3 red flags to look for in yourself when dating
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 พ.ค. 2024
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"A soulmate does not complete you. A soulmate inspires you to complete yourself." - _Modern Love_ Show
A soulmate _inspires_ you but don't put it on your soulmate to motivate you to complete yourself. Only *you* can motivate yourself to complete yourself. Your soulmate can support you and be your cheerleader but don't put the burden of motivation on them.
well, I'll tell you that a lot of people are not ready to get inspired to completion, or just improvement, by others...
especially by me x)
True
Don't try to change others?
I think an important question to ask is, *"am I in love with this person, or am I in love with the idea of being in a relationship?"* 💓
This is literally me
this is so important to me
Dont get me wrong but what would your solution be to wanting to be in a relationship?
Im kinda confused if there is that big of a difference :/
@@asterwashere indeed! Sometimes we tend to live in our fantasies.
@@filmfilms9579 yes!
I've fallen into the trap of falling in love with someone's potential instead of the person as they are. Most people aren't going to live up to the dreams and expectations I have for them. I'm also going to be upset long term when that person doesn't grow into the person I thought they wanted to be. I need to make sure I'm dating the present person and not hanging on for a future person that may never exist.
I hope this comment is intended as humor because otherwise wow.
@lo l Exactly! That song explains it perfectly
I find the way this is worded rather weird. How do you know exactly what their potential is? Are they actually capable of it or do they actually want to live up to those standards or are they completely imaginary?
I'm a little baffled because you're essentially saying you've fallen for people because of what they're not, not because of who they are.
@@Ash_Wen-li There's things you see in people, like say they're smart so you could see them doing x,y or z but then you don't weigh that against the fact that they're unmotivated. It's like that, seeing the good in them and idealizing instead of seeing exactly what's there. It's kind of like always looking to the future and not being happy in the present. Like, you have all these plans and expectations and potential for yourself right? So basically that's all being projected onto another person based on what you like about them and it's harder to see the flaws. Love is blind. It's a version of blind love. The song "in my head" by ariana that was mentioned above describes it perfectly.
Yes, I do that too. And that ruins every relationship I ever have. I fabricate this side of people in my mind and when they don't live up to that idea I have made up, I tend to lose interest and often end up getting myself hurt. I've been trying to work on it.
"When you're wearing rose colored glasses RED FLAGS just look like 'flags'."
Wanda had a good point tbh
Lmfaooo I love this 😂 I burst out laughing. It's so true!
Boooojaaaack
woah!
😆
I tend to lead people on because of fear of intimacy. Right before it gets real I close the door on them. I hate myself for doing it but I still cannot figure out how to not do it anymore and how to actually open myself up to getting hurt.
Same
I use to do this. I had a bunch of "casual friends" and eventually they would want something more and I would cut them off. I eventually understood I didn't want to be alone and that I do want a partner but someone who I can grow with while still being individuals. Atm I'm trying to figure out where I want to be living wise. Until then I stopped dating and started focusing on myself.
Have you tried therapy? CBT might help
Oh feels....
Same I hate opening up and whenever I start to/we've reached the part of the talking stage where we can move on to date/ something major happens, I pull away and close off. I could shut down so much it's like I became a whole other person.
These questions are so hard to answer 😩
It’s much easier to stay single, you don’t have to think about all this 😂
I agree
Same
So you would rather be single than grow into a grown human being? And how long exactly do you plan to stay single? Till 40? Lol
@@wizeguy2388 You don't need to be in a relationship to grow...
@@wizeguy2388 yeah im gonn stay single and watch majority of the relationship cheat on each other
I was pretty sure I wasn't in love with him, I just loved how he gave me the attention I never knew I needed. I felt guilty because of this but somehow I just can't stop myself.
You are not alone with this.
@@chocolatecuban and I know I'm not the *_good girl_* whenever I talk about this 🤦🏻♀️
What made you sure you weren’t in love with him? Just curious 😩 any indicators outside of the attention aspect
As long as dude got what he wanted out of the relationship too you shouldn't feel bad about it.
@@Brwniee95 i only love the idea of him, the *_spark_* was never there, i had an easy time walking away and i actually felt relieved when we broke up 😬
A relationship is not a tampon if you can't get your life together and live a fulfilling life alone a relationship is not going to fix that.
It will probably make it worse...
I dont understand this analogy, what does a tampon have to do with a relationship or life?
@@heheitsjohnE it's a metaphorical tampon mate... as in an item used to plug up a leak.
Just in this case the leak is your mental and social instability / insecurity that you are trying to fix by getting into a relationship.
@@Fuxy22 ohh makes sense now, thanks !
If we were all waiting to live a fulfilling life to start dating, we would all die alone.
But yeah, I agree you shouldn't wait for someone to "save you"
@@WMNKK who said you need to wait just work on yourself.
Also as long as you accept your life will be most likely more fucked up in a relationship than get any better and you still want it it's all good.
That's why I don't date anyone because I don't know
Edit: wow thanks a lot for all your likes, comments and attention! Please don't take my comment too seriously! I really like being single and what's why I don't date anyone and okay with this) Also I think it's okay if you eventually wanna try something but not so sure about it completely so you don't know)
Essentially took me 10 years to know why I am dating so just pace yourself 😂
it's fun I guess😂
Same I feel safer being single
It's okay to not know. If you actually don't know. Just don't use it as a manipulation tactic.
At least you know that you don’t know
Men: women that admit they're wrong sometimes don't exist
Anna: Hold my self-awareness from therapy
NEJERA SAN VISION 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
outlier
I'm a single pringle and proud of it!
God, I miss Pringles.......
Can you really stop eating them after just one pringle?
@@trinitrojack it's inhuman to be able to stop after one
YAS GIRL
Pringles are the best.
Your videos are one of the reasons I got very interested in psychology, which I've started studying this year and I've never felt so ambitious about anything ever in my life until now.
Thank you for being such an inspiration and causing that huge spark of interest for a subject :)
I love how your videos encourage self love while also advocating for us to take responsibility for our imperfections. It is SO important to be introspective so we can improve as humans, and noticing our growth areas is not at all the same as hating ourselves. Having accountability helps us recognize the ways that we are possibly causing harm to ourselves or others, and we have to do more of that in order to have healthy relationships with others.
I have now experienced two relationships where my partner had a perfect partner in mind and wanted me to be this "perfect partner". They both had their life plans without considering me as a part of their lives. They wanted a manequin to play the role.
Never again..
But I confess, I went into my last relationship because I felt lonely. Big mistake!
Wow. Planning really is everything: turning dates into relationships, turning interviews into jobs, and turning away from mental breakdowns.
I love that pointed this out.
I want to hang out with a guy who i can feel free to be myself around. Not much pressure up front while we grew the relationship slowly as well understood someone.
I am gonna be myself and respect the guy and really all I can ask for is the same in return. If it doesnt work out at least I dont feel like i cheated myself
Sometimes you see the red flags but choose to ignore it or recognize it.. Remember if he's not right for you, no point forcing it.. It never ends well
I have always trusted my gut instinct. Your mind will quickly tell you if it’s right or wrong. Don’t settle but listen to your own instincts
Says the guy married for close to 30 years!
wait u are married for datttt long ;0 ?????
dating now becomes really hard. i got out of a relationship of 5 years. i been single for 3 years now, and you know what im content with it
What about sex and intimacy?
That “I don’t know” is perfect to explain dating this day and age
Somewhere between overthinking things and not knowing/caring why you're dating a person is a happy medium. That typically requires a few relationships and heartbreaks to figure out. As my father you used to say, "You might not ever know what you want...but you will definitely know what you don't want in relationship."
I'm currently not dating because I know I'm not ready. I'm still dealing with past hurt and working on the best version of myself and my own future. I'm guilty of distracting myself from myself with another person. And for the entire duration of my singledom (7 months), I've been living alone. There is literally nowhere to run. Just me, myself, and I when I get home from work. And my cat :3
(Don't worry, I went to therapy during the first 3 months, I was a mess for a little while, but I'm betterish now.)
This is very insightful and completely accurate. I wish everyone put at least some thought into these matters.
I want a relationship so bad, but now I realize I want it for the wrong reasons. I need to work on myself first and lower my own red flags before I enter another person’s life.
HAHAHAHA 1:41 omg can we just appreciate how intelligent this analogy is LOL (speaking from experience yikes get the hell out of there if you find yourself trying to get their approval by morphing into their personality)
You seem fun!
I think sometimes people say that they don't know what they want because they don't know what they want from the other person. They don't want to say, "I want to get married some day," because they don't want to put it on the other person. They want to see how it goes.
Yeah, I also like it better to see what naturally happens. I've gotten some nice friends out of potential dating situations, it just didnt happen
If the other person doesn't want to get married ever, wouldn't you want to find out early on? Same as with whether you want to have kids. Those are too big things to leave for later in the relationship
Knowing what you want is about your life not about others. I can't stand it when people don't know how to communicate their needs and wants. I think it's a reflection of their self-awareness, probably not getting to know themselves as deeply as they could.
sure, but I still knew what I want before I dated my now boyfriend. I wanted a serious relationship, not just some "adventure", if you know what I mean. Of course doesn't mean that I have to marry the person I date in the moment I say "I'm looking for a serious relationship" it just means that he/she can't have a One Night Stand with me, or a friends with benefit kind of relationship, only something serious or no relationship at all, doesn't mean you can't take it slow and look if it works out or not.
@@libera7161 some people know that, i for instance didnt. I was open for whatever felt right with that person. Not looking for anything specifically, I liked meeting new people, I liked just having fun, I liked fwb and my now bf I ended up liking on another level. My approach was more "whatever happens, happens"
Is it weird that I watch Anna's videos about dating I feel like she's talking about business and not falling in love with someone
Kamila Obuchová People romanticize love and relationships way too much. When you’re in a relationship with someone you’re not spending everyday thinking about how in love you are or doing grand romantic gestures, you’re living your life, worrying about bills, people, your health, arguing about who’s gonna take the trash out. If you can make it through those stuff and still be in love then you got a real relationship.
Anna is pretty matter of fact when she talks about almost anything but that doesn't mean that she has no feelings. My experience watching her vids from almost since the beginning is that she feels things very deeply, maybe more deeply than she can express sometimes but the communication style she learned and that worked for her growing up was very just the facts mam. I think a lot of her videos are about her wanting to be cared about as deeply as she cares about others and that really resonates in my heart too.
Because when you love someone, you're supposed to love them like it's your job. And accountability for your role and other people's roles on a team is a big part of doing a job. (among other things, if you wanna know just ask.)
Julz Amidala f f f fii
I. I yu. Iiongn
M hnnhmmhmj
That's because relationships are essentially transactional with the exception of unconditional love (like a parent would have)
Well said.
I wish I'd had this sort of information when I was in highschool
Can't have red flags when dating if nobody wants to date you.
Um, that IS a red flag.
@@OmniscientlyMe Orrrrrr NEXT LEVEL thinking when living your life.
High five.........anyone..........that's right I'm alone. Nevermind.
🤣🤣
What if there’s people that want to date you but just don’t wanna date them?🤔
The only logic I need to be able to sleep at night
Short and straight to the point. I like itttttt
I recently got out of a relationship where I asked him at first what he was looking for and he said longevity, then he broke up with me after a month and said he wanted something casual 😂 Either he was too into me or not into me at all is what I'm thinking. Ah, the factors of breakups.
I have to remind myself, “you’re not in love with them, you’re just lonely and like the attention they give you.”
I think that my best friend is my soul mate, but I’m not sexually attracted to them. So like, do I date them? Do I not? Would it be bad of me to ask to have an open relationship/be polyamorous?! Can I date someone that I’m not sexually attracted to? Will I cheat on them? Too many questions to ask
Idk, unless your partner is asexual, I wouldn't do it at all. I was in a relationship with someone that wasn't sexually attracted to me and, while we loved each other, it was unfulfilling for me. J ended up losing my best friend because the relationship exhausted me.
Sounds similar to my situation. My best friend and I just celebrated our anniversary as moirails. We are poly and decided to pursue that when we got together
I would talk to yr friend and see if a romantic non monogamous relationship is something you would both be into. It's totally fine to get your needs filled by different people, it's healthy to not depend on one person for it all so maybe try that out
artdancelvr So update for everyone: he really wanted to try dating and I really did not enjoy it so I ended things, and he blocked me on everything :’) you hate to see it. BUT I’m in a very healthy relationship now that I’m attracted to physically and mentally so, I’m doin amazing
I wouldn't try it until you both are very serious about each other. Otherwise it isn't woth the risk of losing somebody so important if the relationship won't last. It happend to me sadly. We were together for 3 years but it was too complicated. I just lose my most precious person in the world. I can't recommend to just try out unless you're serious
Edit: I just saw your comment. I am so sorry you lost him as a friend :(( and I am happy you are fine :)
I love the animations on your videos it adds so much character
Who doesn’t? I question myself at the end of everyday. Analyze my behaviour and determine what needs improvement. Also went to therapy to confirm my self awareness, make sure I’m on the right track. No wonder I barely have any friends and am single 😂 people are seriously out there not working on their self growth.. 🤯 wtf are you doing with you life?!?!? Blaming everyone for your short comings?!
PLEASE BE MY FRIEND. 😩 My actual friends here aren't so uplifting or encouraging when it comes to stuff like that. Seriouslyyy their attitudes are so draining sometimes.
*We attract what we are*
Dang, I've seen you everywhere. I'm subscribing
Edit: I already am apparently lmaoo
Stop stalking internet
Oh thanks a lot, Sigmund Freud.
😓
If someone is open to talking about what they want, even though they can’t or don’t want to title it like friends with benefits or something serious, that’s not a red flag. That’s just not someone you should personally date before you do know what you want. That’s no fault of them, there are plenty of other people in the world who also just want to date and see where it goes and don’t start relationships with expectations
Your videos are like the best, you keep things short and straight to the point and yet in a funny entertaining and easy to watch manner. No stretching for 10mins, Anna best youtuber ever.
just so happened that i am facing these red flags rn and you uploaded about this. thanks anna ♥️
Your videos are good: well edited, thoughtful, and open. Keep it up!
Ugh you’re so well spoken!! So many great points
I love how short and sweet your videos are
She pinned down the exact thoughts I have going into online dating. Too many are asking preferential "what do you like" questions and not these real questions which enable an understanding of your position and current state of mind. Anna's vids are always good!
Genuinely LOVE your videos so much Anna.. Self awareness 👌🏾✨
THANK YOU! Finally someone talks about being self reflective in dating and life in general, unlike the usual "oh this person is bad for you" kind of stuff. Sometimes the problem is me, it's us, and I know about it and I need content about it!
Your videos always come at the right moment for me. Thank you for those short formats that let us think more after 💕
Anna helps me so much I swear I make much better decisions now because of all the inputs she gives
okay u posted this right when i needed this omg
Anna you saving lives out here thanks love
Anna you literally always pull through and save my life 😭
you always seem to put out videos right when i need them
needed this. thank you
I needed to watch that. Thanks!
Love your content and vids! 💙💛 Insightful and amazingly produced. You're a born 🌟 girl
this was actually very reassuring! i'm surprisingly going in the right direction!!
so happy i found your channel! these vids are great! 10/10
*I guess I have to break up with myself, idk how to break the news...* 😞
The awkward desperation sex afterwords will be fantastic too.
you are a beautiful human being
i love your videos. you're so insightful. i love you!
Omg Anna u have no ideas how much u help us and save our lives girl !
I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS ANNA!!! That’s how we should always start, with ourselves first!!!! And lots of honesty :)
I just stumbled upon your channel, and I’m so grateful. Thank you for all your advise and kindness and laughter it truly lightens my day
I love you so much! Thanks for being so helpful!💛
Anna always telling me exactly what I need to hear when I need it
Relationship needs to be built. Mutual respect and communication is the foundation.
hi anna you always seem to post videos that are exactly what i need at the exact time i need it thank you so much for that
good vid anna.
Honesty and straight-forwardness
Her editing skills are soooo good
That did get me thinking, I think everyone likes attention. I know I had feelings for my bf when we both started developing our friendship but overtime, yeah feelings go away sometimes because my emotional needs are not getting met but we do resolve our needs towards each other.
Loved it. Such wisdom!
Your videos are really inspiring and at same time it's very
interesting 💕💕
I REALLY NEEDED THIS
By the way, you're really GORGEOUS
Actual good advice.
girl i was needin' this
Anna you're so great🙌
Omg i just love this girl and all of her advice
Thanks Anna, your content always makes me smile :)
Oh, I'm constantly questioning myself, good ol' anxiety.
Thank you Anna! One of the most helpful videos in my life
These are reminders to reflect on our intentions when dating.
No way there’s just 3. There has to be more. WE NEED TO QUESTION OUT SELVES MOOOORRREEEE
I enjoy your videos. Good questions but not ones that everyone wants to ask themselves for truthful answers. Dating is one portal for self discovery which sometimes we never realize why we're doing it until we are confronted with realities and truth about ourselves. Some are never quite ready to know that much about themselves. Keep being awesome.
Absolutely love you! Sending love from India. I hope you are safe and sound💕💕
Great observation advise
I love colors in Anna's videos. They are so vibrant. She must be have really good camera.
Miss Akana, you are as wise as you are beautiful. Sometimes, I wish that I was better about making my intentions clear when I'm dating. In the area that I live in, being direct seems to be kind of a taboo until it's very difficult
I love your stuff!!
Love that you always keep it real
I really dig the comic book style editing, more of that!
i was questioning my love life lately.. this is the best vid thanks Anna as always
Motivation and codependency are habits I’m trying to work through before dating again 😅
In a lot of cases I think "I dont know" = laid but they don't want to admit that they just want that. Say this because I used to be like that.
Love you Anna!!! Thank you for giving me a bucket list now that I'm single (trying to fix my broken soul after breaking up with my ex)
I've got this notification the same second my crush typed me that he likes me and wants to date😂
How did it go😂👏🏻Congrats BTW
@@gracequail7541 It did go well, were going to the movies lol and thanks!
Yay congrats!! Sending you and your crush good vibes and blessings !!!
@@ChuckChilla Same to you!
woww good luck
Stay awesome Gotham Anna
Hola Miss Akana and everyone ♥️
'It's like you're the host, and I'm your parasite.'
I gotta try that line on someone.
Damnnnn i love this!!!
Your videos are so on time always... I'm in the dating period right now and that's what I needed