Are you a Conversational Narcissist?

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ส.ค. 2024
  • Are you inadvertently being a ‘conversational narcissist’? This term, coined by sociologist Charles Derber, refers to those who habitually steer conversations toward themselves.
    When we're speaking with a conversational narcissist, if can leave us feeling overshadowed or dismissed, resulting in frustration and diminished connection.
    So, for the sake of our relationships (and our reputation), we want avoid falling into this pattern unintentionally.
    How?
    Thought something as simple as actively listening. Show you care by being curious and considerate.
    Here are 5 simple examples of what NOT to say ❌, followed by a more considerate approach ✅:
    "I finally finished the big project I've been working on for weeks."
    ❌"That's nothing; I just wrapped up a project that took me months to complete!"
    ✅ "Congrats! That must be a huge relief. How do you feel now that it's done?"
    "I'm overwhelmed with my workload.”
    ❌ "You think what you have is bad? I'm juggling 3 major projects all due the same week!”
    ✅ "That sounds rough. Have you considered discussing it with your manager?"
    "I'm feeling really down today."
    ❌ "Well, I've been feeling down all week. Let me tell you why...”
    ✅”Sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"
    "I had a disagreement with my best friend."
    ❌ "You wouldn't believe the argument I had with my coworker last week! Let me explain."
    ✅ "That's tough. What was the disagreement about? Maybe I can help."
    "I'm really proud of my progress at the gym."
    ❌ "Oh, I've been making so much progress too! I've lost 10 pounds already."
    ✅ "That's great to hear! What have you been doing differently?”
    Have you ever been in conversation with a conversational narcissist? What was it like? 👇
    #conversationalnarcissism #connection #conversations #communication #communicationskills #communicationtips #conversationskills #conversationtips #relationships #relationshiptips #relationshipskills #relationshippsychology #psychology #sociology #empathy #activelistening #listening #empathiclistening
    _________________
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ความคิดเห็น • 1.3K

  • @ShadeZahrai
    @ShadeZahrai  ปีที่แล้ว +253

    Are you inadvertently being a ‘conversational narcissist’? This term, coined by sociologist Charles Derber, refers to those who habitually steer conversations toward themselves.
    When we're speaking with a conversational narcissist, if can leave us feeling overshadowed or dismissed, resulting in frustration and diminished connection.
    So, for the sake of our relationships (and our reputation), we want avoid falling into this pattern unintentionally.
    How?
    Thought something as simple as actively listening. Show you care by being curious and considerate.
    Here are 5 simple examples of what NOT to say ❌, followed by a more considerate approach ✅:
    "I finally finished the big project I've been working on for weeks."
    ❌"That's nothing; I just wrapped up a project that took me months to complete!"
    ✅ "Congrats! That must be a huge relief. How do you feel now that it's done?"
    "I'm overwhelmed with my workload.”
    ❌ "You think what you have is bad? I'm juggling 3 major projects all due the same week!”
    ✅ "That sounds rough. Have you considered discussing it with your manager?"
    "I'm feeling really down today."
    ❌ "Well, I've been feeling down all week. Let me tell you why...”
    ✅”Sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"
    "I had a disagreement with my best friend."
    ❌ "You wouldn't believe the argument I had with my coworker last week! Let me explain."
    ✅ "That's tough. What was the disagreement about? Maybe I can help."
    "I'm really proud of my progress at the gym."
    ❌ "Oh, I've been making so much progress too! I've lost 10 pounds already."
    ✅ "That's great to hear! What have you been doing differently?”
    Have you ever been in conversation with a conversational narcissist? What was it like? 👇

    • @samsungna8209
      @samsungna8209 ปีที่แล้ว

      How come you always doing short video content now.?
      Still interested in watching and learning quick tips with TH-cam shorts from your channel, but not used to seeing so much short video content from your channel.

    • @krishnachaitanya1212
      @krishnachaitanya1212 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      👍👏 This is the one with content + entertainment = quite attractive...

    • @moinali828
      @moinali828 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      that's super helpful

    • @-AkhilTej-
      @-AkhilTej- ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Great tips 🌟

    • @ShadeZahrai
      @ShadeZahrai  ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Thanks for the question. We've just been too busy lately to produce long format videos while running an expanding international business and completing my full-time PhD. The short videos are already being created for Instagram and LinkedIn so it's more efficient to also post them here. The plan is to return to long form videos at some point.

  • @coinfishmedia
    @coinfishmedia ปีที่แล้ว +4236

    Guilty… but making progress. I often have to remind myself that two ears make the shape of a heart, because to listen is to love.

    • @Ari-ng4qg
      @Ari-ng4qg ปีที่แล้ว +93

      Aww that’s so cute ❤

    • @bridgetwoodward8031
      @bridgetwoodward8031 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      I'm guilty because I have a really bad memory and I am afraid I will forget what pops in my head.😂

    • @Mushroom321-
      @Mushroom321- ปีที่แล้ว +16

      AAAWWW, 🎉🎉🎉🎉I LOVE THAT !!!😮😮😮😊😊

    • @aandino1239
      @aandino1239 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Need to fully recover. Very irritating

    • @saanjhs.r6836
      @saanjhs.r6836 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Same 😅

  • @bruh-oz1fy
    @bruh-oz1fy ปีที่แล้ว +2307

    I involuntarily do this. My intent is usually to be relatable and show that 'I feel you' vut it always comes off as me being full of myself.

    • @nootnoot-2
      @nootnoot-2 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +111

      I've noticed most people do it, and it's not that big of a deal as long as you're not trying to compete with them. Those people are the worst.
      I think it's okay to be like "me too!" Or something along those lines if someone says they did something or like something, but then let them carry on what they were saying, or ask them a question about it. I've also found the more you ask people questions, the more they ask you questions. It helps to carry on the conversation, and find more stuff to connect with.

    • @shaimajuwairia7224
      @shaimajuwairia7224 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +37

      It becomes narcissistic when you don't acknowledge their emotions and make it all about yourself.. Best thing is listen to them completely and then tell your stuff or I have few friends when they want to budge in they ask for permission like sorry i too have to say something same like this and they continue you can try either or any other way which suits you

    • @darkmegician
      @darkmegician 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

      Omg same. All I’m trying to do is to show them that I relate to them ;-;

    • @skribulz7
      @skribulz7 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      Most people do this involuntarily. Intention is really a mute point if you’re making people feel like they aren’t being heard or that you don’t care to listen to what they have to say. Don’t justify your behavior by saying it’s your way to connect. Just recognize that your way of connecting doesn’t allow for other people to open up and feel heard.

    • @soumyakotanoor1415
      @soumyakotanoor1415 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      This is what I do too.... 😢

  • @8DIVINELYPROTECTED
    @8DIVINELYPROTECTED 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +503

    Neurodivergent individuals will use relatable stories to show their listening or to show understanding. It's important to know the difference.

    • @tanL22
      @tanL22 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +32

      And... It's important for you to know when to STFU and just listen!

    • @BliffleSplick
      @BliffleSplick 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Don't interrupt, it's rude.@@nnvananh

    • @noahapollo
      @noahapollo 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      Yes, I always tell my friends beforehand. Hey, I'll probably do this but I don't want to make it all about me, I just want to let you know that I'm paying attention and that I know what you're talking about, because I don't make eye contact and "yeah" probably means I'm not listening. But please do resume your story!!! I don't want to talk about myself 😁

    • @woolfulrebellion
      @woolfulrebellion 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Agreed

    • @jorgesomoza5983
      @jorgesomoza5983 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Lol

  • @gio11235
    @gio11235 ปีที่แล้ว +604

    And not just about them. Don't always be the therapist. You deserve to be heard too

    • @jclyntoledo
      @jclyntoledo 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      ​@ArtMotivations-tc8olBingo! When ppl automatically make it about themselves it feels like they are trying to one up you and not even listen to you.

    • @jaclynh9343
      @jaclynh9343 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Exactly

    • @karolinawww6834
      @karolinawww6834 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes, there needs to be a balance or there will be trouble down the road

    • @aprils.r8418
      @aprils.r8418 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Imo it's just sharing similar experiences with the other person. Doesn't mean you're a narcissist. That word gets thrown around too much

    • @beenishmir4410
      @beenishmir4410 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      I'm literally a therapist to a lot of my friends who treat me like a vent and are never interested in my life or anything about me whatsoever. I'm always exhausted whenever I talk to them. This vedio and your coment brought me to tears bcz before it I felt very guilty of not wanting to talk to my friends because of the exhaustion, I thought I was a terrible friend.

  • @AndreaLikesMusic
    @AndreaLikesMusic ปีที่แล้ว +1468

    Fun fact: neurodiverse people tend to connect with others this way, but not out of narcissism- it’s more like wow, we’ve had similar experiences, let’s bond over it!

    • @salsadip7453
      @salsadip7453 ปีที่แล้ว +64

      Not all of us do.
      Can be learned to not do it :D

    • @pratiraj9750
      @pratiraj9750 ปีที่แล้ว +92

      You are actually right. Years ago when I struggled to open up to people, I read books and numerous articles quoting such very examples to find common ground to help connect. But now you are a narcissist if you do it. However I do think listening is more important

    • @user-vf4ct5fy7h
      @user-vf4ct5fy7h ปีที่แล้ว +32

      Yes!! Thank you!! Also...some people speak for 5 minute without pausing! How are you supposed to connect?

    • @POPDATA
      @POPDATA ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Me

    • @kekp3791
      @kekp3791 ปีที่แล้ว +33

      I think the same. I use this way of conversation to make bonds, so finding similarities, or to show them support when it's about a difficult situation, saying that I have experienced it myself (meaning don't worry, you are not alone).
      But maybe I have to change it to not sound narcissistic (which I think I am not 🙈)

  • @Dancediva240
    @Dancediva240 ปีที่แล้ว +147

    we all do conversational hijacking from time to time. The key is to be mindful and turn the attention back to the other person swiftly

  • @geraldineberish8957
    @geraldineberish8957 ปีที่แล้ว +73

    I know a few people like this. I end up saying very little because they hijack the conversation. They may start off showing they can relate to what I'm saying, but they never bring it back to me. And then they continue on to other topics.
    What they don't realize is that they don't really get to know me. They also give off the message that they are more important than I am. They don't realize that they make it so I don't want to talk with them often.
    So if you do this, think about how it makes the other person feel. If someone hasn't been talking to you much lately, it may because of this.

    • @gaylepeeples9749
      @gaylepeeples9749 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      Yes. It makes you not want to tell them anything. Sad.

    • @Nasuri979
      @Nasuri979 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Thank you soo much 🙏🏽

    • @ds-mw7ur
      @ds-mw7ur 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      😅true

    • @sussyduckx
      @sussyduckx 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I feel like people could probably also have more genuine relationships if they just said what was on their mind instead of trying to do mental gymnastics to figure out the appropriate thing to say to say what you feel? I have no desire to communicate with others if I have to do mental gymnastics all the time to do so. I'm good on that.

    • @emsa5034
      @emsa5034 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      @@sussyduckxlmao what?? We don’t wanna have to be friends with someone we have to baby all the time on basic conversational skills. It’s not mental gymnastics y’all just don’t know how to have a simple conversation without making it all about yourself

  • @TorontoNeurospicyGirl
    @TorontoNeurospicyGirl ปีที่แล้ว +313

    In the case with Neurodivengent people (ADHD rspecially) that is LITERALLY how we relate to people. If we don't tell you about or similar experience (of we have one) it means that either we arent paying attention or are not interested or don't care. The key is to turn the conversation back to you after we go on our little relatability tangent.

    • @vappuluoma2918
      @vappuluoma2918 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      I do this too even though i'm neurotypical. It's just how i communicate. Now i feel bad

    • @cassandraacevedo9243
      @cassandraacevedo9243 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      me lol

    • @Oviraptor10
      @Oviraptor10 ปีที่แล้ว

      +1

    • @TheForestSinger27
      @TheForestSinger27 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Yeah like its okay, just have the awarness to shift it away from you after. Laugh about it lmao

    • @happyist3719
      @happyist3719 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      I was literally just about to comment this.
      How i try to show relatability and understanding, but maybe it comes across in the wrong way to some people...

  • @maggie-TV
    @maggie-TV ปีที่แล้ว +55

    It’s very fascinating when you say one thing and stop saying anything and just listen. Many people only talk about themselves - I personally watch this behavior when I’m meeting someone new. I think it’s also bc they want to familiarize themselves and trying to ‘help’ bc they’ve ‘been there’ ‘oh I know what you’re talking about’ but again they end up telling the story when you just wanted to share and be heard

    • @AFFTFOMSICHTS
      @AFFTFOMSICHTS 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Same!! When I started healing I noticed how much ppl only wanna talk about themselves.

  • @bhartikhudania5940
    @bhartikhudania5940 ปีที่แล้ว +54

    That's a very useful advice. Sometimes we all do that unintentionally.

  • @Answersonapostcard
    @Answersonapostcard ปีที่แล้ว +9

    There’s so many people like this now. It’s refreshing when someone just listens

  • @vanillaice8833
    @vanillaice8833 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    She is not saying that trying to find common ground is wrong. She is simply saying that it is important to know WHEN to interject with your own story. She means, you can have better bonding if you don’t always keep talking about yourself and let the other person communicate as well. I don’t see why so many people are offended down here in the comments section.

    • @ShadeZahrai
      @ShadeZahrai  ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Beautifully summarized 🙏

    • @Hhej927
      @Hhej927 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Bc they are the ones talking

  • @ssrini2002
    @ssrini2002 ปีที่แล้ว +108

    Shade is throwing shade at me. But point noted. Self awareness is step 1.

  • @ozf3912
    @ozf3912 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    I make this mistake all the time, and when I catch myself, I can feel the person ease up and get relieved that I won't dominate the conversation rudely.
    I'm lucky I have a lot of really polite people in my life who are patient with me while I try and do better.

  • @Cicuta__
    @Cicuta__ 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +30

    I realised the other day, that at my work place, most people don't know my religion, most don't know my hobbies or my interests, where I've travelled, most know almost nothing about me. I've spent conversations asking people about their hobbies and all kinds of things and I love to see their eyes light up with enthusiasm, only to never have a single question back. They just know my position at my workplace, I want my eyes to shine too 😔

  • @zorojuro4653
    @zorojuro4653 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    Very true I never noticed, how much I was talking about myself until someone noticed it and pointed it out. I am listening more to what they have to say, and I dont try to make it about myself, hopefully it stays that way.

    • @user-js9df1ff8p
      @user-js9df1ff8p 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      OMG its a big we do specially women thingy😅

    • @karolinawww6834
      @karolinawww6834 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Listening is a skill, keep practicing

    • @lenalee5939
      @lenalee5939 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Don’t know you but very proud of you in taking that person’s well meaning advice. It’s going to change your life, I’m sure it already has.

  • @rodaraguz
    @rodaraguz ปีที่แล้ว +55

    Soooooo true, many people just need to be patient and let the other person continue. Or they should wait to tell their story at an appropriate time even if it takes days weeks. And sometimes their stories are so boring.

    • @user-fq9xt4vn7o
      @user-fq9xt4vn7o 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      And when they repeat d same story thats d worst thing.Same story they vl tell to thousand of people whenever they get chanch..nd sometimes they also talk to others on behalf of u nd behave like they know u more than urself .pathetic.

  • @lilbrazilian6902
    @lilbrazilian6902 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    A conversation should be balanced by both people taking turns. No one wants to sit there and listen to someone talk nonstop. You can be a good listener while relating and speaking about common interests and experiences.

  • @user-cs3vo9bl2n
    @user-cs3vo9bl2n 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    One of my friends is like this. I can't even get through telling her information she needs to know without her changing the conversation to her health or money problems.

    • @karolinawww6834
      @karolinawww6834 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hopefully the rest of her personality makes up for that

  • @Tea_in_the_Rain
    @Tea_in_the_Rain 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Relatable... conversation hijackers always just dampens and kills my desire to share, because I know whatever I say won't be heard and will be used as fuel for their next story

  • @eldritchteletubby9319
    @eldritchteletubby9319 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I'm glad other people are mentioning how this looks different in neurodivergent people. I watch for the behavior in myself, but it's not because I'm a jerk or a narcissist- it's because I know most people will misinterpret it.

  • @taiyaplays
    @taiyaplays ปีที่แล้ว +53

    Hello, I have autism. I've found a lot of people get very mad at me for doing this type of thing. I do not mean to, some people find it easier to communicate this way. Not because we are not interested in what you do or what you are saying. It's just a way to cope with not knowing what to say. I find it's easier to share a connection with someone. I do not mean to make it about me, I only want to share my experience to help someone I care about be able to cope with the things I wasn't able to during such a topic.

    • @Drstrange3000
      @Drstrange3000 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I'm not sure. Often I get an "I'm not interested" Or trying to change the subject as fast as they can to talk about what they want to talk about like they were doing for the past hour. You can't always talk.

    • @tunisianrealestate7
      @tunisianrealestate7 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I have a friend who is similar in your case and it’s exhausting sometimes not gonna lie but now i understand why

    • @Sarah-bn1hg
      @Sarah-bn1hg 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I do it too it’s ok

  • @Demjinn
    @Demjinn 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I am surrounded by these type of people. Starting with my own family and friends. I can't talk about just myself, never. It always goes back to them and I have to quietly listen or agree or comfort them.

  • @pandapanda246
    @pandapanda246 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    This is good to be aware of but there is a lot of nuance to it too. Sharing with your own experiences does not automatically make you act offensive or is necessarily bad. The point is to keep a balance.

  • @arunprakash6965
    @arunprakash6965 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    This is a unique topic and yes, seen this a lot. Never knew there's a term for this!
    Listening is a rare phenomenon nowadays...

  • @stylestory1000
    @stylestory1000 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Sometimes it's not about being narcissistic. Sometime people try to comfort others by drawing a parallel and distract other person from his or her pain.

  • @mariageorgieva5418
    @mariageorgieva5418 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I thought you were gonna talk about how people with adhd always give examplea with themselves to show they understand but i was relieved when you showed the examples.

  • @apoorva5894
    @apoorva5894 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    I always have such people around me , they just keep blabbering about themselves and aren't interested in listening to me. Lately, i have stopped sharing and trying to share anything about me with them.

  • @RupikaaPraveen-iw7zw
    @RupikaaPraveen-iw7zw ปีที่แล้ว +8

    This is why I am scared to speak anything about myself in a conversation...that I would bore them or make them believe that I am a narcissist

    • @melinatedthinka8210
      @melinatedthinka8210 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Not at all. If you initiated the conversation/topic then by no means are you misdirecting the topic about yourself. The case the creator is talking about is if someone is trying to discuss something about themselves and the listener redirects the conversation about themselves without letting the person finish and then to make matters worse go on different tangents completely hijacking the conversation.

  • @radixreuel7631
    @radixreuel7631 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I had a long time friend who did this & I finally found the courage to confront them about it in a very private, respectful manner. They on the other hand burnt the the house down.
    It’s unfortunate that they chose colorful self-importance over a long time friendship.

    • @anetavolcano5496
      @anetavolcano5496 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Guess they were not your real friend if they got upset to the point of leaving you because of something like that.

  • @jeanneelise5118
    @jeanneelise5118 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    yea... that's me 😅 working my whole life on it. for all the self-focus-talker out there working on yourself, please know it's normal to fall back in bad behaviors. if you notice your falling back, no worries, your not a bad person. realize it and start observe your conversations again. i promise it will be easier to get out if it every time

  • @vanshanahan4950
    @vanshanahan4950 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    I do this when the other person doesn’t really carry on the conversation.

    • @MS-we9gn
      @MS-we9gn 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Right? If you don’t ask me questions, what else should I do? I also tend to share stuff I think people would enjoy (like art or a meme) and they don’t react half of the time. What else could I even do?

    • @Hhej927
      @Hhej927 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Sometimes you have to give another person space to speak. And also asking questions

    • @BWater-yq3jx
      @BWater-yq3jx 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      She didn't say never talk about yourself.
      In the examples given, the person clearly has opened up a line of conversation that you could participate in and explore, first.

    • @melinatedthinka8210
      @melinatedthinka8210 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@MS-we9gn”Right? If you don’t ask me questions what else should I do? 🙄💁‍♀️” Maybe instead of centering yourself for a change you can ask them questions instead??? Why does everything have to be about you? You are exactly what the post is talking about. Your mentality is off lol.

  • @mickblock
    @mickblock ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I think its more about trying to personally relate to the subject rather than being an indication of narcism.
    Although it is a conversation killer.

  • @Mary_Okosi_International.
    @Mary_Okosi_International. ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Thank you 😊
    I've learnt today.
    And you're making me more interested in sociology and psychology.

  • @melissaraymond8235
    @melissaraymond8235 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    In conversation I add a tiny detail of the same experience, this tiny bit of information shows we have something in common- but I make sure I ask questions about their experience & focus on what they have to say for most of the conversation.

  • @aum9270
    @aum9270 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    My mother is one… it’s always about her.. I tell her she is not a good listener … when I go to tell her anything she bombards me with her stuff… always I just listen… I had same issue in my teens and she never hugged me or sat and chat with me or was ever interested in my things.. she is now 66 and guess will change… what I learned is not to be like my mother to my daughters.. I listen more.. so they listen as well.

    • @ngeee10
      @ngeee10 ปีที่แล้ว

      Exactly same with me.

  • @bespokecustomstudio1565
    @bespokecustomstudio1565 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I know a tale of two sisters who speak over each other all the time and no one is really listening. They both are committed to their story. Some relationships boggles my mind how that can be conducive long term. But for the vast majority it’s important to listen and take turns and have a balanced approach where it’s win win.

  • @georgegeorge-jg1cx
    @georgegeorge-jg1cx 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    In the past, the right conversation was meant to relate and share, so the other person is comfortable . Now that's called narcissist.

  • @agogooo9776
    @agogooo9776 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    It's weird that many people I meet seems like conversational narcissists as they always talk about themselves and never care about what another person says

  • @e2matheus482
    @e2matheus482 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Thank you so much for this! I'll definitely be aware of it from now on

  • @TLPWRlifter
    @TLPWRlifter 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I had a huge issue with this and am still making progress.
    One tactic that completely avoids becoming a conversational narcissist is mirroring what the person said back to them. It gives them permission to continue talking about what they want to discuss.
    It's a negotiation tactic that law enforcement uses in hostage situations. It allows people to feel the way that they want to feel and opens them up to reveal their true thoughts instead of what they think you want to hear.
    Everybody thinks the most interesting person is the one who has the best stories but the most interesting person is generally the person who listens the best.

  • @raafiagulzaar6583
    @raafiagulzaar6583 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    i m a conversation narcncissist .n first time heard it.thank u for correcting me.i ll careful in future..

  • @aandino1239
    @aandino1239 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Why won’t people acknowledge when they take over a conversation. Now I just stay away from most

    • @karolinawww6834
      @karolinawww6834 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You need to be flexible, not everything needs to be about you either. It's like a dance

    • @melinatedthinka8210
      @melinatedthinka8210 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@karolinawww6834 The person has been flexible by allowing others to overtake their original topic/conversation the entire time. Now it’s time for the overtaker to learn to be flexible for that balance.

  • @Ice52901
    @Ice52901 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Welp. In my case, anyone I talk to becomes the main subject of the conversations I have with them. They literally know nothing about me because I don't really get a chance to express myself or when I do get a chance, no one gives a shit about it and they just go back to themselves. I know way more about my friends in general than they know about me. I think that I'm the problem here because it's not possible for literally every person I talk to be a conversational narcissist.

    • @marjavind2541
      @marjavind2541 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Allow yourself to talk about anything you want more 💜 I have the same issue but I guess we need to break the habit because it's just a habit for them "We talk, they listen and support." , you'll find a healthy way to bring more about yourself little by little 🙏

    • @kronosbystander
      @kronosbystander 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      It is entirely possible that they are all narcisists or on Coke or both. Identify the gentle souls of the group keep them close and move on.

    • @lillrich9894
      @lillrich9894 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Maybe you're an empath? Empaths and narcs tend to attract each other. Or maybe you're just too worried about sounding interesting and how you come across (something I am going thru right now because of anxiety) rather than just being in the moment. You could tell one or two good friends about it and maybe journal to learn more about you (your behavior and personality even traumas). friends should be our comfort zone where we can freely express and be ourselves and in return give them space to be themselves too. Wishing you the best 💌

  • @jaimeshort1892
    @jaimeshort1892 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I think I've been doing this lately but moreso because I'm excited to share interesting work when someone mentions something relatable

  • @ednagonzalez4110
    @ednagonzalez4110 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Omg I do this! I thought I was being friendly sharing experiences in common. I did not know this was bad. Thank you for this video, opened my eyes. ❤

  • @meerachandavar2277
    @meerachandavar2277 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    Yea, narcissists always start with the term "ohh let me tell u all about what happened with me!!"😂😂

  • @sarahincoll320
    @sarahincoll320 ปีที่แล้ว +51

    Careful with throwing the word narc around... people with adhd do that in convos too, as do victims of trauma -esp narc abuse. If you're doing it don't freak out and think you're a narc.

    • @danabachy
      @danabachy ปีที่แล้ว +7

      This has become a trend now people use such terms just to look 🆒 or they are ignorant about the seriousness of the behaviours related to such personality disorders,
      Narcissism is
      a complex term and should be used carefully it ain't supposed to be used for everyone
      Not every person who does all this is a narcissist!

    • @jasminsambac2449
      @jasminsambac2449 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Absolutely!

    • @Happyhorizons-life
      @Happyhorizons-life 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Another word for narcs are pick mes

  • @4799balaji
    @4799balaji 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is one of the single most valuable advise. I used to do that ignorantly. Now, I constantly remind myself to stop the urge to speak about me.

  • @haraanganjotsingh8032
    @haraanganjotsingh8032 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    A mild smile, a low voice, few seconds of pause, and questions about them, a romantic interview

  • @ShibaniSur
    @ShibaniSur ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Most of us have done it. Wise ones are trying to grow out of this habit and really listen. Most of us didn’t learn this from our parents. Most of us reparenting ourselves. Glad to implement this and many other healthy and good habits now ❤

  • @kalieclarkxx
    @kalieclarkxx ปีที่แล้ว +5

    this is actually a really common thing for neurodivergent people! we tend to do it as a way of making a connection by bonding over shared experiences. so keep that in mind if someone in your life does this a lot, they may not be doing it to cause harm- they may just be neurodivergent!

  • @saharershad3375
    @saharershad3375 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I used to be like this a little, but after hearing this, I always remind myself not to be a conventional narcissist. Thanks a lot❤

  • @stacyign
    @stacyign 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This is how we show that we understand since we can relate!!! NEURODIVERGENT

  • @Subhashni-re8xy
    @Subhashni-re8xy ปีที่แล้ว +7

    😅 i am also a conversational narcissist btw nice content shade ❤❤❤❤

  • @bettysi888
    @bettysi888 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    It is important and true, we also need to mention that neuro divergent people for instance ADHD people tell similar stories because they believe relating creates connections and out of empathy.❤

  • @May-yp4we
    @May-yp4we 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I don't really have much to tell others like oh i went on that trip or yeah something exciting happened to me, my life is boring and monotonous so all i could do is listen and i always felt bad that i don't have anything to contribute to conversations but this video made me fell slightly better about that.

  • @user-gk3du6wu7k
    @user-gk3du6wu7k ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Thanks very much! I do that very often...and I don't know why....(maybe it's a bad habit). Sometimes I do this because I just want to help someone.

  • @jk03zy
    @jk03zy 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Overusing such terms (e.g. narcissist) can be dangerous. Narcissistic personality disorder is defined as “a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them.” (Wiki) if an individual has a psychiatric disorder such as autism, this kind of simple illustration can be very dangerous. I think we should set a boundary how far this “narcissism” can be applied to.

    • @ShadeZahrai
      @ShadeZahrai  8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Yes, I think the term 'Conversational Narcissist' can be easily (and wrongly) confused with Narcissism.

  • @hookalyssa
    @hookalyssa 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Dang where have you been all my life. She really out here fixing my social awkwardness. She’s got my back. I need to learn more about social etiquette for sure

  • @lorrainerae9289
    @lorrainerae9289 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I tend to interrupt too soon and learned...Let them share their story without interruption, pause, then respond so you can connect and compare.

  • @ArchitPandharipande
    @ArchitPandharipande ปีที่แล้ว +3

    please make a video on How to listen better

    • @AndreaLikesMusic
      @AndreaLikesMusic ปีที่แล้ว +3

      It’s easy to say, harder to do but- keep your lips closed, ears open, and pay attention. People can tell when your mind has wandered 🙈❤

  • @aoandd
    @aoandd ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Its not always narcissistic. Sometimes, its showing a common ground and understanding so the interactions can be more personable. Now if the person stops the engaging and continues to speak on themselves without letting the person finish what they started..then its likely an issue.
    Many people are narcissistic. But these days, its become just another way for narcissistic people to hide their narcissism by calling others narcissistic. Women do that alot. Men too, but its usually women. Thats a whole other conversation.
    You speak well.

  • @Thrival_Pursuit
    @Thrival_Pursuit 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Omg, I've never realized this about myself! Thank you for putting me in check!

  • @standbyDtH
    @standbyDtH 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I never thought about it this way. Thank you for that perspective.

  • @aquiviene
    @aquiviene 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Absolutely!!!! Finally!!!! Somebody talking about these crazy people!!!

  • @Eighthhousefallen
    @Eighthhousefallen 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I always thought that by sharing my experience i was showing that i understood how the person feels

  • @swr5945
    @swr5945 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I had trouble with feelings of shame if I talk about myself, but I later realized I needed not feel that way bcs the way I've cared about others, I deserve to be treated the same way

  • @cherylbrooks-ic1pg
    @cherylbrooks-ic1pg 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I have been like that at times. I cringe at my behavior afterwards, & it's definitely not a way to communicate with others.
    Being mindful has been helpful.
    Peace to everyone.

  • @EtherTheReal
    @EtherTheReal 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    The goal is to never speak --again-- up in a sentence that doesnt end in a question that routes back to the original point of whoever was speaking.

  • @sharnjitkaur8794
    @sharnjitkaur8794 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Sometimes you don’t realize that you are doing this but it’s good to notice and improve this habit.

  • @rishiparashar6868
    @rishiparashar6868 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

    What an incredible way to grab attention in a split second, without overdoing it.

  • @sujathaveeriah9727
    @sujathaveeriah9727 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I was one of them...Now I learn to be a good listener... I learn a lot

  • @syzygy4365
    @syzygy4365 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I love this and I like hearing stories when people feel they can relate. I like hearing about others trips too. We can even compare trip and experiences later when I get back, all hypothetical.

  • @lahongwan4440
    @lahongwan4440 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    So true, there many people just need to be patient and left the other person continue to just lesioning thank you for your help and support 🙏❤️

  • @ehsanhabibsumon
    @ehsanhabibsumon ปีที่แล้ว

    Shade, you are awesome. I am one of the first followers of you. I've been following you since the beginning. Thanks for sharing what you share. You help a lot. ❤

  • @theleadershipproject
    @theleadershipproject 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    “Let me tell you a time I had a conversation with a conversational narcissist”. Sorry for the joke. Great post @ShadeZahrai, it is very easy to fall into this trap.

  • @itsfarseen
    @itsfarseen ปีที่แล้ว

    I love your channel. Yours is one of the few self improvement channels that genuinely hit home and give solid advice to fix them

  • @angellee9307
    @angellee9307 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Further isolation to not hurt people is most wiser than being hurtful and not realizing it.

  • @wyattbarnes9641
    @wyattbarnes9641 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Hardest when the person is telling you something you don’t care about but yes, important to try to focus on staying disciplined and listening

  • @beenishmir4410
    @beenishmir4410 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Most of my friends are like that, it hurts me so much, makes me feel so alone.

  • @shikhadixit8289
    @shikhadixit8289 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is so damn true thing and it’s even worst if such people are your close friends…

  • @gurjitkaur8517
    @gurjitkaur8517 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Oh , I do that too 😮.Do have trouble listening to others, get too excited to share mine own stories 😬

    • @karolinawww6834
      @karolinawww6834 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      At least you realize that. So now work on yourself

  • @witheredteagrounds9692
    @witheredteagrounds9692 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Well, there's a part of ADHD that is similar in that vocalizing our own experience is a way of creating a connection and relatability with other people. Now delving in to our entire story before them is a little much, but it can happen on accident. It's just a common way for us to understand you and what you're sharing with us 🙏🙏🙏

  • @sidgt16
    @sidgt16 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I've realized this a long time back. Unfortunately almost all of the people I'm talking with are still like this. "Conversation" always just revolve around themselves 🤦‍♂️. The use of I, Me and My is also very prevalent

  • @deepuvardhan
    @deepuvardhan 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Yeah... Shouldn't be a problem when you keep it short and be authentic... That too in times where 90% of people talk about something their friend's friend did!!... Sharing your genuine experiences only adds value to the conversation...

  • @HealingbeginswithU
    @HealingbeginswithU 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I have this habit, definitely working on it! my intentions are to let them know they aren’t alone in the situation, & we all have problems, & everything will work itself out in the best way.

  • @oluwasegunphilip5467
    @oluwasegunphilip5467 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you so much for this Ma'am, especially the examples🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

  • @Hallowsaw
    @Hallowsaw 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Her voice is so calming

  • @nekochi9771
    @nekochi9771 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I was involuntarily doing this before, but soon had a self-realization about it when I started to do some research about the term "narcissist." Ever since then, I tend to become more aware of the things I say whenever my friends tell me stuff about their life! Anyway, I'm glad this video brought awareness about it!

  • @NitDawg1001
    @NitDawg1001 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Narcissist = Center of the Universe.

  • @smarco428
    @smarco428 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    It's important to be balanced, to learn to catch yourself if you do this.

  • @manishpandey-pm9oq
    @manishpandey-pm9oq 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Most people i know or meet are like this. Everything just ultimately goes back to them. Worst is when they ask you about your mental health problems/ trauma , you start telling them thinking someone is listening and then they tell you how they have problems too but they don't whine about it and are a fighter. 😂

  • @MissAyce
    @MissAyce ปีที่แล้ว

    I love this. I try not to do this, also it’s tricky because I would mention how I can understand by similarities but I also try to point it back at them to not bulldoze the conversation. I like when we create a healthy conversation bridge.
    I appreciate your tips very much. Thanks for posting ❤

  • @loveofdavid3915
    @loveofdavid3915 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I have this problem. I acknowledge it. I catch myself after it happens but I can’t seem to break myself of the habit. And I haven’t always been this way. It is definitely something that I’m going to work on in 2024.

  • @cjzanders5430
    @cjzanders5430 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I had a friend that did this. He even gaslighted my experiences. It got to the point I thought he was some kind of psychopath.

    • @lisacranmer8005
      @lisacranmer8005 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      sounds like my x..big mouth and lier, lol..I try to ask others how they are doing and to keep strong..

    • @karolinawww6834
      @karolinawww6834 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Maybe he was, there are quite a few around

  • @tiggsbigs8949
    @tiggsbigs8949 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is how you connect with people, finding relatable things. The "let me tell you all about it" would be narcissistic if it happens all the time.

  • @abdullahbashir6652
    @abdullahbashir6652 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Wao... Excellent explanation of people like this.... I was surrounded with most people like this and always thinking that it was my falt to make a conversation with them so thank God I left all of them since couple of years 😊

  • @AT-lp8qg
    @AT-lp8qg 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Yeah I know people like this. In school or at work, people don’t really like them. But it’s understandable that some just do it to be relatable, not because they want it to be about them. Unfortunately no one let them know so they are unaware. One time I had a coworker who I gently/diplomatically told her that she’s hijacking others convo. She is an introvert and said she felt so relieved when I told her that because now she doesn’t feel the need to talk to try to be “relatable” or engaging. We had a good laugh about it. And she’s way less stress now when she realize she doesn’t have to talk and can just listen.