That second story was creepy as f*ck. He’s acting like a condescending dad to his WIFE, it grossed me out listening to that. Just, ew. I hope OP’s wife runs far and fast.
Exactly! So what if she spends HER money on something she may grow out of later on - we all did it and the world didn't end! As long as she is setting aside funds for bills etc to meet financial needs / goals, she can spend the rest of her DISCRETIONARY funds however makes her happy. Even if she decides years later that it was a phase, she will enjoy it now and that is the point. It's the reward for all the hard work getting to a point of having a good job.
The second story, just wow. If men are so insecure that there are young partners have a interest that may seem childish, with how much they express interest in that hobby. Then maybe they should date a more older partner instead of trying to control what their other younger partner likes. For example I like Power Rangers and ninja turtles, but if my partner ever tried to bash my interest nor try to control what I like then they would see themselves out the door. These grown men dating younger people really lack maturity. Which is pretty embarrassing since their partner is more mature than them
From my experience having also dated someone far older than me: Those people of 30+ who date partners below the age of 25 often (but not always) got stuck in the age their partner was when they started dating. I connected with the person I dated when I was 19, they were 9 years older than me. In a few years I found out that while I was still maturing, the one I dated was still stuck acting like a teen. Eventually this caused us to break up because I felt like I was parenting them. I feel sorry for that girl, her husband is nothing but a teen with a superiority complex because 'I'm older!'. " is for KIDS" is the type of thinking only immature jerks have. Also Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles are awesome. (I still have an ancient sticker book from the first Power Rangers series, my fav was the green one) My personal hobby is plushies. My mother took me along to a store for groceries etc once and bought me a huge plushie goat (that looks a bit like a cartoony devil) when I was 25. I'll never stop being her kid who loves plushies, no matter how adult I am.
I listen to these stories in the background, and sometimes miss points: I seriously thought OP was the father, not the husband and she was living at home rent free or something... like that's the only way I could see that attitude making sense. He is quite literally treating as you would a child. "Wait to see if you still want it"?? 🤮 Such a gross and demeaning demand from an adult to their supposed partner.
But it's not just men it's woman too I remember hearing a story about op being pregnant and her husband had a room full of collectables and op wanted him to get rid of it and he said no So op got his father who doesn't have a great relationship with and had him get rid of his hobbie by throwing the collectable in the trash and told him to "man up" Yah op in that story was an ahole
Story 2: Wife is 22, they've been married for two years, and together for "some time" before that? So, a guy in his 20's was dating a teen? BTW, it's her money. Sounds like she's being mostly responsible. Oh, and she's your wife, not your daughter. You're a major AH. And a creep. Ex-wife: Yup. You're the AH. Ava sounds like a loving stepmom. Get over yourself.
2 'you can spend al you want in 5 years' I am get the impression he is planning to get her pregnant and expect her to spend her salary on buying everything for the kid while he still spends it as he pleases?
@@Azulakayes Yep. I noticed more than one reference to race in his post. Seems OP has appointed himself Lord High Arbiter of what people of a given race are allowed to have as interests.
Not going to lie; I wasn’t paying attention to the introduction in story 2 and thought OP was the woman’s Father and had a complete whiplash when he said ‘husband’.
Lmao, same! The way he spoke the whole way through is more parental than my own father treats me (now I'm an adult, he knows to let me ask for help if I need it- he knows better than to give unsolicited and judgmental advice), and I'm the same age as her. Getting some real grooming vibes off OP, especially considering the ages.
I wasn't paying close attention and only heard he was married two years ago and then talking about the "white teen girl thing". So I thought he was talking about his teenage stepdaughter. I felt the same whiplash when one of the commentators said they would have started dating when she was in her teens.
Rotflol! She works in finance and HE is going to explain finance for her? He sounds like a creepy older guy who groomed a teenager and is now upset that she doesn’t bow to his every whim and demand? Yikes!
Some parents don't talk about the child they lost. My mom didn't tell me until I told her about dreams I have had about playing on swings being pushed by a older boy who looked just like us. Then I learned I had an older brother. One I have always wanted. Dreams sometimes have important meanings once you know the facts.
Yes. We lost our first son in utero and had a funeral for him 3 yrs before our oldest daughter was born. They were adults when I told them. We just dont talk about it. William Adam would be 28 now and the "what ifs" would keep me up at night if I allowed myself to dwell on it too much. All 3 of my kids look so much alike, I wonder if he would have too or if he would've been the one child to take after me.
what happened to Cora was just unfortunate, but the parents did that to themselves. they cant complain to op about what they did when they merely told the truth to dispell their lies also, they tell op's an adult, but so are the parents and they, as adults too, should know not to be assholes if they dont want such a thing to happen to them, but here we are how can you treat someone badly and make up lies about them and their mom, yet start bitching when you suffer the consequences the moment the truth comes out?
Yes, OP's an adult now but you know whom has always been the adults in this entire situation? Dad and stepmom. Stepmom, an adult, decided that OP was not family and her husband, OP's dad and another adult, did nothing to stop her.
😂😂😂 OP was an adult and did step up to stop the rumors about her family - the lies they told about her Mother....I lost it when that part was read. So true!!! OP time to get a new phone number. Tell all family members that you give it to that they are NOT allowed to share with anyone, even family, without asking you first and getting permission from you specifically. Or you can just tell them No sharing period!! Even family. That if anyone asks for it, that they can ask for the requester's contact info so they can pass it along to OP so OP can contact them instead.
Story 2: YTA. Are you seriously telling me YOU don’t spend a dime on “Frivolous” things? Not a single beer or video game? Tv or streaming? Let the woman enjoy her financial independence! And yes it is raciest to say that as a Black Woman she it’s ridiculous to like Taylor Swift.
I won't disagree with the ultimate judgement or the nonsensical racial charges here, but there is frivolous and then there is frivolous and I'd really need a bit more context before saying he's actually wrong to be worried. A beer or a video game would have a hard time topping $100 which is the floor for the kind of thing she was out getting but if it doesn't impact the household budget or other joint plans it's silly (YMMV) but fine. He is correct that they need to get on the same page about financial plans and personal expenses but he's putting it in the entirely wrong way. And depending on what section of finance, that's not a good indicator for personal financial control.
Yeah I was just surprised that actual numbers weren't mentioned. I mean if she is in finance making 500K a year spending 42,000 dollars on a Taylor Swift Guitar with the lyrics of a song written on it would be somewhat reasonable for a devoted fan. Spending 42,000 on the guitar when she makes 30,000 a year not so much. Having OP denote the earnings and actual cost would be welcome. I assumed he was NOT talking about her buying 100 dollars of various keepsakes. He was implying a larger number, but then again without denoting the numbers it get's hard to decipher.
That story amused me because I know a guy who's a huiuuuge Swiftie. Has a high paying job he's good at, and regularly spends money on stuff like trips to see her in concert. I'm not the least bit worried about his finances, nor about the gal in the story. She earned the money fair and square, she gets to buy things from Etsy for as long as her wallet holds out. She should probably consider getting better people in her life, though.
I don't get why he needs to be racist about his girls interests. Why is it about race? Like is it only not okay because Taylor swift is white and she's black? Would it only be okay if she had the same love for someone like Beyonce(sorry not sorry really love her music)?
@@margaritap.9459 I mean also valid don't get me started on the whole "she just out of nowhere called me racist and infantilizing after I said something infantalizing and racist!"
First story. Yet another example of fathers only loving their children for as long as they love the mother. The moment the love dies for mom it dies for any kids with her.
I can’t tell who he’s more racist towards, white, blacks or both… cause he insulted both equally. He seems to look down on whites more with how he keeps being it up…
Story 2: This story reminds me of Lemmy from Motörhead. He read this question from a young black kid. Kid said other people told him he was a disgrace to the color. Lemmy said "Tell them to shove it boy, Jimmy Hendrix did alright remember?" Kid went on about his own dad was putting him down. Lemmy continued with a great answer. I do suggest taking a look at it if you have not. Basically ended with "Screw them do what you want"
Lemmy was pretty amazing. Still trying to figure out how he lived that long, doing bumps to the end, while still maintaining remarkable (if not a bit crass at times) clarity, even according to his good friends like Osborne. I need to go look at that one again (for like the 100th time, lol). It gave me a lot of encouragement in some similar situations that that kid went through.
Story 2: I hope some months later Op is an ex-husband. She can do sooooo much better. The audacity of a grown ass man to feel entitled to tell her in what to spend her money, not forgetting the fact she works in finance. Jesus
Yes. So many red flags. He is racist. When does color determine music tastes? I had to check multiple times what their relationship was, because he was sounding more like a jerk of a father than a husband.
@@lyndatuttle true!!! When I heard the comment about her taste on music I thought "what a racist parent, poor girl" then I found out he was her husband. Run woman! Run
A grown ass man who doesn't even know how etsy works and thinks profits from there will go Taylor Swift telling a woman who works in finance how money works. 29 year old asian woman here willing to spend on Taylor Swift concert tickets when she goes back to touring.
@@heartears I had to laugh at that part, he said she was on Etsy, she was planning on buying things from Etsy. She's spending money with a small business owner, and I seriously doubt that Taylor is running those shops.
Story 1: NTA. * Sarcasm on* Wow! People are excluding them from their lives because they think those were crap things to do? It almost like that was something they should have thought about BEFORE they did the crap thing!
That story with the wife coming home to a filthy home after a vacation is similar to my situation. I was away for a surgery for almost a week and came back to a filthy home that I knew I left clean and the food all eaten...and he was too busy to do anything else but unwind. Funny how they don't mind being sweaty and musty in front of a game but they draw the line at basic house work...
I'm hardly OCD about dusting and worrying about the neighborhood white glove busybody brigade, but a grown man with three kids cannot operate a trash can? Dirty dishes in the sink FOR DAYS? Yeachh!
I get the mess to a certain extent. Married, kids, job....gets the house to himself for a few days and probably wanted to relax. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, he became an ass when he still hadn't cleaned it up 4 hours later.
yeah that's the thing, the first problem is that he let it get to a just ridiculous extent. SOME filth is okay, being ABIT lazy is fine, but a grown ass adult should have SOME standards and letting the filth get THAT bad is already ridiculous on it's own. I could MAYBE even forgive him waiting till the LAST minute, but the second she walked through that door he should have immediately turned off the games, dropped everything and gotten to cleaning, i could have been MUCH more forgiving if he had at least gotten STARTED. The wife MIGHT have been the asshole if he had been busting his ass cleaning and his efforts just hadn't been "Good Enough" for her to come back home, but it seems clear he just didn't care, and given that it was HIS mess to clean, he should have cleaned up at bare minimum 80% of it, if not all of it, especially after she went back out with the kids. Even if he owns the house, he shares it, and the only filth people want to live in is their OWN.
I'll bet if she starts to pay attention, she'll notice that he's Always This Messy! That was only 4 days of accumulation all at once. Whereas she's usually on top of His mess & it doesn't pile up so she just doesn't notice it!
Messy baby. The first thing I'd have done was to take pics of him and the house. Then I'd unplug the video game system and take it with me. Then tell him that he's grounded and to call me AFTER THE HOUSE IS CLEAN. If he makes a fuss, post the pics on social media with the caption 'This is what I came home to after just a week. What would it have been like if I were gone for a month? Thanks Tyler for helping him make it this way.' But then again I'm petty lol.
I am a black man who like all forms of heavy metal LOL! I remember one time I was talking to this girl and didn't like me listening to Latin Music, because I was.....Black! LOL. I told her if she knew the history, Latin music has some African roots to it. I decided to stop talking to her.
It’s so ridiculous some people try to gatekeep (based on racism) *the type of music people listen to* . It’s ridiculous. I’m glad you no longer speak with this girl!
Heavy Metal music, like almost ALL American musical genres, have African roots. Those aren't the ONLY roots, of course, as it IS an American musical genres.
I not going say he rite about wat he did but Taylor swift is white girl brake up music that just facts like bluegrass is south black dude music. So I don't think what he said was racist
@@MrHelicx Music is to be enjoyed by everyone. Would it be seen differently if a White or Hispanic girl was told she can't listen to music with black singers because she's not black? How racist would that seem? That would ruin the world of music if it were separated by ethnic background. It would literally be racial segregation within the musical community. Which defeats the whole point of what music is meant for.
@@ChrisPotato1822 you call salsa music Spanish music on you call Rega Jamaican music sooo it not racist. Why when u label something white it make it racist.
The “Taylor Swift” story: in 1968, my parents laughed at me for being upset that my favorite TV show would be canceled at the end of the current TV year (so, just before summer of 1969, it would go off the air). “In ten years, nobody will remember your TV show.” The name of my show? Star Trek. If your wife wants to spend HER money on Taylor Swift memorabilia, stop nagging her. She is happy and her hobby is harmless. Once she contributes her half of the living expenses, the rest is hers to waste or invest as she sees fit. Treating her like a child will end up driving her away. YTA
While he was talking I forgot this was a partner and thought he was talking about his child, how young was she when they dated when he thought of her interests as "cute childhood stuff"? Why is a grown man identifying a grown woman as if she were his child? And being surprised she likes Swift because he thinks black women don't usually like Swift? That made me think he was an out of touch step dad trying to get to know his step child. This is a seriously weird relationship and he is no doubt infantilizing her.
“In ten years, nobody will remember your TV show.” How many shows did that NOT apply to, thanks in a large part due to syndication. Sometimes parents/people are just to out of touch, and devalue or discard everything that is not in their personal interests. That said, the guys wife is in one of the normal stages of development, once you finally get disposable income, it is normal to blow it for a while on things you want, heck just look at what the markets are like for vintage toys, considering once people reach a certain age if they have disposable income there are many who start buying or rebuying the stuff the loved as a kid and either did not have or lost/destroyed.
As long as she has enough money to contribute her share of the joint expenses what she does with the rest is none of OP's business. How much scolding would OP give me when I tell him I'm 42 and like kpop. I'm not Korean and a older demographic from the average fan.
Story he's an AH in so, so many ways. I'm a 30 plus yr old BLACK woman and absolutely love Taylor Swift. He needs to STFU!. Hopefully he's taught her to move on to a better man. He's horrid.
The 30 yo man child and the ex monster really wrote these stories and still don’t see how they are wrong. What must it be like to live in that kind of delusion.
The husband was " living like a batchelor" more like he was living like a squatter! Wife should have pulled the plug on the game console then cut the cord.
The baby name story...what gets me is that the son-in-law seemed to get off on making the parents miserable. Like, after the dad and his daughter talked it out things were getting better. But son-in-law kept bringing up the original confrontation and holding it over his in-laws heads. Guy was on some kind of power-trip and wouldn't let it go. Then when his wife got so uncomfortable about it she decided to change the name he blamed the in-laws. What? I think she needs a new husband.
I can understand his frustrations though. I think the parents should've sucked it up. It really isn't that big of a deal. The mother decided she wasn't going to have anything to do with the child because of the name is more worrisome than the son in law being mad. I think he had the right. It's his child too and they decided together. Her mom is pressuring her to change it.
And this is all about an unborn child over 20 years ago. If that makes you miserable you have issues. About a child they couldn't get immediately and had to wait for a couple of years. Op and wife are entitled as hell. (And I say that as a parent of a kid who took 5 years of iui, IVF, lost pregnancies and waiting)
Oona and Koos, The guy said "We weren't happy but I would accept it" straight after they found out. It's disingenuous for the younger couple to say it's a tribute and somehow for the older couple's benefit when the younger couple don't care (which they don't have to care, they have no prior connection to the name). So his " not a beautiful act for some unborn sister" comment was spot on. In the end IMO the son is AH for wanting them to be happy about the name but the son's mother is AH for rejecting involvement because of the name.
How many babies have been named in memory of deceased relatives ? It's more concerning that OP and his wife have never mentioned the child they lost. Maybe they need therapy because they did not grieve, they buried.
In any way so it doesn't hurt your relationship with your kids and grandkids. The horrible manipulation of pushing their daughter to not name her a certain way? Op should be happy to have someone call him dad, shut up and get help, and fully accept the name unconditionally. Op should understand that it is his wife or his family, and make those stakes clear to his wife. And work from there.
Agree. The nasty comments scolding the OP are ridiculous but not unexpected from that subreddit. Yes all sides could’ve handled things better. Yes they have should have told the daughter about the unborn sibling but I understand why they didn’t as it’s not an easy thing to discuss. But I’m not sure why the daughter dug her heels in so much about the name after realizing it was causing the parents pain.
@@tishjanuary7379 I'm not sure why op dug in *his* heels for *their* problem. It is not daughters problem. She was unaware and is blameless. So why should she change? She shouldn't even had to dug in her heels! Op shouldve said it's a hurtful thing to us still but we will do our best to not let it impact our relationship with you or our granddaughter. but they still let their trauma dictate their lives, and find it more important than their own daughter and granddaughter.
@@cptfwiffo Then saying that the granddaughter is a replacement for their dead daughter is a great response? That comment would have sent anyone over the edge. It was callous and insensitive.
@@sabersky1134 it was an unborn child as far as I understand. How in the world do you keep your hurt for over 20+ years. How was she supposed to know the enormous mound of hurt op and his wife built. It was an attempt to focus on the happy news. A bad one perhaps. Say sorry, agree to the sentiment, done. But op and wife hold their hurt above everything they hold dear. I'm almost wondering how often op and wife talked about their children and compared them to their ideal unborn daughter.
Evelyn name: NTA for OP. He doesn't like the name because of the past but he never asked Amy to rename her child. He simply asked her and Max to respect him not liking it and being hurt. Amy did, Max didn't, Laura is the one who said change the name. OP can be hurt, but he told Amy to do what she wanted and he would respect it. Amy and OP are NTA, Max and Laura are because they can't be respectful.
I respectfully disagree, OP needs to stand up here and help his wife through this difficult time. Sitting back and being on the sidelines isn't helping and is making things way worse. Its obvious they haven't fully gotten over their trauma and while Max isn't helping, he is at least doing more than the OP is doing and is standing up for his wife and the choice they came to together. I can't give it an ESH because Amy and Max didn't know about the history behind the name and that, however you view it, is on the OP and his Wife for not sharing. This is the consequences of keeping such pain bottled up and not dealing with it, it spills over and starts to hurt others.
Story 4: NTA. The Man knows you have a triggered response to messes and he make’s the house look like that!?! Part of me can get being a little careless for a little bit but that sounds awful! At the very least I’d expect someone living with a mess-phobic person to develop certain habits like throwing away cans right after your done with them.
This mes doesn't even sound bad. And nowhere does she say he actually asks or tells her to clean it. She just "suspects". She is purposely keeping their children away because dad was a little messy.
@@lamwen03 nope not at all and I would bet if the genders were reversed you be calling for kidnapping charges. It's a mess. And due to her being triggered I bet it is even less so. Nobody was abused or in danger if she didn't like it then she can go but to take the kids is ridiculous.
Messy husband story: good lord, he needs to clean up his own mess. He disrespects her and thinks she’s his maid. That’s disgusting. And he wouldn’t need to “sweat his balls off” if he just cleaned as he ate each meal. It’s literally not hard. He made his bed, so he better go lie in it.
What? Act like an adult and clean up after himself? But when will he do his drinking with his buds and play his games!? It's so unreasonable that his maid (cough) wife won't do it for him! (Is that enough sarcasm for you?)
Yeah, I agree. And I am that obsessive cleaning person. Or was until I had two small kids 😂 But I have had roommates/friends literally tell other people or partners to leave their mess, since I will do it. Fvck thar! After years I finally learned to stay in my own room & area and leave the rest to them. Eventually some wanted to come and hang in my area since it was always nicer and smelled good and had interesting decorations.
the messy husband, dude was waiting for his wife to come home and clean after him AND his friend. What an AHOLE. Stay away until he cleans it. Him spending 4 hours doing "other things' and still not cleaning is proof enough he thinks it's your job. It's not that hard to walk the can over to the bin when you're finished with it.
As far as names go, try going to an old cemetery and look closely at a family section of the graveyard. You'll find at least one "Smith" family that has multiple "Johns" or "Marys" that say things like Lived One Day or 14 Days Old or even 5 Years Old. Were they loved or wanted any less just because the parents wanted to use that specific name? The old myth is wrong in general. People in the past loved and wanted, mourned and missed their children just as much as we do today. Humanity didn't begin this morning.
You might want to go back a bit further in time. In ancient times many people did not get attached to their kids until they had survived so long, that is part of what enabled the ancient practice of Exposing, an example of which is seen in the myths/stories around Oedipus. But the worst thing we can do when looking at the past is place our own values and morals on the people of those times, they did not think like us, often due to issues of necessity.
My jaw dropped when I heard about how the husband left the house for the wife to clean. How did he live before he met his wife? Was his mother cleaning up his mess? My brother lives alone at the moment. I will visit this Friday and I already know how the house will be like last time. He won't have done any laundry or vacuuming the floors. But I won't be angry with him. I can't be angry. He has never been alone for that much time. He is 24 years old and he doesn't even have time to sleep and eat properly. He skips his meals because he always works. We live in the city but we only go the island, where my brother is now, for our summer holidays. Even though he is so busy, he still tries to clean the house as best as he can. I try to help as much as I can whenever I visit because I know that it is very difficult for him to be there alone. Our dad can't do many things yet because he has a broken foot. I don't know how else to help my brother. He called our mom the other day and he was crying because he is struggling. I can't be there with him anymore because my new job is in the city and not at the island.
For story three, I'm wondering if anybody was actually paying attention or just heard the part where op and wife were upset by the name and how the daughter might now change the name. Op said that he was staying out of the fighting because the name choice is still up to the daughter, just as his daughter was staying out of it, but it was his wife and her fiance that were going to war over it. Op isn't an AH since he wasn't the one making it an issue enough to not support his daughter while his wife and his future son-in-law are AHs. Although, the daughter is a tiny bit of one for her comment about her daughter basically being a replacement for the dead baby. She could have said it was fate and that it was going to be a special story for her daughter about her name.
NTA - Max is definitely one though. Amy is inconsiderate but not an AH. While OP and his wife are just springing the older sibling on Amy at this late date, it is understandable that Amy maybe didn't have enough time to process the info and reconsider names as Max was at her side the whole time fighting for the name. But Amy needs to think about it another way, say she was pregnant with a son who did not make it full term, and named him Mark; then her brother and his wife get pregnant and want to name their son Mark.....how would she feel?!! Because this is what she is doing to her parents.
@@thecoolgrandma7208 That's why she's only a tiny AH with her comment, but not for wanting to keep the name. Like I said, she could have turned it into a special story for her daughter, like the baby's aunt's spirit gave her the idea for the name or something. Saying that it was a replacement for the baby before was what tipped her into AH territory. It's her mom and her guy that is creating the trouble.
The baby name story: NTA my mother had a son well before I was born he passed away I did not know about him until I asked her why she seems so sad on a very particular date and that’s when she told me about him. I was 19 at the time. Some people do not like to talk about their deceased children because no matter how many years go by it still hurts. Also at the exact same time it is not a tribute to the child that passed because they did not know the sibling so to say it will be a tribute is it wrong
Not to mention telling people 'it's fate' and that they should be happy they honor the dead by naming their kid the same is horrible. yes they are allowed to name their kid what they want but op and their partner can be upset about the name.
@@velvety2006 they can be upset, and then shut up. Not force their trauma upon their child and require her to change the name. Daughter ineptly tried to reconcile. That was not malicious. But Laura badgering her daughter to change the name is ahole.
@@cptfwiffo Laura wasn't badgering her daughter until Max started badgering them to get over their grief and be happy "unconditionally" about the name i.e. that they should be happy and accept the baby as a replacement for their dead daughter. Max wants his daughter to be a walking memorial. He's the biggest AH of this story.
Ummm... OP mentions that Ava won't be alone with her at pickup and then cites the ways she makes Ava feel uncomfortable during pickup and caps it off by admitting that she told Ava that ex-hubby is using her to make OP jealous. OP waves this off by saying that while she did say that, she'd been drinking. Does this mean that OP drinks and drives with her kids?! Someone please tell me I'm wrong.
Exactly. So when did loving step-children become a crime? There are so many stories on these threads about evil st(r)ep-parents screwing up kids lives, yet here's a mother complaining that the step-mother and her family love their step-kids/grand-kids TOO MUCH. Get over yourself Princess. You and your husband chose to separate and you have accepted the bad consequences of that but you won't accept the GOOD consequences. Don't you want your kids to be happy? I had 3 sets of grandparents after mom's parents split and remarried other people. I loved them all and they all loved me. They didn't all like each other (obviously) but they made sure to never let that affect me.
Some people just can't have things go well. This is especially true if it's a spouse's new wife. OP is a glass Cannon; at war with everyone but as soon as she is challenged, she shatters. Every one is walking on eggshells around her. It has been said the one in the arrangement with the mental illness is the one who controls the relationship. Squeaky wheel!
Obviously OP IS Jealous..she's jealous of the relationship Ava has with her kids, the fact they consider Ava's parents their grandparents, and the fact ex-husband actually loves Ava and is not with her to make OP jealous. There is no reason for OP to be at the wedding and if she stops her kids from going, then she's just using them as pawns in her jealous game, Disgusting
The Taylor swift one pissed me off my husband since the day we met told me about his comic book collection even took me to the places he brought his books lol they know him by name and had what they knew he liked. I never told him he couldn't buy any books or called them silly they were his passion since he was a kid my attitude is so long as he's taking care of home he can buy what he wants yta bet he buys what he wants no discussion
The name story NTA for being upset but Amy is MASSIVLY TA for the "this is fate and a replacement for the daughter you lost"??? Like seriously?? How heartless and self-centered do you have to be to respond like that and not say something as simple as "we're sorry for your loss but the name means a lot to us so we're still going to use it"???..... Simple, sets your boundaries and remains respectful instead of "forget about the dead kid cause her replacements on the way".....
Video games are a Time suck and are used as an excuse for why hours and days were burned off and nothing constructive was done! Every shred of the week's garbage was right where it was tossed. This idiot couldn't even grab some trash bags and pick up the empties and take out boxes and bags and put them outside. No! He wallowed in it like a hog expecting his wife to snap to as soon as she got home. Call a lawyer. This is a difference of opinion that is no doubt irreconcilable!
I disagree with the 'he lived like a bachelor' lol, i am single and my house does not look like that. but yea maybe his drinking buddies can help him clean.
@@velvety2006 I had a bachelor friend and the worst his room ever got was when he decided not to throw away all his cans because he wanted to make a “Mayan coke castle”
@@crem-crem4070 When I moved out my mom offered to clean my house while I was at work but I refused because I wanted to learn to do it myself, but more importantly i did not want her to feel like she had to clean every time she comes to visit. We did kinda compromise, every once in a while she comes and helps me move stuff I cannot move on my own to clean under it but that's like a half-hour of work.
Baby Eve Story: So let's see, OP didn't initially tell the kids the story about how they would have had an older sister. However it almost seems like the exchange was: "Could you change the name, no, alright. Wait what did you just claim, no we won't be happy for you when you disrespect the dead." Then the battle of Spite occurred and the daughter finally got tired of the situation, one which was solely created by them not respecting that the parents felt a little hurt at the reminder of their first kid. Quite literally the daughter and Max played themselves, as it never needed to become as big of a problem as they made it. And yes, it IS disrespecting the dead to make such a claim. I am positive there have been stories where an expecting couple tried to claim a dead relatives name and did so intentionally, and others where the parents tried to force a new child to replace the old one. The parents didn't want any of that and are arguably more respectful of the kid then the parents are.
Ugh, no. Her parents screwed this up. It's their child and they can name it what they want. The mother double downed and said she wants nothing to do with the baby. That is ridiculous. And it's not disrespectful to name someone after someone deceased. It happens all the time. They are showing no respect to the new parents. These new parents did nothing wrong. They need to get over themselves. And you too.
@@oonachestnut509 how often have we had this exact same scenario where a baby was supposed to replace a stillborn, an early loss or another dead relative, and Reddit and these comment sections were up in arms, how this would be disrespectful to the parents of the dead kids and/or the newborn, the newborn has the right to be their own person but here, it's a-okay, why? because the death happened a decade ago and not right around the birth/pregnancy/conception of a new baby? or because these parents already had their time to grief and should be over by now? well, that is not how this works - especially when the daughter actually tells her parents that her daughter should be seen a replacement for her dead sister - who is tone death here
@@oonachestnut509 You're totally offbase here. Especially with how this was handled. It started out as respectful, then it turned awful. I'd say the parents should go no contact with the son in law. He sounds like a total tool who was on a power trip and happy to make them suffer. The baby isn't even born yet, the name can be changed. And most likely, if it isn't, Eve will grow up and always wonder, why am I treated differently by grandpa and grandma? Why don't they love me as much? Why are the other children favored? She is the one who will suffer, as well as the grandparents, all because the husband was on a power trip.
@@oonachestnut509 actually Amy and her baby daddy screwed this up when they said "she will be the replacement of the baby girl you never had". Her parents were ok, not happy but ok, with the chosen name until that comment.
Me and my sister (38, 35) love Taylor Swift. For Christmas, I made her a TS water bottle and for her birthday a couple years ago, I got her a (pretty expensive) TS vinyl. She gets me something TS basically every year. We're Mexican. Taylor Swift fandom doesn't have a color or an age requirement. This dude is seriously deranged.
Story 2. This dude really is going out with a much younger woman who has a hobby that isn't hurting anyone is spending her own money on and isn't asking him for his input on it. And on top of that he decides to put the whole racist remark of it's such a white girl thing to do like dude shut up. Your girlfriend's buying stuff that makes her happy as long as it isn't cutting into things like her not being able to pay bills or properly take care of herself it is literally none of your business what she likes and what she wants to do with that money. If you have such a problem with it maybe start dating in your own age range.
besides she is looking at it it was not in the cart to buy, it could be she wants to save for something and is just trying to decide which ones she likes best. i do the same with knitted and crochet patterns
Story 3: I don't think people understand that op was upset about the name but obviously knew nothing can be done of it but the moment Ava went ahead to say that this was fate and bullshit that's when op found it disgusting. And no you don't talk about a miscarriage that happened when you had no children prior as it does not affect any of your kids lives at all. NTA. NTA. NTA.
It did affect their lives though, they now feel like they can't give their daughter the name they want. If the daughter had known about the previous pregnancy she probably wouldn't have picked the same name.
@@arleneclark6369 this is literally an extremely rare thing. When you don't have kids prior it is not at all compulsory to put such a big thing on your kids shoulders. Unless situations like THESE come up then yeah you do need to tell them.
@@lifegoeson6045 exactly losing a child is something you never get over. You can move on,but you'll always wonder what if. Calling it fate and the daughter you never had was probably a lapse in judgement. It was a cruel thing to say.
Story 3: I'm probably gonna get some heat, but I'm going with NAH between Amy, OP, and Laura. Amy can name her child whatever she wants, but at the same time OP and Laura can be upset about it. That said, Max is a pretty big AH for gaslighting Amy's parents my only question is, why didn't you tell Amy before?
I get why OP and Laura wre upset but it's also their fault for not telling the daughter about the previous pregnancy and for Max being upset. Max and Amy choose a name and had no idea what it meant to her parents. Max and Amy are entitled to be upset as well for being blindsided with that information about her parents past. This rift in their family is on OP and Laura to mend.
@@MrJpaynebb You don't have to tell your children about anything in your private life. Losing a child is a traumatic thing and not everyone can talk about it.
Max is an ah for making his stance clear and repeating boundaries? Wife is ripping the family apart with her drama. Op needs to see that it's his wife who is incapable of respecting their daughters decision, keeps stomping her emotional trauma on her kid, and with that incapable of being a good grandmother. So they finally need to get help coping with this. Or there will be nobody calling op grampa... Nor his daughter calling him dad. My god Laura is an ahole. Her needs go before her daughter. That is ahole territory.
Max isn't an ah and he didn't gaslight anyone. He stood up for what he and his wife wanted. There's no yelling how long they say down and picked out the prefect name for their baby only to be blindsided by her parents awful behavior.
Last story: Reminds me of how bitter my own mom was for years after the divorce. I'm glad the kids like the future stepmom and their future stepgrandparents. It's always nice to have a big extended family, especially one that cares about the new kids coming in through the marriage. My own dad remarried by the time my sibling and I were adults, so it was just like, "Oh, okay lol."
Ava's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't... anything. As far as the grandparents are concerned, I think that kids today need as many grandparents that they can get. OP needs to shut up about them at drop off/pick up times. The wedding? You weren't invited so shut up and deal with. Two little girls without someone watching them.... LMFAO 🤣😂🤣😆. Doesn't OP read any of the posts about unsupervised kids at weddings? OP find out who else is going to be there and ask for some videos especially of the reception. Hyped up kids getting cranky and crashing ? 😂🤣😆 I love it.
Lmao the Taylor Swift thing wtf. Does he like sports? Video games etc? Whatever gives you that dopamine hit is fine. I mean, I love Twilight and I'm a 34 year old man. At least it's not meth haha
My youngest daughter wanted to name her oldest after her dead brother. But I convinced her to use it as a middle name instead. So as to honour her brother she never met but that my grandson has a name for himself
Re story 2: It's wife's money, so she should spend it how she wants, just as you have the freedom to spend your hard-earned money. Necessaries should get taken care of first, of course. If the shoe were on the other foot, and say, you liked souped up cars, would you object if you earned the money and wanted to splurge and wife said it wasn't a good idea?I'm mid-story, but had to stop to comment on the white-singer-black-fan thing. Jeez, isn't music just music anymore?? Why does it not relate just b/c wife is black and a white girl is singing??? Does English, do feelings and experiences not mean the same thing across the board, or is the heartbreak, or beauty, or depression, or whatever is being conveyed dependent on skin color now??? Life decided, and my eyes have been wired shut since I was born, so I don't have that lens to look through. Everyone that did music was mostly white, no brown Filipinos anywhere, so no one to identify with there. I'd have NO music collection if I went by your seeming criteria. What piece am I missing to get a full pic of where you're coming from.
story 3, the YTAs are quite harsh. I go with NTA and honestly think it's not that big a deal for Amy and her husband to change to another name, they would've gone through multiple names and would've had 2nd and 3rd preference. It was insensitive of them to expect the parents to be happy and agree that this baby can replace the daughter they lost, the dad was correct in saying that. It seems the only reason the mum is digging in with them changing the name is because Amy and especially Max keeps pushing about it. Max is being obstinate and wants to be proved right more than caring about the name. Personally, I would not like for my child to be a walking memorial for a deceased person and that is basically what he wants his child to be. OP and his wife were understandably upset about the naming and yes would have preferred if they didn't use it but wasn't pushing it until Amy and Max made their ridiculous demands. You have a right to name your child whatever you want but other people also have a right to morn their child however they want. You don't get to tell them how morn or feel about it.
I wouldn’t be surprised if after finding out about the name and that OP was not happy but supportive, Max decided to push the issue if only to alienate Amy from her parents. Him getting so mad about them being upset over being told the baby would replace theirs seems like he wanted to hurt them and abusers do like to keep their victims away from parents
That story reminds me of one where the wife left for like the weekend or something. She and hubby had an agreement on doing 50/50 on chores. The place is spotless when she leaves. She comes home to a pig stye. He made all that mess and at the end of the day wanted her to come home and clean it up because he cleaned his 50%. She argued that that agreement was when they made the mess by just general living together. She refused. Don't remember what happened after that.
Story 3 - NTA. The parents said they where not comfortable with the name and didn't push it. It was the boyfriend that went crazy and came at the parents. The parents are right, they don't have to be happy over a name that brings them grief. And their daughter should not be an AH and push that name on them when there are literally MILLIONS of names in the world. The question is, who is right? ONE side LIKES the sound of a name, The other side lost a child and hearing the name brings them pain
I had a son named….well it doesn’t matter to this post. If someone decided to name their kid the same, it would be painful. Who are any of you to say a person can’t process the pain on their own. It’s not ok for someone to hurt just because you wouldn’t…your the a-hole for telling parents who LOST A CHILD they are wrong for being in pain!!! I hope you NEVER feel that pain in your life!
i love it when reddit reads the whole post and then makes up ops motivations even when it clearly contradicts the actual story. 'its her choice!!!' they scream to someone who said 'its her choice but we don't like being told how we're supposed to feel about it, and think its insensitive for her to act as if its a good thing she's 'replacing' our dead child'
Poor Evelyn. This is another sad example of just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you'll bring home a baby. IMHO I don't think it's wise to name a baby until after it's born. Pre-birth naming makes it harder if something goes wrong. Once it has a name, then in our minds, we can see it's future easier. Then if something goes wrong, it isn't just the generic dreams of life's firsts (step, school, SO, wedding, etc) it's THEIR life's firsts that'll never happen. To me, that would be crippling. I don't think Amy meant that her baby would be a replacement but rather a chance to love another baby girl just as much, but differently, than they love Evelyn. No one's the AH here. Just a whole lot of hurt people who need to find a way past this BEFORE Eve shows up. And remember EVE IS INNOCENT. DON'T END UP TAKING ANY OF THIS OUT ON HER EVEN SUBCONSCIOUSLY.
2. YTI. She is an adult and can enjoy what she wants. Oh and your statement was, in fact, racists. Peoples interests are not driven by their skin color. She can buy whatever she wants right now and i hope she makes fun of all of your hobbies because any entertainment is a "waste". No one should let you teach them anything.
Like yeah, sorry your young partner can act as a adult who drinks parties or smokes like any other adult. Newsflash not our adult partners like that stuff, some even have hobbies
Baby name story- NTA . Only because of the fallout after OP said he was uncomfortable because xyz. It was talked out, but the husband running up like captain big balls running his mouth really set me in on the NTA. He sounded like HE wanted the name as a power play after the daughter and parents were working it out
1. I'd double down. Bring out any evidence. Those two can work on protecting 'their real family' since that's what matters to them so much. 2. When we're teenagers we girls get told everything we like is stupid. I listened to Aussie Rock and British Punk when I was a teen so people called me a 'tryhard' and said it wasn't for me. I'm 35 now and I listen to Kpop and now that makes me 'childish' and apparently I need to grow out of it. Everything women do gets put down by losers like this guy so just do whatever you want girls. Except marry men like this. Don't marry men like this. 3. Oh no, Amy, all you had to do was STFU. You were allowed to have the name - you weren't allowed to have the 'replacement baby'. 4. What's with these overgrown man children and their video games? Just grow TF up. 5. That's a long way to say you haven't got over your ex, OP. Might need some therapy for that, love.
Story 2: YTA. I don’t know what’s Op’s problem. He sounds like my mom 😑. Especially with the “You’re Black” comments. I mean I’m a black woman who loves anime and will be spending adult money on my Otaku teenage fantasy at a Anime con in couple weeks. Everyone deserves to spend some money on things they enjoy to make this life a bit better 😄. Go forth and seize the day!!
Lol. The last story reminds me of my sister. I'm still family with her ex and was invited to the wedding, but my sister wasn't and she was upset. Their daughters were in the wedding too. I thought she was an idiot and told her that.
Bro the Evelyn name, like they said “ohh my baby is gonna be a replacement baby for the child you lost” like wtf who says that? Op and Lauren already said fine to the name but not fine to the replacement, the one that’s stirring the pot here is max. --------------- Op with the Taylor swift fan wife, I hope she divorces him, apparently her “money” is family money that she can’t spend, but I don’t see him saying anything about his money and whatever “manly” stuff he probably spends it on. Also I can’t believe he wants to give her an hour of homework each day, on finances, to the woman who has a corporate job in finances like brooo what in the egotistical hell is this
1st one - Eff the B of a step-mom who made it very clear that the OP was NOT part of the family (which dad went along with) so the OP has zero obligation to the step-mom, her dad, or her step-sister. And the whole "but their family" stuff is utter manure.
Baby name story: Their baby can't be replaced. You should ask people before naming your kids after dead people.. But here's the kicker that got me, to say " it's fate " and that stuff nah nah that's very insensitive. That's where I think sissy needs to step back and rethink her words.
The story about the baby name, nta. I was furious hearing that she only decided to give it some noble meaning when she knew it would hurt. Then the boyfriend starts rubbing it in? Honestly I wouldn't be able to bring myself to have anything to do with the child (and likely the parents) but I'm a spiteful person.
Last story OP is TA and unhinged!! LMAO for the reason OP's angry that Ava won't do a drop off alone with her is cause she doesn't want to listen to OP's abuse or drunken rants??; I hope they had a happy wedding day uneventful from any of OP's BS, and that they keep copies if they need to eventually get a restraining order pr go back to court over custody
a lot of these stories mention therapy, i went through 'therapy' and it almost destroyed my life, i am talking relationship, job and self-respect. For some it might work, but i would not go down that road again.(if i posted my story on reddit, someone would suggest i had therapy to get over the therapy
Story 1: don't help. I mean u ain't their family lol also tell them they lied about YOUR family (about how they lied about ur mother) and now they got their price. And u won't help these who never treated u as family. I also hope that OP let's stepfather if mother remarried a great man. To let him be father who gives the child up in marriages. I mean ur father was never their for u n forced u babysit alot when u wanted hang out with friends yet they stop u last minute. I mean he deserves to be treated as if he isn't her father after how he acted.
Wow. OP, the problem isn't your ex's SO, it's YOU! Blended families often call Step's parents Nana and Papa. It seem like OP doesn't want her kids to have healthy family interactions. Of course new step mom is uncomfortable around a bitter woman who berates her and OP's ex. And, Geez, WHO ON EARTH invites their EX spouse to their wedding?!?! The narcisism is strong in this one.
I doubt few people feel what others spend on fun things is appropriate. I learned early on that a certain amount of spending money should be set aside as not need defending. The amount is of course negotiable but the concept is important.
The story about the name Evelyn is easily a YTA.... before Amy opened her mouth and tried to say it was fate and how she could be the daughter reborn. Then it went to NTA. Amy is YTA. She needs to shut up.
Story1: Gigantic NTA. Aww look at that, it's the consequences of my actions! Play simpy-lying daddy and his new wife the world's smallest violin! I'm glad OP told the truth. If they wanted her to be a good daughter, maybe they should have been better parents! OP's absolutely right that Cora isn't her responsibility. Daddy can fix his own mess this time.
In re: The "sacred name". My eldest sister was stillborn. She was given the name "Katherine Anne". 5 years later, my cousin was born; she was given the "Katherine Anne". My parents were just fine with that decision.
The Taylor Swift Story: I'm over 50 and a Harry Potter fan (I'm a Slytherin, thank you for asking.) What did my husband do? He made me a wand! A beautiful, glorious WAND! Because he loves me and likes to see me happy. Sadly, this isn't really mansplaining. It's far far worse. What he is attempting to do is gaslight her. You see, any interest she has that he doesn't share is worthless and childish. While HIS interests are valid, worthwhile, and suitable for adults. His "financial lectures" will be skewed to "prove" he is right.
@@velvety2006 omg 😂 he’s been slowly learning. Keyword, slowly. But he doesn’t expect me to clean up after him… at least, not that he’s said. He’s just lazy.
Whenever I go out of town to visit my parents my husband ALWAYS clean the house, does dishes, laundry, etc before I come home. I leave him with a clean house so he makes sure it’s in the same condition when I return. It’s simple respect.
Baby name story, I’m named after my deceased aunt, my brother is named after my deceased grandfather and my dad’s deceased friend…. I had a late term miscarriage named the baby girl Lil, my ex (father of the lost pregnancy) has a daughter named Lil. We’re super great friends and I love his daughter. Process your own trauma
For the baby name story (Everything stated below is my opinion, please be respectful when replying): Let’s look at the whole situation. Everyone were respectful at first. The guy even said that he wasn’t happy but wouldn’t object to the name being used, but then Amy made the wrong move. She said that the baby would be like the daughter they never had and that it was fate. When a parent grieves, you don’t say my child will be yours in spirit. That would hurt a lot. It like your dog dies and then someone says my dog will be like your dog that you lost. That is the wrong response. They had a right to be angry and then op and Amy worked it out (in their own way). However max and Laura did not. The common thing I’m seeing is that Laura said she wouldn’t be apart of the child’s life if they named the kid eve. But it seems that happened after max kept bringing it up. When a traumatic event happens, you don’t bring it up over and over again, neither with an issue that should have been resolved. It sounds like he kept bringing it up to prove a point of maybe to get them angry or something. I’m not sure for what reason but not for one that makes sense. Then laura escalated things from aggravation and her lasting grief of the situation at hand and her lost daughter. When max blew up at them saying it was their fault she changed the name, it seemed a little out of place. No matter if he really liked the name or if he felt wronged, blowing up like that seems a little weird. Op didn’t mention it having any meaning towards either of them nor it being a family name in max’s family. But the way he blew up seems off. No matter what his reasons, I do think he should respect Amy’s wishes to change the name because she’s the one who has been storing the baby for 7 months and will for another 2 before going through immense pain to push the baby out. So it seems fair that she’s able to pick the name and change it if she’s wants. It also seems like they all need to sit down and try and talk. Maybe have each side explain their story while the other shuts ups and the do the same for each side. But, I think that because of how painful it would be to lose a child and then have to interact with a child that related to you with the same name would be hard. What will happen to the child should be taken into account to. Someone else in the comments section pointed out it would be hard for them to look at eve and it would cause the child to wonder what was wrong with them and why grandma and grandpa didn’t look at them the same as any other grandchildren if their are any later on. Another thing is how weird it is to be named after a dead relative. For example, Vincent Van Gogh was named after his dead brother. The baby was a stillborn (I did a paper on Vincent Van Gogh years ago and am going of memory) but they had a grave in the backyard. Vincent Van Gogh spent his childhood with a headstone in his backyard that had his name on it. That would’ve been hard. Take this with the grandchild, even with no headstone like in my example story, that grief and loss is still there. Children are much more perspective than most people realize and will probably pick up on it. This, as stated earlier will bring up questions like, “why are my grandparents so sad whenever they see me?” While I do think Amy and Max have the right to name their child whatever they want, the damage they could do will be irreparable. Honestly, I think the only one who isn’t an ah here is op. He told them and even though he didn’t like, would respect that decision. Amy made a rude comment and doesn’t seem like she sees the issue here, though she does know that it created tension. On my scale she’s the least of ah out of the three. Max seems to have some anger issues to work out and should probably look at his responses to the situation as well as learn to more respectful of others grieving processes. Laura should learn to accept it even if it hurts because it will make her daughter happy. (To be honest, and this is just based off of their reactions, I’m wondering if max picked the name and that’s why he’s so angry about it and if it was even Amy’s top choice. Again this is speculation and doesn’t have anything to do with my decision but I do wonder why he made such a big fuss over a name that doesn’t mean all that much to him as far as we’ve been informed).
Your husband doesn't have time to clean up when he knows you're coming home but he had plenty of time to make a mess that large this man is pathetic tell him you have a choice you can either clean the house or you can live in that filth by himself
It boggles my mind how many people say divorce at the first sign of a problem. Do people not try to work things out like adults but rather just bail? No one is perfect and we all do things that annoy others.
1st story. "A good daughter" counter that with "But *you* weren't a good father and stepmother." Along with "You said it yourself "We're NOT family!" then block them again. Last one. Sounds like OP still has a thing for her Ex. If she was invited to the wedding, she sounds like the sort to show up in her old wedding dress, claiming she didn't have anything else to wear. ***shudder***.
OMG that Last OP‼️ My 5 grands from my 3 kids all have a LOT of grandparents! The oldest has a different dad than her brother & the 2nd oldest has a different mom than her brother &the youngest has a brother & a sister who all have different dads. The first 4 All can call each others grandparents their own. The youngest one could if she lived closer. Everyone gets along very well! This lady needs therapy Badly! She's only going to be hurting herself & her kids. Just wait till they are getting married & mommy dearest doesn't want them to invite dad & stepmom! (Or She Won't Come!)
1: The father and Lauren made it clear that OP was not family so they can get bent now. 2: Is OP seriously surprised that his wife is acting her age by listening to a popular singer? If he wanted a “mature” wife, he shouldn’t have gotten with a flipping teenager. He trying to tell her how to spend the money she earns is controlling. Also, he saying that she shouldn’t listen to Taylor Swift because she’s not white is just gross. OP and their relationship are gross and reeks of power imbalance.
Baby name story: I get how they haven't gotten over their loss, but they can't expect their living daughter to have those feelings as they NEVER told her or shared this with her beforehand. Their daughter fell in love with a name and has ALREADY been referring to her child with this name - just as OP and his wife did for their pregnancy. I have to wonder if the name also belonged to an earlier family member as it is a bit odd for them both to come up with this name. Evelyn / Evlyn is an old-fashioned name that I can easily see in someone's family history. It is NOT a unique name and old fashioned names have been making a comeback, like Ava. At some point, they were always going to run into someone with this name. What were they going to do if a co-worker was hired named Evelyn? A new neighbor or their child? Re-using names is common. My grandfather was named Clifford. His parents had an older child of that same name that only lived a few years. They re-used the name a few babies later. A couple generations later and the family would joke they liked the name so much they used it twice. They never shared why they did so, if it was to remember the boy who died or if they really just were tired of coming up with names by number 11. ( all children born late 1880's to 1910s ) It's too bad that once they shared their loss, nobody said that they should table the discussion to let everyone absorb. Emotions were high in that moment and OP and his wife were focused on their loss and their feelings and unable to see that their daughter had been calling her unborn child by that name and was already just as attached to it as they had been. They have gotten to the scorched earth phase where everyone is going to be unhappy no matter what is done in the end. Everyone will now look at this first grandchild / child with a touch of bitterness. I hope they can all get past this for her sake or 15 years later SHE will be posting about how her family treats her differently than her siblings and she is the scapegoat child.
![แฉกลโกงงานวัด 2024 [ โกงมั้ยครับ ep.106 ] | DOM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/taC5dpP3HXA/mqdefault.jpg)
That second story was creepy as f*ck. He’s acting like a condescending dad to his WIFE, it grossed me out listening to that. Just, ew. I hope OP’s wife runs far and fast.
Exactly.
And I wonder if he has hobbies he spends money on?
Exactly! So what if she spends HER money on something she may grow out of later on - we all did it and the world didn't end! As long as she is setting aside funds for bills etc to meet financial needs / goals, she can spend the rest of her DISCRETIONARY funds however makes her happy. Even if she decides years later that it was a phase, she will enjoy it now and that is the point. It's the reward for all the hard work getting to a point of having a good job.
What the f@,ck did I just listen to im 45 and a big swifty 🙈
The second story, just wow. If men are so insecure that there are young partners have a interest that may seem childish, with how much they express interest in that hobby. Then maybe they should date a more older partner instead of trying to control what their other younger partner likes. For example I like Power Rangers and ninja turtles, but if my partner ever tried to bash my interest nor try to control what I like then they would see themselves out the door. These grown men dating younger people really lack maturity. Which is pretty embarrassing since their partner is more mature than them
From my experience having also dated someone far older than me: Those people of 30+ who date partners below the age of 25 often (but not always) got stuck in the age their partner was when they started dating. I connected with the person I dated when I was 19, they were 9 years older than me. In a few years I found out that while I was still maturing, the one I dated was still stuck acting like a teen. Eventually this caused us to break up because I felt like I was parenting them. I feel sorry for that girl, her husband is nothing but a teen with a superiority complex because 'I'm older!'.
" is for KIDS" is the type of thinking only immature jerks have. Also Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles are awesome. (I still have an ancient sticker book from the first Power Rangers series, my fav was the green one) My personal hobby is plushies. My mother took me along to a store for groceries etc once and bought me a huge plushie goat (that looks a bit like a cartoony devil) when I was 25. I'll never stop being her kid who loves plushies, no matter how adult I am.
I listen to these stories in the background, and sometimes miss points: I seriously thought OP was the father, not the husband and she was living at home rent free or something... like that's the only way I could see that attitude making sense. He is quite literally treating as you would a child. "Wait to see if you still want it"?? 🤮 Such a gross and demeaning demand from an adult to their supposed partner.
I wouldn't be surprised if he was acting that way was because she actually makes more than him
I like you I straight up like you since power rangers and ninja turtles are my two most favorite things in the world
Can we best friends?
But it's not just men it's woman too
I remember hearing a story about op being pregnant and her husband had a room full of collectables and op wanted him to get rid of it and he said no
So op got his father who doesn't have a great relationship with and had him get rid of his hobbie by throwing the collectable in the trash and told him to "man up"
Yah op in that story was an ahole
Amy acted like her kid would be a replacement. That's an awful thing to say.
Story 2: Wife is 22, they've been married for two years, and together for "some time" before that? So, a guy in his 20's was dating a teen?
BTW, it's her money. Sounds like she's being mostly responsible. Oh, and she's your wife, not your daughter.
You're a major AH. And a creep.
Ex-wife: Yup. You're the AH. Ava sounds like a loving stepmom. Get over yourself.
2 'you can spend al you want in 5 years' I am get the impression he is planning to get her pregnant and expect her to spend her salary on buying everything for the kid while he still spends it as he pleases?
Add racist because black women shouldn't love Taylor Swift...
@@Azulakayes Yep. I noticed more than one reference to race in his post. Seems OP has appointed himself Lord High Arbiter of what people of a given race are allowed to have as interests.
Not going to lie; I wasn’t paying attention to the introduction in story 2 and thought OP was the woman’s Father and had a complete whiplash when he said ‘husband’.
Lmao, same! The way he spoke the whole way through is more parental than my own father treats me (now I'm an adult, he knows to let me ask for help if I need it- he knows better than to give unsolicited and judgmental advice), and I'm the same age as her. Getting some real grooming vibes off OP, especially considering the ages.
I wasn't paying close attention and only heard he was married two years ago and then talking about the "white teen girl thing". So I thought he was talking about his teenage stepdaughter. I felt the same whiplash when one of the commentators said they would have started dating when she was in her teens.
I missed the introductions of the Taylor swift fan story and I legit thought he was talking about his teen daughter with her first job...
I thought the same thing
Rotflol! She works in finance and HE is going to explain finance for her?
He sounds like a creepy older guy who groomed a teenager and is now upset that she doesn’t bow to his every whim and demand? Yikes!
Some parents don't talk about the child they lost. My mom didn't tell me until I told her about dreams I have had about playing on swings being pushed by a older boy who looked just like us. Then I learned I had an older brother. One I have always wanted. Dreams sometimes have important meanings once you know the facts.
My uncle suddenly passed away, my grandma could never talk about though it was partially because of my aunts.
Same with my house I didn't know my grandmother second was twins boys 1 died I didn't even know until I was in my late 20's I was shock
@@niccolehoody7317 I was in my 50's and only found out when I brought it up. My aunt was surprised that I knew when I told her about the conversation.
Yes. We lost our first son in utero and had a funeral for him 3 yrs before our oldest daughter was born. They were adults when I told them. We just dont talk about it. William Adam would be 28 now and the "what ifs" would keep me up at night if I allowed myself to dwell on it too much. All 3 of my kids look so much alike, I wonder if he would have too or if he would've been the one child to take after me.
@@frst78 Sorry for your loss. It is never easy.
what happened to Cora was just unfortunate, but the parents did that to themselves. they cant complain to op about what they did when they merely told the truth to dispell their lies
also, they tell op's an adult, but so are the parents and they, as adults too, should know not to be assholes if they dont want such a thing to happen to them, but here we are
how can you treat someone badly and make up lies about them and their mom, yet start bitching when you suffer the consequences the moment the truth comes out?
I had no idea people are this sick in the head. I'd of written off all concerned and never look back. ;-)
If people don't want to feel humiliated when lies are exposed there's a very simple fix: Don't lie.
Yes, OP's an adult now but you know whom has always been the adults in this entire situation? Dad and stepmom. Stepmom, an adult, decided that OP was not family and her husband, OP's dad and another adult, did nothing to stop her.
😂😂😂 OP was an adult and did step up to stop the rumors about her family - the lies they told about her Mother....I lost it when that part was read. So true!!! OP time to get a new phone number. Tell all family members that you give it to that they are NOT allowed to share with anyone, even family, without asking you first and getting permission from you specifically. Or you can just tell them No sharing period!! Even family. That if anyone asks for it, that they can ask for the requester's contact info so they can pass it along to OP so OP can contact them instead.
Story 2: YTA. Are you seriously telling me YOU don’t spend a dime on “Frivolous” things? Not a single beer or video game? Tv or streaming? Let the woman enjoy her financial independence! And yes it is raciest to say that as a Black Woman she it’s ridiculous to like Taylor Swift.
I won't disagree with the ultimate judgement or the nonsensical racial charges here, but there is frivolous and then there is frivolous and I'd really need a bit more context before saying he's actually wrong to be worried. A beer or a video game would have a hard time topping $100 which is the floor for the kind of thing she was out getting but if it doesn't impact the household budget or other joint plans it's silly (YMMV) but fine. He is correct that they need to get on the same page about financial plans and personal expenses but he's putting it in the entirely wrong way.
And depending on what section of finance, that's not a good indicator for personal financial control.
It never ceases to amaze me how these older people act so immature and the younger partners they date act very mature.
Yeah I was just surprised that actual numbers weren't mentioned. I mean if she is in finance making 500K a year spending 42,000 dollars on a Taylor Swift Guitar with the lyrics of a song written on it would be somewhat reasonable for a devoted fan. Spending 42,000 on the guitar when she makes 30,000 a year not so much. Having OP denote the earnings and actual cost would be welcome. I assumed he was NOT talking about her buying 100 dollars of various keepsakes. He was implying a larger number, but then again without denoting the numbers it get's hard to decipher.
That story amused me because I know a guy who's a huiuuuge Swiftie. Has a high paying job he's good at, and regularly spends money on stuff like trips to see her in concert. I'm not the least bit worried about his finances, nor about the gal in the story. She earned the money fair and square, she gets to buy things from Etsy for as long as her wallet holds out. She should probably consider getting better people in her life, though.
I don't get why he needs to be racist about his girls interests. Why is it about race? Like is it only not okay because Taylor swift is white and she's black? Would it only be okay if she had the same love for someone like Beyonce(sorry not sorry really love her music)?
Story 2: "I'm 30, she's 22"
Oh boy here we go
"We've been married for 2 years and were dating for a while before that"
OH BOY HERE WE GO
"She's black, so she's not supposed to have white girl interesrs".
OH BOY HERE WE GO.
@@margaritap.9459 I mean also valid don't get me started on the whole "she just out of nowhere called me racist and infantilizing after I said something infantalizing and racist!"
First story. Yet another example of fathers only loving their children for as long as they love the mother. The moment the love dies for mom it dies for any kids with her.
I am constantly amazed at the number of people that do not know the differences between step sibling, half sibling, and adopted sibling.
Holy racist, batman!
Can't imagine being married to a racist who thinks less of me because of my taste in music... red flags are waving everywhere
I can’t tell who he’s more racist towards, white, blacks or both… cause he insulted both equally. He seems to look down on whites more with how he keeps being it up…
Story 2: This story reminds me of Lemmy from Motörhead. He read this question from a young black kid. Kid said other people told him he was a disgrace to the color. Lemmy said "Tell them to shove it boy, Jimmy Hendrix did alright remember?" Kid went on about his own dad was putting him down. Lemmy continued with a great answer. I do suggest taking a look at it if you have not. Basically ended with "Screw them do what you want"
Was hoping someone else would remember that 🤘🤘🤘
Lemmy was a god among men.
Lemmy was pretty amazing. Still trying to figure out how he lived that long, doing bumps to the end, while still maintaining remarkable (if not a bit crass at times) clarity, even according to his good friends like Osborne. I need to go look at that one again (for like the 100th time, lol). It gave me a lot of encouragement in some similar situations that that kid went through.
I actually met Lemmy and was able to have quite a conversation with him,he was a really nice guy
Yeah I heard the same thing too
Story 2: I hope some months later Op is an ex-husband. She can do sooooo much better. The audacity of a grown ass man to feel entitled to tell her in what to spend her money, not forgetting the fact she works in finance. Jesus
Yes. So many red flags. He is racist. When does color determine music tastes? I had to check multiple times what their relationship was, because he was sounding more like a jerk of a father than a husband.
@@lyndatuttle true!!! When I heard the comment about her taste on music I thought "what a racist parent, poor girl" then I found out he was her husband. Run woman! Run
A grown ass man who doesn't even know how etsy works and thinks profits from there will go Taylor Swift telling a woman who works in finance how money works.
29 year old asian woman here willing to spend on Taylor Swift concert tickets when she goes back to touring.
@@heartears I had to laugh at that part, he said she was on Etsy, she was planning on buying things from Etsy. She's spending money with a small business owner, and I seriously doubt that Taylor is running those shops.
Story 1: NTA. * Sarcasm on* Wow! People are excluding them from their lives because they think those were crap things to do? It almost like that was something they should have thought about BEFORE they did the crap thing!
That story with the wife coming home to a filthy home after a vacation is similar to my situation. I was away for a surgery for almost a week and came back to a filthy home that I knew I left clean and the food all eaten...and he was too busy to do anything else but unwind. Funny how they don't mind being sweaty and musty in front of a game but they draw the line at basic house work...
Sorry to hear you dealt with that. My husband is the same way. I double down and don't clean. I always tell him I am not picking up your mess.
I'm hardly OCD about dusting and worrying about the neighborhood white glove busybody brigade, but a grown man with three kids cannot operate a trash can? Dirty dishes in the sink FOR DAYS? Yeachh!
I get the mess to a certain extent. Married, kids, job....gets the house to himself for a few days and probably wanted to relax. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, he became an ass when he still hadn't cleaned it up 4 hours later.
yeah that's the thing, the first problem is that he let it get to a just ridiculous extent. SOME filth is okay, being ABIT lazy is fine, but a grown ass adult should have SOME standards and letting the filth get THAT bad is already ridiculous on it's own. I could MAYBE even forgive him waiting till the LAST minute, but the second she walked through that door he should have immediately turned off the games, dropped everything and gotten to cleaning, i could have been MUCH more forgiving if he had at least gotten STARTED. The wife MIGHT have been the asshole if he had been busting his ass cleaning and his efforts just hadn't been "Good Enough" for her to come back home, but it seems clear he just didn't care, and given that it was HIS mess to clean, he should have cleaned up at bare minimum 80% of it, if not all of it, especially after she went back out with the kids. Even if he owns the house, he shares it, and the only filth people want to live in is their OWN.
I'll bet if she starts to pay attention, she'll notice that he's Always This Messy! That was only 4 days of accumulation all at once. Whereas she's usually on top of His mess & it doesn't pile up so she just doesn't notice it!
Messy baby. The first thing I'd have done was to take pics of him and the house. Then I'd unplug the video game system and take it with me. Then tell him that he's grounded and to call me AFTER THE HOUSE IS CLEAN. If he makes a fuss, post the pics on social media with the caption 'This is what I came home to after just a week. What would it have been like if I were gone for a month? Thanks Tyler for helping him make it this way.' But then again I'm petty lol.
I am a black man who like all forms of heavy metal LOL! I remember one time I was talking to this girl and didn't like me listening to Latin Music, because I was.....Black! LOL. I told her if she knew the history, Latin music has some African roots to it. I decided to stop talking to her.
It’s so ridiculous some people try to gatekeep (based on racism) *the type of music people listen to* . It’s ridiculous. I’m glad you no longer speak with this girl!
Heavy Metal music, like almost ALL American musical genres, have African roots. Those aren't the ONLY roots, of course, as it IS an American musical genres.
I not going say he rite about wat he did but Taylor swift is white girl brake up music that just facts like bluegrass is south black dude music. So I don't think what he said was racist
@@MrHelicx Music is to be enjoyed by everyone. Would it be seen differently if a White or Hispanic girl was told she can't listen to music with black singers because she's not black? How racist would that seem? That would ruin the world of music if it were separated by ethnic background. It would literally be racial segregation within the musical community. Which defeats the whole point of what music is meant for.
@@ChrisPotato1822 you call salsa music Spanish music on you call Rega Jamaican music sooo it not racist. Why when u label something white it make it racist.
The “Taylor Swift” story: in 1968, my parents laughed at me for being upset that my favorite TV show would be canceled at the end of the current TV year (so, just before summer of 1969, it would go off the air). “In ten years, nobody will remember your TV show.”
The name of my show? Star Trek. If your wife wants to spend HER money on Taylor Swift memorabilia, stop nagging her. She is happy and her hobby is harmless.
Once she contributes her half of the living expenses, the rest is hers to waste or invest as she sees fit. Treating her like a child will end up driving her away. YTA
While he was talking I forgot this was a partner and thought he was talking about his child, how young was she when they dated when he thought of her interests as "cute childhood stuff"? Why is a grown man identifying a grown woman as if she were his child?
And being surprised she likes Swift because he thinks black women don't usually like Swift? That made me think he was an out of touch step dad trying to get to know his step child.
This is a seriously weird relationship and he is no doubt infantilizing her.
“In ten years, nobody will remember your TV show.”
How many shows did that NOT apply to, thanks in a large part due to syndication.
Sometimes parents/people are just to out of touch, and devalue or discard everything that is not in their personal interests.
That said, the guys wife is in one of the normal stages of development, once you finally get disposable income, it is normal to blow it for a while on things you want, heck just look at what the markets are like for vintage toys, considering once people reach a certain age if they have disposable income there are many who start buying or rebuying the stuff the loved as a kid and either did not have or lost/destroyed.
As long as she has enough money to contribute her share of the joint expenses what she does with the rest is none of OP's business. How much scolding would OP give me when I tell him I'm 42 and like kpop. I'm not Korean and a older demographic from the average fan.
So, it's all good if they stay married and do a contract on 50/50 if they divorce?
Story he's an AH in so, so many ways. I'm a 30 plus yr old BLACK woman and absolutely love Taylor Swift. He needs to STFU!. Hopefully he's taught her to move on to a better man. He's horrid.
By that man's logic, all white women love Taylor Swift, yet I don't like her lmao he's so stupid
The 30 yo man child and the ex monster really wrote these stories and still don’t see how they are wrong. What must it be like to live in that kind of delusion.
"i 30 married for 2 years with my wife 22 and be been together some time before that" someone knows the number of 911??????????
I lost children never born and never told my kids about it either. Same mom. Same dad.
That last story... the more people that love your children, the better for your children.
The husband was " living like a batchelor" more like he was living like a squatter! Wife should have pulled the plug on the game console then cut the cord.
The baby name story...what gets me is that the son-in-law seemed to get off on making the parents miserable. Like, after the dad and his daughter talked it out things were getting better. But son-in-law kept bringing up the original confrontation and holding it over his in-laws heads. Guy was on some kind of power-trip and wouldn't let it go. Then when his wife got so uncomfortable about it she decided to change the name he blamed the in-laws. What? I think she needs a new husband.
I can understand his frustrations though. I think the parents should've sucked it up. It really isn't that big of a deal. The mother decided she wasn't going to have anything to do with the child because of the name is more worrisome than the son in law being mad. I think he had the right. It's his child too and they decided together. Her mom is pressuring her to change it.
And this is all about an unborn child over 20 years ago. If that makes you miserable you have issues. About a child they couldn't get immediately and had to wait for a couple of years. Op and wife are entitled as hell. (And I say that as a parent of a kid who took 5 years of iui, IVF, lost pregnancies and waiting)
Oona and Koos, The guy said "We weren't happy but I would accept it" straight after they found out. It's disingenuous for the younger couple to say it's a tribute and somehow for the older couple's benefit when the younger couple don't care (which they don't have to care, they have no prior connection to the name). So his " not a beautiful act for some unborn sister" comment was spot on. In the end IMO the son is AH for wanting them to be happy about the name but the son's mother is AH for rejecting involvement because of the name.
How many babies have been named in memory of deceased relatives ? It's more concerning that OP and his wife have never mentioned the child they lost. Maybe they need therapy because they did not grieve, they buried.
How in the hell do you "deal properly" with the death of a child? I hope commenter never has to figure that out.
In any way so it doesn't hurt your relationship with your kids and grandkids. The horrible manipulation of pushing their daughter to not name her a certain way? Op should be happy to have someone call him dad, shut up and get help, and fully accept the name unconditionally. Op should understand that it is his wife or his family, and make those stakes clear to his wife. And work from there.
Agree. The nasty comments scolding the OP are ridiculous but not unexpected from that subreddit. Yes all sides could’ve handled things better. Yes they have should have told the daughter about the unborn sibling but I understand why they didn’t as it’s not an easy thing to discuss. But I’m not sure why the daughter dug her heels in so much about the name after realizing it was causing the parents pain.
@@tishjanuary7379 I'm not sure why op dug in *his* heels for *their* problem. It is not daughters problem. She was unaware and is blameless. So why should she change? She shouldn't even had to dug in her heels! Op shouldve said it's a hurtful thing to us still but we will do our best to not let it impact our relationship with you or our granddaughter. but they still let their trauma dictate their lives, and find it more important than their own daughter and granddaughter.
@@cptfwiffo Then saying that the granddaughter is a replacement for their dead daughter is a great response? That comment would have sent anyone over the edge. It was callous and insensitive.
@@sabersky1134 it was an unborn child as far as I understand. How in the world do you keep your hurt for over 20+ years. How was she supposed to know the enormous mound of hurt op and his wife built. It was an attempt to focus on the happy news. A bad one perhaps. Say sorry, agree to the sentiment, done. But op and wife hold their hurt above everything they hold dear. I'm almost wondering how often op and wife talked about their children and compared them to their ideal unborn daughter.
Evelyn name: NTA for OP. He doesn't like the name because of the past but he never asked Amy to rename her child. He simply asked her and Max to respect him not liking it and being hurt. Amy did, Max didn't, Laura is the one who said change the name. OP can be hurt, but he told Amy to do what she wanted and he would respect it. Amy and OP are NTA, Max and Laura are because they can't be respectful.
I respectfully disagree, OP needs to stand up here and help his wife through this difficult time. Sitting back and being on the sidelines isn't helping and is making things way worse. Its obvious they haven't fully gotten over their trauma and while Max isn't helping, he is at least doing more than the OP is doing and is standing up for his wife and the choice they came to together. I can't give it an ESH because Amy and Max didn't know about the history behind the name and that, however you view it, is on the OP and his Wife for not sharing. This is the consequences of keeping such pain bottled up and not dealing with it, it spills over and starts to hurt others.
Story 1, well if it isn't the consequences of their actions, it is sad that Cora is also suffering the consequences of her parents actions.
Story 4: NTA. The Man knows you have a triggered response to messes and he make’s the house look like that!?! Part of me can get being a little careless for a little bit but that sounds awful! At the very least I’d expect someone living with a mess-phobic person to develop certain habits like throwing away cans right after your done with them.
I'm not even mess averse, and the description had me cringing.
This mes doesn't even sound bad. And nowhere does she say he actually asks or tells her to clean it. She just "suspects". She is purposely keeping their children away because dad was a little messy.
@@bettreon You are kidding, right?
@@lamwen03 nope not at all and I would bet if the genders were reversed you be calling for kidnapping charges. It's a mess. And due to her being triggered I bet it is even less so. Nobody was abused or in danger if she didn't like it then she can go but to take the kids is ridiculous.
@@bettreon She had the kids with her. Why would she leave them in a horrid , dirty situation like that?
Messy husband story: good lord, he needs to clean up his own mess. He disrespects her and thinks she’s his maid. That’s disgusting. And he wouldn’t need to “sweat his balls off” if he just cleaned as he ate each meal. It’s literally not hard. He made his bed, so he better go lie in it.
What? Act like an adult and clean up after himself? But when will he do his drinking with his buds and play his games!? It's so unreasonable that his maid (cough) wife won't do it for him! (Is that enough sarcasm for you?)
@@eywine.7762 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yeah, I agree. And I am that obsessive cleaning person.
Or was until I had two small kids 😂
But I have had roommates/friends literally tell other people or partners to leave their mess, since I will do it.
Fvck thar! After years I finally learned to stay in my own room & area and leave the rest to them.
Eventually some wanted to come and hang in my area since it was always nicer and smelled good and had interesting decorations.
Swifty story: yuck op probably wanted an "exotic" young trophy to sleep with and be a pseudo father figure. What is wrong with folks? 🤮
the messy husband, dude was waiting for his wife to come home and clean after him AND his friend. What an AHOLE. Stay away until he cleans it. Him spending 4 hours doing "other things' and still not cleaning is proof enough he thinks it's your job. It's not that hard to walk the can over to the bin when you're finished with it.
As far as names go, try going to an old cemetery and look closely at a family section of the graveyard. You'll find at least one "Smith" family that has multiple "Johns" or "Marys" that say things like Lived One Day or 14 Days Old or even 5 Years Old. Were they loved or wanted any less just because the parents wanted to use that specific name? The old myth is wrong in general. People in the past loved and wanted, mourned and missed their children just as much as we do today. Humanity didn't begin this morning.
You might want to go back a bit further in time. In ancient times many people did not get attached to their kids until they had survived so long, that is part of what enabled the ancient practice of Exposing, an example of which is seen in the myths/stories around Oedipus.
But the worst thing we can do when looking at the past is place our own values and morals on the people of those times, they did not think like us, often due to issues of necessity.
My jaw dropped when I heard about how the husband left the house for the wife to clean. How did he live before he met his wife? Was his mother cleaning up his mess? My brother lives alone at the moment. I will visit this Friday and I already know how the house will be like last time. He won't have done any laundry or vacuuming the floors. But I won't be angry with him. I can't be angry. He has never been alone for that much time. He is 24 years old and he doesn't even have time to sleep and eat properly. He skips his meals because he always works. We live in the city but we only go the island, where my brother is now, for our summer holidays. Even though he is so busy, he still tries to clean the house as best as he can. I try to help as much as I can whenever I visit because I know that it is very difficult for him to be there alone. Our dad can't do many things yet because he has a broken foot. I don't know how else to help my brother. He called our mom the other day and he was crying because he is struggling. I can't be there with him anymore because my new job is in the city and not at the island.
For story three, I'm wondering if anybody was actually paying attention or just heard the part where op and wife were upset by the name and how the daughter might now change the name. Op said that he was staying out of the fighting because the name choice is still up to the daughter, just as his daughter was staying out of it, but it was his wife and her fiance that were going to war over it. Op isn't an AH since he wasn't the one making it an issue enough to not support his daughter while his wife and his future son-in-law are AHs. Although, the daughter is a tiny bit of one for her comment about her daughter basically being a replacement for the dead baby. She could have said it was fate and that it was going to be a special story for her daughter about her name.
NTA - Max is definitely one though. Amy is inconsiderate but not an AH. While OP and his wife are just springing the older sibling on Amy at this late date, it is understandable that Amy maybe didn't have enough time to process the info and reconsider names as Max was at her side the whole time fighting for the name. But Amy needs to think about it another way, say she was pregnant with a son who did not make it full term, and named him Mark; then her brother and his wife get pregnant and want to name their son Mark.....how would she feel?!! Because this is what she is doing to her parents.
@@thecoolgrandma7208 That's why she's only a tiny AH with her comment, but not for wanting to keep the name. Like I said, she could have turned it into a special story for her daughter, like the baby's aunt's spirit gave her the idea for the name or something. Saying that it was a replacement for the baby before was what tipped her into AH territory. It's her mom and her guy that is creating the trouble.
The baby name story: NTA my mother had a son well before I was born he passed away I did not know about him until I asked her why she seems so sad on a very particular date and that’s when she told me about him. I was 19 at the time. Some people do not like to talk about their deceased children because no matter how many years go by it still hurts. Also at the exact same time it is not a tribute to the child that passed because they did not know the sibling so to say it will be a tribute is it wrong
Not to mention telling people 'it's fate' and that they should be happy they honor the dead by naming their kid the same is horrible. yes they are allowed to name their kid what they want but op and their partner can be upset about the name.
@@velvety2006 they can be upset, and then shut up. Not force their trauma upon their child and require her to change the name. Daughter ineptly tried to reconcile. That was not malicious. But Laura badgering her daughter to change the name is ahole.
@@cptfwiffo Laura wasn't badgering her daughter until Max started badgering them to get over their grief and be happy "unconditionally" about the name i.e. that they should be happy and accept the baby as a replacement for their dead daughter. Max wants his daughter to be a walking memorial. He's the biggest AH of this story.
Ava sounds like a great stepmother, her parents love her stepkids and consider them their grandchildren. OP sounds crazy.
Ummm... OP mentions that Ava won't be alone with her at pickup and then cites the ways she makes Ava feel uncomfortable during pickup and caps it off by admitting that she told Ava that ex-hubby is using her to make OP jealous. OP waves this off by saying that while she did say that, she'd been drinking. Does this mean that OP drinks and drives with her kids?! Someone please tell me I'm wrong.
Exactly. So when did loving step-children become a crime? There are so many stories on these threads about evil st(r)ep-parents screwing up kids lives, yet here's a mother complaining that the step-mother and her family love their step-kids/grand-kids TOO MUCH. Get over yourself Princess. You and your husband chose to separate and you have accepted the bad consequences of that but you won't accept the GOOD consequences. Don't you want your kids to be happy?
I had 3 sets of grandparents after mom's parents split and remarried other people. I loved them all and they all loved me. They didn't all like each other (obviously) but they made sure to never let that affect me.
Some people just can't have things go well. This is especially true if it's a spouse's new wife. OP is a glass Cannon; at war with everyone but as soon as she is challenged, she shatters. Every one is walking on eggshells around her. It has been said the one in the arrangement with the mental illness is the one who controls the relationship. Squeaky wheel!
Obviously OP IS Jealous..she's jealous of the relationship Ava has with her kids, the fact they consider Ava's parents their grandparents, and the fact ex-husband actually loves Ava and is not with her to make OP jealous. There is no reason for OP to be at the wedding and if she stops her kids from going, then she's just using them as pawns in her jealous game, Disgusting
@@slytherinlibrarian3501 She never mentions having the kids when she was drinking, nor does it mention her driving.
The Taylor swift one pissed me off my husband since the day we met told me about his comic book collection even took me to the places he brought his books lol they know him by name and had what they knew he liked. I never told him he couldn't buy any books or called them silly they were his passion since he was a kid my attitude is so long as he's taking care of home he can buy what he wants yta bet he buys what he wants no discussion
as long as he does it responsibly with the rare splurge who cares right? at least he is not buying drugs or something
@@velvety2006 right he's always had his priorities in order so I feel comfortable when he buys his books so why not
The name story NTA for being upset but Amy is MASSIVLY TA for the "this is fate and a replacement for the daughter you lost"??? Like seriously?? How heartless and self-centered do you have to be to respond like that and not say something as simple as "we're sorry for your loss but the name means a lot to us so we're still going to use it"???.....
Simple, sets your boundaries and remains respectful instead of "forget about the dead kid cause her replacements on the way".....
Messy husband: I’d be so horrified if I walked in on that. I’d do the exact same thing op would do.
Video games are a Time suck and are used as an excuse for why hours and days were burned off and nothing constructive was done! Every shred of the week's garbage was right where it was tossed. This idiot couldn't even grab some trash bags and pick up the empties and take out boxes and bags and put them outside. No! He wallowed in it like a hog expecting his wife to snap to as soon as she got home. Call a lawyer. This is a difference of opinion that is no doubt irreconcilable!
I disagree with the 'he lived like a bachelor' lol, i am single and my house does not look like that. but yea maybe his drinking buddies can help him clean.
@@velvety2006 I had a bachelor friend and the worst his room ever got was when he decided not to throw away all his cans because he wanted to make a “Mayan coke castle”
@@crem-crem4070 When I moved out my mom offered to clean my house while I was at work but I refused because I wanted to learn to do it myself, but more importantly i did not want her to feel like she had to clean every time she comes to visit. We did kinda compromise, every once in a while she comes and helps me move stuff I cannot move on my own to clean under it but that's like a half-hour of work.
Baby Eve Story: So let's see, OP didn't initially tell the kids the story about how they would have had an older sister. However it almost seems like the exchange was: "Could you change the name, no, alright. Wait what did you just claim, no we won't be happy for you when you disrespect the dead." Then the battle of Spite occurred and the daughter finally got tired of the situation, one which was solely created by them not respecting that the parents felt a little hurt at the reminder of their first kid. Quite literally the daughter and Max played themselves, as it never needed to become as big of a problem as they made it.
And yes, it IS disrespecting the dead to make such a claim. I am positive there have been stories where an expecting couple tried to claim a dead relatives name and did so intentionally, and others where the parents tried to force a new child to replace the old one. The parents didn't want any of that and are arguably more respectful of the kid then the parents are.
Ugh, no. Her parents screwed this up. It's their child and they can name it what they want. The mother double downed and said she wants nothing to do with the baby. That is ridiculous. And it's not disrespectful to name someone after someone deceased. It happens all the time. They are showing no respect to the new parents. These new parents did nothing wrong. They need to get over themselves. And you too.
@@oonachestnut509 how often have we had this exact same scenario where a baby was supposed to replace a stillborn, an early loss or another dead relative, and Reddit and these comment sections were up in arms, how this would be disrespectful to the parents of the dead kids and/or the newborn, the newborn has the right to be their own person
but here, it's a-okay, why? because the death happened a decade ago and not right around the birth/pregnancy/conception of a new baby? or because these parents already had their time to grief and should be over by now? well, that is not how this works - especially when the daughter actually tells her parents that her daughter should be seen a replacement for her dead sister - who is tone death here
@@oonachestnut509 You're totally offbase here. Especially with how this was handled. It started out as respectful, then it turned awful. I'd say the parents should go no contact with the son in law. He sounds like a total tool who was on a power trip and happy to make them suffer. The baby isn't even born yet, the name can be changed. And most likely, if it isn't, Eve will grow up and always wonder, why am I treated differently by grandpa and grandma? Why don't they love me as much? Why are the other children favored? She is the one who will suffer, as well as the grandparents, all because the husband was on a power trip.
@@oonachestnut509 actually Amy and her baby daddy screwed this up when they said "she will be the replacement of the baby girl you never had". Her parents were ok, not happy but ok, with the chosen name until that comment.
Me and my sister (38, 35) love Taylor Swift. For Christmas, I made her a TS water bottle and for her birthday a couple years ago, I got her a (pretty expensive) TS vinyl. She gets me something TS basically every year.
We're Mexican. Taylor Swift fandom doesn't have a color or an age requirement. This dude is seriously deranged.
Story 2. This dude really is going out with a much younger woman who has a hobby that isn't hurting anyone is spending her own money on and isn't asking him for his input on it. And on top of that he decides to put the whole racist remark of it's such a white girl thing to do like dude shut up.
Your girlfriend's buying stuff that makes her happy as long as it isn't cutting into things like her not being able to pay bills or properly take care of herself it is literally none of your business what she likes and what she wants to do with that money. If you have such a problem with it maybe start dating in your own age range.
besides she is looking at it it was not in the cart to buy, it could be she wants to save for something and is just trying to decide which ones she likes best. i do the same with knitted and crochet patterns
Imagine working in finance and someone says let me teach you about finances. If that's not mansplaining...
Story 3: I don't think people understand that op was upset about the name but obviously knew nothing can be done of it but the moment Ava went ahead to say that this was fate and bullshit that's when op found it disgusting. And no you don't talk about a miscarriage that happened when you had no children prior as it does not affect any of your kids lives at all. NTA. NTA. NTA.
It did affect their lives though, they now feel like they can't give their daughter the name they want. If the daughter had known about the previous pregnancy she probably wouldn't have picked the same name.
@@arleneclark6369 this is literally an extremely rare thing. When you don't have kids prior it is not at all compulsory to put such a big thing on your kids shoulders. Unless situations like THESE come up then yeah you do need to tell them.
@@arleneclark6369 also the way the daughter called it fate and stuff is when it all went south which was very... weird..
@@arleneclark6369 bullshit. The parents don’t have to tell anyone anything
@@lifegoeson6045 exactly losing a child is something you never get over. You can move on,but you'll always wonder what if. Calling it fate and the daughter you never had was probably a lapse in judgement. It was a cruel thing to say.
Story 3: I'm probably gonna get some heat, but I'm going with NAH between Amy, OP, and Laura. Amy can name her child whatever she wants, but at the same time OP and Laura can be upset about it. That said, Max is a pretty big AH for gaslighting Amy's parents
my only question is, why didn't you tell Amy before?
Amy should use it as a middle name
I get why OP and Laura wre upset but it's also their fault for not telling the daughter about the previous pregnancy and for Max being upset. Max and Amy choose a name and had no idea what it meant to her parents. Max and Amy are entitled to be upset as well for being blindsided with that information about her parents past. This rift in their family is on OP and Laura to mend.
@@MrJpaynebb You don't have to tell your children about anything in your private life. Losing a child is a traumatic thing and not everyone can talk about it.
Max is an ah for making his stance clear and repeating boundaries? Wife is ripping the family apart with her drama. Op needs to see that it's his wife who is incapable of respecting their daughters decision, keeps stomping her emotional trauma on her kid, and with that incapable of being a good grandmother. So they finally need to get help coping with this. Or there will be nobody calling op grampa... Nor his daughter calling him dad. My god Laura is an ahole. Her needs go before her daughter. That is ahole territory.
Max isn't an ah and he didn't gaslight anyone. He stood up for what he and his wife wanted. There's no yelling how long they say down and picked out the prefect name for their baby only to be blindsided by her parents awful behavior.
First story
Wanda: you need to help end the rumors about your family.
OP: what family?
Wanda:😉
[ Wanda the smartest woman on Earth.]
Last story: Reminds me of how bitter my own mom was for years after the divorce. I'm glad the kids like the future stepmom and their future stepgrandparents. It's always nice to have a big extended family, especially one that cares about the new kids coming in through the marriage. My own dad remarried by the time my sibling and I were adults, so it was just like, "Oh, okay lol."
Good afternoon XOS. Thanks for the stories. Have a great day
Ava's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't... anything. As far as the grandparents are concerned, I think that kids today need as many grandparents that they can get. OP needs to shut up about them at drop off/pick up times. The wedding? You weren't invited so shut up and deal with. Two little girls without someone watching them.... LMFAO 🤣😂🤣😆. Doesn't OP read any of the posts about unsupervised kids at weddings? OP find out who else is going to be there and ask for some videos especially of the reception. Hyped up kids getting cranky and crashing ? 😂🤣😆 I love it.
Lmao the Taylor Swift thing wtf. Does he like sports? Video games etc? Whatever gives you that dopamine hit is fine. I mean, I love Twilight and I'm a 34 year old man. At least it's not meth haha
My youngest daughter wanted to name her oldest after her dead brother. But I convinced her to use it as a middle name instead. So as to honour her brother she never met but that my grandson has a name for himself
Re story 2: It's wife's money, so she should spend it how she wants, just as you have the freedom to spend your hard-earned money.
Necessaries should get taken care of first, of course. If the shoe were on the other foot, and say, you liked souped up cars, would you object if you earned the money and wanted to splurge and wife said it wasn't a good idea?I'm mid-story, but had to stop to comment on the white-singer-black-fan thing. Jeez, isn't music just music anymore?? Why does it not relate just b/c wife is black and a white girl is singing??? Does English, do feelings and experiences not mean the same thing across the board, or is the heartbreak, or beauty, or depression, or whatever is being conveyed dependent on skin color now??? Life decided, and my eyes have been wired shut since I was born, so I don't have that lens to look through. Everyone that did music was mostly white, no brown Filipinos anywhere, so no one to identify with there. I'd have NO music collection if I went by your seeming criteria. What piece am I missing to get a full pic of where you're coming from.
#1 ... Good for her, clearing that up!
story 3, the YTAs are quite harsh. I go with NTA and honestly think it's not that big a deal for Amy and her husband to change to another name, they would've gone through multiple names and would've had 2nd and 3rd preference. It was insensitive of them to expect the parents to be happy and agree that this baby can replace the daughter they lost, the dad was correct in saying that. It seems the only reason the mum is digging in with them changing the name is because Amy and especially Max keeps pushing about it. Max is being obstinate and wants to be proved right more than caring about the name. Personally, I would not like for my child to be a walking memorial for a deceased person and that is basically what he wants his child to be. OP and his wife were understandably upset about the naming and yes would have preferred if they didn't use it but wasn't pushing it until Amy and Max made their ridiculous demands. You have a right to name your child whatever you want but other people also have a right to morn their child however they want. You don't get to tell them how morn or feel about it.
I wouldn’t be surprised if after finding out about the name and that OP was not happy but supportive, Max decided to push the issue if only to alienate Amy from her parents. Him getting so mad about them being upset over being told the baby would replace theirs seems like he wanted to hurt them and abusers do like to keep their victims away from parents
@@BonniRaven good point, I did find his reaction odd and over the top.
That story reminds me of one where the wife left for like the weekend or something. She and hubby had an agreement on doing 50/50 on chores. The place is spotless when she leaves. She comes home to a pig stye. He made all that mess and at the end of the day wanted her to come home and clean it up because he cleaned his 50%. She argued that that agreement was when they made the mess by just general living together. She refused. Don't remember what happened after that.
Final Story: YTA. Your relationship with them already sounds tenuous, I wouldn’t push on seeing your EX get remarried.
I think the ex and his stupid bride is toxic and ah not op
Story 3 - NTA. The parents said they where not comfortable with the name and didn't push it. It was the boyfriend that went crazy and came at the parents.
The parents are right, they don't have to be happy over a name that brings them grief.
And their daughter should not be an AH and push that name on them when there are literally MILLIONS of names in the world.
The question is, who is right?
ONE side LIKES the sound of a name,
The other side lost a child and hearing the name brings them pain
I had a son named….well it doesn’t matter to this post. If someone decided to name their kid the same, it would be painful. Who are any of you to say a person can’t process the pain on their own. It’s not ok for someone to hurt just because you wouldn’t…your the a-hole for telling parents who LOST A CHILD they are wrong for being in pain!!!
I hope you NEVER feel that pain in your life!
i love it when reddit reads the whole post and then makes up ops motivations even when it clearly contradicts the actual story. 'its her choice!!!' they scream to someone who said 'its her choice but we don't like being told how we're supposed to feel about it, and think its insensitive for her to act as if its a good thing she's 'replacing' our dead child'
Poor Evelyn. This is another sad example of just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you'll bring home a baby. IMHO I don't think it's wise to name a baby until after it's born. Pre-birth naming makes it harder if something goes wrong. Once it has a name, then in our minds, we can see it's future easier. Then if something goes wrong, it isn't just the generic dreams of life's firsts (step, school, SO, wedding, etc) it's THEIR life's firsts that'll never happen. To me, that would be crippling. I don't think Amy meant that her baby would be a replacement but rather a chance to love another baby girl just as much, but differently, than they love Evelyn. No one's the AH here. Just a whole lot of hurt people who need to find a way past this BEFORE Eve shows up. And remember EVE IS INNOCENT. DON'T END UP TAKING ANY OF THIS OUT ON HER EVEN SUBCONSCIOUSLY.
I think in ancient greece they didn't name the kids until it survived past a certain year
2. YTI. She is an adult and can enjoy what she wants. Oh and your statement was, in fact, racists. Peoples interests are not driven by their skin color. She can buy whatever she wants right now and i hope she makes fun of all of your hobbies because any entertainment is a "waste". No one should let you teach them anything.
Like yeah, sorry your young partner can act as a adult who drinks parties or smokes like any other adult. Newsflash not our adult partners like that stuff, some even have hobbies
Baby name story-
NTA . Only because of the fallout after OP said he was uncomfortable because xyz. It was talked out, but the husband running up like captain big balls running his mouth really set me in on the NTA. He sounded like HE wanted the name as a power play after the daughter and parents were working it out
1. I'd double down. Bring out any evidence. Those two can work on protecting 'their real family' since that's what matters to them so much.
2. When we're teenagers we girls get told everything we like is stupid. I listened to Aussie Rock and British Punk when I was a teen so people called me a 'tryhard' and said it wasn't for me. I'm 35 now and I listen to Kpop and now that makes me 'childish' and apparently I need to grow out of it. Everything women do gets put down by losers like this guy so just do whatever you want girls. Except marry men like this. Don't marry men like this.
3. Oh no, Amy, all you had to do was STFU. You were allowed to have the name - you weren't allowed to have the 'replacement baby'.
4. What's with these overgrown man children and their video games? Just grow TF up.
5. That's a long way to say you haven't got over your ex, OP. Might need some therapy for that, love.
Story 2: YTA. I don’t know what’s Op’s problem. He sounds like my mom 😑. Especially with the “You’re Black” comments. I mean I’m a black woman who loves anime and will be spending adult money on my Otaku teenage fantasy at a Anime con in couple weeks. Everyone deserves to spend some money on things they enjoy to make this life a bit better 😄. Go forth and seize the day!!
OPS problem is that his prey... I mean wife has grown up, is an adult with a job and makes own decisions instead doing what he says.
I hope you have fun at your convention. They are a blast.
….does you mom say “why do you watch that Asian crap? You’re black!” Seriously, I’m curious? Lol
Lol. The last story reminds me of my sister. I'm still family with her ex and was invited to the wedding, but my sister wasn't and she was upset. Their daughters were in the wedding too. I thought she was an idiot and told her that.
Bro the Evelyn name, like they said “ohh my baby is gonna be a replacement baby for the child you lost” like wtf who says that?
Op and Lauren already said fine to the name but not fine to the replacement, the one that’s stirring the pot here is max.
---------------
Op with the Taylor swift fan wife, I hope she divorces him, apparently her “money” is family money that she can’t spend, but I don’t see him saying anything about his money and whatever “manly” stuff he probably spends it on. Also I can’t believe he wants to give her an hour of homework each day, on finances, to the woman who has a corporate job in finances like brooo what in the egotistical hell is this
1st one - Eff the B of a step-mom who made it very clear that the OP was NOT part of the family (which dad went along with) so the OP has zero obligation to the step-mom, her dad, or her step-sister. And the whole "but their family" stuff is utter manure.
Baby name story: Their baby can't be replaced.
You should ask people before naming your kids after dead people..
But here's the kicker that got me, to say " it's fate " and that stuff nah nah that's very insensitive. That's where I think sissy needs to step back and rethink her words.
The story about the baby name, nta. I was furious hearing that she only decided to give it some noble meaning when she knew it would hurt. Then the boyfriend starts rubbing it in? Honestly I wouldn't be able to bring myself to have anything to do with the child (and likely the parents) but I'm a spiteful person.
A note to the narrator about the name Evelyn: It's eh vil in. Not ee vil in. Evilyn is a an antagonist in He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. lol
Last story OP is TA and unhinged!! LMAO for the reason OP's angry that Ava won't do a drop off alone with her is cause she doesn't want to listen to OP's abuse or drunken rants??; I hope they had a happy wedding day uneventful from any of OP's BS, and that they keep copies if they need to eventually get a restraining order pr go back to court over custody
Story 2: That reminds me of when I was obsessed with One Direction and 1975, and people told me that I couldn't like them because I'm black.
a lot of these stories mention therapy, i went through 'therapy' and it almost destroyed my life, i am talking relationship, job and self-respect. For some it might work, but i would not go down that road again.(if i posted my story on reddit, someone would suggest i had therapy to get over the therapy
Story 1: don't help. I mean u ain't their family lol also tell them they lied about YOUR family (about how they lied about ur mother) and now they got their price. And u won't help these who never treated u as family.
I also hope that OP let's stepfather if mother remarried a great man. To let him be father who gives the child up in marriages. I mean ur father was never their for u n forced u babysit alot when u wanted hang out with friends yet they stop u last minute. I mean he deserves to be treated as if he isn't her father after how he acted.
Wow. OP, the problem isn't your ex's SO, it's YOU! Blended families often call Step's parents Nana and Papa. It seem like OP doesn't want her kids to have healthy family interactions. Of course new step mom is uncomfortable around a bitter woman who berates her and OP's ex. And, Geez, WHO ON EARTH invites their EX spouse to their wedding?!?! The narcisism is strong in this one.
I doubt few people feel what others spend on fun things is appropriate. I learned early on that a certain amount of spending money should be set aside as not need defending. The amount is of course negotiable but the concept is important.
The story about the name Evelyn is easily a YTA.... before Amy opened her mouth and tried to say it was fate and how she could be the daughter reborn. Then it went to NTA. Amy is YTA. She needs to shut up.
Story1: Gigantic NTA. Aww look at that, it's the consequences of my actions! Play simpy-lying daddy and his new wife the world's smallest violin! I'm glad OP told the truth. If they wanted her to be a good daughter, maybe they should have been better parents! OP's absolutely right that Cora isn't her responsibility. Daddy can fix his own mess this time.
In re: The "sacred name". My eldest sister was stillborn. She was given the name "Katherine Anne". 5 years later, my cousin was born; she was given the "Katherine Anne". My parents were just fine with that decision.
That’s good for you? You want a cookie?
it is crap that they said that the first sister dying was fate though
The Taylor Swift Story:
I'm over 50 and a Harry Potter fan (I'm a Slytherin, thank you for asking.) What did my husband do? He made me a wand! A beautiful, glorious WAND! Because he loves me and likes to see me happy.
Sadly, this isn't really mansplaining. It's far far worse. What he is attempting to do is gaslight her. You see, any interest she has that he doesn't share is worthless and childish. While HIS interests are valid, worthwhile, and suitable for adults. His "financial lectures" will be skewed to "prove" he is right.
Story with the dude who lived in filth for a week reminds me of my husband. 🙃
did you teach him not to do that anymore or is he an ex now?
@@velvety2006 omg 😂 he’s been slowly learning. Keyword, slowly. But he doesn’t expect me to clean up after him… at least, not that he’s said. He’s just lazy.
@@Aymarichan well at least your getting somewhere Rome was not built in one day either 🤣
Whenever I go out of town to visit my parents my husband ALWAYS clean the house, does dishes, laundry, etc before I come home. I leave him with a clean house so he makes sure it’s in the same condition when I return. It’s simple respect.
Baby name story, I’m named after my deceased aunt, my brother is named after my deceased grandfather and my dad’s deceased friend…. I had a late term miscarriage named the baby girl Lil, my ex (father of the lost pregnancy) has a daughter named Lil. We’re super great friends and I love his daughter. Process your own trauma
#1: NTA "You excluded me. I told the truth about it. Deal with it."
For story -2... It would be great to see wife dumping OP... OP will save himself some heart burns.
For the baby name story (Everything stated below is my opinion, please be respectful when replying):
Let’s look at the whole situation. Everyone were respectful at first. The guy even said that he wasn’t happy but wouldn’t object to the name being used, but then Amy made the wrong move. She said that the baby would be like the daughter they never had and that it was fate. When a parent grieves, you don’t say my child will be yours in spirit. That would hurt a lot. It like your dog dies and then someone says my dog will be like your dog that you lost. That is the wrong response. They had a right to be angry and then op and Amy worked it out (in their own way).
However max and Laura did not. The common thing I’m seeing is that Laura said she wouldn’t be apart of the child’s life if they named the kid eve. But it seems that happened after max kept bringing it up. When a traumatic event happens, you don’t bring it up over and over again, neither with an issue that should have been resolved. It sounds like he kept bringing it up to prove a point of maybe to get them angry or something. I’m not sure for what reason but not for one that makes sense. Then laura escalated things from aggravation and her lasting grief of the situation at hand and her lost daughter.
When max blew up at them saying it was their fault she changed the name, it seemed a little out of place. No matter if he really liked the name or if he felt wronged, blowing up like that seems a little weird. Op didn’t mention it having any meaning towards either of them nor it being a family name in max’s family. But the way he blew up seems off. No matter what his reasons, I do think he should respect Amy’s wishes to change the name because she’s the one who has been storing the baby for 7 months and will for another 2 before going through immense pain to push the baby out. So it seems fair that she’s able to pick the name and change it if she’s wants. It also seems like they all need to sit down and try and talk. Maybe have each side explain their story while the other shuts ups and the do the same for each side. But, I think that because of how painful it would be to lose a child and then have to interact with a child that related to you with the same name would be hard.
What will happen to the child should be taken into account to. Someone else in the comments section pointed out it would be hard for them to look at eve and it would cause the child to wonder what was wrong with them and why grandma and grandpa didn’t look at them the same as any other grandchildren if their are any later on. Another thing is how weird it is to be named after a dead relative. For example, Vincent Van Gogh was named after his dead brother. The baby was a stillborn (I did a paper on Vincent Van Gogh years ago and am going of memory) but they had a grave in the backyard. Vincent Van Gogh spent his childhood with a headstone in his backyard that had his name on it. That would’ve been hard. Take this with the grandchild, even with no headstone like in my example story, that grief and loss is still there. Children are much more perspective than most people realize and will probably pick up on it. This, as stated earlier will bring up questions like, “why are my grandparents so sad whenever they see me?”
While I do think Amy and Max have the right to name their child whatever they want, the damage they could do will be irreparable. Honestly, I think the only one who isn’t an ah here is op. He told them and even though he didn’t like, would respect that decision. Amy made a rude comment and doesn’t seem like she sees the issue here, though she does know that it created tension. On my scale she’s the least of ah out of the three. Max seems to have some anger issues to work out and should probably look at his responses to the situation as well as learn to more respectful of others grieving processes. Laura should learn to accept it even if it hurts because it will make her daughter happy.
(To be honest, and this is just based off of their reactions, I’m wondering if max picked the name and that’s why he’s so angry about it and if it was even Amy’s top choice. Again this is speculation and doesn’t have anything to do with my decision but I do wonder why he made such a big fuss over a name that doesn’t mean all that much to him as far as we’ve been informed).
Your husband doesn't have time to clean up when he knows you're coming home but he had plenty of time to make a mess that large this man is pathetic tell him you have a choice you can either clean the house or you can live in that filth by himself
#4: NTA. "Did you stop playing for 30 minutes to clean up yet? No? We are not coming home until it's done. We got a hotel."
It boggles my mind how many people say divorce at the first sign of a problem. Do people not try to work things out like adults but rather just bail? No one is perfect and we all do things that annoy others.
Wow!! That guy hit all the buttons I'm one post. That must be a new record! Racist, sexist and mansplaining.
1st story. "A good daughter" counter that with "But *you* weren't a good father and stepmother." Along with "You said it yourself "We're NOT family!" then block them again.
Last one. Sounds like OP still has a thing for her Ex. If she was invited to the wedding, she sounds like the sort to show up in her old wedding dress, claiming she didn't have anything else to wear. ***shudder***.
OMG that Last OP‼️ My 5 grands from my 3 kids all have a LOT of grandparents! The oldest has a different dad than her brother & the 2nd oldest has a different mom than her brother &the youngest has a brother & a sister who all have different dads. The first 4 All can call each others grandparents their own. The youngest one could if she lived closer. Everyone gets along very well! This lady needs therapy Badly! She's only going to be hurting herself & her kids. Just wait till they are getting married & mommy dearest doesn't want them to invite dad & stepmom! (Or She Won't Come!)
1: The father and Lauren made it clear that OP was not family so they can get bent now.
2: Is OP seriously surprised that his wife is acting her age by listening to a popular singer? If he wanted a “mature” wife, he shouldn’t have gotten with a flipping teenager. He trying to tell her how to spend the money she earns is controlling. Also, he saying that she shouldn’t listen to Taylor Swift because she’s not white is just gross. OP and their relationship are gross and reeks of power imbalance.
Story 1: OP should call them up and ask them what was the lie? Press them on the question. Record the whole thing.
1st: hahahahaha!!! 2nd: what a c-word!! Yikes!!
Baby name story: I get how they haven't gotten over their loss, but they can't expect their living daughter to have those feelings as they NEVER told her or shared this with her beforehand. Their daughter fell in love with a name and has ALREADY been referring to her child with this name - just as OP and his wife did for their pregnancy. I have to wonder if the name also belonged to an earlier family member as it is a bit odd for them both to come up with this name. Evelyn / Evlyn is an old-fashioned name that I can easily see in someone's family history. It is NOT a unique name and old fashioned names have been making a comeback, like Ava. At some point, they were always going to run into someone with this name. What were they going to do if a co-worker was hired named Evelyn? A new neighbor or their child?
Re-using names is common. My grandfather was named Clifford. His parents had an older child of that same name that only lived a few years. They re-used the name a few babies later. A couple generations later and the family would joke they liked the name so much they used it twice. They never shared why they did so, if it was to remember the boy who died or if they really just were tired of coming up with names by number 11. ( all children born late 1880's to 1910s )
It's too bad that once they shared their loss, nobody said that they should table the discussion to let everyone absorb. Emotions were high in that moment and OP and his wife were focused on their loss and their feelings and unable to see that their daughter had been calling her unborn child by that name and was already just as attached to it as they had been.
They have gotten to the scorched earth phase where everyone is going to be unhappy no matter what is done in the end. Everyone will now look at this first grandchild / child with a touch of bitterness. I hope they can all get past this for her sake or 15 years later SHE will be posting about how her family treats her differently than her siblings and she is the scapegoat child.