I was a perfectionist but I took a class to overcome perfectionism and totally aced it. Everyone was so impressed and the teacher praised me as an example of how to overcome perfectionism. He never saw anybody overcoming perfectionism better than me. Now I am perfect.
I hate that interview question. To the point where I've just started calling it out at interviews. Not like in a rude way, but I tend to answer now with things like "I don't really think about that kind of thing. I'm more concerned with getting work done and improving on myself when specific issues come up." It throws the interviewer off a bit, but so far most of them have appreciated it.
That's a great response to a question which is essentially a trap. Thanks for sharing. It shows how you don't dwell on your insecurities, while allowing yourself opportunities for self improvement.
I had really crippling depression and social anxiety, I was also perfectionist to the point that I couldn't start something from being afraid of not being able to do it perfectly, whatever that mean. After about 3 years of CBT I still take meds but the unhealthy perfectionism is gone, and I am a generally happy person that isn't afraid to hang out with people anymore, I am in college doing very well.
Rui Medina Its a common problem. Afraid to start something without knowing how to finish right. Its all about the amount of time you’re willing to put in to get the result you want. Really helps to have some structure.
I had socially-prescribed perfectionism and severe depression from the age of 10. After therapy; marrying someone who doesn’t care what my “perfect” is, they love me anyway; and moving away from the poisonous community that induced it; I am finally mostly in control of it all. Finally! :) Love this video! ❤️
Wow, I'm very happy to hear that! Keep at it, man! I wish you to overcome these struggles even more than you already have and enjoy life and enjoy learning new things your own way, enjoying the ride and making a ton of mistakes haha but having fun and living freely. :)
I'm sure the reason such a thing would be on the rise is because of how competitive everything has become. Things (such as college/university) are hyper competitive and that's very bad for everyone.
I agree with you two. Thought about that some time ago. Competition is probably necessary and inevitable - how do you define the most capable ones otherwise? But when taken to the extreme, which is preached in modern society's environment, it undermines human synergy and devalues available individual potential.
Also the self esteem movement. Participation trophies don’t celebrate you trying, they just feel like a roundabout mockery of your failure, rubbing in how you did nothing noteworthy of mention. I feel if they used a more “achievement unlocked” type system, that would have been more encouraging
Not to mention how schools almost make it seem like college/university are mandatory with no other route in life aside from higher education. This coupled with how schools don't teach crucial life skills people need once their adults. I had a teacher for two classes in 6th grade that wouldn't stop drilling the idea of college & university into our heads & that we'd "need to know this" for higher education. We were fresh out of elementary school. 😐
*P* is for _Priceless_ , the look upon your faces *E* is for _Extinction_ , (of) All you puny races *R* for _Revolution_ , which will televised *F* for how _FUCKED_ you are, now allow me to repriiii~se *E* is for _Excentric!_ , just listen to my song *C* is for _Completion!_ that i've waited for so long! *T* is for the _Terror_ ,uppon you i'll bestow His name -was- is Perfect Cell, and he'd like to say... *_Hello_*
I had CAT therapy for the mental health issues rooted in my perfectionism. When my therapist asked me what I thought of the intensive diagram of how my perfectionism was destructive, I corrected her spelling on it.
That is when perfectionism is developing your ocd further. I know this from experience myself. Let's take skyrim, for example: ALL items in the world needed to be stored in my home, sorted and cataloged. If I couldn't carry all the two-handed hammers from killing bandits in a cave, I literally walked all the way back across the world slowly while over-encumbered. And at the end of it all, it didn't even feel that good. That's when you know you have a problem.
@@MnMEminem This was a lazy comment don't take it that seriously lol I don't know why but I don't really use punctuation unless i'm handwriting Also i thought I used "literally" correctly could you demonstrate? (I'm not a native speaker in case you haven't noticed lol)
People: **treat children like absolute garbage when they get a C on a test and hold them to an unreasonably high standard** Children: **grow up to be paranoid perfectionists** People: °O°
Im in a constant battle with my perfectionism. If i give it even half a chance it will drive me insane. And into a rapidly ocelating state of manic behavior, anxiety and crippling self loathing when i inevitably fail
Omg this is why I see a therapist lol it’s usually just unrealistic rules/standards for myself. It’s frustrating to not do something the way you know you are able to. This also includes not asking for help from anyone. Times that I should has spoken to my professor about something going on, I didn’t. Now I actively practice communicating when I am not doing well or need support/help and exercise almost daily.
Did you tried considering the world doesn't circle around your decisions and no more than 1 or 2 persons(parents) care about what you do right or wrong?
Me too. Though not right now. It's been two years if i remember correctly when i last saw my therapist. I know a few people who have it a lot worse than i ever did. But dang is it still stressing. I had to ask my school to drop me from a couple courses. I constantly get praise for how well i'm doing, but end of the week i'm so tired i can't do even the simple tasks. I believe that if i find the right balance for how much i go to school i can get everything done in about the same time as others. Not necessarily, but we'll see.
@@MnMEminem For me. That sometimes helps. Sometimes not. It's so much more about me personally caring about doing things perfectly, not showing others. On the worst moments of stressing about it. Though. The words you said are fine as a mantra to repeat for a few times =) to get the mind to be on the right tracks about how much a millimeter of imperfection matters.
I have this problem and didnt even know it until my therapist pointed it out. I thought being a perfectionist meant everything in your life was put together perfectly and you succeeded even if it hurt. My perfectionism presents itself in a way that I get so wrapped up in doing things right and I can never meet my own standards that I end up burning out and never finishing anything, or never starting at all.
I suffer with self oriented perfectionism, and when I say “suffer”, I’m not even exaggerating. It has taken so much from me and affects me every single day. This video was super helpful and validating for me. I feel like people don’t take me seriously when I try to talk about the affect perfectionism has on my life, that it feels almost as serious, if not as serious as my other diagnosed mental health conditions. They just laugh and reply with “oh yeah, I’m a perfectionist too” when they mean that they like, have high standards or are very goal oriented or something. I’m currently in therapy and have been seeking professional help for some time now but I feel that a lot of mental health professionals don’t take it as seriously as they should either. I know it can seem low priority when you have a list of problems to get through but actually I think treating the perfectionism head on would greatly improve my quality of life over all and make dealing with the other conditions easier too. Thanks for the video! Going to bring this up in therapy and see if we can form a plan of action.
@@anotherks7297 Thanks. This seems to be the site, but it's not available any more since the trial has ended: www.iterapi.se/sites/perfectionism/ They now sell a book on amazon, though (linked from that same page).
“I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more that a deep existential angst the says, again and again, ‘I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.” - Elizabeth Gilbert
I am glad you posted this video. It's a great way to get awareness because its SUPER common among people like me on the Autism Spectrum because our core way of thinking is tied to the thinking error of "All or nothing thinking" which creates all three forms of that perfectionism. I got professional help and I have been able to bring my anxiety and fear of making a mistake way down.
The thing is when I get asked what my biggest weakness is I legitimately think perfectionism is it... but I also have OCD and I think that "perfectionism" is actually my OCD
I'm a perfectionist and it gives me so much anxiety and I literally don't dare just trying something out because I literally need it to go perfect so I go down the rabbit hole og google every time I want to do something and I could go on but yeah
Went to therapy for self and others oriented perfectionism to change my harmful beliefs and thought schemas which has helped with my depression and anxiety symptoms immensely 💅💅
"What's your greatest strength?" "On most days I steal less than the other employees." "Oh Jesus... Okay... what's your greatest weakness?" "All those other days!"
I think the most important lesson I ever learned was how to fail...and how to deal with it. Still not my favorite thing to do, but since I have perfectionist tendencies, knowing that “failure” (however you want to define it) isn’t the end of the world and that sometimes “good enough” is, well, better than not at all has been invaluable. A hard learned lesson that cost me a couple of years, a whole lotta therapy, and almost failing out of college at one point...but ultimately priceless. Now trying to figure out how to show my daughter its value - I know experience is a good teacher, but would much rather she not have to experience quite that much pain to learn this one.
Same! Unfortunately I can't say that at job interviews, I'm a veterinary assistant so big dogs need to be held and sometimes I have to lift big bags of dog food. But to be honest, my next job won't be this kinda job, just haven't figured out what to do next..
My parents got on me for ANY academic mistakes ("it's for your own good" type beat), this literally started in elementary school Now, they keep asking why I freak out over small mistakes + constantly lecture me over social anxiety related stuff 😃 I was terrified of messing up n now they're mad at me for something they caused 💔
Oh, I guess i was an self-oriented perfectionist too when i was depressed and had anxiety. I'm learning so much about the symptoms i had back then through SciShow Psych! Thanks for that c:
I could've been diagnosed with OCD as a kid, and perfectionism ended up being one of my coping strategies. My mom helped me get better as it was something she struggled with before as well. Now it's easier to accept that a lot of self growth is tied to making mistakes. I almost never forget any mistakes I've ever made, but it makes me remember how to do things correctly now and that is something that I take pride in.
my perfectionism is rooted in a deep need to be better than those around me. I see it, I try to deal with it the best that I can but there are times when I just have to strive to excel because my head won't let me do otherwise. For the most part though I have worked through it and I know I can just be me without having to stand out as the best, but I still have some odd quirks here and there.
I used to have pretty bad perfectionism. I had straight A's in school, but always felt like I was doing terrible. I would stay up very late at night studying and just getting angrier and angrier at myself for not remembering every detail or when making mistakes on practice problems. Indeed when I would get my grades I would only focus on the questions I got wrong. I was extremely stressed out and hated myself. It took attending a recovery program to help me get over the perfectionism, and I'm doing much better now.
There were definitely a few years I fell under the second type of perfectionism, until high school I was a person everyone ignored, that consistently had people blowing off plans involving me, etc. However that changed when people started seeing me as “the smart kid”, refusing to accept that I could be wrong even when I specifically told them about the possibility and overall just expected infallibility. I adapted their attitude towards me as my own and started holding myself to these standards and started feeling down when I made mistakes or didn’t even get an honorable mention at a competition (which gave them to like the top 10-15% of each grade) or, the most notable case, when I got a 4 on my AP stats test and mentally beat myself up about it for nearly a year to the point where I stopped caring about school entirely and lost all energy to do anything but distract myself. Ironically I think the point that caused me to get over that perfectionism was someone asking me to help them study, having a day, place and time set to do and them no call no showing (which I found out later something significant had come up but considering I thought this way as an attempt to be accepted the moment was kinda like “well what’s the point”)
I wonder if social media sites are playing a large role in why perfectionism is growing for younger generations? Especially with the recent news about posts people typed X+ years ago coming back to haunt them or hurt their current careers. Or if you make a mistake and someone catches it, they'll share it to the world through their own social media sites. I also wonder if society as a whole has grown judgmental and less forgiving? Or if it's really the same, but easier for people to voice their judgement in ways other people can't ignore. It feels like making a mistake is alot more consequential today than in years past.
It's 2021. Sci show talks about CBT as a psychological therapy. Something changed in the meaning of words since this video came out. But I am still pretty sure this is still valid
My somewhat insidious twist on the question is "How do you leverage your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses?" I like this variant because having weaknesses is fine-- everyone does-- but knowing what they are implies that you can do something about them, and that's what I'm more interested in hearing about. How do you try to make yourself a little better in areas where you know you struggle. The strengths bit allows the interviewee to highlight something they think they're good at, but it's mostly there as a distraction. Strengths always come out in other areas of an interview. Sidenote-- this question is also a great litmus test for how much an interviewee is willing to try to give non-answers or BS you. It serves as a good 'control' to calibrate interpretations of how other questions are answered.
I don’t think I really hit the diagnosis for clinical perfectionism bc I don’t berate myself to any extreme for missing questions on a test, but anytime I take a test and miss any questions I do somewhat obsess over it. I want to know the questions I missed and the correct answer. A good example is I recently took a test to be accepted into an apprenticeship. I did well enough to be chosen but I still want to know my score and the questions I missed. There’s one question in particular I keep thinking about. Knowing that I’ll never get to see my score or know the answer to that question comes to mind often as just a random thought. Similar to “Man I wish I knew who to ask for the answer to that” I think the most important distinction that makes perfectionism a negative trait is the persistent negative thoughts and lowering of ones self worth that accompany it, which I’m not a victim of. I have empathy for the person who does get these obsessive thoughts and devaluing their self worth bc of perfectionism, it’s not a far leap from where I sit to there.
Almost everybody cares about what they got wrong, the difference is when you hate yourself for getting it wrong and think you're a failure and stupid and that you're worthless and should stop trying.
The biggest weakness that I'm telling a job interviewer is: "I might forget some little details, like deadlines, or certain times I should be somewhere. But I solved that problem by writing everything I might forget down."
I myself suffer from the first 2 types intermittently, and I had a PI who was most definitely the 3rd type. The time when I worked for that PI was when my depression was the worst. That experience didn't end well either, and I still get flashbacks, but at least it's over now.
I never understood what my perfectionism was pathologically, part of my clinical depression, or the manifestation of my non-diagnosed anxiety, or just a horrible part of my personality. Unfortunately this video exposed me mostly to things I already knew.
Every time I've been asked that question, I say "Brutal honesty." Everyone wants people to be honest until they stop sugar coating things. That's also why when someone asks my opinion on something and I know they're not going to like it, I say "You don't want me to answer that." or "I'm not answering that." as the first and only warning. The adult version of "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." Give them a chance to not hear it so you're not flat out ignoring them.
Though I think it's ok to lie sometimes, but as long as you don't make people think that you are friend to them when in reality you, in the best case, don't care about them at all.
i don't completely agree that being annoyed about a test despite a high score = perfectionist. If i get a 98 on a test and the one or two questions i got wrong were because i had the right answer and changed it, or it was just an easy obvious question and i made a stupid mistake, i'm going to be annoyed. I'll be happy i got a good score but i'm gonna be a little mad at myself for doing what i just did, regardless of whether or not i got a high score on the test.
We'd all be annoyed if we missed our chance of getting the perfect score if it was something you missed or got the answer right the first time. But then you brush it off before the day ends. A perfectionist described in this video would feel like they have failed if they got a 98 instead of the usual 100, and that their world has come to an end or they will be disowned for getting a 98 on a test.
I feel this really hard. I work in over-the-phone sales (please don’t hate me) and I’ve been doing poorly in numbers. It just gets to me so hard; I have a high standard for myself but I’ve met it most of my life. It’s just hard with sales because skill and effort don’t necessarily translate to success; sometimes circumstance can get in the way. Especially when you spend your whole day getting cussed at and told to kill you self buy guys who are having a bad day. It’s weird, people _really_ hate telemarketers. Like to the point where I think people see us as less than human. I dunno though. Be nice to your vendors, they work a soul-crushing grind.
Ah, now I know where my "perfectionism" went. I had Socially-Prescribed Perfectionism throughout Middle and High School in order to have high grades and "Make it into a ~Good~ College." Otherwise, or so I was repeatedly told, I "won't be very successful in life" and "will end up living on the streets." ... I would like to "thank" society and my parents for ramping up my anxiety to nearly unbearable levels in the days of my youth. -.- Fortunately, it largely went away on it's own after getting through college and getting a job and realizing that hardly anyone anywhere is even close to perfect and yet we're all stumbling through life together just fine, perfection be darned.
I've tried answering "my biggest weakness" by stating something like,... "I'm human and thus guaranteed to make mistakes, but try my best to learn from them and not repeat them." Any comments, suggestions, etc.? Many thanks!!
This... this video hurt to watch. Mostly because of how it perfectly it described me. Perfectionism truly is perhaps the biggest trap you can fall into and one of the hardest to escape. I've gotten better, but even now I'm still trying to combat it, and the times it re-surges give me absolute hell.
I have socially prescribed and other-oriented perfectionism. I desire to make others perfect the way I see it, while at the same time feel like the standards others have for me must be met,even thought they aren't that high of standards they set.
I recently had to go through the comments on my elementary school report cards for my psychiatrist - apparently I’ve been a perfectionist since kindergarten. My teacher said as much, as well as talking about how frustrated I got when I made a “mistake” (she our mistake in air quotes? I’m guessing because it was kindergarten and it’s not exactly a graded class)
What if I don't want it to be "treated"? I feel like with perfectionism, the only way to treat it is to change your goal or to change how you feel about not achieving this goal. But to me, this just feels like giving up. I don't want to change the goal posts, I want to reach them, because changing what I want just feels like cheating and it's not good enough; it feels like a cop-out. I want to achieve what I want; I don't want to have to "settle" for something less. If I don't achieve that goal, then the bottom line is just that it's not good enough. Anything less isn't good enough, and changing my perspective on what "perfect" is or what my goal is just feels like giving up. This is somewhat solidified by the idea that other people can achieve the goal so lowering my own standards just feels like admitting I'm giving up and I can never reach what I initially wanted.
Quite often I get really mad about being such imperfect thing as human being. I'm also irrationally critical about everything I do. Now I see where's all this coming from.
This does sound like me and I've been going to CBT for most of a year now but I haven't really felt improvement even though my therapist says otherwise. I feel I'm such a waste of space that I'm unmotivated to do "normal" things. It's a never-ending cycle of self-loathing.
Thanks! I need this one. I'm so obssesed in cleaning my eyeglasses, then it gets a lil bit of scratch. This frustrates me but I know that there's something wrong with me.
When asked that at my last interview I said at first interaction I can be socially awkward, and that I need to take more steps than someone taller than me (relevant to the job) and I was hired so that's cool. Side note I never thought of myself as a perfectionist but after a lot of sessions my therapist pointed it out.
I've always been a perfectionist. The problem is I screw up, a lot. This is not a good combination and it's always caused me to struggle and has given me a lot of issues. I've always been like this. It is naturally a part of who I am. And my upbringing just made it worse. I feel bad because my daughter has the same exact natural tendencies to be a perfectionist. I'm trying to help her to overcome it, but I know personally that it'll something that'll take yrs yet to get better. She's only 6 and this has been obvious since she was barely a yr old.
"What's your greatest strength?";
"Honesty!"
"What's your greatest weakness?";
"Lying!"
What's your greatest strength?
My sense of humour.
whats your greatest weakness?
Silver bullets most likely.
@@sparksius
Nah, just regular bullets.
@@josiahklein70 he wants to get shot with a bit more class
"So the above statement you just said is true or false?"
"Yes"
@@sparksius Werewolf!!!
Interviewer "What's your greatest weakness?"
Me "Honesty!"
Interviewer "I don't think honesty is a weakness."
ME "I don't give a s#!t what you think."
Interviewer “what’s your greatest strength”
Me, crossing my fingers behind my back “honesty”
lol
Depending on the situation, honesty can indeed be a weakness lol
Honesty and candor/frankness are two different things. I hope you know that now since your comment was two years ago.
I was a perfectionist but I took a class to overcome perfectionism and totally aced it. Everyone was so impressed and the teacher praised me as an example of how to overcome perfectionism. He never saw anybody overcoming perfectionism better than me.
Now I am perfect.
This comment gives me psychopath vibes. "Now I am perfect." Damn sounds like you transcended.
@@linwong1494 Damn I wanted it to sound like I descended.
Descended into madness.
Nooooo I failed!!!
*AWAKEN MY MASTERS*
@@JoaoPedro-qp9cw jojo reference ayay
that's perfect !
I hate that interview question. To the point where I've just started calling it out at interviews. Not like in a rude way, but I tend to answer now with things like "I don't really think about that kind of thing. I'm more concerned with getting work done and improving on myself when specific issues come up." It throws the interviewer off a bit, but so far most of them have appreciated it.
I'm going to use that in every interview ever
Its hard to be humble when someone is perfect
I hate every interview question.
Maybe that's why I don't have a job.
@@plague-dog6196 It's why I've stayed at jobs I hated.
That's a great response to a question which is essentially a trap. Thanks for sharing.
It shows how you don't dwell on your insecurities, while allowing yourself opportunities for self improvement.
I had really crippling depression and social anxiety, I was also perfectionist to the point that I couldn't start something from being afraid of not being able to do it perfectly, whatever that mean. After about 3 years of CBT I still take meds but the unhealthy perfectionism is gone, and I am a generally happy person that isn't afraid to hang out with people anymore, I am in college doing very well.
Rui Medina Its a common problem. Afraid to start something without knowing how to finish right. Its all about the amount of time you’re willing to put in to get the result you want. Really helps to have some structure.
I had socially-prescribed perfectionism and severe depression from the age of 10. After therapy; marrying someone who doesn’t care what my “perfect” is, they love me anyway; and moving away from the poisonous community that induced it; I am finally mostly in control of it all. Finally! :) Love this video! ❤️
Nice dude! Now go help others who you see as you in the past and help them through it!
Basically me
Wow, I'm very happy to hear that! Keep at it, man! I wish you to overcome these struggles even more than you already have and enjoy life and enjoy learning new things your own way, enjoying the ride and making a ton of mistakes haha but having fun and living freely. :)
I'm sure the reason such a thing would be on the rise is because of how competitive everything has become. Things (such as college/university) are hyper competitive and that's very bad for everyone.
Competitiveness is not always a bad thing...
I agree with you two. Thought about that some time ago. Competition is probably necessary and inevitable - how do you define the most capable ones otherwise? But when taken to the extreme, which is preached in modern society's environment, it undermines human synergy and devalues available individual potential.
Also the self esteem movement. Participation trophies don’t celebrate you trying, they just feel like a roundabout mockery of your failure, rubbing in how you did nothing noteworthy of mention. I feel if they used a more “achievement unlocked” type system, that would have been more encouraging
Don't forget the: #ImSuchAPerfectionist attention seeking
Not to mention how schools almost make it seem like college/university are mandatory with no other route in life aside from higher education. This coupled with how schools don't teach crucial life skills people need once their adults.
I had a teacher for two classes in 6th grade that wouldn't stop drilling the idea of college & university into our heads & that we'd "need to know this" for higher education.
We were fresh out of elementary school. 😐
"What's your greatest weakness?"
"Being made of flesh, but I'm working on correcting that."
"... Sorry?"
*FROM THIS ROTTING CAGE OF BIOMATTER MACHINE GOD SET US FREE*
@@terminator572 Is that some Mekhanist thing?
An SCP reference? Noice
I knew a perfectionist.
His name was Cell.
For all his flaws, he always did it his way.
And it was Perfect.
Mister. Perfect. Cell
your are either perfect or you are not me
*P* is for _Priceless_ , the look upon your faces
*E* is for _Extinction_ , (of) All you puny races
*R* for _Revolution_ , which will televised
*F* for how _FUCKED_ you are, now allow me to repriiii~se
*E* is for _Excentric!_ , just listen to my song
*C* is for _Completion!_ that i've waited for so long!
*T* is for the _Terror_ ,uppon you i'll bestow
His name -was- is Perfect Cell, and he'd like to say...
*_Hello_*
Bullets. I am weak to bullets. They will put me in the hospital when hurled at supersonic velocity into my vulnerable human flesh.
i'm weak to fire and dragon
Also, papercuts. Those are the worst.
@@pencilfriendpaperscribbler6032 reading "those are the worst" made me chuckle haha
You're hired
I had CAT therapy for the mental health issues rooted in my perfectionism. When my therapist asked me what I thought of the intensive diagram of how my perfectionism was destructive, I corrected her spelling on it.
Why do I feel like the graphs are intentionally misspelled as an object lesson?
@@Great_Olaf5 yes i also think so
@@Great_Olaf5 same
What's CAT?
@@WolfgangDoW Cognitive Analytic Therapy :)
Perfectionism + Open World Games = A lot of wasted time :/
Talking out of experience.
This will make a fine addition to my virtual collection
That is when perfectionism is developing your ocd further. I know this from experience myself. Let's take skyrim, for example: ALL items in the world needed to be stored in my home, sorted and cataloged. If I couldn't carry all the two-handed hammers from killing bandits in a cave, I literally walked all the way back across the world slowly while over-encumbered. And at the end of it all, it didn't even feel that good. That's when you know you have a problem.
I'm crying you literally exposed me
*exposed*
You are not using the word literally right! Also end your sentences with punctuation ffs!
@@MnMEminem This was a lazy comment don't take it that seriously lol I don't know why but I don't really use punctuation unless i'm handwriting Also i thought I used "literally" correctly could you demonstrate? (I'm not a native speaker in case you haven't noticed lol)
@@Tiredprincessss I thought you are a perfectionist... and you don't even care about how good you write your comment? Attention seeking douchebags...
@@MnMEminem "Also,"*
People: **treat children like absolute garbage when they get a C on a test and hold them to an unreasonably high standard**
Children: **grow up to be paranoid perfectionists**
People: °O°
I didn't know you had met my dad 😳
Duh.. what did they expect smh.
That's not what most people become. Some just stopped trying since they know that they could never impress them.
@Lee Ruan Mines too.
"Perfectionists often believe that people will think less of them if they make a mistake"
As if that isn't 100% accurate
Im in a constant battle with my perfectionism. If i give it even half a chance it will drive me insane. And into a rapidly ocelating state of manic behavior, anxiety and crippling self loathing when i inevitably fail
*oscillating
its "I" not "i"
Perfectionism is the highest form of self-abuse
Today is my 1th anniversary of starting to watch SciShow. Thank you Hank Green for the amazing learning journey that you’ve put me through.
Omg this is why I see a therapist lol it’s usually just unrealistic rules/standards for myself. It’s frustrating to not do something the way you know you are able to. This also includes not asking for help from anyone. Times that I should has spoken to my professor about something going on, I didn’t. Now I actively practice communicating when I am not doing well or need support/help and exercise almost daily.
the exercise thing was random
@@lemyul Have you ever gone to the gym when you feel bad? It's like an emotional hard reset.
Did you tried considering the world doesn't circle around your decisions and no more than 1 or 2 persons(parents) care about what you do right or wrong?
Me too. Though not right now. It's been two years if i remember correctly when i last saw my therapist.
I know a few people who have it a lot worse than i ever did. But dang is it still stressing.
I had to ask my school to drop me from a couple courses. I constantly get praise for how well i'm doing, but end of the week i'm so tired i can't do even the simple tasks. I believe that if i find the right balance for how much i go to school i can get everything done in about the same time as others. Not necessarily, but we'll see.
@@MnMEminem For me. That sometimes helps. Sometimes not. It's so much more about me personally caring about doing things perfectly, not showing others.
On the worst moments of stressing about it. Though. The words you said are fine as a mantra to repeat for a few times =) to get the mind to be on the right tracks about how much a millimeter of imperfection matters.
I have this problem and didnt even know it until my therapist pointed it out. I thought being a perfectionist meant everything in your life was put together perfectly and you succeeded even if it hurt. My perfectionism presents itself in a way that I get so wrapped up in doing things right and I can never meet my own standards that I end up burning out and never finishing anything, or never starting at all.
My typical answer to that question is something along the lines of "I suck at answering questions like that"...
I suffer with self oriented perfectionism, and when I say “suffer”, I’m not even exaggerating. It has taken so much from me and affects me every single day. This video was super helpful and validating for me. I feel like people don’t take me seriously when I try to talk about the affect perfectionism has on my life, that it feels almost as serious, if not as serious as my other diagnosed mental health conditions. They just laugh and reply with “oh yeah, I’m a perfectionist too” when they mean that they like, have high standards or are very goal oriented or something. I’m currently in therapy and have been seeking professional help for some time now but I feel that a lot of mental health professionals don’t take it as seriously as they should either. I know it can seem low priority when you have a list of problems to get through but actually I think treating the perfectionism head on would greatly improve my quality of life over all and make dealing with the other conditions easier too. Thanks for the video! Going to bring this up in therapy and see if we can form a plan of action.
Years of watching scishow and I'm finally going into the psychology field 🎉 thank y'all for all that you do.
"What's your greatest strength?"
*Goes into a philosophical diatribe about the nature of the self.*
"Euh, OK. What's yo--you know what nevermind."
Where is the self-help course talked about at 5:30? Asking for a friend...
I'm also interested... for m.. my friend too
Mordengaard www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5124110/
One of the few times I’ll ever look in the description for a source.
@@anotherks7297 Thanks. This seems to be the site, but it's not available any more since the trial has ended: www.iterapi.se/sites/perfectionism/
They now sell a book on amazon, though (linked from that same page).
start with counselling
CBT is a really effective treatment
“I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more that a deep existential angst the says, again and again, ‘I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.”
- Elizabeth Gilbert
I am glad you posted this video. It's a great way to get awareness because its SUPER common among people like me on the Autism Spectrum because our core way of thinking is tied to the thinking error of "All or nothing thinking" which creates all three forms of that perfectionism.
I got professional help and I have been able to bring my anxiety and fear of making a mistake way down.
The thing is when I get asked what my biggest weakness is I legitimately think perfectionism is it... but I also have OCD and I think that "perfectionism" is actually my OCD
"Ex perfecto nihil fit. Imperfectum carries with it the seeds of it's own improvement. Perfectionism lacks the vision of choice."
-Eddy Current.
I'm a perfectionist and it gives me so much anxiety and I literally don't dare just trying something out because I literally need it to go perfect so I go down the rabbit hole og google every time I want to do something and I could go on but yeah
Went to therapy for self and others oriented perfectionism to change my harmful beliefs and thought schemas which has helped with my depression and anxiety symptoms immensely 💅💅
I’m proud of you!
"What's your greatest strength?"
"On most days I steal less than the other employees."
"Oh Jesus... Okay... what's your greatest weakness?"
"All those other days!"
M o o d
Noice
Cognitive behavioural therapy wasn't my first thought hearing the abbreviation cbt
socially prescribed perfectionism = me, other oriented perfectionism = my ex. That relationship didn't go well :p
Set perfection as a goal, but be willing to settle for good enough.
I think the most important lesson I ever learned was how to fail...and how to deal with it. Still not my favorite thing to do, but since I have perfectionist tendencies, knowing that “failure” (however you want to define it) isn’t the end of the world and that sometimes “good enough” is, well, better than not at all has been invaluable. A hard learned lesson that cost me a couple of years, a whole lotta therapy, and almost failing out of college at one point...but ultimately priceless. Now trying to figure out how to show my daughter its value - I know experience is a good teacher, but would much rather she not have to experience quite that much pain to learn this one.
Feeling like you’re letting everyone down is damn hard to deal with
My biggest weakness is my bad lower back. I can't lift heavy objects. I also don't usually apply to jobs that require heavy lifting.
Same! Unfortunately I can't say that at job interviews, I'm a veterinary assistant so big dogs need to be held and sometimes I have to lift big bags of dog food. But to be honest, my next job won't be this kinda job, just haven't figured out what to do next..
My partner has two of those, he's hard on himself and hard on others to be perfect. So I do everything to prevent that from happening :)
bless you
Do you know if the self help course is available online? I have the first type of perfectionism.
My parents got on me for ANY academic mistakes ("it's for your own good" type beat), this literally started in elementary school
Now, they keep asking why I freak out over small mistakes + constantly lecture me over social anxiety related stuff 😃
I was terrified of messing up n now they're mad at me for something they caused 💔
Oh, I guess i was an self-oriented perfectionist too when i was depressed and had anxiety. I'm learning so much about the symptoms i had back then through SciShow Psych! Thanks for that c:
I could've been diagnosed with OCD as a kid, and perfectionism ended up being one of my coping strategies. My mom helped me get better as it was something she struggled with before as well. Now it's easier to accept that a lot of self growth is tied to making mistakes. I almost never forget any mistakes I've ever made, but it makes me remember how to do things correctly now and that is something that I take pride in.
Where my self-oriented perfectionist at?! Try to enjoy the process and your own style :) Keep going!
This is the perfect video to watch while searching for the perfect video.
I didnt need to be called out like that.
No but really, thanks for talking about this and seeing why my therapist has focused so much on that
my perfectionism is rooted in a deep need to be better than those around me. I see it, I try to deal with it the best that I can but there are times when I just have to strive to excel because my head won't let me do otherwise. For the most part though I have worked through it and I know I can just be me without having to stand out as the best, but I still have some odd quirks here and there.
Damn who has anxiety and depression and is a perfectionist
I have OCPD which is worst than being a perfectionist.
My ex had anxiety, perfectionism and tended to have depressive times too.
If that were the only 3 things wrong with me I'd be thankful.
Me 👍🏾
You fellas have nothing to worry about. I'm a perfectional.
Was expecting a lot of comments being the CBT meme but thankfully proven wrong.
I waited to watch this until I knew my husband could watch it with me. A very educational video!!
Employer: What’s your strength?
Me: My ability to never give up.
Employer: What’s your weakness?
Me: Death.
#imeanduh
I used to have pretty bad perfectionism. I had straight A's in school, but always felt like I was doing terrible. I would stay up very late at night studying and just getting angrier and angrier at myself for not remembering every detail or when making mistakes on practice problems. Indeed when I would get my grades I would only focus on the questions I got wrong. I was extremely stressed out and hated myself. It took attending a recovery program to help me get over the perfectionism, and I'm doing much better now.
This is such a personal attack.
There were definitely a few years I fell under the second type of perfectionism, until high school I was a person everyone ignored, that consistently had people blowing off plans involving me, etc. However that changed when people started seeing me as “the smart kid”, refusing to accept that I could be wrong even when I specifically told them about the possibility and overall just expected infallibility. I adapted their attitude towards me as my own and started holding myself to these standards and started feeling down when I made mistakes or didn’t even get an honorable mention at a competition (which gave them to like the top 10-15% of each grade) or, the most notable case, when I got a 4 on my AP stats test and mentally beat myself up about it for nearly a year to the point where I stopped caring about school entirely and lost all energy to do anything but distract myself. Ironically I think the point that caused me to get over that perfectionism was someone asking me to help them study, having a day, place and time set to do and them no call no showing (which I found out later something significant had come up but considering I thought this way as an attempt to be accepted the moment was kinda like “well what’s the point”)
I've been seeing my psychologist for a little over a year, and while my perfectionism has improved, I still have a long way to go
I wonder if social media sites are playing a large role in why perfectionism is growing for younger generations? Especially with the recent news about posts people typed X+ years ago coming back to haunt them or hurt their current careers. Or if you make a mistake and someone catches it, they'll share it to the world through their own social media sites. I also wonder if society as a whole has grown judgmental and less forgiving? Or if it's really the same, but easier for people to voice their judgement in ways other people can't ignore. It feels like making a mistake is alot more consequential today than in years past.
Perfect is the enemy of good
-Voltaire
It's 2021.
Sci show talks about CBT as a psychological therapy.
Something changed in the meaning of words since this video came out. But I am still pretty sure this is still valid
fantastic bro, i also bursted my myths with these facts.
My somewhat insidious twist on the question is "How do you leverage your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses?" I like this variant because having weaknesses is fine-- everyone does-- but knowing what they are implies that you can do something about them, and that's what I'm more interested in hearing about. How do you try to make yourself a little better in areas where you know you struggle. The strengths bit allows the interviewee to highlight something they think they're good at, but it's mostly there as a distraction. Strengths always come out in other areas of an interview. Sidenote-- this question is also a great litmus test for how much an interviewee is willing to try to give non-answers or BS you. It serves as a good 'control' to calibrate interpretations of how other questions are answered.
"Hello darkness my old friend. "
I don’t think I really hit the diagnosis for clinical perfectionism bc I don’t berate myself to any extreme for missing questions on a test, but anytime I take a test and miss any questions I do somewhat obsess over it. I want to know the questions I missed and the correct answer. A good example is I recently took a test to be accepted into an apprenticeship. I did well enough to be chosen but I still want to know my score and the questions I missed. There’s one question in particular I keep thinking about. Knowing that I’ll never get to see my score or know the answer to that question comes to mind often as just a random thought. Similar to “Man I wish I knew who to ask for the answer to that” I think the most important distinction that makes perfectionism a negative trait is the persistent negative thoughts and lowering of ones self worth that accompany it, which I’m not a victim of. I have empathy for the person who does get these obsessive thoughts and devaluing their self worth bc of perfectionism, it’s not a far leap from where I sit to there.
Almost everybody cares about what they got wrong, the difference is when you hate yourself for getting it wrong and think you're a failure and stupid and that you're worthless and should stop trying.
my biggest weakness for employment is that i dont like to be abused.
My grade 12 self needed to hear this.
The biggest weakness that I'm telling a job interviewer is: "I might forget some little details, like deadlines, or certain times I should be somewhere. But I solved that problem by writing everything I might forget down."
I myself suffer from the first 2 types intermittently, and I had a PI who was most definitely the 3rd type. The time when I worked for that PI was when my depression was the worst. That experience didn't end well either, and I still get flashbacks, but at least it's over now.
I never understood what my perfectionism was pathologically, part of my clinical depression, or the manifestation of my non-diagnosed anxiety, or just a horrible part of my personality. Unfortunately this video exposed me mostly to things I already knew.
Every time I've been asked that question, I say "Brutal honesty." Everyone wants people to be honest until they stop sugar coating things. That's also why when someone asks my opinion on something and I know they're not going to like it, I say "You don't want me to answer that." or "I'm not answering that." as the first and only warning. The adult version of "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." Give them a chance to not hear it so you're not flat out ignoring them.
I think that's cool. People just need to get used to that.
Though I think it's ok to lie sometimes, but as long as you don't make people think that you are friend to them when in reality you, in the best case, don't care about them at all.
@@bobus_mogus That's also my problem in a sense. I make it clear when I don't like someone. Very bluntly, unapologetically clear.
Omg this really put myself in prespective.
i don't completely agree that being annoyed about a test despite a high score = perfectionist.
If i get a 98 on a test and the one or two questions i got wrong were because i had the right answer and changed it, or it was just an easy obvious question and i made a stupid mistake, i'm going to be annoyed. I'll be happy i got a good score but i'm gonna be a little mad at myself for doing what i just did, regardless of whether or not i got a high score on the test.
We'd all be annoyed if we missed our chance of getting the perfect score if it was something you missed or got the answer right the first time. But then you brush it off before the day ends. A perfectionist described in this video would feel like they have failed if they got a 98 instead of the usual 100, and that their world has come to an end or they will be disowned for getting a 98 on a test.
Really appreciate this.
I feel this really hard. I work in over-the-phone sales (please don’t hate me) and I’ve been doing poorly in numbers. It just gets to me so hard; I have a high standard for myself but I’ve met it most of my life. It’s just hard with sales because skill and effort don’t necessarily translate to success; sometimes circumstance can get in the way. Especially when you spend your whole day getting cussed at and told to kill you self buy guys who are having a bad day.
It’s weird, people _really_ hate telemarketers. Like to the point where I think people see us as less than human. I dunno though. Be nice to your vendors, they work a soul-crushing grind.
I am grateful for this
I'm literally in therapy (partially) for being such a perfectionist lol. Letting go a little is wayy more peaceful
Great job!
This is spooky; I just handed in my dissertation on perfectionism last week! PsyShow always seems to post videos on stuff I’ve just learned!
Ah, now I know where my "perfectionism" went. I had Socially-Prescribed Perfectionism throughout Middle and High School in order to have high grades and "Make it into a ~Good~ College." Otherwise, or so I was repeatedly told, I "won't be very successful in life" and "will end up living on the streets."
...
I would like to "thank" society and my parents for ramping up my anxiety to nearly unbearable levels in the days of my youth. -.-
Fortunately, it largely went away on it's own after getting through college and getting a job and realizing that hardly anyone anywhere is even close to perfect and yet we're all stumbling through life together just fine, perfection be darned.
I suffer from it. I got straight A+'s (seriously) through all my schooling.
I've tried answering "my biggest weakness" by stating something like,... "I'm human and thus guaranteed to make mistakes, but try my best to learn from them and not repeat them."
Any comments, suggestions, etc.? Many thanks!!
The shade @5:07 is dare I say... perfection. LOL!
I had no idea perfectionism could be treated!:O i need that in my life Stat!
I can somewhat relate. I would like to do some artistic endeavors, but I don't because I'll find it ugly and so not worth the effort.
This... this video hurt to watch. Mostly because of how it perfectly it described me. Perfectionism truly is perhaps the biggest trap you can fall into and one of the hardest to escape. I've gotten better, but even now I'm still trying to combat it, and the times it re-surges give me absolute hell.
I have socially prescribed and other-oriented perfectionism. I desire to make others perfect the way I see it, while at the same time feel like the standards others have for me must be met,even thought they aren't that high of standards they set.
I recently had to go through the comments on my elementary school report cards for my psychiatrist - apparently I’ve been a perfectionist since kindergarten. My teacher said as much, as well as talking about how frustrated I got when I made a “mistake” (she our mistake in air quotes? I’m guessing because it was kindergarten and it’s not exactly a graded class)
Who ever said that perfectionism is good in the first place!
What if I don't want it to be "treated"? I feel like with perfectionism, the only way to treat it is to change your goal or to change how you feel about not achieving this goal. But to me, this just feels like giving up. I don't want to change the goal posts, I want to reach them, because changing what I want just feels like cheating and it's not good enough; it feels like a cop-out. I want to achieve what I want; I don't want to have to "settle" for something less. If I don't achieve that goal, then the bottom line is just that it's not good enough. Anything less isn't good enough, and changing my perspective on what "perfect" is or what my goal is just feels like giving up. This is somewhat solidified by the idea that other people can achieve the goal so lowering my own standards just feels like admitting I'm giving up and I can never reach what I initially wanted.
Oh wow, Im broken. I should book a psych appointment.
Quite often I get really mad about being such imperfect thing as human being. I'm also irrationally critical about everything I do. Now I see where's all this coming from.
I have OCPD, anxiety and depression.
The worst best combination ever!
Feeling like you failed even when you got an A you mean a gifted child grown up
This does sound like me and I've been going to CBT for most of a year now but I haven't really felt improvement even though my therapist says otherwise. I feel I'm such a waste of space that I'm unmotivated to do "normal" things. It's a never-ending cycle of self-loathing.
2:50 damn this video explains a lot
Thanks! I need this one. I'm so obssesed in cleaning my eyeglasses, then it gets a lil bit of scratch. This frustrates me but I know that there's something wrong with me.
Sometimes I'm so scared I'll do something imperfectly that I won't attempt anything at all
It's annoying, but it's possible to overcome
When asked that at my last interview I said at first interaction I can be socially awkward, and that I need to take more steps than someone taller than me (relevant to the job) and I was hired so that's cool. Side note I never thought of myself as a perfectionist but after a lot of sessions my therapist pointed it out.
"What's your greatest strength?"
Legs. I skip leg day sometimes
I've always been a perfectionist. The problem is I screw up, a lot. This is not a good combination and it's always caused me to struggle and has given me a lot of issues. I've always been like this. It is naturally a part of who I am. And my upbringing just made it worse. I feel bad because my daughter has the same exact natural tendencies to be a perfectionist. I'm trying to help her to overcome it, but I know personally that it'll something that'll take yrs yet to get better. She's only 6 and this has been obvious since she was barely a yr old.
Next time I get asked that question I'm going to answer "No, I'm perfect".
I've also found that the less I go overboard studying for a test or quiz, the better I generally do. There is a balance. Personal anecdote
So...apathy towards success and failure and simply doing the best you can is key?
@@dawnwayfinder apathy isn't really the right word. Just do your best, but accept the fact that you can't always be perfect.