You people seem to be misunderstanding what an excuse is. It's not only something for when you actually deserve to be in trouble. Being in the hospital absolutely IS an excuse, and it's a really, really good one. You should be saying "that's a reason, not an excuse" instead to people who DON'T have good excuses for their behavior/actions/words.
Yeah, this is literally mixing up the definitions of excuse and reason. If you have an excuse for something, it means you are excused for whatever failure that caused. Missing the birth of your child because you were in emergency surgery excuses your absence. Missing the birth of your child because you were playing fortnite is a reason for your absence.
Right. If you miss the birth of your child because you want to LIVE to see that child grow up, then, yeah. Plus OP didn’t know she had the baby until after the fact, so my guess is that the GF is upset about something else, or experiencing some post partum issues.
Yo RSlash, for reference, I’m almost positive the surgery that OP in story 2 had was a paracardiocentesis or pericardial window. It’s kinda a major procedure because they literally cut into the sack around your heart to drain it or stick it with a needle. Edit: damn this blew up. Not a doctor, but I think It’s cardiac tamponade due to recurrent pericardial effusion.
Yeah, it's like an extreme problem, isn't it??? I was trying to imagine what it would feel like to not be able to expand your lungs bc of FLUID in particular, and the thought terrifies me.
As a doctor, I can confirm that what OP went through in Story 2 is pericardiocentesis. It's a procedure where a needle is inserted into the cavity and fluid is drawn out to prevent further complications like tamponade which could possibly cost her life if not treated immediately. I agree having your spouse while giving birth is comforting and necessary but not at the cost of OPs life. If she's dead then who will be there huh?!?
I agree the husband had every reason not to be at the birth however everyone is pretending like giving birth isn't a big thing. It's understandable that shed feel abandoned and upset about having to go through that alone. Should she be taking that out on her husband? Absolutely not. The fact that he was gone for a good reason though doesn't automatically negate and get rid of those very real and very valid feelings. It's something they need to talk about and work through probably with the help of a couples therapist.
Tbh calling the cops to report the car as stolen covers her butt with her insurance in the event of an accident. Really easy to prove it was someone else's fault if there's a police report
The story about the abused woman. That friend didnt just say something off and mean well, she literally blamed a childhood abuse victim for her own abuse. She victim blamed someone and worse, someone who was a CHILD. It isnt ok to victim blame her but she can do it to others? Nah, NTA
Story 1: let's talk about dads logic real quick, he says because his son helped paid for it that makes it his son's car meaning sister should be allowed to drive it? Well since you already paid your BF back then it's not his car, he gave you a loan and it's over. Even if it was his car he also said no, so maybe BF should be upset that his dad was all right giving his stuff away to his sister no matter what his son said. Anyway calling the police was the right thing to do because you don't know her, that's was the first time you two were meeting and she stole your car, for all you knew she could have been doing something illegal you were right to call the cops.
"It's unhealthy paid for?" What the fuck? Please tell me that's a typo because you have that in more than one post, where at least one or two sentences make zero sense and reading the rest is a headache. Are you using a translator?
First Story, NTA: How is reporting a crime "going too far"? OP's bf's sister stole OP's car and bf's dad is an accomplice to the crime. OP told her no and the dad decided to go behind OP's back and give the sister the spare keys to the car Second Story, NTA: While I get her being upset, it was either OP attends the birth and die so she can’t be in the child's life or miss the birth, get the surgery, and be able to watch the child grow up and not lose a parent. The lack of empathy OP's girlfriend is showing is insane Third Story, NTA: Thats funny coming from the guy who don’t want to deal with the kids alone. So basically his salary is paying her but he is also making her job difficult. He don’t want to be a parent Fourth Story, NTA: OP only threw her insane illogic idea back at her and she couldn’t take it. Doesn’t matter what someone is, they aren’t entitled to anything, especially the child u abuse Fifth Story, YTA: From title to the actual post screams envy on OP's part. She don’t care about how Danny feels, she only cares that Lucy isn’t like them and not introverted. Funny how OP claimed Danny was miserable when OP has no idea how Danny is feeling or what he is thinking; for all she knows Danny was doing exactly what Lucy was suggesting
Then spent at least an extra hour getting the car back AFTER they told her to brig it back. OP was very generous in waiting TWO hours. SIL is a jackass.
And they have the gall to accuse OP of trying to get them arrested. That's literally what stealing someone's car does, get you arrested! Steal something from someone and doesn't return it? Cops will be called. It's that simple.
Story 4: How in hades do u “mean well” in encouraging someone to reconnect with an abuser Buddy cmon she’s in the wrong and she got that energy pushed back don’t try to sugar coat her actions, meaning well doesn’t excuse acting poorly
i think that she's scared her own kids will cut contact with her one day, completely disregarding the fact that people cut contact because of toxic relationships. idk, just a thought, because i can't think of why an abuse survivor would ever encourage someone to in back in contact with their abuser.
Some people are unable to conceptualize that bad parents are a reality for some people, so they are unable to handle the truth. Which leads them to be so defensive of how "normal families" are by criticizing the survivor for putting themselves and their safety over the idealized family unit. So making then understand, as the op had done was absolutely necessary.
As a child abuse survivor who’s been no contact with my bio family for several years, has nerve damage from said spicy childhood and PTSD, NTA OP. I firmly believe she needed to relate how horrible the abuse was for her in a way the “friend” would understand because she was unwilling to considering your experience and boundaries, the only way for you to get that across was harshly, but it worked. Some people think it’s somehow up to us, the abused, to forgive our abusers and “let bygones be bygones” because “they’re familllllllyyyyyy”, but we don’t owe them our love and loyalty when they couldn’t give us basic respect or love. Some people need it explained to them in the harshest possible way for them to understand, and if that means using her DV as an example for her to listen then that’s what you gotta do. She should’ve respected her boundaries, she said “no”, it meant “no” and are no contact for many reasons, that should be more than enough for this “friend”. I’ve had SO MANY PEOPLE claim they “mean well” by trying to “reconnect” me with my abusers, then I explain the physical violence, how I’ve been left with permanent nerve damage that’s left me 90% bedridden, the PTSD and wonderful flashbacks, how the smell of certain alcohols can make me feel like I’m back in those moments, how my mother very clearly told me I was “the reason” she wanted to unalive herself, and she made me know she only really loved my brother. I then ask in what way would this be “meaning well” and I’ve never had anyone able to answer that. They take my mothers word, track me down online and then harass me on her behalf, a narcissist who lies, so I give them a long post I put on FB some while ago which is full of receipts for proof and ask them to read, most just claim “I just meant well” and dig their heels in saying “but she’s your mother”, some just go silent and never message me back, and only on 2 occasions have I actually gotten apologies. This always happens on my birthday, my mother knows it’s a PTSD trigger date and specifically tells her friends to contact me on my birthday to pass on a message which is basically “you need to forgive me because I said so and I’m not apologising”. After this has been explained to the poor idiots who took her at her word and are then faced with the truth and who she really is, I like to point out “Just FYI, my mother got you to contact me on my birthday, which she knows is a PTSD trauma trigger date, it’s a day where she ignored my brother screaming centimetres from my face, told me I was the reason she was suicidal, ignored all violent abuse from my brother and would spent the day harassing me, she told you to contact me on my birthday to try and retraumatise me” Only 2 apologies over the years.
@@MascaraMorada I think you've hit the nail on the head. I think that for many people who had normal parents assume everyone else's parents are just like theirs and they can't get their head around the fact that some parents are very nasty people who have no love for their offspring.
Second story, I can get the GF being unhappy because your partner not being there *sucks* plus PPD and all that mess screwing with her , but on the other hand it was a literal life and death situation for OP. It hurts her as much as it hurts her GF. It really isn't fair for OP's GF to hold it over her head like that. Plus, it's not like she didn't know the problems OP had considering the month long stay during the pregnancy. Hopefully the GF can get it together and make peace with OP for everyones' sake.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure the person who took a vehicle without permission is the one that got themselves arrested. A lot of places specifically have a charge of “using a vehicle without owner permission” or something along those lines. It is a crime, family be damned. Also, if the sister did somehow lose/damage the car; insurance will flat out refuse to pay for anything without a police report.
@@qdllc yeah, but insurance companies will fight long and hard to keep as much money as they can. And it would also help to make sure they don’t jack your rates up too.
Agreed that sister and dad were at fault. Just, unfortunately, the dad didn't see it that way, despite OPs name being the only one on insurance and what not, since dad thinks that since his son helped pay for it, that makes the car partly the sons, despite OP paying her bf back for it. Plus, dad also seems to think that since they're all family, what's mine is mine, and what's yours is also families. Wonder how he would feel if it was more like if OP took the dad's car, despite him saying no? Bet he wouldn't feel the same way, lol
In the UK the offence is called TWOCing, (taking without owner's consent). Often the TWOCer is also driving without insurance, which is a separate offence. Sometimes the circumstances are the same as the story here, and it will be a family member who has taken it and not an actual robbery. So if the police pull someone over and suspect these offences have been committed they'll establish if the person had permission or not to use the car from the registered keeper. If they didn't then it's a TWOC, and if they did then the owner/keeper can be charged with allowing an uninsured driver to use their car. So if either party tells a lie to save their relative they'd be getting themselves in trouble. TLDR: I watch too much Police Interceptors on Ch.5
Yes it was horrible for the new mom to not have OP by her side at her most vulnerable but he was also in a very vulnerable state. It sounds like they could use therapy especially the gf. The sulking passive aggressiveness isn’t going to resolve anything
Story 5: It's funny that there are posts where OP is trying to dress up the story as the other person being a jerk, disgusting, etc, but it's still clear that it's just jealousy talking
Well could be, but I also dislike people acting like that, although I'm not jealous. I of course wouldn't react like this but the gf seems like a big attention seeker to say things like those. Women do this so not only their bf wants them, but also the men around them want them.
Story 2: Wh-? You nearly died and your girlfriend was angry because you weren't there for the daughter's birth? Yes, it is selfish. Hopefully it is just postpartum depression, because that's a frightening level of coldness.
Story 2: I can definitely understand that Postpartum might have made her a bit upset that OP didn't come, but what was he supposed to do? He could've died
(OP is a woman) Agreed, the GF needs to get her head on straight about this. Maybe get some therapy over it and try and understand that OP also hated missing the birth but, you know, she was literally under the knife and possibly dying at the time.
i wonder if its not just postpartum but someone whispering in jane's ear that OP doesn't care about the baby because they missed the birth or something like that. because jane was fine at first but was getting more and more upset as time moved on.
Story 2: In my experience (just from people I know having kids) babies never want to be born on their due date. Planning around a baby's birth is impossible, that being said OP isn't in control of when her body decides to crap out on her. OP could have easily said that her wife should have been with her when she was sick and dying. She didn't because she knows shit happens. When my niece was born she came out 2 days before her planned birth induction (a month early because my SIL was having complications). I got a text at 8am that my niece was on the way and that I could try and come to the hospital and meet her. Got another text at 10am with a baby picture. I woke up at noon. Essentially worked second shift and my brother and SIL understood that I wasn't gonna make it, and I was prepared to be there 2 days later. Instead I showed up 2 days later with food for the new parents and arms ready to hold the baby. Edited to fix me fucking up the pronouns.
S2 Fluid around the heart is a major no go... Also OP should have taken longer to rest even after that because it's that serious... The very max time they can put you under watch is 5 days because it may start having complications... She* (Forgot to put that) had the chance to pass away walking to see the baby... And OP should keep getting it checked on instead of going when it's bad
I’m glad RSlash brought up the reverse for story 2. Imagine OP being mad that her girlfriend didn’t show up to her at the hospital and receiving the response “I was literally giving birth.”
I know Dabney didn't mean any harm by saying "it's probably just post pardom depression, and hopefully it'll go away soon", but usually it doesn't just go away. It's very serious and I hope if op's wife does have it, that she's getting the help and support she needs to heal.
Also OP says their son is a year old so it’s not like it just happened. That is something she has been holding on to for a while now and may need therapy to get over at this point.
I think he’s just messing up postpartum with baby blues, it’s similar but baby blues do go away, if they don’t then it’s postpartum I had really bad baby blues so I feel for any women who struggles cause it truly sucks and I hope she gets the help she needs :(
The last story: as a introverted guy if im at a party sometime my social battery goes out not like im not having fun but ill need to chill for a bit, that doesn't make me moody and if my girlfriend is wearing something hot, im definitely going to watch her shake her tail feathers
story 2: jane should be happy OP is even ALIVE, nonetheless well enough to plan a whole day with her! and then has the balls to go “i’m mad at you because you had a life threatening condition while our baby was coming out!!!!!” ??? what kind of logic is that?? NTA. hope OP is alright.
Im 30, a mom been in therapy 6 months and i can say no contact with my family is 1000%the right decision in my life. Every now and then someone might judge it but if i divulged details they'd feel stupid
One would imagine that the friend, who has been on abusive relationships would be even more sympathetic to op since she knows how it feels, but no, she fished it out and couldn’t take it
Ive got insanely abusive parents. To the point they would actually try to murder me if they found out Im gay. My mom actually took a knife when I told her I was gay. I managed to convince her it was a joke... Ive been mentaly abused my entire 20 year old life. Called worthless, a waste of oxygen and human skin, an idiot, retarded.... Everything. All for a whole 3 therapists telling me family is everything and I should just "talk it out". And that its the wrong choice to "abandon" my family. Country I live in is extreamly full of stupid self rightious morons
I didn’t go no contact with my mother for good until I was 37. I’d tried before that but got bullied out of it by other family, friends, and societal pressure. This last time, though, I had enough and not only went no contact with her but also enacted a policy of explaining to family/friends 3 times why I was going no contact and to please drop it. If after 3 times they don’t drop it, they’re no contact too. I was especially firm with family since the ones pressuring me were acting as flying monkeys for my mother. My only regret is that I didn’t do this the moment I turned 18. Going no contact is 100% the best decision I ever made.
@@Annie_Annie__ I too was in my late thirties, and one of the things I appreciated was how much easier life was without her in it. I also have had so much pressure from others right up until she died. It irked me so much when they'd say inane things like "but she's your mother", like that's makes everything okay.
@@It-is-me...Melsie Yep. They say “but that’s your mom” Oh, okay. So that means I should just tolerate her abuse, toxicity, and the way she uses me (and tried to use my kid) to get info she can use against other people in my life. Right. I also get “but she’s your mom and she loves you”. Umm. No she doesn’t. She’s told me so. And if we’re going on behavior, she only loves me if I’m enabling every choice she makes, parroting all her opinions, and allowing her to make _all_ of my decisions. That’s not love. Some people literally can’t wrap their heads around the idea that some parents (especially mothers) _don’t_ love their children. The one thing I can thank her for is that she has shown me how _not_ to be a mother to my own child. In both major ways and in tiny details.
As a woman with children and being the oldest child in my family, it is NOT okay to make your child a third parent. I was put through being a 3rd caretaker of my brothers and it sucked and I wasn't see as an individual, nor was I paid for my time. I had those type of parents that felt their children "owed" them for keeping them alive.
For context on the second story, OP most likely needed a pericardiocentesis, which is a procedure where they draw the fluid directly from the sac around the heart syringes. It can cause complications, infection (as with any procedure) air trapped in the chest cavity that can cause other severe issues, or excessive bleeding by puncturing the heart or liver to name a few.
Story 3; as a child abuse survivor who’s been no contact with my bio family for several years, has nerve damage from said spicy childhood and PTSD, NTA OP. I firmly believe you needed to relate how horrible the abuse was for you in a way the “friend” would understand because she was unwilling to considering your experience and boundaries, the only way for you to get that across was harshly, but it worked. Some people think it’s somehow up to us, the abused, to forgive our abusers and “let bygones be bygones” because “they’re familllllllyyyyyy”, but we don’t owe them our love and loyalty when they couldn’t give us basic respect or love. Some people need it explained to them in the harshest possible way for them to understand, and if that means using her DV as an example for her to listen then that’s what you gotta do. She should’ve respected your boundaries, you said “no”, you meant “no” and are no contact for many reasons, that should be more than enough for this “friend”.
Story 1, whenever a toxic family member is abusive, a thief, a horrible bully? Folk ignore it, but when someone stands up for themselves they are “going too far”, and should “forget about it”, “just move on” It’s easy to see who favours the toxic individual. OP didn’t go too far, they need held accountable because they literally committed grand theft auto. I’m a child abuse survivor, folk saw the abuse from my mother and brother and didn’t say a thing, but when I cut all contact, spoke about my experience and moved on in life? I was “destroying the family”, “need to move on”, “just forgive your mother”, and of course “but they’re famillllyyyyyyy”, folk are always so keen to side with the abuser, and in OPs story, the father was keen to side with his thief of a daughter and her boyfriend saying she went “too far”, it makes it easy to see who you need to avoid in life.
I cannot stand "friends" like that who try and speak out their neck on things they know nothing about! OP just showed her how ridiculous her logic was and it's hypocritical.. OP you did absolutely nothing wrong.. You told her she was a bad parent and abusive and she's trying to butt her nose where it doesn't belong!!
That last story had an update where OP sits down and discusses her feelings of losing her friend to a new relationship. She apologized to the girlfriend and they have been making lunch dates and stuff to get to know each other, so it had a positive outcome.
It sounds more like OP's heart was slowly drowning. Still dangerous but at least you can recuperate from a heart that was drowning. An exploded heart isn't something you can bounce back from.
Story 2 did have a sort of update where reddit made her realize it wasn't about missing the birth but about OP's health problems and how it scared her partner that OP could die at anytime... She couldn't be directly mad at OP for being ill so she defaulted to being mad at the fact that her heath problems caused her to miss the birth... It must be terrifying to almost lose your partner right when your baby is born and she was scared that she would be a single parent because of that... Should she have brought up her very real concerns instead of getting mad? Yes, but it is not a conversation anyone wants to have... "How can our family go on without you?" is a hard thing to ask... They did have that conversation finally and are on the mend.
But it's not like it was a new or unexpected situation for GF when OP's been struggling with this since her own birth. I hope? What I mean is, was this not brought up when they started dating, and thus giving GF the choice to not go further with the relationship if she can't handle those risks? Don't know whether I should blame OP for surprising GF, while giving birth, with "btw I could drop dead at any moment, thought I'd let you know", kinda trapping her in that situation or, if she knew about the heart condition, whether I should blame GF for letting a relationship reach this far point without ever having considered plausible future outcomes before. I hope OP has a long and painless life and I hope they don't break up over this.
Story 2: R/ I want to correct you a little bit here, you said that OP had just as much right to be upset at her as she is at OP but she has absolutely zero right to be upset. OP what do now drinking and turned her phone off the day of the due date, she was in the hospital probably nowhere near her phone because of a life-or-death emergency, there is zero reason to be upset at OP because it probably sucks a lot more for OP to have not been there for their child's bird then it was for her.
I mean, she can be upset at the situation, because in the end she had to give birth without her partner being present. Being upset at *her* is what's problematic. It's not like she had any control over what happened.
@@bouboulroz It's just surprising so many people have missed that detail, though not to important. Though I think the girlfriends reaction to OP missing the birth is silly. However it could be from post partem depression. Though I'm not to like knowledgeable about that sorta stuff. I hope the two are able to work things out.
Story 3: yeah the nanny IS just an employee. If dad wants time with the kids when he’s done making money to pay the nanny, he should be allowed…allowed? It’s his flippin kids too. Rubs me wrong when moms act like they own the kids exclusively and the dad needs her permission. It’s an equal relationship. Same as when people act like the dad is ‘babysitting’ when he’s watching his own kids
But keep in fact if he does that, then once he gets home there is no point in the nanny staying them. She should go home after he gets there so he can parent the kids but he doesn’t, he is just trying to play with them then leave the rest to the nanny to deal with.
The Nanny stays for the wife. Why is it only an issue to stay with the dad. A dad role with kids is different. A dad would rough house. As long as the Nanny leaves at 5 with the mom as well then it would be understandable. However the wife is only complaining about his nights. @@BobaTEA-o7r
Story 4: So my mom was abusive and I can totally sympathize with OP because the amount of people who don't understand that parents can be anything less than loving and adoring parents who always do their best or mean well is insane. I've found that this primarily happens with people who had 2 loving and present parents, because they can't seem to understand that not everyone has the kind of parents they did.
I know right I'm so sick of hearing " but they meant well and did the best they could". Like No no they didn't.I've never meant well while telling someone they are lucky I didn't abort their lazy ass.
I remember when I was 19 and my father died. Someone a few months after his death was complaining about their father and saying that they hated him. I got super defensive of the father. But like, looking back at it 11 years later I know I was the bad guy because I didn't know that person's situation and shouldn't have butted in
Story 2: This girl is _awful._ My brother nearly died from fluid build-up around _his_ heart. This isn't a small thing and if he didn't deal with it immediately, he could have easily died. That girlfriend is TRASH. She should be ashamed of herself.
Regarding story 2 - saying, "Hopefully, it's JUST post-partum depression, which should wear off eventually" severely minimizes the condition - in severe cases PPD can be extremely serious, and such a flippant and dismissive attitude can be dangerous. Based on my own experience supporting my kids' mom with her PPD, I would urge OP's partner to consider individual counseling and potentially prescribed medication.
My husband missed our two first babies birth, guess what?? I didn't hold it against him,and never have! He was there for me 24/7 all the other time, and was there for the last birth! Shame on the gf/wife!
Logic story: that's just using her logic against her, she's In the wrong for getting into someone else's business and lecturing someone that they're in the wrong for not reconciling with abusive people.
First Story: NTA If they did the crime, they’re doing the time. END OF DISCUSSION. Seriously, instead of being respectful honest citizens, BoyFriend’s family broke the boundaries by GIVING the Sister OP’s car keys and letting her take the car. Also, HOW’D the Dad get the keys anyways?! Did he lie in order to get them, or did he just take the keys without OP’s knowledge and consent? And the Dad and Sister DOESN’T want OP to call the cops when they got caught doing a WRONG THING? Hell no! They should be thankful that OP hasn’t pressed a LAWSUIT on them for pulling that kind of stunt! BoyFriend should see things from OP’s POV in this situation. Fourth Story: NTA So the Mother’s excuse for NEVER helping OP during their childhood/teen hood is because “My job as a mother is SO EXHAUSTING, you can NEVER imagine THAT kind of stuff!”. Oh, so being a victim of ABUSE *AND* PARENTIFICATION *ISN’T* a bad thing?! REALLY?! She’s just trying to make HERSELF the victim by comparing her life to OP’s, protecting herself from failing as a mother AND defending some abusive dad in the process. OP’s in the right to take that Egg Donor to court and sue her for EVERYTHING she put them through.
11:27 that's the funny thing about explaining something to someone, NOW THAT PERSON UNDERSTANDS AND WILL NEVER PRESSURE AN ABUSE VICTIM TO RETURN TO VICTIMHOOD
Unfortunately, I am unconvinced that that will be enough to stop her. Enablers gonna enable. I had a coworker once who would pretty much seek me out every major holiday to explain to me why I should make up with my NM and her flying monkeys (My EF and many of my siblings), because "ThEY'Re FaMiLY!'. I tried many ways to brush her off, but finally lost it and gave her some pretty fine details about the various forms of abuse I had experienced. Two things happened: 1) she responded with the expected, victim-blaming, needing to forgive, they meant well, and 'but ThEY'Re FaMiLY!' BS expected from enablers. 2) the next major holiday she sought me out again to explain why I was wrong for maintaining no contact with the toxic people. I couldn't get help from HR because it was a toxic workplace (so they enjoyed employees abusing and enabling abuse), and because this coworker was way higher up on the ladder than I was so there was no way they would censor her for my lowly self. But, I got therapy, am in a better place mentally, and moved on to a much better employment situation. This woman and that workplace are stuck with each other - Karma is a beautiful warrior goddess.
@@survivedandthriving What the hell is up with your former coworker? Why did she think it was any of her business that you cut your toxic family out of your life? Why did that even remotely matter to her? What did she have to gain from trying to gaslight you into going back to being abused?
When you hire an expert for a task (e.g. hiring a nanny for a children), you don't turn around and talk over the expert and go "I'm the employer, I pay your salary". They are the EXPERT for a REASON. You HIRED THEM for a REASON. Let the nanny do her job!
9:41 yeah dad sounds like he's just feeling self conscious about not being a primary parent and being gone so much. Maybe talk to him about it more, but he does need to be firmer
Last story had an update: OP apologized and Danny and GF explained that Danny was just starting to be more outgoing but tires out more easily and that OP doesn't actually like Danny. Also, that OP and GF are gonna start to hang out more.
I can see that old friends might not realize Danny is changing a bit in his preferences. It's not surprising that his likes/dislikes have changed since high school!
Oh thank GOD, FINALLY!! One of these people apologizes! Seriously, people, this ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE, just learn to admit fault and move on! Urgh! See how easy it was?
@@kingblanketfort ...that is however a 100% reasonable take to get from the story. Just because it didn't end up being the case, it reads very much like a girl having a crush they don't realize and trying to do what they deem to be in their friends best interest when not realizing they are overstepping their boundaries
Story 4: As someone who has also gone no contact with my family due to a narc mom, OP is my hero. Unfortunately OP, like many who grew up with narc parents (particularly moms), has attracted similar people in their adult life.
I’m straight but am beginning to think I need to get a woman as my partner and I want it to be OP in the second story! Damn! That date night sounds amazing and her partner sucks! I will say the partner may need professional help with postpartum depression if that’s what it is.
The nanny story: there's an episode of the super nanny where the husband was away alot, they came up with a solution of using facetime to say goodnight and even ask how they are and what they did that night. Also making dad realise that him messing with the routine, also messes with everything else and makes the kids irritable for no reason.
I'm really not understanding how most people are just missing the part that in story 2, OP and her gf are both women. They literally write "both 25F" and RSlash even said "I'm a 26 year old woman and my girlfriend is also a 26 year old woman". They're both ladies people.
@@HackiePuffsI think it’s partly that and people usually watch these vids whilst paying attention to other things. So they’re not really listening out for the pronouns
Logic: NTA - All you did was give her a personal anecdote to compare. Sometimes, it's the only thing that gets through to some people. If she hadn't stuck her hand into a very private matter, she wouldn't have gotten bit.
Story 2: what was OP supposed to do, DIE?? She literally couldn’t help that, she NEEDED that surgery, it was literally LIFE SAVING. Her girlfriend is being very selfish and not understanding at all, what did she expect her girlfriend to do, stand there at the birth and DIE?! I feel so badly for OP, she has a serious health condition, a serious health condition she’s lived with since childhood, something she cannot control, yet her girlfriend is resentful over something she couldn’t control. OP, she IS being selfish, you’d have LITERALLY DIED, you weren’t being patronising. I’d be extremely wary of your girlfriend OP, this is so strange and I’m struggling to understand why she’s being this resentful.
Story 3: It's not like he's mistreating the kids, he just doesn't get much time with them, so he doesn't want to spend the time he does have being strict or getting onto them, which is completely fair. He's not trying to be a fun uncle he's just trying to be a fun dad. Op gets 1/5 for making him seem like a bad guy, and R/ gets 2.5/5 for being biased towards op and unfair to the dad
Logic, OP did exactly what should have been done. She also said exactly what needed to be said. If you're going to be a Karen and barrade people for going no contact with other people then there's an old saying. What's good for the goose is good for the gander and the other geese
Story:Typically to remove the fluid from around the heart, they put a needle into the pericardial sack and draw out the fluid. So, it's not as simple as putting an IV into a vein. Not like cracking open the chest but still it's pretty major!
Story 3: it's fine if he wants play time with his kids but he's going to have to do it when it's time to play, he can spend time with them by reading them a bedtime story. It's okay the straight from a routine now and again but if they do it every time dad comes home, but not to the point where they're giving the caretaker a hard time and ruining the routine you develop for them.
I can kind of see where you're coming but at the same time you have to factor in the fact that the Dad is working late nights to pay for the nanny salary so that mom never has to be alone with all three kids so dad only gets to see his kids on the weekend Op said that maybe once or twice a week he gets to come home and see his kids before bed. She also said that he lets the boys roughhouse if they're in the bath guess what that's playtime most parents do a bath before bed to get their kids energy out while relaxing them with the hot water honestly I think this goes deeper she's not giving us all the information because it seems like she she could give a f*** about him being a dad
@@spazaroo1000 that was pretty much what I thought too. To me it almost seems like a lose/lose situation. I think the solutions are A: dad gets a new job where he can be more present and they get rid of the nanny, or B: Mom quits undermining him when he actually gets time to spend with the kids and realizes that there is no ‘third parent’ just an employee that the dads salary is paying for.
Lost a friend to heart problems. They’re serious, and birth is serious too but her being there for the rest of the kids life is more important then one moment.
It's probably the best excuse. But, the same is true for OP, he made her cry, because he meant well, not because hre wanted to hurt her. Everyone can use that excuse~
The first story is so refreshing the fact the boyfriend has OP's back thank god! Normally in stories like these you'll see that the boyfriend has his family's back instead of OP's but man is this refreshing
3rd story: OP Nta, your not letting the nanny replace him, hes not even being a parent, hes being a play mate. Its not fair on either of you (op and nanny) for him to do that. Op 0 out of 5 bad guys, your husband gets 2 out of 5 bad guys.
4th story: OP Nta, if you go no contact that is up to you, abuse is not something to be shrugged off. Also it's not your responsibility to take care of someone else's kids. She can dish it but can't take it? Yeah just nta 0 out of 5, your friend gets 2 out of 5 bad guys.
5th story: yeah op your the ah, he can tell his gf of he doesn't want her to wear that outfit. I agree your a pick me girl. Op gets 2 out of 5 ah here and everyone else gets 0
From what I can tell the woman is a stay at home mom and the father works to bring in the income. To say he is not a parent when he spends his entire day working to provide for the family is just sexist. You are doing the opposite of people who don't appreciate the work stay at home moms do, a father who works his ass off to provide for the family is doing an important job for the kids. I don't see why he is an ass for wanting to spend time with his kids when he has time. And if it complicates the work for the nanny then that is what she is being paid for, if she does not want to work under those conditions she can quit and they can find another nanny who is able to work around his schedule.
@@beidero bro it was literally stated in the story the woman was working a 9 to 5 job, it’s not like she was a SAHM, and even if she was, the father can’t just let the kids rough house and make the nanny’s job even more difficult
Holy Hell. That nanny story really pissed me off. Basically the Husband works a high hour demanding job and when he comes home in the evening he let's his kids stay up a little bit later than normal to hang out and play with them. He isn't an absentee father because when he is home he is helping with the kids. He does things differently than his wife and nanny and that is fine, but the nanny's authority is not and should not be greater than that of the husband because it sounds like he is the one making it so they can even afford a nanny.
Important lesson from the first story: NEVER move in with your partner if they still live under their parents' roof. The parents will feel no obligation to respect you or your property, and it can lead to abuse situations like this one. Because let's face it: the father doesn't even respect his own son's property (and, judging from this story, probably plays favorites, the daughter being the golden child), so he won't respect anyone else's, under the excuse of "my house, my rules". OP and the boyfriend should GTFO, because the abuse and disrespect will continue if they stay. EDIT: according to OP in the comments, she and the boyfriend are already looking for a new place. Good to know.
Well that's a broad brush and not at all accurate. I do think now that OP realizes the dad doesn't respect her or her BF, they should be making plans to live elsewhere.
re: abuse. Its been pointed out but I would also like to say in more words: how can someone who has had an abusive spouse (appears that they are out of it) still want to 'force' their 'friend' BACK into a relationship with an abuser? Did they learn nothing from their experience? The lady needed to point out the problems of her 'crying' friend to get through to her because regular common sense did not. I think now her friend finally understands and was also crying from embarrassment at realizing what she was doing to OP.
Fourth story: NTA. Who the friend thinks she is to say OP has to pretend the abuse she suffered didn't happen? OP needs a new friend. Wow, she was abused as well by an ex husband and she told that to OP.... She deserved that reality slap.
The birth story reminded me of the time my GF felt I had "abandoned her" because I backed out of visiting her grandma. Her grandma had just been released from the hospital and I was coughing my lungs out and had fever. If I had gone, I'd probably got her grandma sick too, abd she was immunocompromised. Luckily for me, my GF wasn't mad anymore when I put into perspective that at least I hadn't endangered her grandma's life
Ive been listening to your videos daily for the past five years. Thank you for doing what you do. I know these stories can take a toll. You helped me find new insights on things and overall see things less pessimistically. Youre a very positive influence.
*First OP:* OP's boyfriend thought OP calling the cops on the bf's sister was going too far? I don't know, dude. I'm pretty sure committingGrand Theft is going too far. OP is NTA. *Second OP:* It wasn't like OP got sick on purpose! I know I should say that OP is NTA, but I can only imagine how stressful childbirth could be. And I'm projecting here, but I can understand (but don't necessarily agree with) OP's wife's frustration for OP not being there, even if it's beyond OP's control. I _was_ going to say NAH, but as I'm typing this out, I'm gonna say NTA instead. *Third OP:* Isn't there a way for the nanny to explain to OP's husband how the evening routine works on the kids? Still, it's up to OP's husband to have an open mind. I would've said NAH, but OP's husband's comment about paying for the nanny's services made me change my score to NTA. *Fourth OP:* Looks like OP picked the nuclear option for handling the situation. At least OP's friend won't badger OP about calling her mom. This may be a controversial opinion, but I'm gonna say OP is NTA. *Fifth OP:* OP's not in love with her friend at all! And she's _certainly_ not jealous of Lucy! 😛 Yeah, OP is TA. Good luck keeping that friendship, lol
Dad v Nanny story. Dad needs to understand that when there's a routine in place, you can't just go in and change it around just because you want to, even if you are paying for it. It's like taking a child to a doctor for a condition and there's a routine to follow but the dad wants to change that routine because he's the one paying for it.
And @@sheogorath979 needs to understand that the dad could have tried to provide input, but since he didn't, he needs to go with what works instead of trying to change things around when he doesn't know the damage he's doing.
I wanted to thank you, RSlash, for being one of my comfort channels. I look forward to your videos every day and I stream your podcast through Spotify every day at work. You deserve every good thing you get in life. Give Yugo some pets for me!
Story 4: OP's friend is essentially saying "You should have let your mom parentify you so you could take care of your siblings in her place. You deserved your abuse for not being parentified!" . OP is NTA. Friend gets 2/5 badguys
First Story: NTA. I seriously would love to hear the douchebag dad explain his reasoning. Even if OP's boyfriend was co-owner of the car, that wouldn't mean anyone but him and OP would be able to use the car without prior permission. Also, they not only didn't give permission, they actively denied permission to the sister. What they did was definitely a crime and they deserve whatever they get.
Second story: What justifies skipping the birth of your kid? What about HAVING AN EMERGENCY SURGERY THE SAME DAY. NTA. Yes, she's being selfish because OP almost died and she can only think of herself.
The last story op is just weird, when he whispered to his girl he probably asked if they could end the party or something because same, I get tired real easily around large gatherings like that, and the ruffling of his hair was probably because op tried that before but the dude probably doesn't like people touching him which honestly same but let's his girl do it because it's comforting from that one person
Short of literally dying, there is no excuse to miss the birth of your kid. Guess what OP was going through? That's right! They were at risk of literally dying, and had to be given immediate medical treatment!
Nanny story - one thing I feel I should point out because no one seems to notice it, but the OP never mentioned what the routine is and how much it’s disruptive. The routine could be very restrictive, even to the point of abuse. And if that is the case, all of Reddit (and now TH-cam) supported the abuse. To me that story didn’t provide the necessary information to give a proper judgement.
Story 2 sounds like some postpartum stuff. Those hormones plus the stress of a new baby make you feel all kinds of things. Resentment, isolation, sadness, all the irrational things. Frustrating for both parties involved.
I think story 2 is a little more complicated My assumption is that the girlfriend/wife/whatever was trying to voice her feelings of resentment about OP missing the birth, I don't think she's actually mad AT OP for missing it, but is upset that her partner wasn't there to be with her. People feel resentment over anything and everything, you can't just turn that off, and voicing it and talking it out is one way to resolve those feelings. I do not think she was blaming OP, I think she just wanted to air out her feelings about how unfair the SITUATION was, not how unfair OP was being. It sounds like it just escalated beyond that point and turned into a legitimate argument via misunderstandings Honestly sounds like a small potatoes couple argument
The nanny is the true coparent in this story. Good for Op for having her back. The dad can adjust his life to spend more time with them if he wants this to change
Jane needs to chiilllll. OP was literally having life saving heart surgery. It is NOT OP’s fault she missed their baby’s birth. At all. Jane better get over herself, yesterday.
When he started to read the last story I said "the OP have a crush on the guy" I never heard this story and didn't no the names but this one was an easy call.
Story 2: Ah, man. This is just a terrible situation for everyone. I don't think anyone is intentionally being a doo-doo face here. Obviously OP couldnt make it to the birth because she was having surgery and didnt even know the birth had happened when it had happened because of this, and being accused of something you had no power over would be frustrating and maddening. I guess it depends on how serious the argument between OP and the girlfriend was... but the vibe I'm getting is that the girlfriend was very frustrated and hurt that OP wasn't at the birth (not by choice). And thats okay to he frustrated and hurt about. Im guessing hormones got in the way and things blew out of proportion. Hopefully OP and her girlfriend can discuss things with a level head and be each others' rocks again. ❤
Story 1: NTA, someone should tell the bank manager who loaned the father his mortgage that, since he's connected to the bank that lent him the money, that means he basically owns the house and can invite guests to stay there instead of getting a hotel. It's pretty win for anyone who works in that bank really.
Yes, fluid around the heart can be life threatening, and removing the fluid can be life threatening as well. Especially if the doctors puncture something they shouldn't and don't have the required heart specialist in the OR. Then, after two decades, and after the widow was remarried and killed in a car crash, the hospital sort of, kind of, almost admits fault, and the surviving family gets next to nothing. I miss my Uncle.
vaery sory that happened. My partner lost a family member from hospital negligence it is very frustrating when the people who are supposed to help and know what they are doing just make things so much worse.
Oh my gosh dabney I don’t know how you do it, it’s been years but still, you find a way to entertain me every single day with your comments and reading!
Not being there for the birth of child because you were having emergency surgery isn't an excuse that's a pretty good reason
Thats what I’m thinking. It isn’t an excuse, it was a reason
You people seem to be misunderstanding what an excuse is. It's not only something for when you actually deserve to be in trouble.
Being in the hospital absolutely IS an excuse, and it's a really, really good one.
You should be saying "that's a reason, not an excuse" instead to people who DON'T have good excuses for their behavior/actions/words.
Yeah, this is literally mixing up the definitions of excuse and reason. If you have an excuse for something, it means you are excused for whatever failure that caused. Missing the birth of your child because you were in emergency surgery excuses your absence. Missing the birth of your child because you were playing fortnite is a reason for your absence.
Right. If you miss the birth of your child because you want to LIVE to see that child grow up, then, yeah. Plus OP didn’t know she had the baby until after the fact, so my guess is that the GF is upset about something else, or experiencing some post partum issues.
I agree
Yo RSlash, for reference, I’m almost positive the surgery that OP in story 2 had was a paracardiocentesis or pericardial window. It’s kinda a major procedure because they literally cut into the sack around your heart to drain it or stick it with a needle.
Edit: damn this blew up. Not a doctor, but I think It’s cardiac tamponade due to recurrent pericardial effusion.
This is exactly my thinking too!! I'm glad to see someone else did as well... Thanks❤
Sounds very likely!!
Yeah, it's like an extreme problem, isn't it??? I was trying to imagine what it would feel like to not be able to expand your lungs bc of FLUID in particular, and the thought terrifies me.
@@levanielmidoriya5701it’s basically the same thing, but eventually your heart can’t beat because of the fluid pressure
This! Exactly this. My brother nearly died and had the same procedure.
As a doctor, I can confirm that what OP went through in Story 2 is pericardiocentesis. It's a procedure where a needle is inserted into the cavity and fluid is drawn out to prevent further complications like tamponade which could possibly cost her life if not treated immediately. I agree having your spouse while giving birth is comforting and necessary but not at the cost of OPs life. If she's dead then who will be there huh?!?
I agree the husband had every reason not to be at the birth however everyone is pretending like giving birth isn't a big thing. It's understandable that shed feel abandoned and upset about having to go through that alone. Should she be taking that out on her husband? Absolutely not. The fact that he was gone for a good reason though doesn't automatically negate and get rid of those very real and very valid feelings. It's something they need to talk about and work through probably with the help of a couples therapist.
@@youtopea They’re GAY. Wife not husband
We need a pin in this comment
Why do medical procedures and conditions always have names that are stupidly hard to pronounce?
@@caolanochearnaigh9804 bahahaha
Tbh calling the cops to report the car as stolen covers her butt with her insurance in the event of an accident. Really easy to prove it was someone else's fault if there's a police report
Exactly. And she was generous in waiting TWO HOURS after the contacted the sister and told her to return. Sister sounds like a brat.
When you are worried about a small scratch on your car, it means it isn't insured.
@@RetroArcadeGuy no one ever said a scratch, we were talking about accidents
@@CieraMychele Yeah, that's what I said!
@Min Nohara's Channel Of Fun Even if I had full coverage through insurance, I would still be worried about any damage to the car.
The story about the abused woman. That friend didnt just say something off and mean well, she literally blamed a childhood abuse victim for her own abuse. She victim blamed someone and worse, someone who was a CHILD. It isnt ok to victim blame her but she can do it to others? Nah, NTA
Story 1: let's talk about dads logic real quick, he says because his son helped paid for it that makes it his son's car meaning sister should be allowed to drive it? Well since you already paid your BF back then it's not his car, he gave you a loan and it's over. Even if it was his car he also said no, so maybe BF should be upset that his dad was all right giving his stuff away to his sister no matter what his son said.
Anyway calling the police was the right thing to do because you don't know her, that's was the first time you two were meeting and she stole your car, for all you knew she could have been doing something illegal you were right to call the cops.
Also she refused to just bring it back when they contacted her... she was an hour away but took TWO hours to get back home. So disrespectful.
"It's unhealthy paid for?" What the fuck? Please tell me that's a typo because you have that in more than one post, where at least one or two sentences make zero sense and reading the rest is a headache. Are you using a translator?
@@fdm2155 she didn't even come back at the 2 hour point but called the cops at the 2 hour point. It doesn't say when she returned
Also even if op didn't pay it back, the brother agreed to the no. So the dad and sister is still wrong from the dad's logic
by that logic HE SAID NO TOO. No means no, DAD.
The story about the narcissistic mother: I am 100% on OPs side. Their argument was solid, and POINTED.
And it sounds like her friend is one too. Wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to contact OP “on her behalf” behind OPs back.
Yep, 💯. Explained in a relatable situation to the friend who thought she knew better. I loved her response.
First Story, NTA: How is reporting a crime "going too far"? OP's bf's sister stole OP's car and bf's dad is an accomplice to the crime. OP told her no and the dad decided to go behind OP's back and give the sister the spare keys to the car
Second Story, NTA: While I get her being upset, it was either OP attends the birth and die so she can’t be in the child's life or miss the birth, get the surgery, and be able to watch the child grow up and not lose a parent. The lack of empathy OP's girlfriend is showing is insane
Third Story, NTA: Thats funny coming from the guy who don’t want to deal with the kids alone. So basically his salary is paying her but he is also making her job difficult. He don’t want to be a parent
Fourth Story, NTA: OP only threw her insane illogic idea back at her and she couldn’t take it. Doesn’t matter what someone is, they aren’t entitled to anything, especially the child u abuse
Fifth Story, YTA: From title to the actual post screams envy on OP's part. She don’t care about how Danny feels, she only cares that Lucy isn’t like them and not introverted. Funny how OP claimed Danny was miserable when OP has no idea how Danny is feeling or what he is thinking; for all she knows Danny was doing exactly what Lucy was suggesting
Then spent at least an extra hour getting the car back AFTER they told her to brig it back. OP was very generous in waiting TWO hours. SIL is a jackass.
And they have the gall to accuse OP of trying to get them arrested. That's literally what stealing someone's car does, get you arrested! Steal something from someone and doesn't return it? Cops will be called. It's that simple.
Mf the video came out 17 minutes ago who you watch it that fast
@@MiNissan300its called commenting and editing the comment
OP's gf is really wild for getting upset with her.
Story 4: How in hades do u “mean well” in encouraging someone to reconnect with an abuser
Buddy cmon she’s in the wrong and she got that energy pushed back don’t try to sugar coat her actions, meaning well doesn’t excuse acting poorly
Also why is she even giving an opinion on it? Definitely not her business.
i think that she's scared her own kids will cut contact with her one day, completely disregarding the fact that people cut contact because of toxic relationships. idk, just a thought, because i can't think of why an abuse survivor would ever encourage someone to in back in contact with their abuser.
Some people are unable to conceptualize that bad parents are a reality for some people, so they are unable to handle the truth. Which leads them to be so defensive of how "normal families" are by criticizing the survivor for putting themselves and their safety over the idealized family unit. So making then understand, as the op had done was absolutely necessary.
As a child abuse survivor who’s been no contact with my bio family for several years, has nerve damage from said spicy childhood and PTSD, NTA OP. I firmly believe she needed to relate how horrible the abuse was for her in a way the “friend” would understand because she was unwilling to considering your experience and boundaries, the only way for you to get that across was harshly, but it worked.
Some people think it’s somehow up to us, the abused, to forgive our abusers and “let bygones be bygones” because “they’re familllllllyyyyyy”, but we don’t owe them our love and loyalty when they couldn’t give us basic respect or love. Some people need it explained to them in the harshest possible way for them to understand, and if that means using her DV as an example for her to listen then that’s what you gotta do.
She should’ve respected her boundaries, she said “no”, it meant “no” and are no contact for many reasons, that should be more than enough for this “friend”.
I’ve had SO MANY PEOPLE claim they “mean well” by trying to “reconnect” me with my abusers, then I explain the physical violence, how I’ve been left with permanent nerve damage that’s left me 90% bedridden, the PTSD and wonderful flashbacks, how the smell of certain alcohols can make me feel like I’m back in those moments, how my mother very clearly told me I was “the reason” she wanted to unalive herself, and she made me know she only really loved my brother. I then ask in what way would this be “meaning well” and I’ve never had anyone able to answer that.
They take my mothers word, track me down online and then harass me on her behalf, a narcissist who lies, so I give them a long post I put on FB some while ago which is full of receipts for proof and ask them to read, most just claim “I just meant well” and dig their heels in saying “but she’s your mother”, some just go silent and never message me back, and only on 2 occasions have I actually gotten apologies. This always happens on my birthday, my mother knows it’s a PTSD trigger date and specifically tells her friends to contact me on my birthday to pass on a message which is basically “you need to forgive me because I said so and I’m not apologising”. After this has been explained to the poor idiots who took her at her word and are then faced with the truth and who she really is, I like to point out
“Just FYI, my mother got you to contact me on my birthday, which she knows is a PTSD trauma trigger date, it’s a day where she ignored my brother screaming centimetres from my face, told me I was the reason she was suicidal, ignored all violent abuse from my brother and would spent the day harassing me, she told you to contact me on my birthday to try and retraumatise me”
Only 2 apologies over the years.
@@MascaraMorada I think you've hit the nail on the head. I think that for many people who had normal parents assume everyone else's parents are just like theirs and they can't get their head around the fact that some parents are very nasty people who have no love for their offspring.
Second story, I can get the GF being unhappy because your partner not being there *sucks* plus PPD and all that mess screwing with her , but on the other hand it was a literal life and death situation for OP. It hurts her as much as it hurts her GF. It really isn't fair for OP's GF to hold it over her head like that. Plus, it's not like she didn't know the problems OP had considering the month long stay during the pregnancy. Hopefully the GF can get it together and make peace with OP for everyones' sake.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure the person who took a vehicle without permission is the one that got themselves arrested.
A lot of places specifically have a charge of “using a vehicle without owner permission” or something along those lines. It is a crime, family be damned.
Also, if the sister did somehow lose/damage the car; insurance will flat out refuse to pay for anything without a police report.
In most states, if there’s an accident, the owner of the vehicle has their insurance pay…no matter who was driving or if they had their own insurance.
@@qdllc yeah, but insurance companies will fight long and hard to keep as much money as they can. And it would also help to make sure they don’t jack your rates up too.
Agreed that sister and dad were at fault. Just, unfortunately, the dad didn't see it that way, despite OPs name being the only one on insurance and what not, since dad thinks that since his son helped pay for it, that makes the car partly the sons, despite OP paying her bf back for it. Plus, dad also seems to think that since they're all family, what's mine is mine, and what's yours is also families.
Wonder how he would feel if it was more like if OP took the dad's car, despite him saying no? Bet he wouldn't feel the same way, lol
In the UK the offence is called TWOCing, (taking without owner's consent). Often the TWOCer is also driving without insurance, which is a separate offence. Sometimes the circumstances are the same as the story here, and it will be a family member who has taken it and not an actual robbery. So if the police pull someone over and suspect these offences have been committed they'll establish if the person had permission or not to use the car from the registered keeper. If they didn't then it's a TWOC, and if they did then the owner/keeper can be charged with allowing an uninsured driver to use their car. So if either party tells a lie to save their relative they'd be getting themselves in trouble.
TLDR: I watch too much Police Interceptors on Ch.5
@@qdllc Insurance wants to pay out as little as possible... And if the driver is not on the insurance, it could jack up your rates
Story 2: OP was hospitalized. No idea what procedure was involved but it was a life or death situation.
Yes it was horrible for the new mom to not have OP by her side at her most vulnerable but he was also in a very vulnerable state. It sounds like they could use therapy especially the gf. The sulking passive aggressiveness isn’t going to resolve anything
She was literally getting help with her heart! Her girlfriend needs to be more understandable then holding a grudge that she couldn't help
@@lorilancaster5917She was in a vulnerable state*
And I agree! Her girlfriend should have understood that.
@@lorilancaster5917 OP is female they 2 are a lesbian couple
"sorry I was dying at the wrong time..."
Like yeah what was she supposed to do, go to the birth instead and die next to her newborn?
Story 4: Using someone's own logic against them. I love doing that
Story 5: It's funny that there are posts where OP is trying to dress up the story as the other person being a jerk, disgusting, etc, but it's still clear that it's just jealousy talking
Well could be, but I also dislike people acting like that, although I'm not jealous. I of course wouldn't react like this but the gf seems like a big attention seeker to say things like those. Women do this so not only their bf wants them, but also the men around them want them.
Story 2: Wh-? You nearly died and your girlfriend was angry because you weren't there for the daughter's birth? Yes, it is selfish. Hopefully it is just postpartum depression, because that's a frightening level of coldness.
Story 2: I can definitely understand that Postpartum might have made her a bit upset that OP didn't come, but what was he supposed to do? He could've died
(OP is a woman) Agreed, the GF needs to get her head on straight about this. Maybe get some therapy over it and try and understand that OP also hated missing the birth but, you know, she was literally under the knife and possibly dying at the time.
i wonder if its not just postpartum but someone whispering in jane's ear that OP doesn't care about the baby because they missed the birth or something like that. because jane was fine at first but was getting more and more upset as time moved on.
@@abiean222 honestly that would kinda make sense if someone is whispering stuff in her ear, and if that’s the case it’s toxic AF
Obviously she was supposed to wake up mid surgery, get up from the operating table, and watch her girlfriend give birth
I'm guessing the GF who gave birth is/was cheating or found someone to replace the OP and is trying to drive her away.
Story 2: In my experience (just from people I know having kids) babies never want to be born on their due date. Planning around a baby's birth is impossible, that being said OP isn't in control of when her body decides to crap out on her. OP could have easily said that her wife should have been with her when she was sick and dying. She didn't because she knows shit happens. When my niece was born she came out 2 days before her planned birth induction (a month early because my SIL was having complications). I got a text at 8am that my niece was on the way and that I could try and come to the hospital and meet her. Got another text at 10am with a baby picture. I woke up at noon. Essentially worked second shift and my brother and SIL understood that I wasn't gonna make it, and I was prepared to be there 2 days later. Instead I showed up 2 days later with food for the new parents and arms ready to hold the baby.
Edited to fix me fucking up the pronouns.
Op is a woman in that story btw
@@thebrightphoenixx Damn, I'll fix that. Sometimes the pronouns in stories go right by me.
S2 Fluid around the heart is a major no go... Also OP should have taken longer to rest even after that because it's that serious... The very max time they can put you under watch is 5 days because it may start having complications... She* (Forgot to put that) had the chance to pass away walking to see the baby... And OP should keep getting it checked on instead of going when it's bad
OP is a woman btw
She*
She should get custody of the kid and leave or they need couples counseling because she really mad that she didn't just die to see the kids birth
I’m glad RSlash brought up the reverse for story 2. Imagine OP being mad that her girlfriend didn’t show up to her at the hospital and receiving the response “I was literally giving birth.”
Then OP shooting back with, "And I was literally dying, b*tch!"
I know Dabney didn't mean any harm by saying "it's probably just post pardom depression, and hopefully it'll go away soon", but usually it doesn't just go away. It's very serious and I hope if op's wife does have it, that she's getting the help and support she needs to heal.
Yea he has a history of not understanding how severe pardon mmm mmm depression can be
Also OP says their son is a year old so it’s not like it just happened. That is something she has been holding on to for a while now and may need therapy to get over at this point.
I think he’s just messing up postpartum with baby blues, it’s similar but baby blues do go away, if they don’t then it’s postpartum
I had really bad baby blues so I feel for any women who struggles cause it truly sucks and I hope she gets the help she needs :(
The last story: as a introverted guy if im at a party sometime my social battery goes out not like im not having fun but ill need to chill for a bit, that doesn't make me moody and if my girlfriend is wearing something hot, im definitely going to watch her shake her tail feathers
story 2: jane should be happy OP is even ALIVE, nonetheless well enough to plan a whole day with her! and then has the balls to go “i’m mad at you because you had a life threatening condition while our baby was coming out!!!!!” ??? what kind of logic is that?? NTA. hope OP is alright.
Im 30, a mom been in therapy 6 months and i can say no contact with my family is 1000%the right decision in my life. Every now and then someone might judge it but if i divulged details they'd feel stupid
One would imagine that the friend, who has been on abusive relationships would be even more sympathetic to op since she knows how it feels, but no, she fished it out and couldn’t take it
Ive got insanely abusive parents. To the point they would actually try to murder me if they found out Im gay. My mom actually took a knife when I told her I was gay. I managed to convince her it was a joke...
Ive been mentaly abused my entire 20 year old life. Called worthless, a waste of oxygen and human skin, an idiot, retarded.... Everything.
All for a whole 3 therapists telling me family is everything and I should just "talk it out". And that its the wrong choice to "abandon" my family.
Country I live in is extreamly full of stupid self rightious morons
I didn’t go no contact with my mother for good until I was 37.
I’d tried before that but got bullied out of it by other family, friends, and societal pressure.
This last time, though, I had enough and not only went no contact with her but also enacted a policy of explaining to family/friends 3 times why I was going no contact and to please drop it. If after 3 times they don’t drop it, they’re no contact too.
I was especially firm with family since the ones pressuring me were acting as flying monkeys for my mother.
My only regret is that I didn’t do this the moment I turned 18.
Going no contact is 100% the best decision I ever made.
@@Annie_Annie__ I too was in my late thirties, and one of the things I appreciated was how much easier life was without her in it. I also have had so much pressure from others right up until she died. It irked me so much when they'd say inane things like "but she's your mother", like that's makes everything okay.
@@It-is-me...Melsie Yep. They say “but that’s your mom” Oh, okay. So that means I should just tolerate her abuse, toxicity, and the way she uses me (and tried to use my kid) to get info she can use against other people in my life. Right.
I also get “but she’s your mom and she loves you”. Umm. No she doesn’t. She’s told me so.
And if we’re going on behavior, she only loves me if I’m enabling every choice she makes, parroting all her opinions, and allowing her to make _all_ of my decisions. That’s not love.
Some people literally can’t wrap their heads around the idea that some parents (especially mothers) _don’t_ love their children.
The one thing I can thank her for is that she has shown me how _not_ to be a mother to my own child. In both major ways and in tiny details.
As a woman with children and being the oldest child in my family, it is NOT okay to make your child a third parent. I was put through being a 3rd caretaker of my brothers and it sucked and I wasn't see as an individual, nor was I paid for my time. I had those type of parents that felt their children "owed" them for keeping them alive.
For context on the second story, OP most likely needed a pericardiocentesis, which is a procedure where they draw the fluid directly from the sac around the heart syringes. It can cause complications, infection (as with any procedure) air trapped in the chest cavity that can cause other severe issues, or excessive bleeding by puncturing the heart or liver to name a few.
Story 3; as a child abuse survivor who’s been no contact with my bio family for several years, has nerve damage from said spicy childhood and PTSD, NTA OP. I firmly believe you needed to relate how horrible the abuse was for you in a way the “friend” would understand because she was unwilling to considering your experience and boundaries, the only way for you to get that across was harshly, but it worked.
Some people think it’s somehow up to us, the abused, to forgive our abusers and “let bygones be bygones” because “they’re familllllllyyyyyy”, but we don’t owe them our love and loyalty when they couldn’t give us basic respect or love. Some people need it explained to them in the harshest possible way for them to understand, and if that means using her DV as an example for her to listen then that’s what you gotta do.
She should’ve respected your boundaries, you said “no”, you meant “no” and are no contact for many reasons, that should be more than enough for this “friend”.
Story 1, whenever a toxic family member is abusive, a thief, a horrible bully? Folk ignore it, but when someone stands up for themselves they are “going too far”, and should “forget about it”, “just move on”
It’s easy to see who favours the toxic individual. OP didn’t go too far, they need held accountable because they literally committed grand theft auto.
I’m a child abuse survivor, folk saw the abuse from my mother and brother and didn’t say a thing, but when I cut all contact, spoke about my experience and moved on in life? I was “destroying the family”, “need to move on”, “just forgive your mother”, and of course “but they’re famillllyyyyyyy”, folk are always so keen to side with the abuser, and in OPs story, the father was keen to side with his thief of a daughter and her boyfriend saying she went “too far”, it makes it easy to see who you need to avoid in life.
I cannot stand "friends" like that who try and speak out their neck on things they know nothing about! OP just showed her how ridiculous her logic was and it's hypocritical.. OP you did absolutely nothing wrong.. You told her she was a bad parent and abusive and she's trying to butt her nose where it doesn't belong!!
That last story had an update where OP sits down and discusses her feelings of losing her friend to a new relationship. She apologized to the girlfriend and they have been making lunch dates and stuff to get to know each other, so it had a positive outcome.
It sounds more like OP's heart was slowly drowning. Still dangerous but at least you can recuperate from a heart that was drowning. An exploded heart isn't something you can bounce back from.
Story 2 did have a sort of update where reddit made her realize it wasn't about missing the birth but about OP's health problems and how it scared her partner that OP could die at anytime... She couldn't be directly mad at OP for being ill so she defaulted to being mad at the fact that her heath problems caused her to miss the birth... It must be terrifying to almost lose your partner right when your baby is born and she was scared that she would be a single parent because of that... Should she have brought up her very real concerns instead of getting mad? Yes, but it is not a conversation anyone wants to have... "How can our family go on without you?" is a hard thing to ask... They did have that conversation finally and are on the mend.
But it's not like it was a new or unexpected situation for GF when OP's been struggling with this since her own birth. I hope? What I mean is, was this not brought up when they started dating, and thus giving GF the choice to not go further with the relationship if she can't handle those risks? Don't know whether I should blame OP for surprising GF, while giving birth, with "btw I could drop dead at any moment, thought I'd let you know", kinda trapping her in that situation or, if she knew about the heart condition, whether I should blame GF for letting a relationship reach this far point without ever having considered plausible future outcomes before.
I hope OP has a long and painless life and I hope they don't break up over this.
Story 2: R/ I want to correct you a little bit here, you said that OP had just as much right to be upset at her as she is at OP but she has absolutely zero right to be upset. OP what do now drinking and turned her phone off the day of the due date, she was in the hospital probably nowhere near her phone because of a life-or-death emergency, there is zero reason to be upset at OP because it probably sucks a lot more for OP to have not been there for their child's bird then it was for her.
I mean, she can be upset at the situation, because in the end she had to give birth without her partner being present. Being upset at *her* is what's problematic. It's not like she had any control over what happened.
Wait. What.
@@bouboulrozMan so many people do not realize OP of that story is female lol.
@@mrcaterpillow9926 thanks for pointing that out. I only commented at the end of the video and had forgotten about everyone's gender by then.
@@bouboulroz It's just surprising so many people have missed that detail, though not to important.
Though I think the girlfriends reaction to OP missing the birth is silly. However it could be from post partem depression. Though I'm not to like knowledgeable about that sorta stuff. I hope the two are able to work things out.
Story 3: yeah the nanny IS just an employee. If dad wants time with the kids when he’s done making money to pay the nanny, he should be allowed…allowed? It’s his flippin kids too. Rubs me wrong when moms act like they own the kids exclusively and the dad needs her permission. It’s an equal relationship. Same as when people act like the dad is ‘babysitting’ when he’s watching his own kids
But keep in fact if he does that, then once he gets home there is no point in the nanny staying them. She should go home after he gets there so he can parent the kids but he doesn’t, he is just trying to play with them then leave the rest to the nanny to deal with.
The nanny should go home so he can do it properly so the nanny can leave. So he can take care of them instead of “ babysitting “
The Nanny stays for the wife. Why is it only an issue to stay with the dad. A dad role with kids is different. A dad would rough house. As long as the Nanny leaves at 5 with the mom as well then it would be understandable. However the wife is only complaining about his nights. @@BobaTEA-o7r
Story 4: So my mom was abusive and I can totally sympathize with OP because the amount of people who don't understand that parents can be anything less than loving and adoring parents who always do their best or mean well is insane. I've found that this primarily happens with people who had 2 loving and present parents, because they can't seem to understand that not everyone has the kind of parents they did.
I know right I'm so sick of hearing " but they meant well and did the best they could". Like No no they didn't.I've never meant well while telling someone they are lucky I didn't abort their lazy ass.
@@redbunny22 go-to response for that: "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."
"She's never been spoken to like that before"
Yeah, I'm sure OP has been chastised for almost dying before /s.
I remember when I was 19 and my father died. Someone a few months after his death was complaining about their father and saying that they hated him. I got super defensive of the father. But like, looking back at it 11 years later I know I was the bad guy because I didn't know that person's situation and shouldn't have butted in
True but it's understandable why you were so sensitive about it at the time.
Story 2: This girl is _awful._ My brother nearly died from fluid build-up around _his_ heart. This isn't a small thing and if he didn't deal with it immediately, he could have easily died.
That girlfriend is TRASH. She should be ashamed of herself.
Yeah
Regarding story 2 - saying, "Hopefully, it's JUST post-partum depression, which should wear off eventually" severely minimizes the condition - in severe cases PPD can be extremely serious, and such a flippant and dismissive attitude can be dangerous. Based on my own experience supporting my kids' mom with her PPD, I would urge OP's partner to consider individual counseling and potentially prescribed medication.
My husband missed our two first babies birth, guess what?? I didn't hold it against him,and never have! He was there for me 24/7 all the other time, and was there for the last birth! Shame on the gf/wife!
Logic story: that's just using her logic against her, she's In the wrong for getting into someone else's business and lecturing someone that they're in the wrong for not reconciling with abusive people.
First Story: NTA
If they did the crime, they’re doing the time.
END OF DISCUSSION.
Seriously, instead of being respectful honest citizens, BoyFriend’s family broke the boundaries by GIVING the Sister OP’s car keys and letting her take the car.
Also, HOW’D the Dad get the keys anyways?! Did he lie in order to get them, or did he just take the keys without OP’s knowledge and consent?
And the Dad and Sister DOESN’T want OP to call the cops when they got caught doing a WRONG THING?
Hell no! They should be thankful that OP hasn’t pressed a LAWSUIT on them for pulling that kind of stunt!
BoyFriend should see things from OP’s POV in this situation.
Fourth Story: NTA
So the Mother’s excuse for NEVER helping OP during their childhood/teen hood is because “My job as a mother is SO EXHAUSTING, you can NEVER imagine THAT kind of stuff!”.
Oh, so being a victim of ABUSE *AND* PARENTIFICATION *ISN’T* a bad thing?! REALLY?!
She’s just trying to make HERSELF the victim by comparing her life to OP’s, protecting herself from failing as a mother AND defending some abusive dad in the process.
OP’s in the right to take that Egg Donor to court and sue her for EVERYTHING she put them through.
11:27 that's the funny thing about explaining something to someone, NOW THAT PERSON UNDERSTANDS AND WILL NEVER PRESSURE AN ABUSE VICTIM TO RETURN TO VICTIMHOOD
Unfortunately, I am unconvinced that that will be enough to stop her. Enablers gonna enable.
I had a coworker once who would pretty much seek me out every major holiday to explain to me why I should make up with my NM and her flying monkeys (My EF and many of my siblings), because "ThEY'Re FaMiLY!'. I tried many ways to brush her off, but finally lost it and gave her some pretty fine details about the various forms of abuse I had experienced. Two things happened:
1) she responded with the expected, victim-blaming, needing to forgive, they meant well, and 'but ThEY'Re FaMiLY!' BS expected from enablers.
2) the next major holiday she sought me out again to explain why I was wrong for maintaining no contact with the toxic people.
I couldn't get help from HR because it was a toxic workplace (so they enjoyed employees abusing and enabling abuse), and because this coworker was way higher up on the ladder than I was so there was no way they would censor her for my lowly self. But, I got therapy, am in a better place mentally, and moved on to a much better employment situation. This woman and that workplace are stuck with each other - Karma is a beautiful warrior goddess.
@@survivedandthriving What the hell is up with your former coworker? Why did she think it was any of her business that you cut your toxic family out of your life? Why did that even remotely matter to her? What did she have to gain from trying to gaslight you into going back to being abused?
When you hire an expert for a task (e.g. hiring a nanny for a children), you don't turn around and talk over the expert and go "I'm the employer, I pay your salary". They are the EXPERT for a REASON. You HIRED THEM for a REASON. Let the nanny do her job!
9:41 yeah dad sounds like he's just feeling self conscious about not being a primary parent and being gone so much. Maybe talk to him about it more, but he does need to be firmer
And take time off work so he can spend quality time with the kids so he’ll less likely treat the bathtub as a playpen
Last story had an update:
OP apologized and Danny and GF explained that Danny was just starting to be more outgoing but tires out more easily and that OP doesn't actually like Danny. Also, that OP and GF are gonna start to hang out more.
I can see that old friends might not realize Danny is changing a bit in his preferences. It's not surprising that his likes/dislikes have changed since high school!
Oh thank GOD, FINALLY!! One of these people apologizes! Seriously, people, this ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE, just learn to admit fault and move on! Urgh! See how easy it was?
I knew it, I just fucking posted that Slash jumped the gun on the jealousy 'pick me' bullshit.
@@kingblanketfort ...that is however a 100% reasonable take to get from the story. Just because it didn't end up being the case, it reads very much like a girl having a crush they don't realize and trying to do what they deem to be in their friends best interest when not realizing they are overstepping their boundaries
Also the op used to date danny
Story 4: As someone who has also gone no contact with my family due to a narc mom, OP is my hero. Unfortunately OP, like many who grew up with narc parents (particularly moms), has attracted similar people in their adult life.
I’m straight but am beginning to think I need to get a woman as my partner and I want it to be OP in the second story! Damn! That date night sounds amazing and her partner sucks! I will say the partner may need professional help with postpartum depression if that’s what it is.
Agreed on the professional help angle. She’s clearly been harboring these feelings for a while and it’s eating her up inside.
The nanny story: there's an episode of the super nanny where the husband was away alot, they came up with a solution of using facetime to say goodnight and even ask how they are and what they did that night. Also making dad realise that him messing with the routine, also messes with everything else and makes the kids irritable for no reason.
I'm really not understanding how most people are just missing the part that in story 2, OP and her gf are both women. They literally write "both 25F" and RSlash even said "I'm a 26 year old woman and my girlfriend is also a 26 year old woman". They're both ladies people.
Apparently hetero=default to most people
I'm a little ashamed, that I fucked it up too. I'm aego-bi (only vicariously and hots) and literally find men more hot (as a man).
They’re lesbians Harold
@@Jdvalentine13 Aw man, I was about to say that 😭😂
@@HackiePuffsI think it’s partly that and people usually watch these vids whilst paying attention to other things. So they’re not really listening out for the pronouns
Logic: NTA - All you did was give her a personal anecdote to compare. Sometimes, it's the only thing that gets through to some people. If she hadn't stuck her hand into a very private matter, she wouldn't have gotten bit.
S1: So if someone buys a house with a mortgage, does it mean even after paying it off completely, the bank can still use the house?
Or if your parents help with the down payment, they own part of the house even if you pay them back? 😆
First story: NTA she stole Ops car, she even knew what she was doing is somewhat considered a crime, Op made the right decision.
Maybe Lucy laughed (probably giggled) after he whispered in her ear because he was telling her what he wanted to do to that dress later, eh?
In The story with the abusive mother, OP delivered anime/Sheldon level reply. She needs to be really proud of that and including that in her cv
Story 2: what was OP supposed to do, DIE?? She literally couldn’t help that, she NEEDED that surgery, it was literally LIFE SAVING. Her girlfriend is being very selfish and not understanding at all, what did she expect her girlfriend to do, stand there at the birth and DIE?!
I feel so badly for OP, she has a serious health condition, a serious health condition she’s lived with since childhood, something she cannot control, yet her girlfriend is resentful over something she couldn’t control. OP, she IS being selfish, you’d have LITERALLY DIED, you weren’t being patronising.
I’d be extremely wary of your girlfriend OP, this is so strange and I’m struggling to understand why she’s being this resentful.
Fourth story: "She meant well and didn't understand" - yes, maybe at first. But OP explained it to her and she didn't care.
Story 3: It's not like he's mistreating the kids, he just doesn't get much time with them, so he doesn't want to spend the time he does have being strict or getting onto them, which is completely fair. He's not trying to be a fun uncle he's just trying to be a fun dad. Op gets 1/5 for making him seem like a bad guy, and R/ gets 2.5/5 for being biased towards op and unfair to the dad
You know what the term fun uncle means right? Doesn't mean you're literally the uncle you just want to have fun with no responsibility
Also how is that unfair? Do you go to the store and spill shit on the floor so the employees have to clean it up?
Logic, OP did exactly what should have been done. She also said exactly what needed to be said. If you're going to be a Karen and barrade people for going no contact with other people then there's an old saying. What's good for the goose is good for the gander and the other geese
Second story: based on what OP said, she could have died. I don’t know if the gf understands how severe the situation was.
Story:Typically to remove the fluid from around the heart, they put a needle into the pericardial sack and draw out the fluid. So, it's not as simple as putting an IV into a vein. Not like cracking open the chest but still it's pretty major!
Story 3: it's fine if he wants play time with his kids but he's going to have to do it when it's time to play, he can spend time with them by reading them a bedtime story. It's okay the straight from a routine now and again but if they do it every time dad comes home, but not to the point where they're giving the caretaker a hard time and ruining the routine you develop for them.
I can kind of see where you're coming but at the same time you have to factor in the fact that the Dad is working late nights to pay for the nanny salary so that mom never has to be alone with all three kids so dad only gets to see his kids on the weekend Op said that maybe once or twice a week he gets to come home and see his kids before bed. She also said that he lets the boys roughhouse if they're in the bath guess what that's playtime most parents do a bath before bed to get their kids energy out while relaxing them with the hot water honestly I think this goes deeper she's not giving us all the information because it seems like she she could give a f*** about him being a dad
@@spazaroo1000 that was pretty much what I thought too. To me it almost seems like a lose/lose situation. I think the solutions are A: dad gets a new job where he can be more present and they get rid of the nanny, or B: Mom quits undermining him when he actually gets time to spend with the kids and realizes that there is no ‘third parent’ just an employee that the dads salary is paying for.
@@hankcyclone9442The dad says he can't handle them himself, so until he can stop up and do that he needs the nanny too.
Lost a friend to heart problems. They’re serious, and birth is serious too but her being there for the rest of the kids life is more important then one moment.
I hate when stupid people say stupid things then use the excuse "I meant well"
It's probably the best excuse.
But, the same is true for OP, he made her cry, because he meant well, not because hre wanted to hurt her.
Everyone can use that excuse~
The first story is so refreshing the fact the boyfriend has OP's back thank god! Normally in stories like these you'll see that the boyfriend has his family's back instead of OP's but man is this refreshing
It’s so wild to me that OP’s girlfriend was mad at HER for not being there. She wasn’t exactly there for OP either.
Neither of them could be.
"You werent there when i gave birth!"
"You were there when i couldve died." wouldve been my response...
3rd story: OP Nta, your not letting the nanny replace him, hes not even being a parent, hes being a play mate. Its not fair on either of you (op and nanny) for him to do that. Op 0 out of 5 bad guys, your husband gets 2 out of 5 bad guys.
4th story: OP Nta, if you go no contact that is up to you, abuse is not something to be shrugged off. Also it's not your responsibility to take care of someone else's kids. She can dish it but can't take it? Yeah just nta 0 out of 5, your friend gets 2 out of 5 bad guys.
5th story: yeah op your the ah, he can tell his gf of he doesn't want her to wear that outfit. I agree your a pick me girl. Op gets 2 out of 5 ah here and everyone else gets 0
From what I can tell the woman is a stay at home mom and the father works to bring in the income. To say he is not a parent when he spends his entire day working to provide for the family is just sexist. You are doing the opposite of people who don't appreciate the work stay at home moms do, a father who works his ass off to provide for the family is doing an important job for the kids.
I don't see why he is an ass for wanting to spend time with his kids when he has time. And if it complicates the work for the nanny then that is what she is being paid for, if she does not want to work under those conditions she can quit and they can find another nanny who is able to work around his schedule.
@@beidero bro it was literally stated in the story the woman was working a 9 to 5 job, it’s not like she was a SAHM, and even if she was, the father can’t just let the kids rough house and make the nanny’s job even more difficult
By extension make the mother’s job more difficult as well
Holy Hell. That nanny story really pissed me off. Basically the Husband works a high hour demanding job and when he comes home in the evening he let's his kids stay up a little bit later than normal to hang out and play with them. He isn't an absentee father because when he is home he is helping with the kids. He does things differently than his wife and nanny and that is fine, but the nanny's authority is not and should not be greater than that of the husband because it sounds like he is the one making it so they can even afford a nanny.
Then the dad should let the nanny leave when he gets home. Instead of having her stay and continue to deal with the kids after he makes them roundy
@@BobaTEA-o7r perfect solution. The husband gets some free time with his kids, and the nanny doesn't feel pressed to clean up after them.
@@mbosskdawg-vlogsandgames2979 then the husband can experience mor ethos just the fun parts about having kids
Important lesson from the first story: NEVER move in with your partner if they still live under their parents' roof. The parents will feel no obligation to respect you or your property, and it can lead to abuse situations like this one. Because let's face it: the father doesn't even respect his own son's property (and, judging from this story, probably plays favorites, the daughter being the golden child), so he won't respect anyone else's, under the excuse of "my house, my rules".
OP and the boyfriend should GTFO, because the abuse and disrespect will continue if they stay.
EDIT: according to OP in the comments, she and the boyfriend are already looking for a new place. Good to know.
Well that's a broad brush and not at all accurate. I do think now that OP realizes the dad doesn't respect her or her BF, they should be making plans to live elsewhere.
That is one of the biggest projections I’ve ever seen in my whole life
re: abuse. Its been pointed out but I would also like to say in more words: how can someone who has had an abusive spouse (appears that they are out of it) still want to 'force' their 'friend' BACK into a relationship with an abuser? Did they learn nothing from their experience?
The lady needed to point out the problems of her 'crying' friend to get through to her because regular common sense did not. I think now her friend finally understands and was also crying from embarrassment at realizing what she was doing to OP.
For the last story, there was an update or a comment somewhere that said that the op dated Danny previously but it didn’t work out.
I can see why it didn't
Fourth story: NTA. Who the friend thinks she is to say OP has to pretend the abuse she suffered didn't happen? OP needs a new friend.
Wow, she was abused as well by an ex husband and she told that to OP.... She deserved that reality slap.
Story 2: That is such a red flag. She was in the hospital DID SHE EXPECT HER TO SEE THE BIRTH OVER HER LIFE.
The birth story reminded me of the time my GF felt I had "abandoned her" because I backed out of visiting her grandma. Her grandma had just been released from the hospital and I was coughing my lungs out and had fever. If I had gone, I'd probably got her grandma sick too, abd she was immunocompromised.
Luckily for me, my GF wasn't mad anymore when I put into perspective that at least I hadn't endangered her grandma's life
Story 4: she didn't say it to be cruel, but to show her friend what she was actually suggesting. NTA.
Ive been listening to your videos daily for the past five years. Thank you for doing what you do. I know these stories can take a toll. You helped me find new insights on things and overall see things less pessimistically. Youre a very positive influence.
*First OP:* OP's boyfriend thought OP calling the cops on the bf's sister was going too far? I don't know, dude. I'm pretty sure committingGrand Theft is going too far. OP is NTA.
*Second OP:* It wasn't like OP got sick on purpose! I know I should say that OP is NTA, but I can only imagine how stressful childbirth could be. And I'm projecting here, but I can understand (but don't necessarily agree with) OP's wife's frustration for OP not being there, even if it's beyond OP's control. I _was_ going to say NAH, but as I'm typing this out, I'm gonna say NTA instead.
*Third OP:* Isn't there a way for the nanny to explain to OP's husband how the evening routine works on the kids? Still, it's up to OP's husband to have an open mind. I would've said NAH, but OP's husband's comment about paying for the nanny's services made me change my score to NTA.
*Fourth OP:* Looks like OP picked the nuclear option for handling the situation. At least OP's friend won't badger OP about calling her mom. This may be a controversial opinion, but I'm gonna say OP is NTA.
*Fifth OP:* OP's not in love with her friend at all! And she's _certainly_ not jealous of Lucy! 😛 Yeah, OP is TA. Good luck keeping that friendship, lol
Your opinion on the 4th story is not the least bit controversial. Pretty much everyone in the comments agrees that OP is NTA.
Dad v Nanny story. Dad needs to understand that when there's a routine in place, you can't just go in and change it around just because you want to, even if you are paying for it. It's like taking a child to a doctor for a condition and there's a routine to follow but the dad wants to change that routine because he's the one paying for it.
Mom needs to understand she can't establish arbitrary routines without dad's input, she doesn't own the kids, this kind of thing is a joint decision.
And @@sheogorath979 needs to understand that the dad could have tried to provide input, but since he didn't, he needs to go with what works instead of trying to change things around when he doesn't know the damage he's doing.
I wanted to thank you, RSlash, for being one of my comfort channels. I look forward to your videos every day and I stream your podcast through Spotify every day at work. You deserve every good thing you get in life. Give Yugo some pets for me!
Story 4:
OP's friend is essentially saying "You should have let your mom parentify you so you could take care of your siblings in her place. You deserved your abuse for not being parentified!" . OP is NTA. Friend gets 2/5 badguys
First Story: NTA. I seriously would love to hear the douchebag dad explain his reasoning. Even if OP's boyfriend was co-owner of the car, that wouldn't mean anyone but him and OP would be able to use the car without prior permission. Also, they not only didn't give permission, they actively denied permission to the sister. What they did was definitely a crime and they deserve whatever they get.
Second story: What justifies skipping the birth of your kid? What about HAVING AN EMERGENCY SURGERY THE SAME DAY. NTA. Yes, she's being selfish because OP almost died and she can only think of herself.
The last story op is just weird, when he whispered to his girl he probably asked if they could end the party or something because same, I get tired real easily around large gatherings like that, and the ruffling of his hair was probably because op tried that before but the dude probably doesn't like people touching him which honestly same but let's his girl do it because it's comforting from that one person
Short of literally dying, there is no excuse to miss the birth of your kid. Guess what OP was going through? That's right! They were at risk of literally dying, and had to be given immediate medical treatment!
On the 1st story: I'm impressed that the BF sided with op that's like rare
Nanny story - one thing I feel I should point out because no one seems to notice it, but the OP never mentioned what the routine is and how much it’s disruptive. The routine could be very restrictive, even to the point of abuse. And if that is the case, all of Reddit (and now TH-cam) supported the abuse. To me that story didn’t provide the necessary information to give a proper judgement.
Story 2 sounds like some postpartum stuff. Those hormones plus the stress of a new baby make you feel all kinds of things. Resentment, isolation, sadness, all the irrational things. Frustrating for both parties involved.
I think story 2 is a little more complicated
My assumption is that the girlfriend/wife/whatever was trying to voice her feelings of resentment about OP missing the birth, I don't think she's actually mad AT OP for missing it, but is upset that her partner wasn't there to be with her. People feel resentment over anything and everything, you can't just turn that off, and voicing it and talking it out is one way to resolve those feelings. I do not think she was blaming OP, I think she just wanted to air out her feelings about how unfair the SITUATION was, not how unfair OP was being.
It sounds like it just escalated beyond that point and turned into a legitimate argument via misunderstandings
Honestly sounds like a small potatoes couple argument
Story 1 - Taken Without Consent is still stealing. The dad does not get to say who can drive your car.
And you know he's not gonna pay damages if something happens!
It's "disrespectful" to miss a birth because you're literally in the hospital having life-saving procedures? What?
I hope that everyone is having a good Wednesday!
You too!
The nanny is the true coparent in this story. Good for Op for having her back. The dad can adjust his life to spend more time with them if he wants this to change
Rslash covered the first story but it's nice to still hear them lol
Story 1: HARD disagree on “your response was a little harsh”. She gave her TWO HOURS past when she got home to return the car. TWO FUCKING HOURS.
Jane needs to chiilllll. OP was literally having life saving heart surgery. It is NOT OP’s fault she missed their baby’s birth. At all. Jane better get over herself, yesterday.
When he started to read the last story I said "the OP have a crush on the guy" I never heard this story and didn't no the names but this one was an easy call.
Story 2: Ah, man. This is just a terrible situation for everyone. I don't think anyone is intentionally being a doo-doo face here.
Obviously OP couldnt make it to the birth because she was having surgery and didnt even know the birth had happened when it had happened because of this, and being accused of something you had no power over would be frustrating and maddening.
I guess it depends on how serious the argument between OP and the girlfriend was... but the vibe I'm getting is that the girlfriend was very frustrated and hurt that OP wasn't at the birth (not by choice). And thats okay to he frustrated and hurt about. Im guessing hormones got in the way and things blew out of proportion.
Hopefully OP and her girlfriend can discuss things with a level head and be each others' rocks again. ❤
Story 1: NTA, someone should tell the bank manager who loaned the father his mortgage that, since he's connected to the bank that lent him the money, that means he basically owns the house and can invite guests to stay there instead of getting a hotel. It's pretty win for anyone who works in that bank really.
Yes, fluid around the heart can be life threatening, and removing the fluid can be life threatening as well. Especially if the doctors puncture something they shouldn't and don't have the required heart specialist in the OR. Then, after two decades, and after the widow was remarried and killed in a car crash, the hospital sort of, kind of, almost admits fault, and the surviving family gets next to nothing. I miss my Uncle.
vaery sory that happened. My partner lost a family member from hospital negligence it is very frustrating when the people who are supposed to help and know what they are doing just make things so much worse.
Oh my gosh dabney I don’t know how you do it, it’s been years but still, you find a way to entertain me every single day with your comments and reading!