What He REALLY Needs To Know Before He Commits to You (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2024
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I post new dating advice for women every Sunday.
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I’m about to let you in on a secret about men, but I should warn you: Most women don’t believe me when I say this.
Here goes...
Men notice a lot more than you think.
I know. It sounds crazy. Men are always painted as dumb gorillas who don’t care about anything except for taking a woman’s clothes off and eating sandwiches.
Now, although that may be enough to get him hooked for a night (OK, maybe a week), what gets him to commit is actually much more subtle.
In this week’s video, I’ll reveal an untold secret about what makes men see you as “girlfriend material,” and show you exactly how to make him desire you more than any woman he’s dated with a few simple tweaks in your behavior.
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![Want a Commitment With Him? Do These 2 Things FIRST [+ Free Gift] (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)](/img/n.gif)
Before committing, have a serious talk about values, future goals, religious and scientific points of views, what is abuse in a relationship, what is cheating in a relationship (sexually & emotionally), finances, what to do to prevent and resolve conflict, and anything that's important to you. Don't sacrifice your feelings and values to "win" a person, and don't pressure them to believe what you believe. It's OK if ya don't match and aren't supposed to be in a relationship. Better to find out before investing too much! If ya are right for each other, then YAY!
Best advice on here
Happy
What if you love the person? I can’t move on to someone who’s good for me on paper abandoning someone I have true feelings for.
perfectly said i love this, i want to copy this to share if i get him ever
5years ago.. but this advice is still helping a lot of people :’) thank u so much
You are sooo right👏
and sometimes u do everything right and realize it just wasn't meant to be
Nelly Corrales welcome to heartbreak city
Yep
True. Yet, it is very awarding to realize that you did everything right. It is so much better to give it all right and have it not work because it was not meant to be, rather than to regret for not doing it all or not doing it right, and the latter being the reason for having it not to work at the end of the day.
Yup, and it sucks ass.
Exactly! There is no 💯 formula! Sad but true.
1. How do you treat people when you know no one is watching?
2. Have his back. No clingy/neediness, no guilt trips. 3. Be great with the other people in his life. Encourage his relationships with the other important people in his life.
Care about and tend to the relationships with the people he cares about well.
a man is actually teaching me to be a better woman. I need to marry you Matthew! lol
🙋
Ding right!!
We all should lolll
I told my bf that I could see him as my husband after 3 months of dating. Planted an idea in his head, in a couple of months he proposed. He was so excited. The funniest thing, that he thinks it was totally HIS idea :) We have been married for 4 years now.
@john smith wow rude
@john smith ah I see your point now but still it really isn't up to you to accuse someone is cheating despite what data shows. Also that 3/4 of people cheating is a bit misleading (the real data was that 3 in 4 people have cheated or have been cheated on)
I did the same after about half a year and he broke up with me two weeks later. He was the first (and so far the last) guy I could realistically imagine spending my life with. :(
I'm trying to figure out how to find out whether my guy is willing to get married again, and not, like, several years down the line (we're both experienced and older - 37 and 44). I already know he wants to be with me pretty much forever, but I do really want to get married. Maybe I can find a subtle way to let him know that without him thinking it was my idea, like you did.
@THE ZOLDICS nope, still married 9 years later, hater :)
I agree particularly on the first one. I broke up with a man i loved so much because one night we had dinner at this cool restaurant. It was supposed to be a perfect date night and it was.. until he showed how rude he was to the waitress who was nothing but sweet to us. Instant turn-off. Left the very next day. I can't commit to a rude person like that
Good move. Eventually he would've been like that to you, too.
"trust me.... he's watching.."
great advice!
That "I'm gonna call a cab" is such a good advice! I remember myself getting grumpy when my husband talk to his dude friends for hours. Should have done that and let the guys enjoy themselves!
you're not becoming his whole world. . . you're becoming a part of it.
Well said 👍😀
Absolutely the same with women: they watch the guy they like at all times. Particularly with other women who like him but he doesn't like back.
If he introduces you to his family, I think most guys see that as commitment already ..
I was always against meeting his friends / family but with time it's one of best things to do...
Been introduced to families twice by ex's, and it's through meeting family + friends that I came to know so much about the men I were with and especially dark stuff...
Immediately I knew they were not men for me....
Even the kind of friends they had, we're enough to tell the men were not keepers
It's important to ask you partner if they mind you hanging out with their friends/family before you do it.
Danshy Alaza what you're talking about is insecurity and beung untrusting.
Drew Whitehead no. there's no reason for a gf to be hanging out with a male friend of yours alone.
That's a pretty possessive thought. You shouldn't have to ask anyone about being friends with whoever you want to be friends with. Plus, if you believe your partner would do something wrong by for example going out with someone of the other sex, the real issue is your lack of trust.
i agree to your comment,its important to ask first!maybe he /she doesnt want to be wth them,isnt? like my situation i can relate on this....
coz i try to ask my bf if i can meet her parents or sister he answer me;if you're not happy wth me,i
can't force u to stay wth me?
so i make a mistake to ask about that matter
so i let it just a wind blows...
if he doesnt want it ok
As a man I confirm everything in this video. It's so disappointing when the woman you are with cant get along or hold a conversation with your friends. And it's so attractive when the friends I admire enjoy talking to the person I'm with. Makes a huge difference.
@Matthew Hussey I can't thank you enough for your advice!!! I'm getting out of a damaging toxic relationship with a man who left me for dead. Your words hit hard with reality: "When you commit to somebody in life, you're not just committing to that person, you're committing to their relationship with the rest of the world. Because you know that you're going to be close enough to them, that the way they treat everybody else is also going to have an impact on you". The man treated me like a queen, even planned our marriage, just long enough to form a serious attachment. What I didn't realize is that his disrespectful, malevolent treatment of others would return twofold to me. Now I'm trying to heal from heartless, disrespectful treatment I don't believe any girl deserves. Your advice has helped tremendously and gives me strength to move forward.
So true.
Like the spice girls song...
"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends"
Please take attachment styles into account. Anxious, Avoidant, Anxious/Avoidant and Stable. No matter what you do, a man or woman with avoidant attachment will not stay in a relationship for long.
Absolutely, the problem is how to recognise one
That's not true. I have that attachment style. I just require that whoever I date is consistent and patient.
I agree...provided he is a guy of substance. A woman can do and be all these things and still not get a committment. Many people dont value good people. 😉
Ria Ramcharan happened with me. 😥
Great advise as always, something I always talk about when people ask me what I find important in an relationship.
Keep up the good work man!
Thank you for giving a voice to some of these key relationship necessities. I see they admiration in his eyes and he pulls me closer after we spend time with others.
Can we clone Matthew??
deanea jones would be great, hmmm! 😏
He is literally my dream guy
He is my dream brother :P
deanea jones y
deanea jones Yes! Many many times))))))
Focus on the way you are with everybody else -- really great advise. Thanks, Matt!
Thanks so much for that!!! I have been talking to my dream guy for a few weeks as just friends and he is helping me with my business, but I definitely want more. This has helped me a lot!!!!
This man is genuine. I'm glad there is someone teaching these truths!
Good points, but you should have a title and a clear understanding about the status of the relationship before meeting the friends and family.
thePhoenixQueen So, I am guy and based on the comments I am reading you ladies think I shouldn't ask the girl I am interested in to join me in a club my peers and I are working on creating?
How would you introduce her? "This is so-and-so, the girl I'm interested in"? It's one thing to introduce a girl as your friend, if that's all she is, but most women want to be introduced as "This is my girlfriend" when it comes to being introduced to friends and family. I, myself, won't bring a guy around family and peers as "someone I'm interested in". I want to be able to say "This is my boyfriend". Besides, won't someone wind up saying, "So are you two dating/seeing each other?", anyway?
thePhoenixQueen You're right. I might inevitably friend zone my self that way. She knows I am intrested and I am pretty sure she is too, but she wants to take it slow before we start dating off campus. So, I wouldn't know how to introduce her, and bringing her might squash my chances of romantic intrest.
You two should have a talk about it.
This is good advice and the way he responds can also give you a lot of valuable information about the guy. I once felt really tired and wanted to go home when a friend of my boyfriend was visiting from out of town. I told him to please stay out and enjoy his friend, I could get home alright. But the boyfriend got super angry and was worried about how it would look if he let me leave on my own (we live in a pretty safe city, it was a short and easy bus ride home). So he furiously insisted on taking me home and then guilt-tripped me and hated me that I "made" him leave his friend. Behaving like a kind and mature adult makes you look better and it also is a red flag if he can't handle it and needs you to cling to him or sacrifice your own wellbeing.
It really depends on how much time he spends with friends contra me (le girlfriend). If he wants me to attend every party that he is going to with his friends, it can become too much. The same goes if I just have to leave a party without him for the sake of his needs being fulfilled it can have an impact on my own needs. Balance is important and sometimes you must drag him home with you or ask him not to go. Both people in the relationship has needs, so if compromises can't be made, I don't see how a relationship can work
I'm really shy and introverted, so talking to people like that is really hard for me. So I stopped going with him to every family and friends event... He ended up breaking up with me because "I wasn't there enough" and I can't help myself but to blame myself thinking how my pain is my own fault. He is the only guy I ever cared for and I blew it. I wish there was something I could do to get him back.
Thank you for the video, Matthew! I'm going to be introduced to his brother + wife + kids in Sydney this christmas. I had no idea what to do. Now I have a clue how to be when I meet them. Thanks so much!
Such outstanding advice Matthew. Also, the easiest way to pick out fake behavior. Really enjoy your videos.
Actually if two ppl are in genuinely in love with each other then they don't require coach like you at all cz love will bloom there relationship naturally but unfortunately ppl are not honest so world require more ppl like you. Lots of love 😍I'm ur big fan 🤗
And I really hope with all your love notes we all honest ppl would get our true love whoever watching this channel 😍😍😍
This is very reassuring because now I know that I always was worth committing to, despite my ex previously making me believe I was worthLESS. Thankyou so much Matthew! Xxx
This is so true! I'm guilty of this mistake of not doing this.
Vital message. I am currently taking this advice and didn't realize. Thank you for reinforcing ⚡️
This is so true. One of the things heath points about me is that Im just really kind. I am going theough a tough time but I often encourage him to see his friends. Sometimes though I asked him to come cuddle with me instead of being with his family because I dont feel confident around his family. I have alot of anxiety so sometimes I can barely make it through dinner.
Sorry Matthew but I'm not going to meet his friends or family if he hasn't already committed to me. Let alone create a relationship with the people in his life if he isn't committed. Remember what you said about investing in a relationship? If he isn't 100% invested in me, I don't want to invest in the extended people in his life.
Princess Hillary 100% AGREED. I followed this advice with a guy, but then he just did not prioritize me at all. he forgot birthdays, holidays, and even refused to meet my friends. it wasn't until after I told him that I was seriously done with him that he tried to do all of this as if he could make up the past couple of years in a month. he's a good guy, but I want to be more than just an after thought especially since I invested more of my time and energy in our relationship.
also, just to clarify, I had several serious talks with him about this and each time he said that he would change it.
While theoretically it makes sense that a guy shows the lady to other people in his life before he decided to commit,I don't see much of this in my life. Would I want to show my family a guy I'm not yet sure about? No.I've been introduced to my ex'es parents after he said we're exclusive. I've also heard my uncle telling his 20yo son that he should respect the girls feelings and not bring the girl to the family gathering and give her false hope if he is not yet certain this relationship will last.
I make sure I meet his friends before I decide to commit. If I don't like them. Then most likely it won't work. I met my late husbands family and friends pretty quickly and his friends are still in my life years after he passed. They're my friends now.
Princess Hillary isn't this about PHASES of commitment? Somebody isn't just all of a sudden say, "I've decided to commit to you today!" No, you're BUILDING a relationship. So yes, you are going to start meeting people in his life such as friends and family if you're actually spending time with them and getting to know them. When you're getting to know a person you are also getting to know and get introduced to people in his or her life. It's not just going to be the 2 of you always amd then one magical day you meet everyone else he knows after you both have decided to be together.
Some of these things I've already done (and still doing) without even realizing it! Or at least until Matt pointed it out ;)
So, been with my boyfriend for just over two years and before we started dating, he was loosely studying for this certification (he's an IT help desk associate) to advance his career and when I say loosely, I mean he would look at the study material every month or so. As a student myself, I've encouraged him to be a little more diligent about it so we started studying together and it got to a point about a month ago where we hardly saw each other just so he could really hit the books and take his test. In reverse, when the subject of my career path comes up in conversation, he'll ask me questions about what I'm looking to go into (investigative journalism) but I'll get a little discouraged when I can't give a definitive answer. He won't ask to belittle me but to feed his own curiosity and to help me refine what I want to do.
My bf is everything I could ever ask for in a guy so I plan keeping him
I have to comment on this one. So inspirational, so true and so educational. Omg!!!
These are such great advice, and I feel like this is the way you should be, supportive, selfless etc. not just with guys. I'm watching this video and I know if I'm dating someone that I'll be supportive and caring because that's how I am, BUT I'm pretty convinced that that guy won't give a shit about reciprocating all of these things to me. I feel like I always care way more about people, then they do about me. And it makes me feel kind hopeless about all of this.
Ohmygod you ALWAYSSS gives the best advice!! Thank you so much!!
He's is so HANDSOME and his voice is so seductive .!!!😍
yes
Ctre Ptre hehe yes ! :)
+Ctre Ptre " He's is so HANDSOME and his voice is so seductive .!!!"
You sound so thirsty! Wow! His videos should help you meet somebody.
Ctre ptre yes he has a beautiful smile
Hi Matthew, I have been following you for a while. Great channel. How ever it seems that all these men you mentioned do not like to communicate.
It's exhausting for me to constantly to be aware of my actions and making sure that all my moves are the "right moves".
My EQ is not particularly high. I am also extremely busy with my job and my other businesses that I don't really have much time to plan or strategize. Being myself is much easier. I love asking a guy straight up what they like and don't like about me, or what their relationship needs are or Why can't a guy just communicate "hey babe, when yo did x, y or z I didn't like that because it made me feel disrespected ".
but I noticed this behaviour often comes in as aggressive :(. this is not my intention, my intention is simply to just be authentic with play and drama. if I do the other stuff you mentioned, I feel like I'm playing games. yet I'm 32 with no relationship so I must do doing something wrong. What do you suggest?
Very very consequentual topic and time. ! Thank you Matthew
Thank you 4 making this video Mathew so informative... .
I really messed up after my last relationship. I kept focusing on him and I instead of realizing I should make myself happy and encourage him. I understand why he would do certain things to me because I did things that made him feel and act that way. I really hope I can work it out with him again.
AH just the video i was looking for. Thanks, Matthew! Is there a video of you discussing how you're not sure if the person you're still getting to know is talking to other women as well? Something along those lines
You have awesome advice!!! You tell people exactly what they need to here
Logical and concise with experiential merit. I think this is good advice.
OMG! One of my girlfriends is insecure/controlling as you've just described! She is so self servicing and even as going out as girls night out she has to have her handheld all the time! I feel smothered! Her ex husband had to end friendships and relationships, plus any guy time for himself in nearly every form because of her complaining. Then she wondered why he became upset and negative toward her after years together. She tried to out a bandaid on the whole relationship at the end just to say she tried to make it work. When the whole time she expected him to make her happy and who knows what that entailed because she was not thankful or grateful for anything she had or that he had provided for her! Her Mother and sister are the same way with their husbands. Sad.
Very important message Mr.Hussey
Awesome distinctions Matthew thank you wise man great advice :)
This is so true! Whenever my team goes for staycation and I send pic with my teammates guys he will immediately call , and this staycations happen frequently. So this past few weeks, he's like pulling away.. So sending him photos of whats going on. is a no no. XD
Thanks so much Matthew for your great and kind advise...
I love your videos and you really help me to understand myself and people around me. next time could you tell about dating ex's best friend.
Love this simple reminder
thank you for speaking on behalf man side Matthew! now is getting clearer...
hmmm, ladies please control yourself & leave Matt alone !!!!
Woah brother this is so true 😳 ladies he's a genius. Thank you Matthew and thank you ladies for trying to be better people. I know I'll try to be a better person for at least one lady. God bless and all the best 😉
hey! I just want to Thank you for your useful and practical advices! they have really made my life easier and me more confident! thank you! good luck!
Excellent advice, this is so true! 😀
goodness i love pleasing other People , i care about making them happy becouse it hurt me to see People sad aroudy me, specially to see my man happy couse am all about making feel love ,to simply serve him the well for he is needed. thank you so much.
This is how a met someone, I made a comment on his family, which was positive, and he sent me a message, and now we are friends.
Thank u so much. I would apply this in my life.
its very on point thankyou matthew
My ex not wanting to have anything to do with my family was precisely why I couldn't commit to her. This was all over a difference of opinion that they could have never possibly understood and she NEVER forgave them. We broke up just shy of 5 years together, living together for nearly 4.
We still love one another, though she couldn't cope with my family, and I couldn't respect her boundaries and requests that I mistakenly took for controlling and neurotic.
omg dude this is perfect my crush recently told me he likes me after almost a year with being real close
Best advice I heard all day!
Wanted to see what this video was about. To be honest i couldn't agree more. This is something i do look for in a women I'm dating.
You are as usual spot on Matt!
Did anyone else take a personal inventory during this video? I was definitely surprised when I did! Thanks for the confidence boost Matt! =)
Too late, he broke up with me 2 weeks ago
Alright.
kim kon SAME. 2 weeks before our 1 year
Kim same
I love your videos and you always make do much sense however I believe that in some cases this could be different depending on cultures too
Such a great advice!
I love you and Mr. Jameson, thanks so much ;)
this video is gold
I'm sad because I did all of this and still it wasn't enough. I introduced him to my friends the following weekend he stood me up for his 💔
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Awesome tips 😀❤️
Excelent video!
omg that was excellent 👍💕💕💕💕
Fantastic advice 👍😁💯
Oh boy....too much work...🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄. Been there, done that. Not worth so much stress. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Relax, just be honestly and truly 100% yourself. If he wants to stay through all of it, he will.
Being single is one hell of a lot easier depending on who the people are.
I have been seeing a guy for almost 3 months. After our first two dates(in which I did not have sex with him) he told me he was not looking for a relationship. We had connected instantly on an intellectual and spiritual as well asexually attracted way and had spent hours sharing our lives very openly. He opened up almost immediately to me and me to him. So, when he told me this I was devastated . He has been divorced over 2 years. I had been out of a relationship over 6 months and was ready for a relationship. So, I told him I could not continue dating him if that was how he felt. He continued to pursue me all week and I decided to go out with him again that weekend and did sleep with him. I continued dating him another few weeks and again when he threw up the no relationship open to dating others I was ready to walk away. But he fought to get me to stay. He said he didn't want to lose my friendship... I told him once I decided to leave then I would no longer let him in my life. That I had to let him go to be open to other men. Well, I stayed and he did say he wouldn't date other woman and hasn't. We have had so much fun traveling and talking and enjoying each others company. He did go to his families for Thanksgiving and texted and called me all the time saying how much he missed me and wished I was there and even told his friends and family about me and showed them pictures. So, after three months of dating exclusively when he told me he was going to see his family for the holidays and wanted to go alone I was so hurt. He knew he had hurt me and tried to explain but I couldn't listen .. get past the pain of feeling not allowed into that part of his life. I shut down and pulled away to the point of being ready to break it off. He was fine with me walking away and after I told him I wasn't he told me that he now knew he did not want a committed relationship with anyone. So, my question is what do I do ? I truly love this silly man but if he is not ever going to let me in and commit like he says then I am wasting my time. And hurting myself in the long run. But, I know he really does care about me and tells me all the time he does and how much he enjoys spending time with me and has been exclusive with me ... any suggestions are welcome.
Lisa Bingham Honey, my advice to you is when a man says he doesn't want a commitment, believe him. Do not try to change his mind, it's a waste of time. He will indeed persue you, because he surely enjoys it, and maybe even because he likes you... (Surely you are a wonderful woman), but you will never be good enough for someone who doesn't know what they want. I know you wrote this 2 months ago, and I hope that by now things have worked out for you. Just remember that you deserve to be with a man that loves you to pieces, not by halves. I wish you the best of luck!
What happened?
He is not looking for a relationship. He is looking for emotional comfort/therapy. I'm not going to accuse him of being a player because he has been through a divorce. Most likely he is afraid of getting hurt again, but he is lonely and wants sex and emotional comfort. Therefore, he wants a girlfriend, but he wants to avoid making a commitment to anyone in an effort to protect himself. He may be a good guy, but if a real relationship is what you want, you need to cut him off. When you are no longer available, you give him incentive to commit to you. Good luck.
I don't agree with that last.. Maybe it's someone tricky and he's gone through hard times and he is trying to protect himself, I'd never back down from something like that even if it means I might fail or get hurt, everyone has their problems so 2 people need to support each other. Yeah if he's not giving back then eventually it will break, but you might find the sweet spot too. Surely someone afraid to get hurt that badly is going to get pretty pumped up for someone giving themselves over a little bit, then he won't want to lose you, I guess not everyone can commit right away.
I’m in the same boat. He didn’t say that he doesn’t want a relationship but he says that he feels like I am moving the dating phase faster than he is. This is crazy talk because he is the one who told me that he loves me first. He says that he is falling for me so quickly that he can not keep up with it and he isn’t processing everything as quickly as I am. He also says that he’s not used to things moving so fast. I think in his head he has a timetable about how this should go and when he met me, things just naturally progressed faster than his timetable and so he’s freaking out at me for wanting the relationship to progress to commitment. So I asked him if he wants us to slow down and not see each other as much and maybe date other people. He says no. Then I asked him, “if you don’t want things to change then how is it that it’s too fast?” He had no response. I cried and it hurt him to see me cry and then he said that he wants me in his life and that he just doesn’t know right now if we should be friends or in a relationship. He is going out of town and he said he will think about it while he’s gone and we will have a conversation about it when he returns. I guess I’m just not sure how someone can love you, not date other people, spend all of his time with you and not want to commit to you. It makes no sense! He started giving me all the cliche reasons about why relationships fail and I ask him if I do any of those things and he said no. He then went on to say that something must be wrong with him for being confused about this and he called himself an idiot. I told him nothing was wrong with him. He left and he told me he wants to see me for dinner and movies this week. I feel so confused!
YOU are my dream guy Matthew!!!
Fabafter5 meh
Lol..Mathew you are my dream brother .Lets grab a beer and discuss my possible recruitment :P...I am loving this anonymity ..khi khi :D
Fabafter5 me too
i love love love love love your haircut matt!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍
When I hear women I work with or I'm friends with complain and ask where all the 'good' men have gone I want to send them your way Matthew! They don't realise they aren't making themselves attractive to the good men by showing them they're worth the time and effort!
Thanks Mathew what you said its totally right we need our girlfriend to get along and be nice to our friends and family otherwise she is not worthy.
Awesome video
I guess many perceive girls as more needy, but I think this goes both ways. It is definetely important for me that a guy who I like can stand and create good relationships with people who I care about. If he can't, it will simply result in me separating him from family and friends and thus reducing the time we could have spent together.
This hairstyle fits you perfectly
Wow that's powerful!
This is what I look for in a guy too. My ex-husband was crap at all these things. I invested in his relationships just the way you describe Matthew, but he never did it back to those important to me & that hurt massively. That was one of the reasons for the divorce (there were others too of course but this was a big one). So this goes both ways. If a guy you date doesnt do all this back for you then he is NOT a keeper. Back out.
Can I say Amen to this video!!!!
What if the problem is: I am doing, most of the things you told us. But my partner never does anything like this for me. So it comes to the point, where I am loving and caring, and most importantly SERVING. I want to be supported too, I need that. How can I make him understand my needs too? Because many of my contributions (that I think are natural for me to make) take much energy from me, and at the end, I get an "empty plate" in return.
so good and so true.
Beginning to think Matthew is the love of my life😂🔥❤️
He did this, then i ask for commitment then he said “ he sees me so much in LDR and it hurts like hell. I dont think my feelings are the same yours” well?!
Amazing!
There's a point sir
But it's depend the situation.
thank you
These things (not including the last one) got me friend-zoned. Physical Attraction is more important than any of these things. If he's not physically attracted to you, it doesn't matter how much you peacock around, he's not going to want you.