGH INTEGRITY. Whether it's romantic, casual, or business relationships, that sure is going to leave a mark on their lives. Regulate your expectations to protect yourself from frustrations.
Amen!! A LOT of wisdom in your comments. I totally agree!!
Ever since I made integrity one of my biggest goals in self improvement, I’ve also made it a priority in friendships/relationships. Holding that standard has definitely provided me with a much more fulfilled life as well as being honest with my self about my own intentions ❤️ it’s a trait that is very underrated and it’s refreshing to come across somebody who understands this as well 😄
Relationships are way too complicated.....thats why I have a guitar.
I got a Bass Guitar
Mark Bennington I got a piano
I have both :P And some other instruments too hehe
I got a cello and a sleepy cat with an imaginary dog 😂🤪🤪
I too want but i feel even learning guitar is also soo complicated shitt phy dance singing everything are complicated😭😭😭
I've rarely received back the amount of love i have given. Its always half reciprocated or barely reciprocated. and yesterday my boyfriend asked me " why do you love me so much despite everything?"..at that time i didn't think of it much but later.. i asked myself the same thing. why did i love him so much despite everything? despite knowing he'd never do the same things for me that I've done for him?
and the answer was ...its because i don't know my worth. its because I don't love myself one bit. I have no love held for myself that's why I always have so much to give to others despite whatever they do.
but I've decided to change this. I'm worthy of so much more. I'm worthy of so much love. And specifically I'm so worthy of all the love I am going to give myself.
its gonna be hard because I do love him a lot. but he does not . So its time to let go and give myself the love that I've always craved so much from others.
Proud of you, Pallavi. Sending you much love x
It's a journey, best wishes and you're not alone 🤗
Queen behaviour💅🏼✨go sis!!!
Sending strength! ❤❤
M going through same phase ... now what are u going to do?
Lana is the aunt we wished we had.
I have an aunt whose personality really is so much like Lana's. :)
OMG you guys must be FETI (plural of fetus). Lana seems like a BABY to me... not old enough to be an AUNT.
No way in HELL am I telling you how old I-I-I am!! :o|
If Lana WAS an aunt she'd be an AILF!! :oD
AILF = Aunt I'd Like as a Friend :oD
@@nathan2813 I rather think what was meant in the original comment was that Lana has the wisdom of an older, really experienced person even though she's very young. :)
@@jovanakesar Yes, an "old soul"... I agree... an OSILF more-specifically! :oD
"I just don't know if people enjoy just watching me sitting here talking"
- Lana Blakely, 2020
Should we tell her?
Yes we should
Yess
Yes, I am a woman in my 30s and I do enjoy watching you sitting here sharing your views on relationships!!! Keep them coming please❤️
To be honest, I am suspicious that I only click her videos because she's beautiful. I am not saying the videos aren't good, they are. But I would not on click them and watch them. Funny
In the compromise topic, I think what I've learned in relationships is that one, like you said, will always find things that are annoying and frustrating and you might even expect the other person to love you like you do but that's the thing, you will always end up very frustrated or even breaking up if you don't realize one simple rule : they are their own person before they are ours and we either love them for all that they are or we leave. But the act of understanding each of us love how we know to love someone, you might love to write poems and long texts and they might be awful with words but hold your hand, kiss your cheeks and often call you to ask how you are and that be their way of loving. And once we really accept them by who they are, compromising doesn't seem so awful because we're simply loving someone by who they are while being loved by who we are.
This is soooo true. I will live by this
The most important thing I've learned about relationships is:
IF IT DOESN'T FEEL 100% RECIPROCAL, IT'S NOT THE RIGHT ONE. Because BALANCE is a MUST in life.
If you and your partner are not giving the same amount of love, affection and effort in making the relationship evolve, it just won't work. 100% guaranteed.
Very very true
So true
Very true. Sadly.
Nailed it! It might be hard to let go but trust yourself that this is the best you can do. If they realize or not where they made a mistake just move on. The Earth won't stop for a while just we're upset about something
Absaloutely Amen
Don’t know if someone is reading this, but if you are: You are amazing and beautiful! I believe in you! ❤️
What if i am a serial killer Who murders babys do you still think i am amazing and you believe in me
You're so amazing to!
@@Visualiize you are still amazing and beautiful ❤️
You are too! 😁😃
Thank u guys you give a lot of motivation to go out there and keep murdering babys 👶🔪
I think the biggest thing ive learned my whole relationship life was always start from within. Learn to organize who you are inside. Love yourself. Understand yourself. Feel yourself. For all we know its ourself that will be with us on the left and right shoulder until the day our souls leaves this shell. Thank you Lana
Beautiful
I met a girl, she said she does not engage in serious relationships, and I thought "Ha, I'm gonna change that". Glad I realized that early and started to accept her for who she is. We only dated 3 times, tho haha.. I'm all for commitment and love, so it just didn't work.
But before that happened, for 2 years I've had this potential thing going on with my ex.. I'm non-monogamous and she said she wanted to be too (since day 1), but after 2 years of trying to make it work, she just couldn't do it.. so we had to end it. I've had the most intense relationship I've ever had with her and I'm grateful for that, at the same time I learned my lesson to not begin a relationship with a promise of change, but with acceptance.
All of this just to say it has been a very valuable lesson to me recently. Thanks for this video!
You're all for commitment and love but you also want a non-monogamous relationship? That just seems counterintuitive to me idk
In my opinion u can't have a serious relationship if you're simultaneously non monogamous
@@NTUNKNOWN yeh, that is what they tell you.. that love is a limited source and there is only one way to true love.
@@thedave8097 It's quite simple actually, I fully commit to multiple. I'm in hope to persuade you, just answering what you asked hehe
@@opedromagico I wouldn't be able to do that lol. I don't like to share
Sometimes you need to go through a hard breakup or life event to gain the courage to find your true authentic self in a world that wants you to be someone you're not. To live for yourself and stick to your ideals takes tremendous courage, and if your partner doesn't value that about you then as an infp/infj, it's just not going to work without giving up freedom and peace.
Also, over/under compromise is sacrifice, not compromise. If you choose to sacrifice out of your own decision, then own it, but if you're forced to sacrifice by others then I would open your eyes and think again. Good luck and much love.
So well said. As an INFP, I encounter so many difficulties on a day-to-day basis, that are related to what you wrote.
Agree but it’s not only an infp/infj thing. I’m an isfp and I relate
As an enfj/enfp, I totally can relate. Thank you.
Well said
You are so elegant and sophisticated! And not only that, but you create very helpful content that helps a lot of people. Love the wisdom you share 💕 you’re my newest favorite creator ✨
you're too sweet, thank you xx
Totally agree with this comment.
100% true
I find it extremely difficult to find a balance within honesty itself.
Yes, I think it can to.
When me and my boyfriend started dating, he liked me (and accepted some part of me) that weren't my best, he never hoped I would change because that was how he came to love me, and thanks to that attitude, I have grown and gotten better mentally and emotionally and that's on SUPPORT Y'ALL
This appeared in my recommendations at the right time. I’m going through a break up right now and I’m in my listening-to-sad-music-and-crying phase, holding on to the idea that I will heal soon enough. Thank you Lana, you made my day a little better.
@Magnificently Fruity Star Power Hey!
I couldn’t agree with you on the honesty part. Lying makes things worse because you always have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and it becomes a cycle that ends up in a disaster.
Yep, it never goes well!
You're 10 years late, Lana. :(
I've learned this the hard-way too, and your first point about honesty is the most basic and important foundation. I wasn't someone proud of myself, and my relationships reflected this. Then I said "okay, I'll be someone that someone else can be proud of." Of course that didn't work either. Then I just started to be proud of myself, to forgive, to make sense out of everything that repeated on my relationships, expectations, fears, lies upon lies. I thought some things were okay, when they were not, and vice-versa. I healed myself not through a fix, but through understanding.
This tips are certainly useful, and we all should know them, but being honest isn't beat by anything, cause it's not something set on stone, it's a way of living, to steer us and find ourselves and our needs and wants, and decide if they're going to be honoured or trampled, by ourselves or by other-which is like doing it ourselves, as we accept them. Some may be well deserved, others just fantasies of past trauma, and we should be on guard and open to face their nature.
Relationships, not only romantic ones, will not save us from something. They can help when the right person and will to change is involved, but expecting them to be our saviours (or us being their saviours) is going to lead to sure disaster. They're a plus, not something that everyone needs, so don't make your life and overall mood dependant on it. Good luck to everyone.
This is still really great advice. Thank you for this video. :)
I’ve learned in my long distance relationship that trust, transparency and communication is key.
Beautiful ❤✔
Just went through a break up today. I initiated it but I still endured heartbreak because 1) I don't think I was honest (with myself) from the beginning which lead me to 2) committing to potential. 3) I ended up overcompromising & losing myself and only finding out too late that our expectations weren't clear nor aligned. I'm not even exaggerating that this spoke to me on a profound level. Thank you Lana, it won't be easy but I'll try my best to work on all of them, but for now: #4 especially.
"That's what a relationship is, there will be ups, there will be downs; there will be highs, there will be lows."
Thank you Lana for that quote at the end. That really made me smile.
You really can meet people for a night and spill your whole life story to them. It's beautiful, deep and uplifting. Then you go your separate ways and you have the memory of that night to last you a lifetime. It moves the soul.
As for a relationship, develop unconditional self-worth. Forget having a deep meaningful relationship with anyone or anything (money,possessions) if you don't first have one with your self. Otherwise you will use people and possession to fill the void of lack of self-worth.
Always remember that your present situation is not your final destination. The best is yet to come.
☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️🌼🌼🌼🔥
Watch out! There's a fire near your flowers! 🔫💦💦💦💦💦💦💦
I think the most important thing for me is that it isnt all about being in love, it is about the decision of love. A relationship isnt 24/7 Perfect. There will be times where you argue about sth. . But you have to say yes to fix this... a relationship is like a garden, you have to watering your plants so your Garden can grow..
Great perspective.
Siel8387 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
But nobody deserves to be in a toxic relationship where their so called partners are calling them with insulting names and trying to change the person they pretended to accept the way he/she is.
This is so true. You really do need to choose to love someone. EVERYDAY.
Liz Moon soo this is not the Point that i was saying. I totally agree with u and also the Most important thing is to not want to change your partner. Also just Love yourself first
But i just want to say that also a relationship which seems perfect isnt always perfect, so you have to choose everyday to Love your Partner :)
You had me at "Endings are not failures," because I think that's what I've been hung up on without even realizing it
Here are my thoughts about the topic Miss Lana introduced:
1.) Be honest from the beginning.
I totally agree with your talk here.
Especially the part where you said, "If you feel like you can't be honest abt who you are with someone, you either: a) *need to work on yourself, including learning to simply accept yourself, to actually become someone you're proud to be honest abt being* or b) *you're simply in the wrong company*
I've learned to realize this not long ago when it comes with my friendships. I've always known I needed healing. I wasn't proud with the fact that out of the sea of people surrounding me, I am so still and reserved. I always push myself to improve and get out of my said shell, because everyone's different. Until I'm no longer myself. I felt I was a project everybody needed to work on. At one point, I was confused and angry. But I know couldn't stay angry so I gone with the flow, never minding how I am not myself with other people. I was not happy but I am at peace knowing I am meeting their expectations and at the end I'll leave them. Until the day we were all apart from each other's sides. I missed them for the times I wasn't angry and confused. I realized, the battle was within the silent chambers of my soul. So I started to get along with myself first and listen to her when I thought everyone could not. I wasn't entirely in the wrong company. I guess I just needed to be proud of my own company, because at the age of teens being alone makes you look weak but that's just ridiculous. I believe it's a sign of strong mentality and resiliency. And my friends are good people. I was just in a miserable disposition at that time and finger-pointing was wrongfully convenient.
Truly, love yourself first and everything else falls into line 💯
2.) Don't commit to potential.
"Acknowledge someone's true colors and decide if their color palette matches with yours." - Lana Blakely
But I also half differ to your talk in here. If I were to encounter anyone, I would want to acknowledge them for what they could be. Not to expect something from them but in a form of respect and support for their pursuits. Embracing their past and not limiting their today and tomorrow.
3.) Expectations and compromise.
Learn to take a stand on your own, at the same time remain teachable. It's like listing what's negotiable and non-negotiable for you to others. Truly, *relationship is a two-way street*.
4.) Endings are not failures.
Hands down !! 💗 I've also learned so much on your past video topic about *goodbyes* 🥺
*Perhaps we should ask ourselves that question too. Ego and all other filters aside-at my very core, how do I wish to part from this situation or person?* - Lana Blakely (How to Say Goodbye)
Yess! Thank you so much for typing this all out! I was looking for this comment!
"I just don't know if people enjoy just watching me sitting and talking" - Lana, I think there are at least 400.000 people who love watching you just sitting and talking about topics that really matter. I'm happy to see your channel growing. I wish all the best to You and please keep up doing great work !
I always enjoy Lana and her ability to share her feelings openly. She is a breath of fresh air and is always true to her experience.
So true
Yes honestly. Accept your own flaws before entering into a relationship otherwise you can end up attracting people who will use your flaws against you.
Andrea Mode .Ur saying absolutely right .
'Committing to potential' is a very huge section that hides too many aspects of stabilizing or destroying the relationship, starting from the myth that this person is OUR, while they aren't, and ending with allegedly controlling the partner which will annihilate the relationship and leave bad traces.
Thank you Lana for discussing these issues with us. 🍁🍁
hello dear do you need any help I can help you out it worked for me WhatsApp me let's chat better.
Message me on WhatsApp
The lesson I learned from a relationship is to find someone who has the same values and morals. Sharing the same hobbies is a plus too.
Just like any venture, a healthy, loving relationship has to have these essential ingredients.👍👇👇
Self-love. You are made out of an act of love: when your parents agreed to make you, and right up until today, you are loved.
Respect. This is always the name of the game.
Trust.
Openness.
Passion.
Daily Dose of Medicine self love is the best love
Yes, because every human that has ever lived all had parents who willingly chose to have a child.
What if your parents didn’t plan you
@@Sophia-bh1uf My parents didn't plan me and tried to abort me by medication. But once I was born they accepted me. It's Ok. They were poor and needed financial stability.
@@truthmatters2782 you are here today. You were meant to be here and you are loved. I hope your parents decisions they made don’t weigh your worth and your beautiful being.
Not getting into a relationship for the potential is advice that relationship experts have given. Experts say that you should expect that what you see is what you get.
true
True, if not worse since everyone has their secrets they don’t show off in public
I love how even though every person and every relationship is so elaborate and different, still everyone can relate to and learn from this material, great video
I just got rejected by my 3-years-crush that I thought he'd give a chance for us to be together. Thank you Lana I become calmer to hear this 😢
What the hell,I also got rejected by my 3-(was gonna be 4)years-crush on 27oct 2022😂.He has a gf and she was standing next to him as he said "im uh,actually with her" . I thought we'd have a chance too ,i used to watch so many crush videos and according to the videos,he gave me most signs which is strange and it still confuses me to this day,i mean,his friend told me on 11aug 2022 that he liked me too and we(me & my ex crush) hugged that day,and now I'm hearing that you're with someone else ,like??? Confusing right? Or maybe I'm just kinda blind,but anyways ,I moved on within 2 days I guess.I'm that type of person that makes sh-t easy (if i can),so if you don't like me,I accept my rejection and move on, 'cause that's what I have to do¡
I really liked when you said " the person that you are today should align with the person that they are today" :)
so important to realize that endings are not failures. any relationship, whether is lasts or not teaches us a little more about who we are and what we want.
this!
Reyna Singh yupppp exactly!
@@LanaBlakely two words:
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
So true. I sometimes wonder, if we're looking for love to be happy, then why do we feel trapped?
My favourite teacher of life ✌️☺️
"don't exaggerate yourself" ~Lana Blakely (2020)
i think that most people lose their time chasing or looking for "the special one' who turns out to be the worst creature and that is because they skip the real one who is most of the time an average person. I think living simply is the key, we all want the best but the best is not external it is simply internal and average. top people are not top, they are most of the time cheaters.
True
That final quote is exactly what I was thinking lately : pple go , leave other enter into your life but I always like to think they bring you sthg => a lesson learned, a blessing, to know wrong from bad, to love, ....etc.
It would be nice to hear you on podcasts!!
I was in trouble with my partner. We broke up the relationship. We decided to work in make us feel better for ourselves and for each other. We love each other but we have very different languages of love and that was the main problem. Now we are getting to know each other better, it's like dating again... Don't know if it is correct but I think it's working and then, we hope to be in a relationship again. And what Lana says is soo right. Sometime we see in the other person what we don't see in ourselves. Also the "I can't remember this even do it makes you happy, I am like this so accept me" that's so bad. My partner is very bad at remembering things like important days, but he never told.me that "accept me because I am like this" No. And he is trying to learn about it. So be patience if you love that person but NEVER allow him or her to make you feel like trash. NEVER.
I wish best for you ❤✔
After seing two of my relationships horribly end, I found it really hard to believe there is someone out there who would really "be for me". As you said, we should not hold our stakes too high but at the same time we got to know and remember when dating someone what is important to us. For my part I know that empathy, true listening and respect are the three most important things I'm looking for. I also know that I need someone who's thinking about how to live better, have a fuller life, especially on the mental health side of things. Seing your videos and getting glimpses of who you are through them gives me true hope that there's someone like that out there, somewhere. Thank you for that :)
Yes, there is definitely someone out there for. I think 3 major things it takes is
1- Self-Value (You know you’re special; you know yourself)
2- Action (If you’ve secured an education, have a job, own property-each of those took ACTION!)
3- Belief (that you deserve it & it’s possible)
"You don't align with what they could be or with what you could be." Well said.
I stepped out of a (very) toxic relationship and your channel is helping me become less afraid about dating again. thank you
Giving without necessarily Expecting in return is what allowed me to find fulfillment in past relationships. If it’s right for you and you care than love unconditionally🤍
Andrey Zenperial yup self love is important
Nate Bilamu Couldn’t agree more with you Nate! What’s the activity that makes you feel most alive?
Andrey Zenperial working out everyday makes me feel alive!!! hby Andrey ?
@magical wanda I think that not expecting doesn't mean settling. It's about giving but not over compromising, not losing yourself in the way, ofc you deserve a reciprocated love, but it's more like sharing all these beautiful things and not so beautiful too. I believe it's more like support and not codependency.
Authenticity in a relationship is key.Authentic attracts authentic.Align with who they are,not who you think they should be.Thanks so ,much Lana that was deep.
was binging your content, and I have to say, I resonated with this so much. "Endings are not failures" something that after me being in a 7 year relationship hurt to embrace, but it is so true. Memories we created that I will forever cherish, but not all things are meant to be forever, thanks for this Lana!
Don't commit to potential . Preach sister! It would have saved me four years of pain.
"Some people are meant to be experiences"
Beautifully said Lana.
I think by a certain age, what it takes in a relationship should be common knowledge. Like you said, some people come into your life for different reasons.......not necessarily to be there forever.
I think you need to look inward first and love yourself and be a quality person, so you can attract another quality person.
Reciprocate and communicate are things you should want to do for a person you are with naturally...... not make it feel like a job.
You learn to live from the people who leave. You learn to love from the people who stay. And everyone comes/goes into/out of our lives for a good reason.
One of my favorite channels, this lady never fails to make me learn a new thing every time. Thanks a Lot
If you are left feeling confused it’s not for you, get out. Listen to your gut it’s there for a reason. It’ll save you headache and heartache.
The biggest problem I see these days is that a major part of what some people are looking for is affirmation from others. They seek it so much that they do not even see what is often right in front of them. Here is an example (not saying this is you, but it is prevalent):
How often do we hear about young women having a laundry list of “must haves” before they will even consider a suitor? Sure, we get it. We all expect people to be the best that they can be. That isn’t the issue, but check that list for things that are not actual “achievements” (as in things someone has any control over). If you see those, chances are high that person is looking to impress others far over looking for meaningful connection.
If a potential suitor is not from a wealthy family, or, he is not this color, or he is not 6 feet tall… well, that is clearly treating your partner like a fashion accessory --- a “brand name” item you can impress the rest of the world with. That is the wrong mindset. A partner is someone who grows with you, faces challenges with you, enjoys the victories with you, and grows old with you. Once you actually get that, you see that it was always around you (unless you live in Antarctica or something, then the advice would be to move).
“Loving yourself”? While it can be well-meaning, it is often just a rationalization to justify, the arrogance of “not settling”. If one is truly self-confident, and self-fulfilled, then a partner will NOT be subjected to conditions that he or she cannot fulfill outside of sheer chance. They will be just like you: they were the best person they could be.
People always talk about “relationships need work”. NO. Maintaining our own championship level of personal excellence takes work. The relation is no work at all compared to that. Excellence is not skin deep either. It emanates from the core. No amount of superficial layers can compensate or hide a lack of it. Be the ultimate version of you, and the rest will follow.
You are far too valuable to be wasted. The universe awaits your decision…
well thought out and articulated. thx
I(30,M) never had a realationship.
All girls rejected me. No woman shows interest in me. I feel so lonely all the time. :( No kiss, no hug, nothing, no women shows interested in me.
Just be by yourself. :) Learn who you are.
The right person comes along, everything is connected.
Love your videos btw.
Keep it up, they help a lot of people!
This year I have definitely put a lot of thought into who I am, and what qualities I may need in a potential future partner (even though I have a hard time imagining myself vulnerable in any intimate way because I have gone through heartbreak). I've also put a lot of thought in the person I want to become, and quite frankly i look up to you a lot. Not only because you offer me perspectives that give me clarity and reassurance, but also because you inspire me by your ability to be organic. I relate to how you perceive the world, to how you prefer to explore the world through knowledge and humble yourself through the experiences you've gone through, and so much more. I am also an INFJ-T, and it makes me feel more confident in who I am knowing that there's people like you who think the same way. My 21st birthday is a few days from now, and I have so much more clarity on the kinds of people I want in my life. The way I should perceive my experiences with people and life. I've realized how much there is to learn about the world and how much there is to see. Anyways, I'm going off on a tangent, but I really appreciate how much thought you put into your videos. You inspire me so much, so thank you for all the effort you put into implementing authenticity and your personality in your content. Im always excited to hear what you have to say.
Much love -Alyssa
I realized I started to miss someone in YT for the first time when you dint upload videos in the meantime. I feel I actually got a friend who speaks my mind very nicely and whose words Actually work for me. Please don’t let me miss any sunday 😁
aw, I missed you guys too!! x
Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better or worse for a little while, or to just be. someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they given us 🌹
At first I thought, who the hell is this girl in my recommended, probably just another beauty guru talking about her relationships, why should I care? But for some reason I clicked and I am glad I did. A frank, honest, smart talk about very important things by another introverted person :)
I love your perspective on this 💕 You inspired me to create my own channel ☺️☺️
Thank you!! x
Lately, I have just been focused on myself and my growth. Channeling all my energy into growing my TH-cam channel and realising things on my vision board.
I enjoy these chit chat videos because I just love listening to your voice! It calms my mornings :).
I agree so much with the quote by Emery Allen. In the past year after my break up (from a 5 year relationship), I have met a few men that have made me love and learn about life a little bit more, and I’ll forever thank them for that. I love them dearly even until now. it’s not easy to accept the fact that their chapters in my life has (or will) come to an end but I’ll forever have them as friends to talk to. As each season goes by, it gets easier. As I meet more new people, it gets easier. But to be honest, my soul yearns for them now and then, and I still have thoughts like “I wish I could stay by you til the end”. But life moves on, and I am at peace with that.
you know what..if I'm stress, one thing I always do..I watch LANA BLAKELY...it's like a medicine if you know
I was in a 4 year relationship, it ended 3 years ago. Have not dated since or seen anyone. I'm 31 now.
Dating seems like a shit show now, ever since I was with my ex that field has changed drastically.
I’m really obsessed with you and your videos
The way that you talk makes me relax and calm
Thank you♥️
I've def learned the importance of discovering your own identity, and loving yourself before you can love someone else. You may think you love someone else but you can't properly fully give and receive love if you don't have love for yourself. Our relationships with others reflect/mirror the relationship with have with ourselves not too mention we manifest the same relationship repeatedly with different people til we acknowledge and heal the trauma that we're subconsciously needing to resolve. It's vital to know who you are, to have your identity separate from the job titles, roles and relationships you have otherwise we're always identifying with and defining ourselves by external things then if we lose them, we'll lose our sense of self.
oh yeah and def putting the other person on a pedestal, like the quote says, it makes you question your own worth and then later once you’re liberated from it you realize that person was never as holy as you perceived them to be... it was simply the perspective of them that you gave yourself, probably due to past conditioning.
The first point is so true. I remember getting frustrated with my boyfriend becasue he wasn't as romantic as he was at the begining. It is normal to try to please others, but I think that trying too hard doing things you wouldn't do for a good friend is a mistake. I felt very disappointed when I realised that all the happiness and "being special" feeling of the begining was never going to come back. Because he just got used to being with me and stopped trying to impress me with little gifts and romantic actions. I think I would have suffered way less if he hadn't been like that at fisrt.
Over compromise comes under people pleasing behaviour, it's difficult to unlearn bad habits but it's possible. My last crush/friend tore me apart, but I'm still here and I am healing
I had recently realized that I was putting in a TON of more effort into a friendship than they were and as soon as I stopped putting in that effort, I noticed that they had done nothing. Nothing seemed to change for them at all. My energy and my time and my love had been wasted. Although, I know I was counting on the potential instead of just letting the person be what they are, it still stings a lot. I am their roommate. We live together. It's angering and heartbreaking to see them with their actual friends. See them so much happier than I've ever seen them with me. It's a definite blow. Just knowing I won't matter as much as they do in their life is upsetting, but this video kind of calmed my nerves a bit. I was obsessing over the loss of a friend and I can't sleep properly because of it. I can't make them care about me more. So i wanna thank you for helping me learn from this.
"there is a difference between putting your best foot forward and.... a foot that isn't yours...."
dang
You're my favourite TH-camr. We have such similar personality it's kinda uncanny but I love that. 😍
@Being Frank I'll start once I move to college. I have so many ideas 😃
1. Find someone who respects you.
2. Someone who will accept and love you the way you are. She/he won't want to change you.
3. Be with someone who finds more in you than you find in yourself.
4. Be with someone who knows your value and makes you feel special.
Honestly you are basically my therapist
i agree with you in all the things that you say! the main thing that i learned about relationships is be an authentic person, and dont expect anything for anyone.
I'm asexual and aromantic, not looking for relationship, I'm just here because I like your voice, thoughts and because you're so calm
Geez, what does that life look like?
@@michaelclark1811 lonely I am asexual and aromatic too
I've always wanted happy ending with one person. But, life can't never give you what you want. I personally think relationship doesn't have any formula but with these foundation enumerated and well elaborated yeah. Very helpful.
Kudos Lana! I love your personality, you look calm & collected. Muah!
I hope she makes her podcast 👉👈❤ her voice is SOO soothing and calming and just full of wisdom.
Yes! I love these kinds of videos, please continue to make them, very insightful, I recently went through separation with the person whom I considered to be my soulmate. And it hurts like hell. But the sentence "Endings are NOT failures", helped me a lot. Thank you!
She’s right!! In fact, many times, even though it hurts, endings are HUGE GIFTS wrapped in a bow!! It can set you free to be discovered by the RIGHT ONE. If you haven’t already, treat your pain like physical therapy sessions and push through to look at what lessons you learned.
1- What were the tale tale signs along the way?
2- What information did you ignore?
3- Have you been able to recognize your gifts and what makes you special? If not, there’s some of your work laid out for you. If you have, focus now on self-development. Focus are getting reacquainted with your best self, your potential, your passions. You’ll look up one day, & they’ll be standing right there!
For those who’ve done that work but are still single, I say, put the same effort you’ve put in all your other accomplishments into meeting the right someone. Wish you the best!!
Over comprising is what went wrong in my last relationship.
I wanted so hard to be with that person that I would accept everything, from days of silence to seeing each other once or twice a week or to always come last in his "priority list of things to be doing". Even when he was the first one bringing up this issue, I found a way to go round the problem. Eventually, the idillic (and yet very sad and unbearable) reality that we created ended. Over compromising lead me to make up and always hoping for a relationship that was only happening in my head and almost a year later, I'm still trying to recover from two years spent settling down for a mediocre relationship.
Even if I still love that person (and probably always will) I couldn't accept to be treated like I wasn't a priority or that I always had to fight for attention.
One thing I learnt the hard way is that you cannot change someone or the way they act by loving them harder. And no matter how bad they say they love you, sometimes you just need facts, even though saying goodbye to your other half hurts like hell.
Thank you for making me think about endings and relationships in a different perspective 💕