Sometimes I want to do something spontaneous but then my autism kicks in and goes “No! We already planned to do this other thing!” I hate how inconsistent I am so I try to follow through with my plans and feel bad if I change my mind, which I do…CONSTANTLY.
As a fellow being that has fallen in this range of the spectrum, it's been a relief finding so many people across the world that have had these shared experiences. Suspected for "both" in 2009 diagnosed ADHD then, ASD last year, but lacked the self awareness and knowledge of the conditions other than the stereotypes. So much time lost, autistic burnouts, wasted potential. Truly helps having these communities and stories and discussions shared.
I understand where you’re coming from 100%. I found out I was labeled an HSP with ADHD in 2002-2003 and never knew until a fight with my mom about potentially being autistic recently. After looking into ADHD for the last 2-3 years and connecting a lot of dots, I’ve come to realize that there were many boxes on the spectrum that I ticked quite high on but like other girls diagnosed at that time I was most likely misdiagnosed as people who were labeled HSP went on to be diagnosed with ASD in adulthood. And I’d realized that it had never occurred to me because I’d never met anyone like me before because I’d only had classes with the same 3 autistic kids my entire life and other relationships with ND people weren’t really focused on that. Through finding out about having ADHD I slowly met more people over time that helped me see beyond that because I found a lot of relatability with autistic individuals at first then it got to be IDENTICAL experiences and slowly I had epiphany after epiphany from childhood and beyond of all the behaviors that had been written off because I was well mannered, spoke very well for my age etc but was just “extremely picky, shy and sensitive” but knowing as many people as I do now and knowing that relatability and support is there has been helpful.
@Gage For the record I'm in total agreement with you. My comment on it being a matter of perspective was commentary on the language more than a reversal aimed at perpetuating harmful ideas.
@Gage I would personally kill for better language with which to discuss evolution. Agency is built into the English language so it's really hard to work around that.
Multiple things to say here: 1. YES, I went through autistic burnout and bore-out at the same time. It was horrible. All of my hobbies and things I loved were too much stimulation or I couldn't plan them in because my routine was severely disrupted, and I was so easily overstimulated that I could barely listen to music. But I was so understimulated that I couldn't start anything or do anything at all. I was sitting in my chair all day and just... existing. It was a special kind of hell. It happened to me right after I graduated, because suddenly, my routine was gone, and I had too much free time to spend, and it made me so overwhelmed, and the sensory issues kept me from getting stimulated enough to actually do something or plan something. 2. I think one of the hardest things is to manage the autistic side of me when I am medicated for my ADHD. I may have to go on a different kind of medication again to deal with this. I am taking Ritalin, and while it works for my ADHD quite well, helps me do things, even though I mostly hyperfixate, I am actually able to just get up and do things (crazy, right?). But... when the meds wear off, I get hit with such intense hypersensitivity that any noise, bright lights, whatever, becomes unbearable. I started having more meltdowns after starting my meds again just for this reason alone. It takes me HOURS to recover after my meds wear off. If you have any experience with this and/or coping strategies, feel free to share! 3. I feel very much as if sometimes, my autistic needs and my ADHD needs are like opposite sides of a magnet, and I either get pulled by one or the other. I very much need routines, but I also need spontaneity and novelty. I would love to see people and have fun, but the anxiety of being around others is draining. Once I tried to sew, and it was boring, so I was like "I will do a number of these parts, then take a break" but my autistic side was like "Well, every part has to have the same amount of steps, it has to be the same, but you can't divide them equally, so no" and to this day I have not continued with the project. 4. I feel as if a lot of us have internalized shame when it comes to asking for help with certain things. I feel as if I am not allowed to ask my mum to help me clean my room, because "I should be able to do it on my own" even though apparently I am very much not able to. It makes me scared to move out and live on my own, but also... I can't deal with having people living with me since I need alone time so much. It's tough to find someone to help because I do most things the same way, and if someone cleans my room differently, I kinda freak out inside of my mind. I feel as if to manage both autism and ADHD, one has to learn to walk a very fine line between "risking bore-out" and "risking autistic burnout". It is really exhausting because both ADHD and autism are spectrums, bot having BOTH means you gotta accomodate a whole new kind of traits that emerge. It's really difficult
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! Especially the point 2, about ADHD medication. Have you tried caffeine+L-Theanine? If yes, did they have a similar effect? I've been coming to terms with a self-diagnosed ADHD for half a year now (stimulant medication isn't legal in my country, so I've been extra procrastinating on getting an official diagnosis) and for the past couple of weeks I have been delving into the ASD rabbit hole and crying a lot A couple of days after I started suspecting that I have ASD as well as ADHD, caffeine+L-Theanine pills I ordered some time ago finally arrived. And so I tried them, and I felt so calm, collected, and focused it made me cry. However, after a few hours I began noticing that I am way more sensitive to tastes than I usually am. A bit later I had such an intense surge of hypersensitivity in my hearing, taste, and tactile senses, I thought I'd go insane. I never knew that keyboard keys could be so tingly that a simple act of typing would overload my brain and make me cry. And I am usually only hypersensitive in the hearing department. It took ≈2 days for my sensitivity to return to normal It was extremely scary and I am grateful to know there are other people with similar experiences
Oh. 1 is how I am feeling right now. Got through some complicated emotional stuff recently and I feel a lot better, but I just couldn't work or do anything for the last two days, and I'm bored out of my mind. Glad to know this is something that will pass soon then. It is indeed a special kind of hell.
Holy crap is that what HAPPEND I have had this happen exactly as you described and I didn’t know what to call it but holy shit I have had it a couple times throughout life where it was bad for like a week. I felt dead
Wow I read the rest of your comment and we are the same. It makes me feel better to know Im not the only one. And I also take meds but I also have neglected any autistic side as I didn’t know it existed. So I struggle with my meds making me to over stimulated and with many intrusive thoughts. But I also what to do things like sew or cross stitch or paint, etc. but my mind is also like you have to do to right you have to set everything up, you have to highlight everything and make sure you do it properly and then I just stop cause it takes so much energy and focus. Most of the time I spend hours preparing for something and then… that’s it. It remains unfinished and hardly started.
I can now confirm that listening to some music and playing some games even when I really didn't feel like it and didn't enjoy it as much as I usually do when I do that, made me feel better on the next day. It's weird, and it's a revelation. Thanks.
Oof that "I forget to listen to music, but it actually really helps" hit really hard! I feel constatly like I forget how much I like to listen to music?? As if music (as a concept) just vanishes for me every now and then. I guess the plus side is "re-discovering" old songs I loved? Lol. Definitely think I'm AuDHD, the days of "Au: feeling so overwhelmed I can't move or think clearly" Vs "ADHD: body feel of f--king DO SOMETHING!" are just the worst, still figuring out how to manage it tbh. But thank you so much for you channel, the mix of "oh this is very helpful" and "wow other people feel this, too?" is amazing, thank you!!
Appropriate rest/space/quiet/routine is so incredibly important but unfortunately way too many people think it means I am lazy/worse as I just do not want/need/fit into the endless ridiculousness of this world. Took me a long time to find the balance I need with part time work, but it just makes people jealous instead of them realizing the ridiculousness they are part of/tolerating because it's "normal"
They're conditioned as well. I just feel sorry for them bc I know most would prefer sthg else if they could. And I also think ppl don't dare to be critical very much if you're just very assertive and assured when you say I work less bc I know what I need. Also - I have to deal with way less income bc I can't work 40 hours and still live. In that way it really is a kind of disability.
Doing Montessori pack parenting minimalist type of life now with the girls is just helping more treat my inner child. Im giving them the routine that i needed as a child and they deserve the best but it is ok to sometimes mess up and say sorry for it and still the effect is long term on them the peace they get from their minimal routine Simplicity parenting is a good book Quiet time in the routine usually when baby naps has a huge impact on us
An important way I’ve been able to show kindness to myself is taking 5 minutes when I get home from work to figure out what my body needs. I usually find it easiest for me to do in a low sensory environment (aka my closet with the lights off and no sound) I calm down a bit then I’m able to read the cues I missed like I haven’t had any water all day or my feet are freezing I need socks etc. I get my body what it needs before I go about the rest of my day and it’s been going a lot smoother
It’s because of your previous video on AuDHD that I went and got diagnosed for both. I knew about ADHD and was self diagnosed, but didn’t feel confident to get a formal diagnosis because it didn’t paint the whole picture for me and so I doubt my self diagnosis was completely correct. Until I watched your video, then boom! The whole picture was painted and I booked in right after watching the video lol 😆 I now have a formal diagnosis for AuDHD, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you 💕
Burn-out and bore-out at the same time? In my twenties I snuck out the back door in the middle of a hectic shift at work, drove home, and didn't get out of bed for a week. I had always referred to it as my "mini nervous breakdown" because I had no idea what the hell it was. For the first time, 30 years later, it makes sense. Thank you for that. Sincerely. I'm tearing-up as I type this. Thank you.
I understand. I used to get sent out of classes at school because i was crying too much. Had no idea why i was crying, bit could not stop. Other years or months, cant cry at all. This os not our fault. Overload is overload.
I find working the overlaps helps appease both. Binging special interests helps both. Stimming to music helps both. Intense flavours help both. Getting enough sleep...you get the idea. ADHD meds help me focus on my ASD needs - wearing earplugs, slowing down and focusing and not being as sensory seeking (moving slower and doing things methodically), getting my house in order, that kind of thing.
+1 to getting the house in order! My house has been a mess for my whole life. It’s been unpleasant but I just couldn’t help it, so I just learned to tolerate it even though I dislike the visual noise. Now I’m on meds for the adhd, I’ve slowly but surely been sorting out the messes, reorganising stuff so it makes sense. I’ve turned my “big box of cables” into a bunch of little labelled drawers each containing only one kind of cable. And so on.
YES to listening to music or podcasts while doing boring things! Literally the only way I can finish household tasks 😅 Something I really struggle with as an auDHDer is the "all or nothing" mindset! So I'll make a list of tasks, but once I start (which can take forever to begin with) I get this manic "I can do ALL the things!" impulse. Then I end up burning myself out after completing about 3/4 of the tasks. But I still feel satisfaction that I completed some things... it's a constant game my brain plays with itself! 😆 I don't think I'll be able to stick to only 10 minutes of doing a task, but I'm going to download your checklist (thank you for making that btw!!) because we all have to start somewhere 😊
I'm glad to have come across people with this experience. I always felt that my life is either in the fast lane or stuck on the hard shoulder [emergency lane].
I didn't realise how self critical I was until I was reading a book trying to learning mindfulness (mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world), and for the first time I realised there was a non-stop critical voice running through my head telling me all sorts of awful things about what I wazzock I was. I've still not quite achieved the ability to quiet my thoughts, but my son made me laugh the other day, he said 'each time that voice appears, remember it's your mother and nobody cares what she thinks'. I'll be 56 this year, only realised I might be autistic just before lockdown, and only realised I'm probably adhd as well when it was mentioned in a work OH appointment. Still waiting for an official diagnosis but the truth of the conflict is something my whole life has been about. Have been concentrating on appeasing the autistic side, but definitely need to pay attention to both, in a controlled manner.
Gosh I love the word ‘wassock’! 😂 I have that internalised criticising voice as well, it’s mostly my mother too. It’s very hard to continue a relationship with someone who berated me constantly as a child when I feel almost responsible for now as I have clearly matured beyond her levels of self awareness. Your son is right. I believe meditation can help. It’s just hard to calm the ‘engine’ that’s constantly running in order to do it.
"It's not gonna go away, that's just how your brain works" that's the hardest part to get my family to understand - and to accept for yourself I can MANAGE my adhd and stuff, but just because I was better at acting more normal for them they thought it was equal to my adhd not being present, or that the meds help suppress the adhd, instead of what they're actually doing: helping me manage it. This is never gonna go away, and I'm not sad about that, even though, yes, it frustrates me often that this is how I am - but I also wouldn't be me without it. That's the hardest part for other people to understand, that it's ALWAYS there, not just in certain situations, and that you can't "get over it" because it affects every part of your life, every day, every moment. I'm so lucky and grateful that I found friends who, even though they don't understand a lot of the things I do, still just roll with it and go along and respect it when I say I can't do certain things with them, or are willing to change plans to something I'm okay to do so we can still hang out Also, tho, "planned spontaneity" - yes, yes, absolutely - I pick times (sometimes a full day, but mostly a couple hours every day) where I know I can "go off the grid" without consequences and just kinda let my brain off the leash and follow every whim, impulse, or idea - it's incredibly stress-relieving
I find the "bore out" and "burn out" thing happens to me after something mega, like not having a break from the kids all weekend or missing out on my Monday zone out day. It's like a feeling of extreme irritability and depression and guilt at the same time. It's awful. I find I can mostly get rid of it by putting on a TV show that is fairly mindless but has enough going on that I stay entertained (usually drag race) AND playing a fairly chill game alongside it, like a city builder. Neither requires much thought but does require some thought that my autism and ADHD are entertained. Autism is happy with the city builder, ADHD is happy with the city builder and the wonderful entertainment provided by drag race. ALSO! I have recently bought Sam's workbook and it's brilliant. Can't recommend it enough!
@@squeakyratgamingyou probably thought you were sigma for loving Minecraft 😂. I've recently watched about 50 autism videos and I'm starting to belive I might be autistic as well. Only problem is I understand social interactions and don't struggle much with it, but i will rather save my energy if I'm not interested in a certain outcome. Fun fact some of my friends used to believe I was the most extroverted because of how well i could socially interact. According to David Goggins: they don't know me son. Also, I try not to play building games because I can get lost in it them. Then might play it for an unhealthy amount of time. Which might lead to me getting fired. I like having money, so can't risk that 😂. The ironic about me going down this rabbit hole of autism related videos was me trying to figure out a girl I'm currently dating and why somedays she limits conversations. she matches almost everything in this video and many more, but at this point I'm trying to find out about myself as well.
@@sneak9407 Never played minecraft. My games of choice are either cities skylines (after growing up on simcity) or other survivals that allow me to base build (hello 1.6k hours in ark xD)
Combination burned out and bored out makes so much sense to my brain. The desire to do ALL the things mixed with significant overwhelm at the smallest tasks.
I started exercising to help with depression, which may have actually been autistic burnout caused by moving 1400km to a new province. I find it helps the adhd a bit and definitely helped my mood so it had to continue.The autistic side now insists that the exercise must happen at a specific time of day and I get stressed out when I can't, unless I've had advance warning to make a new plan. It's seeing things like this that make me really understand how these 2 seemingly opposite conditions coexist.
I have been writing a similar list for decades now 😂 I keep diaries and used to judge myself so hard…I’m much kinder now I know but I understand the fiction. 😊
I struggle with Time so much. I have realised that if I am in a room or out where there ar eno physical prompts around time, I have no clue how much time has passed. This leads to people noticing I take ages to do things such as going I to the bathroom etc. I seem to rely on remembering how long a certain journey takes, such as it takes twenty minutes to drive to work from my house, but then this does not allow any time for getting ready or anything like traffic or getting fuel etc. So I have always been either last minute or late my whole life for anything.
i've literally been on severe burnout for the past two/three weeks from my adhd and autism because of work, stress about my future (i'm only 18) and just not having any sort of regulation in my life because of my hyperfixations and getting distracted. i know this video will help, but i'm taking it one day at a time and one of my goals for this year is to not hold myself to NT standards and to work _with_ my neurodivergencies and not against them 😊
👍👍Open video call is a great idea, I haven't tried that exactly but I've found "study along" livestreams really useful! Scheduled housekeeping time would be great for me, I will work on that 👍 Thanks Sam! 👍👍
This resonates with me so much! I especially get having to navigate between burnout and bore-out. My life often feels like I'm walking on one of those rickety old hand-made bridges that are just wooden planks held together by rope that are featured in a lot of old movies, and I've got to tread very carefully so I don't fall through. I often feel overwhelmed and often feel bored. I feel like I've found a good balance between the two most of the time, but it's an everyday challenge to make sure I have a healthy level of stimulation. I've personally found that reading and video games are great ways to both prevent or recover from burnout but also to deal with boredom. Both activities provide me with a moderate amount of controlled stimulation that satisfy both my autism and ADHD.
Your comment resonates so much with me as well as the video. I do pretty much the same thing, if the day was hard and I still have energy left when I get home I play games and if I dont have energy its either reading or go to "sleep" basically turn off the lights, lie down and let the brain do its thing.
You've just helped me realise why reading HAS to be a part of my day (and not just at bedtime). I knew it helped me feel good but your comment has helped me see that it's because it satisfies BOTH my autism and ADHD. Yesssss! Thank you!
Thinking about ADHD bore-out and autistic burnout as something that can both happen at the same time has really helped me to understand my situation. Lately, I've been so stressed out and overwhelmed by my day-to-day life, mostly from work and social obligations, that I've just been too tired to really do much of anything and I've started isolating myself a lot (more than usual), which has lead to a feeling of under-stimulation and restlessness that I simply don't have the energy to fully address. I feel so helplessly trapped in my own mind that it is honestly suffocating, and it's hard not to feel like nothing more than a useless burden when even something as simply as basic everyday responsibilities becomes too much for me to handle. Thank you for putting out this video, it's super helpful to be reminded that I am not alone in these struggles and there are people out there that can help. Oh yeah, and that bit about alcohol... I can definitely relate to that, more than I'd like to admit.
Holy crap............... this describes my entire experience. And I JUST went through a long phase of burn-out and bore-out. I had no words to describe it at the time or even understand it! Thank you!
At 39 years old, I’ve only recently come to the realization that I am on the spectrum. I’ve done more research on this, than anything ever haha The pandemic took me out of my restaurant job, that I was already suffering massive burnout from. It is 3 years later and I’m only now starting to come out of it…. Mainly since I have the words to describe my experience now. Channels like yours have helped sooo much in finding my own voice. 🥰
Yeah, it was during this time, while trying to understand covid and overall health, that I learned how studies show a connection between congenital heart conditions like mine, ADHD, and/ or autism. I'm also not the only one in my family to have these traits. So, maybe there is genetic predisposition to all 3 in my family's gene pool. Whether it's correlation or causation, ( there are different theories about neurodevelopment,) it makes a huge difference to consider this new information. * As you'd mentioned, being able to relate and *describe experiences is meaningful.
@@lizhyink5636 Sooo meaningful! I’m sorry we go through this! I have been dealing with food reactions for over a decade. Bad ones. Anaphylaxis and lots of mouth sores mainly… also PMDD or PME has been just “the best” 😅😞🙃 Also my lack of good posture, mixed with working hunched over for my bartending and serving jobs and also small freak accidents, have caused extreme neck and shoulder pain and tightness. I was diagnosed with Stenosis & arthritis in my neck and so many other issues and yet autism is something I found on my own. They would always try to push antidepressants on me, even when I would tell them that u just feel different. I’m not sad for No reason… I had plenty. Being told I’m over sensitive was a constant, like it was My problem. It’s like finding this out, has made all of the negative voices of my past, start to dissipate. I’m still trying to get back to it… more like just finding a true new normal for me.
I got my ADHD diagnosis about a year ago but I find that strategies and even medication have not been enough. I’m now in the journey of getting a diagnosis for autism, which I feel so identified with when described in combination. Your channel has been a great source of new avenues to think about what I need and how to deal with, well, life. Thank you so much for your work!! It means a lot specially for people in countries/cultures where neurodiversity is stigmatized and not well understood even by mental health providers.
I got mine via the "right to choose route" in the UK via my GP and then via ADHD 360 who are now incorporating ASD 360. The assessment and diagnostic procedure was amazingly quick and painless and completely free of charge. Highly recommend
I was feeling that a lot in the last year. I got my ADHD diagnosis in 2020 and got an Autism diagnosis from a different RN Practitioner in April. Now she isn't sure if I have ADHD now. Meanwhile I feel like she's a bit dated in her understanding of ADHD. I have immersed myself in learning about both conditions and this channel and I know I have both. Yet people closest to me question both these conditions. So now I'm looking into a second opinion and getting a diagnosis with someone with a PhD or PsyD. If you haven't gotten a diagnosis yet I recommend making sure the practitioner has a higher level credential or at least expertise in both Autism and ADHD.
I can relate to so much of what you’re saying. It’s really lovely actually to know there are other AuDHDers out there battling two sides of their brains at once 😂
Someone with both diagnoses here. It's been difficult coming to my own list of 'best practice's. I can't help but wonder if this should be a real diagnosis and given how fast the DSM can totally flip their views as new research comes in, it could happen if people who deal with it make their selves heard. Thank you for doing your bit on that front. Damage has been done by giving people diagnoses that may be contradicting the other undiagnosed thing. I try to be self compassionate if I react differently to some other people with my diagnosis. When your perspective, the ONE perspective you've ever been given access to as a human being, is not understood, sometimes that's all you can do.
The blooper reel was just what I needed today! Actually the whole video. I seem to have moved into the dark, pathologizing language part of my ADHD assessment, so it meant so much to see a kind face. The content was very helpful too, but just your being there and being you made me feel like the world is not so horrible and lonely. Thank you for all you do, Sam.
This is one of the best videos yet. Thank you for it! One might go back to therapy if one could find a therapist who gets this stuff! God knows, this is a real struggle! You are helping!
10:56 - moral support is super underrated. Just having someone sit there with me makes me feel like i'm not alone, and that i have backup. My biggest fear has always been "the unknown" and the future is the biggest unknown thing. So it doesnt matter how well planned something is, or how innocuous.... I get anxiety (not bad, but still there) just pulling up to a drivethru and ordering food because i worry that the person won't understand what i'm ordering or that it will be wrong, or that i'll upset them in some way. It took me a long time to realize that most people don't actually care about those little interactions and that I needed to just remember that other people just want to finish the task at hand, and won't think about the transaction afterward. (Unlike me who will sometimes fret over an interaction that i had days or months or years ago).
I don’t know if I’m AuDHD (I am diagnosed with ADHD) but I relate heavily to everything, and find this (and other videos you’ve made) very helpful. Thank you so much! ❤
>I was a very small child, I was diagnosed w/Mild Ataxia Cerebral Palsy (I found documentation in regards to this when I was a young teen) >my balance & gait are more severe when I’m extremely tired or when I not feeling well. >And when I’m exhausted or sleepy, my left eye turns inward & my ankles turn in (pronate). >Plus, I get physical tic on my face when feeling this way >Treatment I had until I was 14: physical therapy for my legs & feet & wore orthopaedic shoes w/Thomas heels & ankle braces/splints >Since one of my legs is longer than the other (which caused my mild scoliosis & sciatica) & I was extremely short as a kid & looked 2 to 4yrs younger than my age, but the only way this could be an operation & stay in a wheelchair for a year. >neuro-ophthalmology therapy (didn’t work) & then I had surgery in my eyes - shortening tendons next to my eyeballs as a teen. >As a young adult, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD (in undergrad uni). And possibly having Asperger’s Syndrome. >It wasn’t till I was age 35 (I’m 51 now), I got officially diagnosed w/Nonverbal Learning Disorder w/Sensory Processing Disorder. >I was referred to due to multiple neurological disorders & an incident where I lost a lot of blood, possibly neurological /TIA. >This is when I got diagnosed with Nonverbal Learning Disorder & Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD isn’t in the DSM 5R) through an occupational therapist. Since I was a clinical therapist & a Special Needs & Gifted Needs teacher, I’m quite aware /familiar w/these conditions. I’m convinced that I was passionate about helping students w/ special needs & I can identify various conditions due to my childhood experiences & vice versa.
Just washed dishes in an extremely brainfoggedstate due to a cold and burnout and bore out… just watching videos like yours helps me start and struggle through these painful tasks. Thanks.
Thank you for this video! Once when I first realized I might be autistic I tried to look up tips and tricks. I ended up with links about how to "deal" with neuro-divergent folks instead. It was disheartening at the time so I appreciate this vid!
I like the advice of using music to pump you up and focus you because I find doing work is a lot easier when I can stim while listening to music in... Too many different ways to list. Just be sure to accommodate people you're working with/near by making sure you can both hear one another.
Thanks Sam for those great ideas I really need to put more time into going easier on myself. I used to meditate a lot. But with how hectic life has been for me in the past few years with work I had forgotten to make time for myself and to help myself. So you reminded me on that and that I need to just take a step back to nurture myself in a easy way that doesn’t make me feel overwhelmed.
Thank you! ❤ I’m 52 now and I have figured this out about myself in the past few years with loss and illness of parents and pandemic throwing me out of routine and out of life 😂. I’m working on an official diagnosis currently but I’m glad that I now know why I am me. Of course at 52, it’s a little going through the stages of grief and bounced back and forth then cycle through again etc… but I’m hopeful ❤
Finding a job that balance's both sides is also very useful. you spend so much time at work that if that's good, the rest of your life becomes more bearable. For example I'm a theatre nurse, the narrow focus and quietness suits my autism side but it has just enough novelty and excitement to keep the adhd side happy.
This is so interesting. I’m autistic and I just recently started thinking I might also have ADHD. I’ve gone through a lot of burnouts, but I didn’t realize there’s also a name for bore outs! I totally experienced that during semester breaks in school. I would feel sort of depressed but also kind of itchy like I needed to move and do things. I would start rearranging the furniture and furiously cleaning the entire house. I don’t really get that nowadays because I am too tired to do any of that stuff 😂 but managing my day to day life is a huge struggle, I’m constantly forgetting appointments. I have this constant sense of oh my god I have so much stuff to do. Even if it’s just two or three things. But like, I do the things and then more things need to be done. I can never keep on top of it 😭
I've recently found your channel and I've learned so much! My 7yr old son has ASD and ADHD (combined type). I'm trying to learn more about what it is like for him and how to better support him. Thank you so much for sharing your story and things that have helped you! 💗💗
I have one son with adhd (still in diagnosis) and one with autism. They enjoy each other but they can get on each other‘s nerves with their opposed preferences 😅
I have finally figured out that with my routines, I still need to get everything done, but I do it in different order everytime. like you’re saying, I also add some fun things to keep me engaged with my routines:)
Thank you so much for this video! I have gotten so much criticism from friends and family who say that I’m either being lazy or bougie for hiring a housekeeper, but it makes such a huge difference for me! They can clean my whole house in two hours whereas I might get bogged down in cleaning just my desk for two hours because I have to go through so many steps, in a specific order to do it, and might get distracted going down memory lane with the things I find in my drawer-which I will then want to take pictures of and send to my friends to go down memory lane with me…. Plus, I’m most productive between 3am and 7am, but now that I have a kid, I can’t make noise at odd hours or stay up that late and still be awake for them after they wake up. It costs me too much in my own time-and mental and emotional energy-to clean my own house. I’m less stressed and more likely to eat dinner regularly, if I pay someone else to do it.
I've only recently been diagnosed as autistic but believe I'm also ADHD and probably a few others too. You asked if anyone thinks they have been burnt out at the same time as bored out. This resonated and I would definitely yes. I have been in a ground hog day situation with autistic burn out for 10+ years and this is in part due to not having a diagnosis but also because I go too hard too fast to deal with my ADHD needs. I still have no idea how to stay out of burn out but I am outsourcing and asking for help now that I at least understand what's going on. Thanks for your videos. They are all so helpful
Dual burn out and bore-out! I never thought of it that way. At work I had a really demanding project that I spent about a year focusing on, then that deliverable went live, and i dropped that project (and everything else) like they were suddenly granite slabs. This was two years ago, and I'm only feeling now that I am recovering to a more sustainable approach to working. Thank you so much for explaining these concepts, it means the world to feel like things I experience have words and descriptions.
"I always forget to listen to music but when I do it makes me feel good." This hits so hard. Some months ago I've listened to music after a long time. But not just any music but songs I've loved many years ago. I was laying in my bed and cried because I've missed that so much. I'm also constantly thinking about what planning system would work best for me. Currently I'm using a modified version of the Bullet Journal. Mainly I'm using a small ring binder so I can rearrange the sheets and make use of registers to put everything in groups. At first it was super exciting but now I don't want to make the monthly sheets anymore 😅
Thank you Sam! You're the best! Loved: [You need to accept yourself for who you are and not feel like you're a failure]. "So the solution is to not be bad at stuff. A part of letting other people help you is releasing yourself from this self-constructed mental prison and just think about what you could achieve, what you could do with your life if you focused on your natural strengths and talents instead of worrying about the things you're not good at and suddenly clinging to the myth of Independence."
yeah, I've been there, having a burn out and a bore out at the same time. I think many times in my life, which explains all the wrong diagnosis of bipolar and such, but more aware of it all know I went through exactly that just some months ago. For a couple months in a burnout going through waves of depression, feeling desperately needing to do something, see a friend, dance, whatever, but everytime I tried I was overwhelmed immediately, and knowing that it was "silly" to be so overwhelmed for things that were obvious part of what I wanted/needed to do, but not really finding a way around it.... so I just did the bits that I could, and retreated, I also self medicated a bit on ocasions, but way less than I used to and way more aware of what I was doing with it (cuz yeah, much like you I went through it all most of my life without knowing why I was like I was.... I identify with most of what you say in your videos, it's almost scary, hahah - so btw, thank you so much for what you do -, and yeah, I did use alcohol way to often and from a young age to cope), while trying to find my way back to balance yet again. I think a huge part in achieving that balance is finding the right friends that would get you and let you be, whatever "you" could do and is at that moment. Not upset or pressuring for me to be more "fun", social or whatever, or for me dissapearing whenever I have to and for as long as I need to. Good friends are gold.
Recently I’ve been watching Netflix/TH-cam when I really don’t feel like taking a shower or when I do the dishes. This helps sooo much and I don’t associate either as being « bad » as much and sometimes find myself not needing to watch something.
9:07 "i always forget to listen to music but when i do it makes me feel good" literally captured my entire essence!! on my 45min commute to work i will be so caught up in my own thoughts that by the time i park i realize - oh i just rode the entire way in silence 😅 10:57 oh my god and the body doubling too!! i HATE doing laundry so much that i would rather clean the bathroom or do dishes, but if i have someone there with me as i fold and put it away, then i can do it no problem! often times my boyfriend and i will both fold our own laundry together side by side and it really helps me! 15:30 this is similar to another thing my boyfriend and i implemented in our household! we call it our "15 minute chore". basically set a timer for 15 mins and just spend that time doing any daily cleaning you see that needs to be done. we had a whiteboard in the kitchen that we would update and write what chore(s) we did for 15 min that day! (we had extremely different work schedules, so we would do our chores at different times) this really kept us accountable and with each of us doing just 15 minutes (combined 30 mins!!) every day helped us SO much! no more overflowing trash or mountain of dishes due to being busy and feeling overwhelmed. especially with me since i have an "all or nothing" mindset where i feel the need to complete everything all at once, which just thinking about that would stress me out to the point of needing to lay down and then i can't even do anything. so just making a rule of strictly 15 mins really really helped me!
Burn out & Bore out at the same time... YES!!! Ive gound they generally hit after BIG changes in my life thaf required alot of planning/energy/mental use (ending University, change of job & city, after my Wedding, birth of a child, loss of a parent after sickness etc etc).
14:00 Yes, I use a combination of electronic and paper: A pretty but streamlined desk blotter calendar hung on the wall for at-a-glance overview of my month, and my phone's google calendar for auditory reminders to prep and leave for appointments. Several times a year I have to resist the urge to buy a planner, but they never work well for me, just waste a lot of time with upkeep. For me, planners are an excuse to excessively "plan," instead of doing or living. Then I close them and either forget or constantly dig them out and recheck and cross reference everything. But with a wall calendar, I can walk over or glance up, see my (2 or 3! 😅) Big things for the day, and not get derailed.
For me I think the autistic burnout overwhelms everything else including the ADHD. It all gets put on the back burner. Nothing that would usually motivate me and feed the ADHD beast even exists. It's like the brain shuts all drive down in an attempt to cope and come back to level ground. At this stage I become incredibly inward focused. This happens during both meltdown and burnout. As the brain comes around, and the ADHD motor starts running again, I go back to the diverse brain food that makes life so fun. How long I stay in that state will depend on whether it is burnout or just meltdown.
OMG, the “somebody sitting there and watch me do it” completely hit home. I know it’s weird and creepy. But that works magic for me. That is why I’m on Focusmate. 🙏🙏🙏 Thanks for mentioning that.
I'm not sure if I have ever had a burn out... though I don't fully understand it... I think I have had a bore out... if it is what I think it it. Some days I have just been bored at everything, and just spend the entire day on TH-cam jumping from video to video, and starting to watch a different video when I begin to feel bored... and usually keeping the tab with the video open in case I want to watch it in the future. Also, it feels like I have experienced more of that after 2020 and even more when I finished school. (I am not diagnosed with anything, I just suspect that I might have ADHD or Autism, or maybe both.)
Keeping it brief because I'm actually having an autistic burn-out this weekend while still trying to prevent a "bore-out". But I remember how both at the same worked for me. At the beginning of the pandemic I was in a literal burnout for unrelated reasons (mostly due to moving). Not in the mood to do anything, not even things I liked, because I just didn't have the energy for it. So I became very under-stimulated to the point of quite literally shutting down. I functioned like a PC that you left on while doing nothing with it, eventually it just goes into sleep mode. But I can assure you, I certainly didn't feel like I was waking up from a nice nap afterwards. Which brings me back to now, just trying to some little things at a slow pace. Moving that mouse a little bit to keep the PC awake but no heavy gaming or it might overheat. (I'm very used in using computers as imagery if that wasn't obvious)
Thank you! I’m 21 and just found out I’m on the spectrum but I’ve known that I had add (adhd) for years and got diagnosed with anxiety freshman year of college and it’s nice to have clarity but it’s so scary so thank you for having this video ❤❤❤
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Thank you very much for this video, and all of your other cideos too. I am 46 years old, I came to realise I have AuDHD a couple of months ago. I've been in an autistic burn-out and also I identify I am "bore-out" too. It's been dificult, as it is for everyona, but this journe of self knowing and self discovering it's been very liberating.
Currently (I think) going through a burnout and really struggling.. but this video is so helpful - all of your videos are so bang on with everything and I’ve sent them to friends and family and it’s helped them understand my autism and adhd as well.. Thankyou!!
@@KAIMAOFFICIAL lots of open communication with my loved ones, even when difficult, had big a huge improvement. Also, changing what I can has been the biggest thing…. Giving myself a bedtime routine, that’s for me…. Having strong things to smell… soft music… mainly change… change that I choose. Things that slowly change my day to day functioning mainly. Figuring out what I truly need and really looking at the dark stuff too.
Super long comment ahead! I'm a writer~📚 I've recently suspected having Autism Spectrum Disorder, and I also now believe I may have ADHD along with it. I never thought I had these things due to meeting people who were one or the other and not relating to them all that much. 😅 Before, I thought ADHD was all about being very hyper and not being able to focus. While I've always been rather talkative (depending on the situation), I can focus well enough (if I'm interested or see an essential need, at least). If anything, I could hyperfocus - so I ignorantly saw ADHD as impossible for me. With autism, I thought it was mainly about having a learning disability, inability to handle sensory stimuli or change at all, and being very socially awkward. I ignorantly defined it by the extremes alone. I didn't consider the variation in meltdowns, how they can be different depending on the person on the spectrum. I've been learning a lot these past few months, and coming across your channel has been yet another enlightening experience. 🙏🏻 I'm 26, and I'm a freshman in college (started late, didn't want to go until I was sure of what I wanted to do). I'm also a single mom to a son who turns 4 today! 🎉 I've gone through a lot of trauma all throughout my life. I was diagnosed Bipolar Disorder when I was in elementary school, then Moderate Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder in middle school. Come early high school, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder again. Once I reached my senior year, it went back to the other diagnoses. Upon graduating, I was also diagnosed with PTSD. Trauma therapy worked well with me, more than any of my other therapies did. Another thing to note is that the medications I was put on throughout my entire life never worked on me, which is apparently common with those who are autistic rather than having the other disorders. In my earlier twenties, my psychiatrist suspected I had Borderline Personality Disorder. I wasn't officially diagnosed, but I was put into a combo of DBT/CBT with a psychologist as treatment. The DBT part was TRANSFORMATIVE for me, and after just 3 months I was improving vastly. I was actually declared "too stable" to continue my treatment (free therapy works like that where I live; must have need to qualify). This wouldn't happen so fast with someone who actually had BPD, so I wasn't diagnosed with it in the end. Now, as I've entered my mid twenties, I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD. I needed to be institutionalized last November due to a mental health crisis, the scariest one I've had yet. It happened shortly after beginning college and when my sister, her husband, and their 4 kids moved in with me and my parents (haven't been able to hold a job for a while; I have physical ailments, too). Not to mention, many of my family members don't believe mental health is real. I've been judged, condemned, and misunderstood my whole life. "Lazy, dramatic, ungrateful, overly sensitive," and more. It still happens today. The father of my child is the reason I'm physically disabled now, and he's rather malicious - but in a very subtle, cunning way. The kind of person that evokes an emotional response and then paints you as the crazy one. I've had to learn how to be a stone with him, which is INCREDIBLY stressful. Sadly, I believe the depression and anxiety ring true now - I've found a medication that has indeed worked (no more suicidal ideation). Though, the PTSD is much less prevalent in my life. Upon learning about ASD/ADHD, it makes sense to me why I'm still having these depressive symptoms and anxiety despite the medications. It's because I lack routine and order, yet I desperately crave it. I'm a gifted student and don't struggle with learning (4.0 GPA still going so far), but I do struggle with procrastination, overwhelm, and burnout. Sometimes, I'll get bored because things are easy and/or repetitive. But the overwhelm also kicks in with having so much I need to do and too much going on around me that I will completely freeze. It's so frustrating. It's like my mind goes blank and shuts down entirely, and this has been getting worse as I continue with my college classes. I've learned that I've masked my whole life; I was a social chameleon. I got such anxiety in school because I couldn't handle the sensory stimuli. I heard it's also common for women with autism to struggle with eating disorders at a young age, which I did beginning in middle school. I never felt like I fit in. People would call me rude or disrespectful when I genuinely thought I was being polite. I was always "too much" or "not enough" for others. Jokes still go over my head because I take everything so literally. I also learned I didn't start speaking until I was 1 and a half (very late, which I read is common with autistic children). I've always had obsessive interests, but they'd change and vary through time. Anime/manga, personality types (Jung psychology, etc), drawing/sketching, writing, reading, certain shows/movies or celebrities, certain types of items (rocks, shells, leaves, flowers, etc), learning how to do make up and cut hair, etc. I always considered myself a collector of hobbies - addicted to learning new things. Always loved being alone, but hated not having someone to talk to when I felt the need to vent or share. I've always gone back and forth, my whole life. It all makes sense now! Jesus. Even with the way I sleep, like the t-rex arms, rubbing my feet together like crickets, rocking myself or shaking my leg. The finger tapping, fidgeting, tapping my ear, or (here's a weird one) sucking on my hair when I was a kid. Seriously, what's up with that? Also, was anyone else afraid of the sound of a flushing toilet or vaccuum cleaner? Because I was. It terrified me as a kid. 🤣 The sounds of loud cars or motorcycles are painful to my ears, or the feedback on a microphone. Too many people talking to me at once will make me want to scream. God forbid multiple people trying to give me directions - I'll straight up tell them to stfu. 💯 It's amazing to me how I wasn't diagnosed sooner. I plan to get officially diagnosed in the future. I want to go back into DBT, and I want to better manage my life. I've always said the one thing I was missing is routine, and if I had that? I'd be superwoman. But I struggle SO DAMN MUCH with consistency and motivation. I always feel so fatigued, tired, and apathetic. Overwhelmed, empty, and just.. blank. And then, boom - a crying fit out of nowhere, smacking my hands on my head or pulling at my hair. What would soothe me is pressing my forehead against a cool wall. Seriously, how did I not know I was Autistic sooner? Or that I likely have ADHD? I can't wait for more research to come out to help people like us. Then, we'd be able to understand ourselves from the start rather than grow up believing we're defective and spend years in therapy trying to unlearn that. We're not defective. We're just different - and that's okay! 💐
Yep, the length of your comment.. definitely autistic 😂 ❤️ In earnestness, it sounds like you finally have answers for your struggles and that must be such a relief! Do try to find support and don’t let anyone tell you your struggles aren’t real. All the best for you and your son 🥰
Your journey of being diagnosed with a gazillion "well, idk, maybe it's this" things over your life is identical to what I went through when I was younger. It is incredible that this is so frequently misdiagnosed and it seems like the signs for how this works are constantly misinterpreted by professionals. I have been diagnosed with, hah, let's see...BPD, ODD, Bipolar, an incorrectly diagnosed diagnosis of ADHD (they thought they could find out by making me take ADHD meds and seeing if those helped me: lmao no they didn't), one psychologist was just convinced that I was a sociopath and at one point someone thought I was an Indigo Child (I kid you not). Gotta love how often these psychologists just love to assume a kid has something that makes them innately unbearable to society and will make that kid think they're like that until someone else comes along to clear the fog of confusion and doubt. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and may we both begin to find the ways to help ourselves stand up and empower ourselves and others like us.
@@Luc_ienn People with ASD are commonly indigo children! I believe in that, actually. ♡ Nothing wrong with it~ Starseed stuff is epic. Thanks for sharing! I'm glad we could resonate with one another. ☆
Sorry for adding a second comment - but I started doing this at work - have an ADHD burst, for just twenty minutes, then drop back into the autistic nature and connecting to other people on the basis of an endlessly apologetic persons, again brilliant video 😊
Yes! I’ve experienced burnout and boredom simultaneously , which apparently to a therapist, looks a lot like what people with BPD experience in terms of the feeling of emptiness (feeling extremely overwhelmed yet wanting to do stuff)
Talked to my therapist about BPD for this reason. She said that it is very, very rare for people to actually have BPD. One component of which for diagnosis is an extreme attachment anxiety, which I don't have at all, and neither do most autistic people, I would imagine. She said autism / ADHD (AuDHD) is far more common.
@@ModMINI I never had any abandonment or attachment issues. The only time I’ve ever not felt good about being abandoned was when an ex broke up with me out of nowhere on the day we were planning to go get Chinese food for a date. And also when my spouse cheated (2x) and I couldn’t trust him to go anywhere. It was more about hyper vigilant than abandonment though. Other that that, I love love love being alone and having me time in my own space and would be perfectly happy with only the tv on and rubbing my feet together! 🤣
Interestingly women with autism are mostly misdiagnosed with BPD I think that’s what happened to me, I haven’t got a diagnosis yet for autism but was diagnosed with BPD, but when I met my husband who has high functioning autism he said “are you sure you don’t have autism” It’s the first time I ever thought about it and now I really do believe I am on the autistic spectrum and not BPD
I've known for a looooong time that I have ADHD. Like years, but have only just started my diagnosis. I'm 6 months into a 3 year wait for diagnosis. This specific video has literally just made me realise that I'm autistic too... wow. Mind-blowing moment right here
Oh Sam, you did it again. I just can't thank you enough for your wonderful work that has become my number one resource in my AuDHD discovery phase and now I'm my unmasking and accommodating journey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have made such a difference already in the two months since I discovered your work.
Outsourcing is great, really. In theory. Gosh, how I do agree though. I'm crying on the inside 'cause, while I see clearly I need help so badly in certain areas, and I'm more than willing to actually outsource, but... My main issue is the things like the process of outsourcing itself, the seeking and finding the right person. I'm so tired now, after making bad choices in the past, and disappointed in the people I thought I can trust. I just don't know anymore where to search
That combo burnout/bore-out... I'm AuDHD (combined ADHD), and at the point I'm describing here, wasn't medicated for ADHD, though I was on antidepressants (thinking my utter lack of executive function or energy were depression symptoms rather than untreated/ignored ADHD). I usually quite enjoy immersive computer gaming, reading, story-driven things, all that type of thing. But I went through a period of several months where I just... couldn't... I couldn't sit down and get started into anything. I couldn't make myself read, I couldn't make myself pick up a game that I'd been really engrossed in the story of. The best way that I could articulate it is that I was incapable of the 'emotional buy-in' for these kind of things. Like I couldn't front the emotional energy to start doing something that would, generally speaking, make me feel better and that I'd enjoy. As a result I just.. sat there much of the time, doomscrolling social media or youtube channels I already knew, or occasionally playing something like Hearthstone, that was zero emotional buy-in or satiation of any kind, but at least gave me tiny amounts of dopamine. It was horrible, and frustrating as all hell. I literally couldn't do the things that usually would make me feel better, and I was completely burned out, under and over stimulated at the same time, and bored out of my mind. I.. don't even really know what brought me out of it to be honest. I think I lucked out having a couple of days where I'd gotten enough rest that I had a miniscule bit of energy and function, and my partners had dealt with enough of the house stuff that the dishes or whathaveyou weren't draining me just from knowing they existed, and my girlfriend showed me a book that I hadn't read, by one of my favourite YA authors as a kid, and I had just barely enough energy to grasp at this straw, and being fluffy YA the book was just the right combination of familiar style, interesting, and easy to get into, and once I got started things became a lot easier to pull out of, because I was finally getting something that both sides of my brain needed. I've slipped down similar paths again since then, but never to anywhere near the same degree as that 3-4 month period of grey boredom-frustration.
Thank you for making this video. Diagnosed with ADHD in April 2022 and Autism in December 2022 - I am aged 40. So little signposting of anything helpful or supportive after diagnosis. Videos like this help so much to make me feel less alone and start to accept myself - plus practical advice. I have had to quit my job due to what I now know is Autistic burn out and need to get back on track for my family and so I can work/earn again.
My most recent case of Bore-out and Burn-out came after I got food poisoning and ran out of my medication. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and struggling to manage my body while at the same time I had been doing nothing but being sick for days and my craving for novel things was so high that even watching TH-cam, or scrolling through social media was boring because it didn't feel new enough.
The problem with executive function with dual diagnosis, is that once you get something to work, your ADHD says “I’m Bored!!!!” Let’s quit what we were doing now and makes everything a mess. Maybe because a dopamine hit of being in a stressful situation and overcoming it. I do the dishes in the morning before I start to work and plan my day. It is now ingrained that I have to do it or feel lost. My new obsessive thing right now, is the stoic philosophers. So, I read a book called the Daily Stoic, and journal on it. I try also, and hope it will work with my impulsive emotional regulation, and my mouth when someone confronts me and gets in my space.
Let me know bc I can’t even do that at all. Once I lose control of my emotions nothing will stop it. Be careful with this idea bc eventually those emotions have to come out and be expressed
An interesting thought is that simultaneously with autistic burnout, under stimulated ADHD can aggravate the situation. It explains quite well why ADHD becomes a significant problem in a burnt-out state, even if it does not interfere significantly in my normal state (when I don't notice my ADHD, or at least can keep it under control if noticed).
Re: ADHD bore-out/autistic burnout - I did not come here to be called out like this. Okay, fine, I kinda did, but didn't expect it to describe the last 3 years of my life so accurately. *MAJOR* upheavals in my life, one right after the other, and once COVID hit, I crashed. I'm both overwhelmed and bored, and I thought it was depression, but I've been there (hospitalized, even) and this ain't it. ADHD dx, and, to say something that most clinicians would hate to hear, thanks to things like TikTok and TH-cam, I'm recognizing the autism that's always been there. It's hardly a new thought, it's been in the back of my mind for years, but it wasn't until I heard stories from actual autistic people and then AuDHD people that I finally recognized myself.
Wow! This is me!! I'm in a really awful place! And, I don't know how to execute any of this! What now? I'm newly audhd diagnosed, well a few years, in my 40s. This on top of bpd, mdd, GAD, sad, ptsd... God it's often an awful existence. Help. Oh! And, very recently diagnosed w hypothyroidism. I feel too weak and too broken. OH! And, I love the bloopers at the end! Great touch!
Thank you, someone very close to me has been dealing with a Bipolar diagnosis that we don't agree with. How you explained burnout is a perfect example of what happens for her. This video was a blessing, you are fantastic and great on video, great face of either one, and a perfect one for both.
ong thank you for making this!! as an AuDHD-er myself i’ve always struggled to find advice that helps, since most of of it would only be targeted towards one or the other and would therefore not work as well
One of the talking gadgets like Alexa can be useful for reminders for things like when to start cooking and when to take medication if you take any that needs to be done same time every day
Just ordered your workbook. Diagnosed adhd, seriously thinking I'm autistic too, and took 3 self tests that said "hell yeah you are". So hoping the book will help keep gather all my random thoughts when I talk to my shrink next.
I think TV boxsets and video gaming are both excellent for managing burnout, while also keeping the ADHD gremlin stimulated. For video games, something fully immersive is good. Fallout 4 saved my bum when I was in a period of severe burnout and depression. Totally absorbing, so it let me pretend I was living this whole other existence for six hours a day (a perilous adventure no less..!), but was actually really low on sensory stimulus since, ya know, it was all contained within a screen, and disappeared when I switched it off. Everything else in my environment was fully within my control, so I was resting and decompressing, while still being stimulated and engaged. TV binge watching accomplishes a similar thing - you can get swept up feeling like you're living these different lives full of different people that begin to seem like friends, yet none of it is actually real, and none of it demands a single thing from you (and removing all possible demands is key for managing burnout). You can experience the full range of emotions without having to deal with any of the actual consequences. They're ways of living a full life vicariously, while simultaneously resting and recuperating.
that "body doubling" part is actually quite common in programming, and the interesting part is that you don't actually need a person to do that, we call it "rubber duck debugging"; it's where you go through a complex problem and explain it to a rubber duck.
Just grappling with this idea of being more than one part of the spectrum is a bit of a mind fuck. I was lucky to be diagnosed autistic at age 2 which had moderately help me understand myself and practice self compassion but it never made me feel enough for the people around me. Even when I put all of my mental energy into something like an essay or other boring academic field and have every bit of confidence that I did everything right I find out later that I missed things. It was only when the idea of also being adhd was brought up to me that made me reevaluate things about my performance. How I’m really great at focusing on certain tasks and not others or having to self accommodate the environment or time so I’m in the “mode” for whatever I’m doing. Or being so tired after being out and about that I just take the afternoon to sleep. I’m still trying to not beat myself up over that. The suggestion of externalizing yourself to give yourself compassion is one I wanna try. I’m not diagnosed adhd but am trying to not think of having it as “I am autistic and adhd” and more so “hey there’s more to my brain that’s affecting my life than I first thought and I should look into resources relating to that” I hope the rest of my neurodivergent siblings are staying hydrated and treating yourselves, you’re all doing your best 💜💜💜
I have auditory processing problems and regularly ask people to repeat themselves before my brain catches up to what they said, but I also need to watch TH-cam at 1.25-1.5x speed to avoid boredom. I've always said that I am cognitive dissonance incarnate and I'm starting to understand more as I've been looking into how ADHD and ASD interact together and am finally seeking proper diagnosis at 32.
I find stimulation through blasting loud music and sometimes dancing or playing a game & watching a show at the same time. But that last one is tricky because both need to work in balance, like I can’t have a game that’s too engaging nor can I have a show that requires too much focus. For example I’d play a simulation game whilst watching a sitcom i’ve watched before like friends. Doing one or the other would leave me feeling understimulated but doing both(as long as either one is not too much for me) is perfect
Thanks for this video, you are correct!! There is little support out there. I have recently had formal diagnosis of several disorders including both of these - a lot to learn and forgive myself for after 35 years of masking and neglect.
“Picked up on that and internalized that”…. AHHH I recently started to understand that so much more and even at all! So for past 3 years I’ve been slowly understanding I am definitely autistic too. I once asked my current doctor (who is amazing and I used to actually work with him) if I should have an EEG because a friend had one and he said I might find out something I don’t wanna know. lol. 😂 I asked him if it could mean different meds and he said no because what I take makes it all manageable so there wouldn’t be anything else needed. At some point later on he lead to me to think he’s suspected it. It’s empowering though because it just explains so much for me❤❤❤❤
LOVE your workbook... heartfelt thanks from a 64 year old selfdiagnosed autistic woman from Germany. It was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time! Thank you! 😊
That made me laugh out loud: “Yes, I do plan my spontaneity!” ADHD and ASD explained in one sentence.
Me too yes on my own terms
It needs to be on a tshirt!
I came to the comments just to say this might be the most identifiable thing I’ve ever heard 🤣
Sometimes I want to do something spontaneous but then my autism kicks in and goes “No! We already planned to do this other thing!” I hate how inconsistent I am so I try to follow through with my plans and feel bad if I change my mind, which I do…CONSTANTLY.
As a fellow being that has fallen in this range of the spectrum, it's been a relief finding so many people across the world that have had these shared experiences. Suspected for "both" in 2009 diagnosed ADHD then, ASD last year, but lacked the self awareness and knowledge of the conditions other than the stereotypes. So much time lost, autistic burnouts, wasted potential. Truly helps having these communities and stories and discussions shared.
I understand where you’re coming from 100%. I found out I was labeled an HSP with ADHD in 2002-2003 and never knew until a fight with my mom about potentially being autistic recently. After looking into ADHD for the last 2-3 years and connecting a lot of dots, I’ve come to realize that there were many boxes on the spectrum that I ticked quite high on but like other girls diagnosed at that time I was most likely misdiagnosed as people who were labeled HSP went on to be diagnosed with ASD in adulthood. And I’d realized that it had never occurred to me because I’d never met anyone like me before because I’d only had classes with the same 3 autistic kids my entire life and other relationships with ND people weren’t really focused on that. Through finding out about having ADHD I slowly met more people over time that helped me see beyond that because I found a lot of relatability with autistic individuals at first then it got to be IDENTICAL experiences and slowly I had epiphany after epiphany from childhood and beyond of all the behaviors that had been written off because I was well mannered, spoke very well for my age etc but was just “extremely picky, shy and sensitive” but knowing as many people as I do now and knowing that relatability and support is there has been helpful.
@Gage Right? To me I'm not the divergent one, a lot of other people diverge from ME. It's a matter of perspective.
@Gage For the record I'm in total agreement with you. My comment on it being a matter of perspective was commentary on the language more than a reversal aimed at perpetuating harmful ideas.
@Gage I would personally kill for better language with which to discuss evolution. Agency is built into the English language so it's really hard to work around that.
@Gage No problem, good luck with the channel. It's encouraging to see more and more people pushing back against the status quo.
Multiple things to say here:
1. YES, I went through autistic burnout and bore-out at the same time. It was horrible. All of my hobbies and things I loved were too much stimulation or I couldn't plan them in because my routine was severely disrupted, and I was so easily overstimulated that I could barely listen to music. But I was so understimulated that I couldn't start anything or do anything at all. I was sitting in my chair all day and just... existing. It was a special kind of hell. It happened to me right after I graduated, because suddenly, my routine was gone, and I had too much free time to spend, and it made me so overwhelmed, and the sensory issues kept me from getting stimulated enough to actually do something or plan something.
2. I think one of the hardest things is to manage the autistic side of me when I am medicated for my ADHD. I may have to go on a different kind of medication again to deal with this. I am taking Ritalin, and while it works for my ADHD quite well, helps me do things, even though I mostly hyperfixate, I am actually able to just get up and do things (crazy, right?). But... when the meds wear off, I get hit with such intense hypersensitivity that any noise, bright lights, whatever, becomes unbearable. I started having more meltdowns after starting my meds again just for this reason alone. It takes me HOURS to recover after my meds wear off. If you have any experience with this and/or coping strategies, feel free to share!
3. I feel very much as if sometimes, my autistic needs and my ADHD needs are like opposite sides of a magnet, and I either get pulled by one or the other. I very much need routines, but I also need spontaneity and novelty. I would love to see people and have fun, but the anxiety of being around others is draining. Once I tried to sew, and it was boring, so I was like "I will do a number of these parts, then take a break" but my autistic side was like "Well, every part has to have the same amount of steps, it has to be the same, but you can't divide them equally, so no" and to this day I have not continued with the project.
4. I feel as if a lot of us have internalized shame when it comes to asking for help with certain things. I feel as if I am not allowed to ask my mum to help me clean my room, because "I should be able to do it on my own" even though apparently I am very much not able to. It makes me scared to move out and live on my own, but also... I can't deal with having people living with me since I need alone time so much. It's tough to find someone to help because I do most things the same way, and if someone cleans my room differently, I kinda freak out inside of my mind.
I feel as if to manage both autism and ADHD, one has to learn to walk a very fine line between "risking bore-out" and "risking autistic burnout". It is really exhausting because both ADHD and autism are spectrums, bot having BOTH means you gotta accomodate a whole new kind of traits that emerge. It's really difficult
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! Especially the point 2, about ADHD medication. Have you tried caffeine+L-Theanine? If yes, did they have a similar effect?
I've been coming to terms with a self-diagnosed ADHD for half a year now (stimulant medication isn't legal in my country, so I've been extra procrastinating on getting an official diagnosis) and for the past couple of weeks I have been delving into the ASD rabbit hole and crying a lot
A couple of days after I started suspecting that I have ASD as well as ADHD, caffeine+L-Theanine pills I ordered some time ago finally arrived. And so I tried them, and I felt so calm, collected, and focused it made me cry. However, after a few hours I began noticing that I am way more sensitive to tastes than I usually am. A bit later I had such an intense surge of hypersensitivity in my hearing, taste, and tactile senses, I thought I'd go insane. I never knew that keyboard keys could be so tingly that a simple act of typing would overload my brain and make me cry. And I am usually only hypersensitive in the hearing department. It took ≈2 days for my sensitivity to return to normal
It was extremely scary and I am grateful to know there are other people with similar experiences
Oh. 1 is how I am feeling right now. Got through some complicated emotional stuff recently and I feel a lot better, but I just couldn't work or do anything for the last two days, and I'm bored out of my mind. Glad to know this is something that will pass soon then. It is indeed a special kind of hell.
Holy crap is that what HAPPEND I have had this happen exactly as you described and I didn’t know what to call it but holy shit I have had it a couple times throughout life where it was bad for like a week. I felt dead
Wow I read the rest of your comment and we are the same. It makes me feel better to know Im not the only one. And I also take meds but I also have neglected any autistic side as I didn’t know it existed. So I struggle with my meds making me to over stimulated and with many intrusive thoughts.
But I also what to do things like sew or cross stitch or paint, etc. but my mind is also like you have to do to right you have to set everything up, you have to highlight everything and make sure you do it properly and then I just stop cause it takes so much energy and focus. Most of the time I spend hours preparing for something and then… that’s it. It remains unfinished and hardly started.
I can now confirm that listening to some music and playing some games even when I really didn't feel like it and didn't enjoy it as much as I usually do when I do that, made me feel better on the next day. It's weird, and it's a revelation. Thanks.
Oof that "I forget to listen to music, but it actually really helps" hit really hard! I feel constatly like I forget how much I like to listen to music?? As if music (as a concept) just vanishes for me every now and then. I guess the plus side is "re-discovering" old songs I loved? Lol. Definitely think I'm AuDHD, the days of "Au: feeling so overwhelmed I can't move or think clearly" Vs "ADHD: body feel of f--king DO SOMETHING!" are just the worst, still figuring out how to manage it tbh. But thank you so much for you channel, the mix of "oh this is very helpful" and "wow other people feel this, too?" is amazing, thank you!!
Appropriate rest/space/quiet/routine is so incredibly important but unfortunately way too many people think it means I am lazy/worse as I just do not want/need/fit into the endless ridiculousness of this world. Took me a long time to find the balance I need with part time work, but it just makes people jealous instead of them realizing the ridiculousness they are part of/tolerating because it's "normal"
They're conditioned as well. I just feel sorry for them bc I know most would prefer sthg else if they could. And I also think ppl don't dare to be critical very much if you're just very assertive and assured when you say I work less bc I know what I need. Also - I have to deal with way less income bc I can't work 40 hours and still live. In that way it really is a kind of disability.
Doing Montessori pack parenting minimalist type of life now with the girls is just helping more treat my inner child. Im giving them the routine that i needed as a child and they deserve the best but it is ok to sometimes mess up and say sorry for it and still the effect is long term on them the peace they get from their minimal routine
Simplicity parenting is a good book
Quiet time in the routine usually when baby naps has a huge impact on us
An important way I’ve been able to show kindness to myself is taking 5 minutes when I get home from work to figure out what my body needs. I usually find it easiest for me to do in a low sensory environment (aka my closet with the lights off and no sound) I calm down a bit then I’m able to read the cues I missed like I haven’t had any water all day or my feet are freezing I need socks etc. I get my body what it needs before I go about the rest of my day and it’s been going a lot smoother
That's a great idea I'm gonna steal, thanks for sharing!
That is so sweet of yourself to do 🥺 this is gentle and yet comforting enough to attend to your unmet needs. I’ll try this out in the future 🫶🏼
It’s because of your previous video on AuDHD that I went and got diagnosed for both. I knew about ADHD and was self diagnosed, but didn’t feel confident to get a formal diagnosis because it didn’t paint the whole picture for me and so I doubt my self diagnosis was completely correct. Until I watched your video, then boom! The whole picture was painted and I booked in right after watching the video lol 😆 I now have a formal diagnosis for AuDHD, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you 💕
Burn-out and bore-out at the same time? In my twenties I snuck out the back door in the middle of a hectic shift at work, drove home, and didn't get out of bed for a week. I had always referred to it as my "mini nervous breakdown" because I had no idea what the hell it was. For the first time, 30 years later, it makes sense. Thank you for that. Sincerely. I'm tearing-up as I type this. Thank you.
I understand. I used to get sent out of classes at school because i was crying too much. Had no idea why i was crying, bit could not stop. Other years or months, cant cry at all. This os not our fault. Overload is overload.
I find working the overlaps helps appease both. Binging special interests helps both. Stimming to music helps both. Intense flavours help both. Getting enough sleep...you get the idea. ADHD meds help me focus on my ASD needs - wearing earplugs, slowing down and focusing and not being as sensory seeking (moving slower and doing things methodically), getting my house in order, that kind of thing.
Well explained. Exactly my same situation and insights.
+1 to getting the house in order! My house has been a mess for my whole life. It’s been unpleasant but I just couldn’t help it, so I just learned to tolerate it even though I dislike the visual noise. Now I’m on meds for the adhd, I’ve slowly but surely been sorting out the messes, reorganising stuff so it makes sense. I’ve turned my “big box of cables” into a bunch of little labelled drawers each containing only one kind of cable. And so on.
YES to listening to music or podcasts while doing boring things! Literally the only way I can finish household tasks 😅
Something I really struggle with as an auDHDer is the "all or nothing" mindset! So I'll make a list of tasks, but once I start (which can take forever to begin with) I get this manic "I can do ALL the things!" impulse. Then I end up burning myself out after completing about 3/4 of the tasks. But I still feel satisfaction that I completed some things... it's a constant game my brain plays with itself! 😆
I don't think I'll be able to stick to only 10 minutes of doing a task, but I'm going to download your checklist (thank you for making that btw!!) because we all have to start somewhere 😊
I'm glad to have come across people with this experience. I always felt that my life is either in the fast lane or stuck on the hard shoulder [emergency lane].
I didn't realise how self critical I was until I was reading a book trying to learning mindfulness (mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world), and for the first time I realised there was a non-stop critical voice running through my head telling me all sorts of awful things about what I wazzock I was. I've still not quite achieved the ability to quiet my thoughts, but my son made me laugh the other day, he said 'each time that voice appears, remember it's your mother and nobody cares what she thinks'. I'll be 56 this year, only realised I might be autistic just before lockdown, and only realised I'm probably adhd as well when it was mentioned in a work OH appointment. Still waiting for an official diagnosis but the truth of the conflict is something my whole life has been about. Have been concentrating on appeasing the autistic side, but definitely need to pay attention to both, in a controlled manner.
Meditation has been so helpful for me. I'm glad you're finding success with it, as well.
Gosh I love the word ‘wassock’! 😂
I have that internalised criticising voice as well, it’s mostly my mother too. It’s very hard to continue a relationship with someone who berated me constantly as a child when I feel almost responsible for now as I have clearly matured beyond her levels of self awareness. Your son is right. I believe meditation can help. It’s just hard to calm the ‘engine’ that’s constantly running in order to do it.
Wrote your son's words into my diary :)
Your son had a good idea! I'm gonna start imagining my dad saying these things because I would never take his comments seriously 😂
I love the comment from your son and the fact that you immediately saw the humor. Does your son have ADHD, ASD or both?
"It's not gonna go away, that's just how your brain works" that's the hardest part to get my family to understand - and to accept for yourself
I can MANAGE my adhd and stuff, but just because I was better at acting more normal for them they thought it was equal to my adhd not being present, or that the meds help suppress the adhd, instead of what they're actually doing: helping me manage it.
This is never gonna go away, and I'm not sad about that, even though, yes, it frustrates me often that this is how I am - but I also wouldn't be me without it.
That's the hardest part for other people to understand, that it's ALWAYS there, not just in certain situations, and that you can't "get over it" because it affects every part of your life, every day, every moment.
I'm so lucky and grateful that I found friends who, even though they don't understand a lot of the things I do, still just roll with it and go along and respect it when I say I can't do certain things with them, or are willing to change plans to something I'm okay to do so we can still hang out
Also, tho, "planned spontaneity" - yes, yes, absolutely - I pick times (sometimes a full day, but mostly a couple hours every day) where I know I can "go off the grid" without consequences and just kinda let my brain off the leash and follow every whim, impulse, or idea - it's incredibly stress-relieving
I find the "bore out" and "burn out" thing happens to me after something mega, like not having a break from the kids all weekend or missing out on my Monday zone out day. It's like a feeling of extreme irritability and depression and guilt at the same time. It's awful. I find I can mostly get rid of it by putting on a TV show that is fairly mindless but has enough going on that I stay entertained (usually drag race) AND playing a fairly chill game alongside it, like a city builder. Neither requires much thought but does require some thought that my autism and ADHD are entertained. Autism is happy with the city builder, ADHD is happy with the city builder and the wonderful entertainment provided by drag race.
ALSO! I have recently bought Sam's workbook and it's brilliant. Can't recommend it enough!
Thanks for the tip, I'll try it now as I happen to be in that state lol
For me it's always been Minecraft. It's creative, chill, can be done socially, and engaging.
Bruh, is this why I love and can spend days doing building games? Hmmm...
@@squeakyratgamingyou probably thought you were sigma for loving Minecraft 😂.
I've recently watched about 50 autism videos and I'm starting to belive I might be autistic as well. Only problem is I understand social interactions and don't struggle much with it, but i will rather save my energy if I'm not interested in a certain outcome. Fun fact some of my friends used to believe I was the most extroverted because of how well i could socially interact. According to David Goggins: they don't know me son.
Also, I try not to play building games because I can get lost in it them. Then might play it for an unhealthy amount of time. Which might lead to me getting fired. I like having money, so can't risk that 😂.
The ironic about me going down this rabbit hole of autism related videos was me trying to figure out a girl I'm currently dating and why somedays she limits conversations. she matches almost everything in this video and many more, but at this point I'm trying to find out about myself as well.
@@sneak9407 Never played minecraft. My games of choice are either cities skylines (after growing up on simcity) or other survivals that allow me to base build (hello 1.6k hours in ark xD)
Combination burned out and bored out makes so much sense to my brain. The desire to do ALL the things mixed with significant overwhelm at the smallest tasks.
You have just described my daily life! I am sorry that you go through this, but dizzy at the thought that someone understands.
I started exercising to help with depression, which may have actually been autistic burnout caused by moving 1400km to a new province. I find it helps the adhd a bit and definitely helped my mood so it had to continue.The autistic side now insists that the exercise must happen at a specific time of day and I get stressed out when I can't, unless I've had advance warning to make a new plan. It's seeing things like this that make me really understand how these 2 seemingly opposite conditions coexist.
I understand. It is horrible when they fight each other.
I am fantastically great at writing to do lists which I never do any of the things on. At this point I could probably classify them as fiction.
I have been writing a similar list for decades now 😂 I keep diaries and used to judge myself so hard…I’m much kinder now I know but I understand the fiction.
😊
@@jayneburns-milostic3208At least you KEEP the diaries! I got about 20 diaries and topical books with page 1 and 2 neatly filled.
Ha! That’s me! I’m also great at planning for that matter.
😂 one of my favorite pasttimes is recopying very similar to-do lists from day to day or week to week while hating myself
I struggle with Time so much. I have realised that if I am in a room or out where there ar eno physical prompts around time, I have no clue how much time has passed. This leads to people noticing I take ages to do things such as going I to the bathroom etc. I seem to rely on remembering how long a certain journey takes, such as it takes twenty minutes to drive to work from my house, but then this does not allow any time for getting ready or anything like traffic or getting fuel etc. So I have always been either last minute or late my whole life for anything.
Yes absolutely this ☝🏻
11:00 I have noticed that with work.
if I am there alone, I am not very productive, but if there is someone else there I am more productive.
i've literally been on severe burnout for the past two/three weeks from my adhd and autism because of work, stress about my future (i'm only 18) and just not having any sort of regulation in my life because of my hyperfixations and getting distracted.
i know this video will help, but i'm taking it one day at a time and one of my goals for this year is to not hold myself to NT standards and to work _with_ my neurodivergencies and not against them 😊
Cheers to that! We all have to go at our own pace.
Sounds like you are on the right track & know what you are doing. Hope things get easier
You got this! Baby steps❤
👍👍"The troll under the bridge in my brain", I love that 😊👌
👍👍Open video call is a great idea, I haven't tried that exactly but I've found "study along" livestreams really useful!
Scheduled housekeeping time would be great for me, I will work on that 👍
Thanks Sam! 👍👍
This resonates with me so much! I especially get having to navigate between burnout and bore-out. My life often feels like I'm walking on one of those rickety old hand-made bridges that are just wooden planks held together by rope that are featured in a lot of old movies, and I've got to tread very carefully so I don't fall through. I often feel overwhelmed and often feel bored. I feel like I've found a good balance between the two most of the time, but it's an everyday challenge to make sure I have a healthy level of stimulation.
I've personally found that reading and video games are great ways to both prevent or recover from burnout but also to deal with boredom. Both activities provide me with a moderate amount of controlled stimulation that satisfy both my autism and ADHD.
Your comment resonates so much with me as well as the video. I do pretty much the same thing, if the day was hard and I still have energy left when I get home I play games and if I dont have energy its either reading or go to "sleep" basically turn off the lights, lie down and let the brain do its thing.
You've just helped me realise why reading HAS to be a part of my day (and not just at bedtime). I knew it helped me feel good but your comment has helped me see that it's because it satisfies BOTH my autism and ADHD. Yesssss! Thank you!
Video games are great at providing the exact amount of stimulation needed, while still doing something.
Thinking about ADHD bore-out and autistic burnout as something that can both happen at the same time has really helped me to understand my situation. Lately, I've been so stressed out and overwhelmed by my day-to-day life, mostly from work and social obligations, that I've just been too tired to really do much of anything and I've started isolating myself a lot (more than usual), which has lead to a feeling of under-stimulation and restlessness that I simply don't have the energy to fully address. I feel so helplessly trapped in my own mind that it is honestly suffocating, and it's hard not to feel like nothing more than a useless burden when even something as simply as basic everyday responsibilities becomes too much for me to handle. Thank you for putting out this video, it's super helpful to be reminded that I am not alone in these struggles and there are people out there that can help.
Oh yeah, and that bit about alcohol... I can definitely relate to that, more than I'd like to admit.
I feel this so much. All of it. Thank you!
Holy crap............... this describes my entire experience. And I JUST went through a long phase of burn-out and bore-out. I had no words to describe it at the time or even understand it! Thank you!
At 39 years old, I’ve only recently come to the realization that I am on the spectrum. I’ve done more research on this, than anything ever haha
The pandemic took me out of my restaurant job, that I was already suffering massive burnout from. It is 3 years later and I’m only now starting to come out of it…. Mainly since I have the words to describe my experience now. Channels like yours have helped sooo much in finding my own voice. 🥰
@Gage what am I trying to fix? 😸 I’m happier knowing, than ever.
@Gage oh now I understand! No apologies needed at all! ❤️
Yeah, it was during this time, while trying to understand covid and overall health, that I learned how studies show a connection between congenital heart conditions like mine, ADHD, and/ or autism. I'm also not the only one in my family to have these traits. So, maybe there is genetic predisposition to all 3 in my family's gene pool. Whether it's correlation or causation, ( there are different theories about neurodevelopment,) it makes a huge difference to consider this new information. * As you'd mentioned, being able to relate and *describe experiences is meaningful.
@@lizhyink5636 Sooo meaningful! I’m sorry we go through this! I have been dealing with food reactions for over a decade. Bad ones. Anaphylaxis and lots of mouth sores mainly… also PMDD or PME has been just “the best” 😅😞🙃 Also my lack of good posture, mixed with working hunched over for my bartending and serving jobs and also small freak accidents, have caused extreme neck and shoulder pain and tightness. I was diagnosed with Stenosis & arthritis in my neck and so many other issues and yet autism is something I found on my own. They would always try to push antidepressants on me, even when I would tell them that u just feel different. I’m not sad for No reason… I had plenty. Being told I’m over sensitive was a constant, like it was My problem.
It’s like finding this out, has made all of the negative voices of my past, start to dissipate.
I’m still trying to get back to it… more like just finding a true new normal for me.
I got my ADHD diagnosis about a year ago but I find that strategies and even medication have not been enough. I’m now in the journey of getting a diagnosis for autism, which I feel so identified with when described in combination. Your channel has been a great source of new avenues to think about what I need and how to deal with, well, life.
Thank you so much for your work!! It means a lot specially for people in countries/cultures where neurodiversity is stigmatized and not well understood even by mental health providers.
I got mine via the "right to choose route" in the UK via my GP and then via ADHD 360 who are now incorporating ASD 360. The assessment and diagnostic procedure was amazingly quick and painless and completely free of charge. Highly recommend
@@dawnb8906 what's this? im in the uk as well and trying to get ASD diagnosis and potentially have adhd as well
I was feeling that a lot in the last year. I got my ADHD diagnosis in 2020 and got an Autism diagnosis from a different RN Practitioner in April. Now she isn't sure if I have ADHD now. Meanwhile I feel like she's a bit dated in her understanding of ADHD. I have immersed myself in learning about both conditions and this channel and I know I have both. Yet people closest to me question both these conditions. So now I'm looking into a second opinion and getting a diagnosis with someone with a PhD or PsyD. If you haven't gotten a diagnosis yet I recommend making sure the practitioner has a higher level credential or at least expertise in both Autism and ADHD.
I can relate to so much of what you’re saying. It’s really lovely actually to know there are other AuDHDers out there battling two sides of their brains at once 😂
Those earrings, though. Did anyone else notice the reflection of the sparkly curtain in her earrings??
Someone with both diagnoses here. It's been difficult coming to my own list of 'best practice's. I can't help but wonder if this should be a real diagnosis and given how fast the DSM can totally flip their views as new research comes in, it could happen if people who deal with it make their selves heard. Thank you for doing your bit on that front. Damage has been done by giving people diagnoses that may be contradicting the other undiagnosed thing. I try to be self compassionate if I react differently to some other people with my diagnosis. When your perspective, the ONE perspective you've ever been given access to as a human being, is not understood, sometimes that's all you can do.
The blooper reel was just what I needed today! Actually the whole video. I seem to have moved into the dark, pathologizing language part of my ADHD assessment, so it meant so much to see a kind face. The content was very helpful too, but just your being there and being you made me feel like the world is not so horrible and lonely. Thank you for all you do, Sam.
This is one of the best videos yet. Thank you for it! One might go back to therapy if one could find a therapist who gets this stuff! God knows, this is a real struggle! You are helping!
Praise be to hearing the term: 'Bore Out' yesssss! Autistic/ADHD here. How we communicate those varied needs is a massive challenge at the moment
10:56 - moral support is super underrated. Just having someone sit there with me makes me feel like i'm not alone, and that i have backup. My biggest fear has always been "the unknown" and the future is the biggest unknown thing. So it doesnt matter how well planned something is, or how innocuous.... I get anxiety (not bad, but still there) just pulling up to a drivethru and ordering food because i worry that the person won't understand what i'm ordering or that it will be wrong, or that i'll upset them in some way. It took me a long time to realize that most people don't actually care about those little interactions and that I needed to just remember that other people just want to finish the task at hand, and won't think about the transaction afterward. (Unlike me who will sometimes fret over an interaction that i had days or months or years ago).
I don’t know if I’m AuDHD (I am diagnosed with ADHD) but I relate heavily to everything, and find this (and other videos you’ve made) very helpful. Thank you so much! ❤
>I was a very small child, I was diagnosed w/Mild Ataxia Cerebral Palsy
(I found documentation in regards to this when I was a young teen)
>my balance & gait are more severe when I’m extremely tired or when I not feeling well.
>And when I’m exhausted or sleepy, my left eye turns inward & my ankles turn in (pronate).
>Plus, I get physical tic on my face when feeling this way
>Treatment I had until I was 14:
physical therapy for my legs & feet & wore orthopaedic shoes w/Thomas heels & ankle braces/splints
>Since one of my legs is longer than the other (which caused my mild scoliosis & sciatica) & I was extremely short as a kid & looked 2 to 4yrs younger than my age, but the only way this could be an operation & stay in a wheelchair for a year.
>neuro-ophthalmology therapy (didn’t work) & then I had surgery in my eyes - shortening tendons next to my eyeballs as a teen.
>As a young adult, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD (in undergrad uni). And possibly having Asperger’s Syndrome.
>It wasn’t till I was age 35 (I’m 51 now), I got officially diagnosed w/Nonverbal Learning Disorder w/Sensory Processing Disorder.
>I was referred to due to multiple neurological disorders & an incident where I lost a lot of blood, possibly neurological /TIA.
>This is when I got diagnosed with Nonverbal Learning Disorder & Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD isn’t in the DSM 5R) through an occupational therapist.
Since I was a clinical therapist & a Special Needs & Gifted Needs teacher, I’m quite aware /familiar w/these conditions. I’m convinced that I was passionate about helping students w/ special needs & I can identify various conditions due to my childhood experiences & vice versa.
Just washed dishes in an extremely brainfoggedstate due to a cold and burnout and bore out… just watching videos like yours helps me start and struggle through these painful tasks. Thanks.
Thank you for this video! Once when I first realized I might be autistic I tried to look up tips and tricks. I ended up with links about how to "deal" with neuro-divergent folks instead. It was disheartening at the time so I appreciate this vid!
I like the advice of using music to pump you up and focus you because I find doing work is a lot easier when I can stim while listening to music in... Too many different ways to list.
Just be sure to accommodate people you're working with/near by making sure you can both hear one another.
Thanks Sam for those great ideas I really need to put more time into going easier on myself. I used to meditate a lot. But with how hectic life has been for me in the past few years with work I had forgotten to make time for myself and to help myself. So you reminded me on that and that I need to just take a step back to nurture myself in a easy way that doesn’t make me feel overwhelmed.
Stress is my downfall. It kneecaps me. That is my biggest struggle in building a sustainable life. Thank you!
I'm currently in a bore out and burnout so relatable. Overwhelmed and underwhelmed statement is so like yaaaaaaaasssssss .
Thank you! ❤ I’m 52 now and I have figured this out about myself in the past few years with loss and illness of parents and pandemic throwing me out of routine and out of life 😂. I’m working on an official diagnosis currently but I’m glad that I now know why I am me. Of course at 52, it’s a little going through the stages of grief and bounced back and forth then cycle through again etc… but I’m hopeful ❤
The combo for me is autism, Adhd and auditory processing disorder which can be difficult to manage, but thanks for your videos.
So happy to listen to your wise insights! Very helpful as I was just diagnosed with autism & adhd a month ago.🦄
Thanks Sam!
I wish I knew these things 30 years ago, thank you so much for educating the world.
You mentioned the Sweepy app a year ago and that's been a game changer when it comes to cleaning the house and staying on top of household tasks.
Finding a job that balance's both sides is also very useful. you spend so much time at work that if that's good, the rest of your life becomes more bearable. For example I'm a theatre nurse, the narrow focus and quietness suits my autism side but it has just enough novelty and excitement to keep the adhd side happy.
This is so interesting. I’m autistic and I just recently started thinking I might also have ADHD. I’ve gone through a lot of burnouts, but I didn’t realize there’s also a name for bore outs! I totally experienced that during semester breaks in school. I would feel sort of depressed but also kind of itchy like I needed to move and do things. I would start rearranging the furniture and furiously cleaning the entire house. I don’t really get that nowadays because I am too tired to do any of that stuff 😂 but managing my day to day life is a huge struggle, I’m constantly forgetting appointments. I have this constant sense of oh my god I have so much stuff to do. Even if it’s just two or three things. But like, I do the things and then more things need to be done. I can never keep on top of it 😭
'Sort of depressed but also kind of itchy like I need to do things ' describes it perfectly 😅. That's me 100%! 😂
@@debreaneibarger2558 glad I’m not alone 😆
I've recently found your channel and I've learned so much! My 7yr old son has ASD and ADHD (combined type). I'm trying to learn more about what it is like for him and how to better support him. Thank you so much for sharing your story and things that have helped you! 💗💗
I have one son with adhd (still in diagnosis) and one with autism. They enjoy each other but they can get on each other‘s nerves with their opposed preferences 😅
I have finally figured out that with my routines,
I still need to get everything done, but I do it in different order everytime. like you’re saying, I also add some fun things to keep me engaged with my routines:)
Thank you so much for this video! I have gotten so much criticism from friends and family who say that I’m either being lazy or bougie for hiring a housekeeper, but it makes such a huge difference for me! They can clean my whole house in two hours whereas I might get bogged down in cleaning just my desk for two hours because I have to go through so many steps, in a specific order to do it, and might get distracted going down memory lane with the things I find in my drawer-which I will then want to take pictures of and send to my friends to go down memory lane with me…. Plus, I’m most productive between 3am and 7am, but now that I have a kid, I can’t make noise at odd hours or stay up that late and still be awake for them after they wake up.
It costs me too much in my own time-and mental and emotional energy-to clean my own house. I’m less stressed and more likely to eat dinner regularly, if I pay someone else to do it.
I've only recently been diagnosed as autistic but believe I'm also ADHD and probably a few others too. You asked if anyone thinks they have been burnt out at the same time as bored out. This resonated and I would definitely yes. I have been in a ground hog day situation with autistic burn out for 10+ years and this is in part due to not having a diagnosis but also because I go too hard too fast to deal with my ADHD needs. I still have no idea how to stay out of burn out but I am outsourcing and asking for help now that I at least understand what's going on. Thanks for your videos. They are all so helpful
Dual burn out and bore-out! I never thought of it that way. At work I had a really demanding project that I spent about a year focusing on, then that deliverable went live, and i dropped that project (and everything else) like they were suddenly granite slabs. This was two years ago, and I'm only feeling now that I am recovering to a more sustainable approach to working. Thank you so much for explaining these concepts, it means the world to feel like things I experience have words and descriptions.
"I always forget to listen to music but when I do it makes me feel good." This hits so hard. Some months ago I've listened to music after a long time. But not just any music but songs I've loved many years ago. I was laying in my bed and cried because I've missed that so much.
I'm also constantly thinking about what planning system would work best for me. Currently I'm using a modified version of the Bullet Journal. Mainly I'm using a small ring binder so I can rearrange the sheets and make use of registers to put everything in groups. At first it was super exciting but now I don't want to make the monthly sheets anymore 😅
Thank you Sam! You're the best! Loved:
[You need to accept yourself for who you are and not feel like you're a failure]. "So the solution is to not be bad at stuff. A part of letting other people help you is releasing yourself from this self-constructed mental prison and just think about what you could achieve, what you could do with your life if you focused on your natural strengths and talents instead of worrying about the things you're not good at and suddenly clinging to the myth of Independence."
yeah, I've been there, having a burn out and a bore out at the same time. I think many times in my life, which explains all the wrong diagnosis of bipolar and such, but more aware of it all know I went through exactly that just some months ago.
For a couple months in a burnout going through waves of depression, feeling desperately needing to do something, see a friend, dance, whatever, but everytime I tried I was overwhelmed immediately, and knowing that it was "silly" to be so overwhelmed for things that were obvious part of what I wanted/needed to do, but not really finding a way around it.... so I just did the bits that I could, and retreated, I also self medicated a bit on ocasions, but way less than I used to and way more aware of what I was doing with it (cuz yeah, much like you I went through it all most of my life without knowing why I was like I was.... I identify with most of what you say in your videos, it's almost scary, hahah - so btw, thank you so much for what you do -, and yeah, I did use alcohol way to often and from a young age to cope), while trying to find my way back to balance yet again.
I think a huge part in achieving that balance is finding the right friends that would get you and let you be, whatever "you" could do and is at that moment. Not upset or pressuring for me to be more "fun", social or whatever, or for me dissapearing whenever I have to and for as long as I need to. Good friends are gold.
Recently I’ve been watching Netflix/TH-cam when I really don’t feel like taking a shower or when I do the dishes. This helps sooo much and I don’t associate either as being « bad » as much and sometimes find myself not needing to watch something.
9:07 "i always forget to listen to music but when i do it makes me feel good" literally captured my entire essence!! on my 45min commute to work i will be so caught up in my own thoughts that by the time i park i realize - oh i just rode the entire way in silence 😅
10:57 oh my god and the body doubling too!! i HATE doing laundry so much that i would rather clean the bathroom or do dishes, but if i have someone there with me as i fold and put it away, then i can do it no problem! often times my boyfriend and i will both fold our own laundry together side by side and it really helps me!
15:30 this is similar to another thing my boyfriend and i implemented in our household! we call it our "15 minute chore". basically set a timer for 15 mins and just spend that time doing any daily cleaning you see that needs to be done. we had a whiteboard in the kitchen that we would update and write what chore(s) we did for 15 min that day! (we had extremely different work schedules, so we would do our chores at different times)
this really kept us accountable and with each of us doing just 15 minutes (combined 30 mins!!) every day helped us SO much! no more overflowing trash or mountain of dishes due to being busy and feeling overwhelmed. especially with me since i have an "all or nothing" mindset where i feel the need to complete everything all at once, which just thinking about that would stress me out to the point of needing to lay down and then i can't even do anything. so just making a rule of strictly 15 mins really really helped me!
Burn out & Bore out at the same time... YES!!! Ive gound they generally hit after BIG changes in my life thaf required alot of planning/energy/mental use (ending University, change of job & city, after my Wedding, birth of a child, loss of a parent after sickness etc etc).
14:00 Yes, I use a combination of electronic and paper: A pretty but streamlined desk blotter calendar hung on the wall for at-a-glance overview of my month, and my phone's google calendar for auditory reminders to prep and leave for appointments.
Several times a year I have to resist the urge to buy a planner, but they never work well for me, just waste a lot of time with upkeep. For me, planners are an excuse to excessively "plan," instead of doing or living. Then I close them and either forget or constantly dig them out and recheck and cross reference everything.
But with a wall calendar, I can walk over or glance up, see my (2 or 3! 😅) Big things for the day, and not get derailed.
For me I think the autistic burnout overwhelms everything else including the ADHD. It all gets put on the back burner. Nothing that would usually motivate me and feed the ADHD beast even exists. It's like the brain shuts all drive down in an attempt to cope and come back to level ground. At this stage I become incredibly inward focused. This happens during both meltdown and burnout.
As the brain comes around, and the ADHD motor starts running again, I go back to the diverse brain food that makes life so fun.
How long I stay in that state will depend on whether it is burnout or just meltdown.
OMG, the “somebody sitting there and watch me do it” completely hit home. I know it’s weird and creepy. But that works magic for me. That is why I’m on Focusmate. 🙏🙏🙏 Thanks for mentioning that.
This is so relatable. I am diagnosed autistic and self diagnosed ADHD. My hubby is also AuDHD and we work well together in helping each other as well.
I'm not sure if I have ever had a burn out... though I don't fully understand it...
I think I have had a bore out... if it is what I think it it.
Some days I have just been bored at everything, and just spend the entire day on TH-cam jumping from video to video, and starting to watch a different video when I begin to feel bored... and usually keeping the tab with the video open in case I want to watch it in the future.
Also, it feels like I have experienced more of that after 2020 and even more when I finished school.
(I am not diagnosed with anything, I just suspect that I might have ADHD or Autism, or maybe both.)
Keeping it brief because I'm actually having an autistic burn-out this weekend while still trying to prevent a "bore-out".
But I remember how both at the same worked for me. At the beginning of the pandemic I was in a literal burnout for unrelated reasons (mostly due to moving). Not in the mood to do anything, not even things I liked, because I just didn't have the energy for it. So I became very under-stimulated to the point of quite literally shutting down. I functioned like a PC that you left on while doing nothing with it, eventually it just goes into sleep mode. But I can assure you, I certainly didn't feel like I was waking up from a nice nap afterwards.
Which brings me back to now, just trying to some little things at a slow pace. Moving that mouse a little bit to keep the PC awake but no heavy gaming or it might overheat.
(I'm very used in using computers as imagery if that wasn't obvious)
Thank you! I’m 21 and just found out I’m on the spectrum but I’ve known that I had add (adhd) for years and got diagnosed with anxiety freshman year of college and it’s nice to have clarity but it’s so scary so thank you for having this video ❤❤❤
Thank you very much for this video, and all of your other cideos too. I am 46 years old, I came to realise I have AuDHD a couple of months ago. I've been in an autistic burn-out and also I identify I am "bore-out" too. It's been dificult, as it is for everyona, but this journe of self knowing and self discovering it's been very liberating.
I am now currently going through both ADHD & Autistic burnout, thank you for encapsulating that for me 🙏 I know I am not alone
Currently (I think) going through a burnout and really struggling.. but this video is so helpful - all of your videos are so bang on with everything and I’ve sent them to friends and family and it’s helped them understand my autism and adhd as well.. Thankyou!!
I’ve been in one for 3 years now and had no words to describe it. You are not alone. We are doing our best ❤️
@@Livinginthegrayarea how do you cope?? ❤️
@@KAIMAOFFICIAL lots of open communication with my loved ones, even when difficult, had big a huge improvement. Also, changing what I can has been the biggest thing…. Giving myself a bedtime routine, that’s for me…. Having strong things to smell… soft music… mainly change… change that I choose. Things that slowly change my day to day functioning mainly. Figuring out what I truly need and really looking at the dark stuff too.
@@Livinginthegrayarea Thankyou, that’s incredibly helpful. It feels like hell and I’m trapped and it’s so confusing.. good luck ❤️
Super long comment ahead!
I'm a writer~📚
I've recently suspected having Autism Spectrum Disorder, and I also now believe I may have ADHD along with it. I never thought I had these things due to meeting people who were one or the other and not relating to them all that much. 😅
Before, I thought ADHD was all about being very hyper and not being able to focus. While I've always been rather talkative (depending on the situation), I can focus well enough (if I'm interested or see an essential need, at least). If anything, I could hyperfocus - so I ignorantly saw ADHD as impossible for me.
With autism, I thought it was mainly about having a learning disability, inability to handle sensory stimuli or change at all, and being very socially awkward. I ignorantly defined it by the extremes alone. I didn't consider the variation in meltdowns, how they can be different depending on the person on the spectrum.
I've been learning a lot these past few months, and coming across your channel has been yet another enlightening experience. 🙏🏻
I'm 26, and I'm a freshman in college (started late, didn't want to go until I was sure of what I wanted to do). I'm also a single mom to a son who turns 4 today! 🎉
I've gone through a lot of trauma all throughout my life. I was diagnosed Bipolar Disorder when I was in elementary school, then Moderate Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder in middle school. Come early high school, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder again. Once I reached my senior year, it went back to the other diagnoses. Upon graduating, I was also diagnosed with PTSD.
Trauma therapy worked well with me, more than any of my other therapies did. Another thing to note is that the medications I was put on throughout my entire life never worked on me, which is apparently common with those who are autistic rather than having the other disorders.
In my earlier twenties, my psychiatrist suspected I had Borderline Personality Disorder. I wasn't officially diagnosed, but I was put into a combo of DBT/CBT with a psychologist as treatment. The DBT part was TRANSFORMATIVE for me, and after just 3 months I was improving vastly. I was actually declared "too stable" to continue my treatment (free therapy works like that where I live; must have need to qualify). This wouldn't happen so fast with someone who actually had BPD, so I wasn't diagnosed with it in the end.
Now, as I've entered my mid twenties, I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD. I needed to be institutionalized last November due to a mental health crisis, the scariest one I've had yet. It happened shortly after beginning college and when my sister, her husband, and their 4 kids moved in with me and my parents (haven't been able to hold a job for a while; I have physical ailments, too).
Not to mention, many of my family members don't believe mental health is real. I've been judged, condemned, and misunderstood my whole life. "Lazy, dramatic, ungrateful, overly sensitive," and more. It still happens today. The father of my child is the reason I'm physically disabled now, and he's rather malicious - but in a very subtle, cunning way. The kind of person that evokes an emotional response and then paints you as the crazy one. I've had to learn how to be a stone with him, which is INCREDIBLY stressful.
Sadly, I believe the depression and anxiety ring true now - I've found a medication that has indeed worked (no more suicidal ideation). Though, the PTSD is much less prevalent in my life.
Upon learning about ASD/ADHD, it makes sense to me why I'm still having these depressive symptoms and anxiety despite the medications. It's because I lack routine and order, yet I desperately crave it. I'm a gifted student and don't struggle with learning (4.0 GPA still going so far), but I do struggle with procrastination, overwhelm, and burnout. Sometimes, I'll get bored because things are easy and/or repetitive. But the overwhelm also kicks in with having so much I need to do and too much going on around me that I will completely freeze. It's so frustrating.
It's like my mind goes blank and shuts down entirely, and this has been getting worse as I continue with my college classes.
I've learned that I've masked my whole life; I was a social chameleon. I got such anxiety in school because I couldn't handle the sensory stimuli. I heard it's also common for women with autism to struggle with eating disorders at a young age, which I did beginning in middle school.
I never felt like I fit in. People would call me rude or disrespectful when I genuinely thought I was being polite. I was always "too much" or "not enough" for others. Jokes still go over my head because I take everything so literally.
I also learned I didn't start speaking until I was 1 and a half (very late, which I read is common with autistic children). I've always had obsessive interests, but they'd change and vary through time. Anime/manga, personality types (Jung psychology, etc), drawing/sketching, writing, reading, certain shows/movies or celebrities, certain types of items (rocks, shells, leaves, flowers, etc), learning how to do make up and cut hair, etc. I always considered myself a collector of hobbies - addicted to learning new things.
Always loved being alone, but hated not having someone to talk to when I felt the need to vent or share. I've always gone back and forth, my whole life.
It all makes sense now! Jesus.
Even with the way I sleep, like the t-rex arms, rubbing my feet together like crickets, rocking myself or shaking my leg. The finger tapping, fidgeting, tapping my ear, or (here's a weird one) sucking on my hair when I was a kid. Seriously, what's up with that?
Also, was anyone else afraid of the sound of a flushing toilet or vaccuum cleaner? Because I was. It terrified me as a kid. 🤣
The sounds of loud cars or motorcycles are painful to my ears, or the feedback on a microphone. Too many people talking to me at once will make me want to scream. God forbid multiple people trying to give me directions - I'll straight up tell them to stfu. 💯
It's amazing to me how I wasn't diagnosed sooner. I plan to get officially diagnosed in the future. I want to go back into DBT, and I want to better manage my life. I've always said the one thing I was missing is routine, and if I had that? I'd be superwoman. But I struggle SO DAMN MUCH with consistency and motivation.
I always feel so fatigued, tired, and apathetic. Overwhelmed, empty, and just.. blank. And then, boom - a crying fit out of nowhere, smacking my hands on my head or pulling at my hair. What would soothe me is pressing my forehead against a cool wall.
Seriously, how did I not know I was Autistic sooner? Or that I likely have ADHD?
I can't wait for more research to come out to help people like us.
Then, we'd be able to understand ourselves from the start rather than grow up believing we're defective and spend years in therapy trying to unlearn that.
We're not defective.
We're just different - and that's okay!
💐
Yep, the length of your comment.. definitely autistic 😂 ❤️ In earnestness, it sounds like you finally have answers for your struggles and that must be such a relief! Do try to find support and don’t let anyone tell you your struggles aren’t real. All the best for you and your son 🥰
Your journey of being diagnosed with a gazillion "well, idk, maybe it's this" things over your life is identical to what I went through when I was younger. It is incredible that this is so frequently misdiagnosed and it seems like the signs for how this works are constantly misinterpreted by professionals. I have been diagnosed with, hah, let's see...BPD, ODD, Bipolar, an incorrectly diagnosed diagnosis of ADHD (they thought they could find out by making me take ADHD meds and seeing if those helped me: lmao no they didn't), one psychologist was just convinced that I was a sociopath and at one point someone thought I was an Indigo Child (I kid you not). Gotta love how often these psychologists just love to assume a kid has something that makes them innately unbearable to society and will make that kid think they're like that until someone else comes along to clear the fog of confusion and doubt. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and may we both begin to find the ways to help ourselves stand up and empower ourselves and others like us.
@@Luc_ienn People with ASD are commonly indigo children! I believe in that, actually. ♡ Nothing wrong with it~ Starseed stuff is epic.
Thanks for sharing! I'm glad we could resonate with one another. ☆
@@LittleKikuyu Haha, thank you so much! I'm also a natural born writer; I love writing. It shows. 🤣👌🏻
Sorry for adding a second comment - but I started doing this at work - have an ADHD burst, for just twenty minutes, then drop back into the autistic nature and connecting to other people on the basis of an endlessly apologetic persons, again brilliant video 😊
Yes! I’ve experienced burnout and boredom simultaneously , which apparently to a therapist, looks a lot like what people with BPD experience in terms of the feeling of emptiness (feeling extremely overwhelmed yet wanting to do stuff)
It's so boring and lonely to feel exhausted and overwhelmed so that you can't do anything, go anywhere or see anyone.
Talked to my therapist about BPD for this reason. She said that it is very, very rare for people to actually have BPD. One component of which for diagnosis is an extreme attachment anxiety, which I don't have at all, and neither do most autistic people, I would imagine. She said autism / ADHD (AuDHD) is far more common.
@@ModMINI I never had any abandonment or attachment issues. The only time I’ve ever not felt good about being abandoned was when an ex broke up with me out of nowhere on the day we were planning to go get Chinese food for a date. And also when my spouse cheated (2x) and I couldn’t trust him to go anywhere. It was more about hyper vigilant than abandonment though. Other that that, I love love love being alone and having me time in my own space and would be perfectly happy with only the tv on and rubbing my feet together! 🤣
Interestingly women with autism are mostly misdiagnosed with BPD I think that’s what happened to me, I haven’t got a diagnosis yet for autism but was diagnosed with BPD, but when I met my husband who has high functioning autism he said “are you sure you don’t have autism” It’s the first time I ever thought about it and now I really do believe I am on the autistic spectrum and not BPD
I've known for a looooong time that I have ADHD. Like years, but have only just started my diagnosis. I'm 6 months into a 3 year wait for diagnosis. This specific video has literally just made me realise that I'm autistic too... wow. Mind-blowing moment right here
Sam, you explained me! Thank you ❤I feel like I have found my tribe after living through unnecessary heartaches here and there over 48 years. 😢
Oh Sam, you did it again. I just can't thank you enough for your wonderful work that has become my number one resource in my AuDHD discovery phase and now I'm my unmasking and accommodating journey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have made such a difference already in the two months since I discovered your work.
Outsourcing is great, really. In theory. Gosh, how I do agree though.
I'm crying on the inside 'cause, while I see clearly I need help so badly in certain areas, and I'm more than willing to actually outsource, but...
My main issue is the things like the process of outsourcing itself, the seeking and finding the right person. I'm so tired now, after making bad choices in the past, and disappointed in the people I thought I can trust.
I just don't know anymore where to search
The bit about using alcohol to cope with stimuli hits home - I was undiagnosed so didn't think of it in those terms at the time but in hindsight...
That combo burnout/bore-out...
I'm AuDHD (combined ADHD), and at the point I'm describing here, wasn't medicated for ADHD, though I was on antidepressants (thinking my utter lack of executive function or energy were depression symptoms rather than untreated/ignored ADHD).
I usually quite enjoy immersive computer gaming, reading, story-driven things, all that type of thing.
But I went through a period of several months where I just... couldn't... I couldn't sit down and get started into anything. I couldn't make myself read, I couldn't make myself pick up a game that I'd been really engrossed in the story of.
The best way that I could articulate it is that I was incapable of the 'emotional buy-in' for these kind of things. Like I couldn't front the emotional energy to start doing something that would, generally speaking, make me feel better and that I'd enjoy.
As a result I just.. sat there much of the time, doomscrolling social media or youtube channels I already knew, or occasionally playing something like Hearthstone, that was zero emotional buy-in or satiation of any kind, but at least gave me tiny amounts of dopamine.
It was horrible, and frustrating as all hell. I literally couldn't do the things that usually would make me feel better, and I was completely burned out, under and over stimulated at the same time, and bored out of my mind.
I.. don't even really know what brought me out of it to be honest. I think I lucked out having a couple of days where I'd gotten enough rest that I had a miniscule bit of energy and function, and my partners had dealt with enough of the house stuff that the dishes or whathaveyou weren't draining me just from knowing they existed, and my girlfriend showed me a book that I hadn't read, by one of my favourite YA authors as a kid, and I had just barely enough energy to grasp at this straw, and being fluffy YA the book was just the right combination of familiar style, interesting, and easy to get into, and once I got started things became a lot easier to pull out of, because I was finally getting something that both sides of my brain needed.
I've slipped down similar paths again since then, but never to anywhere near the same degree as that 3-4 month period of grey boredom-frustration.
Thank you for making this video. Diagnosed with ADHD in April 2022 and Autism in December 2022 - I am aged 40. So little signposting of anything helpful or supportive after diagnosis. Videos like this help so much to make me feel less alone and start to accept myself - plus practical advice. I have had to quit my job due to what I now know is Autistic burn out and need to get back on track for my family and so I can work/earn again.
My most recent case of Bore-out and Burn-out came after I got food poisoning and ran out of my medication. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and struggling to manage my body while at the same time I had been doing nothing but being sick for days and my craving for novel things was so high that even watching TH-cam, or scrolling through social media was boring because it didn't feel new enough.
The problem with executive function with dual diagnosis, is that once you get something to work, your ADHD says “I’m Bored!!!!” Let’s quit what we were doing now and makes everything a mess. Maybe because a dopamine hit of being in a stressful situation and overcoming it.
I do the dishes in the morning before I start to work and plan my day. It is now ingrained that I have to do it or feel lost.
My new obsessive thing right now, is the stoic philosophers. So, I read a book called the Daily Stoic, and journal on it. I try also, and hope it will work with my impulsive emotional regulation, and my mouth when someone confronts me and gets in my space.
Let me know bc I can’t even do that at all. Once I lose control of my emotions nothing will stop it. Be careful with this idea bc eventually those emotions have to come out and be expressed
An interesting thought is that simultaneously with autistic burnout, under stimulated ADHD can aggravate the situation.
It explains quite well why ADHD becomes a significant problem in a burnt-out state, even if it does not interfere significantly in my normal state (when I don't notice my ADHD, or at least can keep it under control if noticed).
The ADHD also prevents you from noticing the autism burnout because you are too busy just trying to power through and do everything now.
The times I could stay on top of things best were due to having a checklist but this makes me realize why I resist getting back to using a checklist
Re: ADHD bore-out/autistic burnout - I did not come here to be called out like this.
Okay, fine, I kinda did, but didn't expect it to describe the last 3 years of my life so accurately.
*MAJOR* upheavals in my life, one right after the other, and once COVID hit, I crashed. I'm both overwhelmed and bored, and I thought it was depression, but I've been there (hospitalized, even) and this ain't it.
ADHD dx, and, to say something that most clinicians would hate to hear, thanks to things like TikTok and TH-cam, I'm recognizing the autism that's always been there. It's hardly a new thought, it's been in the back of my mind for years, but it wasn't until I heard stories from actual autistic people and then AuDHD people that I finally recognized myself.
Might not have intended this to be about burnout/bore-out, but I'm glad it went that way.
This was very helpful! I've learned so much about ADHD and ASD, but there's very little practical help on on how to cope day to day.
Wow! This is me!! I'm in a really awful place! And, I don't know how to execute any of this! What now? I'm newly audhd diagnosed, well a few years, in my 40s.
This on top of bpd, mdd, GAD, sad, ptsd... God it's often an awful existence. Help. Oh! And, very recently diagnosed w hypothyroidism. I feel too weak and too broken.
OH! And, I love the bloopers at the end! Great touch!
Thank you, someone very close to me has been dealing with a Bipolar diagnosis that we don't agree with. How you explained burnout is a perfect example of what happens for her. This video was a blessing, you are fantastic and great on video, great face of either one, and a perfect one for both.
ong thank you for making this!! as an AuDHD-er myself i’ve always struggled to find advice that helps, since most of of it would only be targeted towards one or the other and would therefore not work as well
One of the talking gadgets like Alexa can be useful for reminders for things like when to start cooking and when to take medication if you take any that needs to be done same time every day
Just ordered your workbook. Diagnosed adhd, seriously thinking I'm autistic too, and took 3 self tests that said "hell yeah you are". So hoping the book will help keep gather all my random thoughts when I talk to my shrink next.
I think TV boxsets and video gaming are both excellent for managing burnout, while also keeping the ADHD gremlin stimulated.
For video games, something fully immersive is good. Fallout 4 saved my bum when I was in a period of severe burnout and depression. Totally absorbing, so it let me pretend I was living this whole other existence for six hours a day (a perilous adventure no less..!), but was actually really low on sensory stimulus since, ya know, it was all contained within a screen, and disappeared when I switched it off. Everything else in my environment was fully within my control, so I was resting and decompressing, while still being stimulated and engaged.
TV binge watching accomplishes a similar thing - you can get swept up feeling like you're living these different lives full of different people that begin to seem like friends, yet none of it is actually real, and none of it demands a single thing from you (and removing all possible demands is key for managing burnout). You can experience the full range of emotions without having to deal with any of the actual consequences.
They're ways of living a full life vicariously, while simultaneously resting and recuperating.
that "body doubling" part is actually quite common in programming, and the interesting part is that you don't actually need a person to do that, we call it "rubber duck debugging"; it's where you go through a complex problem and explain it to a rubber duck.
Could you elaborate a bit on that? Finding a human being for 'body doubling' is not really achievable rn for me.
@@aleenaprasannan2146 see "rubber duck debugging" article on wikipedia
Just grappling with this idea of being more than one part of the spectrum is a bit of a mind fuck. I was lucky to be diagnosed autistic at age 2 which had moderately help me understand myself and practice self compassion but it never made me feel enough for the people around me. Even when I put all of my mental energy into something like an essay or other boring academic field and have every bit of confidence that I did everything right I find out later that I missed things. It was only when the idea of also being adhd was brought up to me that made me reevaluate things about my performance. How I’m really great at focusing on certain tasks and not others or having to self accommodate the environment or time so I’m in the “mode” for whatever I’m doing. Or being so tired after being out and about that I just take the afternoon to sleep. I’m still trying to not beat myself up over that. The suggestion of externalizing yourself to give yourself compassion is one I wanna try. I’m not diagnosed adhd but am trying to not think of having it as “I am autistic and adhd” and more so “hey there’s more to my brain that’s affecting my life than I first thought and I should look into resources relating to that”
I hope the rest of my neurodivergent siblings are staying hydrated and treating yourselves, you’re all doing your best 💜💜💜
I have auditory processing problems and regularly ask people to repeat themselves before my brain catches up to what they said, but I also need to watch TH-cam at 1.25-1.5x speed to avoid boredom. I've always said that I am cognitive dissonance incarnate and I'm starting to understand more as I've been looking into how ADHD and ASD interact together and am finally seeking proper diagnosis at 32.
I find stimulation through blasting loud music and sometimes dancing or playing a game & watching a show at the same time. But that last one is tricky because both need to work in balance, like I can’t have a game that’s too engaging nor can I have a show that requires too much focus. For example I’d play a simulation game whilst watching a sitcom i’ve watched before like friends. Doing one or the other would leave me feeling understimulated but doing both(as long as either one is not too much for me) is perfect
Thanks for this video, you are correct!! There is little support out there. I have recently had formal diagnosis of several disorders including both of these - a lot to learn and forgive myself for after 35 years of masking and neglect.
“Picked up on that and internalized that”…. AHHH I recently started to understand that so much more and even at all! So for past 3 years I’ve been slowly understanding I am definitely autistic too. I once asked my current doctor (who is amazing and I used to actually work with him) if I should have an EEG because a friend had one and he said I might find out something I don’t wanna know. lol. 😂 I asked him if it could mean different meds and he said no because what I take makes it all manageable so there wouldn’t be anything else needed. At some point later on he lead to me to think he’s suspected it. It’s empowering though because it just explains so much for me❤❤❤❤
I really hope you continue to expand on the AuADHD series. Your two videos have been SO VERY helpful! I love your perspective and approach
I have been recently diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. Your videos are really relatable and helpful!
Looking at the transcript oof am I going to need tips two and four!
LOVE your workbook... heartfelt thanks from a 64 year old selfdiagnosed autistic woman from Germany. It was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time! Thank you! 😊