The Not-So-Silver Lining: When Positive Thinking Backfires
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ย. 2024
- There are a multitude of books and motivational speakers that insist that anyone can think their way to happiness, but that advice really isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution.
Hosted by: Hank Green
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I sat alone in the dark, feeling lost and depressed. Suddenly a little voice whispered in my ear said,"Cheer up! Things could be worse." So I cheered up,and sure enough, things got worse.
One day someone said to me that it could always be worse. It was at a particular time when there really was some likelihood that things would get worse, and that could also happen at any time, perhaps after lunch.. Not an encouraging thought.
Lmao gottem
Rofl
@@lynnej.9357 When going through a particularly hard time in my life which included several close relatives dying in a short span of time , I came up with the perfect response: "we could be on fire" this gets a laugh and shuts up the "things could be worse" talk. So far its worked every time.
@@snowleezard That is a good answer. I like it.
To the disabled who have tried every medical treatments available but still have an incurable illness, positive psychology being shoved in your face all the time is damaging. Re-framing your thoughts and life to live better with your disability is helpful, but being told that you are sick because you're not 'happily wishing it away' is extremely harmful to the health of the already ailing and most often socially outcast. Thanks for talking about the subject. :)
Exactly! Same thing's happened to me. Why any of these 'optimists' think it's ok to blame a sick person for their illness I will never understand.
@@veronicaclarke7499 Or even worse that I heard of. Some people clearly aren't the brightest bulbs in the box...
Dude, that's so true!! I was so angry and hurt when my best friend said that I should just try to be positive and went into this whole speech about how the pain is all in my head and I'm focussing on it and that's why it hurts more. It's like she can't wrap her head around the fact that I can be cheerful and still be in pain. Being cheerful doesn't mean I'm not in pain, it just means you get to forget that I'm in pain.
I know it's kinda negative to say but I think those people just don't know how to cope with someone who's sick or injured, so they try to hide their discomfort by not confronting reality.
Shiroi Hana... Sorry to tell you but disability is not an illness most of the time, but a condition (there is a huge difference!) . Second of all everyone, not just disabled people seems to be affected by positive thinking in the same way because that kind of thinking blocks your critical thinking process. The last thing is that everyone needs to think around their problems, not only disabled people, non disabled people have their problems, disabled people have their own, not always linked to their disability! I personally find your comment foftly but clearly offensive to disabled people and I think you should re read it
Yup. And most people won't be your friend without constantly telling you what you should do. One of those things is _always_ positive thinking...ugh. I'm currently trying "alternative medicine," but I don't have a lot of faith in it. Most of it is snake oil. I'm forced to do this because the health care system sucks and isn't meeting my needs. So, after thirty years of illness, I'm still trying, but I honestly don't think there's a path to good health. "Better" health is all I can hope for and it isn't always reliable.
Don't forget: every silver lining has a cloud.
Yaaaay! It's raining!
I like rain
As someone with depression getting told: "Happiness is a choice." feels like a punch in the face.
People who say that are sheltered, shallow, smugly self satisfied and judgemental as hell.
@@julianakelrune7777 To be fair, as someone with depression, happiness is a choice insofar as I chose to seek help. I choose to police my thoughts and I choose not to become an angry, self-absorbed, borderline psychotic like certain family members.
I'd rate those people about the same as those that say that wealth is choice. Ie. Not very highly.
Exactly!
Cariss Stewart Even after two years of therapy it's still not a choice for me. So while seeking help is certainly not a bad thing, it won't work the same for everybody. I'm happy that it worked for you but don't assume it'll work just as well for everyone else.
Hey, defensive pessimism is the perfect trait for my career. I'm an engineer and I design and build things. Much of my time is spent thinking "what could go wrong and how can I design the system to handle that gracefully?" or "what isn't as good as it could be and how could I improve it?"
Planning for worst cast scenarios means that when most of the (anticipated) bad things happen, you're already prepared for it and it's not the end of the world. Kind of like having a fire extinguisher in the kitchen...
Depending on how far your in the "spectrum" one is. Otherwise it may be such careers that could prove fatal. For example if you were to have so many redundancy in place that the setup costs way more than realistically afford able.
YES thank you. It's illogical to think that quick success is one positive thought away
Im a programmer and this is basically 80% of my job: "What stupid things can people do to this to make it break", then design to protect against it.
Like cub scouts. Early on i learned to be prepared. Going out for a long ride? Gear up, bring water, first aid, tool kit et cetera
Lol I have a fire extinguisher in my kitchen - the sink! I have used it many times when I set fire to my cooking, most recently about eight months ago. (I agree with you though, and am also considering getting a proper extinguisher lololol)
I'm definitely a "defensive pessimist". My mantra: Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
Good ol pragmatism
That’s my mantra too!!!
To me, it also feels good to know I'm prepared for those worst situations and that because I'm prepared I might be able to help others. For example; earthquakes or bad changes at work and being prepared to leave and explain to work friends other job options that are better.
Personally, I never hope for good things, just a neutral or bad outcome, because when something good happens it’s a very satisfying surprise
I call that being a realist
'Happiness is a choice.'
Me: 'Why am I so bad at making good decisions?'
Ahhhh i feel hate and i hate it.
It's not even awesome to hate those who are scared of depressions, but i don't know how to handle it. Those people simply have to get realistic about how the world is spinning. It's the worsest thing to exclude the depressed people, they deserve respect and warmth, more than any other human
Inside Out taught us all that negative emotions had a purpose and that relentless positivity could be harmful.
It helped me out of my depression at the time. It didn't pull me out immediately, but it helped kick start the healing.
Knowing that there's someone on the scishow team who thought of that timely zoom-out of the woman smiling over the coffin is all the positive thinking I need.
Dark. Loved it.
To me, Positive Thinking is akin to lying to yourself or ignoring a problem. We have way too many problems in this world to ignore and lie about them.
@@DarthBiomech ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Or we could take care of the problems and fix them? Seems more logical than ignoring it whether you're optimistic or pessimistic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@@PaleGhost69 The problems can't be fixed, it's all fucked.
As a defensive pessimist and an empath, I think though every negative possibility, feel all of the feelings created by them, and try to figure how I'd deal with them. Then, I am usually pleasantly surprised by what actually happens. I'd rather have a positive surprise than a negative one. I got this way from having to solve problems that the self-deceptive optimists around me chose to ignore.
@@DarthBiomech
Optimists: The glass is half full.
Pessimists: The glass is half empty.
Me: You're drinking piss.
@@DarthBiomech Why would being pessimistic equate to giving up on problems?
Anyone that's mentally ill knows that forcing positive thinking can make you feel pathetic.
This!
Also it just drains your energy reserves that are already on the minimum. Just allow yourself to be down for a moment, because you are allowed to feel down. Just let go and let your mood run its natural course, and eventually you'll end up on a somewhat neutral ground. At least that's how it goes for me personally.
Especially if the person who is telling you to "think more positively" is a very positive person. as someone who is more negative seeing someone positive just makes it more noticeable that there's something wrong with me.
YUP
I feel the same way with this nonsense idea that we only suffer because of our beliefs. While beliefs can cause suffering, it would be illogical to then say that all suffering comes from our beliefs. Sometimes it can be just how our brain reacts to certain stimuli, independent of our belief systems. People who experience triggers generally experience these too fast for any beliefs or thinking to cause them as those require higher brain processing, which is a lot slower. We need to realise how much the primitive pre-conscious reptilian part of our brain can affect us.
"Be pessimistic and sad!" Finally! Something that makes me feel good!
I've always had a pretty pessimistic outlook on life and felt very comfortable with it. Overly optimistic people make me uncomfortable and seem to me delusional
You're right! Overly optimistic people avoid reality. They really are delusional. Here's the catch. If you focus on the negative outcomes, you are more likely to miss the positive outcomes.
Beor Eviols "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
-Jiddu Krishnamurti
I don't judge people for being optimistic, even when it's excessive. But it's such a weird concept to me. I can't make myself think that way, I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment.
You profile pic totally fits
Overly optimistic people are usually lying to themselves and are fake. If you're lucky, you're optimistic because you never faced hardship.
I am a total optimist but it's not like I ignore my problems or just think that life is great and "just think positively" is definitely not going to fix anyone's problems. I've been very pessimistic in the past and that is definitely not something I want to go back to. Life, for me anyway, got so much brighter when I started to focus on the good things and to not let small things bother me too much.
"Always expect the unexpected and the unexpected will never happen" heard it in a cartoon a loooong time ago but it is true, that's kinda my way of living. I create all the worst case scenarios possible, immagine what I would do, have plans from A to Z, it drives my husband nuts but that way I can at least control my generalized anxiety.
I remember when I was a kid, someone told me that if you always expect a negative outcome you won't be negatively surprised when it does happen and you will be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't
@beor I go by the same thing! I like to say I'm just keeping my expectations low so even the mildest of good outcomes become a pleasant surprise. Its like manufacturing a happiness substitute 😆
Phrase of the day: "We're not here to yuck on your yums"
6:17
What kind of stock photo is this? Who posed for that? Who *planned* that? Whyyyyy?
she's cute
This picture is so telenovela I can only rationalize it in Spanish.
Someone has never found interest in simply browsing stock photos, because this is nothing!
It was her husband.
Maybe she married an older man for his money, now she's happy he's dead and she's getting the inheritance?!
Acceptance of everything is key, and is where true happines lies, not optimism, but acceptance
True happiness translates to contentment. Pursuit of happiness will only make you unhappy, since you're never content while trying to be happy. Contentment is basically accepting the status quo and not giving a rat's ass about other people's perceived success.
My best 'pick-me-up' is to find something to accomplish. Even if it's small, like matching up the odd socks that have been accumulating, that feeling of having done something useful really makes me feel better.
Just doing something, helps. Whatever it is. Often being busy, just losing myself in the task makes me feel better. Not happy, just not sad.
Being able to cross something off a to-do list always makes me feel accomplished.
6:11 I WAS NOT READY FOR THAT
kujmous omfg like wtf was that
yes that is NOT a defensive pessimist. that is a joyous serial killer.
“Positive thinking” often seems more like “emotional repression.” You have to be allowed to feel sad and angry for a while when something bad happens.
me: **is sad**
annoying happy person: happiness is a choice
me: **now is angry**
When I was asked in a job interview whether I was a glass half-full person, I responded I was a glass completely full person, half air and half water, and I could never work for such a negative person.
I think I should have taken that job.
These kind of “positive” phrases always seem empty to me
they are
It all depends on whose tongue they come out of😉
Sebastian Elytron good point. The source matters!
Marianne well said
Forensics Lab
I agree. To me they usually represent a sign of low IQ actually, if someone keeps using them.
Thanks for this video!
This "just think happy thoughts!" mentality hasn't worked for me for years. It's like you try and try to just push the unhappy thoughts and feelings away but it feels so wrong! I always felt I was denying a part of myself. Since I started therapy and got told, that it is not at all about "just thinking happy thoughts" but learning to cope with bad ones, my life has become easier.
The things you need to word on are awareness and coping strategies!!!
Stay strong everyone out there, who is fighting to be "happy"!!!
I know the feeling, dude. It sucks so much
What's that? Being a balanced human being is generally far more healthy than always drifting towards the extreme? How surprising.
umbra nox “Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.”
- Thanos
And how easy is it to be "well balanced" when one's brain likes to betray the body?
Not at all as easy you make it sound.
The brain loves slipping toward extremes!
You can change how you THINK. For me positive thinking is a GOOD THING and im tired of people who treat positive thinking as all fake. Obviously if you try to force yourself to feel things it won't work, but neuro plasticity is REAL and we can retrain our thought patterns to actively stop negative feedback loops and reinforce positive feedback loops. Therapy and medication work! We can all learn "it's okay to feel happiness. it's okay to think positive thoughts". And that is enough to put us on the right track. Because both of those statements are universally true for anyone with or without depression. It's never about fake happiness but instead about distancing ourselves from an addiction to negativity, pessimism, and destructive thought patterns, and replacing them with realistic, optimistic, and constructive thought patterns.
People acting like everything is fine when it isn't is a more covert form of denial.
And, their denial forces more realistic people to handle everything for them....how convenient. Being everyone else's mommy gets really tiring.....
Having chronic depression and doing positive psychology, in my experience, is like kicking a dead horse to wake up and get you across a finish line💀
My school forced us to endure an emotional intelligence class that basically said that being optimistic causes us to not give up while being pessimistic causes us to immediately give up, and all social decisions made based on optimism are objectively better.
Alaric Pan I feel your pain. SciShow should do a video on how hard people work to avoid any pain or negative stimulus. I suspect that people say these things so they don’t have to cope with other people’s pain. How do you test this hypothesis?
More evidence that school education is a form of abuse.
Blackstar 76 yeah, and teachers seem to have this bias against boys. For example: one day we had a middle school dodgeball tournament, but the 8th grade BOYS didn’t get to participate because apparently our behavior was bad during PE (it was but it really wasn’t any different from any other day). The coaches said “there were too many people misbehaving, so we can’t give any names”, so what do they do? They don’t punish the entire grade (that would have been a worse punishment but more fair and less of an insult to us); they decided to just punish the boys. They forced us to sit in a classroom for half an hour doing absolutely nothing. We couldn’t even study to keep ourselves busy and no talking obviously. Then they said that it wasn’t a punishment just an opportunity for us to calm down. Seriously, 1) if it’s a punishment, it’s ok to say that it is a punishment, 2) let’s just assume that it wasn’t a punishment (it definitely was). It was a Friday at the end of the school day, so there really wasn’t a point in calming down because the weekend exists and people tend to have fun during the weekend, 3) this condemned the 8th grade to defeat without half our team, and we lost to the 6th graders in the last tournament (they cheated and they outnumbered us) so we had no chance of redeeming ourselves. School is just a place where the smart kids learn nothing while having to deal with their uncivilized classmates while bored teachers try to condition everyone into obedient machines by using punishments that maximize suffering while still being legal.
Related, a guest presenter had us imagine walking into the classroom and finding a wrapped unlabelled box on our desk, and what would we do? And then basically shamed everyone who didn't say they'd immediately rip open the "gift" because we weren't living life to the fullest instead of letting it pass us by. 'Cause, you know, making sure you were the actual intended recipient, that it's not a prank made by the class bully, that you have something to look forward to later and/or that you don't disrupt the class with tearing-paper sounds are things only pathetic losers do, ya kno. Yolo-lololol amirite hehe??!... what an *sshole.
in a nutshell:
> people with high self-esteem: "I am a lovable person!" (reaffirmation)
> people with low self-esteem: "I am not a lovable person... so what do I gotta do to be one?" (solution-oriented)
Just seek one thing, so small that you can laugh about your choice and laugh about how easy it was. That's the way, to become happy again. Humor and tiny steps
@Fiona Kriner Well then better start taking prescribed meds.
Thank you, Hank Green for helping me understand my own emotions.
You've really helped me improve my life by posting these videos I watch all your SciShow and CrashCourse videos.
I'm a defensive pessimist, by thinking about all the bad outcomes it makes the meh outcomes great, and if I was right then I feel good about myself since I was right, so a win win. This is the basis of stoicism philosophy.
Same
My philosophy: be optimistic, not naïve
Optimism is by its very nature naive. If you aknowledge the potential bad side of reality, then stop calling yourself an optimist.
@@aaronyandell2929 but not pessimism. I think what we are striving for is a health dose of pragmatism while taking positive and negative perspectives into account.
you should only be optimistic if you have evidence that supports optimism. if you have objective negative indicators, why would you dismiss reality instead of preparing for the best outcome?
My motto has been this for a while:
"Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best"
I'd have to say we need more studies, because positive thinking has completely changed my life. I've gone from depressed af to happy af just by pushing through the shitty parts of my life with positivity and grinding it out.
Positivity is so in your face these days that I call it the "Positivity Cult." Not trying to be mean about it, but it's legitimately harmful. You aren't allowed to feel anything other than that. Oftentimes you aren't engaging with reality. And you're prey for a very profitable industry.
So much of it comes down to victim blaming when you can't just think your way out of a situation.
I really hate positive psychology with a passion thanks to armchair psychologists and the publishing industry.
This sort of thing can also be extremely harmful to people who grew up with abusive parents. Saying things like they should look on the bright side and be grateful that their parents didn't do worse is messed up because a lot of the times their parents told them to be grateful. They were essentially told that their emotions are unacceptable and they are bad for having them.
Sometimes people need to be able to feel certain emotions without shame and guilt in order to heal. Instead of ignoring them under the guise of "positivity"
Yes, I feel exactly the same!
Oh jeez I'm glad I watched this! One of my close friends is one of those defensive pessimistic types and I've always tried to help them see their value as a person through sheer tenacity alone and being a bit naggy with the positivity toward them and the support (I assumed that via mere exposure effect if they were confronted with more praise and positivity they'd begin to see themselves or the world the same way). Seeing this video I think I may have underestimated just to what extent positive thinking really doesn't work for other people. From now on, I'm going to try and not butt in when my friends are pessimistic about things; I probably have some apologizing to do as well, oof
To you people the world calls "negative Nancies", keep doing what you're doing if it helps ya'! I'm sorry that it's taking so long for us positive Pollies to catch up aha
All these years and Batman's brooding only shown that he knew what he was doing all along.
For me, anyway, positive thinking doesn't benefit me very much. However, I find mindfulness is huge. If I'm upset I can take a minute to focus my thoughts on what I'm feeling in particular. "Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I disappointed? Am I jealous? Etc."
Then I think about what triggered those emotions, which usually is a snarky internal dialogue. "Stacy is being a giant knob rocket douche canoe"
From there I explore other things that could be influencing that emotion. "What else that's going on that could be making me feel this way? Am I stressed out about work? Did I get enough sleep/to eat/to drink today? Am I redirecting some frustration with myself for doing something wrong earlier at the current situation?"
I take whatever I have been piling onto my plate emotionally, and acknowledge the things as individual parts and how they contribute to the whole. I give myself permission to whatever I'm feeling. "I am still mad about the fight I had last night with my partner, and part of that is why I am so frustrated right now. I am also angry with myself because I messed up what I was doing because I wasn't paying enough attention to what I was doing when I was feeling angry with Stacy for being rude to me."
From there I take responsibility for my feelings, and the role they are playing in what I am feeling at that moment, while also accepting and validating them. "It's okay that I am still upset about the fight last night, but that isn't Stacy's fault. I am angry with my with myself for messing up my work, and while it is okay that I was upset, I need to take responsibility for my mistake. Stacy was rude to me, and that was wrong of her. However, the way I handled what I was feeling was also wrong, even if what I was feeling was normal and okay. I have multiple issues that I need to work through, but I need to remember that they are separate problems, and I need to address what I'm feeling and how to deal with that separately. Right now I need to calm down and correct my mistakes. My job is my responsibility, and I will do what's necessary to complete my obligations and be accountable for any mistakes I make.
I need to think about what exactly about what Stacy said upset me, I why. I also need to think about what she intended to express. It is also important to think about what else could be going on with Stacy that could make her be unreasonable. Everyone is unreasonable at some points, is there something else going on that might make me be snarky if I were in her situation? What do I want to change about this sort of interaction in the future, and why? What is a constructive way to achieve these things."
Idk, it's weird, but you can think yourself into a better head space, but I don't think that it's a matter of repeating something over to yourself. I think it's about asking yourself the right series of questions that will eventually circle around to the right answers. Reflect, respect, redirect, respond.
Introspection is much more useful than positive thinking. As someone with anxiety and depression, I have learned I have to monitor my self-talk. I have literally spoken "shut-up" to myself when I start going down too negative of a path. It's not that I am trying to not think of bad outcomes; it's when the thoughts are no longer solution-oriented and they become just self-hating.
The problem with forcing yourself to think positive when you’re depressed is that you’re not prepared. When something goes wrong, you weren’t ready for it. Or at least that’s the case for me. Thinking negatively makes me more prepared...
I have one of those neighbors who would always tell me that I should be blessed that I can do alot of things for myself despite my disability. Yesterday, I wasn't feeling that great and I could tell that she was about to say that I should be happy, I cut her off mid setence and said that constantly telling someone that they should be blessed when they are having a bad day can actually backfire and make them feel worse when all they wanted was a shoulder to cry on.
'this is why I remember nothing' lmao same, Hank - same.
So you're a defensive pessimist who's always in a good mood?
@@WanderTheNomad Good point, but you don't necessarily have to be upset because you always look out for the worst scenarios.
@@WanderTheNomad yes! It works surprisingly well 😎 if something turns out badly then it was something to be expected and I get over it. If something goes well - that's just a bonus. Hence, I can remain happy 😃
Ah, good to know I can remain a pessimist
Pessimist, or a defensive pessimist?
Fish I prefer strategic pessimist myself.🙃
@@fish8622 If I am being rude about my negative attitude, am I an offensive pessimist?
@DoubleRu Having a negative attitude is just putting yourself in the perspective of the ideal, and because the ideal is a harsh judge you see yourself in a negative light until you begin to measure up to the ideal. Pessimists are realists, defensive pessimists look at their shortcomings and try to fix them, and offensive pessimists, if the term exists, are those, who rip apart the attitudes of others, who blind themselves to the reality of the situation, in order to remove their denial. You can tell yourself or others you/they are fine the way they are, but that is always a lie. Use the truth to show others that everyone has tons of problems, no one is fine the way they are, and that they can try to be better.
I love the irony in that statement. 😊
Plan for the worst, hope for the best, and live in the middle.
Thank you, Hank, for validating what I’ve been trying to tell people for a long time. I’m 19 years old and I’m battling Stage IV adrenocortical carcinoma, and my oncology team has told me I’ve have this cancer for at least 5 years. I’ve had major surgeries (one where my entire left half of my abdomen was ripped open), I’ve been through harsh chemotherapy, and now I’ve undergone intense radiation.
None of these have worked. I’ve been feeling worse, physically, every day - but everyone tells me to stay positive and have faith it will get better somehow. It takes every ounce of my restraint to not scream. I’ve done everything within my power and nothing has worked, my chances of building the life I dreamed of having were robbed from me, and I’m depressed and angry about it.
When I stopped listening to others and began allowing myself to grieve, it made the emotional pain lessen. When I stopped expecting a miracle, I stopped facing disappointment at every doctor’s visit. While positive thinking may help some in their own cases, it just prevented me from making peace with my own reality.
Dear psyshow
Thanks for checking my biases 🤔 I’ve been looking into some positive psychology on TH-cam; it gets really esoteric and airyfairyoddparents. I find these studies fascinating! Thanks for your time and channels 🤟🏻have a decent week too
TL:DW; Reality tends to suck and burying your head in the sand won't fix anything, even if that sand is warm and comfortable and smells nice.
To be fair, if you watched the video, the burying yourself in the sand is as asphyxiating and cold as it sounds like and you're doing because other people said so.
BUT THE SAND IS ALWAYS WARM AND COMFORTABLE AND SMELLS NICE
But how would you smell the sand if your head is under-water
I get aggressively and furiously pessimistic when somebody says happiness is a choice.
happiness is a choice
@@SauceChef Well, to be honost... you didn't really say it. You wrote it down. Second of all, you forgot the period, so I could say you didn't write down anything at all
@@SauceChef happiness is not a choice, because why would someone want to feel bad?
Something... fishy... about this...
kujmous
Happiness is a choice.
6:15 why would someone take a picture like that?!
When I saw it zoomed out I was like: *wow*
Looks like she's responsible,and glad.
@@SpydrXIII true.
My philosophy: face the truth and _then_ phrase it positively.
This has been something I've tried to educate ppl.about for SO long. Aka. The damaging effects of psychologically invalidating the feelings & experiences of others.
All feelings - no matter if they're sound or not - ARE VALID.
Cheer up = not useful.
Being kind & compassionate without invalidating or debating the feelings of others? Very useful.
Thank you.
*My hypothesis:* *Just like doing bicep curls are enough to get healthy, thinking positive is not enough to live a fulfilling life.*
*Feeling like you're living a fulfilling life leads to happiness positive thoughts facilitates fulfillment but doesn't gaureentee it.* 💪
For the longest time I’ve had a deep loathing for all of those self-help and positive thinking books my mom always bought. I always thought it as repressive and trying to ignore the problem. I haven’t had the best coping mechanisms, but positive thinking was not the way to go for me. I just have to let myself feel all of my emotions. If I’m upset, I let myself feel it without trying to whoosh it away or ignore it by focusing on the silver lining. I tell myself “this isn’t a fun feeling, but it’s mine, and it will pass in a bit” and I’m rather okay. If I’m happy, I let myself feel that too. I’m not really a pessimistic person, I’m actually more optimistic than my mother, who is really into that positive junk. But I’m very much happy to let myself feel all of my feelings, good and the bad. Especially the bad. Because if I ignore them, they manifest as really bad anxiety for me. I do try to tell myself though, that I have been through worse, and I have previously found a solution so I can do it now even with my negative feelings. I can give myself a moment to breathe and feel what I need to feel and then I get through the problem. And then I’m okay.
4:41 Finally putting my talents to use!
4:45 Dangit...
5:44 Hey that was nickname in school!
You know what's better than positivity and negativity? Objectivity. Be aware of the negative and positive sides of things proportional to how they are in reality.
"Defensive pessimist" I prefer "Optimistic Pessimist" as I look forward to things going better than anything I can cook up. Things usually do.
I went to a counselor on an urgent basis because my multiple chronic illnesses and trying to force my body to still work through constant pain and exhaustion was making life unlivable.
The counselor told me to smile and think happy thoughts and I would feel happier. I almost walked out then. But I just told the counselor to please read my whole medical file before the next visit.
I showed up for my visit later that week willing to give it one more shot. The counselor apologized for the last visit and said she was transferring my case to her colleague who dealt with patients with terminal illness because while I was not terminal, I was dealing with just as many illnesses and stressor. Smiling was not going to cut it. 🙄
Stop using Positive Psychology interchangeably with Positive Thinking!!! Positive Psychology is not equal to affirmations or positive thinking - I should know I have a Masters in it! It is a broad field with plenty to say about the positive aspects of both negative and positive emotions and experiences. Yes it is a young field, and yes some early findings have been disproved but that’s how science works!
There was a swell of self help gurus starting in the 80s and 90s preaching positive thinking and affirmations as a solution to all your problems but that wasn’t based on science and has nothing to do with the Positive Psychology movement within academic psychology which is to encourage the study of what goes right in people’s lives.
Apart from the glaring error of conflating Positive Psychology with Positive thinking this video is a pretty good summary of things I learnt during my Masters. But dear God is that an egregious mistake on the part of the script writer! Also why don’t you have references to the specific papers you mentioned - I expected better of you SciShow.
Charlotte McLean thank you thank you thank you! So many things were overlooked. Like how being positive can affect your decision making and therefore your future emotions, situation etc. Or like how just because something doesn’t “feel right” straight away, doesn’t mean there isn’t room for new neural pathways to be created to make you a more “naturally” positive person. These qualities aren’t fixed, people! I was disappointed in this video too ☹️
My mom's always been a pessimist, but has a strong will. She ended up with some illnesses that usually wouldn't have been affordable to deal with and one part is a degenerative disease.
She got upset, but decided she would find a way to make life livable, including a shortened life lead more comfortably.
Her thinking through all of the options she could think of and hounding the doctors for help, whilst being very frustrated and upset but willful, got her to go into remission and she's healthier than she's ever been.
I was her inspiration, but it's also inspiring for me to see that a negative but prepared person got healthier and might live longer now having taken better care of her health.
"Always look on the dark side of life."
Finally! Thank you for this video. I've been trying to explain this to people. I worked in mental health and even professionals perpetuate this misconception! Now I'm on the "other side of the desk" and explaining it to my providers isn't working. I'm sending this video. Thank you! 🙏🌺
Yo could we get a source on the "negative thinking helps people with chronic illness" statement.
Not that I dont believe it, just want to read the piece!
As someone who has been very suicidal i can tell you having a positive mindset is extremely important, at least for me. Because reinforcing that positive thinking, "I can do this, I am able, things will get better, I can't give up, things will work out, itll be okay, I am good and worth something and I can work this out", or letting myself fall into the default thinking, "I can't do this, it's impossible, I'm selfish and lazy and worthless, I'm not able, there's no point in trying, there's no reason to try and no hope, things will never change, I should just kill myself already because that's the only escape" really makes all the difference even if my reality hasn't changed.
As a pessimist, I have to say this is great news.
Huh.
Send this to anyone who tells you to just "be positive"
I always think of them as snake oil sales. Great video and commentary
As someone with depression and low self-esteem who struggles with frustration when people tell him to cheer himself up with positive thinking and it doesn't work... Thank you for posting this. Seriously. Thank you.
Would it be possible to provide links to the cited studies? As fascinating and convincing as this is, citing sources is a standard we have to demand and maintain if we wish to be informed viewers. Thank you!
Sometimes crying and making myself sad by thinking negative thoughts or reading a depressing book makes me feel better.
Yep. Hit rock bottom, the only way is up.
There may be a problem, your sources don't appear in the description. Otherwise great video! Very informative, I'll share it when I can see the sources.
UPDATE: The problem has been fixed and I shared the video.
I knew someone special who was suffering from a disease! She was so positive she was going to get better where I started believing it myself!!!!! I was convince because she made me believe it until she past away!! Biggest punch in my face ever!!!
I knew it! I actually feel better from this video, thanks for posting on this ❤️
I have adopted this as of lately, sort of. It is based in hypnosis and things like neural plasticity, for me it was certainly do or die. So how does it work for me? Well, it's not as simple as saying to yourself "Just be happy" It's more like, "I will get ready to go to the gym again" I keep that on my mind and I prepare everything needed to get to the gym, until one day you're bored and you actually are in the mood and you get in the car and go. I've been experimenting a lot with this and it takes months to make a change, some are very subtle in their change, but the work is worth it. I do say something like "I will learn to love/believe myself" well what does that mean? I discover over time more and more what that means, eating healthy, exercise, stop putting myself down and so on. Just saying the words does nothing, but if you slowly over time change your mindset and habits little by little, it's like learning to ride a bike, it becomes a learned talent that stays with you, something that you never had before. I based all this off of the idea that happy people can't articulate what they know that makes them happy, likewise sad people don't know what they lack that keeps them sad and can't articulate what they need for help. If the problem was so obvious, you would have already fixed it by now, while science can tell you what isn't there for sure, if it had all the answers right now there would be no need to improve, if you are ruminating and trapped in a downward spiral, give it a try. I used to be so mentally ill my therapist said I was one of his most challenging patients of his career, it was do or die for me, I even tried psychedelics in an attempt to get that resetting effect that they are studying right now and that helped a lot. I believe that it was not so much what I tried, but over time it was the journey of trying that made me figure it out, now I strive to eliminate failure as an option and just start into the task, even if only little by little, don't ever take too much on, but do not make an excuse, excuses lead to giving up and we never wanna go back there. Try this out, it's complicated and required great discipline and falling off and getting back on the bike, and I could go on for hours but I swear it works .
Acting vs being. It takes time and effort to actually become positive
hank, you had some gems in this one .... the woman grinning sideways, revealing she stands next to an open casket .... yep, all kinds of funnily weird.
also, can i now explain those overwhelmingly annoying positive people, that defensive pessimism is just my best coping strategy?
Sourses?
They are missing. I'm especially interested in the Defensive Pessimistism papers.
Look at the description of the video. There's a long list of sources.
I am so glad this video exists. It's so refreshing. When I was younger, people constantly tried to tear me down attacking me for experiences that were really difficult and my processing of negative experiences rather than denying them. It made me feel good to accept my experiences and people attacked me for other things that were totally distinct from my negative experiences and were things I really liked about myself simply because they couldn't handle seeing me feel better than them. So, on the one hand experiences that didn't feel good were unacceptable because of the impulse to reject difficult emotions and shove them under the rug, which was also an attempt at making me feel as awful as they did about themselves and their behavior towards others, despite my acceptance and processing of my negative experiences, and on the other hand, things that made me feel genuinely good and were something that I really enjoyed were also unacceptable and had to ruined, because of the "if I am unhappy, you can't be happy either" mentality. It has done SO much damage. I couldn't win either way and a different more accepting response not-steeped in double handed, denial at all costs and regardless of what was being denied could have made such a difference to where my life is today.
If you can be sad, you can be happy. - Ben Lee
Even though I'm defensively pessimistic, I get floored when I think I thought of a horrific worst case scenario and something worse happens.
It's rare that that happens, but it's amazing when it does.
If you can do one on counterintuitive anxiety help
I have a lovely habit of reminding myself that other people have it worse than I do when I get overwhelmed. It doesn’t help. Usually, I am a very cheerful and optimistic person, but I think it comes from something more than just thinking positively. It’s just the way I perceive the world. Also, I quite enjoy playing out worst case scenarios in my head. I liked this video.
I'm now 100% certain that I'm a defensive pessimist.
Yeah the second I heard it I'm like, oh that's me!
Me too. My go-to phrase is 'expect the worst, that way you're either right or pleasantly surprised'.
Me too!
@@sharlharmakhis280 Same.
I was about 15 when I realised that that an optimist can never be happy. If you always expect the best, nothing will never reach your standards.
People shouldn't push the "glass is half full" attitude, because if the glass is half empty, it motivates you to refill the glass
So that's why these "therapies" never worked for me... :(
The psychiatrist that asses me turns to be the one who unload unto me. Because i called bull when i see one....and a lawyer.
Quite funny actually that I got to be the one who rehabilitate the said psychiatrist. But well, as Nietze says "when you stared to the abyss too long, becareful when its started to stared back". Psychologist and Psychiatrist especially in criminal psychology do wonders to the darkest side of human mind.
@@nurlindafsihotang49 If this is your first you would be surprised how many "helpful" services could use an obvious lesson or two that their clientele knows.
I used to be a very pessimistic person. The logic is this: If you always expect the absolute worst, you will always (well mostly) be happily surprised of the outcome. Unlike if you always think positive, you will most often get disappointed.
Think: "Oh god, I lost a leg!" vs. "yay, I still have A leg!" Although the next thought is probably "...a dog will probably soon bite that of too" 😅
The "think positive, don't be so negative" drove me mad, I had good reason to not feel happy. But the thing is, you are not supposed to pretend or lie to yourself. I started consciously looking for "nice" things. I kinda had to re-train my brain. I didn't pretend the bad things weren't there but also started enjoying the nice things.
Later I learned even more to balance the two and learned to see the grays between the black and white. Taking things _as_ _they_ _are_ when they are.
Learning how to let go of worrying or being angry or bitter about things I can not fix is still a work in progress.
What if you have no strong feelings one way or the other?
You'll find that the aggressively positive folks still think you're a downer, and the negative ones will speak over you with more conviction. It kinda sucks.
It's like being stuck at a sports game and not liking either team at all.
@@izzikat9252 Or if you look at it positively, you fit in both places.
Tell my wife, hello
I think all the things that could go wrong and try to think how to fix them. People tell me to stop being so negative about everything, to stop panicking about everything but it doesn't make me feel bad because I think it like this: "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best." It's only when I am actually depressed that I can only think about all the negatives but without seeing solutions and without the hope.
The guy who's always spouting positive thinking slogans is usually later refered to as 'The victim".
Reframing works.
Optimism is different than positive thinking. Reciting others positive statements don't work as well as discovering your own positivity, then using your own methods of reinforcing it, perhaps through visualizing, daydreaming, prayer, rituals, plans, and creativity.
I'm pretty sure I could bench 50,000+ lbs. as long as enough people told me they believed in me.
I've had many people tell me I'm pessimistic, and I should 'think positively'. My response has always been "if I expect to fail and succeed, fantastic! If I expect to fail and I fail, I'm not upset. But, if I expect to succeed and fail, then I'd be devastated.
8:17
I'm 100% sure she has murdered him.
My husband and I both really benefit from imagining the worst case scenarios. When we're really stressed about something we say, "Okay, what is the worst possible outcome? Okay, what's our plan for that?" If we always have a plan for how to deal with things going wrong, we're never panicked and scrambling for an answer. We tend to be pleasantly surprised most of the time, and that sense of relief is great. On the other hand, we both have anxiety and depression, so we can take that kind of thinking too far if we feel crummy already. One of my biggest personal issues is denial--I won't even realize I'm suppressing my feelings until I'm having a breakdown. My whole life my feelings were disregarded as an inconvenience, so I learned not to show them, even to myself. That leads to a lot of bad days turning into bad weeks while I continue not to address the actual problem.
It’s also caused a problem for women seeking diagnosis for health issues, instead they may be told that it is their mental health that’s the problem, instead of actually getting proper help
Good thing in the USA you can always go to a new doctor or get second opinions if you think their professional opinions does not applies to you. I got an order for 4 somewhat invasive tests and now I am expected for 3 at most with at least one that isn't invasive from another network.
The announcements in my high school would end with “you can have a great or not, the choice is yours.” Everyone hated that phrase, since there’s lots of outside factors that can make you have a bad day. At that point you would have to be willfully ignorant to “choose” to have a good day
That's nothing less than brain washing. Which is the whole point of school really I guess
♫ Always Look On The Dark Side Of Life ♫
Beat me to it
Gloom...gloom...
Gloom gloom gloom.....🎼🎶🎶🎶
Expecting manifestation of affirmations or positive thinking in one's life is magical thinking. Also, applying positive thinking on top of unhappiness, stress or trauma is like putting a band-aid on a festering wound. Need to sort out the fester first
Brendon Urie says f*** a silver lining
Amen!
Thanks for the great video! With the help of positive thinking, I've turned my defensive pessimism into offensive pessimism, so I can spread it around.