A misunderstanding? Oh no, no, no. That’s not a misunderstanding. That’s them maliciously spreading lies without caring to know the facts. Good riddance to toxic people, parents or not.
It’s really messed up that they assumed Op was sleeping with his SIL without ever getting their side. And worse they told everyone in the family that with no real proof. They have no one to blame but themselves and I don’t blame Op for cutting contact and refusing to see them. It’s not selfish to get rid of toxic people in your life
I've known people who have actually hooked up with their SIL/BIL after the spouse passed away. I never knew they hooked up till long after the fact, and they shared the info with us. Guess some people don't realize that others laundry is not for them to hang out in public for others to see.
I was actually surprised the OP was still on touch with his parents after this. What kind of people (parents!) jump to those kind of conclusions with ZERO evidence? That shows what is in their own twisted minds. And apparently they never apologized so I doubt they think what they did was wrong. There is someone wrong with those people.
Not only that, like the one commenter said, he was living with her for quite a while before they found out. Making sure their grandkid was doing okay wasn't a priority either.
Story 1: NTA. Misunderstanding is normal, spreading pretty serious stuff around that can and does ruin peoples lives especially if it unconfirmed is not.
Story 2: NTA. (1) It isn’t “Tacky” to put up photos of your kids accomplishments. As long as it’s not ornate portraits it’s normal. (2) What isn’t normal is redecorating someone’s house without their permission. That is some entitlement right there.
Honestly the "tacky" person is the mother. Because like you said who goes into someone elses house and redecorates. The fact she made fun of her grandson for being in ballet tells me she is upset about that and she can go pound sand. OP and her husband should continue to show off their kids
I spent 20 years in the military (three years in the US Army, 17 years in the US Navy). When I retired I got a large shadow box with all my medals (a couple of which even mean something) and badges. I hung the shadow box in the living room. My brother-in-law visited my home and he said it was ostentatious to have my shadow box on display, I should keep it in my bedroom so it doesn't intimidate visitors. I laughed in his face and my wife (his sister) told him not to be an idiot.
I was a wedding server (before COVID) & one of the most gorgeous wedding I worked was when the bride's gown was all white with a black sash! The flower girl's dresses were exactly the same & the MOF & BM's dresses were black with white sashes! Both the groom's & bride's mom's wore black & white dresses! The wedding was elegant & gorgeous
Many years ago, I was friends with a Muslim family. One day they invited me to the Mosque, not to try to convert me to the Muslim faith, just to let me see how strong they are in their beliefs. It was amazing! I was greeted like a long lost brother, and I met a lot of wonderful people.
> I was greeted like a long lost brother Yeah this is what made me roll my eyes at the story. What false idols? Judaism, Christianity and Islam share the same God. The interpretations and traditions might be different but all three faiths are basically a family.
@@HubiKoshi Yes. It doesn't matter what your faith is, it's the brotherhood of faith that is important imo. It is such a shame that that brotherhood has become so distorted.
@@HubiKoshiThat is what I was asking when I heard that. Don't those faitys follow the same God, just in different ways? The parents are narrow minded idiots who don't know the history of their own faith.
Story 4: NTA. Removing religion from this it’s a “His family” problem. The default in most scenarios is that if your partners family has an issue THEY are the one to deal with it, though concessions can be made on your part you are not to go out of your way. He ether Man’s up and tells his family to back off or this relationship isn’t going to work out.
I'm a Christian and I have read the Quran. I have been told over and over and over all the horrible things said in the Quran so I decided to find out for myself. None of the nasty garbage I was told to expect was in it. For one thing the Quran says that the God worshipped by Christians and Jews is the only God. Muslims worship the same God we do. If they refuse to enter a mosque on the grounds of idol worship that means they just called the Heavenly Father a false god. I have no respect for people that blindly follow propaganda rather than take the time to learn.
This, 100%. Their discomfort is their problem, especially as they both worship the same god, its just the prophets etc are different. People need to stop trying to police others religions.
@@lorisewsstuff1607 best part is the whole "don't worship false idols" bit is old testament, aka Jewish (Christanity is just Jewism plus). The cross, Christ, all that jazz are actually false idols. Christ specifically said he is not god, he is the son of god (the rest of humanity are also gods sons and daughters), he is nothing special by his own admission. The dogma that's crown around him been special is false idol worship at its core. It's a sad truth that most Christian's are unable or unwilling to put their own holy texts to as much scrutiny as they would apply to the Quran (which most of them have never read, it's a beautiful piece of work, unfortunately it has been misinterpreted badly time and time again).
Oooh, these are imposter Christians. When I was in confirmation classes, they actually encouraged us to ask permission to attend other denominations and religions places of worship, just to understand and accept other religions. It was a different experience for sure, but it wasn't like they were trying to convert us, just to show us what other people considered respectful and normal. That whole family has some red flags for sure and probably will continue with their behavior.
@@lorisewsstuff1607 Indeed. I'm a Born-Again Christian and, when I was coming back to Christ, the Muslim guys in my office were fascinated by my journey and gave me enormous encouragement. One of them actually said, "It's better to be a good Christian than a bad Muslim".
Story 1: So, they thought OP was 'betraying' his brother and instead of confronting him and SIL, they decided to spread a rumour? Without even speaking with them? In what sense could that action be spun into an act of misunderstanding? Plus, it had been almost two years and OP´s parents didn´t even know OP was living with SIL? Had they never visited their remaining son, or their recently orphaned (Is it still an orphan if they only lost one parent?) grandchildren during those hard times? Did they lived far away from SIL and OP´s old place?
Story 3: Have the wedding you and your SO want. After that live your best lives together. My MIL, generously, gave us an entire year to last. She, quite seriously, hated me. My own mother was more subtle and said if we didn't last at least five we would have to pay her back what she spent on our wedding (Oh gee... a whopping $200). We will be celebrating 38 years this month.
That’s funny. A whole $200 & u have lasted 38 years. Congratulations . Mom needs to eat her words. My daughters cost $400 that included dress & reception. Mine was $ 500 & he died at the age of 53. Till death do we part. ❤️ your story
@@barbaraunderwood1762 So sorry for your loss. My mom ate those before we hit the 20 yr mark, lol. She always, teasingly called him A-hole, but he got her back by teaching her parrot to say it. LOL
The only question I have is "where's the fiancé in this? What does he want?" If they're not on the same page, the cousins could wind up getting the last laugh anyway.
"She was the bride and it was her day." This infuriates me! It is *NOT* the Bride's day... It is YOUR DAY TOO! This sort of thinking is why bridezillas are a thing and why people let them get away with it!
The interfaith one was a real doozy! Poor OP had to find out the hard way that evangelicals are interested in conversion rather than equal exchange. The family probably tolerated the relationship because they assumed boyfriend was going to ~bring her to Jesus~ and hit the roof once they realized he hadn't. Glad she could get that misconception out of the way before there were any kids to get caught in the crossfire. But the relationship is probably doomed because boyfriend doesn't have enough spine to stand up to his family.
@@johncasteel1780 hell, last I checked, many Muslims also see singing in music as taboo as it leads to idolising people. But, added reason the in laws are idiots, its largely agreed that its the same god, just different prophets and rules. Her hubby needs to grow a backbone.
@@lwolfstar7618 Widely believed by who? A bunch of people who don't believe in either religion? People who have no stake in how these religions are portrayed? Pray tell how are they the same God? I've never heard a majority of Muslims or Christians claim this.
@@hawkgurl1157 The Catholic priest (also piarist monk) who taught history of religions at my school definitely said so. Plus the Quran says that Jesus and the prophets in the Bible are the prophets of the same God and predecessors of Mohammed.
Insulting and belittling her own grandkids and feelings of entitlement because it's her daughter..dear god, OP What was it like growing up with this madness
You know how when you hate someone with your whole soul, they can do nothing right. Like, oh, it’s THAT witch. Pfft. Look how she’s pulling the orphans out of that fire. God, I can’t stand her! I wonder if that’s the mindset OP’s wife was in for the last story. It would have been better to address the issues before the wedding because it sounds like the wife was just unable to stand MIL being there. Or the new wife is the real problem and is a drama stirrer. Also possible, but not enough info at this point
Can we pour one out for those kids who have to attend both mosque and church? I hated having to go to church growing up. I wouldn't imagine how much I would hate going to a mosque on a different day.
Last story: I kinda have a bad feeling. I'm not entirely convinced that OP's mom is the bad guy. There's a good chance that OP may see things through rose tinted glasses regarding his wife and wife's family.
@@NotGettingWhatIPaidForTH-cam She told him to ask his mother to leave. He refused. It’s just wedding too. The mother most likely thinks that the DIL hated her so much, she would just photoshop her out of the photos. Which I would believe she would do honestly. Also who snatches a bejeweled headband off someone’s head? My hair would have got torn, had that happen to me and then I would have stumped that old b*tch into the ground.
@@NotGettingWhatIPaidForTH-cam maybe OPs mom was still salty about his wife's mother ripping her headband off her head to put on her own head. Op's mom definitely isn't the only cuckoo in that nest.
@@NotGettingWhatIPaidForTH-cam agree, usually when a mother of the groom wears black it's supposed to symbolize the "death/loss" of her baby to "this" (as in anyone stealing her boy away) woman. If you catch my drift.
@@NotGettingWhatIPaidForTH-cam I can totally see it that way as well. That's why I'm not certain. But there is also a good possibility that there either is a good reason why the mom was a jerk or that OPs view is influenced by his wifes reaction. The fact that the mom just left the ceremony without stirring drama makes me wonder whether we are missing a bit of information. I mean a real jerk wouldn't pass an opportunity like that, right? There is also the possibility that the wife spoke to the mother without OP knowing it. But of course in the end, it's all speculation. It's just, in my eyes the pieces don't fit together that great. That's why I said I have a bad feeling.
Ah the first story is the classic “family” card automatically erases our wrongdoings because “family” no apologies and no admitting guilt. Classic. Screw family, if that is their mindset. Family does not get a pass for wrongdoings especially over a misunderstanding like this. They could’ve just asked Op about, but nope they had to be idiots and draw their own conclusions. And therefore they made their bed. Anyone who tries to argue with you about family, tell them that OK how would you like it if you were put in that situation?
Story 3: Have the wedding that makes you happy! Do NOT kowtow to your MIL. My maternal grandma HATED my dad because he's Jewish and my mom is not. Right up until the wedding day when it was snowing and she was going around telling them to cancel because no one would come. My mom simply said, "I am here, he is here, the priest is here, the rabbi is here. I don't care if no one else shows up, we're getting married!" My parents have been happily married for 43 years. Do not let someone else dictate your happiness!
STORY #1 NTA. Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right. OP doesn't owe his biological parents contact, either with himself or with his kid. Not after they slandered OP and refused to so much as apologize. STORY #2 NTA. OP's mother is horrible. She stole OP's things and insulted OP's kids. Do you smell that? I smell a narcissist. STORY #3 NTA. OP is under no obligation to throw a party for people who openly insult her marriage before it's even began. Though OP needs to talk to her fiancé before she cancels stuff; ywbta if OP makes an executive decision and doesn't give him any say in the matter. STORY #4 NTA. OP and her Boyfriend found a compromise that works for both of them, so the in-laws shouldn't get a say. OP needs to make it clear to boyfriend that she will never "keep peace" at the cost of her dignity. STORY #5 NTA. "She's the bride so it's her day." Nope, that's toxic bridezilla logic and it needs to fuck right off. Grooms have a right to just as much say in weddings as brides, and anyone who disagrees doesn't deserve to get married.
The religion story: NTA. I love the comment on why OP should be the only one keeping the piece. I had a similar situation. I'm Catholic, my husband was Pentecostal when I first met him. They really didn't force me to join and were happy that I attended. There were times where I would drop my husband and our kids to his church and I would go to mine, sometimes the kids would go with me. Mass is only an hr for most Catholics and only longer for special occasions, while his was 3 to 4 hrs long. When their bishop was in a pedophile scandal (shocking I know) my husband no longer wanted to be part of that church. My mother in law was worried that my husband was not going to church. At first we didn't say anything because we didn't know how she would react. There were comments made that Catholics were sinners for idolizing saints, and while yes it does seem like that to an outsider, it's not. When we finally did tell her, she was surprisingly happy. She said, I'm just glad he's going somewhere. Compromise people.
I’ve worn black to weddings. The color scheme was black, grey and white for the families. (Sister is the groom). I was lucky it wasn’t 100+ degrees or I would have regretted it.
So op was staying with her for 2 years and his parents never knew? Great parents there, never caring enough to find out how your son, grandkid, or daughter in law was doing for 2 years.
Story 1: Parents are trash. Not the AH. Story 2: How are they "showing off" by putting pictures of their own kids in their own home?!?!? And making fun of her own grandson? She's utterly insane! Story 3: OP and fiance should have whatever kind of wedding they want, have a wonderful day, and go on to have a wonderful life. Story 4: So OP's family is trying to force OP and her possible children into their religion. BF is abdolutely in the wrong. He put her in the middle of this, not the other way around.
I will never understand why people date and try to marry people out of their faith. And expect everything to work. It is the same thing with people from different countries.
My husband and I have different faiths. He wants me to try his faith. I did. For less than a year. There was an incident that made me decide I did not want to join a church that treated people so. Up until that day it was okay.
I have some friends who married someone of a different religion. Things sort of work. But when it comes to children and whom's religion will the children follow thing get murky.. Also I think of the true story of the movie called without my daughter. The Mom was American and husband was an Iranian American. They had a daughter. He convinced his wife and daughter to visit his family in his country but once there, she was trapped there. Until she sneaked out. Also there are other countries that do honor kills which I do not condone.
I agree with the comment. It is your home, you get to decide what decorations, if any, are used in YOUR house. If you are proud of your children there's no reason you can't display them wherever you want.
S1: Really want an update! OP's parents were monsters, hope he kept them NC! S2: Another entitled narcissist, OP needs to go total NC forever. S3: More back-stabbing family. Have a wedding, just uninvite them.
“I’m X Religion, getting married to someone from Y Religion but now that’s causing problems and I have no idea why!” ... Sometimes differences like this are just too major, you are not married nor have any children, cut your losses, start over and find someone who is a better match for your chosen path in life because the whole ‘opposites attract’ thing makes for the occasional fun plot device in a romcom but not much else 😓😓😓
Agreed. In fact religion is one of the top 5 reasons why people divorce. I don't know why people have the delusion that being with people that have drastically different world views won't be messy???
@@hawkgurl1157 glad to see others see it too. The most recent thing to break a relationship is “I married a vegan and they refuse to compromise on what to eat”, granted this one is funny because ... c’mon stories about people who enjoy meat thinking they can hook up with strict vegans and be happy are hilarious! If something as stupid as eating habits can break a couple then how can someone dedicated to their own religion realistically expect to spend a life with someone who is devoted to a different faith that is so drastically different?
@@LadyLeomon Dedicated is the key word! If he were Catholic but only goes to church on holidays & the same with his parents, it might work. But Devote Religion believes Only Theirs will be saved!
Yeah I totally agree; my Christian friend married a hardcore atheist and she would have to sneak out of the house just to go to church, because he would get aggressively angry when she would talk about her faith or talk about church
OMG I hear about these crazy mothers and I am so grateful for my mother, my daughter is grateful that I am her mother too. We have one crazy in the fam, but my other sibs are great and I lost my mom a year ago. I'd give anything to have her back.
Final Story: NTA. Black dresses are actually super common. It’s actually kinda a wardrobe requirement in a lot of cases. Also reminder, that was your Day too. Your allowed to fight for your Mom not to leave your own wedding.
I remember when a woman usually had a short little black dress to wear for various semi formal occasions and a long black gown for more formal events. I had a gorgeous black lace shawl that went with both.
Good evening XOS. Thanks for the stories. Bride is looking for reasons to drive a wedge between hubby and his mom. Lots of problems ahead. Have a good night
3rd Story: NTA. Don’t cancel your wedding plans if you already put money into it for a venue etc., just uninvite them and be sure to post lots of photos online to let them know how much fun you had celebrating your love with your husband without them. Even if you decide to go on with a courthouse wedding, you can still throw a party after and let them know their company wasn’t necessary. Nobody needs people at their ceremony who only disrespect them.
The brother/husband has been dead for four years at the point that she gave him a couch to surf on. Why would it even be a betrayal if the two of them started a relationship? Maybe it's a cultural thing?
Story number two: visiting Mother removing trophies and memorabilia from walls. Some people might think this is petty but it’s well deserved. I think a visit to where your mother lives, her home, is in order. If she’s like any other mother she has her home set up the way she wants, with things all around that she displays. I think it’s only fair that when you visit, that you remove some very prominent things and tell her that you’ll give them back to her when you leave. Make sure they are things that she is proud of. Let’s see how happy she will be.
Read a story where the son-in-law did get back at the MIL by doing moving his MIL's house around when she and her husband were on a short break. FIL was initially ticked of at the OP but turned his ire on his wife when OP explained why he did it.
Story 3... Wants to cancel the wedding. OP... Don't get mad...Get even. I had the same issues when I first married my Husband with members of both his and my family... We had 43 years of magic until his passing 2 and 1/2 years ago. (I miss him every day
Lmao, my wedding dress is black. My husband and I (we got legally married during covid, but we're doing our ceremony next year) are wording the invitations very carefully to let guests know that black will NOT be off limits because... duh. We really don't want people to feel uncomfortable about wearing "the bride's color", because black is one of the best formal/classy colors to wear. So yeah, your wife is kind of nasty to be pulling this crap about your mom's outfit.
"She sees everything mom wears has some sort of subliminal messaging. " Wife and MIL taking off bits of her outfit during the rehearsal dinner Cinderella style, Gee, I wonder why there are issues. He hasn't given any real reason as to why they hate her so much, is it because she probably said his wife is a trash person to her and she's not alright with it? Is that why she isn't "happy and supportive?" Because from OP's own story, it sounds like the only ones being awful are wife and MIL. I'd wear black to that wedding too, to 'subliminally message' that I'm in mourning.
last story: "my wife thinks my mom wears clothes that shoot out subliminal messages" and "my mother wore a bejeweled headband so my MIL ripped it off so she could try to wear it" sounds like your mom is crazy and you're marrying into even more crazy.
Wait wait- did you mean his own mom is crazy or the MIL or the actual wife?? Cos ripping off someone's headband seems pretty crazy and aggressive to me...the mom seems the least crazy out of all 3 of these women
I think OP'S mom is tacky and doesn't dress her age, which bugs the wife, although she doesn't know how to express it. OP starts by comparing the rehearsal dinner outfit to that of a bridesmaid's, because she was sporting torso skin. Then wearing a bejeweled headband to the engagement party, (Jojo Siwa, anyone?). Then a one-sleeved lacey cocktail (short skirted) dress was worn for the wedding. Ok, if Mom wants to look young and sexy most of the time, that's fine. But as the mother of the groom, she's being trashy. I'm single and middle-aged, and def don't look my age. I at least dress my age for weddings, not even as the groom's mother. I may dress cute for clubbing with friends, but there's a time and place.
WTH the parents ruined their daughters life for What?? Do their friend trust them I wouldn't trust people who'd betray their own daughter in my Life..geeze Go NC, if you can, make it Legal
2nd story: So let me get this correct according to the grandma it's OK to Disrespect her child and grandchildren in their own home because of her superiority of time and genetics which cannot be Disrespected not even for a overnight stay? Definitely a case study for they psychologists.
Title story: I'm getting a feeling that OP's older brother was the "golden child" for some reason (often just for being 1st, but could be another reason) & OP was the one that the parents always blamed & claimed he was the "bad" child without ever letting him explain. That's the kind of parents that would automatically assume the worst & then go spreading those assumptions to others.
Story 2- bet grandma was upset OP didn't have a huge picture of grandma up, instead of the kids. I'm also guessing she's jealous of the close posituve relationship OP has with her kids. Seems like grandma emits pure negativity. Story 4- sorry. Relationship won't work out. Boyfriend has no backbone and wants you to be spineless as well to please his fa)mily. They don't respect you, they want to convert you to "win".
Holding a grudge over a misunderstanding? Oh no. He's holding a grudge over what you did with that misunderstanding. You don't get to try and harm a person and then be forgiven on account that you did it out of stupidity.
Second story reminds me of another I read recently. If you want a gracious host, you need to be a gracious guest, and gracious this was not. About as far from it as possible. Imagine feeling offended that your grandchildren are talented, that's some serious insecurity right there.
9:20 Everyone agrees it,s Ex-Boyfriend now. He was never going to live up to the deal he and OP made, he will take them to church, get them baptist, when it come to her religion he’s going to pull the “Just taking the kids to visit family/friend” and “the baby just fell asleep” cards, and when their older “Do you wanna go to the mosque or go out for ice cream/movies/ect.” Card was soon as he can and by the time they’re old enough to choose religion they’re already christian. (I apologise if I offered anyone, I just don’t know how to put it)
Most of the times children are raised in the mother's faith. Unless... They have a domineering MIL. No joke, kids should be presented with all choices and they should decide which faith to follow.
Story 4: OP, really listen to your fiancée and his family, because the need to be EX and quickly. He will never take your side. He has already told his family you will be going to his church and your children will be Christian and not Muslim. They are not open minded at all.
Dude...you're in for 1 HELL of a ROUGH married life! Here's a tip: For your next marriage... E L O P E...Her wearing the The black dress at the wedding, Some faiths/ traditions see white as funeral colors......Maybe mention that to ol wifey...
2nd story: Unfortunately, people don't understand the level of jealousy family members have when they can SEE how happy & successful your family is! Sad
Wedding story. NTA After I got married I found out that my Grandmother was saying similar things about me to people at the wedding. A cousin told me that she had said that my marriage would not last long because my husband would not put up with the type of person that I was. I knew from a very young age that she didn’t care for me, no matter what I did I would never live up to her expectations of myself (or my sisters), which was much higher than our perfect cousins and brother. Has taken 10 years without her constantly in our father’s ear about how horrible I was for him to realise that I was not the devil incarnate. Well Grandma, if husband hasn’t left me in the past thirty years, the joke is on you.
Story 1: Remember one of the Rules of Reddit: When someone shows you who they are, believe them. OP's parents showed him who they are and he believed them and made a sound decision to minimize his contact with them. So many Reddit stories where people bitch about someone "holding a grudge" when really they are just making a rational decision based on the other person's actions. If I refuse to loan you money a second time because you never paid me back the first time, I am not "holding a grudge" I am making a sound decision based on past experience. Story 2: If it is not your home, you shouldn't even hang the toilet paper roll the other way, let alone take down pictures and awards. We learned that in kindergarten. Story 3: At the reception, OP should announce that her family are all betting the marriage won't last, and offer to organize a betting pool and pass around a sign-up sheet if anyone else feels the same way. "What? No takers? Guess it's just my family, then. Enjoy your cake." Story 3: Yeah, the relationship is doomed. The BF will bow to his family every time and the family will be emboldened to press their religion onto her and her prospective kids. Leave now. He has shown you what he is. Story 4: OP: "My mom's brand of crazy is very quiet and not attention seeking" whereas you wife and MIL's brand of crazy is loud and attention seeking. You wife is nuts.
I'm sorry, but the comment that closed the video obviously wasn't paying attention to what the guy wrote. She has her own brand of crazy, is essentially what he said, and that it's on the quiet side. But as we all know from videos like this, some of the worst verbal abuse is done quietly so they can get away with it by way of relatives saying "I never saw any kind of abuse." At least that's how it comes off to me.
exactly. I've encountered quiet sorts of crazy and nine times out of ten, that means that they're sneaky and manipulative and know how to get under your skin without others picking up on it. that makes me suspicious of OP's view of events because how many times have we seen awful MILs whose sons were completely oblivious to their behaviour?
2nd story. If my kids were that talented, I would be only too happy to show off my pride in their achievements in the same way OP did. The mothers behaviour is just baffling.
Story 2- If my mother were to take any photos or medals, it would be to display them in her apartment. I would have to make sure she had copies so she could brag to visitors.
OP NTA. Parts of me says you should look again to make sure you and are right for each other and other have says tell your family that is doing the bet they aren't invited to the wedding.
I joke that I robbed the cradle with my husband. I am almost 7 years older then him. We been married 42 years. He became the best father to my daughter and son and our daughter and son. Love this man.
1st story keep going NC. Stay far far away. A missunderstanding my A-HOLE. Don't let them back in your life. 2nd story your mom was genuinely disrespectful. Tell your sister to take her in. You're a great parent keep it up 😊🙂. 3rd story just uninvite your family and go ahead with your wedding. 4th story find a new boyfriend. The marriage will never work.
Last Story: Not enough backstory for a real call on this story. My cousin had a MIL that was a saint as long as there were other people around. But the second they were alone, she became a raging nasty harpy. I walked in on one of those episodes and the second the harpy saw me she became the sweetest angel of a MIL. It is very possible that this is what the bride has been putting up with for as long as she has known her. The MIL could have pulled the "no one is looking time to attack" routine on her wedding day and with all the stress and anxiety that comes with a wedding the bride snapped. Sometimes it is hard to articulate the real problem in a stressful situation and the bride was just grabbing at something to vent about and keep her head above water.
Story 3: If I was OP I wouldn't have threatened to cancel the wedding I was planning. That is going too far because it lets them have power over you & it disappoints others that haven't done wrong. What I would've done is publicly uninvite the ahole family members & state why I was doing it to all. (by mass text, email, Facebook, whatever they use) Keep the SO's family & all your friends that have been supportive on the guest list, enjoy your day with less stress!! (Also, that lets you either save a bit of money by reducing the # of guests with the caterer - if still enough time to do it - or to have a bit more on hand to be sure all the guests, photographer, etc can have 2nds. Either way it's a win!)
My mother apologizes. Reminds me she’s a woman too, not just a mom. We discuss how to address next time. Love the example of how to b a proper adult. Her family is very “Forget & Forget “ with no discussion. I’m the but that address the Elephant in the room.
Are you kidding me? My granddaughter is a valedictorian. She got 5 scholarships. Perdue, Gonzaga, Washington state. Etc,etc,she is also the top student in class. Man, I brag on her every time get too.
The story about trophies/ribbons and pictures: my sister has 3 kids, all adults. I think she has only had a regular relationship with one of them (her eldest, 40) She also has 4 dogs that she dolts on and trains to do agility. The house is covered in dog trophies, ribbons, pictures (as, when one dog dies, she gets a new one). You would never know she has kids, as this house is a shrine to her dogs, past and present... lol. I would never admonish her for this as it makes her happy and fulfilled.
On the story of the Muslim girlfriend and her Christian boyfriend, I literally laughed out loud when the Boyfriend's parents accused Muslims of being Idol Worshippers. The irony is that Muslims find Christianity troublesome because of all the religious idols and icons of the Saints, Mother Mary, and Jesus Christ. Some Muslims actually think Christians are Idol Worshippers because of this. By comparison, there is no such devices in Islam, be it paintings or statues of any Muslim Religious people. It would be Blasphemous for them to even do something like that. Lawsuit's have even been brought against businesses and organizations that have tried to portray the Prophet Muhammed in any way. FYI, I am a Christian myself. I just happen to live in a Muslim country.
OP NTA. Your SIL was a sweet woman who saw you having trouble and and let you stay with her and her children. You guys helped each other and neither took advantage of each other. Your parents should have talked with you and SIL to make sure their crazy assumptions were right and before spreading those false assumptions everything. Your new little family needs to be protected from your parents since they spread rumors before knowing the truth. They don't know how to apologize or how to acknowledge what they did wrong. Things you don't want your kid or gf to pick up. You need to make sure your gf understands your boundaries with your parents or else she might go behind your back. hope your able to keep a good relationship with SIL too
I hate how people automatically assume that a man and a woman can't be friends without having sex. How messed up of his parents to immediately jump to that conclusion.
They not only damaged your reputation but also their daughter-in-law’s. They did peripheral damage to her children too. They haven’t repented. Let your girlfriend & her family know why there’s to be no information given to them & no meeting with any of your children. Make sure you have a will & documents in place specifically stating they are never to have access to your children, your estate nor will they be allowed to make any medical or life decisions for any of you.
Wedding bets: I think there's more to the story than OP said. For one thing as soon as she heard about the bets she instantly went to wanting to call the whole thing off. That's pretty extreme. Sure, get mad but don't burn your own house down to get back at someone else. I'm wondering if maybe her family has seen something that makes them doubt her relationship can survive the wedding. Or maybe they heard her fiance say something that she missed. It might be worth it to find out why her family sees her wedding as a joke. If it turns out they are just s bunch of jerks have the wedding anyway. Just make sure they know they aren't invited and have security waiting at the door.
My mother would be kicked out immidiatly for insulting my kid or his hobby. How dare you come into somebody's house hide their shit, insult their patenting, and insult their kids.
Mixed faith story: NTA, naturally. I don't think the relationship is doomed, either, but the bf definitely needs some time away to gain some confidence. Sticking with it and repeatedly confirming your children will be raised with both faiths will help. I know it's not all that similar, but I was raised going to both a Protestant (Methodist) church and a Catholic church. I've chosen to stay Christian and I'm Non-Denominational while my sibling is agnostic. BF's parents are absolutely trying to convert OP in the most underhanded typical evangelical way, and they honestly could use a trip to the Mosque to see what it's like. I know Reddit has no faith the BF will grow a spine, but I also don't blame him for putting it off. These kinds of people can get nuts. Just keep on truckin' y'all.
There's a massive difference between a worshipper and _an observer._ But, these Christians have never lived in a place where their religion isn't the dominating one, so they'd have no bloody idea about that. Must be nice. A lot of us don't get to enjoy that sort of privilege.
Do not be unequally yolked. I don't understand why people keep getting romantically involved with people who do not share their core beliefs (religion, political, ect). Opposites do attract, but it's not a smooth ride being married to someone who opposes your core identity and beliefs.
Story 3: NTA. Go to the courthouse! Keep your name! Show them how right they are! That you are a strong independent woman and your Husband is just lucky enough to be along for the ride.
Wedding Bets: NTA. If I was in your position like that I would make changes to the wedding plans not inform the family and only invite friends that you care about. Example; change the date to be earlier if possible, if you were going to get married in a church pick a different church, if it's not too late have the caterers reduce the amount of food to accommodate only the friends that you want. THEN... On the day you had planned to get married have your families meet you in the original intended Church but without any of the decorations in plainclothes and announce that you've been married for however many days (or months) since the secret wedding, thank everybody for coming and send them away.
Okay that false idol bit irritated me. Yeah the Bible says don't worship false idols but that means false gods or images of gods. Christians and Muslims worship the same God!! There are crucial differences in what they believe but it's the same God!
It's weird that they get so hung up on men in ballet. Had a friend who tried it and beside being one hell of a workout. That's where the pretty ballerinas were.
S1. NTA. This was no misunderstanding. That alludes that u had a conversation and they misunderstood. There was no conversation. Those hideous "parents" ASSUMED something AND spread it around! Cut. Them. Out. OP. Shame on them
And what does the fiancé think of canceling this wedding. How the hell does she make a unilateral decision like this without even consulting her fiancé. Her reaction shows the family may be right. It is not her day. It is their day. NTA
Sorry but I think religion is definitely a deal breaker. Op should rethink this whole relationship if they don't want to go to war constantly defending their right to practice their own religion. The boyfriend seems like a pushover. He'll never have op's back.
That story about the Christians not going to the DIL's place of worship just made me mad. It's stories like that that make all Christians look like loones. I promise not all of us are like this. I really think this would have been a great learning experience for both parts of the family and they might have had a deeper respect/ appreciationg for each other because of it. The idea that they somehow thought that they were worshiping false idols was ridiculous especially since I'm pretty sure they all worshipthe same God just in different ways. As a Christian myself I have a healthy respect for anyone's faith because it's deeply personal and I have no right to force my views/ beliefs on them but I also feel that there is always something to be learned from all faiths. I don't claim to know it all or have all the answers and will not put others down because they share different views. At the end of the day we are all just trying to find the meaning to our existence and figure out how to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.
A misunderstanding? Oh no, no, no. That’s not a misunderstanding. That’s them maliciously spreading lies without caring to know the facts. Good riddance to toxic people, parents or not.
They jumped to *insane*conclusions-for zero reason-and spread a false rumor.
That is not a misunderstanding. That is deliberate disinformation.
"Holding a grudge"?
Nope. This is called, "Actions, meet Consequences."
Even if they got together they weren’t cheating
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It’s really messed up that they assumed Op was sleeping with his SIL without ever getting their side. And worse they told everyone in the family that with no real proof. They have no one to blame but themselves and I don’t blame Op for cutting contact and refusing to see them. It’s not selfish to get rid of toxic people in your life
I've known people who have actually hooked up with their SIL/BIL after the spouse passed away. I never knew they hooked up till long after the fact, and they shared the info with us. Guess some people don't realize that others laundry is not for them to hang out in public for others to see.
Right? They shit the bed. They get to deal with the mess of it.
I was actually surprised the OP was still on touch with his parents after this. What kind of people (parents!) jump to those kind of conclusions with ZERO evidence? That shows what is in their own twisted minds.
And apparently they never apologized so I doubt they think what they did was wrong.
There is someone wrong with those people.
Not only that, like the one commenter said, he was living with her for quite a while before they found out. Making sure their grandkid was doing okay wasn't a priority either.
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Story 1: NTA. Misunderstanding is normal, spreading pretty serious stuff around that can and does ruin peoples lives especially if it unconfirmed is not.
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They didn't just slander him, but SIL too. Wonder if she cut contact with them too...
Hope she did.
Given they didn't notice the son was living with her for well over a year, I don't think it would be hard to cut any last contact left.
Story 2: NTA. (1) It isn’t “Tacky” to put up photos of your kids accomplishments. As long as it’s not ornate portraits it’s normal. (2) What isn’t normal is redecorating someone’s house without their permission. That is some entitlement right there.
Honestly the "tacky" person is the mother. Because like you said who goes into someone elses house and redecorates. The fact she made fun of her grandson for being in ballet tells me she is upset about that and she can go pound sand. OP and her husband should continue to show off their kids
She was a guest in your house. She does not control you or your home.
Right?
I spent 20 years in the military (three years in the US Army, 17 years in the US Navy). When I retired I got a large shadow box with all my medals (a couple of which even mean something) and badges. I hung the shadow box in the living room. My brother-in-law visited my home and he said it was ostentatious to have my shadow box on display, I should keep it in my bedroom so it doesn't intimidate visitors. I laughed in his face and my wife (his sister) told him not to be an idiot.
I don't care if their house was the tackiest thing that any of us had ever seen or will ever see in our natural life. She was a guest in their home.
I was a wedding server (before COVID) & one of the most gorgeous wedding I worked was when the bride's gown was all white with a black sash! The flower girl's dresses were exactly the same & the MOF & BM's dresses were black with white sashes! Both the groom's & bride's mom's wore black & white dresses! The wedding was elegant & gorgeous
Many years ago, I was friends with a Muslim family. One day they invited me to the Mosque, not to try to convert me to the Muslim faith, just to let me see how strong they are in their beliefs. It was amazing! I was greeted like a long lost brother, and I met a lot of wonderful people.
> I was greeted like a long lost brother
Yeah this is what made me roll my eyes at the story. What false idols? Judaism, Christianity and Islam share the same God. The interpretations and traditions might be different but all three faiths are basically a family.
@@HubiKoshi Yes. It doesn't matter what your faith is, it's the brotherhood of faith that is important imo. It is such a shame that that brotherhood has become so distorted.
@@HubiKoshiThat is what I was asking when I heard that. Don't those faitys follow the same God, just in different ways? The parents are narrow minded idiots who don't know the history of their own faith.
Story 4: NTA. Removing religion from this it’s a “His family” problem. The default in most scenarios is that if your partners family has an issue THEY are the one to deal with it, though concessions can be made on your part you are not to go out of your way. He ether Man’s up and tells his family to back off or this relationship isn’t going to work out.
I'm a Christian and I have read the Quran. I have been told over and over and over all the horrible things said in the Quran so I decided to find out for myself. None of the nasty garbage I was told to expect was in it. For one thing the Quran says that the God worshipped by Christians and Jews is the only God. Muslims worship the same God we do. If they refuse to enter a mosque on the grounds of idol worship that means they just called the Heavenly Father a false god. I have no respect for people that blindly follow propaganda rather than take the time to learn.
This, 100%. Their discomfort is their problem, especially as they both worship the same god, its just the prophets etc are different. People need to stop trying to police others religions.
@@lorisewsstuff1607 best part is the whole "don't worship false idols" bit is old testament, aka Jewish (Christanity is just Jewism plus). The cross, Christ, all that jazz are actually false idols. Christ specifically said he is not god, he is the son of god (the rest of humanity are also gods sons and daughters), he is nothing special by his own admission. The dogma that's crown around him been special is false idol worship at its core.
It's a sad truth that most Christian's are unable or unwilling to put their own holy texts to as much scrutiny as they would apply to the Quran (which most of them have never read, it's a beautiful piece of work, unfortunately it has been misinterpreted badly time and time again).
Oooh, these are imposter Christians. When I was in confirmation classes, they actually encouraged us to ask permission to attend other denominations and religions places of worship, just to understand and accept other religions. It was a different experience for sure, but it wasn't like they were trying to convert us, just to show us what other people considered respectful and normal. That whole family has some red flags for sure and probably will continue with their behavior.
@@lorisewsstuff1607 Indeed. I'm a Born-Again Christian and, when I was coming back to Christ, the Muslim guys in my office were fascinated by my journey and gave me enormous encouragement. One of them actually said, "It's better to be a good Christian than a bad Muslim".
Story 1: So, they thought OP was 'betraying' his brother and instead of confronting him and SIL, they decided to spread a rumour? Without even speaking with them? In what sense could that action be spun into an act of misunderstanding?
Plus, it had been almost two years and OP´s parents didn´t even know OP was living with SIL? Had they never visited their remaining son, or their recently orphaned (Is it still an orphan if they only lost one parent?) grandchildren during those hard times? Did they lived far away from SIL and OP´s old place?
Bluesapphire, a child who has lost one parent is called a half-orphan, though it's a term one rarely hears these days, for some reason.
Exactly, they're not really in touch with reality.
Story 3: Have the wedding you and your SO want. After that live your best lives together. My MIL, generously, gave us an entire year to last. She, quite seriously, hated me. My own mother was more subtle and said if we didn't last at least five we would have to pay her back what she spent on our wedding (Oh gee... a whopping $200). We will be celebrating 38 years this month.
That’s funny. A whole $200 & u have lasted 38 years. Congratulations . Mom needs to eat her words. My daughters cost $400 that included dress & reception. Mine was $ 500 & he died at the age of 53. Till death do we part. ❤️ your story
@@barbaraunderwood1762 So sorry for your loss. My mom ate those before we hit the 20 yr mark, lol. She always, teasingly called him A-hole, but he got her back by teaching her parrot to say it. LOL
@@dianajohnson7337 🤣🤣🤣savage
Too bad you didn't have a counter offer for your mom! Say $200 on every anniversary after the 5th!
The only question I have is "where's the fiancé in this? What does he want?"
If they're not on the same page, the cousins could wind up getting the last laugh anyway.
"She was the bride and it was her day."
This infuriates me! It is *NOT* the Bride's day... It is YOUR DAY TOO! This sort of thinking is why bridezillas are a thing and why people let them get away with it!
The interfaith one was a real doozy! Poor OP had to find out the hard way that evangelicals are interested in conversion rather than equal exchange. The family probably tolerated the relationship because they assumed boyfriend was going to ~bring her to Jesus~ and hit the roof once they realized he hadn't. Glad she could get that misconception out of the way before there were any kids to get caught in the crossfire. But the relationship is probably doomed because boyfriend doesn't have enough spine to stand up to his family.
Not only that, but the Christian objection to Islamic "false idols" is laughable. Islam forbids human statuary of ANY kind.
@@johncasteel1780 hell, last I checked, many Muslims also see singing in music as taboo as it leads to idolising people. But, added reason the in laws are idiots, its largely agreed that its the same god, just different prophets and rules. Her hubby needs to grow a backbone.
@@lwolfstar7618 Widely believed by who? A bunch of people who don't believe in either religion? People who have no stake in how these religions are portrayed? Pray tell how are they the same God? I've never heard a majority of Muslims or Christians claim this.
@@hawkgurl1157 The Catholic priest (also piarist monk) who taught history of religions at my school definitely said so. Plus the Quran says that Jesus and the prophets in the Bible are the prophets of the same God and predecessors of Mohammed.
Not just evangelicals. Being pagan gives you some real perspective on that.
Insulting and belittling her own grandkids and feelings of entitlement because it's her daughter..dear god, OP What was it like growing up with this madness
You know how when you hate someone with your whole soul, they can do nothing right. Like, oh, it’s THAT witch. Pfft. Look how she’s pulling the orphans out of that fire. God, I can’t stand her!
I wonder if that’s the mindset OP’s wife was in for the last story. It would have been better to address the issues before the wedding because it sounds like the wife was just unable to stand MIL being there.
Or the new wife is the real problem and is a drama stirrer. Also possible, but not enough info at this point
Can we pour one out for those kids who have to attend both mosque and church? I hated having to go to church growing up. I wouldn't imagine how much I would hate going to a mosque on a different day.
The kids deserve more than one. This is the kind of situation that can lead kids to acting out and even running away. Two faiths, what a nightmare!
Last story: I get the feeling the reason OP's mum disappeared during the photos was because his new wife and MIL told her she wasn't welcome there.
Last story: I kinda have a bad feeling. I'm not entirely convinced that OP's mom is the bad guy. There's a good chance that OP may see things through rose tinted glasses regarding his wife and wife's family.
Feel bad for OP's mom, she got bullied by dil and her mother, and her son is allowing it
@@NotGettingWhatIPaidForTH-cam She told him to ask his mother to leave. He refused. It’s just wedding too. The mother most likely thinks that the DIL hated her so much, she would just photoshop her out of the photos. Which I would believe she would do honestly.
Also who snatches a bejeweled headband off someone’s head? My hair would have got torn, had that happen to me and then I would have stumped that old b*tch into the ground.
@@NotGettingWhatIPaidForTH-cam maybe OPs mom was still salty about his wife's mother ripping her headband off her head to put on her own head. Op's mom definitely isn't the only cuckoo in that nest.
@@NotGettingWhatIPaidForTH-cam agree, usually when a mother of the groom wears black it's supposed to symbolize the "death/loss" of her baby to "this" (as in anyone stealing her boy away) woman. If you catch my drift.
@@NotGettingWhatIPaidForTH-cam I can totally see it that way as well. That's why I'm not certain. But there is also a good possibility that there either is a good reason why the mom was a jerk or that OPs view is influenced by his wifes reaction.
The fact that the mom just left the ceremony without stirring drama makes me wonder whether we are missing a bit of information. I mean a real jerk wouldn't pass an opportunity like that, right? There is also the possibility that the wife spoke to the mother without OP knowing it.
But of course in the end, it's all speculation. It's just, in my eyes the pieces don't fit together that great. That's why I said I have a bad feeling.
Ah the first story is the classic “family” card automatically erases our wrongdoings because “family” no apologies and no admitting guilt. Classic. Screw family, if that is their mindset. Family does not get a pass for wrongdoings especially over a misunderstanding like this. They could’ve just asked Op about, but nope they had to be idiots and draw their own conclusions. And therefore they made their bed. Anyone who tries to argue with you about family, tell them that OK how would you like it if you were put in that situation?
Story 3: Have the wedding that makes you happy! Do NOT kowtow to your MIL. My maternal grandma HATED my dad because he's Jewish and my mom is not. Right up until the wedding day when it was snowing and she was going around telling them to cancel because no one would come.
My mom simply said, "I am here, he is here, the priest is here, the rabbi is here. I don't care if no one else shows up, we're getting married!"
My parents have been happily married for 43 years. Do not let someone else dictate your happiness!
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STORY #1
NTA. Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right. OP doesn't owe his biological parents contact, either with himself or with his kid. Not after they slandered OP and refused to so much as apologize.
STORY #2
NTA. OP's mother is horrible. She stole OP's things and insulted OP's kids. Do you smell that? I smell a narcissist.
STORY #3
NTA. OP is under no obligation to throw a party for people who openly insult her marriage before it's even began. Though OP needs to talk to her fiancé before she cancels stuff; ywbta if OP makes an executive decision and doesn't give him any say in the matter.
STORY #4
NTA. OP and her Boyfriend found a compromise that works for both of them, so the in-laws shouldn't get a say. OP needs to make it clear to boyfriend that she will never "keep peace" at the cost of her dignity.
STORY #5
NTA. "She's the bride so it's her day." Nope, that's toxic bridezilla logic and it needs to fuck right off. Grooms have a right to just as much say in weddings as brides, and anyone who disagrees doesn't deserve to get married.
The religion story: NTA. I love the comment on why OP should be the only one keeping the piece. I had a similar situation. I'm Catholic, my husband was Pentecostal when I first met him. They really didn't force me to join and were happy that I attended. There were times where I would drop my husband and our kids to his church and I would go to mine, sometimes the kids would go with me. Mass is only an hr for most Catholics and only longer for special occasions, while his was 3 to 4 hrs long. When their bishop was in a pedophile scandal (shocking I know) my husband no longer wanted to be part of that church. My mother in law was worried that my husband was not going to church. At first we didn't say anything because we didn't know how she would react. There were comments made that Catholics were sinners for idolizing saints, and while yes it does seem like that to an outsider, it's not. When we finally did tell her, she was surprisingly happy. She said, I'm just glad he's going somewhere.
Compromise people.
I’ve worn black to weddings. The color scheme was black, grey and white for the families. (Sister is the groom). I was lucky it wasn’t 100+ degrees or I would have regretted it.
"Worshipping false idols"
It's the same God!
Exactly! Same God, just in a different language!
Thank You!
The more similar two beliefs are, the more viciously they'll tear each other apart over whatever differences exist.
Not really, as Christians worship christ, where as Muslims think Jesus was just a good prophet
@@chettyspaghetti226 What Christians refer to as "God the Father" is what Muslims would recognize as God/Allah.
So op was staying with her for 2 years and his parents never knew? Great parents there, never caring enough to find out how your son, grandkid, or daughter in law was doing for 2 years.
Story 1: Parents are trash. Not the AH.
Story 2: How are they "showing off" by putting pictures of their own kids in their own home?!?!? And making fun of her own grandson? She's utterly insane!
Story 3: OP and fiance should have whatever kind of wedding they want, have a wonderful day, and go on to have a wonderful life.
Story 4: So OP's family is trying to force OP and her possible children into their religion. BF is abdolutely in the wrong. He put her in the middle of this, not the other way around.
I will never understand why people date and try to marry people out of their faith. And expect everything to work. It is the same thing with people from different countries.
My husband and I have different faiths. He wants me to try his faith. I did. For less than a year. There was an incident that made me decide I did not want to join a church that treated people so. Up until that day it was okay.
Because it can and does happen, you just don't hear about it on Reddit because there's no problems lol
I have some friends who married someone of a different religion. Things sort of work. But when it comes to children and whom's religion will the children follow thing get murky..
Also I think of the true story of the movie called without my daughter. The Mom was American and husband was an Iranian American. They had a daughter. He convinced his wife and daughter to visit his family in his country but once there, she was trapped there. Until she sneaked out.
Also there are other countries that do honor kills which I do not condone.
I agree with the comment. It is your home, you get to decide what decorations, if any, are used in YOUR house. If you are proud of your children there's no reason you can't display them wherever you want.
S1: Really want an update! OP's parents were monsters, hope he kept them NC!
S2: Another entitled narcissist, OP needs to go total NC forever.
S3: More back-stabbing family. Have a wedding, just uninvite them.
“I’m X Religion, getting married to someone from Y Religion but now that’s causing problems and I have no idea why!” ... Sometimes differences like this are just too major, you are not married nor have any children, cut your losses, start over and find someone who is a better match for your chosen path in life because the whole ‘opposites attract’ thing makes for the occasional fun plot device in a romcom but not much else 😓😓😓
Agreed. In fact religion is one of the top 5 reasons why people divorce. I don't know why people have the delusion that being with people that have drastically different world views won't be messy???
@@hawkgurl1157 I guess it's same thing than having disagreement about having kids.
Both assume the other one will change their mind.
@@hawkgurl1157 glad to see others see it too. The most recent thing to break a relationship is “I married a vegan and they refuse to compromise on what to eat”, granted this one is funny because ... c’mon stories about people who enjoy meat thinking they can hook up with strict vegans and be happy are hilarious! If something as stupid as eating habits can break a couple then how can someone dedicated to their own religion realistically expect to spend a life with someone who is devoted to a different faith that is so drastically different?
@@LadyLeomon Dedicated is the key word! If he were Catholic but only goes to church on holidays & the same with his parents, it might work. But Devote Religion believes Only Theirs will be saved!
Yeah I totally agree; my Christian friend married a hardcore atheist and she would have to sneak out of the house just to go to church, because he would get aggressively angry when she would talk about her faith or talk about church
OMG I hear about these crazy mothers and I am so grateful for my mother, my daughter is grateful that I am her mother too. We have one crazy in the fam, but my other sibs are great and I lost my mom a year ago. I'd give anything to have her back.
Final Story: NTA. Black dresses are actually super common. It’s actually kinda a wardrobe requirement in a lot of cases. Also reminder, that was your Day too. Your allowed to fight for your Mom not to leave your own wedding.
At my daughter's wedding, both me and my daughter's step mom wore black dresses, not as mourning dresses. It's not prohibited.
Some MIL'S have worn black as a show of mourning, but not in all cases.
Wife is looking for a fight with her MIL
In my country it's frowned upon.
@@rebel1612 wife is looking for a fight indeed.
I remember when a woman usually had a short little black dress to wear for various semi formal occasions and a long black gown for more formal events. I had a gorgeous black lace shawl that went with both.
Good evening XOS. Thanks for the stories. Bride is looking for reasons to drive a wedge between hubby and his mom. Lots of problems ahead. Have a good night
"her brand of crazy" ...this is literally the phrase that has been missing from my entire life.
3rd Story: NTA. Don’t cancel your wedding plans if you already put money into it for a venue etc., just uninvite them and be sure to post lots of photos online to let them know how much fun you had celebrating your love with your husband without them. Even if you decide to go on with a courthouse wedding, you can still throw a party after and let them know their company wasn’t necessary. Nobody needs people at their ceremony who only disrespect them.
The brother/husband has been dead for four years at the point that she gave him a couch to surf on. Why would it even be a betrayal if the two of them started a relationship? Maybe it's a cultural thing?
Because apparently its a betrayal if the spouse moves on.
I think this is a western problem.
@@sierralovat5498 No, it's an "I feel entitled to keep my child's widow/widower from moving on with their life" problem.
Story number two: visiting Mother removing trophies and memorabilia from walls. Some people might think this is petty but it’s well deserved. I think a visit to where your mother lives, her home, is in order. If she’s like any other mother she has her home set up the way she wants, with things all around that she displays. I think it’s only fair that when you visit, that you remove some very prominent things and tell her that you’ll give them back to her when you leave. Make sure they are things that she is proud of. Let’s see how happy she will be.
Read a story where the son-in-law did get back at the MIL by doing moving his MIL's house around when she and her husband were on a short break. FIL was initially ticked of at the OP but turned his ire on his wife when OP explained why he did it.
Story 3... Wants to cancel the wedding.
OP... Don't get mad...Get even.
I had the same issues when I first married my Husband with members of both his and my family... We had 43 years of magic until his passing 2 and 1/2 years ago. (I miss him every day
Lmao, my wedding dress is black. My husband and I (we got legally married during covid, but we're doing our ceremony next year) are wording the invitations very carefully to let guests know that black will NOT be off limits because... duh. We really don't want people to feel uncomfortable about wearing "the bride's color", because black is one of the best formal/classy colors to wear. So yeah, your wife is kind of nasty to be pulling this crap about your mom's outfit.
"She sees everything mom wears has some sort of subliminal messaging. "
Wife and MIL taking off bits of her outfit during the rehearsal dinner Cinderella style,
Gee, I wonder why there are issues. He hasn't given any real reason as to why they hate her so much, is it because she probably said his wife is a trash person to her and she's not alright with it? Is that why she isn't "happy and supportive?" Because from OP's own story, it sounds like the only ones being awful are wife and MIL. I'd wear black to that wedding too, to 'subliminally message' that I'm in mourning.
last story: "my wife thinks my mom wears clothes that shoot out subliminal messages" and "my mother wore a bejeweled headband so my MIL ripped it off so she could try to wear it" sounds like your mom is crazy and you're marrying into even more crazy.
Wait wait- did you mean his own mom is crazy or the MIL or the actual wife?? Cos ripping off someone's headband seems pretty crazy and aggressive to me...the mom seems the least crazy out of all 3 of these women
I think OP'S mom is tacky and doesn't dress her age, which bugs the wife, although she doesn't know how to express it. OP starts by comparing the rehearsal dinner outfit to that of a bridesmaid's, because she was sporting torso skin. Then wearing a bejeweled headband to the engagement party, (Jojo Siwa, anyone?). Then a one-sleeved lacey cocktail (short skirted) dress was worn for the wedding. Ok, if Mom wants to look young and sexy most of the time, that's fine. But as the mother of the groom, she's being trashy. I'm single and middle-aged, and def don't look my age. I at least dress my age for weddings, not even as the groom's mother. I may dress cute for clubbing with friends, but there's a time and place.
WTH the parents ruined their daughters life for What?? Do their friend trust them I wouldn't trust people who'd betray their own daughter in my Life..geeze Go NC, if you can, make it Legal
2nd story: So let me get this correct according to the grandma it's OK to Disrespect her child and grandchildren in their own home because of her superiority of time and genetics which cannot be Disrespected not even for a overnight stay?
Definitely a case study for they psychologists.
Title story: I'm getting a feeling that OP's older brother was the "golden child" for some reason (often just for being 1st, but could be another reason) & OP was the one that the parents always blamed & claimed he was the "bad" child without ever letting him explain. That's the kind of parents that would automatically assume the worst & then go spreading those assumptions to others.
Story 2- bet grandma was upset OP didn't have a huge picture of grandma up, instead of the kids. I'm also guessing she's jealous of the close posituve relationship OP has with her kids. Seems like grandma emits pure negativity.
Story 4- sorry. Relationship won't work out. Boyfriend has no backbone and wants you to be spineless as well to please his fa)mily. They don't respect you, they want to convert you to "win".
Yeah absolutely not. I’m not paying for jerks to “eat cake and choke on it”
The inter religion relationship: Religion is why I'm a HAPPY ATHEIST FYI He's NOT as accepting as you think
Ditto!
@@goddessmelanisia 💯 Screw all of that sky Daddy BS
Holding a grudge over a misunderstanding? Oh no. He's holding a grudge over what you did with that misunderstanding. You don't get to try and harm a person and then be forgiven on account that you did it out of stupidity.
Second story reminds me of another I read recently. If you want a gracious host, you need to be a gracious guest, and gracious this was not. About as far from it as possible. Imagine feeling offended that your grandchildren are talented, that's some serious insecurity right there.
Why do people act like the wedding only for the bride? And to rip something off someone's head is fucked up for sure?
9:20 Everyone agrees it,s Ex-Boyfriend now.
He was never going to live up to the deal he and OP made, he will take them to church, get them baptist, when it come to her religion he’s going to pull the
“Just taking the kids to visit family/friend” and “the baby just fell asleep” cards, and when their older “Do you wanna go to the mosque or go out for ice cream/movies/ect.” Card was soon as he can and by the time they’re old enough to choose religion they’re already christian.
(I apologise if I offered anyone, I just don’t know how to put it)
Most of the times children are raised in the mother's faith. Unless... They have a domineering MIL. No joke, kids should be presented with all choices and they should decide which faith to follow.
Keep the wedding and uninvite them. They're not worth it.
"As they cannot worship any false idols." - That sounds like it came from someone with absolutely no concept of what Islam is about.
Story 4: OP, really listen to your fiancée and his family, because the need to be EX and quickly. He will never take your side. He has already told his family you will be going to his church and your children will be Christian and not Muslim. They are not open minded at all.
Dude...you're in for 1 HELL of a ROUGH married life! Here's a tip: For your next marriage... E L O P E...Her wearing the The black dress at the wedding, Some faiths/ traditions see white as funeral colors......Maybe mention that to ol wifey...
2nd story: Unfortunately, people don't understand the level of jealousy family members have when they can SEE how happy & successful your family is! Sad
Wedding story. NTA After I got married I found out that my Grandmother was saying similar things about me to people at the wedding. A cousin told me that she had said that my marriage would not last long because my husband would not put up with the type of person that I was. I knew from a very young age that she didn’t care for me, no matter what I did I would never live up to her expectations of myself (or my sisters), which was much higher than our perfect cousins and brother. Has taken 10 years without her constantly in our father’s ear about how horrible I was for him to realise that I was not the devil incarnate. Well Grandma, if husband hasn’t left me in the past thirty years, the joke is on you.
Story 1: Remember one of the Rules of Reddit: When someone shows you who they are, believe them. OP's parents showed him who they are and he believed them and made a sound decision to minimize his contact with them. So many Reddit stories where people bitch about someone "holding a grudge" when really they are just making a rational decision based on the other person's actions. If I refuse to loan you money a second time because you never paid me back the first time, I am not "holding a grudge" I am making a sound decision based on past experience.
Story 2: If it is not your home, you shouldn't even hang the toilet paper roll the other way, let alone take down pictures and awards. We learned that in kindergarten.
Story 3: At the reception, OP should announce that her family are all betting the marriage won't last, and offer to organize a betting pool and pass around a sign-up sheet if anyone else feels the same way. "What? No takers? Guess it's just my family, then. Enjoy your cake."
Story 3: Yeah, the relationship is doomed. The BF will bow to his family every time and the family will be emboldened to press their religion onto her and her prospective kids. Leave now. He has shown you what he is.
Story 4: OP: "My mom's brand of crazy is very quiet and not attention seeking" whereas you wife and MIL's brand of crazy is loud and attention seeking. You wife is nuts.
I'm sorry, but the comment that closed the video obviously wasn't paying attention to what the guy wrote. She has her own brand of crazy, is essentially what he said, and that it's on the quiet side.
But as we all know from videos like this, some of the worst verbal abuse is done quietly so they can get away with it by way of relatives saying "I never saw any kind of abuse." At least that's how it comes off to me.
exactly. I've encountered quiet sorts of crazy and nine times out of ten, that means that they're sneaky and manipulative and know how to get under your skin without others picking up on it. that makes me suspicious of OP's view of events because how many times have we seen awful MILs whose sons were completely oblivious to their behaviour?
2nd story. If my kids were that talented, I would be only too happy to show off my pride in their achievements in the same way OP did. The mothers behaviour is just baffling.
Relationships with different religions almost never remain well.
Story 2- If my mother were to take any photos or medals, it would be to display them in her apartment. I would have to make sure she had copies so she could brag to visitors.
OP NTA. Parts of me says you should look again to make sure you and are right for each other and other have says tell your family that is doing the bet they aren't invited to the wedding.
I joke that I robbed the cradle with my husband. I am almost 7 years older then him. We been married 42 years. He became the best father to my daughter and son and our daughter and son. Love this man.
The best revenge is living your life well and not letting garbage have a front row seat to your life. Take garbage out - NEVER bring it in.
For some reason when ever I hear someone saying "misunderstanding" I always think the line "there is no misunderstanding"
LMAO good luck getting little kids to sit through two religious services a week.
1st story keep going NC. Stay far far away. A missunderstanding my A-HOLE. Don't let them back in your life. 2nd story your mom was genuinely disrespectful. Tell your sister to take her in. You're a great parent keep it up 😊🙂. 3rd story just uninvite your family and go ahead with your wedding. 4th story find a new boyfriend. The marriage will never work.
Last Story: Not enough backstory for a real call on this story.
My cousin had a MIL that was a saint as long as there were other people around. But the second they were alone, she became a raging nasty harpy. I walked in on one of those episodes and the second the harpy saw me she became the sweetest angel of a MIL. It is very possible that this is what the bride has been putting up with for as long as she has known her. The MIL could have pulled the "no one is looking time to attack" routine on her wedding day and with all the stress and anxiety that comes with a wedding the bride snapped. Sometimes it is hard to articulate the real problem in a stressful situation and the bride was just grabbing at something to vent about and keep her head above water.
Story 3: If I was OP I wouldn't have threatened to cancel the wedding I was planning. That is going too far because it lets them have power over you & it disappoints others that haven't done wrong. What I would've done is publicly uninvite the ahole family members & state why I was doing it to all. (by mass text, email, Facebook, whatever they use) Keep the SO's family & all your friends that have been supportive on the guest list, enjoy your day with less stress!!
(Also, that lets you either save a bit of money by reducing the # of guests with the caterer - if still enough time to do it - or to have a bit more on hand to be sure all the guests, photographer, etc can have 2nds. Either way it's a win!)
My mother apologizes. Reminds me she’s a woman too, not just a mom.
We discuss how to address next time.
Love the example of how to b a proper adult.
Her family is very “Forget & Forget “ with no discussion.
I’m the but that address the Elephant in the room.
Devoutly religious is always a red flag regardless of which religion it is.
Are you kidding me? My granddaughter is a valedictorian. She got 5 scholarships. Perdue, Gonzaga, Washington state. Etc,etc,she is also the top student in class. Man, I brag on her every time get too.
The story about trophies/ribbons and pictures: my sister has 3 kids, all adults. I think she has only had a regular relationship with one of them (her eldest, 40) She also has 4 dogs that she dolts on and trains to do agility. The house is covered in dog trophies, ribbons, pictures (as, when one dog dies, she gets a new one). You would never know she has kids, as this house is a shrine to her dogs, past and present... lol. I would never admonish her for this as it makes her happy and fulfilled.
On the story of the Muslim girlfriend and her Christian boyfriend, I literally laughed out loud when the Boyfriend's parents accused Muslims of being Idol Worshippers. The irony is that Muslims find Christianity troublesome because of all the religious idols and icons of the Saints, Mother Mary, and Jesus Christ. Some Muslims actually think Christians are Idol Worshippers because of this. By comparison, there is no such devices in Islam, be it paintings or statues of any Muslim Religious people. It would be Blasphemous for them to even do something like that. Lawsuit's have even been brought against businesses and organizations that have tried to portray the Prophet Muhammed in any way.
FYI, I am a Christian myself. I just happen to live in a Muslim country.
OP NTA. Your SIL was a sweet woman who saw you having trouble and and let you stay with her and her children. You guys helped each other and neither took advantage of each other. Your parents should have talked with you and SIL to make sure their crazy assumptions were right and before spreading those false assumptions everything. Your new little family needs to be protected from your parents since they spread rumors before knowing the truth. They don't know how to apologize or how to acknowledge what they did wrong. Things you don't want your kid or gf to pick up. You need to make sure your gf understands your boundaries with your parents or else she might go behind your back. hope your able to keep a good relationship with SIL too
Not wanting toxic people in our lives is holding grudges wow. Just wow.
So, your parents/parents-in-law are insane: the 5 set collection.
I hate how people automatically assume that a man and a woman can't be friends without having sex. How messed up of his parents to immediately jump to that conclusion.
If they treated op this way could you imagine how they treated his sister in law
They not only damaged your reputation but also their daughter-in-law’s. They did peripheral damage to her children too. They haven’t repented.
Let your girlfriend & her family know why there’s to be no information given to them & no meeting with any of your children. Make sure you have a will & documents in place specifically stating they are never to have access to your children, your estate nor will they be allowed to make any medical or life decisions for any of you.
Wedding bets: I think there's more to the story than OP said. For one thing as soon as she heard about the bets she instantly went to wanting to call the whole thing off. That's pretty extreme. Sure, get mad but don't burn your own house down to get back at someone else. I'm wondering if maybe her family has seen something that makes them doubt her relationship can survive the wedding. Or maybe they heard her fiance say something that she missed. It might be worth it to find out why her family sees her wedding as a joke. If it turns out they are just s bunch of jerks have the wedding anyway. Just make sure they know they aren't invited and have security waiting at the door.
My mother would be kicked out immidiatly for insulting my kid or his hobby. How dare you come into somebody's house hide their shit, insult their patenting, and insult their kids.
Mixed faith story: NTA, naturally. I don't think the relationship is doomed, either, but the bf definitely needs some time away to gain some confidence. Sticking with it and repeatedly confirming your children will be raised with both faiths will help. I know it's not all that similar, but I was raised going to both a Protestant (Methodist) church and a Catholic church. I've chosen to stay Christian and I'm Non-Denominational while my sibling is agnostic. BF's parents are absolutely trying to convert OP in the most underhanded typical evangelical way, and they honestly could use a trip to the Mosque to see what it's like. I know Reddit has no faith the BF will grow a spine, but I also don't blame him for putting it off. These kinds of people can get nuts. Just keep on truckin' y'all.
There's a massive difference between a worshipper and _an observer._
But, these Christians have never lived in a place where their religion isn't the dominating one, so they'd have no bloody idea about that. Must be nice. A lot of us don't get to enjoy that sort of privilege.
Do not be unequally yolked. I don't understand why people keep getting romantically involved with people who do not share their core beliefs (religion, political, ect).
Opposites do attract, but it's not a smooth ride being married to someone who opposes your core identity and beliefs.
Wedding story: Have the wedding, uninvite the toxic family. Party like it's your wedding day. Do not invite them to any anniversary celebrations.
If I ever get married and my fiance's mother ripped my mother's headband off her head; the wedding would be canceled.
Last story: YTA.
Story 3: NTA. Go to the courthouse! Keep your name! Show them how right they are! That you are a strong independent woman and your Husband is just lucky enough to be along for the ride.
Wedding Bets: NTA. If I was in your position like that I would make changes to the wedding plans not inform the family and only invite friends that you care about. Example; change the date to be earlier if possible, if you were going to get married in a church pick a different church, if it's not too late have the caterers reduce the amount of food to accommodate only the friends that you want.
THEN... On the day you had planned to get married have your families meet you in the original intended Church but without any of the decorations in plainclothes and announce that you've been married for however many days (or months) since the secret wedding, thank everybody for coming and send them away.
Okay that false idol bit irritated me. Yeah the Bible says don't worship false idols but that means false gods or images of gods. Christians and Muslims worship the same God!! There are crucial differences in what they believe but it's the same God!
It's weird that they get so hung up on men in ballet. Had a friend who tried it and beside being one hell of a workout. That's where the pretty ballerinas were.
Neither the muslim woman or Christian man
Are devote in either religions
S1. NTA. This was no misunderstanding. That alludes that u had a conversation and they misunderstood. There was no conversation. Those hideous "parents" ASSUMED something AND spread it around! Cut. Them. Out. OP. Shame on them
Omg the parents in story 1 are horrible. Toxic ppl will always see boundaries and expecting respect as holding a grudge.
My great grandmother was 10 years older then great grandfather.
They didn't just slander OP, they slandered SIL. Sounds like they didn't like their DIL.
And what does the fiancé think of canceling this wedding. How the hell does she make a unilateral decision like this without even consulting her fiancé. Her reaction shows the family may be right.
It is not her day. It is their day. NTA
Sorry but I think religion is definitely a deal breaker. Op should rethink this whole relationship if they don't want to go to war constantly defending their right to practice their own religion. The boyfriend seems like a pushover. He'll never have op's back.
That story about the Christians not going to the DIL's place of worship just made me mad. It's stories like that that make all Christians look like loones. I promise not all of us are like this. I really think this would have been a great learning experience for both parts of the family and they might have had a deeper respect/ appreciationg for each other because of it. The idea that they somehow thought that they were worshiping false idols was ridiculous especially since I'm pretty sure they all worshipthe same God just in different ways. As a Christian myself I have a healthy respect for anyone's faith because it's deeply personal and I have no right to force my views/ beliefs on them but I also feel that there is always something to be learned from all faiths. I don't claim to know it all or have all the answers and will not put others down because they share different views. At the end of the day we are all just trying to find the meaning to our existence and figure out how to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.