My Husband Refuses to Live With Me (The Kids Trigger Him)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 พ.ย. 2024
- My Husband Refuses to Live With Me (The Kids Trigger Him)
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This doesn’t sound like a marriage…. It barely even sounds like a relationship.
It sounds like a hot mess
100%!
I wouldnt be with this harlot lol
Yep
…I don’t think this even qualifies as a friendship.
I'm so glad my mom waited until we were grown to re-marry. 🙌🏾 I cannot imagine living with this conflict and confusion.
I just a convo with my son about this, I've also stayed single. He told me he was thankful because I also showed him it was OK to be single. ❤
Run!!!! I was in a similar relationship. You're making it on your own now, let that man go! God will give you strength that you need. Trust me, you're stronger than you think.
Agreed!
My mom remarried after all her kids moved out too. None of us lived at home when she remarried.
Same here. My mom never remarried but she waited until I was out of my own until she started dating again. I'm so grateful she did. It showed me was okay to be single and focus on yourself and your family. It also showed me that I was important to my mom, and I think we have the awesome relationship we do now because of that reason.
Hope anyone cheating or thinking about cheating sees this one.
Why
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Definitely. People always think the grass is greener. Then when it's not they're crying woe is me.
I think she should prepare to leave. They already have a father. They don't need your new husband. 4 kids is A LOT! Please try to raise your children without being in a relationship. Date yourself for a little while.
I only had 1 kid and that's exactly what I did.
Wrong, while I understand the logic of stop dating and raise your kids. Those kids need a father in their life. Single mother households breed psychopaths! Maybe find a "good" guy to help raise them? Now most women won't get a good guy cause he's to boring, ugly, short etc. Pick a better man ladies and take some responsibility for your actions.
My kids are grown and I never want to cohabitate with anybody and never will marry again after a 25 yr marriage. A lot of married people have told me I shouldn't rule out a second marriage however they are secretly talking about divorce LOL
I had a 1 y/o and a 4 y/o and I left….. best decision I ever made!!! ❤😊👍🏾
What stupid advice!!! Read some stats!!!
I broke my legs running to the comment section.
Haha it was worth it. Right?? 😂
I’m sorry to hear that. Recovering from a broken ankle, it’s a long road. Best of luck.
Lmao
😂😂😂
If my kids trigger you, that's going to trigger me. So no thank you bye.
"Be as emotional as you need to...it's ok"- I love the compassion and validation offered in that statement and by Dr John in general. I hope I emulate this energy to the people who honor me by sharing their thoughts and feelings❤
I don’t mean to make fun of the situation, but she’s not honoring herself and I don’t think he’s giving her enough advice on taking some time to discover who she is when this marriage fails!!!! She needs help to have four children, and she had an emotional affair, seriously!! It’s time to self reflect. I pray she figures it out.
@@Portia620 I don't feel that he was disregarding the emotional affair, I think he was focusing on the fact that this is her second marriage. That happened in her first and she's coparenting well with her first husband who she said is very supportive of her situation and their children. Her marriage is crumbling bc her husband isn't a partner. Dr John laid out clear action plans for her going forward, like him moving in, individual therapy for her and couples counseling, setting clear boundaries with the children, etc.
Who marries someone that doesn't want kids? She can be a single mom and she can do it again. This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard from a mother today... Am I judging? YES!!! I just broke up with a guy because he never wanted to include my kids and he was getting mad that my current situation didn't give me the ability to leave my kids alone at my house. Once you become a parent your kids shouldn't be put second to anyone or anything.
In case anyone is interested, this is the same caller that was on the Ramsey Show recently-the video is called “Been Married for 2 Years and Have Never Lived Together”
I was wondering if it was the same call.
She gets around
And yet nowhere
Why does she keep calling if she’s not gonna take their advice???
@@ma_ncubegonna bet she likes the attention
Thank You for posting this! It sounded just like the same person so I’m glad I’m not confused!
I think my life's messed up but then i listen to this...
@Oceangirl😂😂🤣🤣IKR?
Same here. Makes my life feel simple.
Least you didnt have an affair and ruin kids lives
Oh you wanna feel better about your life you should hear mine atm would make it feel like a fairytale probably 😂😂 (also not trying to downplay your own misfortunes just wanted to make you laugh)
😂
I know it is not easy to be a single woman with 4 kids. I was divorced about 12 years ago with 3 kids, not much help economically from my ex husband, I worked hard, I also did not want to have another man that was not their dad in our lives. Thank God I had what I needed to raise them, sometimes it was very challenging, but we can do it if we really want to...forget about your new husband and start a new life with your 4 kids.
After a while you will feel proud and your kids will be thankful 🙏
Great advice. I'm sure your children have a better relationship with you than they would have had if you would have got with a man that considered them a burden. I grew up being that "burden" to all the many women that my single dad brought in and out of my life and it greatly affected me.
That's awesome that you put your kids first. This caller definitely needs to take your advice. ❤
I wish my mom had done that. Your kids will love & respect you for showing you out them first. You also taught them hard work, and that it’s okay to start over and get out of a relationship to seek happiness at any age. That’s a life lesson they’ll teach their kids.
Can you explain how you did this?
I too was a single parent with two little girls,and I had to run away from a terrible marriage (from their father). I worked two and sometimes 3 jobs to provide a home and safe place to raise them. It took years before their father came around to being a dad to them. My best advice is to remember that you have 4 little ones which means that you have 8 eyes watching what you choose to do, provide for them. Look in the mirror and learn to love yourself, and don't rely on someone else to fill that void, find it from the inside.
I have a friend who pushes for marriage 6 months into a relationship. She has 3 failed marriages. Sounds like he married to shut her up. Those marriages never work.
Wow. I would NEVER be pressured into marrying. Unreal.
That’s still not her fault, no one has to get married to shut someone up.
I've known men who ask for marriage on impulse as well. One asked my friend a couple months in. She said no. He kept asking especially when something happy/exciting would happen.
She ended it. Something wasn't right.
But no one should feel forced, but ultimately he asked.
He married her for access to her, He gets certain benefits and gets to take off when he feels like it. Yeah he is not a man, he is a boy. Totally spineless.
This is interesting because a few days ago , I read a comment that was advising people to take it slow and don't get married in 6 months.
But I've heard from others that if he doesn't put a ring on your finger in 6 months, he doesn't want you.
Now I'm confused.
My guess is she had the affair with him and he felt bad breaking up her marriage so he felt obligated to marry her. He’s still sending her mixed messages because he feels guilty. Maybe I’m way off but that’s my theory.
He didn't feel obligated. Because he had every opportunity to drop her before marrying her.
Not like he lived nearby. I don't think he feels guilty at all. It's more like he loved the sex when they were seeing each other, but he honestly thought she would dump her kids and join him with zero remorse. She's depressed and now, depressed lady isn't any fun anymore.
@@philwill0123 ****BINGO!***
Sounds like what I thought too.
You are spot on.
Makes sense
When I was dedicing whether or not yo stay married to my ex, one of the things that gave me peace of mind was sitting down (although I was terrrified of the outcome) and filling out a spreadsheet with my budget. My therapist encouraged me to do so and it was a game changer. I realized exactly how I could make it work. It gave me clarity and it gave me strength.
I also made a list of life-situations that I tought would be difficult without a partner, and wrote down ways in which I could solve them by myself or with the help of other people in my life. All of those little things gave me so much confidence, and allowed me to concentrate on other, more emotional aspects of the separation process.
First husband sounds like everything she needs the second husband to be
maybe 3rd husband will be the one. 4th or 5th if not
Women really think the grass is often greener on the other side and it's not.
Yep, that’s why she shouldn’t have cheated. I don’t feel bad anymore after she said that…
@@funicon3689 😂😂😂
They’re so damn selfish. Me me me. Never satisfied. More more more.
I divorced my husband as he resented my 2 sons from my first marriage and the hurt was unimaginable, I could not forgive. He's lovebombed us for the past year trying to fix it, but the damage is done. Never again will I tolerate a jealous insecure man.
Sorry you experienced this. The guy knew her situation and too many people in the comments acting like "he got in over his head". Guy has every opportunity to nope out the relationship before marriage, and I don't doubt he lovebombed OP to marry her. Because a decent man would have said before any proposal " what do we do about living together and your kids situation?" almost like he did an ultimatum "me or the kids"
@@philwill0123nope men don't want a woman with kids because men want his kids biological
It's not insecure it's called men don't want to marry single moms because it's bad for men to raise kids that are not his
How about no man and love yourself? There’s absolutely no reason to get married.
@@rarebird_82 why did he resent your sons? How old are they? Did he have unrealistic expectations?
You have four kids with another man, and married a different man wanting him to be the daddy? Sadly not all man are cut out to raise other men’s children.
And most should NOT. Those men are generally weak and treated like doormats by the overburdened wife.
I guess this comment sums it all.
Sure, but he married her! If he wasnt willing to invest in this marriage (including her kids) then they should never have gotten married.
@@GUITARTIME2024 Is he really a victim? If you are going to marry a person with 4 kids, you should expect to be a part of their lives. So, would a stepmother be expected to cook and clean for the kids or just ignore them?
@@frummel403 cool story cat mom
Choose the kids, sis!
She won’t. She’ll choose herself every time.
Why did she marry a guy who does not like her kids???
Ladies, STOP making babies and then dragging them through your instablilty, immaturity, selfishness and drama. They didn't ask for any of it. Their lives sound like chaos, poor things thanks to their mother. The guy made a major mistake marrying this woman (or ANY woman who cheated on her first husband and then left him) and he knows it. That doesn't make him "a bad man." He is doing the exactly right thing given the situation. What she needs to do is divorce him; to those kids, this is just the guy mom married after divorcing dad. He's nobody to them. She needs to stop marrying men and dragging those kids through hell. Put them first for a change.
Yes this!!! This comment needs to be higher up. It saddens and frustrates me when other women behave like they can't live without a man. ESPECIALLY when they have kids. Grow up already!
Spoiler alert: every parent will drag their kids through their crap. If only we were all perfect. But no upbringing is perfect. Their mom loves them. Hopefully they will acclimate, and look back on this with clarity when they're grown.
Yes. AND, men, don't marry a woman "because she's excited." What is going on? Where are the real adults?
She puts the guy as he his the worse and she uses her helpleness to look like a good one
Ok but he knew the situation and still chose to ask her to marry him. He may not be a “bad man” but he’s definitely an idiot.
My dad chose our stepmother over his 3 kids and wonders why we don’t speak to him.
I'm sorry.
He will regret his decision eventually. Hopefully he will realise it before he is on his death bed.
Sounds like ur problem and don’t want ur dad happy to many dads stay for kids and are miserable you have a sad life
What a loser
Well he chose his wife over your mom. Not the same. Your relationship with him is completely separate from that of him and your mom and it shouldn't impact you. Now if he left you and never came back or left and paid lip service to being a coparent, that's different...
@@ElimEx1 he married her when we were 10, 11, and 12. We’re all one year apart. She physically and mentally abused us, she sent me a message on Facebook to kill myself when I was 14. She’s from another country and he met her online and married her and never told us for 3 years. She wanted kids and couldn’t get pregnant, took it out on us. She has pushed his entire family away. Anyways after her sending me a message to kill myself My dad said he was going to leave her but after a year of saying it, he eventually didn’t because he didn’t want to go through a second divorce and “lose money and his house”. If that’s more important to him then that’s fine with me. I just don’t appreciate going to his house for Father’s Day even and she’s screaming in our faces to leave. Long story short he’s a coward.
Woman cheats on the father of her four children and then leaves him.. now after her second marriage, she’s regretting things.
In a nutshell
Tada
Dumped the nice guy provider and father of her children for the tingles. Classic story.
And Delony was about to blame the ex husband just right before she admitted of cheating 😐
That was irking me. He was pushing it saying why couldn't the 1st just get over it.
Women can live a much more peaceful life being single. Having a circle of support makes a world of difference.
Yep I haven’t been gaslit, lied to, cheated on in years.😂
She has support. An ex-husband and a husband. She doesn't need support she needs accountability for her own actions.
My best friend is 48 and has never been married or in a long serious relationship. She's so happy being single. She makes great money and travels around the world. I tell her it's awesome! I'm married and I can't just do what I want. Lol
@@dabd8175 Because a woman could NEVER be happy without a man 🙄🤣. The sun rises and falls with men. LMAO
@@dabd8175Let me guess. You’re a male who knows aaaalllll about women🙄🙄🙄🙄
Friendship is the foundation of a great marriage. We aren't friends with a person we don't love and respect 💯
This is a good message for men who want to date single moms. Kids have a way of sucking all the fun out of your relationship even when they are my kids I love them to death but sometimes I don’t like how they act. I can only imagine trying to live with children who you don’t have a deep love for it would be extremely hard
@TRUE1LA I was a step-mom of three kids for 9 years...NEVER. EVER. AGAIN.
Dr Jordan Peterson said, don’t let your kids do things you don’t like them to do
Why is this always directed towards single mothers? You realize single fathers exist too? But they are not demeaned.. wonder why…
It's a case of ..."
a dog on the hay "
He doesn't really want her but doesn't want any other man to have her
@@Carriesue1982 Because the mothers use the court system, which is in their favor, to get custody of the kids. How many single fathers have custody of their kids?
My dad raised me and my siblings on his own and had many women come in and out of our lives. He always chose the woman over us kids, never defended us and all of these women treated us like a burden, which sounds like this "husband" in this call. It greatly affected my self-esteem and my self-worth well into adulthood. That kind of stuff stays with you for a long time. If you care about your children and their mental health, there are some hard things that you're going to have to sacrifice for them. They may not talk about it with you or you may dismiss the things they do bring to your attention because you love your partner, but you should consider if this partner is worthy of your love if they don't treat your children with love and respect and if they think of your children as a "trigger" or a burden because your children most definitely see it, they feel it and it does affect them. I hope she sees this and does what is right by them. It may be hard to find someone who will love you and your kids, but once you do find that person, it's completely worth it. My dad is currently married to a horrible woman who treats him like crap, she's awful to everyone and has created a huge rift in our relationship with him. He's older now and he stays with her because he doesn't want to be alone, but he doesn't understand that he's more alone with her than he would be without her because he's sacrificed the relationships with his family.
Just some food for thought.
Yeah, that. The part where she said her husband found the kids triggering, that hit hard. My soon-to-be-ex stepdad finds me triggering due to factors I have absolutely no control over (young, female, chronically ill) and my mum spend almost twenty years backing him up and defending his behaviour, to the point where I was flat out told that sacrificing my happiness for her own was a fully acceptable outcome and my duty as her daughter.
It took me telling her equally outright that I'm in trauma therapy for all of this until she started thinking. Now she's going for divorce (because of other factors as well) and deeply, deeply regrets what she's done.
Men will do anything for regular sex. It’s that simple.
I don’t feel bad for her. She cheated on her first husband and expected a fairy tale with her second. Life doesn’t reward you with someone “better” after you cheat. Enjoy 💕
And John tried so hard to downplay the affair.
@@angryox3102Yes. And when she says her 1st husband is great, they get along, great father, supportive, pays,….John says “Good. Good.”
Completely glosses over her cheating. Even tries to split the blame up.
Emotional affair, my ass.
I'm just sorry for the children. These parents are too invested in getting a relationship, than they are about bringing up their children. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Was the emotional affair with her current "husband" and she doesn't want to give up on that dream?
@@MaletinaClarke-rq9ds it's greener because there's a sewage leak.
You gotta give it to the guy. He managed to keep his own home, not combine finances and doesn't have to help raise her kids. Impressive, lol.
He employed an intelligent strategy. Once the divorce takes place, he will be free of being encumbered with dividing nonexistent community property or any other assets.
Agreed, although he never should have married this woman in the first place-a woman who made 4 babies and then cheated on her husband is not marriage material, guys.
@@Zumcho Winning, this guy is doing her huge favor. Her other option is raising kids by herself good luck with that.
😂
@@kingstonlion73unfortunately, millions of women raise their kids by themselves.
2 minutes in !!!!!!
My wife ONLY said yes to me asking her to marry me, BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID TO HURT MY FEELINGS.
So many years of crap !!!!!!!
Young lady, YOU DESERVE BETTER !!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you have that turned around, SHE was excited about getting married and he wasn't ready but didn't want to disappoint HER.
He said the same thing@@althomas887
he doesn't want to be married lol
This is the 3rd dilemma of this nature I’ve heard on the Ramsey shows and I’m genuinely confused as to how people are getting into these situations. What on earth is going on?
All I can say is that humans rarely pass up a chance to get themselves into weirdness.
People in general are becoming more narcissistic… many opting not to be married or having kids. Sad really.. but better single than miserable and trapped.
She was definitely on the Dave Ramsey show
@@delightschwartz2155What a headache, get into weirdness and justify why.
Oh, I think people are just getting married, then having kids (4 is too many kids, imo) then getting divorced, then getting involved w/ the next person too quickly (when they should probably just stay alone & concentrate on their kids), then having problems w/ that relationship (b/c step-parenting is tough) . People would probably be smarter to stay w/ the bio-parent if they could at least until the kids are up & out, then they could divorce & go find the "love of their life".
You help so many people out John, make sure you take time out for you and your family. Peace and love brother
This is from a guys perspective.
Woman admits she had a good husband who was the father of her 4 kids, but she cheated on him, Id go out on a limb and say it was with new husband.
New husband says he doesn't agree with her parenting style. From what I have seen this means the kids are doing whatever they want and mom isnt disciplining them. They may be running around the house screaming and mom says kids will be kids. She probably doesnt want him disciplining the kids so he feels his hands are tied.
Wife is talking to her ex husband who may seem to be a warm shoulder to cry on, but Im sure he is getting jabs in. He knows she is susceptible to "emotional cheating" so he can continue to be that warm shoulder and get his wife back and stop paying child support.
It is inappropriate for this woman to be talking about her relationship with her ex. Im sure she wouldnt like her husband doing the same thing.
This woman needs to look at herself IMO. She needs to make the home experience positive for him. If she wont discuss child rearing with her husband the marriage will fail, and she is responsible for that. She can get divorced again and get some assets from him but the problem will be the same for her next relationship.
Her husband isnt a monster. He married a woman with 4 kids and does help her with finances. Kids like him and he is an otherwise good husband. I feel he is doing the best that he can with what hes got.
If this woman divorces her husband I think she needs to go back to her ex, I dont think she will find a better man for her situation. They can get seperate rooms and live as a family the best that they can
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I hope she sees this.
I don't know why men will get involved with women with many kids. I'm sorry...once you have 4 kids you better make that marriage work.
I think you honestly nailed it . And I tell everyone there is nothing wrong with being a step father but in this situation this man needs to run away and let this woman go back to her husband
Nailed it! 🔨
Who the hell has time to date with 4 kids?? She doesn’t love herself and it shows
4 kids doesnt she only uave two?
@@pearlg34681:05 she has 4
Since when mothers can’t have a life!?
More than two are more than a handful. Especially kids in elementary and middle school.
@@MC-cg2rrsince family and job takes up all time. I got one kid. There is no time for an affair. Not that I want one.
Four kids is a lot and being with a single mother is a lot but that’s why if you find it to be too much you are host and walk away if you can’t do it. That man chose to marry her regardless of any reservations he had so he’s equally at fault. They both could’ve walked away but chose to be single and married. Plain ridiculous
You’ve made some bad choices in life and your children are paying the cost. Cheating with four children, leaving for another man and then staying with a man who doesn’t value you or your kids.
Do your kids a favor and GROW UP!! Get a job with flexible hours, divorce your non committed husband, and devote your mind , body & spirit to raising your children!!
She destroyed her family with FOUR children and a GOOD husband. She doesn’t get to complain about anyone else.
For real. Codependent people and serial monogamists are sad. Learn how to not go from person to person and be yourself.
He will never move in the kids drive him crazy he is being honest
Four children is a lot, I dont know how old they are. But he wasnt on the call to speak of their behavior or the relationship he has with her children. It's tough when you are the parent, and in this case, they're not his kids. At least he tried.
She asked in the beginning if she was the problem. Yes. Yikes!
The fact this is the 2nd time she called 2022 same problem and it hasnt change at this point its her fault for letting this continue
Wait whaaaattt??? 😮😮😮
That wasnt 2022 was it?
Really? Wow, she loves her life, the drama it brings, and having 2 guys she can draw cash from.
Whaaaat?? OMG
@@JudePi-jx7yothere is a video in 2022 called "were married but he dosent want to move in with me." And it's her
I have a friend like this guy. He found a nice woman with kids, that didn't scare him. But bit by bit new requirements or delays came up, it got to the point where he knew what she claimed to want but never knew if she was willing to get it.
@troisquarts I'm sorry, I read your comment and I am so confused by what you are saying... When you said "It got to the point. where he knew what she clained to want but never knew if she was willing to get it - it was confusing....(???)
@@girlygirl1890 then use the words "emotional desire". When she was with him she was in love, and she loved seeing her kids with him. She dreamt of a new life. But then she'd go back to her home, the one that her family was comfortable in, and she couldn't see how he'd into that home dynamic. She was also uncomfortable with the thought of moving. Then she'd get texting with her religious family, who were fine with her "spending time with a male friend" but didn't like the idea of a divorced woman moving in with a boyfriend. She was torn for years. She loved the idea of a new life with my friend, but afraid of the consequences.
*ALWAYS put your children first*
… and that’s why men shouldn’t date or marry single moms!
Wrong, husband was there before the kids
Are you blind or deaf?
Woman *,cheated on children's father* husband got a divorce, woman couldn't stand to be alone and God knows how found a simp to marry her - now she wants him to move in and take on her baggage. There were 5 children initially, one loved out
Huh?!?
@@carolinecastiglione9075you heard her
"He's not a good man... He might be nice." Word
He's having an affair.
@@carnivoreRon that was my first assumption,
Maybe.
Regardless, he doesn't want to be there as a husband.
Let him go.
@@grmpEqweer he can let himself go...
Gotta love Karma
Probably with a man lol
She said she's afraid to start over, but she wasn't afraid to start over in a "new marriage". I don't know how long it was between the old and new marriage, but that can be a lot for the new husband with the addition of 4 kids. Hearing this call and the reason for the divorce, the last thing she needed to do was remarry so soon. She is thinking more of her needs and did a disservice to the kids.
*Not smart at all!* If she was so concerned for her FOUR children, she wouldn't have had an emotional dalliance and would have stayed in a stable (even if not appealing) marriage FAITHFULLY, until children were older, like MANY smarter women do. So, she already messed up and put her kids in an unstable situation then she gets with a jerk!! He does not want her 4 KIDS (not many men would)! Stay single and raise your kids lady!
A normal guy would have asked the question "what do we do about the living situation or your kids?" sounds like he had zero issue about that before marrying her, because he probably expected or wanted her to dump them for him.
Agreed.if what she does affects her children then why the first emotional affair from what seems to be a decent man who’s her children’s father.
Agree 100%. Also, she actually has 5 kids. I'm assuming one moved out by the time she made this second call. She called in once before about the same situation just 6 months into their marriage
This is an unhelpful and judgemental thread. She admitted she was wrong. She knows that. Captain obvious's's
She couldn't stay. He left her. She cheated.
I feel like theres something missing from this story
He has his own kids. He’s a single dad. She already called back in 2022 with the same issue. Just didn’t bother to take ANY of Delony’s advice. That train wreck of a call was “We’re married but he won’t move in with me (June 20th, 2022)”
@@flashthecorgi2053 That's wild..I knew something was up...I wonder why they didn't mention that she's called in before, unless I missed it.
@@mekareactsandreviews3026 John probably has zero clue. He forgets a lot of his calls because he has too. He can’t carry that emotional load.
Four kids is already almost too many (my opinion btw... But logistically if just housing them is crazy right?) but if my kids that are related to them are introduced that makes the logistics even more crazy. I mean the 4 kids and couple can barely sit at normal table already. Life ain't a studio lot and they ain't the Brady Brunch.
Wouldn't matter. Cheaters are gonna cheat no matter what. They always think they're special. If they didn't think that, they wouldn't be cheating.
@9:45 John actually tells her she's better with the ex-husband
If anybody wants to hear this lady’s first call listen to: We’re married but he doesn’t want to move in with me (June 20th,2022)
there are details changed here but it’s the same woman clearly. She said 5 kids in this call above , 4 kids in todays one (7-18)
Trying to be charitable here - - she said she's been with him for over 2.5 years and has a divorce she's still tied to and no kids with the current person she's married to.
I'm going to guess one of her kids from previous marriage/partnership was old enough to either move out or move in with family because she really seems to not be handling life well.
I thought I recognized that voice. That house is chaotic! I wouldn't want to be a ant in there.
Ah makes sense. I was wondering why this keeps happening
@@TheLadyBlerd Yep makes absolute sense. The first call she said they had been married 6 months and it’s sad they STILL aren’t living together 2.5 years later. She didn’t take ANY of Delony’s advice!
I was just wondering if this was a re-upload from that call! Thanks for catching it!!
This whole thing is bonkers, go file and get it over with.
Never was never will be a real marriage anywhere but on paper… plus as always there’s A LOT more going on on both sides that’s left unsaid in the call.
FR!
Why would a guy want to move in four kids that aren’t his own, no upside. Seems like she cheated on her first husband and now is she feels the consequences, probs want to go back to old husband…
It’s simple don’t marry someone with kids if you dont want to live with them
I tell you what guy. A selfish one, because if he didn't want kids, then a) date a woman with no kids, and b) he obviously expected her to dump the kids on her ex husband.
I wonder why she married her 2nd husband. It sounds like she knew he didn't want to get married before they got married. It also sounds like there is a lot of information that she's not telling. She didn't volunteer that she cheated on her first husband until Dr. John pressed her. However, I actually feel sad for the new husband.
You cant put a price on peace in your home❤
I need that on a sign.
Amen
Jill, NEVER feel fearful about being alone. It's actually very peaceful and you can do it. It may not be comfortable or easy, but yes, you CAN do it. Please grow a really big spine and trust me, you'll feel better about yourself later on down the line. Girl, woman up!
Thank you for sharing this 🙏
It's called karma sister, she betrayed her kids taking away their stability and screwed her first husband.. I hope she lives long to apologize for what she did to her ex.
My mother married her second husband so I could have a dad. Not a good idea. It didn't work out, needless to say. Please don't get married just so your kids can have a dad. They'd rather you work on yourself, get healthy, and marry someone you love who is also healthy and treats you right.
First husband had standards and boundaries. Second husband realized he made a mistake and is now trying to set standards and boundaries. Woman sounds like a soul draining emotional driven baby making factory. Two men have said “ehhhh no thanks”. Maybe don’t take her word for everything.
John's a simp
No, second husband didn't make a mistake he strung her along. She had a life and kids in another town and he's living in another town. He had every opportunity and get out. He basically wanted to make zero concessions or compromises in the relationship.
😂 you nailed ittt!
John Baloney would never make that connection though. He will just call her brave and smart and that she's making the right decisions.
@@philwill0123 are you on your husband‘s account? lol!!
Missed a huge problem: You cannot demand to a man who says your kids are “triggering” him. You cannot RISK your kids lives like that. Do NOT tell him to move in or anything else in a demanding way. Because you also are triggering him at that point. If a man even uses the words “triggering me” Walk away quietly and then leave his life forever. Don’t fight about it. Swallow your pride ad your hurt feelings. Take a male relative with you to pick up anything. Walk don’t trigger him by leaving. That’s the most dangerous time. Even if he kinda lives separately already -make this a friendly break up. ah well it just didn’t work out. No more fights and accusations. Doesn’t matter anyway!
I have to say....your channel found me a few weeks ago and I am hooked. This content is so good....people need connection and these conversations have elevated my hope for society. Thank you for doing this work Dr. J.
100% agree.
Im dealing with a similar situation. Im not married but own a home with my partner. He recently told me that his daughters dont feel comfortable being in the house with me. I was hurt, especially when he listed the reasons why. Ive done nothing but try to be accepting and loving to them. A lot of the tension stems from us having two parenting styles. I have a few simple request, cleanup behind yourself, dont be wasteful and extend common courtesies to everyone. He told me saying good morning or greeting people is not something he has taught them. It’s not that important to him. Its gotten to the point were i want to get my own place because i dont want to be around them. And i dont want him to have to choose between me and his kids.
Kids can learn new life skills continually as they are growing continually. Saying good morning/good night is such a minimal ask. He is lazy and sounds like an enabling parent. It will only get worse.
Don’t ever buy a home with somebody you’re not married to
@@MsAnnaBanana yeah… hindsight is 20/20. My name is on the deed.
You are trying to teach them common respect and courtesy. He is going to rish he has taught them this one day.
Brainstorming ideas:
Talk to the kids individually one on one. You allowed him to be a go-between messenger. My family did that. If we told something to anyone in the family, it was immediately relayed to another. We never got into the habit of talking directly like adults to the person we needed to talk to. Everything was relayed to the other.
You might also have regularly scheduled house meetings but make them fun - something to look forward to.
It would be nice to take each kid out just you and each one and do something special. It doesn’t have to cost anything. A sunset. A hike. Volleyball class. Knitting class. Metal detecting. Regularly.
Don’t talk about your boyfriend or the others AT ALL. And if the kid confides in you, do not ever repeat it to anyone. They notice.
Maybe the kids are too much for him. 4 kids is a lot
Yeah not sure why he’d marry her with 4 kids
He knew she had 4 kids that before they got married. No idea why he "married" her or stays married.
@@annfarrell348 yes very odd but he seems to be supporting her
I wonder if her parenting style is to indulge them and no discipline. I've been around kids like that & they're rude & disrespectful. I told their mother she wasn't allowed at my house bc of their behavior. So this callers husband is being smart by staying separate.
That's definitely something to figure out before you marry into a family
Kiddo. You CAN make it on your own. You DO NOT need a man. Show your kids how strong you truly can be.
Shes already doing it alone and is being treated as an option. Change your locks!!
So is she just using him for an income? How was she making it before he came into the picture?
She was married to her ex. She had an affair and moved right into the with her new relationship.
Truth is most single mothers (especially with multiple kids) will often marry just for security...which means money.
@@truthbetold6942yikes yeah it sounds that way
No, he IS abusive: _emotionally._
Emotional abuse IS a thing.
He's back and forth: I want to work on this marriage, then, I don't think I can do this~ I went with this marriage because it made you happy. 🤦🏻♀️ That is NOT someone a person _should_ want to be with. They should want to be with you 24/7. 😢
I'm sorry caller. You deserve better and so does he. BE with someone who actually WANTS to be with you!! ❤
Changing his mind and/or not being sure about his decision is abusive? Thats crazy. So when this lady up and divorced her ex husband, she was being abusive then? If so why care what two abusers do to each other? Its like watching to bullies fight. Who cares.
That's exactly what she wants in her relationship more drama, she functions differently, she has that with her Ex, guess what she opens her legs for the streets.
@@jasonm7684double standard, they forget she ripped someone's heart.. I'm sorry for the kids and ex-husband, the rest in the garbage and beyond.
As a single guy with no kids I feel for the new psuedo-husband cause four kids is a lot. I get exhausted taking care of my two nieces... Four would end me. Of course he should have never said yes to getting married and saying he's not a good man offends me cause FOUR KIDS IS A LOT.
Delony is right here. No one forced him to marry her, he chose this he could have dated a single person.
@@KS-cl8brthe guys an idiot but saying he's not a good man cause he got in over his head is unfair imho. She can't move, he has his own life... He should have never gotten married and he should be the ending it imho but to say he's a bad guy is unfair.
@@SpoonHurlerdid he get in over his head? He knew from the off she had 4 kids. What could possibly be the end game? He's upset his wife still isn't the hot lover she was when they did long distance meet ups. Too many people making excuses for the man as if he had zero idea.
@@philwill0123 He was obviously only thinking with his little head but I don't think that makes him a bad guy. She's skirted around her boundaries and he's made his crystal clear... nothing illegal, immoral or unethical about not living in the same house as your spouse. Why is he being called a bad guy?
@@KS-cl8br He is probably a total loser. No other guy would take on a single mom with four kids who cheated on her last husband
This may be controversial to ask, however what percent of single men with no kids would want to marry a woman with 4 kids?
What would be the point?
That's literally an ENTIRE family.
It sounds like the man loves her, however going from 0 to 100 over night with an already made family sounds extreme.
How she "parents" also matters. I left a relationship bc the man I was dating wouldn't decipline his 1 child & expected me to be willing to not only tolerate the behavior, but also help financially support them if we got married, which I refused as a single woman with no children.
Single parents should be able to fully support themselves before trying to date or remarry. The other person should not have to help clean up your mess ...
One needs to consider that a man who marries a woman with 4 children 3 especially if he has no kids of his own could be a pedophile.
People like the idea of family. Or being married. But can't cope with the reality. They are deluded. He happily made her choose him over her kids because he wanted to "win". He's a needy demanding child.
@@philwill0123 Phil will simp for other men's women
A lot actually. It's called the instant family. So single men get higher social status when they get married and have kids. In fact, married fathers are more likely to get promotions at work. They also get more respect from greater society. A man marrying a single mother gets all of this the second the i do's are said. Plus, he gets extra points for "rescuing" a mother and her kids. Isn't sociology fun.
Not me... Unless it's when we are both old and all of her kids are out of the house
10:58 I don’t think he doesn’t love her, but why will a single guy raise 4 kids from another dude, specially because her marriage ends for infidelity on her part. If you were able to get emotional involved being married to the father of your children imagine the other dude. It’s very clear
Hey Dr. John. Please validate my bad behavior, do no research on my life and suggest that every man is abusive. Please please. Yes, you are validated, and you are special even though you lied to me. Men suck and you are awesome. Please like me.
The grass isn’t always greener. This woman decided to selfishly betray her admittedly good husband and children by having an affair. She’s not the victim in this situation, her children and ex husband are.
She needs a shirt that says "it's probably me."
Cudo points for her self awareness…….i guess 👍🏾
And get some purple hair, so the rest of the simps are partially aware of what they might be getting into.
Keep going strong Mom. Men come and go, but those babies will always be yours, and you are their Superwoman.
I am 1 of 4 kids raised my a single mom. Men see a single woman with kids. I see a woman who is going to have four adults one day that respect and love her unconditionally. I hope the Lord puts a good man in your life. One that is the father he doesn’t have to be. Prayers being sent your way love.
I wish my husband would move out. He does nothing to help with child care or pet care. He just makes things harder.
😂😂😂😂😂😅😅😅😅😅
You do realize you can make him, right?
Sometimes it's okay to be the bad guy, to call it.
What I wished I had asked myself in my previous, toxic marriage:
Is being with this person better than being alone?
If the other person is worse than being alone, _and if they won't legitimately put in the work to become better than being alone for you,_ then it's better to be alone. Pretty straightforward.
@@grmpEqweer Thats a selfish question to ask. The more important question would be is it better for my kids if I stay in this marriage. Most of the time the answer is probably yes.
Then move out yourself or file for divorce and get him out, if that's your house.
just speaking for her because she called in. First, she needs therapy./help. Emotinal affair, divorce, and even with child support, struggling financially to the point where she chose to be in an unhealthy situation, to feel somewhat secure.
If you can't take care of yourself. You can't take care of your kids. An outsider will not be able to step in and fully support you, especially when you are struggling as a mother. If their child rearing philosophy dont align with yours, then dont be in a relationship. As step parent, they are there to really support you and help you uphold your way of raising your kids. There's really not much they can do as far as that is concern. Otherwise, they'll be stepping over the line .
In 40 seconds John says "He's not telling you the truth" and "He's telling you the truth."
Broke apart her marriage because she developed feelings for another man, but is trying to make this marriage work even though the only thing holding them together is her 🫠🙄 don’t want to be a single mom with 4 kids, don’t cheat 🤷🏻♀️
Drama queen ❣️
She needs to be alone. She sounds like she's way too focused on having a man in her life, and it's to the detriment of those four kids.
Yeah, I remarried when my youngest was 17. If I had it to do over again I’d probably have waited another year. Kids first. Relationships second.
I never understood getting with someone who has kids. A single dad is a turnoff to me.
Same only exception MIGHT be if he's a widower
Also, (follow up comment) please don't pester a guy to marry you to the point where he gives in and gives you a "shut up ring" just to get you off his back. Because there are men (and women for that matter) out there who will do that. The net benefits of staying with you is greater than going through the process of finding someone else. A lot of people, both men and women, don't like or are scared to be lonely and many will stay in a relationship they shouldn't to simply not be alone.
My last long term relationship was like this. He never wanted to fully commit. Turned out he was a serial cheater. I think this woman needs to figure out her worth and tell him to bugger off, and then focus on herself and her kids.
If he wasn't committed, he wasn't cheating.
@@candorsspot2775 he was cheating though because he told me we were exclusive. He just always had an excuse for not moving in together.
@@KJxxoo So he said he was fully committed, but his known actions said otherwise.
Blended families are so hard to have. If they’re not your kids that bond doesn’t just magically show up. Extensive premarital counseling is needed prior. They’re two different people trying to combine two different styles of living! Who’s to say who’s way is right, who’s way is wrong? I’m sure they meant well. He knew she had 4 kids.
Notice how Delony always blames the man when CLEARLY this woman is totally at fault for her situation due to her infidelity and life choices.
No
He doesn't
You've clearly got unresolved stuff
And Delony was about to blame the ex husband just right before she admitted of cheating 😐
@@lindac2554 Listen again
@dabd8175 Stop... She had an emotional affair. She wasn't getting dug out by some dude. Affairs dont happen in vacuums.
Especially Not for women with four kids. Utah? she's a stay at home mom.
@@lindac2554 100% he does - he always blames the man and then throws in his "are you safe" bullshit. Total simp.
You don't have to live with each other to be married I knew somebody who was married to a man who she did not live with and they have a great marriage
I love my husband but i would love another home where i could go and just be myself sometimes no other man just me in my space doing what i want im a super big introvert so i love my alone time you dont really have that when your married
...So, can you figure out how to have that alone time and recharge your batteries _in the marriage?_
I'd say it like this: 'hun, I love you to bits, but when I'm doing (insert stuff here), I'm recharging my batteries.
That way, I can come back to you and be the person you want and deserve.'
Take if useful, disregard if not.
So you want the title only of being married?
Have health insurance through him?
Maybe him paying your bills?
Please stay single!
My friend has a small trailer on her property to visit for small getaways and even the occasional weekend for recharging. She does a lot of canning there because it's such a large project.
I'm not single and I make more than my husband I would just like somewhere I could go thats mine and not my sons or my husband's just mine for peace of mind
@@HDGaminTutorials ok that makes sense.
I love dr. John but i disagree about something..a marriage (or relationship) can come in many forms. I do believe that you decide to do it the way that suits you both, it doesn t have to be traditionial.
I think this actually a great arrangement. He lives in his own place and she lives with her 4 children in her own place.
On her call with Dave Ramsey, her main issue was she's broke but I bet if she made $150K she like having a companion husband to go on travel or to a concert but each spouse has their own space
She's mad because she needs help and wants a simp to fund her lifestyle for maybe a decade and then she'll have another emotional affair.
But if she made 150k he wouldn't make enough money to "deserve" her... Mind you, I don't even know what he makes but if she started making 150k he'd need to make 4x what he makes now for her to respect him.
If she's broke she needs to give the kids dad full custody and work on herself..she can be a weekend mom until she's on her feet but staying in a relationship just for the financial benefit isn't good for anyone especially not the kids who are seeing their mom in this situation.
“Simp to fund her lifestyle” and “husband” are NOT the same thing. A marriage is a partnership & building together, better & worse. The guy is treating his wife like a side piece.
Do you know the title of the Ramsey episode she was on previously?
You know what, this does sound like the dream. They shouldn't have gotten married, just a boyfriend on the side but she needs a benefactor. Why divorce if you have no marketable skills. She should have worked on herself instead of getting into an emotional affair and then divorced.
Delony couldn't wait to say this was a bad guy. Maybe he felt pressured to marry someone with freaking 4., FOUR!!!!!! kids OMG 4!!!!!! KIDS not related to him.
This guy already a hero in my book. Take what you can get, I BET YOUR TERRIFIED.
If this was my buddy I'd understand 100%, until he decided to marry her. Then I'd be like, "why did you do that?"
He has his own kids and wanted a bedroom for them which is why he won’t move. She’s already called once back in 2022 with the same issue and didn’t take ANY of Delony’s advice. That call was we’re married but he doesn’t want to move in with me (June 20th, 2022)
@@flashthecorgi2053wait, on the Dave Ramsey show she said her new husband had no children
@@stud6414I haven’t heard that call, do you know what the title is by chance? I just know that she called in two yrs ago and used same name and city and even it’s the same voice. You can tell it’s her! I went back and listened yesterday! She said her husband would not move from the house he was currently in (a ranch) because it had a room for his kids to come back home to.
You're
Jill just needed therapy and Jesus. Her marriage could've lasted. This breaks my heart to see families break up!
The second hubby really wants her to send those kids to their dad and start over with his own kids. He wants her to choose him over the kids. I don't feel bad for this woman. She was a raggedy wife to her first hubby and now she has a raggedy second husband.
Karma
I don't feel sorry for her. It's time to be a big girl now and work. Stop worrying about men and focus on your children.
She said she scared to leave him. But, he is not there anyways. She live with her 4 kids in the rental property. What is there to leave? Bcs, she will continue in her rental property with 4 kids. Maybe he is helping her with some finance by giving her some money. Or pay rental or buy groceries. That about it.
Why did he marry her ? He wanted a long term friend with benefits
My heart breaks for her, she is in my prayers
It’s hard to ask a man to take over single mom with 4 children. He likes you but he is not keen being a step dad. Just call it quits. Let him go. Let him create his own family. You should’ve divorced your ex.
This is what annulment is for. Sometimes we just make a big ol mistake.
John needs to stop pandering to his female audience and start telling them the brutal truth.
All I can say is don’t waste your hope on a man who is emotionally unavailable. When you begin to doubt if he is emotionally available, HE IS NOT. Hanging in there is damaging yourself.
This Man in question just married to guarantee himself ready made intimacy and safe sex😊. However, if he supports you financially, you have decide what is it you are able to live with, whether that beats ending the marriage.
Honestly, for anyone wondering WTF- this is a thing with/movement stepparents now, supported by internet. It has its roots in something understandable - like a situation where a man wants 50-50 custody of children he does not actually want to parent - but put off on a new GF/SM. The unparented/Disney parented kids don't respect SP's authority, and the actual parents just kind of dip. Suddenly SP is doing all of the school runs, cleaning up after kids, begging/threatening kids to clean up after themselves, begging kids to go to bed, etc. This has resulted in some internet boards suggesting exactly the arrangement described here, especially if the BP was preveiously child free and suddenly is living in a hostile or chaotic situation - maintain your own living space. Usually, they don't end up getting married, though. There is a step-parenting method called NACHO - not cho' kid, not cho' problem, where SP just kind of gives up, lets BP do all the parenting, driving kid to school, sports, fixing them dinners, discipline etc. Especially when kid is poorly parented, or high needs, or other BP is very high conflict. Their stance is "everything I do for my stepchild, I do just because I feel like it, and it is always extra, never expected." or "I will help if there is an emergency". I actually have a fair amount of sympathy for the SP listening to the stories of what led them there. The problem is that if their marriage partner is spending all of their time doing all these parenting things without support, while SP indulges in hobbies or whatever, than it is no suprise 1) the parent doesn't have anything left to invest in the relationship and 2) lack of mutual marital goals in daily life lead to a breakdown of the marital relationship. In this case - what the dude probabaly wants - a relationship when kids are with biodad, and to enjoy time with the caller stress free, and not to be parenting her children, but to have his own space he can escape to when it is her parenting time - maybe just see them for a defined timed outing. What caller wants - a full partner in her life. She may need to wait until her children and older and more self sufficient, if not out of the house.
This sounds like the perfect life for me. A relationship where I don't hate to live with my significant other. I have my own place and that means that I have my own peace of mind. That means that I don't have to deal with the BS that comes with a relationship. THANK YOU GOD 😊 🙏 💖 ❤️ 💓
Whether she realizes it or not she is a very strong and brave woman. She has admitted to her faults which most people just don't. I hope she picks a path to peace in her life.
You misspelled nasty worthless cheating harlot
She is neither strong nor brave.
You misspelled duplicitous and selfish
@lr9010 I am a woman and she is not strong, or brave. She said her first husband is a good man. She cheated... and has backed herself up into a corner, and now doesn't know what to do. Admitting her faults? At this point she has no other choice but to do that.
She called 2 years ago!
And she said they had 5 kids back then...
She ain't ever gonna leave...
7:35 what kind of BS is that ??? 😮 if a man has an emotional affair You tell the guys that ? Like brush off like it was nothing?!
She calls it an emotional affair but she cheated then married the guy she screwed around with.
Women will downplay what they do for validation. She's not giving the real actual story.
Interesting @@mlp023