As a married woman I was ready to hear her out...but $150k ..!? I'da had a heart-attack & expired 😂 I think the real "divorce worthy" part is her lack of appreciation & zero change in spending attitude. People like that will bury YOU in debt with them eventually..
I feel like the divorce-worthy was throwing him under the bus in front of her friends. It shows she does not respect him, he is a piggy bank to her, and it’s a major betrayal. If she had been honest and said, “sorry girls, we ain’t got it right now, can we try something else?” Or similar, then there may be some hope. But this is just selfish, and that’s not what you need in a marriage.
I don’t know if it’s divorce worthy, but it is definitely financial counseling and couples therapy worthy. Yikes. As someone who is in debt and my husband is helping me out of it, I have had a freeze on my ssn for YEARS and slowly paying it off (ex husband actually bought a bunch of stuff before we were officially divorced and separated and I owe for that). I would NEVER add to my debt. Especially for stuff the both of us don’t need nor can’t enjoy together.
When I heard the title I knew this was going to be the problem. Run fast, my dude, run fast. My evil stepmonster spent my father into bankruptcy 3 times before he died.
I get addiction vibes from that story. She probably has a shopping/spending addiction. I can kind of relate because when I have a bad day buying something new gives me a hit of dopamine. I have to control that urge. But like any addiction, she has to be able to admit that she has a problem and be willing to change. It doesn’t sound like she’s on board with either one. She seems to be in denial of just how much in debt she is and how much her husband is willing to sacrifice to bail her out. Which to me means he shouldn’t bail her out quite yet. Maybe couples therapy will help get through to her, but until she realizes she has a problem, I’d wait to help her.
He respects HER enough to protect her reputation, yet she appears to have little to no respect for him. Real love includes respect and wanting the best for each other. She's not a good person.
I desperately hope he hasn't paid off her debts yet and that he has their agreement in an actual legal document. I'm sure he didn't realize he was marrying an actual gold digger, but it's clear their marriage was a bait and switch. He NEEDS to divorce her.
The entitlement of wanting to go on a trip, while your partner pays off your debt 😳 And trying to bully him into agreeing by making a scene in public. How is he not considering divorce at that point?
The audacity of a woman to build up $150k in debt, basically force the husband to bail her out, then shortly after ask to go on an expensive trip. THATS WILD. What a sense of entitlement. Such ungratefulness.
The fact that she wanted to put a vacation for just herself on a credit card after making such a mess of her finances would make me consider leaving. She will ruin your chances at retirement
My sweet and wonderful husband brings in 90% of our income (I'm disabled); however, when he wants to spend any large amount, he comes to me first and talks it over. I always agree with him but the fact that he comes to me first when he's the breadwinner is just amazing. I just can't love him enough. ❤
Right!? True partnership and respect for each other. My situation is different as both my partner and I work and make about the same, and we have both shared accounts and individual ones we can spend as we want. But we still talk to each other about larger purchases we want to make with our individual money. I may ask some questions and give an opinion, but it’s not about getting permission, it’s about discussing with the person who is our partner in life and best friend. My husband has never told me not to buy something, but I would definitely consider his opinion if he advised against a purchase. It would feel weird not to talk about a large purchase, even if it’s our own money, because if it’s something we are thinking about it feels normal to share the thought.
I'd like it if my parents could ask me before buying electronics. I used to eat toasted bread every morning... until the toaster broke and they replaced it with one that is so narrow only soft white bread can go in there. I'm french, you don't know my pain, joke intended, soft white bread is not bread it's what children and students on a thight budget eat, it's bland, the texture is meh, it rot rather than dry and is good for the trash if it does dry. The only acceptable use is emergency sandwiches. And you don't toast sandwiches.
@@keerya4179 I understand you pain (& the pun was very punny). However, sandwich bread is cery good for grilled cheese & other hot sandwiches. You just have to make sure you get the thick slices. Thinner sliced sandwich bread is good for morning toast with jelly or slathering in butter & using it to "sop up" the dinner plate!
RE the 2nd story of the husband who wants the wife to clean instead of having a housekeeper: this is about him feeling emasculated. The housekeeper represents his incompetence, and his wife paying for the housekeeper represents her financial power. This will rub any insecure man the wrong way.
And their moms too, apparently. I got told by my ex's mother that I need to stop achieving so much in my career because I look like I'm competing against her sons (I wasn't and who TF gives a flying f how whiny little men feel, I'm doing this for me and MY family) and she said I was probably making her son feel bad because I was so high achieving. We didn't stay together for reasons aside from that, but he didn't share her sentiment. But he also never pulled his load, so there's that.
Old girl in debt should be ashamed of herself. You should not have to bend over backwards to cover your partners debt. Be responsible. Do things that work in the relationships favor. Everything you do for yourself should be done for the relationship as well.
How on earth did she run up that much debt and he is all unawares? For what? My parents and both my sister and I had similar arrangements. I don’t think this is that unusual for a couple. Each partner contributes to a bills account and to a savings mechanism. I think it’s important to have a certain amount of money which is yours alone. They went wrong when she stopped (or never started) being honest with him or herself about the amount of money she was spending. Money she didn’t have! At this point in your finances she has forfeited any rights to control her own money. She doesn’t get to damage you as well as your collective future with her irresponsibility.
If the girls want her to go on the trip so bad they should offer to all chip in for her. She obviously has a problem that she isn’t willing to deal with. This man needs to be there to say stop spending so she can have a life in the future. I would probably divorce
@@kitieriwhite7758 very common where I live. Usually people have their own accounts for personal expenses and a joint account for house expenses. Here debts are also personal, spouse is not responsible for debts not in their name.
Even if she let it slip that he won a trip to Florida, all she had to do is say to the daughter that they didn't know the details yet. She totally did that on purpose to pressure him.
Or tell her the "truth" that the destination is in southern Florida and is too far away from Orlando to be able to go there and visit any of the parks there. And by "truth" I mean you leave out the part that you technically could do it, but the 6-8 hour round trip just wouldn't be worth it, especially given how expensive an excursion like that would be.
@@cassiopee26he couldn't go because of a work thing, and was going to cancel and reschedule, but they scheduled the trip behind his back and went without him. Absolute betrayal.
I had debt of about 6000, lost my job and my husband paid it off for me so I wouldn’t stress about it and take my time to find a job I like. That was 7years ago and up to this day I’m extremely grateful. The fact that she didn’t admit her mistakes and just let her friends speak negatively about her husband when she was the one at fault is just crazy to me.
In my 20s, I had 10k in CC bills. My dad found out and gave me the money to pay them off. Told me that "if you can't afford to pay cash, then you can't afford it." Knowing that he used some of his hard earned money made me feel horrible. I saved and saved. I was able to pay him back. The look of pride in his eyes and him telling me to keep it still makes me tear up. I didn't keep it. ❤❤
My husband and I share a bank account. We consult each other before making a large purchase. He's better with money and budgeting etc than I; if I want to go shopping and get something out of the ordinary it's me asking him how much I can spend. Currently, due to some unexpected circumstances, we're in a dynamic where I am making more money and I still consult him because he is smart and I am stupid when it comes to money and I fully admit this 😂
That woman is so lucky to have someone willing to help her out of the financial hole, and still has the audacity to act like that? Hell no, divorce and leave her to rot in her mistakes.
Yeah, I agree, if the roles were reversed, everyone would be chanting for a divorce and I'm usually biased towards females. I myself am in debt and if someone gave me that deal all be grateful as hell. He(scratch that she) should sell the car and get a cheap but reliable Toyota or Hond. But for his own financial stability he should divorce her. She has to hit rock bottom to save herself.
She has a $60,000 car loan? Sell the car and buy a used Prius. When you're in debt way passed your eyeballs, you don't go buying expensive luxury cars. Well, apparently, she does.
I know someone without money who needed a new car. Her dream was a small but still expensive secondhand BMW. In the end she got reasonable and settled for her usual brand of car, way less expensive.
I was also surprised about that. I get the feeling OP and his wife are well off (based on OP’s comment about having assets and a financial advisor) so the car is also a status symbol. Which of course is silly if it means getting into so much debt. If you can afford an expensive car, good for you, but don’t get a car you cannot afford just to flex.
I literally said the same thing out load when Charlotte read that. Who has a loan that size? I’d love to know what the interest rate is, and whether she’s upside down in the loan because of a debt consolidation or something or from repeatedly trading in.
Can I point out the EXTREMELY OBVIOUS here??? According to OP, over $70,000 of her debt is a car loan... So PERHAPS, maybe, WE SELL THE $70,000 car and buy a used one! Just buy it straight out for under $8,000 (which gets you a perfectly decent car.) BAM!!! You no longer owe 70k and you still have a decent car!!!
it is quite possible she is underwater on the car -- i.e. the loan exceeds the blue book value of the car. You don't stop having the car loan if you sell the car. It might still be better to sell the car, but it is also possible you sell your car and still owe a good 20k-30k and no longer have a nice car. it might still be a good decision, but it is worth considering the condition/maintenance of exchanging vehicles.
@mai_komagata sunk cost fallacy. If she is that much in debt to the point the husband mentioned her filing for bankruptcy then there is no point in a luxury car. Even if it means a loss of $20k, the point is to get a big chunk of that money down and settle for a cheap car. You can't own a lux car if you can't afford it
I think this would work, because if her husband is liquidating assets to pay off the debt, the car will get paid off, then it can be sold, something much cheaper bought, and a huge chunk of that money can go back to him fairly quickly.
1st story: My father liked to spend any money he could hold on alcohol. My mother was the only one that wound up with the only one access to the money. She would pay all the bills, figure out sales for whatever she could, put money onto savings and give my father an "allowance" for things he NEEDED. He would pay for things he needed and if he had extra, he would still usually spend it on alcohol but now would drink much less
The last story about the florida trip, there were updates! They spoke again and the wife agreed with him but then blindsided him with his favorite meals bringing it up in front of her mother and her child. He was angry. He wanted to cancel the trip altogether. He then found out her best friend, who he tolerates, was stoking the fires of discontent in their relatioship in general was adding gasoline to the fire. He then had to deal with a project that would happen during the time of the trip and wanted to cancel and make it for another week. His wife took the trip with her daughter, mother and meddling best friend. He and his wife haven't been on good terms and he's not sure if he's going to divorce her but he's extremely resentful that not only were his wants not considered, but he ended up not even being able to go because she took the info and booked the vacation without his knowledge. He found out one morning getting ready for work and his wife, her mom and daughter were leaving the house with packed bags for Florida with her best friend who was waiting in the car to go to the airport. It was a horrible story and we didn't get a satisfying update. That's all I know of that story.
Wow...He needs to 100% divorce her! His grounds for wanting to have a holiday and not a few days traipsing round theme parks was valid, so for her to manipulate him and make it a girl's trip for her mother, daughter, and bestie is abhorrent. If she'll steal something like that, I can see why they have separate finances. I wouldn't trust her an inch after that - to the point where I wouldn't even leave change on the side as she'd probably take it. No trust = no relationship. She's gotta go.
My husband retired and I was still doing everything with a job. I'd b gone 12 hours a day. I threatened to leave and then he wised up! Now he does the housework, and has a better appreciation of how hard I work.
To the second story: I'm the wife and currently the breadwinner. My husband does MOST of the house work since he's home more often, but we still share responsibilities (i.e. I cook, do the grocery shopping which he often helps with as well, and the laundry and he does ... Well ... Literally everything else). Even though I work full time and have a degree program I'm working on, we still reasonably separate chores. That being said, he would NEVER expect me to clean up after a mess he's made while I was at work. In fact, if I'm being completely honest, more often than not HE is cleaning up after MY messes (something I want to improve on) because I get so overwhelmed with my job plus a degree plus decades of undiagnosed/untreated OCD which causes a lot of mental health issues on my part. He values the work I do and is willing to step up not only to cover his part of the deal, but to support me when I'm falling behind on certain things. That husband wants a boss babe wife on a stay at home wife's salary. Absolutely not.
I grew up in Naples and still live in Port Charlotte. It is a 4 to 4 1/2 hour drive to Disney World from Fort Myers. Fort Myers is definitely more adult oriented than Orlando, so his take on the trip he won is valid. He will either be driving a lot (to get to theme parks) as it sounds from his wife’s expectations, or the step daughter pretty much has limited child friendly/theme attractions in Southwest Florida. Southwest Florida is fun, but very beach oriented and caters more to adults, and there aren’t any theme parks. Closes one is Busch Gardens in Tampa.
Same on the no money no purchase. We have a mortgage and a small car loan (which combined are not an issue even if one of us were to loose our job) but that’s the only debt.
My Mother was born in the 30's and she trusted my Father, but she always kept her own slush fund and taught her two daughters to do the same. Just because your married does not mean you should join all your money and Im glad I listened to Mom.
My grandmother taught me the same. Finances are His, mine, ours. It’s saved me in a past relationship. It’s not only a safety net in case something goes wrong in the relationship, but it’s also spending money we don’t have to justify to each other. One of the biggest issues that come up in relationships is money. I can buy what I like without asking for permission, and he doesn’t get a say if he thinks it’s silly or a waste of money, same for his purchases. We still buy things for each other, just from our own funds.
Hire a cleaning lady. Ignore your husband who has zero respect for your highly sought-after skills and the tough hours you put in. Shame on him for his utter disrespect and big-baby attitude. You ain't his mother. He ain't your father. Ignore the immature chatter and get a housekeeper. He'll get over it..maybe.
It's funny Charlotte is that surprised by separate expenses, I feel like we've heard lots of stories like that for a while now. My husband and I are the same way. 3 accounts, one for each. One into bills/savings
Having a clean house is good for your mental health. This is so true. During the pandemic, I stopped using a cleaning service and just recently went back to it. The level of deep cleaning the service does is beyond what I do. So, I’m keeping the service. I’m grateful that I can afford it.
Me and you together sis. I outsource some tasks like house cleaning, weekly cooking, laundry service, and I’m grateful I can afford it. I appreciate such luxuries in life.
I think this is a power trip for him. She way out earns him, and he's feeling emasculated. He should seek therapy as to why his feels intimidated by his wife's earning power.
Honestly I wouldn't marry someone without having IN DEPTH finance conversation. I got myself in trouble in my 20s, was awful with money, but worked really hard to learn and change and I'm 1 year away from being completely debt free. I never want to be in the position I used to be in.
Congratulations bestie!!!! I’m only 2,500$ away from being debt free myself. It helps to be financially literate. But it also helps to know your worth and an employee. Don’t settle your job that isn’t going to value you. A happy home life (bills paid, food to eat, water and clean laundry etc are all necessary) is quintessential to a successful employee.
0:53 I never combined my finances either. Money is a big factor in divorce so I wasn’t willing to fight over who pays what. We split bills and what was left was our own spending money. We never fought over money.
I can be impulsive with my spending and I cannot tell you the relief I feel when my partner and I devise ways to control my spending. I’m forever grateful for his patience.
I knew a woman (she was a family friend) who married a man who worked as a truck driver, so he was away for a week, back for 3 days, gone for another week kind of schedule. He had almost 100k savings (to buy a family home after marrying). They continued to rent for a few months. Until one day he couldn't use his card. Because there was no money left. She had completely burned through all of his savings through gambling. She would spend 2k to win 500, and of course she believed that 500 was a win. Honey it cost you 1500 to get that 500. They separated weeks later, and were divorced within 6months.
It's no wonder men are afraid of marriage. Combining finances should be a thing of the past with an exception for creating a combined savings account that money can only come out of for specific situations like mortgage, healthcare, etc. And of course that should only be some of what both bring in... people should protect themselves.
@@southruth1 I'm sorry you had to go through that. Addiction is a brutal reality that comes in many forms, and it absolutely destroys families and lives. I hope you're in a better situation now.
I'd like to add that while what she did was deplorable, the husband was also a pretty terrible human being - specifically a predator, who kept close company of registered offenders and has a history. The woman did not believe the victims. In a sense, these two sort of deserved each other, but neither of their actions are excusable. What she did was absolutely terrible and I understand why people keep separate finances, even after marriage & children.
My parents hired a house keeper to come by every few weeks when I was growing up, and it helped a lot, especially as new parents. It’s not like a deep clean, more like a cleaning counters, vacuum and a quick tidy which was great for my folks. If you can afford it, help is such a load off.
I was friends with a woman that put her AND her husband (she took out loans with his name as well as credit cards) in over $230k in debt. She was a compulsive buyer. She was a stay at home mother that would do nothing but shop during the day and take 80% of what she bought to a storage unit she had taken out. Literally everything in there was brand new or barely touched. She just really liked looking at everything and adding to the horde.
Sounds a bit like my (now) late SIL, only she'd get my brother to go along with everything she wanted, so he's stuck with a house, sheds and basement full of stuff she wanted but would never do anything with.
It's becoming increasingly more common for married couples to have a shared account for shared expenses like mortgages while maintaining separate account for separate purchases. It's is incredibly wise for each party to have their own money incase of divorce. This is especially true for anyone who is a stay at home wife/husband who should avoid being financially screwed due to a divorce by having saved up money in their own account if they didn't sign a prenup before getting married
This!!! Especially if one person stays at home or works part time, so can get financially dependent on the partner. Always make sure you can make a choice to stay with the person because you want to, not because you have to.
Not even divorce. Just an emergency, you might get locked out of your account. It might get frozen, your partner might have a mental breakdown and drain it, someone else could drain it somehow. Just a good idea to have a bit of emergency money in a separate account if you can.
I have heard of people getting caught doing this in secret and then offending their spouse, this triggering events leading to divorce. I think having an emergency fund, including to be prepared for divorce, is fine as long as you communicate with your spouse that you have your own account. If you don’t work, you are probably getting your money from your spouse. In my state in the US, anything either partner earns is considered a marital asset. So my money is literally legally my wife’s money as well. Regardless, using the money that your spouse earned that you secretly saved up to fund a divorce is very messed up. As long as you are upfront and your spouse is aware of the account, I think this is fine. Even if you get your money from somewhere else, like with a job or from family, having a secret divorce fund is questionable at best and sinister at worst.
Disney quit being fun a decade ago imo. It is always packed out, people around you are always grumpy, mad, or crazy. And they have started charging more for everything even services that used to be free. There are companies now that analyze park attendance and will suggest which days and times to go to each park. It’s all about merchandise you don’t need and trading on your nostalgia. Go somewhere real and unique!
I did Disneyland as an adult - all by myself and had a ball! My husband had a business trip to CA and I was able to go along. Worked perfectly - except that I forgot what the rental car looked like and exactly where I had parked in the lot (which eventually became California Adventure)! I found the car and had to go get him as something had happened at work and we need3d to cut things short! I wouldn’t want to do Disneyland with just my husband - he’s nit an amusement park kind of guy😁. But now I won’t be going back ever for reasons!
My parents always had separate accounts. They were joint on each others account. They divided up bills, my dad paid, for the house and the property they owned, my mother paid every other bill. Worked for them
100% had the housework argument with my husband. for reference, not counting bonus and stock, my base salary is almost 300k a year. I didn't want to spend my weekends cleaning the house so I hired a house keeper. He lost it, saying that makes us look like lazy pigs who can't keep our own house clean. I explained, very calmly, THIS is how economies work. It's not that we can't, it's that we chose not to. This also gives employment to someone who is not a tech worker, like we are. This is pretty much the definition of trickle down economics. He looked dumbfounded. Yes, we kept the housekeeper once a week.
Why do men think women should automatically clean, even when it’s affordable to outsource? my dad lives with me and had the nerve to act weird when I started hiring help. Such a traditional mindset.
I am so glad we have a weekly cleaner who also does the ironing. Definitely worth the money. Even with a cleaner there is still enough work putting things away, cleaning the kitchen after cooking, doing laundry, weeding the garden, etc. I will gladly pay for a cleaner over going out for dinner more.
I've heard the first one before; my husband and I also manage our money very similarly; one big account for bills and our own accounts for ourselves. It actually works great, we get into no fights about who's paying for what and we have our own hobbies we fund. I feel it all depends on the couple, this wife clearly isn't responsible and uses her husband for a crutch not okay
Same. Our salaries comes into our own separate accounts and then we transfer a part to the shared current account and to the shared savings account. It wasn’t even a topic of discussion that we’d do it this way and a lot of people I know also do that. As you said, hobbies, personal stuff etc we can buy with our own money. Also if we want to gift each other something, it’s from our own money.
This is the exact same way my husband, and I manage our accounts. I think this is the healthiest way to do it. However, I understand people are more traditional and would rather share accounts.
Exactly. My husband and I do it the same way. Zero issues. Joint account is for family expenses. Before we got married we outlined what loans we had outstanding and how much debt we were in, but my husband didn't take on my debt and I didn't take on his. It was just so we could dicuss how to budget. We've never had an issue about finances.
Same here, we are not married (not a priority for us) , but have been together 12 years w/ kid. We saw many married couples manage their finances this way so we figured it was pretty good for us.
I’m married and we have separate finances. We have a combined checking and savings that we use for joint purchases and saving for a house, etc. and the we have our own personal savings and checking. We are fully transparent with each other about the money we each have and don’t make giant personal purchases without communications. Part of why we have this is a safety thing. Although we fully trust and love each other, you never know what might happen, so it’s good to have your own money and maintain autonomy. If one of us is low on funds, we have no issue helping the other out. I highly recommend everyone do this, honestly. We are a solid couple, have great communication, and still maintain our independence while also being a couple together.
Yep, this is how my fiancé and I have our finances set up. We each receive our incomes in our personal accounts, then deposit whatever's needed for expenses in our shared account. We each have our own savings and investments.
After years of a shared checking and savings, my husband and I went to separate accounts. It’s less complicated. They are however jointly owned in case of emergency. Each of us are responsible for specific bills each month.
The fact that the wife "accidentally" let slip to her daughter to force OP3's hand is the exact reason he gets to unilaterally decide what to do with the trip. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She does NOT deserve to be rewarded for being manipulative. Hold firm, OP3.
It's weird to me that the wife was expected to keep it a secret tho rather than just telling the kid about it like a mature adult and saying it's going to be adult-only.
@@casseroledragon3277 the issue is they hadn't decided whether it was an adult-only or family trip. once the couple decides, you can tell the kid and set appropriate expectations. She wasn't expected to never tell the child, but to wait for a decision to be reached. The wife is clearly in the wrong. if she let it slip with the best of intentions, she should have IMMEDIATELY told child: this is not a trip to disneyworld this is a trip to fort myers. It will be boring for kids. we are deciding what to do about it.
Yup. This gives the exact same energy as choosing beggars, thieving Karens, or just all kinds of selfish people saying 'you've ruined my children's Christmas and made them cry! Now do the 1.x of the thing to make up for it, NOW!' when people just lean away from the manipulation
@mai_komagata The Husband had already decided was an adult-only trip tho, he didn't want the kid or MIL to go from the start so there was no deciding happening. He made his choice from the start, there was no need to not tell the kid as he'd already made his decision.
The second year I was married I put $6,000 on my individual credit card (buying baby furniture etc as I was pregnant) and my husband paid it off for me as a Christmas present. As grateful and surprised as I was, I felt a bit ashamed that I’d let the balance due get to that extent. I put all my cards in a drawer and now, unless it’s an emergency or I know I can pay off the balance promptly, I just don’t use them. Surprisingly, our level of living hasn’t changed any. Turns out I was just spending impulsively, and I don’t notice the unnecessary expenditures at all. Whoops, important life lesson.
@@HMKat143 my spouse and I agree this is a shared expense but this is not the same In all relationships. We are a military family I have seen some military men pay for house, cars, everything else the wife’s sole job is her and baby (but in this case the military supplies a lot and dad is gone a lot so that makes sense 😊❤️✌️) Idk the OPs situation but probably works for them is what I was sayin :) haha
Hey baby stuff is expensive, especially if you want to get the higher quality items that make life easier and safer. $6K actually is not that bad when you consider how pricey strollers/carriage and child seats are these days.
I am new to this channel and I'm legit mad it took me this long to really get into it. I'm over here sick watching all episodes like reruns of bad girls! Then I tell my husband EVERYTHING as if I actually know these people 😂
Raised my daughter by myself. Always wanted to take her to Disney world. Took me a few years but we got there by her 11th birthday. If it’s important the she should be saving for it.
He's losing nothing by taking her, but the daughter will lose out on a lot. And in a couple years, she won't want to do a family trip and she'll outgrow it. They aren't gonna outgrow couples trips
@@Katfall2012 exact "they" didn't get it for free. "HE" got it for free. there is a entire difference there. He won a trip not the couple, just him. there for HE gets to do what he wants.
@@Anne-pd2hk If she valued family she wouldn't pulled the shit she did. She didn't even let him think about what to do. she USED her kid to GUILT him into doing what SHE want. Or you gonna over look that? typical.
Honestly if she wants him to pay $150k then she can suck it up. Having that much debt is insane. Especially if she was only contributing 25% to the household. Calling him a misogynist pig is crazy because he is literally helping you. All he’s asking is that she doesn’t accrue more debt while he’s paying off the rest. She definitely seems like she’d be a repeat offender, so I think he is definitely in the right to give her conditions. Actions like this don’t just magically stop without consequences. For some people debt accumulation is addictive like gambling and she doesn’t seem to understand that just because a credit card has a limit doesn’t mean you’re still not spending the money on it. My worry is that he will have to bail her out like this for the rest of their marriage. Eventually she’s going to have to learn to pay her debt off the hard way without him. It just sucks for him that because they’re married, her debt is his debt. Definitely divorce worthy because she’s never going to change and he will be bailing her out for the rest of their lives. And she’s going to keep saying he’s a misogynistic pig for trying to help.
He’s also contributing a far larger proportion to the shared expenses - which I guess makes sense if her job pays less, but it’s still important to note. At first I thought telling the spouse she needs to get OP’s permission for any expense over $50 is controlling, but given her reaction with the girls trip I can understand that OP is being strict in order to make sure his wife doesn’t accumulate more debt. To be honest I don’t think she should have credit cards anymore at all, so she can only spend whatever money she gets from her pay-check and not anymore money she doesn’t have.
Agreed. He is literally helping her pay off a huge balance and teach her how to become financially responsible. They need financial counseling or he's gotta divorce her before she bankrupts both of them.
I've been married for 19 years. Yes, I got married very young, and my husband and I have never shared accounts. We have never had an issue. We respect each other too much to make a mess of our finances.
Yup. 22 years. We have a shared account and credit card. We also each have our own accounts and credit cards. And any unusual spending over $200 we check in with each other first.
Been married for 5 years! My husband and I have our own primary accounts but we are all on each others accounts. It works for us and we are both good with finances. If I’m running low on mine I just used his which is very rare.
I agree and I disagree. The first story should not be happening in the first place, because you should be able to have a conversation with your spouse / partner about money /spending habits and be mature enough to seek help, if you find yourself in a position like she has (overspending etc.). But I also think that having one combined account for living expenses, vacations etc. and a seperate account each for "pocket money" is a clever idea, so each person has a money they can spend however they want. If you want to go on a girls trip or have a hobby your partner does not share that would be a personal expense and should be paid by pocket money, if you have a family vacation or date night it's paid by the shared funds. No drama and everybody can still freely choose what to spend their money on.
@@kyraiswatching6707 I am down a similar path at the moment which is why this one hit me so hard. The difference being that I did not bail my wife out because we had many conversations about her spending that went unheeded and I am not going to suffer those consequences
My parents have a similar setup. I would definitely do the same. My money is imperative, especially if the relationship goes south. Always protect yourself.
Marriage ABSOLUTELY comes with conditions. Some basic ones include being faithful, not abusing your spouse, not plummeting into debt, not lying, not being an addict.
The first one is absolutely a divorce worthy event. My parents are awful with money, I've watched my mom become addicted to shopping and rack up absurd amounts of credit card debt every time it gets paid off. When she had her stroke she had to retire and still somehow had 20k worth of debt that my sister had to pay off for her. Do NOT get with someone who is addicted to spending unless they are willing to actually change. It will ruin your finances and stop you from retiring.
The husband helping the wife with her issues is such a great man. If he just divorced her that would lead to her ruining her life. He cares enough to help her and that is amazing.
Central Floridian here. Yes, Fort Myers is about 3 hours from Orlando. Disney would be slightly closer, probably 2.5- 3 hrs. They could have a lovely beach vacation in Fort Myers that wouldn't cost them loads of extra money and involve driving 5+ hours. And I agree that it should be OP's call either way, as it's his trip.
@@heatherwhynot Exactly! Plus, they may not be able to switch their free flights & accommodations to another city like that. He won a trip to Fort Myers, not to Orlando/ Kissimmee.
I agree. The only part I'm iffy about is y'know, his first instinct to not include the daughter. Like, you don't have to go to disney land to bring her along. There are many things to do that she would probably enjoy and be very grateful for, even little things---of course I may just be self-projecting. When I was 11, if someone in my family won a free trip to Florida and decided not to take me I would be pretty bummed out and feel like a burden, because "there must be a reason he didn't take me. he must've needed a break from me." and that can be pretty YIKES... and the only way the daughter wouldn't know is if they literally lied to her about where they're going, which is indeed cruel in my opinion. I would be content being brought along, just following whatever they do or even being left behind in the hotel, or maybe since there were 4 tickets, the MIL thing could actually work, but yknow, on HER dime. She basically gives the daughter a separate little vacation in the same place while the guy and his wife have their vacation, thereby still including their daughter in a way that makes her feel still wanted, but just saying "we're doing adult things most of the time, you can't come along with us" and that would be a pretty solid compromise. That's just my take on it though.
Yeah, I feel like the story about the Florida vacation. Vacation is definitely a family dynamic issue along with an entitlement issue. He clearly doesn’t see his stepdaughter as his daughter, and therefore when he heard of the vacation first thought about a vacation for himself and probably his future wife. He was putting the family first, but does not see the stepdaughter as family in my opinion. Obviously that’s just me speculating, though. BUT at the end of the day it’s still his vacation and she had no right to intrude on it like that.
First story felt like a real life rendition of Confessions of a Shopaholic. Those books are part of what steered me away from credit cards. I'm perfectly happy with my debit cards, at least for the time being
And I can understand his thinking . When my husband and I started dating it was me and my 2 kids . For many years everything was us and the kids . Not much time to be just us .
@ccaldwell9562 I would do the same. Then plan a full trip to an actual trip to Disney like they wanted. The trip wasn't close to Disney like they wanted to go. Have a nice adult get-a-way. He also said another couple. It could be a brother/sister in law(s).
@Denisehoma1111 That's how it is with my husband. We have been married for 9yrs and we rarely ever got time together. I have 2 kids from before him and I met and we had 2 kids after we married. I would 100% go on a trip and bring our closet best friend couple or my brother and sister in law; who have kids as well.
Hubby and I have the same account set up. As long as the house bills get paid, we don’t worry about what the other does. We take turns paying for all other mutual expenses from our separate accounts.
The last story made me angry. She purposely told her daughter to make it “impossible” to say no. He should not even take her along on the trip. Go with friends and say ef it. The guy who expected his wife to clean everything also made me angry. Weaponized incompetence is very much a thing. He expected from her without giving anything in return. All of these stories felt like divorce worthy stories. The partners were toxic AF.
Apparently, in the update, he had a work thing. Uk wht his "wife" (if I was him IMMEDIATELY EX WIFE) did? Booked the trip behind his back with her daughter, mom, and friend. Nahhhhh. Her sht would b outta the house when she came back with a nice little divorce paper sitting on top like a pretty Lil bow. If I REALLLY wanted to b petty, I'd cancel all their flights back (if she didn't have her kid) n sent them divorce papers through the mail to her hotel. U wanna take my trip behind my back? Lol Good luck getting home
reading the comments and seeing Charlotte's reaction is so surreal; it's been years since I felt a cultural shock in my online spaces in my country separate bank accounts is basically the norm!! it's rare a couple w/ joint accounts (and they're usually older ppl)
I'm Canadian like Charlotte and it's not all couples but a lot of them here that are under a certain age. Very few have only shared accounts, those who do usually have one stay at home spouse
I’ve said it once I’ll say it 100 times, I’m still single nearing 30, never been in a relationship, never been intimate, never been kissed, and while sometimes I legit cry at night bc of this fact, I come back here, see these couple shenanigans and IMMEDIATELY I’m thankful I’ve never been with anyone 😂😂😂
I'm in my late 30s and am in a similar situation. I too, get sad about it sometimes,but these videos definitely help. There is nothing wrong with staying single until you find the right person 😊
Here is my tip for all couples especially those where both partners are working outside the home. Each year in your anniversary, agree to forgo other gifts and agree your gift to your marriage is paying for a housekeeper. Determine frequency based on whether you have kids at home and your needs. As a bonus, determine a frequency of date nights you commit to as an additional way to ensure you are investing in each other. Date nights don’t need to be expensive and could even be a specific night and plan with each other after kids are in bed. ❤
Teachers work their butts off during the school year before and after class so don't even go there. That being said, if he wants to lose the cleaning lady he needs to step up and clean his crap up.
@@davidknight3249 definitely not where I was going. Teachers r supposed to be role models for kids nd set good examples for them outside class as well. This kinda behavior cannot be looked up to. While he may work his butt off at school ,his responsibilities don't end there. He needs to as u said "step up nd clean his crap up "
A family friend "warned" me as a newlywed that if my husband and I didn't combine finances, we'd end up divorcing. 11 years later and still happily married, still separate finances. Combined just seems so messy and inefficient to us both.
I don't want this to come across badly because I'm genuinely curious and I don't care at all what others do with their money but do you have kids? How does that work? Also I get this could be invasive - don't answer if you don't want to!
@@hollybooks3366 Haha no worries! To be honest, it's mostly just communication ahead of time. Neither of us wanted the hassle of having to monitor the other person's spending so that we could be sure there was enough for us both to make whatever purchases came up. Any large purchases we make a joint decision on, though we do have a shared credit card in case of unexpected large purchases. We divvy up the bills, we're each responsible for keeping gas in our own vehicles, I pay for my own medical expenses and prescriptions... yeah. It's just easier for us to carve things up generally and not have to micromanage a joint budget. We don't have kids, unfortunately, but we do have cats, and I'm responsible for those costs in general. However, during our marriage my health has collapsed almost completely, so I can't work anymore. Thus, he basically covers everything that isn't medically related, and that's that. It really simplifies things. But I figured I'd answer with how things were when we were both contributing. (My contribution now is to do what chores I can manage, take care of the critters, and keep track of our schedule.)
@@hollybooks3366 Haha no worries! To be honest, it's mostly just communication ahead of time. Neither of us wanted the hassle of having to monitor the other person's spending so that we could be sure there was enough for us both to make whatever purchases came up. Any large purchases we make a joint decision on, though we do have a shared credit card in case of unexpected large purchases. We divvy up the bills, we're each responsible for keeping gas in our own vehicles, I pay for my own medical expenses and prescriptions... yeah. It's just easier for us to carve things up generally and not have to micromanage a joint budget. We don't have kids, unfortunately, but we do have cats, and I'm responsible for those costs in general. However, during our marriage my health has collapsed almost completely, so I can't work anymore. Thus, he basically covers everything that isn't medically related, and that's that. It really simplifies things. But I figured I'd answer with how things were when we were both contributing. (My contribution now is to do what chores I can manage, take care of the critters, and keep track of our schedule.)
@@hollybooks3366I imagine when bills come they are in charge of some each and pay them separately. My parents also have separate accounts and have for the past 20 years, they lend each other money if one of the bills is slightly over (going through a very rough time because my mother is deathly ill). My dad pays the mortgage while my mother pays for groceries and the energy bill
@@hollybooks3366 Not the original commenter, but my husband and I have raised 4 kids with separate bank accounts. I fully acknowledge that I am not disciplined when it comes with money. We have a similar set up to the first couple. Our worst arguments were over finances. I felt like I was having to justify minor purchases, he felt my spending was frivolous. We manage our separate accounts. Dates etc are paid for by whomever had the idea for the outing. Vacations are jointly funded. It works for us.
Re the husband not wanting his wife to ruin her credit. News Flash - when you’re married, her debt is your debt, and her bankruptcy would ruin your credit as well. You keeping your finances “separate” doesn’t mean a thing to creditors or divorce courts. A word of advice: both people should run their credit reports so you can see how fiscally responsible your potential spouse is BEFORE marriage!
That trip...omfg. I've heard this one a couple times now on various channels and still have the same issues: 1. He won the trip. 2. We have no idea how many other trips, etc., they do other than this. 3. Same issue those living in California have - you live in California so you must know movie stars, etc. This is a trip to Florida, so we can walk down the street to Disney. Ugh 4. Weaponizing the kid. Stramrolling OP. 5. We do not know the context of OP's relationship with the step-daughter. Is she with him all the time? Is her bio-dad still in the picture? Are they a lovey-dovey blended family or are they not that close? Does wife weaponize kid a lot to get what she wants? 6. Maybe they "need" an adult only trip? 7. If MIL can travel to go to Florida and Disney, she can take care of kiddo while adults go on trip. Same time expenditure. I think OP needs to go to the book store and buy a map of Florida. Then go home, put big red dots on it as to where the trip is and where Disney is. Sit wife and kid down. Ask them to problem solve the trip. 1. Travel and hotel are covered in X town - so how do we get to Disney. 2. Who's buying the day passes? 3. Where would you be sleeping? 4. Etc. Etc. Etc. Ugh. All the YTA... we have no idea outside of this. Maybe OP needs this "adult" trip to try and reconnect with wife and figure out if she's with him because she loves him or if, now a few years in, she's letting her true colors show and he's a meal ticket for her and her kid.
Hard agree. Growing up with stepparents who were 95% hands off, it's really weird to me to hear people expect that parenting someone else's child is normal.
That's exactly what I thought! The wife may not even have custody. That might be why he said "wife's daughter." She may also be using the trip to gain so called brownie points in the eyes of her daughter. I was one of the kids. I know one when I usually see one. 😉✌️
In reference to your #7, if MIL wants a trip to Florida, she'll. most likely, want to "see the sights", so wouldn't necessarily want to sit around watching the daughter, and would probably want to go where the daughter wasn't allowed to go, so who's going to watch the daughter during that time? The stepfather and mother will probably have plans of their own that don't include either MIL or daughter.
I felt both sides but I think it’s very sneaky that she accidentally 😒 told the daughter when they hadn’t finalized their decision! And it was her way of manipulating getting him to do it her way! 🤦
My husband and I were just talking about how we need to be good to each other to make this work, and I even said we both do not need to create “red flag” patterns that will lead to resentment and divorce. If she keeps digging herself in debt, and he keeps digging her out, they’ll both resent each other and it could end in divorce. He’s not the a hole he’s a saint
Omg, the first one. People like that don't change until they're out of options. Years ago, I knew a couple who were in a similar situation. The husband had to take full control of the finances, because every scrap of money the wife laid hands on ✨ magically turned into a designer handbag ✨. Even after he cut her off, she chose to underfeed their children in order to squirrel away a large chunk of the grocery money and save up for more designer junk. So yes, that kind of person is a terrible parent. 😬
lots of my friends do finances like this, they both have their own accounts and own savings while half of their paycheck goes to a joint account for house bills. it works
2nd story, NTA. It sounds like the children need to pick up after themselves. "Reasonable Expectation of Contribution" is a phrase I heard that works for not only rephrasing "I'm helping" for husbands, but also helps children understand what is reasonably expected to maintain the cleanliness of a household. Since, dual-income households are more and more common these days, husbands need to effectively retrain their thought process on maintaining the home (no, periodic lawn care doesn't count). Its something I had to learn myself and I get excited to take that one brick of pressure of my spouse's mental load with each task I can preemptively get done for her. Life is hard enough as it is, with out a disaster of a home not weighing one down even further.
My older turns 2 in August and my younger is 7 weeks old. When I breastfeed, my husband always say "Oh my!", because boobs. My older child started to do that too 😂
Butt slapping, repeating what was/has been said 😂😂 the life of toddler moms! One hot day when my little was around 1 he had seen me walk up to my shirtless husband sitting at his computer and pinch his nipple then walk away. Well guess who did the same! 😂😂😂
My three yo once smacked a girl in the ass at a McDonald’s because she was cute and I was like wtf where did you even learn that? He also left me sitting in the booth alone after grabbing his happy meal and taking himself over to another family’s table to sit by their little girl because “she looked like Michelle ( from full house ). I really should have paid more attention because this was a telling sign of daddy’s behavior. Later my ex…
Hey, when my sister and I were little, our parents left us with Grandma and Grandpa and spent a week in Puerto Vallarta. It works!! Also, I do remember when I was 17, I was SO MAD. My dad would complain about the house being dirty, but my dad would get home from work and sit on the couch and scroll on his phone all evening. Sometimes he cooked, and he had a more demanding job than the rest of us--he was working in governmental corrections, RA of Indigenous Corrections, I think, at the time--but my sister was working part-time at Tim Hortons and doing mostly STEM classes. I had a full course load in my senior year with 2 AP courses, 3 extracurriculars (yearbook, karate and aerial silks), and a part-time job at the dollar store, plus applying for colleges and writing entrance letters and such, and my mom was teaching full time and had 3 hours of marking to do every day after work. And on top of that, Kyra and I unloaded the dishwasher, washed the dishes, cooked once a week, cleaned the bathrooms and our rooms, and I often cleaned the floors, and our mother usually cooked, usually did the floors, dusted, did the shopping and we put away the groceries together, except my dad. Somehow, it was only ever my dad who complained about the state of the house. Now that I'm older, 21 in a few months, I realize that I don't remember the last time I saw him vacuum, Swiffer, dust something, do laundry, clean a counter more than a cursory wipe, scrub a toilet, or do anything but occasionally make dinner (never washed the dishes, though!). And yes, he did the outside work, but digging the garden plots? Me. Shoveling snow for our house, our renter and the neighbors? Me. Carrying heavy things into the house? Me. Feeding animals and mucking out stalls? Me. Weed whacking? Me and my sister. Gardening? My mother. Building firepits? My sister. He built a fence and he built his own shop. He only ever fixed or built the things that he wanted (and, to his credit, a fence for my mom's garden).
There is nothing wrong with taking a trip without your kids. My husband and I took anniversary trips almost every year. We did take trips with my son and his friends for Spring Breaks or in the winter but you don't need to take them on every trip. Adults need some alone time to let loose not have to watch kids for 18 years worth of trips.
For the trip story I will say it's becoming more common for the bio parents to insist that the step parents don't take on a parental role with the kids. Like, they demand the step parents butt out so that the "real parents" are the only authority figure to the kid, so that might be why the step dad used the phrase "her daughter"? It's a weird dynamic but blended families can be complicated and if that's the case it's kind of wrong for the mom to switch gears and guilt the step dad into taking a more parental role with the kid when it benefits her. But that's just speculation
The last one entirely depends on context for me. If he has been or will be excluding the daughter specifically from everything, it's not about "just" this trip.
i think regardless of whether he is the ah for excluding daughter in law, she is definitely the asshole for "letting it slip" and not correcting her daughter's expectations immediately. so it is possible ESH instead of NTA, but definitely not NAH or YTA.
Yup my husband has kid before we got together, they have a mom they were a 14 year relationship, it didn’t work out, 2 years later we met I’m only 12 years older than his kids so I never really seen them as my kids, and they never seen me as a mother, we never hated each other, we all did things together, we went shopping together vacations together, and we never gave each other a hard time, we always had fun together, I love them I care for them, but my love for my children is unconditional love, those are my babies, also sk we’re never jealous of their little brother they were also 13 and 12 years older then their brother And we not have a baby girl and they love her. They think it’s funny because they are 20 and 21 and we all love each in our own way. Shot we have vacations without his kids. we also have vacation without the kids we had together, we had vacations with just mom and dad, that’s ok it’s healthy for adults to have their alone time. I think people forget, you can love your stepchildren and not call them. Your kids, because they have that active father or the active mother, with my sk I was a big sister an order Cousin or auntie. I just think we need to stop gaslighting step parents. Oh you don’t love them as ur own you don’t called them ur kids, why did you marry their parent… oh you’re terrible oh, they probably hate you. no not every family is different class not every step kid wants her step parent to call them their child. I hope this makes sense 😂 but I love my sk when dad was gone at work and mom was on vacation, i would take care of them. They appreciated me and I was happy to help out.
I’m 34 and I’m in college full time. My husband works. We both clean and we have someone come to clean more thoroughly every 2 weeks. I have really bad anxiety and school gets really overwhelming for me. (Especially since I went straight to workforce after graduating high school and had to literally relearn a lot of things) He offered to hire someone because I was getting overwhelmed with everything. I know not everyone can afford it but it has helped us a lot since we are both really busy.
$150,000 is legitimately a house in some places! NTA no relationship is without conditions and boundaries like, oh yeah, RESPECT! And a spouse who is going to rack up $150,000 in debt, expect you to bail them out, and then continue the behavior does not respect you! And then for her to say she's going to go FURTHER INTO DEBT for a girls trip??? Except she obviously doesn't see it as being in debt anymore. Nah, this woman is going to run y'all into the streets, divorce!
@@suniibuni The large City of Chicago you saw a home worth $150,000. That's crazy. It must need $150,000 worth of work on it to make it livable. I believe you but that's great. That homes are so affordable.
First story: He’s not being controlling, he’s keeping their shared finances in check. My parents are fully combined, but many times my Mom has had to keep my Dad in check. 😂 The couple in this story would BOTH be impacted by her debt, so he’s keeping his credit score and debt in check as much as he is hers. She’s not being rational imho.
1st Story - My husband and I share finances, but I've heard of many couples who keep their finances separate. In Canada, both spouses have to declare bankruptcy, so it is in his best interest to clear her debt. In fact, with all of the husband's assets, no bankruptcy court would accept the bankruptcy filing. Instead of divorce marriage counseling as well as credit counseling for his wife.
No, she betrayed him and treats him like a piggy bank. He should divorce her now that he knows she's a gold digger who tricked him into marriage by pretending to love him. If she loved him she wouldn't treat him that way. She is abusive.
If they are in the US, it can possibly work a little different... Some states are community property states where all assets and debt are considered to be both the husband and wife's, even if they are only in one of their names. And then there are states that are not, where any assets or debt that is not in both their names is considered seperate. So it would totally depend on what state they live in if the debt is considered joint or not, even though it is only in her name. If they were to divorce in a state that is not a community property state, than all the debt would stay hers. If they are in a community property state he would be responsible for paying at least half, possibly more, if they divorce.
My husband and I have a joint account for household, vacations, emergency fund etc and what is left over is our own. We manage our own cars, hobbies and credit cards. Thank goodness we both know how to control our debt.
My brothers and his wife had something similar. My brother makes over 6 figures a year his wife was a teacher who was making around 45k (this was about 10yrs ago) he only asked her to pay for groceries and her gas thats all. He found out that's she was 30k in debt when she asked for gas money he asked what happened to her money. She explained oh buying things. She agreed to stop the CC and he made sure it was paid off. Then not even a few yrs later he finds out she has now 3 more CC and there all maxed. Needless to say there not married anymore
My parents never combined theirs. 40 years later and my dad wants to do it. Hes really controlling, and my mom is having to find creative ways to have her own money. I wish she'd just divorce him 😩
If someone is pushing their partner to combine finances, that’s a HUGE SIGN that they could not manage their own money and messed up! My ex did this, and when we did, I found out the true extent of his financial illiteracy. He almost bankrupted us. KEEP FINANCES SEPARATE!
Your mom needs to do some digging he maybe did that because he was struggling and her money is now paid off debts and isn't there. Why doesn't she bave access??
I discuss even the smallest purchase with my husband, before making a purchase, as he does with me. It's mutual respect. We are spouses, and that's a partnership
Even though we have separate accounts (in addition to shared for all the house and home stuff, shared savings, etc etc), I often discuss bigger purchases with my partner and he does the same. It’s not to ask permission or anything like that, but more to get feedback and also just to share. I don’t think I’d want to spend a big amount of money without getting the opinion of my best friend and life partner.
He feels ashamed that he isn’t pulling his weight around the house. It is not about saving money, it’s about saving his feelings. He doesn’t want to do the housework but he doesn’t want to feel guilty about that either. He has to pick.
In my opinion the fact that he bailed her out and she immediately went back into spending is a real reason for talking divorce. A marriage is full of sacrifice for one another's needs and shared goals.
Op2- my parents were both teachers and had a cleaning lady come once a month to deep clean the house. Dishes, clothing laundry- picking up after ourselves, that was all us (laundry we learned at puberty so mom didnt have to clean period messes or night time dreams 😅). The sheets, pillowcases, vaccuming, dusting, bathrooms- the cleaning lady did once a month. It worked out for all of us. The end.
My sister was born before my parents were married (Mother had been married before, to her biological father) and my dad formally adopted her several years later, but even though he wasn't her biological father, he always loved her as if she was, and he was the only father she'd ever known.
Charlotte, you were half right talking about the couple where the wife was majorly in debt, you said that after you get married you become responsible for your partners financial decisions, "unless you keep them separate". I have to let you know that, regardless of whether or not you chose to keep your finances separate, you are still responsible for your spouse's debt. Say you are married to a man who maxes out all their credit cards and then dies, you, as their wife, then takes on that debt. So when you marry someone, you are also marrying their debt. Just thought I should let you know that! 😉
First one…I think what he did is great… she clearly don’t have a CLUE how to manage money 💰. NOT the A-Hole!!! The one about cleaning lady… ur husband and kids are old enough to clean up after themselves! Not to mention… you work ur azzz off so BEAUTIFUL Momma… you are NOT the A-hole!
Dear Charlotte, I don't know if you will ever see this comment but I wanna thank you for your content. I started seeing your content on the AITA series from Facebook, and I always love your commentary, as there are deep reflections, great insights, and certainly some humor which I love and adore. Thank you for your videos, it really brightens my day by 3000% Love from Singapore! :)
The first guy is NTA, and in fact, I had the same arrangement with my "spender" ex-husband twenty years ago. In our case, he soon realized that if he wanted extra things he had to earn more money, so he started a business on the side. I already had a side gig, myself. Knowing how much of a tightass I am, and how much of a spender he was, we nipped this issue in the bud before it could even think about becoming a problem by keeping our finances divided. No longer married, but it had nothing to do with the money. Our arrangement was relatively argument-free for most of the time we were together.
I mean, you never know the relationship between them or how long they've known each other. You also don't know him circumstances.In his life I don't think wanting to take an adult 9nly vacation is selfish.
As a married woman I was ready to hear her out...but $150k ..!? I'da had a heart-attack & expired 😂 I think the real "divorce worthy" part is her lack of appreciation & zero change in spending attitude. People like that will bury YOU in debt with them eventually..
I feel like the divorce-worthy was throwing him under the bus in front of her friends. It shows she does not respect him, he is a piggy bank to her, and it’s a major betrayal. If she had been honest and said, “sorry girls, we ain’t got it right now, can we try something else?” Or similar, then there may be some hope. But this is just selfish, and that’s not what you need in a marriage.
I don’t know if it’s divorce worthy, but it is definitely financial counseling and couples therapy worthy. Yikes. As someone who is in debt and my husband is helping me out of it, I have had a freeze on my ssn for YEARS and slowly paying it off (ex husband actually bought a bunch of stuff before we were officially divorced and separated and I owe for that). I would NEVER add to my debt. Especially for stuff the both of us don’t need nor can’t enjoy together.
@@Cutiemuffinz 💯% agree. She sounds manipulative. Lotta red flags with that one.
When I heard the title I knew this was going to be the problem. Run fast, my dude, run fast. My evil stepmonster spent my father into bankruptcy 3 times before he died.
I get addiction vibes from that story. She probably has a shopping/spending addiction.
I can kind of relate because when I have a bad day buying something new gives me a hit of dopamine. I have to control that urge.
But like any addiction, she has to be able to admit that she has a problem and be willing to change.
It doesn’t sound like she’s on board with either one.
She seems to be in denial of just how much in debt she is and how much her husband is willing to sacrifice to bail her out.
Which to me means he shouldn’t bail her out quite yet. Maybe couples therapy will help get through to her, but until she realizes she has a problem, I’d wait to help her.
He respects HER enough to protect her reputation, yet she appears to have little to no respect for him. Real love includes respect and wanting the best for each other. She's not a good person.
Nope. He better hold off having kids with her.
I desperately hope he hasn't paid off her debts yet and that he has their agreement in an actual legal document. I'm sure he didn't realize he was marrying an actual gold digger, but it's clear their marriage was a bait and switch. He NEEDS to divorce her.
she sounds like a spoiled child that doesn't know the consequences of her actions
The entitlement of wanting to go on a trip, while your partner pays off your debt 😳
And trying to bully him into agreeing by making a scene in public. How is he not considering divorce at that point?
Respect, trust and communication I think are 3 of the most important things for a relationship
The audacity of a woman to build up $150k in debt, basically force the husband to bail her out, then shortly after ask to go on an expensive trip. THATS WILD. What a sense of entitlement. Such ungratefulness.
Temperance is a virtue, and becoming virtuous takes time and is painful.
Hopefully she gets over this. :)
And put it on a credit card nonetheless.
@@Laure__Lineand hopefully he leaves. No one deserves a partner like this.
The fact that she wanted to put a vacation for just herself on a credit card after making such a mess of her finances would make me consider leaving. She will ruin your chances at retirement
My sweet and wonderful husband brings in 90% of our income (I'm disabled); however, when he wants to spend any large amount, he comes to me first and talks it over. I always agree with him but the fact that he comes to me first when he's the breadwinner is just amazing. I just can't love him enough. ❤
Same situation here. 😊
Right!? True partnership and respect for each other.
My situation is different as both my partner and I work and make about the same, and we have both shared accounts and individual ones we can spend as we want. But we still talk to each other about larger purchases we want to make with our individual money. I may ask some questions and give an opinion, but it’s not about getting permission, it’s about discussing with the person who is our partner in life and best friend. My husband has never told me not to buy something, but I would definitely consider his opinion if he advised against a purchase. It would feel weird not to talk about a large purchase, even if it’s our own money, because if it’s something we are thinking about it feels normal to share the thought.
I'd like it if my parents could ask me before buying electronics.
I used to eat toasted bread every morning... until the toaster broke and they replaced it with one that is so narrow only soft white bread can go in there.
I'm french, you don't know my pain, joke intended, soft white bread is not bread it's what children and students on a thight budget eat, it's bland, the texture is meh, it rot rather than dry and is good for the trash if it does dry.
The only acceptable use is emergency sandwiches. And you don't toast sandwiches.
Same situation here.
@@keerya4179 I understand you pain (& the pun was very punny). However, sandwich bread is cery good for grilled cheese & other hot sandwiches. You just have to make sure you get the thick slices. Thinner sliced sandwich bread is good for morning toast with jelly or slathering in butter & using it to "sop up" the dinner plate!
RE the 2nd story of the husband who wants the wife to clean instead of having a housekeeper: this is about him feeling emasculated. The housekeeper represents his incompetence, and his wife paying for the housekeeper represents her financial power. This will rub any insecure man the wrong way.
💯 the resentment
And their moms too, apparently. I got told by my ex's mother that I need to stop achieving so much in my career because I look like I'm competing against her sons (I wasn't and who TF gives a flying f how whiny little men feel, I'm doing this for me and MY family) and she said I was probably making her son feel bad because I was so high achieving. We didn't stay together for reasons aside from that, but he didn't share her sentiment. But he also never pulled his load, so there's that.
Hit the nail on the head 🔨
Maybe he was cheating while his wife was away and the maid is making that harder
@@LadyMekito Did not even consider this but it's an EXCELLENT point!!
Old girl in debt should be ashamed of herself. You should not have to bend over backwards to cover your partners debt. Be responsible. Do things that work in the relationships favor. Everything you do for yourself should be done for the relationship as well.
Exactly, i agree. I hope everything is ok with you.
God bless you in the name of Jesus Christ, who is the name above all names & the only way to Heaven❤
How on earth did she run up that much debt and he is all unawares? For what? My parents and both my sister and I had similar arrangements. I don’t think this is that unusual for a couple. Each partner contributes to a bills account and to a savings mechanism. I think it’s important to have a certain amount of money which is yours alone. They went wrong when she stopped (or never started) being honest with him or herself about the amount of money she was spending. Money she didn’t have! At this point in your finances she has forfeited any rights to control her own money. She doesn’t get to damage you as well as your collective future with her irresponsibility.
Well said!
If the girls want her to go on the trip so bad they should offer to all chip in for her. She obviously has a problem that she isn’t willing to deal with. This man needs to be there to say stop spending so she can have a life in the future. I would probably divorce
1st OP was so smart to keep economies separate. He knew the kind of person he was marrying
I thought it was common knowledge to keep both accounts separate so you can do whatever without having to ask your sig. other for money to do stuff.
@@kitieriwhite7758 very common where I live. Usually people have their own accounts for personal expenses and a joint account for house expenses. Here debts are also personal, spouse is not responsible for debts not in their name.
Smart would have been not marrying her.
It's common where I live 😭
Here, it's normal to have one joined account and also separate accounts.
@@Moravian_Mf same um from the UK. i think the usa and canada are more traditional though
Even if she let it slip that he won a trip to Florida, all she had to do is say to the daughter that they didn't know the details yet. She totally did that on purpose to pressure him.
Or tell her the "truth" that the destination is in southern Florida and is too far away from Orlando to be able to go there and visit any of the parks there.
And by "truth" I mean you leave out the part that you technically could do it, but the 6-8 hour round trip just wouldn't be worth it, especially given how expensive an excursion like that would be.
Someone posted the update. It's awful what the wife did to him next. He needs to divorce her.
@@kp4911 don't leave us hanging there, what happened?
@@cassiopee26he couldn't go because of a work thing, and was going to cancel and reschedule, but they scheduled the trip behind his back and went without him. Absolute betrayal.
@@transsnackHoly moly that is disgusting. Unbelievable
I had debt of about 6000, lost my job and my husband paid it off for me so I wouldn’t stress about it and take my time to find a job I like. That was 7years ago and up to this day I’m extremely grateful. The fact that she didn’t admit her mistakes and just let her friends speak negatively about her husband when she was the one at fault is just crazy to me.
In my 20s, I had 10k in CC bills. My dad found out and gave me the money to pay them off. Told me that "if you can't afford to pay cash, then you can't afford it." Knowing that he used some of his hard earned money made me feel horrible. I saved and saved. I was able to pay him back. The look of pride in his eyes and him telling me to keep it still makes me tear up. I didn't keep it. ❤❤
😂rut
What are CC bills?
@@neliaferreira9983 Credit Card
Wish my husband had that attitude when his parents did the same. More than once.
@@neliaferreira9983 Credit card.
My husband and I share a bank account. We consult each other before making a large purchase. He's better with money and budgeting etc than I; if I want to go shopping and get something out of the ordinary it's me asking him how much I can spend. Currently, due to some unexpected circumstances, we're in a dynamic where I am making more money and I still consult him because he is smart and I am stupid when it comes to money and I fully admit this 😂
Being self aware, humble and self correcting are emotional genius level traits
@@M_SC aw that's a nice compliment, thank you. I didn't even look at it that way.
Same same same. 😂😂😂
That woman is so lucky to have someone willing to help her out of the financial hole, and still has the audacity to act like that? Hell no, divorce and leave her to rot in her mistakes.
Yeah, I agree, if the roles were reversed, everyone would be chanting for a divorce and I'm usually biased towards females. I myself am in debt and if someone gave me that deal all be grateful as hell. He(scratch that she) should sell the car and get a cheap but reliable Toyota or Hond. But for his own financial stability he should divorce her. She has to hit rock bottom to save herself.
She has a $60,000 car loan? Sell the car and buy a used Prius. When you're in debt way passed your eyeballs, you don't go buying expensive luxury cars. Well, apparently, she does.
I know someone without money who needed a new car. Her dream was a small but still expensive secondhand BMW. In the end she got reasonable and settled for her usual brand of car, way less expensive.
I was also surprised about that. I get the feeling OP and his wife are well off (based on OP’s comment about having assets and a financial advisor) so the car is also a status symbol. Which of course is silly if it means getting into so much debt. If you can afford an expensive car, good for you, but don’t get a car you cannot afford just to flex.
@@s.a.4358 Apparently. Gotta show off to her friends how "rich" she is.
@@s.a.4358i think OP is rich, and his wife WANTED to be rich hence the car and the debt, if she was rich she wouldn’t have problem buying the car.
I literally said the same thing out load when Charlotte read that. Who has a loan that size? I’d love to know what the interest rate is, and whether she’s upside down in the loan because of a debt consolidation or something or from repeatedly trading in.
Can I point out the EXTREMELY OBVIOUS here???
According to OP, over $70,000 of her debt is a car loan... So PERHAPS, maybe, WE SELL THE $70,000 car and buy a used one! Just buy it straight out for under $8,000 (which gets you a perfectly decent car.)
BAM!!! You no longer owe 70k and you still have a decent car!!!
it is quite possible she is underwater on the car -- i.e. the loan exceeds the blue book value of the car. You don't stop having the car loan if you sell the car. It might still be better to sell the car, but it is also possible you sell your car and still owe a good 20k-30k and no longer have a nice car. it might still be a good decision, but it is worth considering the condition/maintenance of exchanging vehicles.
Yes and no. The car might not be remotely worth it anymore, you depreciate in value when you drive the car of the lot.
@mai_komagata sunk cost fallacy. If she is that much in debt to the point the husband mentioned her filing for bankruptcy then there is no point in a luxury car. Even if it means a loss of $20k, the point is to get a big chunk of that money down and settle for a cheap car. You can't own a lux car if you can't afford it
Yeah. If I was him, she would have been selling the car in order for to me to help her cover her debt.
I think this would work, because if her husband is liquidating assets to pay off the debt, the car will get paid off, then it can be sold, something much cheaper bought, and a huge chunk of that money can go back to him fairly quickly.
1st story:
My father liked to spend any money he could hold on alcohol.
My mother was the only one that wound up with the only one access to the money. She would pay all the bills, figure out sales for whatever she could, put money onto savings and give my father an "allowance" for things he NEEDED.
He would pay for things he needed and if he had extra, he would still usually spend it on alcohol but now would drink much less
The last story about the florida trip, there were updates!
They spoke again and the wife agreed with him but then blindsided him with his favorite meals bringing it up in front of her mother and her child. He was angry. He wanted to cancel the trip altogether. He then found out her best friend, who he tolerates, was stoking the fires of discontent in their relatioship in general was adding gasoline to the fire. He then had to deal with a project that would happen during the time of the trip and wanted to cancel and make it for another week. His wife took the trip with her daughter, mother and meddling best friend. He and his wife haven't been on good terms and he's not sure if he's going to divorce her but he's extremely resentful that not only were his wants not considered, but he ended up not even being able to go because she took the info and booked the vacation without his knowledge. He found out one morning getting ready for work and his wife, her mom and daughter were leaving the house with packed bags for Florida with her best friend who was waiting in the car to go to the airport.
It was a horrible story and we didn't get a satisfying update. That's all I know of that story.
Wow! 😳
Such a terrible outcome and horrible person!
Yet another reason I'm still single.
That's absolutely ridiculous. Divorce worthy for sure!!
Wow...He needs to 100% divorce her! His grounds for wanting to have a holiday and not a few days traipsing round theme parks was valid, so for her to manipulate him and make it a girl's trip for her mother, daughter, and bestie is abhorrent. If she'll steal something like that, I can see why they have separate finances. I wouldn't trust her an inch after that - to the point where I wouldn't even leave change on the side as she'd probably take it.
No trust = no relationship. She's gotta go.
I hope the wife had fun with her whiny daughter once she figured out they were about 5 hours from Disney and she wouldn’t get to go there.
My husband retired and I was still doing everything with a job. I'd b gone 12 hours a day. I threatened to leave and then he wised up! Now he does the housework, and has a better appreciation of how hard I work.
PREACH
I love that!
To the second story: I'm the wife and currently the breadwinner. My husband does MOST of the house work since he's home more often, but we still share responsibilities (i.e. I cook, do the grocery shopping which he often helps with as well, and the laundry and he does ... Well ... Literally everything else). Even though I work full time and have a degree program I'm working on, we still reasonably separate chores. That being said, he would NEVER expect me to clean up after a mess he's made while I was at work. In fact, if I'm being completely honest, more often than not HE is cleaning up after MY messes (something I want to improve on) because I get so overwhelmed with my job plus a degree plus decades of undiagnosed/untreated OCD which causes a lot of mental health issues on my part. He values the work I do and is willing to step up not only to cover his part of the deal, but to support me when I'm falling behind on certain things. That husband wants a boss babe wife on a stay at home wife's salary. Absolutely not.
I grew up in Naples and still live in Port Charlotte. It is a 4 to 4 1/2 hour drive to Disney World from Fort Myers. Fort Myers is definitely more adult oriented than Orlando, so his take on the trip he won is valid. He will either be driving a lot (to get to theme parks) as it sounds from his wife’s expectations, or the step daughter pretty much has limited child friendly/theme attractions in Southwest Florida. Southwest Florida is fun, but very beach oriented and caters more to adults, and there aren’t any theme parks. Closes one is Busch Gardens in Tampa.
I'm glad to be part of that 20% of the population. No money= no purchases, that has always been my rule.
Same here.
Same on the no money no purchase. We have a mortgage and a small car loan (which combined are not an issue even if one of us were to loose our job) but that’s the only debt.
My mortgage is the only debt I have. I hate having debt.
Good for you!
Same here. If I can't pay cash I don't need it
My Mother was born in the 30's and she trusted my Father, but she always kept her own slush fund and taught her two daughters to do the same. Just because your married does not mean you should join all your money and Im glad I listened to Mom.
Sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sippin' on that haterade. 🔝
My grandmother taught me the same. Finances are His, mine, ours. It’s saved me in a past relationship. It’s not only a safety net in case something goes wrong in the relationship, but it’s also spending money we don’t have to justify to each other. One of the biggest issues that come up in relationships is money. I can buy what I like without asking for permission, and he doesn’t get a say if he thinks it’s silly or a waste of money, same for his purchases. We still buy things for each other, just from our own funds.
@@chrisskaw1597 ??? Is it bad to wanna manage ur money?
@@n_y_x_i_a There's a difference between "managing your money" and hiding a "slush fund" in order to maintain an escape plan.
My cleaning lady is the absolute BEST! She had an eye for detail and cleans my house wayyyy better than I ever could. I would never give her up 😂
Send me her number! I just cancelled mine as didn’t see much of a difference 😩
Hire a cleaning lady. Ignore your husband who has zero respect for your highly sought-after skills and the tough hours you put in.
Shame on him for his utter disrespect and big-baby attitude. You ain't his mother. He ain't your father. Ignore the immature chatter and get a housekeeper. He'll get over it..maybe.
I would give up the husband... He evidently not worth the hassle.
@@sleeplessinscotland9394 I live in Delaware… I’m sure you don’t lol! Nobody lives in this small ass state
@@Kariberry414 haha - I’m in a tiny town in Scotland, bit of a jaunt for a cleaner to go on a Monday morning 😂
It's funny Charlotte is that surprised by separate expenses, I feel like we've heard lots of stories like that for a while now.
My husband and I are the same way. 3 accounts, one for each. One into bills/savings
Having a clean house is good for your mental health. This is so true. During the pandemic, I stopped using a cleaning service and just recently went back to it. The level of deep cleaning the service does is beyond what I do. So, I’m keeping the service. I’m grateful that I can afford it.
Me and you together sis. I outsource some tasks like house cleaning, weekly cooking, laundry service, and I’m grateful I can afford it. I appreciate such luxuries in life.
The AUDACITY of the husband saying they are waisting money because HE is not able to keep the house clean and wants his wife to do it!!
I know, right?! Get rid of the house keeper that YOU pay for with YOUR money, because YOU should clean the house. This guy needs a reality check.
What is "waisting" money? Putting it in a fanny pack?
Wonder how much of his misogyny comes out when he's teaching 🙄
I think this is a power trip for him. She way out earns him, and he's feeling emasculated. He should seek therapy as to why his feels intimidated by his wife's earning power.
My husband would absolutely celebrate if we could afford a cleaning lady lol
Honestly I wouldn't marry someone without having IN DEPTH finance conversation. I got myself in trouble in my 20s, was awful with money, but worked really hard to learn and change and I'm 1 year away from being completely debt free. I never want to be in the position I used to be in.
Keep going bestie! You got this❤
How did you learn to be better at it? Take a class? Watch some TH-cam videos? I NEED to get better!! 😢😊
That’s amazing I’m so proud of you!
Congratulations bestie!!!! I’m only 2,500$ away from being debt free myself. It helps to be financially literate. But it also helps to know your worth and an employee. Don’t settle your job that isn’t going to value you. A happy home life (bills paid, food to eat, water and clean laundry etc are all necessary) is quintessential to a successful employee.
Same! Within the next year I’ll be debt free! 🎉
0:53 I never combined my finances either. Money is a big factor in divorce so I wasn’t willing to fight over who pays what. We split bills and what was left was our own spending money. We never fought over money.
I can be impulsive with my spending and I cannot tell you the relief I feel when my partner and I devise ways to control my spending. I’m forever grateful for his patience.
I love that
I knew a woman (she was a family friend) who married a man who worked as a truck driver, so he was away for a week, back for 3 days, gone for another week kind of schedule.
He had almost 100k savings (to buy a family home after marrying).
They continued to rent for a few months.
Until one day he couldn't use his card. Because there was no money left. She had completely burned through all of his savings through gambling. She would spend 2k to win 500, and of course she believed that 500 was a win. Honey it cost you 1500 to get that 500. They separated weeks later, and were divorced within 6months.
It's no wonder men are afraid of marriage. Combining finances should be a thing of the past with an exception for creating a combined savings account that money can only come out of for specific situations like mortgage, healthcare, etc. And of course that should only be some of what both bring in... people should protect themselves.
I was married to the gambler, so hard
@@southruth1 I'm sorry you had to go through that. Addiction is a brutal reality that comes in many forms, and it absolutely destroys families and lives. I hope you're in a better situation now.
😳
I'd like to add that while what she did was deplorable, the husband was also a pretty terrible human being - specifically a predator, who kept close company of registered offenders and has a history. The woman did not believe the victims.
In a sense, these two sort of deserved each other, but neither of their actions are excusable. What she did was absolutely terrible and I understand why people keep separate finances, even after marriage & children.
AITA for prioritizing Charlotte's video than my schoolworks?
Yes
Nah, I do the same
Never
Justified imo
Nta
My parents hired a house keeper to come by every few weeks when I was growing up, and it helped a lot, especially as new parents. It’s not like a deep clean, more like a cleaning counters, vacuum and a quick tidy which was great for my folks. If you can afford it, help is such a load off.
I was friends with a woman that put her AND her husband (she took out loans with his name as well as credit cards) in over $230k in debt.
She was a compulsive buyer. She was a stay at home mother that would do nothing but shop during the day and take 80% of what she bought to a storage unit she had taken out. Literally everything in there was brand new or barely touched. She just really liked looking at everything and adding to the horde.
Sounds a bit like my (now) late SIL, only she'd get my brother to go along with everything she wanted, so he's stuck with a house, sheds and basement full of stuff she wanted but would never do anything with.
I get that
But you were "friends" with someone like that
Says something about you
@@JuanRodriguez-tf7fhbecause you think she advertised it to her family and friends? Think a bit before making assumptions and passing judgement.
@@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh what a dumb judgemental comment.
Wow!
It's becoming increasingly more common for married couples to have a shared account for shared expenses like mortgages while maintaining separate account for separate purchases. It's is incredibly wise for each party to have their own money incase of divorce.
This is especially true for anyone who is a stay at home wife/husband who should avoid being financially screwed due to a divorce by having saved up money in their own account if they didn't sign a prenup before getting married
But being a SAH you wouldn’t be earning money.
This!!! Especially if one person stays at home or works part time, so can get financially dependent on the partner. Always make sure you can make a choice to stay with the person because you want to, not because you have to.
Not even divorce.
Just an emergency, you might get locked out of your account. It might get frozen, your partner might have a mental breakdown and drain it, someone else could drain it somehow.
Just a good idea to have a bit of emergency money in a separate account if you can.
Being a stay at home mom absolutely requires a prenup no ifs ands or buts. Only idealistic fools think otherwise.
I have heard of people getting caught doing this in secret and then offending their spouse, this triggering events leading to divorce. I think having an emergency fund, including to be prepared for divorce, is fine as long as you communicate with your spouse that you have your own account. If you don’t work, you are probably getting your money from your spouse. In my state in the US, anything either partner earns is considered a marital asset. So my money is literally legally my wife’s money as well. Regardless, using the money that your spouse earned that you secretly saved up to fund a divorce is very messed up. As long as you are upfront and your spouse is aware of the account, I think this is fine. Even if you get your money from somewhere else, like with a job or from family, having a secret divorce fund is questionable at best and sinister at worst.
Nah, Disney World as an adult and Disney World as a parent are NOT THE SAME. 😂😂😂
Plus I hear there never seems to be an off day there anymore. Always packed.
Disney quit being fun a decade ago imo. It is always packed out, people around you are always grumpy, mad, or crazy. And they have started charging more for everything even services that used to be free.
There are companies now that analyze park attendance and will suggest which days and times to go to each park.
It’s all about merchandise you don’t need and trading on your nostalgia.
Go somewhere real and unique!
I did Disneyland as an adult - all by myself and had a ball! My husband had a business trip to CA and I was able to go along. Worked perfectly - except that I forgot what the rental car looked like and exactly where I had parked in the lot (which eventually became California Adventure)! I found the car and had to go get him as something had happened at work and we need3d to cut things short! I wouldn’t want to do Disneyland with just my husband - he’s nit an amusement park kind of guy😁. But now I won’t be going back ever for reasons!
My parents always had separate accounts. They were joint on each others account. They divided up bills, my dad paid, for the house and the property they owned, my mother paid every other bill. Worked for them
cleaning people are the BEST, much love to everyone who's working in that field
Thank you! My back aches but I love my clients and they love me. ❤
100% had the housework argument with my husband. for reference, not counting bonus and stock, my base salary is almost 300k a year. I didn't want to spend my weekends cleaning the house so I hired a house keeper. He lost it, saying that makes us look like lazy pigs who can't keep our own house clean. I explained, very calmly, THIS is how economies work. It's not that we can't, it's that we chose not to. This also gives employment to someone who is not a tech worker, like we are. This is pretty much the definition of trickle down economics. He looked dumbfounded. Yes, we kept the housekeeper once a week.
Why do men think women should automatically clean, even when it’s affordable to outsource? my dad lives with me and had the nerve to act weird when I started hiring help. Such a traditional mindset.
I am so glad we have a weekly cleaner who also does the ironing. Definitely worth the money. Even with a cleaner there is still enough work putting things away, cleaning the kitchen after cooking, doing laundry, weeding the garden, etc. I will gladly pay for a cleaner over going out for dinner more.
@@s.a.4358 agreed. I’d I am on biweekly. I aspire to weekly.
I've heard the first one before; my husband and I also manage our money very similarly; one big account for bills and our own accounts for ourselves. It actually works great, we get into no fights about who's paying for what and we have our own hobbies we fund. I feel it all depends on the couple, this wife clearly isn't responsible and uses her husband for a crutch not okay
That’s what my grandparents did and what my fiancée and I do now. Probably won’t change either.
Same. Our salaries comes into our own separate accounts and then we transfer a part to the shared current account and to the shared savings account. It wasn’t even a topic of discussion that we’d do it this way and a lot of people I know also do that. As you said, hobbies, personal stuff etc we can buy with our own money. Also if we want to gift each other something, it’s from our own money.
This is the exact same way my husband, and I manage our accounts. I think this is the healthiest way to do it. However, I understand people are more traditional and would rather share accounts.
Exactly. My husband and I do it the same way. Zero issues. Joint account is for family expenses. Before we got married we outlined what loans we had outstanding and how much debt we were in, but my husband didn't take on my debt and I didn't take on his. It was just so we could dicuss how to budget. We've never had an issue about finances.
Same here, we are not married (not a priority for us) , but have been together 12 years w/ kid. We saw many married couples manage their finances this way so we figured it was pretty good for us.
Charlotte shouting out my hometown Naples and blue martini absolutely SENT ME. that place is a wild shit show.
I’m married and we have separate finances. We have a combined checking and savings that we use for joint purchases and saving for a house, etc. and the we have our own personal savings and checking.
We are fully transparent with each other about the money we each have and don’t make giant personal purchases without communications.
Part of why we have this is a safety thing. Although we fully trust and love each other, you never know what might happen, so it’s good to have your own money and maintain autonomy.
If one of us is low on funds, we have no issue helping the other out.
I highly recommend everyone do this, honestly. We are a solid couple, have great communication, and still maintain our independence while also being a couple together.
We do the same, and it works really well.
Absolutely agree.
Yep, this is how my fiancé and I have our finances set up. We each receive our incomes in our personal accounts, then deposit whatever's needed for expenses in our shared account. We each have our own savings and investments.
After years of a shared checking and savings, my husband and I went to separate accounts. It’s less complicated. They are however jointly owned in case of emergency. Each of us are responsible for specific bills each month.
Same. And my Mum always told me that you should have your own money, a little "running away fund" (ie. contingency) just in case
The fact that the wife "accidentally" let slip to her daughter to force OP3's hand is the exact reason he gets to unilaterally decide what to do with the trip. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She does NOT deserve to be rewarded for being manipulative. Hold firm, OP3.
Hahah right?? Him: "you wanna play that game... Okay.. it just turned into a guys trip". 🤷♀️
This does not sound like a healthy marriage.😬
It's weird to me that the wife was expected to keep it a secret tho rather than just telling the kid about it like a mature adult and saying it's going to be adult-only.
@@casseroledragon3277 the issue is they hadn't decided whether it was an adult-only or family trip. once the couple decides, you can tell the kid and set appropriate expectations. She wasn't expected to never tell the child, but to wait for a decision to be reached.
The wife is clearly in the wrong. if she let it slip with the best of intentions, she should have IMMEDIATELY told child: this is not a trip to disneyworld this is a trip to fort myers. It will be boring for kids. we are deciding what to do about it.
Yup. This gives the exact same energy as choosing beggars, thieving Karens, or just all kinds of selfish people saying 'you've ruined my children's Christmas and made them cry! Now do the 1.x of the thing to make up for it, NOW!' when people just lean away from the manipulation
@mai_komagata The Husband had already decided was an adult-only trip tho, he didn't want the kid or MIL to go from the start so there was no deciding happening. He made his choice from the start, there was no need to not tell the kid as he'd already made his decision.
The second year I was married I put $6,000 on my individual credit card (buying baby furniture etc as I was pregnant) and my husband paid it off for me as a Christmas present. As grateful and surprised as I was, I felt a bit ashamed that I’d let the balance due get to that extent. I put all my cards in a drawer and now, unless it’s an emergency or I know I can pay off the balance promptly, I just don’t use them. Surprisingly, our level of living hasn’t changed any. Turns out I was just spending impulsively, and I don’t notice the unnecessary expenditures at all. Whoops, important life lesson.
To be fair, shouldn't he also be contributing to your baby?
@@HMKat143 my spouse and I agree this is a shared expense but this is not the same In all relationships. We are a military family I have seen some military men pay for house, cars, everything else the wife’s sole job is her and baby (but in this case the military supplies a lot and dad is gone a lot so that makes sense 😊❤️✌️)
Idk the OPs situation but probably works for them is what I was sayin :) haha
@@HMKat143one would think.
Hey baby stuff is expensive, especially if you want to get the higher quality items that make life easier and safer. $6K actually is not that bad when you consider how pricey strollers/carriage and child seats are these days.
Yeah… 6k isn’t bad at all for baby stuff. And he SHOULD have helped pay for it but maybe not all. But I totally understand
I am new to this channel and I'm legit mad it took me this long to really get into it. I'm over here sick watching all episodes like reruns of bad girls! Then I tell my husband EVERYTHING as if I actually know these people 😂
Raised my daughter by myself. Always wanted to take her to Disney world. Took me a few years but we got there by her 11th birthday. If it’s important the she should be saving for it.
Not when they just got it for free???
He's losing nothing by taking her, but the daughter will lose out on a lot. And in a couple years, she won't want to do a family trip and she'll outgrow it. They aren't gonna outgrow couples trips
@@Katfall2012 exact "they" didn't get it for free. "HE" got it for free. there is a entire difference there. He won a trip not the couple, just him. there for HE gets to do what he wants.
@@aidendaniels4063 Than HE can go live the single life all by his bad self wile she continues to be a mother who values family.
@@Anne-pd2hk If she valued family she wouldn't pulled the shit she did. She didn't even let him think about what to do. she USED her kid to GUILT him into doing what SHE want. Or you gonna over look that? typical.
Honestly if she wants him to pay $150k then she can suck it up. Having that much debt is insane. Especially if she was only contributing 25% to the household. Calling him a misogynist pig is crazy because he is literally helping you. All he’s asking is that she doesn’t accrue more debt while he’s paying off the rest. She definitely seems like she’d be a repeat offender, so I think he is definitely in the right to give her conditions. Actions like this don’t just magically stop without consequences. For some people debt accumulation is addictive like gambling and she doesn’t seem to understand that just because a credit card has a limit doesn’t mean you’re still not spending the money on it. My worry is that he will have to bail her out like this for the rest of their marriage. Eventually she’s going to have to learn to pay her debt off the hard way without him. It just sucks for him that because they’re married, her debt is his debt.
Definitely divorce worthy because she’s never going to change and he will be bailing her out for the rest of their lives. And she’s going to keep saying he’s a misogynistic pig for trying to help.
He’s also contributing a far larger proportion to the shared expenses - which I guess makes sense if her job pays less, but it’s still important to note.
At first I thought telling the spouse she needs to get OP’s permission for any expense over $50 is controlling, but given her reaction with the girls trip I can understand that OP is being strict in order to make sure his wife doesn’t accumulate more debt.
To be honest I don’t think she should have credit cards anymore at all, so she can only spend whatever money she gets from her pay-check and not anymore money she doesn’t have.
It’s so sad that his wife is being so nasty to him, calling him a misogynist pig. What she’s done is on her, not him.
If not divorce, then definitely financial literacy and couples counseling.
Agreed. He is literally helping her pay off a huge balance and teach her how to become financially responsible. They need financial counseling or he's gotta divorce her before she bankrupts both of them.
I literally have been driving the same old Chevy for 10 years. I just keep on getting it fixed and I have no car payment.
I've been married for 19 years. Yes, I got married very young, and my husband and I have never shared accounts. We have never had an issue. We respect each other too much to make a mess of our finances.
Same. 22 yrs❤
Yup. 22 years. We have a shared account and credit card. We also each have our own accounts and credit cards. And any unusual spending over $200 we check in with each other first.
Been married for 5 years! My husband and I have our own primary accounts but we are all on each others accounts. It works for us and we are both good with finances. If I’m running low on mine I just used his which is very rare.
The first story is exactly WHY you maintain both joint and separate accounts.
I agree and I disagree. The first story should not be happening in the first place, because you should be able to have a conversation with your spouse / partner about money /spending habits and be mature enough to seek help, if you find yourself in a position like she has (overspending etc.). But I also think that having one combined account for living expenses, vacations etc. and a seperate account each for "pocket money" is a clever idea, so each person has a money they can spend however they want. If you want to go on a girls trip or have a hobby your partner does not share that would be a personal expense and should be paid by pocket money, if you have a family vacation or date night it's paid by the shared funds. No drama and everybody can still freely choose what to spend their money on.
@@kyraiswatching6707 I am down a similar path at the moment which is why this one hit me so hard. The difference being that I did not bail my wife out because we had many conversations about her spending that went unheeded and I am not going to suffer those consequences
agree
My parents have a similar setup. I would definitely do the same. My money is imperative, especially if the relationship goes south. Always protect yourself.
@@mindyschocolate absolutely, it cuts down on the arguments as well
Marriage ABSOLUTELY comes with conditions. Some basic ones include being faithful, not abusing your spouse, not plummeting into debt, not lying, not being an addict.
The first one is absolutely a divorce worthy event. My parents are awful with money, I've watched my mom become addicted to shopping and rack up absurd amounts of credit card debt every time it gets paid off. When she had her stroke she had to retire and still somehow had 20k worth of debt that my sister had to pay off for her. Do NOT get with someone who is addicted to spending unless they are willing to actually change. It will ruin your finances and stop you from retiring.
The husband helping the wife with her issues is such a great man. If he just divorced her that would lead to her ruining her life. He cares enough to help her and that is amazing.
She needs therapy
Central Floridian here. Yes, Fort Myers is about 3 hours from Orlando. Disney would be slightly closer, probably 2.5- 3 hrs. They could have a lovely beach vacation in Fort Myers that wouldn't cost them loads of extra money and involve driving 5+ hours. And I agree that it should be OP's call either way, as it's his trip.
Good point! So this free trip, doesn't even involve the cost of Disney🤯 wow.. quite presumptuous of the wife to jump to those plans.🫣
@@heatherwhynot Exactly! Plus, they may not be able to switch their free flights & accommodations to another city like that. He won a trip to Fort Myers, not to Orlando/ Kissimmee.
yeah that vacation is not gonna be very "free" when you include transportation to another city, amusement park tickets, and a hotel in orlando.
I agree. The only part I'm iffy about is y'know, his first instinct to not include the daughter. Like, you don't have to go to disney land to bring her along. There are many things to do that she would probably enjoy and be very grateful for, even little things---of course I may just be self-projecting. When I was 11, if someone in my family won a free trip to Florida and decided not to take me I would be pretty bummed out and feel like a burden, because "there must be a reason he didn't take me. he must've needed a break from me." and that can be pretty YIKES... and the only way the daughter wouldn't know is if they literally lied to her about where they're going, which is indeed cruel in my opinion. I would be content being brought along, just following whatever they do or even being left behind in the hotel, or maybe since there were 4 tickets, the MIL thing could actually work, but yknow, on HER dime. She basically gives the daughter a separate little vacation in the same place while the guy and his wife have their vacation, thereby still including their daughter in a way that makes her feel still wanted, but just saying "we're doing adult things most of the time, you can't come along with us" and that would be a pretty solid compromise. That's just my take on it though.
Yeah, I feel like the story about the Florida vacation. Vacation is definitely a family dynamic issue along with an entitlement issue.
He clearly doesn’t see his stepdaughter as his daughter, and therefore when he heard of the vacation first thought about a vacation for himself and probably his future wife. He was putting the family first, but does not see the stepdaughter as family in my opinion. Obviously that’s just me speculating, though.
BUT at the end of the day it’s still his vacation and she had no right to intrude on it like that.
First story felt like a real life rendition of Confessions of a Shopaholic. Those books are part of what steered me away from credit cards. I'm perfectly happy with my debit cards, at least for the time being
As a parent I truly believe the vacation away with another couple is 100% okay. Sometimes we need an adult conversation and time to yourselves.
I agree that adults only time is needed. However I took offense that he would be willing to give another couple a free trip and not his family.
And I can understand his thinking . When my husband and I started dating it was me and my 2 kids . For many years everything was us and the kids . Not much time to be just us .
@ccaldwell9562 I would do the same. Then plan a full trip to an actual trip to Disney like they wanted. The trip wasn't close to Disney like they wanted to go.
Have a nice adult get-a-way. He also said another couple. It could be a brother/sister in law(s).
@Denisehoma1111
That's how it is with my husband. We have been married for 9yrs and we rarely ever got time together.
I have 2 kids from before him and I met and we had 2 kids after we married.
I would 100% go on a trip and bring our closet best friend couple or my brother and sister in law; who have kids as well.
@@ccaldwell9562 Eh, sometimes family can be exhausting to some people, even the ones who are in your own age group.
Hubby and I have the same account set up. As long as the house bills get paid, we don’t worry about what the other does. We take turns paying for all other mutual expenses from our separate accounts.
The last story made me angry. She purposely told her daughter to make it “impossible” to say no. He should not even take her along on the trip. Go with friends and say ef it. The guy who expected his wife to clean everything also made me angry. Weaponized incompetence is very much a thing. He expected from her without giving anything in return. All of these stories felt like divorce worthy stories. The partners were toxic AF.
Apparently, in the update, he had a work thing. Uk wht his "wife" (if I was him IMMEDIATELY EX WIFE) did? Booked the trip behind his back with her daughter, mom, and friend. Nahhhhh. Her sht would b outta the house when she came back with a nice little divorce paper sitting on top like a pretty Lil bow. If I REALLLY wanted to b petty, I'd cancel all their flights back (if she didn't have her kid) n sent them divorce papers through the mail to her hotel. U wanna take my trip behind my back? Lol Good luck getting home
reading the comments and seeing Charlotte's reaction is so surreal; it's been years since I felt a cultural shock in my online spaces
in my country separate bank accounts is basically the norm!! it's rare a couple w/ joint accounts (and they're usually older ppl)
I'm Canadian like Charlotte and it's not all couples but a lot of them here that are under a certain age. Very few have only shared accounts, those who do usually have one stay at home spouse
Same. Most people I know have mostly shared finances but ALWAYS some separate.
I’ve said it once I’ll say it 100 times, I’m still single nearing 30, never been in a relationship, never been intimate, never been kissed, and while sometimes I legit cry at night bc of this fact, I come back here, see these couple shenanigans and IMMEDIATELY I’m thankful I’ve never been with anyone 😂😂😂
I hope u find someone u want to be with. Life is so much better when u can share it with someone. ImO anyway
Aw Weiying ❤
Have you ever seen anyone get food poisoning or know friends who are fake. Just because you see a crazy couple doesn't mean you will be like them
I'm in my late 30s and am in a similar situation. I too, get sad about it sometimes,but these videos definitely help. There is nothing wrong with staying single until you find the right person 😊
Yes, lots of women are joining the 4B movement.
Here is my tip for all couples especially those where both partners are working outside the home. Each year in your anniversary, agree to forgo other gifts and agree your gift to your marriage is paying for a housekeeper. Determine frequency based on whether you have kids at home and your needs. As a bonus, determine a frequency of date nights you commit to as an additional way to ensure you are investing in each other. Date nights don’t need to be expensive and could even be a specific night and plan with each other after kids are in bed. ❤
The dude who wants his wife to do more household work is a TEACHER?! A TEACHER?! HE TEACHES KIDS?!
Teachers work their butts off during the school year before and after class so don't even go there. That being said, if he wants to lose the cleaning lady he needs to step up and clean his crap up.
let us hope he teaches advanced calculus pr something else few students would care to spend extra time around.
@@davidknight3249 definitely not where I was going. Teachers r supposed to be role models for kids nd set good examples for them outside class as well. This kinda behavior cannot be looked up to. While he may work his butt off at school ,his responsibilities don't end there. He needs to as u said "step up nd clean his crap up "
A family friend "warned" me as a newlywed that if my husband and I didn't combine finances, we'd end up divorcing. 11 years later and still happily married, still separate finances. Combined just seems so messy and inefficient to us both.
I don't want this to come across badly because I'm genuinely curious and I don't care at all what others do with their money but do you have kids? How does that work? Also I get this could be invasive - don't answer if you don't want to!
@@hollybooks3366 Haha no worries! To be honest, it's mostly just communication ahead of time. Neither of us wanted the hassle of having to monitor the other person's spending so that we could be sure there was enough for us both to make whatever purchases came up. Any large purchases we make a joint decision on, though we do have a shared credit card in case of unexpected large purchases.
We divvy up the bills, we're each responsible for keeping gas in our own vehicles, I pay for my own medical expenses and prescriptions... yeah. It's just easier for us to carve things up generally and not have to micromanage a joint budget. We don't have kids, unfortunately, but we do have cats, and I'm responsible for those costs in general.
However, during our marriage my health has collapsed almost completely, so I can't work anymore. Thus, he basically covers everything that isn't medically related, and that's that. It really simplifies things. But I figured I'd answer with how things were when we were both contributing. (My contribution now is to do what chores I can manage, take care of the critters, and keep track of our schedule.)
@@hollybooks3366 Haha no worries! To be honest, it's mostly just communication ahead of time. Neither of us wanted the hassle of having to monitor the other person's spending so that we could be sure there was enough for us both to make whatever purchases came up. Any large purchases we make a joint decision on, though we do have a shared credit card in case of unexpected large purchases.
We divvy up the bills, we're each responsible for keeping gas in our own vehicles, I pay for my own medical expenses and prescriptions... yeah. It's just easier for us to carve things up generally and not have to micromanage a joint budget. We don't have kids, unfortunately, but we do have cats, and I'm responsible for those costs in general.
However, during our marriage my health has collapsed almost completely, so I can't work anymore. Thus, he basically covers everything that isn't medically related, and that's that. It really simplifies things. But I figured I'd answer with how things were when we were both contributing. (My contribution now is to do what chores I can manage, take care of the critters, and keep track of our schedule.)
@@hollybooks3366I imagine when bills come they are in charge of some each and pay them separately. My parents also have separate accounts and have for the past 20 years, they lend each other money if one of the bills is slightly over (going through a very rough time because my mother is deathly ill). My dad pays the mortgage while my mother pays for groceries and the energy bill
@@hollybooks3366
Not the original commenter, but
my husband and I have raised 4 kids with separate bank accounts. I fully acknowledge that I am not disciplined when it comes with money. We have a similar set up to the first couple.
Our worst arguments were over finances. I felt like I was having to justify minor purchases, he felt my spending was frivolous.
We manage our separate accounts. Dates etc are paid for by whomever had the idea for the outing. Vacations are jointly funded. It works for us.
I always love it when I randomly decide to open notifications and it says a video from charlotte 55 seconds ago (or a similar small time frame) LOL
Crap mine was 2mins ago...
Re the husband not wanting his wife to ruin her credit. News Flash - when you’re married, her debt is your debt, and her bankruptcy would ruin your credit as well. You keeping your finances “separate” doesn’t mean a thing to creditors or divorce courts. A word of advice: both people should run their credit reports so you can see how fiscally responsible your potential spouse is BEFORE marriage!
That trip...omfg. I've heard this one a couple times now on various channels and still have the same issues:
1. He won the trip.
2. We have no idea how many other trips, etc., they do other than this.
3. Same issue those living in California have - you live in California so you must know movie stars, etc. This is a trip to Florida, so we can walk down the street to Disney. Ugh
4. Weaponizing the kid. Stramrolling OP.
5. We do not know the context of OP's relationship with the step-daughter. Is she with him all the time? Is her bio-dad still in the picture? Are they a lovey-dovey blended family or are they not that close? Does wife weaponize kid a lot to get what she wants?
6. Maybe they "need" an adult only trip?
7. If MIL can travel to go to Florida and Disney, she can take care of kiddo while adults go on trip. Same time expenditure.
I think OP needs to go to the book store and buy a map of Florida. Then go home, put big red dots on it as to where the trip is and where Disney is. Sit wife and kid down. Ask them to problem solve the trip.
1. Travel and hotel are covered in X town - so how do we get to Disney.
2. Who's buying the day passes?
3. Where would you be sleeping?
4. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Ugh. All the YTA... we have no idea outside of this. Maybe OP needs this "adult" trip to try and reconnect with wife and figure out if she's with him because she loves him or if, now a few years in, she's letting her true colors show and he's a meal ticket for her and her kid.
Hard agree. Growing up with stepparents who were 95% hands off, it's really weird to me to hear people expect that parenting someone else's child is normal.
That's exactly what I thought! The wife may not even have custody. That might be why he said "wife's daughter." She may also be using the trip to gain so called brownie points in the eyes of her daughter.
I was one of the kids. I know one when I usually see one. 😉✌️
In reference to your #7, if MIL wants a trip to Florida, she'll. most likely, want to "see the sights", so wouldn't necessarily want to sit around watching the daughter, and would probably want to go where the daughter wasn't allowed to go, so who's going to watch the daughter during that time? The stepfather and mother will probably have plans of their own that don't include either MIL or daughter.
I felt both sides but I think it’s very sneaky that she accidentally 😒 told the daughter when they hadn’t finalized their decision! And it was her way of manipulating getting him to do it her way! 🤦
@crystalgee7885 wait till u see the update. Nahhh, divorce papers on EVERYTHING she owns sitting on the front porch when she gets back.
My husband and I were just talking about how we need to be good to each other to make this work, and I even said we both do not need to create “red flag” patterns that will lead to resentment and divorce.
If she keeps digging herself in debt, and he keeps digging her out, they’ll both resent each other and it could end in divorce. He’s not the a hole he’s a saint
Omg, the first one. People like that don't change until they're out of options. Years ago, I knew a couple who were in a similar situation. The husband had to take full control of the finances, because every scrap of money the wife laid hands on ✨ magically turned into a designer handbag ✨.
Even after he cut her off, she chose to underfeed their children in order to squirrel away a large chunk of the grocery money and save up for more designer junk. So yes, that kind of person is a terrible parent. 😬
Omg! Not buying food for your children so you can buy a designer bag you don’t even need! That’s beyond being bad with money.
lots of my friends do finances like this, they both have their own accounts and own savings while half of their paycheck goes to a joint account for house bills. it works
2nd story, NTA. It sounds like the children need to pick up after themselves. "Reasonable Expectation of Contribution" is a phrase I heard that works for not only rephrasing "I'm helping" for husbands, but also helps children understand what is reasonably expected to maintain the cleanliness of a household. Since, dual-income households are more and more common these days, husbands need to effectively retrain their thought process on maintaining the home (no, periodic lawn care doesn't count). Its something I had to learn myself and I get excited to take that one brick of pressure of my spouse's mental load with each task I can preemptively get done for her. Life is hard enough as it is, with out a disaster of a home not weighing one down even further.
My husband smacked my ass in front of our two-year old, so now we have to teach him not to do that 😂 Marriage is fun ❤
My older turns 2 in August and my younger is 7 weeks old. When I breastfeed, my husband always say "Oh my!", because boobs. My older child started to do that too 😂
🤣 PRICELESS!! Gotta love KIDS!! Been there myself with mine!! Best of wishes to you ALL!! 💖🙏💖
Butt slapping, repeating what was/has been said 😂😂 the life of toddler moms! One hot day when my little was around 1 he had seen me walk up to my shirtless husband sitting at his computer and pinch his nipple then walk away. Well guess who did the same! 😂😂😂
Oh my goodness lol
My three yo once smacked a girl in the ass at a McDonald’s because she was cute and I was like wtf where did you even learn that?
He also left me sitting in the booth alone after grabbing his happy meal and taking himself over to another family’s table to sit by their little girl because “she looked like Michelle ( from full house ).
I really should have paid more attention because this was a telling sign of daddy’s behavior. Later my ex…
The first one is definitely divorce worthy. I bailed my now ex husband out 3 times. He went in debt again! I said enough is enough. Goodbye!
Good on you!
That Modern Family clip with the alpaca was on point and golden!
Hey, when my sister and I were little, our parents left us with Grandma and Grandpa and spent a week in Puerto Vallarta. It works!! Also, I do remember when I was 17, I was SO MAD. My dad would complain about the house being dirty, but my dad would get home from work and sit on the couch and scroll on his phone all evening. Sometimes he cooked, and he had a more demanding job than the rest of us--he was working in governmental corrections, RA of Indigenous Corrections, I think, at the time--but my sister was working part-time at Tim Hortons and doing mostly STEM classes. I had a full course load in my senior year with 2 AP courses, 3 extracurriculars (yearbook, karate and aerial silks), and a part-time job at the dollar store, plus applying for colleges and writing entrance letters and such, and my mom was teaching full time and had 3 hours of marking to do every day after work.
And on top of that, Kyra and I unloaded the dishwasher, washed the dishes, cooked once a week, cleaned the bathrooms and our rooms, and I often cleaned the floors, and our mother usually cooked, usually did the floors, dusted, did the shopping and we put away the groceries together, except my dad. Somehow, it was only ever my dad who complained about the state of the house. Now that I'm older, 21 in a few months, I realize that I don't remember the last time I saw him vacuum, Swiffer, dust something, do laundry, clean a counter more than a cursory wipe, scrub a toilet, or do anything but occasionally make dinner (never washed the dishes, though!). And yes, he did the outside work, but digging the garden plots? Me. Shoveling snow for our house, our renter and the neighbors? Me. Carrying heavy things into the house? Me. Feeding animals and mucking out stalls? Me. Weed whacking? Me and my sister. Gardening? My mother. Building firepits? My sister. He built a fence and he built his own shop. He only ever fixed or built the things that he wanted (and, to his credit, a fence for my mom's garden).
There is nothing wrong with taking a trip without your kids. My husband and I took anniversary trips almost every year. We did take trips with my son and his friends for Spring Breaks or in the winter but you don't need to take them on every trip. Adults need some alone time to let loose not have to watch kids for 18 years worth of trips.
As the primary cleaning person in my house: Cleaning takes so much energy and time.
For the trip story I will say it's becoming more common for the bio parents to insist that the step parents don't take on a parental role with the kids. Like, they demand the step parents butt out so that the "real parents" are the only authority figure to the kid, so that might be why the step dad used the phrase "her daughter"? It's a weird dynamic but blended families can be complicated and if that's the case it's kind of wrong for the mom to switch gears and guilt the step dad into taking a more parental role with the kid when it benefits her. But that's just speculation
The last one entirely depends on context for me. If he has been or will be excluding the daughter specifically from everything, it's not about "just" this trip.
i think regardless of whether he is the ah for excluding daughter in law, she is definitely the asshole for "letting it slip" and not correcting her daughter's expectations immediately. so it is possible ESH instead of NTA, but definitely not NAH or YTA.
@@mai_komagata not daughter in law....He is married to her mom it is HIS step-daughter.
Yup my husband has kid before we got together, they have a mom they were a 14 year relationship, it didn’t work out, 2 years later we met I’m only 12 years older than his kids so I never really seen them as my kids, and they never seen me as a mother, we never hated each other, we all did things together, we went shopping together vacations together, and we never gave each other a hard time, we always had fun together, I love them I care for them, but my love for my children is unconditional love, those are my babies, also sk we’re never jealous of their little brother they were also 13 and 12 years older then their brother
And we not have a baby girl and they love her. They think it’s funny because they are 20 and 21 and we all love each in our own way. Shot we have vacations without his kids. we also have vacation without the kids we had together, we had vacations with just mom and dad, that’s ok it’s healthy for adults to have their alone time. I think people forget, you can love your stepchildren and not call them. Your kids, because they have that active father or the active mother, with my sk I was a big sister an order Cousin or auntie. I just think we need to stop gaslighting step parents. Oh you don’t love them as ur own you don’t called them ur kids, why did you marry their parent… oh you’re terrible oh, they probably hate you. no not every family is different class not every step kid wants her step parent to call them their child. I hope this makes sense 😂 but I love my sk when dad was gone at work and mom was on vacation, i would take care of them. They appreciated me and I was happy to help out.
I’m 34 and I’m in college full time. My husband works. We both clean and we have someone come to clean more thoroughly every 2 weeks. I have really bad anxiety and school gets really overwhelming for me. (Especially since I went straight to workforce after graduating high school and had to literally relearn a lot of things) He offered to hire someone because I was getting overwhelmed with everything. I know not everyone can afford it but it has helped us a lot since we are both really busy.
$150,000 is legitimately a house in some places! NTA no relationship is without conditions and boundaries like, oh yeah, RESPECT! And a spouse who is going to rack up $150,000 in debt, expect you to bail them out, and then continue the behavior does not respect you! And then for her to say she's going to go FURTHER INTO DEBT for a girls trip??? Except she obviously doesn't see it as being in debt anymore. Nah, this woman is going to run y'all into the streets, divorce!
Where does a house cost $150,000?
Jep, my parents bought a house for 126,000 euro (almost the same as dollars)
@@LLandS18ive seen many in Chicago 😭
@@suniibuni The large City of Chicago you saw a home worth $150,000. That's crazy. It must need $150,000 worth of work on it to make it livable. I believe you but that's great. That homes are so affordable.
@@LLandS18 yeah im pretty sure it needed alot of work done on the interior 😭
Having seperate finances (with a joint account that both contribute) is actually very common these days for married couples.
First story: He’s not being controlling, he’s keeping their shared finances in check. My parents are fully combined, but many times my Mom has had to keep my Dad in check. 😂 The couple in this story would BOTH be impacted by her debt, so he’s keeping his credit score and debt in check as much as he is hers. She’s not being rational imho.
1st Story - My husband and I share finances, but I've heard of many couples who keep their finances separate. In Canada, both spouses have to declare bankruptcy, so it is in his best interest to clear her debt. In fact, with all of the husband's assets, no bankruptcy court would accept the bankruptcy filing. Instead of divorce marriage counseling as well as credit counseling for his wife.
No, she betrayed him and treats him like a piggy bank. He should divorce her now that he knows she's a gold digger who tricked him into marriage by pretending to love him. If she loved him she wouldn't treat him that way. She is abusive.
She is very selfish!
If they are in the US, it can possibly work a little different... Some states are community property states where all assets and debt are considered to be both the husband and wife's, even if they are only in one of their names. And then there are states that are not, where any assets or debt that is not in both their names is considered seperate. So it would totally depend on what state they live in if the debt is considered joint or not, even though it is only in her name. If they were to divorce in a state that is not a community property state, than all the debt would stay hers. If they are in a community property state he would be responsible for paying at least half, possibly more, if they divorce.
My husband and I have a joint account for household, vacations, emergency fund etc and what is left over is our own. We manage our own cars, hobbies and credit cards. Thank goodness we both know how to control our debt.
My brothers and his wife had something similar. My brother makes over 6 figures a year his wife was a teacher who was making around 45k (this was about 10yrs ago) he only asked her to pay for groceries and her gas thats all. He found out that's she was 30k in debt when she asked for gas money he asked what happened to her money. She explained oh buying things. She agreed to stop the CC and he made sure it was paid off. Then not even a few yrs later he finds out she has now 3 more CC and there all maxed. Needless to say there not married anymore
My parents never combined theirs. 40 years later and my dad wants to do it. Hes really controlling, and my mom is having to find creative ways to have her own money.
I wish she'd just divorce him 😩
If someone is pushing their partner to combine finances, that’s a HUGE SIGN that they could not manage their own money and messed up! My ex did this, and when we did, I found out the true extent of his financial illiteracy. He almost bankrupted us. KEEP FINANCES SEPARATE!
I pray happiness for them both. That’s just sad.
No. Keep your money separate. Put money in one account for the bills and such.
I’m sorry that’s happening, I wish the best 💜
Your mom needs to do some digging he maybe did that because he was struggling and her money is now paid off debts and isn't there.
Why doesn't she bave access??
I discuss even the smallest purchase with my husband, before making a purchase, as he does with me. It's mutual respect. We are spouses, and that's a partnership
Even though we have separate accounts (in addition to shared for all the house and home stuff, shared savings, etc etc), I often discuss bigger purchases with my partner and he does the same. It’s not to ask permission or anything like that, but more to get feedback and also just to share. I don’t think I’d want to spend a big amount of money without getting the opinion of my best friend and life partner.
That husband should be happy his wife hired a cleaning lady. That would be so cool!
I always ask for that for my birthday every year. A once a year deep cleaning and it's awesome!
He feels ashamed that he isn’t pulling his weight around the house. It is not about saving money, it’s about saving his feelings. He doesn’t want to do the housework but he doesn’t want to feel guilty about that either. He has to pick.
My household now loves the cleaning lady. I used to get the side eye. I’m not doing all that cleaning if I don’t have to!
In my opinion the fact that he bailed her out and she immediately went back into spending is a real reason for talking divorce. A marriage is full of sacrifice for one another's needs and shared goals.
Op2- my parents were both teachers and had a cleaning lady come once a month to deep clean the house. Dishes, clothing laundry- picking up after ourselves, that was all us (laundry we learned at puberty so mom didnt have to clean period messes or night time dreams 😅). The sheets, pillowcases, vaccuming, dusting, bathrooms- the cleaning lady did once a month. It worked out for all of us. The end.
My sister was born before my parents were married (Mother had been married before, to her biological father) and my dad formally adopted her several years later, but even though he wasn't her biological father, he always loved her as if she was, and he was the only father she'd ever known.
Charlotte, you were half right talking about the couple where the wife was majorly in debt, you said that after you get married you become responsible for your partners financial decisions, "unless you keep them separate". I have to let you know that, regardless of whether or not you chose to keep your finances separate, you are still responsible for your spouse's debt. Say you are married to a man who maxes out all their credit cards and then dies, you, as their wife, then takes on that debt. So when you marry someone, you are also marrying their debt. Just thought I should let you know that! 😉
No. Thats not correct.
@@oceanside88 yes, it absolutely is.
What are you spending that money on? " an alpaca, i got the last one " 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
First one…I think what he did is great… she clearly don’t have a CLUE how to manage money 💰. NOT the A-Hole!!!
The one about cleaning lady… ur husband and kids are old enough to clean up after themselves! Not to mention… you work ur azzz off so BEAUTIFUL Momma… you are NOT the A-hole!
Dear Charlotte,
I don't know if you will ever see this comment but I wanna thank you for your content. I started seeing your content on the AITA series from Facebook, and I always love your commentary, as there are deep reflections, great insights, and certainly some humor which I love and adore. Thank you for your videos, it really brightens my day by 3000%
Love from Singapore! :)
Very common for couples to have a joint account and also separate accounts. Best way to go.
Thanks Charlotte for always making me laugh when I watch your videos first thing after I get up in the morning! You are a star!
The first guy is NTA, and in fact, I had the same arrangement with my "spender" ex-husband twenty years ago. In our case, he soon realized that if he wanted extra things he had to earn more money, so he started a business on the side. I already had a side gig, myself. Knowing how much of a tightass I am, and how much of a spender he was, we nipped this issue in the bud before it could even think about becoming a problem by keeping our finances divided. No longer married, but it had nothing to do with the money. Our arrangement was relatively argument-free for most of the time we were together.
The Rush Hour clip inserted in absolutely killed me 🤣 that was too perfect lol.
19:45 sorry even though it is his trip I’m would never marry someone who thought that way about my daughter.
I mean, you never know the relationship between them or how long they've known each other. You also don't know him circumstances.In his life I don't think wanting to take an adult 9nly vacation is selfish.
Definitely agree a clean house is good for mental health ❤
The mandatory appreciation for the editing comment… so many gems in this one👏👏👏