What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 เม.ย. 2024
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This one study will change how you think about your entire life.
Today, you’re getting the definitive answer to this powerful question:
What makes a good life?
There is nothing more important than this conversation. Because by the time you are done listening, your life won’t be the same.
In this episode, you’re getting the research, the secrets, and some very surprising takeaways from an 86-year-long study at Harvard. The Harvard Study of Adult Development began in 1938 and is the longest study that has ever been done on happiness, relationships, and the human experience.
Joining Mel today is the director of that study, Dr. Robert Waldinger, MD. Dr. Waldinger is a medical doctor, professor at Harvard Medical School, and a zen priest. He is here to share all of the groundbreaking research and, more importantly, give you the answers to what you need to do starting today in order to live a good life.
You’ll learn the best life advice and lessons from 100-year-olds, the surprising question of whether you can predict if you’ll be healthy at age 80, the simple daily habit that leads to lasting happiness, and more-all backed by decades of research.
This episode is a companion to Mel's brand new free training, Make It Happen.
This training is designed to help you make your next 6 months extraordinary. It includes a 29 page workbook and 2 video trainings that use the latest research to help you get clear about what you want and create a plan to make it happen.
And the cool part? It takes less than a minute for you to get started. Just sign up at http//www.melrobbins.com/makeithappen
For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/ep...
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I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.
In this episode:
7:26: What IS the Harvard Study of Adult Development?
12:03: The biggest and surprising takeaway from this study.
14:38: What was the strongest predictor of health at age 80?
17:07: Causes of loneliness and how to feel connected again.
20:36: The #1 strategy for couples who don’t feel connected.
24:27 Remember THIS when you’re trying to make new friends.
26:41: Mel shares what was happening in her life at 27 years old.
29:05: The advantage to getting older.
31:28: What do we get wrong about happiness?
40:31: What does money have to do with happiness?
46:14: How do we stop comparing ourselves?
48:29: How to find happiness when you’re in your 20’s.
56:52: What kind of relationships do you NEED to have a good life?
1:02:12: What will help you get the most out of life?
1:10:17: What to hear if you don’t have a romantic partner.
1:14:47: #1 pro tip for nurturing your friendships.
1:18:45: How to have deeper conversations with your friends.
1:26:06: The most important thing to know about raising healthy children.
1:29:32: How to help your kids and loved ones meet the challenges of life.
1:34:30: What were the biggest regrets for people at the end of their lives?
1:37:45: These are the only people who will remember that you worked late.
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Finding faith and belief in God has provided me with the connection I longed for. The connections with people or the positive interactions with people are now the special things in my life but they no longer ground me. Faith is my foundation ❤
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❤ I love this
Beautiful
A couple years ago I decided to bring back "old school" letter writing. I send a card to about 20-25 friends once a month. I get a pack of cards at the Dollar Store. I usually put a little something in the card, like an individual wrapped tea bag, and write a quick note inside the card. It does take a little bit of time and there is some cost to it, especially with stamps going from .68 to .73 in July 2024 but it's something I really enjoy doing and I do hear back from 1/2 my friends, telling me that it made their day.
❤❤❤Loving your vibe!!
That's a unique idea, although why not actually see them too? Human face to face interaction is vitally important to our physical and mental well being.
"Loneliness is being less connected to people than you want to be" so well put
I don't know where it came from, but I've been acutely aware of how temporary life is since I was 4. Earliest memory was standing outside, thinking about how loved and safe I felt, and how carefree, and I thought - "I want to remember this feeling for the rest of my life". I've been savoring life since the beginning. It still takes effort - which is why I'm here, listening to this podcast. 😌
That’s soooo beautiful ❤
Aww, I love that!❤
You are an old soul ❤
I too learned it early, being stricken with the death of my father when I was just 4 1/2.
When I was around 6 yo, I remember being sad about death, I remember this phase that maybe lasted 2 months where I would go and hide under the table and cry because I feel sad thinking that 1 day my mom and my dad will die. It was a weird time coz I was a normal playful kid but once in a while I would go under the table and hide and cry
The coffee shop!! Yes! After a couple years walking past the same retired couple at the coffee shop every morning - grabbing my coffee on my way to work - said hello. Over time we had a group of 7-8 who would sit for 20-30 min before work. Complete strangers before. People often saying one day they’d join us. Pull up a chair now!! It was so fantastic!! Working from home changed that for me. I think I’ll drop in one morning this week and say hello. ❤
❤❤❤
Just texted a friend that I missed her and not even a second pass, she replied back. Felt great!
This came up on my feed today. I needed this as a 58 year old guy that has been through a LOT….
We are rooting for you Timmy!❤
At 59 and I feel the same way! We need to just live and learn love ourselves and others!!! Mel's amazing 😅
My only continuous joy in life is my rescued dogs. I've been rescuing for decades. People disappoint me, dogs never do. Can't wait to hear what he has to say. 13:32 As I thought connections with people are the key. Won't happen for me, sadly. I am the second illegitimate child of a narcissistic mother who went on to marry and have 6 legitimate children. I was mommy's little helper and the scapegoat child. I brought my trauma into adulthood where I tried to be a good mother but I'm told I failed. Unable to be a grandmother to my grandchildren I moved to Panama with my narcissistic husband. I live and have always lived in fight or flight my entire life. Neither of us are able to make and keep friends. It's is no wonder I have had chronic fatigue monthly for 12 years. I'm 68 and continue to watch helpful TH-cam channels like yours. Thank you so much.
i found mel robbins at one of the lowest point of my life, i'm learning a lot and trying to put pieces back together, Thank you Mel=)
Me too. I really found her when I needed it most and the first video I watched was one the 5 second rule. 5,4,3,2,1 CHANGE!!!
He has such joy and sweetness in his eyes. Such a pleasure to listen to him.
Can Dr. Waldinger please come back and talk with us some more? He was fantastic!!
Yes please Mel
Imagine starting a conversation with a stranger on a silent NYC subway. After a few minutes other people around started talking to one another. Did it ♥️ed. It WAS energizing.
This man seems like the kindest most loving man. I can feel his goodness. ❤
Another Rockstar guest for a Rockstar Host. One of the things I appreciate the most about you, Mel is your consideration for your listeners. You always want to make sure that they understand what is being taught, no matter where they are in life. I really appreciate that. Thank you for providing us with top rate information!
it means to be at Peace with no matter what your life looks like, accepting your reality but knowing it's not forever like so.
This statement is for me
Yes and I can also add that life is super beautiful in fact when we focus on the positive things which is actually the little things in life that brings us to love life more . . . 🥰🤍🤍
It’s not going to mean moving away from negative things. But being at peace for things that don’t change and under our control and prioritizing everything that we love ! 😍🤍✌️🥰
@@UniqueBolanle you are beautiful just hang in there you got this!!!
Holy shit! This is what I have been searching for. Recently I came to know that I have childhood trauma which leads to the fear to connect with people, and difficulty to trust people.
Are you sure you're not just shy? I've heard they can manipulate your thoughts into thinking you had trauma, when you didn't... 💔
If you had no inkling of a recollection before now, it's probably made-up!
My son thinks small talk is a waste of time and it isn't authentic but as you said when you do it gives you a rush of feeling present and happiness in connecting in that moment. These little things add up in our life.
Just what I need to hear. I'm isolated. Single, and no family / relationship s.
Get out and meet people. 😊
@@mariegoff6019 LOL. I'm out everyday,,, know a lot of people ad well, as far as relationships seems men I'm not attractive to, seem to want me..... My family have all died. Just the way it is..
Please get yourself out there. I have no close friends here in TX and I have been here 25 plus years… it’s been hard, but I get out there. ❤
I'm out there, and we'll liked, however at the end of the day they have their own lives. So Christmas , holidays , birthday s , any " special day " I'm not included..... Just how people are..
Get busy living - get out of your comfort zone -take a trip with complete strangers:-)
Mel, you and I share so much of what you talk about with us in this podcast. The moment you teared up in the beginning, so full of emotion and heart, I immediately teared up as well. I felt that so deeply. Thank you for sharing your heart and your experiences. I want to share this episode with my daughter. The level of loneliness in the country, in my humble opinion, has reached epidemic proportions. As I've gotten older, I feel that longing to feel part of a group and to feel cared for. I'm like you in many ways, I break the silence and talk to people - yet - there is no 'best friend' or close friend in my life. I am blessed to have my husband and daughter but as human beings, we need to feel that sense of community and caring. I'll continue to support you because you're amazing. And as you say many times (and I cherish it), I LOVE YOU TOO!!! Have an amazing day! 😍❣❣❣
As a mom of 4 small kids, I get stuck in the overwhelm most days and react to every little thing. This is so inspiring. Can’t wait to learn how to “surf the waves of life” ❤
Our emotions govern us.
I've been trying to manage mine my whole life (48y).
To learn that the Dr and a Zen master still struggles with confusion and sadness is very liberating. It's validating and refreshing.
Thank you Mel for bringing this beautiful human to us ❤
Mel, you have no idea of how much joy I find in your videos! I am from Brazil and how I wish we had someone talking like you here, so people that only speak Portuguese could learn as much as I do. YOU ARE AWESOME!
Mel, if this comment ever finds its way to you, I want to inform you and your team that this is the very first podcast in all of podcasts that I've listened to that I would intentionally tackle like my readings of important books or journals. First I'd do a rough read, or in this case a rough listen, no note taking nor highlighting. Then go to a second read or listen, for a more immersive experience because I already have an idea which portion I'm gonna take notes and highlights. Lastly, a third read or listen just for the heck of the enjoyment. Thank you to your team who's worked on this episode, and to your invaluable guest, Dr. Waldinger!
The key word is “GOOD” relationships. Not toxic old relationships that you need to move on from.
When I was young and raising a family I wanted everything. I didn’t get everything and our needs were met. As I have gotten older my family means more to me than things. Our trips and being together makes me so happy. There are people that have everything. Money, cars, big homes, don’t have to worry about where their next meal is coming from and still are not happy.
Dr. Waldinger's voice is so therapeutic! It's so soothing to my ears! There's so much "youth energy" in his voice. I listened until the very end of this episode. It added tremendous value to my life! Thank you so much for sharing. Great episode, Ms. Mel! 💙
Very well explained, life is all about constant change, but we always seek to achieve a goal. I gotta learn to enjoy the process rather than focusing only on achieving it
I love these comments. The comments are as good as the interview. This is so true. 💖
In stable, and I adore my babies, even though they're young adults now. I'm still tuber biggest cheerleader, and I respect them, as soon as they became of a certain maturity, even one of them at 10, I stop parenting, and I guide and coach them, and it works! They all know they can count on me, and I sideways tell them, I don't care what time it is, to call me, and if they need me to, I would drive anywhere to get them, and I even extended this to their friends. They know that if a friend is in trouble, I will get up in the middle of the night to go get them, and take them home. My kids are in college, they call me, they text, even they call at talk for a long time. They aren't perfect, but they are good, good human beings. I am very proud of them! ❤❤❤
Great conversation! At 76 I am writing my first book. Getting lots of inspiration from your podcasts. I have few connections, no family close by anymore, but I love where I am. I practice reaching out to casual acquaintences so they feel like they are noticed. Makes a difference to them and to me. Thanks, Mel.
I thank God everyday that this life is so short. I pray that I would never have to come back. ❤
Not only is the lesson amazing, this gentleman’s voice is so soothing, I felt like I was being hugged the whole time I listened! Thank you for bringing him into my life, Mel! Love you! ❤
Thank you and your guest Mel ♥️🚀 “You can’t stop the waves but you can learn how to surf” Profound💜
Watch the recording. Thank you Mel for being part of my life. ❤
My best friend who was my mom recently passed away, I now have a hyperawareness of just how short life is now. Before she passed I began having heart palpitations so far it seems it's due to severe anxiety and of course had progressed after this sudden tragedy. I absolutely needed this at this very moment in my life to be more in the moment, I believe after watching your adhd episode it sounded too close to home for myself and I'm 41 so it's nice to understand myself better but I'm guilty of getting stuck in the future and the past vs. the present. I need to be more in the now moments, I have glimpses of noticing the squirrels outside my window while trying to do work, but immediately going in panic mode about the future as I'm trying really hard to be outside my comfort level to be an author in a small town with no networking. I am however grateful that I am with a man who is supporting my dreams and is the only surviving person I have left now that believes in me. I'm babbling, but I just want to thank you for what you both provided in this discussion and I promise to get my focus back in the moment so I'm not stuck in the trauma of things in my childhood similar to you Mel, but also not think my happiness is once I hit that 10,000 dollar and hopefully million mark, but that this journey is also where my happiness lies! I'm thankful to watch your podcasts it helps to feel the presence of my mom in a sense of someone who seems to really care and gives me encouragement through my day. God bless (:
Your message resonated with me on so many levels! Loosing my mom as my best friend to cancer several years ago made a huge impact on my life and well-being. I’m glad you have a supportive partner next to you, as I had to figure out how to go on with my life on my own, without too much of support from my partner or kids. But I feel blessed with an amazing friend, who went through the same experience and she understands and supports me like no one else. Hang in there! We’ll make it through these hard times as better and stronger human beings! ❤🙏🤗
My mom passed away five years ago and it’s harder now than it was then. I hear how healthy it is to have a friend that had your back I was there for you. I was luckily someone’s number😢 one part of their life. Especially after I had kids I can’t imagine what it would be like if I had a daughter. all three of us are 18 years apart. Me, Momma and Jamey
My mom passed away five years ago and it’s harder now than it was then. I hear how healthy it is to have a friend that had your back I was there for you. I was luckily someone’s number one part of their life. Especially after I had kids of my own.
Immediately bought Dr. Waldinger's book on Audible. Loved this episode, Mel! So powerful. Thank you 💕
❤Hi Mel♥ I watched half of this video last night because I was busy. Now I am ready to continue and finish while having my mango after coming back from DAWN PRAYER and my morning routine which is doing HIGH 5 and work out for at least 10 minutes.
I really appreciate you Mel for being so great person to million of people. May God continue use you for His glory by sharing all the knowledges that you have.
Stay blessed and healthy. Watching from Korea♥
I asked myself this exact same question three years ago and it set me on a transformative journey.
First I walked away from a toxic job after 8 years with the same organisation, then I moved from the city to a small village, then I narrowed my “friends” circle.
I am still on this transformative journey but I feel lighter than I did when I seemed to have it all going.
Wow thats awesome lol, u so brave ❤️
@@tatjanamarkovic Not really. I embark on new journeys with my knees shaking. I also don’t like not knowing but I am trying to stop controlling everything🤦🏾♀️
I think a person that is happy confidence on themself strong independent good mindset thrives in any circumstances in life resourceful tough 🇵🇭🇺🇸
I literally did the meditation of the present moment on the toilet. I loved this episode, especially as I look to reach out to my three sisters and momma to request a deeper, more meaningful and authentic relationship with each of them and with one another. Also Mel, I am almost done with my volunteer hospice training and will be assigned to a patient next month. The episode where your mom shared she has been doing hospice volunteering for forty years and that keeps her fulfilled and with perspective led me to take the leap into the sacred space of transition from physical life to spirit. I adore ALL of you Mel Robbins!
I love you , Mel❤ I was so intimidated by you when l first saw you on TH-cam. It took me a long time to watch your videos, but I’m so glad l decided to watch, then click “like”, then subscribe, then share your videos as much as l can!!😊
This was the best podcast I’ve ever listened to. Thanks Mel Robbin’s Really makes you evaluate what’s important
You brought tears into my eyes. You were right, my life will never be the same. It turned out a bit overwhelming to feel myself alive and realising myself right here, right now...
MEL, EACH VIDEO THAT YOU POST IS A REALLY LESSON FOR ANYONE. GOD BLESS YOU HOW MUCH YOU HELP AND INSPIRE US 🌟🌟PAULO FROM BRAZIL
Yesterday, today and I know tomorrow I am in a much better place inside and outside of "me" because of "you" Mel Robbins and all of your amazing entourage of guests and enlighten resources I have found and will continue to find in these shared discussions...🦋💞🦋
Listen to your podcast on any platform, you are a part of my regular life already. Come to Georgia, Caucasus, we need you!
This is amazing Mel! You are changing my life for the better. The growth I have experienced over the past 3 months following and listening and working through your workbooks has been an amazing experience for me. ❤🙏
This is what we really need in life people like you Mel, you look for great people to teach us and with us great life skills, lessons. Wonderful life snippets!! We all need them❤❤!! Thanks Mel!!!
Hope its not too late in my life to apply this profound message❤
loved this episode.. You are so amazing Mel... I think about this every day.....
Thanks for this podcast Mel. You're awesome!
Each of your guests r gems. U handpick the best. Tysm😊
I am so thankfull to you for your all information in your podcast.
You are not only a human being but you are a dictionary of human life
Love this so much. The elevator, coffee shop thing is amazing. If we all did that, it would be a much more connected and more beautiful world. We need this. I need this.
Please don't take this wrong but thank you so much for showing up for this podcast with a little bit of roots. I don't always get to things like that the minute I need to and something about seeing that with you also and how real that is made me feel like it's okay. I'm not a total slob and you certainly are not either but it's nice to see that we don't have to be perfect every single minute! That right there helps with happiness!
What a lovely, genuine, gentle-man! Great message from you both ❤
This is absolutely where we come to refuel!!!! Beautiful incredible video! Thank you so so much. You've changed my life Mel. Thank you!!!
Thank you Mel! This episode was AMAZING!! so needed!!
Read his book about the Harvard Study and learned so much. This was a great review of it, your questions Mel, added to much to the dialogue and understanding of the study and how our lives can be better. Mahalo for your kokua
Thank you Mel. I am a new listener and have really enjoyed what I’ve heard so far. I already ordered your course Make it Happen.
Thank you, Mel...I so needed this! ❤
WOW! Good morning Mel, this is a super excite of real facts of our "LIFETIME TOPICS" with Dr. Waldinger, his soothing voice is super calmness, pure and enlightening..And its absolutely brings clarity to many people's soul as it did to mine. BIG SHOUT-OUT THANK YOU! For this amazing podcast. In which i definitely enjoy fully. We love you Mel.. I hope you can at some point come to do one of your uploads from my magnificent sencery in mother nature peacefulness. Sending nuff love, health, light, laughter continues success and divine happiness Everytime Everyone ✨ ❤❤❤❤ 🇨🇦
Thank you for doing this Mel❣️❣️❣️ I’m not a hugger generally but I would love to give you such a big hug❣️❣️❣️
I am trying to improve my sister for years 😢. I do except her, but we need to create a safe place to share 😊
Thank you for responding.
Thank you Mel for the precious guest ❤❤❤ Thank you for bringing more light into darkness, thank you for positivity and hope. Good luck to You both!!! Have you started your morning practice of mindfulness, Mel?? I think I should start it, too.
Just love watching your podcasts Mel...and am grateful to be reminded there’s another life here after that learning is an ongoing journey. Love you Mel from aN 81 Granny from Down yonder NZ ❤
What an awesome video! So much explained a lot of answers to the thoughts that my mind has wondered throughout my whole entire life! WOW! THANK YOU!
I literally just started a meet up group yesterday to build a community of vegans and plant based eaters in my community!! 18 people have already joined!!
Great idea!
That was a brilliant podcast. Mel asked such perceptive questions. It's gold dust in the world of podcasting being based on such an important study on how we humans live & survive. Thank you Dr. Wallinder & all the Team since the 1930s for such an amazing & valuable research project.
Just. One of the best podcasts I have heard thank you both
Wow, what a wonderful episode. I gotta ink a lot of the stuff down so I can remind myself what a good life looks and feels like. Thank you!
thank you for this podcast, my favorite so far. full of wisdom
I love your podcast .need of an hour today is redefining our existence you are doing it .thankyou very much Mel
This got inside my soul, Mel!! ❤
This is wild, as I am listening to you pitch the make it happen workbook I noticed a tanker truck in front of me with the word Oakley written across the tank. Obviously I need to get this book. Thank you for everything you do, you have such a positive impact on my life and I love you.
Gushhhh I love you that you’ve invited such a great guest…
Thank you my friend...so needed this!!! 🤜🤛💞🌹🙏🎉
Thank you Mel so enlightening 😊
Mel always keeping it real. The true ness of life. Thank you❤
I have a question. I'm curious about something..
In case of manifestation, I have to do some manifestation technique like visualization, vision board etc. (I have to imagine everything my dream career / house / car etc. )
But, in the law of detachment we have to forget what we want ? Otherwise it'll show up like I'm chasing my dreams? / goals?? Which I can't find link between these two technique.
I don't understand this part.
Can you please explain / make a video to get to know clearly about manifestation and law of detachment.
I am learning so much from you . Thank you so much for this video Mel and Dr. Waldinger . 💚🙏
Wow thanks for this one Mel ❤🎉
I would like to know if faith was brought into this Harvard study? I have also seen studies where people who have faith in a higher power (for me, it's God), also experience more happiness. I was that person always looking for happiness through stuff and relationships. I had the new car, big house, married to a wonderful man, a mom of 3 daughters nand was still unhappy. This all changed when a good friend of mine invited me to attend a fabulous church where I learned about the love, grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. Do I still have days of sadness and frustration...absolutely!! However, I know that I have a God who loves me unconditionally! I know this live is temporary but I will live in eternity with a loving God!! That is what brings me joy, peace and a love that I can share with others.
Wow. I agree with you! God is the only thing that has truly made me feel warm and happy.
It sounds like your church and your faith met your connection need ❤
Thank you for this! I learned so much, and really enjoyed this video and the zen/calm tone of this podcast.
Wow !!! Will be listening to this 1 over and over there are sooo many great Mike Drops!!!
Why Mel Robbins, Tony Robbins, Brandon Burchard, Dr. Eric Thomas, Les Brown, ( just to mention a few ) don't run for office and become Presidents? Can you imagine what they can do if given that public position?
Tony Robbins has caused a lot of suffering in people. Do some research on that.
Mel Robbin’s is not any smarter or luckier than you. Listen to yourself, not anyone else.
@@Anananushi And other politicians in the past didn't cause a lot of suffering to people? Mel Robbins has ADHD. I wish I had it too. I can't take your advice because it became self-defeated when you stated that I should listen to myself and not anyone else. Does that include yourself?
Mel thank you for this interview well needed to hear this 😢❤
As usual, very, very beneficial! Thank you, Thank you, God bless you and your family.
Just listening to Robert's soft voice has already made me relax 😊
Love this! Thank you, Mel and Dr. Waldinger! God bless.
Love , loved, loved this video. Very informative and it even elevated my mood from bad to relaxed. I will watch every evening just like I listen to the Hallow App every morning ❤
Thank you for this episode. So enjoyable!!❤
I haven't even heard the episode yet, but just had to jump on and say I'm really glad the ticking clock background during intro is back. It's unique.
a XXXLx ZZZZ z ZzzzzZzZZzz
WOW! What an amazing episode. Touched my heart!!💜
Thank you Mel and Dr. Waldinger
Both of you are amazing
I learned a lot
God bless you both❤❤❤
Thank you so so much beautiful people Mel ❤ and Dr. Waldinger ❤ what a beautiful topic for all of us... so much or take-aways that can be applied immediately in our lives. God bless everyone 🙏❤
Mel, this has been an amazing interview. Thank you.
You’re a trully human being that give your light in our lives
It doesn’t matter what I do, I’ve apologized, validated, took responsibility for my mistakes. They won’t listen to anything I say and I’m on their side. This makes me so sad
Maybe time to move on to better friends.
Love this podcast but way too many commercials... Very distracting!!
I am just in the middle of reading the book about this study. The book is interesting and pleasant, and so is this episode as well.