Delivering a Death Warning to a Victims Family | Retired Police Interceptor
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ต.ค. 2024
- My Brand New Book 'Hotel Tango 23: Responding To The Unknown' is available now: amzn.to/3zUwbqg What is it like delivering the news to a family that their loved one has passed away? What do you even say? In this video, I am going to tell you about my experiences of delivering a death notification. This is a tough video.
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Hi, this is Ben from Police Interceptors. Welcome to my new TH-cam channel where I will be sharing stories from my time in the police and from recording with Channel 5's Police Interceptors.
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UPDATE: people keep asking about “the warning word” it’s just the police phrase that until formal ID is completed there’s no way of confirming it is 100% the person. I’ve been in the job 19 years and it’s always been classed as a “warning”. Different places call it different things! 🤷🏼♂️😊
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Can you do videos where you talk about when you had to be armed (with guns etc). I think just hearing what goes through your head will be interesting
@@PHO3N1X_28 I dont think Ben was a firearms officer he was a interceptor shit quick driver
@@PHO3N1X_28 I'd recommend Harry Tangye's book "Firearms and Fatals" for an armed response view. He's narrated his own audiobook as well, so there's a lot more of a personal touch to the stories than a voice actor narrating (not saying they can't convey emotion, but from the author it is a lot more real)
@Ben Pearson
So far from what you have said, is there any reason that the term "warning" could not be replaced with the term "notification"?
You _are_ after all *notifying* someone of an incidence of a fatality.
And instead of using police staff to deliver news, what would be wrong with using a vicar or minister to deliver the news instead?
Your organisation's methods sound highly pernicious.
Hi Ben, lost my brother two years ago in a traffic accident. I remain absolutely heartbroken, as does my family, but the police officer was outstanding... you and your colleagues have an incredible amount to feel proud of.
This man and anyone else in the emergency service deserve the upmost respect, you can definitely see the pain and darkness he has witnessed in his eyes your an amazing man ben. Thank you
Hear hear - second that
There a lot of problems with the Police but at the end of the day who will you turn to? Who else is there to do the terrible jobs someone like this chap does?
Only respect to people who do these very difficult jobs with compassion and selflessness.
Just something to think about the next time you watch an Auditor video at a Police Station….
As a police officer, having done this many times, this doesn’t just destroy the world of the people you tell. It destroys you too.
As a civilian, who’s experienced this from a civilian perspective, you aren’t destroying anyone’s life. Whatever incident has taken place (suicide of a family member in my case) is what destroys families. Nobody resents you, even if it might feel like it in the moment, it’s the situation they resent.
@@Si1983h
So sorry for your loss mate.
I've always found it so much more difficult to inform next of kin that their family member has taken their own life, in comparison to having lost them through an accident or homicide.
Irrespective of the circumstances a "death message" is never easy, but to witness the reaction of family members trying to process the news that their parent, child, close relative, is never returning home because they chose not to is heartbreaking. They often ask us "... Why?" and its a question I've yet been able to answer.
Although losing a loved one to suicide can never be truly "accepted" I hope you and your family are steadily recovering from the initial trauma.
Best wishes to you all for the future.
@@residentelect It was a long time ago but certain things will always be as fresh in your mind as they were 22 years ago, he’d been missing for two weeks and we’d genuinely thought he’d gone AWOL from the army following a weekend of home leave… I remember seeing the officers walking down the path and thinking “oh great, he must’ve turned up”, but my dad’s reaction was “oh please god no”. It’s a vivid memory. As Ben says, you’ll always remember that officer, but from my perspective, we were glad of him, he was a brilliant support and he helped us with something else further on becoming a family friend,
He actually inspired me to apply for the police myself, I never made the grade because I have quite severe asthma and I was just starting to get the early onset of a rare form of arthritis (which has made it necessary to walk on sticks by the time I hit 30). I’m gutted I never made it into a political career, but I do realise that I also missed a great deal of trauma, because I’m quite a lot like Ben Pearson, in that I tend to carry the weight of things with me, I can’t just compartmentalise. I’ve had to deal when child safeguarding cases as part of my job and that has laid heavy on me.
I went through receiving this news as a teenager about a close family member. The two that come to the door were understanding and compassionate, but the thing that has always stuck in my mind was going down to the scene (to ID), and noticing every one of the 10 or so cops standing around was just staring straight at me, wordless, emotionless. For what felt like an eternity. I don't know why that stayed with me.
@@Si1983h
Sounds like you've been through a Hellish time. But I tell you what... I bet it has made you extremely resilient, determined and also incredibly understanding to those who have experienced similar traumas?
You would have made a great Bobby, and it is a genuine shame your health has prevented you from joining up, as currently some forces are finally doing the right thing and directing recruitment at more mature people (if you're born 1983, you're only a couple of years younger than me, and I hope to keep going a while yet lol) with genuine life experience, instead of leaving school, doing a degree and joining up as a post-grad at 21 years old.
No disrespect to anyone who chooses that career path, but my personal opinion (not reflective of the organisation I work for) is that those men and women from working class backgrounds, with some "wool on their back" and are already an established member of the community make the best coppers. Passing exams, interviews and tabletop scenarios is one thing, but to police effectively takes practical experience of both the job and life itself.
Sounds like you had the pleasure of meeting such a guy who is now a dear friend. Nine tenths of polcing involves communication, whether it be during a confrontational situation, delivering bad news, gathering intel, providing reassurance or interviewing victims, witnesses and suspects etc.
The best Bobbies use their voice before drawing their baton or Taser, and are capable of talking to anyone irrespective of their race, gender, social status or what their involvement to the incident is.
Must also give you a virtual pat on the back for working in Child Safeguarding, as that is one area I freely admit I can't cope with particularly well due to my own mental health battles. To overcome the emotional and physical challenges you've experienced and still have the fortitude to work in such a vital field is more than commendable.
Props to you my friend 🤜
I honestly hope the people that always claim "police are all scum" watch this channel and see exactly what officers need to go through on a daily basis.
Thanks for what you do/did.
I'm an ex criminal. . But this man is a gent. .proper human being.
It is events like that show how Police deserve every cent/penny they make and more.
Please remember though Ben is the exception not the rule!
Yes!
@@janepearson2450 I think all officers will have to deal with situations like this and others as mentioned in his previous videos, day in, day out. We don't know what they've had to deal with that day and what they've seen. For this, I just say, perhaps give them bit of a break. They do stuff you and I probably would not want to do.
I remember the look in the policemen's eyes when they came to our home to deliver the news of my father's death. I was 14 years old back then, I can't imagine how hard it must've been for them. But someone has to do it, no matter the toll it takes, so thank you very much for your service.
What Ben described is so true. Having been the recipient of a 'Death Warning' by a young PC, it is an instantaneous departure from your life course. I wrote a letter a few weeks latter to thank him (PC) for doing his best in what must be a terrible situation. My heart goes out to all these people who have to carry all humanity's burdens on their shoulders.
I remember when my sister died in a car accident age 16 back in 1999 - and my mam running in to tell the rest of us (we were in a hospital at the time having received the call) after being pulled into an Incident room ... horrific, but I always remember the police officers looking very upset as well.
The one who did it made a point of not only coming to the funeral, but also checking in on my family for a few months afterwards and even sending us a Christmas card from him and his wife.
It's definitely a personal thing done in a professional way - I appreciated the fact that he was a human being at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to tell us, but it had to be done and he did it in the best possible way.
Respect to everyone who has to do it.
Ben you never destroyed a family, mate. That’s not what happened …
Indeed, i really don't understand why a cop would feel like destroying the family. On the contrary, it's a respectful service to notify them in person. They are only the messenger.
I think if it would have another name, not death warning, but maybe death information, it might detach the illogical feeling of responsibility from the act.
Ben, you have destroyed a family, mate. You and I know you have ...
But it's not your fault. That's the bit you hold on to. It is not your fault, or any FLO that has to do this. The empathy is what makes any FLO the best choice. The understanding that you did not actually do this to them, after the fact, gives you a reason to keep finding the strength to keep doing it.||
PS I'm talking shit.
@@prunabluepepper I understand entirely why he feels that way. I’ve got some irrational guilt / PTSD myself. But it doesn’t hurt to tell him the reality, that it wasn’t his fault
@@nickm8874 oh absolutely, do tell him : )
@Nick M
The news would best be delivered by a minister or vicar, as opposed to a anyone else.
Corrosive methods - such as "Police" - are highly pernicious and divisive.
I can't imagine what it must feel like to tell someone a loved one isn't coming home. Fair play to you for stepping up to what must be one of the most soul destroying tasks an officer has to endure.
Love that shirt Sam
@@mynameispie8442 Cheers pal
I remember when the bobby knocked my door to tell me about mum. She was an addict, so the news wasn't an absolute shock. The Bobby was a giant of a man. I don't remember anything he said after he delivered the line. I just remember he delivered it with such sympathy and a softness that was counterpoint to his appearance. He was trying to bottom out my reaction. And I realised after he left how much he was was concentrating and how much he must have taken out of him. I then told the rest of the family. Hats off to you guys doing a very difficult job.
You give such a good insight on what being in the police is like literally the perfect channel for anyone who has thought about going it into them themselves top top channel keep it up Ben!
The worst news I ever have to give to anyone is to my boss telling him the job I’m on may run over by a week or so.. imagine having to tell someone a member of their family is dead and you will never see them again.. nothing but respect for this guy
This puts things into proportionn massively
I used to be a police officer in the states. Done this notification a few times ranging from homicide to vehicle accidents.
I’ve had people embrace me, break things, collapse on the floor and so on and so forth.
It’s a tough gig folks.
Sounds like hell, the majority of cops are heroes!
I'd say majority, not all
Are they fuck lol. Plenty of them are absolute cunts. Some are sound. But "all cops are heroes" is utter nonsense.
there are some bad eggs in the bunch, but the media likes to show the bad ones
@@jonb1807 You sound like a hero. Do all cops a favour and never call them.
@@zulut1876 The guy's initial comment was "all cops are heroes". Ultimately, it's an easy-to-get job with a fair degree of power, and therefore naturally attracts cunty people. Not saying all of them, some are sound, as I said, but a significant number of cops are certainly cunts.
I will never forget when I was two they came to my house to tell me and my mum that my dad has been in a fatal crash and had passed away I will always be thankful to these guys and emergency services for what they did you guys have a place in my heart ❤️
Warning seems a strange name for such a serious subject. Delivered with profession and empathy as always. Thank you Ben.
Probably different lingo depending on area. It's known as a death notification round here.
Is known as 'agony message' too in some forces
There is no way I could ever do what you and your amazing colleagues have to do. To you and everyone in the emergency services, past and present, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart
Mate your a bloody icon. The fact you talk about your troubles made me realise that my own friends who are in the police are at risk of this massively.
My closest friends joined Merseyside recently and watching your videos made me reach out to him at 2am to tell him to talk to me.
You’re a star lad. Top brass 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Hi Ben. I spent 16 years of my service within Road Policing and loved every minute off it.
The downside was that I delivered many a Death message. And for me it was the worst part of the job. You are telling friends or relatives the worst possible news and usually as you stated it is totally unexpected. You can never tell what reaction you are going to receive, but ultimately that message has to be delivered.
One of the things that stuck with me from early on in my police service was to remember that whoever you are dealing with may or may not have a full understanding of the English language or some of the vocabulary that the police tend to use. And the example I was given was that a cop had delivered a death message and informed the wife that her husband had been in involved in a road traffic collision and was now deceased and she replied "oh is he going to be okay then" she did not understand what the word deceased meant. After hearing that story I always used the word dead or died when I delivered a death message. I tended to use that practice with all aspects of the job after hearing that story.
So true Ben, when you are being told bad news you will always remember who it was .... my daughter was diagnosed with leukaemia in May 2016 ( now in remission) but I will always remember the lady doctor , other doctors, nurses in the room , word for word what was said , words that will haunt me forever... such respect for you having to go and give bad news , .x
I was a partner to a police officer... she never did tell me about her day at work.... ive had some bad stuff in my life that I thought you know... my hurt and issues gave me a bad day oftentimes.... whilst ive always known policing to be a challenging job, thanks for sharing, its allowed me to understand why my ex just wanted quietness in her time away from the job.
I'd like to add, to you and all police personell, thank you so very much for the job you do.
I served in the Met, 96-06. We used to call it a death message. This vid is taking me all kinds of places. If me buried all of it, and this just dug it all up. So many people, so much trauma, pain, shock and chaos. We always did it in person because it was always done that way. I feel all your words, I have them all buried in me too.
Last year a 17 year old girl who I went to school with had been in a car accident in the middle of the night which she was killed in, she was the back seat passenger of a Suzuki swift that collided with a hgv. Her parents were informed at 4am by police at her door… I cannot even imagine the despair and sadness police and families must feel at that knock at the door.
I had to give one 5 weeks out of training … it’s something that I thought would never land to me being so young in service but nevertheless it fell to me …. “Everything we give to you.. we give a bit of ourselves “ really does ring true.
Me too, think it was 3rd week on the beat I had to give one, the guy was homeless and living with a friend so had to do in the street as she drove him to meet us and has no where to go sit down inside, just horrific
I think I’ve made my career choice completely because of you Ben. I’m applying for the youth policing commission and am going to be applying for a police degree apprenticeship after I’ve finished my A levels. I’m also hoping to be a special over the summer. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do but I think watching your channel has helped me to confirm that I want to be a police officer, so thank you! :)
I still think delivering a death message was one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my life. Explaining to a young person who was heavily pregnant that their mother had passed was a very heart wrenching experience.
Ive done the same thing 100s of times, in a different setting. Tbh i haven't felt a thing in years, im only really worried about going home on time. Im not a good person. X
12th September 2009 (Saturday) remember it like it was yesterday. Coming home for no reason and seeing what I thought was a visitor, was an unmarked police car outside my house and that family liaison officer told me my dad had been killed in a road traffic accident. Kept in touch with the officer and he became part of the family throughout the process massive respect goes out for people like you Ben and those officers choosing this as a career. Thank you
Having loved ones in the emergency services who have had to do this, you have my utmost respect.
Notifying parents about children is , apparently, the worst and that must be horrendous.
I really do admire you for the dedication during your career…..such an honest account of the tough reality of life.
Such a difficult thing to have to tell someone.... cops don't get the credit they deserve. True heroes!
Hope your well Ben! 💖
This is the biggest thing that annoys me about what people think about coppers. Coppers always get the bad press and get the blame for everything, but the people pointing the finger never consider this side of it. How anyone is expected to tell someone they have lost a loved one, then stop some wee fanny 10 minutes later and get dogs abuse, because the wee fanny feels hard done by. None of us are perfect, but getting off on the right foot might be a good start. Be respectful, don't be a dick.
@@mrade5321 too true. I dont think I could do it. Imagine coming from an RTC and then having to deal with the idiots we get in Bradford after 🙄 I'm glad Ben has started uploading videos like this because genuinely before I saw his videos I didnt think that they would have to deal with stuff like that. Really opens your eyes to the responsibilities they have. You would expect them to send some sort of grievance officer or something.
Definitely deserve more respect than they get!
@@xoSharpShootaox I've worked with 3 ex coppers. Two were ex traffic and one was your average plod, that got kicked by a police horse at a football game. Call me sick, but I did burst out laughing when he told me 😂 My point is, I started to see it from their point of view. They didn't go into details about things, but I got the jist of how they had to cope with good situations and bad. How they would try to help people out and get it flung back in their face. I defo couldn't do it. I would be the one that ended up in jail. When I asked the guy that got kicked with the horse why he didn't return to the police, he said he was fed up being stuck in the middle between good people and arseholes. That's what really sums it up for me and why I couldn't do it.
Been on the receiving end of the visit, the two offices came to my work, asked me to sit down, my instant reaction was to say no! I think people know bad news is coming and they don’t want to hear it, they try to delay it!
The officers that came to me were brilliant a credit to the force, they took me home broke the news to mum and grandparents. I know the sound you mean, the sound a mother makes when her child is gone. It’s like no other sound I have ever heard. There were two offers, the young one was called Daz, I think short for Darren Taylor. He continued to call in on my grandma and grandad for years after they lost their son, even helped my grandad to the bathroom when he was end stage with a brain tumour. It’s 20 years now, My family will never forget that man, we never really had the chance to say thank you but I hope he knows how much we appreciated him.
Ben, that was a tough watch, hats off to everyone who's had to do this. I hope there's some release "support" for you afterwards.
Ben you are so brave and such an awe inspiring person to have done the job you have done. Every time I watch one of your videos I keep telling other people how much they need to watch it. In 2013 I was sadly one of the first people to arrive at the scene of a fatal RTC on the A59 towards Harrogate and it's something that I'll never forget. My passenger at the time was a serving police officer from Cumbria constabulary and she gave CPR to this poor motorcyclist to no avail. Never think it's a weakness to be honest about how traumatic being a police officer was for you. It just means you're human. Thankyou for your videos 🙂
I think this is one of the hardest things to do as a police officer, tell a family member that a loved one has died. Respect Ben, for all those years, you was a Interceptor.
This must have been so hard to film. I was paralysed in an RTC 13 years ago and they thought I would die during the 10 minute drive to hospital so I know how families feel getting the door knock
As a retired paramedic of 36 years your so right when you say "Think about what your going to say" as we too were taught that they do indeed remember all those little details about you when you tell them the bad news, even down to a speck of dust on your uniform, it will stay in their memory for life. At times we would arrive with the relatives not realising that death had occured and we had to inform them. We were warned in our training to expect different reactions from the relatives and have experienced them turning on us or even attacking the body of the deceased in their grief. We always had and still do, have great respect for the police and the work they do, so many times we worked along side them. Thank you for your service Ben.
sir i take my hat off to you ! without you guys we would be lost sending a hug your way mate ! york lad here.
I have family in the Prison Service who have to do the same thing on a fairly regular basis...never easy and always a different atmosphere at home after. Big respect to you Ben and all those who have to deliver such awful news.
I can’t even begin to imagine what you and other officers go through. I really don’t think I could do that, respect to anyone who has to deliver news such as this
How about a minister or vicar?
Respect to the _families_ - they're *(supposed* to be) the important ones.
@@letsdiscussitoversometea8479 but ministers and vicar don’t generally deliver this sort of news.
The families are always thought of 💔😢
@@letsdiscussitoversometea8479 Church attendance in the UK (from the data available online) was at about 5 percent of the population in 2019 or just over 3 million people. Why would a Minister, Vicar or Priest be the right person to convey this message when 95 percent of the population don't attend Christian services regularly?
Love you, Ben. You've been through loads. I appreciate your stories so much. Keep smiling, buddy :-)
Ben I love your channel. You talk about such difficult things yet your words are somehow healing. I hope some of that healing is saved just for you x
I have so much respect for you Ben. I can't imagine what you have had to deal with. I want to buy you a drink or two
One of my husbands duties he had as a Naval Officer was to inform family members their loved one passed away in the line of duty, or have died in an accident. It was called CACO Duty Officer. One of the hardest duties to have in the military. God bless all those who have had to walk in Ben’s shoes.
Thank you for sharing Ben. I cant begin to imagine the toll your career has taken on you and your fellow police. I for one am incredibly grateful that there are people like yourself in the world. Respect
Thankyou Ben for enlightening us on what you and other officers have to go through. Utter respect to you all mate 👍👍👍
Ben, you are a lovely man. You are so empathetic and real.
This is probably one of the worst things to go through not only for the family but for you as well, it’s so sad 😢😢💔
Nice fella... lot of heartfelt feelings come from him...Good luck on your new path bud....
I have started this sentence several times. It triggered my PTSD remembering the police following my father in law up the drive, to tell us my sister in law had died aged 19. I had just had my eldest son. I can't remember if we said thank you but to those who came to tell us Thank you even if it is 30 years ago this year. My heart goes out to you all. ❤
I can tell just going over this has some raw feelings. We appreciate your videos but know, don't do what may cause you sadness.
Death notices are hard but I consider it an honor in a way. Theyve lost their loved one, we can't change that. So I will volunteer to go do the notice knowing what ever they say or do is out of the pain they are feeling. But if I can stay past that first reaction, give them hugs, coffee, tea and sit down in more calmness to explain the process following. Usually I can then leave and by then they have someone with them and they are beginning the grieving process. Yes, I've had people yelling, kicking us out of the house.
Ben is a really nice man. Support the Police, we need them.
No.
We - *REALLY* - don't.
Using death to promote it is terrifically unfair to be compelled to object to it.
I worked as an English to Mandarin Chinese medical interpreter and had to do this a few times. It was technically the doctors giving the message, but it had to come out of my mouth for the family to understand, so it felt like I was the one delivering the message. It was never an easy thing.
I 100% felt the frustration when you said you were there to help answer questions and try to give them answers and were just pushed out the door. You're treated as the bad guy because of the message being delivered, and yet you're actually the good guy doing all you can to try and help them through the worst day of their lives.
Thank you Ben for your insight and sharing your experiences with the world.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's going to help so many people and on so many levels.
Wishing you all the best for a more peaceful future Ben.
Just brought both books, you have inspired me to join the police force and I am going to uni to study a professional policing degree
Keep up the great work and keep smiling you make us all happy Ben
I am from a LAW ENFORCEMENT FAMILY and my GRANDFATHER was killed in the line of DUTY and my father and brothers are in Law ENFORCEMENT and my older brother was SO INCREDIBLE WHEN HE HAD TO DO DEATH NOTIFICATION THAT THE POLICE CHAPLAIN AND HIS SUPERVISOR WANTED HIM TO DO ALL OF THEM. BUT HE SAID I COULD NOT DO THAT EVERYDAY AND CONTINUE TO BE IN LAW ENFORCEMENT. I AM SO VERY PROUD OF HIM AND I KNOW THE FAMILY MEMBERS OF THOSE WHO HAD DIED, ARE GRATEFUL FOR HIS KINDNESS AND WE TAKEN CARE OF.
In the met we called them “death message”
In the Met do the control room redact/lockdown the incident log/occurrence to only staff deployed and/or investigating, just incase the deceased could potentially be a relative or friend of a Bobby or Civvy staff on duty?
@@residentelect yeah sometimes we do that. even the deployed unit can’t view it they have t view it at the inspectors terminal.
Jeezzz, that three person one sounded awful.
And it really didn't help with the idiots at the third house.
Fair play to you Ben
God! I think in all the jobs, this has to be the most difficult thing to do that u can think off. I have a pretty complex job and many times I complain as to how difficult it is to maintain the standards needed. But whenever I see this, I just feel this immense gratitude that at least I don’t have to do that. Even once would just complete shatter me. Huge huge respect to the cops, firefighters, nurses, doctors and soldiers who have to give this news to the family. The appreciation for that is sorely lacking in society especially from people who should be the most grateful.
Being on the other side of this, I can say it's a fact that you always remember the person who delivers that news💔
I’m a nurse and really appreciate seeing this though the eyes of another service. I never received training in how to tell someone their loved one had died so this has been enlightening. Like you say, not everyone has the character to do it in a way the public expects, but I try my best. I’m fortunate that most of my times have been over the phone and the death has been expected. I have also been surprised by family dynamics where one family takes their frustration of a sibling out on me. I end up in the role of a social worker even though I’ve no training in that either. One of the toughest ones was when their NOK gave me a double digit list of family members to call. I could have declined to call any but could see they weren’t up to it. As you put it, it was like half an hour of just breaking peoples hearts.
Secondary trauma is a real thing. Front line workers for police, fire, social services, NHS etc, they get it every day.
My husband’s cousin (they were more like brothers and best friends) was killed three weeks after his 21st birthday in a freak motorcycle accident. The first officer on the scene was a very close family friend of his. It was horrendous.
My condolences mate
Thank you
For me personally ben that's the most powerful video you have ever done. I remember the date August 16th 2006. I witness my brothers dead he drown. I remember the police officer who took us to identify the body. At the time it was all about me and my grief. Time gives you time to reflect. For me that was a one time incident. It might have stayed with me forever but I will probably never have to deal with it again. If you are dealing with it on a regular basis I cant imagine how you deal with it. I imagine it eats away at you. Thanks for sharing this one ben. Good luck to you in the future. Its already been said but you didn't destroy anyone or any family. My only regret is that I didn't thank the officer more. I'm not sure what I could have done but I had years afterwards to think about him and I still do.
I’ve personally encountered two of the things you laid out here. I had to speak to a family who’s son had died in a foreign country and unfortunately the home office had given us inaccurate information so I told them it was believed their son had taken his own life which turned out not to be the case. His father actually rang the station the next day to convey his thanks about how sensitively I handled the message and to let me know that the true circumstances had been relayed to him and he knew it wasn’t our fault. I still remember this like it was yesterday and how useless I felt when I didn’t have the answers to all their questions.
I’ve also had to do one by telephone which wasn’t ideal.
I don’t know how you detach yourself from a situation like that when you go home at night. Someone has to do that job, only it must live with you forever. Respect to you for talking about it.
I can’t imagine carrying that kind of hardship and pain through your life.
I wouldn't wish the task of delivering that news on anyone but remember it wasn't you who destroyed the family, it's the loss of the loved one that destroyed their lives, you just had the job of telling them and by doing your best to deliver the news gently and with respect you have probably made it slightly less difficult for them than if someone casually and un-caringly just blurted it out. It's a job that's impossible to do easily but you at least try to make it less difficult, well done. Brilliant channel.
Ben you are a stronger man than me no one sees the other side of being a police officer the upset that you have to go through they forget you are human also ...
I used to work in Custody, Ben. I’m 20 now but started at 19 and left earlier this year because it gave me anxiety even after 1 year working there (as a Cust Assistant), I thought I would be really strong and brave and really didn’t think anything would affect me but it did and I see the world I live in in a different light, and I love learning from you about the police and RPU, of which if I one day return to the police for whatever reason, I’d like to do. Thank you for your stories, you’re an inspiration!
(Also, loved seeing you on Jack’s Happy Hour!)
This video really hits home - on the 24th January 2020, I remember opening the front door to 2 PCs, with my mum walking the dogs, I had to sit around the table, knowing exactly what was going to be said for around 10 minutes. They told me and my mum that my dad had taken his own life. It wasn’t easy, and still effects me pretty deeply a year and a half later, but I cannot imagine being the PCs having to deliver that news and sitting opposite to people like my family with knowledge that you know will effect them for a very long time.
Xxxx
I remember watching a programme many years ago and the PC going to tell the family that their daughter had died in an RTC said you never know how people will react. Her boyfriend was present when he told the family and tried to punch him. Don't kill the messenger.
i understand when he said seeing a dead body, i saw my uncle when he had passed and it was just wrong i could tell it was him but it didnt look like him if that makes sense it was heart wrenching. thankyou for making open and honnest videos about the police
No wonder police struggle
That has got to be the worst knocking at the door.
How can you prepare to tell next of kin.
I’ve said it before Ben you’ve got balls of planets.
Remember this you did the best you did on that day on that given time.
Thanks for talking about this
You are a gem of a bloke! 😔
Brave guy and people to do this
I don't know how you did that. Must of been heartbreaking. Massive respect to you for the service you gave to the Police Force Ben.
So much respect, am off to get the book now
I can relate to the scream it’s a scream that never leaves you I was in hospital made to sit in a hallway right next to a door that family members were in another door with another family, I personally don’t think I should of been near these rooms. The poor mums scream still rings in my head a year on I sadly heard the mother on the phone telling people what had happened then seen two people go in. Hope you get some peace in life I couldn’t imagine hearing that ever again
Every time I hear a knock on the door when people are out of the house I always think this is who’s at the door. It’s my first thought every time.
I have been that family member, having police knocking on your door in the early hours of the morning is absolutely awful 😢 then those words, the only one's you hear are your loved one has passed away, In my case murdered 😢 I can honestly say the police were absolutely amazing 👏 they were very supportive, even emotional when the people responsible got found guilty and sent down for a very long time as they knew our family member was a very, good, honest, decent person who was robbed and beaten to death! I've always had respect for our emergency services, even more so now 👏 I can't ever imagine the things you have seen ben, thank you for your service 🙏💙
hearing about that mother who didn't care her son had died actually made my skin crawl, not just the expression for real man
Nicely put Ben. I remember all mine and always volunteered to do the bike escorts of fallen soldiers and officers. So many stories.. thanks for posting.
To all the police in the comments thank you so much for you’re service and for doing you’re best we really appreciate you ❤
Thank you x
I could listen to this guy all day, absolutely fantastic!
Love the videos also your book is great
Life changing for you too having to deliver such a message... much respect 😥
And Ben again it weren't you that destroyed the family it was the clumsy driver or other car fault thankyou for youre service brother I take my hat off with the stuff you done
Thank you for all you are sharing in these videos, there's so much strength in showing your vulnerability and so much depth, emotion and respect for life, that it feels healing for me to watch. I would have preferred to get that news about my partner from someone like you rather than the way it went for me. Thank goodness for therapy and for those few, precious people who do have compassion and care, who are able to sit there and be with you, without brushing over the pain. That makes it bearable
I agree it’s definitely the hardest part of the job. Done many over the years and they do take a piece of you.
Keep up the great work Ben 👍
All our emergency services do not get enough respect, support or recognition for the work they do. Thank you for keeping us safe, for coming to our aid when we are hurt, scared or afraid.
Wonderful presentation. Love your videos. Never liked policeman much until I started watching the shows from England. Gives a different perspective of policeman. Have a new found respect for policeman
So much respect for you Ben ❤️
I can't start to think how I would tell someone that a loved one as been killed. Total respect to the guys & girls who have to do this it must be absolutely heartbreaking for everyone involved 😞
Your a very nice person to listen to, we're all glad your doing youtube now!
I still remember giving my first death message. Very surreal.
Please do explain if you are happy too?
I know it is not the same, but I am a veterinary nurse and the worst thing I have to do is call owners to tell them their pet has passed away, the worst is cats that have been brought in killed by cars, and telling the owner over the phone, I can not imagine dealing with people and having to do that :( I could not do it
Hi Ben being an intensive care nurse we need to give the same to family this horrific info too , because once we have the patient we have the family too anything we do for the patient we try to tell the family but generally it goes over their head and once it becomes apparent its so hard for the family to understand , and the number of times being the sister of an head injury unit , its been more frequent than i care to remember , but i make an real effort to take the family under my wing as i know its going to hurt immensely, and denial is frequent , but we are human it hurts us too , we can look after patients for coming upto ten days praying for a brain injured patient ten days is crucial for recovery then almost there , then the inevitable happens they die under your eyes you have bonded and along with the family its devastating , then explaining , its truly heartbreaking. i have had one patients in this circumstance which cut into me like a knife and almost stopped me nursing . but i learnt the very harsh lesson that yes i am human ! then you try to put up a barrier to help stop the hurt happing again , but then it won’t help your families , so yes its down to experience and trying your best and a hug and a cup of tea and just listening , and allowing the pain to come out , and it will its a matter of time and hugs , which by now i am proficient , then the crucial action of donor requirement and i have not ever be denied . and i thank my families for the walk of honour when they take there family member to Theatre for organ donation , i am full of admiration for my families .May i just say here THANK YOU , my regards liz x
I was in BTP I have done a few Notifications it's a tough and upsetting experience. I totally feel for Ben.
I remember when the London police had to come to my son and notify him of an accident and then they drove him to the hospital where his young wife was dying. They were so kind and thoughtful. Later on an officer very calmly told him a few times of the circumstances and walked him through the coroners court proceedings and what would happen next. It was very helpful and gave him something to focus on in a very tragic event.
Thank you Ben.