Half in the Bag: The 70-Minute Rise of Skywalker Review
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ธ.ค. 2019
- Internet superstar Rich Evans joins Mike and Jay on this very special episode of Half in the Bag. The guys discuss the newest Star Wars film, "The Rise of Skywalker" and attempt to make sense of it in the fairest, most humane way possible.
- บันเทิง
I prefer the theory that Palpatine survived by hiding in a lead-lined refrigerator.
As he was falling.
@@tastyloaf5487 You'd be surprised how many lead-lined refrigerators a Death Star requires. They're all over the place.
@Dan C Sounds crazy, but it just might work!
I was hoping rey would remove her mask revealing she was palpatine the whole time. Would have made all the weird sexual tension between herself and Ben even funnier.
He used the midi-chlorians to create that fridge.
Palpatine is 3/3 for zapping himself in the face during the conclusion of each trilogy.
he didn't zap himself in Jedi really
@@sonoftheway3528 Yes he did
R very video gamey
Forgot to put XP into poise.
It's like poetry. It rhymes.
Mike slowly realizing that this is all his fault is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen
It's like a Greek tragedy, the hubris of the viral Plinkett reviews followed by the inescapable nemesis of JJ Abrams. The director he himself chose.
you are delirious
@@saucyduckglobalomnihyperme7510 "Choose the form of your destructor"
He also halted the release of Penn Jillette's movie due to his Plinkett review.
@@Tacheonblack lmao
I'm still rewatching this years later despite never actually watching the film.😅
Was just thinking that. This is like the 10th time (or more!) that I've watched this and I STILL haven't seen TROS.
Saaaaame
Same lmao
Same 😂
The thing is, if you can, watch at least the first 10 minutes, it's one hell of an experience. This review emphasizes how ungodly fast the movie introduces stuff and drops it immediately, but it has to be seen to be fully understood.
The title crawl mentiones that Palpatine is back and by the 4 minute mark, Kylo Ren has fought against some randos that support Palpy, obtains a "wayfinder" to get to Palpy, has a conversation with him about how Snokes was just a sock puppet, how Kylo will kill Palpy and then Kylo swears allegiance to him.
You can't even fathom how bizarre it is to watch a movie that feels like it has enough plot for a trilogy but rushes through them at 3x speed.
What's not to understand? Palpatine fell into the pit, fought the Balrog, died, and returned as Palpatine the White.
🤣🤣
Pinkhair Machinima lol
Love this comment loll
*the white-eyed
Gandalf kicked him in the nuts on the way down
I didn't see the movie so this review wouldn't be spoiled
That's pretty much my approach to this trilogy. Also, it's cheaper.
Don’t give Disney your moneyz
In the same boat
I completely agree with this statement
This is the new wave. I like it.
“Mandalorian is on the right track”
Oh mike, don’t worry, that didn’t last long.
Oh no
Idk it’s nowhere as bad as this trash fire
@@Pixelkipyeah but they ruined the show after two seasons. The one lightning in a bottle gem Disney have had with this IP and they got greedy and ruined it.
@@Jellybob69 Season 3 was fine, and it's over now anyway.
@@SonicBoyster it’s was shit and killed the mainstream appeal of the show
I liked the part where it was revealed that emperor Palpatine's grand overarching plan over three films was to get Rey to kill him so he can be reborn, heralding a new age of evil, which she then does and everyone lives happily ever after.
😆😆😆
Welcome to planet "Intolerable Mud"@@samuelhatlestad6676
She used the Force to blow his soul apart like the Emperor did to Horus
If You are really One with The Force, any weapon would be a Distraction. You Do Not need them. @@milliondollarmistake
I've already won,. I don't care anymore.
Maybe the real palpatine was the friends we made along the way
AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA Best one so far XD
this is it chief.
Successful reference that I get
Aww man... wish I'd thought of that. lol
I like the bit where you said a funny
Someone in my theatre audibly said “oh fuck off” when Cheewie got the medal.
Bro. I feel that somewhere deep within me. I was saying "oh fuck off" for a majority of the movie.
Yeah sorry about that. Couldn’t hold it in
I couldn't help myself and just burst out gaffawing with laughter. Like it was 1889
I remember people in my cinema laughing when Rey destroyed the First Order transport shuttle with force lightning.
By that point of the movie, I didn't care. In my mind, this movie killed my love for Star Wars & officially soured my view of Disney.
The sad thing is looking at these guys 3 years ago they still had hope in their eyes. This was before the dark times; before Star Trek Picard. Before they lost hope.
There gonna need to find a new one now
Not Jay, he never gave a shit
Picard really did damage to Mike
@@robertbowen1892 First it's William Shatner, now it's Picard.
Star wars Lost Hope
Oh my God, the idea of super old Watto greeting Rey at the end of the movie is one of the funniest things I've ever heard / envisioned
"Rey Skywalker? Eyyyy! I used to own two of ya! Come here, I'll show ya where I used ta beat your great great grandma!"
She tries to use the force on him and he says his species is immune to the force.
@@Avalon_1991ah but it's Rey. Somehow she'd have super duper Jedi mind tricks 🤦
I really hate Rey. I'm a full on Reycist
@@Avalon_1991 This sets up the Yuuzhan Vong trilogy
Imagine being Daisy Ridley and being cast into a dream role and, six or whatever years later, it becomes a nightmare.
I feel bad for her it wasn't her fault.
Sounds like the norm for a role in star wars.
@Oligoden Sadly, I suspect she'll end-up typecast as a result of Disney making her the face of their debacle.
@@DavidLLambertmobile she is a solid actor but, she is not athletic at all! Everytime she does something physical it's as if my old ass grandmother is her aunt double.. she looks awful swinging a lightsaber!!
Imagine being Mark Hamill cast into a dream role and , 3 or whatever decades later, it becomes a nightmare.
People just sitting around and talking for 70 minutes. Shot-Reverse Shot. Shot-Reverse Shot. A CGI Rich Evans brought back from the dead.
GamerGod91 Holy shit you’re right! George Lucas directed this video!
THE rich Evans??
It broke new ground!
Yeah next time there's a HitB, Jay Jay Abrams should direct it. He knows how to make an engaging film review -- not *write* one, mind you, but shoot one.
There's a kind of poetry to it. It rhymes.
Well for me personally, I loved the CGI and acting. The characters were so interesting and emotional. I was so invested from the beginning to the end. I've watched this half in the bag review over a 100 times now!
It’s amazing how well they recreated Rich Evans. The AI voicing is on point. I honestly kept forgetting he’d tragically died from AIDS-related diabetes, and he had been edited in with pre-shot footage and CGI for the rest. Just incredible.
Gotta clap for red letter media.
Very cool.
Very cool, Alex.
@@assassino1480 Very cool.
“Look at these horses” is one of my favorite Rich lines of all time
LOOK IT’S MAZ KANADA
And Jay’s wheeze laugh after that, classic
imagine you're sitting in a movie theater in Milwaukee Wisconsin and you hear Rich Evans's laugh
I've been fucking thinking about this for a week, I can't sleep.
Just imagine that "pfffttHAAHAAHAIIIIIIIiiiahaaaHaah!!"
i would be able to die a happy hack fraud.
@@rotaku4946 I don't think you understand, I was being serious. Get that stick out of your ass
apart from the "cant sleep" part ofc
I've been to Milwaukee. Rich laughing would be a welcome improvement.
I would cum instantly if I heard the sweet ambrosia of his laughter
Palpatine to Kylo Ren:
"Kill the girl. I need her alive."
Ya WTF lol
_scratches head._
@Peyglo so he knew Ben would fail in killing her. Again.
Makes sense to me.
@Peyglo "Yeaahhh, that's the ticket!" - Disney Writers Team
Palpatine: ''kill me and my spirit will take over your body''
Rey bounces the force lighting back, killing Palpatine.
Palpatine: ''wait...did I win?'' (checks the script)
I still find it staggering that Disney managed to screw up this trilogy so comprehensively, it's kind of hilarious how dumb very nearly all of it is.
I think this must be an inkling of what it felt like to be alive for the construction of the great pyramids y'know? The work of the kingdoms finest artisans, skilled masons & painters, thousands of menial workers, talented engineers... The sort of force that could truly transform the kingdom, Irrigate the desert build houses for all...
Instead though the pharoh decided we'd build a big dorito to stick his dead body in, so that's what we're doing.
Tens of thousands of talented people essentially wasted years of their life because some corperate execs had no clue what they were doing and didn't care enough to find out.
@@ummdustry5718 That has to be the funniest description of the pyramids I've ever seen.
It's a pity, but hardly a surprise. The company knows their audience will pay for low-grade, thrown together, poorly planned crap. SW is a dead story that isn't worth paying a cent for anymore.
Kathleen Kennedy ruined Star Wars out of spite because George Lucas didn't toss her salad
@@stellviahohenheim What an extremely funny comment /s
The term "passive progressive" is the greatest thing to come out of the Disney Star Wars acquisition.
The star wars saga is a tragedy about Chewbacca the wookie outliving all his friends.
Lando and the droids are still alive
Lando horny af
Honestly it’s really creepy
@Captain McDog Holy shit.
“Chewbacca: A Star Wars Story” will just be ninety minutes of Chewie getting blackout drunk and crying while wearing his medal.
@@KMmusic316 Lando isn't in A New Hope, droids can get rebuild. So technically Chewie was there since the start.
I wish Mace Windu realised he could have just picked up Kit Fitso’s fallen lightsaber and double reflected Palpatine’s force lightning back at him.
I guess Mace wanted Anakin to strike him to make the Emperor think he's the one winning.
The Homo Demen yah I think so. I was really hoping Mace would show up for round 2.
@@elijahrusso5403 samuel l Jackson is too busy with a successful cinematic universe
@@Bl4ckD0g
Has anyone in Star Wars ever died from falling into anything?
Mace couldn't do that because he's wasn't a Gary Stu.
Mike giving the 09 trek movie a pass is the most hilarious butterfly effect
There’s been a lot thrown at ST 09 and Into Darkness, but after all the Star Wars and Star Trek movies and shows that have come out since, those two look like modern masterpieces in comparison.
@@bencarlson4300 i disagree, the trek movies are still unwatchable, mostly because of what they ushered in
@@youtubeaccount697 They did lead to the sequel trilogy and current trek, so it would objectively be better if they never existed. I still like them.
@@bencarlson4300 I mean I really do enjoy ST 09 and Into Darkness because their just genuine good films and really fun to watch.
What the fuck were they doing in Beyond.
I'll say Star Trek 2009 looks like a masterpiece by comparison but Into Darkness is still an infruiatingly stupid movie and will always been absolute trash as far as I'm concerned. The sheer number of plot holes, contrivances, and just all around idiocy is too much for me to deal with.
7:47 "You don't know that." Roger Ebert reviewed the Mr. Plinkett Phantom Menace videos. Mike's nervous "I guess I don't" is very founded. A LOT of people saw it, and it's been around for a while. There's a very good chance someone involved was familiar with it.
I'm almost 100% sure they were a major inspiration for TFA essentially being the anti-prequel movie at its core (which is why Mike was so soft on and receptive to it initially despite being all the thing he hates about Hollywood in that era when it came to its corporate fan service cynicism and lazy sequel boot status.) Practical effects galore, action and (shallow) character stuff over exposition and clumsy world building. Cinematography telling its own story in a dynamic and exciting way, etc. TLJ in spirit followed it's example only it set out to kill Star Wars as a whole and rebuild it in Rian's perverted image.
EpVI: Palpatine is defeated by the combination of a son refusing to kill his own father because he knew he was still good, and a father giving his own life to save his son.
EpIX: Palpatine is defeated by his grandaughter because she used two lightsabers instead of one
This is getting out of hand
Isabelle Now there are two of them!
Hard to believe Star Wars drew influence from Greek tragedy and myth once upon a time...
nbr1rckr I hope it will draw from Greek economy now
Seeing the youtube rips of the palpatine scenes I thought it couldn't get dumber after "Empress Palpatine". Then I saw the two lightsabers scene and couldn't stop laughing. the scenes with Palpatine are probably the best parts of the movie, too.
The sequel trilogy is like watching two dudes having a really heated argument at a party. But you went there with JJ Abrams, and hes your ride home. So you have to listen to him shit talk the other guy on the way home
And it doesnt matter who wins the argument, because the mood is already ruined. :/
@@Ryuouken and now you dont even know if you want to go to the next party anymore
@@CERTIFIEDBABEWRANGLER Oh I know. I'm not going :P "wasted potential" really captures it.
Aaaaaaaahhh 🤣🤣🤣👌
…but also, you're kinda interested how the trainwreck argument ends
@@nobu9705 yeah but you're not gonna bring as much beer or chips as you did the last time
I give Billy Dee Williams a total pass on his performance, the man is old and we're lucky to see him at all.
I agree. He’s doing the best he can given his health.
I saw him on an episode of NCIS years ago and thought there was no way he's going be in any of the new SW movies when they were announced. But dammit, Disney gets what Disney wants.
He shouldnt have been in the movie
@@NC-ck5oj The movie shouldn't have been - don't blame actors for wanting to work, only a very select group can actually pick and choose.
I don't think anyone's blaming him for his performance, I think people are blaming Disney for dragging the poor old man into this shitshow
The clips of Rich laughing in the theatre is the best thing I’ve ever heard.
the new trilogy turned John Boyega from a genuine fan, super hyped to see himself wielding a light saber in the Force Awakens trailer, to being completely done with the franchise and not wanting to revisit it ever again.
Just like most of the fans, really.
@@oddskymikha8185 Just like most of Star Wars' cast to be honest. New and old alike.
To be fair it was probably the hatred from fans who turned him off of it lol
Fox at first he was thinking wow these fans suck 3 movies later he was thinking “yea this shit fucking sucks”
as someone who didn't really get into the franchise I can enjoy the first 6 films for telling one long narrative even if they all have issues their fun movies..i actually don't think their poorly made they just bore me....I have not seen any of the star wars-disney films lord of the rings twilight or marvel comic book films recently since this universe started with what iron man in 2007...i'm better for it...could care less about these franchises...star was is watchable but only by lucas...the clone wars cartoons have been great...the series should continue animated...its just easier...guys get over it...go watch some anime...that will make you forget star wars
Let the past live, exhume its corpse if you have to.
Isn't that exactly what Disney just did?
timmd909 Exactly.
nO oNe's evEr REally goNe
The old story will resurrect again, to defeat evil once more
Just as a corpse that is presented to us as if it's still alive, Ray is trying to rise as a Skywalker.
STAR WARS: Rise of a Poser.
Oscar Isaac just fucking fleeing that interview is the most hilarious, perfect cap to this series possible.
Jay: "This is all horribly uninteresting"
Mike: *Carries on anyway*
I love it.
I want a deleted scene of Palpatine slowly building each and every ship in the fleet, welding mask over his face
Yes, and palpatine reviewing blue prints and schematics
@@simond7225 and then he shouts "I already work around the clock!"
Using force lightning to weld the metal parts
While doing his laugh & shouting "ULTIMATE POWER!" every so often. 🤪
"No, this one goes HERE, that one goes... MUAHAHAHAHA ULTIMATE POWER"
Let’s just bury the lightsabers on Tatooine:
- A place Anakin hated because of sand & the fact his mother was tortured to death there
- A place Luke wanted off of (his aunt & uncle also murdered there)
- A place Leia had no connection to aside from being a slave to Jabba
...Forget about somewhere respectable like say Padme’s grave on Naboo
Not to mention the lightsabers were buried in the exact same place Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were slaughtered by Stormtroopers 40 years ago. Like fuck Rey, could you have picked a more cursed place to bury Jedi relics?
do you want sith relics? because this is how you get sith relics
You just know Disney is already writing a story about a couple of teens who go out playing by the old abandoned farm and stumble across those lightsabers...
@@shockwave2291 Fucking Mustafar, just next to where Anakin burned or under Vader's castle, or maybe Palps palace/ex Jedi temple, just where Anakin slaughtered the younglings
You have to bury it in Tatooine because you need to finish this trilogy with the setting twin suns. Because Star Wars.
I watched this movie once in theatres.. I’ve seen this review.. about 15 times now. It’s my white noise to pass out some nights; thank you for making this review happen JJ!
Same here
I really thought i was the only one who does that. I listened to it a 120 times
@@ExploderMaster18 The key is finding which episodes where there's not too many Rich laughs to wake ya haha
I thought I was the only one that uses RLM as ASMR
@@10ToesDownWithBass My Go to for sleepless nights: Rise of Skywalker or Ghostbusters 2016 reviews lol!
Some food for thought: These guys sitting in a small studio with a tiny budget have created something far more entertaining than the biggest film studio with $275 million
But it needed the @275 million movie for it to mean anything.
@@rvllctt871 Good point :)
I legitimately got told by people "if you just turned off your brain you would have enjoyed it". I never thought the meme was actually real.
My family tells me this all the time followed by why can't you just enjoy the movie? My answer is always analyzing the movie can be just as much fun as watching it.
Oh those people are very real. That's the GA in a nutshell.
Cody Stork if the movie is good. Analysis makes it so much more enjoyable. You can get into It, and spend more time in your life thinking about it instead of just absorbing the colors and sounds for the duration of the movie.
Memes! The DNA of the soul!
I kept my brain on and seriously enjoyed this movie. The funniest film I've seen all year long.
Anyone else not really care for Star Wars anymore but actually get excited for RLM reviews about it? They are sick of Star Wars like no one else and its hilarious to watch
+1
The Mandalorian is fire so I can’t agree
I'm far more sick of Marvel. Jesus Christ there are 400 Marvel movies a month.
The online ripping apart is more logical, respectful of lore, witty, coherent and better than the doomed, pitiful film.
Count me in.
"Whats your name?"
"Rich"'
"Rich who?"
"... Rich Stoklasa"
So the fleet of Star Destroyers that Palpatine lifted out of the ground, nobody had known about until it suddenly appeared. Which is great, because it's ALWAYS a good idea, in a movie, to introduce a huge new threat and then dispose of it in the same act.
Hundreds of ships carrying 40,000+ personnel each, all hidden…..under ice.
Got it.
100% right! Remember in No Country for Old Men when Josh Brolin just wandered around aimlessly, and then Javier Bardem is introduced as a killer and immediately hit by a car? It was genius!
@@toboraton exactly! Or like in Kill Bill where the Bride traveled around the world, seeing the sights, and then in the last 10 minutes of the movie Bill showed up and shot her in the head but she recovered instantly and got up and killed him!
I can't believe one VCR repairman destroyed a multi-billion dollar franchise.
Rian Johnson isn't a VCR repairman. Yet.
bobrocks79 he will be
@@bobrocks79 rain saved sw tho
@@bobrocks79 at least he tried to save it if it wasn't for 9..
@@gkay8889 Star Wars didn't even need "saving" until The Last Jedi came out!
So why didn't Palpatine just clone 5 Million Snokes and take over the Galaxy with his Sith monster army?
Because he got bored of Snoke faster than movie watchers did.
Maybe he needed to make a bunch of them before one of the ended up being strong in the Force.
Don’t ask questions. Just consume product and move on to next product
There can only be a sith master and an apprentice
The final graveyard smash
I haven't even seen this movie in it's entirety but I've watched this review multiple times.
This is my 4th time here, I think. I hate how reliably entertaining these lads are.
@@Metallijosh100 Another channel you might like if you like or at least have a passing interest in comic books is ComicPop. They have that similar RLM vibe of just regular Joe's with integrity who chat and joke about the good, bad, and ugly in comic books. Their Back Issues series of videos is as addicting for me as these guys are, and I feel like they deserve way more subs than they have now.
Watched multiple times. More than 6 times at least. Only seen movie once
I've tried to watch the entire Rise of Skywalker but I've watched this well over two dozen times
It's my favorite fall asleep video what can I say
After 2 and a half years, I finally got around to watching this movie. Literally, my only motivation was so that I could watch THIS review. The movie was boring, the trilogy was a flop, and I'm ultimately dead inside when it comes to star wars.
My friend organised a star-wars marathon last year, all nine movies over one long weekend.
We started out with six or so people, only me and him stuck around for the sequels, and I was only there for his sake.
We'll always have the OT
"Due to budgetary constraints, the final order was only able to produce 2 navigational beacons from the newly named Emperor Palpatine Beacon Construction Facility."
I clapped because I recognize all your references!
@@DarthRaven9000 I clapped because I know RLM!!!!!!!
"Let me guess - Tuesday?"
EmPalBeaConFac
Most of the budget went to constructing the planet-destroying belly guns that had to be fitted to 1500 Star Destroyers.
Lando must be the best politician in the history of the Galaxy, in just one hour he convinced the entire Galaxy to rebel against the First Order. It was that simple...
@Autismo or how necesary was Luke's sacrifice. Last Jedi ended with his dead inspiring future generations, but in this one it inspired nothing and Lando had to be the one bringing the reinforcements.
He's the Coolest Cat in the Galaxy!
@@DS8379 Even in senile form.
@sonoki82 Lots of L3's filling the sky there.
I still don't understand why the First Order was so strong.Return of the Jedi implied that the Galactic Empire had died and that a New Republic had been born.
I still cannot believe this video still has 0 dislikes. The StarWars community are truly united by this review
how would you know?
Its called a browser extension
I have to return to this amazing gem of a video at least once every few months.
ive watched it 20 times today already
Watched this review like 40 times in total and I still haven't watched the actual movie.
@@biohead66 same here 😅
It's a lovely little piece of art. Three friends shooting the shit discussing a horrible movie ends up being far more entertaining than the movie itself.
Do a 70 minute review of Cats you cowards
Please don't.
Otherwise I'd have to go watch Cats...
(not really)
MEMORIES!!!!!!!
(Echoing vomit noises)
You mean pussies
K-Shizzle Bizzle The real truth
Cats is the worst thing to happen to Cats since Dogs.
I can’t believe adults wrote the new trilogy
7th grade level writing & I'm not even kidding.
It's one of the continuing wonders of being an adult - that ever growing understanding of how unwise many adults are, and with how little sense the world is run.
Icedout They did ???
Adults that payd 4 billion to do it
Best damn comment I’ve ever seen regarding the new films.
I watched this like 10 times over the years. This is my Star Wars now.
Same. I LOVE listening to the comiseration of these guys.
Even despite his dementia, Mike can remember so many details from the prequels do to the Plinkett reviews
Due*
Mike is just a clone of Mr. Plinkett that he made in his basement.
A tank of Plinketts
@@AGoodVibe jar*
Had to do something with all the dead hooker bodies
His existence itself is like poetry, it rhymes...
@allright715 MIND BLOWN!!!
Why would a master manipulator tell Rey that his plan was to get killed by her so he can posses her and doom the galaxy? Rey already was pissed and wanted to kill Palps. Why not shut up and let her unwillingly complete your plan? If that was your plan, why have Snoke ordering Kylo to kill her? Why promise Kylo an armada if he kills her? Why would Kylo need Palpie's armada in the first place?
My knee-jerk reaction is to try to make sense of that but yeah. Yeah you're right.
Yeah when palpy explained his plot i audibly said "what a genius"
That’s the thing I didn’t get Palps is a master manipulator but he can’t manipulate his own granddaughter. But Anakin and Rey have fear and anger?
"NOW THE DAUGHTER WILL KILL THE GRANDFATHER, AND IN SO DOING WILL COMPLETE THE RITUAL AND TAKE ALL THE SPIRITS OF THE SITH INSIDE HER!"
I was so confused by his frantic expositional monologuing during that scene...
The same reason he was defeated in Jedi - arrogance
My theory is Rian Johnson was pissed that JJ set up a bunch of plotlines with no plan. He actively sabotaged all the plotlines and characters to spite Disney and JJ. When you consider that the main purpose of the film, it suddenly becomes a masterpiece.
Honestly I could believe it
@@WingItMan217 me too. that is my hope now.
I'm sure you're exaggerating with the masterpiece part but I wanted to make this analogy: If a professional chef preps a five star meal and the next chef takes a shit in it, it's still gonna taste like shit to the person eating it.
It really does come across as his Freddy got Fingered or Malignant. Like, he intentionally sabotaged the movie because he thought it would be funny.
He's definitely a great writer so in my opinion it's the only way it tracks that Last Jedi is as bad as it is.
@@weneedaladder8384
A lot of other people believe that it’s on the same level as Empire, so clearly he did something right
I don't think I'm gonna watch movies anymore. Your reviews are always more entertaining than the actual movies. I'm so depressed. Please don't die Mike, Rich, and Jay (I guess).
“It is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing”
- Rich Evans
Rich Evans is truly a visionary. Such inspirational words.
Perfect for the Blu Ray cover.
Macbeth?
@Descartes' Apparition
I think Shakespeare was quoting superstar Rich Evans.
At what moment he say that?!
I just lost it,just like everything in the rise of skywalker
"What's your name?"
"Rey"
"Rey... what?"
"I don't have people. I'm alone."
"Rey.. Solo. Approved."
Taking on the Solo name would honestly have made WAY more sense. Rey was very close to Han and Ben. She had a complicated relationship with Luke, and Leia certainly had issues with the Skywalker name given that Vader destroyed her home world.
No it’s
“I don’t have people. I’m alone.”
So Rey....Rey Incel!”
Lmao yeah lea, han and Ben were all named solo. She new Luke for like 1 day. What a slap in the face.
Ma-Rey Sue
Patric Maloney wouldoyqrir
"This is all horribly uninteresting" - Jay at Mike's explanation of Palpatine's horribly convoluted backstory.
"nobody is watching this who hasn't seen the movie"
I couldn't make it through 20 minutes of Episode 8 and won't waste my time with #9... But I do enjoy people reviewing it because that's actually entertaining and creative.
You made the right choice
Same, never watched episode 9, and episode 8 was pretty much the last nail on the coffin. Stayed until the end though, figured I'd at least get my money's worth (even though I hadn't realized I had unintentionally paid for a masochism session). By the time the credits rolled in, I thought "My *bones* are aching, I better get home quick"
Sooo wtf was the point of the knights of ren?
DrViperVideos toys
Toys
Kylo kills his homies who did nothing but shadow him.
They should have been central characters in Episode VIII, developed as part of Kylo’s story, except that film was totally wasted
They were a throwaway line in ep7 and people got over hyped.
I was more excited for this review than I was for the actual film
How's that spinach?
Yeah I know, you weren't even on the premiere of this movie
The review is better than the actual film tbf
The sad thing is you COULD be the real George Lucas and I would still believe you.
Thanks George.
That point near the end about how Poe and Finn should have been together in The Last Jedi is so important. They had such a great dynamic in The Force Awakens, only for Finn to be sent off with a character who was annoying as hell in order to achieve literally nothing.
(I'm not hating the Rose actress, she didn't deserve all that hate, it's not like she wrote the damn script)
It's funny. Everyone thinks Kelly Marie Tran stopped acting because of "toxic fans" but if you read the entire New York Times essay she wrote she never mentions mean fans on social media. She explicitly says that the toxicity of *Hollywood* and the film industry is why she left.
@@BiggieTrismegistus it’s in the title of her essay, “I won’t be marginalized by online harassment”, and references the words used by toxic fans. Yes, she also mentions racism in Hollywood and society as a whole, but the fans (at least some) were responsible for harassment as well.
@@willsaenz6320Once again I'd suggest you read what she actually wrote. The title doesn't count because she didn't write it. The editor did. There is no mention of online harassment anywhere in the essay. It seems the editor and you desperately wish you could use her words to smear the fans for some reason but Kelly Marie Tran's essay doesn't give you any leeway to do that.
This review is still the greatest piece of Star Wars media in the past decade
You can’t spoil this movie. These guys are laying out all of these details of the movie, but I have no idea what’s going on.
Rey = Jesus/Korra
Once they revealed the Emporer was coming back in the trailer we knew the whole plot of the movie
I've listened to this video three times and every time, something new confuses me.
Holy shit, that's amazing.
It’s barely a movie. When they said it felt like a pitch session they were pretty accurate.
Darth Vader : "Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force." Little did we know he meant you could use it to conjure many technological terrors.. :|
When Darth Vader said this, the force was a mysterious entity that took years of training to use and master. Now with Disney, the Force is a cheapened entity that everybody has, and can easily master to near omnipotent levels just from reading a few textbooks.
@@byronlovelace8379 Uhh, someone doesn't know that the Force has pretty much always been that.
@@byronlovelace8379 ...And being taught by someone. Because that didn't stop being a requirement.
@@tristantully1592 not really. It was said that the force is in everyone and everything, but it doesn't mean that everyone is able to master it. Pretty sure that's why the skywalker lineage was special.
Tristan Tully yeah, that’s why after 3 years of training, Luke could BARELY pull his lightsaber towards him from 4 feet away. Seriously, fuck off.
“Look at these horses!” makes me laugh so much and i don’t know why
Star Wars is the perfect example of what happens when:
A man with a vision makes a movie: OG Trilogy
A man with a vision but no restrictions makes a movie: Prequels
and a soulless corporate machine makes a movie: Sequels
The OG trilogy was a man with a vision in cooperation with extremely talented people; Marcia Lucas, John Williams, Irvin Kershner, Harrison Ford, Alec Guinness, Frank Oz, all of ILM.
The Prequel Trilogy was George Lucas without cooperation from others.
More like a hack gets the right people on board...
George funded Everything past a new hope. Fox no longer owned it. Just for clarification.
The OT was Apple with Steve Jobs and Tim Cook
The PT was Apple with Steve Jobs
@@austinbaccus The ST was modern Apple
Simon Pegg loved the Plinkett reviews and is a good friend of Abrams. It's entirely possible that it is somehow, slightly, barely Mike's fault.
Or 110% Mike's fault.
Not only possible, it's exactly what happened.
did he really?
@@poppag8281 Mike Stoklasa's behind it all!
@@tukkek I can't believe Mike ruined this trilogy.
Can't spoil a movie I have no emotional investment in.
Seriously. I have no emotional investment in these films. Soulless corporate crap, unlimited budget, zero of the original magic.
I C BAJS
The problem is, you think having emotional investment in a feature-length children's toy commercial is desirable, instead of something people like Mike were burdened with at a young age and can't shake off even when they know it's bad
It's fascinating how they each have varying ideas to explain how Palpatines alive.
1.) He's an ancient being, and the Emperor in the OT was a clone.
2.) He's the original from the OT and survived the Deathstar.
3.) He's a clone of Palpatine with the reincarnated souls of all the sith.
It really shows that the movie did not do a good enough job to explain this that everyone has to come up with their own head canon to explain it. Sure, the novelization gives more explanation, but it doesn't justify it not being in the core film.
What's the novelization explanation?
@@fleshworm
"Kylo could feel in his very bones that this clone body sheltered the Emperor's actual spirit. It was an imperfect vessel, though, unable to contain his immense power."
The novelization has a bunch of details missing from the film.
-Reys father and snoke are explained to be "strand-casts", genetically modified clones of palpatine spliced with additional DNA to try and create something powerful enough to house his soul.
-The Force Dyad is a prophecy of the Sith and is why Darth Bane created the Rule of Two
-The Sithtroopers (Red stormtroopers) were indoctrinated force sensitives taken from the First Order, Finn and Jannah would've become one of these soldiers had they not broken their conditioning.
-Leia, before passing, gave each "tagonist" one of her last names. She told Rey to take the name Skywalker, told Poe to take the name Organa, and told Ben to retake the name Solo... Personally, I think Finn should've got the Organa last name. Finn had no last name while Poe already did, Poe Dameron. Alternatively, Finn should've taken the last name Solo to carry the name on into the future since Ben died.
I watched the Wonder Woman 1984 HitB right before this, and decided to look up the ending speech from that movie where she said nothing for 3 minutes... I read the comments (FOR SOME REASON), and they were all basically the opening tweets in this video. People saying they were deeply touched, and moved to tears by her nothing burger speech. I just don't understand how some people live life like that. They see an actor cry, and hear orchestral music and they think it's emotional. Maybe I'm watching movies wrong, meaning with my brain switched on.
"The line "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to everyone else" gave me chills"
and
"“I’ve never wanted anything more. But he’s gone and that’s the truth” this was the moment where Diana finally accepts the love of her life’s death. The truth isn’t ALWAYS beautiful it can be painful and devastating but at least it’s real. "
are the top comments on that video, and Im getting chills because of the lack of blood flowing to some people's brains...
I suspect those are bots paid for by the studio to praise their bad products.
You're not some authority on how people should feel about things. I personally feel the speech fell flat but that's mostly because the movie never earned such a moment.
@@Renoistic EHHHH, maybe... I don't think I said they SHOULDN'T feel a certain way, I was poking fun at them FOR feeling that way. Now, if I had said "These people are faking it, no one could feel that way after that watered down water monologue", then you could have a point. I'm all for people interpreting media differently. At the same time, if they put their feelings in comment form I should be able to have feelings about their comments.
this trilogy was just a mess, there was no direction at any point.
It felt like two kids playing with star wars toys and arguing about what the "right" way to play is. This movie in particular felt like a straight up fanfiction.
Even the visuals. The shot at the beginning with all the zombie star destroyers sitting in an uniform distribution in the sky looks like some previz an intern made in a few minutes using Blender, not a final shot in a multi million dollar blockbuster.
Lucas was mocked for wanting to fill each frame with overwhelming detail and we all assumed this new trilogy wouldn't repeat the same mistake. It's almost like JJ is just trolling us now.
*NUH UH YOU DIDN'T KILL ME I TELEPORTED MY LIGHTSABER ACROSS THE UNIVERSE BEFORE YOU COULD HIT BE*
Agreed, and to go even further, I would say that unlike the Prequels, these films won't have the "nostalgia" power for it to ever have a resurgence, even if the next trilogy that's inevitably made, sucks even bigger nuts.
There's just no substance to these films whatsoever, and RLM pointed out a great thing, that the three main leads easily could've been the Han/Leia/Luke of the 2010's had these films been planned out :/
A lack of appreciation that a planet destroying laser on every single star destroyer is idiot levels of overkill.
In the original draft, Rey uses the Sith dagger to kill the Night King, as the prophecy said.
Is there proof of this or did the joke just go over my head?
@@WinstonPoptart game of thrones joke.
I thought she had to throw it into Mount Doom?
@@ChimpFromSpace Nah, she was supposed to defeat the Witch King
So say we all.
These Star Wars & Star Trek reviews have become my comfort food. I can watch them over and over and they are just as good every time.
Mike is obviously the glue of the trio, but I think Rich and Jay complement each other nicely
The disgusting, old bag of bones Emperor being kept alive by fluids and machines and hatred = the entire Star Wars franchise
Damn that’s actually kinda perfect never thought about it
You mean 40k rofl
@@99Plastics Could not stop thinking about Inquisitor while watching Palpatine
Indeed
@@99Plastics I was just thinking that. Stealing from 40k for your eternal Emperor lol
I like how they threw out all the Legends stories making them non-canon and rejected any and all fan theories, insisting they aren’t important, because they really wanted the Disney era of Star Wars to be its own thing.
Now, five movies later, they take the absolute worst storyline from Legends (Palpatine cloning himself) and the absolute worst fan theory (Rei is his granddaughter) and just put it in this film. What was the big deal? Why not just do that earlier?
and they said there's no star wars material to work with.
This film? Sorry to burst your bubble buddy, but this whole trilogy is just a bad ripoff of Dark Empire. It ain't just this one that's been that storyline.
It's Dark Empire, Empire's End, Glove of Darth Vader and a dash of Darth Bane: Dynasty of Evil.
Zatzzo this whole review is spoilers
aromardu I haven’t read the books. Exactly what did they use?
honestly the rushed feeling devalues the toys theyre clearly trying to sell, too
Think about it like this lol
"You said your costume is from star wars? No its not"
"Yes it IS, its from like. Okay so remember 2h 43m in when theyre in the escape pod, Im the lady in the gold armor!"
"... Wait- what escape pod?"
I'll never forget it.. The theatre was me and my miserable ex and some random dude in the back... Our relationship ended the next weekend... It rhymes
They missed the dumbest part about this movie which was that palpatine's message announcing his return, which is a critical part of the story, was broadcast in Fortnite instead of the movie.
So only Kids heard the message lol
The most corporate business minded bullshit I’ve ever heard. It’s like they stop caring long ago and now don’t even care to pretend to care.
Hahaha fuck this movie dude.
@@trevorrogers95 perfect comment.
What about the fact that in one of the first scenes they have to get an important message from a betrayer inside the First Order? Then the Falcon and his ship have to line up, they drop this massive data cable, and you would imagine it would be blueprints, maybe some location in the galaxy, anything that would require a load of data. And then the message is "Palpatine returned" literally two words!
It is so lame, that 9 movies in a row have one underlaying plot device: *plinkett voice* "Palpatine's behind it all."
It's like poetry, it rhymes.
Plinkett conjured JJ Abrams
mutinyontheark Jar Jar is the key to all of this
@@Patyx42 Mr Plinkett ruined Star Wars CONFIRMED
Or maybe it was this pig...
*cuts to picture of squealing piglet*
Took my family to watch RoS on Christmas Day. My brother and I grew up watching the original trilogy on VHS. Watched it so much with our parents that the cassettes had to be replaced. My Mom, brother, and his kids all fell asleep during it.
The real palapatine was the friends we made along the way.
Still waiting for my friends to return, somehow :(
Next time, use a joke that is original and not overused
Whatever the Threepio line is, taking a last look around at my friends. That I met yesterday and haven't had any conversations with. Friends. Sacrifice. Cry. Now.
It would be super surreal to be sitting in a theater and suddenly hear the sound of Rich Evans' cackling.
That would be a pretty fun prank to play with some bluetooth speakers spread out inside a theater.
I'd pay for that experience
...and you just hit on the only way I would possibly pay money to see this movie. If I knew when/where in Milwaukee our heroes went to see RoS, I would totally have bought a ticket, just on the chance to savor one of that man's guffaws.
hughJ that laughing voice is my force ghost..... now I have hope for the challenges ahead 😜
Followed by a "I FUCKING LOVE STAR WARS!"
Kylo Ren: mocks Rey for being scavenger
Movie: scavenger hunt
You know disney has failed when you watch a review of rise of skywalker, and go away saying "yeah i think ill check out that movie, marriage story."
It’s just so insane to me that nobody at Disney thought to plan out the whole trilogy. Like there’s so many billions of dollars involved but not even a rough outline of what should happen in the franchise. What a mess
I think they really did think they could just get some skilled directors and tell them to basically remake the original trilogy with new merchandizing and print money. Obviously the Force Awakens in just the first movie with Abrams' shitty mystery boxes everywhere. People basically accepted it. They didn't like how it was so beat for beat a remake, but they were OK with it if the mystery boxes paid off. Rian Johnson was brought on to do an Empire remake with his own twist. That's what he delivered. Finn and Rose on Canto Bight are Han and Leia on Bespin getting betrayed. Rey and Luke are clearly just Luke and Yoda but Luke is even more of a shit than Yoda was. The Hoth fight is just transposed to the end of the film instead of the beginning. They don't have anything for Poe to ape, so he just spins his wheels. But the theme of the movie is letting go of the past and that mystery boxes are fucking stupid. Which is pretty hilarious but puts them in a serious bind. What do they do now? They can't *just* get a third director to come in an do a Return of the Jedi pastiche. People were really upset that they were tricked into caring about the stupid mystery boxes and then told that they were dumb for caring. So Abrams was brought back to clumsily and uninterestingly basically answer those mystery boxes in a way that still mimics Return of the Jedi. They need to get wrapped up in a local alien culture. Lando needs to be in disguise. There needs to be a simultaneous space-land-Jedi fight to end it. (Though the "land" they went with was on top of Star Destroyer, which made even less sense than the shield generator on Endor) It was a fools errand. They were too lazy and cowardly to put together an original story that honored the legacy of Star Wars without aping it and ultimately mocking it. So it became a disaster.
Imagine being in the same movie theater as Rich Evans and hearing him burst out laughing at something stupid in the back
Edit: thank you all for the 1k likes
Quaynoid I don’t think it would be very fun 😄
Quaynoid I’d go find him and sit with him immediately.
Next film I see I might shout out : Oh my GWAAAAAAD .
At random points.
I would be there to watch rich evans, not the movie
My brother and I laughed throughout the entire movie. We were the Rich Evans of our theater.
Can you imagine all the kids on all those Star Destroyers who were kidnapped and forced to work for the empire underground all those years? Rey arrives and they're like "it's go time! This is what we trained for!" Then they all died.
@Frizzurd That might be Anakin Solo in hiding though.
Yep, the "heroes" committed mass genocide. Hooray. (Par for the course since Finn had a great time killing his fellow slaves in TFA)
The funniest part is that this movie in particular has a whole legion of Stormtrooper deserters, I guess they don't think their ex teammates don't deserve a second chance.
@@Jean-Paul-Lane-Valley From the POV of someone who isn't going to watch Rise of Skywalker, do you guys have any idea how fucking ridiculous all the new plot points sound? wow, my hat off to you JJ
The rise of skywalker began with slaughtering younglings.
And it ends with slaughtering younglings.
If papa Palps is breathing you KNOW he got children on those ships.
This review has more replay value than any of the sequels.
This review has more replay value than the actual movie. You guys are smart and hilarious 👍
I think this statement is true for 90% or more of what they’ve reviewed over the years.
Kathleen Kennedy is going to blame this all on Mike in 4 months
He is to toxic masculinity what Palpatine is to the Sith
Less.
John Wayne -Well not to good if she kouldnt keep one story line coherent. Movies feels like they just winged it
@@johnwayne8494 I really need to find out what standard is there to call her "great" anything.
She put money in Lucas's risky project... I think?
She let Ruin have free reign for TLJ, and still doesn't seem to regret it.
She's getting fired
You've got to give Disney some credit for taking risks though. It's definitely an unorthodox business and artistic strategy to spend billions of dollars on a fictional franchise and then immediately drive it straight off a cliff.
Dont forget to blame the fans that funded the IP in pure narcissistic fashion. That's a big part of the equation.
They "Thelma and Louise'd" it.
Damn this comment is funny
@@ColeslawVariant WAAAAAAAAA I was going to say it!!
I know that the crash and burn has been infinitely entertaining, so at least Disney won me over on that point.
It's actually embarassing how many times i've listened to this.
Well, hate the prequels, hate the sequels, I’m glad we can all collectively say that Star Wars is thoroughly destroyed beyond repair and a bunch of paid studio hacks are trying to glue it back together haphazardly. The original trilogy is dead and we have killed it.
Hey Nietzsche, calm down it's only a movie.
Whenever Carrie Fisher appeared in the movie all I could think about was that old Simpsons episode...
“Thanks to modern editing techniques, we can use existing footage to complete the film without Milhouse!”
“You’re fired”
“And with good cause!”
lol, this. and I haven't even seen it yet.
Movie making is so horribly repetitive. I’ve said “jimini jilikers” so many times, the words have lost all meaning.
Just felt weird and akward and how she dies is almost laughable. Same with kylo
"If Hollywood stars didn't want to be in adverts dancing with radiators, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively".
Hello. Smithers. You're. REALly. good. AT. Turning. me. ON.
My favorite part of Rise of Skywalker is when Palpatine looks directly at the camera and right at Mike Stoklasa in the audience and says "Look what you have done".
Though it was weird when a pizza pocket walked down the stairs where Palpatine was sitting and said "murder your wife"
I liked when Rey killed the kritigque who called her a Mary sue and said:" fuck you sexist"
🤣😂🤣🤣
My favourite moment is when Finn practically looks at the camera and says '...I have a feeling!'
@@ImmaLittlePip pizza roll*
Palpatine in EpVI after falling down the shaft: "oooh I've gotta get outta here!!!"
Also me in the theater: "oooh I've gotta get outta here!!"
😂 😂 😂
He spun straw into aluminum, which happens to be perfectly recyclable, just like star wars plot lines.