How to Stop Others From MISTREATING You, Let Go of TOXIC People & Heal from BETRAYAL | Najwa Zebian
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ต.ค. 2021
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On Today's Episode:
More than 70% of people say they have regrets related to their ideal self. If you’re a human, you’ve most likely been in relationships and situations that spark regret, shame and confusion on what to do and who to be in the moment. So often, people spend time trying to please everyone around them. The way you dress, the way you style your hair, where you sit in the meeting, all of these decisions are so easily influenced by a want and desire to be given approval from the right people. But what about you? What do you want? How often are you spending time apologizing for feeling, and even better how often are you downplaying that you even feel anything? Najwa Zebian is an activist, poet and celebrated author. She joins Lisa for a second time to discuss how she came to radical self acceptance, and share the startling fact that we may actually be gaslighting ourselves when we diminish and disregard the pain we feel when vulnerability has been betrayed in the hands of the wrong person.
Najwa’s Questions for Self-Acceptance:
1. Who are you?
2. Why do I believe what I believe?
3. Why do I live my life the way that I do?
4. Why am I scared of X, Y and Z?
5. Why are you so afraid of feeling pain?
“When you build your home and other people you give them the power to make as homeless” -Najwa Zebian
SHOW NOTES:
Gaslighting Yourself | Why diminishing your painful experience lessens your self-worth [0:40]
Homeless | How we build homes in others and end up homeless when they walk away [6:37]
Toxic Savior | Trying to save someone doesn’t mean you’re owed anything, that’s toxic [9:47]
Proof of Love | Examining the real cost of having someone love versus what you receive [16:03]
Self-Aware | The need to be aware of your triggers and the filter you’ve created for life [19:56]
Self-Acceptance | Self-acceptance versus indifference and know who you’re accepting [25:59]
Identity Crisis | Najwa shares the personal crisis that made her question her identity [33:59]
Being Hurt | Why you need to acknowledge the hurt and know healing in your power [39:30]
Vulnerability | How to be open to vulnerability after being hurt even in protection mode [45:24]
Unwinding Triggers | Finding the origin of your triggers and allow yourself to feel it [51:56]
Self-Judgement | Not blaming or judging yourself for allowing things to happen [55:36]
QUOTES:
“You should never be okay with being treated that badly. You should never be okay with being betrayed. You should never be okay with having someone you trusted so much to turn around and treat you as if you never meant anything to them. You should never be okay with that.” Read by Lisa [0:46]
“Don't push yourself to a point where you gaslight yourself out of your own pain” [2:09]
“When pain knocks on your door, if you keep it out the door, yeah, it might stay there for a while, but you're adapting your life to noise in the background.” [5:45]
“The foundation of your home is self acceptance and self awareness. Once you have those two elements, you can build whatever home you want within” [9:23]
“Let me separate what I've chosen to give you from what you've chosen to reciprocate” [12:47]
“You don't deserve someone's burdens to be placed on your back for them to believe that you actually love them.” [17:18]
“Once you become aware of yourself, historically, and in the moment, you're golden” [25:49]
“The one who broke you cannot heal you. You have to heal you. You can't expect the person who broke you into pieces to bring those pieces and say I'm gonna put you back together.” [42:32]
“Vulnerability is beautiful, it is what's needed for connection to happen, but vulnerability [...] is being open to injury” [44:14]
“Boundaries aren't about being in protection mode. Boundaries are about knowing that what you have within is so valuable that you will not allow certain people to come near it or hurt it or whatever. Boundaries stem from self worth.” [48:46]
“The ending itself is not what you need to change, the storyline is what you need to change and that's in your hands.” [1:01:20]
Follow Nejwa Zebian
Website: najwazebian.com/
TH-cam: / najwazebian
Twitter: twitter.cokkfdlkdfmlkfdm/najw...
Instagram: / najwazebian
Facebook: / najwazebian1
Podcast: najwazebian.com/stories-of-so...
How do you set boundaries for yourself and stick to them?
I give someone one chance to correct themself if I've set a boundary that's been crossed, if it continues, " kindly see yourself out the door"👋😌
Set your boundaries what ever that might be. Then when you feel or see that someone or something is going to cross that boundary you leave. Always be consistent with what is your boundary, walk or run away if it needs to be
I used to jokingly put myself down in front of others. I thought it would be funny but it always seemed to end up being awkward for everyone. I have set a boundary with myself that I don’t do that anymore and it feels good that I can trust myself with that.
As Najwa said; ask oneself how you expect others to connect with you - e.g. something on the news will be important for you yourself to hear and you have asked to hear it but the other person interrupts with their own words. You have every right to express your disapproval saying again "I really needed to hear that piece of info but you interrupted". Say nothing more and do not enter in a debate with anything other than "you can speak anytime but that piece of info was only going t happen once".
Actually, I'm still learning about that. As a people pleaser, I have a fear when I set boundaries, people will call me stubborn or make things hard (maybe it's because narcissist trauma hasn't healed yet). I know I should just ignore that thought, cause If I don't set boundaries, my life will get hard by them.
If anyone would like to share how you guys set boundaries, I will be very thankful.
"When you build your home in other people, you give them the power to make you homeless" Wow!
Wow!!!
💎
Yes that is old school love. Glad to be in the now
🎉
So good
I saw a quote the other day.
- we are not friends or enemies, we are just strangers with memories ❤
Wow
this is pretty deep. wow
It hurt to read that, but it is true. I have been having trouble with my 3 sisters. It started when I started standing up for myself. They liked me better when I let them walk all over me. 2 of them have not spoken to me for 2 years, the other one speaks to me occasionally. The one who speaks to me occasionally is the one I trusted and she is the one that broke me.
@@suziealcoser5095 I can identify and I just disowned what was left of my family. I allowed the veils to be lifted that showed me the one I thought I had some residual connection with was stabbing me in the back and really, my son said “mom, she never loved you, and they don’t care about you.” What clarity.
I respect kind people. Unfortunately, most people I've encountered don't. They see kindness as weakness sadly. It's hard to find true friends.
So true
Exactly. Going from self absorbed and only making yourself the main priority of the world....to opening your heart and giving your all to people you love and care about to only getting nothing back is unacceptable . I will no longer beg for the love or respect I give away willingly and free to others. I CAN WALK AWAY AND I WILL
Spot on. Every word.
The one who broke you cannot heal you. Wow! 💪🏽
Amen 🙏
Tan real que duele. Pero el amor propio es un viaje de ida.
Don't give people the opportunity to keep treating you like you don't matter. Everytime you do that, slowly but surely you lose your voice. And with everytime you do that you loose a little bit of yourself. And here's the truth, you matter, you have worth and you are here to make a difference ❤
Absolutely!! That’s exactly what I’m dealing with now
so agreed
I feel you. But how to come back stronger in a situation where they are very close to you and cannot cut ties with them. They keep disrespecting you by crossing your boundaries.
@@wansangoh4951 👍 True adults don't get it.
We are here as precious beautiful gifts to be CHERISHED, WELL-ESTEEMED DAILY, TO LIVE WELL. TO THRIVE! SERIOUSLY ENJOY EMBRACE LIFE DURING OUR GROWTH, GRADUALLY MATURING HUMAN BEINGS need to live in HARMONY, BALANCE. WE ALL MATTER. WE ALL NEED TO BE TREATED WELL.
STOP COMPEETING!!!
Let's all be successful in all responsibilities, ACTIONS! DEEDS. JUST PROVE yourself to be your best self in all of your life actions, & DECENT GOALS, DREAMS. OK?
Believe them the first time they show you who they are. Stop it before it begins.
My mistake :(
My horrible mistake!
Yes, lesson learnt
He reached his goal and became an asshole. People show their true selves after being successful
In my 44 years, I have not seen or heard anything that opened my eyes so much. Thank you, dear woman, God sent you to see and hear this.
Oh man, "You don't need them to apologize for the pain they put you thru. You went through it yourself. You felt that. Do you NEED them to acknowledge that pain/hurt" that was profound. Definitely struck my heart strings..
Yes same here ❤it stinged my heart.. so thankful I came across this video
Agreed!!!
Kind people always get hurt. Boundaries are the best protection. I hurt myself for decades.
But, the ones who feel they are kind, are the evil on the other person's story. 🤔
@@teresaneria8361 A bit twisted isn't it?
@Michelle Mckenzie Thanks :)
Felt every single word in this episode deeply. It's like Najwa lived my own life and is reiterating every thought, feeling, and emotion I am feeling. Growing up with a narcissist for a parent definitely make it so that you don't feel safe enough to be open and vulnerable in. It's something that my therapist and I are working on but this video gives me so much hope. Thank you for using your voice to bring healing to alot of people. 💖
My father is also a narcissist, can definitely relate..
As an INFJ/Empath personality, I completely align with what Najwa was saying, especially the "answer your own call". We gotta know who we are and not constantly look for male validation
@@rachelspeck1230 imagine dealing with a whole family circle of narcisists
Well done on getting help to become better. Healing happens one step at a time 👏
@@ingridj7070 Or parental, from siblings, children, and work associates. They won't let you breathe? Walk away. I am allowed to be, think, feel, and learn without the approval.
“The price of someone loving you should not be you not loving you.” After a life with one covert narcissist after another, I really feel this. Time to go stare at myself in the mirror and ask me who I am!
Excellent
I get you ❤
There is no hating yourself, it’s usually someone else who tells you that you don’t love yourself out of jealousy
You are someone that is worthy and valuable no matter what never let someone else determine your worth...❤
She literally just exposed how narcissist reel you in. They do it to everyone. Their next victim is always told how bad the last person treated them just for you to find out it was all lies after they do the same to you with their next person. Self love is key and it is a daily choice❤
I was contacted by one of his exs. She tried to warn me and like a jerk, I did not want to believe her. So, the longer we were together the more I felt and noticed the evil in him. I told him no more money and things escalated from that point on. His temper became worse!! DONE!
Maybe "narcissists" are just hurt people hurting people, using coping mechanisms, as they have been hurt. Maybe they do need " empaths" or caring people simply to set appropriate boundaries so that they can learn themselves that they can't get what they want from that behavior. Maybe the "nice empaths" find them and connect to help heal them and the empathy/nice people are also healing and learning boundaries, as most of them need to learn that also
This is so deep! The one who broke you cannot heal you. Heal yourself.
After healing ourselves does it mean we can continue our previous relation?
Favourite nuggets:
"Don't gaslight yourself"
"Separate what you choose to give from what someone else chooses to give you, and understand they don't owe you...but this doesn't diminish your worth" edit: (paraphrased)
"Set boundaries with me, but DO NOT disrespect me"
I just LOVE Najwa, she's that proverbial wise best friend everyone needs ❤❤❤🔥🔥🔥💪
✌️✌️
18:00
You right. We need someone like najwa in our circle.
I listen to this almost everyday. It has made me strong and reminds me that I am valuable. I will never, ever let someone treat me badly again. I will remain loving and soft but AWARE of the signs. Thank you Najwa and Lisa, I appreciate the two of you.♥
Overcoming childhood trauma is one of the most challenging and important things to do. That will prevent you from all kinds of toxic interactions with others and keep them far from getting some of your energy.
But HOW?!? For 49 years my mother has been my worst enemy! It is evident in my former marriage and my choice in romantic partners that I do not know what REAL LOVE IS! I do not want to place blame on someone else...I just want to be better!
A person doesn’t have to have all the traits of a narcissist but any form of insulting, belittling, criticizing, abuse, aggressiveness, gaslighting after I told them how I felt and to stop is where I draw the line. This person continues to project their fears and doubts onto me. This person completely ignores how I feel and honestly don’t think they really care. Only what I can do for them.
I’ve dealt with a HANDFUL of narcissists/manipulators in my past: exes, parents, siblings mainly people close to me. I’ve always been the empath, the sensitive one, I admire that about myself they are beautiful traits to have.
Sometimes I don’t get that same patience and understanding reciprocated and I don’t expect them to lol. I see where they’re at. It’s okay if they cannot accept me. I love myself. To have the emotional maturity and have a healthy conversation in these relationships has to start with that person WANTING to heal. But if they chose to blame me and others for their issues there’s nothing I can do. At the end of the day, I got to choose my peace and sanity.
I’ve kept my distance from said person but how can you still maintain relationships with the child of a narcissist that you care about while maintaining your peace and sanity? I’ve communicated maturely and calmly to this person and they typically respond with hate and anger. There’s no winning with these people.
I was abandoned at two in an orphanage. I’ve spent my entire life slowly saying no more mistreatment. I took drastic measures to stop it while in work, around siblings and Mother, friends and so on bc I felt the discarded feelings again. I’m extremely honest with others and expect the same. So, I’ve been learning slowly to stand up for myself and be my best advocate. I’m tired of being someone’s afterthought. I value me and what I bring into other’s lives and if they don’t, then we’re good. You do you and I’ll move on to me. A psychologist once told my sister in therapy, “lower your expectations”. Nope not for me. I expect people to be their best towards me. No more crumbs here.
Sorry to hear also what you have gone through. ❤HAPPY you found YOUR POWER.
Its taken too many decades for me to finally get the strength from being a Christian/kind/gentle... WHICH doesn't include treating me like a doormat. I read about this, yet I could never put it into Action on a consistent basis.
NOW, I stand up... it takes a lot of strength at times;otherwise anxiety builds then it turns into depressionif not dealt with.
🎉Other times I can tell someone, "You need to get over yourself!"😊
I say it with such ease then simply walk away. Just was able to start that saying this🎉past year!
"When you build your home in other people, you give them the power to make you homeless" 🤯 definitely watching this interview again
Just broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years after finding out he has been consistently lying to me and cheating on me. I totally gaslit myself and my anxiety by giving him so many chances because I would focus on his positive characteristics. This video is SO relatable because I was doing everything she was talking about
Me Too!!
How do you feel now ?
Me too and almost 8 years in a relationship.
@@miaallysa3216 27
We seem to forget all of the BAD that happened everytime we give in to the false apologies. That's a hard habit to break!
She's amazing MashAllah.... Those gorgeous cushions look like angel wings.
True!
Haha I was thinking this too! After this talk and being able to resonate with it so strongly I do not think it was a coincidence
Yes
Excellent. Especially liked her comments about 'not gaslighting yourself' to believe the pain wasn't as bad as it was. As a divorce lawyer, I see women gaslighting themselves all the time with comments like, "At least I have a home or I am leaving the divorce with assets." You are amazing, Nazwa! Your interview is soul inspiring.
You are amazing for recognising this :)
To anyone who needs to hear this: everything you need is within you. shift focus to find that, and make it your goal. we all in the same boat and we can do this🙏🏼💜💜
Omg! The sensing sorrow immediately upon meeting someone and falling in love with that desire to save them is exactly what happens to me.
12:00 message was 😮! Only a person that really has been in this situation understands. 💙 DON’T WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO SAVE YOU, NOBODY IS COMING! Save yourself, that’s self-love, not selfishness.
It’s is extremely hard when the most toxic people are your family and they constantly mistreat you . I had an Autistic son and not one family member ever called me again . I was shunned and not invited to any family events because it was annoying. Yes my family decided to ignore me and it took me years to find my power . I received this message on every level.
Sorry you had to go through that. you and your son are both amazing and deserving of ❤ love.
I definitely get what you mean...I have been hurt the most by my own family,and having them blame me for pulling away and them acting like nothing happened has been the worst......
Sighs same here with my family.
That also comes from a place of fear and abandonment
At least I’ve ceased to setry to persuade him that I am worthy Snd beg him not to ignore me which is what I used to do with my now ex husband of 26 years who had me so downtrodden and low that I hardly believed I could make it without him but eventually I realised I could covoming to realise I could manage without my husband took a long long time
Don't look for joy or happiness anywhere other than inside yourself, don't allow others to rule how you feel, joyful or nasty, you have control of your experience.
Aham Bhramasmi 🙏🏼you have the power within you.
Thank you and absolutely 💯 🙏
The hardest part was forgiving myself for 18 yrs of physical abuse, but I learned compassion and forgiveness. 7 months later, I a feel so much kindness, compassion,and respect for myself ❤. Women, you are more than enough. How people treat u is a reflection of themselves.
I agree about the self love part. My ex said I was not making him happy. That is NOT my job! He is not happy and only he can fix that! My job is to be whole on my own and he must do the same and we grow together but narcissistic people can’t do that and will not! They pretend to change!
Love this! So true! ❤
True🙏🏼😊
So spot on ,being empath it's hard because you just want to rescue the ones you love, your absolutely 💯 percent correct I just have to do work on myself and as hard as that is setting better boundaries from now on , I'm fifty two this year re education for ones self and introspection, and it's so hard and healing is difficult but I'm praying for it all God bless you and your family, blessings from Australia
So f#%$ING true! My ex never grew up even though we grew up together. He said I was no longer his peace. Because I kept arguing with him for cheating on me. In OUR BED that I still pay for till this day. He ofcourse kept cheating with this 19 y/o girl in our bed. Mind you, we are a year away from to
30.
Setting boundaries, communicating them clearly, upholding them, and NOT negotiating them is key. Thanks for sharing this video. It is so important to talk about!
Agree
Thanks
I think NOT negotiating was a key phrase! That seems to be the area alot of us have a problem with.
Agreed!!
"The foundation of your home is self-acceptance and self-awareness!" Thank you!
This helped me move on from an extremely narcissist and toxic relationship that drove me to depression . I drew a line and said it ends here, blocked him completely out of my life. I got back my power and I'm at a much better place now.
Good for you the right decisions gives one clarity.
I'm finally accepting the past 16 years wasn't real and it hurts so bad. The toxicity and abuse is literally killing me. I deserve to be able to love myself. ❤️
This helped me. I’m 3 days out of a year long relationship. I assumed it was filled with love, respect, and care. It was the push pull dynamic, and the pain of finally accepting the truth was hard as hell. Our beliefs of the relationship were not the same. I am broken and feel so lost. I gaslighted myself through the whole scenario that he was a good person. I have healing to do, and I do still have faith that I will meet someone who cherishes who I am. ❤
❤
I hope you are in a better emotional stage by now, keep the healing going ( ˘ ³˘)❤
❤❤❤❤❤
Hi Rose!
I decided to be alone.
The ENVIRONMENT nowadays is a challenge and paradoxical . People's Inteligence has been challenged, you know.
But if you want closeness, let people know whats in the environment.
Best Wishes!
"Maybe, it's actually who they are!" Believe their actions more than what they tell. 🛎🔥⚡💡
This woman is a genius. She should be on to a stellar career, with awards, prizes, and accolades.
Agree
This has allowed me to give up the struggle of wondering if I should allow myself to grieve, even though he was toxic, even though he treated me horribly, even though he threw me away like trash, even though I don't want him anymore. And yes, I can grieve. I can grieve the man I thought he was, I can grieve the lovely memories we made, I can grieve the beautful future I saw that I had to so abruptly let go of. I can still be in boss up mode, and it can still hurt.
That's what I'm going through since June 2022
She forgives herself for her patterns! Aww, that's cool. The patterns allowed her to believe in an unrealalistic outcome. She showed herself compassion and empathy to forgive herself for staying in toxic belief, situations, and relationships. Thats good. Me too girl. Me too.
I’ve realised that most of my friends were toxic and decided to quit. It was so painful. But then I found many good friends on Voicely, so now I can say that it was even worth it. You deserve better!
I love how Lisa gets emotional. She's so sensitive and so U can see this conversation heals her so much. She really needed those words.
"don't gaslight yourself with your own pain" - 😦😬... Wow!!! What a thought. IM SOOOOOO HERE FOR THIS! 🍿💯✌
And this comment feed?...already!
Love n support found here ..its really lovely!!!!
WHOA. " I had proof... yet I was still questioning myself!"😲😒🤦🏻 yep. Been there before. With my own family member. Its heart wrenching stuff.
Mantra. The one who broke you cannot heal you!
THANK YOU 2 LADIES SO MUCH. GOING TO GET HER BOOKS. NOTES HAVE BEEN TAKEN. LOL. 38min thru 46min 🤦🏻 so much I needed to hear in those minutes.
So much truth in this interview
Same here. Been through this b4 w a couple of family members. ( Both of my older sisters)
"the 1 who broke You CAN NOT heal You"
22:00 reminds of Maya Angelou: “when someone shows you who they are, believe them [the first time]”
It’s so powerful and yet I still have such a hard time with that lesson.
Wow, this resonates so much. Her story us so similar to mine. I don't deserve someone's burdens. Being an empath it broke my self worth and self esteem. Hearing this is a big reality check. I waited around for too long. Now l see where l have been going wrong. Having compassion is one thing but at the expense of losing respect is not okay. Not everyone is a good person. I will truly do my best to be self aware. This is such a great talk. Thank you.
I'm an empath and this too hit really deep inside my soul 🤍
Be You Do You For You
I had good advice from a minister saying sometimes God allows things to happen to manifest the demon behind it so he can deal with it and we will cry out to be set free to have a better life where we are loved and cherished and not scarred, bruised and abused
I always looked for happiness in other people, when it was within me all along. Show up for yourself, every time. All the love that you want to give and care for others, redirect it towards yourself instead. Anyone worthy should have some serious standards to rise up to in order to earn your time away from you. Once you find the happiness within, it's magnetic and everyone will want a piece of it. It's a lot of work, but it's a lifestyle not a diet. Great video! I am ordering her audiobook now.
Very true
Absolutely 💯🙌🏾🙌🏾 couldn’t agree more
Make 2 of us
Spot on!
Here are my 10 extra tips to INCREASE your daily manifestations that I’ve learned over the years..👇🏾
1. Practice gratitude every morning. When you wake up, list everything that you are grateful for and feel that gratitude in your core. Feel free to write things down in a journal so it is easy for you to remember.
2. Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. Every time you feel a negative thought coming on, make a positive spin on it right away.
3. Take ownership for things that happen in your life. It's easy to blame others however you will feel much better when you realize that most issues stem from us.
4. ALWAYS believe that good things are about to happen. By being open to new possibilities you are inviting abundance into your life.
5. Remember that like attracts like so you get back whatever you put out, whether it is good or bad. So do good AND received good.
6. Meditate for five minutes a day. During this time focus on how you want your life to be; but place your focus on how you feel AND feel that feeling as if you have already accomplished those goals.
7. Step outside of your comfort zone. Stop playing it safe and make that decision to finally go for your dreams.
8. Focus on activities that make you feel truly happy. When you are truly happy you have the best vibrational frequency to manifest your desires.
9. Avoid the naysayers and surround yourself with people who only lift you higher. Downers will be downers, don't let them drag you into their misery.
10. Don't be afraid to dream and know that you are always supported by the universe.
Hope this helps!
- Your Friendly Neighborhood Coach 🤍👌🏼
Thanks coach!!! Think we all need to hear what you wrote. I screen shot it too save it and reflect.✌💯🏆
Great tips! Thanks for sharing ❤️🙏
Thank you, for taking the time to share.
@@princemichael9128 no problem!
Direct that energy to poverty
We build ppl up in our minds. More than what they are. It's a reflection of us. We see the positive and are optimistic. I needed this interview. I have a habit of doing that. It stops TODAY! I'm becoming more self aware and learning why I do and allow the things I do.. I'm getting better daily. 💪🏽✨
That's so true. I realized after 2 years of mental and emotional abuse that I wasn't in love with the narc. I was in love with who I WISHED they were and kept thinking after false apologies that they'd morph into that idea. I finally had to see that I was not truly in love with that narc.
Here’s what I’ve learned that sped up healing to avoid repeating mistakes: this is hard to hear, but it’s not seeing the positive and being optimistic, it’s denying the reality of the negative to avoid confronting yourself and your lack of self esteem.
@@mac0219 I get that. I had low self esteem and allowed more than I should have. I've grown so much. Ty for that comment.
@@shenika1979 amazing !!! I’m still working on it myself so good for you for doing the work!
Am beginning to love your interviews. Some of us don’t have people to advise us about things like this. We suffer in silence and allow toxic people in our lives to the point where it breaks our self esteem. Thank you for this. It spoke to my soul.
In the Arab culture, the woman has no voice, an Arab woman is expected to be obedient, a very cruel society. I am an Arab woman and I have been through a lot. I left, and I feel great.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
May the True God bless You Sister
Same as a married Indian woman!!
Plenty of Arabic/ Muslemic Women DO menage to move out of the box of local " culture ". Go for it!!!!!
I am glad, you are happy now!
It hurts because you thought you meant as much to them, as much as you thought they meant to you. They get to be the coward, while you’re forced in the position to face the strength of that challenge. Love doesn’t easily die when someone hurts you even if they don’t deserve the love, there is an aspect that there is a certain blindness in love. It’s the path to growth and transformation. Most don’t choose this, most are put into this challenge. Fantastic discussion. So needed...
You need to remember that because you love you are the better person. You need to feel the loss of love and to give yourself time to heal. To come to a place where you are better and you can accept them not feeling the way you needed them to.
Take as long as you need and also you can love someone and not be in love those are two very different things .
@@rosesicurello7712 - beautiful way to express this...everything you said is true.
I feel this deeply right now. My ex bf ended things in such a cold way and while he seems to be moving on and living his life without a care, I'm forced to deal with all of this pain and aftermath and I hate to think this but it feels unfair. He definitely didn't deserve the love, time and attention I gave him over the last year so it makes me angry and wish I could jut unlove him. It's an awful feeling when you're not sure they really loved or cared about you.
My love did die after being hurt so many times. I finally let go.
That's why sitting back and taking honest inventory of the actual relationship is so important. I realized that I wasn't grieving the narc him/herself BUT that I was grieving who I WISHED they actually were. That realization immediately gave me closure on a painful situation. I was able to see several life lessons all at once.
I can relate to both women. Growing up as a middle eastern girl in Australia trying to fit into my cultures standards as well as being orthodox Christian. I’ve realised that a lot of us arab girls wether we are Muslim or Christian really go through the same cultural stigmas and we become what everyone else thinks we should be as “women”
She is absolutely brilliant and so insightful and, brutally accurate. Being an empath is so complicated. ❤ 🙏🏼🙏🏼
This is a MUST watch for anyone going through a breakup. Omg, I should have listened to this right away. One of the most powerful things I have seen or read about heartbreak and loss.
Her strength and her story are inspiring
Sure wish I had this about 12 years ago
So true!!!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️
@@pinkyhotmessx69 now or 12 years ago you still have learnt something for your future whatever how old you are ❤
I am in the middle of a break up. I wonder what's wrong with me? It is like I think I have done it all wrong. I am not perfect, that I know. I had to learn not to interrupt people (I am so excited sometimes!!!). I expressed the other day my feeling of deception to my boyfriend because he never seems to share with other people all the things I am doing for his son's wellbeing and education (I can not go to the meetings with the teachers as I am just a step-mother)and he just started to yell at me things like : "You are a narcissist, you think only about you. What you say sucks, it sucks, it sucks!!! These feelings are shit! I told you not to talk to me about those heavy feelings of shit!!!" There is a part of me that knows that it is not ok, absolutely unacceptable and the other part is thinking that maybe next time I will do better, next time he will sure understand that my feelings are just my feelings. I explained to him so many times!! I want to leave him but "what if he changes in a few weeks and we can have the life we both want?"
ALL of my friends and family did not "feel" him as a good person and they are right : he is not the right person for me. He has also been physically violent with me 4 times! How is it that I still care and still stay?
I am at the crossroad though : in the next few days I think it will be over. This video helped me so much!!! Something clicked last time when I expressed my deception to him.
Thank you for this amazing video!!!
Incredible person reading this, go after what it is that you want in life! Learn the skills, do whatever it takes! You are capable of anything! I believe in you! ✨
Love - Nat ❤️
Taking this as a sign. Learning new skills while battling grief. Thank you🙏💕
Copy that! 👍
Thank you
Thank you !!
Thank you. My wish for u too. I. M going
Some people will suck the life out of you if you are silly enough to let them, Been there done that, taught me how to set my boundaries.
True, we don't need someone else's apology because at the end of the day, the apology is about themselves, about their need to unload and feel lighter and like if they're a better person. It's never about us; the affected ones
She looks like the most beautiful angel leaning against the fluffy cushion, and an angel she is.
Thank you… I needed this so much. I am so thankful for the way she articulated all that was said, felt and experienced by so many of us this conversation resonated with..
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
If someone ignores your calls , texts and you are waiting for them it’s best to dump them. Sometimes we don’t realize we deserve way better ! ♥️✨
This is also true of friendships.
@@oceanwaves7620 yes it is ! ❤️
I've been trying to get someone to validate my feelings and acknowledge what they put me through and apologise. Needed to hear this video. It just gives them power, to withhold that as a form of torture. I just ended it - told them not to reply to me, as there's no future. Said I don't have bad feeling towards them, and wished them well. Now, I'm not going to check if they've replied....ever.
i've been thinking about this. i went to my ex' house and gave her a letter to acknowledge what ive been going through. im not expecting any replies anymore. it just gave her a power over my feelings and i didn't like it. i also wished i didn't self sabotage and chase and begged to death. it was awful.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the very first time-Maria Angelou
These lessons are so powerful in addressing how we feel after being caught up in the scheming of a narcissist. It validates your feelings and helps you to release your emotions, re-discover your self-worth, and get that toxic person out of your life.
Word! When someone invalidates your feelings if you let them they slowly but definitely take your power away. I love how you talk about releasing your emotions and rediscovering your self-worth which is so crucial. 👏
What it does mean when we’re dealing with narcissist ppl how are are mirror to us. She says what u hate in others is in you. Abusive narcissist ppl?
Yes! Please find HG Tudor on utube. He is a brilliant narcissist who teaches folks how to deal with “
his kind”! He is amazing and a fabulous teacher!!!
A dear friends once told me when my life was falling apart and it was bad etc.... it's OK to feel shit...your life is shit right now 😶😁😂😂😂😂 validation and acknowledgement, being honest and owning where you are, what is happening and how you feel is healing and powerful🥰🥰🥰🥰
I just got out of back to back abusive situations. I notice that by the end, I act just as abusively as they do.
My fear of rejection, abandonment, and never being enough has plagued all my relationships.
This message came to be a the perfect time.
I feel the same way! I want to think I'm selective with choosing partners, but Im so emotionally dysregulated from childhood trauma and an abusive marriage that I can't determine if it was my sensitivity or them mistreating me that ended my last two serious relationships.
“don’t push yourself to a point where you gaslight yourself out of your own pain”
Can’t get enough of this lady !!!!❤️
What an incredible woman she is and every word she speaks hits the core of my heart !!!!🌹
Long live my lady!!!!✨❤️🌟
Me too
You just described the “friendship” I’m in. I am at the point where I can’t and won’t do it anymore.
Ooooh boy did this hit home!!! This is why I am in the marriage I'm in. Tho he's not a bad human he's not but he's stuck in that "sorrow" not elevating himself. I was always trying to fix and save others. Man her story definitely resonates with me
As a 26 year old ethnic minority British woman, enduring poverty, chronic illness, unemployment, ugliness, lack of development, living alone, being attacked by anti social neighbours, a non driver, paying for bills from unarranged overdraft, in debt, rotting away, not getting anywhere.
It's almost 2pm on Wednesday and all I've done is sit and waste away once again.
Please help me.
I need support because I have been wronged too much and I deserve a much better life.
Thank you in advance.
This is the video that most of us should start their day with, EVERYDAY. Beaufiful minds, thoughts and message
Couldn’t agree more 😀
I love the part where she says- We treat people based on our world view... THIS is absolutely true... loved this video 💕
Absolutely true
Been very difficult to battle jealousy, narcissism, arrogance, self-righteous, egotistical, gaslighting characters under stressful circumstances as it has been in general for everyone. I am so grateful for the inspiration you have helped to generate within my heart and soul !!!! 🙂
You guys are, " EXTREME AWESOMENESS " !!!! Love you, have a wonderful holiday season 🎄🎉😎👍❤️🙏
God Bless 🙏💗🙏💗
🤯 when I tell you her book is a game changer. Cannot even begin to explain how much it is helping change my entire life. And I am in no way , shape or form being even slightly dramatic 🙏 truly gifted insight 👏
One of the best conversations I've ever heard about self love and being yourself in a relationship with yourself and those you love. Bravo. Nicely done.
Really good. So much vulnerability and truth
You are you OWN BEST FRIEND. NURTURE, NOURISH, CHERISH, & WELL ESTEEM YOURSELF, is best. & Share your thoughts with your GOD. PRAYERS of Gratitude. Chances to LEARN. LEARNING IS GROWTH, GROWING, MATURING. THINKING. PONDERING & SHARING GOODNESS, DEEDS. MERIT yourself for taking action!!! Self protection methods. Obey is a harsh WORD.
OBEY. LISTEN. HEAR. HARSH WORDS, 🤕 HURT.
It's like Najwa Zebian was talking directly to my soul and like she knew everything that has recently just happened to me.
WOW SO YOUNG YET SO WISE! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with everyone … this 52yr old is finally hearing this in a very simple way that even my wounded barricaded heart heard loud an clear!
God Bless you and may He bless us all an guide us and strengthen us to see who we truly are meant to be and become that person and be free!❤️🙏❤️
As a man in my 50s who only started recovery from lifelong PTSD and went no contact with my malignantly narcissistic mothering in my late 40s, I get a lot out of these videos and can recognize all the dynamics abused women go through as well as the recovery process which are detailed here. Narcissistic abuse is absolutely not sex or gender dependent, abusers and their targets can be of of any sex or gender.
Why would you trust someone who used their power to destroy You???
Absolutely. There comes a point to walk away, to put your effort in yourself. This is not selfish, it is wise.
Sometimes it's so hard to let someone go that you fell so deeply 💔 in love with, but I'm in therapy now to make sure I keep taking my power back from them
Thank you for this discussion. After being treated badly by someone I saw my future with, I'm struggling to trust people and believe in the good of people
Slowly but surely you will heal. Make room for the right people to come in ❤
It takes time, but you will heal. Hugs.
I understand this.. it's tough for real
8 years 💔
@@kassyv1757 7 years and feeling the same.
I built a relationship with God for myself but I was first introduced to Him by my parents. As a Christian, God shows you your purpose in life. If you build your life around human beings, you’re setting yourself for destruction. Boundaries are important in life. The Bible says you shouldn’t visit a person too often cause when you do, they lose respect for you. The Bible also says, you shouldn’t consume too much food when you visit a person. All these wisdom is taught in the Bible.
I love how nahwa really improved in giving practical advice to people. She has gone really pro-active unlike before where she just kept on talking abt narcissism and abuse. We should all be responsible and learn how to really look after ourselves.
Najwa it's the auto type acting up again
Actually I've never met a friend who does not just say "get over it ", and then proceed to talk about themselves for another few hours. These days it's all about toxic positivity.
They almost need to be trained to listen which sounds strange but if they’re true friends they will listen to you. You may need to come up with a stock line when people go off on a tangent about themselves or their own story. Something like put your hand up and say “do you mind if I finish, it’s important to me”. If they continue to disrespect you that is a red flag and you won’t share anything of importance with those friends. Also notice if you end up listening to them far more and start doing it to them as in gojng off on tangents and talking about yourself…… maybe they’ll get the message.
Ick. Thats rough. You need some new friends, friend. There are good people out here still who know how to listen and acknowledge you, without interjecting their own experience. Personally I believe those people are not practiced with sitting with a negative emotion and so they don't want to sit with you in your pain, or they are just genuinely self absorbed. But there is better available, and I hope you find that kind of friendship.
So true
Get new friends ❤
This is classic Anxious Preoccupied Attachment.
The Personal Development School here on TH-cam is a great channel for those suffering with these thoughts n behaviors
Wow I relate soooo much to Najwa ! I too went thru so many years of people disrespecting me, trying to bring me down and me wanting to have everyone’s approval , till I finally woke up and said no more this ends here 😤😤
Don’t gaslight yourself. I love that. Wow that hit home.
OMG THIS IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT TALK. In each talking point Najwa brought it home 1000% for me. Her words bounced up against the healing and work I have done and resounded sooo profoundly and truthfully for me. I saw so much of my experience in her stories. Thank u Lisa and WOI. I will be sharing this amazing talk with other women that can benefit and be blessed from hearing the truth.
So glad this resonated sweetie! 🥰
I’m healing now from this whole story that I can relate too he changed everything about me to the point I have no self esteem left I have to build this again from scratch GOD use his children to see what kind of beautiful future we are heading too
👏🏾👏🏾 more courage and strength to you. Healing and growth happen one step at a time and you are well on your way.
I just want to add something. waiting for someone elses apology that apology is THEIR relief NOT YOUR RELIEF. Anothers apology relieves their issues, it does not relieve your pain.
Damn, been in weekly therapy for years. Been feeling so stuck because I haven’t seen any growth, just coping. So many gold nuggets in this interview. Thank you.
The most important relationship you'll ever have in your life, is the one with yourself. Transformation is worth the pain of healing. The caterpillar doesn't know that the beautiful butterfly is what awaits. Don't stay in the chrysalis; the world needs to see you fly xx
She went in! I found myself constantly saying... MMM, THAT'S A WORD
I love how the pillow behind Najwa looks like she's just resting on her angel wings
I have come up with this idea that If someone treats your child or mother the way they treat you would you be happy with that? If not they don’t deserve you. I have zero tolerance for mean or negative people in my life ever again. I think we get caught up with this idea that we have to prove to ourselves that they are a narcissist or psychopath or something. But we don’t have to do that. If they don’t treat you the way you want your child or mom to be treated then get away from them! I would rather be alone any day then to be in the company of a pos who treats me any less than how I treat them. Plain and simple. I will not go crazy trying to decide if they are a narcissist or psychopath or labeling them with some “disfunction”…it’s not necessary. Thank you ladies 🤲🤲🤲❤️
Amazing, this is totally me. Always trying to get people to love me, including my mother and at 57, I’m still giving that power to others. Definitely be listening to this again and buying her books ❤️
Me too
Would someone give me the full title etc of this book? It is the first time I have heard and watched this inspirational lady❤️
I think lucky people are those who have loving caring parents . Parents support their children I wouldn’t use lucky for anything else .
neither my mother, father or brother love me lve given up trying. they dont deserve me
I did the same thing. I feel like women are put in a box with limitations. There's a lot of you must and have to because you are a girl. I feel like things are changing for women and it's about time. You are never too old to learn something new.
It’s great to live in an age we’re women are so powerful & inspiring us all from the experience’s they have come through x
I'm actually tired of these feelings, I'm ready to be the successful person I am meant to be. The best way to defeat a narcissistic is to be successful, to move on without looking back.
… WITHOUT LOOKING BACK!!’
Yes absolutely, I'm trying to get out of this long term marriage because did nothing but bring me down or break my spirit!!!
wow!!! I would never talk to nor treat my friends (or even people I don't like) as bad as I talk to and treat myself in my head.
I really needed this right now! I'm 2 min. in..and just wow!
So much insightful about information in one interview
I’ve had a similar experience in which although I was a victim at the time I was portrayed as the abuser, and even people who I respected and new the perpetrator well and they witnessed the same kind of abuse to someone else and criticised, they shamed me and criticised me for reaching out for help and setting up boundaries… that made me doubt myself and gaslight me…it’s has been a hard and long journey getting back to me and find myself🙏🏼 but what a journey, very well worth it!!!
I’m going through this how do you get better ?
Same thing its crazy i released the fear its the fear that makes us so in denial and then boom i became to angry i can see it so well like crystal clear all the games and manipulation. So i was so angry because all the delusional of fear is gone.
@@nina755 so how did you do it release the fear then the release angry
Uhhhh!
Empaths need to take note about what she said - Not the first time I have heard this, but it’s not common for ppl to hear this radical truth without having to dig deep. Rescuing and being a ppl pleaser is toxic, manipulative and controlling bc in return we are wanting and expecting for the other person to behave in a certain way. We are looking for “the approval and love “ we believe we can not give to ourselves 🤯🤯🤯🤯
I can relate to every single word and every feeling she went through! thanks for sharing this and helping me to realize that I am the actor of my life and I need to prioritize my own healing instead of looking for justice and consideration from others😢🙏🏽