Story 2: That therapist is very parasitic. I’m getting major ‘I’m intentionally making my patient go round in circles so I can line my pockets’ vibes just from her awful suggestions.
You’d think his wife would at least be moved by the idea that he’s destroying himself to pay the expenses. Most people I know who suffer from chronic physical and mental health issues at least feel some anxiety at the burden they place on others, even if they can’t help it.
Yeah...I had a therapist who tried something like this once. I caught it and fired her the first time she tried to suggest that maybe my issues from childhood trauma with my mother were about my husband not being supportive and the patriarchy trying to keep me down...but it's easy to see where someone less aware of the source of their issues could be misled.
Yeah, I wish the husband went with her for a session and told the therapist that money is tight and won't be able to pay them anymore... see how fast the therapist changes tactics.
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@@hotplotsandsynonyms, smart. If your issues stem from childhood trauma, you can work through that and come out the other side having processed said trauma. However, if your issues come from a mythical patriarchy oppressing you, you're going to remain a paying customer indefinitely.
Story 2: As someone who has been in therapy for 8 years after a mental breakdown, this therapist is definitely a quack job. While it's different for everyone, it took me 18 months to get back into work regularly, and that time was largely spent working on how to do basic things again, like (actual) self care, being able to be in public spaces, etc. Sometimes it is slow, and there can be times where it goes backwards, but there should be overall forward progression. The wife here sounds like she's stagnated in her recovery and found someone who is happy to take her money to give her a pat on the back.
I was in therapy for 8 years myself. They say if your therapist always agrees with you, FIRE THEM. if your therapist doesn't piss you off, FIRE THEM. a good therapist is going to disagree with or piss off a client. Every therapist i have had for the past 8 years (all 3 of em) have done so, I got in arguments with therapists. Ive had mental breakdowns i had one last month. You have to continue your normal life to an extent in order to ACTUALLY recover (obviously get rid of extreme negativity if you can). if you do nothing you cant equip yourself for life.
It’s taken 3 years for me to feel like a human again. I’m now studying for a career change. 5 years without even taking up some of the household weight seems a bit much
I get that everyone is different and all, but it's quite concerning that the wife is not contributing to the household chores this long after her breakdown. It's time to find a new therapist that can guide her through her next steps of her recovery because her current one is either holding her back or completely incompetent. Yikes!
2nd Story - That therapist deserves a 5/5 butthole score - She is actively ruining 2 people's lives. OP is being worn down and may just snap one day and break down mentally, physically or both and the wife is losing/has lost her ability to survive without a slave bringing her everything. If/when OP breaks or divorces her, she's going to starve.
If you are a therapist, and you belittle someones husband just to make your "patient" better, you don't deserve to be a therapist, and your license need to be revoked.
The therapist turned the wife into a useless bum. She is not fit to be a therapist in my opinion. I would suggest that if OP *really really really reeeaaalllyyy* /LOVES/ his wife, to suggest changing therapist. But given that she didn't like couple therapy because it wasn't giving into her selfish demands, I'd just suggest that OP did everything he could. Next option would unfortunately (for her) be divorce. Playtime's over, she needs to get back to work.
Story 2; That's not an ethical therapist with unbiased opinions. That's a friend of the Wife. And the fact the two ganged up on OP and said "No, dont do these things that would be uncomfortable for your wife" is just... bad. I mean its one thing to take time, but its another thing to basically tell her she doesnt have to do anything at all. Edit; just found out the wife got 5 years after the mental breakdown. And the fact she "Doesn't like the Marriage counselor" clearly shows that she only wants to see her therapist, because it's not a therapist she's seeing, she's seeing an unethical friend.
Man, that therapist needs her license revoked. She's doing a terrible job. I have a feeling, she is encouraging the wife to stay home so that the wife can keep going to therapy and that means the therapist makes more money. I think the therapist truly doesn't care about the wife's mental state and cares more about the money.
Also she's intentionally manipulating her feeling so the that her and the therapist can gaslight OP, and on that matter OP is a moron, not for believe the therapist but for continuing to pay them for 5 years ever since his wife quit. And screw her for contributing nothing to the house, I don't OP specified, but she orders carry out, or pre-cooked meal, what else does she do? Does she clean and do londery? Does she do yard work? And everything else to maintain a clean and presentable home. OP said he works 84 a week, when you factor sleep, house work she doesn't do, having to make your own meal that gives poor ol OP just 32 hours to decompress for the week
Pro Mental Health, has Nothing to do with this! The wife likes not working & the therapist likes OP's money! They are both milking the situation & OP is blind & killing himself! OP needs to see a divorce lawyer & the mental health board‼️🚩🚩🚩OP is married to a blood sucking snake and employing a scammer!😮😢
Lol the wife is probably in therapy for how useless she feels and the continuing to be untreated learned helplessness. (As someone who has been in a somewhat similar situation, getting a job and doing housework really helps. You get out more and your helping someone you love which just feels good even if it's hard)
Story 2: the real AH in this story is absolutely the therapist, it's hard to tell how bad the wife would actually be without their influence. Something is seriously wrong here, and they're manipulating OP's wife to make her think she's more sick than she otherwise would be. Not to mention the mile high red flags of them slagging on OP.
Second story: I'm almost 30 and I've never had a full time job due to mental health reasons. I'm *still* on OP's side. Every therapist I've ever had has encouraged me to push outside my comfort zone at least a little. I do part time work that covers my lifestyle and I eat out sparingly. Most importantly, no one is working 18 hours a day to support me.
Now that I've thought of it more tho, people don't tend to have mental breakdowns exclusively from work. There tends to be more going on from other areas of life too (at least in my life experience) AND they did get a marriage counselor afterwards. There are a lot of red flags in this post, but its hard to attribute it to OP or therapist exclusively. I'm concerned about the therapist's intentions for sure. But im also concerned that the husband seems to be hiding aspects of the breakdown, and also doesn't fully understand what a mental breakdown is (the "I would just have to work thru my demons" comment... If he had a mental breakdown the really worry is that there would be no income at all. There is no "working thru" a mental breakdown. He seems to not understand the thing his wife went thru at all)
Exactly same (except slightly older) and I do sit at home playing videogames but I also realise it's wrong and I SHOULD be doing other things. I just have trouble making myself do that because mental health making me fall into familiar comforts instead of being stressed and scared/nervous. Point being I don't try to pretend videogames are the only thing that will help me or whatever bs this so-called "therapist" is spouting.
@@Kamifox1same situation man . I hate myself for how I live my life . I’m a recovering heroin addict and lived on the streets for 10 years. I was a straight up gutter junkie . I OD’d multiple times over the years and the last time I actually died. Stopped breathing and heart stopped. Someone found me in a public restroom and did CPR and saved my life. I started going to a methadone program , seeing a counselor, and haven’t stuck a needle in my arm for over 10 years now. But now my mental health that got me into doing drugs originally keeps me from working full time or being a productive member of society . I do yard work for different members of my family , there co workers, etc to make some money to atleast buy some of the comforts and little things I enjoy in life and I help my mom a lot around the house and take care of our cats and my sisters dogs while they all work but still . I play a lot of video games and don’t work nearly enough . Really kinda hate myself for it. The person in this story seems to be comfortable with it, though to be fair, maybe she isn’t . Maybe she hates it as well. Just expects too much though if that’s the case
Story 2: the wife is used weaponized incompetence and the therapist is an enabler. I get mental health issues are a big problem and it’s a nasty thing to go through, but this is literally just the therapist milking what money she can get out of someone who believes anything said. Sadly I think OP would be better just divorcing and getting himself better. 5 years is more than enough time to “rest and reflect”…SHE COULD WORK FROM HOME DOING HER OWN HOURS!!!
What worries me about the story about the wife who had the mental breakdown is the therapist: of course she has to protect her patient, etc... but at this point she should be encouraging her patient to progress. I just worry the wife is basically putting the therapist's kids through college, if you see what I mean.
yes, its a red flag of cheating from a mile away. Therapist wouldn't keep a license for 5 years telling all of their patients that. Clearly its *just* OP's wife.
The post is a great example of why you have to be very careful when it comes to picking a therapist. A therapist’s job is to help you become more independent and less independent on them, even if you need life long therapy. The therapist is likely just milking them for money, which the wife likely doesn’t fully realize.
Yeah, if the mental illness is persistent this long, they should have been working on a disability claim with Social Security, thats what they're for, not just physical health. If you're unemployable, you're unemployable. If they havent sounds to me like the therapist knows shes not unemployable.
@@MAPriestAuthorExactly! As someone that had to go to therapy, I agree on this. I circled through 2 different therapist. The first one I went to wasn't much help. Sessions were very expensive and didn't seemed invested on even listening to me to begin with, but the second one was a godsent. It took me months to open up to her when in therapy for my depression and anxiety, as sometimes happen when one, as the patient, unconsciously tend to not accept help (despite me being the one that looked for help, but I always said I was fine when asked), but that therapist was wonderful and helped by setting weekly goals for me to be active and encouraged me to actually go get a work. She was an excellent therapist and I am in a way better place now. She even happened to cross paths with me while I was at work once and said she was proud and that I looked way better. In this case, OP's wife's therapist seems like they don't care, just trying to prolongue the sessions over time for money or is just incompetent. (Edited because my grammar is atrocious 😅).
As someone who struggles with mental health, Mental issues are an explanation, NOT an excuse. I feel awful for OP, as it seems like their wife is just using them for free housing and the like, and she's using the therapist as justification.
Idk, I think that the wife might genuinely trying to do what's right by listening to her therapist but the therapist is misusing that trust, since therapists are supposed to get you back on track with small goals at first as soon as you're stable enough and she doesn't seem to be doing that. I don't understand though - isn't she on disability then? Which would make it understandable if she doesn't work. And if not, why isn't she on it if her mental health has prevented her from getting a job for that long? Has she even been made aware that filing for disability is an option, that should be the therapist's responsibility to inform her?
@xLostInFirex She probably doesn't qualify for because she not really disabled and can work but doesn't want to. The therapist and the wife are mentally abusing/manipulating OP.
Yeah she a disgusting human being who just gotten too comfortable with her life style he need to divorce her fast as he can, clearly she doesn’t care about him any more and another fact he put up with it for 5 years! No one is talking about how long he has suffered it the sheer endurance it legendary
Then you're not struggling with actual mental health, have absolutely no clue what Clinical depression actually is . The fact you call it an excuse is completely gross. There is a reason why severe depression is under disabilities. If this was any other physical health conditions, where a medical professional is telling them not to go back to work , your opinion would be completely different.. people don't just decide one day , well I'm not going to have mental issues. I've a debilitating nerve condition the last 7 years which has got progressivly worse and I'm a part of different support groups with people with invisible illness we have a lot of people with depression who go through the same thing and the biggest Challenge always comes from people who think they know what its like who always ask if they ar better yet , not understanding the term chronic . I don't think you grasp how much life gets stolen from us, when I hear people talk about that the mediation helps to the point of being numb to content , but the despair is still just there . Where they feel like they are just existing waiting to die . That they would give anything to be normal again. Op the way he talks he doesn't understand mental health neither does Dabney, I pray his wife and child never experienced any mental health issues if this is how he thinks. Lastly people need to actually read their wedding vows and ask themselves if they understand them . There is a reason why in sicknesses as in health is in there. If you are not willing to look after a spouse then don't get married. Because you've no idea what is coming round the corner. You could go on your honeymoon and get into an accident that leaves you paralysed. Are you just going to abandon them .?
"You're younger than me, so there is no excuse for you to not be readily available to do anything and everything I demand of you, because I (insert reason here) so I DESERVE to command you" is all I hear when someone spews that lol
Story 2: I don't know why OP is even bothering to stay with her. Seriously, if you truly love your significant other, you would at least try your best to do SOMETHING for your partner when they are working 18 HOUR SHIFTS to keep the house running!! That's basic respect and support in a relationship. If she is still complaining while doing absolutely nothing for you all day, then she is not viewing you as her SO, you are just an ATM and a pure slave. Ditch her, go on your own, cut back your hours and enjoy your leisure time relaxing! This is insanity.
If I were OP I would report the therapist and inform the wife either she sees a different therapist or I will file for divorce on the grounds of financial abuse.
This might be too nice of an explanation. Some shrinks do a terrible job at separating what they feel an what they should say (which should be the core of the job). They can become extremely manipulative and totally addicted to the bond they have with their patients. This story gives me some vibes of that
The wife could ease back into teaching by tutoring or subing. Maybe even working a few days a week at a preschool. Agreed. The therapist is just telling her what she wants to hear.
This is why I find therapists to be not necessary useless, but too risky to be involved with. There are many who just tell you exactly what you want to hear to keep you coming back and spending money. Often times the people seeking therapy are too muddled up in their mental mess to see that they're being manipulated this way, so these ne'er-do-well therapists rarely get caught. You're generally better off seeing a psychiatrist before anyone else because they can actually prescribe you medication that has a measurable chemical effect on your mind, while with therapy alone there's less of a chance things will get better. I'm not saying all therapists are bad. I'm sure there are ones that will tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear so you can actually improve, but sorting them out is difficult. Seeing a psychiatrist first can help with this though, as if they believe that therapy can help (often in combination with medication) they can refer you to an often reliable therapist in their network.
Mental Health nurse of plus ten years here- I find it troubling that the therapist has not been setting more active goals and encouraging the wife to get out of her "safe" zone in manageable steps
Exactly. And if she isn't capable of that, she needs to be inpatient or something, to actively get to the place where she CAN start taking steps back to real life. She's just in stasis as it is.
yeah, you'd think after 5 years the therapist would at least be pushing for a part- time job. And that reply when OP suggested moving into an apartment and renting out the house for additional income: "Oh that's too big of a change in a short time. " Well it's going to be a mighty big change when OP files for divorce and custody of the kid because I guess the wife is going to have another breakdown. Also, the therapist being ok with OP working 18hr days and the wife doing NOTHING to help cut costs-- wow.
First story: OP is NTA. Her boyfriend broke up with her, which means she has the right to move on and date someone else. He's clearly dating her sister to try and make OP jealous, and he's pissed it isn't working. Second story: OP is NTA. I understand his wife had a traumatic experience and is working to piece herself back together. However, it seems that their situation requires a fair amount of money to keep up with expenses and debt payments, and OP is burning himself at both ends to do this. The fact that his wife won't even put in a serious effort to learn how to cook after all he has to do in a single day to keep up with finances is not a good look (Note: I'm not advocating for traditional marriage roles. I'm simply saying that a stay at home spouse should at least be keeping the house in order and yes, having dinner ready. I'm a guy and I love to cook. As long as you follow the directions you'll turn out a decent result.) All of his suggestions seem reasonable if they want to keep the house and continue to prepare for their financial future, but the fact that the therapist won't even acknowledge that OP's situation is unreasonable leads me to believe that this person is a quack. A good therapist will try to give a patient a wake up call when they need one. OP's wife needs a wake up call that this situation is unsustainable. Third story: OP is NTA. She's disabled. She showed proof she's disabled. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You can't see every single disability. Final story: OP is NTA. They snubbed OP while they were married, so OP has every right to say no now.
If my man were working two full-time jobs, my house would be spotless the dishes would be clean. The yard would be mowed and food would be on the table every evening.
Would we ever let our men work this hard unnecessarily though? No because we value them as people and not just what they do for us. The times my fiance had to work mandatory overtime was the time I hated the most because I'd rather have him.
@@SteviiLove true, but if finance was tight and working 2 full time was needed for a year or so to recover financially, i sure as hell would've went up and beyond to make sure he's well taken care of at home
I would take measures so he doesn’t have to work 80hrs a week. Moving to a smaller house, selling stuff, or (gasp) even getting a job no matter how small the pay.
As someone who has been to therapy, normally in these couples/ family therapy session, both parties are equally heard and the therapist acts more like a neutral mediator and adviser. But thats just my personal experience.
I work several part time jobs about 30 to 50 hours a week, it fluctuates. My husband works one job, about 35 to to 55 hours a week, it fluctuates. When one of us is doing less and the other is doing more, we take on more of the household stuff. When we're both working a ton, we do the bare minimum with the house and it just gets and stays messy until someone has more time (usually I make time at that point).
Last story: Imagine telling your mother she is unqualified to babysit for years and only change your mind when you have to raise your kid 50% of the time.
one of my uncles was going through a divorce and bad-mouthing about his ex to my mom. "she's crazy, she's a terrible person, she's unreasonable." So my mom asked if he was going to fight for custody of their 3 kids and immediately he does a 180: "oh no I couldn't do that; she's a great mother. "
Yes, this therapist is a quack, an enabling one. The wife is not making any progress, she’s just rusticating, and OP is working his ass off to let her do that. He should dump them both!
I guess I m not the only one who came to the comments to see if I'm the only one having rslash withdrawals this morning 😁 I hope all is well witg rslash 🙏
It certainly appears that the therapist is taking advantage of OP's wife and OP too. Some therapists really do this. A new and better therapist is overdue.
Ive been in therapy for 22 years. I'd be EXTREMELY worried if my therapist wouldn't actively help me progress... because besides all the therapy experience, im also a trained mental health counsellor. And that therapist, my friend, sounds UNHINGED.
My sister has a similar story to the third. She broke her leg before her 15th birthday and the physical therapy lasted six months. During this time she wore first crutches and in the last months a cane. When she was in a bus a woman tried to make her stand up and my sister, “reluctantly”, took her cane, limped a little and offered the sit to the woman. She was so mortified and red faced that she walked away in the next station and every one in the bus was holding back their laughters. I’m very proud of her, not for standing for herself, but for make karma act son fast for that lady.
As someone who’s mostly bedridden due to chronic pain and has related mobility issues, and has PTSD, her “therapist” is 100% a quack. I’ve had PTSD specific therapy and during that time I learnt helpful coping mechanisms, am better able to communicate what’s happening in my head (I would often self isolate for weeks at a time, something I still struggle with and try to battle), I am medicated, and the therapy became less and less as my therapist acknowledged I am incredibly independent (child abuse survivor hence nerve damage and PTSD, I learnt to be fully independent by around 12/13) and know how to navigate life and adult, I just struggle mentally. My regular doctor who deals with my nerve damage is very understanding and encouraging, whilst we both acknowledge I am mostly bedridden (about 90%) we have spoken about me finding hobbies and interests I can do from home and/or my bed, this includes gaming, using social media groups to talk to like minded individuals about my interests (Scottish history so Neolithic, Pictish and Gaelic, I myself being Gaelic), finding support groups so I can speak to people who have similar experiences and know exactly what I’m going through, growing plants, playing with my cat, reading books, I now also moderate a TH-camrs live stream chat which gives me something to look forward to a few hours a week and has given me a community of friends I deeply care about. Not sitting in the house and gaming all day, refusing to talk to others, refusing to help around the house, refusing to do anything. My flatmate is my carer (sorta like an adoptive family, he’s my chosen family and best friend) and at weekends he will drive us to historic sites like castles, stone circles, walled gardens, gentle strolls around these places and we get to enjoy our countries rich history or chase butterflies and bees trying to get closeup photos, or a drive somewhere into the hills/mountains to get landscape photos from the car, we find ways of making stuff accessible for me and find things my flatmate really enjoys too, that way we are both mentally stimulated by whatever we’re doing and happy. My therapist and doctor would NOT suggest sitting at home and not doing anything, my docs also would NOT harass my flatmate and make out he’s lazy and browbeat him. TLDR: mental health is no excuse, that’s coming from the bedridden cripple with PTSD. That “therapist” sees OP as a cash cow and doesn’t want to let go of her easy money, hence why she seemed to really hate that marriage counsellor. Best advice would be to stay at a relatives for a while, OP needs a break, his mental health isn’t cared for at all and he’s at a breaking point, he’s struggling. This would also force his wife to either wisen up and realise she’s gunna get divorced, or she’ll demand her parents take her in so she can mooch off them forever.
For story 2: As someone who experienced a mental breakdown because of work and had to quit as a result, I didn't just stay home to relax and be lazy. I made myself useful around the house, I helped out *and* made sure that I had time for myself to heal. And from what it sounds like, the wife's therapist isn't helping her recover, she (whether unintentionally or not) is teaching her excuse after excuse at the expense of the husband. I get that the therapist has to be on the side of their client, but compared to my most recent therapist, she's just being an enabler. I got so frustrated listening to all that, holy crap...
If the therapist actually cared about her patient, they'd try to make sure that the husband didn't ALSO have a mental breakdown, as that would NOT help her patient!
James is a creep. Who wants to bet he is dating the sister just to get close again to OP? As for the sister.... well ... she knew what she was getting herself I to when she started dating OP's cheating Ex.
This sounds like the beginning of one of those news stories where someone ends up murdered and no one that they interview seems surprised that it happened.
Unfortunately there are some women who date known cheaters (especially among those who are knowing being the "other woman") that seem to have the impression that they are the special girl who can change him. They convince themselves that his cheating was a skill issue on the womens side, that they must of been lacking in some way so if they do better, they earn the prize of fidelity. With the added information that op and her sister didn't get along even before this, I can only assume she's dating him to prove she's better than OP and he's dating the sister to get OP back. So when he got upset that his weird plan didn't work, the sister lashed out at OP trying to claim she was trying to get between them in some way because that's easier to believe then that she was used by the guy she was trying to use for an ego boost.
My ex tried dating my close friends or being close to mutual friends just for the off chance of seeing me. My friends came back & told me while the others were on the "but he's such a nice guy. Give him another chance" train. Not to mention I was dating someone new & they wanted me to get back with a guy who stalked, threatened, & harassed me & they knew this!
I tried to give the sister some leeway since she’s younger but I lacked any sympathy once she started demanding OP not bring her bf over. At this point, who bets James broke up with the sister?
Story 2 makes me so angry. Yes, "In sickness and in health" is a thing, but A) after 5 years it sounds like the wife has made zero progress and is fine with continuing to make no progress and B) what about OP's mental health working 18 hour days and coming home to a lazy, spoiled wife? Rslash is right, OP is not getting anything from this relationship, and if wifey and the therapist want to keep blaming OP for having unreasonable expectations then OP should serve his wife divorce papers. Even if he has to pay alimony it'll be mountains less stressful to be able to go back to working normal hours and not have to take care of his wife who's too busy playing video games to to do literally anything.
It's in sickness and in health, but if one side is just trying to go further into that sickness for so long then they're not living anymore. They're just a slowly dying corpse, dragging down anything they can with them
Story 2 hits me to my core… I’m currently unable to hold a full time job because of a mixture of mental and physical health issues. My husband works himself ragged trying to take care of us… the fact constantly haunts me. I can do very little to help, but I push myself to the brink of what I can handle to try and manage cooking at least some, working at least weekends at a little job, cleaning as much as I can… it’s barely anything, but I’m trying because I love my husband and I want to do my part. I want to see him healthy and happy and thriving… op’s wife needs to see past herself-because when you pay attention to the needs of your loved one, it helps get you out of your head and pushes you to fight to get better so you can be there for them like they’re there for you Edit: I just told my husband my stresses over the story and he immediately covered me with kisses and told me not to compare myself to her XD
For the second story, if the wife and therapist wait for the wife to be ready, they'll be waiting forever. That therapist is just enabling the wife to be a lazy bum is actually harming her by keeping her stuck in her own misery.
The story about the man working 18+ hour shifts and the therapist irks me. OF COURSE the wife is mad at the marriage counselor for going against her enabling therapist. She sounds like someone I know, hiding behind the therapist and manipulating everyone else with the therapist’s words because they know it holds more weight. I’ve been in therapy for 8 years now, this isn’t helpful behavior for a therapist to jump on OP; however, I’ve been in situations where I felt I was being jumped on but wasn’t. But this doesn’t sound like that, it sounds like OP has tried to be reasonable but his wife wants the easy way: cruise control at the expense of her husband
I see a therapist for similar reasons to the wife in story 2. I can safely say this is not what my therapist encourages. She actively encourages me to get out into the community and find places to meet new people. I have never ending anxiety and depression plus c PTSD. She has encouraged me to sit at home once in a decade of meeting.
The second story about the wife being out of work, she's a narcissist and her therapist is enabling her in a major way. OP needs to leave the wife or demand the wife get a different therapist. Or both. He can't keep going on the way it's going.
@@mycologycornerI'm with you there. But I don't think the marriage can be safe regardless even if she changes therapist. This kind of disrespect cannot be forgiven, mental health issues or not. He needs a break from her, and I'm pretty sure there's no going back from this.
I find funny how James pulled the stupidest plan ever to try to get back with OP after she rightfully dumped his ass for planning to cheat on her, and when she obviously moved on with her life and got a boyfriend who's actually a decent person, he gets mad and her sister goes all "YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS!"; Also the second story: OP should either get her to see another therapist, or cut losses by moving on and leaving her. The therapist isn't helping her at all, they're keeping her in a self-destructing cycle where she's stuck in a self-loathing state where she literally doesn't do anything. Also I'd check out like rSlash said if they're a quack, and either denounce them for not being licensed, or if they are, to a ethics council for keeping a patient in a horrible mental state (because I'm pretty sure they're keeping OP's wife like that to keep getting the payment); And third story: I once was forced to get up from a similar seat by a entitled Karen who literally lied about being elderly (unless she slept in formaldehyde and botox, she was obviously in her 40's, far from being a elderly). She also made my GRANDMA, WHO WAS WITH ME AND A ACTUAL ELDERLY GET UP! We did just so that grunt didn't made a scene; Here those seats are okay to use if they're not anyone who fits that criteria in the train, and people always get up when that's the case. But OP FITTED THAT CRITERIA. So yeah the woman was a entitled Karen, and the conductor was a idiot who acted all douchey aswell because of her. So no, OP isn't TA, and I hope that Karen gets shouted next time she tries to pull that stupid stunt.
*First OP:* Did OP's sister not consider the fact that James was using her to worm his way back to OP? That's just sad. OP is NTA. *Second OP:* At the risk of sounding like a Reddit trope, OP should consider divorcing his wife. It doesn't sound like she wants to improve, and is using weaponized therapy speak to get out of her responsibilities. OP is NTA. *Third OP:* If the train was -empty- *full* and (I'm assuming) the woman wass not elderly/pregnant/didn't have a disability, the why was she hung up on OP sitting there? OP is NTA. If the place were -crowded- *empty*, then yeah, OP should disclose that she has a prosthetic leg. Otherwise, she didn't have to explain herself to anyone. *Fourth OP:* _reads title_ There has to be a good reason for OP not to be the AH. _reads story_ Good enough reason for me. OP is NTA. OP's son now understands the "No take-backs" principle. I do understand the son's and ex's concerns about the horses, but I doubt OP would've let their horses roam around when there are children in close proximity.
I agree with all your points except the 3rd story. It shouldn't matter if the train/sub is empty or not. It's no one's fucking business to need to know the disabilities of others. It's 2023. Being in a wheelchair isn't the only disability that is hard on people. So don't make assumptions. You know why I've never been made a fool when it comes to those types of things? Bcz I mind my fucking business.
Story 2: I can relate to the wife with regards to the mental breakdown while teaching. I was a full time high school teacher and I had to resign because of how brutal the stress was. I had a safety net since I lived with my parents and they supported me through it. That said, the therapist needs their license revoked and the wife needs to be more accomodating with her husband. If my wife had to work 18 hour shifts for 84 hours per week, I would feel awful and make every effort to at least get a part time job to help out or get the house clean and make a freshly cooked meal for my wife when she comes home. (Note I'm not married but I'm just putting this hypothetical out there.) Therapy is meant to help you work through your issues, not to coddle them like this therapist is doing. The wife needs to confront her stressors and trauma so that she can achieve stability in her life. Coddling like this will not help and only make this worse.
Yeah. Honestly if he works up to 18 hours a day just to keep enabling his wife to be lazy for 5 to 6 years then he'd be better off divorced working half the time and enjoying the life he has before everything comes crashing down.
Absolutely agreed, but honestly I think the therapist is the real issue. She’s just feeding the wife’s bad mental health and trying to breakdown and belittle OP. Also her financial advice was so terrible
There is a time when you just got to throw in the towel, this is one of those. Let her sink or swim, but the OP in that story needs to save himself or he's just gonna work himself into an early grave.
And that therapist is crap for enabling her. I’m a lazy person (and a gamer) and even I wouldn’t want my partner to bust their ass working like that. Hell, the only reason I *can* be lazy is I’m single (and I work)! OP should dump this lazy woman (and her therapist). What is she actually bringing to this relationship? She doesn’t cook, she probably doesn’t clean, he’s working all the hours there are and she’s sitting on her ass doing nothing!
I'm pretty sure this is just a technical glitch. He records well in advance and schedules the uploads. TH-cam should still compensate us for emotional distress.
OP said he works 84 a week, when you factor sleep the house work he has to do himself (his wife just sits around and plays video games) and having to make his own meals that just gives poor ol OP just 34 hours to decompress for the whole week, meanwhile his slob of a wife has been unemployed, unproductive, and domestically useless for the past 5 years, at most people take a month off work for mental health, but 5 years is just insane
Dude. I have my morning coffee and toke to your videos every morning. Is the world ending? Ill just rewatch your old videos until you're alive again. Hope all is well ❤️🩹
Yeah she likes her because she tells her to keep doing whatever she wants but depression needs more than taking rest all day for years, in fact that is making depression worse.
@@desperateneedofscotch I got lucky. My therapist has legitimately been helping me. And has told me when I've done something stupid But yeah. About 90% of therapists now r just money hungry quacks
Relationship balance: 18 hr days! You work 18 HR DAYS! I've worked 10 hrs a day for 5 to 6 days, and I couldn't walk without pain in my feet for a couple of days after that week. I can't even imagine working that long just to come to unsupportive behavior. I'd lose my mind if I came home just to be labeled a bad partner after that. My respect goes out to you.
The second story is WILD to me. I have been in therapy for 9 years, that therapist is an enabler. I've been in good and bad family therapy, thats not how it should go. FIVE YEARS for one mental breakdown at work?? I'd have TWENTY if that were the math. I should be in a mental hospital for my own safety right now to be honest but we can't afford it! So instead I'm LITERALLY typing this on the ferry omw to my shitty job. Also even I will acknowledge as much as I wish it was: playing games all day inside is NOT good for your mental health. She needs to take baby steps in getting back out there. Go to Walmart and shop for 30 minutes to an hour, then a little longer, then try a mall, thats for anxiety and overstimulation at least
If that working schedule kept going someone less strong might break and end their life what would the wife do then chances are she’s end up losing them
I had a mental breakdown due to burnout in 2022, after having to GRIND right after having surgery to make up for the time I had to spend off work. When my man moved in with me he said that if I needed some time off, he could shoulder more expenses as long as I had my half of the rent each month. Three months. I took three months off, and during that time I still had a weekend job. After that I worked 7 days a week across 3 jobs for a solid year and I was more or less fine. I was able to cut out my weekend job in October, and I just found out that I’m getting my own office. ALSO. During the summer I took off, I genuinely spent AT LEAST an hour a day utilizing mental health resources. In addition to being in two different kinds of formal therapy, I frequented different subreddits, Facebook groups and TH-cam channels focused on recovering from my particular mental health issues. Homegirl needs to find a new therapist or a new place to live, bcuz she’s being unreasonable and her husband has been a fuckin CHAMP.
There was a final update on the second story: Final Edit: Thank you so much for the replies and advice, was a slow morning only had one field call so I was looking over the thread with a colleague and close friend. After talking I have decided to put in a request for two weeks vacation. During that time I am going to relax with my friends play some Baldurs Gate 3 and also get my shit together. Going to speak with a lawyer and see what my options are cause I was young and dumb and much of her debt is mine because I cosigned and have a joint account. I will go to the doctor for the first time in four years and make sense everything is still working as it should. During this time my friend said I could crash at their place, so I am going to take him up on that offer. This will be my final post here though, going over this I made this post for all the wrong reasons. This is something that should not have been posted publicly and I was petty for that. Even so, I thank everyone because a lot of what was said was what I needed to hear. I do not have much in terms of a family both my parents passed. Thanks for the tough love. Something has to change, and if my wife is unable I have to do it. I am young, I should be enjoying my life I am not even 30 yet as my friend said. I aged so much in these last five years, it is scary my friend showed me pictures from before all this happened. I want to go back to the person I was then. I agree I was the asshole for what I said, but I do not regret it it was a wake-up call I needed.
Good to hear it. Personally, I think that this was crossing into divorce territory myself. Wow, not even 30. I have had severe stress at work and stopping was never an option, so I just worked through it.
The train story-- thank you! Indivisible disability sucks. Luckily I'm in a pretty good spot with my joint pain, but the buses at my uni are a free-for-all and I don't wanna explain my life's story to grab a seat. But if it were like 2 years ago, I would have struggled SO much more moving on campus, buses and walking. It's always hard to bring up my pain because I don't even slightly look like anything is wrong with me. I got weird negative reactions in high school, even from the nurse when I had a dr.'s note in hand. So now it's especially hard to bring it up to people I meet in college who I don't want to immediately put off.
Story 2: five years and no kind of change whatsoever, is this a therapist or a friend she hired to make you feel like a terrible husband for wanting her to contribute in any way possible? She also just so happens to not like the marriage counselor because they don't coddle her? How much stress can someone be if they have 5-year to do nothing but play video? Screw her tears and the therapist, tell your wife she even need to get off her ass and contribute to this marriage or you two need to seriously consider getting away from each other for a while. Your concerns and needs are not less important than her's, and if she can see that then I don't think this is all going to work out.
On the second story, OP added that something has to change, and as his wife does not want to change, he will be taking some vacations with a friend w/out her, and contacting his lawyer to se what options he has regarding the debts he inherited from her.
It makes me sad hearing how beat down op sounds, ik reddit is quick to talk about divorce but honestly if you’re not compatible with the dynamic of who works and who maintains the home then it’s just going to lead to more suffering
Honestly, he should just tighten the purse strings and work less. If he divorces her, he'll get stuck with a huge alimony. This is why you don't marry leftist women.
@@desperateneedofscotch agreed marriage was his worst decision but his life is not ruined. Even with alimony he'll be able to work less and vet his life back. You can always come back from a desperate situation.
@@desperateneedofscotch you can argue that in court it's not all over y'know ? He works too much and she could work but refuses. But ultimately even if you were right the man would still pay less alimony than supporting his wife rn and it would eventually end. Alimony wouldn't even last that long, their marriage wasn't that long iirc.
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her..
Story 1: dude NTA the ex is clearly trying to win OP back through the sister. RSlashs comment was hilarious at the end Story 2: as a teacher who had been burnt out in the field, I took a year off from teaching and worked a job in a different field until I felt ready to go back in. I went to therapy and figured out a better balance. If teaching isn't for OPs life, then the therapist could have helped her look into alternative careers after the first year. And yes OP will burn out if they keep going and as one who had had struggles with mental health I make sure to check the mental health of those I live with and try to find a balance. Ops wife deserves a butthole score
The wife is story 2 reminds me of my ex. She hid behind her mental illness all the time. Any time she got backed into a corner she would magically need to be hospitalized for a few days. She worked out exactly what to say and do to get whatever she wants. I know this all because she bragged about getting out of stuff by doing this.
That therapist is just a scammer. She’s not trying to make the wife feel better, in fact it’s making her feel worse. I know what it’s like to have a job-related mental breakdown - I’ve had some pretty bad work incidents: scams, threatening situations, exploiting, mobbing - you name it. Not getting back on track in a few months makes you feel extremely overwhelmed. You remember the nightmares of the interviews, the inability to get a good job, the hopelessness, the stress and the feeling of being worthless. It makes you physically recoil and you are completely repulsed by sending applications, because you subconsciously think the next job will give you another trauma or that you will not get any good ones. The more time passes, the more overwhelmed and unfit for the work you feel and the less confident you are, which makes you fail interviews, it’s an awful cycle. This lady needs to lose her license ASAP.
Woah... Assuming all the info is accurate and truthful, im really wigged out about that therapist! They are seriously problematic and enabling! I'm genuinely concerned for her clients!
Story 2: NTA and that therapist deserves 5/5 fr. She's only saying what OP's wife wants to hear because she wants to keep getting paid, while ruining two people's lives at once.
About the second story: I had depression and anxiety, which included panic attacks on a monthly basis also adding the horrible time of the c-virus that affected a lot of us, and I've gone to a private therapist, to a public therapist and I've gotten medicated until I was fine to keep going with my life. And they all have told me one thing "I can teach you and give you the tools to keep going with your life, but you have to work to use the tools and get out of your comfort zone to do so.", so that woman is just a manipulator. OP, if you ever read this, get out of that house, your wife might not be mentally fine, but she is the one using you to just do whatever she wants without consequences since you are exhausted from all your work. Being in a bad place mentally doesn't justify this behavior.
Story 1: NTA, I'm glad that OP'S Parents sided with OP here, but they shouldn't have told OP to smooth things over with them, when there's NOTHING to smooth over. The sister and James can go screw themselves.
Story 2 got a sort of update, but not really a happy one. Even though OP was told he was NTA, there were enough people who said he was an AH for how he said it that it clearly made OP feel bad. He said he's taking a 2-week vacation from work and not spending it with his wife, instead he's gonna crash on a friend's couch. He also said he's going to talk to a lawyer and finally go to the doctor for a check-up after having not gone for four years. He goes on to say how he may have fucked his life because all the debt he mentioned? It belonged mostly to his wife that he cosigned when they got married. OP also apologizes for how he came off talking about his wife's mental problems and says that is his final post. OP just sounds so ... done. He's not even 30 and he says when a friend showed him a picture of himself from five years ago, he doesn't even recognize himself as it looks like he's aged that much. :(
Reddit likes to do that with dudes. They love to nitpick and find something to blame them so it is never 100% the woman's fault. I hate that speech because it really makes my skin crawl to use some inceI lingo but you'd never see that on a post with sxes being reversed.
RELATIONSHIP BALANCE: you know a massive expense you can cut back on ... therapy as the therapist seems to just be stringing your wife along to get paid the if that doesn't work the marriage counsling , also I get the reason they aren't divorced is because given how bad it would look to divorce someone after a mental break he would still be working 18 hours days to pay her alimony and her therapist and also have to find money for rent for an apartment.
What a wild first story to start the morning. But no, OP is not the butthole. Her sister is delusional and insecure, she needed to dump that guy yesterday. Also, morning (or afternoon/evening) rSlash fam! Happy Sunday, hope everyone is doing well.
Wife Needs To Work Story Has An Update! To sum it up OP is going to take a vacation to get in touch with a lawyer and see what his options are, he's also considering crashing at a friend's house who's aware of the situation.
Story 1: NTA. I'll never understand how someone can get together with their sibling's ex, especially if the ex is known to cheat or be abusive. The sister needs to deal with her insecurities, and James needs to back off; he made his bed and now he gets to lie in it
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the most recent in a long line of behaviour for the sister because no one randomly decides to start dating their sibling's ex especially if they know the background to why they broke up, like even if he hadn't cheated, the fact he had shagged her sister should be enough to put him on an immediate no-no list
As someone who has a mental illness, and has had a breakdown, i can assure you that stagnating at home doing nothing for 5 years is NOT a part of recovery. It reinforces negarive behaviour, cuts you off from society, and can actually create more problems like social anxiety and even agoraphobia. "Therapists" are not necessarily qualified to determine what someone needs to reintegrate into the world. One "therapist" I knew was more toxic than the people she counselled. Marie, you know who you are. Adopting a child and then literally walking away with no relationship, and taking half of your partner's wealth (and considering she supported you and you brought NOTHING to the union) when you left is an egregious example of how evil you are. So don't put blind faith in "therapists". Some are wonderful, and others are just narcissistic, power hungry liars.
That 2nd story - you're not there to fix her, it takes a whole team of therapists and other professionals to fix someone. you don't play captain save-a-hoe, she's a completely lost cause.
As someone who studied psychology (dunno if I spelled it correctly, english ain't my first language) The 2nd story's wife is pretty normal. After a long break work/school/Insert thing you typically do all day due to a breakdown. It's almost impossible to motivation yourself to come back to it, because your brain association the activity with the most recent event, aka the breakdown while associating staying home with the safety you felt during your break. But here's the thing, if you litteraly can't even force yourself to go back, then it's your therapist's job to ease you into it. Sadly, the therapist in that story figure that actually making the wife become better would mean that she no longer goes to see them.
I don’t think she’s oblivious, I think she wanted to prove that she was better than op. Like if op’s ex didn’t cheat on her, the sister, then there was probably wrong with op. Op’s sister wanted to ‘win’ in a sense.
Story 1: I wouldn't apologize for anything, your sister is either stupid or in denial, probably both. If you wanted him back you clearly could have taken him but since you don't want him and made that very obvious to him and your sister I don't see why she thinks you're trying to make him jealous. I would take a step further and ask specifically what did you two do that made him jealous. All your BF was doing with introducing himself and having a good time at the mom's birthday party, unless the two of you were making out right in front of James and you were screaming about how he's the best kisser you ever had I don't see how you did anything to them. Tell your sister her insecurities on your problem, and if you could get over the fact sheet dating your ex then she can get over the fact he's clearly using her.
Story 3: you don't owe her an explanation, she's a stranger who thought she could pick on you because you're a teenager and a lot of people for some idiotic reason believe teens can be disabled, even went as far as to get the conductor to try and force you to movei. They both found out that they're in the wrong and really should just mind their damn business. I get it some teenagers are jerks who use priority seating and refused to get up, but there is a right way to address it and she was not right.
So what would be the right way to ask op if they are disabled? Clearly they didnt want to talk about it. How would you solve the issue of abusing priority seating?
Nah op was in the wrong slightly. (1/5 ah score personally) train is crowded and you just look like a normal person in a seat that is reserved for disabilities. If op doesnt want to explain it then they should be ready to understand that their appearance is deceiving. Lady wasnt entiteled she was just ignorant and ya she could have handled it better but how would she know if op refuses to disclose it until the lady makes them have to?
@@KillerOstrich op doesn't deserve an asshole score at all and she owes no one any explanation. A disabled person is not obligated to show proof to any one, except maybe the conductor/driver, truthfully I don't know what the laws are in regards regulating disabled seats on public transport. But the lady could've either minded her own business or she could've grabbed the conductor, and all without berating a teenager. I get why the lady was frustrated, especially if she herself was actually entitled to the seat, but that doesn't mean she and the whole bus is suddenly entitled to know op's medical history. I mean think about it, you're literally saying op is an asshole for not immediately disclosing that she has a disability to the entire bus
@@KillerOstrichPeople who Are disabled shouldn’t have to share their medical history to prove it. She’s being a bitch, probably for a seat she can’t even sit in, harassing a teenager. In this case, he’s in the right, and she learned a valuable lesson that not all disabilities are visible immediately. I stress: people who Are disabled should not have to prove that they are disabled to anyone for any reason.
@KillerOstrich I mean, you realize how many so-called “invisible” disabilities there are, right? (I’m not trying to sound rude, btw) That’s the same logic people use when they get irritated by “normal-looking” people using handicap parking spaces, because they don’t “look” disabled.
For the therapist story, I've been in and out of therapy almost my whole life. I have high support needs and really struggle to manage the stresses of work, even with coping techniques, because I just don't handle stress well. And there ARE relationships where that can work. Where one partner stays home and one works. But the thing is that OP CLEARLY did not consent to that type of relationship, it's been forced on him, and he is not capable of handling it. It's unfair of the wife to expect that of him. And as a side note, that therapist CLEARLY is not only just telling the wife what she wants to hear, she is actively stopping progress. My therapists have always encouraged me to go at my own pace, yes, but they also encourage me to push a little past my comfort zone, until that comfort zone gets bigger. This therapist seems to be intent on keeping her struggling so she'll continue to get therapy and line the therapist's pockets
Why didn’t the wife apply for disability? If she really can’t work at all, she’s eligible. It’s a long process, but over 5 YEARS she’s had plenty of time.
14:06 "It's his job to know better" Yeah because you need to read mints to know all the lifes of your passangers, because OP thinks all the word knows about his problems without comunication. If I see someone sit in the front seats while a pregnant woman/ old man/ or someone with CLEARLY VIEW fracture needs the sit then I tell that person to go up. "Is matter that I don't like to comunicate"
As a person who dated a sisters ex one time, i think rslash went a little easy on her. Dating your sisters ex is a betrayal to multiple people's trust and it reflects poorly to you as a person. Even people outside family look at you with scorn and distain. That sister will have to work tooth and nail rebuilding her trust and she only has herself to blame.
My ex-wife was kinda the same. She had mental issues. However, she's a narcissist who constantly lied(es) and was a cheater. She would always complain about me working long hours. I told her I wouldn't have to work so much if she didn't spend so much damn money. She got offended. I later found out she had a secret bank account that she was putting 40% of her pay into.
Rslash, remember at least one story you read (prorevenge?) about a Karen asking OP to take a test for her degree in psychology because she couldn't lie answering it ? My guess is this is one of those therapists
So for the one Reddit post with the wife who stayed stayed at home for five years. I have to say something about it. Even if she really needs the therapy, then it's the wrong way of dealing with the problem. I suffered from mental breakdowns and panic attacks when I went to school. And my therapist suggested that each day I go to school and try to see as to how long I can stay without a panic attack or a mental breakdown. And it worked. Of curse, at first I was only outside of the school nearly having mental breakdowns, but only staying at home makes things worse and you avoid it. The best thing is to confront it step by step. Which in the wives case would be. Getting a job where she her problems wouldn't be to much of a problem and then just try each day as much as you can handle (of curse stopping before having a panic or anxiety attack or a mental breakdown) go home, rest and try again next day. It may take time and it may be exhausting, extremly exhausting. But it works. Of course a little warning. Do not attempt to do this on your own. If you have a similar problem first consult your therapist, they are the experts. I'm just someone who experienced something like that.
Story 2: I've been in therapy for a few months and my therapist suggested improvements, like going out in the community and suggested improvements to help with my anxiety including ways of easing my anxiety at work (which I struggled at) . That therapist in the 2nd story deserves a high butthole score
I went through a similar situation - my partner was in an incredibly high stress job doing 70 hour weeks and had to quit. He had 6 months of rest and due to depression struggled to do housework. After some time he got through it and got a new job that is considerably calmer, and gave me his entire first pay check (even though I refused) to cover past rent payments. It can be done and his mental health is a million miles better for actually having a job rather than staying home. He's so much better now.
Story 2: That Therapist is a Mysandrist. She sounds like the type of person who hate men and would side with women no matter the situation. That's probably why she's a couple therapist : to gaslight men into making them think they're the one at fault so their wife get the better deal.
Had to look the word up. "Misandrist", no "y". Usage goes back to the mid/late 19th century. Basically a hatred of men. Like Judge Judy, and most Karens.
They were separate therapists. The wife had her therapist who was mean to OP. And the wife disliked the separate marriage counselor, because that counselors advice was (rightfully) often agains the therapists advice.
Story 2: It had a follow-up final edit. Apparently OP realized what was going on was not okay and with the ganging up on being even confirmed by Reddit... Is filing/filed to split. Stating the debts and such were from her as well and was co-signed with a joint account. OP did say he felt it was petty for posting but tbf... After hearing the hurricane he was in and Reddit talked him out of something that major? Cannot blame em for sharing the story to us! Subtle edit... He is also crashing with a buddy till the paperwork and such is finalized too.
when "therapist" told the guy to manage money better, he should've responded by saying that he'll stop spending money on useless things, then serve wife the divorce papers
Story 2: as a person who had a mental breakdown and has gone to therapy since 2019, the wife is just playing the victim and the therapist is just enabling her. Therapy is supposed to help you learn coping mechanisms among many other things so that you can live a good quality life AND when you are being toxic they have to call you out on it. When i had my breakdown i took some time off, 5 months to be exact and my fiancé took care of all expenses but i cleaned, cooked, did laundry, fed the pets and actually made time to BE better, fixing a routine and sticking to it, eating better, sleeping better, meditating etc. so yeah, the wife is being lazy.
Story 4: So pre-divorce, he doesn't want OP babysitting his kid because of a few horses and OP living in the country? If horses is the problem, the kid can stay in the house or upstairs, it's not like OP would let a kid run loose around a horse. And then comes post-divorce where he suddenly wants OP babysitting the kid. OP doesn't have any attachment since he kept the kid away, so what's the point?
Story 2: I know that RSlash says that he's trying not to sound sexist and wants to give the wife the benefit of the doubt because there is always the one scenario where RSlash is wrong and comments dunk on him for it, but it seems clear that the therapist is doing a bad job if all that's going on is just ganging up on OP, wearing him down, and shooting down every possible solution he's coming up with, as well as making it seem like the wife just doesn't want to do ANY work at all whatsoever. Is it possible that the wife is mentally unable to hold down a job? Yes, there is the possibility. Does that excuse doing absolutely nothing (or bare minimum) in the house? No, she can still TRY to work through her mental problems. Here, it sounds like she's just gave up and doesn't want to even try. As for divorce because people love to jump to that, in the possibility that the wife is still in a super bad spot, divorcing her is just going to push her over the edge and into s*****e.
I lost my grandad and my aunt as well as my cat of 15 years within 2 months (March-April). I am currently on sick-leave from school (university) until the next semester starts, which is January. I think having about 6 months off from school is plenty of time. I can't imagine I would ever need 5 years. That story with the therapist pissed me off. It's clear the therapist and wife is heavily bias and the wife is hiding and have gotten lazy. If I were her partner, I would honestly call the divorce card if she wouldn't start contributing. What the wife is doing is sucking the life out of OP without a care in the world as long as he doesn't disturb her universe.
Story 2: That therapist is very parasitic. I’m getting major ‘I’m intentionally making my patient go round in circles so I can line my pockets’ vibes just from her awful suggestions.
Yup, the therapist has been milking em for 5 years lol...
You’d think his wife would at least be moved by the idea that he’s destroying himself to pay the expenses. Most people I know who suffer from chronic physical and mental health issues at least feel some anxiety at the burden they place on others, even if they can’t help it.
Yeah...I had a therapist who tried something like this once. I caught it and fired her the first time she tried to suggest that maybe my issues from childhood trauma with my mother were about my husband not being supportive and the patriarchy trying to keep me down...but it's easy to see where someone less aware of the source of their issues could be misled.
Yeah, I wish the husband went with her for a session and told the therapist that money is tight and won't be able to pay them anymore... see how fast the therapist changes tactics.
@@hotplotsandsynonyms, smart. If your issues stem from childhood trauma, you can work through that and come out the other side having processed said trauma. However, if your issues come from a mythical patriarchy oppressing you, you're going to remain a paying customer indefinitely.
Story 2: As someone who has been in therapy for 8 years after a mental breakdown, this therapist is definitely a quack job. While it's different for everyone, it took me 18 months to get back into work regularly, and that time was largely spent working on how to do basic things again, like (actual) self care, being able to be in public spaces, etc. Sometimes it is slow, and there can be times where it goes backwards, but there should be overall forward progression. The wife here sounds like she's stagnated in her recovery and found someone who is happy to take her money to give her a pat on the back.
I was in therapy for 8 years myself. They say if your therapist always agrees with you, FIRE THEM. if your therapist doesn't piss you off, FIRE THEM. a good therapist is going to disagree with or piss off a client. Every therapist i have had for the past 8 years (all 3 of em) have done so, I got in arguments with therapists. Ive had mental breakdowns i had one last month. You have to continue your normal life to an extent in order to ACTUALLY recover (obviously get rid of extreme negativity if you can). if you do nothing you cant equip yourself for life.
Agree 100%
It’s taken 3 years for me to feel like a human again. I’m now studying for a career change. 5 years without even taking up some of the household weight seems a bit much
I get that everyone is different and all, but it's quite concerning that the wife is not contributing to the household chores this long after her breakdown. It's time to find a new therapist that can guide her through her next steps of her recovery because her current one is either holding her back or completely incompetent. Yikes!
Therapy is all a scam.
2nd Story - That therapist deserves a 5/5 butthole score - She is actively ruining 2 people's lives. OP is being worn down and may just snap one day and break down mentally, physically or both and the wife is losing/has lost her ability to survive without a slave bringing her everything. If/when OP breaks or divorces her, she's going to starve.
Yeah the therapist is an unethical pos. Her whole purpose is to give her clients any and every excuse to not change. That way she keeps getting paid.
also needs their license revoked.
If you are a therapist, and you belittle someones husband just to make your "patient" better, you don't deserve to be a therapist, and your license need to be revoked.
It's clear the therapist got the license from aliexpress
The therapist turned the wife into a useless bum. She is not fit to be a therapist in my opinion. I would suggest that if OP *really really really reeeaaalllyyy* /LOVES/ his wife, to suggest changing therapist. But given that she didn't like couple therapy because it wasn't giving into her selfish demands, I'd just suggest that OP did everything he could. Next option would unfortunately (for her) be divorce. Playtime's over, she needs to get back to work.
Story 2;
That's not an ethical therapist with unbiased opinions. That's a friend of the Wife.
And the fact the two ganged up on OP and said "No, dont do these things that would be uncomfortable for your wife" is just... bad. I mean its one thing to take time, but its another thing to basically tell her she doesnt have to do anything at all.
Edit; just found out the wife got 5 years after the mental breakdown. And the fact she "Doesn't like the Marriage counselor" clearly shows that she only wants to see her therapist, because it's not a therapist she's seeing, she's seeing an unethical friend.
A friend who’s telling the wife that she can be as lazy as she wants
Man, that therapist needs her license revoked. She's doing a terrible job. I have a feeling, she is encouraging the wife to stay home so that the wife can keep going to therapy and that means the therapist makes more money. I think the therapist truly doesn't care about the wife's mental state and cares more about the money.
Absolutely!
Good point!!
Also she's intentionally manipulating her feeling so the that her and the therapist can gaslight OP, and on that matter OP is a moron, not for believe the therapist but for continuing to pay them for 5 years ever since his wife quit. And screw her for contributing nothing to the house, I don't OP specified, but she orders carry out, or pre-cooked meal, what else does she do? Does she clean and do londery? Does she do yard work? And everything else to maintain a clean and presentable home. OP said he works 84 a week, when you factor sleep, house work she doesn't do, having to make your own meal that gives poor ol OP just 32 hours to decompress for the week
Pro Mental Health, has Nothing to do with this! The wife likes not working & the therapist likes OP's money! They are both milking the situation & OP is blind & killing himself! OP needs to see a divorce lawyer & the mental health board‼️🚩🚩🚩OP is married to a blood sucking snake and employing a scammer!😮😢
Lol the wife is probably in therapy for how useless she feels and the continuing to be untreated learned helplessness.
(As someone who has been in a somewhat similar situation, getting a job and doing housework really helps. You get out more and your helping someone you love which just feels good even if it's hard)
Story 2: the real AH in this story is absolutely the therapist, it's hard to tell how bad the wife would actually be without their influence. Something is seriously wrong here, and they're manipulating OP's wife to make her think she's more sick than she otherwise would be. Not to mention the mile high red flags of them slagging on OP.
Second story: I'm almost 30 and I've never had a full time job due to mental health reasons. I'm *still* on OP's side. Every therapist I've ever had has encouraged me to push outside my comfort zone at least a little. I do part time work that covers my lifestyle and I eat out sparingly. Most importantly, no one is working 18 hours a day to support me.
Best of luck on your journey
Same life situation for me and I agree w you. Im suspicious of the therapists intentions. The lack of care is very evident
Now that I've thought of it more tho, people don't tend to have mental breakdowns exclusively from work. There tends to be more going on from other areas of life too (at least in my life experience) AND they did get a marriage counselor afterwards. There are a lot of red flags in this post, but its hard to attribute it to OP or therapist exclusively. I'm concerned about the therapist's intentions for sure. But im also concerned that the husband seems to be hiding aspects of the breakdown, and also doesn't fully understand what a mental breakdown is (the "I would just have to work thru my demons" comment... If he had a mental breakdown the really worry is that there would be no income at all. There is no "working thru" a mental breakdown. He seems to not understand the thing his wife went thru at all)
Exactly same (except slightly older) and I do sit at home playing videogames but I also realise it's wrong and I SHOULD be doing other things. I just have trouble making myself do that because mental health making me fall into familiar comforts instead of being stressed and scared/nervous. Point being I don't try to pretend videogames are the only thing that will help me or whatever bs this so-called "therapist" is spouting.
@@Kamifox1same situation man . I hate myself for how I live my life . I’m a recovering heroin addict and lived on the streets for 10 years. I was a straight up gutter junkie . I OD’d multiple times over the years and the last time I actually died. Stopped breathing and heart stopped. Someone found me in a public restroom and did CPR and saved my life. I started going to a methadone program , seeing a counselor, and haven’t stuck a needle in my arm for over 10 years now. But now my mental health that got me into doing drugs originally keeps me from working full time or being a productive member of society . I do yard work for different members of my family , there co workers, etc to make some money to atleast buy some of the comforts and little things I enjoy in life and I help my mom a lot around the house and take care of our cats and my sisters dogs while they all work but still . I play a lot of video games and don’t work nearly enough . Really kinda hate myself for it. The person in this story seems to be comfortable with it, though to be fair, maybe she isn’t . Maybe she hates it as well. Just expects too much though if that’s the case
Story 2: the wife is used weaponized incompetence and the therapist is an enabler. I get mental health issues are a big problem and it’s a nasty thing to go through, but this is literally just the therapist milking what money she can get out of someone who believes anything said. Sadly I think OP would be better just divorcing and getting himself better. 5 years is more than enough time to “rest and reflect”…SHE COULD WORK FROM HOME DOING HER OWN HOURS!!!
What worries me about the story about the wife who had the mental breakdown is the therapist: of course she has to protect her patient, etc... but at this point she should be encouraging her patient to progress. I just worry the wife is basically putting the therapist's kids through college, if you see what I mean.
yes, its a red flag of cheating from a mile away. Therapist wouldn't keep a license for 5 years telling all of their patients that. Clearly its *just* OP's wife.
A LOT of therapists aren't actually qualified as they just pay for a degree from a fake uni. They did a news piece on that
The post is a great example of why you have to be very careful when it comes to picking a therapist. A therapist’s job is to help you become more independent and less independent on them, even if you need life long therapy. The therapist is likely just milking them for money, which the wife likely doesn’t fully realize.
Yeah, if the mental illness is persistent this long, they should have been working on a disability claim with Social Security, thats what they're for, not just physical health. If you're unemployable, you're unemployable. If they havent sounds to me like the therapist knows shes not unemployable.
@@MAPriestAuthorExactly! As someone that had to go to therapy, I agree on this. I circled through 2 different therapist. The first one I went to wasn't much help. Sessions were very expensive and didn't seemed invested on even listening to me to begin with, but the second one was a godsent. It took me months to open up to her when in therapy for my depression and anxiety, as sometimes happen when one, as the patient, unconsciously tend to not accept help (despite me being the one that looked for help, but I always said I was fine when asked), but that therapist was wonderful and helped by setting weekly goals for me to be active and encouraged me to actually go get a work. She was an excellent therapist and I am in a way better place now. She even happened to cross paths with me while I was at work once and said she was proud and that I looked way better. In this case, OP's wife's therapist seems like they don't care, just trying to prolongue the sessions over time for money or is just incompetent.
(Edited because my grammar is atrocious 😅).
As someone who struggles with mental health,
Mental issues are an explanation, NOT an excuse.
I feel awful for OP, as it seems like their wife is just using them for free housing and the like, and she's using the therapist as justification.
Idk, I think that the wife might genuinely trying to do what's right by listening to her therapist but the therapist is misusing that trust, since therapists are supposed to get you back on track with small goals at first as soon as you're stable enough and she doesn't seem to be doing that. I don't understand though - isn't she on disability then? Which would make it understandable if she doesn't work. And if not, why isn't she on it if her mental health has prevented her from getting a job for that long? Has she even been made aware that filing for disability is an option, that should be the therapist's responsibility to inform her?
@xLostInFirex She probably doesn't qualify for because she not really disabled and can work but doesn't want to. The therapist and the wife are mentally abusing/manipulating OP.
Yeah she a disgusting human being who just gotten too comfortable with her life style he need to divorce her fast as he can, clearly she doesn’t care about him any more and another fact he put up with it for 5 years! No one is talking about how long he has suffered it the sheer endurance it legendary
@@xLostInFirexnah she's just selfish
Then you're not struggling with actual mental health, have absolutely no clue what Clinical depression actually is .
The fact you call it an excuse is completely gross.
There is a reason why severe depression is under disabilities.
If this was any other physical health conditions, where a medical professional is telling them not to go back to work , your opinion would be completely different.. people don't just decide one day , well I'm not going to have mental issues. I've a debilitating nerve condition the last 7 years which has got progressivly worse and I'm a part of different support groups with people with invisible illness we have a lot of people with depression who go through the same thing and the biggest Challenge always comes from people who think they know what its like who always ask if they ar better yet , not understanding the term chronic .
I don't think you grasp how much life gets stolen from us, when I hear people talk about that the mediation helps to the point of being numb to content , but the despair is still just there . Where they feel like they are just existing waiting to die . That they would give anything to be normal again.
Op the way he talks he doesn't understand mental health neither does Dabney, I pray his wife and child never experienced any mental health issues if this is how he thinks.
Lastly people need to actually read their wedding vows and ask themselves if they understand them . There is a reason why in sicknesses as in health is in there. If you are not willing to look after a spouse then don't get married. Because you've no idea what is coming round the corner. You could go on your honeymoon and get into an accident that leaves you paralysed. Are you just going to abandon them .?
As a disabled man, I’m sick of people saying “you’re too young to be disabled “. Really? What’s the age limit?
Anyone saying that should be forced to visit the Shriner's Hospital.
Or they want you to go into detail about your disability while being mum about theirs
"You're younger than me, so there is no excuse for you to not be readily available to do anything and everything I demand of you, because I (insert reason here) so I DESERVE to command you" is all I hear when someone spews that lol
For real, it’s like they forget that people can be born with disabilities or that injuries are a thing.
@@lorilancaster5917 Truth and facts
Story 2: I don't know why OP is even bothering to stay with her. Seriously, if you truly love your significant other, you would at least try your best to do SOMETHING for your partner when they are working 18 HOUR SHIFTS to keep the house running!! That's basic respect and support in a relationship. If she is still complaining while doing absolutely nothing for you all day, then she is not viewing you as her SO, you are just an ATM and a pure slave. Ditch her, go on your own, cut back your hours and enjoy your leisure time relaxing! This is insanity.
The therapist is only telling the wife what she wants to hear so SHE CAN CONTINUE TO GET PAID
Yep, wife is just another car on the therapist's Gravy Train. Time to derail her.
If I were OP I would report the therapist and inform the wife either she sees a different therapist or I will file for divorce on the grounds of financial abuse.
This might be too nice of an explanation. Some shrinks do a terrible job at separating what they feel an what they should say (which should be the core of the job). They can become extremely manipulative and totally addicted to the bond they have with their patients. This story gives me some vibes of that
The wife could ease back into teaching by tutoring or subing. Maybe even working a few days a week at a preschool. Agreed. The therapist is just telling her what she wants to hear.
This is why I find therapists to be not necessary useless, but too risky to be involved with. There are many who just tell you exactly what you want to hear to keep you coming back and spending money. Often times the people seeking therapy are too muddled up in their mental mess to see that they're being manipulated this way, so these ne'er-do-well therapists rarely get caught. You're generally better off seeing a psychiatrist before anyone else because they can actually prescribe you medication that has a measurable chemical effect on your mind, while with therapy alone there's less of a chance things will get better.
I'm not saying all therapists are bad. I'm sure there are ones that will tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear so you can actually improve, but sorting them out is difficult. Seeing a psychiatrist first can help with this though, as if they believe that therapy can help (often in combination with medication) they can refer you to an often reliable therapist in their network.
Wow... that therapist is a toxic enabler and very obviously not trying to help the wife become healthy.
Mental Health nurse of plus ten years here- I find it troubling that the therapist has not been setting more active goals and encouraging the wife to get out of her "safe" zone in manageable steps
Exactly. And if she isn't capable of that, she needs to be inpatient or something, to actively get to the place where she CAN start taking steps back to real life. She's just in stasis as it is.
yeah, you'd think after 5 years the therapist would at least be pushing for a part- time job.
And that reply when OP suggested moving into an apartment and renting out the house for additional income: "Oh that's too big of a change in a short time. " Well it's going to be a mighty big change when OP files for divorce and custody of the kid because I guess the wife is going to have another breakdown.
Also, the therapist being ok with OP working 18hr days and the wife doing NOTHING to help cut costs-- wow.
Yes if the wife is this bad she should probably be receiving inpatient therapy.
First story: OP is NTA. Her boyfriend broke up with her, which means she has the right to move on and date someone else. He's clearly dating her sister to try and make OP jealous, and he's pissed it isn't working.
Second story: OP is NTA. I understand his wife had a traumatic experience and is working to piece herself back together. However, it seems that their situation requires a fair amount of money to keep up with expenses and debt payments, and OP is burning himself at both ends to do this. The fact that his wife won't even put in a serious effort to learn how to cook after all he has to do in a single day to keep up with finances is not a good look (Note: I'm not advocating for traditional marriage roles. I'm simply saying that a stay at home spouse should at least be keeping the house in order and yes, having dinner ready. I'm a guy and I love to cook. As long as you follow the directions you'll turn out a decent result.) All of his suggestions seem reasonable if they want to keep the house and continue to prepare for their financial future, but the fact that the therapist won't even acknowledge that OP's situation is unreasonable leads me to believe that this person is a quack. A good therapist will try to give a patient a wake up call when they need one. OP's wife needs a wake up call that this situation is unsustainable.
Third story: OP is NTA. She's disabled. She showed proof she's disabled. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You can't see every single disability.
Final story: OP is NTA. They snubbed OP while they were married, so OP has every right to say no now.
If my man were working two full-time jobs, my house would be spotless the dishes would be clean. The yard would be mowed and food would be on the table every evening.
Would we ever let our men work this hard unnecessarily though? No because we value them as people and not just what they do for us.
The times my fiance had to work mandatory overtime was the time I hated the most because I'd rather have him.
@@SteviiLove true, but if finance was tight and working 2 full time was needed for a year or so to recover financially, i sure as hell would've went up and beyond to make sure he's well taken care of at home
I would take measures so he doesn’t have to work 80hrs a week. Moving to a smaller house, selling stuff, or (gasp) even getting a job no matter how small the pay.
As someone who has been to therapy, normally in these couples/ family therapy session, both parties are equally heard and the therapist acts more like a neutral mediator and adviser. But thats just my personal experience.
I work several part time jobs about 30 to 50 hours a week, it fluctuates. My husband works one job, about 35 to to 55 hours a week, it fluctuates. When one of us is doing less and the other is doing more, we take on more of the household stuff. When we're both working a ton, we do the bare minimum with the house and it just gets and stays messy until someone has more time (usually I make time at that point).
Last story: Imagine telling your mother she is unqualified to babysit for years and only change your mind when you have to raise your kid 50% of the time.
one of my uncles was going through a divorce and bad-mouthing about his ex to my mom. "she's crazy, she's a terrible person, she's unreasonable." So my mom asked if he was going to fight for custody of their 3 kids and immediately he does a 180: "oh no I couldn't do that; she's a great mother. "
Yes, this therapist is a quack, an enabling one. The wife is not making any progress, she’s just rusticating, and OP is working his ass off to let her do that. He should dump them both!
Honestly? I have a sinking suspicion that the therapist isn't even licensed, just saying they are.
I guess I m not the only one who came to the comments to see if I'm the only one having rslash withdrawals this morning 😁 I hope all is well witg rslash 🙏
Her counselor has found a cash cow, why give up the easy money. Instead of counseling maybe it's time lawyers should be consulted.
It certainly appears that the therapist is taking advantage of OP's wife and OP too. Some therapists really do this. A new and better therapist is overdue.
Ive been in therapy for 22 years. I'd be EXTREMELY worried if my therapist wouldn't actively help me progress... because besides all the therapy experience, im also a trained mental health counsellor. And that therapist, my friend, sounds UNHINGED.
My sister has a similar story to the third. She broke her leg before her 15th birthday and the physical therapy lasted six months. During this time she wore first crutches and in the last months a cane. When she was in a bus a woman tried to make her stand up and my sister, “reluctantly”, took her cane, limped a little and offered the sit to the woman. She was so mortified and red faced that she walked away in the next station and every one in the bus was holding back their laughters. I’m very proud of her, not for standing for herself, but for make karma act son fast for that lady.
Correction: Limping up for herself
As someone who’s mostly bedridden due to chronic pain and has related mobility issues, and has PTSD, her “therapist” is 100% a quack. I’ve had PTSD specific therapy and during that time I learnt helpful coping mechanisms, am better able to communicate what’s happening in my head (I would often self isolate for weeks at a time, something I still struggle with and try to battle), I am medicated, and the therapy became less and less as my therapist acknowledged I am incredibly independent (child abuse survivor hence nerve damage and PTSD, I learnt to be fully independent by around 12/13) and know how to navigate life and adult, I just struggle mentally.
My regular doctor who deals with my nerve damage is very understanding and encouraging, whilst we both acknowledge I am mostly bedridden (about 90%) we have spoken about me finding hobbies and interests I can do from home and/or my bed, this includes gaming, using social media groups to talk to like minded individuals about my interests (Scottish history so Neolithic, Pictish and Gaelic, I myself being Gaelic), finding support groups so I can speak to people who have similar experiences and know exactly what I’m going through, growing plants, playing with my cat, reading books, I now also moderate a TH-camrs live stream chat which gives me something to look forward to a few hours a week and has given me a community of friends I deeply care about.
Not sitting in the house and gaming all day, refusing to talk to others, refusing to help around the house, refusing to do anything. My flatmate is my carer (sorta like an adoptive family, he’s my chosen family and best friend) and at weekends he will drive us to historic sites like castles, stone circles, walled gardens, gentle strolls around these places and we get to enjoy our countries rich history or chase butterflies and bees trying to get closeup photos, or a drive somewhere into the hills/mountains to get landscape photos from the car, we find ways of making stuff accessible for me and find things my flatmate really enjoys too, that way we are both mentally stimulated by whatever we’re doing and happy.
My therapist and doctor would NOT suggest sitting at home and not doing anything, my docs also would NOT harass my flatmate and make out he’s lazy and browbeat him.
TLDR: mental health is no excuse, that’s coming from the bedridden cripple with PTSD. That “therapist” sees OP as a cash cow and doesn’t want to let go of her easy money, hence why she seemed to really hate that marriage counsellor.
Best advice would be to stay at a relatives for a while, OP needs a break, his mental health isn’t cared for at all and he’s at a breaking point, he’s struggling. This would also force his wife to either wisen up and realise she’s gunna get divorced, or she’ll demand her parents take her in so she can mooch off them forever.
For story 2:
As someone who experienced a mental breakdown because of work and had to quit as a result, I didn't just stay home to relax and be lazy. I made myself useful around the house, I helped out *and* made sure that I had time for myself to heal. And from what it sounds like, the wife's therapist isn't helping her recover, she (whether unintentionally or not) is teaching her excuse after excuse at the expense of the husband. I get that the therapist has to be on the side of their client, but compared to my most recent therapist, she's just being an enabler.
I got so frustrated listening to all that, holy crap...
It definitely sounds like the wife is weaponizing therapy terms to make her husband feel bad.
If the therapist actually cared about her patient, they'd try to make sure that the husband didn't ALSO have a mental breakdown, as that would NOT help her patient!
There’s no new video at the usual time?! 😱 EMERGENCY MANEUVERS! TO THE BACKLOG!! The popular sort on the videos tab will save me! 😭
James is a creep. Who wants to bet he is dating the sister just to get close again to OP?
As for the sister.... well ... she knew what she was getting herself I to when she started dating OP's cheating Ex.
This sounds like the beginning of one of those news stories where someone ends up murdered and no one that they interview seems surprised that it happened.
Unfortunately there are some women who date known cheaters (especially among those who are knowing being the "other woman") that seem to have the impression that they are the special girl who can change him. They convince themselves that his cheating was a skill issue on the womens side, that they must of been lacking in some way so if they do better, they earn the prize of fidelity.
With the added information that op and her sister didn't get along even before this, I can only assume she's dating him to prove she's better than OP and he's dating the sister to get OP back. So when he got upset that his weird plan didn't work, the sister lashed out at OP trying to claim she was trying to get between them in some way because that's easier to believe then that she was used by the guy she was trying to use for an ego boost.
My ex tried dating my close friends or being close to mutual friends just for the off chance of seeing me. My friends came back & told me while the others were on the "but he's such a nice guy. Give him another chance" train. Not to mention I was dating someone new & they wanted me to get back with a guy who stalked, threatened, & harassed me & they knew this!
I tried to give the sister some leeway since she’s younger but I lacked any sympathy once she started demanding OP not bring her bf over. At this point, who bets James broke up with the sister?
@@RiveroftheWither i thought the same thing about the ex trying to get back with op and thats why he was so upset that op had a new boyfriend.
I feel like a crackhead over here refreshing trying to get my morning fix. The upload hasn't been late in like a year!
Glad it’s not just me😭💀
Story 2 makes me so angry. Yes, "In sickness and in health" is a thing, but A) after 5 years it sounds like the wife has made zero progress and is fine with continuing to make no progress and B) what about OP's mental health working 18 hour days and coming home to a lazy, spoiled wife? Rslash is right, OP is not getting anything from this relationship, and if wifey and the therapist want to keep blaming OP for having unreasonable expectations then OP should serve his wife divorce papers. Even if he has to pay alimony it'll be mountains less stressful to be able to go back to working normal hours and not have to take care of his wife who's too busy playing video games to to do literally anything.
It's in sickness and in health, but if one side is just trying to go further into that sickness for so long then they're not living anymore. They're just a slowly dying corpse, dragging down anything they can with them
Story 2 hits me to my core… I’m currently unable to hold a full time job because of a mixture of mental and physical health issues. My husband works himself ragged trying to take care of us… the fact constantly haunts me. I can do very little to help, but I push myself to the brink of what I can handle to try and manage cooking at least some, working at least weekends at a little job, cleaning as much as I can… it’s barely anything, but I’m trying because I love my husband and I want to do my part. I want to see him healthy and happy and thriving… op’s wife needs to see past herself-because when you pay attention to the needs of your loved one, it helps get you out of your head and pushes you to fight to get better so you can be there for them like they’re there for you
Edit: I just told my husband my stresses over the story and he immediately covered me with kisses and told me not to compare myself to her XD
For the second story, if the wife and therapist wait for the wife to be ready, they'll be waiting forever. That therapist is just enabling the wife to be a lazy bum is actually harming her by keeping her stuck in her own misery.
I'm litterally listening this for the second time *yesterday and today* because I start EVERY DAY off with an rslash video lol
The story about the man working 18+ hour shifts and the therapist irks me. OF COURSE the wife is mad at the marriage counselor for going against her enabling therapist. She sounds like someone I know, hiding behind the therapist and manipulating everyone else with the therapist’s words because they know it holds more weight.
I’ve been in therapy for 8 years now, this isn’t helpful behavior for a therapist to jump on OP; however, I’ve been in situations where I felt I was being jumped on but wasn’t. But this doesn’t sound like that, it sounds like OP has tried to be reasonable but his wife wants the easy way: cruise control at the expense of her husband
I see a therapist for similar reasons to the wife in story 2. I can safely say this is not what my therapist encourages. She actively encourages me to get out into the community and find places to meet new people. I have never ending anxiety and depression plus c PTSD. She has encouraged me to sit at home once in a decade of meeting.
The second story about the wife being out of work, she's a narcissist and her therapist is enabling her in a major way. OP needs to leave the wife or demand the wife get a different therapist. Or both. He can't keep going on the way it's going.
In-fucking-deed couldn’t said it better myself
She's sleeping with the therapist, no doubt in my mind. I say this as an ace person too.
How is she a narcissist and not just a victim of a shitty, man hating therapist?
Narcissists often manipulate the fuck out of their therapists and talk therapy only enables them and gives them more language to use against others.
@@mycologycornerI'm with you there. But I don't think the marriage can be safe regardless even if she changes therapist. This kind of disrespect cannot be forgiven, mental health issues or not. He needs a break from her, and I'm pretty sure there's no going back from this.
I find funny how James pulled the stupidest plan ever to try to get back with OP after she rightfully dumped his ass for planning to cheat on her, and when she obviously moved on with her life and got a boyfriend who's actually a decent person, he gets mad and her sister goes all "YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS!";
Also the second story: OP should either get her to see another therapist, or cut losses by moving on and leaving her. The therapist isn't helping her at all, they're keeping her in a self-destructing cycle where she's stuck in a self-loathing state where she literally doesn't do anything. Also I'd check out like rSlash said if they're a quack, and either denounce them for not being licensed, or if they are, to a ethics council for keeping a patient in a horrible mental state (because I'm pretty sure they're keeping OP's wife like that to keep getting the payment);
And third story: I once was forced to get up from a similar seat by a entitled Karen who literally lied about being elderly (unless she slept in formaldehyde and botox, she was obviously in her 40's, far from being a elderly). She also made my GRANDMA, WHO WAS WITH ME AND A ACTUAL ELDERLY GET UP! We did just so that grunt didn't made a scene;
Here those seats are okay to use if they're not anyone who fits that criteria in the train, and people always get up when that's the case. But OP FITTED THAT CRITERIA. So yeah the woman was a entitled Karen, and the conductor was a idiot who acted all douchey aswell because of her. So no, OP isn't TA, and I hope that Karen gets shouted next time she tries to pull that stupid stunt.
*First OP:* Did OP's sister not consider the fact that James was using her to worm his way back to OP? That's just sad. OP is NTA.
*Second OP:* At the risk of sounding like a Reddit trope, OP should consider divorcing his wife. It doesn't sound like she wants to improve, and is using weaponized therapy speak to get out of her responsibilities. OP is NTA.
*Third OP:* If the train was -empty- *full* and (I'm assuming) the woman wass not elderly/pregnant/didn't have a disability, the why was she hung up on OP sitting there? OP is NTA. If the place were -crowded- *empty*, then yeah, OP should disclose that she has a prosthetic leg. Otherwise, she didn't have to explain herself to anyone.
*Fourth OP:* _reads title_ There has to be a good reason for OP not to be the AH.
_reads story_ Good enough reason for me. OP is NTA. OP's son now understands the "No take-backs" principle. I do understand the son's and ex's concerns about the horses, but I doubt OP would've let their horses roam around when there are children in close proximity.
that therapist needs to be fired and their license revoked.
also whether or not someone is disabled is not the business of other people.
Did you listen to the third story? "It was pretty busy so there were no other seats available"
@@widevaderI misheard. Honest mistake
I agree with all your points except the 3rd story. It shouldn't matter if the train/sub is empty or not. It's no one's fucking business to need to know the disabilities of others.
It's 2023. Being in a wheelchair isn't the only disability that is hard on people. So don't make assumptions. You know why I've never been made a fool when it comes to those types of things? Bcz I mind my fucking business.
@@maieen2665 of course, happens.
Story 2: I can relate to the wife with regards to the mental breakdown while teaching. I was a full time high school teacher and I had to resign because of how brutal the stress was. I had a safety net since I lived with my parents and they supported me through it. That said, the therapist needs their license revoked and the wife needs to be more accomodating with her husband. If my wife had to work 18 hour shifts for 84 hours per week, I would feel awful and make every effort to at least get a part time job to help out or get the house clean and make a freshly cooked meal for my wife when she comes home. (Note I'm not married but I'm just putting this hypothetical out there.)
Therapy is meant to help you work through your issues, not to coddle them like this therapist is doing. The wife needs to confront her stressors and trauma so that she can achieve stability in her life. Coddling like this will not help and only make this worse.
A marriage is a partnership and her using her mental breakdown as an excuse to not pull Her weight is disgusting
Yeah. Honestly if he works up to 18 hours a day just to keep enabling his wife to be lazy for 5 to 6 years then he'd be better off divorced working half the time and enjoying the life he has before everything comes crashing down.
Absolutely agreed, but honestly I think the therapist is the real issue. She’s just feeding the wife’s bad mental health and trying to breakdown and belittle OP. Also her financial advice was so terrible
There is a time when you just got to throw in the towel, this is one of those. Let her sink or swim, but the OP in that story needs to save himself or he's just gonna work himself into an early grave.
And that therapist is crap for enabling her. I’m a lazy person (and a gamer) and even I wouldn’t want my partner to bust their ass working like that. Hell, the only reason I *can* be lazy is I’m single (and I work)! OP should dump this lazy woman (and her therapist). What is she actually bringing to this relationship? She doesn’t cook, she probably doesn’t clean, he’s working all the hours there are and she’s sitting on her ass doing nothing!
That therapist got her licence in a back alley
I'm pretty sure this is just a technical glitch. He records well in advance and schedules the uploads. TH-cam should still compensate us for emotional distress.
5 years...OP's wife is taking him for granted who's working more than 2-3 jobs with +18 hrs JUST to cover all expenses including therapy
OP said he works 84 a week, when you factor sleep the house work he has to do himself (his wife just sits around and plays video games) and having to make his own meals that just gives poor ol OP just 34 hours to decompress for the whole week, meanwhile his slob of a wife has been unemployed, unproductive, and domestically useless for the past 5 years, at most people take a month off work for mental health, but 5 years is just insane
Dude. I have my morning coffee and toke to your videos every morning. Is the world ending? Ill just rewatch your old videos until you're alive again. Hope all is well ❤️🩹
That is a BAD therapist
Yeah she likes her because she tells her to keep doing whatever she wants but depression needs more than taking rest all day for years, in fact that is making depression worse.
Agreed!
@@desperateneedofscotch I got lucky. My therapist has legitimately been helping me. And has told me when I've done something stupid
But yeah. About 90% of therapists now r just money hungry quacks
Relationship balance: 18 hr days! You work 18 HR DAYS! I've worked 10 hrs a day for 5 to 6 days, and I couldn't walk without pain in my feet for a couple of days after that week. I can't even imagine working that long just to come to unsupportive behavior. I'd lose my mind if I came home just to be labeled a bad partner after that. My respect goes out to you.
The second story is WILD to me. I have been in therapy for 9 years, that therapist is an enabler. I've been in good and bad family therapy, thats not how it should go. FIVE YEARS for one mental breakdown at work?? I'd have TWENTY if that were the math. I should be in a mental hospital for my own safety right now to be honest but we can't afford it! So instead I'm LITERALLY typing this on the ferry omw to my shitty job.
Also even I will acknowledge as much as I wish it was: playing games all day inside is NOT good for your mental health. She needs to take baby steps in getting back out there. Go to Walmart and shop for 30 minutes to an hour, then a little longer, then try a mall, thats for anxiety and overstimulation at least
If that working schedule kept going someone less strong might break and end their life what would the wife do then chances are she’s end up losing them
I had a mental breakdown due to burnout in 2022, after having to GRIND right after having surgery to make up for the time I had to spend off work. When my man moved in with me he said that if I needed some time off, he could shoulder more expenses as long as I had my half of the rent each month.
Three months. I took three months off, and during that time I still had a weekend job. After that I worked 7 days a week across 3 jobs for a solid year and I was more or less fine. I was able to cut out my weekend job in October, and I just found out that I’m getting my own office.
ALSO.
During the summer I took off, I genuinely spent AT LEAST an hour a day utilizing mental health resources. In addition to being in two different kinds of formal therapy, I frequented different subreddits, Facebook groups and TH-cam channels focused on recovering from my particular mental health issues.
Homegirl needs to find a new therapist or a new place to live, bcuz she’s being unreasonable and her husband has been a fuckin CHAMP.
There was a final update on the second story:
Final Edit:
Thank you so much for the replies and advice, was a slow morning only had one field call so I was looking over the thread with a colleague and close friend. After talking I have decided to put in a request for two weeks vacation. During that time I am going to relax with my friends play some Baldurs Gate 3 and also get my shit together. Going to speak with a lawyer and see what my options are cause I was young and dumb and much of her debt is mine because I cosigned and have a joint account. I will go to the doctor for the first time in four years and make sense everything is still working as it should. During this time my friend said I could crash at their place, so I am going to take him up on that offer.
This will be my final post here though, going over this I made this post for all the wrong reasons. This is something that should not have been posted publicly and I was petty for that. Even so, I thank everyone because a lot of what was said was what I needed to hear. I do not have much in terms of a family both my parents passed. Thanks for the tough love. Something has to change, and if my wife is unable I have to do it. I am young, I should be enjoying my life I am not even 30 yet as my friend said. I aged so much in these last five years, it is scary my friend showed me pictures from before all this happened. I want to go back to the person I was then.
I agree I was the asshole for what I said, but I do not regret it it was a wake-up call I needed.
Good to hear it. Personally, I think that this was crossing into divorce territory myself. Wow, not even 30. I have had severe stress at work and stopping was never an option, so I just worked through it.
You're the mvp mate.
However how is reddit saying he is the AH is beyond me. Good to know op is getting his life together.
The train story-- thank you! Indivisible disability sucks. Luckily I'm in a pretty good spot with my joint pain, but the buses at my uni are a free-for-all and I don't wanna explain my life's story to grab a seat. But if it were like 2 years ago, I would have struggled SO much more moving on campus, buses and walking.
It's always hard to bring up my pain because I don't even slightly look like anything is wrong with me. I got weird negative reactions in high school, even from the nurse when I had a dr.'s note in hand. So now it's especially hard to bring it up to people I meet in college who I don't want to immediately put off.
Story 2: five years and no kind of change whatsoever, is this a therapist or a friend she hired to make you feel like a terrible husband for wanting her to contribute in any way possible? She also just so happens to not like the marriage counselor because they don't coddle her? How much stress can someone be if they have 5-year to do nothing but play video? Screw her tears and the therapist, tell your wife she even need to get off her ass and contribute to this marriage or you two need to seriously consider getting away from each other for a while. Your concerns and needs are not less important than her's, and if she can see that then I don't think this is all going to work out.
Screw that, I'm divorcing her. No such thing as taking five years off
On the second story, OP added that something has to change, and as his wife does not want to change, he will be taking some vacations with a friend w/out her, and contacting his lawyer to se what options he has regarding the debts he inherited from her.
2nd story. Divorce her. Period. Before she works you into an early grave.
It makes me sad hearing how beat down op sounds, ik reddit is quick to talk about divorce but honestly if you’re not compatible with the dynamic of who works and who maintains the home then it’s just going to lead to more suffering
Sad thing is, she'll probably take him to the cleaners.
Honestly, he should just tighten the purse strings and work less. If he divorces her, he'll get stuck with a huge alimony. This is why you don't marry leftist women.
@@desperateneedofscotch agreed marriage was his worst decision but his life is not ruined. Even with alimony he'll be able to work less and vet his life back.
You can always come back from a desperate situation.
@@desperateneedofscotch you can argue that in court it's not all over y'know ?
He works too much and she could work but refuses.
But ultimately even if you were right the man would still pay less alimony than supporting his wife rn and it would eventually end. Alimony wouldn't even last that long, their marriage wasn't that long iirc.
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her..
wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
Story 1: dude NTA the ex is clearly trying to win OP back through the sister. RSlashs comment was hilarious at the end
Story 2: as a teacher who had been burnt out in the field, I took a year off from teaching and worked a job in a different field until I felt ready to go back in. I went to therapy and figured out a better balance. If teaching isn't for OPs life, then the therapist could have helped her look into alternative careers after the first year. And yes OP will burn out if they keep going and as one who had had struggles with mental health I make sure to check the mental health of those I live with and try to find a balance. Ops wife deserves a butthole score
i love seeing the loyal r slash fans worried over him being 30 mins late with the upload….. me too rslash are you good
The wife is story 2 reminds me of my ex. She hid behind her mental illness all the time. Any time she got backed into a corner she would magically need to be hospitalized for a few days. She worked out exactly what to say and do to get whatever she wants.
I know this all because she bragged about getting out of stuff by doing this.
That therapist is just a scammer. She’s not trying to make the wife feel better, in fact it’s making her feel worse. I know what it’s like to have a job-related mental breakdown - I’ve had some pretty bad work incidents: scams, threatening situations, exploiting, mobbing - you name it.
Not getting back on track in a few months makes you feel extremely overwhelmed. You remember the nightmares of the interviews, the inability to get a good job, the hopelessness, the stress and the feeling of being worthless. It makes you physically recoil and you are completely repulsed by sending applications, because you subconsciously think the next job will give you another trauma or that you will not get any good ones. The more time passes, the more overwhelmed and unfit for the work you feel and the less confident you are, which makes you fail interviews, it’s an awful cycle.
This lady needs to lose her license ASAP.
Woah... Assuming all the info is accurate and truthful, im really wigged out about that therapist! They are seriously problematic and enabling! I'm genuinely concerned for her clients!
This is crossing into divorce territory.
Story 2: NTA and that therapist deserves 5/5 fr. She's only saying what OP's wife wants to hear because she wants to keep getting paid, while ruining two people's lives at once.
I think the wife is in on it
About the second story: I had depression and anxiety, which included panic attacks on a monthly basis also adding the horrible time of the c-virus that affected a lot of us, and I've gone to a private therapist, to a public therapist and I've gotten medicated until I was fine to keep going with my life.
And they all have told me one thing "I can teach you and give you the tools to keep going with your life, but you have to work to use the tools and get out of your comfort zone to do so.", so that woman is just a manipulator. OP, if you ever read this, get out of that house, your wife might not be mentally fine, but she is the one using you to just do whatever she wants without consequences since you are exhausted from all your work. Being in a bad place mentally doesn't justify this behavior.
C’mon RSlash, I can’t draw in my sketchbook without a new video to listen to man 😭
Story 1: NTA, I'm glad that OP'S Parents sided with OP here, but they shouldn't have told OP to smooth things over with them, when there's NOTHING to smooth over. The sister and James can go screw themselves.
Rslash. We need our daily dose of drama
Also hope everything is ok ❤
Story 2 got a sort of update, but not really a happy one. Even though OP was told he was NTA, there were enough people who said he was an AH for how he said it that it clearly made OP feel bad. He said he's taking a 2-week vacation from work and not spending it with his wife, instead he's gonna crash on a friend's couch. He also said he's going to talk to a lawyer and finally go to the doctor for a check-up after having not gone for four years.
He goes on to say how he may have fucked his life because all the debt he mentioned? It belonged mostly to his wife that he cosigned when they got married. OP also apologizes for how he came off talking about his wife's mental problems and says that is his final post. OP just sounds so ... done. He's not even 30 and he says when a friend showed him a picture of himself from five years ago, he doesn't even recognize himself as it looks like he's aged that much. :(
Well, doesn’t sound like such a bad update. Seems like he is taking action to take care of himself after so many years. Thanks for the update!
I hate people
Reddit likes to do that with dudes. They love to nitpick and find something to blame them so it is never 100% the woman's fault. I hate that speech because it really makes my skin crawl to use some inceI lingo but you'd never see that on a post with sxes being reversed.
RELATIONSHIP BALANCE: you know a massive expense you can cut back on ... therapy as the therapist seems to just be stringing your wife along to get paid the if that doesn't work the marriage counsling , also I get the reason they aren't divorced is because given how bad it would look to divorce someone after a mental break he would still be working 18 hours days to pay her alimony and her therapist and also have to find money for rent for an apartment.
What a wild first story to start the morning. But no, OP is not the butthole. Her sister is delusional and insecure, she needed to dump that guy yesterday.
Also, morning (or afternoon/evening) rSlash fam! Happy Sunday, hope everyone is doing well.
Wife Needs To Work Story Has An Update!
To sum it up OP is going to take a vacation to get in touch with a lawyer and see what his options are, he's also considering crashing at a friend's house who's aware of the situation.
Story 1: NTA. I'll never understand how someone can get together with their sibling's ex, especially if the ex is known to cheat or be abusive. The sister needs to deal with her insecurities, and James needs to back off; he made his bed and now he gets to lie in it
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the most recent in a long line of behaviour for the sister because no one randomly decides to start dating their sibling's ex especially if they know the background to why they broke up, like even if he hadn't cheated, the fact he had shagged her sister should be enough to put him on an immediate no-no list
As someone who has a mental illness, and has had a breakdown, i can assure you that stagnating at home doing nothing for 5 years is NOT a part of recovery. It reinforces negarive behaviour, cuts you off from society, and can actually create more problems like social anxiety and even agoraphobia. "Therapists" are not necessarily qualified to determine what someone needs to reintegrate into the world. One "therapist" I knew was more toxic than the people she counselled. Marie, you know who you are. Adopting a child and then literally walking away with no relationship, and taking half of your partner's wealth (and considering she supported you and you brought NOTHING to the union) when you left is an egregious example of how evil you are. So don't put blind faith in "therapists". Some are wonderful, and others are just narcissistic, power hungry liars.
That 2nd story - you're not there to fix her, it takes a whole team of therapists and other professionals to fix someone. you don't play captain save-a-hoe, she's a completely lost cause.
As someone who studied psychology (dunno if I spelled it correctly, english ain't my first language)
The 2nd story's wife is pretty normal. After a long break work/school/Insert thing you typically do all day due to a breakdown. It's almost impossible to motivation yourself to come back to it, because your brain association the activity with the most recent event, aka the breakdown while associating staying home with the safety you felt during your break.
But here's the thing, if you litteraly can't even force yourself to go back, then it's your therapist's job to ease you into it.
Sadly, the therapist in that story figure that actually making the wife become better would mean that she no longer goes to see them.
I'm so sorry for Op's sister in the first story, she's completely oblivious to what game James is trying to do.
But she's still a AH (the sis).
I don’t think she’s oblivious, I think she wanted to prove that she was better than op. Like if op’s ex didn’t cheat on her, the sister, then there was probably wrong with op. Op’s sister wanted to ‘win’ in a sense.
Hope you're okay, dude. If you need to take a day off, that's okay. We love you ♥
Story 1: I wouldn't apologize for anything, your sister is either stupid or in denial, probably both. If you wanted him back you clearly could have taken him but since you don't want him and made that very obvious to him and your sister I don't see why she thinks you're trying to make him jealous. I would take a step further and ask specifically what did you two do that made him jealous. All your BF was doing with introducing himself and having a good time at the mom's birthday party, unless the two of you were making out right in front of James and you were screaming about how he's the best kisser you ever had I don't see how you did anything to them. Tell your sister her insecurities on your problem, and if you could get over the fact sheet dating your ex then she can get over the fact he's clearly using her.
It's almost 8:30 a.m. and there is no new r/ video? What has the world come to?!
I'm kinda getting worried.. He was never this late!!
One time, like a year ago, he uploaded 1 hour early
@@esence_of_adream5845 i remember getting that I was so confused 😭
@@esence_of_adream5845I remember this year he posted at 5AM when usually it’s at 2PM (where I live at least)
Story 3: you don't owe her an explanation, she's a stranger who thought she could pick on you because you're a teenager and a lot of people for some idiotic reason believe teens can be disabled, even went as far as to get the conductor to try and force you to movei. They both found out that they're in the wrong and really should just mind their damn business. I get it some teenagers are jerks who use priority seating and refused to get up, but there is a right way to address it and she was not right.
So what would be the right way to ask op if they are disabled? Clearly they didnt want to talk about it. How would you solve the issue of abusing priority seating?
Nah op was in the wrong slightly. (1/5 ah score personally) train is crowded and you just look like a normal person in a seat that is reserved for disabilities. If op doesnt want to explain it then they should be ready to understand that their appearance is deceiving. Lady wasnt entiteled she was just ignorant and ya she could have handled it better but how would she know if op refuses to disclose it until the lady makes them have to?
@@KillerOstrich op doesn't deserve an asshole score at all and she owes no one any explanation. A disabled person is not obligated to show proof to any one, except maybe the conductor/driver, truthfully I don't know what the laws are in regards regulating disabled seats on public transport. But the lady could've either minded her own business or she could've grabbed the conductor, and all without berating a teenager. I get why the lady was frustrated, especially if she herself was actually entitled to the seat, but that doesn't mean she and the whole bus is suddenly entitled to know op's medical history. I mean think about it, you're literally saying op is an asshole for not immediately disclosing that she has a disability to the entire bus
@@KillerOstrichPeople who Are disabled shouldn’t have to share their medical history to prove it. She’s being a bitch, probably for a seat she can’t even sit in, harassing a teenager.
In this case, he’s in the right, and she learned a valuable lesson that not all disabilities are visible immediately.
I stress: people who Are disabled should not have to prove that they are disabled to anyone for any reason.
@KillerOstrich I mean, you realize how many so-called “invisible” disabilities there are, right? (I’m not trying to sound rude, btw) That’s the same logic people use when they get irritated by “normal-looking” people using handicap parking spaces, because they don’t “look” disabled.
For the therapist story, I've been in and out of therapy almost my whole life. I have high support needs and really struggle to manage the stresses of work, even with coping techniques, because I just don't handle stress well. And there ARE relationships where that can work. Where one partner stays home and one works. But the thing is that OP CLEARLY did not consent to that type of relationship, it's been forced on him, and he is not capable of handling it. It's unfair of the wife to expect that of him.
And as a side note, that therapist CLEARLY is not only just telling the wife what she wants to hear, she is actively stopping progress. My therapists have always encouraged me to go at my own pace, yes, but they also encourage me to push a little past my comfort zone, until that comfort zone gets bigger. This therapist seems to be intent on keeping her struggling so she'll continue to get therapy and line the therapist's pockets
Why didn’t the wife apply for disability? If she really can’t work at all, she’s eligible. It’s a long process, but over 5 YEARS she’s had plenty of time.
3:56 Seriously! *_SHE BROKE THE CODE!_*
hope everything’s okay man
14:06 "It's his job to know better" Yeah because you need to read mints to know all the lifes of your passangers, because OP thinks all the word knows about his problems without comunication. If I see someone sit in the front seats while a pregnant woman/ old man/ or someone with CLEARLY VIEW fracture needs the sit then I tell that person to go up. "Is matter that I don't like to comunicate"
As a person who dated a sisters ex one time, i think rslash went a little easy on her. Dating your sisters ex is a betrayal to multiple people's trust and it reflects poorly to you as a person. Even people outside family look at you with scorn and distain. That sister will have to work tooth and nail rebuilding her trust and she only has herself to blame.
Story 2: Wife needs a new therapist. And possibly report the current therapist to an oversight board. Because if what OP says is true it's hella sus.
My ex-wife was kinda the same. She had mental issues. However, she's a narcissist who constantly lied(es) and was a cheater. She would always complain about me working long hours. I told her I wouldn't have to work so much if she didn't spend so much damn money. She got offended. I later found out she had a secret bank account that she was putting 40% of her pay into.
Before I finished the last sentence, I expected the ending to be "40% of MY pay into."
2nd story: OP added an edit, and it seems like he is pursuing divorce. He said he was going to talk to a lawyer and is staying with friends
Making my hospital stay just that much nicer, thankyou rslash for your consistancy it helping this poorly person get through their day 💜
I hope you heal quickly. Big hugs! 💜
@@ashh4929thankyou 💜
Have a safe recovery, dawg !
Rslash, remember at least one story you read (prorevenge?) about a Karen asking OP to take a test for her degree in psychology because she couldn't lie answering it ?
My guess is this is one of those therapists
Am I the only one not getting the latest rslash video?
Story 2 has an update. Essentially he's going to file for divorce.
Dabney (sorry if that’s the incorrect spelling)… you ok bro???
So for the one Reddit post with the wife who stayed stayed at home for five years. I have to say something about it.
Even if she really needs the therapy, then it's the wrong way of dealing with the problem.
I suffered from mental breakdowns and panic attacks when I went to school. And my therapist suggested that each day I go to school and try to see as to how long I can stay without a panic attack or a mental breakdown. And it worked.
Of curse, at first I was only outside of the school nearly having mental breakdowns, but only staying at home makes things worse and you avoid it. The best thing is to confront it step by step. Which in the wives case would be. Getting a job where she her problems wouldn't be to much of a problem and then just try each day as much as you can handle (of curse stopping before having a panic or anxiety attack or a mental breakdown) go home, rest and try again next day.
It may take time and it may be exhausting, extremly exhausting. But it works.
Of course a little warning. Do not attempt to do this on your own. If you have a similar problem first consult your therapist, they are the experts. I'm just someone who experienced something like that.
Story 2: I've been in therapy for a few months and my therapist suggested improvements, like going out in the community and suggested improvements to help with my anxiety including ways of easing my anxiety at work (which I struggled at) . That therapist in the 2nd story deserves a high butthole score
I went through a similar situation - my partner was in an incredibly high stress job doing 70 hour weeks and had to quit. He had 6 months of rest and due to depression struggled to do housework. After some time he got through it and got a new job that is considerably calmer, and gave me his entire first pay check (even though I refused) to cover past rent payments. It can be done and his mental health is a million miles better for actually having a job rather than staying home. He's so much better now.
Story 2: That Therapist is a Mysandrist. She sounds like the type of person who hate men and would side with women no matter the situation.
That's probably why she's a couple therapist : to gaslight men into making them think they're the one at fault so their wife get the better deal.
Sounds about right. But seriously, FIVE YEARS?! That's nutso!
Had to look the word up. "Misandrist", no "y". Usage goes back to the mid/late 19th century. Basically a hatred of men. Like Judge Judy, and most Karens.
They were separate therapists. The wife had her therapist who was mean to OP. And the wife disliked the separate marriage counselor, because that counselors advice was (rightfully) often agains the therapists advice.
Story 2: It had a follow-up final edit. Apparently OP realized what was going on was not okay and with the ganging up on being even confirmed by Reddit... Is filing/filed to split. Stating the debts and such were from her as well and was co-signed with a joint account.
OP did say he felt it was petty for posting but tbf... After hearing the hurricane he was in and Reddit talked him out of something that major? Cannot blame em for sharing the story to us!
Subtle edit... He is also crashing with a buddy till the paperwork and such is finalized too.
Not me refreshing the page waiting for today's video to pop up😅😅
Me
Nah same I thought my YT was glitching out or something😭
when "therapist" told the guy to manage money better, he should've responded by saying that he'll stop spending money on useless things, then serve wife the divorce papers
Story 2: as a person who had a mental breakdown and has gone to therapy since 2019, the wife is just playing the victim and the therapist is just enabling her. Therapy is supposed to help you learn coping mechanisms among many other things so that you can live a good quality life AND when you are being toxic they have to call you out on it. When i had my breakdown i took some time off, 5 months to be exact and my fiancé took care of all expenses but i cleaned, cooked, did laundry, fed the pets and actually made time to BE better, fixing a routine and sticking to it, eating better, sleeping better, meditating etc. so yeah, the wife is being lazy.
Story 4: So pre-divorce, he doesn't want OP babysitting his kid because of a few horses and OP living in the country? If horses is the problem, the kid can stay in the house or upstairs, it's not like OP would let a kid run loose around a horse.
And then comes post-divorce where he suddenly wants OP babysitting the kid. OP doesn't have any attachment since he kept the kid away, so what's the point?
Story 2: I know that RSlash says that he's trying not to sound sexist and wants to give the wife the benefit of the doubt because there is always the one scenario where RSlash is wrong and comments dunk on him for it, but it seems clear that the therapist is doing a bad job if all that's going on is just ganging up on OP, wearing him down, and shooting down every possible solution he's coming up with, as well as making it seem like the wife just doesn't want to do ANY work at all whatsoever.
Is it possible that the wife is mentally unable to hold down a job? Yes, there is the possibility. Does that excuse doing absolutely nothing (or bare minimum) in the house? No, she can still TRY to work through her mental problems. Here, it sounds like she's just gave up and doesn't want to even try.
As for divorce because people love to jump to that, in the possibility that the wife is still in a super bad spot, divorcing her is just going to push her over the edge and into s*****e.
I lost my grandad and my aunt as well as my cat of 15 years within 2 months (March-April). I am currently on sick-leave from school (university) until the next semester starts, which is January. I think having about 6 months off from school is plenty of time. I can't imagine I would ever need 5 years.
That story with the therapist pissed me off. It's clear the therapist and wife is heavily bias and the wife is hiding and have gotten lazy. If I were her partner, I would honestly call the divorce card if she wouldn't start contributing. What the wife is doing is sucking the life out of OP without a care in the world as long as he doesn't disturb her universe.