I became apathetic to the attempts to goad me into reaction. It shut down those attempts eventually, and made me a worthless source of supply. I call that a win.
Yes! They are incapable of self-reflection on a deep level, therefore unable to learn. During my year long relationship with someone who had narcissistic traits, I kept waiting for them to have a light bulb moment and see the light. And waiting. And waiting lol. They are perpetual selfish children.
Oh, heck, don't we all know that the narcissistic ( expletive of your own choice ) in our lives have all the answers and that we should allow them to run our lives for us?
I had one criticise me over a conversation I had with someone else. Only problem was they were not there, nor did the other person tell them what was said. It was all a lie that they fabricated in their own head to justify their lack of responsibility. No wonder people go nuts trying to deal with people like this. I didn't ask them into my life, they moved into next door apartment and kicked off being abusive from the get go.
@@teresadvorak6145 💯 percent true . Because they refuse to do the inner work needed to Regress ; to Redefine ; and to Restructure their understanding's of perceptions in the renewing of their minds .
My husband is a narcissist. He believes he's the new savior, his way is the right way and I'm supposed to jump every time he says to do something. Like right now. He is so special
Warm wishes to everyone on Team Healthy. ♡ To those scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse who have gone no contact, I am thinking of you with love and empathy. I wish for you the inner peace I have achieved over four years.
When I got myself entwined in the "house sitting" episode with the nex he very aggressively insisted I cook. I refused because I was no longer a GF, and I knew it was a pathway to the servitude of the past. You'd cook, clean, serve him the food, refill his drink, remove his boots, etc. He was very angry, but what else was new? One night I wanted to make myself something to eat so I prepared enough for us both. He will stand there giving instructions as to how he likes it fixed. Then, some butter spilled in the oven and smoked a little. He had a hissy fit yelling that I was trying to burn the house down, blah, blah. You cannot win with a narcissist. You can develop anxiety and PTSD for starters. I don't ever want to be mixed up with one again.
I had to cut contact with everyone . Everyone i knew was a narcissist . I ended up no familly no outdoors buddy . No calls for Christmas my birthday I never really existed . And now the crabs are only there to bring me back in the bucket .
Yes once You see what a narcissist is Yoy suddenly are crossing off almost everone you Know! I’d say they make up 50% of the Population.Who? Truly has had more than 2? Maybe 3? People you can say were 100% Friends. Not ,any can say that!
Not many can say they have more than 2 people in lives they can see we’re absolutely 100% Solid Friends. People who claim I have TONS! Of Friends! That’s definitely a Narcissist.
I have had the same experience and feel more peaceful than I ever have. It is better to be alone in peace than in a crowd being mistreated. Christ is my best friend, He is all I need and once in awhile He brings a kind person to visit with.
I often wonder if my ability to remember everything in detail with a sort of "play the tape" accuracy, was largely just a defense mechanism against my narcissistic family. I do it passively and without effort and I remember nuance and chronology. Everyone accepts this as fact but when they see it as being "used against them" it's like a full on assault of abuse...
Narcs will never be accountable for anything..when confronted they will say they never did that or said that and then blame you for making it all up or say: you have a bad memory...narcs have a very selective memory and will only bring something forward for their own benefit. If no benefit you will be gaslighted right away or end up with a borderline rage fit. You cannot talk with a narc. They dont have the skill or an interest in talking together on a deeper and honest level...they are stuck in their own hardened mind and will only listen to their own story, both if the story is a lie or the truth...narcs are destroyed, stuck and traumatised creatures from early childhood..narcs are hopeless..the worst for me is to have a daughter with a narc monster..its heartbreaking
I'm so sorry. 😢 Do the best you can to protect your daughter. It is definitely heartbreaking 💔 Everything you said is absolutely the truth!!! Good luck, and keep listening and learning. It does make a difference. 😊
I am grateful that I learn something new every day, sometimes from what humans consider to be the lowliest of creatures. Narcissists could learn a lot from the cooperation of fire ants, instead of just biting.
And one of the narc's techniques is to tell you that you can't actually know anything. They want you to seriously doubt being able to speak and represent your own experience, history, etc. They want you to mentally fray. They'll ridicule you for participating in conversations with others and will put you down in front of them, basically implying you're either crazy, stupid, or a liar. This is especially triggered the more interesting your knowledge is, and how close it comes to what THEY wish they like knowing about or consider themselves to be an expert on.
I had one tell me I was not to email the Body Corporate manager to get three blocked drains fixed that were blocked due to tree roots and rust! I own the apartment and had absolutely every right to do this.
I've learned so, so much from you on this subject Dr. Carter. I only wish I'd known all this stuff in my mid teens. Different choices would have been made and that would have had a profound effect on my life. At least I know it now and that will prevent further pain, heartache and mistakes. Thank you x100 for sharing your knowledge with us.
Telling a narcissist their hairdresser talks behind their back, that restaurants they frequent wish they wouldn't come around any more and that they look ridiculous in their outrageous outfits usually shuts them down. Of course, however, you won't hear from the narcissist any more, yet you will discover through the grapevine they have found a new hairdresser, that they frequent new restaurants and that they have completely changed their wardrobe and their look. Moreover, the narcissist will often go under the knife for plastic surgery to put the proverbial icing on the reinvention cake.
I did that and it works. I told one that all his Golf Buddies were at the Pub the Other DQ and they were telling the whole Pub how lame he is and how he’s nothing more than a Mental Midget. He literally melted in front my eyes and hasn’t stalked me since. Really hits hard when it’s a small town or community! He has left house since!nhaha Insecure Much Narcissistic? Absolutely!!!
@@Blueberry-u2x Names and events will always be a closely guarded secret in order to keep the narc's flying monkeys far away from me given they all got what they wanted by playing along with the narc and are dangerous predators.
I love this channel so very much. Dr.C has changed my life just from this channel. Thank you Dr.C much love to you. I have healed so much and continue to thanks to Dr.C and my will to heal.
I'd really like to see, sooner or later, some research about the therapeutic effects of some people working _via internet_ (psychologists, coaches, etc). It's about human connections, at the end of the day... Ok, this is easily understandable. However, we still consider it as a "simple" information. Well, information / knowledge is power, this is clear as well. And yet, with people like dr C as well as dr Ramani and others... for me it's NOT just a simple "information" , it's not just "knowledge" they are giving to us. It's much more. No doubt.
So much good air to breathe in being authentic people. And so many roads of freedom that open up before us. All roads leading towards a "calm confidence" ...even though many of us are still going through difficult situations. A big hug from Italy to all people of Team Healthy looking for autenticity. No need for perfection, Thank Heaven. Let's keep on learning. Thank you dr C. for this "therapeutic" lesson. One more gift for us. Wishing a joyful Christmas, to you, your wife and all your family. And Gus !
Absolutely tremendous DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, I'm a lover of learning from everything and everyone, You're right some people can't self reflect and are unteachable, When someone covertly humiliates, Then shows humility, It's sick and false, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Thanks Doc, you've helped me become a pretty healthy narcissist diverter. There are 3 responses that really help to catapult the crap back in the moment..... "Oh you're so right, most of the time", "I bet you are", and "You're just one of a kind!". All of these are received with the most amazing 'Thank You', it's very telling. A normal person laughs and says 'what?"
An individual who has a narcissistic personality style has "imperative thinking." I say THEY have IMPAIRED thinking if they think they are the standard bearers for all! Especially those of us who... Stay Healthy!!
If you have been there you get it. Too crazy for words. I'm 60 and my mom when she sees me tells me how unattractive my hair is because I refuse to cut it short like a "pixie". It's insane. Tells me I look old, etc..
What a great video. Thank you for your helping and healing take on interacting with narcissists. Some of us are permanently attached to one, even when we know they aren't healthy for us.
1. I will not ever argue with you about how you feel. It is the height of arrogance and how you feel is not up for debate. However, if we do not agree about facts, instead of arguing, we can look it up. the number of times I've been corrected really help me to become smarter. 2. It's pretty pointless to argue about what I remember. It is a fact that I will recall different details from other people who were at the same event. It can be fun to learn about how other people saw it. In any case, memory is not perfect. That is why camera recordings are better than eye witnesses. 3. My vision is not your vision. but, let's look at what we both have in mind. This way, we can find a better way. In any case, let's do it with respect. This is how people become closer and great things are done.
could there be a "rule" or a trueism, that all narcissists are control freaks but not all control freaks are narcissists, or are all control freaks highly narcissistic at the very least? having someone who wasn't even around much, trying to dictate my perceptions of abusive people all my life, has been quite a mental tangle to try to extract myself from.
Control freaks are out of control narcs, it's something easy to see, unless born into relationship with them. And VERY hard to deal with, if stuck with them. I pity their kids. With the exception noted, passive aggressive covert narcs are harder to spot. Equally evil results. Awful people.
OCD is on the same Cluster B spectrum of personality disorders along with BPD, narcissism,sadism, ASPD & Machiavellianism… then you’re into psychopathy
Good luck to you. I'm sure they are out there. Just start asking what their specialty is; if they feel they're qualified to discuss possible NPD conditions, etc. It may take a little time but I'm sure you'll find a good and grounded therapist that can help you.
Just in case Dr Les reads this…I just learned about something called Machiavellians- It’s not a diagnosis-more like a description, if you have heard of this please expound.
Thanks for the breakdown! Could you help me with something unrelated: My OKX wallet holds some USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). How can I transfer them to Binance?
I became apathetic to the attempts to goad me into reaction. It shut down those attempts eventually, and made me a worthless source of supply. I call that a win.
Absolutely 💯
@@aaronkwolfe ALL day!
Yay Aaron, definitely a win ❤🏆🙂
That's a win!
Amen. be so boring; the Narc Psycho seeks supply, ELSEWHERE
Narcissists are NOT teachable! Let's sit with this... This is worth knowing!
Yes! They are incapable of self-reflection on a deep level, therefore unable to learn. During my year long relationship with someone who had narcissistic traits, I kept waiting for them to have a light bulb moment and see the light. And waiting. And waiting lol. They are perpetual selfish children.
Amazing how they know all the answers without asking questions before rendering their "facts".
Exactly and get everyone to believe it..
Oh, heck, don't we all know that the narcissistic ( expletive of your own choice ) in our lives have all the answers and that we should allow them to run our lives for us?
I had one criticise me over a conversation I had with someone else. Only problem was they were not there, nor did the other person tell them what was said. It was all a lie that they fabricated in their own head to justify their lack of responsibility. No wonder people go nuts trying to deal with people like this. I didn't ask them into my life, they moved into next door apartment and kicked off being abusive from the get go.
I could swear that my narcissist has a perfect recollection of my every failure for the last forty years.
The same here!!!😂😮😅 Picture Perfect!!! 😊
But no memory of their own failures 😮
That made me laugh.....I hope think you are right.😂
@@teresadvorak6145 💯 percent true . Because they refuse to do the inner work needed to Regress ; to Redefine ; and to Restructure their understanding's of perceptions in the renewing of their minds .
To top that, my achievements are also brought as failures.
My husband is a narcissist. He believes he's the new savior, his way is the right way and I'm supposed to jump every time he says to do something. Like right now. He is so special
Yep! And anytime I call him out for something, he then accuses me of the same. It’s insanity!!!
One thing I have learned about narcissists - they believe their stories/lies that they made up as soon as that story/lie leaves their pie hole.
😂 so true.
And probably before ..when they made it up
💯
Yep, they live in an alternative universe to the rest of us.
Lol.. pie hole. Great description of the narc's mouth moving.
Warm wishes to everyone on Team Healthy. ♡
To those scapegoat survivors of narcissistic abuse who have gone no contact, I am thinking of you with love and empathy. I wish for you the inner peace I have achieved over four years.
When I got myself entwined in the "house sitting" episode with the nex he very aggressively insisted I cook. I refused because I was no longer a GF, and I knew it was a pathway to the servitude of the past. You'd cook, clean, serve him the food, refill his drink, remove his boots, etc. He was very angry, but what else was new? One night I wanted to make myself something to eat so I prepared enough for us both. He will stand there giving instructions as to how he likes it fixed. Then, some butter spilled in the oven and smoked a little. He had a hissy fit yelling that I was trying to burn the house down, blah, blah. You cannot win with a narcissist. You can develop anxiety and PTSD for starters. I don't ever want to be mixed up with one again.
You’re enabling them when you return to secondary mommy supply so don’t do it!
@@Hatbox948 You showed courage getting through and out of that situation. You are an incredible inspiration ❤️ ✨️ 🙏🕯
@amandaliverpool3374 Thank you Amanda. You're always so sweet!
@@Hatbox948 I mean it ❤️🕯
@@amandaliverpool3374 💟
Merry Christmas and the Best New Year, yet to all❤
Merry Christmas too! That would be so nice if we all can be healed together ❤
Same to you! Happy Holidays!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for your help over the years Dr. Carter ❤️
I had to cut contact with everyone . Everyone i knew was a narcissist . I ended up no familly no outdoors buddy . No calls for Christmas my birthday I never really existed . And now the crabs are only there to bring me back in the bucket .
Don’t give up. Not everyone is exploitive. ☮️
Yes once You see what a narcissist is Yoy suddenly are crossing off almost everone you Know! I’d say they make up 50% of the Population.Who? Truly has had more than 2? Maybe 3? People you can say were 100% Friends. Not ,any can say that!
Not many can say they have more than 2 people in lives they can see we’re absolutely 100% Solid Friends. People who claim I have TONS! Of Friends! That’s definitely a Narcissist.
I have had the same experience and feel more peaceful than I ever have. It is better to be alone in peace than in a crowd being mistreated. Christ is my best friend, He is all I need and once in awhile He brings a kind person to visit with.
@BushcraftQuebec same here. You're not alone for sure.
I often wonder if my ability to remember everything in detail with a sort of "play the tape" accuracy, was largely just a defense mechanism against my narcissistic family.
I do it passively and without effort and I remember nuance and chronology. Everyone accepts this as fact but when they see it as being "used against them" it's like a full on assault of abuse...
Narcs will never be accountable for anything..when confronted they will say they never did that or said that and then blame you for making it all up or say: you have a bad memory...narcs have a very selective memory and will only bring something forward for their own benefit. If no benefit you will be gaslighted right away or end up with a borderline rage fit. You cannot talk with a narc. They dont have the skill or an interest in talking together on a deeper and honest level...they are stuck in their own hardened mind and will only listen to their own story, both if the story is a lie or the truth...narcs are destroyed, stuck and traumatised creatures from early childhood..narcs are hopeless..the worst for me is to have a daughter with a narc monster..its heartbreaking
@@larshesthaven5828
They are EMPTY CREATURES..
I'm so sorry. 😢 Do the best you can to protect your daughter. It is definitely heartbreaking 💔 Everything you said is absolutely the truth!!! Good luck, and keep listening and learning. It does make a difference. 😊
I couldn't have said it better! 😊
I am grateful that I learn something new every day, sometimes from what humans consider to be the lowliest of creatures. Narcissists could learn a lot from the cooperation of fire ants, instead of just biting.
😉
My cat has appointed herself my "emotional support animal" 😊
And one of the narc's techniques is to tell you that you can't actually know anything. They want you to seriously doubt being able to speak and represent your own experience, history, etc. They want you to mentally fray. They'll ridicule you for participating in conversations with others and will put you down in front of them, basically implying you're either crazy, stupid, or a liar. This is especially triggered the more interesting your knowledge is, and how close it comes to what THEY wish they like knowing about or consider themselves to be an expert on.
I had one tell me I was not to email the Body Corporate manager to get three blocked drains fixed that were blocked due to tree roots and rust! I own the apartment and had absolutely every right to do this.
Narcisists are not teachable. Spot on dr Carter 😊 Thank you ❤
Gus!I love you man!
I've learned so, so much from you on this subject Dr. Carter. I only wish I'd known all this stuff in my mid teens. Different choices would have been made and that would have had a profound effect on my life. At least I know it now and that will prevent further pain, heartache and mistakes. Thank you x100 for sharing your knowledge with us.
❤
Me too. Well said, and thank you!!! 🙏😊🙏
Me as well. Thank you ❤
Best Wishes for a joyful holiday season to you & your family, especially Gus ❤️
Happy holidays!
Know a narcissist who told me ‘ I only deal in facts’.
Hmmmm …his view of facts it turns out.
Psychosis
Sounds exactly like my husband
Telling a narcissist their hairdresser talks behind their back, that restaurants they frequent wish they wouldn't come around any more and that they look ridiculous in their outrageous outfits usually shuts them down. Of course, however, you won't hear from the narcissist any more, yet you will discover through the grapevine they have found a new hairdresser, that they frequent new restaurants and that they have completely changed their wardrobe and their look. Moreover, the narcissist will often go under the knife for plastic surgery to put the proverbial icing on the reinvention cake.
I assume this narcissist you speak of isn't vindictive, then? 😂
@@Survivin2Thrivin This! ⬆️ It's not wise to poke the bear. Much better to keep it civil.
I did that and it works. I told one that all his Golf Buddies were at the Pub the Other DQ and they were telling the whole Pub how lame he is and how he’s nothing more than a Mental Midget. He literally melted in front my eyes and hasn’t stalked me since. Really hits hard when it’s a small town or community! He has left house since!nhaha Insecure Much Narcissistic? Absolutely!!!
I wonder who is who ! 😅😂
@@Blueberry-u2x Names and events will always be a closely guarded secret in order to keep the narc's flying monkeys far away from me given they all got what they wanted by playing along with the narc and are dangerous predators.
Self-preservation becomes
Selfishness for them. Thanks, Dr C for another great and pensive video!!! Have a nice weekend! 😊
Oooohhh, look at me- I know fancy words!! J/k lol.
I love this channel so very much. Dr.C has changed my life just from this channel. Thank you Dr.C much love to you. I have healed so much and continue to thanks to Dr.C and my will to heal.
I'd really like to see, sooner or later, some research about
the therapeutic effects
of some people working _via internet_ (psychologists, coaches, etc).
It's about human connections, at the end of the day... Ok, this is easily understandable.
However, we still consider it as a "simple" information. Well, information / knowledge is power, this is clear as well.
And yet, with people like dr C as well as dr Ramani and others... for me it's NOT just a simple "information" , it's not just "knowledge" they are giving to us. It's much more. No doubt.
So much good air to breathe in being authentic people. And so many roads of freedom that open up before us. All roads leading towards a "calm confidence" ...even though many of us are still going through difficult situations. A big hug from Italy to all people of Team Healthy looking for autenticity. No need for perfection, Thank Heaven. Let's keep on learning.
Thank you dr C. for this "therapeutic" lesson. One more gift for us.
Wishing a joyful Christmas, to you, your wife and all your family. And Gus !
Beautifully said. 🫂♥️🎄♥️🙏
@MarianneCatherine
✨🌟🧡💚🌼✨🙏
Absolutely tremendous DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, I'm a lover of learning from everything and everyone, You're right some people can't self reflect and are unteachable, When someone covertly humiliates, Then shows humility, It's sick and false, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Thanks Dr.C and Team Healthy ❤️
Happy holidays ♥️
🕯
@@caroleminke6116 ❤️
@@Summer_Harvest 🕯🕯🕯
Thanks Doc, you've helped me become a pretty healthy narcissist diverter. There are 3 responses that really help to catapult the crap back in the moment..... "Oh you're so right, most of the time", "I bet you are", and "You're just one of a kind!". All of these are received with the most amazing 'Thank You', it's very telling. A normal person laughs and says 'what?"
An individual who has a narcissistic personality style has "imperative thinking."
I say THEY have IMPAIRED thinking if they think they are the standard bearers for all!
Especially those of us who...
Stay Healthy!!
Yup 😉
@@BaraSchmidt Well said 👏🏽 ❤️
😁 👍 ✨🧡✨🧡✨🧡✨🧡✨🧡✨🧡✨🧡✨
Thank you Gus and Dr. C.
Hugs from JANESVILLE, WI
Thank you Cynthia!
Awe gus
It is very helpful and very freeing to know that they are not teachable.. Can't fix stupid comes to mind..
He’s said it before about a quote at the work place in the dining area 😉 admission without attribution
@@caroleminke6116 I heard him say it before and I got a good laugh out of it..
Cute puppy on couch sir❤
❤🐶❤🦮❤🐕❤
He is a silent healer ✨🧡✨✨🧡✨🧡✨✨
My N mother was upset that I used the "wrong" hand cream. Very upset. :)
Oh dear 😂😂😂😂😂
How insecure is that?!
If you have been there you get it. Too crazy for words. I'm 60 and my mom when she sees me tells me how unattractive my hair is because I refuse to cut it short like a "pixie". It's insane. Tells me I look old, etc..
I mean, how COULD you?
Merry Christmas Dr. Carter and Gus. Really appreciate your TH-cams.
You are compassionate. Respectfully thank you 🙏.
Thank-you, Dr. Carter.
Beautifully said. 🫂♥️🎄❤️🙏
What a great video. Thank you for your helping and healing take on interacting with narcissists. Some of us are permanently attached to one, even when we know they aren't healthy for us.
1. I will not ever argue with you about how you feel. It is the height of arrogance and how you feel is not up for debate. However, if we do not agree about facts, instead of arguing, we can look it up. the number of times I've been corrected really help me to become smarter.
2. It's pretty pointless to argue about what I remember. It is a fact that I will recall different details from other people who were at the same event. It can be fun to learn about how other people saw it. In any case, memory is not perfect. That is why camera recordings are better than eye witnesses.
3. My vision is not your vision. but, let's look at what we both have in mind. This way, we can find a better way. In any case, let's do it with respect.
This is how people become closer and great things are done.
could there be a "rule" or a trueism, that all narcissists are control freaks but not all control freaks are narcissists, or are all control freaks highly narcissistic at the very least? having someone who wasn't even around much, trying to dictate my perceptions of abusive people all my life, has been quite a mental tangle to try to extract myself from.
Control freaks are out of control narcs, it's something easy to see, unless born into relationship with them. And VERY hard to deal with, if stuck with them. I pity their kids.
With the exception noted, passive aggressive covert narcs are harder to spot. Equally evil results.
Awful people.
OCD is on the same Cluster B spectrum of personality disorders along with BPD, narcissism,sadism, ASPD & Machiavellianism… then you’re into psychopathy
There really isn't anything in them that you can work with, so don't waste your time and energy.
Happy Holidays Dr. C! 🥂
What a timely and insightful message…!! ❤we never stop growing ❤️
Ps.. Gus🔥💋💯
Thanks…and Gus appreciates the good vibes!
🙏
I need to find a therapist who is experienced in dealing with a narcissistic woman that i have a young child with. I'm in Michigan.
Good luck to you. I'm sure they are out there. Just start asking what their specialty is; if they feel they're qualified to discuss possible NPD conditions, etc. It may take a little time but I'm sure you'll find a good and grounded therapist that can help you.
Just in case Dr Les reads this…I just learned about something called Machiavellians-
It’s not a diagnosis-more like a description, if you have heard of this please expound.
Thanks for the breakdown! Could you help me with something unrelated: My OKX wallet holds some USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). How can I transfer them to Binance?
Are you saying they don't have theory of mind?
There’s no one home 😉
DENSE AND OBLIVIOUS 😐😮😳
Absolutely zero functional ego.
🛩👋 🫂