I’ve ran into so many disagreements because I don’t know how to use a good, relatable tone. I don’t even pay attention to tones tbh. I focused more on words but thanks to this video I can understand what people have been saying
This is great for relationships too. This is a great breakdown! I like that you said people give more weight to the nonverbal cues over actual words spoken & that a frustrated tone is almost always taken as a personal attack to the listener(s). So very true!
I'm a speech language pathologist and I have loved many of your videos! I have worked with adults, high schoolers and now with junior high schoolers. You have clear explanations and good examples. I've gotten positive feedback from the students when I show your videos. It helps them understand more and they share personal information more easily after seeing your videos. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Alex! I am a Speech Pathologist working with high school students on social skills. You have provided an excellent description and I really appreciate it!
My tone is mad. The person says "you sound mad." I say "yeah" in the aggravated tone and they tell me to fix my tone. I communicated my feelings completely. Maybe I misunderstood their tone of "you sound mad." I don't think the average lay person knows when to give advice about tone. Glad I found this video. I can direct someone here and stay out of the problem.
I am a speech teacher and I am working with a kid that is working on his tone of voice and this video really helped us. We liked the way you described the tone of voice and how it was like the musical notes. Great video - very helpful! (dictated by student, typed by SLP)
Ugh. Your example really pegged me. This is something I need to work on. People in the past have not taken me seriously and complained that I have a very sardonic, facetious tone... now I know I can work on projecting sincerity using more than simply my vocal inflection.
A fabulous 8.03 min video explaining the tone of voice. Thank you very much! I used to describe this as "the power of intention" whereby you could insult somebody and they would laugh infectiously or pay a compliment to somebody which they wouldn't believe at all. That is how the intention is behind the words and perspires through them.
I am really glad I have come across your site. I have come to realise that my "tone" is coming across negatively. As an educator, it is not very encouraging and is now something I am striving to work on. Both this and your other video on tone of voice regarding mindset are great for me to start focussing on. Thanks.
So well said. I learn this from Jamaica. It definitely makes me a better person in delivering signals. While i am sharing this, i hope many more people will watch it
A tone of voice really is a far bigger tell about a person's attitude than the words they speak and far more truthful. For it is an unconscious behavior not easily hidden. Some shout their heart tone while others may just whisper.
Tone carries a lot of weight in getting one's point across to the person they're speaking to. It's also something that's really hard to achieve in written conversation. Hence text messages and emails sometimes resulting in a misunderstanding. Great video. Thank you.🌿🌱☘️
Excellent video. Responding to Anchit Anand (below), My angry tone is triggered when people misunderstand me and show no desire to understand. It comes from age 5 when my mother would hit me because me and my little sister were fighting. My sister was was mean and cruel to me through our teen years and always the instigator. My mother didn't want to know. Now that I have the awareness of my trigger, I can choose to change it.
This is very well put! Someone I talk to has a lot of issues with tone and don't understand how upsetting it is to me. I think this will help me to explain to him why what he's saying and how he says it are two different things. Thank you for this video!
I'm glad it was helpful. A friend once said to me, "If your tone would make the phrase, 'you idiot' sound natural at the end of a sentence, you're using the wrong tone." The key is, we are responsible for our tone as much as our words. Both have an impact on the people around us.
Great video, Alex. You touched upon the sing-song tone issue, but didn’t talk about how it’s become an epidemic for people, especially women, who end sentences with an up inflection, making it sound as if it’s a question. With my speech communication students, I encourage them to recognize this growing habit to raise their pitch and how it impacts their credibility. Keep up the good work.
I have a video on that and it's called Uptalk. But it's not gender-specific. In fact, it's a huge trend among the males of Silicon Valley. It seems more tied to age than gender. It's most common among Gen X and Gen Z.
Yep, this guy is guilty of not thinking and observing my tone. My voice is deep and im very business & to the oint minded. Not good combination with some personalities and as a leader i want and need to be more encouraging, empathetic and understanding and be able to communicate that in my tone. Great advice !
That's a great quote, Norm. Thanks for contributing. Frank Zappa knows about sound. He's amazing. I'm a (former) musician and have a lot of respect for him.
Thank you for the breakdown of the sentence with the emphasis on different words, and for correlating body language with the tone. This really helped me to understand where and how I need improve in my tone.
I am quite a shy person, so it's hard to speak and when I speak it's a shy children tone. People also say that my tone is monotonous and it's difficult for others to hear me. I want to change it to more audible one, have confidence and be more manly rather than that childlike voice.
Thanks for the video. I just joined my professional life and i have been receiving few negative responses cuz of my tone of voice. Now i know how can i change my tone. Thanks a ton again.God bless u.
Thank you for this informative video. I also appreciated the Alex's Quick Guide to Professional Communication Skills in your link, which I downloaded and read through. It is concise and a great resource! Have a nice day.
Like, "I never said, she, stole the money." Or I, never said she stole the money. Example, giving it the tone for me to say, "Then, who said she stole the money? Wow I never thought of this like this. Thanks for sharing this & giving of yourself to us all your time. Ana Maria Cornell. God bless you & all your family ❤
Thanks for the video! I love how you gave the examples. I was told that when I deliver a speech that my voice sounds good, the pace is good, but I have to work on the tonality. So this video helped a lot. Thanks Coach!
I'm using this for an English II curriculum assignment on word choice tone analysis. 😃 1st we worked on word choice & tone in literary situations. Then this video. After this is the Seinfeild stand-up bit where he talks about tone of voice between him and his partner. He actually gives and impersonations and examples. It's pretty funny, definately relatable, and pairs well with this video for a home school curriculum. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I am deep down cynical and sarcastic. I never consciously realized that about myself until now, but it could explain people's (strangers) tense tonality when they respond to me. Perhaps I should learn to be more of an inspirer rather than a cynic. Thanks!
Sometimes i would say things and in my mind i am calm because i know that I am, but to people around me it seem like i am quarelling with them. They would say things like you have some serious attitude, or why you quarelling with me or watch your tone. It frustrates me all because most times sometimes I am calm until i get accused of being angrry until i do get angry which is not good. How can I fix that?
I'm wondering what cues they might be picking up on that give them that impression? I'd say next time somebody says that, just ask them. Say something like, "You know I hear that a lot. I feel calm inside. What am I doing that seems angry?" If you know them and trust them, have an honest conversation and see if you can get more specific feedback.
mming0512 man you took the words right out of my mouth , I’m currently dealing with this and I couldn’t explain it to people , if you gotten better please share .
Wow, 😯 that was really informative.. I liked the way you explained it, and how to implement this in our practical life😁 And I would like to emphasise on the point that "Eye contact" is also a very important non verbal cue! 👀 Like I've seen many people while they talk, they just keep looking here and there..🙄 and that's not a good sign .. It just shows that they are least interested in talking. Maybe something else is going on in their head🙄.. Like they are not fully involved in the conversation..🤔 If you just show your full involvement while talking,😁 and not just show, if you feel it and communicate to other person with the same enthusiasm.. ☺️ Boom! The other people will automatically feel good to talk to you😁
Hi I always hear people telling me that my tone of voice is just opposite of what I mean to say and that is my nature. Whenever I conversate with them all I get to hear is “watch your tone" even when I'm having a very normal and casual kinda conversation all I get to hear is “improve your tone". Could you please suggest me some remedies to it?
I hear this question a lot. So, you are not alone. It's difficult for me to give you advice because I haven't heard your tone myself. However, if you are consistently getting feedback that your tone is not good (and you really don't feel negative when you're communicating), I see two possibilities. 1. Maybe you are feeling badly (e.g., frustrated, annoyed, angry, etc.) but you don't realize it. You may just be used to a certain level of bad feelings so it feels somewhat normal to you. If so, you'd still likely be communicating in a tone that is not consistent with the mood of the other people around you. 2. Another possibility is that you have a habit that you don't notice. Maybe you've gotten used to talking with a certain emphasis over the years. Do you ever sound like your mother or father, for example? If so, how do they sound? Do they have a similar negative tone? So, I can't give you any remedies since I don't really know what the core issue is. But, if you figure out what is driving your tone in the first place, then I'm sure you'll be much closer to finding a solution. I hope this helps.
For me, it's no 1. When I feel happy, my tone is happy, positive, and full of energy. However, am easily annoyed. Whenever someone pissed me off, I find my tone is very negative but unfortunately with those who didn't do anything bad to me. How can I control that. Thanks
As someone that had that feedback for a loooong time. You are doing the right thing by educating yourself. Also use your phone! I recorded myself and heard myself back. When I get frustrated or excited my pitch of voice would go higher and louder. I learned that if I went lower and slower people would be more receptive to what I am saying. Hope this helps. Im still learning and I am coaching others now because Ive been told I am an excellent communicator. I am 40 now, I started learning at 20 so its been a while 😂
Watch George Lucas interviews. Record yourself. Record yourself with a much better try. Listen to those three recordnings side by side. - - Thats how i would learn to pronounce and effectively talk faster. Not interested in learning to talk faster as my tounge doesnt fit inside my mouth and its a guttural speach that requires a deliberate, slow pace.
Could you give a video of examples of different voice inflections/tones that allow for different communication to come off- such as warm/welcoming, understanding, etc.
Great video! I just subscribed..... 😊 The tone of voice and general non verbal cues are so important! They can make or break you. I find that I speak faster when I’m stressed and when I speak fast, I sound annoyed or irritable. I’m really trying to work on this and maintain a nice feminine balanced pace and tone of voice at all times (well as much as I can anyway! :) but it’s not easy when under stress or when someone annoys me. I’m also naturally a very expressive person with my eyes, face, hands, body language etc..... I’d like to be regularly composed even when annoyed. What’s the best way to address this in my favour? 😊
I loved watching your video. However, I would have loved to have a role play sort of. The reason for this is that, as people we learn differently. I was talking to a friend of mine about tone of their voice. As you know, people can be so defensive when discussing sensitive issue such as this one. So I'm thinking role play with character might clarify it better, Thanx for a good video thou
I believe my tone of voice is very direct and strong. it is any exercises that I can do in order to modulate my voice and do not come to strong to people, it is something that I need to catch myself and at that moment change my tone of voice... all help will be really appreciated. Thank you
Thanks for the encouragement. I appreciate it. Also, I just checked out your channel and it's great!!! Your style is smooth and authentic. You clearly love God (as do I), and the content is super helpful. Way to go, Ruth! So glad to meet you!
I tend to think myself as a calm guy, not arrogant. But I also perceive that sometimes my tone of voice is hard for people to understand. The higher I raise my voice, the harder for people to understand. So I try to speak calm, and in that process I also perceive myself as weak in the communication department.
Ppl say iam rude when I speak fast when actually I was like what? I were rude? I just talked normally.? And this hurts me when others say so. My voice and tone is the major drawback I have in life. And trying to change it.but couldn't
Sir i have been impressed as i loved your videos based on communication skills. I have one situation based on this, please can u help me with a strategy, so that i never make this mistake knowingly or unknowlingy. “If in some point we are discussing something, somewhat a point comes, which i believed is 100% approved and pure truth. Then other person disagree, why should i pretend then also that he/she is right anyway? Ok if i pretend in one way, just like that person is right, despite he’s wrong. what should i do? when do i make him/her realize the truth of the point?"
I don't advocate pretending the person is right. You can just disagree respectfully. I have a video on that. It's not about proving the other person wrong. It's about disagreeing with respect. th-cam.com/video/bc9arLqKApE/w-d-xo.html
I’ve been told many times “it’s not what you say but how you say it” so I tend to want to sugar coat things to sound “nicer” bc my tone can be harsh I’m told, which is not good either. If I raise my voice to be louder than I sound rude. I look at my husband when I talk to him and my voice is monotonous to the point of putting him to sleep.🤣 I do have some great qualities though🤣🤦🏼♀️
I tell my friend this, “change the tone of your voice” I think she feels like I’m accusing of her for being wrong for some reason and her voice becomes higher and angry, then comes the talking over me and louder before I can explain what this guy is saying. Then she storms off and slams a door. She refuses to hear about the tones of our voices.
Omg. Finally i know I’m not alone. Thank you so much! Now I need help. I identified one of the two. I get it from my mother. I keep telling her as well. “Calm down” and she is like “ I am calm”; so now I realize I have the same. My husband and brother keep telling me “you piss people off with the way you speak. Why are you so agitated”. It’s so hurtful. 2am and I’m googling what is wrong with me. Please help 😪
Communication Coach Alex Lyon thank you for taking the time to reply. I have started to be more mindful when I speak. I can feel my tone is definitely bad when I’m tired so sleepy. So now I just stop and walk away instead of continue with the discussion. I’ll do this till I’m fully able to control my emotions when I speak. Also anxiety I feel makes it worse. Coz the thoughts in my head run so fast I try say everything at the same time. So it sounds like I’m angry but it’s just the speed of thought in my head.
Is it positive or negative for self reflexion that I feel very self conscious about my tone of voice. My husband told me I always sound like I'm being bossy, but to me I am just communicating a statement. What can I do to improve without feeling anxious every time in case I used the wrong tone? Many thanks.
When I am sad or depressed, my tone of voice makes it obvious even though I was talking about a topic that has nothing to do with me or what I'm feeling.
Unfortunately, in our email/texting/private messaging/comments section era, it is way too easy to (incorrectly) fill in the "tone' blank when communicating with someone. This leads to a lot of misunderstanding and misreading of what the person actually meant by their innocent words. An online word war may ensue where there will then be no doubt what the other means. Caps lock on for full effect even.
I've been told that my tone and nonverbals are very simiar to the man you mentioned in your example. And im completely oblivious to it... I need to start working on this now since I'm at the point im my career to where I manage people and expectations more than anything else and that could mean a short career... Any and all comments and recommendations welcome. Thanks.
Hi R B. I do have a related video that I made after this one. It’s called How to change your tone of voice. That goes more into the different efforts you can make to change your tone. If you have not already watch that one, that is what I recommend is your next step.
I want to change my tone of voice and I came across your video (: I work in telemarking and I was told my voice is very monotone, I have tried working a lot on it, for example using hand gestures when I speak on the phone, smiling laughing here and there but i still have trouble with getting my voice to not be so plain, just like you said it’s different when it’s in person they can actually seeing your face but on the phone they can’t so Help please and tips I’d appreciate it very much Thank Youuuu!
For me I can’t understand others tone of voice I need visual cues. If I don’t have any I’m not sure if they’re upset or happy annoyed or talking normally. Any tips?
I sometimes practice with my wife while watching a movie or TV show. When somebody is acting a certain way that I can't quite understand, I pause and my wife and I compare our thoughts on the emotions we think the actor is projecting through their visual cues and tone. Usually, in the next scene, the story will reveal was was going on and we can see if we interpreted the moment correctly. Try practicing that way and I'm sure you'll make some improvements. It takes a while to notice subtle differences like that.
My tone of voice needs help. I just found you but you will start seeing me around. Help an empath hide emotions and have a respectful caring tone.😭😢 I am misperceived and it kills my heart.
Hi Alex, I was wondering what advice can you give me on how to have a smoother tone of voice? I feel that by having a smoother tone of voice can give your speech a positive impact towards people when communicating to them.
Hi Desi. That's difficult advice to give because I'd have to hear the sound of your voice to know what you mean. Can you describe what your voice currently sounds like with some detail?
Great advice. What do you recommend for those employees and managers with regards to tone? I just feel like managers give off an angry vibe that really isn't called for (or maybe it is). How do you know if it is called for? If I'm slow...or get confused, make mistakes..I hate being made to feel slow or incompetent.
I work in radio (have for over 20 years) but early in my career I had a brain tumor & a stroke that affected my conversational tone. I sound frustrated, annoyed & angry in person but not when on-air. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older, suffered more brain trauma &, frankly, yes...more frustrated, annoyed & angry. Please help me sound happier in normal conversation!
I am totally unqualified to speak about how brain trauma shapes us. I have another video on *_How to Change Your Tone of Voice_* that digs deeper on the topic in this video. Many people say it's helpful. Sorry to hear about your tumor and stroke.
Free Download pdf Quick Guide to Professional Communication Skills: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources
I’ve ran into so many disagreements because I don’t know how to use a good, relatable tone. I don’t even pay attention to tones tbh. I focused more on words but thanks to this video I can understand what people have been saying
Same
This !
Same 😂 thats why most people dont like even if my attentions are good 😭
Same!!!
Omg same here! As a receptionist I’ve had people gotten mad at me and even reported me because they think I am arguing when I am actually not. 🤦🏻♀️
I never had a good control of my tone because i dont understand it hearing different tones but this guy simplified most of it in one video. Good jod!
This is great for relationships too. This is a great breakdown! I like that you said people give more weight to the nonverbal cues over actual words spoken & that a frustrated tone is almost always taken as a personal attack to the listener(s). So very true!
I'm a speech language pathologist and I have loved many of your videos! I have worked with adults, high schoolers and now with junior high schoolers. You have clear explanations and good examples. I've gotten positive feedback from the students when I show your videos. It helps them understand more and they share personal information more easily after seeing your videos. Thank you so much.
Thanks for sharing, Ann. I appreciate your encouragement!
Thank you, Alex! I am a Speech Pathologist working with high school students on social skills. You have provided an excellent description and I really appreciate it!
Thanks, Shelly. Glad it helps. Nice to meet you.
Personal Reference:
3:10 - "Im Fine"
3:30 - Seven Word
4:28 - End of Seven Word emphasis
4:50 - Visual Cues With Example
6:23 - END
Thanks! A little index for viewers. I like it. :-)
My tone is mad. The person says "you sound mad." I say "yeah" in the aggravated tone and they tell me to fix my tone. I communicated my feelings completely. Maybe I misunderstood their tone of "you sound mad." I don't think the average lay person knows when to give advice about tone. Glad I found this video. I can direct someone here and stay out of the problem.
Glad it was helpful!
I am a speech teacher and I am working with a kid that is working on his tone of voice and this video really helped us. We liked the way you described the tone of voice and how it was like the musical notes. Great video - very helpful! (dictated by student, typed by SLP)
Awesome! Glad the video is helpful. :-)
Ugh. Your example really pegged me. This is something I need to work on.
People in the past have not taken me seriously and complained that I have a very sardonic, facetious tone...
now I know I can work on projecting sincerity using more than simply my vocal inflection.
A fabulous 8.03 min video explaining the tone of voice. Thank you very much! I used to describe this as "the power of intention" whereby you could insult somebody and they would laugh infectiously or pay a compliment to somebody which they wouldn't believe at all. That is how the intention is behind the words and perspires through them.
I am really glad I have come across your site. I have come to realise that my "tone" is coming across negatively. As an educator, it is not very encouraging and is now something I am striving to work on. Both this and your other video on tone of voice regarding mindset are great for me to start focussing on. Thanks.
Thanks for sharing your example, Peita. I'm glad the videos are helpful to you.
So well said. I learn this from Jamaica. It definitely makes me a better person in delivering signals. While i am sharing this, i hope many more people will watch it
A tone of voice really is a far bigger tell about a person's attitude than the words they speak and far more truthful. For it is an unconscious behavior not easily hidden. Some shout their heart tone while others may just whisper.
I am happy to have the similar opinion.
Tone carries a lot of weight in getting one's point across to the person they're speaking to.
It's also something that's really hard to achieve in written conversation.
Hence text messages and emails sometimes resulting in a misunderstanding.
Great video. Thank you.🌿🌱☘️
Excellent video. Responding to Anchit Anand (below), My angry tone is triggered when people misunderstand me and show no desire to understand. It comes from age 5 when my mother would hit me because me and my little sister were fighting. My sister was was mean and cruel to me through our teen years and always the instigator. My mother didn't want to know. Now that I have the awareness of my trigger, I can choose to change it.
Tones can be both telling and (oddly) misleading. Thank you so much for these two videos.
This is very well put! Someone I talk to has a lot of issues with tone and don't understand how upsetting it is to me. I think this will help me to explain to him why what he's saying and how he says it are two different things. Thank you for this video!
I'm glad it was helpful. A friend once said to me, "If your tone would make the phrase, 'you idiot' sound natural at the end of a sentence, you're using the wrong tone." The key is, we are responsible for our tone as much as our words. Both have an impact on the people around us.
Very clear and well explained, friendly and non patronising video, thank you!
Thanks, John. I'm glad it was helpful.
Great video, Alex. You touched upon the sing-song tone issue, but didn’t talk about how it’s become an epidemic for people, especially women, who end sentences with an up inflection, making it sound as if it’s a question. With my speech communication students, I encourage them to recognize this growing habit to raise their pitch and how it impacts their credibility. Keep up the good work.
I have a video on that and it's called Uptalk. But it's not gender-specific. In fact, it's a huge trend among the males of Silicon Valley. It seems more tied to age than gender. It's most common among Gen X and Gen Z.
Yep, this guy is guilty of not thinking and observing my tone. My voice is deep and im very business & to the oint minded. Not good combination with some personalities and as a leader i want and need to be more encouraging, empathetic and understanding and be able to communicate that in my tone.
Great advice !
Frank Zappa said music is a "collection of sounds", which is precisely what a person's voice is. All excellent points - thanks for the video.
That's a great quote, Norm. Thanks for contributing. Frank Zappa knows about sound. He's amazing. I'm a (former) musician and have a lot of respect for him.
Thank you for the breakdown of the sentence with the emphasis on different words, and for correlating body language with the tone. This really helped me to understand where and how I need improve in my tone.
Well said. Our intonation destroys or saves the communication
I have ADHD with RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) and this video helped me a lot!
I'm glad it was helpful, Rod.
I am quite a shy person, so it's hard to speak and when I speak it's a shy children tone. People also say that my tone is monotonous and it's difficult for others to hear me.
I want to change it to more audible one, have confidence and be more manly rather than that childlike voice.
What have you done to improve it?
my girlfriend felt the same. she wanted to improve her childish tone and monotonous.
@@Sabrewolf0 There is a channel called "Improve your voice" it has wonderful exercises. In addition to singing.
@@kb.gaming2052 Good luck for her :)
@@MikotoKenn I've improved a little bit, but I'll try more exercises, thank you.
Thanks for the video. I just joined my professional life and i have been receiving few negative responses cuz of my tone of voice. Now i know how can i change my tone. Thanks a ton again.God bless u.
😳You know it's not really easy to change our voices you know but the video helped me too😀
Thank you for this informative video. I also appreciated the Alex's Quick Guide to Professional Communication Skills in your link, which I downloaded and read through. It is concise and a great resource! Have a nice day.
Glad it was helpful!
Having worked a phone job for many years, I know that tone is everything. Teaching this to my teenage daughter is a real struggle though.
Oh, yes. Teenagers often have challenging tones!
Like, "I never said, she, stole the money." Or I, never said she stole the money. Example, giving it the tone for me to say, "Then, who said she stole the money? Wow I never thought of this like this. Thanks for sharing this & giving of yourself to us all your time. Ana Maria Cornell. God bless you & all your family ❤
Thank you, Ana Maria. I appreciate your positive feedback.
Thanks for the video! I love how you gave the examples. I was told that when I deliver a speech that my voice sounds good, the pace is good, but I have to work on the tonality. So this video helped a lot. Thanks Coach!
Glad it was helpful, DEZ G.
Awesome video I use this video as a tool in developing my staff! Thank you!
Awesome. Thanks for letting me know and it's nice to meet you.
Excellent video. Alex, you have explained the different aspects of speech very clearly
Glad you liked it!
I'm using this for an English II curriculum assignment on word choice tone analysis. 😃 1st we worked on word choice & tone in literary situations.
Then this video.
After this is the Seinfeild stand-up bit where he talks about tone of voice between him and his partner. He actually gives and impersonations and examples. It's pretty funny, definately relatable, and pairs well with this video for a home school curriculum.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
It's amazing how one sentence can mean 3 different ways or more of what you're really saying.
This is really very educative, explicit and comprehensible. Thanks for sharing, I'm certainly clear now.
Glad it was helpful!
Hi Alex. This is very useful for me as I am a tutor at the college, I need to be aware of my tone of voice and that of my learners. Thank you .
Glad it was helpful. I'm sure as a tutor, there's a bi of frustration that can creep in when nothing you try seems to help.
Very helpful indeed for both personal and professional settings. Thanks very much!
no one is imperfect applying the power of empathy helps alot understanding helping the helper and helpee etc..
I am deep down cynical and sarcastic. I never consciously realized that about myself until now, but it could explain people's (strangers) tense tonality when they respond to me. Perhaps I should learn to be more of an inspirer rather than a cynic. Thanks!
Sometimes i would say things and in my mind i am calm because i know that I am, but to people around me it seem like i am quarelling with them.
They would say things like you have some serious attitude, or why you quarelling with me or watch your tone. It frustrates me all because most times sometimes I am calm until i get accused of being angrry until i do get angry which is not good. How can I fix that?
I'm wondering what cues they might be picking up on that give them that impression? I'd say next time somebody says that, just ask them. Say something like, "You know I hear that a lot. I feel calm inside. What am I doing that seems angry?" If you know them and trust them, have an honest conversation and see if you can get more specific feedback.
mming0512 I thought I was alone!
Speak slower and make eye contact. No lazy eye lids! Open eyes. This helps if you struggle with vocal tones.
This!!
mming0512 man you took the words right out of my mouth , I’m currently dealing with this and I couldn’t explain it to people , if you gotten better please share .
Wow, 😯 that was really informative..
I liked the way you explained it, and how to implement this in our practical
life😁
And I would like to emphasise on the point that "Eye contact" is also a very important non verbal cue! 👀
Like I've seen many people while they talk, they just keep looking here and there..🙄
and that's not a good sign ..
It just shows that they are least interested in talking.
Maybe something else is going on in their head🙄..
Like they are not fully involved in the conversation..🤔
If you just show your full involvement while talking,😁 and not just show, if you feel it and communicate to other person with the same enthusiasm.. ☺️
Boom!
The other people will automatically feel good to talk to you😁
Good points!
Hi I always hear people telling me that my tone of voice is just opposite of what I mean to say and that is my nature. Whenever I conversate with them all I get to hear is “watch your tone" even when I'm having a very normal and casual kinda conversation all I get to hear is “improve your tone".
Could you please suggest me some remedies to it?
I hear this question a lot. So, you are not alone. It's difficult for me to give you advice because I haven't heard your tone myself. However, if you are consistently getting feedback that your tone is not good (and you really don't feel negative when you're communicating), I see two possibilities. 1. Maybe you are feeling badly (e.g., frustrated, annoyed, angry, etc.) but you don't realize it. You may just be used to a certain level of bad feelings so it feels somewhat normal to you. If so, you'd still likely be communicating in a tone that is not consistent with the mood of the other people around you. 2. Another possibility is that you have a habit that you don't notice. Maybe you've gotten used to talking with a certain emphasis over the years. Do you ever sound like your mother or father, for example? If so, how do they sound? Do they have a similar negative tone? So, I can't give you any remedies since I don't really know what the core issue is. But, if you figure out what is driving your tone in the first place, then I'm sure you'll be much closer to finding a solution. I hope this helps.
I see my twin..... I get the exact comments and it's now getting to my nerves.
For me, it's no 1. When I feel happy, my tone is happy, positive, and full of energy. However, am easily annoyed. Whenever someone pissed me off, I find my tone is very negative but unfortunately with those who didn't do anything bad to me. How can I control that. Thanks
Same here
As someone that had that feedback for a loooong time. You are doing the right thing by educating yourself. Also use your phone! I recorded myself and heard myself back. When I get frustrated or excited my pitch of voice would go higher and louder. I learned that if I went lower and slower people would be more receptive to what I am saying. Hope this helps. Im still learning and I am coaching others now because Ive been told I am an excellent communicator. I am 40 now, I started learning at 20 so its been a while 😂
I can speak quickly with frustration. I sound and look so rude. Thank you for the tips and for opening my eyes about my tone.
Watch George Lucas interviews.
Record yourself.
Record yourself with a much better try.
Listen to those three recordnings side by side.
- - Thats how i would learn to pronounce and effectively talk faster.
Not interested in learning to talk faster as my tounge doesnt fit inside my mouth and its a guttural speach that requires a deliberate, slow pace.
Could you give a video of examples of different voice inflections/tones that allow for different communication to come off- such as warm/welcoming, understanding, etc.
That's not a bad idea. I'll give that some thought.
Nice one sir! Well mostly people consider my tone as warming and welcoming n indeed really it help me a lot in my communication
Keep it up!
Grandpa would say: "Don't look at me in that tone of voice." TY for video, very useful.😊
great video as a refresher / reminder how to communicate effectively
Thanks for these two videos!
Glad they were helpful, Anthony.
Thanks Alex. I really enjoyed your video. I did not think this way before.
Excellent. The reference to music will enable me to deliver a better example of tone.
Hi, Stephen. Glad it was helpful. Thanks for the encouragement.
Thank you very much. This video is very helpful and informative.
Great video! I just subscribed..... 😊
The tone of voice and general non verbal cues are so important! They can make or break you. I find that I speak faster when I’m stressed and when I speak fast, I sound annoyed or irritable. I’m really trying to work on this and maintain a nice feminine balanced pace and tone of voice at all times (well as much as I can anyway! :) but it’s not easy when under stress or when someone annoys me. I’m also naturally a very expressive person with my eyes, face, hands, body language etc..... I’d like to be regularly composed even when annoyed. What’s the best way to address this in my favour? 😊
I have a related video on how to change tone of voice that might help.
I loved watching your video. However, I would have loved to have a role play sort of. The reason for this is that, as people we learn differently. I was talking to a friend of mine about tone of their voice. As you know, people can be so defensive when discussing sensitive issue such as this one. So I'm thinking role play with character might clarify it better, Thanx for a good video thou
Excellent video, thank you for putting it so clearly
Thanks, Marsha. Glad it was helpful.
I believe my tone of voice is very direct and strong. it is any exercises that I can do in order to modulate my voice and do not come to strong to people, it is something that I need to catch myself and at that moment change my tone of voice... all help will be really appreciated. Thank you
Thanks for contributing, Cesar.
God bless you, coach.
Great content! I agree...Tone is just 1 part but a very important one! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for the encouragement. I appreciate it. Also, I just checked out your channel and it's great!!! Your style is smooth and authentic. You clearly love God (as do I), and the content is super helpful. Way to go, Ruth! So glad to meet you!
Communication Coach Alex Lyon Thank You 🙏🏾
I tend to think myself as a calm guy, not arrogant. But I also perceive that sometimes my tone of voice is hard for people to understand. The higher I raise my voice, the harder for people to understand. So I try to speak calm, and in that process I also perceive myself as weak in the communication department.
Big issue. To military in tone. Rub people the wrong way. Was told today that I need to go from 6 to a 2 in tone. I welcome your input.
I have another video that might help, Danny. It's How to change Your Tone of Voice." It picks up where this one left off.
Ppl say iam rude when I speak fast when actually I was like what? I were rude? I just talked normally.? And this hurts me when others say so. My voice and tone is the major drawback I have in life. And trying to change it.but couldn't
Sir i have been impressed as i loved your videos based on communication skills. I have one situation based on this, please can u help me with a strategy, so that i never make this mistake knowingly or unknowlingy.
“If in some point we are discussing something, somewhat a point comes, which i believed is 100% approved and pure truth. Then other person disagree, why should i pretend then also that he/she is right anyway? Ok if i pretend in one way, just like that person is right, despite he’s wrong. what should i do? when do i make him/her realize the truth of the point?"
I don't advocate pretending the person is right. You can just disagree respectfully. I have a video on that. It's not about proving the other person wrong. It's about disagreeing with respect. th-cam.com/video/bc9arLqKApE/w-d-xo.html
very helpful video
thanks ☺😊
Thank you very much for the tips given
You have explained it so well
This video, "Tone Of Voice" is awesome 👌
I have a related video on *_how to change your tone of voice_* that takes it a little further. th-cam.com/video/pH287zxVXE0/w-d-xo.html
Awe that's kind, thanks
I’ve been told many times “it’s not what you say but how you say it” so I tend to want to sugar coat things to sound “nicer” bc my tone can be harsh I’m told, which is not good either. If I raise my voice to be louder than I sound rude. I look at my husband when I talk to him and my voice is monotonous to the point of putting him to sleep.🤣 I do have some great qualities though🤣🤦🏼♀️
Yes, I'm sure you have many other strengths! Ha. I use that line regularly when somebody gives me corrective feedback, "I have other strengths."
I tell my friend this, “change the tone of your voice” I think she feels like I’m accusing of her for being wrong for some reason and her voice becomes higher and angry, then comes the talking over me and louder before I can explain what this guy is saying. Then she storms off and slams a door. She refuses to hear about the tones of our voices.
Omg. Finally i know I’m not alone. Thank you so much! Now I need help. I identified one of the two. I get it from my mother. I keep telling her as well. “Calm down” and she is like “ I am calm”; so now I realize I have the same. My husband and brother keep telling me “you piss people off with the way you speak. Why are you so agitated”. It’s so hurtful. 2am and I’m googling what is wrong with me. Please help 😪
Hi, Farida. I have a related video on how to change your tone of voice. Feel free to take a look.
Communication Coach Alex Lyon thank you for taking the time to reply. I have started to be more mindful when I speak. I can feel my tone is definitely bad when I’m tired so sleepy. So now I just stop and walk away instead of continue with the discussion. I’ll do this till I’m fully able to control my emotions when I speak. Also anxiety I feel makes it worse. Coz the thoughts in my head run so fast I try say everything at the same time. So it sounds like I’m angry but it’s just the speed of thought in my head.
Much respect 🌸👏🏽🌹 Thanks to the moon and back 💕
Glad it was helpful, Hajar. I'd say "tone" has a much bigger influence than our words in terms of how we come across.
Great video! Thank you!
You are welcome, Jennifer.
Very helpful, thank you so much, keep up the good work!
You're welcome, Morgan. Thank you for the encouragement.
This is excellent, thank you for this video on Tone in verbal communication.
Thanks, vinark. I appreciate it.
Is it positive or negative for self reflexion that I feel very self conscious about my tone of voice. My husband told me I always sound like I'm being bossy, but to me I am just communicating a statement. What can I do to improve without feeling anxious every time in case I used the wrong tone?
Many thanks.
Excellent information, thanks Dr. Lyon. Is there any more information about tone of voice?
I have another vide on How to Change Your Tone of Voice. That might be helpful.
When I am sad or depressed, my tone of voice makes it obvious even though I was talking about a topic that has nothing to do with me or what I'm feeling.
I know what you mean. The tone comes through like that.
@@alexanderlyon People complain that I have a crying voice. Those are the times that I am going through something tough for me.
thank you! But, where come the picture behind you from?
Thank you my momma keep saying that I have the wrong tone of voice💯
Your voice is deep ❤
Thanks helped me to complete my homework
Happy to help.
Hey! I just watched your video till the end and what if my family doesn't know my toner voice! Who can tell me that! 😄
I love this l have a cool tone of voice even if am cross you wont tell😂
Unfortunately, in our email/texting/private messaging/comments section era, it is way too easy to (incorrectly) fill in the "tone' blank when communicating with someone.
This leads to a lot of misunderstanding and misreading of what the person actually meant by their innocent words.
An online word war may ensue where there will then be no doubt what the other means. Caps lock on for full effect even.
Thank you. I have learned a lot from watching your videos.
I've been told that my tone and nonverbals are very simiar to the man you mentioned in your example. And im completely oblivious to it... I need to start working on this now since I'm at the point im my career to where I manage people and expectations more than anything else and that could mean a short career... Any and all comments and recommendations welcome. Thanks.
Hi R B. I do have a related video that I made after this one. It’s called How to change your tone of voice. That goes more into the different efforts you can make to change your tone. If you have not already watch that one, that is what I recommend is your next step.
really great channel
Any suggestions for working with a teen that consistently uses an angry/annoyed tone when communicating with older adults/parents? Thank you
I have a related video on How to Change Your Tone. I talk about anger in it.
Great video. Very helpful. Thank you!
I want to change my tone of voice and I came across your video (: I work in telemarking and I was told my voice is very monotone, I have tried working a lot on it, for example using hand gestures when I speak on the phone, smiling laughing here and there but i still have trouble with getting my voice to not be so plain, just like you said it’s different when it’s in person they can actually seeing your face but on the phone they can’t so Help please and tips I’d appreciate it very much Thank Youuuu!
I just posted another video on "how to change your tone" a few weeks ago. Maybe that will offer you something.
Great breakdown!
Glad it was helpful!
For me I can’t understand others tone of voice I need visual cues. If I don’t have any I’m not sure if they’re upset or happy annoyed or talking normally. Any tips?
I sometimes practice with my wife while watching a movie or TV show. When somebody is acting a certain way that I can't quite understand, I pause and my wife and I compare our thoughts on the emotions we think the actor is projecting through their visual cues and tone. Usually, in the next scene, the story will reveal was was going on and we can see if we interpreted the moment correctly. Try practicing that way and I'm sure you'll make some improvements. It takes a while to notice subtle differences like that.
My tone of voice needs help. I just found you but you will start seeing me around. Help an empath hide emotions and have a respectful caring tone.😭😢 I am misperceived and it kills my heart.
Well done.
Hi Alex, I was wondering what advice can you give me on how to have a smoother tone of voice? I feel that by having a smoother tone of voice can give your speech a positive impact towards people when communicating to them.
Hi Desi. That's difficult advice to give because I'd have to hear the sound of your voice to know what you mean. Can you describe what your voice currently sounds like with some detail?
I guess what my real question was would be how can I develop a more free flowing sound in my voice for when I speak?
@@desiarias7071 This video might be more of what you're looking for. th-cam.com/video/41ZBTgYSl0c/w-d-xo.html
Thank you! This was very helpful 🙏🏿
Thank you for this video. It's so helpful :)
Great advice. What do you recommend for those employees and managers with regards to tone? I just feel like managers give off an angry vibe that really isn't called for (or maybe it is). How do you know if it is called for? If I'm slow...or get confused, make mistakes..I hate being made to feel slow or incompetent.
I'm told I have an emotional tone of voice but how do I change it? I checked this video out thinking it would help
I have another related video called How to Change Your Tone of Voice that might help.
I work in radio (have for over 20 years) but early in my career I had a brain tumor & a stroke that affected my conversational tone. I sound frustrated, annoyed & angry in person but not when on-air. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older, suffered more brain trauma &, frankly, yes...more frustrated, annoyed & angry. Please help me sound happier in normal conversation!
I am totally unqualified to speak about how brain trauma shapes us. I have another video on *_How to Change Your Tone of Voice_* that digs deeper on the topic in this video. Many people say it's helpful. Sorry to hear about your tumor and stroke.
@@alexanderlyon Thank you, I'll check it out!
Thank you so much, keep doing this !