@@josieparsons3355 Just my opinion: Work on you being the "right person" for yourself. When you work towards being your own "right person" you develop the confidence in yourself and that you can trust you and you trust that you can handle when someone treats you as less than the "right person". My ex-husband did horrible things to me and our son. I am now almost 60 yoa and I have ever so slowly become more empathetic, more athletic, and more confident. It was not an overnight journey and I am learning to be my own "right person" still.... "learning-to-be-still"
I believe this is true and yes you're absolutely right in that respect and trust are two totally different things and I give respect, but after my husband passed I dated a guy who manipulated me into a relationship and he hurt me bad and had been fb messaging other women from the beginning and really he did his last and only girlfriend the same way and had an affair and she never knew before she passed away five days after my husband did in 2018 and he was talking bad and I mean really bad about me to his female friends and even joined a dating site. I found the strength to break up with him and then he wanted us to br friends and stupid me agreed and he had made a good friend I think but he still has rages for no reason and I tense up around him and become stressed out and feeling anxious and I know he's still so sneaky where I'm so transparent so I'm trying to be alone but it's hard since my youngest son moved in with his brother and I know they have to have their own lives but it's so lonely without him here and I feel I'll never meet anyone because I don't go places to meet people but I do know you're so right that we're never alone because Jesus is always with us. It's jsut hard to learn how to be totally alone even though I know God is with me.
This is very me! I encountered the narcissist because I was physically attracted to them but yes the red flags 🚩 were there from the beginning really and ignored! I thought they were the one, I fell for the illusion in the beginning! As time went the cycle never changed & they did not change. Towards the end with the discard l, I stayed no contact and they showed their true colours! I am grateful for the lesson and my spiritual awakening! Amen 🙏
Absolutely Brilliant! I’ve prayed for someone to fully understand the complexity and nuances of DV/ Narc abuse , and lack of resources just acknowledged. I’m so grateful I found this episode this eve. I watch Lisa all the time, this is my first time seeing this goddess, , I cannot wait to read her books!!
@@NajwaZebianyou’re absolutely brilliant‼️ I felt everything you said in spades!!! Thank you soooo much for sharing your wisdom and insight into narcissistic personality disorder and those of us who tolerate it. ❤ I’m dealing with two alienated children as a result of my ex husband’s actions. I’m never sure how to handle it because they are also damaged now. I’m absolutely devastated trying to figure out how to repair my relationship with my children. He has all the money and is manipulating the conversation and the dialogue about the divorce against me. 😔
I confused being needed with being loved. This belief got me involved and stuck with abusers, and nearly destroyed me. I was wrong about love, but I am learning.
My first husband was an alcoholic and every time I talked to my Mother about leaving him, she would tell me at least he wasn’t going to bars and cheating on me. She told me that he needs me because he always wanted me to be with him. I was told it was better to be needed. After 3 children, he left me for another woman and he gave up drinking for her and she eventually left him because he was too needy.
@@BevOberlin I'm sorry your mother did not understand your value. I had a mother who told me similar things. I believe this comes down to generational trauma -- lies we learn and internalize that have gained validity because they come to us across generations, making the lies tougher to confront. All the best to you in your overcoming.
amen to that girl!....feel exactly the same. its redilculous how we are willing to put ourselves at the back shelf for other people. Never again. I will be treated with respect, honoured & loved by me and thats a good start. xx
Sorry, but these comments seem all wrong! Don't become a narcissist just to avoid being manipulated be one! Be gracious, generous and loving... but learn how to avoid our free yourself from an evil person..
Looking for happiness we'll never find it. Giving of ourselves for something greater than ourselves gives us the real joy of purpose. What's important for us, we who have been exploited and damaged by narcissistic abuse, is to heal. For a time we have to draw back, into ourselves, introspect, see our vulnerabilities, gain wisdom and strength and SET BOUNDARIES! Once we have that done we then have a "new self", a wiser, stronger self, to present to the world and make it a better place. Yes, I'm still healing. I'm getting there baby step by baby step, one moment at a time because minutes are too long! But at 73, I'm NOT DEAD YET. Isn't it wonderful we have it in us? Blessings.
I agree. There is NOTHING wrong with putting your own happiness first in line. If you don’t put yourself first who will? That’s completely different than being a narcissist and manipulating others to get what you want. When you are happy and content you are better to all who are around you ❤
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!!! This is one of the best videos I've found on narcissistic abuse. At 50 years old, feeling suicidal, I finally went no-contact with my NPD/OCPD violent sadistic and racist gaslighting mother not because I wanted to; I was going to continue a limited relationship after I moved out of her place where I was working from home at my own business the last 5 years (never got a single "I'm proud of you") but then she crossed some major boundaries I'd tried to set, and I literally felt like vomiting every time I tried to pick up the phone or answer her emails. My entire being screamed, "NO! DON'T DO IT!!" and that was 9 months ago. I feel heartbroken and destroyed and am experiencing a lot of intrusive thoughts about abuse as a child from both parents that was normalized. And all the way into adulthood I've been assaulted and bullied and terrorized. Can't take a minute more.
....I completely understood your Comment. I had abusive patents, both are now deceased.... never any Accountability for anything they ever did, and the psychological and emotional abuse was worse than being hit, if that's possible. I had to divorce myself from them, and one of my siblings,...as she is also a Narcissist and Master Manipulator. Everything is about her, and gaslights with the ease of walking down the street. ...I cannot ever give myself permission to ever speak to her.
Keep on doing this for you!! A parent is not your owner!! She will never ever get it. Be strong. Get therapy. Exercise. It takes a long time to reparent yourself. I didn’t Talk to my bipolar narcissistic mother for 20 years, her choice, not mine, and my life wasn’t worse because of it. Trust me.
Minute 21. I'm so tired of every new man saying to trust them, they aren't like the other abusive men in your past. No, guys, trust is earned over time. We've been told over and over the lie of "trust me".
Hi @sophiashekinah9872, I am so glad you made it out the other side of what must have been a dark and lonely time. This video is so relevant to myself and other empathic type friends of mine. Write anytime and kudos to you for making it, on your own against all odds!🤗
It's possible that if a person has always been surrounded in dysfunctional relationships, real love can feel foreign like there is something 'wrong' because it's unfamiliar.
That is so true! Being raised in a dysfunctional hell makes those red flags feel like home. I have always wondered why I pushed people away who were really kind to me and chose people who were not. Now after years of working on myself I realize why. It’s like a weight is lifted - just understanding yourself is so powerful. ❤
@mayanah3124 I can attest that this is definitely the case and feel really uncomfortable when people are genuinely kind to me, which doesn't happen very often though! I'm in my 60s now and I've never had a healthy relationship with a partner, so imagine that it would be difficult to cope with at first, IF I ever decide to attempt it again. ❤
I got out of a toxic relationship. You don’t have to believe you can do it, you just have to understand why it’s necessary and do it anyway. Dont leave anything down to chance, don’t hope it will be ok, do what you need to do to guarantee your safely if it’s threatened. Nothing matters more than your life. If they’ve EVER threatened you even if they’ve never laid a hand on you, take it seriously. You never know what they’re capable of doing but if they’re capable of thinking it and saying it would you really bet your life they wouldn’t do it? It reaches a tipping point where the pain and risk of staying is greater than the pain and fear of leaving. understanding the cycle of abuse and robotic pattern of abusers there’s no way around reality, it becomes life or death. Leaving is dangerous and staying is dangerous. Believe the process of leaving will turn you into the unfathomably strong person you need to be and do it anyway. It’s not about not being afraid, it’s about doing it anyway. You don’t have to believe you’re strong to be strong. You find secret strength reserves along the way
My ex used to always say calm down, you are raising your voice at me. He was very defensive, I never made excuses for this. It was toxic. He never wanted to address issues, he gave me the silent treatment!
they can appear to compromise as well... they can even compromise for real, but underneath it is a pile of deceit, justification for their rotten behavior, and psychic and emotional abuse.
even if you have recovered, you never forget the pain or the wrong doings. you just learn to cope day by day. you have to strive to keep yourself happy. we can do it. 12:52
I have had to many experiences with narcistic persons, and they show their real selves pretty fast. Problem is when your in love, hearing about soulmates etc., it is so hard to walk away and think clear. Signs are everywhere. If someone is constant telling you how honest they are: run! Honest people don't even think about that to say that.
I cut off a "friend" group after realizing that they didn't care when a mutual "friend" betrayed me, and went to great lengths to convince me that I was being too much about it - giving unsolicited advice, texting me, etc. It was so gross. I realized exactly what she said, they don't have my best interest at heart. And that makes it very clear cut. Just cause they act nice doesn't mean they care.
Start with, you are already complete and worthy and enough. These spirits roam the earth in search of a victim . If you know who you are, you basically have all the cards. That means kicking them out or leaving. They DO not honour boundaries. Boundaries are a challenge to flaunt for them. They willl find your Achilles heel. Everything you tell them at the beginning, in confidence will be used against you. So don’t choose this mirror for your life. Everyone is a mirror.
Lisa, you are such a really good listener, lets one speak, never interupts and you are adorable to watch everytime. Najwa is very eloquent. So much wisdom and understanding for ourselves and others and speaks truth. Thankyou for this very real conversation from your hearts!
Thanks so so much! You have no idea how much this means to me as I work very hard to give you guys the best interview possible! So you just warmed my heart! ❤️
@@LisaBilyeu You really ARE adorable. You have so much excitement in your eyes talking together. And I know these subjects are difficult, you have to think of soooo many things to keep everything going and yet it all is presented so natural. Feels like we are your special friends. Thanks for choosing to do these!
Joy is dangerous because when it goes away as joy can be in excitement over a gathering 9r event, if your not in love with the inside of the book ,the mirror will tell u everything u desir3 to hear, if that ends u will wonder if your even real in the qftermath
I was going to post that too.... Lisa is very respectful by listening, not interrupting. She is a beacon of what hosts should be. God bless you Lisa. Najwa is such a beautiful soul. So much grace, and humility in her voice. She is an inspiration on how to conduct ourselves. Many blessings to you as well Najwa.❤
❤ So powerful!!!! My favorite episode so far. I left 3 years ago. I was absolutely terrified to leave but my love for my 2 small children over powered that fear. I was a stay at home mom and didn't have a penny in my name. God paved the way step by step. Thank God we are now free, safe, at peace and happy! The first step is the hardest but it can be done!
My colleague’s first husband cheated on her. She had two little girls and didn’t earn much, but she was able to leave him. She taught her daughters, “Unless you are financially independent, you never stop working.”
Narcissists do the opposite of what is right. That’s what makes them so cruel. If they’re capable of crazy-making and gaslighting you to get their way, if they’re capable of giving you the silent treatment knowing you’re in pain and looking for answers, if they’re capable of destroying your reputation by starting a smear campaign and if they’re capable of triangulating you with their flying monkeys so they can humiliate you…then why in the world wouldn’t they be capable of something like cheating? Narcissists are entitled. Narcissists lack empathy. Narcissists are delusional enough to justify their actions. They have all of the ingredients for being a cheater. They’re known for cruel and devastating discards, but somehow they would stop at cheating on you because they have morals and just couldn’t go through with it? No one can truly believe that. The narcissist believes he’s so slick that the other person’s name will actually come up in conversations, if you’re paying attention. But the narcissist will mention them with disgust, as if he wants nothing to do with them. “I can’t stand working with Karen. She annoys me everyday and I can’t believe the things she wears sometimes.” It’s a test to see how you respond to this name coming up periodically. It’s also a way for the narcissist to gain some sadistic glee because they can talk about the other person with you while you’re not yet aware of this person’s role in their life. When they drop the bomb on your head and the realization hits that they’re leaving you for “that Karen” they’ll be overjoyed. If you’re with a narcissist you should be prepared for the push and pull, the other women or men popping up or even outside children. They can’t even be trusted to show up to an event on time. They certainly can’t be trusted with your heart. Additionally, There are many ways to f!nd out what someone is hiding from you in their phones. These several ways only need the ass!stance of someone who has the knowledge $py!ng and can hàck into phónes and social media. For hélp, contact Metaspyhub@gmail. com for ass!stance.
Everything you said is spot-on. I have experienced all of it, not only with mates, a few neighbors, and in my own family. They have evil in their hearts.
Narcissists cannot comprehend love. They are cruel and hollow. They are permanently broken. RUN the other way. There is NO other choice, no matter what, no excuses.
I’ve cried so much watching this, because I’m going through what you both described as toxic bad relationship with narcissistic person…Lisa, I am so grateful for you and her ♥️ thank you
Look at you, you have the ability to get the attention of a lot of men (or women) and if you're a good person (I'll assume you are because this is about self help) then you deserve to be picky. I'm a guy who takes pretty good care of themselves and the only women that give me attention are hypersexualised bimbos. Your body can't be your best asset if you want to be intriguing!
Intuition is everything... when that becomes impaired, you're in trouble. Yes, the frog in the pot of warm water... when the water gets to a boiling point, it's too late for the frog. INTUITION IS EVERYTHING.
Heard the speaker a while ago and was amazed. This is something every teenager should learn, in school perhaps or something parents should teach their kids. How come we only find out as adults or after the damage was done...
Ugh trust me that question haunts me and a HUGGGGE reason why I show up and do what I do! If we can help others and teach the younger generation then maaaaybe we can stop the cycle!
Because children FAIL to listen or personally FEEL OR THINK that they’re different, we’re WEAK as parents and so they feel it won’t happen to them etc….🙄 SMDH!!!
@@rubyred3860 @rubyred3860 I don't agree that all parents are weak. Both my brother and sister in law are great at disciplining and teaching them about life. My nephew and niece are amazing kids. My niece is a terror, sometimes but she takes after me! Beautifully behaved when out, both of them. They have strong parents and other family members that WILL discipline them when required. I believe other parents are the same or similar. A lot of parents are uneducated about toxic relationships. Just like this speaker is! You can't just runaway from a toxic relationship. It is a mammoth task to escape. I'm a victim who got out. But it's not a simple thing to just tell people like she did. It's far more complex. @LisaBilyeu it's victims that know the truth, what could happen, etc. You should have got a victim on your show. We're the only people who can say what truly goes on and how to get help. Your speaker was unbelievably ignorant.
I was lucky to have these talks with my MOM. She would talk with me for hours when I dated and broke up with toxic women. Mom makes everything better.😊
I like her. She has experienced relationships with genuinely shit men, which there are a lot of. She gets why women need to always be wary of men’s words
This a a great segment. The moment she is asked if she felt that way... Her eyes went up and she sees memory and you can see her throat get tight and her eyes water from the pain in that memory. I've been there myself, it's painful.
Trauma bond is real. I have swallowing and indigestion problems around drama. I have health issues from living as a survivor of toxic family dynamic. I was raised in. Then married 2 men that were alot alike that took advantage of my big heart and my willingness to love unconditionally...
And they isioate us. So we have no support system. We need external help to escape. We aren't thinking straight. We need a place to go. I disagree with this lady. Thinking an abuse victim can solve all her own problems
It’s not always bad, sometimes your partner gives you breadcrumbs and you live for those moments. Especially for someone who has been alone for a long time. You justify it to yourself, sometimes he’s really nice, so it must have been something I said or did. I love how she said “some one who has been trained”. When we have been trained our whole lives to tolerate bad behaviour, it’s very difficult to believe that you deserve better. I told my mother how disappointed I was in my relationship, she told me that that was something I was going to have to work out how to live with. Her solution, go to church, god will fill that void that your partner can’t.
It's not that hard to start believing that you deserve better. The real problem we face is not knowing what "better" looks like. We were trained to believe that less was the norm. I went for years believing that much of the treatment I received was acceptable. Anything better is going to feel strange and foreign.
14:49 That is true. I dated a guy who did that. I said I liked true crime and he said he did too. He was a chameleon. I spent the night with him and was crying because I knew he was wrong for me. I couldn't believe I was crying. But my body was telling me he was bad for me!
I found this interview of Najwa Zebian on FB/IG reels. Her words touched me deeply. But whomever posted it up didn't state her name. I am soo glad I found this whole vid. I am crying. Everything she is saying is correct. I am also in a toxic relationship with a man who belittles me, blames me for his entire life's misery. I use to beg for the bare minimum of his attention and love. He would go behind my back and I would still accept him back bc I was so used to his presence. I am in the process of detaching, it's been more peaceful and safe... I cannot wait to be happy again.
@@NajwaZebianyou got me at work, FAN GURLLLINGGGG😭 ilysm🥺💓 thank you for being vulnerable bc my Capricorn tail could never🥹 I usually bring these conversations to God. I just want to shower you with oríkìs🙌🏾 I’m still in shock at your humility thee entire interview; not once did you make it about you-just accountability, grace & forgiveness. I finally found my tribe🦦
Same... ive listened and relistened to just her portion and have now gone back thru for the 3rd time taking notes and bulleting the points so I can look back on them when that cognitive dissonance comes back in carrying that glimmer of hope. I really wish I could just extinguish it for good..
I am crying watching this because she is so right i felt like I couldn't be me i was suffocating he kept lying to me so i walked away forever and it hurts because I got very vunerable with him and he took me for granted and he puts on this facade for the world and he manipulated me and gaslighted me i was only the cover of his book he never loved me and i will never let someone hurt me like that it took me 56 years to learn this and go through hell all my life. So now i am healing my mind and soul.😢
Ooo I NEEDED THIS! I try not to be judgemental but you have to call a spade a spade and once a person shows you who they are you really must believe them. She is telling the truth about your intuition. One of the greatest gifts is having an intuition. Thank you ladies
Some men are very good at hiding it for a while but my unfortunate experience has taught me how to see it pretty quickly now…. And I can protect myself but there are some that can be very deceiving in the beginning and even for a while.
I decided around a decade ago that "my life is about me". I've been called selfish and such things for saying that but it was the start of MY healing process. Still it has taken me more than a decade after that realization to finally come to understand that I had so many narcissist's in my life. All I knew before is that about once a decade I found myself suddenly cutting toxic people out of my life and I would experience such relief. I just didn't have it so well defined as now. I am finally learning how to deflect the toxic people so I have time and energy for truly good, nurturing people and for me to be involved in my own life and therefore not be so needy that I turn people off because of MY neediness.
40:00 Lisa perfectly describes how toxic people train others to tolerate their toxicity and games. “Cooking frog slowly”. Many issues whole society has is not teaching people to leave once something is off or toxic. 44:00 Najwa- you can’t put price on your sanity and freedom👏
I really appreciate these talks. I've been beating myself up over being manipulated. I just thought I was a loving, loyal person (I am), but not seeing the forest for the trees.
The purpose thing really is the truth, because sometimes we unconsciously have an unhealthy purpose for the relationship and not even realise it until you stop to think
What an unbelievable beautiful woman inside and out. She cried, I cried. I know I am in toxic relationship and experienced everything what she is talking about. I am so tired from lies, manipulation, aggressive behavior, cold attitude, blaming me for everything, but I can’t leave…
Their feelings are not your responsibility. Trust me, I've been there. There are ways to communicate your frustration, disappointment, and anger in ways that are RESPECTFUL. I never known a communication style, so it's hard to believe it doesn't have to be like that when you've never had it modeled. But the amount of times you forgive them and still try to be better and actually ACT better DESERVES to be MIRRORED. And your body knows. It will hurt like hell when you leave and you'll be glad you did. All strength to you.
When you have faded over time !! Wow, I feel this. So powerful. We need to turn our light back on, so we can ‘see’ all clearly, and ‘be me’ 100%. Beautifully said and very important! I love these 2 ladies!
I listen to these like a podcast, meaning I rarely look at the video. I’ve got it running in the background while I clean house or do my makeup. Girls!!!! Those legs and heels on you two! You both look awesome! Ever since I left L.A. and moved to Europe, I stopped wearing high heels. I need to get me a pair of heels again!!
True. Women Listen up! Intuition is your superpower!!!! Don’t listen to anyone-Listen to YOUR INNATE . When your body says no, you must listen.! Conditioning must be challenged. Excellent information Ladies. Bravo💜
After a while, it gets tiring & slowly eats at your self-esteem. It can turn you into a completely different person (which brings the worse out of you). At this point, you need to step back & ask yourself, is this healthy & I'm happy? People are generally who they are. Trying to make excuses or think someone will change is only going to set yourself up to be disappointed & have regrets. Being too nice & too kind lets narcissistic individuals take advantage of your kindness without recourse if they do treat you badly. Learn to put yourself & happiness first. Set your own boundaries from the beginning ✨️
I just needed to hear all this. I have to put my best interest first. I am now doing that. I don't want to be manipulated anymore. I have now seen people as they are. I feel so liberated.
Around 4:20 minute mark, discussed about getting emotional when someone else says something nice that your missing from the person your dealing with. I go through this with my mom. It's so hard to deal with her and feel most of the time anger. I don't feel loved and I don't truly feel appreciated for the help I have to provide to her and I'm wearing out. I have lost my self in tears out of no where when the topic of family comes up. It's excruciating. I'm tired of these bad feels.
I hear you. I am sorry that you've been going through all this. You are not alone in this experience. I have been through it and now that I am 42 and she is in her early 70s, she has maybe grown out of her toxicity a little, or just as a project maybe because she has nothing to do in life, she behaves with me as if I am a toddler in need of too much affection and words of love, (my sweetheart, my life, my love, my this my that....) and now it does not feel good at all to hear these words from her mouth.
Stay with it stay with it stay with it, 33 years old male in Sacramento, mother is a tyrant........rebuilding my life and creating my identity now......manipulation and controlling is messed up.......ill be good
"Stopping the auto yes" is exactly jump started my road to recovery. I was getting therapy from Ross Rosenberg and he guided through my very 1st challenge of having to say NO. So I went about to execute it and was successful. The predator never asked me again. I have been increasing my power ever since then. Through starts and stops, and sometimes backwards, I am learning. Lisa A. Romano is my wonderful coach. Thank you Najwa Debian for putting on all your wonderful shows💖💯👏🌹🥀
I truly enjoyed this interview. By far one of the BEST INTERVIEWS YET on this channel. When she went into detail about listening to your body and to not ignore it, you don’t need proof before you allow yourself to trust that it’s real: she really hit the nail with that one. So powerful. Love it!!!
That stands true for me as a man, too. I was in a situation that melted my brain a bit but she gave me a bad feeling and I wasn't willing to forget it. We stopped talking because she ignored something she agreed to and acted like I had said nothing to her. I've been with a woman like her for a few months a long time ago but it was a very tough few months!
THIS^^^^WHEN YOUR Body REMEMBERS PAST ABUSE again I knew i had to go no contact when i felt that jumpy cold dread whenever my text dinged. "What does he want now?" I remembered the same dread from another past abusive relationship. That feeling started happening all the time & I had to come face to face with more worse excuses, till I saw the rwal reason why he
In a world (my world ) filled with people who use their words to break crush and destroy seeing a person like najwa who uses their word to heal , repair & fix gives me hope. I love u najwa. Ur biggest fan Haleluya.
Same here, good to know that others feel the same way. My mother doesn't have my back, at one point even told me I could go back to my violent ex and that she could have handled them! Can't believe I thought she was a caring person. It's all for her own image
Same here she told I will never make it up because I'm independent person always following my dream she become so toxic of my attitude nw am taking care of her😢
A really good explanation of the damage toxic intimate relationships can do. Even when we have a really awesome support system, the person you spend 90% of your time with really does have a huge impact on your self worth by default because you spend most of your time with them. I never really thought about it in that way. I appreciate you putting that message out there! It makes me all the more excited about my divorce!
😂...I didn't even know what one was at the time, i just knew she wasn't like anyone I had met. I laughed at the time not understanding how much it would affect me. We all live and learn...good luck!
Even if you have proof they will try to convince you that you're delusional . Mine has sworn to God on my loved ones life. I felt rage towards him . Now I feel indifferent. He lies so much I just feel disconnected. I've crossed that line I want to go , I should've left years ago. Thank you for being there and educating me .
I wanted to give another chance today... I have watched this video 10 times... I won't give another chance. Maybe you saved my life today. Maybe you saved lifes of mamy women today.thank you for your job
Easier said than done when you are in a narcissistic abusive relationship. Feelings of yourself faze out and go 100% into them. You adore them, or at least, you THINK you do. When someone lovebombs you to trap you, and then u turns YOUR personality... Then come back to me after years of abuse, and try to repeat your statement with conviction. I'm a survivor, but I have many scars, I have PTSD, and I know the real truth. It's not about trusting yourself.
Excellent advice. Be self preserving and be confident in yourself and your thoughts. Be discerning. Your value means you deserve to be treated decent and properly. Expect the best for yourself. You are not a side piece. You deserve to be considered & matter.
Patterns of behavior. Your intuition is a guiding beacon. It will beep more frequently the more consistent the behavior. The gut reaction is honest when we are in denial or persist on giving the benefit of the doubt.
I really appreciate this video. It's so different from what I had seen on other videos. I'm experiencing gaslighting from my doctor. A lot of threats of abandonment Because my day off is not when she wants me to have a test. My intuition says the test is a waste of time, intuition does not only apply to relationships with significant others in the home. Doctors and other people need to be watched
Exactly!!! My doctor is a dismissive kind of man in his mid 60s just going through the motions waiting till his retirement! When I had an appointment to see him, waited an hour passed my appointment time in the waiting room, all I get was a 5 minutes ‘rushing through’ and he walked out the exam room saying “you are fine, just getting old that’s all!” ???? I had a phone appointment with him last week (he was 2 hours late) for the results of my new bloodwork and he told me as usual you are ok! I asked for the breakdown of a few important numbers such as my cholesterol count and A1C, he complained, “what am I? Your secretary?” Yes, it us time for me to search for a new pcp, one that is still doing his work as a doctor!!
In addition to forgiving ourselves, we should also remember to honor the part of us that wants to believe in the good in others; the part of us that knows if we can change ourselves for the better, so can other people; the part of ourselves that is willing to allow others to make mistakes, and then hold the space for them to correct those mistakes.
This is soo good! Setting bookmarks 35:00 37:50 1:05:51 1:08:50 1:25:00 We teach people how to treat us (by putting up with things that are not right or by not holding to our own boundaries or even knowing what they are)
"When you start giving people excuses, it rarely ever is your intuition that tells you to make an excuse. It usually is your conditioning..." THAT EXACTLY.
It’s good to have a self made principal . Paying attention to the pattern. If something happens that you don’t like, most possibly it will happen again and again.
I wish I saw this video a few years ago. Trust your body and intuition. There are damaged people who only know how to hurt people close to them. And they are so perfect, that you ignore the red flags. But you know... you knew all along.
I LOVE how Lisa lets the interviewee speak, just talk through all those interesting and important pieces of infornation she's willing to share!! Thank you Lisa, you're the sweetest!! 🙌💖
My intuition used to scream out to me to be free amd I literally turn music out loud in the car to silence the pain. Finally I listened and got free. Eight years free and counting.
Preach it, girl! You just can't imagine how much I was looking for this information. I passed through a lot of pain and sometimes my mind went on neglecting everything or believing that THAT was my imagination, just because HE USED TO TELL ME THAT ALL OF THAT WAS IN MY HEAD. And, it's like, waking up and saying: Yes! I was manipulated! Yes! I was gaslighted. Yes! My pain was true! And I can't be hard to myself because I didn't know better. But, the day I left, I felt like a big and hard rock had been thrown away from my back. I FELT FREE!!! AND THAT IS BEST I COULD DO. NEVER AGAIN!!! Thank you, so much. ❤
EVERYTHING IS SO TRUE ; LISTENING THIS SECOND TIME AND IS EXACTLY MY 14 YEARS I HAD LEFT 6 MONTS AGO ! STILL HEALING AND PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER. DO NOT STAY IN TOXICITY OF SOMEONE, LEAVE STRAIGHT AWAY AS THAT WILL EAT, DESTROY AND DAMAGE YOU SLOWLY.
That is so true! That your partner should be the same person everywere. Thats what I loved about my husband in the begining of our relationship. He was always himself even when he met my mother, family, or his friends and siblings. But my ex was always extra nice when other people was around. And very abusive when we were alone.
4:20 to 6:00 - best piece of advice. Even though I’m watching this after taking these steps, it feels good to hear it from another person. Staying in a relationship where you are looked at with labels and you have to beg your partner to look at you as a human just so that you won’t be rejected by that person - it’s absolutely worthless.
I woke up and feel powerless and as I was fixing food for myself the powerless feeling didn't go away. So I thought to myself I need some Lisa video now. And I finished my meal listening to this episode. There are several points I need to think and learn more about. I will come back to this video again. Thank you so much!❤
I was there for 22 years. I took my time (years) to grow the strength I needed to leave . It was the hardest, best thing I did. The analogy of the butterfly struggle says it well. Najwa is exact on - she’s telling my story . I promise there is hope- I’m living proof . Thank you both
this was illuminating! i feel more mentally and emotionally expansive with each aha moment. so much has clicked, finally feel heard and understood. best interview i have heard on this type of relationship dynamic. very gentle & relatable
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
@@snn2913@
My ex has a new lady he has fourth stage cancer real sick she got a handful now
@@peggyeastwood3246😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Heard thank you ❤
I don't have the words to say but thank you so much
Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm
I need this for a bumper sticker
I’m gonna copy and paste this into my phone notes
💯🥺👍
Drake gon steal this ...this a fire quote shawty.
This is so powerful. My goodness 🙏🏽 Thank you
Omfg..."when you start to make excuses - it's rarely your intuition. It's your conditioning." MIND BLOWN! So true and so well put!!
It got me the same too!!💛💪🏾😍
SAME 🤯🤯🤯
Loneliness will keep toxic in ur life, learn how to be ok with alone, by urself, until the right person comes along! By the way we are never alone🙏❣️🌹
❤❤❤
@@josieparsons3355 Pray that God sends you that ONE.
@@josieparsons3355 Just my opinion: Work on you being the "right person" for yourself. When you work towards being your own "right person" you develop the confidence in yourself and that you can trust you and you trust that you can handle when someone treats you as less than the "right person". My ex-husband did horrible things to me and our son. I am now almost 60 yoa and I have ever so slowly become more empathetic, more athletic, and more confident. It was not an overnight journey and I am learning to be my own "right person" still.... "learning-to-be-still"
I believe this is true and yes you're absolutely right in that respect and trust are two totally different things and I give respect, but after my husband passed I dated a guy who manipulated me into a relationship and he hurt me bad and had been fb messaging other women from the beginning and really he did his last and only girlfriend the same way and had an affair and she never knew before she passed away five days after my husband did in 2018 and he was talking bad and I mean really bad about me to his female friends and even joined a dating site. I found the strength to break up with him and then he wanted us to br friends and stupid me agreed and he had made a good friend I think but he still has rages for no reason and I tense up around him and become stressed out and feeling anxious and I know he's still so sneaky where I'm so transparent so I'm trying to be alone but it's hard since my youngest son moved in with his brother and I know they have to have their own lives but it's so lonely without him here and I feel I'll never meet anyone because I don't go places to meet people but I do know you're so right that we're never alone because Jesus is always with us. It's jsut hard to learn how to be totally alone even though I know God is with me.
This is very me! I encountered the narcissist because I was physically attracted to them but yes the red flags 🚩 were there from the beginning really and ignored! I thought they were the one, I fell for the illusion in the beginning! As time went the cycle never changed & they did not change. Towards the end with the discard l, I stayed no contact and they showed their true colours! I am grateful for the lesson and my spiritual awakening! Amen 🙏
This woman should be broadcasted everywhere.
So eloquent and to the point on Narcissistic abuse
Aw thank you ❤️
I can listen to @NajwaZebian all day! Very intelligent and informative! Love her Soo much! ❤
Amen to that. Such a healing message and so needed in this world
Absolutely Brilliant! I’ve prayed for someone to fully understand the complexity and nuances of DV/ Narc abuse , and lack of resources just acknowledged. I’m so grateful I found this episode this eve. I watch Lisa all the time, this is my first time seeing this goddess, , I cannot wait to read her books!!
@@NajwaZebianyou’re absolutely brilliant‼️ I felt everything you said in spades!!!
Thank you soooo much for sharing your wisdom and insight into narcissistic personality disorder and those of us who tolerate it. ❤
I’m dealing with two alienated children as a result of my ex husband’s actions. I’m never sure how to handle it because they are also damaged now. I’m absolutely devastated trying to figure out how to repair my relationship with my children. He has all the money and is manipulating the conversation and the dialogue about the divorce against me. 😔
“It’s easy to build a house with someone, but it’s hard to build a home with someone “ i really felt that😢
Me, too. 😮❤
These signs shouldn't be limited to intimate relationships
This is for every person that comes into your life
Ery good point
Amen Amen Amen ‼️‼️
It is true that I found this interview at such a right moment in my life.
just when I was punishing myself with "never again", but for the friendships
Working with some
abso-f**kin'-lutely
I confused being needed with being loved. This belief got me involved and stuck with abusers, and nearly destroyed me. I was wrong about love, but I am learning.
My first husband was an alcoholic and every time I talked to my Mother about leaving him, she would tell me at least he wasn’t going to bars and cheating on me. She told me that he needs me because he always wanted me to be with him. I was told it was better to be needed. After 3 children, he left me for another woman and he gave up drinking for her and she eventually left him because he was too needy.
So sorry to hear these stories…
@@BevOberlin I'm sorry your mother did not understand your value. I had a mother who told me similar things. I believe this comes down to generational trauma -- lies we learn and internalize that have gained validity because they come to us across generations, making the lies tougher to confront. All the best to you in your overcoming.
Perhaps being needed with being loveable
😅😅
You feel it in your gut when someone is manipulative 100 %. Yes I’m tired of putting everyone else first so done with that . My turn for happiness.
amen to that girl!....feel exactly the same. its redilculous how we are willing to put ourselves at the back shelf for other people. Never again. I will be treated with respect, honoured & loved by me and thats a good start. xx
Sorry, but these comments seem all wrong! Don't become a narcissist just to avoid being manipulated be one!
Be gracious, generous and loving... but learn how to avoid our free yourself from an evil person..
Looking for happiness we'll never find it. Giving of ourselves for something greater than ourselves gives us the real joy of purpose.
What's important for us, we who have been exploited and damaged by narcissistic abuse, is to heal. For a time we have to draw back, into ourselves, introspect, see our vulnerabilities, gain wisdom and strength and SET BOUNDARIES! Once we have that done we then have a "new self", a wiser, stronger self, to present to the world and make it a better place.
Yes, I'm still healing. I'm getting there baby step by baby step, one moment at a time because minutes are too long! But at 73, I'm NOT DEAD YET. Isn't it wonderful we have it in us? Blessings.
I agree. There is NOTHING wrong with putting your own happiness first in line. If you don’t put yourself first who will? That’s completely different than being a narcissist and manipulating others to get what you want. When you are happy and content you are better to all who are around you ❤
@@agentmacguyver2974why must one be a narcissist if they are trying to set boundaries? Who hurt you?
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!!! This is one of the best videos I've found on narcissistic abuse. At 50 years old, feeling suicidal, I finally went no-contact with my NPD/OCPD violent sadistic and racist gaslighting mother not because I wanted to; I was going to continue a limited relationship after I moved out of her place where I was working from home at my own business the last 5 years (never got a single "I'm proud of you") but then she crossed some major boundaries I'd tried to set, and I literally felt like vomiting every time I tried to pick up the phone or answer her emails. My entire being screamed, "NO! DON'T DO IT!!" and that was 9 months ago. I feel heartbroken and destroyed and am experiencing a lot of intrusive thoughts about abuse as a child from both parents that was normalized. And all the way into adulthood I've been assaulted and bullied and terrorized. Can't take a minute more.
....I completely understood your Comment. I had abusive patents, both are now deceased.... never any Accountability for anything they ever did, and the psychological and emotional abuse was worse than being hit, if that's possible. I had to divorce myself from them, and one of my siblings,...as she is also a Narcissist and Master Manipulator. Everything is about her, and gaslights with the ease of walking down the street. ...I cannot ever give myself permission to ever speak to her.
Keep on doing this for you!! A parent is not your owner!! She will never ever get it. Be strong. Get therapy. Exercise. It takes a long time to reparent yourself. I didn’t Talk to my bipolar narcissistic mother for 20 years, her choice, not mine, and my life wasn’t worse because of it. Trust me.
I get it. Those memories coming up. It's very hard to accept the reality. I'm working on this too. Not giving up. All the best to you.
do Hoffman process. it s 7 days to look into your childhood. helped me a lot
My heart goes out to you for what you’ve been through. I extend my love and support with the hope that you are able to heal 💖
Minute 21. I'm so tired of every new man saying to trust them, they aren't like the other abusive men in your past. No, guys, trust is earned over time. We've been told over and over the lie of "trust me".
Words are just words! They have to SHOW they can be trusted, do the words match their actions? If not byyyyeee
True story!!!
Ppl thought they could trust Ted Bundy too.
Always listen to your gut. People will go to great lengths to manipulate you.
Your gut doesn't do much if you believe you love them and they love you.
"Self-worth" ... know it - love it - live it. The most wonderful relationship is with yourself. 🙏
On this journey now ❤
Yup. "Look inside yourself... remember who you are." ~ Mufasa
I'm pretty sure Whitney's song was right, it just took a long time to see it. Wish she had, too. ❤
After leaving my violent marriage, I was "chronically" homeless for 5 years... but I would make the same decision again in a heartbeat!
Ditto.
You go girl.
Hi @sophiashekinah9872, I am so glad you made it out the other side of what must have been a dark and lonely time. This video is so relevant to myself and other empathic type friends of mine. Write anytime and kudos to you for making it, on your own against all odds!🤗
It's possible that if a person has always been surrounded in dysfunctional relationships, real love can feel foreign like there is something 'wrong' because it's unfamiliar.
Yes. It feels like going into unknown territory.
That is so true! Being raised in a dysfunctional hell makes those red flags feel like home. I have always wondered why I pushed people away who were really kind to me and chose people who were not. Now after years of working on myself I realize why. It’s like a weight is lifted - just understanding yourself is so powerful. ❤
❤
I have only been with manipulative narcissists. As a result, I feel smothered by a normal man who has a sincere interest in me. It’s so dysfunctional.
@mayanah3124 I can attest that this is definitely the case and feel really uncomfortable when people are genuinely kind to me, which doesn't happen very often though!
I'm in my 60s now and I've never had a healthy relationship with a partner, so imagine that it would be difficult to cope with at first, IF I ever decide to attempt it again. ❤
I got out of a toxic relationship. You don’t have to believe you can do it, you just have to understand why it’s necessary and do it anyway. Dont leave anything down to chance, don’t hope it will be ok, do what you need to do to guarantee your safely if it’s threatened. Nothing matters more than your life. If they’ve EVER threatened you even if they’ve never laid a hand on you, take it seriously. You never know what they’re capable of doing but if they’re capable of thinking it and saying it would you really bet your life they wouldn’t do it?
It reaches a tipping point where the pain and risk of staying is greater than the pain and fear of leaving. understanding the cycle of abuse and robotic pattern of abusers there’s no way around reality, it becomes life or death. Leaving is dangerous and staying is dangerous.
Believe the process of leaving will turn you into the unfathomably strong person you need to be and do it anyway. It’s not about not being afraid, it’s about doing it anyway. You don’t have to believe you’re strong to be strong. You find secret strength reserves along the way
My ex used to always say calm down, you are raising your voice at me. He was very defensive, I never made excuses for this. It was toxic. He never wanted to address issues, he gave me the silent treatment!
I grew up in a house where my parents would raise the voices regularly. With 4 children to deal with, voices will get loud. Lol
"Sometimes you have to compromise - as long as you're not the only one whos compromising".... YES !!!!
they can appear to compromise as well... they can even compromise for real, but underneath it is a pile of deceit, justification for their rotten behavior, and psychic and emotional abuse.
It’s so heart breaking to see so much pain in her eyes. She’s been through so much, my heart goes out to her. She’s beautiful inside and out.
Yeah, you can see it in her eyes. She had some realisation.
Exactly what i thought! ❤
You can see how deeply the hurt runs throughout. Narcs are brutal to our souls.
even if you have recovered, you never forget the pain or the wrong doings. you just learn to cope day by day. you have to strive to keep yourself happy. we can do it. 12:52
@@kates3136I wonder if this is what Sharon Stone ,went tru?
This conversation is worth listening to over and over and over again. Thanks Lisa for allowing her to flow. Absolutely amazing!
"You have the right seeds but you plant them in the wrong environment" ... Beautiful !
Thanks Najwa, your sincere words talk to my soul !
I have had to many experiences with narcistic persons, and they show their real selves pretty fast. Problem is when your in love, hearing about soulmates etc., it is so hard to walk away and think clear. Signs are everywhere. If someone is constant telling you how honest they are: run! Honest people don't even think about that to say that.
I cut off a "friend" group after realizing that they didn't care when a mutual "friend" betrayed me, and went to great lengths to convince me that I was being too much about it - giving unsolicited advice, texting me, etc. It was so gross. I realized exactly what she said, they don't have my best interest at heart. And that makes it very clear cut. Just cause they act nice doesn't mean they care.
So getting too many text messages grosses you out?
That’s a clique. They won’t go against the group, or they’ll be the next target.
totally going through this currently, now I gotta wait until my lease runs out with these people because not gonna ruin my rental history for them.
@@genxx2724Duh. Friend groups are cliques.
Wow I agree 100%
Good for you finally standing up for yourself
Conditioning allows you to make excuses ❤
Omg….33 years of toxicity and I lost it all but I saved my life by leaving but more importantly I SAVED MY SOUL!!!!!!!!!
It's ironic you say that...I left my relationship for the same reason. I had to save my soul. Period.
Start with, you are already complete and worthy and enough. These spirits roam the earth in search of a victim . If you know who you are, you basically have all the cards. That means kicking them out or leaving. They DO not honour boundaries. Boundaries are a challenge to flaunt for them. They willl find your Achilles heel. Everything you tell them at the beginning, in confidence will be used against you. So don’t choose this mirror for your life. Everyone is a mirror.
so related. I opened my heart to him, and he used my stories against me EVERY TIME.
I love this woman. How healing is her voice? How right on point is her knowlege? Women power 💪Thanks to both of these amazing women!
« Stop dating people covers and actually open the book »
Whew chile😳😬😭😩
Lisa, you are such a really good listener, lets one speak, never interupts and you are adorable to watch everytime. Najwa is very eloquent. So much wisdom and understanding for ourselves and others and speaks truth. Thankyou for this very real conversation from your hearts!
Thanks so so much! You have no idea how much this means to me as I work very hard to give you guys the best interview possible! So you just warmed my heart! ❤️
@@LisaBilyeu You really ARE adorable. You have so much excitement in your eyes talking together. And I know these subjects are difficult, you have to think of soooo many things to keep everything going and yet it all is presented so natural. Feels like we are your special friends. Thanks for choosing to do these!
Joy is dangerous because when it goes away as joy can be in excitement over a gathering 9r event, if your not in love with the inside of the book ,the mirror will tell u everything u desir3 to hear, if that ends u will wonder if your even real in the qftermath
I really appreciate this dynamic as well 💕
I was going to post that too.... Lisa is very respectful by listening, not interrupting. She is a beacon of what hosts should be. God bless you Lisa. Najwa is such a beautiful soul. So much grace, and humility in her voice. She is an inspiration on how to conduct ourselves. Many blessings to you as well Najwa.❤
❤ So powerful!!!! My favorite episode so far. I left 3 years ago. I was absolutely terrified to leave but my love for my 2 small children over powered that fear. I was a stay at home mom and didn't have a penny in my name. God paved the way step by step. Thank God we are now free, safe, at peace and happy! The first step is the hardest but it can be done!
My colleague’s first husband cheated on her. She had two little girls and didn’t earn much, but she was able to leave him. She taught her daughters, “Unless you are financially independent, you never stop working.”
Narcissists do the opposite of what is right. That’s what makes them so cruel. If they’re capable of crazy-making and gaslighting you to get their way, if they’re capable of giving you the silent treatment knowing you’re in pain and looking for answers, if they’re capable of destroying your reputation by starting a smear campaign and if they’re capable of triangulating you with their flying monkeys so they can humiliate you…then why in the world wouldn’t they be capable of something like cheating? Narcissists are entitled. Narcissists lack empathy. Narcissists are delusional enough to justify their actions. They have all of the ingredients for being a cheater. They’re known for cruel and devastating discards, but somehow they would stop at cheating on you because they have morals and just couldn’t go through with it? No one can truly believe that. The narcissist believes he’s so slick that the other person’s name will actually come up in conversations, if you’re paying attention. But the narcissist will mention them with disgust, as if he wants nothing to do with them. “I can’t stand working with Karen. She annoys me everyday and I can’t believe the things she wears sometimes.” It’s a test to see how you respond to this name coming up periodically. It’s also a way for the narcissist to gain some sadistic glee because they can talk about the other person with you while you’re not yet aware of this person’s role in their life. When they drop the bomb on your head and the realization hits that they’re leaving you for “that Karen” they’ll be overjoyed. If you’re with a narcissist you should be prepared for the push and pull, the other women or men popping up or even outside children. They can’t even be trusted to show up to an event on time. They certainly can’t be trusted with your heart. Additionally, There are many ways to f!nd out what someone is hiding from you in their phones. These several ways only need the ass!stance of someone who has the knowledge $py!ng and can hàck into phónes and social media. For hélp, contact Metaspyhub@gmail. com for ass!stance.
Everything you said is spot-on. I have experienced all of it, not only with mates, a few neighbors, and in my own family. They have evil in their hearts.
What a long meta spy hub ad 😅😂😂
Narcissists cannot comprehend love. They are cruel and hollow. They are permanently broken. RUN the other way. There is NO other choice, no matter what, no excuses.
I’ve cried so much watching this, because I’m going through what you both described as toxic bad relationship with narcissistic person…Lisa, I am so grateful for you and her ♥️ thank you
Please know you are not alone I too am emotional it’s soo much truth
Look at you, you have the ability to get the attention of a lot of men (or women) and if you're a good person (I'll assume you are because this is about self help) then you deserve to be picky.
I'm a guy who takes pretty good care of themselves and the only women that give me attention are hypersexualised bimbos.
Your body can't be your best asset if you want to be intriguing!
I had a good hard cry when she said "being seen, heard, and validated for who we are, it's not asking for too much". Aggghhh! Thank you 🤍 32:58
Intuition is everything... when that becomes impaired, you're in trouble. Yes, the frog in the pot of warm water... when the water gets to a boiling point, it's too late for the frog. INTUITION IS EVERYTHING.
Heard the speaker a while ago and was amazed. This is something every teenager should learn, in school perhaps or something parents should teach their kids. How come we only find out as adults or after the damage was done...
Ugh trust me that question haunts me and a HUGGGGE reason why I show up and do what I do! If we can help others and teach the younger generation then maaaaybe we can stop the cycle!
@@LisaBilyeu Stop the cycle. Are you completely insane? Educate yourself, and don't use that woman again read my comment below.
Because children FAIL to listen or personally FEEL OR THINK that they’re different, we’re WEAK as parents and so they feel it won’t happen to them etc….🙄 SMDH!!!
@@rubyred3860 @rubyred3860 I don't agree that all parents are weak. Both my brother and sister in law are great at disciplining and teaching them about life. My nephew and niece are amazing kids. My niece is a terror, sometimes but she takes after me! Beautifully behaved when out, both of them. They have strong parents and other family members that WILL discipline them when required. I believe other parents are the same or similar.
A lot of parents are uneducated about toxic relationships. Just like this speaker is! You can't just runaway from a toxic relationship. It is a mammoth task to escape. I'm a victim who got out. But it's not a simple thing to just tell people like she did. It's far more complex.
@LisaBilyeu it's victims that know the truth, what could happen, etc. You should have got a victim on your show. We're the only people who can say what truly goes on and how to get help. Your speaker was unbelievably ignorant.
I was lucky to have these talks with my MOM. She would talk with me for hours when I dated and broke up with toxic women. Mom makes everything better.😊
I like her. She has experienced relationships with genuinely shit men, which there are a lot of. She gets why women need to always be wary of men’s words
I'm a guy ( not a man yet )....and MEN suck. I'm speaking on my behalf. I'd kick my own ass if my foot would reach. 😮
I don’t have to imagine. I am in this relationship.
I love the calm aura in Najwa's voice.
She's soo full of Wisdom.Thanks for teaching us how self aware we should be to avoid conflicts.
What's her last name ? And the name of her books
This a a great segment. The moment she is asked if she felt that way... Her eyes went up and she sees memory and you can see her throat get tight and her eyes water from the pain in that memory. I've been there myself, it's painful.
Trauma bond is real. I have swallowing and indigestion problems around drama. I have health issues from living as a survivor of toxic family dynamic. I was raised in. Then married 2 men that were alot alike that took advantage of my big heart and my willingness to love unconditionally...
And they isioate us. So we have no support system. We need external help to escape. We aren't thinking straight. We need a place to go.
I disagree with this lady. Thinking an abuse victim can solve all her own problems
It’s not always bad, sometimes your partner gives you breadcrumbs and you live for those moments. Especially for someone who has been alone for a long time. You justify it to yourself, sometimes he’s really nice, so it must have been something I said or did. I love how she said “some one who has been trained”. When we have been trained our whole lives to tolerate bad behaviour, it’s very difficult to believe that you deserve better. I told my mother how disappointed I was in my relationship, she told me that that was something I was going to have to work out how to live with. Her solution, go to church, god will fill that void that your partner can’t.
It's not that hard to start believing that you deserve better. The real problem we face is not knowing what "better" looks like. We were trained to believe that less was the norm. I went for years believing that much of the treatment I received was acceptable. Anything better is going to feel strange and foreign.
14:49 That is true. I dated a guy who did that. I said I liked true crime and he said he did too. He was a chameleon. I spent the night with him and was crying because I knew he was wrong for me. I couldn't believe I was crying. But my body was telling me he was bad for me!
I’m sorry 😞
I found this interview of Najwa Zebian on FB/IG reels. Her words touched me deeply. But whomever posted it up didn't state her name. I am soo glad I found this whole vid. I am crying. Everything she is saying is correct.
I am also in a toxic relationship with a man who belittles me, blames me for his entire life's misery. I use to beg for the bare minimum of his attention and love. He would go behind my back and I would still accept him back bc I was so used to his presence. I am in the process of detaching, it's been more peaceful and safe...
I cannot wait to be happy again.
Hoping you are shining and embracing peace and joy ❤🙏🏽
Najwa Zebian is the definition of time utilization. Every time she spoke it was straight gems. I can’t stop rewinding.
So true and this was a 3 hour conversation ! So brilliant these two are ! Gratitude 🙏🏽
Awwwww thank you ❤
@@NajwaZebianyou got me at work, FAN GURLLLINGGGG😭 ilysm🥺💓 thank you for being vulnerable bc my Capricorn tail could never🥹 I usually bring these conversations to God. I just want to shower you with oríkìs🙌🏾
I’m still in shock at your humility thee entire interview; not once did you make it about you-just accountability, grace & forgiveness. I finally found my tribe🦦
So much game. Love this and respect Is everything
Same... ive listened and relistened to just her portion and have now gone back thru for the 3rd time taking notes and bulleting the points so I can look back on them when that cognitive dissonance comes back in carrying that glimmer of hope. I really wish I could just extinguish it for good..
I am crying watching this because she is so right i felt like I couldn't be me i was suffocating he kept lying to me so i walked away forever and it hurts because I got very vunerable with him and he took me for granted and he puts on this facade for the world and he manipulated me and gaslighted me i was only the cover of his book he never loved me and i will never let someone hurt me like that it took me 56 years to learn this and go through hell all my life. So now i am healing my mind and soul.😢
Amen girl! sorry to hear that
We rarely stay because we want to stay, but afraid of what will happen if we leave
"What is your purpose of being in a relationship?" Thank you.
To grow up together in many aspect of life and to share this
Ooo I NEEDED THIS! I try not to be judgemental but you have to call a spade a spade and once a person shows you who they are you really must believe them. She is telling the truth about your intuition. One of the greatest gifts is having an intuition. Thank you ladies
Some men are very good at hiding it for a while but my unfortunate experience has taught me how to see it pretty quickly now…. And I can protect myself but there are some that can be very deceiving in the beginning and even for a while.
I decided around a decade ago that "my life is about me". I've been called selfish and such things for saying that but it was the start of MY healing process. Still it has taken me more than a decade after that realization to finally come to understand that I had so many narcissist's in my life. All I knew before is that about once a decade I found myself suddenly cutting toxic people out of my life and I would experience such relief. I just didn't have it so well defined as now. I am finally learning how to deflect the toxic people so I have time and energy for truly good, nurturing people and for me to be involved in my own life and therefore not be so needy that I turn people off because of MY neediness.
40:00 Lisa perfectly describes how toxic people train others to tolerate their toxicity and games. “Cooking frog slowly”.
Many issues whole society has is not teaching people to leave once something is off or toxic. 44:00 Najwa- you can’t put price on your sanity and freedom👏
I really appreciate these talks. I've been beating myself up over being manipulated. I just thought I was a loving, loyal person (I am), but not seeing the forest for the trees.
The purpose thing really is the truth, because sometimes we unconsciously have an unhealthy purpose for the relationship and not even realise it until you stop to think
What an unbelievable beautiful woman inside and out. She cried, I cried. I know I am in toxic relationship and experienced everything what she is talking about. I am so tired from lies, manipulation, aggressive behavior, cold attitude, blaming me for everything, but I can’t leave…
Their feelings are not your responsibility. Trust me, I've been there. There are ways to communicate your frustration, disappointment, and anger in ways that are RESPECTFUL. I never known a communication style, so it's hard to believe it doesn't have to be like that when you've never had it modeled.
But the amount of times you forgive them and still try to be better and actually ACT better DESERVES to be MIRRORED.
And your body knows. It will hurt like hell when you leave and you'll be glad you did. All strength to you.
Yes you can your done then go breath
Eventually the love and hate bombing yo-yo will be so extreme that on a hate cycle you will be discarded Don’t go back MOVE ON FAST
You have the right seeds. You just planted them in the wrong environment. But you can plant them somewhere else - beautifully said
When you have faded over time !! Wow, I feel this. So powerful. We need to turn our light back on, so we can ‘see’ all clearly, and ‘be me’ 100%. Beautifully said and very important! I love these 2 ladies!
I listen to these like a podcast, meaning I rarely look at the video. I’ve got it running in the background while I clean house or do my makeup. Girls!!!! Those legs and heels on you two! You both look awesome! Ever since I left L.A. and moved to Europe, I stopped wearing high heels. I need to get me a pair of heels again!!
True. Women Listen up! Intuition is your superpower!!!! Don’t listen to anyone-Listen to YOUR INNATE . When your body says no, you must listen.!
Conditioning must be challenged. Excellent information Ladies. Bravo💜
Don't be sexist, this is just as applicable to men
After a while, it gets tiring & slowly eats at your self-esteem. It can turn you into a completely different person (which brings the worse out of you). At this point, you need to step back & ask yourself, is this healthy & I'm happy? People are generally who they are. Trying to make excuses or think someone will change is only going to set yourself up to be disappointed & have regrets. Being too nice & too kind lets narcissistic individuals take advantage of your kindness without recourse if they do treat you badly. Learn to put yourself & happiness first. Set your own boundaries from the beginning ✨️
I just needed to hear all this. I have to put my best interest first. I am now doing that. I don't want to be manipulated anymore. I have now seen people as they are. I feel so liberated.
I could listen to this woman endlessly.
Me too.
Around 4:20 minute mark, discussed about getting emotional when someone else says something nice that your missing from the person your dealing with. I go through this with my mom. It's so hard to deal with her and feel most of the time anger. I don't feel loved and I don't truly feel appreciated for the help I have to provide to her and I'm wearing out. I have lost my self in tears out of no where when the topic of family comes up. It's excruciating. I'm tired of these bad feels.
I am so sorry.🫂💙
❤
I hear you. I am sorry that you've been going through all this. You are not alone in this experience. I have been through it and now that I am 42 and she is in her early 70s, she has maybe grown out of her toxicity a little, or just as a project maybe because she has nothing to do in life, she behaves with me as if I am a toddler in need of too much affection and words of love, (my sweetheart, my life, my love, my this my that....) and now it does not feel good at all to hear these words from her mouth.
Stay with it stay with it stay with it, 33 years old male in Sacramento, mother is a tyrant........rebuilding my life and creating my identity now......manipulation and controlling is messed up.......ill be good
Fortunately at some point, pleasing people who hurt you will be a memory. X
"Stopping the auto yes" is exactly jump started my road to recovery. I was getting therapy from Ross Rosenberg and he guided through my very 1st challenge of having to say NO. So I went about to execute it and was successful. The predator never asked me again. I have been increasing my power ever since then. Through starts and stops, and sometimes backwards, I am learning. Lisa A. Romano is my wonderful coach. Thank you Najwa Debian for putting on all your wonderful shows💖💯👏🌹🥀
I truly enjoyed this interview. By far one of the BEST INTERVIEWS YET on this channel. When she went into detail about listening to your body and to not ignore it, you don’t need proof before you allow yourself to trust that it’s real: she really hit the nail with that one. So powerful. Love it!!!
❤
That stands true for me as a man, too. I was in a situation that melted my brain a bit but she gave me a bad feeling and I wasn't willing to forget it.
We stopped talking because she ignored something she agreed to and acted like I had said nothing to her.
I've been with a woman like her for a few months a long time ago but it was a very tough few months!
THIS^^^^WHEN YOUR Body REMEMBERS PAST ABUSE again
I knew i had to go no contact when i felt that jumpy cold dread whenever my text dinged. "What does he want now?" I remembered the same dread from another past abusive relationship.
That feeling started happening all the time & I had to come face to face with more worse excuses, till I saw the rwal reason why he
In a world (my world ) filled with people who use their words to break crush and destroy seeing a person like najwa who uses their word to heal , repair & fix gives me hope. I love u najwa. Ur biggest fan Haleluya.
My mom is toxic like this. My body reacts to her in a negative way.
I'm so sorry to hear that homie!
You are not alone … similar feeling i have
Same here, good to know that others feel the same way. My mother doesn't have my back, at one point even told me I could go back to my violent ex and that she could have handled them! Can't believe I thought she was a caring person. It's all for her own image
Same here she told I will never make it up because I'm independent person always following my dream she become so toxic of my attitude nw am taking care of her😢
She's amazing. The way she can deliver so much wisdom fluently is powerful!!!
A really good explanation of the damage toxic intimate relationships can do. Even when we have a really awesome support system, the person you spend 90% of your time with really does have a huge impact on your self worth by default because you spend most of your time with them. I never really thought about it in that way. I appreciate you putting that message out there! It makes me all the more excited about my divorce!
😂...I didn't even know what one was at the time, i just knew she wasn't like anyone I had met.
I laughed at the time not understanding how much it would affect me.
We all live and learn...good luck!
Even if you have proof they will try to convince you that you're delusional . Mine has sworn to God on my loved ones life. I felt rage towards him . Now I feel indifferent. He lies so much I just feel disconnected. I've crossed that line I want to go , I should've left years ago. Thank you for being there and educating me .
Lots
Of narcissistic individuals out here , red flags and intuition is key! speaking from experience 🙏🙏❤️
I wanted to give another chance today... I have watched this video 10 times... I won't give another chance. Maybe you saved my life today. Maybe you saved lifes of mamy women today.thank you for your job
🥹❤️
"Your conditioning" vs "your intuition" 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 yes!!!
Fantastic podcast. Learning to trust yourself is the greatest gift you can yourself. Thank you. ❤❤❤
Easier said than done when you are in a narcissistic abusive relationship. Feelings of yourself faze out and go 100% into them. You adore them, or at least, you THINK you do.
When someone lovebombs you to trap you, and then u turns YOUR personality... Then come back to me after years of abuse, and try to repeat your statement with conviction.
I'm a survivor, but I have many scars, I have PTSD, and I know the real truth. It's not about trusting yourself.
Excellent advice. Be self preserving and be confident in yourself and your thoughts. Be discerning.
Your value means you deserve to be treated decent and properly. Expect the best for yourself. You are not a side piece. You deserve to be considered & matter.
Patterns of behavior. Your intuition is a guiding beacon. It will beep more frequently the more consistent the behavior. The gut reaction is honest when we are in denial or persist on giving the benefit of the doubt.
It's "Cheaper to keep her". "Not on your SOUL! BOOM! A very POWERFUL response. BIG FACTS here!
Right? That totally hit me too!
I really appreciate this video. It's so different from what I had seen on other videos.
I'm experiencing gaslighting from my doctor. A lot of threats of abandonment Because my day off is not when she wants me to have a test.
My intuition says the test is a waste of time,
intuition does not only apply to relationships with significant others in the home. Doctors and other people need to be watched
Yes,as a retired nurse,yes,doctors need to be watched also.After all they too are part of mankind..
Exactly!!! My doctor is a dismissive kind of man in his mid 60s just going through the motions waiting till his retirement! When I had an appointment to see him, waited an hour passed my appointment time in the waiting room, all I get was a 5 minutes ‘rushing through’ and he walked out the exam room saying “you are fine, just getting old that’s all!” ???? I had a phone appointment with him last week (he was 2 hours late) for the results of my new bloodwork and he told me as usual you are ok! I asked for the breakdown of a few important numbers such as my cholesterol count and A1C, he complained, “what am I? Your secretary?” Yes, it us time for me to search for a new pcp, one that is still doing his work as a doctor!!
A doctor who did my surgery, disabled me then said nothing is any different. Gaslight beyond ridiculous
This is so good. Thank you! I got into the rabbit hole which says that “if I’m good to them they will be good back to me”
Najwa is so extremely eloquent.
Every word was truly heard.
What a superpower Najwa has.
Thank you ❤
This lady is wise behond her years.
To be congruent ...
I pray people truely hear this. Lived in constriction all my life.
"is my intention to be manipulated or to be loved?" WOW THAT SINGLE PHRASE CHANGED THE GAME, thanks for this episode!
When you've been manipulated into thinking you love them, and they love you, your intuition doesn't really exist.
"Self forgiveness" is huge.*
In addition to forgiving ourselves, we should also remember to honor the part of us that wants to believe in the good in others; the part of us that knows if we can change ourselves for the better, so can other people; the part of ourselves that is willing to allow others to make mistakes, and then hold the space for them to correct those mistakes.
This is soo good! Setting bookmarks
35:00
37:50
1:05:51
1:08:50
1:25:00
We teach people how to treat us (by putting up with things that are not right or by not holding to our own boundaries or even knowing what they are)
"When you start giving people excuses, it rarely ever is your intuition that tells you to make an excuse. It usually is your conditioning..."
THAT EXACTLY.
It’s good to have a self made principal . Paying attention to the pattern. If something happens that you don’t like, most possibly it will happen again and again.
I wish I saw this video a few years ago. Trust your body and intuition. There are damaged people who only know how to hurt people close to them. And they are so perfect, that you ignore the red flags. But you know... you knew all along.
I LOVE how Lisa lets the interviewee speak, just talk through all those interesting and important pieces of infornation she's willing to share!! Thank you Lisa, you're the sweetest!! 🙌💖
My intuition used to scream out to me to be free amd I literally turn music out loud in the car to silence the pain. Finally I listened and got free. Eight years free and counting.
Got u I'm 10 n counting
Thank you for sharing. I thought I was the only one who drowns out the pain with music! 1 yr. and counting
Preach it, girl! You just can't imagine how much I was looking for this information. I passed through a lot of pain and sometimes my mind went on neglecting everything or believing that THAT was my imagination, just because HE USED TO TELL ME THAT ALL OF THAT WAS IN MY HEAD.
And, it's like, waking up and saying: Yes! I was manipulated! Yes! I was gaslighted. Yes! My pain was true! And I can't be hard to myself because I didn't know better. But, the day I left, I felt like a big and hard rock had been thrown away from my back. I FELT FREE!!! AND THAT IS BEST I COULD DO.
NEVER AGAIN!!!
Thank you, so much. ❤
EVERYTHING IS SO TRUE ; LISTENING THIS SECOND TIME AND IS EXACTLY MY 14 YEARS I HAD LEFT 6 MONTS AGO ! STILL HEALING AND PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER. DO NOT STAY IN TOXICITY OF SOMEONE, LEAVE STRAIGHT AWAY AS THAT WILL EAT, DESTROY AND DAMAGE YOU SLOWLY.
OMG- I used to feel like I couldn’t breathe, hearing that made me cry
That is so true! That your partner should be the same person everywere. Thats what I loved about my husband in the begining of our relationship. He was always himself even when he met my mother, family, or his friends and siblings.
But my ex was always extra nice when other people was around. And very abusive when we were alone.
4:20 to 6:00 - best piece of advice. Even though I’m watching this after taking these steps, it feels good to hear it from another person. Staying in a relationship where you are looked at with labels and you have to beg your partner to look at you as a human just so that you won’t be rejected by that person - it’s absolutely worthless.
Yes, the joy they ring can be dangerous if you were never really loved ever….it’s intoxicating…..then there’s the sugar crash when it’s taken away..
I woke up and feel powerless and as I was fixing food for myself the powerless feeling didn't go away. So I thought to myself I need some Lisa video now. And I finished my meal listening to this episode. There are several points I need to think and learn more about. I will come back to this video again. Thank you so much!❤
As usual Nejwa has the deepest insides and speaks from her heart. Amazing conversation with just the right timing.
Powerful segment!
I was there for 22 years. I took my time (years) to grow the strength I needed to leave . It was the hardest, best thing I did. The analogy of the butterfly struggle says it well.
Najwa is exact on - she’s telling my story . I promise there is hope- I’m living proof .
Thank you both
she is intelligent, well spoken , amazing, God bless her.
this was illuminating! i feel more mentally and emotionally expansive with each aha moment. so much has clicked, finally feel heard and understood. best interview i have heard on this type of relationship dynamic. very gentle & relatable