I like to imagine that Toy Story mechanics are in effect, and Ashens' vast hordes of bootleg action figures protect his home like some kind of freakish accursed army of the damned 😌💭
Protect it? No, they're amassing an army for their fallen brethren, burned by the fires of judgement because the posh git deemed them too rubbish to keep about the house.
I think the black bar was meant to resemble a blacked out classified word similar to how you see government documents in movies, where they have certain words blacked out
That would be the implication, but what exactly could that one word be that it would require classification? They probably should have made the text longer, and blocked out stuff like names of places and people.
Joe Homer yeah, it doesn't really make sense to redact a single word if the sentence flows perfectly fine without it, especially with the back fo the box being that bland-- they had space to get a little more creative than that.
Carl Bryant No it wasnt. The black bar was to underline/exemplify (somehow lol) the word "action" which is on the top line of the whole sentence. So reading it will be like "your ultimate ACTION team". At least this is what i think gg.
I wonder if for those lines, the manufacturers made a 7th unlisted figure to throw in shops just to really confuse the kids. Little Billy is over at Ted's house, and Ted shows off his collection of War Orcs while proudly stating "I collected all six!" and then little Billy says "wait a minute, I've got all six but that's not one of them!" They argue for a bit, Billy runs home to bring his collection of orcs over so he can prove to Ted that everything he knows is a lie, and then they argue for a bit more. And then they realize that their lives are hollow shells and cry themselves to sleep amidst a pile of cheap plastic.
"Dressed in his waterproof rain mac and Wellington boots, Orange Beard is a buffet pirate!" Oh. I didn't know you were writing for the J. Peterman catalog.
After coming back to it I wonder if the bodies for the pirates were originally cast for cowboy figures since the legs turn sideways( as you get for a figure meant to ride on a horse and such)
1:05 ALDI has really started becoming popular here in the US and the likes of Walmart and Target are forming their own "private label" discount brands like "Market pantry."
Yeah this comment is five years old but that scuba tank looking thing the soldier had is actually exactly that, a scuba tank. I actually got with one of those animal planet play sets with a tiger shark and a boat back in like 2008 from toys r us. Funny seeing reused molds for cheap pound land toys.
I know it’s weird to say, but as a girl who would have traded all my barbies for one action figure, I would have loved to get all of these. I wouldn’t have cared they were cheap.
the first orcs backstory or bios is partly the same as the scuba diving figure he reviewed along other animal and human toys. he ALSO got beat up by his parents, for offering his last pieces of bread, to some birds!
That last orc was actually a really cool design, I feel like the people who design these things should be working for companies who make higher quality toys/action figures
@14:08 The easter egg video address is 1azqtnsuf8 ...I think it might be a Mr. Biffo vid? Edit: ah, yes, channel Digitiser which features Ashens occasionally 👍
The Orc designs were quite nice. I even liked the paint scheme. If they'd have been good quality and better painted, I'd have a thought at buying them.
4:42 Speaking of horribly injuring yourself in a stupid way, me and my fellow students were making a film for video production, and one was a kung-fu master chef, and the other's character was a piss-for-brains trying to learn how to be a chef. So, in the scene, piss-for-brains drops a cylindrical container of rice and the master chef dives for it and catches it. Well, somehow, the actor of the master chef cut his finger wide open when he caught it. A plastic cylinder containing rice, with a not particularly sharp rim.
Ashens, You should pop into that local-based toy shop in town (you'll know the one I mean) sometime and review some of the tat action figures they have too. Where the stairs are, walk up a couple and look right on the wall, there's some amazing ones ;)
Haunted Pete looks like the result of Robert Z'Dar of Maniac Cop and a Goomba from the Mario Bros. movie having hateful, angry sex, then he got a Glasgow smile.
Ah yes, Beefy McMutton, American cousin of the great Scottish barber in Peurto Pollo, Haggis'Heart-Liver-And-Kidneys-Boiled-In-The-Stomach-Of-The-Animal' McMutton.
Kurk Cobain... spelling mistake was mine, not theirs. But a strange choice for a figurine... I should have probably purchased it and ebayed it to double my money. :P
Toxic Airborne Event are pretty good if I remember correctly! I think they were in one of my Spotify playlists back in my uni days while I was an aspiring hipster. Nice reference..
Hey, since the Easter special is approaching some time soon I could recommend the new giant Kinder Eggs. They are even bigger than the "maxi" sized ones, around here they are about 8€, LOTS of kinder chocolate (220 grams) and the toy inside can actually be quite neat. Popped one open myself and had a little racetrack with a pull back windup car and rather big dinosaur model in it. EDIT: Oddly enough here none of the shops actually have those, it was a hardware store that also carries some foreign sweets that had them. Though the packaging of these are clearly made for a German speaking market so it's not like they are a small niche market one.
those cheap orcs are hard to find here in the us. i was able to order two from russia on Ebay but that's all i've found from this line so far. the name and packaging was different. just a stapled plastic bag to a card that says orcs, legion of thunder, the orcs rise. i have the guy you have with the spear except he came with two right legs, I mean they both fit but hes kinda stuck in a charging pose. anyway.
I like to imagine that Toy Story mechanics are in effect, and Ashens' vast hordes of bootleg action figures protect his home like some kind of freakish accursed army of the damned 😌💭
Protect it? No, they're amassing an army for their fallen brethren, burned by the fires of judgement because the posh git deemed them too rubbish to keep about the house.
Pfahahah, true enough X)
Too bad most of them can't really move their legs, or heads, or they don't have faces...
They are no match for the might of the Army of Interesting Items who, doubtless, will defend their owner to the death.
They could still move without articulation, there are toys in the movies who do that.
Your random stories for each of the figures are amazingly detailed fro being made up on the spot.
"Arrrr I'm a Pirate" "Where are your buccaneers?" "Under me buckin' hat!"
you should make a stop motion epic starring only poundland figures.
Sounds like a whole lot of stop and not a lot of motion.
the mastermind should be THE GOOSE
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!
Will Parry He'd probably burn that along with the figures
that's the finale
"What be a pirate's favorite letterr?"
"Arr?"
"Ne..ye'd think it, but it be the 'C'."
"Pirate Monkey" sounds like a dodgy site that hosts torrents
Stealing that, that's mine! Called it!
... Now to negotiate with the URL squatters.
This video has convinced me that Ashens would be a top class DM
"Lerk" actually kind of seems like it could be an old-timey pirate spelling of the word.
Authentic af
God bless you John "Soap" Mactavish! You will be remembered.
A wee hard SAS scotsman in a game. Not a cliche at all
I think the black bar was meant to resemble a blacked out classified word similar to how you see government documents in movies, where they have certain words blacked out
That would be the implication, but what exactly could that one word be that it would require classification? They probably should have made the text longer, and blocked out stuff like names of places and people.
Joe Homer yeah, it doesn't really make sense to redact a single word if the sentence flows perfectly fine without it, especially with the back fo the box being that bland-- they had space to get a little more creative than that.
Carl Bryant No it wasnt. The black bar was to underline/exemplify (somehow lol) the word "action" which is on the top line of the whole sentence. So reading it will be like "your ultimate ACTION team". At least this is what i think gg.
Ultimate F#&*ing team is the best. 🤣
Ultimate redacted team
I wonder if for those lines, the manufacturers made a 7th unlisted figure to throw in shops just to really confuse the kids. Little Billy is over at Ted's house, and Ted shows off his collection of War Orcs while proudly stating "I collected all six!" and then little Billy says "wait a minute, I've got all six but that's not one of them!" They argue for a bit, Billy runs home to bring his collection of orcs over so he can prove to Ted that everything he knows is a lie, and then they argue for a bit more.
And then they realize that their lives are hollow shells and cry themselves to sleep amidst a pile of cheap plastic.
"Dressed in his waterproof rain mac and Wellington boots, Orange Beard is a buffet pirate!"
Oh. I didn't know you were writing for the J. Peterman catalog.
Bludrok the Kind sounds like a name of warchief from Shadow of Mordor.
Good God it does,I kinda can imagine having him in my army just for the novelty
Harrier Attack is brilliant. He's well set for entertainment while beefing his way through the jungles of West Bromwich.
6:57 It's the new Pop Station XD
That'll teach me for checking the comments to make sure no one said the thing I was gonna say.
And it's playing Submarine Invasion.
12:33 - "He must be the King!!"
"Why??"
"He's not covered in shit like the rest of us"
the "War" in War Orcs is the same as the Warcraft font , they've changed it a tiny bit lol
HippoButtSecks WARcraft: ORCS and humans. Fun old dos game btw, bootleg seems to forget the humans and the craft
"Seems to forget the humans and the craft"
That's a pretty good No Man's Sky review.
HippoButtSecks the sculpts themselves are even stolen from "Privateer Press Hordes : Legion Warspears, and Warmongers"
seems like were the only people here who play Warmahordes.
yep. I started laughing right as I saw it as I'm painting that exact model right now.
I'm from The Netherlands. I love Ashens his dialect and the way he amuses his audiences. You turn my shitty day into one marvelous day.
After coming back to it I wonder if the bodies for the pirates were originally cast for cowboy figures since the legs turn sideways( as you get for a figure meant to ride on a horse and such)
1:05 ALDI has really started becoming popular here in the US and the likes of Walmart and Target are forming their own "private label" discount brands like "Market pantry."
"The Shitty Gibbon" is the best name for a ship
Yeah this comment is five years old but that scuba tank looking thing the soldier had is actually exactly that, a scuba tank. I actually got with one of those animal planet play sets with a tiger shark and a boat back in like 2008 from toys r us. Funny seeing reused molds for cheap pound land toys.
FINALLY it's a about time we had more of these Pound land videos
Hearing you mention the Amstrad version of Harrier Attack really made my day!
LOL, the mayfly was especially funny. Considering they only live 48 hours anyways.
This made my night ! I always look forward to watching your videos :-)
I know it’s weird to say, but as a girl who would have traded all my barbies for one action figure, I would have loved to get all of these. I wouldn’t have cared they were cheap.
the first orcs backstory or bios is partly the same as the scuba diving figure he reviewed along other animal and human toys. he ALSO got beat up by his parents, for offering his last pieces of bread, to some birds!
Ashens cracking himself up is the best.
This has to be my favorite channel to watch while pooping.
Yes, the name of the 'Commando Core' team has been redacted. Nice touch.
That last orc was actually a really cool design, I feel like the people who design these things should be working for companies who make higher quality toys/action figures
Came THIS close to saying Big McLargeHuge from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode/movie "Space Mutiny".
Thank god for you and Haunted Pete. I was bloody miserable after work, but the horror of a pirate ship disco has shaken that away. XD
Good God, that hidden link is a trip. Are...are you okay, Stu?
Retsof Noraa what is it?
Retsof Noraa Wait, what link? I'm on mobile so I can't see
Im on mobile and i watched all 12 minutes of it #goujonforpres2020
A URL appears during the "glitch" just before the outro. It leads to a video called "MR BIFFO'S FOUND FOOTAGE: THE AWAKENING".
If you look at the channel that uploaded the linked video, he's apparently an acquaintance of both Stuart and Guru Larry....
@14:08 The easter egg video address is 1azqtnsuf8 ...I think it might be a Mr. Biffo vid?
Edit: ah, yes, channel Digitiser which features Ashens occasionally 👍
Beefy McBeef's computer is a Popstation playing that sub invasion game.
"Beefy McMutton!"... classic. I couldn't let that go without adding a laughing track underlying that one.
"I never skip hand day"... Oh Stuard, who does...
The Orc designs were quite nice. I even liked the paint scheme. If they'd have been good quality and better painted, I'd have a thought at buying them.
Dear Ashens it's 23:46. we live in the same city. why aren't you asleep?
Kristof William Sleep is for the weak.
Kristof William same reason you aren't?
Kristof William
I wanna live in the same city as Ashens
Potato Headass Its a fairly large city. Around 300,000 people live here. I only saw him twice.
Because he's not 10?
We're about to get a Lidl here in Virginia, should be interesting
The link towards the end of the video is called MR BIFFO'S FOUND FOOTAGE: THE AWAKENING by Digitiser2000
You are a gentlemen and a scholar. Even at 1/4 speed i wasn't able to catch it after three tries...
If you pause the video, you can press the , and . keys to go backwards and forwards by one frame.
All hail Lord Brannigan-7!
This lore is beautiful.... Simply beautiful
I don't think I've ever been this early to an Ashen's video
I know the production cost is stupid high, but I'd love a series of "villains" modeled after backstories crafted by Ashens.
my first thought when you showed Beefy McMutton's package was "Amstrad E-m@iler"
'Your vol-au-vents or your life!'
- Orangebeard 2017
I wonder what trivago Hotel star and price on the shity Gibbon
In case you were wondering, those red spots on your arms are known as Campbell de Morgan spots. Benign collections of small blood vessels.
I tried the link at the end of the video.
I have no words.
One day, Xenoxxx shall rise once more!
I like Beefy McMutton's tactical cash register.
4:42 Speaking of horribly injuring yourself in a stupid way, me and my fellow students were making a film for video production, and one was a kung-fu master chef, and the other's character was a piss-for-brains trying to learn how to be a chef. So, in the scene, piss-for-brains drops a cylindrical container of rice and the master chef dives for it and catches it. Well, somehow, the actor of the master chef cut his finger wide open when he caught it. A plastic cylinder containing rice, with a not particularly sharp rim.
I can’t get the image of a floating, transparent pirate ship blasting disco music out of my head.
War Toys Logo is a ripoff of Suicide Squad style. So, improvement I guess?
MoshedZ You could shit on that movie and it would be an improvement
is it just me or does good old Beefy look like Brick Bazooka from the 1995 movie Small Soldiers??
That second commando core figure looked more like David Schwimmer to me
Hilarious episode, and great outro!
14:07 What is this video link that briefly flashes on the screen?
I watched the video. I still don't know.
I implore you to at least experience it. I feel like I've been touched in my special mind places.
idk, but the suggestions where a lot of "most creepy/scary found footage" videos, so i didn't watch it.
wolfy boy It's HeMan with his nuts out holding a dildo and melting a pig.
Its certainly something.
yeah, i watched it. my brain is numb, and hurts slightly. >.
love your videos :)
thanks again daddy ashens
ive had some of the same figures before. Corps was one of my favorites. Leonard the corps i think.
I Have the wierdest craving for Goujon John's goujons right now. I can't explain why...
Honestly Athens you are amazingly funny guy a lot of people would not get your humour it's great lol 😄
TheBeepbeep2000 I never knew Greece was funny. Huh.
It's a tarp!
Ashens, You should pop into that local-based toy shop in town (you'll know the one I mean) sometime and review some of the tat action figures they have too. Where the stairs are, walk up a couple and look right on the wall, there's some amazing ones ;)
Pirates of the Caribbean would have been somewhat more humorous if the first film was called "The Curse of the Shitty Gibbon"...
HOLY SHIT!! O.O!! an ashens video, in 1080p??!!
Guys... I think Steve Wozniak is after me.
RIP
You can hear the growl of beast that lerks beneath after I eat a Vindaloo.
Haunted Pete looks like the result of Robert Z'Dar of Maniac Cop and a Goomba from the Mario Bros. movie having hateful, angry sex, then he got a Glasgow smile.
EddieHawkinsII Maybe Ashens should be in one of the Lonely Goomba's Q&A sometime?
"Sticks his giant halberd thing right up their arse"
The motion that went with this made me laugh too loud for way too long 🤣 12:02
We is gonna stomp da universe flat and kill anyfink that fights back. we're da Orks, and was made ta fight and win.
Emma Leech
Ere we go, ere we go, ere we go through the cosmos...
WAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!
omg Ashen you nailed the pirate accent!!
i refuse
lazorize Is that a JoJo reference??
Leni Hates Everything maybe.
Already trying to guess what you're gonna have on your easter special!!! 😂😂😂
Make a animation out of those back stories
I waited for Poundland so long so I watched all of the videos while doing so
Ah yes, Beefy McMutton, American cousin of the great Scottish barber in Peurto Pollo, Haggis'Heart-Liver-And-Kidneys-Boiled-In-The-Stomach-Of-The-Animal' McMutton.
Regina Phalange But does Beefy share Haggis' talent for singing?
omg, this is the funniest poundland figure special ever!
I saw a 18 inch Kirk Cobain figure... :P
TechyBen Is this a joke or are you being serious about the name?
Kurk Cobain... spelling mistake was mine, not theirs. But a strange choice for a figurine... I should have probably purchased it and ebayed it to double my money. :P
Kurt is what you're looking for
Toxic Airborne Event are pretty good if I remember correctly! I think they were in one of my Spotify playlists back in my uni days while I was an aspiring hipster. Nice reference..
why is brook from one piece at poundland and why is he blonde
The bit about the 2015 Christmas special was hilarious
Daddy ashen, you can plunge and pillage me any day
Thanks for mentioning soap ashens R.I.P
Hey Ashens check out my band, we play commandocore
Hey, since the Easter special is approaching some time soon I could recommend the new giant Kinder Eggs. They are even bigger than the "maxi" sized ones, around here they are about 8€, LOTS of kinder chocolate (220 grams) and the toy inside can actually be quite neat. Popped one open myself and had a little racetrack with a pull back windup car and rather big dinosaur model in it.
EDIT: Oddly enough here none of the shops actually have those, it was a hardware store that also carries some foreign sweets that had them. Though the packaging of these are clearly made for a German speaking market so it's not like they are a small niche market one.
Is it just me, or is the logo on the pirate figures a ripoff of "The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists!"?
those cheap orcs are hard to find here in the us. i was able to order two from russia on Ebay but that's all i've found from this line so far. the name and packaging was different. just a stapled plastic bag to a card that says orcs, legion of thunder, the orcs rise. i have the guy you have with the spear except he came with two right legs, I mean they both fit but hes kinda stuck in a charging pose. anyway.
I'm really early
Hyrule_Warrior 93 you're on time
Malcolm Boyd You are indeed on the money.
We all know what that Beefy McBeef's computer thingy is... It's a bloody Pop Station playing Submarine Invasion...
Anyone notice the dab at 10:50 ?
Benji Fox I thought that I was the only one.
My quote would be "that Dr Who Christmas special made about as much sense a cheese on a birthday cake"
The censored word is meant to symbolize Hillary's emails
I hope he gets impeached, convicted, and imprisoned.
The Clintons are actual war criminals. Whereas Trump isn't. Do your research. 🙄🤦🏼♂️
Max Scardanelli bro hanging on Alex Jones every word isn't research.
Wow American politics in a video of an English man playing with shite action figures.
Look at the Commando Core packaging again, the call to duty text on the back is the Call Of Duty text, must have shopped it off a cover or something.
I never thought I needed to see a hipster orc king until now.
From Orangebeard's bio it sounds like he is a part time hobo next to being a pirate.
Guess even pirates diversify careers.
YES! New ashens video.
It bugs the shit out of me that the top fold of the pirate’s boots were painted like they were part of the pants.