What Makes Narcissists So Unlikeable? 10 Indicators
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ต.ค. 2024
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Most narcissists have an ability to appear likable (at least somewhat) in public, but behind the scenes...that's a different story. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter identifies 10 primary reasons narcissists can be difficult to like. His purpose is to help you identify your cleaner alternatives so you can use your awareness as motivation to be the better alternative.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, TX. In the past 40 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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They are likeable to people who don’t know them !!
And they're totally okay with superficial relationships. They don't want others to know them, and they have no real interest in knowing others.
Yes, and so their deception begins.
Oh my goodness this is so true. You have to have suffered one to truly understand. I hate the word narcissist being used flippantly.
@@lone8869 yeah, we sure know the true meaning! Its so creepy that they all have the same nasty evil qualities. I am stuck home with my covert narc husband. Normally a workaholic, he is going nuts. They can't take being with their own thoughts very long. They know all the damage they have inflicted. I have suffered so much at this mans hand. I am so thankful i am aware and he cannot gaslight me now. The confusion they dish out, maddening! We wouldn't want to know their thoughts, im sure we would run fast and long to get away! Thank you for reaching out. I am very lonely, he rarely communicates and when he does, he is negative. Doom and gloom! God bless you Emily! My first child i lost at 15 days old, i named Emily Kate. Lovely name! I know she would have been empathetic like you! 🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷
Unfortunately, that's all they need, since those who do know them have long ago been filtered down to only the enablers.
Another negative trait I've noticed with narcissistic people is cowardice.
Very true!!! Have to be carful caring for those who’ll never defend you; it shows their lack of care.
They are weak ass bitches that attack people behind their backs or ambush them in group settings were it is impossible for the other person to defend themselves. Narc cowards never confront one on one. They talk like Mayweather but would never step in the ring.
they are very brittle and they are terrified of being found out.
Oh yes, absolutely true!
absolutely.
Their public persona does not match up with their private persona and you have a front row seat witnessing their phoniness.
Yup. The f*** of it is that these phony types think it's some sort of virtue. You or I find it obnoxious about them, they sure as hell see it as what's "superior" about them.
Many narcs are very charming except at home. That's why it's so hard to get anyone to believe you when you tell them what's going on. They can't comprehend it. The person they "know" is pretty darned wonderful and they think YOU'RE the problem.
U so right!
Wow. Right on the mark.
Roger That,Big 10-4!!!!!!!
@@johnpreiss304 U a CB'er? a trucker? It seems like a case of 'gaslighting'
where your reality is being questioned.
Ya - "luv ya buddy" to people they barely know, friends they turned against you with lies and backstabbing, I've seen it with my own eyes...meanwhile, I think they might have taken a life insurance policy out on me behind my back in the hope I kill myself from their abuse!
“They’re watching you for the purposes of giving you a grade.”
Yes, this is why it’s do hard to relax around them
The more I know the Narcissists around me the more I like being alone. Sad but true
True and sad
Social distancing was around for me long before covid19.
Having contact with decent, kindly people will do much to lift your spirits and restore your belief in people. We all need that x
I feel like that too.
No not sad..its not worth giving any of your good self to these demons.
Narcissists are not capable of having true emotionally intimate relationships!
correct.
Mary, me thinks thou doth underestimate the enemy. Narcissists listen and lie so well, they appear to know us perfectly. We assume that’s intimacy because of love bombing.
At a core level, they are completely UNavailable!
More like a one sided relationship..
@@nancyayers6355 So true completely and utterly unavailable.Connecting on an emotionally is just not their style.
They are unlikable because they take the very best assets you have (loving, caring, generosity, forgiveness and kindness) and use those traits against you. I remember staring into the void behind those eyes and realizing I had to get away before I was emotionally and financially broken!
Janet Stonerook i found myself clapping my hands at your comments! absolute truth!
Well said. I guess it’s true when they say ;your eyes are windows to your soul.
They are financially draining and totally irresponsible. While they suck the life of you they also suck the money out of your account.
Please get away, my mother has tried to break me and very nearly succeeded.
@@barbaramarshall5271 I have gone no contact for over a year. And am doing great both emotionally and financially. I've watched as these familial miscreants have tried to attach themselves to other sources unsuccessfully. It's not my problem anymore... actually it never was. I recall one of them whom I'd helped locate and move across country into a rental home near me. A few months later she came to me and glared at me stating it wasn't up to her expectations and implied I should find her something better. Eventually I realized she was trying to get my house right out from under me. She was starting to gaslight me about how concerned she was that I was getting too old to live here alone and should move out of state to be with my children. Other family members had warned me about her but guess I had to find out for myself!
You do them a favor and they’ll charge you for it!
Hadn't thought of it that way! Dr. C
so true, SMH!
Haha yes
@@SurvivingNarcissism We survivors have to put a humorous spin on our descriptions or we wouldn't survive.
U P with interest compounded daily.
What makes a narcissist so unlikeable?
1. Lies
2’ arrogance
3. Me me me
4. The way they look down on you
5. That stare
6. Control control control
7. Manipulate
8. Gossip
9. They treat others better then you
10. Their charm is fake
sounds like you have as much experience with a narc as i do😲
how did I forget control in my list - agh SO much! And the STARE, yes - nailed that too. Its so gross - especially when combined with the contempt. Pursed lips of disapproval. I swear next time (if there ever is one) that I get that look, its not going to affect me and I am calling it out there and then and mocking it. Might also put an elbow in the nose after a kick to the nuts. (revenge fantasy)
Correct
Yep and projecting, gaslighting, blame shifting, raging, complaining, triangulating, poor listening skills, invalidating, competing, their stealing, their disrespecting, guilting you, impulsive spending, poor eating , thinking too much about themselves, shaming you, group thinking lol, pressuring you, breaking you, causing drama, inordinate attention seeking, misbehaving, hating, terrifying you, nosing lol into your life, bullying you, retraumatizing you, obstructing you, dominating, confusing, shaming, destroying your life, health, personality, physically, framily lol friends/family, finances and isolating you.Take care and thanks.
That Stare made me feel scared it was so evil and cold
It's really hard to like a control freak!
My mom is a covert narcissist and she bounces between different extremes. That's part of the reason it took so long for me to see it
Spot on! Not sure about all narcissists, but the one I know likes to try to isolate you from loved ones.
Keep you so busy so you won’t have the time or the energy to spend time with someone else if they see you talking with somebody they will question what ywhere talking about reminds me of the movi Sleeping with the enemy.
My ex-wife to a T. As soon as the ring went on the finger her mask came off and she started causing trouble between me, my family and friends.
Mine..held his adult children at arms length..they warned me about him 7 years ago..all they wanted was a family to be part of..but their dad don’t have time for them unless he can’t get his guy friends to cater to him..do his sports with..63 and still a child...10 siblings in his family..and all are dysfunctional none of them can get along with each other they have put PPOs out on each other I should’ve seen the red flags then but I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt we had many good times but the bad times.... the bad times that he wouldn’t speak to me for days ...wouldn’t make love to me ...I had to beg him to forgive me for whatever he thought I did ..got old real fast.. I have my own income.. I never asked him for a dime ..I paid rent.. we would go places I would have to pay half of everything half of the gas half of the hotel bill have a vacation if he bought a meal I had to buy a meal....I couldn’t use hot water in the sinks..ran his Bill up...he’s an electrician...even his adult children told me about his rules they had to follow also.. I wasn’t suppose to use the oven to cook with..had to use a toaster oven..cheaper on the Bill..red flag.......oh well...I’ve tried to be a decent person..had to run..not walk on 2 10 2020..I walked out with my cloths on my back...I have arranged to get a house full of furniture out on 2 27 2021....he has agreed to let me in..my family will assist me..that way he can not treat me inconsiderate....he don’t like witnesses..it’s tough to deal with...but I’m coping..anyone in a mess like this ....run do not walk..piece of mind..
Absolutely a smear campaign against everyone else
That's an abuser.
11. Easily mistaken for human.
GOOD ONE!
You can see the emptiness in their eyes once you know what to look for.
😆😆 - so thru !
The predator doing the mimmikri.
He's pretending to be the kind of his prey. - 🥶🥶🥶
Really disturbing.
I hste this creeters.
This comment made me laugh!!!
@@donnag.3611 Me, too. Subhumanoids that should slither back under their Rocks!
I realize that there are a lot more Narcissists in this world than I had thought previously.
They are all showing their true colors now, and we are seeing it more as we *awaken".
Legions of them... Become a discerning person it will save one from much grief...
Recent explosion and realization of what they really are. 😫
Yes there are a huge amount of narcissists in this world. I have family members, several generations, have worked with a few of them, and have learned of some through others that I have known. It’s like the world is divided in those who nurture and care for others and those who are totally self-centered.
@@prometheuspredator7971 yes I agree. Some become narcissists because they are chasing wealth. They are willing to hurt others in order to get ahead. I also believe that many people have played with the occult and opened up a portal into their souls for demons to enter. Modern music, movies, games, and other popular culture is a pathway to those who will give up their free will to allow these demons to enter and take over. They are seducing spirits.
"What Makes Narcissists So Unlikeable" is that they will drive you nuts.
What makes them so unlikeable ist that you are doing your best to not judge them whereas they are looking for reasons to judge you all the time.
Because they blame you for their very own flaws. They blame you for something you did once, all the while they are doing the exact same thing or even worse things all the time. They blame you for making a mistake and will tell you, you did it on purpose to upset them although you really maybe were just a little careless one single time, whereas they are provoking you and are trying to make you feel upset all the time.
What makes them so unlikeable ist that they can't take criticism yet criticise all the time and they will feel criticised very easily, even if you're only having a different oppinion from theirs.
What makes them so unlikeable ist that they think they are allowed to do everything while you are not allowed to do anything.
You're point on.
And they'll generously "give you a pass" for something you didn't actually do.
Exactly. I always felt there was going to be a test. And that I would fail miserably
What a pitiable existence for the narcissist...
They wear masks to camouflage their lack of empathy.
They build walls because they're broken within.
They respond to love with anger.
A sorrowful existence, indeed.
I'd argue that they are not broken.. but dead inside.. by choice. Broken implies they are hurting, but they only pretend to have human feelings.
For all involved.....
My father was so ill treated though a lot of it was his fault initially but to do this when someone is broken or frightened was sad to witness . He treated me so shabbily still I felt sympathy.
@@debshreebhattacharya5807 It took some time, but I have come to a place of forgiveness. This was essential for me. I forgave for ME. The only person who is hurt by holding on to bitterness and hate is ME. I forgave so I could heal and move on with my life in a positive way. I wish for everyone harmed the grace to do the same. Be well, friends.
We should publically celebrate anytime a narc decides to end themselves to encourage more to do so. They would get the ultimate and final supply and humanity benefits from their exit.
Outline of this video:
1. Poor listening skills (3:38)
They don’t hear your essence
They often hijack conversations
2. Judgmental and critical nature (4:17)
Watching you to give you a grade
3. They can be dodgey (4:46)
Evasive, emotionally unavailable
“Truth” is whatever they need it to be
Two-faced
4. They can be easily argumentative (5:21)
Contrarian or nit-picky
5. An inability to admit mistakes (6:06)
They live behind their shield
6. A low capacity for gratitude (6:49)
“You owed it to me anyway”
7. Disrespectful of your time (7:50)
They might become impatient
They can be chronically late, unreliable
8. High focus on their own preferences, but a low focus on your preferences (8:32)
9. They are not safe (9:27)
Using personal information against you
They might put shame, guilt upon you
Speak poorly about you behind your back.
10. Extremes in cleanliness, organization (10:03)
They might be very insistent
They might be sloppy, disorganized
Great notes. Thanks! Dr. C
I've ticked off ALL 10. Every single one. Thank-you for this list.
@@turqu01se me too ... I hope we become better. they say it cant be cured.. but i dont want to believe that
The narc I know is sooooo dirty
In the kitchen with a narcissist is a nightmare; doing chores an ordeal! They stand over you picking every nit and looking for “every hair in the soup.”
Yes, doing chores is a challege.. they stand over you telling you how you sweep the floor is wrong, wiping the counter the wrong way etc. They have to “train you” to do it correctly.
My NH is opposite mostly. He actually sabotaged a load of laundry on purpose and when I reacted with annoyance he said "Im never good enough you shouldn't trust me to wash laundry" so now I dont. Just a pawn in the long con game lol but cooking together? A nightmare. He has to boss me around with everything. I've been cooking since I was 9 and went to culinary school and he still behaves like Im an idiot and says I burn everything. I literally gave him half cooked scrambled egg soup one day and he said it was only slightly overcooked but better than usual! LMAO Some of them have the same motive with a different delivery.
My narc sister pulls clean pot, pans a dishes from my hands and re-washes them as I wait to use them. My kitchen is clean, and this is insulting. I tolerated it because I thought this was a manifestation of her OCD disorder, now I recognize it as narcissistic control. I’m grateful for what I am learning from Dr. Carter’s videos.
@@candacetharp9717 This is so interesting. I’m as fastidious about hygiene as your sister because I also have OCD disorder. My mom is the narc; she’s even worse. Says I’m “wasting” water washing and rewashing dishes. However, my mother with her hypercritical ways has done nothing but aggravate my OCD symptoms. As a matter of fact, I “OCD” a lot less when she’s not standing over me like a drill sergeant, actually getting the dishes done more efficiently and “using” less water. My mom has always bullied me because of my OCD. There IS a controlling aspect to OCD, as well, but it’s different from NPD. Is it at all possible that what you term ‘narcissistic control,’ really could be rooted in your sister’s OCD, versus narcissistic abuse?
@@breakthroughmoment1647 I understand what you are saying, but there are several other examples of narcissistic abuse from my sister. Until recently, I didn’t suspect that her OCD may be connected to NPD.
What makes a narcissist so unlikable? Never change, will never say 'I am sorry' in a honest way. Will not commit that he/she could be wrong also. Will not take responsibilities for their own behavior, life, actions. Will not ever have the qualities to feel actually what other people feel.
#11 They insist on there own way, no matter who else is inconvenienced by it.
They walk all over you but you have to serve them....not anymore!!
The last part is especially true. They make you believe that everything is your fault. Oh goodness, yes, yes, they do! My ex made me to believe that I'm mentally ill, so much to the point that I voluntarily went to a psychiatric assessment. Certainly, I turned out to be healthy. She's mentally ill, though. But nobody wants to believe me. Because yes, narcissists can give people good first impression. They are quite likeable, until people get to know them well enough.
Condescending is the tip of the iceberg. I used to get upset about being talked down to by him. Now I realize that people like him are pathetic and extremely insecure.
They need to talk down to you, because they know you are already above them, and it makes them insecure.
@@jensbasement3862 He knows that my eyes are open now and there's not a chance in hell of changing what I know. This makes me useless as supply, and dangerous for his future supply. Not a good position to be in when in close proximity to a CN.
All of my spouse's relationships with his friends are superficial- they don't really know him, and I don't think they care- nor does he. They just like to booze and schmooze.
They are like an empty black hole with nothing to offer, so they must wear a mask and be an actor, they cannot motivate by love so they learn to control or motivate by using tricks and slight of hand. Head games, deceit, shame, fear, or blame...
You have some great insight...thanks
They are like the venus trap - look good, smell good, bat when you fall in they eat you alive -
Don't forget they use pity against you as well
Very astute observation indeed!
11. ZERO HUMILITY
The Coverts can sure put on a good Act 4 others though!
Most of them seem like they are acting in a play. They turn on any character they like, specific to the situation. They like to manipulate their audience, to elicit the desired response, so the victim can be hooked when they are most emotional. "Hooked" meaning taken advantage of when they are vulnerable, either with blame, soliciting favors, wedging off competing relationships, or simple devaluation of the victim. It's almost like the narcissist is fishing with insults or compliments as bait. Once on the line, the victim is somehow taken advantage of. It's always a "gotcha" event. Lack of sincerity and total lack of responsibility for how much they hurt people is what makes them so detested.
Lynn Proctor he even told me that he has a personality different depending on who he talks to , he mention this because supposedly to him I DESERVED his bad personality towards me. At the end he stopped when I told him, you should stop punishing me because I am not your kid. So that it’s my combat when he tries to punish me in any way.
Thats all so exact. Love the phrase "gotcha event."!
Absolutely true!...years and years of this abuse!......48yrs in fact..and only now...have I woken up!,...They are sheer evil!...🙏😔💔
My mother
My brother
5 years NC
NOW Life is good.
Well put!
Narcissists don't have an easy button. They're default is the hard button. They make everything difficult. They make you not want to say anything because you know where it's going to end up. They make you pick and choose your battles and walk on eggshells just to avoid the hard button conversations.
Yes. The diametric opposite of easygoing. Hard going, if there was such a term!
“Disrespectful of your time”- oh yes! The most troubled once
I agreed with my friend who said she buys smaller amounts of ground beef. Buying in bulk you have to separate and wrap it. We agreed that our time and convenience was worth something. My CN overheard us and rolls his eyes. He thought that was an absolutely ridiculous idea. No respect for your time, like you said!. An artist friend of my daughter would paint pictures of girls he crushed on and give them to the girls. Eavesdropping again while on the phone with my daughter I told her that just because we can paint ( my daughter and I paint as well), it's still work and he shouldn't give everything away. My CN rolls his eyes again. Now that I think about it, why does he have so much idle time that his opinion is injected into everything I do? Do real men do this? It feels like junior high school girls type of actions. Covert Narcissists are mentally, emotionally and physically draining on anyone they victimize.
So well said
*_Truth is context-driven; deceit is agenda-driven._*
🌿🐡
Well stated. Dr. C
Love this
@@smac1823 Thanks. In 7 months 28 viewers liked this wisdom.
I don't like to make conclusions, but data does emerge that cannot be ignored.
I have written these types of aphorisms now for 20 years online. I have a good idea what does or does not connect with people. I try to keep an open mind.
🌾🐡
People like to believe they are truthseekers and not narcissistic; although patterns, habits, and curiosity(or lack of it) does create a context over time.
I recently went through a divorce after 30 years. I literally was putting off the inevitable because I dreaded the court process so much. He'd convinced me, (hes a salesman), that everyone favored him always. Long story short, he demanded a jury trial. The jury was kind enough to meet with the attorneys afterwards. Every juror said they hated him, hated is very strong but that's exactly what they stated. So, for those of you fearing the process... do it now. 👌🥳🙇♀️
Congratulations on taking your life back! The first step in finally deciding can be so difficult. It was for me, at least.
Happy for your freedom :)
@@bekind7288 thanks, back at you. We're stronger than we know. I'm grateful everyday for freedom.
This is how I feel too! He snows everybody. I’m afraid the judge won’t see through him, or worse- be a narc also and I get totally screwed in a divorce 😥
awesome (they hated him) meaning he didn’t fool them.
A jury trial for a divorce?
Got fed up with the negativity, anger, blaming everyone else for everything, bitterness, the self absorbent.
"You get the feeling that they're watching you with the purpose of giving you a grade." You just described my husbands mother and his brother to a T... How do you articulate such complex behavior so quickly and clearly? That is exactly what I felt like. Why didn't I learn this 20 years ago? I wish I knew what to do with 20 years of angst and emotional turmoil... but this is helping a lot, many thanks for putting my feelings into words.
They look you up and down...everytime they see you!
awww c b, I think we all have wished we knew what we know now. it is so confusing and mind boggling until you learn about narcissism. many of us knew what jerks were, but man, narcville was never on our radar. so glad you found a place to affirm your thoughts and feelings. may you heal from all your wounds and be able to go forth with strength and wisdom.
It doesn't matter when you learn what they are, as long as you do! If you lived to be 98 and only discovered the truth at 96, it's still worth it! You have the power to heal and change, they can never change. They are the same even in their last dying breath. It is never too late for you to heal, have no regrets 😁👍
Those are very kind words, thank you❤️ I need to give up the fantasy of going back in time and standing up for myself like I wished I could have done. Mentally I do understand that healing doesn't need to be about going back and doing things differently- healing is about what you do going forward. But emotionally I really wish I could have stood up to those individuals and said no to them.
Yup, I had a family full of that so I learned to never talk anymore. I knew that I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. Of course that only made them hate me more. Any reason to hate on the scapegoat. It took me a good 59 ish years to figure this out. They were just full of hatred and needed to dump it on someone so I said Adios.
In my experience, nothing I did was EVER good enough. He was extremely selfish. If there was no benefit to him, he wasn't interested or he pretended that I was the focus, when that was never true. I naturally maintained an attitude of gratitude, however he had a "King complex" as if the world owes him. His ongoing criticism took a toll on my spirit. It has taken some time, however I have allowed self compassion to free me in order to holistically heal. I have now triumphed over my trauma. Thank you
Dr. Carter for being a part of my journey. God bless you. 💜
at the end of the day, a true loving relationship gives us joy, builds us up however being with a toxic, hateful, abusive person can destroy us....we need to get out of it.
We need to get out. They destroy!
Living alongside a narcissistic person during lockdown, so I’m hugely appreciative of your regular videos to keep me upbeat, good humoured and grateful for the lovely people around. Thanks, Dr C!
I'm "lucky" that mine is still working lol
Good time to start planning your escape. Discard them and don't look back. Have self-respect and get out.
fuck no! its better dying with corona than living with these a* holes. Just kidding maintain social distancing
@@Bargains20xx we surely can use less NARCs around...maybe the virus will do some good upon its completion. If only we could trade the lives for the good people that died. I can't believe these NARCs make me feel hate... am I becoming like them...
I used to be someone who loved All...served All.
well i....quess they saw that as my weakness.
I totally understand...Peace and love to you...It comes from with in ourselves...You have to stay strong & just know & love whom you are...no matter the negative that's projected🙏🏽❤️
Narcissists are miserable people to both themselves and to others. Underneath the self obsession is an empty soul who is always in survival mode. Vampires are like this too apparently.
They are losers at all times.
They are energy vampires for sure! It’s a fact.
Nothing cheers them ever.
Organic Portals
@@jenniferfrances8793 ... To HELL!
Total weirdos! With education, eventually no one will be bothered with them. Thanks Dr C and hugs to Gus 💕
I caught Gus rearranging. I just wanna HUG him up! 💚
Soo true & Thanks, Doc! Hugs 2 you, too. 💪💖💫
Excellent! They are full of sh#$%
The worst narcissist I have ever engaged in my life are also drug addicts.
They love to talk bad about people. To feel good and wice, and impress others.
Or have addiction issues.
That’s cause drug abuse is a self centered thing to do
Yep and alcoholics
Yes. Substance misuse and addiction are common with them - I think they use these things to escape themselves, and to dodge accountability.
There is one more point I would like to make. My ex, who as far as I'm concerned is a covert narcissist, has turned many of my friends and family off with his I'm always right attitude, and you're stupid if you think that..... I have been told by others that he made them feel inferior. I left him 4 years ago, and have not looked back. However, it has taken a great deal of healing to get to the point I am currently at. 46 years of living with him did a lot of damage, and leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do. However, in hindsight, it was the best decision I have ever made!! I watch your videos once in awhile just to reinforce why I left, and that I made a good choice. Thank you for your caring, knowledgeable, and insightful information. You helped me in my journey to self.
Namaste👃
Chris Crandall - Wow! 46 yrs. & then you left. So proud of you. That is truly inspirationa l- yaaay you. Hoping he can just be a bad memory & that you find your way, all the way back to you. That took courage. 👏👏👏👍😊💖
Just left my narc husband of 47 years (married at 18) 3 months ago. Very painful and going through all the legal separation things now with him being totally awful.
44 for me and I’m trying to escape...
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
When they "love you" you can tell it is an act...and when they "hate you" you can tell it is very real...and the sadest thing is that someone like that has so much self-hatred that they would kill themselves if they did not go around tossing on to others....we co-dependants can at least heal and feel again, narcs do not feel anything...it is like being alive but being dead inside.. imagine that as your daily existence....punishment enough for me so that I let go of the desire for revenge.
Yeah you're right, we could never do anything to them that they aren't already doing to themselves. But I will tell the truth and that's probably going to infuriate him.
@Nicholas Ennosmy mother is a Narc and nobody believes me when I said I do not feel like she loves me...they say "of course she does, she is your mother"....and what about all the seething rage that she spews at me daily for 30 yrs?
I see it too. They are the walking, talking dead. They have lost a part of their souls. They have the spiritual illness called evil. Good point about they would kill themselves if they couldn’t toss all their hatred onto us.
Nicholas Ennos So true. My parents hated me especially but I don’t think they loved any of their kids. Hey, how can something evil, love? It’s an oxymoron.
My mother hates me that I do know, I think my stepfather was a better parent than she ever was.
Only their facade is likeable. At soul level, they are degraded, evil souls. They derive pleasure at the discomfort, pain, sorrow and grief of others, even when you have caused them no harm. In fact, if you have done something good for them, you will most definitely be made to pay the price for your goodness. Your goodness makes them feel even more pathetic about themselves and they punish you for it.
My husband introduced me to a saying I had never heard before: “no good deed goes unpunished”. So very true with narcissists.
Once again, you are completely correct. My brother is so unlikeable and nasty, that I am willing to sell my share of a beautiful family property, and I don't want him to even know the location of my new house.
I hid from my ex once my son turned 18.
Don't even go back to your brother on his death bed, they are the same demon till the last breath. You won't regret going no contact for life.
They cant show their humanity! I rarely get a thank you for anything. Sorry isn't in their vocabulary. He will spend on him but i feel like a begger! Yes, when tv is on, he zones out and rarely cares what i would like to veiw. He stacks his change, he is so boring. He is negative, all day long, he is speaking death!! So controlling, its bizarre, why would anyone want to control anothers thoughts or actions? I have seen him mirror me, he will literally take on my characteristics. I would have never known any of this if not for googling why doesnt he say sorry. 2 years of reading lead me to covert narcissists! Bingo! Now the virus, stuck with him everyday. I will keep my sanity, jesus is my best friend! Prayers sent for you Dr. Les, and for anyone scrolling here! Thank you so very much for sharing and caring for us, strangers but empathetic to suffering makes us freinds! Lots of love folks! Hugs!❤🌷
💕💕
@@jennydesu2544 💌❤
Thing is they not unlikable, especially the covert ones. They very jovial, charming, philantropic and appealing when they want to be, which is most of the time and with most people. It's only those of us who get to know them well that see the other side.
Its bizzarre to witness a change of masks, or when they don't know which one to use to make people like them. In one instance it scared me a little to watch the shifting face. Its disturbing - to wonder who the person really was, the identity of the pretender. In one instance, I felt terrible for the person because confusion is such a painful feeling, and it was so visible. To think, who is the self in there? Do they even know?
Sage I can so relate. I knew my partner was suffering some sort of deep pain, it was heart breaking, but She couldn't turn towards being vulnerable and real.. I had to end it
Nailed it! Only a few get to see the real Narcissist-- and that ladies and gentleman is the devil they always warned us about.
... untill the mask falls off, then the true intentions of the covert narcissist are becoming clear. I know where I am talking about. I have dealt with a covert narcissist person. My ex girlfriend is one and if I knew at that time what I know now, I never ever would have gone into that relationship. The huge fake and façade show. It was to good to be true.
That's so true.
The covert ones look like sheeps but they are wolves
What you tell a narcissist and what they hear are two entirely different things.
So accurate, I always thought we wanted the same thing but were speaking different languages, it was just a game she was playing. I know better now.
My parents, my once best friend, my ex, etc. wow these types of people are everywhere 😳👀
They are all over the place, I agree. My best song is "Iron Sky" and Im moving to freedom !!
Ditto.
They expect a performance from you and your performance is always flawed.
I have several narcissists in my life. My dad, both of my ex-husband’s and a couple of coworkers at least, the thing I like to do after studying these creatures for four years now, I like to play with them when we’re having a conversation or discussing ideas by expressing just exactly the opposite which is usually positive because they are negative, I like to express the exact opposite of what they’re discussing. This frustrates them to no end! If they’re talking negative about someone, I’ll say something positive. If someone didn’t do the job quite right I point out what they do right. It’s so fun to see them get frustrated. You should try it sometime.
I did, out of spite. He was so mean to me for so long. I called him a pu--y too, many times. He'd turn red and br furious, but he never really cared when I did. He knew he was a coward
7 Deadly Sins
1. Pride
2. Envy
3. Wrath
4. Gluttony
5. Lust
6. Greed
7. Sloth
They are the embodiment of all 7.
Lucifer is a narcissist. These demons have been around since humans starred to walk upright.
My ex was the extreme of uncleanliness. You ever watch the show Hoarders? and after 4 months he demanded that I move in with him. And I was genuinely shocked that he would even think that I would even consider such a thing. and on top of that he was saying negative things about how I lived. My place is too hot. My place is too big.
Ah the overbearing cleanliness and perfection!! Cooking with the narcissist was dreadful because everything had to be measured to an exact, everything cut perfectly all the while it would take hours to make a meal that could take 10 minutes
Thank you Dr. C for being a part of my healing story.
So pleased! Dr. C
I've been in the ICU for nearly two months and I came back home yesterday. I'm so happy to be able to watch your videos (and see Gus) again!
Glad you're home. It must feel great to sleep in your own bed after 2 months. You have some catching up to do! Dr. C
Go you. Rest and catch up with wonderful Dr C.
@@evie7738 Thanks so much Evie 🤗
The most recent narcissistic person I have encountered has a classic "salesman" demeanor. Once they obtained what they wanted--the transaction was over AND they turned into their REAL VICIOUS self to secure their new position. This type of person's motto---"It's not enough that I succeed or "appear to" but you must fail as well".
Looks like Gus is seeing patients, too. He’s in the doctor’s chair.
I have found a trait that narcissists tend to have - they do the opposite of what you want them to do. I had a friend named Carla who was a narcissist; I met her during a very vulnerable period in my life. She started seeing a guy but began being critical and argumentative towards him and the guy broke up with her (her previous boyfriend broke up with her for the same reasons). When the second guy broke up with her, she pretended to be pregnant in order to split him up with his new girlfriend (she also had tried to split her previous boyfriend from his new girlfriend, though not using the same tactic). During this time she always tried to ask me what I thought about this; I always remained non committal. I didn't agree with it, but realized that telling her I thought it was wrong would be a waste of energy. She wanted my opinion only to ignore it, so to cause me frustration. Some years earlier, I visited a pub ran by the sister of someone I knew. Her name was Alice. I stayed for two nights. Despite my attempts to be friendly, Alice was completely hostile towards me the entire time. When I gave up trying and I was about to leave, she then completely changed and claimed it had all been a misunderstanding and asked me to return. I never did. Alice seemed to enjoy the fact that I was wasting my energy by trying to be friendly, when she wasn't interested. When I just wanted to be left alone, she then did the opposite and wanted me to be interested in her friendship again. Needless to say I never returned to visit the pub again. It never made any sense until I recalled how Carla had behaved and saw the comparison in the two incidences.
@@judyscheiber3661 Thanks. So that is what it is called - being a contrarian. I must admit when I dropped Carla and she did all in her power to win my friendship back, I enjoyed being the one in control and communicating with her through letters, so she couldn't gaslight me. When Alice changed her attitude when I was no longer interested, she sent me a card saying 'see you soon'. At first I was very confused by the whole thing, but after I spoke to my friends I was advised that she had been simply jealous of me and not to go back. So I never returned.
Two nails on the head: frustrating and a waste of energy. So awful. No more running in circles. Let's run for the hills and over the top and far, far away!
My narc has excellent listening skills. How else would he be able to expertly criticize and de value just about everything I'm about? Sometimes it can be so very frustrating, so very emotionally and spiritually tiring. Then I remember those people throughout time who've had to deal with such troubling circumstances whether it be relationships or worse, wartime. Life can be a battle for us, and yet we can still find times of joy and inner peace if we look for it. ❤
My ex husband had no feiends....that should have been a sign.
“ You blew it again didn’t you “ - good one ☝️
Wow, the kitchen example!!!! I work with a garbage bowl and he actually came home from work and went immediately THROUGH THE GARBAGE BOWL piece by piece asking me WHY I wasn't using THAT PIECE. And, then when I objected saying that it wasn't up to him to regulate what I had already deemed to be GARBAGE, he got defensive and said HE HAD A RIGHT TO ASK. Um... *_REALLY???_* I don't have the RIGHT as the CHEF to keep what I want and throw away what I want? I'm so happy to GET that this is a REAL THING!!! I still can't believe you used a kitchen example. Thank you so much!!!!
I find most people do find them likeable and this is what draws people in
Now that I see him for what kind of person he truly is, and this is just about 5 months separated since I kicked his Abusive Ass out Thanksgiving night! Since then he's done all of the predictable behaviours of a COVERT NARCISSIST I see right thru everything he's doing and trying! Almost 20 yrs.! Not 1st marriage and we shared no children except from my other marriage! All grown up now! He's 62 I'm gonna be 59 Saturday on 4-4-4💫👆🌕it's really wild how different I see him now, it's like I'm just meeting this person for the first time and I don't like him at all! Thanks Doc for these helpful videos!💜
Isn't funny how all the signs you missed are crystal clear once you're aware of them? It's like Dr. Carter knows the CN's we're dealing with.
happy birthday Bernie [Dubai time]
happy birthday
I don't know if I can survive without him, but I know I won't survive with him. It's strange being frightened and enlightened all in the same thought.
Happy birthday dear! Can you tell me what EXACTLY happened during Thanksgiving day ? If you are too uncomfortable. I’ll understand.
One memory that came to me was....Every time I would tell my ex about something that happened to me during the day his replay was...You should have said this or that or you should have done this or that. I got to the point that I would never tell him anything that happened to me.
Absolutely!!!!!
Such as? Wasn't it helpful advice in case such happens again?
Thank you for helping me through each day. I am shocked to learn my husband is a NARC. It is so emotionally painful. 36 years of marriage and he has widdled me down to a woman who has no friends; lost my career and is afraid of myself and everyone.
Narcissists are just Selfish people. I am slow..but I am beginning to sense one much more quickly..It has taken a lifetime to learn.
well let's see...hmmm, lying, exploiting others, manipulating others, not respecting other people's boundaries, betraying the trust of others, insulting/belittling others, acting inappropriate during important events (i.e. weddings, funerals), not listening to other people's point of view, stonewalling, gaslighting...etc...etc.
My narc daughter showed up at her grandmother's burial dressed like a hooker.
OMG!!! This has been my life for more than 20 years!!! You really know these people because this is so accurate!!! I’ve never been the crazy one!!! Thank you Dr.C. WOW!
I felt the same way when I first heard one of his videos. Wish I had heard it 50 years ago. Could have saved that 16 year old girl so much heartache and such a wasted life.
Terrible listeners, never able to admit mistakes, certain that they are better than everyone else, lacking empathy and compassion: what's not to love? Dr. Carter, you are a brilliant communicator. Thank you for all of your work on this topic. Your dog Gus offers an important counterpoint to human mishegas. Sometimes, thinking is overrated.
May Mother Nature subject the narcissists to the same excruciating pain and agony they have subjected others to!
May we all enjoy the serving of divine justice from the front row just as we witnessed the narcissists' phonies from the front row!
No forgiveness, only divine justice be served.
And so it is!
Narcissists are too much work, just draining .
Wow! You just opened up my eyes! My father is 92 and a total narcissist! It's all about him, and it always has been. He came home from the Navy when I was 3 years old and took an instant dislike to me. Told me I was 'ruined' by my grandparents and forbade me to see them anymore. I always wondered why he didn't love me.
awwww. well HE CAN PACK SAND. love yourself. I’m sure you’re lovely being raised by grandparents for 3 years. he sounds evil. You’re a bright star he can never be that!
High preference on their choices and low preferences on your choices. So true!
You're very accurate when you say it stirs things up. I have to work very hard not to get too emotional about it.
The road I was on to find healing by being a healer was not the road the invisible ppl wanted me on. I am grateful to teachers and like you and Quinn to help me come out of so much confusion and self blame. I am not one to try to dominate others and still can't believe there are those who set dynamite in the road then watch the 💥 and see the person go into a ditch...then walk away. Smh...🙈🙊🙉🤕🤦
I agree, and I LOVE your dynamite analogy. It happened to me just last year. I am an empath. My daugher in law (diagnosed) narc can't handle my open-mindedness and thinks I'M the fake. I was ghosted, along with my son's brother and sister. Her family and friends are the only ones that matter because they enable her. Funny thing is, my son (her husband) and I have followed the same spiritual path for decades even though he was raised by his father's family 2000 miles away from me. Will be trying to heal for a while. No contact for 2 years now. Not even a 'how r u' from them.
Dr Carter, you have been my lifeline in helping me breakaway from a horrible relationship with a narcissist I was engaged to for almost 4 hrs. Your videos provided me a so much invite and gave me the confidence to get out of the tremendous stress and hateful life with him. Your words helped me get my life back. I’m so grateful 🙏
Their constant freaking drama making.
Wandering Free: Here here to that!
And... you can never truly resolve any issues! Nothing is sustainable or maintained on their part. Flighty, wishy-washy, inauthentic, full of horse-shi* and the list is never-ending just like their terrible behaviors and attitudes.
Triangulation. Drama-Triangle e.g.: Victim, rescuer and persecutor
Dr Les thank you so much, this breaks my heart I spent a year trying to placate a narcissist and I got nowhere. I love her and wish her all the best and I wish she could change and at the same time I notice some behaviours of mine that were on the narcissistic side. Wish we could have resolved our differences and had a loving relationship but this I know now is not only not possible but a fantasy in my mind.
You were very smart to get out!
Pattern I experienced with covert step 1 they are likable 2 something feels off and you can’t figure out what is wrong. 3 the mask starts to slip .4 you start to figure it out but still feel committed to working it out .5 you get delivered from step 4 and go no contact. 6 you work through “crap” or ? Trauma bonds and watch “figure out narc videos” on TH-cam
. 😃.7 I’ll let you know when I get there
I always compliment and Thank my husband for what he does for us. He hardly if ever compliments me or thanks me for what I do for us of him.
These guidelines make a great check-list for dating - thank you!
Yep! Dr. C
They are also unlikable because of that rage! It’s always bubbling and waiting to surface.
You just described my soon to be ex husband perfectly
Never look up that loser trash ever again. Never again.
Mine also! x
It's devastating when you realise this is your mother and your whole life has been a lie.
Aloha from Kauai. We are on the lockdown. I hope everyone stays well and stays safe. Prayers for all. 💜😷
I’m living with narcissists husband last 15 years, every single things you’ve pointing out about narcissistic people match my husband character. I’m unable to tell him about this. His rage against anything I said or comment about him, will end in my death. I’m in fear every single seconds in my life.
Narc: “You would have said that 5 minutes earlier if it was true. Since you are bringing it up now I know its false.”
Absurd illogic. Dr. C
One example of hundreds. Friend talked non stop about herself and son for 5 hours straight during lunch and shopping and coffee, even after I tried to talk and get air time, she turned it back to herself. When we were walking to our cars and got in the parking lot she asked me "how're you and the dogs doing?" as my hand was opening the car door. 😑😣
My professional-counselors, weren't aware, of any aspects of "narcissistic psychology", and they had YEARS of training !
Sir, I'm in complete and utter shock! I have been blaming myself for 30 years in marriage and now you've just described my wife and life in 15 minutes. What do I do? I'm miserable.
So appreciative of your delivery…soothing, easy, uplifting with a difficult subject. Thank you.
This content really helps identify them. My ex's 65 yo friend started to talk to me when I started a reply she walked away mid sentence so I stopped talking and got back to my convo with friends. She came back to me and I said no. Not listening us rude and walking away is ruder.Go away
About the lack of gratitude...when I do something nice they'll say "what do you feel bad for?" as if I need to feel guilty to do something nice for another person lol.
Dr. Carter! You have changed my life! Thank you for what you do!
Thanks, message received with gratitude. Dr. C
They def have trouble seeing outward. And always seem to want to suddenly put down everyone around them as if nothing's ever good enough.
They are hypocrites! He would be offended by something I said or did, then later would do the EXACT same thing. Also, HIS words were “just words. But mine? I got crucified for MY words. Hypocrite!!
My late dad was a narcissist. I found only about his trait 15 years AFTRR his death. So, those 20+ odd years of living with him made my life and my mother's absolutely miserable. He behaved oddly whixh was then unexplainable. He did told me once all of his colleagues hated him.
Your time is THEIR time. Interruptions of it being your turn are constant. If it concerns THEIR appearance, then the rest of the world will simply have to wait. Really unbelievable hoops of self-motivational, inspirational, psychological tricks they employ to somehow convince themselves that they are really good. They are totally consumed on doing a good job (not for the job or others' benefit) for their glory.
11 months no contact/minimal contact from a family of narcissists, lots of therapy, deep self work and healing 🙏. Thankfully I'm a point where I can laugh at their behaviour. Everything you said rings so true! Thanking you 🙏😁
Thank you Dr. Carter for your tireless and endless work on this subject of narcissism!! You have changed our (The good and genuine people) lives forever!!
Thanks Tony! Dr. C
Dr. Carter--- all the great points you have made--- a narcissist will turn them around and point them at others.
Projections! Projections! It's unbelievable how they ALL do the same manipulative things.