I went no contact and then met an absolute baddie who i have such a great connection with. I feel like it was the universe blessing me for working on myself and such. My advise guys don't forget your worth and just know there are others out there even if it doesn't feel like there is. Stay strong.
Thank you for this video. All the other coaches and online therapists say that no contact should be permanent in all cases. I don't necessarily agree with that either. So I appreciate you giving a thoughtful guide on how to handle it.
There’s no way you’re not attached to the outcome if you’re watching this video and thinking about breaking NC. If you don’t care, then you wouldn’t even be thinking about reaching out. The fact that you’re not desperate or extremely anxious anymore doesn’t mean you’re fully healed. I wouldn’t recommend reaching out.
@ If you’re responsible for the breakup, it makes sense to try to reach out. If the other person decided to end the relationship (and I am not saying they’re assholes), they have their reasons to do it and there’s no point in trying to convince them to come back. If they want to come back, they should do it with entire freedom, not by external influences. That way you’ll know their return is authentic and a decision they took on their own.
In my case, the contact ended with a severe misunderstanding which hurt her so much that she stonewalled and blocked me because she felt severely hurt and overstepped in her boundaries. I was acting out of my subconscious mind (inner child and protector; IFS) and was not in charge but rather driven by that. I think that an apology and explanation is warranted and I want to tell her that I got control over this process and am no more controlled by my subconscious processes. Thing is: I am responsible but not guilty because I wasn't able to control this process. Without bringing it up, I don't see a chance of solving this issue and even starting a conversation. So should I really try to just do smalltalk without explaining what was going on?
I reached out on New Year's Day - sent a short text wishing him happy new year etc. He broke up with me after 8 years at the end of September. I was trying to reach out in October (sent a couple texts throughout the month, but was left on read). I didn't reach out in November or December (there was his birthday there and then Christmas). When I sent the happy new year text, he responded within a couple minutes - sent me a voice message about a minute long, asked some questions, I replied. This was all after him telling me in September that he'll never speak to me again. A few days later I sent another voice message with some additional info for the questions he had and I asked him a couple questions to which he replied immediately. That was about a week ago and no text from him or me so far. Debating what to do next. I know for a fact (he's told me) that he's going through some serious stuff right now and has been for the past year. This partly, in my opinion, contributed to him breaking up with me.
If he's going throuhg serious stuffs, this is what usually happens Option A - I need someone close to help me go through this (rare for avoidants) Option B - I cannot deal with a relationship right now, I compartmentalize and shield myself from the world until it's solved
Um. Answer is NEVER! They wanna engage with you they will let ya know 100%. And its better you wait it out anyhow cause if you go poking around they will know youre weak no matter how long its been. They know the deal. Balls they court. Have a backbone & give yourself the respect you deserve.
Does liking their music playlist (they made for the dumpee) after 3 months count as breaking true no contact? Waiting for your reply, thank you so much.
So i should delete my message. i sended ; hey, im here to listen . I wanna hear what u have to say ... . I sent this message after 4 days, not chatting and talking Im sure she has feelings for me, but im just worried if she feels not safe or idk huuuf. I got hurting badly and disrespect but after breakup she says lets be friends.. please answer me alex ?
I sent at text message after 19 days just with 'hope you're doin well'. No answer. I know its too early...it has been 24 days now and it feels worse today😞 I thought I was doin alright. Dont know what to do? His birthday is in 2 days, but I guess I shouldnt send happy birthday?
I went no contact and then met an absolute baddie who i have such a great connection with. I feel like it was the universe blessing me for working on myself and such. My advise guys don't forget your worth and just know there are others out there even if it doesn't feel like there is. Stay strong.
💯
Thank you for this video. All the other coaches and online therapists say that no contact should be permanent in all cases. I don't necessarily agree with that either. So I appreciate you giving a thoughtful guide on how to handle it.
There’s no way you’re not attached to the outcome if you’re watching this video and thinking about breaking NC. If you don’t care, then you wouldn’t even be thinking about reaching out. The fact that you’re not desperate or extremely anxious anymore doesn’t mean you’re fully healed. I wouldn’t recommend reaching out.
Some of us do care and want to reconcile with the ex. Every relationship is different and not every ex is an as**le.
@ If you’re responsible for the breakup, it makes sense to try to reach out. If the other person decided to end the relationship (and I am not saying they’re assholes), they have their reasons to do it and there’s no point in trying to convince them to come back. If they want to come back, they should do it with entire freedom, not by external influences. That way you’ll know their return is authentic and a decision they took on their own.
In my case, the contact ended with a severe misunderstanding which hurt her so much that she stonewalled and blocked me because she felt severely hurt and overstepped in her boundaries. I was acting out of my subconscious mind (inner child and protector; IFS) and was not in charge but rather driven by that. I think that an apology and explanation is warranted and I want to tell her that I got control over this process and am no more controlled by my subconscious processes. Thing is: I am responsible but not guilty because I wasn't able to control this process. Without bringing it up, I don't see a chance of solving this issue and even starting a conversation. So should I really try to just do smalltalk without explaining what was going on?
you have to start with small talk. But she needs to unblock you first.
I reached out on New Year's Day - sent a short text wishing him happy new year etc. He broke up with me after 8 years at the end of September. I was trying to reach out in October (sent a couple texts throughout the month, but was left on read). I didn't reach out in November or December (there was his birthday there and then Christmas). When I sent the happy new year text, he responded within a couple minutes - sent me a voice message about a minute long, asked some questions, I replied. This was all after him telling me in September that he'll never speak to me again. A few days later I sent another voice message with some additional info for the questions he had and I asked him a couple questions to which he replied immediately. That was about a week ago and no text from him or me so far. Debating what to do next. I know for a fact (he's told me) that he's going through some serious stuff right now and has been for the past year. This partly, in my opinion, contributed to him breaking up with me.
If he's going throuhg serious stuffs, this is what usually happens
Option A - I need someone close to help me go through this (rare for avoidants)
Option B - I cannot deal with a relationship right now, I compartmentalize and shield myself from the world until it's solved
Um. Answer is NEVER! They wanna engage with you they will let ya know 100%. And its better you wait it out anyhow cause if you go poking around they will know youre weak no matter how long its been. They know the deal. Balls they court. Have a backbone & give yourself the respect you deserve.
Many have both thought and asked this question including myself.
Called after two months and got nothing. Been 3 months now should I send one last text or is it over?
Does liking their music playlist (they made for the dumpee) after 3 months count as breaking true no contact? Waiting for your reply, thank you so much.
So i should delete my message. i sended ; hey, im here to listen . I wanna hear what u have to say ... . I sent this message after 4 days, not chatting and talking
Im sure she has feelings for me, but im just worried if she feels not safe or idk huuuf.
I got hurting badly and disrespect but after breakup she says lets be friends..
please answer me alex ?
Broke NC - after five months. Sent some cholate and a poem a couple days before christmas. Got ignored, no reply. So NC didnt work in my case.
You did your best. Stay strong
I sent at text message after 19 days just with 'hope you're doin well'. No answer. I know its too early...it has been 24 days now and it feels worse today😞 I thought I was doin alright. Dont know what to do? His birthday is in 2 days, but I guess I shouldnt send happy birthday?
You can send something, but if he doesn't reply, you have your answer. Silence is an answer. (the worst, but it is one)