CoDependency and Addiction Recovery
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มิ.ย. 2024
- Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002. In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com Codependency and the Addiction Recovery Process
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Video by Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes on integrative behavioral health approaches including counseling techniques and skills for improving mental health and reducing mental illness.
AllCEUs.com provides multimedia counselor education and CEUs for LPCs, LMHCs, LMFTs and LCSWs as well as addiction counselor precertification training and continuing education on many of the videos on this channel.
Co-Dependency Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes PhD, LPC-MHSP, LMHC, NCC Executive Director, AllCEUs.com Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
3. Objectives Define codependency Identify characteristics of the codependent relationship Explore the motivations for these behaviors Hypothesize alternate, healthier behaviors Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
4. Why I Care/How It Impacts Recovery Co-dependency can serve as an alternate addiction or distraction Co-Dependents may use relationships to try to deal with depression or anxiety Ultimately codependency is self-defeating because one of the few things that cannot be controlled is the will of another person. Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
5. Definition Codependency describes a type of relationship in which One partner defines his or her worth or goodness based on someone else The codependent person often chooses relationships in which the other person needs to be rescued, thereby making himself or herself indispensable. Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
6. The Mantras “I don’t understand why she refuses to change. I have done everything for her.” “Helping someone who doesn’t want help is an exercise in futility, but what are you supposed to do if you don’t help?” Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
7. Co-Dependency as an Addiction Tolerance Need more of the same substance/activity In a codependent relationship, as time passes, the codependent’s identity becomes increasingly defined by the relationship with the other person Withdrawal Not getting the substance, being around the person results in physical or psychological withdrawals When apart from or unable to control the other person, the codependent experiences extreme anxiety and/or depression
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 How codependency impacts recovery
02:20 What is codependency
18:19 Similarities between addicts and codependents
06:10 Codependency as an addiction
18:19 Similarities between addicts and codependents
36:46 Treatment strategies for codependency
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It's terrifying how accurately this describes literally everything about me
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Right! I’m so glad I came across this video thought because it made me better understanding why she left me, and it opened my eyes that you can’t help a person who doesn’t wanna be helped. At that point you all you can do is pray for that person and let go. It’s hard, trust me it is, and we just broke up and what hurts me more was because it was a few days before Valentine’s Day. And I was upset at the fact that she did this so suddenly and didn’t warn me from the start that she was starting to lose interest in the relationship and basically led me on, but the more I watch these videos and talk to people the more I understand why it happened and the better I feel.
Same and it’s what brings me to near death so often. I don’t know how to be happy alone
I see that in marriage. If you don’t see divorce as an option, how can you best support that relationship?
Ultimately it is about helping the person with codependency heal their attachment trauma and define what a rich and meaningful life and relationship looks like to them.
I’m struggling more than I ever imagined. I’ve gone through a lot and the person I’ve been dependent on is in a new relationship. I feel abandoned and lost without him. Hearing this video is really getting to me, too accurate. I wish everyone all of the best here. I didn’t realize there could be so many things that go into codependency. I see how serious it all is. I see how I’ve affected everyone bc mostly they’re all gone. I’m thankful for this video, I want to start recovering.
I appreciate you watching. What is the first think you are planning to do to address codependency? If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
😢Same here how to get help..
I spent 20 years only seeing myself as "his wife" and "their mother" Finding out that im codependent knocked me on my ass. But as ive been in recovery, THE SUN IS SHINING AGAIN. Setting boundaries and not focusing outwardly has made me feel more in control than I've EVER felt in my life. I wish i knew this so long ago. But I'm grateful for this new lease on life💕🌈
I glad my video was helpful. Best wishes to you. Sounds like you are making great progress.
So happy for you! Stay healthy 😊
Thank you so much! Life is a beautiful blessing ♡
@@Skyelah-wr8hq can you tell me how you did it?
This makes me feel hopeful.
This is so spot on. It is as if you are addicted to a person rather than a substance. Very very toxic
Ty. And Thanks for watching!
Yes, I am a recovering alcoholic and ACA codependent type BUT the person addiction is worse for me! I am committed to getting better...3 years in this recovery and 8 years of physical sobriety.
@@krisscanlon4051 you are winning, Kris!
@@krisscanlon4051
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I was codependent but never felt un worsy. It's loving and picking the wrong partner over and over again.
Once you realise you are codependent and start learning to listen to your feelings and see the Partner who he really is... You leave with no anger. The anger I had was towards my parents who did many things wrong..To work on your childhood is very important.. can be very painfull with many tears. Needs to grow from child to Adult.
Today I know exactly what I want and who I let in my life. ❤️
this has me crying because im realizing im codependent and have been all of my adult life. I dont love myself, dont feel i have any real value and dont know how i can make that change. im not one to be able to do affirmations and eventually believe them to be true. it feels like im trying to lie and trick myself. i cant afford therapy but im sure thats whats needed
I feel that but, I'm in the process of healing as well and You are ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT ❣️
I was deeply hurt by someone who used me as a pet project to make herself feel good...a codependent who left me because I didn’t love her the way she wanted to be loved( I was kind, invested, I desired her and still do 5 yrs after the breakup) she cheated on me with a musician I introduced her to, and she kept me around while she was looking for someone else behind my back...I’m actually on this channel because I’ve been depressed for yrs and I fear I suffer from PTSD from it...
I was a severe codependent in my last relationship. Being able to learn about codependency has helped very much. It’s still a long road ahead though 🙏🏼
Such a long and bumpy journey, this is exactly what I realized to, and don't want to bring it in future relationships!
I definitely struggled with codependency in the past. I didn't feel like I could fully express who I was and so I hid my true self. It wasn't until I experienced several painful relationships that I realized something needed. The 2 biggest things that helped me was getting connected to a God of my understanding and healing the emotional wounds from my childhood. Thank you for your wisdom!!
Thanks for watching. Glad you are doing well. We all grow and gain skills / wisdom.
Hello Jessica, thanks for sharing. I was wondering how did you personally heal the emotional wounds from your childhood, if you don't mind sharing?
@@adritrace88 Hi Adrian, thank you for your question. Healing from my childhood has been a process of discovering who I really am, not who I was programmed to believe I was, learning to trust and process my emotions, because as a child I was taught not to trust what I felt so I repressed my feelings, by learning how to “be in my body” through mindfulness, meditation, yoga, dancing, because emotional trauma disconnects us from our body, and our bodies/intuition our constantly trying to guide us and when we stay stuck in our minds we lose touch with that guidance, and also through giving my inner child the love she never received growing up. For example, when I’m sad, I sit with that sadness and that little girl inside who is hurting I and tell her it’s ok to feel what she’s feeling and that I love her unconditionally. I hope this helps, Adrian. 🤗
@@JessicaKosine did you also engage in therapy? Im sure it couldnt hurt. I just signed up online. I have a spiritual practice am reading "codependent no more" LOVE love yoga and need to do it more!
@@etherealjustice5786 I did a lot of talk therapy that didn’t work. Then I got a non-traditional trauma informed therapist who taught me how to connect to my body through grounding exercises and meditation. I also worked with a trauma informed coach who really solidified these practices and so I became obsessed with body based healing tools to heal trauma. Because we can talk about what happened to us all day long but that doesn’t address the trauma that is stored in the body that needs to be healed and released. So if you’re getting into therapy, I highly suggest a trauma informed therapist/coach, because codependency stems from unhealed trauma in the body, whether it was emotional, physical, mental or sexual trauma, big or small trauma, your body knows it does not feel safe, and a trauma informed therapist will help you to learn how to feel safe in your body. I hope this helps. 💛🤗🙏🏻
this hurts to hear but i needed it
I have a hard time seeing past my wife of 26 years. She is the only woman I've ever loved. Our kids are grown...We could have an amazing life right now..IM DEVASTATED... I want to heal from this and I pray that GOD blesses me with a woman who is evenly yoked with me. God bless you all! Real Talk!
Wow
Yep... I kn. 20 yrs
I hope you're doing better now. If I'm feeling like this over a 3 year relationship I can't imagine what it must feel like for you. I'm praying for your recovery
@@sarahkiick6762 So sorry.. Praying for you 🙏 ❤
Bless you as well.
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Feel worthy you are! and set boundaries to how you deserve to be loved and treated. Don't get attached to people right away.
Thanks for watching.
I’m codependent and I’m married to a narcissist 28 years he Lied and cheated I did everything for him still do we’re getting marriage counseling but I don’t think he loves me anymore this has made me realize so much about my addiction ti my husband it scares me to death that I may be loosing him but he is very toxic god bless people like you that do this for free 🙏😇
You are so welcome. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I am still married to a narcissist. Cheated on me twice in succession. Second guy for 6 months while we were apart in seperate countries due to corona virus. Gaslight the hell out of me. Her mother and her friends also got together and lied to me also. It was really unbelievable. Meanwhile I am working and sending money making a lot of sacrifices to get back to her. I found out when the guy she was with contacted me. First to abuse me because she must have told him she was getting back with me. He was a drug addict actually and ended up hanging himself about 6 months after she left him. I just found that out a couple of months ago. I feel sorry for the guy really. But anyway, I had her back after she apologized....went back to see her, realised it was pretty crap being together, fighting a lot but I still supported her financially and was going to get her a visa but came back home to my country due to my parents age and they need help and finances not so good after 4 months. So then she leaves my apartment in her country after gambling away the money I left her, tells me she wants a divorce and goes to work as a prostitute. She then had a relationship with a customer that failed then contacted me again. The whole time I was obsessively checking her FB and her friends FB as to clues on how she was doing. I was drinking and smoking cigs everyday and going nuts. So she contacts me and we start getting along again on the phone and FB messenger etc and she is broke so I am sending money again and I have hardly enough money myself because of not being able to get work due to the corona plandemic. She gets a job in a bar, just working for drinks but I find out she is sleeping with customers for money also so she tells me she will stop. She then gets really sick with stomach ulcers from drinking and she is living in my apartment in her country and I am sending money still until about 2 weeks ago when I have a problem with work drying up and say I cant send money for a while so she rants at me saying she is going to go back to work selling herself if I cant get the money together and hangs up on me. This used to terrify me. But something just snapped and I didnt bother calling her back for a week. In this week I have realised she is had NPD due to her parents abandoning/ignoring her as a kid and that no matter what I say or do or torture myself over she will never change. She wont even take medication for her crippling stomach pain. Once I realised I cant ever do anything for her to fix her it freed me. I still hope she gets better physically and mentally (even though I know she will not) I do not hate her or feel anger towards her and I can still care but I am detached from it. I will not ever send her money again. I have been buying some things I need for myself and focusing on my wellbeing. Lost 6 kgs in the last 3 weeks and am spending time doing exercise and meditating again. Damn it is good to be having fun enjoying my own company again. Ijust watched this video and had never heard of codependancy before. Some of it fits in my case, maybe not as extreme as this doc says but its still applicable and funny to see it just after I seem to have cured myself lol. Its great to be away from the toxicity and the stress of trying to keep my wife calm or happy, treading on eggshells. Best thing is to bail and get some time to yourself. They might say they love you or maybe in their own mind they even believe that but ask yourself ....would they still be with you if you did all the crap they have done to you and I bet the answer is No. Anyway hope things take a turn for the better or should I say you make them take a turn for the better. Peace.
This was a very good informative session. My 28 year marriage I was married to a co-dependent. A got into a relationship afterwards and became co-dependent. This is highly confusing to me because I was so sure of myself during my marriage and refused to validate him which ultimately became so burdensome that I walked and never looked back. Yet, in my following relationship I became so co-dependent that I didn’t think I could live without him and it ultimately was the downfall of that relationship.
Thanks for this, a lot of it resonated with me. I'm an addict and while I was in rehab I learnt of my co dependence. I saw all the co dependent relationships I'd had in my life, one after the other, it all became so obvious. Constantly trying to save people from hurting because I knew what it was to hurt. Madness.
Thanks for sharing.
The good news. We are co-dependent. The good news. We will heal and hopefully teach others how to also. Show yourself grace friends. It was hard really, “seeing myself” but I’m so excited about doing the work to heal.
I wish this also focused on co-dependent with narcissists.
That's why I'm watching this too. Now that I've figured out what's wrong with THEM (narc) I have to figure out what's wrong with ME that I allowed all of that to happen to me.... This fits to some extent.
@@jokraemer3516 that so true..Im looking in the mirror like " Who in the hell are you?"
Bipolar & codependent would be nice to see as well
Same
It can be easily applied. It really doesn't matter what kinds of issues the other person has. It's about codependency (inward focus) not their problems (outward focus).
It’s horrible to find out I’m super codependent and I didn’t realize it. All of my relationships were self sabotage and that’s probably why it never worked out lol this therapy bill is going to be expensive
The way you explain this is like someone is reading out my life story of 2020
Wishing you peace, health and happiness
@@DocSnipes thank you wish you nothing but the best
Will knowing this help? How do you bridge the gap between know and doing? A mentor of mine says "when the desire is great enough, the discipline will follow". How do I find a desire great enough when I don't care about myself?
Great question… I am asking me the same… how to close the gap… If anyone has good advise on it, I love to hear it… ❤
Ive listened to this video 5x, about to begin the 6th. What a WONDERFUL learning tool! Learning more about myself and where I'm at in my marriage (and every relationship prior!). This has been a true eye opener. Thank you for sharing! God Bless 🙏
Glad it was helpful!
Bless you.
I also have another TH-cam Channel, I just started:
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Fb
Thank you , Doc Snipes! Your presentation is like a teaspoon of sugar that helps the medicine go down! Thank you for providing information to help comprehend the "imperfections" of our human nature. Thank you for giving us tools to heal sooner rather than later.
Thanks for watching!
This has been more helpful and insightful than anything else I've come across. Thank you
Glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching.
I have codependency and I’m taking a break from my SO for the first time but can’t stop worrying about him and checking in on him. He has alcoholism and depression. My friend and sister tell me I need to leave him permanently or I risk ruining my relationship with them. My dad tells me he can see where I’m coming from and should do what’s best for me but understands that it is my choice. My SO says he hopes I come home soon. I don’t even know how to do what’s best for me. I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions trying to please everybody and I just want to isolate myself from everyone. This video was so helpful in understanding my own issues but I still feel confused. Do you have any advice please and thank you
I am sorry to hear of your ongoing struggle. Al-Anon or CoDependency anonymous can be very helpful in these situations. Unfortunately, a lot of the other support approaches like SMART Recovery or Celebrate Recovery really do not specifically address it. Melody Beatty has some great books on CoDependency as well, and you might check with a local substance abuse treatment center to see who they recommend for therapists to help people who are in relationships with people with substance abuse issues.
Bless you ma’am! More light for you!
Bless you as well.
I also have another TH-cam Channel:
Good Orderly Direction | Practical Bible Study
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Please consider liking and subscribing.
Thanks for this informative presentation.
I am this to a T. I don't want to control the other person but we spend so much time together and he reaffirms everything I've ever wanted to hear from a man and our friendship is amazing. But I feel codependent and he knows this but still sticks by my side. He's ana amazing person and everyone knows it so its not just rose colored glasses. Hes just my best friend and brother in Christ.
Thanks for watching. :)
Thanks for this sound presentation!
Thanks so much for watching.
A really amazing person is hard not to need.
I really needed this. Thank you for uploading
No problem 😊 You are welcome.
Thank you for your time!
My pleasure! Thanks for watching.
Excellent video. Thx.
I found you at the right time. thank you for what you do. thank you!
Wonderful!
I am in recovery for my wellbeing. It is scary how many of these characteristics describe my significant other...Especially at 10:35 in this video! Thank you for validating what I have been thinking about my significant other.
Thanks for watching.
Thank you for this brilliantly explained vid.
You're very welcome!
Another awesome video. I think it is helping me recognize a lot of patterns that I've been wanting to address. Going to continue watching.
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks this really helps me label and identify personal challenges
Excellent!
Thank you for showing me the mirror. I'm so glad 🙏
Wishing you peace, health and happiness
My brother was recently hit by a car and killed. I have felt so much resentment towards my mother for enabling him throughout his life with years of addiction. I thought she was just a selfish narcissist who needed him to completely depend on her as if he was her own security blanket and that she failed to allow him to fail so he would have to figure out how to rely in himself and to build resilience to overcome life's challenges. They had such a toxic codependent relationship and his addiction just escalated over the years until he couldn't keep a job, couldn't do anything right and had no purpose and saw no value in himself.
I see now she was completely codependent and did all the things you mentioned in this video and more. But I still feel so much resentment towards her for doing that to him. She herself is dying and it surely won't be long now without him.
How do let go of these feelings and make up with my mom before she dies?
Also, I know she feels completely guilty for so much of how his life turned out so tragically in the years before his death. How can I help relive her of that gulit before she passes? She is literally in hospice care but still coherent and functional but declining fast.
I’ve watched this presentation at least a dozen times. Thank you for your channel! Definitely helps me show grace to those who struggle with codependency, especially those close to me.
Wow, such a nice comment. Thanks for subscribing. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I a so happy I have found Doc Snipes,very informative and tons of important information I can relate too!
Thanks so much
I have been feeling this since long nd i didn't know wht it was...
now i realised what it's called
Thank you this is helping me ...im definitely a Co Dependent that's trying to change my behavior.
You got this!
Very informative and important things to be aware of, thank you.
Glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching.
I wish I had seen this video decades ago. Had to learn a lot of these things the hard way. Will save this vid as a reminder cus it’s hard not to fall back into this vicious cycle
Thanks for watching the video. Please feel free to share it :)
Thank you.
Awesome seminar. Thank you.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Thx for this
This happened to me i saw my self in someone else with addiction problems and i recovered. But want ti save this person it ended terrible .
Can this be true of someone who didn’t so much grow up in a house with addiction but rather two perfectionistic parents who could never quite be pleased and were also hoarders.
Yes. Thanks for watching.
Mines weren’t either,they were just workaholics who were never home so I suffered from “perceived abandonment”
i did i guess 15 different job now in the past and feeling like my identity really come from what i do or my job, i m confuse who i am, help i need to stop or this will get worse. i always wanna do something to get a sense of self, i always wanna rescue,now i realise this problem after i had a cptsd. also i had a lot of problem cz of this codependency where people come to attack me after i helped em. i dont know what is the caused for this i m an empath n spiritually aware n this has been very huge challenge into being my self 100%
Lol, such a funny slip at 24:30 ... Don't use overgeneralizing words.... I think EVERYBODY does this sometimes. Doc Snipes, I get so much from your wonderfully informative videos. Thank you very much.
You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching! I am so grateful to be of help. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=addiction
This was me most of my life with family then I became an addict cuz of my bad choices and the stress of trying to be the fixer and be excepted and loved,man I have learned more in the last 3 years of changing my old behaviors then I ever thought,wow thanku,so maybe you can help me on how to have healthy boundries being a christian cuz I am always scared of hurting others feelings and still fearful of being black balled by people I love and care a out???
This video is amazing!!!! thank you
Glad you liked it!
Great talk thank you
You are so welcome
❤😢see myself ! Very helpful ,thank you .
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thank for replying.Just quickly I grew up with an alcoholic,troubled mentally abusive father and a co dependent mother.Have mainly had co dependent relationships.Suffered bouts of depression have ADD .From your video these are the points I found most helpful,it stops you looking at yourself and your own problems .It’s addictive,something I have always tried to deny,I tend to try and help everyone I come into contact with,mainly with advice they don’t really need or ask for.And mainly, something I know but keep fighting against-you cannot change people , no matter how much trouble they get into.There is more ,but enough! Thank you for all your videos and podcasts.Have really learnt a lot ❤
Such a powerful teaching 🙌🏻☀️
Ty
I cannot believe what is happening. I started learning of codependency and addicts back in 2017. I thought that I had made progress. I started dating a different type of personality after a terrible break up in 2017. I thought that I was passed this. I am so disappointed to be seeing that I am still in this codependent-addict relationship dynamic. It hurts me so much to know that I am still being codependent. I am not even sure where to start. I need to do some hardcore reading, I need counseling, I need some help because I am distraught. I must say these past few years I have been a bit arrogant, thinking that I had already overcome this, but as I can see now, I am more codependent than ever. Really does break my heart because now I am a mother of 2, I really do not want them to fall into this dynamic.
I am sorry you are struggling with codependency and I appreciate you watching the videos. I am offering codependency self hep classes and resources on DocSnipes.com. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
I know what you're saying. Spent almost 6 years in codependency... I finally got out and thought i was doing good and i started dating again. I fell straight into the same scenario with another girl who ended up being worse than the first... 2 years. Been dealing with codependency for 8 years and allowing myself to be distracted and abused
Your channel is underrated. The content is so good
Thanks for the kind words!
Wow 🤯 your videos change lives
TY
Number one codependent here 🙋🏻♂️🙋🏼♂️
Thanks for watching.
This is excellent. Annoy come at better time. God blrss u. Hits hard but need to hear.
Bless you as well.
I also have another TH-cam Channel:
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This was really helpful
Ty
It’s when we see the person as the mummy or daddy that didn’t give us what we needed emotionally ! So inner child journey work helps a lot ✨😊🙏
Thanks for watching
I always thought codependency was just for people in relationships. Ive only been in one, so i assumed u couldn't be codependent since i was so independent. Not even two minutes in and I've already been entirely called out twice. This is so overwhelming.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. Here are mode videos on codependency: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=
I loved the presentation, thank you for sharing
Thanks for the kind words and watching!
Thank you, very helpful
You're welcome!
This rings so true for me
Thanks for watching
The soul is beautiful healer of the mind.
It's worth it to dig deep and heal your mind.
Thanks for watching
I’m codependent but I don’t chase the person . I’m obsessed with helping him with paperwork , Doctor’s appointments etc. I even do it with my brothers and people who don’t know how to handle things for themselves . It makes me feel good because I worked as a nurse and social worker . I love focusing on myself but while I do that o like to help my partner then send them on their way. So I don’t have a fear of the relationship ending because I “fix “ everyone . My partner however had the fear of being alone . He’s the one who has an addiction to MDMA.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
If you’re interested in more videos on codependency, you can find them at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
@@DocSnipes I’ll will subscribe to see more . To most useful part was the description of why one becomes codependent
“Helping someone that doesn’t want help is an exercise in futility”
Thank you for watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?
I need help to heal from the codependent I suffer from my past traumas-(Molestation,Traumatic Brain Injury etc) and current traumas-( politics, civil unrest etc)...
Thanks
Excellent
Thanks
I'm struggling with my issues. For sure i need to watch this video again, it's the first time i see a professional referring in condependecy as an "ego" matter, in a way that in reality the codependent dosen't realy care for the other significant rather for himself. I am right now in a very bad situation with an exit of a realtionship that held for 10 years. I 'm realy trying to put things in some place so i can figure out what happend, who i am , what did i 've done wrong. The traits though of my partner's behaviour are muching with an narc's - i had to face for example the fact that she brought her new afair to our house without any warning, without say anything. She brought him and she just said to me ...let me introduce you... :(
I believe i am a condependet guy , i felt bad hearing parts of the analysing on this video , because if this mechanism is all about ego ....i just feel now that i am deeper into the hole :( , confused :( - Condependecy is not so innocent , my god ..are we monsters ? :(
Best wishes. We all try to grow every day. :)
This didn’t resonate with me because I’m both the addict and the codependent (although perhaps more the former with a terror of being abandoned / rejected). Also people can’t live for long if they’re isolated and have no one who loves them, often that’s what leads to mental illness and / or addiction. Addicts and codependents definitely don’t lack empathy , it’s very difficult for someone who doesn’t have an addiction to understand how it feels. Even as an active addict, I have almost too much empathy with others and it can be for someone who I barely know. When an addict is actually using them they DO lack their usual level of empathy - that’s the whole point of using because they FEEL for other people TOO MUCH. To me the whole point of addiction is to numb feelings. Using blame and shame to control - that slide makes me think that my husband is the codependent as he does all those things, while I am doing my best to please him. This whole thing is very contradictory.
You are definitely an addict, you can’t figure out what’s wrong until you detox. Get some help, then you can get to the root of what’s causing your grief. Those chemicals are always changing your reality, they control your every move.
Justin Tyme Thank you for your “advice”. I know I’m an addict and I’ve been fighting it for 17 years, with some periods of sobriety - the longest was 8 years.
I was just confused about whether I am codependent or not.
Getting sober is relatively easy it’s sorting out the tangled mess of child abuse, trauma, social anxiety, depression.......
I haven’t been able to find an answer to that yet and my partner of 30 years who is not an addict, (well he has been a bit of a workaholic, but definitely no substances) has looked as well and after many years of watching me suffer - he understands the addiction and all the pain that it’s suppressing or numbing.
He was good enough to try to understand as the lectures clearly weren’t working. I’m a bit wary of telling other people what to with their lives, because I know I’m not perfect. I not going to throw that first stone for sure, but neither would my husband because lovely as he is, he’s done a few things that he’s not proud of.... who hasn’t ?
@@Dying.ironically You dont really seem to like taking responsibility at all? All you did was tried to dodge it, and come up with excuses. People who have this kind of defensive reactions, usually have high degree of narcissistic injury and feel shame. You might want to look into borderline personality disorder.
Thanks!
Welcome
I just feel like this thing is ruining me, first this was visible when i had a long term one sided obsession on a guy but this time i am doing this with my guy bestfriend and he just feels like no matter even he tries, i am doing the same and i just feel at that moment that he doesn't care abt me even when i know he does, we have been constantly fighting on same things for 4 months , every now and then and last week, it was daily. I don't want to lose him because of this and he is still there he says, but really need to work on this
thank you
Welcome
☺ Enjoying this.
I am glad. Thanks for taking the time to watch.
@@DocSnipes You're welcome☺
I am codependent to a alcoholic Narcisstic father.
Wow. This is so me..
Thanks for watching.
I think my boyfriend has some co dependency but I think I’m worse at codependency! I want to work on this so we can have a happy and healthy relationship
Good luck to you both. Thanks for watching!
😭😭😭 this is sad for me to hear
As a man, it’s tough to admit but I am definitely a codependent.
The presenter is so emotional about the topic
Its always good to be passionate about your work
The person I’m codependent on set my car on fire and abandoned our 14 year marriage my sister just passed away a week ago and my teenage daughters are depressed and shutting me out I need help I’m doing everything therapy ect this still hurts and is very hard
It's amazing, when I look at myself, it doesn't feel like I am, but all the actions are there.😬
This is me and yes I saw myself in many people
I flip the switch by telling myself that I am God's favorite and God loves me a lot. I consciously try to be a good person regardless of them. Yes, we are all God's favorite.
Thanks for watching the video and for sharing. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=addiction
Decisional balance exercices
Thank you for watching. How are you planning to address codependency
I got this just if someone fits into that role of partner or liked person. I've not had really any exes that were addicted or were on and out of jail yet i have a hard time not doing these things. They could be a bad person to be with or a good one, still happens
Thanks for watching!
Thank You Jesus
A lot of times I hear narcissists or addicts paired with codependents… but I wonder what kind of narcissism or addicts ppl are around me. And is everyone in my circle an addict?
Thanks for watching and commenting.
Can you talk about the effect on a codependent if their main person cuts them off.
All my life and it's pattern and pattern and do it again!
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Does it have to be only addict? My gf just changes on her period time and ignores me. But other times she is just lovely but most of the time she ignores. I am married and i give so much attention to my ex. I think and feelso much feelings for her. I have abandoned and deletws my ex number. I miss her but i think i have to move on. Do you think i have codependency?
What are some alternative sources for the need to change others? I grew happy and neither of my parents were addicted to anything or ever been convicted.
The original concept of codependency came from someone who had a substance abuse problem, and a person who was trying to fix them. You can substitute the terms anyway you want. It might be abuse it might be not fitting in. It definitely goes way deeper. But this can change your life.
when you recover there is no harccore cravings/needs. All you may feel is a mild anxiety and sensations in the body from time to time ( this is normal). The brain can prosess the memory in a healthy way, so the brain can see the memory for what it is without the panic attacs/ultra cravings/delusjons/lies etc. Just clean memories with less irrasjonal emotions clinged to them, or emotions you can handle rasjonaly by feeling them without the urge to act out.
The need for fixing toxic people or need for " escapism" may it be behavoral like " sex addiction, gaming, drugs, workaholism" etc or substanse abuse will over time with hard work with a good therapist go away. I have worked on this for 4 years, and i found out that i had PTSD from childhold trauma and co-dependency issues with a alcoholic parent. The co-dependency or substanse abuse issues 100% come from trauma. This may be trauma from most often the first 1-6 years of your life or even later. Not all that have trauma become addicts or substanse abuse addicts, but ALL addicts have TRAUMA. People who are mentally healthy dont get addicted or it`s hard for them to get hardcore addictions. The only way to findt out is to find a good therapist. And by that i meen a therapist that is a great listener and who has academic degree in Clinical psychology
@@Ikaros23 I’m so glad you have broke through, I’ll be honest I didn’t know what Codependency was until I started watching Whitney Cummins podcast. I fit the type exactly. I’m still trying to fight with my own brain to not feel guilt, and not fall into more of these relationships. Since I grew up Catholic I was always trying to fix everyone. I thought i was being a good Christian, but what I’m really doing is ignoring my own issues. I quit attending church ,helped me get in touch with my own feelings. Religion is a type of Codependency too, being told how to feel and act. Your comment is very helpful and reinforces many on the road to recovery.
@@Rockenstein68 religion/ideology for people with mental disorders like ptsd/codependency/generalised anxiety become a " drug/escapism/toxic habit" . For me the " drug" was alcohol, perfectionism, gambling/trading short term at the stockmarket , and compulsiv helping/advice giving unsolicited advice to addicts/narcissists. The illusjon in my brain was to focus on the narcissists in my lifes problems instead of fixing my own. It made my ALOT of anxiety. Tok me along time to find out about codependency dissorder and about trauma bonding. Today i have recoverd and most of the problems from it is gone, or im left with minor issues that i can handle rasjonaly. Whats hard when you are in it, is that you dont know that you are in it. You think that your actions are rasjonal, but in reality they are not. What made me " wake up", was that i was reading some psycology articel online about a person who just started to wake up from de codependency issues she had and she realised that she had just one mission on this planet and that is the repsonsibllity of her own health. We are not responsible for other adults health. And that it`s like beeing on airplane thats in a emergency. You need to take on your own oxygen mask before you hjelp others!. Even if its your own children!. And to see that you are 100% responsible for your own healing. It`s not the world or Gods responsibillity but yours alone!. Others may be to blame for why you became this way. But if you are a adult you need 1: take 100% responsibillity for your own health and healing 2: 100% responsibillity for your own boundarys. Let things just sink in, and dont be so hard on your self. You are just a man/woman. We are not perfect and where never made to be. Even in your old bibel it say strictly that humans are not perfect. Only God/nature is perfect. Our job is not to be perfect, but to be natural and adapt to the changes of the world. Death, sickness etc is a natural part of life. And healing is also natural. Have a great day and good luck!
@@Rockenstein68 and also thank you for sharing. You are gonna be fine, just keep walking on the path you are on.
This is me to a T... But its so close to borderline... Im confused!