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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ต.ค. 2024
- #jordanpeterson #parenting #childdevelopment
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Altior Veritas -
There's a reason why they keep repeating to parents about taking a time off if they feel too overwhelmed and angry. They tell you to leave your child with another caregiver or, if there's no one, to put your child down in a safe place and go take a deep breath and calm down to avoid doing something you'll regret.
My son is now 2 and he completely loses it during a tantrum. It can take up to 1 hr to calm him down. There's no talking, no negotiating like that. If I tell him to try to calm himself down he won't even listen. He's screeching so loud it's impossible to hear anything else! And even if he could listen he doesn't understand! What I found worked on him (twice so far) is I get 1 of his toys and start playing with it while ignoring his tantrum. When he realizes it he starts trying to peek over my shoulder to see what I'm doing and if he's not crying I look at him and show him the toy and start playing with him. If he starts crying/screaming again I turn my back to him and keep playing with the toy while talking about it out loud. After a couple tries he sits next to me and starts playing and forgets all about why he was mad.
Ty I will use this but definitely suggest to talk about the situation once your little one has calmed down as to why they had the tantrum ( for example, not having their way) rather than ignoring their feelings through play. You can validate them and reason with them through play but when they are calm.
I have little to no experience fyi but will very soon 😊
The reason they tell you to leave your child with another caregiver is because that's what they did with their kids because it's the easy way, and they would feel bad if you did better than them and actually raised your kid yourself.
There's nothing that works better than making them understand that you understand their anger and that you accept it as long as they don't misbehave. Making them laugh also never fails, but for that you must be very close to them to know what will work and when, but I understand that's not for every parent since many prefer to work full shifts to buy their kids plenty of stuff instead of working half shifts and spending most of their time with them despite not buying them so much things they don't need as much as they need their parents.
@@Victor_Cazal That's not what I meant. I was referring to the part where JP was talking about parents not liking their children when they're throwing tantrums. They (medical professionals) tell you to take a breath and go calm down if you feel to overwhelmed and angry because the crying won't stop. Just either leave the baby with someone else or on a safe place for a few minutes until you calm down. It's better than getting too angry and doing something you might regret like shaking them.
Thank you for sharing your experience I will definitely use this in the future ❤
I love my two boys always. No matter how much. I might get frustrated but i will always love them.
That doesnt mean you like them all the time.
@mattystewart8 what? I guess you had issues with your mother and father, then growing up. So I found out that no matter what anyone's response is anymore, there will always be someone with a negative thing to say. My boys are 2 years and 2 months
Just because you love someone doesnt mean you like them…
@mattystewart8 okay but what does that have to do with me though? You just came up here to have an argument
1st Bn 9th Marines….rah
People here are missing an important point. There is a vast difference between like and love. I will love you my child even if I find you eating live kittens for lunch. I couldn't not love you even if I wanted to. I wouldn't like you though, if you ate live kittens for lunch.
Love is always. Like comes and goes. They aren't mutually exclusive. Kids understand this quite early. If you ask them if they ever get really mad at a sibling, at you. When you're really mad, do you like your sib, mother, father? Does that mean you don't love them? Like is changes, love doesn't.
Connection before correction!
Not correction and wait until the child changes to what you deem appropriate before you give connection.
No one prepares you for having kids with totally opposing personalities than you. There's a difference in rebeling and just having a personality that doesn't click with another. I have 1 kid that I just don't click with her personality. That's ok. We don't like everyone, but I love her and will keep loving her. When I think back to my grandma's relationship with her six kids... it was much the same but she never talked about it. I have to think about her behaviors.. which were very subtle. One of my uncles drives her crazy. Another was an amazing man sober, but drunk also drove her insane. She hung onto that sober side. She loves all of her kids, but she has one that she just gets along with better. Isn't it crazy that no one talks about this? I felt awful for years for not bonding with my adopted daughter, but now I know it's not uncommon. Love is a choice.
I agree with the action, i don't agree with telling my child that i dont like him when he does certain things.
I think its unnecessarily hurtful, the same can be accomplished without making your affection conditional.
"I love you, but not what you're doing." is better imo
I don't think he ever mentions telling the child he doesn't like them. He essentially says "you have the capacity to dislike your child and don't think that it's impossible"
@@Karyzn he does. Listen to it again
@@Variiahe doesn't say he tells his kid he doesn't like them. He is saying that when his kid is calm enough to rejoin the family he can. You are making the jump saying he says it directly to the kid when the way he phrased it is more of an internal thing for the parent.
You are simply preparing them for a world that doesn’t have room for temper tantrums . Sometimes always prioritizing how they FEEL about you as a friend isn’t healthy . Double edged sword . You should attempt to emulate that to some degree . If you don’t , you simply accept the fact that reality is not what you promote to them . Then you have a bunch of disembodied losers in the future , wait look around 😂
I watched the whole thing. So basically: get yourself under control, once you do, re join and rejoice in the conquering of the adverse behavior.
Mine doesn’t get upset in timeout. He doesn’t fear timeout or understand the gravity of the moment. So this doesn’t work.
Kids develop mentally at different speeds. It's possible they just are not there yet for these techniques to have significant results.
@@austinb5063 doesn't fear time out? That's a scary idea.
My two kids play, and they have always played rough, theres no controlling it, i can see the escalation from normal to when something gets broken within about 2 minutes…much much faster than the wife. Shes about 30-45 minutes. This creates problems in itself by not tramping it out earlier. 12 years on and every night theres delays in bed time, waking up, and doing basic chores…im going to build my own place where i can leave these savages to it.
It’s not ego in 2 year olds, it’s them needing to LEARN how to regulate from you. I love JP but this just ain’t right.
😮p
Please don’t try this at home. Children need co-regulation. That means that caregiver needs to be emotionally available consistently, and even more so during big feelings. Always accept and receive your child’s emotions. HELP them calm down. They aren’t capable of doing it themselves. If caregiver forces them to do so, that causes seriois relational damage and possibly emotional trauma. The child won’t develop in a healthy way.
Accepting feelings does not mean accepting behavior. Separate those two for yourself and make it clear also for the child. The child is ALWAYS loveable and acceptable, even when the behavior is awful.
In the long run, a child who experiences co-regulation in the early years, will learn to do it ny themselves little by little, when it’s developmentally appropriate 😊
Shut up. Please. The fact you believe you know more than Jordan Peterson on the lecture he taught with the curriculum he wrote and practiced for over 20,000 hours shows your true ignorance. The man has a successful track record 10 miles long with hundreds of thousands of people who have tested and re-proven his methods. I pray nobody heeds your words and everyone here is smart enough to disregard your dribble.
Wow we're parenting with outdated bs that has been disproven? Thanks JP.
Elaboration ?
You wont get one, because its not a unique thought he is just copying someone else.@@corywittamori896
Disproven by who?
what? Do you even have children?
@@ChickityChicken 3.
Wow this is so bad. Unbelievable this man is psychiatrist. With all todays knowledge about trauma, about chemical responses of brain, about healthy emotional responses he basically repeats old "good" debunked absurds about "evil children throwing tantrums" 🙈 all of that trying to justify his own poor ways of handling children... and on top of that he lectures others... Seems like he figured out how to keep a business going - this is a great recipe for creating future patients!
What a lot of words for saying "I disagree". Imagine a world where everyone agrees to the words of 1 person.. oh wait.. thats above south Korea.. or somewhere 80yrs ago.. or even further back like the 1600s.. lets take it ALL the way back, tribal warfare surely happened because they all agreed with eachother.. jeesh.. imagine
@@sydju woooow you completely missed the point 🙈 but I guess us all agreeing that for example beating another person is abuse makes us all North Korea right? what an absolutely twisted logic...
It's important to know that a lot of masters degrees and undergrad degrees will teach resilience as a core part of developmental psychology, there is more of a shift towards the behavioral approach that Jordan is talking about here, and most modern behavioural therapies are based in this method, conditioning leading to extinction of unwanted behaviour. The ambivalent/soft parenting approach which has been encouraged for the last 15-20 years has its benefits but has only coincided with an increase in anxiety, depression and mental health problems for children. I'm not saying it's the main cause but could be considered a factor.
@@ccdC-xk4fv The problem starts with the method which brings fast effect that satisfy a parent but doesn't take into consideration long-term consequences for a child. For example distress created in a child while being separated from a parent as a form of "punishment" in emotionally challenging situation will create severe overproduction of cortisol. Being subjected permanently to cortisol inbalance is connected with for example risk of developing depression. In a long term using "separation" and message such as "I will like you again when you behave" can create a huge spectrum of mental insecurities that affect a person in adult life.
Claim that "soft parenting" directly contributes to mentioned mental disorders is severely unscientific.
1. More diagnoses of mental health problems come rather from increasing knowledge about them. We know today what they are, can recognize them and diagnose unlike many years ago. We also spread awareness and don't use social shaming that encourages more people to seek help ("tuffen up you are a men", "stop complaining" etc.). Thanks to that more parents also become aware and concerned about their child mental state instead of blaming a "misbehave". It's a bit like saying that today more people are mentally abused - which is inaccurate, and the reason why we have "more" victims of mental abuse is because we recognize the issue in the first place unlike in the past.
2. To make connection between "new parenting" and mental issues you actually assume that most parents today use "new parenting". Which is incorrect. We know that as humans we tend to rather repeat the patterns which we know from our own childhood (that includes the way we discipline our children) than actually adapting and learning new ones.
3. It's against scientific evidence which I for example mentioned in the beginning and lacks long term study showing actual correlation between "soft parenting" and mental issues.
@@waspofwildchild Il be completely honest I think you are struggling to understand most of what I said that's almost like a chat gpt generated response on a completely different topic, and I can't take that response seriously when you say separate from the child in the first point, the child is with you he/she is just separated from the situation not the adult. The child is still within the presence of the parent this is first and second year degree level behavioural psychology.