I live with a nice agreeable one. No danger or mean fights, but he has gotten more withdrawn and not fun to be around. So I have to figure it out how to get out of the situation properly since we share an asset
or when the addicted loved one is all up all night every other night banging cabinets, making kitchen messes, burning food, blaring tv’s & laptops - waking me up 3x’s a night … kind of tough to ignore no matter how hard you try.
If no one cares about how you feel then it's very hard to feel bettter about yourself. Nothing will keep negative thoughts out since you are in a situation that no one understands and your addictied criminal son looks down on you.
Three years ago, my focus was all wrong. And it made me MISERABLE! I changed my focus to addiction education like this channel, books, and other sources to learn about myself,as well as an addicted spouse and mother. Learning to satiate my needs, from focusing on all the wrong stuff, into empowerment for myself,was the best thing I could have ever strived to do! I also started playing guitar which was just for myself. I found out that when I did something new, that was just for me, I no longer focused on all the wrong stuff! And eventually my bad habits changed to amazing healthy habits! It can happen…it really can! Thanks Amber for your support!❤
Totally driving myself nuts even though my sibling is the addicted loved one, and we don't live together. This is the only person in my life who tramples me when I try to set boundaries, becoming verbally and emotionally abusive, while in the end never respecting those boundaries anyway. My ultimate wish is for her to be happy and healthy, but the truth is that she's not ready or willing to get help yet. I have a counselor, but negative emotions around this situation have been the primary focus of my sessions, and I'm not really addressing any of my other needs. He keeps telling me if a plane is going down, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else. I know that's reality and wisdom, but understanding the concept and actually putting it into practice is so hard sometimes. I keep thinking this would be easier if it was just a toxic friend I was dealing with as opposed to a family member. Ack! Thanks for the reminders here!
One of the hurdles to focusing on having a better lives for ourself are certain limiting beliefs. "" Every thing always happens to me."" "" I can never catch a break"" "" life is always so hard"" "" I guess I just do not deserve to be happy"" ..... finding out why these programs are running in your head and healing these thoughts and turning them into thoughts you want instead will go a long way.
My mom was a bad alcoholic and lives with my brother. I live here untill i Move. But my mom told my brother he’s a functional alcoholic so it’s ok..👀I couldn’t believe when my brother told me when I had addiction years ago. He said it was different because he was a functioning addict..he goes to work owns a house but I can tell u now his house is falling apart &he always on the couch ..
My husband is a HFA..high function alcoholic. He prefers his phone instead of TV! Do not stay.. if you can find a way to go get away. I had to get away from my alcoholic mother. You will be happier and healthier. Don't let it destroy your life!
You have helped me so much trying to take care of myself for many years after living with my alcoholic husband for 23 years. I have watched many of your videos which has helped immensely. I had to ask him to leave 3 months ago, day by day I am regaining my life back by staying busy.
My husband keeps relapsing he says he can't get himself out of his bad head state.he doesn't realise how it's effecting my daily life and my mental health.i don't know how long I can carry on.
So far, everything I warned my child as a teenager about other than death or living on the streets has come to pass. It's never-ending the new stuff she lays on me. The last one was contracted hep c from who knows what. She's already got shot, kidnapped, in prison, scary friends that I cant scare anymore because they're criminal adults with, dv, murder, etc. I think the only 2 things left is death or on the streets. She just came home from prison, she's right back at it
If at all possible, learn how to garden and do it! I talk to God in mine. I’m surrounded by life and encouraging life while talking with my Source of Life. Out there, I can focus on doing good for my family, providing food worth eating. I can’t control my alcoholic relative. Right now he’s having to endure a case of Covid-19 in isolation by himself. Those of us in his family have health issues and employment issues of our own. His drinking and smoking has lowered his immunity and he’s sick. So we check on him by phone. A friend lives next door to him and checks on him. But none of us can afford direct exposure. The boy is not yet 39.
My son’s addiction is driving me crazy I’m at my wits end and he gets mean and I think violence is next, it’s so close to where I can’t have him here sadly but he’s almost 20 and I’ve been doing this for 2 years
Thanks Amber for this video and all that you do. Happy I found your channel. I’m not educated on addictions and don’t have no one to talk to, at least I don’t want to talk about the reality in my marriage with people I know. It’s so true, his addiction has taken over my life (because I choose to think about it all the time) I worry about it getting worse, us getting a divorce (I’m the type of person that doesn’t ever want a divorce, I married him because I want to spend the rest of my life with him) I worry about money, etc… his addiction isn’t horrible, as in not everyday, but it’s still there regardless. I hate it. Hard loving someone that doesn’t want help, thinking he has control over it. What if it just keep getting worse and we lose it all?! His lying, me obsessively checking his phone etc, it sucks living in fear like this!💔 I will try my best to keep encouraging him to quit but I also need to live my own life within our marriage. God help my hubby and our marriage 🙏
Hi, I wish you all the best. My closest best friend used to be addicted. One horrible experience, I kind of understand how you feel. I hope he gets clean and your marriage gets better. This channel really helped me and I hope it can help you too. Honestly, even if he doesn't want to get help I recommend you to go to therapy because it's affecting you a lot too. Sending love and strength in this hard time 🩷
You wrote the exact same thing that I am experiencing. we are sisters on the same journey. First and foremost, know that you are not alone... I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
My issue comes is I really can't move out because I'm on a limited income and no savings because I had to be broke and basically homeless to get disability. I have RA, fibromyalgia and all over osteoarthritis and I can't work full time, and part time is difficult because disability limits what you can make and making too much gets your disability check dinged big time. Can't have much in savings either for the same reason. I can't go to a shelter because i have pets no one can take for me (all my family rents and animals and extra people are not allowed by lease agreements). I don't have money for security deposits or two months rent. Low income housing in my area has a 3-5 year wait list. So I'm stuck here and have money stolen periodically. I have all I can locked away, but ot still happens.
I so understand that. What I'm doing to cope, since I can't get out either is focus on small things that bring you joy and relief. Crafts, books, alone time, going to the library, connecting with people, reading my Bible helps. God bless you and be kind to yourself.
Hey Amber, my sister hasn’t acknowledged she’s got a problem (yet) which I’m dumbfounded by seeing the ABSOLUTELY PITIFUL state she’s put herself in. It seems however by spending time I’m inching forward to hearing her admit it. Thanks to you advice #1 set “BOUNDARIES” #2 let her deal with her own “REAL WORLD CONSEQUENCES” (and they’ve become REAL!) finally the “EMPATHY” crack Cocaine😪 thx again for your help ❤️
I needed to hear this right now my husband is an alcoholic and I’m finding it hard cutting off the money he is in a homeless housing accommodation now as I couldn’t take it anymore he was getting angry anytime I said no to giving him money and now he’s not living here I’m still giving him money for food and to live as he has nothing now but I can’t afford to keep it up please tell me how I cut all ties
Hi.. Im writing this comment to show loved ones of addicts that they are not alone and also to ask others for help...So I would like to share my story. I might suffer from BPD and my FAVOURITE PERSON got addicted to drugs around 2.5-3 months ago. They are clean for 1.5month now. Before their addiction, in 2022 I had suicide attempts but overtime I got over it and was actually kind of happy, focusing on my goals and being healthy. But then, when they got addicted it all went down hill. At first, I relapsed with anorexia(luckily it got better now) to cope with the unbearable pain of them watching destroy their life.. 💔 after a lot of talking, tears, sometimes fights, I managed to helped her get clean. I was so happy when she was getting clean and still am proud of her. Now - she is almost like she was before the addiction. We are still bestfriends and recovered from our old fights while she was addicted. But one thing has changed for me.. my depression came back and even though she is clean now , I think about her addiction multiple times a day and kind of don't want to live anymore. Also I'm super sensitive about the subject now. Whenever sometimes mentions drugs even as a joke I get nervous. For example, today I was hungry and decided to make dinner. Then all of a sudden, I was reminded about her addiction. My appetite was gone and I didn't feel like doing anything anymore. It's just like I am so proud of her and I know it's not her fault that I feel this way but It all affected me so severely and I still can't put myself together. To everyone who loves an addict: you are not alone, and your struggles are valid and real. If you can, go to therapy. I regret not being able to go there. Remember that you are strong❤. This channel helped me SO much and without it idk if she would get clean. Sending love and strength
My alcoholic is the sweetest most peaceful person I've ever met, but they keep me up past my ideal bedtime which has caused me to be late and miss out on earning money. Even this has caused me problems. How do you detach from a kind alcoholic?
Love your videos. Trying so hard to take your advice. I don't know if you see these comments, but I wanted to ask you about Naltrexone. My daughter has been taking this drug for a while. She still drinks. So, I'm not sure I understand how this drug is supposed to work. She is going to ask her doctor to increase the dosage. That's her solution right now for her drinking. It hasn't stopped her from drinking. So, I don't understand it. Thanks
We had an agreement that she's to atleast keep my in the loop w pickup times and how much she's picking up. Been dealing w her for 5 months, recently her lies have started to ramp up and I've hit my limit. I feel disrespected, I've lost my trust, and feel like she's gotten so comfy with lying that theirs no return now, I been debating leaving the relationship, I feel she's lost respect for me. My last ultimatum is rehab, which she agreed to. Is it too late to save my relationship. Lying is one of my few boundaries, nd I get that is part of the addiction but im afraid its gonna get worse.
Hi Amber! Do you have any videos on anger? I had set boundaries and he gave me no choice but to walk away (doing this seemed to make no difference to him) I made the mistake of reaching out just to see how he was doing after a much needed 5 month break only to be met with the same anger and yelling that caused me to walk away to begin with. I seem to be the only one who gets this behaviour from him so I'm struggling to figure out why I'm the target. I had no choice but to walk away again/ blocked him on everything and I'm proud of myself for doing it just struggling to figure out why he's this way specifically only towards me 😔 He's refused treatment and nothing else I can do. I don't deserve the yelling and verbal abuse. Have you covered this topic before? Is there a way to search for specific videos? Thanks
Thank you! His anger seems to be directed at me not towards me. He also seems to say and do things just to hurt me. For my own sanity walking away is all I could do.
My significant other drinks too often and too much when she does drink. I've had numerous discussions with her about the possible harmful effects which I'm confident are manifesting themselves in her. Unfortunately her blood work keeps coming back normal but I know she's not telling the doctor how much she drinks. I can't imagine her liver faring well given the more than a decade of routine drinking. She'll say she wants to quit off and on and sometimes goes a few days without drinking but the last time she had a long stint without it was a couple of years ago which lasted 28 days. The rest of her family also tells her she needs to drink less. She works hard and goes to work everyday and helps manage the house so she's a functioning alcohol dependent or alcoholic individual. I'm at my wit's end on what to do to affect change. Is my only hope her hitting rock bottom and wanting to change for herself? Our children are too young for me to divorce and I think that it would be worse for them to do so anyway. Our relationships not bad if I ignore the problem and the kids live happy healthy lives even though they see mom modeling bad behavior. I've had numerous discussions with them about drinking and the negative things that go along with it.
You're in the right place, Dr. Emilshaffhausen. Here's my playlist on getting someone out of denial: 👉🏻th-cam.com/play/PLaaJWwIpP_zbt7K5LWKBwDtivT9DZ8TsF.html
I have a question. I have someone in my life who is an alcoholic and does pot. He can be very sweet one day and the next day a jerk. Is this the alcoholic or drugs that cause the mood swings?
Listen to Amber folks....i needed this years ago. Dont wait!❤️🙏🕊
This is SPOT ON. Im doing this now. Im trying to refocus on what makes me happy. Maybe volunteering.
Yes. I drive myself crazy!!!!!! Thank you so much for your videos. Yes!! I am financially dependent on my husband.
I have like five alcoholic family members near me and they drove me to a nervous breakdown.
Wow I needed this video today 😢
Truth, done it all!!!!!!, Trying self care now regardless of the decisions that my addicted love one is making.
Its worse when they live with you
I live with a nice agreeable one. No danger or mean fights, but he has gotten more withdrawn and not fun to be around. So I have to figure it out how to get out of the situation properly since we share an asset
Can’t get enough of your advice . You were made for this profession by the way. Thank you so much for all the free information and advice ❤
Wow! Thanks Allison!
or when the addicted loved one is all up all night every other night banging cabinets, making kitchen messes, burning food, blaring tv’s & laptops - waking me up 3x’s a night … kind of tough to ignore no matter how hard you try.
If no one cares about how you feel then it's very hard to feel bettter about yourself. Nothing will keep negative thoughts out since you are in a situation that no one understands and your addictied criminal son looks down on you.
Three years ago, my focus was all wrong. And it made me MISERABLE! I changed my focus to addiction education like this channel, books, and other sources to learn about myself,as well as an addicted spouse and mother. Learning to satiate my needs, from focusing on all the wrong stuff, into empowerment for myself,was the best thing I could have ever strived to do! I also started playing guitar which was just for myself. I found out that when I did something new, that was just for me, I no longer focused on all the wrong stuff! And eventually my bad habits changed to amazing healthy habits! It can happen…it really can! Thanks Amber for your support!❤
Education and self care❤️🌻🫶🏽🙏
She is so spot on. I had no idea this situation has so many common issues. Its like she's talking about my household. ❤
Totally driving myself nuts even though my sibling is the addicted loved one, and we don't live together. This is the only person in my life who tramples me when I try to set boundaries, becoming verbally and emotionally abusive, while in the end never respecting those boundaries anyway. My ultimate wish is for her to be happy and healthy, but the truth is that she's not ready or willing to get help yet. I have a counselor, but negative emotions around this situation have been the primary focus of my sessions, and I'm not really addressing any of my other needs. He keeps telling me if a plane is going down, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else. I know that's reality and wisdom, but understanding the concept and actually putting it into practice is so hard sometimes. I keep thinking this would be easier if it was just a toxic friend I was dealing with as opposed to a family member. Ack! Thanks for the reminders here!
Hang in there and be kind to yourself and your needs. ❤
@@tamila7381 , wow, thank you so much for your kindness! I truly appreciate it. :)
One of the hurdles to focusing on having a better lives for ourself are certain limiting beliefs. "" Every thing always happens to me."" "" I can never catch a break"" "" life is always so hard"" "" I guess I just do not deserve to be happy"" ..... finding out why these programs are running in your head and healing these thoughts and turning them into thoughts you want instead will go a long way.
My mom was a bad alcoholic and lives with my brother. I live here untill i Move. But my mom told my brother he’s a functional alcoholic so it’s ok..👀I couldn’t believe when my brother told me when I had addiction years ago. He said it was different because he was a functioning addict..he goes to work owns a house but I can tell u now his house is falling apart &he always on the couch ..
This happens to me also right now as we speak. My Sister is also an alcoholic.
My husband is a HFA..high function alcoholic. He prefers his phone instead of TV! Do not stay.. if you can find a way to go get away. I had to get away from my alcoholic mother. You will be happier and healthier. Don't let it destroy your life!
Link to free family Facebook?
Here’s the link to the FB Free family group th-cam.com/video/8-et0CcEEv0/w-d-xo.html
If functional alcoholics don’t address the problem, they become non-functional alcoholics. It will progress!
You have helped me so much trying to take care of myself for many years after living with my alcoholic husband for 23 years. I have watched many of your videos which has helped immensely. I had to ask him to leave 3 months ago, day by day I am regaining my life back by staying busy.
My husband keeps relapsing he says he can't get himself out of his bad head state.he doesn't realise how it's effecting my daily life and my mental health.i don't know how long I can carry on.
So far, everything I warned my child as a teenager about other than death or living on the streets has come to pass. It's never-ending the new stuff she lays on me.
The last one was contracted hep c from who knows what. She's already got shot, kidnapped, in prison, scary friends that I cant scare anymore because they're criminal adults with, dv, murder, etc.
I think the only 2 things left is death or on the streets.
She just came home from prison, she's right back at it
If at all possible, learn how to garden and do it! I talk to God in mine. I’m surrounded by life and encouraging life while talking with my Source of Life. Out there, I can focus on doing good for my family, providing food worth eating. I can’t control my alcoholic relative. Right now he’s having to endure a case of Covid-19 in isolation by himself. Those of us in his family have health issues and employment issues of our own. His drinking and smoking has lowered his immunity and he’s sick. So we check on him by phone. A friend lives next door to him and checks on him. But none of us can afford direct exposure. The boy is not yet 39.
My son’s addiction is driving me crazy I’m at my wits end and he gets mean and I think violence is next, it’s so close to where I can’t have him here sadly but he’s almost 20 and I’ve been doing this for 2 years
You have to save yourself first before you can help others. So sorry ❤
Every day that no evil befalls me is a good day.
Thanks Amber for this video and all that you do. Happy I found your channel. I’m not educated on addictions and don’t have no one to talk to, at least I don’t want to talk about the reality in my marriage with people I know.
It’s so true, his addiction has taken over my life (because I choose to think about it all the time) I worry about it getting worse, us getting a divorce (I’m the type of person that doesn’t ever want a divorce, I married him because I want to spend the rest of my life with him) I worry about money, etc… his addiction isn’t horrible, as in not everyday, but it’s still there regardless. I hate it. Hard loving someone that doesn’t want help, thinking he has control over it. What if it just keep getting worse and we lose it all?! His lying, me obsessively checking his phone etc, it sucks living in fear like this!💔 I will try my best to keep encouraging him to quit but I also need to live my own life within our marriage. God help my hubby and our marriage 🙏
Hi, I wish you all the best. My closest best friend used to be addicted. One horrible experience, I kind of understand how you feel. I hope he gets clean and your marriage gets better. This channel really helped me and I hope it can help you too. Honestly, even if he doesn't want to get help I recommend you to go to therapy because it's affecting you a lot too.
Sending love and strength in this hard time 🩷
You wrote the exact same thing that I am experiencing. we are sisters on the same journey. First and foremost, know that you are not alone... I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
Thank you for a detailed, informative video
My issue comes is I really can't move out because I'm on a limited income and no savings because I had to be broke and basically homeless to get disability. I have RA, fibromyalgia and all over osteoarthritis and I can't work full time, and part time is difficult because disability limits what you can make and making too much gets your disability check dinged big time. Can't have much in savings either for the same reason. I can't go to a shelter because i have pets no one can take for me (all my family rents and animals and extra people are not allowed by lease agreements). I don't have money for security deposits or two months rent. Low income housing in my area has a 3-5 year wait list. So I'm stuck here and have money stolen periodically. I have all I can locked away, but ot still happens.
I so understand that. What I'm doing to cope, since I can't get out either is focus on small things that bring you joy and relief. Crafts, books, alone time, going to the library, connecting with people, reading my Bible helps. God bless you and be kind to yourself.
Thank you. 🌻
Welcome 😃
Also, could you do a video on narcissism and alcoholism?
Here’s a video I made on that topic : th-cam.com/video/HmsWgb3OxEU/w-d-xo.html
I didn’t check where my car is right now. Figure it's out making a drug deal.
I haven’t even watched the video but the answer is yes
Hey Amber, my sister hasn’t acknowledged she’s got a problem (yet) which I’m dumbfounded by seeing the ABSOLUTELY PITIFUL state she’s put herself in. It seems however by spending time I’m inching forward to hearing her admit it. Thanks to you advice #1 set “BOUNDARIES” #2 let her deal with her own “REAL WORLD CONSEQUENCES” (and they’ve become REAL!) finally the “EMPATHY” crack Cocaine😪 thx again for your help ❤️
Nice work, Albert! I Hope to see even more progress updates from you.
Thank you Amber.
I needed to hear this right now my husband is an alcoholic and I’m finding it hard cutting off the money he is in a homeless housing accommodation now as I couldn’t take it anymore he was getting angry anytime I said no to giving him money and now he’s not living here I’m still giving him money for food and to live as he has nothing now but I can’t afford to keep it up please tell me how I cut all ties
Hi Amber loving your great info. Can you pop the craft book you mentions author on you feed please. Your amazing. Than you
Kate
Hi.. Im writing this comment to show loved ones of addicts that they are not alone and also to ask others for help...So I would like to share my story.
I might suffer from BPD and my FAVOURITE PERSON got addicted to drugs around 2.5-3 months ago. They are clean for 1.5month now. Before their addiction, in 2022 I had suicide attempts but overtime I got over it and was actually kind of happy, focusing on my goals and being healthy. But then, when they got addicted it all went down hill. At first, I relapsed with anorexia(luckily it got better now) to cope with the unbearable pain of them watching destroy their life.. 💔 after a lot of talking, tears, sometimes fights, I managed to helped her get clean. I was so happy when she was getting clean and still am proud of her. Now - she is almost like she was before the addiction. We are still bestfriends and recovered from our old fights while she was addicted. But one thing has changed for me.. my depression came back and even though she is clean now , I think about her addiction multiple times a day and kind of don't want to live anymore. Also I'm super sensitive about the subject now. Whenever sometimes mentions drugs even as a joke I get nervous. For example, today I was hungry and decided to make dinner. Then all of a sudden, I was reminded about her addiction. My appetite was gone and I didn't feel like doing anything anymore. It's just like I am so proud of her and I know it's not her fault that I feel this way but It all affected me so severely and I still can't put myself together.
To everyone who loves an addict: you are not alone, and your struggles are valid and real. If you can, go to therapy. I regret not being able to go there. Remember that you are strong❤. This channel helped me SO much and without it idk if she would get clean.
Sending love and strength
My alcoholic is the sweetest most peaceful person I've ever met, but they keep me up past my ideal bedtime which has caused me to be late and miss out on earning money. Even this has caused me problems. How do you detach from a kind alcoholic?
Love your videos. Trying so hard to take your advice. I don't know if you see these comments, but I wanted to ask you about Naltrexone. My daughter has been taking this drug for a while. She still drinks. So, I'm not sure I understand how this drug is supposed to work. She is going to ask her doctor to increase the dosage. That's her solution right now for her drinking. It hasn't stopped her from drinking. So, I don't understand it. Thanks
Hi MoonSong, This video talks about that topic. I think it might be helpful: th-cam.com/video/wCtXafwj7yQ/w-d-xo.html
We had an agreement that she's to atleast keep my in the loop w pickup times and how much she's picking up. Been dealing w her for 5 months, recently her lies have started to ramp up and I've hit my limit. I feel disrespected, I've lost my trust, and feel like she's gotten so comfy with lying that theirs no return now, I been debating leaving the relationship, I feel she's lost respect for me. My last ultimatum is rehab, which she agreed to. Is it too late to save my relationship. Lying is one of my few boundaries, nd I get that is part of the addiction but im afraid its gonna get worse.
Hi Amber! Do you have any videos on anger? I had set boundaries and he gave me no choice but to walk away (doing this seemed to make no difference to him) I made the mistake of reaching out just to see how he was doing after a much needed 5 month break only to be met with the same anger and yelling that caused me to walk away to begin with. I seem to be the only one who gets this behaviour from him so I'm struggling to figure out why I'm the target. I had no choice but to walk away again/ blocked him on everything and I'm proud of myself for doing it just struggling to figure out why he's this way specifically only towards me 😔 He's refused treatment and nothing else I can do. I don't deserve the yelling and verbal abuse. Have you covered this topic before? Is there a way to search for specific videos? Thanks
When someone is addicted, they have so much shame. The distract themselves from this shame by making someone else the villain in the story.
Thank you! His anger seems to be directed at me not towards me. He also seems to say and do things just to hurt me. For my own sanity walking away is all I could do.
My significant other drinks too often and too much when she does drink. I've had numerous discussions with her about the possible harmful effects which I'm confident are manifesting themselves in her. Unfortunately her blood work keeps coming back normal but I know she's not telling the doctor how much she drinks. I can't imagine her liver faring well given the more than a decade of routine drinking. She'll say she wants to quit off and on and sometimes goes a few days without drinking but the last time she had a long stint without it was a couple of years ago which lasted 28 days. The rest of her family also tells her she needs to drink less. She works hard and goes to work everyday and helps manage the house so she's a functioning alcohol dependent or alcoholic individual. I'm at my wit's end on what to do to affect change. Is my only hope her hitting rock bottom and wanting to change for herself?
Our children are too young for me to divorce and I think that it would be worse for them to do so anyway. Our relationships not bad if I ignore the problem and the kids live happy healthy lives even though they see mom modeling bad behavior. I've had numerous discussions with them about drinking and the negative things that go along with it.
You're in the right place, Dr. Emilshaffhausen. Here's my playlist on getting someone out of denial: 👉🏻th-cam.com/play/PLaaJWwIpP_zbt7K5LWKBwDtivT9DZ8TsF.html
@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you for the reply.
Harm reduction model
tx
Welcome 😁
I have a question. I have someone in my life who is an alcoholic and does pot. He can be very sweet one day and the next day a jerk. Is this the alcoholic or drugs that cause the mood swings?
Both
😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢